#((Thinking about maybe moving blogs. Dunno yet.))

[a-shy-mage]

.

#((Thinking about maybe moving blogs. Dunno yet.)) #;shuffles rambles

[jasntodds]

Petrichor [15]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of fwb)

Words: 11,631

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff, blood, violence, canon violence, mentions of gore, mentions of drug use

Summary: ❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞

Gotham is home, not just for Jason but for you, too. And now that you’re both finally back home, together, you’re ready to see where this next chapter brings the two of you. He’s your best friend and you’re his. And you both might want a little something more with being back home, the place you both feel most comfortable. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong now.

A/N: Here's a chapter a week early for the holidays lol I tried so hard to get this posted this week lol Merry Christmas and happy holidays!! Or happy December if you don't celebrate anything!! You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary  and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

The next day comes around, Jason waking up first and it’s the first full night’s rest he’s gotten since coming back. It wasn’t exactly the best sleep he’s ever gotten, given his general discomfort but it was a lot better than how he has been. And there’s a smile that comes to his face as you're still cuddled into his side, his arm draped around your shoulders. For a second, he thinks you could just stay like this. He doesn’t really feel too bad right now so you could just stay like this. Forget everything about Crane and the Titans, you can exist how you were before. It feels like it did then anyway. But, Jason knows that can’t happen. Not yet.

With a clear head and some sleep, he knows he needs to make it right with everyone else. He wants to go home. He doesn’t want to spend his life hiding out and making you hide with him. That’s not fair to either of you. That’s not fair to Gar either or Molly. Jason wants his own life back. It’s time he takes it back into his own hands and that means asking you to talk to Dick when you wake up.

Jason lets out a steady breath, carefully trying to move out from under you but it ends up stirring you awake slightly, earning him a groan.

“Stay.” You mutter. “Tired.” Your hand slides over Jason’s torso until you reach his side where you grip the excess fabric of his hoodie.

Jason’s chest rumbles beneath you with a chuckle. He rests his chin on top of your head instead of kissing you like he’d normally do. The smile starts to fall short as the chuckle subsides.

“When was the last time you slept?” He asks quietly.

“When was the last time you slept?” You ask right back, keeping your eyes closed.

“Asked you first.” Jason quips back, subconsciously pulling you closer into him.

He gets a low hum from you. “Dunno.”

Jason moves his hand from your back up to your shoulder, his fingers lightly tracing over your shoulder. His heart weighs heavy in his chest, knowing a large part of your lack of sleep is because of him. Maybe staying in bed all day isn’t such a bad idea.

“You need to sleep.” Jason says, his voice caught somewhere between stern and worried.

His tone gets you to finally peek your eyes open and look up at him. Jason moves his head from yours as you tilt your up just enough to get a look at him. His brows are tugged together, his forehead creasing with lines of worry. So many days and nights were spent like this but it was always you wearing the look of worry for him, not the other way around. This is normally when he’d give you a half-cocked grin and he’d kiss you, offering a false sense of reassurance when he would not be sleeping any better that same night. You don’t have the same option though so you dodge his eyes and tilt your head back down.

“I know.” You say quietly. “So do you.”

Jason lets out a breath, resting his head back on yours. “I know.”

The room falls silent with Jason’s words. There’s something stiff and hollowed in the air surrounding you. Every unsaid word lingers like smog but neither of you can bring youselves to do anything about it. Instead, Jason’s fingers trace along your shoulder and your thumb runs along his side. You both let the weight of the silence swallow you whole, running through all of the guilt and shame that’s led you both here.

It’s comforting, being here like this like it should be. But, so much has happened that both of you think you’ve set yourselves up for failure. With each other. You broke his trust and Jason is already one of the least trusting people you've ever met. Even if he finds it in himself to forgive you, you aren’t so sure you can forgive yourself for it. And Jason’s thinking of everything he could have done differently and how he’d love to lay like this forever with you, as if nothing happened but he can’t. He could have killed you and he left you. You begged him to stay and he left. He betrayed you and he swears you should never forgive him for any of it, but if you do, he doesn’t think he’ll ever forgive himself for it. For any of this. So, the two of you sit in silence.

You listen to the beating of Jason’s heartbeat and you almost expected it to not be there or for it to be different somehow. But, it’s the same as it always was and it was always comforting. A reminder that you are alive and so is he. After everything, you were the ones that made it out alive and he is here, with you, strong and unmoving, safe. It’s still comforting in that same way, but this time, you appreciate it a little bit more because he did not make it alive. So, you count his heartbeats.

“You awake?” Jason asks.

“Mhm.” You hum.

“Do you think you could talk to Dick?” Jason asks, his voice just above a whisper. “I’m done with Crane’s shit and I don’t feel too bad today. I just wanna go home with you…and everyone else.”

You look up at him quickly, brows raised in surprise. “Really? Like…you mean it?”

Jason nods. “Yeah, think he’ll go for it, though?”

You offer him a warm smile as you sit all the way up. You turn to face him sitting with your legs crossed, your left knee lightly resting on his thigh. “Yeah, I think so. I’ll talk to him.”

“Can you see if he’ll meet me somewhere, just him and me?” Jason asks, earning a look of suspicion from you. “Not gonna fucking kill him, alright? Just to talk, swear.”

You nod your head, running a hand through his white streak of hair. “Yeah, I can. I’m sure he’ll do it as long as he’s like fine. He did get hit by a car...” You furrow your brows, slowly remembering that did in fact happen last night.

“Yeah, what a dumbass.” Jason lets out a scoff.

“Uh-huh, right, do you need a list of dumb things you’ve done since I met you because…” You tease him with the scrunch of your nose.

“I don’t do dumb shit!” Jason defends with a laugh. "I've never been hit by a fucking car."

“You said you rode a motorcycle in the manor? That was dumb.”

“That doesn’t fucking count. You said since you met me.” Jason holds his head up with confidence.

“Smartass.” You huff. “You made a bet with a complete stranger who could have killed you for all you know. And then lost. Your side of the bet was to let it slide this one time. That was also dumb. Two in one shot.” You gesture a hand at him lazily with the light shake of your head.

“Hey!” Jason scoffs. “First of all, babe, you couldn’t kill me now if you tried.” Jason offers his toothy smirk right back at you. “I was just trying to get laid, earn brownie points, ya know?” Jason fires right back, almost trying to get under your skin just as he's done a thousand times but he watches as a genuine happy smile starts to crack across your face.

You burst out laughing. You can't tell if he's serious but you have to think he definitely is. “Thinking with your dick, I see.” You mock him. “So, that’s three in one shot.”

Jason's cheeks start to tint a pretty shade of red as he sits up, pointing a finger right at you. “Okay, no you know what, let’s look at your track record, huh?”

“Oh, no, that is perfectly fine. We do not have to.” You shake your head looking down and then back at him, knowing he's not gonna let this go.

“You put the stick of butter in the water of your mac and cheese.” Jason blinks at you, the corner of his mouth turned up into something cheeky and arrogant.

“That was one fucking time and I was tired!" You defend.

“I’ve never done that.” Jason mutters, mocking you.

"You were harassing me!" You scoff in disbelief.

Jason tilts his head back with a laugh. "Not me. I didn't do shit. That was your own mistake. Don't blame me." Jason gestures a hand towards himself, his smile wide and toothy.

"You were throwing shit at me to see if I could dodge them quick enough and you'd fucking yell ten points whenever you hit me!" You can't help but laugh as you remember the day in the kitchen. It became a regular thing and Jason always claimed it was extra training but you're pretty sure he just liked to fuck with you anyway. And in any way he possibly could. You thought it was fun though because he'd get all pissy and annoyed if you dodged whatever he was throwing more than five times.

"Keeping you on your toes, babe." Jason nods his head with confidence, the grin so wide it might as well light up the entire room.

You blink at him a few times, shaking your head once. “Okay, uh you tried to show off by showing me something Bruce taught you while we were walking down the stairs which made you fall down the stairs.” You point out, nodding your head quickly as you match the grin on Jason's face.

Jason chuckles softly, his cheeks burning red. He doesn’t think he’s ever been so embarrassed. “Looked cool though, didn’t it?”

“No.” You chortle. “You looked like a fish out of water.”

“Fuck you!” Jason huffs, a beaming smile on his lips. “You broke your phone because Bruce walked in during Sinister and scared shit out of you so you threw your phone instead of a knife.”

You nod your head. “How the fuck did I even do that?” You shake your head through a loud laugh. “We can go back to talking about Dick being dumb.” You offer him a smirk before it falls short. “Actually, I should probably make sure he didn’t…like die or something.” You offer Jason a yikes expression as you reach for your phone on the opposite side of the bed. You unlock your phone to see a few texts from Gar. “Oh, fun!” You say sarcastically.

“What?” Jason raises a brow at you.

“Tim, yeah, he knows you’re Robin, Dick was Robin and is now Nightwing, Bruce is Batman, and I’m Bluejay.” You nod your head, blinking at Jason. “And he confronted Dick last night before he got hit by a car. Showed up at the manor.”

Jaso lets out a choked chuckle. “Wish I could have seen the look on his face.” The chuckle comes to a stop as he realizes what Sam has just said. "Wait. How the fuck does he even know that?"

“Same! I can’t believe we missed it.” You roll your eyes. “It's a long story, I didn't tell him though." You shrug your shoulders. "It's Dick's fault but you're not exactly helping at the moment though cause like...he knows you died and now...you're not dead. So...batboys." You roll your eyes, giving Jason a teasing grin before looking back to your phone. Jason's eyes narrow, but he is realizing that yeah, people who know you would know he died and now he's alive and walking around. He sees how that would be weird and a little difficult to explain. "Gar said Dick is fine though.” You nod your head before you type away at a text back.

“Good.” Jason sucks in a breath, stretching for the first time. "What did you tell Tim about me being alive?"

"Oh, uh, well...uh, you see..." You chuckle awkwardly. "That you died and now you're alive."

Jason stares at you for a few seconds. "Right, and he said?"

"I don't remember...but, he was confused and wanted more answers. But he thought I was lying about it so I like...did not have a choice but to tell him. He literally saw you so...he knows you're alive." You give him an open mouth, sarcastic grin as you offer him jazz hands.

Jason can't help but laugh softly. "Awesome, I guess." Jason sucks in a breath.

"He won't tell anyone. If anyone else asks any questions, could just say it was like...a hit or something to hurt Bruce and so Bruce sent you into hiding and didn't tell me to keep me out of it." You explain, putting your phone into your hoodie pocket. "Thought of that lie like ten minutes after I told Tim."

"That's better than telling everyone I was Robin." Jason lets out a scoff, rolling his shoulders.

You watch the uneasiness wash over his face. Robin might be a rough subject right about now and you can't say you blame him. You know you have some resentment towards the mantle now. You wonder if he does or if it's a Bruce thing or a Joker thing or a he died thing. Maybe it's everything but his face falls and the smile vanishes from his lips while his shoulders sulk. So, you change subject.

“What’re you gonna do while I talk to Dick?” You question softly.

“Wait, I guess.” Jason chuckles softly. “I don’t know.”

“You could clean.” You offer a teasing smile as you look around the room. “Kind of messy.”

“I’ve been a little busy in case you forgot.” Jason quips right back.

“I know but now you’re not.” You shrug. “Are you sure you feel okay?”

“Yeah.” Jason nods confidently. “Surprisingly, feel alright. I guess Crane’s drug has a short withdrawal process.” He still has a little bit of a headache and his skin still feels like it could peal off his bones, but it's not nearly as bad as it was yesterday.

“Good.” You smile softly before sucking in a breath. The quicker you talk to Dick, the quicker you can get Jason actually home which also means there's less of a chance of him, somehow, falling back into Crane's hands. As much as you would love to keep talking with him and joking with him, you also don't want him to change his mind on coming home. “Well, I’m gonna head out and see about talking to Dick. Need to get a feel for his mood and see if I…well, if Gar can do anything to brighten him up.”

“Because you will only piss him off further.” Jason quips as the smile comes back to his face, not as bright as before but at least it's there.

“It is one of my favorite pastimes and I just can’t help it. Neither can you.” You laugh softly before you move to the end of the bed and get to your feet. “Uh, if you need anything though, just…let me know and I’ll come back.”

“Thank you again…for everything.” Jason gives you a sad nod.

“Of course, Jay.” You smile back. “Okay, I’ll text you?” You question. “And see you later then.” You nod your head a few times before turning on your heels and leaving Jason alone in the room.

On the way back to the manor, you think about maybe not talking to Jason about everything. It's probably a bad idea and not very healthy either. But, last night and this morning felt good and normal and safe and if you talk, that goes away. It has to, even if it's just for a little while. Nothing has felt normal or safe or good in two weeks. In the grand scheme of time, that's not very long but you swear it feels like it's been an entire year. You don't want to have to talk about how he died and you found him. You don't want to have to talk about everything you've said to each other in the last week or how much you've hurt each other. You don't want to talk about any of it because maybe if you don't, you can live in a bubble where it doesn't have to hurt so damn much all the time.

But, maybe living in your own little bubble, avoiding the idea of the very worst whenever it would come up, is how you both ended up in agonizing pain in the first place.

When you get back to the manor, you're met by Gar as you walk into the living room. Conner and Blackfire are cuddled on the couch, talking quietly between each other. You eye them for a second, confused when that happened and you gesture a finger towards them, glancing to Gar. They're cute together but you did not see that coming. Gar just shakes his head, offering a soft smile.

“Okay.” You suck in a breath, shaking your head. “Dick around?”

“Batcave.” Gar lets out a breath. Gar eyes you softly, noticing you look a little more rested than you have since he's been in Gotham. A part of him was really worried you going with Jason would be bad because of how messed up everything has been. But, you look like you actually got some sleep for once and you don't look like you're ready to kill someone at any minor inconvenience. “How’s Jason?”

“He in like…a good mood? Dick, I mean.” You question carefully. “Yeah, uh, he’s okay. He said…he’s okay anyway which in Jason terms also means he’s probably on the verge of an aneurysm at any given moment but he feels okay enough.” You nod your head quickly but you don't look too relieved. For someone who has only wanted Jason to be okay, Gar finds that a bit off.

“I mean, he got hit by a car so he’s not happy.” Gar says softly. “Did something else happen?”

“Yeah…” You clear your throat. “And uh…no. No…nothing happened.” You look to the ground for a few seconds, your heart heavy before you look back to Gar. “Walk with me?”

“Sure.” Gar smiles softly before the two of you make your way to the Batcave. “What’s up?”

You chew the inside of your cheek and you know Gar is going to tell you to suck it up and have the damn conversation. You could practically give yourself the damn speech yourself but you're thinking of asking anyway. Maybe hearing it from Gar, will convince you to just talk to him, properly. It'll be kind of like the decision is off of your shoulders for once because it's Gar's advice. Whatever would happen because of that conversation wouldn't be Gar's fault, but it would be nice to not make the entire decision.

“You like to talk like that’s your thing. How to work through your shit, you tell everyone to talk about their shit, which I realize you like…never do? So, you should also be doing that. But, uh, that’s always your advice…so you think we really have to talk?” Sam scrunches her nose, glancing at Gar.

“Uh…” Gar stutters, trying to piece together your run-on sentence. “You and me…? Or is this actually about you and Jason?”

“Jason.” You suck in a breath. “Unless…you wanna talk about you and me I mean, we can?”

“No, it’s fine.” Gar chuckles softly, brushing it off. Of course, he thinks you should talk. A lot of the pain you caused each other could have been solved through Jason being sober and you having a conversation instead of fighting. Not talking seems like it'll only cause the both of you more pain and more problems. You were both always better when you talked to each other, really talked. “I mean, you guys fought each other and then he almost got you killed…twice.” Gar cringes softly. “Do you really think not talking about that is a good idea?”

“No.” You huff bitterly. “But I was hoping you’d say it’d all be okay and we don’t have to.” You let out a deep sigh, one that sounds of defeat and fear.

“What happened?”

“Felt normal this morning…last night.” You shrug your shoulders. “But, the second we start talking about everything that happened since he died…it’s like…everything that’s happened becomes permanent and real. I don’t want either of those things. I just want to go back to how it was.”

“It is real and permanent regardless on if you talk about it.” Gar shrugs his shoulders. “He died. He came back and became Red Hood. That happened. You not talking about it doesn’t make it unreal. But, you could talk about it and still go back to how it was.”

“How?” You suck in a breath. “He read to me last night and it was just…so nice and it didn’t feel so heavy. And this morning, we woke up together and it was like I could breathe again. I don’t want that to go away. But, I don’t know where he’s gonna stand after all of this and I…I don’t think I want to know.”

They always say ignorance is bliss and you didn't always agree with that because why would someone want to stay willfully ignorant? Why would someone not want to know the answer to something? The answer might save them pain and heartbreak and time. But, now you're here and suddenly, you get it because not knowing is almost better. If you don't know, you can pretend it's all fine and then it doesn't hurt. It's okay with you if it's a waste of your own time and effort and energy. It's okay if it hurts later as long as it doesn't hurt now.

“You didn’t want to know how he really felt before and if you two would have just talked, you’d have been together sooner.” Gar states simply.

“Yeah, I know.” You scoff and you know he's right. Talking about everything bad that happened to both of you, outside of each other, was always easy and it always felt safe. Maybe it's because the other person was at a distance from the damage of it. You know you never really talked about the kidnapping aspect of being held captive by Deathstroke. It always felt too heavy because you were so scared of losing him and you think, maybe it was the same for him. This is a little different but he did die and that's real. And it's scary and painful. “I am just…so mad at myself for what I said to him. While I was high…while I wasn’t.” You shake your head. “We’d have to talk about that and he’s gonna look at me…in that way and I just…I don’t want him to look at me like that again.”

“Didn’t he tell you that you were a mistake?” Gar asks bluntly. “It sucks what you said but you’re the one who showed up anyway and I’m sure he feels like shit over what he said to you, too. You two avoiding it isn’t going to do either of you any good.”

“What if that ends up being the end though? Like what if we both can’t forgive ourselves for it and then…that’s just it?” Your voice grows quiet and maybe you're really just worried, at the end of the conversation, it'll be over for good. You broke up with him and that's on you, but you kind of thought maybe you'd fix things. Now though, you'd worried, that somehow talking about it will lead you to a path where it can't be fixed.

“Do you want to be in a relationship with someone when you can’t talk about the things that hurt you?” Gar asks. “Look, you two are my best friends and I like you guys together but…” Gar pauses, his steps coming to a stop as you stop to face him. “If you guys can’t forgive yourselves but you forgive each other, maybe you do need space. That’s not gonna be fair to either one of you. It doesn’t have to be end though.”

“I’m terrified it will be. I mean…” You offer a sad smile. “I don’t know.”

“Did he say something?”

“He wants to come home. Told me to sleep.” You tug the sleeves of your hoodie over your hands.

“He wants to come home?” Gar asks with a genuine smile this time. “You do need to sleep.” Gar agrees.

“Yeah, that’s why I’m talking to Dick. I know.” You suck in a breath before you turn around, Gar keeping up with you.

“For what it’s worth, I think you guys will figure it out. You were good together.” Gar offers a soft smile.

“Thanks, Gar.” You offer a thankful smile back, hoping maybe it's just your general pessimism that's getting to you. Maybe it's just because it felt so good to be with him and now you're just over thinking the whole thing. You've been known to do that a time or two. Gar isn't usually wrong, anyway.

The two of you finish your walk into the Batcave, finding Kory and Dick at the Batcomputer. You're glad to see Dick is even on his feet, maybe it was just a concussion.

“You’re back.” Kory says with delight. “Everything okay?”

You nod quickly. “Yeah, yeah.” You look to Dick. “Um…I just, came to talk to Dick for a second. It’s all fine.” You nod your head.

Kory and Gar look between each other and then to Dick before they excuse themselves. Dick is already preparing himself for whatever bullshit you're about to throw his way.

"What?" Dick asks, earning an eyebrow raise from you. "Whenever you want to talk it's never good. You also left me in the middle of the street last night." Dick crosses his arms, clearly displeased.

"Um...I called the ambulance and texted Kory and Gar. You were fine." You snars back. "You ran off and went to bed after literally being shot by a sniper. I'm sorry I assumed you'd be fine when you were hit by a car doing like fifteen miles an hour while you had on a helmet and your bike took the brunt of the force." You quip blinking at him quickly. In your defense, if someone is going to go to bed after being shot, you have every right to believe they would be fine in most other circumstances. But, you called an ambulance and he's fine. "So...about Jason."

Dick nearly groans at the mention. "What about him?"

"He wants to come home."

Dick shakes his head in disbelief. "What?"

"That's what he said. He asked me if I could talk to you about it and see if you'd meet up with him. He swore it's not to fight or kill you or anything. He just wants to talk. He's clean and he feels better today." You explain, tugging your sleeves over your hands.

Dick lets out a breath, putting his hand on his hip. He's still weighed down by the guilt of the fallout in San Francisco. He knows he can't say no. "Do you think he means it? Not because you care about him or because you're on his side. I need to know."

"Yes." You answer. "I can always tell when he's lying and he'd never drag me into that, not like this. Not when he's clean. He'd never want your blood to end up on my hands because he had me set it up. And I don't want you dead. Jason could have killed you last night and he didn't. I really think he's done and he just wants to come home." You let out a breath, seeing the torn look on Dick's face.

It's more than Jason being his brother and some sort of weird obligation to Bruce because it's Dick's turn to redeem himself from Deathstroke and to make a better effort. But, he also has the rest of the Titans to think about and Jason did kill one of them. Him being manipulated and drugged, doesn't make that any better or any more justifiable.

"You promised." You say quietly, still holding onto your belief that promises should mean something, even if you broke the biggest one you could.

"He killed Hank."

"Yeah," You nod sadly. "And I swear, that wasn't him. I know it's really hard to understand, but it wasn't. It doesn't make it right, but...I don't think we should give up." You feel like you're almost holding your breath because you never thought Dick would ever really say no. You never really imagined Dick throwing in the towel but you're wondering if he's at that point.

It did not feel good when everyone gave up on him, everyone besides you and Gar. Dick thinks he deserved it, absolutely. He lied and got a kid killed. It was his idea to use Jericho as bait and it got him killed. He deserved it but it hurt anyway. And Dick was in his right mind when all of that happened. Dick dropped Jason from a skyscraper and the only reason he even walked out is because Dick lied. Jason wasn't even going to give up. Who is Dick to give up now when he knows the Jason they've been dealing with has been under the influence of a powerful drug and a master manipulator?

"Okay." Dick nods his head. "I'll have to talk to the Titans."

You let out a breath, nodding quickly. "I know."

"They won't like it."

"Can I be there? Maybe me and Gar can offer a voice of a reason. I took the drug so I know and Gar killed people because of CADMUS so...I mean. Kind of the same thing. And Conner almost killed Gar and Jason and you all almost killed Gar and--"

"I get it, thank you." Dick cuts you off, really not needing or wanting to recap of the horrible things that have happened. "Fine. I'll meet with Jason and see how it goes." Dick nods his head. "I need to talk you about Tim anyway."

"Oh, Gar told me." You laugh softly. "Told you so."

"Yeah, it's not funny." Dick scolds. "Is he ever going to stop?"

"Nope." You shake your head. "He's pretty pissed about his dad, like rightfully so. But, he also knows he's right." You let out a scoff but a smile sticks to your face. Is it bad Tim knows? Yeah, but you still find it amusing and impressive. If it were up to you, you'd just tell Tim anyway. "Why'd he even confront you anyway?"

"He wants to be Robin." Dick blinks at you, fully unassumed. "Any idea where he got that idea?" Dick shifts his weight to his left leg, giving you an accusatory look.

"Tim is proactive?" You question with the shrug of your shoulder. "He's fucking nuts though. I didn't tell him shit, alright? If he ever told me he wanted to be Robin, I would have gone to hell and back to talk him out of it."

You don't think anyone should end up like Jason or Dick. Maybe it was never Jasn that was cursed or Dick that was the monster, maybe it was always Robin. Maybe that mantle is just...too much. It changes people, makes them desperate and turns them into versions of themselves they can't even live with. It's too much pressure. You don't really think anyone should take the mantle again.

"Great." Dick lets out a sigh. "Okay, while I'm trying to talk to Jason and make sure he's serious about this, I need you to trail Tim. Keep him out of it."

"Why?" You scoff. "I mean, I've been fighting the whole damn time to get Jason back and now that he's ready, you want me to take a backseat?"

"You're friends with Tim. Do you really want Tim anywhere near this? His dad was just shot because you involved him and he showed up here."

"Ouch." You roll your eyes. "How do you even know he's going to be trying to follow you guys anyway? What if he doesn't? Then, I'm just wasting my time while you and the Titans are planning fuck knows what."

"He had pictures of us." Dick states. "This is personal for him now. I need you to trust me with Jason."

"Yeah, that's a pretty heavy ask there, Dickolas given everything that's happened here." You huff. "Making me pick between Tim and Jason." You roll your eyes. Jason just wants to talk to Dick anyway and maybe it's better if they do it one-on-one. You mostly just wanted to be there in case something hits the fan. It is Dick and Jason so the odds of that happening are a lot higher than your personal comfort. But, maybe it'll be better that way. Jason has always been able to hold his own anyway and you do have to trust Dick if he has to trust you. "Fine. Fine, I'll go stalk Tim." You state sarcastically. "Don't fuck it with Jason then."

"It won't be me that messes things up."

"Right, okay." You say sarcastically. "I'm gonna let him know you'll meet and I'll tell you where and when. Then, I'll go find Tim, I fucking guess." You toss your hands up dramatically before you leave Dick on his own.

While Dick meets in the tunnels with Jason, you do as asked, meeting up with Tim. You find there's a sort of irony in the whole situation since you just told Tim a few days ago it was weird that he was basically stalking the Titans and now Dick is literally having you stalk him. It's ridiculous but Dick has a point and you know it. So, you hang around with him for a few hours until Dick calls for a meeting with all of the Titans, you included. He wants to discuss what happened with Jason and the very idea of having to sit with everyone makes you want to chew your own arm off.

"What?" Kory yells after Dick finishes explaining that Jason is clean now and he just wants to come home, to be with his friends again. He swears it was all the drug and Crane, but his mind is clear now. "He kidnapped kids. He made that woman snap her own neck."

You look to Kory and your heart falls. Not again and you don't want to argue with Kory. But this is the only thing you've wanted since he died. Dick is the leader and at the end of the day, it's up to him. Everyone else can protest but if Dick says he can come, he can home. However, you chew your cheek and pull your sleeves over his hands because Jason wants to come home to a place that feels warm and safe and like home, but it won't feel like that if the only people who want him around are you and Gar.

He said he wasn't brought back because he was wanted.

"So, we're just gonna set an extra place at the dinner table?" Connor questions. "Oh, hey, Jay, pass the mashed potatoes."

"Hey!" You yell as you snap your attention to Conner. "Watch it." You threaten, teeth gritting together with narrowed eyes. You will argue with Conner.

"He's offering to turn himself in and bring in Crane." Dick defends his stance.

"This is bullshit." Kory says. "You're forgiving a murderer."

You tug your sleeves down some more because you thought Kory was the understanding one of Dick and Kory. But, apparently not. Gar said Blackfire killed their parents. But, Jason is manipulated and drugged into killing people and that's wrong? You're killing people and no one has brought that up in a few days. It's just an issue when it's Jason. What else is new?

"We need Crane." Dick says calmly.

"I kill people." You defend. "None of you are too mad about that anymore. I killed some of CADMUS, some people here. And I wasn't even high or being manipulated. Twice was in self-defence but the other times, I don't feel too bad about." You argue.

"What if all the killing was Scarecrow?" Gar interjects as he looks around the room and you're relieved Gar is taking a stand with you. You're tired of fighting alone.

"No, he needs to be held accountable." Dick shackles his head.

"You didn't hold me accountable when CADMUS took me over, made me a killer." Gar protests. "You guys all took me back, no questions asked because we're family." Gar stands up, looking around the room. "Jason deserves the same chance." Gar says softly while you give him a smile. "Y/n said it was the drug and I believe her and I believe Jason." Gar shrugs his shoulders casually and normally he would think Kory would be right but not this time.

This is Jason. The same person he calls his best friend, the same person who had a room right down the hall from him for months. The same person he talks to nearly every day. Gar died once and he came back all the same with all of his broken pieces perfectly fitted back together and held together by the love and care of the Titans. He has to believe that if a demon can bring him back to life and he's still fine, then Jason can be brought back via Lazurus pit and still be himself. The Jason before wasn't a cold-blooded killer. He should be given the same chance that Gar and you and Blackfire and Conner are given.

You stand up this time, standing right beside Gar. "I killed some of CADMUS without being influenced by anything and none of you ever questioned that. Dick yelled at me for killing those guys here but that was it. Kory, you've killed people. You and Dick almost killed Gar because of Trigon. I'm telling you guys, you don't know what that drug does but I do and I'm telling you, that shit was not Jason. It was all the drug and Crane." You keep your voice level, hoping this won't escalate into an argument since even Gar is speaking up on Jason's behalf.

"Alright, we bring them both in and after that, we assess the situation." Dick says as he crosses his arms, trying his best to do what's best for everyone and keep everyone happy.

You and Gar look at each other, clearly not happy with the response. You both know the only reason this discussion is being had is because it's Jason. If it were anyone else, they would have been welcomed back and there would be understanding of the situation but not this time. It's starting to drive you both insane.

"I've never met the guy but I'm bullish on second chances." Blackfire says from the back as she leans forward in her seat. Gar and you gain large smiles, holding your head high as you look to Dick.

"We'll see how it goes." Dick remains firm but there's something about the way he uncrosses his arms and shifts his weight to his right that you and Gar gain a little hope. "Batcave, five minutes." Dick before as the room dispurses. "Y/n." Dick calls before you can walk off with Gar.

You roll your eyes at Gar before he leaves, too. You realize it really is never good when the two of you have some sort of private conversation and you're not in the mood for it today.

"Yes?" You question sarcastically.

"How did it go with Tim?"

"Oh, he is not giving up for shit." You state as you nod your head.

"Did you tell him anything?" Dick asks. "He found me before I was going into the tunnels."

"You should really be more secretive." You squint your eyes at him. "No, I didn't tell him. Do you think I'm just gonna start spilling because he's right?" You scoff as you laugh. "I told him he was wrong and to drop it and then he did not do that."

"Okay, well, keep an eye on him tonight while we meet Jason." Dick states.

You pause, shaking your head in disbelief as if to be processing what he just said. He can't be serious. "What?" You ask bluntly. "No, I'm going with tonight."

"No, you're not. You're going to stay with Tim, make sure he's not following us."

Tim definitely was following and waiting for Dick today before you found him. Tim also made it very clear he was not going to be giving up on this whole Robin thing any time soon. Dick might have a point that Tim could follow them but the way you see it is that it shouldn't be your job to babysit him. The Titans could just be more careful and not be seen. This involves Jason so you should get to go with and Gar could go hang out with Tim. It might be weird but Tim is stalking them so it's not the weirdest thing in the world at the moment.

"No, I'm going. This is about Jason. The fuck can't I go with for now?"

"We want to also bring in Crane and Jason is giving him up but we still don't know what Crane has been planning. You want him dead. If it comes to it and we need to bring Jason in, I know you won't let us." Dick states, crossing his arms again. "Tim is your friend."

"First of all, I can withhold my killing urges for now, thank you. And second, yes. Because none of us had to be brought in for the shit we've done, like we just said. But, you shouldn't need to bring him since he's not looking for a fight this time." You almost whine through this whole thing. It's just so damn frustrating.

"That's why you're going to be looking after Tim. This is Titans business." Dick's voice is stern and unmoving. "You said you're done with being a Titan."

"That's shit and you know it." You scoff, knowing you're going to go anyway and there's nothing Dick can say or do to stop you, so you cave. "Fine, but he better be here when I get back tonight." You glare up at Dick before you walk past him to find Gar.

You take off fifteen minutes before the Titans with Dick thinking you were going to go look after Tim. If you were being honest, you're not entirely sure why Dick actually thinks you're going to listen. This involves you and it involves your favorite person on the planet. Of course, you'll go toe-to-toe with the Titans if you need to, that's just how it is. But, you also know Jason is being honest with wanting to come home so the only way this would go south is if the Titans started shit. Since Dick didn't want you there, it sends a red flag that maybe something is going to happen and you won't be there. So, you leave before them, giving Jason the heads up you'd meet him there.

But, when you get to the pump station, you don't immediately find Jason. That would have been too simple. Instead, you find Tim and you have never been so glad to not be wearing your suit. That would have been a lot harder to explain.

"Tim?" You call as Tim is walking a few feet ahead of you, getting closer to the building.

Tim turns around, seeing you jog up towards him. "What're you doing here?" He asks.

"What are you doing here?" You ask back, stuffing your hands into the pouch of your hoodie. Tim raises an eyebrow at you, almost as if saying he's not going to say if you won't. "Exploring. Your turn."

"Following Jason." Tim shrugs casually before he continues to walk towards the building, you right beside him.

On the one hand, Dick was wrong about Tim following a Titan. On the other hand, he did follow someone and now he's here anyway and had you just followed Tim, this whole thing would have been avoided. You really hate when Dick is right, even if it's by accident.

"You really need to stop this stalking shit, it's weird as shit, dude." You quip back. "Why are you following Jason?" Your voice is exasperated. Why can't anything just go as planned?

"I wanna meet Robin and find out what led Robin to getting my dad shot. I wanna be the next Robin so I need to talk to him." Tim says confidently. "It was his mantle."

You stop for just a few seconds, your brows pulling together. Oh, he's like really serious about being Robin? He's completely insane. Which, would actually fit the whole Robin thing. It seems a little bit of insanity is needed but this is nuts. Why would anyone actually want to be the third Robin? Because the first two really worked out so fucking well?

"I...am lost." You say softly, catching up with Tim. "Why the fuck would you want to be the next Robin?" You nearly scoff and you hadn't realized it, but the name almost burns your tongue now.

"Gotham needs a Robin. Jason isn't gonna be Robin, clearly. Dick is a Titan and Nightwing now. You have Bluejay. We need a Robin and I can do it." Tim tugs the strap of his backpack over his shoulder.

"I wish I had your confidence." You mutter. "So, Robin gets brutally murdered and your response is to become Robin? Don't you think that shit is fucked? Like...you want shit to happen to you?" You ask and you're thinking you'll have to make talking Tim out of this your next mission.

"It's not about me." Tim shrugs. "It's about Gotham, the greater good of Gotham. Someone has to step up and it can be me. I'll take the risk to help other people."

It would be a lie if you didn't find it admirable. You still hate Bruce but yeah, the whole Batman and Robin thing, it's admirable. Risking their lives for other people is admirable. But, it's also fucking stupid. You're aware you're doing that now, too but to some extent you think you have a death wish anyway. Maybe all vigilantes have some sort of death wish for one reason or another.

\It wasn't entirely your choice though. You just have powers and the training fell into your lap. If you have those abilities, wouldn't it be wrong not to use them to help people? But, Tim isn't a meta human. He's just some kid who works at his parents' restaurant. He's not Dick or Jason or Hank or Dawn. In the best way, he isn't them. He shouldn't put himself in the mix of this.

"That's...admirable and incredibly fucking stupid." You scoff bluntly. "Dude, fuck that vigilante shit. You're not obligated to it."

"Like you?" Tim quips back.

"Still not who you think I am, I just got tired of repeating myself and you wanting to be Robin seemed like a more interesting conversation." You let out a breath. "You don't want to be Robin." You say quietly.

"Someone has to do it. I can." Tim huffs.

You shake your head, rolling your eyes. "Signing your own death certificate." You let out a bitter scoff as the two of you round the corner of the building.

But, then your heart sinks as the two of you come to a stop seeing Crane exit the building on the landing a few steps above you. A gun rests on the landing right at Crane's feet as he gains this subtle but eerie smile. You watch him carefully, knowing Crane can't be too happy with you right about now. He had Jason tied up, Jason only came by for the drug and Crane isn't an idiot. You think maybe he knows you turned Jason.

Crane takes a few steps towards the stairs, standing closer to the gun. You know you can't beat him to it but you also know if you throw a knife, Dick is going to kill you. There has to be a reason he picked this pump station and they don't know what that reason is yet. There is also Tim to think about. Crane is insane and any wrong move makes Tim a target, too if he isn't already. But, you have to do something.

You slowly move to stand right in front of Tim, using your arm to lightly nudge him backward.

Crane lets out this sigh that almost sounds like one of disappointment. "It didn't have to end this way." Crane offers you an unsettling false-sorrowed filled frown as his fingers dance over the gun.

And that's when the throbbing right in the front of your head starts.

You spin around, hands coming to Tim's shoulder as panic washes over your eyes. "Run! Go now!" You shove Tim, grabbing a knife from your belt just as you're turning around.

But, as soon as you're fully facing Crane and the knife is leaving your fingers, the gun fires. The shot rings across the lot and the bullet connects to your right shoulder. The impact of the bullet and the shock of being hit sends you to the ground, screaming out in pain just as another gunshot echoes over the lot.

Searing pain radiating down your arm and through your chest. The wind feels like it's been knocked from your lungs as you desperately try to gasp for breath. The back of your head is throbbing from the smack to the pavement and the front is throbbing again. Your eyes slam shut as you don't hear Tim's footsteps running anymore and silence confuses the air like thick fog. The second shot was at Tim and Crane got him.

Crane looks down at you, a sinister and belittling smile on his face, proud of what he's just done. You try to roll slightly onto your side, the gunshot causing a sheering pain to radiate down to your fingertips. Crane lifts his arm, aiming the gun right at your head and ready to pull the trigger. You pause, looking at it and you grit your teeth with the pounding of your head right where the gun is aimed. You spot blood and a cut on Crane's face, you needed to throw a little more to the left.

This whole thing would have been solved had you thrown just a little bit to the left or been quicker. You're pretty sure you only missed because you were fucking shot. And now Crane might actually kill you and you hope Jason knows where the Lazurus Pit is and will bring you back so you can kill Crane with your bare hands. But, then, the throbbing stops and Crane drops his arm as he looks over his shoulder, seeing someone in the distance.

He doesn't say a word before he runs back into the building, leaving you to deal with the aftermath of blood and gunshots.

You roll over, getting to your knees as you're finally able to suck in a full breath. Your eyes land on Tim, lying on the ground just a few feet ahead of you and you focus all of your energy and attention to getting to him. You were shot in the shoulder. Those gunshots are usually deadly and you swear it'll be fine. You signed up for this and Tim isn't Robin. As much as he likes to think he's ready and able, he did not sign up for this. You have to make sure he's okay. You have no choice. He has to be fine.

So, you crawl over to him as Tim rolls over, slightly facing you. That's when you see blood covering his abdomen. Your eyes widen and you shake your head, grinding your teeth so hard you think they might shatter through your gums. Your hands go to the wound, pressing hard as Tim lets out a scream in agony.

"Sorry." You mutter, your hands almost burning as blood coats through your fingers.

This is horrible. Horrible. Horrible. Your breathing grows rapid and you can't think straight. You can't focus on anything. All you know is to put pressure on a bleeding wound but this is the abdomen and surely the bullet hit something important. There's blood coming from his mouth and he looks like he might pass out. Tim's breathing is ragged and staggered. This isn't good and he's just human and he's not Robin. Why was he shot anyway? He had nothing to do with anything and Crane shot him anyway. Why is he such a monster? Why would Tim even want to go through this? It's not fair and you just watch the blood come through your fingers and the lump in your throat grows so much you think you're going to choke. Your eyes brim with burning hot tears and it's all too real and familiar.

A scream of your name comes from your side and warm and calloused hands come to your face, grabbing your attention. "What the fuck happened?" Jason asks in a panic, his hands holding your face firmly.

He's been trying to get you to answer him but nothing. It's as if you were in a trance and he's been here before with you. Something triggers you to shut down and that's all that happens. It's as if your own memories suck you into a steal cage.

"What?" You croak, eyes scanning over his face. When did he get here?

"What. Happened?" Jason nods before he looks to Tim who's now struggling to breathe.

His eyes come back to you and all he saw was someone who he swore was Crane looming over someone on the ground. It wasn't until you got to your knees that he realized it was you and then he saw Tim. Jason isn't sure he's ever run so fast in his life to get to you. You would never be on the ground if you weren't hurt. And that is one of Jason's biggest fears so his eyes scan over you quickly, hoping you aren't hurt too badly. You've been hurt before.

"Uh...C-crane." You shake your head away from his head, trying to snap yourself back into reality. You look down to Tim and he looks so scared. He looks absolutely and utterly terrified. "You're gonna be fine." You try to level your voice to offer some form of reassurance.

Jason's heart stops entirely in his chest, realizing that if Crane just shot you both, that's on him. Crane never would have targeted you without Jason and you never would have had to drag Tim into this if it weren't for the formula. None of this would have happened if it weren't for Jason. His stomach starts to turn with guilt and agony and regret. His eyes scan over you quicker, desperate that you aren't hurt. You can't be hurt because you're you and you can't be hurt because of him.

You have the combat thing anyway and you're really good at dodging things. But, you're the self-sacrificing type and Tim is already shot. Jason's head starts to spin at the very thought of you in Tim's position. On the ground and bleeding out, terrified of dying. Jason has to keep his eyes on you anyway because he thinks if he watches the look on Tim's face, he might spiral into a fit of panic attacks. He's been there. And that's when he sees the blood.

"Were you fucking shot?!" Jason rushes, trying to look at the wound without moving your hands.

You look to it and then back to him. "Yeah." You nod your head. "I'm fine though." You shake your head, sucking in a breath. "I'm fine." You state, unsure if you're trying to convince Jason or yourself. "We need to do something for Tim, though."

"Fine?!" Jason yells in frustration as he moves to the other side of Tim so he can sit in front of you. He leans down, trying to look at it in the low light but there's a lot of blood and there's fabric from your hoodie in the way. Getting shot isn't fine. "You were fucking shot! That's not fucking fine!"

You can't take it. Being yelled at and trying to make sure Tim doesn't die. Jason's scared and panicked, mad at Crane and you know it but it's making the panic of your own blood worse. It's too much and too loud and too warm and too cold. It's all too much. And you've been here before and it ended in death and bloodstains. It ended in tarnished memories and pain and agony. It ended in tears and screaming and wailing. Everything still fucking hurts and you can't take Jason also yelling at you because you will be fine. You've been fine before. You've been nearly beaten to death and you were fine. You swear this is different. Tim needs the help.

"I can take care of myself! I got it!" You yell right back as the panic starts to take over. It's not him but you can only deal with one heavy thing at a time right now.

Jason is not going to argue this. You're his favorite person and you're everything to him. A mix of panic and frustration coat his stomach, fog his thoughts and words. You can help Tim, but he has to help you.

"Bullshit, that's why I fucking do it." Jason scoffs, keeping his stare on you and that gets you to snap your attention back to him. Jason shakes his head, grabbing your shoulder to put pressure on it for you and you scream out in agony. "Sorry." Jason grits his teeth as your blood starts to coat his hands. "Crane did this?" Jason asks carefully.

You nod your head. "Yeah."

"I'm gonna fucking kill him." Jason grits his teeth and he gets this look that washes over his eyes, one you've never seen before. It is almost a bit scary.

You're his line and Crane crossed it. Jason does not care anymore. He will kill Crane himself at this point. If Crane wants to mess with him, fine. Maybe Jason deserves it anyway, just as he always has. But, you? No one gets to fuck with you and make it out alive anymore. If anyone wants to touch you, they can go through him and he'd never let another person through. He is going to kill him.

"No!" You scold. "I wanna kill him! I didn't get to kill the fucking Joker so I get to get at least one shot in!"

"Fucking seriously?" Jason questions, surprised you're going to argue that now.

"Yes." You nod your head once. You sniffle as your shoulder starts to grow numb.

This is so bad. You know this is bad and you need someone to help. It's only been about two minutes but it all feels like too much time has passed. Someone has to help and that's when you remember why you're even here. The Titans are right behind you and they're gonna show up and be pissed. You swear Dick won't let you or Jason get a word in. You've been shot and you think Dick will think you're just covering for him. That Dick will think it was an accident and you're pinning it on Crane on purpose. You swear they aren't gonna listen and you can't deal with that right now.

"You have to get out of here." You snap your attention to Jason, panic falling over your features again.

You can't be bleeding out, worrying about Tim bleeding out, and worrying about what the Titans are going to do to Jason. He's the one that's here and Crane is probably hiding somewhere. The Titans never believe a word you or Jason have to say anyway and given Jason's track record over the last week, they won't believe him. It'll turn into an argument and a fight, probably. That's the last thing you and Tim need right about now. The easiest solution is to get Jason to leave before they show up. It's for his own good and safety.

"I'm not--"

"Leave! Go! The Titans are right fucking behind me and I wasn't supposed to be here! They're gonna be pissed as it is and they'll blame you!" You rush your words in a heated panic.

Jason's heart sinks and he can't just leave. Not when you're the one that's hurt. You would never leave him if it were him. "I'm not leaving you like this." Jason holds his stance firm.

"I can't fucking handle them screaming at me and then you and then blaming you. Let me talk to Dick. Please, Jason, you have to get out of here!" You beg him through gritted teeth. You know it is a hard ask. You know.

Jason shakes his head. What kind of person is he if he leaves you like this? You found him and you said you still tried to save him. You're alive right now and Jason can help. If you'd just let him. He can't just leave. Jason promised he'd never leave like that again and if he leaves now, what's the difference? He swore he'd always take care of you because you sure as shit don't like to take care of yourself. And you always deserved someone to be there. He can't just...leave.

"But...I--"

"They'll think it was a setup! They will not let you talk and they'll think I'm covering for you! I'll think of something to tell them. Please, Jason, please go." You're voice finally cracks, your chest caving in under the pressure.

Jason's heart breaks and he knows you're right. But, you're hurt and what if something happens and he's not there? Jason swears he already isn't going to be able to live with himself for this but if you die and it's because he left? Then what?

"I can't leave and--"

"Jay! Please, fucking please." You let out a broken and strained cry, trying with everything in you to hold it back. "I love you, please, Jay. It's still you and me and I got you. I will find a way to convince them it wasn't you and it wasn't a setup and I'm not just covering you. Please, Jay." You pull in a weak breath. "I'll be okay." Your bottom lip quivers as tears reflect off the low light of the parking lot.

And he caves.

Jason grits his own teeth, brows pulling together. "Let Gar help you when he gets here." Jason nods his head at you before he presses his forehead against yours for just a second. "Please."

You nod your head. "Okay." You say softly as some small part of relief starts to echo over your bones.

Jason pauses for a few seconds and he already hates himself but he gets to his feet anyway. He does it for you because he knows you're right. They won't listen to him because they never have before. They won't listen to you either because you made it clear you're with him, through everything. You already look like you're on the verge of a mental breakdown and Jason can't make it any worse. But, he swears the only reason he's letting himself run away from this is because he knows Gar will be there. Gar will know you're hurt and he'll find a way to help you because that's what Gar is best at. Helping the people he cares about most. But he feels guilty anyway because you found him.

You found him and now you're leaning over Tim with blood-stained hands all over again. You found him and Jason can't even stick around to make sure you're gonna be okay. It's you and you're resilient. You were nearly beaten to death and were up and walking a few hours later. But, Jason should be there and he knows he should. He just knows he won't be any help if it stresses you out more with him being there. It won't help you if you're fighting the Titans instead of getting help because that's exactly what would happen. It doesn't help you if you're too busy worrying about what will happen with Jason instead of making sure the bullet didn't knick anything. Jason knows, right now, it is probably better he leave. But, he makes a silent promise to himself that any other time after this, he won't leave. He will never put either one of you in a position where you have to leave when you need each other. It's not fair.

You look back to Tim. “You’re gonna be fine.” You can hear the unconvincing waver in your voice.

“Titans.” Tim manages to get out. “Was right.”

“Shut up.” You roll your eyes. “Told you, more to the story.” You manage to get out as your eyes go back to the blood and there is just so much of it. You're tired of having bloody hands.

And then you hear Gar yell your name, the sound surrounded by several pattering footsteps.

You look up at Gar, relief coming across your eyes. You can't do this on your own but The Titans can help.

“What the hell happened?!” Kory asks once her and the other Titans close in on you and Tim.

"Crane, call someone. He's losing a lot of blood and I can't stop the bleeding." You look up at Dick and Dick can’t believe this is really happening. What the hell are you even doing here? And he’s supposed to trust you.

"Why would Crane do this?" Dick asks as Gar picks up his phone for an ambulance.

"Because he's fucking insane?!" You yell and you look down, Tim starting to lose consciousness. “Hey, no no no,” You start to panic. “Tim! Come on, you gotta stay awake!” Your voice cracks and this can’t happen, not again. You look up to Dick, completely desperate. “Please, help me.” Your voice is so small, and suddenly him and Kory are reminded that you and Gar and Jason and Rachel haven't been doing this long.

Not in comparison to everything Kory has faced and Dick's extensive Tim as Robin. They were all just desperate for a place to call a home and a place to fit in. Desperate to find themselves and do what’s right.

Dick kneels down, replacing your hands with his. You pull your hands away, looking at them as the blood reflects off of the city lights around you. Your stomach starts to feel woozy and your elbows grow weak. Your hands are shaking and they burn. They burn like they might break out into hives and your fingers are freezing. Your heart is in your ears and you're thinking it’s hard to breathe again. Your eyes slam shut and Jason’s brutalized face flashes across your eyes then Tim’s dad and Tim. Everyone is flashing and it’s all your fault. And Deathstroke and Jason and his leg and Gar passing out from a tranquilizer and it’s all too much.

“They’re on their way.” Gar states, looking at you and you look like you might pass out.

“What happened?” Kory asks, keeping her voice calm as she just tries to find out what actually happened.

“I-uh, I--I-I-” You glance to Tim who’s not awake anymore and Gar rushes over to you, kneeling beside you with a hand on your shoulder. That's when he gets a look at the blood and the gunshot wound. “I-I-I….” You have your hands out in front of you, blood dripping from your hands.

"Were you shot?!" Gar questions, putting his hands on the wound as you wince.

"Oh...yeah." You nod your head at him, a distant look in her eyes. “It-It wasn’t…it wasn’t Jason.” You shake your head, looking to Dick. “I swear, Dick.” Your words are labored and you're sick of this.

He is so pissed. He's worried, of course, he is. He just found out you were also shot. But, he's also pissed. You were told to watch Tim and not be here. This is one of the things he was worried about. And now he has both of you down. If you would have just listened like you were supposed to, you could have given Jason and Dick the heads-up. You could have stopped Tim but you didn't. Dick thought you learned from last time.

“Why are you even here?” Dicks voice is frustrated as he looks over to you.

You shake your head and he gets a look at your eyes going bloodshot. “I don’t know! Scared for him, I don’t know!” You're voice cracks.”I just…” Your voice quivers. “I just wanted to make sure you kept your word.” You sniffle as your voice grows weak and small.

You look back to Tim and your hands. It’s all coming back to you again in an intense heatwave. Everyone is looking between you and Tim. Tim isn't fucking moving and it's all your fault. You can’t do this. You're back on Amusement Mile and you feel like you're going to be sick. It’s too much. Too heavy. Too loud. Tool cold. Too hot. You're under a microscope that's slowly closing in on you and you cannot sit here and watch him die. You can't. Not again.

“I can’t do this." You shake your head in a panic, getting to your feet.

Gar calls your name, following your lead.

"I-I-I can't. I'm sorry." You brush him off before you take off, leaving Gar and the rest of the Titans.

You run and run until you reach your bike, Gar calling after you the whole time. You can’t do it. It’s all too much. It’s suffocating you from the inside out. Jason on the ground, a puddle of his own blood and brain matter on the ground. It all comes back to you with Tim’s blood soaking your hands. You can’t keep losing people you care about and you can’t keep doing this. So, you run. You do what you have always been best at. Run.

prev. chapter | next chapter

series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

Tag list: @fairyofshampoo // @italiana-20 // @jasontoddsmentaldisorders // @purplerose291 // @lovelessamai  // @makaelaseresin // @lenidaslenchen // @mayfieldss  // @ghostkingblake // @im-done-with-this-im-out // @velvetskies // @lilylovelyxo // @cryinghotmess // @yesimwriting // @vivian-555 // @stainedstardom // @baebeepeach // @legend-o-zelda // @harleycao // @somehow-lovable-trash  // @xx-all-purpose-nerd-xx // @deyja-the-duck // @jasontoddslover //  @captainmarvels-blog // @totallynotkaibiased // @scarlovesyou // @whydoyoucare866 // @littlemeowmeow1000 // @ginger24880 // @septixtrash // @kplatzman // @urmomsgayforme5 // @killxz

#jason todd x reader #jason todd x you #red hood x reader #red hood x you #jason todd fanfic #jason todd fanfiction #titans fanfic #titans fanfiction #dc fanfic #dc fanfiction #petrichor

[resowrites]

Hitch - oneshot.

Summary: Henry and his girlfriend hit a bump in the road…

Pairings: AU!Henry Cavill x Girlfriend!OC

Warnings: angst, fluff, relationship difficulties/argument, language, pet names, nondescript OC body type/appearance, brief allusion to smut, hastily written/lightly proofread.

WC: 1630

A/N: Hi folks, still not back in the writing groove but gave it a go and this was the result lol Sorry for deleting the last request, still having a crisis of confidence but I appreciate all interactions (especially as it helps me figure out blog direction). Not sure how often I’ll continue posting atm but feel free to send requests etc. - R x

My work must not be copied, reposted, or translated elsewhere. Likes, follows, reblogs and comments are thoroughly welcome and appreciated! Gifs/pics not my own. I hope you all enjoy and thanks for visiting!

Hitch - oneshot.

"I just want you to tell me why."

"Henry, do you not think if there was another reason, I’d just say so? Especially if it meant not having this conversation again?"

"So you honestly expect me to believe that you won’t get married simply because don't want to?"

"Yes! I said as much not long after we got together, why did you think I’d change my mind?"

"I dunno, I thought maybe you were trying to protect yourself. I know being with someone like me will never be straightforward, but why is marriage an impossibility given how long we've now been together? I've never done anything to make you doubt me or my love for you." She sighed and placed her hands on her hips, struggling to comprehend how watching some dreadful reality show about matchmaking had led to their current discussion. 

"Henry, I really can’t have this conversation again. I've told you my reason why and won't keep repeating myself. Goodnight." Henry dashed between her and the living room door.

"Darling please, we need to talk about this. Surely you can appreciate why I’m confused? You won't attend premieres with me, you don’t often travel with me. I respect that you're your own person and want to be out of the spotlight at much as possible, but now I'm worried you don't feel the same way about me anymore."

"Henry, you already know that isn't true. For fuck's sake I take care of everything each and every day don't I? Your house, your personal affairs, even your dog! I live in the middle of nowhere for you, I get abused every day worldwide for you, and I can't even walk down the fucking street without the risk of being photographed - all for you! Why would I do any of that if I didn't love you? I've never wanted your money, connections, or anything else, and yet here you are questioning me!" But her anger only served to rile him up further. 

"Well, I wonder why! You sound pretty resentful even though this is our house, our dog, our fucking life! For God’s sake I thought we were past this, what else can I do to prove that you're my priority?"

"I'm not resentful, that's my point! And we didn't choose this house or other aspects of our life together but I'm still here, still dedicated to you. What else do I have to do, to prove that?"

"So that would help? If we moved, chose a house together?" She clasped her forehead, exasperated.

"Ugh, no! I love this house because you chose it, just like I love you. Now let me go to bed." Henry blocked her path once again.

"No, please… I'm just trying to understand. You forget that I know you were engaged before, so is it that? You love me but you were in love with him?"

"Or the experience just confirmed marriage isn't for me. If I'd lost the person I loved most, why would I settle? I'm hardly the type, am I?" He searched her eyes.

"But if it's inconsequential to you why can't we do it? I just want you to be my wife, you know fine well I'll never hurt or leave you!"

"Except I don't! No one can. I don't want marriage because I don’t believe it's a vow anyone can honestly make. You might wake up tomorrow and decide you don't love me anymore, or next week you could meet someone who makes you realise you never did. I'm sorry but having to get divorced just adds insult to injury and I won't do it to myself. I refuse to."

"Oh, darling." Henry tried to move in for a hug but she swiftly raised her hand.

"Stop it. Whether you accept it or not, I continue to be here because I love you, and I'm sorry you think I haven't done enough to make that clear."

"And I'm sorry you think I don't love you as much as you love me." A look flashed briefly across her face.

"When did I say that?!"

"Throughout this entire conversation! So I was right all along, you think I'm just a selfish prick who wants to have his cake and eat it. First it was your father, then your ex, and now me. I'm just the latest in a long line of disappointments, aren't I? What do you want me to do? Give up acting? Will that be a big enough improvement for you?" There was no mistaking the look on her face anymore.

"How dare you. I've always respected what you do--"

“She said sarcastically.”

"Oh whatever, all this really comes down to is you not being able to control me any further than you already do." He stepped back a moment, turning around only halfway when he was ready to speak again.

"You don't really believe that?"

"Either way, I'm never getting married or having children. If that's too much for you then, I suppose... our relationship is already over." Her eyes were distraught and Henry rushed forwards, gripping the sides of her arms.

"No, no. Please, don't say that. I'm not losing you over something like this. Having children is different and besides, I don’t want to share you with anyone else," she felt her heart pinch. "I'm sorry, Okay? I'm just hurt, but I'll get over it. Yes, I'm old-fashioned, I find it hard that you don't let me spoil you, or that we have to take turns paying for holidays. You even have to pay for the upkeep of this place!”

"Yes, because you bought it despite us both living here, why can't I at least contribute?" He finally let her go, sighing as his head dropped down.

"I just want to care of you."

"And you do! Which I'm grateful for and is the reason I do whatever I can to take care of you as well. Marriage gives me the ick, alright? I'm just not lovey-dovey, sue me."

"Bollocks. You spend ages cuddling Kal, cooking for me… do you know you even cuddle up to me at night after you've fallen asleep? I try and stay awake just so--" his voice caught in his throat, "I don't miss it. We don't have to have a wedding, though you seemed to enjoy Mark's and Claire's...”

"I'd enjoy myself at funerals if they had open bars." 

"Well, what if something happens to me? I need to make sure everything's taken care of."

"We can go to a solicitor for that." Henry rubbed his jaw.

"What if we make it just us? We don't have to invite anyone other than the witnesses." She pondered the suggestion for a moment. 

"How about we have a civil union?" He scowled.

"What, where you don't have to change your title, surname, or even be called my wife?"

"Henry that's my last offer, take it or leave it. For fuck's sake why can't I just be your partner? That's all I've ever wanted to be..." She swallowed back her tears but practically fled the room. Henry just stood with his head in his hands. Neither of them slept well that night.

***

The next couple of days passed uneasily, not that she didn't try her best to make things better. She still didn't want to give in to Henry though, no matter how bad it felt not to. She thought she’d sacrificed enough for them to be together. If she said yes to this, then what would be next? It was as she was curled up on the sofa, letting such thoughts churn over and over in her mind, that he came and sat down beside her. After a couple of minutes, he gently took her hand. "Listen, I've thought about what you said and I think I finally understand. With that in mind, I'd like you to accept these as a promise that we'll belong to each other for as long as possible and as best we can.” He looked at her knowingly while pulling two velvet boxes from his pocket. “I got you the same promise ring as mine as I know you don't like anything sparkly, mine's just wider cos I've got big hands and need it to last. You don't have to be a Mrs or take my surname either, though I know you don’t like yours so I thought maybe you could anyway?" His hopeful eyes were met with the mischief in hers.

"But your surname’s awful as well!" He snorted.

"Fair enough, I know it's a nightmare changing everything by deed poll anyway. We can wear the rings on our right hands if you want, so... what do you think?"

"I'll accept it on one condition," she teased, though the tears in her eyes were plain to see.

"Which is?"

"You get down on one knee." Henry stared at her for a moment in disbelief but soon hurled himself to the floor, grinning as she presented her right hand. He took his time, making sure to slide the band on carefully. Once that was done she grabbed his and as gently as her patience would allow, twisted it over his finger. They beamed at each other before he leaped to his feet, pulling her with him so they could kiss and embrace. His heart felt like it was about to burst. "You know, if I'm not your wife then what will you call me?"

"How about 'wagon?'" She giggled and swatted him on the arm. "What about me?"

"Hmm, let's see... what else begins with 'w?'" He roared with laughter, planted another kiss on her mouth, and swept her up into his arms. She knew they were headed for the stairs before he even turned round.

To be updated on when I post please follow @resowrites and turn on post notifications.

@marytudorbrandon @luclittlepond

#henry cavill #henry cavill fandom #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill fluff

[hyenahunt]

Saga: Epilogue - 2

Writer: Akira

Season: Winter

Characters: Jun, Jin

Proofreading: 310mc (JP) & hyenahunt (ENG)

Translation: kotofucius

Jun: Now, everything's different. I don’t have to crawl along in the mud anymore — before I knew it, I was standing in a radiant paradise.

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ��]

Location: Reverse Live Stage

Jun: Y’know… Seeing that video made me realize that the world’s much more peaceful and kind than I thought, shining with more beauty than I’d forced myself to believe…

I was only making a fool of myself by looking so unhappy.

But see, if I didn't resent you, and didn't have all that hatred to drive me forward… I couldn’t move a single step!

My old man only ever lied, my old lady only ever cried — and me? I was a weak snot-nosed brat, without so much power as to even make my own parents smile!

And that hurt so much. Just living on was so exhausting…

But I couldn’t die ‘til I finally got to deck you! If I didn’t keep telling myself that, it felt like I’d choke to death.

Jun: Now, everything's different. I don’t have to crawl along in the mud anymore — before I knew it, I was standing in a radiant paradise.

In a world so kind and warm that it made me feel like a dumbass for so stubbornly clinging onto my hatred of someone else.

Jun: I can't quite kick my old habits just yet, so this scowl's etched into my face… But if here is where I am, then you don't even need to ask me to… because I can smile.

It's not just 'cause of the whole “an idol’s smile is their soul” thing, and that I’ve got no choice in the matter, no. Honestly, what I've been feeling these days is that lately, I just can't help but smile.

And I didn’t feel like I deserved that, but…

Jun: If it feels like I’ve been bestowed with too much, then I should just share it with those less fortunate… That's what Ohii-san taught me.

So that’s just what I’ll do. You don't even need to ask — I’ll become an idol who'll surpass you.

Jin: …So that's how it is, huh? You’re one tough guy, Sacchan. You're probably not gonna wind up like me.

Jun: Haha. Honestly… I’d be lying if I said that I’ve never thought of wanting to become like you.

But like I said, please knock it off with calling me Sacchan already.

And couldja stop talking to me once and for all~? While we’re mumbling like this, the audience’s fond gazes get worse by the minute.

Staring like they’re glad for me… What’s there to even be glad about? I’m 'boutta gag from this geezer’s old people stink~

Jin: Huh, I've got an old people stink!? That's shocking to hear! Or maybe not so much, considering my disastrous lifestyle, huh…?

Jun: Haha, I’m just kidding. Beats me what you’re usually like, but you’ve got the scent of a real idol right now. And y'know, just being able to get a whiff of that… makes nothing else matter, really.

I can’t keep looking back at you old fogeys, so I’m gonna move along with my own future, alright~?

I’ll sing with all my might for the audience, and give ‘em the time of their lives!

And even folks who’ve had awful experiences like me — even those who still live in the shadow of hatred and resentment for somebody else —

They’ll get to forget about all that, even if only for a moment~! …You got a problem with that?

Jin: Not in the slightest. Really, you’re a great idol — one who I'd even tote as an example to my own brats.

Lilith, huh… With how she was banished and tossed into hell, we all kinda assume that she must’ve hated everything in the world, but…

Who knows, she might've actually been having one hell of a fun time.

Considering how she’s got enough guts to oppose God, there's no way she'd lose heart so easily, huh?

Jun: Sorry? Are ya talking 'bout the Bible? If you ask me, I think Lilith’s just a name meant to give hope to those at the bottom of the barrel~

That’s my interpretation, at least, though I dunno whether it's actually right.

Jun: People like that live in constant persecution; screwed over by their lot in life, their pent-up frustrations just ended up pushing 'em to cause unforgivable blunders, like the one in SS —

But as a fellow non-Special Student, I’ll be someone who can show 'em dreams! I’ll tell 'em that good things can happen as long as they live! That even they can achieve success, just like I did!

All they need is to keep believing — then even if they have nothing but mud to eat, they can still continue living on…!

Jun: I am Lilith! Cast your dark looks away and stop cursing under your breath — everyone, just follow me!

When there's a will, there's a way! From here on out, you’ll find what awaits you is the verdant earthly paradise, created by Eve and Adam!

And I’ll be the one to guide you ‘til you reach it~ The name’s Sazanami Jun!

Please, remember me! And don’t go erasing or forgetting me just ‘cause it's a pain to commit me to memory, you got that~!?

Jun: Whether you're as lowly as a worm, or even if you're a monster consumed by their darkest emotions — each and every last one of us deserves to be happy!

I’ll prove it to you! In fact, I'm living proof of that…!

And if anyone's got a problem with that, then no matter who you are, even if you're God Himself — I’ll just kick your damn ass~! GODDAMN!

“♪~♪~♪”

[ ☆ ]

✦✦✦✦✦

← prev ✦ all ✦ next →

#ensemble stars #enstars #enstars translation #hyenahunttl #s: saga #jin sagami #jun sazanami

[dualityvn]

i am giving myself a brain break from my other obligations by writing you another unhinged theory post. (and because i miss sending you these wait who said that) enjoy <3

ight so, i was close last time and my main points then were [redacted] and [redacted] (bc i don't know if this is gonna be closer or not so i dunno if ur gonna post it) since one of those points has been all but confirmed due to recent ask answers and you not posting my theory, im gonna skip right over top of it. ( i am trying to be vague you'll get the picture)

So instead were gonna talk about the part im pretty sure i got wrong, or at least not close, which is where Tenebris/ maybe Keith? still up in the air on if Keith is aware when he's not in direct control, go when not physically present in the world. Due to being able to give ask answers more weight now i do think Tenebris is at least visible to most other people. It could be that as they've both grown, Tenebris has become able to hide his presence a little bit better, resulting in Keith being able to have negative relationships with his exs because why else would anyone think to hurt the poor flower boy when he has a literal monster standing behind him. unless they were just stupid, which is a very real possibility because of the aforementioned being mean to the sweet and adorable Keith. Tenebris' general existence provides some reasoning behind Keiths' parents actions, once again not excusing them because they suck and i hate them, but in one of the asks you said that their relationship with Keith would probably have at least been better if they had only had Keith alone, they didn't want Tenebris too. (which once again sucks i get that its not the ideal situation to have some sort of violent 'monster' living a very attached life with your son but maybe if you had treated them both with human decency and they wouldn't be such 'monsters' huh? bet you didn't think about that did you. god i hate them)

Moving on.

Sudden thought that was Not planned for this, but what if the line "he is speaking, speaking for me" from the song means like, Tenebris can see the world when he's not physically present but cant talk, he has to talk through Keith. and Keith is just like, a prisoner in his own body when this happens. oooo that's neat. i had something else planned but that's a cool concept im gonna rock with that.

im fairly certain this isnt going to get posted so hi nightmare how are you. hope ur feeling better, shitty life stuff sucks, but it'll get better i pwomise mwah (that and the heart earlier are platonic btw i wouldn't wanna step on Tads creators toes and get excommunicated from the church of Tad that would be very unradical)

Speaking of Tad since this is just me talking to you now apparently, i saw the outcry for a Tad theory and while I do have Thoughts i don't have anything super concrete yet. Plus notamonsterfucker wanted to work with me on theory stuff sometime and i lov them so we're thinking about Tad Together so it'll be a bit unless your boyfriend wants to feed us some more crumbs. Thatd be pretty cool, but no pressure obviously. This isn't a Tad blog and i as much as i enjoy Tad, i enjoy Keith and Tenebris more so keep making what you wanna make and i will continue to stew on your vagueness.

uuhh not much theory there at the end but yeah. also this received even less than my usual amount of proofreading because it is nearly midnight here and i am Tired so if its is unreadable that is why.

goodnight

I'm gonna show this, cause it still doesn't mention their explicit situation. Last one had something that was spot on, hehe. But yeah, you're doing good, but some things are still not quite there yet

And hello, I'm doing better today, thank you for asking :D

I'm glad you guys are bonding over Tad lore, lmao. I know my bf is cooking something, cause that ending to the restaurant ad had a sus end. Or maybe he has no idea what he's doing, who knows? He's definitely enjoying the attention Tad is getting though.

#duality game #yandere #dating sim #duality theory

[ducknotinarow]

MM Michelangelo - All Symbol Headcanons please uwu

| Send me a symbol and I will write a headcanon about…  For multimuse blogs, please specify!

Its ya boi! Mikey uwu I admit I do love him just as much as I do any other Mikey's I dunno it is nice to see him not just reduced to baby but he is still very baby ;3; like telling Splinter he loves them and going "kisses" just nice as someone who grows tried of how often Mikey can be flanderized or infantilized giving him a slight more maturness was just a nice change of pace. I wish we got a bit more but as i mentioned before I understand for the story and time why we didn't we'er gonna get more so I look forward to more Mikey soon.

𝓕 : My muse’s handwriting. (Is it good, bad, difficult to decipher, do they prefer writing by hand or with the help of some form of machine, e.t.c.) 

"It me Micheal Angelo!" Untill I know for sure what they do for a last name i'm sticking with the joke I won't change my tags of course but ya know XD. In a lot of the promo art they show Mikey's name with a star over the I even when capital and it's cute i'm keeping it. It shows off Mikey's more child like and playful nature. Due ti the size, spacing and slant in his hand writing Mikey is a people pleaser and likes to avoid confrontation. Which we do see when it comes to them meeting the other mutants and even being against their plan Mikey agreed they can't let them do it but he still felt bad for having to be against them. Even among his brothers Mikey sort shows this peace keep mentality even among his brothers though he isn't above getting upset with leo for snitching on them. Because he may show these traits he isn't going to back down when it comes to defending himself, his words or others when he feels the need todo so. If there is a need of course. Mikey dose show he dose in fact over think here and there mostly when it comes to the situation him and his brothers are in.

Day dreamer he is he liked to think about if they weren't shunned from society they could be like humans their age. But that coming from having to remove that fact hes a mutant from his mind before he can indulge in the idea. Mikey also is someone that once he commit and puts his mind to something his ambition will carry him far.

✈ : My muse and  traveling. (If they do it frequently and why, if they never left their home town, e.t.c.)

"I've been a few places in New York? but that's about it really."

Mikey and his brothers haven't gone to a lot of places yet, mostly moving across New York and I wouldn't be too surprised if it's not even all that much of the city it's self likely the most travel happening when they go after the big crime families of New York.

✿ : My muse and nature. (If they are an ‘outdoorsy type’, like the sound of bird’s singing, if they have never set foot in a forest, e.t.c.) 

"I mean never really been? I'm a turtle so I dunno I bet that gives me an advantage maybe."

Mikey may live in a sewer and be a mutant turtle but I don't think he adapt to nature too well not like the hard core camping where you sleep on the ground. And such maybe be fine with a tent at least but he likely perfer some comfort of not being in the woods like able to be on his phone. But He might be fine with out it if really had to go with out the device hes still a someone who grew up with tech so there will be a miss for it.

☼ : My muse’s first memory. (Where it was, who was with them, how this memory makes them feel, e.t.c.) 

"hmm Pizza yeah the pizza for sure." I feel Mikey first memory was when Splinter first got them that Pizza uwu, it was the most beautiful thing the turtle ever laid his eyes on. This must be what love is. Okay there some over hyping but come on it's a Mikey Pizza may be the food of all the turtles but we know who loves it the most out of the four of them. It was also something new. And something so very common and normal for humans to enjoy just something Mikey wished he could do walk into a pizza place and get a slice. So mundane to most but for someone who can't do that?

☙ : My muse’s favourite food. (Bonus: A memory, be it good or bad, associated with said food.)

"Pizza of course." Feel Like I put too much in the memory forgetting this question is also here haha but yeah it's pizza for Mikey of course. Even when him and brothers were busy with their take down of Super fly plan he did go for the Pizza Splinter got for them. I feel it's a comfort food for Mikey, something Splinter would try and get for his boys when ever he could. Just this nice little treat that helped to brighten up his and his brothers days. Sure they can go out at night and such but somethings it get to him feel like he and his family were punished for simply existing (the scene with him gazing out from the sewer grid with the bars shadows over him ffffff hurts!)

But Splinter would get his hands on a fresh hot pizza and try and make it special for them so now mikey can't help but feel comfort around a good piece ;3;

♬ : My muse and music. (What type of music they like listening to and in what context, what music they would never listen to, e.t.c.)

"Nah I listen just about anything, even if I can't sign BTS songs for Donnie." Mikey likes rap and hiphop mostly stated off what sounds from the soundtrack I feel Mikey would be a fan off. He doesn't like old school music as well so he dips into the 90's era of music as well. Due to their life style sure they can be caught up on what new known but they were able to get their hand son the older stuff first.

Which helped to cement what kind of sounds and such that Mikey finds him self more drawn towards. Mikey just likes a good song he vibe with. Music is something he more turns to depending on his moods. If he feeling sad he dose like to listen to sad music and so on. He feels its a very good way for him to go through how he is feeling. Sometimes others words help him connect to his how emotions.

↺ : My muse and the past. (Do they live in the past and struggle to let go of past grievances, or move on more easily, is there anything in their past they want to forget, e.t.c.) 

"Well I mean I try not to think about much or I just get bummed out ya know?"

Lets be honest the turtles past? Sucks. It sad when you really look at these boys who just wants something so mundane as being able to go to school that getting to walk into a school excites them? They in a sense have freedom humans don't but they want this basic thing that many would moan and groan over. They were exited just to see a school hallway to mess around and sign up for an improve class even. Mikey rather focus on the future they have over wanting to look back. Course that doesn't mean the good times that part he dose think back on.

Just him, his brothers and their father, like bath time just playing around as kids. Raph waking him and broths up due to his fear of the dark. Mikey finding glow stars and setting them up claiming it was for him but it was really for Raphael. Cause the guy would never own up to the fear. He doesn't like to reflect on the bad times when it comes to the past rather stick to what was good even if that wasn't enough to make him content in that life for long.

☾ : My muse and sleep. (How much they sleep, how much they wish to sleep, if there is something that never fails to put them to sleep, e.t.c.) 

"Nah I'm good about sleep"

Mikey and his family for sure lived a nocturnal life before having to readjust but I feel Mikey was always someone able to go to bed at a decent time and up early not too early of course, Mikey dose enjoy getting a good amount of hours in to sleep. But when the sun is out? He is also up just as bright and sunny as it. He aint the sunshine turtle for nothing after all. Mikey only struggles to sleep when he is excited about something he cant wait for the next day to come around that his body just is not tried at the time. Those are the only times he misses out on his sleep but true to who he is still manages to have energy to get him through the day.

✧ : My muse and art. (If they have an artistic side or not and why, favourite artist if they have one, e.t.c.) 

"Ya know improve is very artistic." Mike's much more for performance art one could say as someone who always is thinking on his feet however though it makes sense that he dose take an intrest into improve being able to come up with things on the spot and working without any script or clue of what is going on? Yeah it fits very well with his mind set. He's quick to take note of his surroundings and working with what he has to execute plans like using donnies bo staff so make sense why improve appeals.

I feel in terms of a favorite person? Mikey really loves actors who can jump into improve like Robin Williams, loves catching SNL skits and other late night shows for this reason. He tries to bring in that same losse and easy going style to his own humor because he just finds it works best more so in stressful situations.

❃ : My muse and social media. (If the muse is/would be on social media and why/why not, their general opinion on it, e.t.c.) 

"No as much as Like Don's glue to his stuff but yeah i use a lot of it myself." Mikey for sure gets more use out of it once he starts to make friends. Like mostly in use of twitter, Instagram and Snap chat himself. Of course, Twitter is meant for following celebs and such but he also just posts nothing major or of value just a normal account where he chats with friends and mutals. Instagram is for sure where he posts photos of stuff he sees around the city or at home. Likes to take pictures of his family. Just small thing like hanging out with his brothers or stuff he thinks might be fun or funny to share.

He dose also use tiktok where I can see him having a platform for his improving skills I can see him being like Thomas Sanders where all his content is very light hearted aimed to just make you day better give you laugh even.

✉ ��: My muse and others. (If they social and outgoing or more introverted, and why. If they prefer communicating with others face to face or in written form, e.t.c.). 

"I like people with good vibes mostly." Unlike 2012 mikey he's not one to deal with the whole jealously aspect of his brothers getting new friends if anything he really wants them to do well oh he will still tease them on their crushes of course and call them out for being dorks. But he full on supportive younger brother here. If things go wrong? I feel hes the shoulder for his brothers to rest their heads on. And unlike 03 mikey I feel he's not as great about picking up on when someone might not be all that good to trust. Seeing how they all fall for Super flys charm after all, Even not able to pick up on the vibes from Mondo seeing how they clicked right away when they first met themselves. So it might not be abnormal for Mikey to have a few bad friendships in the near coming future simply because he is such a nice and friendly and welcoming person. Some people may take advantage of that but Mikey tends to let it roll of his back, in the open at least.

Mikey tries his best to stick to his easy going ways but somethings? it can be a bit to much even for him.

At school I feel Mikey is that kid who can mingle among all the groups and cliques. He just can vibe with a different mix of people he knows the theater kids, he knows jocks, the kid who go home everyday ect. He's pretty good about diffusing tension even usual making it to where everyone leave chilled and clam after.

▶ : My muse and level of education. (If the muse has some form of education, what education they perhaps wish they had, e.t.c.). 

"I'm in school now I dunno if I wanna pursue more though? I mean maybe an associates at least?"

As excited as Mikey is to start going to school he hasn't thought much pass a high school degree himself. Community college is likely the most he'll go with next maybe through a scholarship from the preforming arts section. If anything he might look to community theater to keep pursuing improve as an outlet. So that he can learn to sharpen that more.

◐ : My muse and animals. (If they like animals and treat them well, do not care for them at all, e.t.c.). 

"I mean? I'm a turtle, my bros are turtles, my dad's a rat, we got even more animals in the family?" LOOOK MANY PREVIOUS MIKEYS HAD CATS! I like to think Mikey will also find his own cat ;3; likely more how 03 found Klunk or like how April found the cat that became Ice cream kitty in the 12 series. I think he would find an animal in need of home and decide their home is with them. Maybe something a little out there even or like a dog to match his energetic side?

❒ : My muse and gifts. (If they are good/bad at finding gifts, good/bad at receiving gifts, good/bad at wrapping gifts, e.t.c.) 

"Gifts can be hard, I mean it gotta fit them be something they want or could even need? show you thought about them even," I think Mikey being Mikey is pretty good at knowing a sort thought process to follow for gifts. I feel no matter what it is clear he had you in mind so the gift liekly is always well received Mikey very much is someone who puts thought into the gifts he gets no matter what that gift is though.

☘ : My muse’s relation with their family. (If they speak with each other and how much, if they are close or estranged, e.t.c.). 

"I love them, and now? we have even more! Course Mondo is who i'm closest two guys vibe is real chill ya know?"

Mikey loves his family he really is all about them. He loves Splinter and everything he dose for them and tries to do for them. Like in part he can understand Splinter is just trying to protect them even if he can go a bit to far at times Mikey always knows its from a place of love. And well hes lucky to have a parent who loves him, his brothers even like that.

His brothers? He in the youngest and sometimes that can be a pain but he would change any of them given the chance. Of course, he still gonna be a little shit at times they are his siblings and well it just what you do to your brothers. He didn't make the rules but he follows them. He take advantage of his lil bro status loving to perch on Leo and Raph jumping up on them and such. He sometimes will do it a bit towards Donnie bout never fully throwing his weight their way. Mikey dose for sure see his brothers as his best friends they are the ones he can tell everything to. Even share those thoughts he doesn't find as pleasant. I feel he tends to go to each brother for different reasons however. Nothing against any of them just he feels he knows who would be the best to talk to about what ever is bugging him.

With his expanding family? He is closest to Mondo seeing them more like his own best friend. Mondo just gets him in a way many don't they even get into the same stupid antics together. So he can often be found skating in the tunnels with them or getting into some trouble with them. I do feel Mondo is a bit older than Mikey so he sometimes tries to take responsibility but pretty sure Mikey tends to have to step up the most when Splinter starts to scold them.

#muse| hamato michelangelo #madamkezzie #aflockoffeathers #meme answers #[ mm verse] #ic reply #muse bio: hamato michealangelo #stay queued

[spirirsstuff]

hi take something stupid i wrote for the supernatural au (yes it’s canon yes it’s stupid yes i’m posting this no i don’t regret shit)

also it’s from killer’s pov, if you need any context as to the characters, just check the pinned post on the ask blog ( @ask-supernaturalmythological-au )

Nightmare was a deep sleeper. I knew that much. But he needed to wake up.

He specifically told us that whoever woke up first should also wake him.

Well that just so happened to be me.

Stretching my wings, I walked down the hallway and into Nightmare’s room.

Now, I didn’t see him in the skeletal form he usually was in. And that was normal, many times he unconsciously shifted in his sleep. He told us that.

So I lifted the blankets.

There was a small octopus, all dried up.

Quickly, I picked him up, ran downstairs, filled a cup of water, and dropped him in it. It wasn’t the best solution and was sort of small, but it would work for now. It would only be until he woke up and shifted back, anyways.

I made myself some toast. I knew I shouldn’t make much, since Horror would cook some huge breakfast once he woke up.

I ate my toast and went back over to the cup that Nightmare was currently residing in.

He was now awake, and his eye was open. A common theme among all of his forms was that his right eye was either injured, or not there at all. Another common theme that his form followed was that he was a very dark gray. He had small flaps on the side of his head, and his tentacles were short.

“Sleep well, Mare?” I asked.

He stared at me angrily.

“Want me to take you out of there so you can shift back?”

He looked considerably happier.

I lowered my hand into the cup and allowed Nightmare to grab onto it with his tentacles. It tickled a bit.

I lifted my hand out of the water and lowered it to the ground. Nightmare crawled off, water pooling below him.

After a minute of waiting, he was starting to look a bit dry again. Usually it didn’t take him but a few seconds to shift.

“Uh, you okay there, buddy? You’re looking a little dry again,” I asked.

Nightmare didn’t look happy, so I picked him back up and put him back in the cup.

“Feel alright? Maybe I should get you a better tank.”

Apparently small octopi can’t say anything. So I rummaged around and found a dusty fishbowl, which I cleaned and filled with water.

I picked Nightmare up and put him into the bowl, dumping out the other cup into the sink. It was still a small bowl, but hopefully this would suit for now. I moved it onto the table.

“Do I… get you breakfast? What do octopi eat?”

He said nothing. Did he even know?

I heard footsteps down the stairs, along with a tail limply dragging with it. Apparently Horror was sleeping in.

“Morning, Dust,” I said, walking over to the stairs.

“Good,” he yawned mid-sentence, “morning, Killer.”

He didn’t look very awake yet. He hadn’t even shined his horns, one of the first things he did every morning.

“Sleep okay?” I asked.

He walked over to the coffee machine on the counter. “No, but that’s alright. Stars, the stuff here keeps you awake way better than whatever was back in the Fae realm.”

“No kidding. So what happened that kept ya awake?”

“Dragon shit.”

“Dragon shit?”

“A nightmare about my hoard being taken away from me.”

“Oh. That’s like, super important to you, right? Or did I not listen to any of your lectures right?”

“Mhm. Every one of us has one, they’re all different. But we guard them with our lives.”

“Makes sense. Demons don’t really have that stuff. At least, my type of demon doesn’t.”

We waited in silence for a few minutes, just until Dust’s coffee was done.

“So… what’s the octopus doing?”

“I dunno, Nightmare shifted mid-sleep or something. And now he’s a pathetic little guy who can’t even leave the water without suffocating.”

Nightmare glared.

“And he didn’t think about shifting back?”

“I took him out of the water for him to shift back, but he just didn’t. He sat there for a solid minute just… on the floor.”

“Can he like… not shift back?”

“I dunno. Can he?”

“Well did you ask?”

“I don’t think he can talk.”

“Oh. Fair.”

“Yeah.”

We sat in silence for a few more minutes. Dust drank his coffee, and I watched Nightmare.

After a while, Dust said, “I’m gonna go get ready. I wanted some coffee first.”

“Kay. See you later. Just make sure you’re down in time for breakfast, or Horror might get mad at you.”

Dust walked upstairs, his tail dragging considerably less than before.

I sat at the table, going through my phone. I think Nightmare was staring at me the entire time.

After a while, I heard clicking on the stairs.

Horror was walking down, his ear perked up and his tail wagging a bit.

He walked into the kitchen, and his tail started wagging even more when he came over to the table. Stars, he acted like a dog sometimes. It was sort of cute.

What wasn’t cute was the look on Nightmare’s face after Horror spoke.

“Seafood.”

“Not quite.”

“Takoyaki.”

“We aren’t eating him, Horror.”

Horror’s ear drooped, his tail stilling.

I reached up and gently scratched behind Horror’s ear.

“It’s alright, bud. I’ll get you octopus some other time. But we still can’t eat him. Nightmare shifted while he slept and I don’t think he can shift back.”

Horror leaned on the table, his face almost against the glass of the bowl. His tail was wagging again and his ear had perked back up. Nightmare, however, was against the glass on the other side of the bowl, fear in his eye.

“Friend.”

“There you go.”

Horror usually took a while to wake up, relying mostly on instincts and his senses until he was fully awake. He didn’t usually make breakfast until he was awake, or else he knew that he would probably go out and kill something to eat, relying more on instinct than reason.

“You want some coffee? I can make you some,” I asked.

Horror nodded his head, not looking away from the small octopus in the bowl. Nightmare stared at him with fear, looking at me. I just smiled and went to make the coffee.

“Do you know if Cross is awake yet?”

Horror shook his head.

“Still questioning who he is?”

Horror nodded.

“Figures. Kid can’t remember his past, can’t even remember what kind of Fae he is. You and Mare sure that he’s really Fae?”

“Scent.”

“Huh?”

“Scent.”

“What do you mean, scent?”

“Fae.”

“Do Fae have a certain smell or something?”

Horror nodded.

“So you’re saying that you know he’s Fae because he smells weird.”

Horror nodded once again. Somehow he never tore his sockets off of Nightmare.

Once the coffee was finished, I handed it to Horror.

I decided that it was time for Cross to stop sleeping and flew up the stairs. It’s easier to be sneaky when you aren’t clicking or creaking on the floor.

I quietly pushed the door open to Cross’s room, who was sleeping in his jacket. He was weirdly attached to that thing.

Slowly, I flew over to his bedside.

I gently and quietly reached to his back and…

“WAKEY WAKEY ASSHOLE!” I shouted, grabbing him and shaking him awake violently.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP KILLER!” Dust yelled from down the hall.

“NO YOU!”

“Why do you always wake me up like this,” Cross asked tiredly, annoyed.

“Cause I love you.”

“I question that sometimes.”

“Why do you always sleep in that jacket? Do you ever wash it?”

“I’m just… drawn to it. I don’t know. I don’t like washing it, it just feels wrong throwing it in the washing machine, like I should wash it specially. But that takes a while and I’d rather sleep if someone would let me.”

“But Horror’s gonna get mad if you don’t eat with all of us! Well, except Nightmare today.”

“What’s going on with Nightmare?”

“Sleep shifted and hasn’t shifted back for some reason.”

“Huh. Maybe it’s a shapeshifter thing? This hasn’t ever happened before, has it?”

“Not that I remember.”

“Well, I guess we’ll just have to figure something out later. What did he shift into anyways?”

“Octopus.”

“What?!”

“A little one! He’s in a fishbowl on the table.”

Cross lifted the blankets, jumping out of bed, not bothering to change into a different shirt or shorts.

He ran out of the room and down the stairs.

“SHIT!” I heard him call just before I heard a thump, and I assume that he fell.

I flew down, finding Horror helping Cross up.

Cross, despite having just fallen on the steps by running, ran over to the table where Nightmare was sitting in his fishbowl. It looked like he had fallen asleep.

“Is this really Nightmare?” he asked.

“I think. I mean, probably. It was in his bed, kinda resembles literally every form he has, and also it seems to understand us. So yeah, it’s probably Nightmare.”

“And you aren’t even sure. Wow.”

“No, it’s Nightmare,” Horror said, walking back over.

“Ah, I see, you’ve figured out how to form sentences since this morning.”

“Shut up, I was tired and running on instinct.”

“Go make food or something.”

“Horror, how are you so sure?”

“I explained to Killer earlier that Fae have a certain scent. The octopus has that scent, as well as Nightmare’s scent. But also the scent of octopus, and I had just woken up and was running on instinct and…”

“That’s why he’s so insistent that you’re Fae, you have the scent I guess.”

“I really don’t think I’m Fae, I might have just picked up the scent from living with you guys.”

“No. Blue’s been around us and Error a lot, he hasn’t picked up any scent whatsoever, except for whoever’s scent specifically.”

“I’m telling you, I really think I’m just some mortal you took in. I don’t think I’m Fae. I don’t even know what kind I am, and I don’t have any unnatural traits that you guys have.”

“Cross, stop arguing with the werewolf. He knows smells the best of all of us, he’d know. You’re Fae, fuck you.”

“Can we just get back to what we were originally talking about?”

We went silent after Horror spoke. He was the voice of reason in the group, I have no idea what we’d do without him.

“As I was saying, Nightmare is-”

I stopped in the middle of the sentence when I heard glass thumping. We all turned our heads and found Nightmare moving the bowl towards the edge of the table.

Cross grabbed the bowl before Nightmare could push it any more.

Nightmare swam up to the surface of the water, his head poking out.

“I think he wants out of the bowl,” Cross said, putting his hand into the water. The octopus climbed onto it.

Gently sitting Nightmare on the floor, Cross waited with the rest of us.

In a few moments, Nightmare was standing in front of us, no longer an octopus.

“I think I have a few things to explain. Call Dust down, it’ll do him good to hear this as well.”

After a bit of explanation, we were caught up.

Sometimes, shapeshifters get stuck in forms. It just happens sometimes, and could last for a few minutes to a few weeks depending on the case.

Nightmare, like Horror, is also able to tell whether someone is Fae or not. Though it’s more like a sixth sense, he just knows. But unlike Horror, it’s the same feeling with demons, who aren’t technically Fae. I would know that, I am one. Horror said that it’s a different scent for demons and true Fae.

For the rest of the day, I made fun of Nightmare. I know he loves me, whatever he does won’t be that bad.

#randomrambles #my writing #supernatural/mythological au

[temsikfates]

Relationships

Ok so I decided to make a post for the main relationships in this blog. If I forgot someone, just let me know! I’m not gonna add the AUs here because it would made things even more messy than they already are adskjdkj

Yomiel (Shades)

Jowd | fourminutesbefore (Friend)

“I guess I can consider Jowd my friend, despite all the shit I did to him. He forgave me and we both are trying to deal with the awful memories from that terrible timeline. I owe him a lot. I feel like I’ll forever owe him for everything I did. He says he forgives me, but I don’t feel like this is enough. I think my debt to him will never be completely paid, but I’m trying my best.”

Cat!Sissel | catofkismet/phantompets (Best Friend)

“My best friend in the entire world is a cat. Call me crazy, but that’s the truth. He’s the only one I can talk to about my traumas from the past timeline and he’s been helping me a lot.”

Missile | fourminutesbefore/phantompets/ghostlymissile (Friend)

“I’m not a dog person and honestly, dogs makes me feel nervous, but this particular one? I like him. He helped Sissel to avert my fate, so I owe him my life too.”

Apollo Justice | taiyodoroki (Friend)

“Apollo is really nice and we have a lot in common. First, he appreciates red. Got my respect. He also loves cats and is a nerd so thumbs up. He is also very nice to me.”

Apollo Justice | aptlyattorney (Friend)

A lawyer I met when I was talking about cats. I ended up telling him about my secret because he seemed to know I was lying. Must be a lawyer thing I guess, since it’s part of their profession to detect when someone is lying or hiding facts. He seems nice and has a good taste for suits.

Koven | spiritkat (Friend)

“I’ve met this kitten accidentally and I already love him. He reminds me a lot of Sissel and he’s also willing to help me. I can’t have enough kitty friends, the more the better!”

Kamila | fourminutesbefore (Unofficial niece figure)

“Kamila…. What do I have to say about this poor girl whose life I tormented so much in a past timeline? I feel terrible for what I did to her. I’m trying to atone for everything I did to her. She seems to like me, I guess. Guess I’m an awkward uncle figure to her, apparently.”

Selena Dean | hackerdean (Pupil/Unofficial niece figure)

“Met this girl one day in a coffee shop while waiting for a client to show up. She seems to be into programming too and likes cats. We have a very nice chat. She seems to look up to me as a mentor. Guess I got another awkward niece figure.”

Connor | bambino-muses (Friend)

“This is the Android that was sent by CyberLife to work with the detectives in the PD. Really innocent. Sissel is very fond of him and I like him too. I’m really curious to study about his programming.”

Cabanela | nooothinglikeme (Grudge)

“Ah, the inspector… He still annoys me a lot. I haven’t forgiven him, but Sissel says I should try to forgive him and move on. And even though I know she’s right… I don’t know if I’m ready yet. The inspector should also forgive me, this go both ways. I dunno how the fuck he found out about the timelines, but it seems it has something to do with the multiverses I recently found out were real.”

Kaname Date/Saito Sejima | psyncin-in-the-restrain (Awkward Friend)

“Met this guy while walking on the streets once. Seems to be a new detective in the precint, working with the local detectives. Said he came from Japan and seems to be working on a big case. He’s a bit of a werid guy and I had a weird feeling about him. Maybe it’s me being paranoid or just my trust issues alerting me to be careful, but I’m definitely curious about him. I guess I can consider him a friend now. He’s nice towards me and Sissel and he respects our relationship, so I guess I can trust him.”

Manipulator Yomiel (Shard)

Seluna | garounthropy/silenthcwl (Close Friend/Crush)

“We started out in a bad mood, but then we turned out to be friends. She reached a hand out to me when no else would. She’s… been doing a lot for me. More than anyone else ever did. I guess I am developing feelings for her, but I think it’s just my grief that’s making me project Sissel on her… I’m still confused about my feelings for her, but I hope this doesn’t ruin our friendship.”

Cat!Sissel | catofkismet /phamtompets (Best Friend)

“My best friend. He’s been beside me for years and has been my only companion and the only one I could talk to. Too bad cats can’t talk. I love him so much…”

Apollo Justice | taiyodoroki (Friend)

“I like this kid. I’ve been trying to teach him how to shoot people. He’s shot that inspector twice. I’m proud of him.”

Jowd | fourminutesbefore (Enemy/Victim)

“Ah, Jowd, I hope you’re enjoying your spot in your prison cell. I make sure to visit you everyday to see if you’re suffering properly. I’ll make sure you pay for what you did to me.”

Cabanela | nooothinglikeme (Enemy/Victim)

“This bastard inspector always like to get in the way of my plans. I killed him once and I’d kill him as many times as needed.”

Alfendi Layton | twiceminded (Victim)

“This one’s an interesting case. He’s intriguing. He reminds me ot that bastard inspector in white, and he’s also a man of the law so another reason for me to dislike him. Right now, I’m just toying with him, seeing how far I can push him…”

Bluemiel | fourminutesbefore (Enemy/Victim)

“This one’s a shameful alternate. I can’t even consider him an alternate. How can he not feel the need for vengeance for the people who destroyed our lives? He’s weak. He’s pathetic. And I hate him.”

Sissel

Alma | celebratorysoul (Close Friend)

“Alma’s the adorable wife of Detective Jowd. We have much in common and lots of interesting stuff to talk about. She’s helped me distract myself and feel better when that terrible incident at the park happened.”

Larry | itsgottabethebutz (Friend)

“We met once in a very hot day and we drank a limonade together. Despite initially flirting with me, he quickly understood I’m engaged and he’s really nice towards me! We’re both artists and I love it! Larry is a very fun guy to be around and very respectful too. I really want him and Yomiel to be friends too. Yomiel needs more friends in his life to distract himself.”

Kaname Date/Saito Sejima | psyncin-in-the-restrain (Friend)

“A very nice guy I met in a Market Fair! He also is an awkward friend of Yomiel’s. I guess an awkward friend is better than nothing! He’s a really nice guy and I really want to get to know him better. I really hope Yomiel can get along with him. Saito seems so lonely and he could use a friend, same to Yomiel. Just hope Yomiel stops with his silly jealousness towards him.

Teenmiel

Clive Dove | clivedoveplblog (Second Best Friend/Classmates)

“Clive is my other friend besides Sissel. It’s weird how we came to be friends, but I like him. He loves to tease me, but since it’s in a friendly way and not in a mean way like the bullies, I don’t really mind it. He’s a bit mysterious sometimes, but he’s fun to be around.”

TeenSissel

Clive Dove | clivedoveplblog (Friend/Classmates)

“Clive is Yomiel’s friend, so he’s my friend too. He spends more time with Yomiel, but we also do some shenanigans together.”

#relationships page ;;

[lovecoreclownz-archive]

Aw man, usually I don't talk about personal feelings or anything on my blog but my partner systems are asleep so I'm just kinda. Chillin. Thinking about like, myself as a person. Like. I dunno you spend so long reflecting others you forget what's on your side of the mirror yk? Man. I'm not like. Spiraling, I'm just kinda like. Shit :/. I was having this same kinda breakdown earlier but now it's less of a break down and more who DO i want to be as a person? I'm the host of a system, I'm a multi source fictive, I'm a dadmom, I'm a Malewife, I'm someone's kid. I'm Gordon B Freeman, I'm Benrey, I'm a lizard, I'm an eldritch abomination and a disgrace to God. Those are the things I used to be, but who do I want to be yknow? I'm so used to trying to help everyone else figure themselves out I never gave myself time to do the same. I like colors, my favorite color is probably teal, and a kinda salmony peach color. My favorite numbers are 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6. I love plants, I love animals. Cuttlefish and vampire squids are my favorite ocean animals. I love the holiday Valentines day, I even picked one of my names from it. I see the horrors of the world, the pain the suffering the everything and yet I see a beauty within the cracks of light in the dark. Sometimes chasing the beauty of the world leaves me awe struck. Sometimes, it leaves me writhing on the floor at night. I have a million emotions but not the words to convey them. I'm a beast, I'm a human, I'm a God, yet I'm mortal. Being put in this human vessel has made me feel things I never thought I could. It's made me think things I never even stopped to consider. What IS the point of all this? I think to me the point of all this is to have a snack with someone you care for and just enjoy life. Smell the roses every day, pick up a cool rock you found, blast your music in the car on the way home. I think that maybe the question of who I am doesn't matter actually, but more of what will I do today. I think spending my life wondering who I am, restricting myself to a few identities, never letting myself truly be free would be painful to do for the rest of my life. I think that maybe for once who i am doesn't matter, because for once I'm content, and I feel ok to shift and move and branch out and expirement. I think right now I'm not looking for a definite answer, but rather an experience. I want to experience the world now, for the first time in years. I think that maybe tomorrow I will go outside and sit in the grass if I feel well enough. In the past i spend so much mercy on those around me, I think it's time to hand some to myself. Anyway, I think I'll sleep now, maybe I'll actually cook myself breakfast tomorrow.... who knows? Goodnight everyone, sleep well

#clown’s honks #tw derealization #derealization #i realized this could be a bit existential so be careful please? #this is not spiraling #just self discovery #i promise im ok #i more or less just needed to get these feelings out #i think if im feeling well ill make an egg bacon and cheese bagel tomorrow :)

[pxppinmolly-archived]

Like okay I guess I’ll speak up about the recent Viv Drama LOL

I’m not shy in saying I never really liked Viv much ... I do have respect for her as a woman of her background being able to make her dream project into something ... However, that’s really it!

I always knew she was A Bit Much, to put it lightly ... And I was very vocal in how I was against a lot of her decisions on her characters and story, which I have been told I’m ‘entitled’ over, which I understand, I suppose. It IS her characters and story! But. I’m allowed to disagree with her opinions? I’m allowed to not like it. I don’t have to like it.

My interest in BOTH Hazbin and Helluva has dwindled significantly ... Both just from Viv’s decisions herself and also my time in this RPC. I only even watched Helluva to be up in the know for RP purposes, but, honestly, I dunno if I even will keep up anymore unless an episode involves like. Fizz. LOL

I no longer support, nor never REALLY did, Viv. And I don’t wanna endorse Hazbin or anything ... I respect and have more care for the animators and other people who were/are employed by her who are being mistreated so shamefully.

I have always been like. Obviously. Canon Divergent. When I say ‘Molly is my OC’ I practically mean it. The only things I have taken from Viv is Molly’s relation to the established canon family, and her love for Angel. That’s it! Which, to be fair, gain, we don’t have a lot of canon on her ANYWAY, but the rest that we do I ignore LOL

I even have found myself have like... Little drive to really interact with other Hazbin blogs that AREN’T my mutuals that I have. I did clean out my following when I moved blogs over which helped a lot.

Like I still care about my mutuals and their portrayals and the relationships we have or will develop and still will write with their muses I haven’t even touched yet!

But I really do wanna expand and do more crossover things, I think ...

I know the question of just “just make Molly an OC entirely and abandon Hazbin entirely” which like I do think about, but ... She IS so cemented in Hazbin lore, especially regarding, again, my mutuals. The way I see it, personally, Molly is my OC with a Hazbin Verse LOL Because I feel like I really COULD just strip her out of Hazbin, just change her last name (Which isn’t even canon iirc to begin with but yk let’s shed it entirely anyway) and like ... Maybe change some of the names in her family ‘n’ that’s it. LOL

But anyway uh yeah. Basically the gist here is I am practically done with engaging in new Viv content and I’mma just be taking my info from my mutuals on my dash. Molly is my OC and I have a variety of verses for her and I am willing to do more! She DOES have a modern human design, after all, so I feel it gives me a lot of wiggle room for things, too But, obvi, I’m also done for demon shenanigans always <3

All in all. THIS REALLY CHANGES NOTHING ON THE BLOG, I JUST WANTED TO SHARE MY THOUGHTS

#OOC #opo don't look #ask to tag #anyway yeah ykykyk #part of me anxious ppl r gonna look down / be mad or upset at me for this #but the bigger part says w/e its my blog and i will say and speak my mind freely and openly! #because i do trust my mutuals enough 2 be able 2 be open #therapy is teaching me to be more vocal on my emotions. #[POASKDF

[sortingitself]

here i am again, starting yet another thing with the hopes of finding whatever it is i'm looking for! this time it's in a form of a blog. idk, i've been trying to listen to my inner child lately, and today she told me "hey, what if you made a blog?"

and i'm starting to think it's a good idea, actually. i've been struggling with being able to elaborate my thoughts because they're all just swirling around in my mind. by the time a friend asks me, "what's on your mind?" all i can see are these clouds of my thoughts moving like a swarm of bees. and then i end up saying "i dunno," (... i don't know! i don't know if i'm oversharing, or seeming closed off when i don't even want to be!) and then i pretty much spiral into another thing... all in my head. so... i'm trying out this new thing where i let myself sit with my thoughts.

remember what you did / who you were with / where you went and not remember how you felt , etc

i love walking videos. sometimes i feel a little pathetic knowing how much i get so entranced when i have it on. like ... i could totally just go outside and take a walk ... but here i am, letting someone else on youtube do it for me. and don't get me wrong, i really enjoy walking. i like looking down and seeing my body move past all these different textures and lights. i like aimlessly wandering around and appreciating this little pocket of life. sure, the world is on the brink of collapse. there are so many things to worry about: inflation! robots taking over our jobs! microplastics in the food we eat! pretty much everything about the current state we're living in!

but somehow, as we fumble towards entropy, we also have these:

and i think that's pretty neat.

life is magic! life is terror!

lens of the observer

so... i'm trying out this new thing where i actually let my thoughts out and not say "... anyway!" note: it is february 5, 2024, and i have no idea when i wrote this. right now my mind is preoccupied with other things, and i feel pretty far away from the version of myself who wrote this. i'm pretty sure some things here don't make sense because i never finished editing this post, but.. maybe i shouldn't be too bothered by posting an unfinished draft. it's not the end of the world.

[photographertherapistblogger2]

I'm here again but today I wanted to talk about a decision I've made for my career. Recently going through innerchild healing etc has made me realise i need to rest my body. I feel that I've been neglecting my mental health and healing needs time and not to be rushed after everything I've been through. So this is me actually doing me and finally thinking about myself. So how does that make me feel well a little like I'm letting people down but at the end of the day I need this time for me and to focus on me because I don't want to neglect myself anymore.

I haven't actually told the college yet but to be honest the guilt of making that decision was hard but I suppose it goes with my next decision too. I had to choice between counselling for my babyloss or another parenting course so I chose my mental health. It's gonna be a challenge after not putting my own needs first but it has got to be done if I ever want to move forward in life. Anyway I saw my support worker today and I told her and started crying I dunno whether it was just saying it out loud or crying because of feeling relief and dread at the same time at the thought of putting myself first.

Anyway there were a few reasons for my decisions and it just felt like a sign, so I'm going for it. I think I need to set myself some goals to keep me in track though so I'm gonna have to have a think about that. Obviously there's a few things I have been doing that I need to do more of so maybe setting alloted times for them. I want to write more now I'm connected with it again. I did start doing video blogs on snapchat but I've since lost the passion because writing over took it. I know I wanna start appreciating the beauty around me so I wanna try do some exploring.

I walk everywhere so I may encounter some problems with that and collecting kids from school but I can work around that. I know there's also some ducklings and baby moorhens at leasowes so the temptation to go is unreal. Anyway just trying to find a few ideas right now. Self care is definitely something I need to do more of, I love having a facial, I actually did a hair mask, cut, blow dried and straightened my hair today so go me.