#lookingforpurpose

[scytheknite]

F*ck

This day, in this moment, I'm not sure where we belong. I never know where home is. I never feel like I am truly wanted. I fuck up every relationship I develop. I just want to take Aurora and run to a beautiful country with amazing food and culture. Every person that cares for me ends up getting hurt in one way or another. Even those that say they will be with me- I know its temporary. There will never be a being that commits to me and accepts all of who I am. I'm alone. Most stay around just long enough to gain what they need or until I drive them away. I find myself constantly fighting for a space in this world.; always looking for a feeling of contentment and undying friendship. There is never a direction to go that makes sense. Everyone I Love gets hurt near me. I have become a living being of Karma. It has become a lonely life. It always was and continues to be so. My family doesn't want or need me near; the loves I've found always leave or push me away. Even my friends that I thought would be there till the end are nowhere to be found. Due to my own actions; No denying that. I wonder if I will ever find a home that I just belong in. A home that will keep me, love me and support me. My sexual encounters are always measured by what the other person is willing to accept. My intimate relationships are thereby controlled by their willingness to participate in a consistent connection with a being such as me. It's unfortunate: but who am I to judge them... I couldn't say that I would make a different decision if I was in their position. I was born unloved. Raised almost as a competition; and will most likely never be truly wanted. A child born of force, tossed around to those that did not want the responsibility; and now an adult: shuffled from home to home consistently unwanted and undesired. I do wonder if ill find a home for us. A place we can call home and just be content. This life is lonely; Never able to truly express how I feel without others finding a reason to blame me for the emotions i've developed from their actions. It's difficult to be the person that forces others to see their truth. Being a karmatic being is not something I would wish upon another. We are hated and haunted. We are the reflection and confirmation of the things people choose not to assert. A force of heaven and hell that most are unable to accept. I lose control and say F*ck it. Why care when they don't? Why put in the effort when it's always going to bite me in the ass? I occasionally wonder if I had not been born// how peaceful and successful others' lives would be. There's not much here for me. The friends I've found are gone, the family i was born into is dismissive; Hell, even my cat prefers other people to me. Being alone seems... safer. For others and me, most don't deserve what I have to offer hell or heaven alike. Looking for a sense of purpose and placement has become almost defeating. After so long one starts to wonder if this life is even one worth living. It's become a bigger hassle to exist than to simply not. I'm not saying I don't bite my own self in the ass; it would just be nice to have someone. Just one person to call my own and be open with: truly soul matched. To a point where no one else matters and we have each other; I don't see it becoming a possibility. People pretend to accept you as you are; yet they always have something to say when you're gone. Sh*t; I'm guilty of it myself. I'm scared- and I'm rarely afraid of anything in this life. I know I can destroy and create lives for myself time and time again. Its sad though. To feel alone and have no one to genuinely express myself to. It's always a double-edged sword trusting someone and giving them your truth. To constantly wonder if the friend you have made is really just Foe; its a battle of the ages. One never knows if the people they entrust with their darkness and light will just dismiss or abuse you. Cheers.

#grunge #lost #lookingforpurpose #tryingtofindwhereibelong #unsure #isitalljusttemporary?

[menthosanna]

Vietnam - Nimh Binh and Sapa

Vietnam – Nimh Binh and Sapa

The Nimh Binh province is how I pictured Vietnam before I actually got here: green rice fields, little streams of river, hills, limestone and caves, bicycles and straw hats. I had my chance to bury the war hatchet between myself and bicycles. When I was little and I was learning how to ride one, I fell in the middle of the intersection and found myself surrounded very tightly by cars on all…

View On WordPress

#book #feminist #fitness #girls #girltraveller #healthy #independent #journey #life #lookingforbeauty #lookingforhappiness #lookingforpurpose #love #meditation #solotraveller #travel #vlog #words #writer #writing

[cogtooth-blog]

entries[0]

First entry.. and on such an oddly bummed out day.  Been going through this weird self-doubt thing today; feeling invisible and a little distant from people.  I guess I just feel like I want to contribute more to something, but I’m not sure what/how/why.  All of that on top of the idea that it seems impossible to focus on anything.  I don’t know.. I guess I just want something more out of life than a lackluster guild full of other dorks like me, trying to hide from their realities.

#adultingsucks #lookingforpurpose

[neethatruth]

I want yo be the star of my life instead of being the background in everyone else's. #timetolive #depressed #lookingforpurpose

[gimalx9]

#lookingforpurpose #nobodyonthestreet *idk why I am here*

[menthosanna]

Vietnam – The face of WAR

Vietnam – The face of WAR

I started my time in Vietnam in Saigon. Probably the first thing that noticed is how eficient they are here. We could all learn a thing or two from the Vietnamese in terms of efficiency. Fast in thought and sharp in moves, things roll very fast around here. To make it through the traffic you have to be a little bit suicidal, there are bikes coming at all time through all sides. Dont be like me to…

View On WordPress

#book #girltraveller #independent #journey #life #lookingforbeauty #lookingforhappiness #lookingforpurpose #meditation #solotraveller #travel #vlog #words #writer #writing

[menthosanna]

The Float Tank

Meditators, throw away your yoga mats and burn your meditation chairs, the future is here! Amazing experience, left from there feeling like I had a full night’s sleep, zero tension left in my body and nice smooth skin! If you meditate, say goodbye to back cramps and leg numbness, this baby took me where I needed to be in no time and with no effort!!

An isolation tank, usually called a sensory…

View On WordPress

#book #feminist #fitness #girls #girltraveller #healthy #independent #journey #life #lookingforbeauty #lookingforhappiness #lookingforpurpose #love #meditation #solotraveller #travel #vlog #words #writer #writing #yoga

[menthosanna]

Bali – Rough beginnings, happy endings

Bali – Rough beginnings, happy endings

Down the rabbit hole

The arrival in Bali was a challenging one. I landed in Denpasar Airport at 3AM after 12 hours of traveling. I was exhausted. I booked a hostel for 2 nights before my meditation course would start and I had to move in the resort. I wasn’t very thrilled about my stay at the hostel, so far it has been a hit-and-miss situation (not that I do it too often). But I learn fast, I was…

View On WordPress

#book #feminist #girls #girltraveller #healthy #independent #journey #life #lookingforbeauty #lookingforhappiness #lookingforpurpose #love #meditation #solotraveller #travel #words #writer #writing

[menthosanna]

Kung Si Waterfall

One of the most iconic spots of Luang Prabang is the Kung Si Waterfall. There are two ways to reach it. One is the main entrance with restaurants and shops, pass by the little zoo with the extremely entertaining moon bears and you are there. Pretty straightforward. Another way is to go from the other side of the mountain, walk through the Khmu and Hmong hill tribe villages, trek up through the jungle for 12 km all the way to the top and come down on the other side with the waterfall. The choice was obvious to me, I was going to trek up and down for 24 km and do it the right way.

In Laos, May marks the beginning of the wet season. By June, it rains almost every day, either a strong brief shower once or twice or a constant slow drizzle throughout the entire day. The day I did my trek was a combination of the two. It started with two strong showers that made everything wet around and everything muddy and slippery below. It continued with constant wetness pouring from the grey sky. Even with all this rain, the sticky rice weather stays strong so if the water below and the water above and around are not enough, you are also heavily generating your own waterfall of sweat.

So there I was, climbing for hours under the rain, ankle deep in mud, sweating and fighting with the mosquitoes with only a bamboo stick to help with the balance (it didn’t). And in those moments, with the roaring thunder in the sky and the land sliding beneath my feet, my mind was still fighting with the memories of lost love and work, work, work, the forever haunting work. Every time my mind would side track, my legs would slip, no fail. And I fell once and twice and three times and so on and I did not allow myself to get angry once because I knew it was my fault entirely. Actually, it was a fantastic instant reaction and lesson. You stray, you fall down in the mud and get all dirty. When I reached the waterfall and washed the mud away, I knew that the outside one might go away easily but the inner mud wont budge so fast. It is a constant up and down, I get it, I lose it, I slip in the mud, then I get up and clean and then I slip again.

Sometimes I even exhaust myself with this constant repetition of madness, with this neverending swim in the cold waters of the waterfall of contradictions. Inner centering and peace feel like a butterfly that briefly comes, stays for a second, then it flies away again. The faster I run towards it to try to catch it, the further away it flies. When I crush down tired, it comes again for a second and lays down on my head. And again I try to catch it and it runs away. Scientists concluded that monkeys are intelligent by their ability to learn from past experience, by watching them understand that if pulling does not open the door, then pushing it will do the trick. I certainly I am below them on the evolution ladder, in that case. My two stages of self worth vary between feeling like a slimy worm crawling slowly on the ground and a Nobel Prize laureate sitting on Oprah s couch, no in betweens.

  MandaLao Elephants

Later on I signed up for elephant trekking. I did it before but I would do it every day if I could. I love these majestic creatures with all my heart. MandaLao reservation is fantastic, the place if gorgeous, the way they treat the elephants is even better. It is run by a really nice Thai man, Prasop Tipprasert, with over 40 years of experience in dealing with elephants and you can really feel it. He told us the most fascinating stories about the way they live and how they locally grow all the food for the 250 kg each one of them eats daily. They sleep only 3-4 hours a night because they spend the rest of the time looking for food. If I thought my life was food centered, the elephants completely shamed me. They look at humans in the same way we look at puppies. Also similar to dogs, they can smell the endorphin and adrenaline we emit so they know if we are happy or sad or angry. Such smart wondrous animals.

Kip was their latest elephant, he was 2 years old and was born right there inside the reservation, through natural reproduction. Prasop looked very happy and proud giving us the details of how they finally achieved a point where can have them naturally reproduce and how they have a special place where all the elephant sanctuaries in the area are encouraged to send their elephants for some fresh air and love making.

We were also told some crazy stories about artificial insemination and how that works. The female and male reproductive organs are not as close to the exterior as the human ones. They are deep down inside, close to the top, where the spine is located. For them to be reached, the human hand must follow a dark unmarked path up the poopy hole of the elephant, all the way to the shoulder. And it takes 2 lucky men to do it. I am not exactly sure which one of them is luckier, the one that gets to shove his arm all the way to the shoulder and massage the testicles or the one that gets to stay under the elephant with a bawl and make the intuitive choice between whatever comes out first, be it pee or natural baby juice, all this while praying to Jesus and Buddha and Mohammed that it goes in the bowl and not on his head.

After all these fascinating stories, I got to walk with them, no hooks, no riding, nothing unethical, just a nice family of baby, mother and grandmother, all walking around freely and eating everything in their path. I got to touch them. Then I got bolder and I touched them more. Then I hugged them and eventually even kiss them. The skin was rough and muddy but it did not matter because all I could feel was love, so much love. In a strange way, I never got the feeling they are different, in a strange way I felt the same energy I would feel from a human, they felt so familiar as if I grew up on the same street with them and we visited the same coffee shops. So much wisdom in those kind eyes and a stare that pierced straight to my heart. I will be forever in love with them, that is a certainty.

You can find my previous article about elephants right here: https://alexandradinu.net/2018/04/03/chiang-mai-chiang-rai-and-lopburi/

I have only a couple of days left in Laos then I am off to Bali. Adventurous and exploratory Bali part will be towards the end of my stay. The first part will consist of 3 weeks within a meditation group with my amazing Colombian water witch Ambu. Ambu has been an Osho sannyasin for over 40 years of her life, was there when the resort in India was first open, when they built an Utopian city in the middle of Oregon, when they came back to Pune afterwards. I will go, I will meditate, I will move deeply into what it means to be a woman and leave from there certified to even do my own circle afterwards if I wish. This will be interesting.

Laos – Waterfalls and elephants Kung Si Waterfall One of the most iconic spots of Luang Prabang is the Kung Si Waterfall.

#book #feminist #fitness #girls #girltraveller #independent #journey #life #lookingforbeauty #lookingforhappiness #lookingforpurpose #love #meditation #solotraveller #travel #words #writer #writing

[menthosanna]

Always remember: the difference between a courageous man and a coward is not that the courageous man has no fear and the coward has fear – no. That is not the difference. Both have fear! in the same proportion. Then where is the difference? The difference is that the courageous man goes in spite of the fear, and the coward stops because of the fear. Both have fears!

Osho

Today has been a roller coaster of emotions. I am stoned out of my mind right now but I must write this down! So was I stoned the whole day? No. I woke up like a princess, had a lovely breakfast. Sat on my little table in front of the hotel, had some eggs with toast, vegetarian principles still strong, 3 weeks and counting. Read my book, had a pot of tea, watched the people passing by on the street. I booked a half day tour to the killing fields. I was told to brace myself for this one and I tried to but nothing prepared me for what I saw next. I knew nothing about the Kmer Rouge genocide. It broke my heart to see that, to be there, to walk down on the killing fields, between the skulls and bones and baby rags, to walk through those prisons, to read all those stories. It affected everyone, 1 out of 4 Cambodians died and the world barely even blinked. We all heard of Hitler but very few of us heard of Pol Pot. He was sent to good schools, spent some time in the royal palace, some time studying abroad in a nice Parisian university. Concluded that the source of all evil lies with the educated and powerful and the ideal society is the one from the villages, the way the regular folks live. In order to build his Utopian society, he decided that all the country s educated and powerful must be exterminated. So he evacuated everyone that lived in big cities, killed everyone with an education and sent the rest to the country side to work the field. He killed everyone that knew how to read, all the doctors and the lawyers and the artists, all the monks, everyone wearing glasses, all the people with soft hands. He killed all of them and all their families, cutting the grass from the roots. He destroyed 2 million lives, young and old, women and children, babies ripped from their mothers breast were held by their feet and got their skulls smashed on a tree and thrown in a ditch. He took young, uneducated kids from the country side, the ones that were easy to manipulate into doing the atrocious acts, gave them weapons and set them off against their own people. I walked on those fields and through those prison halls and my knees were shaking under the weight of my own mind trying to comprehend how something like this was possible. Whatever little sense I managed to make out of war after seeing Vietnam was falling apart. I concluded there that the reason was because they dehumanized the enemy to appear more as an animal but this could not work here. These were people from the same country, they looked alike, the grew up with the same culture, they spoke the same language. When you are holding that gun you are pointing it towards someone familiar, you understand what he is saying when he is begging for his life. They played the recording of a woman that was telling the story of how she tried to kill herself after 12 men took her to a field, raped her and left her there unconscious in a pool of her own blood. A crying mother that was remembering her 8 months old baby and how he was taken from her. A brother raging in vengeance, children that lost their parents. I am at a loss, I lost my hope in humanity, this makes me want to run as fast as my legs can run and live on top of a mountain by myself.

I dragged myself out of there crying and not knowing what to do with myself. And when I most needed hope, hope came and found me. I stopped at a pizza place after. A very famous Cambodian thing to do is to eat a Happy Pizza. Somehow, in spite of weed being very illegal in Cambodia as it is in most countries, it is alright for them to use weed on pizza. I cant explain it but there are hundreds of happy pizza places everywhere I go. So there I was, miserable, trying to eat some happiness. A little girl came trying to sell me bracelets and I invited her and her 3 brothers to sit down at my table and bought them some fried rice. The youngest one was 6 years old and the oldest one was 12 years old. Their English was really good for their age and they told me they learned it in school. They spend half the day in school and the other half on the streets trying to make money because their family is very poor. The oldest one was speaking to me as if he was in his early 20s even if he was just 12. He told me he doesn’t know what he wants to be yet but he knows he must stay in school because of what happened to his friend. His friend is older now and has a shop and is supporting his whole family because he stayed in school and he taught him that school is a way out of poverty. He used to be bullied a lot by the other kids because he was hungry and he got caught once eating things from the garbage but that did not make him drop out. I stayed there for 2 hours and listened to their stories and them rehearsing what they learned in school, singing songs and saying riddles. This country went through so much but all these struggles and all this poverty is raising a generation of fighters.

I left that place with a smile on my face and hope for the future. I was walking down the street towards my hotel, my earplugs in and my head in the ground thinking of everything that I saw that day. I saw with the corner of my eye a scooter heading towards with me with 2 men wearing checkered shirts and masks covering their faces. When they passed me, I saw the one in the back reaching his hand towards my front purse, where I was keeping my phone and my wallet. I saw him so clearly, as if he was moving in slow motion, I saw that dark hand with the fingers spread, ready to grab. And I hit that hand as hard as I could with the bottle of water I was holding. I did not stop, I did not run, I slowly turned my head as they passed and said MOTHERFUCKER through my teeth with all the hate boiling inside me. He turned his head too, he heard me and they kept driving away. I did not chase them, I was alone and running after 2 guys on a bike in a dark alley would have been a stupid move. My heart was beating so fast I could feel it in my throat. Another bike pulled right next to me with an old man trying to tell me something but I told him to leave me alone and I walked faster. I turned the corner and I could hear footsteps behind me so I walked inside a restaurant and stood there looking confused at the waitress. The steps behind me followed, it was another man that sat next to the table I picked, looked at me with flirty eyes and tried to ask me where I am from. I told him to go fuck himself and to stop following me and I ran out of that place straight to my hotel room, happy that no one followed me this time. I got inside, locked the door and put a chair against it. I threw myself on the bed and sat there holding my head, trying to understand what just happened. First thing I felt was relief because there were many occasions where this could’ve gone terribly wrong but it didn’t. This time I reacted, I did not just sit there frozen and paralyzed. I saw him and I reacted and that is already a sign of improvement, that I am becoming more aware of my surroundings and not just of victim of them. But then came anger. Why did I not react stronger?? Why did I not grab him back, why did I not throw my bottle or a rock or something at them? Why must I be made to feel so helpless?? I have so much anger and violence inside me, I wish I had a gun to shot them all in the head. This event woke up things I buried deep inside a long time ago, moments I also felt powerless and frozen, moments I never allowed to define my life. But it seems that I cannot bury it deep enough, the anger will find any reason to bubble up to the surface. This is not the first time where I venture out of my princess castle, growing up on the streets of Bucharest I had people sticking their hands inside my backpack since I was 8 and back then, all I had for them to steal were a bunch of colored crayons. It is not the first time men follow me on the street either, I have mastered the art of telling them to fuck off long before. But maybe it was the fact that they all happened in the span of 5 minutes, after having diner with the street kids, after spending my day on the killing fields walking through the graves, while high on pizza. It was something about the way that whole day happened that made me lock myself in the room for the next 2 days. I sat in bed and watched anime for 2 whole days straight, eating only take away happy pizza from across the street. I only got the courage to go outside the room after I bought myself a ticket out of Cambodia and straight to Laos. I came out of the room like a bat from inside a cave and realized how foolish I was to jump the gun like this. This is just a place like any other place, the capital of any country is going to be loud and dirty and overcrowded but it will also have a nice big variety of people and beautiful buildings and events to attend. Maybe Cambodia has a wilder element to it is but absolutely understandable considering they had to rebuild everything 30 years ago and again, it is not much better anywhere else. So it is not the place, it is never the place. But I cannot deny either the fact that for the first time, I felt unsafe, truly unsafe. But it is not the place. I wish it was the place, then the plane ticket will be the ultimate solution. The real reason is the event and not even the real event as what that tickled. There is a soft spot there and the unfortunate thing is that I carry the soft spot in me so no amount of running will make it go away. There is a soft spot with the feeling of safety and being unable to protect myself. The agonizing pain of feeling helpless is the root. Is this root tied to the fear of loneliness? Maybe, I am not sure yet. But I can sense a direction and I guess this is something that I will figure out at some point in Bali. For now, at least I found a question.

“Courage will kill you as much as fear, but fear will simply kill you without giving you a new life. Courage will give you a new life. Choose courage – always choose courage.”

Osho

Cambodia – Roller coaster of emotions Always remember: the difference between a courageous man and a coward is not that the courageous man has no fear and the coward has fear – no.

#book #feminist #girls #girltraveller #healthy #independent #journey #life #lookingforbeauty #lookingforhappiness #lookingforpurpose #love #meditation #solotraveller #travel #words #writer #writing

[menthosanna]

This past week has been absolutely crazy. From climbing on top of Laos to diving under the Gulf of Thailand in Koh Tao, it kept going and going, rush, after rush, after rush. And it still was not enough, I still had the feeling that it was not enough. I am eating adrenaline with a big spoon, shocking my core with anything that electrocutes.

After Laos I headed towards the 3 big islands in the South East of Thailand: Koh Tao, Koh Phagnan and Koh Samui. I started in Koh Tao, which was my favorite out of the 3 but maybe that is because there I had the most fun. I stayed in Sairee beach and it was probably the longest stop I had since I got to Thailand, a whole 4 days break. That was because I enrolled into a diving course and the certification took 3 days with 1 day break in between for Songkran, the Thai New Year. The Thai new year was so much fun, everyone is in the streets with water guns, everywhere water fights, they clean away the sins of the past year and start the new one fresh. Back to the diving part, the course itself was great, my instructor was so much fun, a bubbly Scottish girl that only sounded Scottish when she was not paying attention. Not so happy with my group, got stuck with some american girls that for the sake of anonymity I will call NomNom, DumDum and Ditsy. All the time spent between their ”wasted” stories made me lose a little bit of my faith in humanity. But that still worked out fine, under water you cant hear anyone. And how amazing it is to be underwater! We spent some time doing theory and pool exercises and finished off with 4 dives. The last one was my favorite, dive number 4 at Shark Rock. Throughout my many episodes in the depression series, under water was a recurring theme. I kept sinking and sinking and no amount of swimming could keep my head above water. Now I purposely went under water, I kitted up and jumped in and went down on the bottom (20 meters certified, baby!) to see what exactly it was down there that was calling me and terrifying me at the same time. A cushion of corral and sea sponges, banks of colorful fish and a million other life forms, there is a whole different world down there. A beautiful world, a world that moves in its on rhythm, a world where you float like a mermaid and allow the gentle rays of sun to lead your way. I loved it, I was there for either minutes or hours, I dont know because time goes by differently under water. It felt a bit like meditation. There was no past, no future, no lost chances and missed memories, no speculative turns of events, no bad outcomes, none of that. Most of the time it wouldn’t even be me and my diving group, just me, the fish and their hypnotizing moves.

And that was when I saw it. It swam right above me, so close I rushed swimming towards it and I almost caught up but the instructor caught my fin and pulled me back, telling me to stay. Apparently it is not the smartest thing to do, chasing a great whale shark. He swam right above me, with his gang of little cleaners, looking majestic and beautiful. It was a baby whale shark, maybe 4-5 meters long. What an amazing creature! I was told I am very lucky to have spotted one, that even though this is a spot where one would generally find them, to actually see one is not common for most people. And I did feel lucky, it felt like it came for me. On the bottom of the sea, at the lowest point I have ever been at, as soon as I reach it, I look up and it s there, right above me. Maybe this is my sign. Maybe I am meant to be on the bottom of the sea, in both theoretical and practical terms. Diving is for sure something that will stick with me for the rest of my life, I fell absolutly in love with the world down under. But also in my life, maybe I just lost sight of the valuable. Maybe I tried to fly too high and like Iccarus, my wings caught on fire and I came down crushing into the deep blue, my arrogance weighing heavy around my ankles like a chain, dragging me down to the bottom. The shark whale looked so calm and peaceful and undisturbed. It told me I am home, I am where I am supposed to be right in this very moment.

Koh Tao was beautiful and I think it will always have a special place in my heart and I would lie to say I did not consider staying at least a little bit longer, maybe even dive a little bit deeper. But my journey is different now and I have to keep on moving. I cannot allow myself to be tricked by this little island, I know so well that behind it, still lurking in the shadow, is the fear of the unknown. My mind is so smart, so conniving, so set on its own self preservation that it constantly tries to trick me. But I will not be fooled, not this time. I see you!

So I moved on to my next stop, Koh Phagnan. Most people know this place as a party island. I found out where the parties were and I strategically positioned myself on the complete opposite side of the island. The place there is quiet and beautiful, I enjoyed my time like that. I cannot fit with the party crowd anymore, no matter how much I try. It bores me to death, there is nothing happening, everyone sits around looking awkward until they get drunk enough to try to pick up a dead body to spend the night with and then forget it every happened. There is nothing there for me. I love how I can find weed in random little bars here and there, I can pick it up all nice and rolled together with some nice food, I can have it in front of the ocean with some nice music or a nice book or a good talk. Cheers to all the Happy Bars out there! You make the world a better place!

I found a little spot right down from Utopia Resort, a snorkkeling spot. It is positioned right on the side of a cliff, its a good climb through the jungle to get to it and back. Once you reach, you jump off the side of the cliff straight into the water. There are many, many colorful fish, big and small, a lot of rocks and coral formations, many things to see. To come back up there is no ladder, just this rope on the side of the rocks that can help you climb back up. I got quite a few injuries going back and forth from that place, I cut my hands and my legs, I bruised my knees, I even got an ear infection after and for the past couple of days I ve learned to rely more on my right ear during human interactions. My heart and spirit are wild and adventurous but I am unfortunately very clumsy and my body is pretty fragile in spite of how I treat it or where I want to push it. But it was worth it! If the world was flat then that would have been the perfect place for it to end. Jungle down a mountain, abrupt cliff, clear turquoise close to the shore, endless deep blue melting into the horizon. And I stayed there on the rocks, all by myself, bare breast and salty skin, meditated peacefully.

Koh Samui was my least favorite out of the 3. Maybe I went to the wrong place but it felt like a combination between Pattaya and Koh Phagnan. Very touristic place, many rich Chinese and Russians and Israelis, hookers and souvenirs on all sides of the road. Not my place, did not like the energy, stayed there a day and left. Pretty sunrise thou.

Now I am on my way to Koh Lanta. I have 3 more days left in Thailand and I will spend them on the south west side of Thailand, around Krabi and Phuket. Soon will be time to start thinking about Vietnam.

  Koh Tao, Koh Phagnan, Koh Samui This past week has been absolutely crazy. From climbing on top of Laos to diving under the Gulf of Thailand in Koh Tao, it kept going and going, rush, after rush, after rush.

#book #feminist #girls #girltraveller #healthy #independent #journey #life #lookingforbeauty #lookingforhappiness #lookingforpurpose #love #meditation #solotraveller #travel #vlog #words #writer #writing

[menthosanna]

Bangkok - A love and Hate relationship

Bangkok – A love and Hate relationship

By the time I arrived to Thailand from India, I was exhausted. It took me 15 hours of traveling with Indians in those Indian airports, changing 2 planes, breaking my headset and breaking the home button on my phone so it is safe to say I was not a happy bunny. First impressions were not the best ones, it was certainly not love at the first sight. The first thing I found out was that in spite of…

View On WordPress

#book #feminist #fitness #girls #girltraveller #healthy #independent #journey #life #lookingforbeauty #lookingforhappiness #lookingforpurpose #love #meditation #solotraveller #travel #vlog #words #writer #writing #yoga

[menthosanna]

The old stoic

Riches I hold in light esteem;

And Love I laugh to scorn;

And lust of fame was but a dream

That vanished with the morn:

And if I pray, the only prayer

That moves my lips for me

Is, ‘Leave the heart that now I bear,

And give me liberty! ‘

Yes, as my swift days near their goal,

‘Tis all that I implore;

In life and death, a chainless soul,

With courage to endure.

by Emily Jane Brontë

View On WordPress

#book #feminist #girls #girltraveller #independent #journey #life #lookingforbeauty #lookingforhappiness #lookingforpurpose #love #meditation #solotraveller #travel #words #writer #writing

[menthosanna]

Satori Part 4– Beauty, Truth and After effects

Satori Part 4– Beauty, Truth and After effects

“Nobody can say anything about you. Whatsoever people say is about themselves. But you become very shaky, because you are still clinging to a false center. That false center depends on others, so you are always looking to what people are saying about you. And you are always following other people, you are always trying to satisfy them. You are always trying to be respectable, you are always…

View On WordPress

#book #feminist #girls #girltraveller #healthy #independent #journey #life #lookingforbeauty #lookingforhappiness #lookingforpurpose #love #meditation #solotraveller #travel #words #writer #writing #yoga