scytheknite

[scytheknite]

American Mary Part 2!

Can we just process that she didn't deserve to die?

Why did we kill off such a strong pro/antagonist?

They never bagged her body or stated that she officially was unalive....

Her legacy could continue.

She can heal in the ER; Lance could break her & B out, and they all could run to LA.

Disappear amongst the massive population and open a club dedicated to lost souls.

The only requirement is being something different.

A freak show amongst the traditional beauty; whether it be intellect, drive, or physical attributes.

Why kill off an antagonist that had so much more to offer?

A simplistic ending to a much more complex storyline that could have lasted for seasons.

#Americanmary #horror #thriller

[scytheknite]

– Audrey Hepburn

[scytheknite]

Fuck em.

[scytheknite]

If only they were able to accomplish desired tasks as quickly as they are to divulge into their past trauma. Maybe they'd be winning against their demons. Perhaps an EP would be prepared and available for others to learn from.

Instead, we make excuses. Push blame onto others. Hide from the one person who is only judging the things that directly affect them.

I wonder is this the same situation? Can they learn? Or am I once again in a situation with a creature that is unable to commit and surpass their history?

Alas, there is less physical aggression; will there be less manipulation? Or will they simply continue to be dismissive unless given a direct helping hand?

The masculine mind consistently evades me... as I continue to reconstruct my own life; it not only evades my mind; it bores me.

What can one anticipate if they are unable to control and construct their own reality?

If one relies on the minds of others to curate a consistent experience; how can that being expect to survive a lifetime of opportunity - without collapsing under loss of another?

It seems weak and uncontrolled.

- Yes, we do depend on one another; yet, I can't imagine becoming a hermit; but to become one so lost in one's own trauma that you are consistently incapable of helping yourself or others... to be so incapable that you expect someone else to completely control your home and develop you as a person is absurd...

To expect another to uproot and redevelop an entire person... I suppose it's just another task for the elite angels of society.

I'm not complaining, just processing; I've become a dark angel among society.

One that can redirect and alter an entire being for the benefit of our community.

I just wonder- will I ever be able to find peace? Or am I forever cursed to cure others and cause storms to redirect energy?

Will this experience become like the rest?

I digress.

I become tired of beings incapable of standing true to their own words.

Standing up to a polite dragon is equivalent to begging Poseidon for calm waters.

I might hear you; I might also be disappointed with your ability.

The gods always listen.

The might one exhibits... it is an audition for our assistance.

So I'm here. I showed them how to fix it. Will they?

Or am I left to do the groundwork while they attempt to get a grip with the reality one has procured?

How disappointing it has been to see one fall off their own trail. While being encouraged, loved, judged, and given space to relax.

One states they are strong and consistent.. all I see is a frustrated being and a lack of 50/50.

Side note- if one expects me to do 100% of the house work- you will pay 100% of the house. When one completes 50% on their own; then I shall provide the 75% asked. Other wise; tickle your own pickle and get your ass to work.

I wish others a beautiful rest of the year. While I procure and provide an ideal visual.

Congrats to those who have connected with those they love most.

Much love,

- SK APR 2024

#woke #tired #annoyed #mental health #poetry #fuck em

[scytheknite]

F*ck

This day, in this moment, I'm not sure where we belong. I never know where home is. I never feel like I am truly wanted. I fuck up every relationship I develop. I just want to take Aurora and run to a beautiful country with amazing food and culture. Every person that cares for me ends up getting hurt in one way or another. Even those that say they will be with me- I know its temporary. There will never be a being that commits to me and accepts all of who I am. I'm alone. Most stay around just long enough to gain what they need or until I drive them away. I find myself constantly fighting for a space in this world.; always looking for a feeling of contentment and undying friendship. There is never a direction to go that makes sense. Everyone I Love gets hurt near me. I have become a living being of Karma. It has become a lonely life. It always was and continues to be so. My family doesn't want or need me near; the loves I've found always leave or push me away. Even my friends that I thought would be there till the end are nowhere to be found. Due to my own actions; No denying that. I wonder if I will ever find a home that I just belong in. A home that will keep me, love me and support me. My sexual encounters are always measured by what the other person is willing to accept. My intimate relationships are thereby controlled by their willingness to participate in a consistent connection with a being such as me. It's unfortunate: but who am I to judge them... I couldn't say that I would make a different decision if I was in their position. I was born unloved. Raised almost as a competition; and will most likely never be truly wanted. A child born of force, tossed around to those that did not want the responsibility; and now an adult: shuffled from home to home consistently unwanted and undesired. I do wonder if ill find a home for us. A place we can call home and just be content. This life is lonely; Never able to truly express how I feel without others finding a reason to blame me for the emotions i've developed from their actions. It's difficult to be the person that forces others to see their truth. Being a karmatic being is not something I would wish upon another. We are hated and haunted. We are the reflection and confirmation of the things people choose not to assert. A force of heaven and hell that most are unable to accept. I lose control and say F*ck it. Why care when they don't? Why put in the effort when it's always going to bite me in the ass? I occasionally wonder if I had not been born// how peaceful and successful others' lives would be. There's not much here for me. The friends I've found are gone, the family i was born into is dismissive; Hell, even my cat prefers other people to me. Being alone seems... safer. For others and me, most don't deserve what I have to offer hell or heaven alike. Looking for a sense of purpose and placement has become almost defeating. After so long one starts to wonder if this life is even one worth living. It's become a bigger hassle to exist than to simply not. I'm not saying I don't bite my own self in the ass; it would just be nice to have someone. Just one person to call my own and be open with: truly soul matched. To a point where no one else matters and we have each other; I don't see it becoming a possibility. People pretend to accept you as you are; yet they always have something to say when you're gone. Sh*t; I'm guilty of it myself. I'm scared- and I'm rarely afraid of anything in this life. I know I can destroy and create lives for myself time and time again. Its sad though. To feel alone and have no one to genuinely express myself to. It's always a double-edged sword trusting someone and giving them your truth. To constantly wonder if the friend you have made is really just Foe; its a battle of the ages. One never knows if the people they entrust with their darkness and light will just dismiss or abuse you. Cheers.

#grunge #lost #lookingforpurpose #tryingtofindwhereibelong #unsure #isitalljusttemporary?

[scytheknite]

I'm losing my fucking mind being here. Repetitious poor pitiful me and zero actual excelleration. You want to see me at 100%? You don't. You really, really, really- don't. I'll make you look like a sad shrimp being devoured. You sinful piece of shit. The last thing you want to see me do is be at 100%. I will make your entire family wish they had found a dumpster to live in rather than even attempt to exist in a realm I rule. Watch me, don't touch me, and certainly do not ever deter me. It will be one of the last things you do in a reality I exist in.

[scytheknite]

What have I learned in the past 12 months? Fuck everyone. Literally. Fuck whoever you want. Dismiss whoever you want. People are a gigantic waste of fucking time. Never expect anything. Not what you give in return and certainly never give back what others give to you. I've seen nothing but pointless energy circled In a backwards ass loop of nothingness. I'm fucking exhausted. Humans suck. Aliens don't exist. And the rest of us are bored with the bullshit.

#dietysareoverthisworld.

[scytheknite]

Same shit different day. They provide millions of excuses as to why they are incapable yet very few reasons as to why they are in fact capable. Financial standing without intelligence, health, and genuine growth is nothing but that. A basic status minus the desire to grow. So what's the point? I teach you a lesson and I get a bunch of bullshit. So again. I ask, what is the fucking point? An argument with a man child covered in unclean material? We don't know. Yet here we are. Once again. With someone half available and consistently avoidant. Express yourself. Be you. Grow through what you go through. Or don't. That's your choice. Don't blame me for a lack of patience, observance, and stamina. If you can't match my energy that's your problem. Take care of your own shit. I don't need to fix it for you. #lost #why #confused #fuckingupurownshitonurowndime

[scytheknite]

𝕸𝖆𝖈𝖆𝖇𝖗𝖊 𝕬𝖗𝖙

[scytheknite]

Since our last meeting, things have become one giant rollercoaster. Legal interactions, dismissal of individuals, career changes, business ventures. It has all been rivoting and annoying.

I am looking forward to focusing solely on business and calm experiences alone. Human interaction has proven to be more tedious than useful.

Dating in this day and age seems as though there is an expectation with every dollar spent. I have become less interested in having any form of intimate connection. Sonder is still a miss. The few moments I do have with the diety are brief and tend to send me into an emotional spiral. Our emotional connection has not developed as his emotional intelligence is consistently lacking or hidden.

I believe this is bringing my dating chapter to a close and opening a more diligent way of life. Solely focusind on business ventures and health.

With 3 months o celibacy under my belt I dont see it becoming increasingly difficult to stay away from the premis of being with another being. Not that I want to at this point anyways. Ive tried caual dating, monogomus commitment, possible polyamorous commitment and to be honest none of it has brought me the same desired connection that is possible with Sonder.'

I think the experiences have been to teach me about myself and how to be able to maintain a positive connection in a partnership. With each connection cusping on sexual intimacy it has become time to completely shift my viewpoint and energy.

Stay tuned for a publication of ScytheKnites latest venture.

[scytheknite]

Nike from the balustrade of the Temple of Athena Nike [circa 410-407 B.C. | marble | height: 42″]

[scytheknite]

SISYPHUS 

by JF Lemay

[scytheknite]

‘if i can’t have love, i want power.’ halsey’s 4th album out august 27th, 2021. the album cover is inspired by ‘melun diptych’ by jean fouquet.

[scytheknite]

Burgonet: A mermaidlike siren forming the helmet’s comb holds a grimacing head of Medusa by the hair. The sides of the helmet are covered with acanthus scrolls inhabited by putti, a motif derived from ancient Roman sculpture and wall paintings.

Filippo Negroli (ca. 1510–1579)

[scytheknite]

Dating In the Modern Age, A recollection of My Lust filled Nights

I’ve been struck with the idea to experience dating freely. Simply for the fun and joy of being with and around different individuals; possibly resulting in a consistent arrangement or just a blissful experience.

So far it has been quite intriguing; an old friend, a gay man, and an athlete. Each experience- different and of its own. I would have to say my favorite date thus far was the calmest. Although it ended poorly, of some fault of my own- it was not a complete loss. I did gain a renewed love for reading and writing. 

Simply put, my uncontrolled energy can be a complete deal breaker. At this point I've begun to realize that being one’s true self on a date isn't exactly acceptable. It does seem men do not like challenges. At least these days. 

Regardless of age- anything short of an easy dip into your panties is not something they are interested in; those that are interested in more seem to have a finite expectation of what they are looking for.

Shall we begin?

The Hometown Love- As if from a hallmark film, I reconnected with a past love… Leaving myself in a very confused and annoyed state. As blissful as the night was, it culminated in me feeling rejected and as a bit of a slut. His interest in me was purely physical; even after a long evening of conversation and understanding of one another.

I believe I expected to have my feelings considered in the decision making process and was sent home in a rather unexpected way. Safe to say as attractive as he is there will not be a second date.

The Gay Man- A kind friend: he did not seem to truly understand his sexuality; only that he was interested in the taboo. A gay play was his favorite experience- A far step from mine. I will say it was fun, quite colorful, and all too emotional. My understanding and consumption of the taboo world is a conversation for another time.

His friendship is a quality I have come to appreciate over the past few weeks. 

The Athlete- Intriguing at face value, the lack of compatibility is quite apparent. Our last date ended with me in tears and uncomfortable with myself; resulting in a possible realization that I am not what he wants, needs, or would truly be happy with. 

Coming to understand these things was upsetting, yet eye opening. I would refuse to change the small bits of myself that are exciting and slightly masculine to be a subdued little princess. 

As a Queen does not allow a man- any man- to make her feel indifferent about herself.

The truly upsetting aspect of this arrangement was the undeniable chemistry. The desire we had for one another was intense… Our ability to work with and around each other was also quite beautiful. I truly enjoyed every part of the experience; aside from his inability to show true excitement and his rejection of my own. Having become fearful of my intoxication at any point- If and when I began to show any form of excitement he would immediately reject my emotion. Almost as if I had to be the perfect, calm, quiet angel; which is far from who I am. I am left in confusion as each touch was pure bliss, each moment appreciated, and each interaction was left with the desire for more. Perhaps I am not ready to change for someone else; perhaps he was not prepared to be with someone as outspoken as I.

In all three circumstances I am left with one question… Am I enjoying myself and is it something worth continuing? I would have to say yes, it is. I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know myself through this experience. However, I shall protect myself in the future. Leaving less of myself in the conversation and simply enjoying the experience itself.

As elusive as rules can be it is clear to me that there is a distinct line of what is accepted and what is not in the world of dating interactions. Uncertain that I will find what it may be that I am looking for- I have forgotten myself in the past and shall not do so again. This experiment is ultimately about my happiness and clarity of self. Listening to my inner intuition and regaining control of my life, I feel as though this has been a successful beginning of a new age. Looking forward to the future and cheering on the new year as I reign in my own realm.

Until we meet again, A Goddess of Knite

#love #social experiment #social expec #social affairs #self growth #self discovery