pretty-littleflaws

[pretty-littleflaws]

I got, being generous, around 4 hours of sleep last night. I'm beyond exhausted, but I'm ready to take on the day. Summers here and to start it off I'm challenging myself. Large hazelnut coffee with skim milk, after I've already eaten cereal at home. I get free coffee because Panara is next door to my work, and on days like today.. why wouldn't I take advantage of that?! #edrecovery #ednosrecovery #ednos #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorders #eatingdisorderrecovery #recovery #recoverywarriors #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #intake #mia #ana #ed #foodisfuel #myfood #staystrong #strongnotskinny

#recoverywarriors #ednosrecovery #intake #strongnotskinny #recovery #mia #eatingdisorderrecovery #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #ednos #staystrong #anorexiarecovery #ed #myfood #foodisfuel #edrecovery #eatingdisorders #ana

[pretty-littleflaws]

this pic is kinda gross but oh well. I went to Panara after work and got a cinnamon crunch bagel! I've been wanting to try one and I finally worked up the courage to order it! Things are going so well lately. #edrecovery #ednosrecovery #ednos #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorders #eatingdisorderrecovery #recovery #recoverywarriors #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #intake #mia #ana #ed #foodisfuel #myfood #staystrong #strongnotskinny

#recoverywarriors #ednosrecovery #intake #strongnotskinny #recovery #mia #eatingdisorderrecovery #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #ednos #staystrong #anorexiarecovery #ed #myfood #foodisfuel #edrecovery #eatingdisorders #ana

[pretty-littleflaws]

Lunch at work. this is my first time trying this protein bar and I actually really like it. It makes me feel kinda guilty because it looks like a candy bar but who cares anyways. #edrecovery #ednosrecovery #ednos #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorders #eatingdisorderrecovery #recovery #recoverywarriors #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #intake #mia #ana #ed #foodisfuel #myfood #staystrong #strongnotskinny

#recoverywarriors #ednosrecovery #intake #strongnotskinny #recovery #mia #eatingdisorderrecovery #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #ednos #staystrong #anorexiarecovery #ed #myfood #foodisfuel #edrecovery #eatingdisorders #ana

[pretty-littleflaws]

I FUCKING DID IT. I WAS SO SAD AMD SCARED AND EMBERRESED BUT I FUCKING DID IT. It's my best friends baby shower and I know that all my friends want a happy normal me again, and that's what they're going to get. #edrecovery #ednosrecovery #ednos #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorders #eatingdisorderrecovery #recovery #recoverywarriors #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #intake #mia #ana #ed #foodisfuel #myfood #staystrong #strongnotskinny

#recoverywarriors #ednosrecovery #intake #strongnotskinny #recovery #mia #eatingdisorderrecovery #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #ednos #staystrong #anorexiarecovery #ed #myfood #foodisfuel #edrecovery #eatingdisorders #ana

[pretty-littleflaws]

I said I wanted to work towards normal eating behaviors and so I am! My little cousin handed me her McDonald's Carmel mocha (?¿) coffee and said "try this". Rather than shutting her down like I normally would, I tried a sip! I was hesitant but I just said fuck it and tried it. I'm not skipping lunch because of that either. My body does not care about the difference in nutrients between a coffee and a bowl of cereal. It's all just nutrients. 😳😳#edrecovery #ednosrecovery #ednos #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorders #eatingdisorderrecovery #recovery #recoverywarriors #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #intake #mia #ana #ed #foodisfuel #myfood #staystrong #strongnotskinny

#recoverywarriors #ednosrecovery #intake #strongnotskinny #recovery #mia #eatingdisorderrecovery #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #ednos #staystrong #anorexiarecovery #ed #myfood #foodisfuel #edrecovery #eatingdisorders #ana

[pretty-littleflaws]

I got wasted tonight, and I feel so fat and guilty. I had so much fun though, I drank the most... And then ended up skinny dipping...(!!!!!!!) Before I drank I ate snack, so I couldn't try and back out or feel even more guilty. I know I shouldn't compare, but my friends ate WAY more than me, and they did not give a fuck. I think I need to realize that my body CAN handle extra calories too, I don't need to justify what I eat/drink, I can do whatever the hell I want. I keep telling myself I have to work out and I don't know if I can resist I feel so gross. I can hold back, I have to stay strong. I will stay strong god dammit. (I still feel so guilty and fat and gross and I wanna restrict but I know I can't and I won't ugh I hate this internal battle 😞) #edrecovery #ednosrecovery #ednos #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorders #eatingdisorderrecovery #recovery #recoverywarriors #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #intake #mia #ana #ed #foodisfuel #myfood #staystrong #strongnotskinny

#recoverywarriors #ednosrecovery #intake #strongnotskinny #recovery #mia #eatingdisorderrecovery #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #ednos #staystrong #anorexiarecovery #ed #myfood #foodisfuel #edrecovery #eatingdisorders #ana

[pretty-littleflaws]

I was running late and had a bagel for breakfast and I just found out my grandma packed a bagel for lunch too. Their usually my "fall back on" food so I'm used to two in one day, but not this early in the morning. I'm feeling the guilt already. Whatever, you do what you gotta do. #edrecovery #ednosrecovery #ednos #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorders #eatingdisorderrecovery #recovery #recoverywarriors #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #intake #mia #ana #ed #foodisfuel #myfood #staystrong #strongnotskinny

#recoverywarriors #ednosrecovery #intake #strongnotskinny #recovery #mia #eatingdisorderrecovery #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #ednos #staystrong #anorexiarecovery #ed #myfood #foodisfuel #edrecovery #eatingdisorders #ana

[pretty-littleflaws]

I had a long day today. I worked all day and for some reason nothing I ate filled me up. I ate normal amounts and everything, I don't know why it's happening but I don't like it. I've had a horrible body image, but my aunt offered me a sip of her "desert wine" and after saying no, I finally decided to try it and actually took TWO sips. It was scary, and my body image is worse than before. But I guess it's progress. I can't even remember the last time I've accepted something someone's offered me, or drank anything besides milk or water. I am feeling very guilty. #edrecovery #ednosrecovery #ednos #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorders #eatingdisorderrecovery #recovery #recoverywarriors #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #intake #mia #ana #ed #foodisfuel #myfood #staystrong #strongnotskinny #guilty #fml #ugh

#recoverywarriors #ednosrecovery #intake #strongnotskinny #recovery #mia #eatingdisorderrecovery #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #guilty #fml #ednos #staystrong #anorexiarecovery #ugh #ed #myfood #foodisfuel #edrecovery #eatingdisorders #ana

[pretty-littleflaws]

we are SO busy at work today. I've been doing good at keeping up with meals though, all is well. #edrecovery #ednosrecovery #ednos #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorders #eatingdisorderrecovery #recovery #recoverywarriors #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #intake #mia #ana #ed #foodisfuel #myfood #staystrong #strongnotskinny

#recoverywarriors #ednosrecovery #intake #strongnotskinny #recovery #mia #eatingdisorderrecovery #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #ednos #staystrong #anorexiarecovery #ed #myfood #foodisfuel #edrecovery #eatingdisorders #ana

[pretty-littleflaws]

Hey guys! I hadn't posted in forever, two boys from my school found this account so I didn't want to use it for a while. I just realized though, I don't care if people know about my recovery. It's not something I usually bring up, but if it is I'm not ashamed of where I have been or where I am. Recovery is the only way out. Anyways, lunch on the way to work! #edrecovery #ednosrecovery #ednos #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorders #eatingdisorderrecovery #recovery #recoverywarriors #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #intake #mia #ana #ed #foodisfuel #myfood #staystrong #strongnotskinny

#recoverywarriors #ednosrecovery #intake #strongnotskinny #recovery #mia #eatingdisorderrecovery #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #ednos #staystrong #anorexiarecovery #ed #myfood #foodisfuel #edrecovery #eatingdisorders #ana

[pretty-littleflaws]

Is your vegetarianism related to your eating disorder at all?

nope! It may have a couple years ago when I first made the switch, but I have come far in my beliefs and opinions. I do vegetarian meat alternatives, and make sure I get the nutrition I'm missing from not having the meat :)

[pretty-littleflaws]

hey honey i did just find your blog and i really like it and your intakes, the encourage me to go on !:) and i think it is always nice to follow people and to support them, so always remember I believe in you pretty ! xx

thank you so much!!!!

[pretty-littleflaws]

[pretty-littleflaws]

The 2nd, 3rd and 7th picture are of me now. They have all been taken within the past 3 weeks and show me insanely happy, healthy and alive.

I weighed myself this morning and found that I really have gained a few pounds recently and I am actually at my highest weight for over 2 and a half years, since I relapsed.

I don’t want to bore you all with crap that maybe you will not bother listening to but just look at the horrible shell of a person in pictures 1, 4, 5 and 6. Who would you rather be?

Recovery was the best decision I ever made. I got my life, friends and family back. I am so happy I stood on the scale this morning and actually smiled and my bigger belly and wonderful thighs.

I am not saying I am better, I do still struggle. But man it was so so worth it to get where I am now, to go out for pizza and eat lunch with mum and to eat ice cream everyday and smile and accept when people offer sweets. Recovery is so great.

Now I’m going to go for coffee and leave anorexia here, I am thriving and I am fighting

[pretty-littleflaws]

[pretty-littleflaws]

[pretty-littleflaws]

THE BEST PRO-ANA TIPS ON THE WEB!! 1) Turn off all the heat in your house and open the windows wide. Walk around in short sleeves and dip your fingers and toes in bowls of ice water every 10-15 minutes. This will do nothing to help you lose weight but it will help train you for the misery that anorexia brings in the form of being constantly cold. You are not allowed reprieve from this “feel the cold” stage as you will never be warm again until you recover. 2) Visit your hairdresser and ask her to pluck 25-50% of the hair from your head. While you’re at it ask her to over-process your hair with whatever chemicals she had on hand. If the over-processing makes you lose even more hair that’s even better. This step will get you used to the dry, brittle, falling out hair you’ll have once you’re nutrient deprived. 3) If you plan on purging you should visit your dentist and ask them to grind all the enamel off your teeth. While there also ask if they can pull out a couple of existing fillings. Your teeth will be wrecked soon anyway so you may as well get a head start and learn what it feels like to have super sensitive teeth once your enamel is gone. 4) Ignore all your friends. Don’t tell them why. Don’t do anything that would give them a chance to try and stop you from cutting them out. You will likely feel utterly miserable. Learn to expect that. You will feel miserable during every day of your eating disorder anyway. The loneliness is a key part of this misery. 5) If you’re in school you should throw away all your textbooks and order their equivalents in a foreign language. This stage will get you started on the cognitive difficulties you will suffer once malnutrition sets in. In a few months of anorexia you will feel like everything is in a foreign language anyway since you can’t read it because your malnourished brain has made you stupid. 6) If you have a job ask your boss to start withholding half your pay. With the amount of sick days you have once your e.d. is bad, you’re going to lose half of your pay anyway. This will help you get used to that. In 3 months you should quit your job with no backup plan. This will let you know what it feels like to be fired because your e.d. made you a lousy employee. 7) Throw away your calendar. Stop asking people their name. Leave your backpack and purse at home every time you go out. You need to learn what it’s like to live without a memory. As well as making you stupid malnutrition will rob you of your memory. Stand up every ten minutes to make sure you turned off the kettle/iron/tap. You know you are forgetful and you are anxious about that. Do this all day every day. You will soon forget why anyway as your memory becomes utterly useless. 8) Throw away all your moisturizer, body wash, anything that makes your skin soft and lovely. Like your hair you need to feel what it’s like for that to be dry and fragile. Think back to the last time you fell down a flight of stairs. With your malnourished body and skin you will feel like that every single day. You will wake up bruised and aching and scraped and you won’t know why. The answer is your e.d. The answer to all misery is your e.d. 9) Lock yourself in a dark room. Put up spotlights everywhere else in the house. Do not shower. Do not even wash your face. Play music that makes you sad. When it’s time for bed play a CD of a jackhammer. The ED will rob your ability to sleep well and you need to experience that. If all of this sounds like torture…it is. With this ED you will be sad, and scared, and panicked all the time. This emotional hell will rob you of the ability to do tasks as simple as brushing your teeth. 10) Write a list of every good thing you want out of life. Burn it. As long as you have an eating disorder that is all you will have. You will watch every good thing go up in smoke.

 (via suckitproana)