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Neither of them are ever dressed appropriately

#SO REAL #this is perfect sgshdhdj

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will ranting to nico in a very intimate, soft, vulnerable moment about how michael would have loved him. about how they shared music taste and aesthetic, and how michael would have taught nico all about the punk and goth subcultures, and how he would have gifted nico shirts and CDs and how he would have loved him from the moment will walked into cabin 7 with him and would have told him nico was perfect for him!

nico has talked to michael's ghost before, after the war, and he knows michael thought he was cool and would have been a good friend with him. he already knows everything will is saying, but he can't bring himself to tell him because there's nothing like hearing him talk about his passed-away siblings with a voice that sounds more like love than like grief.

#OUCH

[moodyseal]

TOApril Day 13 – Curse of Eternal Youth

Untouched in all but his heart ✨ (drew this as an excuse to put him in different outfits ngl)

#i swear this is the (second to) last late entry LMAO #i've been going out a lot that's the thing #trials of apollo #toa #pjo #percy jackson #apollo #lester papadopoulos #my art #toapril #toapril 2024 #lonely thoughts

[moodyseal]

@toapril-official

Alternate composition! I didn't choose this one because the previous one tells a better story I think, but this sketch definitely felt prettier so i colored it.

[Image Id: apollo gently caresses a hyacinthus in his fingers. Vines wrap around him as if trapping him inside memories. Blood is splattered on his face, and beautiful green laurels adorn his golden glowing hair. /End image Id]

#OBSESSED #everything is so delicate #beautiful!!!!

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I'll be real, I forgot i had a Tumblr account. Again. Oops. Think I am supposed to tag @toapril-official !

Prompt: wilted flowers

Also explanation since no one else is going to notice this detail. Observe the direction where Apollo's hair is blowing. Subsequently observe the direction which the hyacinthus blow. A certain westly direction. Just like a certain west wind

[Image Id: Apollo clutches onto a pair of hyacinthus blowing in the west direction. His hair blows dramatically east. It glows like only the hair of a sun god can glow. There is blood on his fingers and blood splattered on his face. More blood drips down his mouth.

A discus beheads the flowers. The stem is visibly unattached to the petals. The leaves blow westwards. End img Id]

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"Giacomo Matteotti fu assassinato da sicari fascisti il 10 di giugno del 1924. Lo attesero sotto casa in cinque, tutti squadristi venuti da Milano, professionisti della violenza assoldati dai più stretti collaboratori di Benito Mussolini. L'onorevole Matteotti, il segretario del Partito Socialista Unitario, l'ultimo che in Parlamento ancora si opponeva a viso aperto alla dittatura fascista, fu sequestrato in pieno centro di Roma, in pieno giorno, alla luce del sole. Si batté fino all'ultimo, come lottato aveva per tutta la vita. Lo pugnalarono a morte, poi ne scempiarono il cadavere. Lo piegarono su se stesso per poterlo ficcare dentro una fossa scavata malamente con una lima da fabbro".

"Mussolini fu immediatamente informato. Oltre che del delitto, si macchiò dell'infamia di giurare alla vedova che avrebbe fatto tutto il possibile per riportarle il marito. Mentre giurava, il Duce del fascismo teneva i documenti insanguinati della vittima nel cassetto della sua scrivania".

"In questa nostra falsa primavera, però, non si commemora soltanto l'omicidio politico di Matteotti; si commemorano anche le stragi nazifasciste perpetrate dalle SS tedesche, con la complicità e la collaborazione dei fascisti italiani, nel 1944. Fosse Ardeatine, Sant'Anna di Stazzema, Marzabotto. Sono soltanto alcuni dei luoghi nei quali i demoniaci alleati di Mussolini massacrarono a sangue freddo migliaia di inermi civili italiani. Tra di essi centinaia di bambini e perfino di infanti. Molti furono addirittura arsi vivi, alcuni decapitati".

"Queste due concomitanti ricorrenze luttuose - primavera del '24, primavera del '44 - proclamano che il fascismo è stato lungo tutta la sua esistenza storica - non soltanto alla fine o occasionalmente - un irredimibile fenomeno di sistematica violenza politica omicida e stragista. Lo riconosceranno, una buona volta, gli eredi di quella storia? Tutto, purtroppo, lascia pensare che non sarà così. Il gruppo dirigente post-fascista, vinte le elezioni nell'ottobre del 2022, aveva davanti a sé due strade: ripudiare il suo passato neo-fascista oppure cercare di riscrivere la storia. Ha indubbiamente imboccato la seconda via".

"Dopo aver evitato l'argomento in campagna elettorale la Presidente del Consiglio, quando costretta ad affrontarlo dagli anniversari storici, si è pervicacemente attenuta alla linea ideologica della sua cultura neofascista di provenienza: ha preso le distanze dalle efferatezze indifendibili perpetrate dal regime (la persecuzione degli ebrei) senza mai ripudiare nel suo insieme l'esperienza fascista, ha scaricato sui soli nazisti le stragi compiute con la complicità dei fascisti repubblichini, infine ha disconosciuto il ruolo fondamentale della Resistenza nella rinascita italiana (fino al punto di non nominare mai la parola "antifascismo" in occasione del 25 aprile 2023)".

"Mentre vi parlo, siamo di nuovo alla vigilia dell'anniversario della Liberazione dal nazifascismo. La parola che la Presidente del Consiglio si rifiutò di pronunciare palpiterà ancora sulle labbra riconoscenti di tutti i sinceri democratici, siano essi di sinistra, di centro o di destra. Finché quella parola - antifascismo - non sarà pronunciata da chi ci governa, lo spettro del fascismo continuerà a infestare la casa della democrazia italiana".

Antonio Scurati e la versione integrale (non censurata dalla Rai) del suo monologo scritto in ricorrenza del 25 aprile 2024, Festa della Liberazione dal nazifascismo in Italia.

[moodyseal]

Processing identity as a child abuse survivor

Recently I had a huge revelation. Come with me on this childhood trauma realization journey (if you want).

This post was written for those wavering on the 'was it abuse' question.

Fair warning, each of these revelations were a whammy. I recommend you keep in mind that these revelations will transform the way you see yourself and the world. This took me out of commission for hours at a time.

Revelation 1: Was I Abused?

Read this Tumblr post. Go down the list. Check the 'yes'es and 'maybe's.

'Was I abused' is a yes or no question. I need you to really think about this if your answer is 'kind of'. If you could be truly honest with yourself, what would your answer be?

For years I've gone to the logic of 'it wasn't that bad,' and 'at least the worst didn't happen,' or 'others have had it worse'. This is such a low bar. You deserve better than the bar your parents set for you. The socioeconomic circumstances and the normalization of violence in your living area? Yes, influential. But not a justification.

At the end of the day, the veracity of these statements don't even matter. It's a yes or no question: 'Am I a survivor of child abuse?'

It may take a really long time to truly process, and even then it might feel uncomfortable saying it like it's truth. I need you to know your truth is truth. It's a yes or no question.

Take a break. I recommend you don't progress further until you've processed Revelation 1.

(Shameless plug-in of my fandom blorbo interests: Rick Riordan's Trials of Apollo series really helped me with this first revelation. It made me feel seen and less alone. It may not be perfect, but I personally liked it!)

Revelation 2: What does this mean? (health-wise)

Listen to this Ted Talk by an expert (medical professional).

This is the part where I got angry and really fucking sad. Let yourself be sad. Let yourself be furious. Our life is not our fault and we're still stuck with this lot.

Genuinely this was such a shock for me to realize. The thing that has the biggest impact on my life is not my anxiety, depression, ptsd, insomnia, blood pressure, immune health, etc. The root cause of my physical and mental illnesses is Adverse Childhood Experiences.

ACE is more common than you'd think. Acknowledging that what happened to you was bad will be beneficial to humanity's survival in the long run. Like any illness, ACE can be fought at a societal level.

Take a break. I recommend you don't progress to the next revelation until you've processed Revelation 2.

Take your time to be angry and sad. Take forever. You never have to forgive your abuser, even if they change their behavior. The chance at a civil acquaintanceship you might be willing to extend to your parents doesn't require your forgiveness.

.

Revelation 3: Why is your therapist recommending you retell your life story?

This one is mostly for when you have steady access to a therapist. Here are some things I wish I'd known before seeking out therapy in the US.

(Is it shitty that you can't get therapy on your own terms when you're underage? Yes, it fucking is. To those of us who survived to adulthood: holy shit y'all. At 19 I felt like absolute fucking bullshit, like my brain was a burning ball of tangled barbed wire. It does feel absolutely shitty. But reaching 19 is an achievement.)

The thing is, I do or say a lot of things that I later come to think of as embarrassing, inappropriate, or in certain circumstances, potentially abusive. Genuine trigger reactions happen. I will always have to live with a piece of my parents in my head. But I don't want to do to another person what they did to me. Self-awareness is what separates me from my abusers.

What to do about this? Number 1: chill out. You're not gonna be your abuser. Humans are unique and imperfect. They have not replicated themselves in you. It's okay to make mistakes when you're talking or reacting. Your brain is fucked up. You can do something differently next time.

Number 2: read this article about Overthinking, Over-apologizing, Oversharing, and Overwhelmed as trauma responses.

Then read this article on how to deal with Unresolved Trauma.

Yeah. It be like that. Isn't it fucked up? Recognizing the four Os in my behavior helped me realize I'm not an antisocial asshole by default.

Unresolved trauma is the root cause for my behaviors that I think of as unhealthy. This revelation happened very recently for me. Before this point in time, I couldn't understand why I would want to recount traumatic events in therapy.

At this point in time, I have regular access to a therapist I'm okay with. Going over memories and deconstructing the blame system seems like a reasonable thing to try.

What happened to you as a child is not your fault. You're not the one who landed yourself in your life. You've been given an unfairly difficult situation to be responsible for. You did not create your coping mechanisms for shits and giggles.

So yeah. Number 3: figure out your life with the help of a therapist. Let's see where we are ten years later or something.

Nothing is easy and everything is confusing. Take a break, hydrate, eat, sleep, do something nice for yourself. Do something you like doing. Thanks for reading.

[moodyseal]

Dietro il milite delle Brigate nere più onesto, più in buonafede, più idealista, c'erano i rastrellamenti, le operazioni di sterminio, le camere di tortura, le deportazioni e l'Olocausto; dietro il partigiano più ignaro, più ladro, più spietato, c'era la lotta per una società pacifica e democratica, ragionevolmente giusta, se non proprio giusta in senso assoluto, chè di queste non ce ne sono.

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tgcf is like if xie lian was faced with the trolley problem every single day and every day he said "i'll choose a third option!" and that option was throwing himself in front of the trolley to stop it but instead it flips over and kills/maims everyone on both tracks and xie lian himself

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When you're unsuccessfully looking for something and start gradually increasing your It Could Be There range. Like yeah sure maybe the rice cooker pot is in the freezer, idk

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i love apollo bc he'll be like “yeah so here's an accurate description about how me and my friends are deadly injured and we're gonna die in like 2hrs i guess?” and 3 lines later he'll also be like “mortal firefighters are hot btw don't kill them💅🏻”

#this is why his pov is the best #he gets distracted by things like this so often it's hilarious

[moodyseal]

Hertella Auto Kaffeemachine. This Dash-Mounted Coffee Maker Is Likely the Rarest Volkswagen Accessory.

[moodyseal]

TOApril Day 11 - First Meeting

"Oh! Hello, tiny god. You're the new Olympian everyone's been talking about, aren't you? Nice to meet you."

I don't have many ideas for the next few prompts so I thought I'd catch up on some of the ones I missed instead! Here's Apollo and Helios for day 11 ✨

#i like to imagine that apollo still has some degree of premonition despite only being the patron of prophecies #so i bet that as soon as he met helios a voice in his head went 'this action will have consequences! 😄🦋' #trials of apollo #percy jackson #toa #pjo #apollo #lester papadopoulos #helios #toapril #toapril 2024 #my art #lonely thoughts

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i named the file "mr mc piner"

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I wonder why

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TOApril Day 21 – The Sun And The Earth

Persephone and Apollo hanging out ✨ whenever he mentioned her in the books he didn't exactly have anything positive to say about her but hey! He complained about Meg too and yet look where we are

#i would've put more effort into this but i'm doing like four other things at the same time so eudhssjs #trials of apollo #toa #pjo #percy jackson #apollo #lester papadopoulos #persephone #toapril #toapril 2024 #my art #lonely thoughts

[moodyseal]

My mother and I don't always have a great relationship but BY GOD will I tell her every single thing that ever happened to me. "Don't tell your mother" she already knows bestie! Good luck

#there's also the fact that she somehow raised me to never lie to her by convincing me i turn completely red when i do #still don't know if that's true but. won't risk getting caught #most i can do is lie by omission but even then. even then #i feel the ominous presence of Ancestral Guilt hovering over me so i end up spilling everything anyway #omw to get legal counsel (ask mom for advice) #lonely thoughts