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World’s Apart (Gwynriel Fanfic) Chapter 2 - It just all sounds very loud

Gwyn and Azriel’s story of falling for each other. Set after the events of ACOSF.

Rating: Mature

TW: Mentions of past abuse throughout the story

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29637345/chapters/72863634#workskin

[Chapter master list pinned at the top of my page]

Gwyneth Berdara woke in a bed that was not her own; Although it smelled like home. She had sunken into the plush bed throughout the night and a singular pillow was clutched in her arms. She’d slept wonderfully, and peeled her eyes open slowly to see the sun of the day already streaming through the windows.

Yesterday had been a whirlwind. Starting off lovely, spending time with her sisters, and shopping. Even though it had been plagued with the bond pulsating, she’d managed to take her mind off life for a few moments. She remembered the dress that her sister had purchased for her and smiled at the way she felt in it. How she felt alive again.

Everything had gone to hell pretty quickly after that. Gwyn relived those moments too, remembering just how she had ended up at the house of wind.

“AZRIEL!” She had to find him.

“AZRIEL!” She screamed again. Where was he?

She shivered as she remembered that feeling. The blind panic of thinking the bond had fallen apart; of sobbing into her sisters’ arm while she gently rocked her until her breathing evened out.

Pure, undiluted pain is the only way Gwyn could describe it and she was grateful that the pain and panic had subsided throughout the night. That the welcome scent of home washed over her till she was in a pleasant state of numbness.

She hadn’t quite processed where she was till a knock sounded at the door. She knew she was in the house as opposed to the library, but it dawned on her that she had fallen asleep in the room that belonged to the very person she’d wanted to see the most.

Her sister peered her head round the door as Gwyn took in the room around her. Azriel’s room was exactly what she expected and somehow completley different. One might assume that the Spymaster’s personal room would be shrouded in weapons, hung like trophies on the wall; Walls painted black to house the shadows that cloaked him. However, Azriel’s room had been strangely comfortable. It wasn’t bathed in colours like the river house or dark and gloomy like the library sometimes felt. His room was utterly him, with cream walls and blackout curtains. Soft white bedding with a dark navy knitted blanket throw over the foot of the bed.

Gwyn had no doubt that weapons were hidden around the room, in places only he knew. The walls were bare save for a painting, no doubt done by Feyre, that faced the bed of a beautiful beach bay at night. Even glancing at it, Gwyn was itching to swim in that cool water.

“How are you holding up?” Nesta asked, appearing round the door, and sitting at the foot of the bed.

“A lot better,” Gwyn said as she rolled away from the pillow she’d been holding and sat up, “What happened last night?”

“You don’t remember?”

“I remember… parts.”

“Elain found you outside Azriel’s room, she said you started hyperventilating and begged Mor to bring you back here,” Gwyn looked solemn, “We chased you back here and you were screaming for Azriel,”

“AZRIEL!” She had to find him.

“AZRIEL!” She screamed again. Where was he?

“After a while you eventually settled down. You stayed with Em and I, not saying anything and when we suggested you got some sleep you just walked straight here.”

“I’m so sorry you had to take care of me.”

“It was a pleasure.” Nesta said, hitting her gently,

“I think I may have been wrong though,” Gwyn said,

Nesta glared before saying, “You and Az are definitely mates, there’s no doubt about it.”

“No,” Gwyn said rolling her eyes, “I know that. I meant I don’t think the bond was breaking; It really felt like it, but I think it was just the build-up of the past few weeks coming out. I was sad when I pushed him away, but I was able to convince myself it was for the best. But when I’d found out I’d made a mistake…”

“You couldn’t have known,” Nesta said crawling closer and sitting against the headboard beside her, “Azriel isn’t the most open with his emotions either.”

“Except that he was,” Gwyn retorted, “I could always read him, and I think that’s what made it so painful. We were so in sync, and I doubted him, and I made him believe he was in the wrong,” Gwyn breathed out, “I never make mistakes and somehow I managed to mess up possibly the most important thing in my life.”

“First of all,” Nesta started, “You haven’t messed this up. Secondly, you’re a Valkyrie! I’m not saying romance and the mating bond aren’t important, but you’re so strong and powerful and beautiful. This situation doesn’t define you; Only how you grow and how you face the next steps do.”

Gwyn rested her head on her sister’s shoulder, “I love you.” Gwyn said with a smile,

“I love you, too,” Nesta said stroking her hair before moving off the bed and reaching out her hand, “Now, I have group of Valkyries and warriors in training waiting in the training ring and I think they’d like to watch the famous Gwyneth Berdara in action.”

Gwyn smiled, grateful that Nesta knew exactly what she needed right now, “I bet I could take you in hand-to-hand.” She said finally standing from the bed,

“You wish, priestess. You wish.”

—————

He was there for emotional support more than anything. And to take a breather from everything. He’d retreated to a version of himself that he disliked very much; Repressing everything, refusing to feel a single thing was how he’d coped as a child. If he told himself they couldn’t touch him, if he felt nothing then he wouldn’t have to feel the pain. If he cut everything off, if he went quiet, he couldn’t feel the pain of losing her.

Last night had been particularly unbearable though, it felt as if his shadows were practically hounding him to get it together. To fly back to Velaris. They never were so skittish; it was as if they felt things that he did not. Rather they felt things he’d pushed deep, deep down.

A lot of his duties with Illyria consisted of being sheer muscle power, and to intimidate over eager, over ambitious camp lords. He didn’t mind, often just standing, letting his shadows do the work was enough for the most egotistical of camp lords stand down slightly.

Since Devlon’s demotion to the lowest ranks, thanks to his little throwing-the-Valkyries-into-the-rite-stunt, Windhaven had remained largely self-governed and wasn’t doing too badly. The decision of Devlon’s fall hadn’t been difficult to decide and Cassian had decided that messing with his mate was the final straw. The council hadn’t quite seen eye to eye with that, so he’d been voted out on a technicality that he’d disgraced the sanctity of the Blood rite by entering non-Illyrians and a females into the challenge. Non-Illyrians and females who had won the damned thing. It had been Emerie’s idea to play that card, and one that had been very successful.

As Nesta’s mate, Cassian did have full reign, according to the Illyrians, to declare war on Devlon but he wasn’t worth it, Cassian had decided. So had Nesta, Emerie and Gwyn.

“I don’t care how it happens, only that that son of bitch suffers for what he did to my sister and vital members of our court,” Feyre had said in her impeccable High Lady tone, “Devlon, has gotten away with enough. This can be the thing that finally knocks him over the edge.”

Azriel still remembered how Cassian had embraced her, glad that she’d given the go ahead to take him down. Rhys had also been beaming watching his High Lady and mate take control while he’d sat in the corner tending to Nyx.

“You holding up alright?” Cassian asked as they walked back to their home in Illyria, the early evening spring sun causing a gentle sweat to fall down their faces, the house, the one that belonged to Rhys’ Mother, the one they’d stayed in since they were children, wasn’t too far away,

“I’m fine,” Azriel replied. Cassian was not convinced, but decided to sway the conversation anyway,

“Things are decent with the Illyrians, aren’t they? Surprisingly.”

“Yeah, it’s nice to see it like that.”

“I reckon Emerie could have quite a high rank here in a few years.” Cassian said with a smile, Azriel smiled too,

“I think Emerie could run the entire Night court if she wanted to.” He smiled back.

The pair continued to walk in silence, just relaxing into one another’s company. It had been a long time since it was just the two of them. The war, the trove, mating bonds and whatever else life wanted to throw at them seemed to leave these moments between the Illyrians fewer and further between. It wasn’t till the the house was in eyeshot before Cassian looked over to Azriel and asked,

“What does it sound like right now?”

“Sorry?” Azriel retorted full of confusion,

“When we were younger you once told me that sometimes, things just get too much and that your head just feels… loud,” Azriel just stared at him, “You then went on to say that sometimes when your head is quiet, it’s not any better., somehow the quiet is worse than the loudness.”

“I can’t believe you remember that.” Azriel smiled as they finally got to the front porch of the house. They stood outside the door neither of them entering just yet.

“Last night, last night was all noise,” Azriel started, “Today has felt a bit more bearable, like a kind of quiet. Not amazing.”

“I see.” Cassian said, “And when you were with Gwyn… before all of this, what did it sound like then?”

Cassian was certainly brazen with his questions,

“Umm,” Azriel started, “I can’t really place it.”

“I don’t want to push it, really, but you did say you loved her.”

Azriel said nothing, just watched as Cassian moved to finally open the door. But then -

“It was like a warm hazy hum. It was a gentle melody that rose and fell so slowly. I never realised how much I needed that until it was gone.”

“And here I was believing you weren’t poetic in the slightest.” Cassian said with an emotional smile plastered to his face.

Azriel laughed through a breath. Cassian suspected that was the first smile he’d smiled in a few days.

“You underestimate me brother.” Azriel said turning away from the house,

“Where are you off to?” Cassian asked,

“We have nothing for dinner, we’re no longer in a magic house.” Azriel said,

“Say hi to Em for me,” Cassian said, “And can you tell her to take a plain biscuit to Nes tomorrow?”

Azriel lifted a brow,

“It’s just a thing we have.” Cassian said as Azriel turned on a heal and into Illyria.

———————

Azriel could hear that Emerie was giggling from outside the shop.

He could see the light flickering gently in her shop and felt the gentle resistance of the wards that surrounded her shop. Rhys had put them in place after the Blood Rite to only allow trusted people in. Emerie had the power to deem other people should they wish to shop but the ward could be triggered at any moment by her and they’d be there in a heartbeat.

“I’m serious!” Mor said, “It was like watching animals fighting.”

Mor was here? At this time. Either Emerie had stayed in Velaris all day or Mor was running errands in Windhaven. It definitely wasn’t the latter.

“I just can’t believe the mating bonds makes males act so… atrociously.” Emerie said. Azriel wondered briefly what they were talking about. Maybe it was a book they’d read.

“You can’t trust them to act anything but, plus Cassian has always delighted in riling Rhys in whatever way possible.” Oh. Why would Mor be talking to Emerie about Rhys and Feyre’s mating? But then - “Gwyn’s gonna be okay.”

Was Gwyn not okay? Was she hurt?

It was suddenly very loud again.

“I know, it’s just difficult seeing her like this. She’s the strongest out of all of us.”

What was wrong?

He couldn’t see them, but he had a strong feeling that Emerie was looking rather sad right now. And Mor would be comforting her in the way that only Mor knew how.

“Hey, one of my worst heartbreaks, my head wasn’t right for a few years; The fact she’s moving around, and eating is a good sign.”

Gwyn… Heartbroken. His Gwyn. No. His nothing.

He’d done this.

He’d broken her.

“Who would be stupid enough to break up with you?” Emerie said through a slight sniffle if Azriel could detect it, “I only mean, I want what’s best for her.”

“Lucky for her, Azriel is the best.” Mor said, he could hear the smile on her lips, “He’ll come around at some point.”

“I’m sure he will, and hey, like you said, It’s different with mates.”

Mate. The word sirened through his mind.

They kept talking but he could no longer hang on any of the words.

Mate?

Mate.

He must have said it out loud because Mor was suddenly at his side.

He was on the floor.

“Azriel what are you doing out here?”

It must have been the sound of him falling to the floor that alerted her. Dagger already at her side to defend Emerie.

“She’s my mate?”

“Azriel…” Mor said

“How long have you known?”

“Only since last night when she ran into Elain, and then she started panicking…Gods I need to stop finding people in the middle of a nervous breakdown.”

“What?! is she okay?” He all but screamed, Mor was slightly taken aback. He could see Emerie out the corner of his vision, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“Az, she’s fine.”

“I didn’t mean to yell.” He breathed at her as he leaned his head against the wall,

He started crying,

“I messed up.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s scared of me. She doesn’t trust me.”

“Azriel.” Mor demanded, “Azriel look at me. Gwyn loves you.”

“My own mate, can’t stand me.” He said to himself,

“Azriel listen to me.” Mor said once more. He felt like a child again. The Loudness was taking over.

“Azriel. She loves you.”

He got to his feet, his body moving before his mind.

“Where are you going?”

His wings unfurled, “I need to make this right.”

“You need to stay still and breathe.” she tried to stop him, but he was too quick.

He shook her off but not without silently apologising with a bow of his head, Mor didn’t have it in herself to hold him back further.

—————

Next thing Azriel knew was he was in the air and Cassian was barrelling towards him. Mor no doubt winnowed to him instantly and now they were racing through the sky. Cass ever the better flier tackled him mid-air and strategically landed him on the ground amongst the trees. Velaris was in ear shot. They were so close.

“What exactly is the big plan here?” Cassian said, the voice of the commander peeking through,

“How did you catch up to me? I had at least 10 minutes on you.” 10 minutes of flying for a beginner might have been barely anything. But 10 minutes for the greatest Illyrians in history meant miles. Cassian had flown damn fast.

“You excel at treading air and hovering. Your Stamina in that department is astounding. However, when it comes to speed, I could outdo you a million times.”

Azriel catches his breath

“So, what exactly is the plan here?” Cassian asked again,

“What do you mean?” Azriel asked, slightly annoyed and regaining his breath,

“You’re going to tell Gwyn you love her.”

No answer confirmed Cassian’s suspicions.

“Have you thought this through.”

“I just need to find her.” Azriel said, “Plus didn’t you all but tell me to go for it?”

“You need to think this through.”

Azriel instead of listening flew away once more. The house of wind was so close. Cassian still managed to land before him and formed a blockade so Azriel couldn’t get past.

“No. I just need to find her.” Azriel snapped “Look, if things were bumpy with Nesta, you’re telling me you wouldn’t do absolutely everything to fight for her.”

“Of course, I would, but right now, instead of running to my gorgeous mate who I haven’t seen for days, I’m trying to stop you from doing something stupid.”

“I’m not doing anything stupid.”

“Frantically bursting into the library, to proclaim your love for a priestess who struggles to be outside, in front of dozens of females who cannot stand the sight of a male, isn’t wise.”

“Do not underestimate her.”

“I’m not. Just be considerate of her.” Azriel glared at the ground. “Just breathe. Think through what you’re going to say. You only get one chance to tell your mate you love them for the first time. Don’t screw it up.”

He contemplated for a moment, “I know how it feels to have this go wrong. Yes, Nes and I were fine in the end, but you don’t want to go through that if you don’t have to.” Cassian said placing his hands on Azriel’s shoulders, “Take the night and talk tomorrow.”

“It’s Nyx’s blessing tomorrow.”

“Tell her there then.” He couldn’t wait. But then -

“I’ll spend the night at Rhys and Feyre’s.” Azriel conceded.

Cassian pulled him into an embrace. His heart rate slowing down. Tomorrow he’d deal with all of it. He’d get on his very knees before her in front of all of Velaris if he had to.

The Patio door opened and Azriel stomach sank briefly but when he scented who it was, he only let go of his brother.

“Cass, you’re home.” Nesta breathed from the doorway.

Cassian glanced at his brother who only nodded his head and in a second Cassian was running to his mate. Nesta had a bright smile on her face, with something else that looked like tears. Cassian quickly swept her into his arms, holding her in a tight embrace. Not able to let go just yet.

Azriel tried not to stare as he beheld his brother embracing his mate, looking as if the entire world had lifted from his shoulders. They had really missed each other. Azriel knew that being apart hadn’t been easy for the pair, so he’d let them have this moment. He caught Nesta hauling Cassian’s face down to her own as Azriel took to the skies to make his way to the River house.

One day he would have that. He tried to remind himself. He only wished and prayed that it would be with the female he loved most. That he could share in that mating bond with his fiery Valkyrie priestess.

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