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JUST JUST PLEASE. It’s literally Hanzo and reader as a song like if Hanzo was a song this is it. LITERALLY TO A TEA PLS LISTEN TO IT https://youtu.be/imm5v3wtZ5I

Yeah, that's muppet Hanzo right there to a T. Yep. Constipated feelings and everything.

(It's Kaden MacKay - Your Stupid Face for anyone who doesn't want to click the link)

#shiroisotto64 #ask

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I just saw that post where a writer's dad asked what their story was about. Like, really about. It got me thinking.

The Way to a Heart was a story about loneliness and validation, of confronting the ghosts of the past--not just The Past, but our past self--and attempting to reconcile with the fact that our choices might not always be the right ones after having committed to it and believing wholeheartedly they were correct at the time. The story, I hope, shows those concepts don't have to contradict each other. Different things mattered at different times and sometimes you make mistakes trying to chase the past, or chase a future you thought you wanted. Some people want to escape it, some people want to return to it, but the present is here. You are here. And that's scary. But it cannot be overturned.

The story was about being afraid of an uncertain future, afraid of trying, afraid of not trying. It was a story about yearning. For a past where things were good. Because there were things to like back there. Whether it was family, security, or something else you liked about the past, there was something comforting there that many people want to return to. But that's the past. The characters have to move on. Eventually.

I still think of the story. Of the things untold. Of the things that could have happened. Choices were made there by characters in the story and by some strange twist of fate tested the limits of those choices. And I hope that for everyone's stories, that even if there are stumbling blocks here and there for long stretches of time, that you realize it can be okay eventually.

#shitposting

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curious about what’s in store for you for 2023? :D

let AO3 decide!

(this is a random generator that will give you four (4) ao3 tags, so you know, warnings for what that usually entails)

#we have consensual sex; consensual but not safe or sane; demons made them do it; and prison #i couldn't have gotten a better one even if i tried #boy howdy i hope the demons help me with some other shit too #i come out of hibernation just to shitpost #shitpost

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; ;

i can't believe people are finding this fic even after it's been finished for so long. thank you for enjoying it.

#♥ #ask

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it’s crazy how i don’t know what any of you do for school/uni/work? who are you guys outside of tumblr? what do you work as?? 

#security consultant #the adjacent opposite of a hacker

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hm

i seem to have accidentally tripped and fallen into twisted wonderland hell.

#now to reevaluate my life choices #they're 17 and babies #god this is going to turn into teens loving an older person sort of thing isn't it #i'm just really into the idea of a seamstress!reader who creates their robes #can't decide if i want the uniqe magic/signature magic to be called bippity bobbity boo or stroke of twelve #because i want it to be a fairy godmother thing #maybe we can do the other fairies from aurora's story #iunno #anyway help

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Ukraine, 26th Feb, 2022

A friend of mine told me yesterday that he didn’t realise how much Ukraine meant to him until now. I posted yesterday about the time we spent there, and we’re all getting super pre-occupied about the invasion. As I said in that post, I can’t get our waitress out of my head. I can sort of remember what she looked like now. She had an undercut. I think maybe her hair might have been blue? But - I will never know if she lives through this, and it’s driving me very slightly mad.

So naturally, my husband spent all day yesterday obsessively researching everything he could about it with the help of his journalist friends, as a way to help me process it.

This post is me putting it all in order, as a way to try and process my own emotional response as much as anything else (I freely admit there is an element of self-indulgence here). Please don’t take me as the spokesperson for Ukraine right now, nor as a solid reliable news source. But, I haven’t seen this stuff except in bits and pieces on Tumblr, so here we go.

(This is also not about why the invasion has happened. This post is solely about what has happened, and how the invasion is going.)

So, Putin and the rest of the world believed that this invasion would take 1-4 days. The plan was to push through fast, take Kyiv, and force Volodymyr Zelenskyy, the Ukrainian President, to surrender. Given Russia’s military might, it really looked likely.

Here is the conclusion of all that’s happened so far:

Ukraine is absolutely nailing this??? Actually???

They managed to defend every single city overnight, including Kyiv. They started rolling out and using these WW2-style anti-tank thingies that look a bit like angry gabbions, look, here’s a picture of one being delivered:

A bunch of spare iron girders turned into a hefty octopus of Russian misery, basically.

But it’s not just tanks they’re taking down, oh no. Ukraine successfully shot down a transport plane 20km from Kyiv. That is, I shit you not, the single biggest hit to the Russian military since the Second Chechen War. Volunteers from Lithuania, Poland, Latvia, Estonia, Azerbaijan and Israel are all entering Ukraine to help fight and bolster the anti-Russian forces, which is probably illustrative of how Eurovision voting is going to run for the next decade. Most countries have banned Russian planes from their air space. To help stop the Russian advance, Ukraine has made and installed new road signs, like this one:

I can only say a handful of sentences in Ukrainian, Tumblrs, but as I understand it, from top to bottom, it says:

“Fuck off”

“Fuck off again”

“Fuck off Russia”

Meanwhile, it turns out the Russian military might we feared is… possibly not quite as advertised?

They’re underfunded and badly trained. Ukraine captured 200 soldiers in one go, and most of them were confused 19 year olds with no training. The equipment is shite. The tanks keep running out of fuel. Russian soldiers keep abandoning their tanks and handing them over to the Ukrainian army. Putin’s plan was to take Kyiv fast and move on, and he didn’t have a plan B - hence these kids, playing soldier. Here is an image of a Russian tank receiving roadside assistance from Russia’s finest, an old Lada.  

No one expected Zelenskyy to survive the night; but he did. America offered him asylum in the White House.

But he said no. 

Zelenskyy remains in Kyiv, with his people.

And Putin, in his desperation to be adored, has turned Zelenskyy into a global icon and hero.

Here is something you may not know about Volodymyr Zelenskyy - he used to be a standup comedian. Was he any good? No idea - but what he IS good at is producing funny short videos he can put on Twitter and that, which are absolutely fantastic for Ukrainian morale. And morale is vital in an invasion like this, and Ukraine are smashing it out of the park there.

They are utilising the internet to its fullest extent. In addition to Zelenskyy’s videos, they’ve made sure that the final words of the Ukrainian defenders of Snake Island are known and now echoed around the world: “Russian warship, go fuck yourselves.” A video has gone viral of Ukrainians mocking a group of Russian soldiers whose tank had broken down and who didn’t know the way to Kyiv anyway, presumably because of all the new road signs. They have created a website that lists every single Russian death they can identify, partly so Russian mothers can have closure (thus also painting themselves as the defenders of decency and humanity), and partly for the enormous morale boost of the world knowing, categorically, that they’ve already killed 3700 Russian soldiers (over 100 of which were from that transport plane.)  Not one word has leaked of Ukrainian casualties. I’m sure they’re devastating, but for morale purposes, they’re being kept quiet until the dust settles. Ukrainians have started setting up fake Tindr profiles to catfish Russian soldiers for intel, and they’re all 19 and lost, so it’s working. Plus, they’re using Grindr to actually track where the soldiers are, because it turns out Putin was not entirely correct about there being no gays in Russia.

So, Russia wants to cut their internet access. Can the Ukrainian Minister for Digital Transformation, Mykhailo Fedorov, shame a billionaire into providing aid?

This is crucial, remember. Atrocities happen best in the dark, and the world is watching - because of the internet. Morale is vital to maintain. Can they convince Elon Musk to help?

Yep.

Ukraine now has the fastest internet service in the world. The fastest, most stable internet service in human history, in fact. Russia cannot now disable it. The world watches.

Which is just as well, because then Anonymous decided to get involved, and have leaked the website database of the Russian Ministry of Defence. Lol. Also this happens:

And then the Russian propaganda channels started broadcasting the truth of what is happening in Ukraine. Double lol.

So what is the political response?

Well, in addition to closing airspace to Russian planes, loads of countries are sending weapons to Ukraine. Those that can’t are offering asylum. They’re also offering asylum to any Russian soldiers who surrender or defect, which is startlingly good tactics, and there are rumours of around 5000 Russian soldiers who have done just that. Germany, of course, has long had a block on lethal weapons transfer; but Germany recognise this shit for what it is. They’ve lifted the block, thus allowing the Netherlands to send weapons. Efforts are now underway to fast-track Ukraine into the EU. I presume they will consider the lack of pint glasses with crowns on to be a worthwhile price to pay.

So what about Russia’s supporters?

Belarusian leader Alexander Lukashenka helped Russia with this invasion. Now, this has happened:

Sviatlana Tsikhanouskaya was actually elected president, but some wild nonsense kept her out of power. She’s now running a government in exile. I have literally no idea what this means or will mean! But my god. She has a spine of steel, and this is not a good time to be happening for Putin. 

And it’s really, really not, because then intel on a meeting of Putin and assembled Oligarchs LEAKS (hello Anonymous, probably). The highlights:

This war is costing Russia $15bn a day

He expected it to take ONE TO FOUR DAYS TO WIN

It’s been two days and he is losing very badly, currently

They will run out of rockets by day 4, maybe sooner

After that they will be down to rifles and ammo

It will take 3-4 months to make more significant weapons, except they need raw materials, and the countries that can provide them… have cut supply lines

If the war lasts 10 days, Russia will have completely run out of money and weapons

It’s only day 2, and Russian soldiers are knocking the doors of random Ukrainian homes begging for food and water because they’ve already run out

So, out of desperation, Putin turns to his greatest, closest and most trusted ally for help: Kazakhstan. 

And Kazakhstan

SAYS NO

And then Ukraine shoots down a second Russian plane.

Anyway, I’m going to finish off with a final point. Morale is vital in this situation, so here is the message from the Ukrainian government at the minute, to everyone watching around the world:

Be VERY SUSPICIOUS of any negative news about Ukraine. Russia uses misinformation and propaganda. They will want to damage Ukrainian morale.

Use your social media to spread news of Ukrainian victories. 

Don’t give oxygen to negative stories. Especially since they might not be true.

That’s genuinely something we can do to help. Every victory of Ukraine, blast it far and wide. So on that note, I’ll leave you with this:

Congrats to Natalia Antonova’s cousin’s son.

#brilliant tactics #i need to see the logistics playbooks here because this is fucking brilliant #how is this being organised who is organising some of these actions how are these orders being given out #not for any reason other than i just want to understand and admire the amount of coordination and tactical moxie that goes into doing this

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Happy holidays everyone! Here’s the 5th year of hanzo infomercial! My twitter poll decided that this year’s theme was meal prep! Enjoy!

1, 2, 3, 4

kofi  Patreon

Hanzo: Welcome back, everyone! Food is essential for holidays such as this. My personal favorite. I’ve recruited some help to help prepare a meal up to our standards. Enjoy! Before we start, Shall I show you my spiked eggnog recipe? Ana: Oh? Hanzo: Bourbon. Then I use store bought eggnog. And there you go. Ana: I /should/ be concerned, but we have work to do so down that quickly

Keep reading

#not mine #ludwigplayingthetrombone #YOU

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reader who falls through different timelines and Cole Cassidy giving out a different name in each timeline so each time the reader meets Cole, they call him by another timeline’s name.

or that Cole uses a different name for himself depending on the year and what time of his life he meets people in.

or Cole just straight up using his past names as a code.

or Cole just has no set identity. Reader is the person making up his IDs and everything and is the one to think of all these names. Jess McCree is now a deadname because that character has officially been arrested and rotting in jail and now Cole runs around with a clean slate.

#back on my bullshit

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277.

“In that sense, we might not be that different,” you say.

He looks at you, silently urging you to elaborate. Even without any prompting, you were planning on it anyway. You need him to at least hear you out. If he understood, then it would be ideal, but at this point, it’s already a win to have him listen.

“First born first generation children do not get to live for themselves. They must live for their parents who gave up their own lives. They must succeed and pay back their parents, prove to them their sacrifices were not in vain, that all the fear and ridicule and anxieties they’ve suffered was for a good cause. It is our responsibility to be successful, be healthy, and reward our parents for all they’ve done.

"And all that pressure scares me. My mother was someone who could have had a better life for herself in her home country. She is literate, passionate, and intelligent. She could have been a high ranking staff in a large corporation instead of getting cursed at and abused in a low wage job where she’s not even treated as a person. My father could have been a famous carpenter. His works were well praised in his town, he had a house, he had friends. He was good. Instead he’s faceless in the kitchens of some back alley restaurant with a boss who steals from their wages.

"They gave up what their lives could’ve been to come here and give me a better life. And there is so little I could do to pay them back for the years they’ve given up for me. I can’t pay them back for all the times I complained because we didn’t have enough food on the table. I can’t pay them back for working through holidays and birthdays just so they could buy me gifts I wasn’t even grateful for.”

You voice cracks, trembling.

“I can’t just up and leave like everyone else says. I can’t do that.”

Hanzo huffs, a half-laugh and half-sigh, folding his arms and looking out the window. “Filial piety will be the death of us all, and is best put into the ground.”

“Easy for you to say,” you grumble bitterly, “not like you have a damn family to have piety toward.”

Words that would normally be inflammatory makes Hanzo laugh instead. He knows it’s too true, and despite it all, you chuckle to yourself as well.

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You’re just so great, I hope you’re doing well ☺️

Oh wow, that's really nice to get. I hope you're doing well, too, anon. ♥

#anon #ask

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Enemies to "I accidentally came across you while you were vulnerable and scared and I'm not a total asshole so I tried to help you" to "accidental mutual uncovering of softer sides and vulnerabilities" to "I can't be mean to you anymore, not out of pity but because it would feel weird betraying that brief truce we had" to "Fine I'll make an effort to be nice to you now I guess" to "actually now that we're not actively hating each other you're not so bad I guess" to "i think we're friends but I'm not going to say that because I'm afraid you're not gonna feel the same way" to "oh you also think we're friends? Great" to lovers

#shitposting #cries desperately #all of this please and thank you

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I just had this thought that early Hanzo's seduction 'technique' would be nonexistent really, then go thru a 'I am trying to seduce you, please pay attention' phase and once you'd been together a while, he's this flirting bastard b/c he's comfortable enough with you and your relationship he doesn't really hold back (this process I feel would take /years/) and would definitely mirror his healing and growth

Agreed. I feel like if he realized he liked someone, he'd freeze up internally about it and become too self conscious and do it all wrong. Probably think too hard about how he looked when passing you or if his voice sounded weird or if he said something and if it sounded too suggestive/not suggestive enough.

But when he's comfortable, my god he'd probably be deadly as hell.

Again, I'm glad he's not real.

#tygermama #ask

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Welcome to a high cost of living city. To be fair, I also didn’t save up enough of a down payment for anything because I wasn’t anticipating the need for a move. But that’s a story for another time.

To everyone else reading this, build up a good liquid fund and go ahead and invest the rest.

How you been?

Thanks for asking. I'm pretty good, all things considered. I can't really complain. A little antsy since I haven't been writing, but I'm all written out.

How've you been lately?

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Congrats on the move and the fried chicken! Mostly the fried chicken, I hope it’s tasty.

(I’ve been looking at real estate and the prices are crushing me. Almost 1 million for a 3 bedroom place. Christ)

How you been?

Thanks for asking. I'm pretty good, all things considered. I can't really complain. A little antsy since I haven't been writing, but I'm all written out.

How've you been lately?

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How you been?

Thanks for asking. I'm pretty good, all things considered. I can't really complain. A little antsy since I haven't been writing, but I'm all written out.

How've you been lately?

#tygermama #ask

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sometimes I remember that Hanzo isn't real and feel personally attacked by that

You and me both.

(To be fair, I'm glad he's not real because I'd just fight him. Literally.)

#tygermama #ask