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autisticmob · 4 years

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HELLO everyone i am now ten days out from my tiddy surgery so i think while everything is still fresh-ish in my mind I should get a rough timeline of how things went for me, just so anyone having similar stuff done in the future can have it as reference??

so under the cut is how shit went down, warning we are gonna be tmi about it for Max Information Dissemination, i will be talking about IV placement, Needles, Bleeding, Bruising, Bathroom Stuff In General, etc. so like. Be Warned.

OKAY SO what did i have done and how did i get it:

- i got a bilateral breast reduction with a “T,” “keyhole,” or “anchor-shaped” incision. this procedure, unlike double-incision top surgery, does not detach your nipples at all, but it DOES leave a decent hunk of breast tissue behind to avoid the nip graft. this connecting tissue keeps your nip attached and supplied with enough blood to survive. that means with this one, theres basically a limit to how much they can take off, and it depends on how big you are to start off with.

- i went with the T-incisions because as a NB person, I wanted to sidestep the “gender-confirming surgery” route with my insurance. technically, I believe it would have been covered if i had gone through the process of talking to a therapist and getting a note that the surgery WOULD help confirm my gender, but i suspect it would have taken much longer, and I was afraid that my doctor and community resources would not have ended up approving me FOR the surgery since I don’t exactly fit the typical trans narrative. and luckily for me i had Massive, Spine-Bending G Cup Tiddies to contend with. so every doc that took a look at me said “yeah, you need those taken care of for medical reasons.” so i thought hey, let’s see how far this will get me!

- i talked to my primary care doc about my back pain and mentioned i’d like to look into a breast reduction, and she referred me to a local surgeon who could do the procedure. at the time i was still entertaining the idea of double-incision, but as it turned out, this surgeon just didnt do that. but i knew for certain my insurance would cover him, his results were good, and he was local, so i said yes to the T-incisions, which he said would likely get me down from a G to at least a C. it wasnt my ideal scenario admittedly, but frankly the back pain was getting to be too much, and i needed it to be addressed sooner rather than later.

- i had a consultation with the surgeon in early december, and they took pictures and measurements to send to my insurance so they could confirm the tits WERE in fact Too Bomb To Live. Doc said that it varies between insurance companies, but most will have a minimum amount of tissue that needs to be taken off, in grams, from each breast. he was like, “your insurance needs at least 1000g total removed, which’ll leave you on the small side, is that cool?” and i was like “My Man, take AS MUCH as you possibly can, im sick of these” and he was like “cool, makes my job easy then.”

- it took my insurance like 1.5 to 2 months to get back to me, but late january the surgery place called me and we set a date for february 5th, 2020!!

PRE-OP:

- before i went into surgery, the hospital made me go over my medical history with them over the phone, informed me of all the risks, and gave me a special scrub kit to shower with at home for the last 2 days before the surgery

- fun fact this soap will make your whole bathroom and body smell strongly and exactly like a hospital and it is gross as hell if you hate hospital smell

- i also had to go to my primary care doc to get the OK that i was healthy enough to go under general anesthesia, and also get some blood tests and a urinalysis done. i fucked up the urinalysis tho (which is a whole other story) so i had to redo that the morning of the surgery when i got to the hospital anyway.

- when i scheduled my surgery they also gave me a list of things i had to NOT DO before i went in. this included stuff like avoiding herbal medications and non-prescription supplements and not drinking any alcohol for like 2 weeks prior to surgery, and not eating anything after midnight the night before surgery.

- then it was SURGERY DAY!!!

- i went in with uhhh a LOT of anxiety about what everything would entail, ngl. i knew i had to do it because staring down the barrel of life with tiddies forever was way scarier than surgery, but yknow whenever you go under general anesthesia they legally do have to let you know that you could die and thats just a lot to consider, PLUS the whole thing involves just, really mangling your torso so like. its a lot! its okay to be scared!

- both my parents went with me for moral support which i appreciated a lot, but i didnt actually see them much since they had to spend a lot of it in the waiting room.

- when i went back with the doc they had me Wash The Tiddy Off with some antiseptic and change into a gown. i got some grippy socks out of the deal which is probably not a universal experience, but this hospital did it so shoutout to them for the socks i guess

- then they asked me all my medical history stuff again and checked me for any like, rashes or open sores or anything. i had some Tit Zits but they did not seem to be worried about that.

- then the surgeon came in and drew lines on me for the incisions. bro when i saw how high up my nips were gonna be i was losing my damn mind. this is one of the really exciting parts, because you finally get to really visualize what your end size is gonna be!!

- once he was satisfied with how everything looked, they started really Prepping Me For Surgery.

- they hooked me up to a blood pressure cuff, a heart monitor, and some compression leg thingies that would inflate and deflate intermittently around my calves to help me not get blood clots. this felt weird but tbh also like kind of a nice massage

- then the iv placement. bro im not lying when i tell you this is the worst part. the nurse numbed me with some lidocaine before placing the needle and let me tell you that shit HURTED. lidocaine Stings and Burns when it hits and this was arguably the most painful part. but the good news about that is it means nothing else after that is all that bad. and i got THREE lidocaine shots because these two nurses could NOT find my blood anywhere. they finally called in their ringer (an EMT named kirk, s/o to kirk) who got that sucker in my arm with NO numbing and NO pain in like, 2 fucking seconds. i pray you all have a kirk. kirk knows where your fucking blood is and hes not gonna fuck around getting to it because he JUST wrestled a drunk dude into an ambulance like an hour ago and compared to that this is nothing. kirk had sleeveless scrubs. im obsessed. anyway.

- then they put a plastic, inflatable, heated blanket over me? it was between two regular blankets so it wasnt as uncomfortable as you might imagine, but it was strange. warm tho so that was nice.

- THEN they wheeled my bed down to surgery. i was having so much anxiety at this point it was like... dreamlike. getting wheeled into the OR was just surreal. i was like, no thoughts head empty, just taking everything in.

- once i got there the surgical team was very cool about keeping me calm tho. they were playing their like, pump-up music and one of the guys was like “hey fyi about halfway thru the surgery we will be turning the lights off and having a rave, just in the interest of full disclosure. promise not to leave any glowsticks in there tho” and i was like what no i would LOVE glowstick tiddies

- i had to kinda roll from my bed onto the operating table, which was significantly harder and smaller. that kinda made things feel real, so i got a little more anxious at that point.

- to help me calm down they had me breathe in some straightup oxygen thru a mask while they hooked my iv to the fluids and such, and the guy was like “WHOA you got some lungs on you dude” and i was like yeah thanks im recovering from hyperventilating

- then they let the anesthesia into the iv, letting me know the whole time what was happening, talking to me until i was just OUT, which was not a lot of conversation time because i was out in like 5 seconds or less. they didnt make me count down or anything, but i promise you it was nigh instantaneous.

POST OP

- it really was instantaneous. i know everyone says that but it really is the truth, it feels like the whole thing takes seconds. like one moment youre laying there in the OR feeling the drugs Hit, and the next youre waking up in the little wake-up room feelin kinda groggy with a nurse talking to you, and youre still druggy so youre just rambling to her about how fucked your voice sounds right now and as soon as shes contented that youre basically lucid they start wheeling you to your room where youll ACTUALLY stay while you recover.

- THE THING I WAS THE LEAST PREPARED FOR WAS MY THROAT

- your throat will Hurt afterwards, but even more than that, you will be producing So Much Mucus. my surgery took about 2 hours and during that time, all my muscles were paralyzed by the anesthesia, including my lungs, so i was on a breathing tube. my throat, understandably, hated this, and started producing Gallons Of Fucking Mucus to protect itself. it then continued to do this for the next two days or so. the nurses were encouraging me to breathe deep and cough Hard to combat this, and avoid getting pneumonia, so i did. but THAT hurt the tiddies. it was really a vicious cycle. but its necessary because god if i had to have pneumonia on top of all the other recovery shit?? god. 0/10 wouldnt recommend. so it might hurt but dont worry your tiddies wont bust open or anything.

- i spent basically the rest of the day still hooked up to all the machines i listed earlier, PLUS a thing that would beep at me if my heart rate went too high, which it did a lot because i have anxiety, but luckily the nurses didnt seem too concerned. it really kept my breathing on track though because if i didnt breathe deep enough my heart would shoot up super fast and it’d beep and god that was just annoying and im pretty sure that was The Point. you kinda have to get used to breathing again, and the beeping trained me.

- they gave me like a bunch of crackers and a huge mug of water to work on at my leisure. i actually had lunch pretty quick after waking up? i know a lot of people have nausea issues from anesthesia but i didnt experience any of that. i DID move like a fucking sloth while i was eating tho. the pain meds and general grogginess of recovery slowed my whole body down sooooo much. my mom was actually like “are you okay??? like neurologically??????” and i was, totally, i was just. on slo-mo.

- anyway i didnt have to get catheterized for this procedure thankfully but they DID make me measure my pee every time i went to the bathroom. like i had to pee in a little bucket attached to the toilet and the nurse had to come check it every time and i felt really weird about that. so idk just be prepared for that i guess lmao

- also idk if it was the pain meds or the anesthesia itself but post-op, i couldnt shit for like a week. the constipation is real so get u some fucking laxatives asap when you get home, this is not a joke lmao

- they also had me put on a belt every time i got up so the nurse could hold onto me in case i decided to fucking biff it. they got me up a couple times throughout the day/night to walk up and down the hallway outside and get my body used to being upright again

- oh speaking of i never got to lie down completely flat, they had my bed locked at like a 30 degree angle minimum to help with... something. im not quite sure what, but im not gonna question it

- when i got up the next morning they had a couple nurses come in and help me un-bandage so i could shower and finally look at what the tiddies looked like for the first time!! and it was exciting but i didnt cry like i expected lmao i think i was too drained and too distracted by the bleeding

- the bleeding wasnt too bad actually, just little beads kinda coming out of parts of the incisions between the stitches. but once i got in the shower obviously stuff started getting diluted in the water and it looked like a lot more than there actually was, so dont be alarmed by that!

- SHOWERING: its a little complicated. youre not supposed to soak the incisions, and youre not supposed to apply direct water pressure or actually touch them at this point. so what i had to do was get a washcloth wet and soapy (with antibacterial soap, i think it was hand soap honestly. hand soap’s what ive been using at home so........) and then just kinda. squeeze it at your collarbone and let it drip down over everything kinda minimally. its kind of a process but it works fine. washing your hair and like, tbh literally everything else is gonna be hard. reaching over your head is hard and scary at this point. i will admit my hair care Suffered the first week.

- then i got bandaged back up and they got me back into my own clothes and ready to go home! they also put a bra on me over the bandages in my new size. i was only there for about 24 hours total, since i didnt really have any complications.

- on the ride home i had to make sure the cross-chest part of the seat belt was NOT touching me. if whoevers driving you hits a pothole, your soul WILL exit your body tits-first for a moment. im sorry if you live somewhere like here in nebraska where the roads are garbage but its not gonna be fun.

ONCE YOU’RE HOME!!

- i live at home with my mom and sister and if you live alone, id try to have a friend basically move in for the first week. you will need Help with things. basic things. you’ll mostly want to sleep because of the pain meds but those made me pretty dizzy so it was cool having my mom around in case i like. fell on the way to the bathroom and died or anything like that.

- changing bandages is really kind of a 2-person affair too, and youll have to do it at least once a day post-shower, so keep that in mind.

- the bleeding is like, not that bad after that first day honestly. i never had to change the bandages more than just the once per day.

- basically from here the procedure is just to take it easy, get up every few hours and walk around a little to keep the blood clots at bay, and enjoy yr new silhouette basically

- worst thing about recovery honestly? im a stomach/side sleeper, and i cant manage anything other than laying flat on my back with my arms at my sides right now, and thats just like.... idk i really cant sleep like that. its not comfy. ive had to set up kind of a pillow fort around me to keep me from rolling over in my sleep bc im afraid i might hurt myself accidentally like that, but idk how well-founded that fear is.

- i will say as someone who did have back problems before this, the difference is IMMEDIATE. i literally had better posture like Day 1. im still a little hunched over because the stitches create a bit of tension in your chest, but like literally it was instantaneous. god. once i got healed to a point that i could like, kinda relax and not be so fucking tense all the time? back pain has basically just been GONE.

- other fun things to notice: i had some pretty significant stretch marks before, and now they are running in a completely different direction. i crossed my arms over my chest the other day and they actually touched my torso for the first time in like, well over a decade. if i close my eyes and try to grab my tiddy from muscle memory, i stop like a full 3 inches from where my tit actually starts now. the size i am now, just like, freeballing it? this is how i looked when i wore a binder before. if i wore a binder now i imagine id be completely flat, and honestly if i layer up at this point you cant really tell that i have anything more than the average chubby dude’s moobs, which as a kinda chubby person is totally fine.

its a trip relearning what i look like and what im supposed to feel like but its just. such a fucking improvement over where i was. absolutely no regrets, regardless of how hard recovery has felt at times. anyway i hope this information is at least interesting and maybe helpful to anybody considering anything similar!!

#words #top surgery #breast reduction #info post #again yall lemme know if you have questions abt anything i didnt cover here i tried to hit all my bases but u never know #teat yeet

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craftycupcake27 · 7 years

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The Party

Sirius Black x Reader

My heart was beating faster and faster as we walked into the family home of the Blacks. I glanced nervously at the crowd .

Purebloods.

I hated these pureblood parties that my parents dragged me to. They were excrutiatingly boring, and so dull. The pureblood families got together every now and then to brag about their riches and accomplishments. Boring stuff. And it was another excuse for parents to find suitable brides and grooms for their children.

My eyes went through the crowd of people, searching for just one face. Eventhough I shouldnt be doing that. Its been over a month since I last saw him, and we had had an awful fight before vacation began. He didnt even write to me. And his silence just drove me mad.

I found myself in the huge dining room. The long table was laid out with lots of food, and people were already sitting around it, talking and eating.

Thats when I saw him.

Sitting at the table, with a bored expression. Leaning back lazily on his chair. He saw me and sat up straight, running his fingers through his silky black hair.

"Y/N ! Come on now !" My mother's sudden appearence startled me. I stood staring at her with a hand against my chest.

"What is it, dear ? " she asked, seeing my expression.

"You scared me, Mum !" I said, as she took my hand and led me towards the table.

Most of the seats were taken, except for one where my mother sat, and two others on either sides of Him.

Sirius Black had that smirk on his face now. He knew I will have to sit next to him.

"Sit !" Mum urged me, as I hesitated.

This is going to be a long night, I thought as I walked up to the empty seat and sat. He looked at me, and I just gave a nod of acknowledgment.

Sirius and I were pretty close. We were very much inseparable. We have been together for 3 years now, and he still gave me butterflies in my stomach.

We had quite a nasty fight about a month before school closed for summer. I happened to see a Ravenclaw girl pushing him against a wall like she owned him, and trying to kiss him. I was way beyond jealous, and we got into a fight. I knew it wasnt him who did anything. But I didnt see him pushing her away either. I was just too heartbroken to reason with anything. And we havent spoken since. He tried while at school. But I didnt give in.

I tried my best, but I just couldnt resist sneaking glances at him. Both of us played with our food. I took ocassional bites to satisfy my mother, who was eyeing me from across the table.

Just as I was about to put the spoon to my mouth, I felt his hand on my knee. I dropped my spoon and it hit the plate with a loud clang. Several guests looked up at me, and Mum was glowering.

"Alright there, sweetheart ?" she asked in a sickly sweet tone.

I nodded, and I felt his fingers tighten around my knee. I bit my lip, not knowing what to do. I grabbed my goblet and took a big sip of water. His hand slid up.

Thank god for the elaborate and frilly table cloth !

"Sirius, dont you dare !" I hissed at him, swatting his hand away.

He smirked again.

An old wizard sitting next to Sirius' father Orion Black, asked him something. Sirius turned to face him, and spoke. His fingers were still stroking my thigh, and it was sending shivers down my spine. I put a hand over his, and squeezed it, to stop his fingers from moving. He continued talking with the man, as his fingers slowly intertwined with mine.

I missed this boy. I missed the way he touched me, and said my name. I missed everything about him.

As I felt a heaviness in my heart, he moved his hand again. My stomach did flips at that. I knew this wont go well here.I held his hand again, and moved it away from my leg. I got up.

Excusing myself, I almost ran out of the dining room.

It was my first time in his house, so I didnt know where to go. I just went up the stairs, and found a door that opened into a small balcony. I stood, with my hands on the railings, breathing heavily.

I didnt know how I managed without him for this long. I couldnt do it anymore. I needed him. I needed Sirius Black.

Just as tears began to sting my eyes, I felt a pair of arms around my waist, and Sirius' scent filled my nostrils. He pulled me against his firm chest, kissing the back of my neck. I just held his hands to me tightly, not wanting him to let go.

"You're bad Sirius Black" I said. "You're so bad"

"Im sorry, Princess" he said, and turned me around to face him. "Forgive me"

He leaned forward to kiss me, and he lifted me off the floor. I pulled away, hearing some footsteps.

"Someone will see us " I said, looking over his shoulder.

"Come on" Sirius said, taking my hand. We ran up the stairs. And he opened a door, pulling me in with him. And I immediately knew it was his room. Before I could actually take a look at it, he pushed me against his door, and kissed me again.

"Owww" I said against his lips, making him laugh. He moved his lips down to my neck. "Sirius ! Our parents are downstairs !" I said, pushing him away.

"So what ?!" he said, grabbing me again. "No !!" I said as he came forward again.

He stopped, and pouted.

"Where have you been ? Did you even bother to write to me ?!" I asked.

"Im sorry Y/N!" Sirius said, looking defeated. "I didnt know what to do ! You wouldnt even look at me ! Besides, homes been hell -"

I knew what it was like for him, and I felt bad for being so hard on him.

"Please, Y/N?" Sirius said, takng my hand in his, and kissing it.

"I missed you, idiot" I said, hugging him. Sirius smiled and pressed his lips to mine again. His hands arms came around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

"I love you, baby" he said, kissing my nose. "I love you too " I said, smiling.

* * *

I stood in front of his mirror, fixing my hair, as he sat, watching me. He strolled towards me slowly, with a sad look on his face.

" I dont want you to leave" he said, standing behind me, with his hands on my waist. "Lets run away"

I turned around and kissed his cheek,laughing.

"We might have to" I said, and put on my shoes.

"Just a month more till school starts" I said, and went to the door. "Love you, Black"

* * *

"Where have you been, Y/N !" Mum hissed as she saw me.

"Umm...bathroom" I said, shrugging.

"Come here ! There is something important" said Mum, grabbing my arm and leading me into the dining area.

"Found her, have you ?" Walburga Black was speaking to my Mum.

"This is her" Mum said, giving me a little push.

"Hmm" Walburga said, as she touched my cheek, trying to bring out a smile.

"She is perfect !" I stood staring at Sirius' mother.

"Ah ! There ! SIRIUS !" she bellowed, making me jump.

I turned to see Sirius looking at us with wide eyes. I was sweating now. Shit, have they found out about us ?!, I thought, my heart racing.

Sirius came to us slowly. He looked at me cautiously.

"Mary, I hope you've met my son before, Sirius " Walburga said, and Mum nodded, smiling at Sirius.

I felt another hand on my shoulder, and turned to find my Dad, smiling down at me. Why were they all so happy ?

"I think its time to tell them, Orion." He said. Sirius' father nodded and looked at his wife.

"Well, we have decided to join the Y/L/N and Black family " Walburga began. "And as the two of you are so well suited for eachother..." Sirius and I stood frozen.

Is this for real ?!

"The wedding will be soon after your education at Hogwarts is complete !" Mum added happily, smiling at Walburga.

Sirius and I exchanged glances, still unable to react.

Walburga came forward to hug me.

"Welcome to the family, Y/N" she said, struggling to bring about a smile.

Sirius finally smiled as my parents embraced him.

"I think this is great !" Mum exclaimed. "We have so much to do now !!" Just as our parents began their own conversations, Sirius looked at me.

"I cant believe it " I said.

He laughed.

I had to join in. Sirius put his arm aound me, kissing my forhead. Maybe this wasnt such a bad party, after all.

#sirius black #sirius black imagines #sirius black x reader #sirius orion black #sirius black oneshot #sirius black fanfiction #the marauders #harry potter #hogwarts #padfoot #ben barnes fanfic

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chipsanddespair · 6 years

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((Continued from Parts Iand II))

Pain.

Searing, white-hot, soul-crushing, heart-rending.

The end of all things.

The only word Katherine could think to describe it was torture. In truth, it was twenty-four hours and nothing more. It might as well have been twenty-four years for the glacial pace at which time seemed to crawl.

A single day. One more day of pretending, one more day of acting. One more day of being someone she wasnt. One more day under her mothers tyrannical thumb.

Breakfast was its usual, agonizing affair. Alone in the grand dining room but for the hellish company of her mother and the silent acquiescence of the servants. Her mother was her usual caustic self, a constant stream of nitpicks and criticisms. Her hair wasnt done up properly, her dress was tied poorly, she didnt eat like a lady. When Katherine accidentally let slip a small burp, the scowl on her mothers face was nothing short of murderous.

The rest of the day passed in its usual, mind-numbing fashion. Lessons, etiquette, the dozen equally pointless tasks of a Lady. She glanced repeatedly out the window, whenever she could spare a second, watching the sun as it peaked and began to descend. She was even less attentive than usual as she counted every second until it was safe to retire to her room.

When at last she did, she leaned against the shut door with a massive sigh. Seventeen years of desperation and resentment, or feeling like a prisoner in her own home, flowing out of her as she imagined her new life.

The sun finally vanished below the horizon over the ocean, an eerie purple glow the only vestige of it left. She stripped herself of her dress and and donned the same simple clothes she had worn the night before and pulled the hat onto her head, tucking her long hair up inside it. At last, she pulled out the necklace, their freedom.

Instead of the smaller flat shoes, she fetched a larger pair of boots from the back of her wardrobe, stolen from the work crews. She fastened the necklace around her ankle and carefully tugged the boots over it, hiding it, uncomfortably but hidden. All the while her heart raced with anticipation, approaching the greatest moment of her life.

She gathered up her few worldly possessions and packed them in a small satchel. The sack of gold she stole clipped to her belt. She extinguished her candles, and put her foot on the sill of her window. Turning back, she gazed about the room. Her room. Her prison. Strangely, she felt no sense of loss over it. It was the only space in her seventeen years that was wholly her own, yet it was never anything more than a place to hide from the misery. It brought her no joy of its own.

One thing did give her pause. She sprinted to her desk and found a small bit of parchment and a quill.

Father,

I will be sorry forever that I leave without the chance to tell you goodbye. I believe in my heart that someday I will have the chance to apologize. However, I think we both know this life is not for me, that my heart belongs elsewhere. I am leaving for a life of my own, to find my own joy and sorrow. I love you, Father.

Farewell,

Katy

She folded up the note and took it to her closet, along with a long box. She tucked it underneath the blade of the sword and stored the box in the back of her closet. She wouldnt be taking it. He would find it there.

She jumped to the window and out into the night air one last time. Sad to not have her father to say farewell, but joyous at the life before her.

The docks smelled heavily of salt, the crashing waves closer than ever. Katherine sat on the edge, feet dangling toward the water as she waited for Amelia to arrive.

For the first time that day, a true smile dawned on her face when she heard the voice behind her. She leaped to her feet and turned, their eyes meeting once more. Katherine bounced across the docks and threw herself into the taller girls arms. Without warning, she pressed her lips to Amelias for a moment.

I take it youre itching to go then. Amelia chuckled as they broke apart.

That obvious is it?

Amelia nodded, smirking still.Well need to hurry then. Ive already spoken to a captain and hes willing to give us passage to Booty Bay, no questions asked. Hes a scoundrel, though, he wouldnt settle for less than three hundred gold.

Katherine pulled up the pouch.Ive got five.

We may have to hand over it all to get private quarters on the ship. His crew looked even less honorable.

They moved along the docks, Katherine following Amelia until they reached the appropriate pier. It was certainly a seedy place after dark. Burly men wandered the dark, working or drinking, sometimes both. They glanced with raised eyebrows as the oddly dressed pair walked past.

The captain and his ship stood at the edge of the dock. He looked particularly untrustworthy and greeted them impatiently.We dontave all night, loves. Lets ave the gold and well be on our way.

Katherine glanced at Amelia, who subtly nodded her head. Katherine unclipped the bag and handed it over to him.An extra two hundred for a private place to stay the trip sound reasonable? She ventured.

Whatever you want, girlie… He stood aside and gestured up the gangplank.

Katherine went first moving to step up onto the ship. Suddenly, the captain reached out and snapped his hand around her wrist.Hold up, sweetheart. Theres just one piece of business before you board.

She whipped around to Amelia, hoping she would know what this was about. Amelias smile faded too and she looked confused. Everything after that seemed in slow motion. Amelias body jerked. For a moment, Katherine didnt understand why. The girl slumped to her knees, and Katherine saw why. A crossbow bolt was embedded deep into her back.

She screamed. Or did she? The world seemed to have lost all sensation. Everything was dark, silent. Katherine jerked her arm free from his grip and jumped toward Amelia, but the captain wrapped his arm around her shoulders and held her there.

Her sapphire blue eyes, Amelias emerald greens. They locked as Katherines chest was rent in two. She felt the burning tears begin to fall. She tried to reach for her but her arms were held back.Two of the dockhands stepped in and grabbed Amelia under the arms.

Katherine screamed. And screamed again. She called her name, begged for them to stop, but they dragged her away all the same. Amelia was a mirror, reaching out for Katherine, screaming and crying.

A figure emerged from the shadows and Katherines heart fell to the absolute lowest it would go. Renira Whiteholm, her mother. Looking absolutely out of place among the grime and grunge of the docks.

Ive told you for the last time, Katherine. You are going to obey me.

Katherine felt dead inside, tearing her eyes from her mother to watch, now in silence, eyes and face reddened with despair and rage, as Amelia was dragged, screaming into the crowd. Renira approached the captain and handed over a note, one thousand gold from the vaults of KulTiras.

The captain thanked her and shoved Katherine forward into the grip of her mother. She didnt fight. She couldnt. Her eyes were on the spot where Amelia vanished into the throng. She could still hear her screaming.

One of the burly men approached Renira.Wha you want us to do wit the otha one?

Renira waved her hand dismissively and the man wandered off. From out of the crowd, Amelia screams echoed, piercing into Katherines ears like a knife. Then, in an instant, they were silenced. Cut off. And Katherine didnt want to know why.

Was it even pain?

It felt more like emptiness, nothingness. A despair so deep and a hurt so intense that it felt as though she had died. A mere phantom possessing her body, waiting for the final moment to pass on.

She stood in her room, her mother before towering over her, silently stoic. But there was rage in her eyes, pure hatred of her own daughter.

Katherine felt a sting as her mother slapped her fully across the cheek. Her head snapped to the side but she didnt feel the pain. She turned her head back to face her mother, defiant but dead inside. The tears had stopped, there were none left inside her. Without a word, her mother stormed out, slamming the door behind her.

Katherine fell to her knees, utterly broken, completely devastated. Her dreams had been shattered, her only love stolen away. Her eyes stared unblinkingly at the door. Slowly, the emptiness in her heart began to fill. Rage. Fury. Hatred.

After a while, she moved to stand and felt something scrape her foot. She removed her boot and stared at the necklace tied around her ankle. Its hiding spot had worked. She still had it. Far more quickly than the anger had come, it faded. She removed the necklace and stared into the emerald facets. She saw more of Amelias face than her own. She loved Amelia, and felt in her heart that love returned.

Amelia wouldnt want her to hate. She would want her to live. She rose to her feet and clenched that small spark of freedom in her hands. She still had hope. She heard Amelia screams in her ears. Fresh tears came to her eyes, but she blinked them away, and the screams were replaced with something else.

She crossed to the window and stared out at it. Five words ringing into her ears from the abyss…

To the moon…and back.

((This one was HARD to write…….))

#chips #despair

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chipsanddespair · 6 years

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