lustandorlove
Formally:
Lust &/ Love
It’s been an era. Times change, people moved on. I am a strange loop; and I am back here. The space between, lust- the aether; the force, Love- implied of course.
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Unusually loved today.
In have no social life and I have 120 more days to go.
I know it’s a disorder.
What’s sad is; I will miss this moment.
I feel like I have been talking at length with someone and-
No.
I’m sad I’ll go to sleep and be removed from this.
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Cornell and Cornelius Pass. 11:45 blond to pink. Black Chevy Truck
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Together?
Aziraphale's desire to be together is so strong it hurts
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What it was and why it still resonates.
It’s irritating.
I’m sure it’s a disorder.
I can never really state when my thoughts will wander towards a person.
It used to hurt.
I did hurt.
I’m stuck in that moment-
Where I refused to have it hurt me.
And in the moment-
I am still hurt-
Yet happy that I did.
Elated, and celebratory that I,
for a moment truly loved a person.
Forever.
I’m stuck in that moment- way back then.
A child.
Screaming songs in a parking lot-
Waiting after work just for a short walk.
A conclusion after a five minute conversation.
This was my ideal world.
Much like an ancient scholar discovering the postulates of the real world.
Both parallel and intersecting at the same time.
Testing sciences and trivial human interaction.
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Oxytocin’s last hit; I have been starved.
Blood filled the tubes, as the machine whirred. An error sound came from it and it had stopped working.
Gabriella- came over. She was a phlebotomist, 24, blue to graying eyes and black hair. I never gave her much thought, her name was akin to my brothers.
She came in close from the opposing side of the arm that was connected. She had strewn herself across me and began working on the centrifuge fixing the jam.
Blood was drawn; and the centrifuge began separating the plasma. I guess I was pale, and holding my breath.
She lost some footing and grabbed me by my side, she had somewhat pierced my chest under my arm. Her fingers tickled and my reaction was to alter my chest upward towards her.
As I moved her eyes looked back, I in an odd position didn’t realized the very graphic scene that was happening.
Maybe my eyes dilated. I didn’t blink, and stared holding back a giggle.
I think, there was a moment…
Her eyes, maybe widened like mine. Her arm firmly anchored behind me as her freed hand, made its way to my neck.
Frozen, I held my breath-
She pats and slides her fingers from my collar and to my chin searching.
I stupidly look in the direction and she grasps my chin and slides her fingers back down into my neck.
“Breathe slow!”
I am. If I take normal breaths I’d, be embarrassingly be hard.
“I’ll be back!”
What? I was ready to devour or be devoured. I metered breath, down and up. Downnnn- up.
An alarm is pulled, all the phlebotomist and aids are called over to my seat.
“1C!” She returns with a medical cart and supplies. Cracking multiple ice packs burying me like a FEMA flood.
The rest of the crew come by and take my vitals- claiming that I am fine.
…
Moments later, a male co-worker comes by. He was filing the report:
“She said your eyes dilated for a long time? Are you on drugs?”
“No”
“Do you know why your eyes widened?”
… “she is fucking hot?”
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My thoughts are still lost in your void.
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