#*writes down more anakin lore for my fanfic* thank you for everything deborah chow

[adelcrait]

the sadistic little smirk that appears after vader says “you didnt kill anakin skywalker... i did”. i am unwell. there’s not a single person in the entire galaxy as conflicted and in pain as vader is. both physical and emotional. he so freely admits that he’s the one that killed anakin, as if he’s proud of it, as if he didn’t want kenobi to take the credit. i am chewing glass because this is the central part of vader’s character. this is what makes vader the epitome of self-destruction and incredible self-awareness used for wrong purposes. he knows what’s he done. he revisits the memories of what he’s done. he revisits happy memories to feel the pain of not having that anymore. he is violence and pain and he has carefully crafted the monster he has become and he won’t let anyone take credit for it, not when he hates himself so much that hate spills from him, threatening to drown anyone that’s in his way because god knows he’s already drowned in it years ago. he’s in so much pain and he almost takes pleasure from it, because there is no one in the entire galaxy that he hates more than himself. and yet. he spares obi-wan the guilt of carrying anakin’s death on his shoulders because as much as vader denies it, he’s still anakin. and anakin wouldn’t want obi-wan to carry the guilt of something he hadn’t done, especially if it was vader who did it, proudly, because he sees anakin as a weakness that took everything away from him. god...this man... i am unwell

#kenobi spoilers #obi-wan kenobi spoilers #im not okay #literally just stopped sobbing to write this down #obw spoilers #*writes down more anakin lore for my fanfic* thank you for everything deborah chow #he's conflict he's pain he's barely mentally present and yet he's so tuned to the force #that its impossible for him to dissociate completely #i just. god #star wars #!!!!!!!!!!!! #kenobi #kenobi series #obi-wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #darth vader #txt