#(which won't be happening in a long time)

[tswwwit]

just reread whump au for the nth time now, and it suddenly occurred to me what in god's name would've happened if dipper just straight up kicked the bucket right after saying, "i love you."

i can't imagine bill's reaction would've been a good one. i'm getting chills just trying to picture it, honestly.

in fact, just the image of dipper dying in general, and seeing the aftermath of that from bill's pov, has my whole body breaking out into goosebumps.

awesome.

also, let's just assume that bill hasn't yet figured out the whole reincarnation thing in this scenario aha

(i just really like angst okay? lmao)

Oh man, Bill? Oh Bill. Bill.

He would be very, very upset.

Also this is a good opportunity for the ol' classic:

#answers #There's probably a short time where he's too stunned to have a response #Which is *very* rare for Bill; he's old as hell - literally! - and seen and done pretty much everything #This of course can't last long. Bill is a being of *action*. And rage. #Bill is not taking this lying down #He's not taking this AT ALL what BULLSHIT is THIS #He didn't even get a DECADE with this mortal and what he's just GONE??? BULLSHIT #NO CHANCE NOT HAPPENING NOPE NOPE NO FUCK THAT #If the multiverse thought Bill during their 'break' was bad this is going to be orders of magnitude worse #He's experienced something he never thought he'd ever feel and never *ever* thought would be felt for him in turn #It was strange and disgustingly domestic. Grossly wibbly soft and chokingly *Sweet* with this lovely rivalry ganache #Something he won't - can't - continue on throughout the ages without. Not after he knows what it's *like* #Nothing's gonna match *that* again. Barely a decade damn it and it just. Just went. *poof*. #And FUCK THAT #The soul has to be somewhere. Lots of people can build a body. There's solutions #And if anyone or anyTHING stands in his way he's going to get rid of it without even stopping to monologue or gloat #Bill's got a mission and no psychopomp or demon or god is going to stand in his way of reclaiming what's his #Even if he has to go on a full-on quest for it. Tearing a path through the multiverse #He is GOING to get him BACK #Dipper's Last Words are going to have a greater effect than he could have imagined #Because with those ringing in Bill's brain he's not going to ever *stop* #Narratively speaking it'd be the most Character Development for Bill to exhaust his violent means #And have to bargain with someone #(Probably the Axolotl) #The biggest challenge Bill has ever or will ever face: Going up to someone. Hat in hand. And saying *please*

[liquidstar]

Oh fuck tomorrow I'm going to be a little birthday boy I keep almost forgetting

#it's probably bc i dont have specific plans im just playing it by ear based on how the newborn will be #(the amount of time I'll be needed w the other kids basically depends on how much sleep the parents got the night before lol) #so i dont wanna be out too late... ahh i miss the club bro i wanna go #i love kids just to be clear which is why i do this but i also think I've gotten any child rearing out of my system #so i dont want my own. in a way it's freeing bc my future will just be for me and i won't have to worry about this stuff long term lol #ah but if I'm free on the 4th theres also something else i wanna do so maybe i shouldn't get drunk anyway #maybe just wait for the next free day 🤷‍♂️ we'll see #I've been highover BAD though shit lasted until like 8pm the next day. and i had to take the day off w the kids #luckily there happened to be other family there that took over but dude it sucked. i remember trying to help them in the morning like #ok sorry 4 year old trying to find pants i have to lay down in your bed you can do it by yourself i believe in you #so. taking the day off was a good call for their sakes too lol #he was fine just to be clear he could've done it on his own either way. i was just unhelpful 😅 i promise im usually way more attentive

[corfisers]

i really need to finish this one day

#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully #anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason #incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up #you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot #he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him #in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened. #you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from #you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help? #doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. “saves” her by pure chance #proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long #yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him #yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that #and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is “i probably won't stop even if you do” #“guess i am like my father after all” and yashiro still goes “you're not. you're pure and im the problem” #(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.) #he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway #but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again. #something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh #for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been #which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad #but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence? #she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the “your sister was lucky she had you”. #wips tag

[so-called-quail]

'Trapped in the end!' said Sam bitterly, his anger rising again above weariness and despair. 'Gnats in a net. May the curse of Faramir bite that Gollum and bite him quick!' 'That would not help us now,' said Frodo.

Sword in hand Sam went after him. For the moment he had forgotten everything else but the red fury in his brain and the desire to kill Gollum. But before he could overtake him, Gollum was gone. Then as the dark hole stood before him and the stench came out to meet him, like a clap of thunder the thought of Frodo and the monster smote upon Sam's mind.

Now he tried to find strength to tear himself away and go on a lonely journey – for vengeance. If once he could go, his anger would bear him down all the roads of the world, pursuing, until he had him at last: Gollum. Then Gollum would die in a corner. But that was not what he had set out to do. It would not be worth while to leave his master for that. It would not bring him back. Nothing would.

Sam and vengeance in today's entry

#idk i have Thoughts about this... rambles ahead... #there's an interesting arc here with how sam approaches his feelings of vengeance in this entry #starting with the first quote. frodo's response to sam is so brief and doesn't get much time to sit with all the action going on #but i feel like it speaks volumes #at least in showcasing the different points they stand on #sam centers his resentment and feelings of revenge... he's quick to get frustrated and immediately goes for threatening gollum #meanwhile frodo is focused on getting out. he doesn't have time to nurse anger nor does he want to #it feels like he's advising sam to move past it because he knows it's futile to stay stuck in those feelings #then there's sam's fight with gollum #after days and weeks of building tension from his mistrust towards gollum... this is where the dam finally breaks #sam's been feeding into his resentment for SO LONG it's no wonder he gets into this state of blind fury towards the end #he set himself up to seek vengeance the moment he gets the opportunity #which in some way i'm sure does help him in fending off gollum... that strength had to come from somewhere #but once he's staved him off he continues to fixate that anger on gollum and forgets what he originally set out to do-- protect frodo #and then we're left with the final quote... #it isn't until sam has (perceived to have) lost everything that he is able to come to the conclusion that vengeance won't serve him #...a lesson learned a little too late?? maybe?? no?? it feels cruel to say that #i definitely do not want to take the position that sam was responsible for what happened to frodo #he was pinned in a horribly desperate situation and couldn't do much once gollum attacked #i don't think much would've changed if he hadn't had his moment of fury with chasing gollum #anyways newbie here-- i haven't read anything ahead from here so idk what character arcs await sam #but i'm interested to see if this is later built upon or acknowledged #end of rambles skdfjgkdjsfg #lotr newsletter #lotr newsletter march 13th #EDIT: I forgot to space the quotes out 😭 #not a crime but they can get confusing to read when scrunched together hrnnnn

[theflyingfeeling]

🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

fuck trains lmao

#we're stuck at the first stop of my train journey to the airport because a load train is broken on the trail in front of us #they're towing it aside now but that's gonna take some time #i was supposed to switch to a faster train in tampere but that's not gonna happen now #i'm gonna have to travel with this train towards the airport #this SLOWER train #which according to the concuctor is still the fastest way to get to the airport in time #as long as the situation with the other train won't prolong #keep your fingers crossed for me pals 🙂🤞

[seenthisepisode]

(rant in the tags, might be triggering or something)

#not to be a bitch and rant on tumblr but WHERE ELSE this is my diary since 2011 etc. #soooo i've been very alone for the last two weeks because my fiance is in germany at work and i am at home also working #and oir flatmate is spending the last weeks before uni at home so i've been absolutely alone for weeks now #the only time i talk to people is at work and it's starting to have some weird effect on me because.... i miss work lol #because i miss talking to people and just some interaction.... i am generally a loner and i like spending time in my own company!!!! #but #..... thats just too long. i feel bad and alone and unhealthy. and above all sad. #and today i talked to my friend from work like yeah so it's saturday maybe wine in the late evening?? and she said maybe #and then after a few hours it was no soery i can't i am too tired which. VALID girl i understand #but i let myself hope that i won't be alone tonight and idk maybe have some fun some karaoke whatever #and then #well it won't happen #i feel horrible #i shouldn't but i do #i feel like i will start talking to the walls because i've been talking to myself for too long #also i have the massive urge to just get drunk alone but also like what's the point. of anything #personal #alcohol tw #depression tw #uhh

[charcubed]

genuinely believe lots of people are voting mulder/scully on that poll out of spite or just because they think it'd be funny to make destiel lose in round 1 lol.

#which I can make peace with in a weird way tbh because it's like #I know it's being thrown and it's going to be stupid when x files moves on to round 2 and that poll gets way less votes overall #it's happened many times #no matter who x files is up against it's not gonna pull the same numbers. because some of the numbers are anti-destiel ones. #I mean I'm sure there are many people voting who genuinely love mulder/scully but. still. VS DESTIEL? FOR FANDOM HISTORY? COME ON #but anyway. so if we lose that one it won't take me TOO long to let it go #as opposed to the one with the romcom gay pirates vs stevebucky... oh baby THAT one is personal. THAT one is some fuckery. #because it is tons of people GENUINELY trying to argue ofmd is better or more impactful/important. and that's exasperating to me lol

[miabrown007]

a minute of silence to my skills to estimate how long a project is ever going to take

#my google calendar and Carl bot (and my friends) have been kind enough to inform me today was the estimated posting date of heist au #suffice to say that is not happening #it would have been rad to make a habit out of the co-occurrence of starting a new job and starting to post a finished WIP but alas #that will not be happening for a while longer #I have no idea when will I find the time for writing between two jobs and the big bang but. we'll work something out. #but hey it's good to give your projects breathing space so your brain can do the work in the background and solve the problems for you #I'll probably need to go back and revamp the whole last chapter I've been working on #but I'm still too sick and jet lagged and sick to be thinking about that so I'll consume some more media in the meantime #and complain about how bad the fic I'm listening to is. like god it's supposed to be so romantic and cute and he's literally #depriving her bodily autonomy and her friends support him I want to leave a strongly worded comment so bad #I will not be doing that but god it's so awful I should have stopped listening to this fic long ago. so that's a lesson learned. #put the fucking fic down there's plenty of stuff that's going to be better #hot take I sure no one saw coming sometimes things that are popular are actually bad #anyway have some stream of fucking consciousness /ref to another fic I'm fighting hard to keep discontinued #I know I won't like it why is this so hard #heist au should have been posted today based on maths btw. maths I did wrong for the first time which means it should have been posted #a year ago really #not like I have the proper structure to do a heist au daily #but it would have been fun to post the first chapter on the exact day it takes place. idk just for flavour #does all this make any sense? hardly. this is a diary entry and my two braincells are firing random thoughts at each other #that's fine though. it's all fine. here have some popcorn to go with all this nonsense 🍿🍿🍿 <3 #(and also all the drama in the new shadow and bone season. ugh it's so good I love Wesper SO. MUCH. or just Waylan. and Nikolai. #he's my blorbo assigned at first relevant information. relavant information: he's my friend's blorbo #but gods he's so my type it's scary. of course I'll have him as my blorbo. of course of course! #*puts him on a shelf next to Adrien Draco and Hunter* #*steps back to think before putting Waylan there too and sitting Zuko on the far end* #war crimes look so good on them :3 #miaing #heist au

[undefeatednils]

Stuff in tags, only wanna semi-scream into the void

...

#nils talking #feeling very tired after this week #the start was so full of uncertainty and while a bit of relief has set in #I'm just drained #tomorrow I'll be visiting a friend for a semi-regular thing and I'm not really in the mood #but I also don't wanna cancel so I hope I'll just feel better tomorrow than I did the last few days #bc I do feel kinda lonely rn and like I'm treading water #I need change and closure and I won't get it before the year is over #too many variables too much that still needs to happen first #but there could be smaller changes that are less drastic #connections that don't need to be for a long time but rather beautiful moments #or a deepening of connections I already have but which are very marginal #at the moment I see both potential within me but also my current limits and limitations #anyway I just hope that the next few months will bring happiness and progress for me #I don't wish to fade away into the background #I want to try my best at making an impact and being remembered fondly #to not just be the awkward fat person that stood in the corner of the party #or who was just a random fellow student or coworker #I hate feeling powerless but it's so difficult to change things when you lack the energy #sorry about this if you read this you're entitled to compensation #also for the record I don't recommend looking up what former classmates are doing a decade after graduating school #it's a mostly depressing affair

[seapasture]

i am going to sit down and draw the gentlest scene one can possibly imagine, or the pure visual manifestation of unabashed fury. there will be no in-between (unless)

#so 4am me was right! i really had hoped for a few days that things were looking brighter but clearly optimism is foolish #and this agony is entirely beyond my control which is fantastic. absolutely great and wonderful. i have never felt more empty #i think i will simply just try not to feel anything ever again because it simply isn't worth it #if i can pour it into some art then that will be something at least. i haven't drawn for myself in a very long time #but in this moment i literally have nothing else beyond some terrible coping mechanisms which i won't divulge #i think i will draw until my head hurts and my hands hurt #art and writing are really all i have right now. i can't physically speak without crying and i need to sequester myself #i will attempt to continue to reblog things as usual because i need every shred of normality i can consume #apologies in advance if i am not massively cheery again for a while - any semblance of joy has been violently stripped away from me #i'm not keen to conceal the fact that i do not feel normal at all right now. but i hate constantly venting here whenever i make a textpost #alas i am shigeo kageyama and i am holding a bouquet of flowers. and i'm about to cross at a junction #but it keeps happening over and over and over #if i draw and it's abysmal then good. i don't care #everything just gets worse and worse and worse and worse #i am so sorry #sea rambles

[daz4i]

you ever met a guy so dumb and talentless he couldn't even cut himself right?

#well now you have bc you are following this tumblr blog and that guy is me #at least it gave me some edge and i might be able to fall asleep soon #bc tbh that was the goal here 🧐 bc my brain won't shut up #liveblogging my mental breakdown on tumblr dot com #self harm // #today has been really really bad. which is saying a lot bc i got to spend time with my friends and usually that's enough to make a day good #everything else was just THAT bad to make it not count #and a lot of what happened makes me wanna move out but when i start thinking of that i start spiraling bc i know i can't #and this puts me in this self hate loop again which makes my brain louder and everything even worse #so. now i can't sleep #I'm so tired. not just sleep tired. life tired. I'm lowkey considering taking a bunch of pills now in hopes i won't wake up #but h I'm too fat for that to do anything. it'll probably just give me a headache and fuck up my liver long term like the last time i tried #sigh. i hate being alive. not that I'd consider any of what i do living

[pa-pa-plasma]

the thing people rarely talk about is being unable to tell if you're sick or not because you already have these symptoms chronically. like yes i still have a cough, but all the other symptoms of long covid are basically normal for me

#funny enough some of my chronic symptoms i've had for years are a result of another bad illness i got when i was young #now i have a chronically runny nose. i'm not allergic to anything my nose just won't stop running #& now i have More chronic symptoms. fucking great #the reason i think i have long covid though is because of the cough & my entire body feels like more shit than usual #my stomach is upset & my heart is like. vibrating #which only happens when i take my meds (literal amphetamines) which i havent been because of my symptoms #& no it's not withdrawal. these specific meds don't do that for me. i can go on or off them withing weaning & i'm perfectly fine #oh also my hands are fucking cold as hell #i overheat very easily but i've been so cold after i got covid #looking at the list & actually i think it's basically confirmed i have long covid #i'm never fucking forgiving my mother for being so relaxed about catching the fucking plague #there's a huge chance it killed her husband (advanced his disease) & she literally does not care. if it killed me she'd go ''oh well'' #every time i see someone not treating this situation with the seriousness it deserves i will take that personally

[fkinavocado]

need to read DI harry be a dad to a little baby so baddd

some of you really didn't understand why i decided to take down parts 2 and 3 huh

#no hate anon but ... i spoke this a thousand times #unless you're new around here #in which case long story short... that won't be happening in this verse i'm sorry #any requests that don't involve pregnancy or marriage??? anyone?? 🥲 #ask

[running-in-the-dark]

I'm just sitting here mentally telling myself 'I don't have to like him just because I find him attractive, I don't have to like him just because he's hot, I don't have to like him just because I like the character' over and over until I start to believe it

#every single time I love a character I also start to love the actor. sometimes that sucks. I don't want to. I want to pretend he doesn't #exist #but he's got the same face and the same body and the same voice and I just. how do I not do this. #I don't like him. I don't want to like him. he's at the very least kinda gross about women. which I'm not okay with. so. just. ugggh #it's just that I look at him and my mind shuts off and it's like 😍🥰😍 #rationally I know that's also fine. I'm allowed to like people who aren't perfect (and no one is perfect anyway) #buuut. it makes me feel disgusting. #idk. I guess I just. i dealt with this for so long when I was younger because like. most of the men I thought were hot were also #misogynistic. because the culture at the time was so much worse. and it was just accepted. #and I fucking hated it and I don't want to deal with that anymore #it's just. idk. it feels gross and bad and I don't like it #but. I do find him extremely attractive and I want him so so bad and I don't know what to do with that #ugh I need to just. not be attracted to people. it happens so rarely but when it does it only causes trouble. #or maybe I need to get over these weird morality standards that I have but I don't think that's possible? like how would that work? I don't #get it. #anyway. yes this is about Eliot/CK no I won't elaborate on that and also I hope he's actually a great guy and everything I've seen #that made me think otherwise is just wrong #I will still stare at his face and think about him and listen to his stupid gross music all day. and I will enjoy it. but I will also #feel conflicted about it 😔 #(but damn it he is hot and his arms are big and I am just a human being and I am very very weak 😫 big arms make me fucking stupid)

[altruistic-meme]

why do i ever assume my family communicates i KNOW they don't why do i ALWAYS fall for this

#this is mostly /lh i promise just #my mother texted me yesterday about coming over Saturday not Sunday to watch go2 #and asked if I'd be driving my sister over again (bc im practicing driving stick shift in my sister's car) #so i THOUGHT 'oh clearly she asked my sister too bc my sister ALSO sometimes works Saturdays! #and if she wanted to change the day we agreed on last week then SURLY she MUST have texted everyone who was part of the plan!!!' #i was wrong #i texted my sister to tell her 'hey call me when you're oyw so I'll wake up' and my sister. of course. DIDN'T KNOW #ABOUT THE DAY CHANGE #and she actually DOES work today (unlike me who does not which was my mom's og question) #so she CAN'T do it today #but my mom DIDN'T ASK HER #so now i texted my mom and am waiting for her to wake up and reply #bc our options are 1. hope it rains (bc my sister can't work in the rain so if it rains she gets off work) #or 2. everyone is going to be awake until 1-2am to watch the show bc it's 5-6hours long and we won't get there until like 6pm #or you know option 3. we just stick with the og plan of Sunday #but ill give my mom the options bc idc either way i have to be awake so night anyway #but everyone else watching Doesn't do they're opinions do matter here #anyway #I'm just so tired #this happens EVERY SINGLE TIME we make plans!!! #someone wants to make a change and asks one person and then that person assumes they also checked with everyone else #and they NEVER!!! DO!!!!!! #shh ac