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artaxerxesthegreat · 1 year

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Secrets and Trust

A/N: This is my first ‘song fic’, and boy was it a rollercoaster of emotions. Not sure why I wrote this, and I’ll probably delete it later, but for now I’ll share it with the masses. Please note, this is kind of sad and horribly written.

Warnings: MDNI, 18+ only, reader is the middle sibling of T'Challa and Shuri, Song fic [Lift me up], not alpha/beta read, angst, a lot of angst, sadness, so much sadness, in universe death, BPWF spoilers, non-gender specific, one curse word, mild gaslighting (?), alludes to drowning, implied smut, T’Challa might be OOC, K’uk’ulkan might be OOC, family hurt, slice of life (?), enemies to lovers to enemies to lovers. Again(?), I used the original script for some parts

A/N2: If I missed anything, just let me know. I usually write WOC fics, so this is my first non-gendered fic, I hope I did alright.

A/N3: All rights to Ryan Coogler and everyone that helped him make this wonderful movie. Song credit to Rihanna and co.

K'uk'ulkan/Namor x POC!Sibling!Reader

“No matter what happens, I will always be with you.”

That’s what my brother said— that’s what he’s said since the day I was born. A promise he has kept, no matter what.

Lift me up

Hold me down

“Come, jump in! I will catch you, I promise!”

His smile— bright, shining, radiant, warm… full of mischievousness.

“You are lying, T’Challa!” I shout back, a smile ever present on my face.

“Aye, what are you talking about? I would never, scout's honor.” He salutes me, standing up straight, but I just shake my head.

“You have never been a boy scout, T’Challa!”

The river we were swimming in was full of joy and laughter.

My heart never felt so full.

Keep me close

Safe and sound

“It’s okay, it’s alright.” My brother holds me closely as the realization of our Baba’s death finally takes its toll on me. I was so strong for so long, fighting the pain I felt— being the emotional rock for our baby sister, but seeing his sarcophagus being taken from us to the Hall of the Kings, sent me over the edge.

I cried for days.

Burning in a hopeless dream

Hold me when you go to sleep

Keep me in the warmth of your love

When you depart, keep me safe

Safe and sound

“Are you alright?” T’Challa’s soft voice breaks the silence that I’ve been trying to hide in. When I don’t answer him, he turns me over to look at him. Tears, still running down my face, tell him all he needs to know. Wrapping me in a tight hug, he lets me cry until I can’t cry anymore.

It feels like hours go by before I finally speak.

“Is it really true?” My voice is hoarse, tears dried on my face.

“… It is.” His voice is as soft as ever.

“And you are sure there is no cure?”

He doesn’t answer right away, only sighs, staring up at the ceiling as we lay side-by-side. That’s all I need to know, I can feel the tears beginning to form in my eyes again.

But I fight them, clearing my throat, I ask the question that tips the scales.

“And you want me to keep it a secret?”

Now he looks at me, sadness in his eyes, regret in his body language.

“It is wrong for me to put such a burden on you, but mother and Shuri are not ready for this. They will never rest to fight this illness, and I will not live the rest of my days in a bed. I am the Black Panther— and I will be the Black Panther until I cannot. My duty is to my country, my people, and my family. One little illness— curable or not— will not change that fact.”

My lip quivers, as a tear rolls by, wiping it away fiercely I ask, “How… how long?”

“About a year.”

The tears all but gushed out my eyes as I hugged him tightly, all the jokes we’ve made about him losing weight, being the skinniest Black Panther to have ever lived. Even about M’Baku using him as a toothpick after he is done eating his vegetables, all came rushing back as the news of his illness hits me twice over.

“I am so sorry, my brother.”

“What for?” He pulls back with a confused smile.

“All the insensitive jokes we’ve made. They were wrong, uncalled-for, and I am sorry.”

“Don’t be.” His smile— as bright as the sun, as calm as the sea.

“… We only have a year?”

“Yes.”

Nodding my head, I look at him with conviction, “Then let’s make the most of it.”

Lift me up

Hold me down

Keep me close

“You should be resting!” I hiss at him, but he just smiles, leading me to a small house.

“There will be plenty of time for that, but first you must meet someone— someone important to me.” Again with that warm smile, I simply smile back as we walk into this unknown house, “What does a man have to do around here to be welcomed?”

“T’Challa, what are you—” I start to chide my brother, when the sound of running feet and a child’s voice interrupt me.

“Baba!”

A small boy runs into my brother’s arms, hugging him tightly. Shocked, I simply stare at the two, and when they look at me… it’s the same smile, the same eyes, the same warmth.

“Oh… T’Challa.”

Safe and sound

…“You said, ‘no matter what happens, you’ll always be with me’… but I can’t feel you anymore, brother. Your warmth is gone, your family is lost without you, your mother and baby sister are full of regret and guilt because of your secret. Your smile is gone, your soul is gone, and I don’t know what to do. How am I supposed to go on, when you never told me what to do when you are gone?! How am I supposed to be strong?! That was you, I, I can’t do this on my own… I need help, T’Challa. Please, bring me a sign— a sign that tells me you are here with me, guiding and helping me. I beg you, brother, do not abandon me.”…

The cool night air hits me, making me shiver as my small fire has died down. I made my way to a secluded part of the river tribe, trying to understand why my brother did things the way he did; from keeping his illness a secret, to his son.

I know why, but… why?

Why have me keep all these secrets, why put that much faith and trust in me? Why leave me so soon? Why couldn’t we have more time?! Why was he taken from us?!

“WHY?!” My scream travels across the water, my knees give out as I sob on the shore.

Then there’s a sound.

Fluttering.

Bird wings…

“…what…” Looking up, I see the bird—well, it's not a bird. It’s a man… a man with wings on his ankles, “What…?”

I should be worried, I should be terrified, I should be calling for the Dora Milaje, but I don’t. I stare at this man, this otherworldly being, with confusion and wonder. Who is he? Where did he come from? — He’s wet, did he swim here? Is he a fish? —A fish with wings? Are there others like him? Is he alone? Why are his clothes so ancient looking?

Then he laughs.

Realization sets in, I’ve said all this out loud.

Embarrassment takes hold of me, I cast my eyes to the sand beneath me, “I am sorry, stranger.”

“You are not at fault, Querido.” (Dear one) His voice is a calm baritone, his eyes as dark as onyx, his smile… as radiant as the sun.

Awestruck, I simply stare up at his man. His smile widens, and I have to look away, remembering myself.

“I’m sorry.” Bashful, I cover my face.

“Again, you did nothing wrong.”

A sense of peace fills my spirit, one I haven’t felt in a long time; all thanks to this stranger, I finally feel safe.

Drowning in an endless sea

Take some time and stay with me

Keep me in the strength of your arms

Keep me safe

“Really?! Threats! That’s how you introduce yourself to my mother, are you crazy?!” My voice echoes off of the cave walls. I know full well that Attuma and Namora are standing right outside his hut, but I couldn't care less, “My mother, my sister– hell, even the council are losing their minds on what to do about you!”

He had been silent the whole time I was ranting— a good 5 minutes— but at the mention of the council, his eyes burn.

“My instructions were simple.” His voice is calm, but there’s an edge to it that angers me further, “This proves that Wakanda cannot be trusted.”

“Trust?!” My anger spills over, “How can you speak of trust when YOU threatened MY family, and my country?! How can you sit here, in your hidden little hut, painting your little pictures, living in your perfect little world when you barely give my family time to process the existence of a whole civilization living underwater?! You speak of trust, but show none— you haven’t given us a reason to trust you?!”

Not missing a bit, he replies, “Have I not trusted you? Did I not bring you here, to my people, my kingdom, my home— treated you with the utmost respect, deserving of a god, sheltered you when you needed an escape from your ‘home’? Tell me, In yakunaj.” (My love)

I see red, “This coming from the man who still has not told me his name.”

“I have told you—”

“—No,” I hold up my finger, stopping any more words from falling from his lips, “No, you told me what your people call you, what your enemies call, but never have you told me what your friends call you— what your mother called you.”

My voice grows soft towards the end, but where I’ve calmed down, he’s picked up; a blind man can see the anger in his face. I’ve stepped too far over the line, and the caves are quiet, too quiet. No one says anything, no one breathes too loudly. As time stretches on, it dawns on me that I was never meant to know his name.

Casting my eyes to the ground, I nod in understanding, walking to the hut opening. Looking over my shoulder, I hold my head up high, fighting tears.

“I’m sorry.”

This time, he didn’t forgive me, this time he didn’t stop me.

This time he didn’t save me.

Safe and sound

… Sirens, singing, floods, screams, pain, panic, death— all of it surrounds me, all of it chases me.

There is no escaping it.

No Black Panther.

No warriors.

No winged god to take me away.

Just fear, snaking round my throat, closing tightly around me until I can’t breathe.

Right when I think I’m going to pass out from the shock of it all, he shows up.

Still as breathtaking as the day I met him— still as deadly.

And his eyes.

Vengeance, revenge and… regret…?

My mother stands tall, Riri is scared, I… I don’t know what to feel.

… Water, screams, broken glass, cold water, no air… it’s too much

And yet.

Not enough…

… Opening my eyes, I cough, spitting out copious amounts of water. It burns so much, my eyes are stinging, my ears are ringing. I hear Shuri screaming, but I’m too dazed to process it; until my vision clears, landing on our mother.

“You did this!”

“It could have been different.”

“Bury your dead, mourn your losses. In one week’s time, I will return with my entire army.”

…

“Where are you, T’Challa?”

…

Lift me up

Hold me down

Keep me safe

Safe and sound

“Wakanda only needs one Black Panther, and you made it, Shuri.” My sister looks at me shocked, “If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t have this, you take it.”

“But… but how can I be… You are next in line.”

“And as the next in line, I am telling you to take the herb, take up the mantle of the Black Panther, protect our people because I cannot.” Fighting tears, I push the herb in her hands closer to her, “There is too much— too much you do not know, and I cannot with good conscience take this herb. Please, sister, do not make me take it.”

Shuri can see how difficult this is for me, and nods, assuring me that she will do her best.

“That is all I ask for, my dear sister.”

Burning in a hopeless dream

Hold me when you go to sleep

Keep me safe

We need light, we need love

The sound of the battlefield was all I could hear; that and the pumping of my blood in my ears. I’ve always known the Talokanil were skilled fighters, but never did I think I’d be fighting against them. Many I’ve clashed my blade with were friends of mine, but in war, there are none.

We are enemies… oh how I wish it were different. This is not how it should be.

Then my sister’s Sunbird comes by, her helmet is off, her stance is strong.

And next to her… is him.

“Talokan, retírar a! Volvamos tin wotoch. K ba'ate'lo' waye' ts'o'ok u beetik.” (Talokan, stand down! Let us return home. Our fight here is done.)

A feeling of relief washes over me, I look at my sister as she salutes us, “WAKANDA FOREVER!”

“WAKANDA FOREVER!!” We echo back victorious. Our enemies— no, our new allies make their way back home, and I’m left feeling empty. Their king is the last to leave, our eyes never meeting, words never exchanged. My sister knows something is wrong, even when we get back home.

Then I tell her.

I tell her everything.

From T’Challa’s secrets, to my affair with the underwater king.

She leaves… angry, confused, sad, and feeling very much alone.

I thought it best that I leave Wakanda for a bit, but where would I go? My life is here, and yet… it doesn’t feel like home anymore.

Nakia offered me a room in her house in Haiti, but I couldn’t go there, not while my sister is clearing her head there.

So I begin walking along the riverbank, I watch the sunset, feeling a rush of emotions— good and bad.

…“Brother…” My eyes are closed as I feel a breeze blow by, “Thank you. Thank you for your protection, your love, and for keeping your word… I was too focused on my anger and pain to realize that you were here the whole time. You have guided me, challenged me, and made me strong— stronger than I could ever imagine, and for that I thank you.”

Sitting down in the sand, I dig my toes in it, drawing nonsensical patterns, “My days seemed so grim and dark without you here, but I finally am starting to feel the sun again. It’s light, finally making these bones warm again… I do hope you forgive me for telling Shuri everything, she was less than pleased, and rightfully so. I wish you could have met… him, though. If you were here, there may not have been a war to begin with… I miss you, T’Challa, and I miss him.”

Bringing my knees to my chest, I cry.

I’ve been doing so much of that lately, it’s annoying, it makes me angry— it makes me feel weak.

And yet I cannot stop.

I’ve heard that crying is supposed to be therapeutic, that it makes you feel better afterward, but I only feel sad and foolish.

Only my brother wiping away my tears, telling me everything is going to be alright made me feel better, but he isn’t here anymore.

So I cry more.

“I-I know… I have to move on, I have to let you go but—” The warmth of the sun is gone, and back is the darkness that has had a hold on me creeps in, “I need help, I need strength… and forgiveness.”

…

“You have done nothing that requires forgiveness, Ch'ujuk.” (Sweet one)

My head snaps up at the voice, the voice I’ve heard more times than I should have. The voice that made me cry with laughter, and cry with anger and hate.

He sits next to me, staring out at the water; his clothes are that of a poor man, bandage on his foot from where my sister clipped him.

“My, how the mighty have fallen…” I couldn't help myself, and he doesn’t say anything. Just glances at me, giving me a weak laugh, “… I’m—”

“I swear, if you apologize one more time, I—” Now he turns to me, annoyance in his features as I snap back, because I want him to finish his sentence.

“—You’ll what, fishman?”

A challenge is what I’ve presented him with, one he’s faced many times before, all ending the same way.

Me beneath him, in the best of ways… but that was before.

Now we stare at each other, debating on what to do next. Do we give in? Do we act as if that war from a few weeks ago never happened? The words that were said… the actions, and consequences of those actions.

No.

It won’t ever be the same.

And it will only get harder.

“… I should have listened to you.” His voice and words catch me off guard, “There was a better way to make myself known to your people and your family. It never should have gotten that far, and I…”

I watch him closely, waiting to hear the words, so I can tell him to fuck off and dry out on a beach somewhere, but as the seconds tick on it gets suffocating.

Tears are in his eyes, “I am sorry, U Majestad (Your majesty). I was scared, rash, and reckless. I should have consulted you— shown you trust…”

lift me up in your arms

“It doesn’t matter now, does it… Namor?”

The pain etched on his face at the use of that name riddles me with guilt. But he deserves it, and he knows it.

(Hold me down) I need love, I need love, I need love

Lifting an arm out to me, he watches me with bated breath, hoping I’ll accept his side hug.

And against my better judgment, I do.

(Keep me close) hold me, hold me

Warmth, safety, sunshine— sunrise and sunset.

(Safe and sound) hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me

More tears. More crying.

But this time… comfort.

(Lift me up) hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me

“You can hate me for all eternity. I deserve that, and more— but please… do not call me that name.”

I nod, trying not to sob uncontrollably, “What should I—”

I’m silenced with a kiss, a soft one that turns mournful and needy rather quickly. He kisses the air out of my lungs, and I have to push him back to take a much-needed breath.

A sound of discontent leaves him, but he kisses the tip of my nose, resting his forehead against mine.

“Ch’ah Toh Almehen.”

(Hold me down) hold me, hold me

“What?” I say breathlessly.

“My name.” He runs his thumb across my cheek, “Ch’ah Toh Almehen.”

I place my hand over his, pull my head back, staring at him, completely beside myself. After a year of being with him, telling him my heart's desires, my hopes and dreams, never did I think I’d hear him tell me his name.

His name.

Smiling, tears run down my face again as I hug and kiss him.

“I like it…”

His smile is bashful, warm and inviting. Leaning in to kiss him again, I whisper.

(Keep me safe) we need light, we need love

“Ch’ah Toh Almehen.”

-----

The end (Horrible, I know)

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tumblunni · 5 years

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An underrated good part of Maddiman's characterization that makes him both more redeemable and more terrifying is how he genuinely does not seem to know that what he is doing is evil.

Like in yokai watch 3 he sounds genuinely confused that the three turtle yokai wouldnt want to be "improved" by being fused together. He genuinely cared about them and apparantly treated them quite well because they loved him too and didnt want to leave even though they didnt want to fuse together. And all it took to get him to stop was someone simply explaining why this was bad, which he was completely surprised by yet also instantly trusted and believed even though you were someone he'd only just met and had no reason to believe was trustworthy. Like he's just so goddamn nice and friendly like that??

Seriously its so interesting how his personality manages to be so ridiculously ludicrously cute and nice even when he's doing mad science doom! And i think its interesting cos it feels like they had to develop him this way in order to get him to become the complex character they wanted in yw2, when all the evidence seems to point to that not being planned at the time of yw1. Seripusly he acts so OOC when you look at it in retrospect! Justa generic scary doctor minion of mckraken, and clearly didnt have the backstory planned cos why would a human yokai join the anti human group? But this strange personality duality allows them to retroactively make it more in-character to this new character they made for him, without needing to retcon anything.

Like when you look back on it, you could kinda reinterpret his yw1 appearance through that lens? Maddiman is a nice dude but he gets easily obsessed with his experiments and seems to have a blind spot where he forgets that they dont seem so great to everyone else. Everyone would enjoy being my experiment, they could become super powerful and also part of important history in the field of science! Fwahahaha! And while i am doing the totally not evil thing of cutting out a child's heart to shove in my ultimate weapon and turning his discarded corpse into a yokai, i may as well mess around and do some ~ultimate theatrical hamminess~ to make it fun for the lil guy! *big innocent eyes* *"you are the villain of this story" flies right over his head, ignored*

I mean in yw2 he doesnt even seem to be mad at Nate/Katie over what happened last time, even though he does seem to remember them. (Saying "that boy/girl again" when talking about them defeating Hans) Instead he's just frightened that someone broke into his laboratory, and then annoyed that they ended up setting Hans on themselves cos of their own damn fault. Like he was never planning to attack you at all if you hadnt bumbled into that mistake! And in Medal Wars he literally just says "oh hello good morning" when you walk into his lab, and you initiate the fight with him instead of simply explaining 'hey maddiman whoops you accidentally caused a blackout, i see your experiment is over now so maybe you could unplug your machine and fix things?" Srsly like 90% of all maddiman related problems could probably be resolved with 'hey mr orb dad could you please not do the bad?" "Oh wait i was doing a bad? I had no idea, sorry!"

And its also really good how this is a character trait thats generally rather absurd and goofy, but also when you think about it it makes sense with his tragic backstory. "I'll do something extreme and ridiculous rather than the logical conclusion, with seemingly no awareness that this choice is foolish and self destructive, and also this could be resolved if i simply talked about my problems with someone who could set me straight" is played for drama in his past, and it becoming a recurring comedic character trait is a good way of making it sorta like..integrated into his personality, all realistic like.

I dunno i just feel like they put a lot of depth into this random joke/coverup for a retcon. And it makes him pretty unique! And also pretty versatile cos honestly in any future game they could probably put maddiman inthe role of ally or antagonist for any quest ever, and itd always make sense every time. He's left open for a lot of accidental misunderstandings even after he's turned good,just cos thats who he is. He's mr supergenius with absolutely zero common sense!

Also i feel like "dont worry, experimenting on people isnt bad!" is possibly an extension of how reckless and self destructive he was as a human. I mean we're told he worked so hard he lost his family, worked so hard He wore the same clothes for weeks, starved himself, never slept, literally drove himself to death because of this. Feels like "dont worry i can replace sleep with caffeine" was the first step in "dont worry i can replace my no longer beating heart with this supernatural IV drip" and "dont worry i can fix literally everything wrong with everyone whether they want me to or not"...

I dunno maybe im thinking too deep into this, but thats kinda my job as a Certified Grandpa Analyst (note: may or may not be a job that exists)

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