peniswithatophat

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They show you this at the gates of hell

Some pukicho fan art

@pukicho

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Next time a Christian tries to tell you off for winning remind them that heaven is just God’s fancy clubhouse and they probably just play weird board games in there or some shit

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Did you know: I am worthy and incapable of love

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Astronaut getting off spaceship: moons wet

Me: what?

Astronaut getting back on spaceship with a towel: moons wet

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I remember teachers in junior high saying stuff like “no you can’t go back to your locker to get a pencil. That won’t fly in high school.”

At my high school a kid wadded up a bunch of toilet paper balls, pissed on them, and the threw them all of the bathroom wall and the worst he got was a detention

#lies #that kid is a psycho #pissball #toilet paper and piss #high school

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To anybody that thinks women are the gentler sex, take a look at Serena Williams without feeling fear in your heart.

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To all guys wishing they were taller, just remember that average height is the best height. You are still taller than the average girl so those that are short will be fine with your height, and for tall girls you can let them feel in control and be bigger than you. I see no losses here.

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If you have ever wondered what middle school boys do at sleepovers, when I was younger my friend fell asleep early so I put shaving cream in his hand and tickled his nose with a cat toy and he woke up confused as hell covered in shaving cream.

#prank #middle school #shaving cream

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Here’s what I think about Columbas/indigenous peoples day. I don’t think we should change the name. Hear me out. I don’t think we should change it because we no longer have the notion that Columbus discovered America. He was not a hero. I think instead of having the day in honor of him we should have it with respect for those who have died. We should take the day to remember what happened, and how many cultures we lost. We should put Indigenous Peoples day somewhere else. On that day we recognize the Native cultures and celebrate these people. But don’t let their day be muddled by the memory of Columbus. Keep this day to remember what happened and don’t forget what kind of world we live in, and how we can change it for the better.

#columbus day #indigenous peoples day #indigenous #people #remember who we were #help change that

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Wily wonka is just count chocula in disguise

#count chocula #Willy wonka #chocolate #Halloween

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When I was in like maybe 8th grade some kid asked me if I jacked off with a super tight hand or a loose one. Isaac if you are out there what the hell

#what does that even mean #also #half the grade couldn’t masturbate #that had to go through multiple neural transmissions in your mind before you said it #not one of them stopped it?!?

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I wish I could convince myself to grow my hair out because I like men’s long hairstyles but every time my hair gets long I go get it cut.

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A girl I know just hit me up and I responded and she sent me a pic of her laughing that said “omg I didn’t know this was you.”

#damn #kinda hurts though #it’s fine

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Remember when your friends would come over to spend the night and you would play Call of Duty Black Ops Zombies for hours on end and eat pizza rolls? The good times.

#they all grew up to be racist. #I’m the only one that isn’t. #pizza rolls

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I like reading the comments on porn because half of them sound like Gordon Ramsey ghost wrote them. Things like “Incredible” “Fantastic” “Wonderful” and the rest are like sexual challenges “I bet I’d fuck better than that guy” “that’s what id to you”

#comments #pornhub #damn gurl #like get a life

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So I look a decent bit like Tom Holland, and today I was with a girl and she told me “I’d let Tom Holland rail me.” And now I will be styling myself after him.

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I’ve been working out lately and gotten a lot stronger so I forget that I don’t have to put effort into little things.

Why do I say this you ask? Well I just opened a jar of peanut butter and sent the cap flying across the kitchen in the wee small hours of the morning.

#damn #still dont have a six pack #but if a peanut butter jar tries to mug me ill win #no question