#.....i don't know if i'm explaining this properly

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for jerkin' it to Goya's Black Paintings?

Emojis for convenience and humor: 🎨🖼🍆💦

I know someone's gonna yell bait about this but idc, like, what? Do you want proof? Video evidence? Grow up.

So I (30x) really like Goya's Black Paintings. Like, Saturn Devouring His Son, Duel with Cudgels, A Pilgrimage to San Isidro. I think they're hypnotic, beautiful, evocative. They make me feel emotions I can't quite explain properly.

As the title says, sometimes I beat my meat to them. Whatever. It's not really about horniness. But the intent doesn't matter.

Recently (in a discussion about sexuality in art, I promise it was relevant, similar sentiments were being shared) I mentioned to my partner (33nb) that I do this. They were pretty taken aback.

Apparently, they find this 'gross' and 'kind of dodgy' because Goya's black paintings were never intended to be shared with a wider audience. They were art that he did not mean to share, painted on the walls of his house near the end of his life. They say it seems like the work is too personal to jerk off to, that it seems invasive or like a violation.

I don't think it's a big deal. The guy is dead, it's not like his ghost knows what I'm doing. It's a good thing to consider, but I don't think it ultimately matters, ethically.

So, I guess AITA for this?

#aita #am i the asshole #posts like this are exactly what i was hoping for when i started the blog

[russellsppttemplates]

We can all agree that our little gremlin boy Lan has a big head, don't we? Like we love him, he's cute(hot af too), but boy was blessed with a big head 😅 so I just had the funniest scene of his wife complaining to him about his big head while drowned in hormones when she's pregnant with Tilly. Like really complaining, but laughing at the same time, and maybe his sisters or max and P are cackling while he tries not to laugh too much not to hurt her feelings,but they all end up having a laughing fit together 😆

Note: when I was a baby, my head was so big that I had to get a series of tests and scans to rule out any problems! In the doctor's words, fortunately, the only problem I would have was finding a hat that fits! So I relate to this very much - also, absolutely agree with all you've said!

Cw: reader is pregnant

The annual Norris family summer vacation was well underway by the time you decided which days you wanted to spend on the boat, Oliver and Savannah staying inside with the girls along with Adam and Cisca who decided they would make lunch for everyone.

"Do you know what I have just realised?", you spoke to Flo as you both watched Lando and Cisca's boyfriend jump into the water, "your brother has a massive head - like, it's really big, specially when you compare to Max's", you pointed to your husband's best friend.

That morning, you cried about the fact that your bikini dug on your hips only for Lando to tell you that you hadn't tired the sides properly and that you had more than enough room to accommodate your growing body, so right now this was a way better way to deal with the rush of hormones you were having.

"I think we all do, to be fair - Cisca has the smalled one I guess", Flo squinted as she looked at her sister who walked closer to you.

"Why are you looking at me like that?", Cisca wondered.

"I've just realised how big your brother's head is and how I'm probably going to be split apart when this little girl - little body but surely a big head - joins us", you rubbed your bump as tears formed in your eyes.

"Oh, Y/N, my friends have had babies with big heads and they're fine", Pietra offered, "they were just fine", she said before waving at Max so him and Lando could come to the rescue.

"I don't know why I'm crying, which makes this even worse - Goodness", you wiped your eyes and chuckled, "I can feel her head, it's about here from what I remember from the scans - and it's big, like, really big! How is that going to work?", you blurted.

"What's the matter? Is everything alright? Y/N, are you good? Is it Tilly?", Lando asked worriedly as he saw you break into a fit of giggles and seeing the girls fight their laughter a bit before joining.

"The matter is that you have a big head and Tilly's will also be big", you explained, "I'm not the tiniest person ever, so there's definitely room but can you imagine? I have to ask your mother how big your head was when you were born because I feel like I need to do prep work for it", you mused, "it's all natural until you decide to have a kid with the guy who has a big head".

"Oh, Y/N has gone dark", Max muttered, earning himself a swat on his forehead from Pietra, "what? Did I lie?", he hissed, containing his laughter.

"I'm not sure what you'd like me to do here, my love", Lando admitted, sitting next to you and attempting to squeeze your thigh lovingly, knowing the affectionate gesture could go both ways.

"Our baby is making me feel like I have the emotional and cognitive skills of a toddler", you mumbled as you cuddled your husband, supporting your bump with a pillow Flo got for you as you both layed down.

"It's okay, Y/N, I don't mind having to reason with you - we'll consider this practice for when we have our little one, okay beautiful?", Lando kissed your forehead.

(Thank you for sending this in ✨️)

#lando norris blurb #inês writes blurbs #f1 blurb #f1 x reader

[defectivegembrain]

It can also be really hard to make and keep friends while being aware of your limitations and energy levels. Like you turn down an invitation and explain that it was just too short notice for you to handle, and then you don't get invited again. You say you're not good at phone calls because that's true, and you say can we text instead and they never do (and why is an avid gamer around your age so into phone calls anyway?) And the best guess you can come up with is that while you meant "these are the accommodations I need to socialise with you", maybe what they heard was "I don't want to socialise with you". Or maybe they thought this is weird or too much work or I don't know I don't know how allistic minds work I'm just guessing.

Or maybe they tell you to your face that they can't hang out with you because their other friends think you're too weird, or you keep in touch but it's always so stilted and you don't know how to get beyond the superficial how are you fine script, and the one time it seems like you're getting somewhere you misunderstand something, not even in a way that causes offence, but they just stop replying after that. Or they're your childhood friend who tried but did not understand, and you didn't understand like half of what was going on for most of your childhood anyway, and the last time you saw them you cried in front of a bunch of people at a party because you couldn't interact properly and felt like you didn't exist.

And then you're sitting with the very specific worry that maybe if you manage to move into uni halls for the first time at the bright young age of 30, maybe your new dorm mates will want to have a social gathering that night, and it feels very plausible because it happened in the Choices phone game story The Freshman, and of course things in reality always perfectly mimic the specific fictional situations you're familiar with! And you will have to decline because you won't be up for socialising just after moving in, but then they'll think you're not interested in being friends at all, or in them as people.

Like just hypothetically

#actuallyautistic #social shit

[thorraborinn]

hello there! today i came across a claim that sort of baffled me. someone said that they believed the historical norse heathens viewed their own myths literally. i was under the impression that the vast majority of sources we have are christian sources, so it seems pretty hard to back that up. is there any actual basis for this claim? thanks in advance for your time!

Sorry for the delay, I've been real busy lately and haven't been home much. Even after making you wait I'm still going to give a copout answer.

I think the most basic actual answer is that it's doubtful that someone has a strong basis to make that claim, and the same would probably go for someone claiming they didn't take things literally. I think we just don't know, and most likely, it was mixed-up bits of both literal and non-literal belief, and which parts were literal and which parts weren't varied from person to person. We have no reason so suppose that there was any compulsion to believe things in any particular way.

About Christians being the interlocutors of a lot of mythology, this is really a whole separate question. On one hand there's the question of whether they took their myths literally, and on the other is entirely different question about whether or not we can know what those myths were. Source criticism in Norse mythology is a pretty complicated topic but the academic consensus is definitely that there are things we can know for sure about Norse myth, and a lot more that we can make arguments for. For instance the myth of Thor fishing for Miðgarðsormr is attested many times, not only by Snorri but by pagan skálds and in art. Myths of the Pagan North by Christopher Abram is a good work about source criticism in Norse mythology.

Though this raises another point, because the myth of Thor fishing is not always the same. Just like how we have a myth of Thor's hammer being made by dwarves, and a reference to a different myth where it came out of the sea. Most likely, medieval Norse people were encountering contradictory information in different performances of myth all the time. So while that leaves room for at least some literal belief, it couldn't be a rigid, all-encompassing systematic treatment of all myth as literal. We have good reason to believe they changed myths on purpose and that it wasn't just memory errors.

I know you're really asking whether this one person has any grounds for their statement, and I've already answered that I don't think they do. But this is an interesting thought so I'm going to keep poking at it. I'm not sure that I'm really prepared to discuss this properly, but my feeling is that this is somehow the wrong question. I don't know how to explain this with reference to myth, so I'm going to make a digression, and hope that you get the vibe of what I'm getting at by analogy. Edward Burnett Tylor (1832–1917) described animism in terms of beliefs, "belief in spiritual beings," i.e. a belief that everything (or at least many things) has a soul or spirit. But this is entirely contradicted by later anthropology. Here's an except from Pantheologies by Mary Jane Rubenstein, p. 93:

their animacy is not a matter of belief but rather of relation; to affirm that this tree, that river, or the-bear-looking-at-me is a person is to affirm its capacity to interact with me—and mine with it. As Tim Ingold phrases the matter, “we are dealing here not with a way of believing about the world, but with a condition of living in it.”

In other words, "belief" doesn't even really play into it, whether or not you "believe" in the bear staring you down is nonsensical, and if you can be in relation with a tree then the same goes for that relationality; "believing" in it is totally irrelevant or at least secondary. Myths are of course very different and we can't do a direct comparison here, but I have a feeling that the discussion of literal versus nonliteral would be just as secondary to whatever kind of value the myths had.

One last thing I want to point out is that they obviously had the capacity to interpret things through allegory and metaphor because they did that frequently. This is most obvious in dream interpretations in the sagas. Those dreams usually convey true, prophetic information, but it has to be interpreted by wise people who are skilled at symbolic interpretation. I they ever did this with myths, I'm not aware of any trace they left of that, but we can at least be sure that there was nothing about the medieval Norse mind that confined it to literalism.

For multiple reasons this is not an actual answer but it's basically obligatory to mention that some sagas, especially legendary or chivalric sagas, were referred to in Old Norse as lygisögur, literally 'lie-sagas' (though not pejoratively and probably best translated just as 'fictional sagas'). We know this mostly because Sverrir Sigurðsson was a big fan of lygisögur. But this comes from way too late a date to be useful for your question.

[pestilentbrood]

VERY long Ramble incoming

honestly now that I'm looking at the auraboa lore situation, I'm just disappointed. There was such POTENTIAL in the idea of the Loop and the horror of a new generation inexplicably being disconnected from it, forcing the newly hatched children into a world totally separate from that perceived by their parents (I mean, hell, they perceive TIME differently!).... but then the writer(s?) just fell ass backwards into Icky Tropes.

I feel like I can see what the idea was, especially with the recent alterations to the Encyclopedia entry... It seems like staff fundamentally understands the true Horror potential here, but... Instead, through the short story, they proposed it through the lens of a condescending outsider character, turning the fears of the older generation into something trivial. And also weirdly demeaning the Auroboa's situation by portraying them as overreacting.

Why... why would you do that? Like, from a storytelling perspective? What's gained from that? Why not embrace the true horror and even Emotional significance of that disruption? Why instead go for "ohh we NEED outsider help we NEED to be saved because we are so helpless and it is so Silly that we, creatures who have never experienced such things, do not know what sleep is"????

And if they WANTED to have a condescending outsider, I feel like they COULD have done that, but it would have to have that character realize the horror at some point. And make it obvious that their attitude towards distressed parents and children facing Eldritch Shit and the Sudden Deconstruction of it was not cool!

(or at the very least be a bit more...idk. Consistent with said outsider character? Juniper just goes from "omg I am so honored that the fascinating creatures of the behemoth have chosen me to speak to" to "oh their wasting my time because they don't know what sleep is. I'd rather be sleeping!! 🙄" like girl... c'mon now. Why are we trivializing it like this. Do you want me as the reader to be invested in their plight or not.)

I mean come on. They're beings connected through one networked hivemind-like system, yet each still maintains a silver of individuality that allows them to move freely throughout the Behemoth that they care for. And they've got an eldritch understanding of time that no other dragon could understand. They're seeing the future, past, and present unfold simultaneously. They're witnessing the birth and death of the world at the same time, and have no way to communicate it to other dragons. The best they can do is maintain their home, and even then, they see its roots spread and decay all at once.

And then the newest generation is suddenly disconnected. An inherent link between parent and child and all dragons in-between, that has existed since the creation of their species, is just suddenly GONE for the newest births. With NO explanation for it. The children have no easy way of communicating with their parents. The children are experiencing time in a way that was not meant for their species. They've forcefully been shoved into a circadian rhythm that they are Not! Built for!

The only way a parent could communicate properly with their child would be when the latter is sleeping, something that is also completely foreign to this species. It would be terrifying for all involved!!!

They are literally experiencing eldritch horror from the perspective of the eldritch being forced into the mortal.

Like why WOULDN'T there be panic!!! And why would that panic be trivialized! Why are we only shown the perspective of an outsider who looks at this situation and goes "Oh the silly tree beasts are being so silly over nothing, it's no big deal!"

That and the way the auraboas talk to outsiders. Like. There was such potential there. Real opportunity to explore how ancient, time-bending beings would communicate to someone who couldn't even BEGIN to understand the intricacies of it.

Instead we got what feels more like baby talk (even described as though they were hatchlings enunciating their first words, which... I dunno man, maybe we don't want to compare them to children like That) and less like... Beings that experience all of time at once. I mean, the hatchlings and the adults speak the exact same way, and that doesn't make any sense given the literal time barrier going on.

I totally get why people thought there was just a language barrier and that auraboas had their own language, thus causing the disjointed speak, and not that it was because They Do Not Experience Time Like We Do. And I feel it would've been far easier to get it across by just... I dunno. Do anything else?? I saw someone on here suggest they speak in the "wrong" tenses, or using multiple tenses in the same sentence, which I think would've been far more clear.

Like, as opposed to "saplings wilt! saplings silent!" just "the saplings will wilt in silence, they've wilted in silence, they are wilting silently." Said all at once like all things are true simultaneously. And if we're going for hivemind, have each auraboa speak in a different tense, all at the same time, and have them switch it up every time. Have our outsider get confused and be like "which is it? are they wilting now, or have they already wilted?" and the cluster of auraboas respond in a cacophony of yes's, no's, and maybe's all at once.

Would've probably gotten across the "alien" vibe they were supposedly going for far better than wide-eyed desperation for an outsider's guidance conveyed through disjointed, in-world described as baby speech.

And also maybe would've had less accidental connotations. Because as it stands, I completely see why people have made the connections to the real world where they have. This doesn't read like eldritch timey-wimey intrigue, or even a respectful look at how younger generations can become detached from their families' cultures over time and the struggles that come with it. It reads like a culture being perceived by an ignorant outsider who (despite supposedly respecting these dragons) scoffs and rolls their eyes because the tree beasts with their funny words are being silly again, and that Hey, isn't it actually a great thing that the children are fundamentally different in all manners now? Because now they can join the rest of us in the "real world."

Yknow. Ick.

(I Personally think it would've been better to have the perspective be one of the Auraboas themselves, especially one of the children, to really understand what was going on here. Give us the full brunt of the mind of a creature experiencing all of time interwoven as one shape. The waters fall and the oceans crash with waves. They've now fallen to drought. The ocean has yet to be born. Caves have been carved out through the waters' currents. And when I break from this timeline, I open my eyes to see a child, the child not yet born, the child born now, the child born yesterday. Why can't I hear it? Why couldn't I hear it? Why won't I ever hear it?)

I dunno. People more qualified than me to speak on this matter have already torn the lore apart, I'm just... dropping my own two cents. Potential got weirdly squandered and we ended up instead with unfortunate implications and tropes that could be connected a liiiittle too awkwardly to irl situations.

*Also, before anyone points out: Yes, I know the hatchlings aren't COMPLETELY detached from the Loop and can join it when they sleep. But the fact is, these thangs never had to sleep before. That wasn't in their species' nature. So that's still weird and foreign for them on both sides. And since the hatchlings now have a circadian rhythm, they can't stay connected to the loop permanently. And also Also, seeing as the previous generations aren't experiencing time linearly, who's to say they even recognize when their child joins the loop? They'll speak with an echo of their child when that child was last asleep ages ago, not knowing that it's not them presently, because there is no 'present' for the older generations.

#i also really really do not understand the ''word count'' explanation given by staff. #I'm honestly rather lenient with ignorance happenings like this so long as they're remedied but. #cutting out important details of lore Fundamental to the understanding of it? For? ''Word count''? #Like firstly. Surely someone on the team is skilled enough to pull that off right? To get all that needs to be said in a short story? #but secondly. w. why is there a word count limit to begin with. This is Your House. Why are you limiting yourself unless this is like #a paid-by-word situation and they don't have the money to afford something longer #but like it feels like shooting yourself in the foot if you're going to write something that leaves a ton of information vague instead of #properly explaining your lore so there's no unfortunate misunderstandings. But I dunno. I'm just rambling #flight rising #fr auraboa #I'll probably be incorporating my Own version of the lore regardless of what the staff decides to do with this presentation of it #or just ignoring it outright hskdgjhskjh we shall See #Also if anything I've said here is Wrong in some way or comes across ignorant in and of itself. Let me know

[byanyan]

ㅤbeen thinking today about how byan's anger can be really scary to witness... it's very... raw. anger is the emotion they feel the most intensely, and the one they filter the least. it's raw, it's heated, and it's very instinct-driven — they have very little control over it, and they're certainly not thinking before they do or say anything. impulses are followed, whether it's to lash out and cause harm to whatever has hurt them, or to throw or break whatever is within arm's reach just to release even a little bit of the energy that's overwhelming them. they don't know what else to do with it. literally no thoughts, all that their mind can focus on is the emotion; they just want to get it out and stop feeling this way (and/or ensure the person who's pissed them off gets what they deserve) and they'll do whatever it takes to ensure that. i think that lack of control really shows too, like it's palpable in the air and adds an extra layer of discomfort and uncertainty if you're in the same room as them. concern for one's own safety is valid in such a scenario too tbh, because they have hurt people in the past who they never would have caused harm to normally (both directly and indirectly; sometimes by their own hand, other times as an unintended consequence of them throwing/breaking something). it's not something they're proud of, but they also just... don't know what to do about it. ...they're honestly afraid of their own anger, at times. afraid of what they're capable of and what they might one day do.

#there's also a lot of yelling and cursing...... screaming too but that's only in THE MOST extreme cases #and they've been known to hurt themself if there's nothing else around to take the anger out on. #or like. unintentionally hurting themself by punching walls & getting into fights and shit #this is an absolute mess it's just me spewing my thoughts to get them out of my head #one day i'll write a proper & cleaner headcanon about it... explain it better... #but i'm having a hard time putting my thoughts into actual coherent & detailed words tonight so just like. take this for now lmao #byan is such an emotional creature & they don't know how to regulate what they feel #they just feel it and must do something about it... #am i making sense?? is what i'm trying to convey coming through?? #i'm so annoyed bc i can't find half the words i'm searching for to properly explain this the way i want to lmao #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ headcanon ⋮ danger in the fabric of this thing i made.

[metronn]

uhh weird little scribbles about empathy and what i was thinking listening to the legend of chavo guerrero this morning

#no i don't really know what this is. just kind of. dumping my thoughts out #autism tag #hyperempathy #empathy #alexithymia #the mountain goats #tmg #okay so to explain this properly basically i was overcome with emotion while listening to it #and it got me thinking about how to define empathy #i'm not feeling what john was feeling as a kid! i wasn't there i don't know how he felt #i can GUESS. but even then those aren't the same emotions i have when i hear those words #it's just like. a wave of AHHH #brief. controllable generally. sometimes not controllable and i start crying #is that empathy? i mean. i don't think it is really #anyway #i guess umm. #mine #art #?

[lyxchen]

I hate how when I tell people that if I ever have children then I want to adopt, they are always like "but you know that adopting a child is hard work and takes a lot of time right?" Like yes I fucking know that!! But if I want a child then I will do that. If I really want to have a child then I will take that hard part too. I don't ever want to be pregnant and I want to have a child On Purpose. Why do you say this as if spending a lot of work and patience on becoming a parent is a bad thing?? If I seriously want a child then I will do anything for that child and so I don't get why that would be an argument against adoption!?

#i don't know how to properly explain what i'm feeling about this #but it's like #i don't just want a child like oops i guess i have a child now #if i ever have children then i want to have them and love them on purpose #no matter how hard an adoption process is #also does nobody ever think about those children?? #those children who have no homes and no family #if i can help at least one of them to live a happy life by being a good mom to them and wanting them then i will do that #(btw i have nithing against people who don't want to adopt i know they have good reason i'm just saying don't act like the process of #adopting isn't worth it just because it's hard and takes time) #sooo yeah #if i ever have children then i will adopt because that's how i want to do it #stop telling me that it's hard work because i know that!! #lea's random thoughts #i'm lesbian btw #idk if that really matter for this post but i just wanted to say that

[draconicapologies]

I don't even know what prompted my brain back on my cyberpunk band oc's but I sure am thinking about them at 1:40am

#apollo talks #I'm rattling them around cos asdfg I don't think anybody really knows about them properly and I can't explain how much I enjoy them #Guillotine my beloved disasters

[atomatowriter]

Trying to explain to my quip why I want garlic knots as an end of NaNoWriMo reward instead of a cake or something: Asexuals have very few weird queer stereotypes, and this one is 200% true of me. I must embrace it.

#i mean there are the 'asexuals are robots' or 'infantalized asexual' stereotypes but i'm talking abt the stuff like #'bisexuals can't sit properly' we don't have a lot of those that i know of #also constantly having to explain that while yeah sweets are fine occasionally i would choose savory over sweet ANY DAY #my quip on the other had has a massive sweet tooth

[magic-fandoms]

Hate when the yawn is bigger than your mouth

#I don't know if anybody else will understand this but I'm too tired to explain properly

[pyxscythe]

Also I think its time for me to come clean but I know very little about k!pyros lore but wants to find out more but also don't have time or attention spam to watch

No that's so fair I'll be honest if I weren't so fucking autistic about some of the ksmp characters I would not have the attention span or capacity to pay attention to ksmp LOL

I like to think I understand k!pyro like some of the best out of everyone and Jack would probably vouch for that but I cannot for the life of me sit and explain lore

#Yes I could explain Linc's so far pretty easily LMAO but like others not rly #K!pyro's lore timeline I could not explain in full I wouldn't immediately remember everything #There are some big things I could go over briefly but smaller things I would forget #Honestly with ksmp if you know/understand general characters you can be an enjoyer enough . Imo #Like fuck knowing the lore I think it's fun if you just like the characters cause look #Ksmp is at a good time only for Americans I think . It's at 8 pm EST. #If you don't watch from the start of s1 you're fucked on lore unless you can sit through the VOD channel #There's no good guide to watching the VODs up to the current point because not all POVs are necessary to watch really #So it's hard to properly get into atp like very hard #So if people don't know lore I DON'T BLAME THEM. #And the community doesn't help I'm sorry do not listen to 90% of what people say. #Just listen to me. Honestly. Literally don't ask anyone else about lore. They'll just talk about clownzy. #I'm deadass they will find a way to make everything about Clown or the Branzy cameo (HE'S NOT COMING BACK.) #Ignore them . #Anyways all that to say. I support ksmp enjoyers who don't know the fucking lore for 90% of it #It's not easy LMAO #Stream-only lore is hard for me to stay with and that's why I adore ksmp being in relatively short sessions on a consistent schedule #Every Saturday 8 PM EST unless something comes up. It's spaced out it's consistent it's a great schedule #In principle. The time is not great for Everyone sadly #Hell it's awful for basically all of the cast it's mostly Aussies waking up at like 8 in the morning #《👾》

[powderkegging]

seeing ethel cain aesthetic blogs tag normal photos as Ruralcore + their twenty billion southern gothic tags is insane. to me.

#I don't know how to properly articulate this but it's just crazy to me. personally. #ethel cain stans will label everything southern gothic + romanticize the loneliness of the south and then #they'll turn around and insult the south out of straight ignorance #i tried explaining how southern politics weren't the same as the southern reality + how poverty affects the south so deeply to an ethel fan #and they didn't hear a word. they went on to explain to me how the entire south was racist yada yada yada #this was a face to face conversation. by the way. #anyways. what can you do :) #jack.txt #the original point i wanted to make was that if an ethel fan had to work a full day on a farm in some Rural Area they might fucking implode #I'm talking about fans from tiktok here. that breed. everyone else can stay

[teddybasmanov]

I have finally watched the proposal video, how did it happen:

watched Blake's audio for the possible lore (really really wanted Sunshine to taunt him/make fun of him about the friend thing);

metaphorically looked myself in the eyes and asked "So you watched Blake on the first day but let David's proposal stew there for three weeks?"

braced myself and watched the proposal;

it was fine.

#redacted asmr #redacted audio #I'm sorry it kind of... breaks the illusion? I don't know how to explain it properly but yes #marriage (and especially casually proposing) feels less real to me than magic and demons #no hate obviously #I think I already said it somewhere but if Gavin for example were to propose that would feel more natural #because I'm pretty sure d(a)emons and humans can't get married so the proposal would be more spiritual/ritualistic than anything #I don't know in my head marrying whoever you want still sounds like fucking the bureaucratic system in the mouth and making it swallow #oops went off topic

[cassassinated]

.

#so i don't know how to properly explain this #i've tried so many times #i think #but i'm so utterly disconnected to past versions of myself #not in a “i've grown as a person” kinda way #but in a “i can't remember that me” way #and this happens frequently #this happens every time i go through significant trauma #or when i have a drastic change in routine #i reset #and only some parts of me remain #this happens enough times and i basically ship of theseus myself #and as much as i come down on the side of the-ship-is-the-same-ship #this has not been my lived experience #when i'm stable i don't have divergent thought patterns as much #until it comes to Past Me's #reactions range between bafflement and complete repulsion #i don't know where i'm going with this

[byanyan]

honestly tho one thing that's been on my mind today... is that i think byan may have undiagnosed adhd on top of everything else 🤔

#it's not smth i'm gonna say for sure one way or the other bc i'm not... i'm not SURE. #it's one of those things where i've caught myself unintentionally giving them some of my own symptoms? #but i'm not actually (properly..... it's a long story :/) diagnosed so i hesitate to confirm anything? #even if i am like. pretty sure it's a thing for me. which would in turn make it more confirmable as a thing for them. #and would also help further explain their difficulty in school and some other situations. #idk idk it's just smth that i've been thinking about a lot today and idek why it's just been floating around in the back of my head #sometimes i just need to spew the thought to get it out OR think on it more u know? #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.