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littlespoonevan · 1 year

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left half my heart in our living room

that episode did severe emotional damage to my psyche and then i turned on grow by sigrid and proceeded to make it worse :) i don’t know what this is i just needed to write some words because buck and eddie said So Many words in this ep and i felt all of them 💔

spoilers for 6x15

I feel like she sees me.

The sentence sticks in Eddie’s head. Niggling at the base of his skull like an itch that won’t go away.

“You’re quiet,” Buck says when they’re on the way home from the cemetery and it’s around that moment that Eddie realises he hasn’t said anything since they got in the jeep. Too consumed by their conversation from before.

I feel like she sees me.

He looks over at Buck now, one hand on the steering wheel, one resting on his lap, and he looks…comfortable, on first glance. But then Eddie notes the tense set of his shoulders and the way he seems to be staring at the road a little too hard, like he’s purposefully trying not to look in Eddie’s direction.

For one bitter moment, Eddie wonders if Natalia would notice those things but he shakes the thought away. He shouldn’t put this on her. She only knows what Buck’s told her.

“Do you really believe that?” he asks finally, voice quiet and a little bit too tentative. “That she sees you better than-“ me “-than any of us?”

Buck’s mouth parts and it’s clear he hadn’t expected the question. Eddie watches him while he works himself up to an answer – the way he shifts in his seat, the way his eyes dart to the rearview mirror instead of Eddie himself, the careful intake of breath before he finally decides to speak.

“I mean, it’s different,” is what Buck settles on. “Her perception of death and how it affects you, it’s-“

“Because none of us have ever had any experience with death,” Eddie can’t help cutting in.

“Eddie,” Buck sighs and it sounds like please.

“Chimney’s heart stopped last year,” Eddie says. “And when I got-“

“She doesn’t look at me like I’m a ghost, alright?” Buck says, sharp and slicing through Eddie’s intended comment about his own brush with death.

The words make him stop short. He clenches and unclenches his fists in his lap as he digests them. "What d’you mean?”

Buck sighs again and it seems more upset than before. “Maddie, Bobby, you- you all look at me like…like you’re not even sure I’m really here. Like I’m gonna disappear at any minute. You think I don’t see it but I do.”

“Because you died, Buck,” Eddie exclaims, frustrated and weary and more vulnerable than he’d planned on letting himself be. “You died. And for three minutes and seventeen seconds I thought I was going to have to live in this world without you and I didn’t want to.”

That makes Buck clap his mouth shut and he doesn’t say anything else but Eddie can see the tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. The car stops abruptly then and he takes stock of his surroundings for the first time since they got in the jeep. They’re outside his house now.

He takes a measured breath and unclips his seatbelt, shooting a wary look in Buck’s direction. His hands are still gripping the steering wheel and he’s staring straight out the windscreen but he cut off the engine, at least.

“Come inside,” Eddie requests softly, climbing out of the jeep and not waiting to see if Buck follows.

He lets himself into the house and hears the slam of Buck’s car door as he’s dropping his keys on the side table. He hesitates when he gets to the living room, unsure whether he should keep travelling to the kitchen or just drop down on the couch and bury his head in his hands.

Buck comes inside before he can decide, the click of the door soft as he closes it behind himself.

“You looked at me like that too,” Eddie says without turning around. It’s easier saying it without Buck looking at him, even though he can feel Buck’s stare like a brand on his back. “After the well. And- and the shooting. I remember.”

“I’m used to losing people,” Buck says after a beat. “The fact that I got to keep you felt like a trick somehow. Like if I looked away for too long you’d be gone again.”

Eddie huffs a humourless laugh, feeling tears sting behind his eyes. He finally turns, finding Buck standing in the entryway. He gives Eddie a helpless shrug when their eyes meet.

“And I’m not allowed to feel like that?”

“You are,” Buck insists, body shifting like he’s about to charge forward but in the end he only takes one step. “I just don’t know what to do with it.”

“Why not?” Eddie asks and they’re teetering dangerously close to a conversation they’ve never let themselves have before but he doesn’t know how to stop pushing either.

Buck answers anyway.

“Because if I think about how much you see me – how much I let you see without you even asking – I feel terrified. Because I’ve spent years trying to get you to let me all the way in but it’s really fucking scary to imagine me doing the same thing. To believe that you’d even want that.”

Eddie works his jaw, swallowing against the heaving ache in his chest. He gets it, is the thing. No matter how much they’ve taken care of each other, no matter how much they’ve acted as one another’s soft place to land, there’s still a voice in the back of his head that says, you’re being a burden. Stop it.

“I don’t care if you want to start dating again-“ Lie. That’s a lie. “-but don’t- don’t say-“

As if sensing he can’t actually get the words out, Buck immediately starts shaking his head. “I won’t,” he says. “I won’t. I’m sorry.”

Eddie nods, clears his throat, and glances between the couch and the dining room. He doesn’t know what to do now, doesn’t know how they go back to having a casual beer, but before he can come up with something to say to break the tension Buck is stepping forward, crowding into his space and folding him into a hug.

I don’t remember the last time we did this, Eddie thinks even as his muscle memory reacts. His arms come up around Buck, one hand gripping his shoulder while the other wraps around his waist. Buck’s face burrows into his shoulder and Eddie only hesitates for half a second before he presses his temple against the exposed line of Buck’s neck and breathes him in.

“I’m not gonna disappear,” Buck whispers and, ridiculously, it makes fresh tears spring behind Eddie’s eyelids.

“Me either,” he replies and Buck’s arms tighten around him in response.

And he thinks they’re at an impasse now, a sort of crossroads they can’t turn back from but aren’t able to move forward from yet either.

If this is where they have to stay for now, he thinks he might be okay with that.

#buddie #buck x eddie #911 fic #my fics #911 spoilers #6x15 #everyone listen to grow by sigrid right now!!!!!#(and make gifsets please 😇)

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heymrspatel · 3 months

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❤️🩷 weekly tag wednesday 🩷❤️

i was tagged by @heymacy @deedala @creepkinginc 🥰

name: julissa 😇

where the heck are ya? on my couch!

do you believe in love at first sight? hmmm not really. extreme attraction? a crazy spark? magnetism? ofcourse! but like love love? eeh

do you believe in soulmates? yes to this! the: your soul speaks to me/i understand you and you understand me/i feel like i've known you my entire life/i can be my whole self around you/you are comfort/you are peace/you are quiet love. FUCK YES!

what’s a song you’ve been loving? this cover of "mona lisas and mad hatters" by orville peck that i didn't know existed and now i can't stop listening

how about a show you’ve been loving? uuh i haven't watched anything new in a while. i've just been going back to comfort shows, so i'll just say new girl lol!

your ultimate OTP: ian and mickey forever and ever and ever and ev-

your comfort book: hmm i'll go with the percy jackson series. like, straight through including the heroes of olympus books!

a fan work you adore (fic, art, manip, etc — tag the creator!): yeeehaaawww ok! this is an IMPOSSIBLE question! but i'll go with what first popped into my head or else i'll be here for hours:

fic: "dream a little dream of me" by @sam-loves-seb

art: tomato boy and his husband by @deedala

manip: shy boy in his husband's shirt by @whatthebodygraspsnot

gifset: "you ever think back in the day this is where we'd be?" by @twobabkas

photo edit: "oh hands" by @darlingian

video: "in love noises" by @samantitheos

craft: "show some love" cookies by @michellemisfit

a trope that captures your heart: lord almighty those stupid friends to lovers that pine and want and tease and joke and are stupid

favorite candy: sour patch kids!

dark chocolate or white chocolate? both please

romance novels or thrillers? romance

pink or red? 💋💃🏻🌹❤️

and finally, spread some love! share words of encouragement, a positive message, or say something kind to yourself — it’s up to you! keep feeling your feelings and loving real big and supporting with your whole heart and passionately making stuff that makes you entirely happy! 💙

i'll tag @whatthebodygraspsnot @metalheadmickey @whatwouldmickeydo @gallawitchxx @howlinchickhowl @rereadanon @mickeysgaymom @mmmichyyy @sam-loves-seb @darlingian @samantitheos @michellemisfit @lee-ow @mybrainismelted @transmickey if you would like to play! if not, this is just me giving you some strawberries 🍓 (or your fruit of choice)

#ok i guess i should go back to work asdlfkj one more hour to goooo #weekly tag wednesday

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vmficclub · 2 years

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It's getting hot in here! So take off all LoVe’s (fictional or not) clothes!

VM Fic Club is happy to announce Sexy LoVe Week 2022!

Content creators, get ready, we've got a new challenge brewing, and we're looking into close encounters of the smutty kind between our favorite jackass-with-a-heart-of-gold and the tiny, snarky love of his life.

As naughty as we might feel, we have some guidelines to follow:

First and most important: please, behave 😉 Meaning we use only the NSFW channel on Discord for this challenge and welcome all creators above the age of consent to participate.

We’re feeling frisky and willing to experiment this year 😉

Participants must be on the Veronica Mars Fic Club Discord server. If you're not already on the server, please join via this link: http://bit.ly/vmfcdiscord

Yeaaah, you got us there! 😇 We want to encourage new people to join our fandom, so please, feel free to repost the challenge announcements on Tumblr, Instagram, and Twitter. Let the number of talented people here grow! 🙌🏻

LoVe is the ship we sail on. This is a LoVe-oriented challenge. You may include other ships when writing this, and bring in other characters besides Logan Echolls and Veronica Mars in polyamorous scenarios or maybe make your favourite character play solo. Have fun with it, but you know who our hearts belong to! 🙂

Use at least one of the prompts for the specified day. We've listed three prompts a day every day for a week. We really hope they’ll turn you on inspire your creativity! Use some of the prompts or all at once. It’s up to you! Just make sure to share it with us. Sharing is caring, right? 😉

This is a challenge when your exhibitionistic tendencies will come in handy 😁 Give us all you have. Meaning all types of content creators are welcome: fics, drabbles, art, podfics, playlists, gifsets, and more!

Use all measures of protection! 🤓 Tag conscientiously. Make sure you use the appropriate fic rating when posting, especially as we're expecting mostly Mature and Explicit fics. On AO3, tag any major characters and relationships, kinks and any trigger warnings, especially for any issues of dubious consent. No love without a glove, be mature about it 😉

Posting begins on 08/15. We encourage you to post during 15-21 of August week; if you run a little late, that's totally fine, we will keep the collection open until 08/31. If you upload early, that's okay too, but the collection will not be revealed until 08/15.

Our party will be held in the “Sexy LoVe Week 2022” collection on AO3. The collection will be anonymous and authors will be revealed on 09/01. We’ll have all the fun in the world trying to guess who wrote which fic 😄 If you want to stay anonymous after this date, please set the work accordingly. One last thing: Have fun and cheer each other on! We welcome non-content creators to participate through appreciation, especially in the form of comments, kudos, and gushing on the server.

#Veronica Mars #veronica mars fanfic #smut collection #content creation challenge #writing challenge

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itsallaboutbl · 1 year

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So glad you enjoyed Unintentional Love Story as well! Reading your tags is making me so happy🥰 And I don't mention this often enough because I'm still slightly self-conscious about yelling in the tags, but thank you thank you for all your amazing gifsets of Net!

I DID LOVE IT SO MUCH 🥰🥰 it's really a good show! loved them both and loved their chemistry ❤❤

Cha seo won is so pretty like what the hell 😨😍😅

also please feel free to yell all you want in my tags! i love to read them and love when people scream about my gifsets 🥰🥰🙈🙈

and you don't have to thank me, thank Net (or his parents) for looking like that 😍😅 I AM SO IN LOVE WITH HIM ❤❤❤❤ (it's not obvious, right? 😇😂)

#asks #mutuals #ueasking #i am going to gif a bit more now hahah #hope you're okay and i'm wishing you a great week ahead 💕💕

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suuho · 2 years

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2, 9, and 17 please!

2. are there any groups you love that you don't create for? why?

probably seventeen and nct 127? i really only make woozi content during cbs, and occasionally a random post (mainly jigyu) and i only ever gif taeil randomly as well. there are blogs here on tumblr that already create content for my biases in this group, so i don’t feel the urge?

9. what is your biggest challenge when creating?

source material quality. like, an ugly video or a small sized picture can ruin the best of ideas. rip

17. where do you find inspiration?

songs, music, books, videos, pinterest, sometimes i see ads on the street and love their layout ….. etc. idk how the whole elaborate layout gifset thing happened, it kinda just did. i was so bored of just having the usual gifs in a row.

thank you!! 😇💖

#ask #tomoonagenda

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lengthofropes · 2 years

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I don't care if you behaved bad or good this year, I still want to be your Santa!❤️💚 So, naughty children, I'm opening my SPN gif requests! From Dec 13 to Dec 20, put your wish ⭐️ into stocking above fireplace (and by that I mean drop me a message via askbox 📩 of course!) and consider it to come true! 🌟 I’ll make sure to post everything before the holidays. No, that's it. You can request any scene, any reasonable ship (!!! you know what I'm talking about), gifset with your fav song or... pretty much whatever! I guess you know my range pretty well, so... Come knock on my door! 😉 Love, Anz ❤️

My beloved angels 😇 spread the word, please!<3 @alivedean @achillestiel @acklesology @archivistsammy @bebecas @bluefirecas @buckystiel @becauseofthebowties @chapeldean @cosycas @dadstiel @deanncastiel @finalgirlstiel @fromperdition @grinchdean @greatcometcas @ghostbela @inacatastrophicmind @immortalcas @jinglebela @jacobglaser @jactingjoices @lulu-zodiac @misha-collins @ne8ula @novemberthee5th @postpunkdean @rambleoncas @sinnabonka @seraphcastiel @starrynightdeancas @subbydean @theedorksinlove @theomenmp4 @xofemeraldstars @you-cant-spell-subtext-without

#anz speaks #christmas 2021 requests week

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shoutsindwarvish · 2 years

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I posted 8,534 times in 2021

225 posts created (3%)

8309 posts reblogged (97%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 36.9 posts.

I added 3,636 tags in 2021

#0 - 376 posts

#supernatural - 664 posts

#video - 589 posts

#my posts - 324 posts

#to show heather - 323 posts

#brain blogging - 283 posts

#gifset - 282 posts

#kitties! - 270 posts

#work adventures - 265 posts

#spn meta - 260 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#i’m starting with a new doctor and i just found out her medical group charges you before they’ll answer an email from you with a question

My Top Posts in 2021

youtube

this snl skit is one of the realest depictions of being a gay adult and it’s incredible

33 notes • Posted 2021-02-13 04:27:36 GMT

❗️There’s an election in Minneapolis today (11/2/21)! ❗️

This city was the epicenter for a global movement and has the chance to actually change shit.

This election includes:

The mayor (I cannot stress enough that our current one sucks ass)

All City Council seats (we need progressives to actually pass things)

All Park Board seats (which are especially relevant for the unhoused)

There are also three important charter amendments!!

The “Strong Mayor” amendment to take power from the City Council and give it to the mayor (this is not good)

An amendment to replace the police department with the Department of Public Safety with a focus on decreasing the number of armed responders to 911 calls and increasing oversight to include the City Council (not abolishing the police but god it’s a step in the right direction)

An amendment allowing the City Council to enact rent control ordinances (very important and landlords are very mad)

If you live in Minneapolis, please vote!!! People under 40 tend to not show up for local elections and as a result retired wealthy boomers can hold back the whole city from any type of change.

Here’s how to find out your Ward for City Council and your polling place.

And here’s an excellent thorough voter’s guide that explains everything way better than I could, including the charter amendments.

And here’s another ballot guide by a local author who breaks down who to vote for and why.

If you don’t live in Minneapolis, I’d appreciate if you could signal boost this so that your followers can see it. If I can reach even one Minneapolis voter, it will be worth it.

Polls close at 8!

43 notes • Posted 2021-11-02 13:01:21 GMT

😇

48 notes • Posted 2021-02-17 17:59:54 GMT

The CDC just updated their list of high-risk COVID-19 comorbid conditions to include depression and schizophrenia.

This could make you eligible for a booster if you’re already fully vaccinated. Please take care of yourselves, everyone!!

95 notes • Posted 2021-10-28 15:04:01 GMT

i’m researching psychiatrists and one of them has in her bio that she’s “LGBT+ aware” with no elaboration

what in the hell does that even mean

112 notes • Posted 2021-09-12 18:53:38 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #2021 #my number 1 is good at least #mostly it’s depressing

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