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onyxbird · 10 months

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In Their Name

Summary:

They were widely considered to be one of the best in the business—in any business—at deciphering encoded messages from supervillains. It was a weird form of job security for a reporter, but in a world of superheros and supervillains, you take what you can get.

This message, however, was from the Overlord, the longest-standing and most mystery-shrouded supervillain in the city. It was by far the longest decoding task of the reporter's career... and the strangest format. (AO3 link here.)

...

“EVIL WILL RISE. WE ARE LEGION. ALL HAIL THE OVERLORD WHO SHALL REIGN OVER THIS LAND. PROSPERITY AND PLENTY ARE THE PRIZE OF THOSE WHO JOIN OUR CAU.”

The reporter sat back from their whiteboard and sipped their tea.

They were widely considered to be one of the best in the business—in any business—at deciphering encoded messages from supervillains. It was a weird form of job security. The newspaper loved it, of course, because it ensured them the scoop on whatever the latest supervillain was up to. They had initially worried about getting on supervillains' radar, but, ultimately, the villains wanted their messages to be deciphered—otherwise there was no reason to encode a coherent message. In fact, the reporter was fairly certain some of the paper's anonymous tip-offs came directly from the villains themselves.

Hero organizations and law enforcement were probably the worst part of the deal. They needed the help, but they wanted the decoded messages kept under wraps and especially didn't want it advertised that the newspaper managed to decipher the clues before the police. The paper and the cops had come to a detente of sorts years ago: the paper continued to publish whatever deciphered messages they saw fit, and the closest hero league got a courtesy heads-up with the deciphered message before it hit the front page. The paper didn't call attention to the fact that the superheroes and the cops couldn't figure it out without help… unless the other side started trash-talking first. (They seemed to have learned after the first few times.)

This message had been by far the longest decoding job of the reporter's career.

“The Evil Overlord” had been taunting their foes for years that their manifesto was openly published and that no one had managed to find and decipher it yet. Every word and image they released had been pored over by investigators, journalists, scholars, and hobbyists in search of hidden meaning. There was plenty of fodder for the search. Overlord had their fingers in pies all over the area.

Hell, there was an entire collection of local businesses in the region that everyone knew to be a front for Overlord. Owners Erik, Victoria, Isobel, and Lyle, the self-proclaimed children of their ever-masked villainous parent, made no secret of their allegiance. Out-of-towners were generally baffled that no one had shut down a known supervillain-owned business front, even if no one had been dig up admissible evidence of legal wrongdoing on the part of the business itself. Locals mostly shrugged—law enforcement and the superhero league together had failed to touch Overlord and their organization for decades; what else was new? Legally the businesses were squeaky clean, the prices were pretty good, and their staff was well-paid and well-treated, with competitive benefits. If your city was stuck with a resident supervillain, might as well reap what fringe benefits you could, right?

Their advertising, signage, and even coupon fine print had been scrutinized for hidden messages almost as much as Overlord's overt proclamations of doom, with absolutely no luck in finding the fabled “manifesto.” They did occasionally conceal a marketing easter egg, e.g., a passphrase or set of instructions to collect a free “Evil, Inc.” coffee mug. (The reporter had the entire collection: Nine were displayed on the shelf above their desk; the latest one, a rainbow-themed June design with each full-height letter of “EVIL, INC” in a different color, contained their current cup of tea.)

They were all looking in the wrong place.

To be fair, it had taken the reporter a long time to figure it out themselves, even with their experience.

It was common knowledge, of course, that Overlord's own children's names spelled out “EVIL.” They frequently highlighted it themselves—it was, after all, the official explanation for why they called their businesses “Evil, Inc.” And on the face of it, that was a simple, self-contained joke—the Overlord had only four children.

…Right?

The reporter no longer recalled exactly what had drawn their attention to the employee birth announcements in the first place, but they did remember the names they'd noticed in that first batch: Hadley, Arwen, Ivy, and Liam. HAIL.

It was a minor thing, easily explained by sheer coincidence, or by the newsletter author having some fun with acronyms once they saw the collection of names. They probably wouldn't even have registered it if it hadn't been an announcement from the local acronym-of-sibling-initials company. And at the time, no one else was really looking—those births long pre-dated Overlord's earliest claims of having published an undiscovered “manifesto.” But the reporter hadn't become a supervillain decryption expert by not chasing patterns down just for curiosity's sake.

Finding the earlier parts of the message wasn't trivial. Access to back issues of the employee newsletter wasn't exactly front and center in the company's public-facing communications; the early formatting and wording of the announcements had varied, and, in perhaps the biggest hurdle to deciphering the message, not every employee's baby was part of the pattern.

Still, once you tracked down all the announcements and figured out the indicators that flagged which ones were part of the message, it was a simple a matter of listing the names in the order announced (not always corresponding to birth order) and adding some spaces and punctuation.

Walker, Ian, Lucy and Lily (twins). Regina, Ibrahim, Sara, Eli. William and Earl. Ana, Robert, Evie. Lori, Edward (Jr.), Gabriela, Imani and Omari (twins again), Nathan. Allison, Laci, Laetitia.

The reporter had been quietly keeping track ever since, watching the message slowly, slowlyunfold. It was about at the point the message hit “who shall reign” that they started to suspect Overlord had never intended this to become a thing and just wasn't sure how to end the “tradition” without insulting the next employee who wanted to include their baby. (“Prize” had been a particularly amusing section to observe—whoever organized this effort had clearly gone to some contortions in terms of message planning and announcement order to make little Zachary the 3rd, aka “Tripp,” fit into the message.)

The phone on their desk chimed a gentle reminder—one hour until Jason's Little League game. The Evil, Inc.-sponsored team, the Minions of Darkness (also home to four of the letters in “Prosperity”: Peter, Ollie, Ignacio “Nacho,” and Tyler) had been having a blast this season, and Jason had been bouncing off the walls all week about their upcoming game against the Metropolis Lions.

Lyle, who ran the Evil grocery store closest to the baseball field, always supplied snacks for the team, and the reporter had promised to swing by and pick them up on the way. (They wondered, as they had many times before, whether they should ask if his parent wanted their “manifesto” to be revealed or to remain a mystery to those who didn't find it for themselves.)

They sorted the latest Evil, Inc., birth announcement (Angela and Uri) into the folder with the rest, scrubbed all traces of the message off of the whiteboard, and flipped off the lights on the way out of their office.

Hopefully Lyle included some of Evil's store-brand alphabet cookies this week. They tended to forestall the away team's commentary about the terrors of living in a city with an active supervillain, and besides, all the kids loved them!

#supervillains #crack treated seriously #fluff #humor #hidden messages #onyxbird fic #short fiction #i don't know what to say--this was a crack concept spinning off of something mentioned in an aita post #and was never intended to expand to 1200 words.#like the overlord my messaging has gotten out of hand.

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hongism · 3 years

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Hellooo you wonderful writter ☺️

I really just wanted to say that I love your character teasers and trying to find and decipher any hints you left us in them~

Thank you so much for moc, it’s really a work of art 💕

hello hi this is so sweet 🤧🤧 thank you sm!!! i’m glad you’re enjoying them and trying to find the hints i left throughout 🥺💕💕

i will say theres a big combination of types of hints! some are just in the words and stuff, but there’s also some binary code hints as well as letter-to-number easter egg hints too!! i kinda went a little wild with it and spread a lot throughout, and some won’t make sense until later but some will make sense now! putting those hints in is one of my favorite things ever, it makes me so happy to see people trying to figure them out too 🥺💖

#moc: spoilers

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game-boy-pocket · 4 years

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I just finished Banjo Kazooie: Jiggies of Time - a full length mod by Mark Kurko

I don’t normally do reviews because I find it hard to be objective... and this will be no different, so just think of this as me gushing. I’ll go ahead and put the long winded bit under a read more. But the short version is, fans of Banjo Kazooie and Ocarina of Time should play this FOR SURE. Banjo Kazooie fans may actually still love this if they’re not fans of Zelda ( but Zelda knowledge helps sometimes ). Zelda fans may not fare so well if they don’t love the Banjo Kazooie gameplay ( perhaps they should try the first game as a test if they haven’t played it? *nudge nudge* )

I’ve been aware of this project for some time but didn’t really know too much about it. There were a lot of Banjo Kazooie hacks that were just smaller projects that take less than an hour to finish. I was suprised to learn just a few days ago that this project was completed, and was a full length game with the same number of worlds and collectibles as the original Banjo Kazooie. Even better, it ran on a real Nintendo 64! I played mine on the real deal and it ran near perfectly ( there were minor frame dips and a few graphical bugs but nothing too distracting or too frequent )

I’m assuming you already know how Banjo Kazooie plays if you’re reading this, but just in case, Banjo plays a lot like Mario. You run around in little sandbox areas collecting things, the main collectible being golden jigsaw puzzle pieces called Jiggies, you find these out in the open, by solving puzzles, or by helping NPCs, the secondary collectible being golden music notes, both are needed to progress. Each level also has five different colored critters called Jinjos that award you with a Jiggy when you find them. Each level has two empty honey comb pieces, collecting six adds another unit of health to your life meter. There are also silver skull shaped tokens used to transform your character into another form in certain levels, and finally, other miscellaneous collectibles to restore health, abilies, and lives. Pretty basic stuff, you should be familiar if you’ve played any of the Sandbox Mario games, though in Banjo, you unlock your abilities as you progress.

As I said before the game has 10 worlds. You start in Kokiri forest just like Ocarina of Time. You learn your basic moves in the Lost Woods, though I question the practicality of that, I actually did a full two worlds without my three basic attacks. I got... lost... I just assumed I was going to learn the attacks elsewhere. Kokiri forest is actually the first world, with Lost Woods serving as a sort of “Spiral Mountain” area. Brentilda makes a return here offering three tips about the game each time you encounter her, as well as refilling your health. She appears in every world. Once you get some notes, you can leave to Hyrule Field.

Hyrule Field is the “Gruntilda’s Lair” ( Your Hub world for the uninitiated ) portion of the game, Everything is where you expect it to be, but it’s all sealed off. Instead you need to look for new areas containing jigsaw puzzles to open the locked areas. You will eventually learn a trick to simulate the Sun song as well, but it can only be done here. There’s 10 Jiggies to collect in Hyrule, 7 of which are contained within Lon Lon Ranch, I won’t spoil anything but Lon Lon Ranch has changed pretty drastically. The remaining 3 Jiggies are a bit more elaborately hidden. I’ll get back to those. When you’re here, Gruntilda will banter with you, just like the original Banjo Kazooie, but sometimes, other characters will talk instead, and there is some genuinely hilarious exchanges between characters here.

Castle Town is the second world, and this is where you get the idea that “oh this isn’t just Banjo in Ocarina of time” because you start to uncover a lot of areas that were not in the original game. It only makes sense that a character with completely different skills can reach places Link never could. Mumbo Jumbo returns in this world, all of his transformations are the same as the original game, but they’ve been reskinned to fit a Zelda theme... well... mostly.

Once you wrap up in there, you head to Kakariko village, the third world. And it’s pretty standard. You actually learn the final move in this world. This game utilizes all of the original game’s moves except for the wading boots... they were kind of lame anyway I suppose. This is also where you start to notice that this game is absolutely loaded to the gills with easter eggs. game cases and consoles are littered everywhere, Nintendo characters playing games are hidden away ( except for one ), and you may also notice some Golden eye characters spying on you ( they actually creep me out when I first catch a glimpse of them. They look ghoulish to me... )

Explore Kakariko enough and you should find the way to open Death Mountain, which is the fourth world. Now this part of the game drove me slightly crazy. Death mountain has lava. Lava is an instant death for Banjo. When you die, you lose all of the notes you collected, and all of your Jinjos too if you haven’t got them all yet. Here’s the thing, it’s another world where you have to turn into a small creature to get some of the notes, but before you do, you have to open the path for the creature as Banjo. And you have a LOT of ground to cover ( it includes Dodongo’s Cavern, the mountain trail, Goron City, and a few extra areas not in Ocarina of Time ), so it’s almost like you have to do everything in this level twice... I died several times, at one point all I needed was five more notes, I was about to blow a gasket. After you finish up there, it’s time to head to Zora’s Domain. The world actually starts at Zora’s River, I enjoyed the world a lot but it was also pretty taxing. It demands a LOT of resources I had previously been taking for granted. Namely the eggs you shoot. I was expecting Jabu Jabu to be replaced with Clanker the whale from the original Banjo Kazooie, but no, it’s just Jabu Jabu.. which is probably fine, this is Hyrule after all. Jabu Jabu is not actually a dungeon though, which is a little disappointing, but there is some very interesting stuff in there... and this is where I start having a little bit of an issue with the easter eggs, subtlty goes out the window here and we actually start leaving the Zelda theme behind for two pretty big areas in this world. It doesn’t bother me too much but I really wish this sort of thing was kept for secret levels instead of the main game... there’s a lot of tough platforming around Jabu Jabu’s area.

By now you should have stumbled across the means of opening the way to the Forest Temple. And this is one of the coolest parts of the game but also one of the most long winded and complicated parts. The game expects you to go back to the old days of taking notes on paper. You explore the temple looking for letters of the Hylian Alphabet and their English equivalent, you’re expected to to write these down as a chart and then use them to decipher some messages written in Hylian Text through out the temple... the thing is, a lot of the things the text asked me to do, I figured out on my own. There are also paintings on the wall meant to give clues, but I got mixed messages from one of these paintings that was meant to be used in tandem with the hylian writing. So I was trying the wrong thing over and over... But I will say this level is truly the most jam packed with Zelda easter eggs and It’s hard not to spoil any of it, because I lost my mind at some of it...

At this point I should throw in that this game doesn’t have any new enemies or bosses. Most of the enemies are reskinned to be Zelda themed. It’s pretty effective in selling the illusion... except in the case where it’s not.

Next destination is Lake Hylia. I’ve got to stop to talk about the music real quick because Lake Hylia has my favorite track in the game. This game has an amazing soundtrack. It’s mostly Zelda songs remixed in a way that makes it sound like a song you would expect to hear in Banjo Kazooie ( and some hints of Banjo Kazooie/Tooie tunes get mixed in as a medley as well ), very bouncy and fun. Not all of it is Ocarina of Time music. Lake Hylia actually uses an upbeat version of the Twilight Princess lake hylia theme. In any case, this level sees you explore the lake, the fishing hole, the water temple, and a new series of floating islands above the lake. As far as the Water Temple goes, it’s not too bad.

Next is the Gerudo Valley area, which includes the valley, the gerudo fortress, and the desert temple. Disappointingly, you cannot explore the insides of the gerudo fortress. You can enter them, but you just exit out a different door in the fortress, like some kind of warp maze. This area was also a real drain on my gold feather and blue egg resources, I almost had to leave to stock up on gold feathers, but I was sly and found a work around my problem and was able to progress. It was probably the least impressive area in the game if I’m being honest... also, Brentilda says that the hylian letters I wrote down were going to be useful here, but I couldn’t find anywhere in the dungeon that had Hylian letters... hmm.

With this, you head to the final world. The means which you use to enter this world are very cool. I won’t spoil it but it should be obvious to anyone who’s played already, assuming they haven’t completely forgotten one of the most important locations in the original Ocarina of Time... Now, the world itself? It’s cool thematically, but the usage of another small creature transformation really drags the world down. Not to mention another easter egg really kills the mood of this final world, but it’s easily forgiven.

The final world is also what houses the entrance to the final battle. But this game actually requires you to get ALL the Jiggies save for three in order to enter the final battle, so if you missed any jiggies at all during the normal levels, time to turn back and get them... unless you’re only short three, and wouldn’t you know it, there are three “secret levels” in this game with extra hidden Jiggies.

So, you would have no doubt seen this by now if you were playing the game but in Castle Town, there’s a museum you can reach by transforming into a small creature and crawling through the keyhole, and this museum houses clues to the location of these secret levels, as well as the secret jiggies within those levels. They’re pretty well hidden. The clues get revealed more and more as you collect notes. First, just a general description of the area, then a more exact description of the area, but written in hylian, then a photograph of the area you need to inspect to find the entrance, and lastly, a picture of the hidden jiggy in the secret level ( though if you wait this long, the nature of the secret level will be spoiled, and these levels are BIG easter eggs. ), so maybe don’t wait too long to find them.

The final Battle with Gruntilda is the same as it was in the original Banjo Kazooie, but the arena is just slightly altered to make it a little more difficult, but not unfairly so. Not much more to say beyond that. The game has a pretty cool credits sequence and ending that Zelda fans are sure to appreciate.

I do kind of wish there was a Quiz show like the original Banjo Kazooie, I was expecting to get my Zelda knowledge tested, but no such luck.

Playing this game was such a blast and it made me feel like I was experiencing Banjo Kazooie and Ocarina of Time for the first time again at the same time, which is a very strange but welcome feeling. I never would have expected these two games fused into one to work so well, but it really is remarkable how well it works, and it tickles my nerd fanboy bone for Zelda in many ways, as well as Banjo, Rareware and Nintendo in general too. I can’t recommend it enough for fans of both games... I can only recommend this to non Banjo Zelda fans if they’re willing to play the original Banjo first to see if they like it. But non Zelda fans of Banjo, I think you’ll just enjoy having a new Banjo Kazooie Adventure to tackle, though the lack of Zelda knowledge might make the road a little bumpy in a few areas.

I love these games to death but i’ve replayed them so much that they don’t entertain as much as they used to. This was a great way to freshen up the experience for both. I’m dying to play more like this. There’s a very interesting “Link in Mario 64″ mod i’m keeping my eye on. But that may take a lot of time, as it’s only released the first demo... for now... I actually kinda want to replay the original BK and OOT agian. Heh.

#banjo kazooie #nintendo #the legend of zelda #ocarina of time #Banjo Kazooie the Jiggies of Time #N64 #review

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lovetheplayers · 5 years

Conversation

Taylor's interview with Ryan Seacrest on 102.7 KIIS FM (April 30, 2019)

Ryan: That is new music from Taylor Swift called ME! Brendon Urie there too on 102.7 KIIS fm. Just announced that Taylor will be at Wango Tango and look at the phone ringing. It’s Taylor Swift. Good morning, Taylor.

Taylor: Oh, hi. Good morning.

Ryan: How are you doing?

Taylor: I'm so good, and it's so good to talk to you. Yeah, the new song and video are out and it just feels really great to have such amazing feedback from the fans and have them combing through the video trying to figure out details.

Ryan: Taylor, Taylor, Taylor, you are like the brainteaser the teacher would give me in school. There’s all these, I mean, I know they call them Easter eggs but, like, it’s there’s almost too much for me to decipher, you know?

Taylor: Yeah. There's so, so, so many little clues in the video and some are clues that are immediately revealed to them and then there’s kind of different levels to the crypticness. Like, some of these—some of the symbolic references they’ll understand in, like, a couple months and then some they’ll get, like, when they really go through the album. Like, some are lyric references. I’s just the whole thing. But it’s really fun to put that stuff together because I’ve been doing stuff like this for like 15 years on my first album. I started off with capitalizing letters in my lyric book and then when people put together those letters it spells out a code. so they liked it, so I kept doing it.

Ryan: But just to understand the DNA here of your brain: so do you—you’re obviously very clever, but do you ever say, "Okay I’m gonna go obvious because they’re gonna think I’m being clever so I’ll go counter-intuitively backwards." Because I’m trying to figure out some things for this next album. I need to know the answer to that.

Taylor: Yeah, definitely. It takes a lot of planning and really, like, it's just basically a flex on planning. Like, this is how far ahead I planned this album. But it’s also just a way for it to become more of a—more of an experience rather than just.. I think that so often music can just be so ephemeral these days. Like, it comes out and we talk about it for, like, a second and then we move on to the next thing. And I think it’s fun for us to create an event and kind of put an experience back into just, you know, a song or a video. That’s what I’m trying to do is make it more more fun for them to talk about it and think about it. And they’re awesome about it, so I guess as long as they have fun with it I’ll keep doing it.

Ryan: So we’ve got Lover. You said awesome—you just said awesome, wait. Did you just—Tell me, does the title of the album rhyme with possum?

Taylor: I'm definitely going to tell them everything about the album in due time.

Ryan: Does it rhyme with saleidoscope? So you’re going to be opening the Billboard Awards which is very exciting.

Taylor: It's exciting. I've been in rehearsals all week. It’s really, really exciting. It’s also so much fun with this song because the song is so—it's just such a celebration and it's just so playful and mischievous, so that's been one of the most fun elements of creating the performance.

Ryan: Well the video has had, I mean, 65, 70 million views and our own Tanya was very excited to—I am not a good mover. I don’t know if you know that about me so I couldn’t partake in the dancing that she did. I think that you commented on it.

Taylor: Oh, yeah I commented on it. It was like the most adorable thing ever. That's like a really, really nice house you're in.

Tanya: I have to say I have listened to this song on repeat, literally, I think I’ve, and I’m not even exaggerating, a thousand times.

Taylor: Really?!

Tanya: Yes, Taylor. It is so fantastic. I feel like everything is right in the world again because we have new music from you and, like, I’m living through it and I just feel like I’ve been living through your music for so many years now and every single time you come out with something it, like, speaks to me at that moment and I’m just so grateful for ME! I just feel like it’s the perfect song for right now.

Taylor: Thank you so much for saying that. That means a lot. That’s so, so sweet of you to say. And literally, like, my heart just, like, starts beating so fast when people say things like that because I think the main purpose of this song—like, when I thought of this melody I was like, "Okay, this is one of those melodies that, like, we could do so much with this, and it’s so catchy that, like, what do we want to get stuck in people's heads?" And what I wanted was to make people happy about themselves because I think right now there’s just such—literally everyone is so—we’re all just so neurotic and insecure and and anxious about things, you know, and I think that we can, you know, I think there should be, like, a way for us to kind of, like, have a song stuck in our head that reinforces the fact that we're individuals. We’re different. And obviously there are a lot of songs about "I'm special", but I hadn’t heard one recently that was about "I’m special because it’s who I am", you know? There are examples where you can find someone being like, "I’m special because of how I look"; "I’m special because of what I can buy" or whatever, and there’s definitely a place for those songs, but I think there’s also a place for a song that’s like "No, it’s Who I am. it’s intrinsically my individuality that makes me a irreplaceable and not anything else." So thank you so much for saying that.

Ryan: You should know that Wango Tango—Taylor is going to be there. This is her first Wango Tango. She's done Jingle Ball but not Wango Tango. And there was there was a young student that lives in Iowa, Taylor, that called in to this show a few weeks ago and she just said that, like, she is trying to do her own show there for a college radio station and she listens to this show on a regular basis and she called in to say that and, you know, it was great. And then I said, "Well, if there’s one person that you and your town of—I think it’s Dubuque, Iowa—if there’s one person that you would want to ask a question to who would it be?" And she said your name and at the time I wasn’t sure if we’d talk to you—I was hoping we would. And I said, "If we ever get her on the line I’d love to patch you together to ask her one question." And she’s on the phone. Could I let her ask you something?

Taylor: Yeah, of course.

Ryan: Audrey?

Audrey: Hey, Ryan? How's it going? Hey, Taylor!

Taylor: Hey, Audrey!

Audrey: It's such an honor to talk to you! I don’t know if you remember me but I reached out to you when I was in high school when I did high school radio and you were busy playing on the Red Tour, which by the way was awesome. I’ve seen three of your concert tours. But yeah, It's been a crazy journey with my radio stuff. I’m a student at Loras College which is a small private school in Iowa and honestly right now it’s raining and you’re brightening up my day, seriously.

Taylor: Aw, congratulations on everything with your radio show. That’s awesome.

Audrey: So I have a question for you. I think a lot of people want to know it. What are you the most proud of in your career? Your career is—your lucky number, 13 years now and you’re about to put out another album. What is the one thing that just stands out to you that you're the most proud of?

Taylor: Oh, wow, that is—that’s a good question. That is such a good question. I think that—I think that what I’m proud of is having a consistent, really wonderful relationship with the fans who have put me here getting to do the job that I love because I think that reminding—you know I don’t ever have to be reminded. I’m reminded every single day; you guys are literally the only reason why I get to do something that I love so much and I think that a lot of the time people can lose sight of what got them where they are and I think that that’s something that every every day since I started doing this I made sure to, like, remind myself you never ever forget the people who got you here. So thank you for saying that.

Audrey: I will say that when I took my aunt and my mom to the first Chicago show of the Reputation Tour, the one thing that really stood out to the three of us, like, the minute we walked into Soldier Field was the engagement from your merch stand to the videos that you would see to the pre-show playlist. You had everything planned out.

Taylor: Thank you so much for noticing the planning! You have no idea how happy that makes me because, like, I really feel like we have the opportunity to create, like, a party. Like, when we plan it we try to plan every single element of a person’s day and so that just—like, that’s validation. Like, you have no idea. I really appreciate you saying it.

Audrey: I also will say when you played Our Song—I was sitting there sitting in the second across from the B-stage and when you said, "This is a song I wrote in ninth grade," I looked at my mom and I was, like, "Oh my god, this is the one song that I haven't heard yet."

Ryan: Audrey, you are the best. Thank you so much.

Taylor: You are the best.

Audrey: I also wanna ask Taylor. I'd love for you to listen to my show if you want to. I can definitely send the link to Ryan and I'll play any song you want. I was listening to your video blog from, like, over the years, and I was like, "I know a playlist for Taylor."

Ryan: I will make sure that we get her the link. Alright, Audrey?

Audrey: Okay, I love you Taylor. You're the best! Bye, Audrey.

Taylor: Good luck with everything.

Ryan: Oh, my god. That was just—that's what it's about, right? Isn't that what it's about?

Taylor: She's the best.

Ryan: Thank you so much for calling today. We will see you June 1st at Wango Tango, and we'll be following the puzzle, so.

Taylor: You guys better cater the whole day for them. You better pick a pre-show playlist and all that stuff.

Ryan: I know. You're making me feel complacent.

Taylor: Thanks for much for talking to me and for everything over the years. You've always been such a great friend and, yeah, I'll see you at Wango Tango. I'm really excited.

Ryan: We are too. You're the best, Taylor. Thank you again. See you soon.

Taylor: Thanks, guys, and thanks for the dance video.

#taylor swift #ryan seacrest #me! radio promo

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forgivenesswillneverbeyours · 7 years

Quote

we all have our ways. we all have things that destroy us from the inside out, or outside in. but my way? it wasn’t just the self injury; or the smoking and drinking on a daily basis. it was also loving you. loving the destructive, ignorant, selfish man that you were. hell, who knows, maybe you’ve really changed. but i refuse to believe that after twenty years, a random women you’ve never met can come along and fix you. you’re not even broken. if anyone here is fucking broken, it’s me! with words carved in my thighs and your anger marked from my wrist to elbow, we both know that its me. because i’m the one who chopped my hair off, hoping it’d rid my mind of your negativity. but i guess it failed, because here i am, writing you another letter. but that isn’t the point. i’d climb the stairs to abandoned buildings and i’d scream with my raw lungs, i’d scream and scream but you didn’t fucking hear me. so i poured my damage into shoving my fingers down my throat, coughing up vodka and cigarette smoke. i’d break scissors apart, pencil sharpeners, just for the blades inside. i remember one time you had told me to kill myself so i went into my room and i tried. oh, i just was doing what i was told. then there was that time i was struggling to unscrew the nail holding the blade in, and i broke my nail off. upon questions, i said i slammed my hand in the door. and after she left? i thought things were better, but they weren’t. sure, you hit us less, quit choking us from behind, and started letting us do what we wanted. i realize now that that was you, giving up, once and for all. all my life, you told me i’d be nothing. and now that’s what i feel. nothing. numb. i tried my best to make you proud, but seven year old me didn’t understand why you didn’t hang her crayon drawing on the fridge. i don’t understand. we were your flesh, how you could make me spill your blood from my veins? how could you laugh upon finding out, and how could you torture me with your words? i just sometimes sit and wonder where the hell i went wrong. what did i do that was so bad, it made you hate me? maybe i need to realize that i didn’t do anything. you’re just a human form of destruction and depression. and you spilled it into my veins, and now i unzip them with razor blades that are meant for something much more innocent. i’m afraid, too. afraid i’ll wake up next to my partner; or kids, one day and snap. what if i end up like you? i’m glad i moved out of state because now no one knows me to say, “you’re just like your father.” because oh, god, oh god, the last thing i want to be is like you. i’m falling apart, to pieces, to a crumbled mess of skin and broken bones at your feet. i remember a lot of things when i’m writing about you. i just never remember them long enough to get down on paper. i remember when you came to pick me up from school one day; and you had a large gash down your arm from the plate mom threw at you in self defense. i remember, maybe first grade? kindergarten? we were driving over some railroad tracks, a double set; and you sped up just to make me laugh. after that, we stopped at a mcdonalds and we picked up breakfast sandwiches. i got the toy one, too. but only because mom let me. i remember a few years back, maybe five, six, we were in a field. it was easter, and we had brought baseballs, and were throwing them around. you said i had my brother’s arm, and i remember filling up with pride and accomplishment. we went on an easter egg hunt after that. mom always painted four eggs gold and wrote our initials on them so if we found the wrong one, we’d know. mine was in one of those park grills, if you know what i’m talking about. but i’m sick of keeping your secrets. some secrets are meant to be told, and believe me, i’ll tell anyone who will listen. i know that maybe this makes me a terrible daughter, but i thought i should actually give you a reason to hate me. because hate was all i knew, i hate myself too. but no matter what the fuck i do, i can’t make myself hate you. i wish on every shooting star i see that i can hate you the way you hate me. then there was this year. you told kaden you were sorry, and you knew i may not believe it, but you meant it. but i know well enough now that you’re a liar. like when you promised you would buy me that pack of smokes, but you’re great at crushing hopes. or when, during visitation, you hugged me? i asked when you were leaving and you said, “never, princess. i’m not leaving you again.” but like i said, you’re a liar and i’m having trouble deciphering what was true, and what the hell made you this way. but we’ll go over that some other time. hey, do you remember? “what the dilio!” we’d always say that to each other, and it was our thing. but it slowly faded over time, like your smile as i grew older and older, and you started to realize that i was just like my mother. i don’t know why you married her, since you hated her so much. but seriously, what the fuck? what the hell was going through your mind when you brought your heavy hand down across our faces, backs, sides, anywhere you could reach. or with the belt, when you’d leave welts anywhere the buckle marks couldn’t be seen. there’s nights i sit up alone and seriously think about suicide. how easy it would be to go into the bathroom, and slit my wrists. i’ve tried it before; but unfortunately, i didn’t get thrown into the depths of hell. but i think what bothers me the most is not knowing why. so, the day i turn nineteen, i’ll pick up the phone. or maybe i’ll just come knocking. but i’m going to ask why. because it is killing me. i’m so fucking tired of these nights, those words that are just as hollow as i am. i still think about hurting myself sometimes; but i’d never tell my therapist that. instead, i stay away from razor blades and say i’m doing okay. it feels like i have so much more to say; but it’s 11:44pm and i’m exhausted. then again, i’m always tired. before i forget, let me bring something up. why do you hate ashton so much? gah, i should just forget it but i can’t. i was your favorite, we all know, but why wasn’t he? was it because he was just like mom? or is it because he saw you for what you truly are.. a fucking monster. you didn’t give me a chance to grow up, and i’ll forever resent you for that. depressed at the age of seven, and i’m fifteen now. turning sixteen, i’m trying to discover who i am outside the sadness.

Self destruction

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