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cinnamonest · 2 years

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Will any of the yandere boys try to put a ring on their darling and even have an official marriage or is keeping them locked up good enough for them? 👀

Ooh I like this concept! Not really an AU but kinda sorta AU-ish, basically Teyvat being more accurate to the time period it's roughly based on than the actual game, and thereby more... traditional if you get me. Traditionalist hyperconservative restrictive judgemental societies add flavor 👌

I also added the ones least likely to be into marriage, so this list goes down a scale of most likely to least likely to want to marry. There’s a few not in here but I think this is most of the boys, I may make another one later covering the rest. For some I did the idea of it being forced upon darling, and for others that darling is the one wanting it just to make it work.

I'm also blessed to have this opportunity to return to the Xingqiu reverse shotgun wedding agenda so thank you anon <3

//mentions of stigmas around premarital sex, mentions of a character being young-ish, fem reader, pregnancy mentions for some, slutshaming, some traditional wife stuff, forced (fictional) culture/identity erasure, the usual for this blog

---

Okay so you have some who are very into the idea of marriage and insist upon it, some who don't care, and some who actively dismiss the idea. Even between those that would be willing to, there's another significant divider between "would initiate getting married" and "would never think about or bring it up, would require you to initiate."

Marriage can also be a good idea on your part -- if you're the one to initiate such a commitment, you may just find yourself significantly decreasing the likelihood of ever being fully confined, if not escaping the risk entirely. Several would-be kidnappers would feel comforted by a legal bind such as marriage, and may be able to use it to their advantage.

We're going from most likely/insistent on marriage, to least.

---

Ayato is probably the most insistent out of anyone. It's largely an upbringing thing. That whole upper-class lifestyle really emphasizes the importance of marriage, and upper-class parents such as his were tend to be very traditional when it comes to such matters -- nobility are very strictly taught to be married at a fairly young age, and the "no sex before marriage" thing is likewise heavily hammered into their heads. For such people of high economic and social standing, the thought of a premarital sex scandal is heavily frowned upon, especially if, gods forbid, it results in pregnancy.

On that note, he's also the most patient, willing to actually wait until marrying you to actually have sex, since that's just the proper way things are done. He does things the "normal" way too, seeing as he's the type to strongly prefer a relationship that mimics one two normal, well-adjusted people might have. No unseemly, brutish things unbefitting of himself like forcefully abducting you or anything of the sort. He would consider himself to be above such acts, he has too much of a sense of pride and dignity to resort to it. After all, doing that would imply that he can't win you over with ease on his own.

Which he puts every effort into doing, that much isn't hard. He's good with words and has a natural charisma, and even if that's not enough, constantly spending money on you will make you feel grateful, no? The proper way of doing things involves a period of courtship, and that will provide enough time to earn your affection too. So it will be easy to assure that, when the time comes to bring the matter up to you -- which isn't very long, only a few months in -- you will answer in the affirmative.

Just in case, though, he takes certain measures to ensure it.

He makes sure to ask you on the matter in front of a large number of people. Presents you with gifts of astronomical monetary value in the moment. Ensures that he's spent all the time leading up to the moment carefully, slowly taking control over every aspect of your life, rendering you dependent. Making you need him. First you lost your job with no warning, then there was a fearsome incident so close to your house that you just had to find somewhere to stay for a few days, then one of your family members was seriously injured in some sort of freak accident, and who was the one who covered those expenses when you couldn't? Gave you so many gifts you didn't have enough space for it all in your home? Ensured you were always safe, walking you back to your home at night?

So even if there was a moment of hesitation in your mind, the feeling of indebtment inevitably weighs down. And you don't have a particular reason to say no, now do you? So just as planned, just as ensured, you say yes.

Oh, and don't worry. He'll take care of everything, or at least, delegate someone to have everything taken care of. He'll still do the choosing, though, and just have someone take care of actually doing the contacting and reserving and mailing and the like.

He'll choose everything. The expenses, the arrangements for everything needed, a list of invitees.

And which members of your family will come. What date it will be. Where it will be. What you wear. What you'll say as a vow. How any hair and your face will be made up. He'll take care of all of those things... so just accept what he does. It's only fair, he is paying for everything.

Oh, and if you're from one of the other nations, don't expect to include anything of your own. It would be... unseemly, is all. No wedding dresses traditional of one of the other nations, he'll get you one that fits Inazuma's traditions. Likewise, anything you find perhaps a bit unnerving will be dismissed as a cultural difference. Yes, it's very normal to get married to someone you've known for a short time.

This is such a happy occasion and all... surely you won't spoil the atmosphere and excitement by making any negative comments or questioning his choices, right? And if you should begin to express second thoughts, if he gets the sense that you’re trying to back out of it all… well, maybe you just need reminders about everything he’s done for you. And if that doesn’t work, perhaps a more direct method of telling you what could happen to you if you try to back out will be more effective.

Come on now, don't be like that. It will be perfect. You'll see.

---

Diluc has every intention to do the same when it comes to marrying. He was raised to believe it's important and good, that it's right, and his father always told him it reflects how you view the person you're with too. That if you don't marry first, it means you don't have respect for the other person. And more importantly, if people find out, it will be frowned upon.

However, he has a bit less self-control than Ayato, so he's more likely to end up giving into impulsive, heat-of-the-moment urges, thereby making a "mistake." And besides, he has a lot less charm to his personality, so he wouldn't know how to smooth-talk his way back into another opportunity like Ayato would, and instead leaps at the chance to have sex because his typical sternness doesn't do him many favors in terms of winning affection.

He doesn't need a pregnancy scare to get the metaphorical wheels turning. The most likely case scenario is that you sleep together once, and the moment the post-nut clarity sets in, it's full force. Guilt and panic come crashing down. It's one of a few times you'll actually see him very blatantly anxious.

Okay. It's alright. Don't worry. This can be fixed. He can have an ordained minister come by tomorrow evening -- no, that's not soon enough. He'll just go grab one of the horses and make his way to the city and go ahead and knock on the door of the church until someone answers and get it arranged right now. Okay? Okay. Easy. He'll leave right now, just, uh, put on clothes and--

...Why are you looking at him like that? You have this bewildered expression on your face.

You sort of stumble over your words, in part due to not wanting to offend and in part due to sheer confusion, but you manage to get out that it's... it's not necessary to do that...? Isn’t that, uh, rushing things a bit? You don’t really know each other that well, you say…

He sighs. You’re very particular about how things are done, you must want to take time to make sure it’s all perfect or something. That makes sense – he doesn’t really care about such things, but you must want a big pretty wedding or something and need time to prepare… Okay, so then how long do you want to put it off? A week? A month?

You stare straight ahead, blinking all perplexed and uneasy. You take a moment before you speak again.

We don’t… have to do that at all, you know…? Why would you…?

He can't really conceive of how you could possibly be okay with this arrangement. It goes against his social programming. Why not?? Don’t you want to? At first he’s just confused… but then as he thinks about it, he starts to feel… hurt. Why don’t you want to? That’s clearly the expectation here, is it not? You wouldn’t have done this with him if you didn’t intend to marry, so what made you change your mind?

Eventually, as you go through a rather awkward exchange, you have to get the message across to him that the two of you seem to have… different conceptions of how things work. That you weren’t… implying anything by spending the night like this. That’s a pretty harsh blow, but he tries not to let that show.

You get the sense, though, that this conversation hasn’t deterred him much from the line of reasoning that it’s not a matter of if, but when, and that your rejection is actually just a matter of putting off something that will happen. You come to see him again, albeit a bit hesitant… but when he’s so persistent that you come back (approaching you in the middle of town, asking why you haven’t come by since then, eyes a bit too wide to the point you feel uneasy), you figure that he’s over the matter and you want to give him another chance. He’s nice enough, after all.

Once when he ran into you in town, he made a displeased face, leaned over and fastened an extra button at the top of your shirt, claiming you shouldn’t walk around with that much of it undone. Little aspects of control, as if in his mind he already has the authority over you. And he still seems to feel a lot of guilt whenever you spend a night there and inevitably end up sleeping together again. Still, he doesn’t say a word, doesn’t bring it up… but you can feel a sort of desperation in the way he keeps an arm wrapped around you.

While he has some restraint as well as self-awareness when it comes to his own internal feelings, he’s actually rather low on self-awareness in the sense of gauging how his actions are perceived at times. He doesn’t realize just how overbearing he’s quickly becoming. He avoids using the exact words or blatantly addressing marriage itself, in fact he hasn’t brought the word up since the first night… but you feel the pressure nonetheless.

But even if he doesn’t realize it, you’re acutely aware of the behaviors, and if anything it all makes the prospect more frightening. If he’s like this now, how much more controlling would he get when he actually has a piece of paper tying you together? You’re starting to think you don’t want to ever find out… and you’re very worried about how he would react to that sentiment.

---

Tighnari really likes the idea of marriage, because in his mind, a legal bind is the closest thing he can get to making sure you experience the same need to remain together as him. Recognizing that you don't share his hyper-monogamous nature puts him in a very vulnerable position.

At the same time, he knows the same is not true for you. He's seen plenty of couples get together, stay with each other anywhere from weeks to years, only to split up and break apart and go to someone else. That frightens him. He can't fathom such a thing.

He tries not to think about what all that really means -- you don't need him like he needs you, and no matter what, with your human nature, you can never be as attached to him as he is to you. That... hurts.

You may get a wandering eye, even if you never act upon it. You may get tired of him. He may do something that upsets you to the point you no longer feel you want him. You will never experience the same unyielding need. It's painful, and it's frightening. It makes him feel vulnerable, anxious, paranoid that you're going to slip away from him forever.

Marriage is thus a very useful tool to him. Without it, it would be easy for you to leave him. You wouldn't have to hesitate. But if there's something legally binding you to him? You'll be much less likely, you'll hesitate more. And being willing to marry is a sign of commitment, which is comforting, because if you agree to it then that means you can at least envision the two of you being together for life, right? He fixates on the concept, spends a lot of his time as he goes about his work thinking about the matter.

He's still afraid of rejection, though, so he hesitates to bring it up. He has to balance the deep desire to latch onto any conceivable way to tie you down to him, and trying to abide by societal conventions of normalcy and appropriateness, such as not getting married to someone you've known for a week. He would like that, but he knows it's not normal, that suggesting it would make you feel uneasy and potentially drive you away.

So while the thought is constantly lingering in the back of his mind, he holds himself back. He does obsess over that thought though, spends at least some time each day contemplating. He's started going through a calendar, marking dates to determine how long you have known him, internally debating with himself as to what day is suitable -- maybe 100 days in? Can he push it a little closer? Maybe 80? Or maybe be safe and make it 200? How is he supposed to know? And more importantly, no matter how long he waits, you could always say no anyway.

He ends up trying to gradually ease into it rather than asking outright. Asks you about your plans for the future, for your life as a whole, subtly trying to gain information and gently nudging you towards certain choices -- no, probably shouldn't move far away, sticking around here would be a lot better in the long run... you don't need to pursue something big like a really good job or higher education, it would be better to focus on building a future where you're happy with someone else, right? You wouldn't want to end up all alone because you focused so much on work or study that you never made time for anyone else and drove people away, would you...?

Once he can actually get you to agree to it, after all that effort and gradually, so painstakingly slowly moving towards this moment, he considers it all to be worth it.

---

Xingqiu has the same upbringing as Ayato and Diluc, but due to being younger, he has a lot less self-control. Of the "rich family" trio, he's the least likely to actually wait to be married before giving into urges, so to speak, what with those teen boy hormones and all.

Besides that, there's a few key differences between him versus Ayato or Diluc. One, he has living parents, who will inevitably be involved. Two, he's several years younger, and most people would consider him to be a bit below the normal marriage age, whereas the other two are right around that age where people start asking and expecting them to find a spouse. Especially among nobility -- the men marry later, they spend a few extra years acclimating to the world of higher-up business and political figures before “settling down.”

His youth becomes a problem when he's also the least likely to take preventative measures, doesn't have a very good sex education, and consequently ends up inevitably getting you knocked up within a fairly short time.

…Whoops.

You see his eyes go wide and he freezes up when you tell him. No, no, he's happy! He has to reassure you of this, because his face looks like he's in abject horror. It's just that... well... his parents... um, they might not be… super overjoyed about the matter… In fact, even though you offer, he insists it’s… best that you’re not there when he tells them. You can tell how nervous he is, even if he tries to act otherwise.

They’re still polite to you when you next see them, although you sense a strong disdain. You smile and try your best to talk to them, say it’s not a problem, you won’t tell anyone, you won’t cause a scandal…

But they seem almost perplexed by your words. Of course you won’t cause a scandal. Sure, people will talk a bit, but as long as the marriage is taken care of quickly, it will all be fine.

They say it very casually. As if it’s not a big deal, as if it’s expected, as if you already understood that this was the plan. You find yourself blinking, mouth open, processing what’s being said as it continues… have to get this and that prepared and arranged… make sure certain important people are aware of the occurrence… and you, make sure you’re trained in certain etiquettes to ensure you don’t cause embarrassment with your... lower-class upbringing and all.

It all goes very fast. You never get time to interject. You never get the opportunity to speak up. You might have questioned it, might have objected or tried to slow things down, but before you really get the chance, there’s someone dragging you over this way to go measure you all over, another person dragging you over somewhere else to pick out various aspects of the whole thing. It’s too much, too quickly. If you try to bring the matter up to him – if he feels like you’re about to express some kind of dissent – he changes the subject, interrupting you, talking over you, anything to avoid letting you voice your thoughts.

It all feels like a blur, and suddenly the day comes and your choices are essentially gone. You know that if you were to act up now, cause a scene, they could ruin you and your family. And his parents, at least, probably would. You know that. It keeps you quiet.

People do make comments. In fact, it becomes almost immediately obvious that everyone... knows. They all acknowledge that there's only one real reason why he'd be getting married so young, why there was such little time between the announcement and wedding itself. They think there's only one reason why nobility would marry so far down the social ladder. You see a few judgemental gazes, looking you up and down with some vague feeling of condescension, eyes occasionally fixating on your lower stomach. You hear choice words.

Some are kind. Oh, being so dedicated so young, how... sweet. There’s an edge to their voices, though, an insincerity. Most, however, are not kind even in the slightest.

…sure didn’t waste any time…

…not visible yet… probably wanted to get it done before it became too obvious…

…just some commoner, too… parents must be furious… their own fault for not raising him right…

...not a prostitute, though, right? Surely not...

If he hears it, too, he doesn’t let it show. Maybe he’s just ignoring it. Maybe he’s too happy to care. He’s too happy for you to voice anything. He’s so, so happy. The thought of taking that away makes you feel so horrible guilty. The thought of the consequences of not going along with everything… you don’t want to think about it, both out of guilt and genuine fear.

Words come out of your mouth without you really thinking about it, mechanical and rehearsed, when the time comes for you to give your affirmation. You can almost feel the consequence and weight of it, like the click of a chain locking around you as you condemn yourself. Nobility don’t get divorced, either, you know, it’s simply not how things are done. You don’t like to think about it, but you know you’ve sealed your fate permanently.

---

Perhaps surprising to see him high up on the list, but Kaeya would actually be very enthusiastic about marriage... and rushes into it. Due to his inclinations to act on those pesky subconscious abandonment issues of his, marriage is a very comforting concept.

He's one of the fastest to suggest so, too. He's actually a rather impulsive person sometimes, despite having a composed demeanor. He's made a lot of regretful decisions based on going with what he feels like in the moment without thinking it through. Alcohol significantly increases the likelihood of making such decisions, though.

Impulsive binge drinking on a week night, leading to him wasting his allotted vacation days in bed with hangovers. Impulsive unnecessary purchases, impulsive potentially dangerous decisions in battle, impulsive 3 a.m. walks through the empty streets.

And, perhaps the biggest issue, impulsively developing attachments to people to a degree that is inappropriately disproportionate to how long he's known them or how well he knows them. He's had to learn to reign that tendency in over the years, learned how to hold back in his teen years and has practiced it pretty well ever since. It gets a lot easier with time and maturity… but sometimes one can fall into old tendencies, under the right conditions. You just so happen to meet him on one of the nights where he's feeling especially depressed, self-restraint barely held together by a thread that will break with ease by you being so, so nice.

It doesn't matter if you met last night. It doesn't matter if the only conversation you have had was inebriated. He's already financially and logistically planned out the next ten to twenty years of life together in his head while you were still asleep. And added some leeway for variations based on what type of house you want or how many kids you were thinking of having, he’s not particularly picky on that matter.

He’s actually rather daring, though, in that he might as well take a chance and try something, even though he makes sure his wording could be interpretable as not serious.

Hey, you wanna get married?

He sort of chuckles after saying it, trying to make it sound like more of a lighthearted, playful joke. Just direct enough that if by some miracle you were to say yes despite having known each other for less than 24 hours, he could immediately jump at the chance, but just playful enough that if you were to laugh in response or show some sort of displeasure he could easily pull a haha, I’m kidding, I’m kidding.

He gauges your reaction and responds accordingly, most likely leading to the latter of the two possible scenarios… and a bit of hurt disappointment, although he doesn’t let it show, and tells himself he really shouldn’t have expected any different.

He takes it pretty well, actually, as he’s fairly rational on the matter and, more importantly, believes that it’s just a matter of time, he can certainly win you over.

Which he does certainly try to do. He can be patient. And he’s willing to put in a lot of effort.

That being said… the longer you go seemingly not growing attached to him as he anticipated, the more desperate he starts to become, and while he’s normally very good at hiding such things, every now and then the frustration becomes evident.

Eventually, if you’re taking too long to do exactly what he wants you to do, or gods forbid start going for someone else or otherwise try to distance yourself from him, he’ll probably just decide that kidnapping you is easier.

And at that point, not really much of a need for marriage… although in particularly spiteful moments, he may use that against you. You could have been so happy, could have done things the normal way, could have had one of those nice weddings people dream about… but this is the way you chose instead, so you have no one but yourself to blame.

---

Thoma is in a position where social expectations to be married are not nearly as big of a deal as it would be for higher ranking individuals like those above, but he still has somewhat of a public image to maintain, can’t afford scandals as it would reflect poorly on his superiors.

Not that he’s opposed to it on a personal level, no. The only reason he hasn’t asked at this point is to not drive you away. You've known each other for what, a few weeks? If he asked now, you'd probably get weirded out and break things off entirely. He certainly would after a matter of time that feels sufficient, though, as soon as he feels what he’s gauged as the socially acceptable amount of time has passed to not be rejected. Even then, a more short-term scenario wherein you bring up the matter after knowing each other a short while is an entirely different situation.

Thoma would leap at the opportunity. All things considered, even though he’s grown wise on matters of politics and exchange in the scope of his work, he’s still very, very naïve when it comes to things like romantic love. He would jump in without a second of hesitation, euphoric and overjoyed with the belief that you must really love him.

He makes a big deal out of it, too. Takes every opportunity to tell people, often more than once, to which others usually get annoyed and remind him that yes, they’re aware, he’s made sure to tell everyone he knows that he’s getting married five times already… The boundless eagerness is quite cute, really.

That being said, if you prefer something quiet and small, he’s fine with that. Or if you want something big and extravagant. He doesn’t really care! Whatever you want is what he wants.

Unless, of course, he gets this… subtle feeling like maybe you’re losing enthusiasm for it. You don’t seem as excited as you did before. Whether or not this is a genuine and accurate observation, or just him being paranoid, is up to you. Regardless, if that’s the case, well, he starts to need your reassurance. You do love him, right? You do want this, don’t you?

The first few times, you think he’s just having a normal level of insecurity that everyone has, but then it begins to grow in intensity. He starts to want more than just words. You love him, right? So you’ll gladly walk around in public holding hands. That one is, of course, easily filled, but it starts to get more intense. Perhaps a bit more uncomfortable. You’ll kiss him in front of people. You’ll spend the night as his place every night. You’ll remind him you love him. You’ll let him touch you and hold you and cum in you – even if that’s something you haven’t done together before.

It’s okay because you’re getting married anyway, right? Should you disagree, though, he might just take that as a sign of hesitation, and then he might need to take more drastic measures to ensure you remain his…

---

Albeit raised in a sort of pseudo-nobility environment (even fallen clans were still once of higher standing, and thus still preserve their typically traditional values and all), social expectation is not necessarily Kazuha's primary reason for wanting to get married. Sure, it's up there on the list of reasons, and he does have it ingrained into his mentality that it's a necessary in the long term, but more importantly, it's very practical to have a legal bind for all sorts of reasons… and, well, he just likes it.

Really, it’s just the kind of person he is. Romantic at heart, hopelessly so, sentimental and so very head-over-heels in the intensity of his affections. The concept of unity and lifelong togetherness between two individuals has been one of fixation by humanity for centuries, and with good reason, he thinks. It’s a beautiful concept in a profound, poetic sort of way.

Thus, he gets very excited on the matter and would jump at the chance. If you two actually have a mutual, shared feeling, it’s actually very cute, in addition to how overtly affectionate he is in general. He has the kind of affection people roll their eyes at, goes overboard with the pet names and constant reminders and gestures, it’s so sappy and sweet, but highly endearing.

If the sentiment is not mutual, however… well, he’s perceptive enough to sense that, and he won’t push. He knows that pushing for it will only turn you off to the idea. This applies even if you’re already in the “non-consensually dragged along with him under not-so-subtle force/threat” stage you two eventually enter (don’t want to make you resent him even more than you already do…).

So he doesn’t bring it up, but subtly tries to make certain implications, taking every opportunity he can. You struggle with some sort of legal matters when trying to cross from one nation to another, due to you not having certain necessary documentation that he didn’t exactly think of getting before dragging you away from your home.

Ah, what a headache. It would be so much easier if we could just have one set of papers. The rest left unspoken would be that, of course, in most of the nations, a married couple can have only one set that counts for both. So on and so on, little hints like that.

On another note, for the sake of social conventions and avoiding any stigma – swear that’s the only reason! – he does lie. Every time you take shelter for the night in an inn, every time you run into other travelers. Introduces himself, and then—

—and this is my wife. Gives them a soft smile as he gestures over to you.

He asks you not to get angry for him saying so. He tells you he’s just saying it because some of the innkeepers and patrons, particularly the elderly ones or ones in certain areas, wouldn’t take kindly to the two of you staying and traveling by yourselves if he were honest. Might be given judgmental glares and the like, some particularly pretentious owners might even deny you the right to stay. Besides, it’s quite the inverse when he lies – people find it so sweet, they smile and say you’re so cute together, wish you the best in your travels.

And he’d be lying if he said he didn’t also take into account the aspect of an actual contract of marriage being a legally binding force. Going back to practical purposes of marriage, being married entitles him to certain privileges… the most important of which being, that if you were to “go missing,” go running off and far away in hopes he can’t find you… well, he can always go to whatever law enforcement exists in the current nation you’re in, and they’ll help.

If he were just some random guy who claimed to know you or be a lover to you, they’d be suspicious and likely not keep him well informed. But of course they’re going to be more than willing to keep a rightfully concerned, loving husband updated as to every little detail about his missing wife. They’ll gladly tell him that someone claims to have seen you, that there’s record of you making a purchase at this place or that, and from such clues he can easily get a good idea of where you’re going, and more importantly, to be sure he knows where to intercept you. As it’s often said, marriage has little perks like that.

---

Childe would, actually, be the one to initiate, but only after a very specific point.

Not that he doesn’t like the thought of it all, he almost just kind of… forgets you’re not married. After forcefully dragging – rather, escorting you away from your home, you’ve been traveling with him and all the various attendants and grunts that travel with each Fatui mission with you, and he’s sort of just started treating you like a wife anyway.

You’re pretty sure he referred to you as “wife” to several people already. When he politely and very sweetly asked you to sign a paper so that you could get a proper passport necessary for entering some regions, after getting over your initial refusal (and warning squeeze to your thigh that told you that if you keep being a brat in front of these people you will regret it later so just sign the damn thing), he had you sign it… but made it clear to use his surname and not yours.

Complicates things legally, you see. As he’s been going about signing for this or that, reservations for places to stay and documentation for travel and the like, he may or may not have already been lying and claiming you to be a married couple on all the documents. He even specifically checked a box to indicate such a few times. And registered you as having his surname. So, uh, play along, don’t make things unnecessarily complicated.

But despite all of that, he kind of… forgets to actually get it done. In order to get married, you have to obtain it from a specific place, and different nations sometimes don’t recognize certain certificates under certain circumstances, so he thinks it’s best get one that will be recognized back home. And because, unfortunately, the one in the nation you’re currently staying in requires both of you to sign and that’s a big issue… anyway, problem is, he hasn’t gone back home yet to find someone legally authorized to do it.

By the time it becomes relevant, he’s almost forgotten he’s never actually legally married you.

But, see, he insists you meet his family. He is a family-oriented guy and it means a lot to him, so after acquiring you he's very determined on getting you to come home with him the next time he visits family... and to make sure you're compliant and broken in enough that he can trust you to be good for such a venture beforehand.

It’ll be so great! You’ll do this and that, he’ll have to show you this or that thing, meet this or that person… he spends the night before your arrival rambling on and on about it, slowly turning to quiet murmuring, until he starts to drift off to sleep, with you doing the same…

Until his eyes snap wide open, and he bolts upright in a sudden motion of alarm.

Oh no.

His parents are going to kill him.

You're not actually married!! He's mentioned you more than once in recent letters, and divulged the information that you're coming back with him. The way he worded things makes it obvious you've been spending a lot of time together, and that you're traveling together, which would obviously make it likewise evident that you’ve been… well, you know.

And, uh, he... may or may not have embellished a bit and said you were married? Like, word for word, non-interpretable any other way, specifically used the phrase “got married”? Complete with lots of details and a specific date to make it believable?

Listen, he just knew that it would make them happy, and he totally intended to do it, he just forgot! Don’t give him that look. You just have to also go along with the story he told them. It’s not like they’ll actually want to see the certificate.

…Or maybe they would… he can’t say with certainty that they wouldn’t… he can just lie, right? No, that wouldn’t work, since there would be no reason to have left it anywhere else, and they’d be pissed if he said he lost it. He definitely needs that. Oh no.

As to why it’s so important, well, it’s just one of those cultural values things. Rural area, very traditional people and all that. Word travels fast in small rural places. What would all his relatives and all the local elderly leaders and all his parents' friends think?? They’d all see it as if he had committed some kind of transgression against you.

Besides – most important of all – if you're not married, they'll disapprove of you sleeping in the same room!! They'd probably force him to sleep on the couch and let you take his bed for the entire three days and he can’t have that. If he can't whip out proof of marriage the moment he walks through his front door, he'll never hear the end of it.

This can only be resolved by getting married immediately. Good thing he has the authority to force an entire ship to make a stop in a major city for the sole purpose of dragging you out to the nearest judicial establishment. Easy. Solved. He’ll just, uh, have to grab a pen and tweak the date written on the bottom to the best of his ability.

And you, well, you just have to play along with what he tells them. Don't you dare tell them the truth. Seriously, he's begging you. Besides, now you’re really married. Isn’t that great? Sure, grabbing a paper from a courthouse in a fifteen-minute dash might not have been the ideal way you pictured your future marriage, but he’ll make sure to get you a bunch of nice stuff as a celebratory measure. Don’t ruin the joyousness of it all by getting him skinned alive by his parents. Please.

---

Bennett and Chongyun are, as you might expect, a fairly nice middle ground due to having some degree of higher patience than some and far less forceful about the matter.

Well... in some ways. They both lack the gall to be physically forceful or threatening to get you to agree to it, and that's simply not in either boy's nature anyway. Why would you want to scare someone into it? Then it wouldn't be sincere, and who would want that? Likewise, they lack any financial or social status power to pressure you into the matter.

But despite consciously wanting it to be genuine... that doesn't necessarily mean they might not subconsciously act on urges to give you a push. In both cases, they utilize family.

Bennett was also raised to value the concept of marriage, albeit not as much as wealthier, higher status families. Still, several of his fathers had advice for him, plenty had stories about how they met a wife... several more bitter individuals had cautionary tales about their ex-wives, told him to be careful. Still, he was raised to be very optimistic towards the idea.

Bennett is also rather good at emotional manipulation, whether or not he realizes it. It’s what he’s always done – you often hang around with him more than you’d really like because you feel bad for him being so disliked and avoided by others, you slept on his couch overnight because he seemed so worried about an injury and you wanted to ensure he was okay. His happy demeanor in and of itself creates an inherent guilt; you don’t really feel comfortable being alone, but he was just so excited when he invited you to go on an outing in the forest that you would have felt terrible for saying no and disappointing him…

What he ultimately ends up doing is creating an expectation that you would feel guilty for not following. See, several of his dads are older, don't have the sharpest of memories anymore, get confused on some things sometimes. One of them seemed to have gotten something mixed up and was under the impression you were already married. Oh, haha, he just laughs it off awkwardly… but later tells you not to tell him otherwise, he’s just confused is all! Don’t worry, he’ll forget the whole conversation, no big deal.

It seems to happen more and more often… almost as if they’re being fed the idea from somewhere, that leads so many of them to getting “confused.” He says he’s not sure… but it’s kinda sweet, isn’t it? Haha, they must really think it’s in your fate… or something like that, you know? He drops the topic as soon as he sees you get an odd look on your face… but brings it up again the next time it happens. And again, and again… hoping that maybe it will lead to something. If not, he can always try getting a little more direct, but this slow conditioning to the normalcy of the idea is certainly helpful even if he reaches that point.

Similarly, Chongyun’s clan family has, in the past, worried about his prospects, seeing as he has his energy-related issues and episodes. That could turn some potential partners off.

So they’re very, very excited to meet someone he has supposedly been spending a large amount of time with. He actually doesn’t have to do much of the work – he knows his family is pretty insistent on trying to persuade you, so he doesn’t have to ask them to do so or anything.

They’re so nice. You’ve never been given so many gifts by essentially strangers. You’ve never been so warmly welcomed to a new place. It’s… almost a little creepy. Still, he doesn’t make any effort to get them to stop being so forward and overbearingly eager to talk to you, so it must be normal for this family, right? Maybe they’re just naturally really affectionate.

It does strike you as odd that they seem to be talking about the future quite a bit… mentioning things that seem to be getting way too ahead of themselves, things like where you’ll live and what you’ll be doing long-term… all as if they’ve already decided that the two of you would be together in the long-term. You wouldn’t want to disappoint them, then… or so he hopes.

He’s very awkward about the matter himself, though, and get flustered just thinking about it. So likewise, he takes indirect methods of bringing the matter up. Largely things about the future, what you want out of life and all that… he listens to your answers, gauges exactly how he can best project the idea that being with him forever is the ideal way to meet those goals. And if, unfortunately, they turn out to be very antithetical to the idea of getting married in general, he will, as slowly and subtly as possible, try to steer you away from those plans and dreams and towards ones he finds more favorable.

If you still don’t give up, though, he may just be able to convince himself to take certain measures to ensure that whole career of yours or whatever doesn’t work out. And then, you’ll need someone to take care of you, right? Such is his logic. That’s just an added bonus. You’ll surely agree to it then… hopefully.

Notably, these two are also very much exemplary of being able to deter someone from worse actions with a compromise. Both could be easily persuaded that kidnapping you and invoking resentment from you is not worth the risk, not when you’ve already agreed to be married. They’re both relieved enough by your agreement to be married that it will deter them from taking any measures that might ruin the tranquil and mutual feelings between you two, so getting married is actually quite a wise choice if you prefer a legal document to... you know, any one of far worse situations you could end up in.

---

Now we get to the ones who, at least initially, actually would be against marriage.

Xiao just finds it pointless. Why would he bother to emulate humans?

It's dumb anyway. He's seen weddings, stumbled across a few happening at random over the centuries, and some people have even held weddings at the inn. He's watched them out of curiosity, hidden in a high vantage point looking down below. They have these big noisy get-togethers and eat tons of food and be loud. There's usually a part where they talk and drone on for a long time and you have to sit there and wait for it to be over. How boring. What's the point.

...No, seriously, what's the point? He's always sort of wondered. Why do they do this? You would know, you're human. He asks you with genuine curiosity.

You say something about commitment, the desire to display love to others, an act of symbolism of the bond... it ties two people together, you say.

He just looks at you with eyebrows furrowed in confusion, glazed-over eyes. Symbolic gestures are pretty much lost on him. He sees no point in getting the law involved regarding commitment, he doesn't doubt his own commitment. And you don't have a choice anyway.

What's the point in a legal document to "tie you together?" Metaphorical wording like that is so strange... how does a piece of paper "tie" you to anything? If he needed to tie you to him, it would be much more effective to just use a rope. But even so, he can't afford to be tied together, he has things he has to do. So rather than tying, just keeping you locked away in this room is better suited for your situation. A piece of paper doesn't prevent you from walking away, but a locked windowless room certainly does. His way is more effective. The humans should take note.

It's a way of showing everyone how much you love someone.

What's the point in that? Do humans truly believe that if you don't want to show your relation to someone off, it means your feelings for them are somehow less genuine? That's ridiculous.

There's social stigma if people have sex or children without being married.

Huh? Why would he care?

Eventually he just gets frustrated with any further dialogue on the matter. He has cemented in his mind that it is a pointless waste of time, like so many other human traditional practices, that they perform for reasons he will never comprehend and are most likely dumb reasons anyway. He’s perfectly content keeping you inside.

He gets frustrated the more you bring it up, staunchly refuses and insists it’s pointless. But… oh, now you’re mad at him. You’re being cold, you won’t talk to him. This has to be remedied.

When you go back later an envision the events that must have taken place after that conversation, it’s quite amusing to picture – the poor thing must have been very awkward, going into some building, having to talk to someone (and did he even know what to ask for? Or did the person have to take time to explain how the documentation process works?) but in the end, a day after you discussed the matter (while you’re still sulking and giving him a cold shoulder), he comes back with a piece of paper freshly obtained.

This is what you wanted, right? Or so he thinks. He sees it as a very simple formula wherein obtaining this thing you wanted will make you happy and love him and will fix everything. The thought that you might have wanted the whole package, so to speak, with more than just signing a legal document… well, that didn’t cross his mind. This should fix you. Come on. Sign it.

In truth, he never goes on to take it to a legal agency to certify and approve or, nor to really do anything with it, just stores it away in the inn somewhere. He just hopes it will at least win back a bit of your favor. Just love him and go back to being nice.

----

Albedo's relatively low position here is solely for a specific reason: a deadset intention of eventual confinement, and an incapacity to be deterred away from that course, from day one.

For most, kidnapping is sort of a somewhat gradual process, even for those that do it very quickly. The thought pops up a few times, they push it away out of paranoia and not wanting to accept that there's something wrong with them for thinking something so abnormal, realistic acknowledgement of potential consequences, or merely a moral compass. The vast majority who do end up kidnapping you and/or locking you inside do so spontaneously, after a specific occurrence or something that sets them off.

Likewise, as previously mentioned, a lot of the boys above who might have otherwise kidnapped you, could be placated into not doing so by marriage – after all, if you're willingly loving them, there's no need to lock you away, especially not if it could potentially upset you. They're content if they feel their affection is fully returned, or if they feel marriage alone is enough to bind you to them to a degree that is satisfactory.

He qualifies under none of those. He's one of a few who would very willingly "ruin" a fully consensual relationship through this means – keeping you hidden away is preferable to a somewhat normal life. Even if it makes you upset or resentful, even if you were fully willing to marry and stay by his side forever, that isn’t going to change anything.

There’s no guarantee you would feel that way forever, so why take the risk when he could… not? Why have to deal with the frustration of knowing you’re outside interacting with others on a daily basis when he’s not there, when he could rest assured knowing you’re locked up in a dark room for him to come back to? He simply doesn't trust you enough. It's easier to not trust you. Why leave that proverbial window of opportunity open, when you can keep it shut?

Additionally, his is much more well thought-out and determined ahead of time, rather than spontaneous or on impulse after trying to fight the urge for a while. He knows from the beginning that that is what he will eventually do, and has no reservations; it's not a 'what-if,' but a 'when.' He just takes a sufficient amount of time to plan every aspect of it before acting upon it. Consequently, the notion of legal marriage is... problematic.

After all, when a person goes missing, and that person happens to be married, who is the first person that authorities usually look towards as a suspect?

Exactly. There lies the issue.

And you, well, you are a soon-to-be missing person, even though you're certainly not currently aware of it. Having a written record that ties you to him could potentially come back to bite him. The authorities would be right to suspect him, and they’d likely find you.

If you say something about it, he just sort of goes on a quiet slow mumble-spiel against the idea. It's an arbitrary concept, you know, essentially just a social institution created for community status and taxation benefits, and by no means does it actually reflect the quality or intensity of the bond between two individuals and—blah, blah.

He’s conflicted – on one hand, it’s incredibly pleasing and makes him very happy you want that, but on the other hand, it puts him in an awkward position in which he has to essentially reject you (and feels very bad about it, wishes he could explain that it’s not that he doesn’t love you, it’s just that he loves you more than that even). He’s worried, too, that you’re hurt by what you perceive as rejection… which just means he has to hurry. So basically, bringing it up is actually just going to accelerate the speed that he executes his plans and reduce the amount of time you have left in which you see the sun regularly.

He can explain it to you later, which will hopefully make you feel better. He still loves you, you know. In fact, he still goes out of his way to go get you a ring, hoping it will make you feel better. Gets one for himself, too. The sentiment is what's important.

---

And at the very bottom, is Razor.

You would have thought that that wouldn’t be the case, based on your experience with him so far. He likes mimicking a lot of things humans do, and he does so at every opportunity when it comes to expressions of affection. The first time he saw a couple walking down the street holding hands and inquired about it – it’s because they love each other, you had said – he practically wouldn’t let go of your hand in public places from there on out.

He’s always quietly observed people, often staring out windows even while you do your own tasks, and has taken it upon himself to spontaneously recreate the things he sees. He brings you flowers (complete with dirt still hanging off the roots, crumbling all over the floor). He made you food (once, but with the resulting disaster left behind you’ve tried to steer him towards other creative outlets). He brought you (read: stole) jewelry he saw sitting on a display by one of the local stores (since no one was watching it anyway, so they must be okay with him taking it).

So you’d think he would be on board with any means to express or display affection, but as it turns out, marriage is different. He doesn't directly admit to it, he's very wary of anything involving written contracts due to his own illiteracy.

He's become less and less naive in recent days, the more he interacts with people and, well, learns just how horrible they can be. He experienced someone who caught onto his lack of monetary knowledge and effectively swindled him, there was a time you lied to him and he found out (poor thing couldn't even conceive of what a lie was prior to that), and so on. Consequently, this has made him more and more paranoid. He's come to learn what "truth" is: it's when someone says something, and what they say matches what actually happened or when the thing they say is actually the way they said it is. But when people say something, it isn't necessarily "true." Sometimes they say things that aren't true – these are "lies." It's all very confusing.

Animals don't lie. He's not used to having to consider the possibility that someone could be telling him something that isn't true. It makes him very paranoid.

Granted, Varka managed to teach him how to write his own name, so he's capable of signing things (and Miss Lisa even let him practice signing off on packages that arrived for the library!), but he would have no idea what the paper he's signing says. Sure, it can be read out loud to him, but... what if you're not telling the truth, when he asks what it means? What if there's something you leave out, like something saying you can leave him at any time? That's no good. He can’t know for sure.

And there's so many big, weird words. 'Matrimony?' 'Cherish?' ‘Fidelity?’ What does any of that mean? You can try to explain it, but you can tell by the expression on his face that it’s like talking to a brick wall.

It’s not even necessary though, right? Humans do this thing, but wolves don't do it and they're just fine. In fact, wolves stick to each other even better than humans. Wolves will stay together in their mated pairs no matter what. Humans have divorces and leave each other, so clearly, their ceremonies and rings and stuff don't actually mean anything. No point.

There’s… not really much of a point in pushing it, if you were even the one that wanted it in the first place. He’s too wary. He’ll get you things that have symbolic meaning to you – you wanted the “marriage” because you wanted this or that thing, right? He can get you that. But to actually, legally have it done, is simply not going to happen, and he just gets frustrated if you continue to try. He can’t fathom the cultural significance or importance of the matter, so to him it’s like you’re just continuously asking for something with no real meaning.

#lena's asks #i love the xq reverse shotgun wedding concept I need to make a longer post for it eventually #my beloved rich boy #tagging them all for this hhhhh #.ay #.dl #.xq #.tnr #.ky #.th #.kz #.ch #.bn #.cy #.x #.rz #.al

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cinnamonest · 2 years

Text

This "ship dynamic" tweet from a few weeks ago you may have seen apparently was Problematic and Upset Many People™, but it gave me many thoughts, and out of both arousal and pure spite I am going to elaborate on former/childhood babysitter dynamic thoughts I had for Ayato/Itto/Xingqiu

//age gap, former babysitter x former kid, implications of childhood crushes on babysitter figures, alcohol consumption

----

When you were taken in to work for the Kamisato estate, it wasn't explicitly to care for their children. You started off as a general maid, but the head of the house at the time quickly recognized that you were fond of his children, and more importantly, that they became very fond of you very quickly. He thought you were nurturing and caring and gentle and all that, so he shifted your primary responsibilities to spending most of your time caring for and watching over his son and daughter.

Both were very well-behaved kids, so it wasn't challenging at all, both were bright and talented too. They were always proud to show off things they learned to you, always wanted you to participate in whatever they did. And they depended on you for comfort to some degree as well; you remember when Ayato was young, he would insist on having you in the room to do any kind of academic examination, for example, claiming your presence alone helped him do better. It was endearing, so you didn't mind.

You still remember those earliest days with great fondness, and you're sure they do too. Of course, there's always a bit of sadness associated with those days as well, seeing as it was when both of their parents were alive and well. It all feels far away now, seems like several years passed in the blink of an eye.

Their parents' deaths forced the two to grow up far too soon, Ayato especially, as if he wasn't already forced to be mature beyond his years from upbringing alone. You felt tremendous pity for him at the time, and you were thus that much more proud to see how he handled the transition and responsibilities so well.

And you, well, you were there in the background, helping everything run smoothly. You wanted to make things as easy as possible for the both of them, so you worked extra hard to ensure that every little need was taken care of. Made sure they always had food ready for whenever they might be hungry, even when it wasn't a mealtime yet. Always had their clothes ready and perfectly straightened out, to help with appearances to visitors. So on and so on.

Time goes by rather quickly. It always seems like just yesterday the two of them were so young, and in no time at all they're all grown. You no longer do the same tasks you once did, seeing as they no longer really need any supervision of course, but you still take care of the same little things, perform some household chores. Really, you move apart from specifically taking care of the two of them and become more of a general house servant, like you were originally hired to be. You see them less and less, spending more of your time taking care of a more broad variety of tasks that need to be done, often even leaving the estate for up to several days at a time to make a necessary trip for this or that.

The two adapt to the change rather differently. Ayaka seems to have no issue accepting that -- it's just a part of life, after all, it's only natural to move on from that early stage in life and become more independent, leaving behind your childhood caretakers.

Her brother, on the other hand... well, it's not that Ayato isn't independent, no, quite the opposite. He single-handedly takes on tasks and responsibilities far beyond those appropriate to his age and experience level, and manages to not just merely get by, but excel in virtually everything he does, all without ever really leaning on anyone for help, or even asking for help. In a way, you pity him for that, you know he's trying not to inconvenience others, and wants to create an image of himself that others will look to as capable and strong, to match up with other important figures of similar status.

He often rejects help, even. Once again, you assume it's something of a matter of pride, wanting to maintain a good image, but he insists on performing tasks by himself, says he wouldn't want to inconvenience others, says that they have more important things to do and dismisses them before they can protest.

Except for yourself. Perhaps it's just a soft spot he has for you, maybe he just can't bring himself to refuse. Most likely, though, you know that it's more that your assistance isn't actually with the tasks themselves, but rather the small things -- bringing him food, retrieving documents when needed (granted, having to get past him insisting several times he'll get it himself first, but he always gives in), and more or less nagging at him to go to bed when you find him still up and hunched over documents in the early hours of the morning.

As for why you still check on him so often and not his sister, though, is because of himself rather than you. At first, you did try to distance yourself, told yourself it was good for their growth and development as individuals that you put some distance between you and them... but in his teen years, he would always come seek you out, several times a day. At first you thought he needed something, but upon being prompted to say what that was, he would shake his head, and merely insist he was just checking on you. Just... just to see how you're doing.

And even then, you assumed it was perhaps a matter of him wanting a break from things, but the fact that he continuously came to find you specifically led you to begin to realize that it was actually a matter of seeing you. Which made sense -- the poor thing probably felt fairly isolated. Being handed such an important role, with such heavy weight to all your decisions, must be intimidating. He was probably seeking you out for comfort, since you were likely the one person he had left that provided a sense of warmth and reassurance, an association with easier and better times in his life. With that, and seeing as you had no real reason not to, you not only allowed it, but took the hint and instead started coming to check on him at regular intervals (although it still didn't stop him from additionally coming to see you sometimes anyway). Granted, he still got older and more confident, not to mention busier, and with that, he needed less and less checking up on.

For a few years, there as a period where you didn't see each other too much. You would check on him once a day or so.

In recent days, though -- with the return to a fairly normal state of affairs in the nation after the recent events -- he became initially far more busy, but as matters calmed down and conflicts came to an end, life seemed to slow down a bit. And a bit to your surprise, he begins to make attempts to, for lack of better words, reconnect with you.

You appreciate that he now always goes out of his way to check on you. Regardless of how busy he is, at least once or twice a day, Ayato comes to seek you out, putting down whatever he is doing at the moment to find you wherever in the estate you may be, whatever task you may be working on, just to ask how you're doing. He asks how the day has been so far, essentially asking for a progress report on the staff as a whole. But you're well aware that several other staff, much higher ranking than yourself, already give him that information several times a day, so it's just an excuse he uses to initiate conversation with you. Then it becomes asking about how you're feeling, if you need any help, to make sure to take a break and not work yourself too hard, and so on. You find it heartwarming that he takes the time to do that, despite having so many responsibilities on his hands.

Thus, you're a bit caught off-guard, one day, when you run into him in the halls, only for him to appear very frustrated. You approach him smiling, but it falls the moment you see the furrow of his eyebrows and narrowed eyes. The moment he sees you, he immediately interrogates you, with an unusual harshness to his voice, on where you've been. He's been looking for you everywhere, he says, and no one else was able to tell him where you were.

You shrink back, eyes wide. Sure, he's grown older and acts as the head of the estate now, but still, he's never treated you in such a commanding, authoritative way. He always seemed to have a sort of respect for you natural for those whom one grows up seeing as an authority figure, like how adults would have for their parents or teachers, a hierarchy etched into the mind that continues well into adulthood. This is just the first time he's ever used that tone on you.

But you reply very quickly, explaining you had gone off to the city proper for an errand and just... well, you didn't think you needed to tell anyone you were going, since it wouldn't take long...

He sees the startled expression on your face, and his own softens. You see the tension leave his body as he calms down, and he gives you a quick apology, saying he had no intention of coming across as so upset, he was just worried about you, following with some small comment about how perhaps he's just stressed from other matters earlier in the day and needs to rest a while, no big deal. He smiles, so you assume he's being honest about his feelings, and he must really just have a lot of responsibilities on his hands at the moment.

But nonetheless, as you tell him it's all fine, give an awkward smile back and excuse yourself and turn to walk away, he adds a quick 'that being said...' and instructs you that, in the future, he does expect you to inform him before you leave. Just for the sake of organizational matters, so he doesn't waste time looking around if you're not on the grounds, and for your own wellbeing. That's not too much to ask, is it?

You find it a bit overbearing, but you're not exactly in a place to be arguing with him or anything, and it's not that big of a deal. Besides, it's in-character for him, seeing as he tends to be very orderly and stresses organization, so you merely smile and reassure him that that's alright with you and promise to abide by this new rule. You more or less forget about the incident by the end of the day.

Until, that is, a similar occurrence happens a second time. This time, though, you swore you didn't actually leave the estate, you were just touching up an area of the building that was infrequently used, and thus only got cleaned every now and then. He has the same expression, you go through the same confrontation, he has that gruff frustration to his voice and only drops it when he sees how bewildered you are. You start to think that perhaps something in particular has him overly stressed recently, and he must just be taking it out on others. You're not angry with him for that, no, if anything you worry for his well-being. He's always been one to take on more than he can handle and refuse any help.

So you go out of your way to see him more often, check on him more, show general support. He seems appreciative. The first few times you come in and bring him extra little things -- some of his favorite food you made, an extra ink pot for writing just in case he needs one, little thoughtful things -- at first he looks at you with wide eyes, as if surprised by the gesture. But he smiles, always thanks you. You're glad you can be there for him, even now that he's all grown up... You want to support him as much as you can before you retire, of course.

Which is, obviously, something that you'll have to do someday. Being a maid is a strenuous job, usually taken on by young unmarried women who work a few years and then quit and transition to more sedentary, less taxing jobs once they get older. You've been here for years now, it's probably time to move on soon enough. The more time goes by, the more and more you've been contemplating it, looking into moving elsewhere for another job that would allow you more free time and to move back closer to your home and family. Having the fact that you worked for such a prestigious family as a point on your resume, it's not at all difficult to quickly find offers. You just have to break the news to Ayato himself. It'll be bittersweet, of course, but that's just life... and surely he understands that.

You still feel a little awkward when you finally go to tell him about it. You preface your revelation by saying you've been here many years now, and you've made enough money that you're looking to just more or less retire somewhere, work only a few short hours at some small job, and --

But he's incredibly dismissive. Oh, is that all? He laughs a bit, says you were avoiding getting to the point so much he was worried you had bad news or something. Ah, well, don't worry about that. Just work less hours and continue staying here. He'll even pay you the same. No worries. There, the matter is taken care of. You can be so adorable sometimes, making such a big deal out of a nonissue.

You hesitate, swallow, and reiterate that you want to move on. You want to move back to where you were from and all that.

He's quiet for a moment. There's a coldness in his expression that makes you uneasy. But it quickly disappears as he smiles, chuckles, both unmistakeably forced, a subtle sense of threat to them.

Surely there must be some other reason, yes?

He seems to refuse to believe you, continues to try and pry some other reason from you. There's something you're not telling him, right? Whatever it is, you shouldn't avoid telling him, you should know he'll be understanding. You shake your head, try to reaffirm that it's merely a matter of wanting to return home and all that, just settle down for a nice quiet life now that you're beyond the age of needing to work so much--

He cuts you off halfway through your sentence.

There's no need for you to do any work. Just stay on the estate grounds and find ways to entertain yourself, then.

He says he'll get you whatever you need to be happy here, to stave off boredom. You've worked so hard all these years, just fully retire early and enjoy life, you deserve it. You're making far too big of a deal out of this.

There's a rising tension the more you talk. You can sense him getting increasingly upset, and you find yourself shrinking back, but you still protest -- and finally, he snaps.

That's enough.

You're stunned into silence as he continues. You're being foolish, he says, ridiculous. Your life here would be infinitely better than anything you could ever obtain elsewhere. You're just so used to life here, that you've forgotten what commoner residences and lifestyles are like, don't realize how much luxury and comfort you have. He has respect for you, of course, but he won't allow you to make such poor choices. He cares for you too much, you see.

He talks over you, interrupts every protest you try to give. And before you can get a word in or argue any further, he waves his hand, says he has matters to attend to, gets up very suddenly and goes to rush out the door. So forget this nonsense, he expects you to be over it by the time he returns later today, he says. Please, really, don't sour the environment of the household with such a trivial nonsense, just forget about it.

He leaves before you can protest, very clearly making haste so that you don't have time to formulate a response. You're left shocked and standing still, blinking at the door and still trying to process the whole exchange. You were expecting him to be saddened by the whole thing, but angry? It doesn't make sense. You're so bewildered by it, you don't have any idea how to go about handling the situation.

You avoid him for a day or two, and for once, he doesn't come check on you either -- although you do get another one of the servants who comes to check on you, very oddly, and you can't help but think Ayato probably sent him to do so since he didn't feel comfortable doing so himself. You reflect on the issue, but you just can't think of how to go about handling the situation... it would break your heart to just have to outright leave and essentially part ways on poor terms. You want to at least get him to understand. You just have no idea how.

On the third day, however, it very suddenly becomes much more unnerving of a situation than you'd realized. You receive a letter in the mail. One of the places that offered to hire you... only now this letter is to inform you that said offer has been rescinded. No explanation of why. You feel a knot of dread in your stomach. You choose to believe -- you want to believe -- it's unrelated. Until the second comes in. And the third. On and on it goes, over the course of several days.

You're not sure what emotion to feel. Angry? Shocked? Disbelief? Perhaps you can give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe it's just a horribly timed coincidence. Maybe. You can't allow yourself to be complacent about it, so you summon your courage and confront him on the matter... Only to find he doesn't try to deny it in the slightest.

He has no shame or avoidance on the matter. In fact, the moment you so much as enter the room, he asks you if that's what you're here about. So it would seem based on your expression, he adds.

You're left silent for a moment. You begin to ask him if that means he's saying this was his doing, but he interrupts you halfway through.

Weren't you listening before? He could never allow you to do something so foolish. Since you were dead-set on making a decision that would most likely leave you in ruin, he did what he had to do to ensure you couldn't. You forced his hand on this matter. Come on now, he's not asking you to thank him or anything, but surely the least you could do is have some maturity and recognize your mistakes.

As he said before, just stay here. Live on the estate grounds, and accept a literal perfect life being handed to you. It's unbelievable that you're trying to turn that down. You're really making such a big deal over nothing. He shrugs, seemingly frustrated as he moves to walk away again, as if you're merely overreacting to some small ordeal.

You move before you think. You grab at his shirt, tell him to stop... But you let go, and find yourself cowering back when he turns his head to look at you with shock, almost a look of disgust, at your blatant defiance. You feel a pain deep inside. You still remember that sweet little boy that used to have such bright eyes and a wide smile when he would look up at you, the way he strove for your approval and praise, and now... he looks at you as if you were but a child, stupid and senseless.

Maybe you've gotten out of line. His favor for you has led you to believe you can just get away with anything, huh? You've never seen this look on his face, the way his eyes narrow, you've never had him grab your wrists as he does and refuse to let go.

You still refuse to accept that he's helping. You still refuse to see the error of your ways. If you don't want to accept it, if you insist on your stubbornness, then fine. If that's how you want to be, he can't stop you. If you resent him for it, then that's a consequence he can accept for doing the right thing. One of these days, you will realize what he's done for you, and you'll come groveling at his feet to apologize. When that day comes, he'll gladly forgive you. Until then, fine, be stubborn. But you will not be leaving, and that is final -- and will be enforced, if necessary.

And he lets go of your wrists, turns on his heel, and walks out with an anger in his steps, leaving you reeling in shock in a now empty room with no options left. Only now you're far beyond unnerved, now you're so unsettled it makes you feel sick. Shocked and still almost in disbelief at his behavior. You're still shaky as you return to your own lodgings, but in your mind, you've already come to a firm decision. You can only resolve to tell yourself you'll have to find another way out, even if it means deceiving him... if such an option even exists.

---

The Inazuman neighborhoods are often tight-knit communities, in the sense that the various inhabitants are close to one another, everyone helps each other out when they can, and everyone knows each other, no one is closed off and isolated.

It's the mentality you were used to, so, when you were given the opportunity to help out the old woman that lived close to you, you gladly took it.

You were a decade or so older than Itto, albeit still a youth at that time. The poor old woman could barely handle so much energy, sometimes it was a bit too much for her. So you, being the kind neighbor you were, volunteered to help her out with the responsibility of watching over her adopted oni child, ensuring that he didn't cause too much trouble, trying to minimize the damage he inevitably left in his wake wherever he went. Especially at younger ages, he didn't have a good concept of how strong he was, and would end up very frequently snapping, tearing, ripping, and otherwise breaking things without meaning to.

Unfortunately, on more than one occasion, that turned out to be the limbs of other neighborhood children. He just got to playing a bit too roughly and soon after there would be some poor kid's screech ringing out across the neighborhood. Another primary responsibility you tried to take on was ensuring that that didn't happen.

Not to mention he had some difficulty making friends in general, seeing as a lot of other little kids were freaked out by the horns and strength, and because he always was a bit... overbearing. Not to mention, plenty of their parents had outright told them to avoid him. It would break your heart when the poor thing would get all sniffly and watery-eyed because some other kids would squeal and run away from him, so you tried your best to be the best friend he could have.

On the bright side, he was one of those kids that you just had to try to tire him out, get him to use all that energy until he was exhausted and fell asleep. Which thereby also allowed you to get some rest as well. You can still recall those nice, quiet moments, laying around in the mid-afternoon in the sun outside, relaxed and peaceful aside from the heavy weight where he'd always lay on top of you.

As you could imagine, he was also very eager to have additional psuedo-familial figures to latch onto, aside from just the old woman who took him in. You presented one more person who would give affection and approval and praise, so he became attached very quickly. To an extent that, even outside of the times designated for you to come care for him, he'd come looking for you. On several occasions, on days he knew you would be coming over, you would even find him outside your door in the mornings, already wide awake and unable to contain his excitement. Eventually, this even progressed to him wanting to spend the night with you too. You didn't mind, he was just a kid anyway, so there wasn't anything really inappropriate about it, and thus you let him stay by your side, snoring away all night long.

He was also one of those children that always wanting to give "gifts" to you. Colorful drawings with name labels and arrows clearly indicated which scribbled figure was supposed to be you and himself. Lots of various edible things found out in the grass. Pebbles, crystals, bird feathers... this one's the prettiest, so it's for you!, so he would say. You also have a very vivid recollection of the time you closed your eyes for a few minutes and laid your head back while he played outside, awoken when he came back with an armful of beetles and dumped them directly onto your body. Lots of big ones he found, just for you. You remember trying to control yourself enough to get them off your body without freaking out and thereby hurting his feelings, which was no easy task. You wanted to see him happy, after all, and you knew that you were a source of companionship he otherwise wouldn't have had. You're glad you can be a positive force in his life.

But of course, he got older, more independent and capable, and soon you were no longer as needed. You became more busy as you became an adult, and slowly, little by little, you drifted apart. Going over several times a week became once a week, then a few times a month, then once every few months, and at some point you never went back again. That's just life, you figured, people get older and move on to new phases, you just need to appreciate the memories and all that.

Besides, you ended up relocating when you yourself got older anyhow, needed to move to the main city area for work. You still heard about him, whenever news came from home, the sort of mention in passing when being given quick updates about all the various people you knew and what they were up to, one name out of many. When you started getting reports that he apparently has been arrested a few times, you were a bit disappointed, but not incredibly surprised.

And while it's perfectly normal, inevitable even, to eventually run into old familiar faces every now and then, you're still taken a bit by surprise when you first see him again. By complete random chance, just walking back home in the evening as always, so you weren't really expecting to see anyone you knew... He (very loudly) calls your name out from down the street to get your attention, and despite the passage of time, you still recognize him instantly due to his general unique appearance and unmistakable energy.

You give him the standard 'oh, you've grown so much since I last saw you!' line, but you don't get to finish the sentence before you are promptly grabbed, squeezed, and lifted off the ground into a suffocating embrace, swung in a full circle before being set back down. You're too dizzy to even make out what he's saying at first, but he's talking rather rapidly, so you quickly realize as your head clears.

He's happy to see you. Very, very much so. So much so it confuses you a bit. You just... Didn't think he would remember you so well. You never thought you had all that much of a significant impact on him, you were just some person that watched him a bunch of times as a kid. You didn't realize you held such an important position in his mind.

But you suppose you should be flattered... So you reluctantly forfeit a quiet evening at home when he insists you come with him and catch up, invites you to meet the... fellow youthful hooligans he's apparently decided to acquaint himself with. You smile and nod and tell yourself it's the right thing to do, it would be rude not to. And they're nice people, which is good, within minutes of meeting them you can certainly see how they are exactly the type of people he would get along well with. The whole group sort of meshes very well, with each other at least, not so much yourself. They're just, you know, very loud and rambunctious and high-energy, compared to you, settled into a serious lifestyle and having left the excitement of youth and all that well behind. You feel a bit out of place among such younger people. But nonetheless, you pass the time being as nice to them as you can before eventually making an excuse about how you have to be up early in the morning and all that...

And that allows you to get away, but not without Itto insisting on taking you all the way to your house. It's super dark out now, you know? You smile and say it's not necessary, since it's a bit of a walk (and you really don't want him knowing where you live, but you leave that part unspoken), but he insists anyway. So you allow it. And he continues to talk, and talk, and talk, all the way back. Remember that time all those years ago that you did this thing and that thing? Some things he lists were specific occurrences, some habitual things you used to do regularly, but you recall each of them pretty well. The conversation actually takes the awkwardness away a bit, and you find yourself genuinely smiling as you recall all those old times.

It carries on all the way till you get to your door, and even then, he's still going on normally, rather than the usual "parting" tone one would speak in when about to say goodbye to someone. Almost as if he was right about to follow you into your own home. Still, he doesn't push to come in or anything, just accepts when you bid farewell and heads home.

You give the obligatory oh, we should do something sometime, but that's just a social norm, you tell yourself, not actually to be followed through with, right? Thus, you expect it would be the last you'd see of him for a while. You did what he wanted, "caught up," talked about how his life is going. You figured that would be it.

So when you see him the next day, you're not nearly as caught off-guard as you were the previous day, but him waiting outside your place of work does startle you. He wants to talk, again. He offers to take you to get food, pays for it (barely managing to scrounge up enough mora to do so), picks up where you left off yesterday conversationally. You smile and try your best to be polite. You figure he just wanted to see you a bit more.

And then he shows up the next day. And the next day. And the next day. It becomes a routine very quickly. You try to avoid him, but he always manages to find you.

You're not sure how to handle it, you've never been in quite this exact situation. For the time being, you're nice to him, you listen to him and learn more about how he's been doing. He's not... Really doing too much with his life, it seems, no job or anything like that.

Unfortunately for you, this leaves him with a significant amount of free time in which he has no responsibilities or tasks to speak of. More unfortunately, you quickly realize he has no concept of the fact you do, in fact, have responsibilities and things that need to get done. Well, perhaps he does to an extent, because every time he seeks you out he insists on helping. Or, "helping." He has a tendency to make things worse, much like when he was a kid, except now his mistakes and blunders have significantly more strength and weight and mass put into them, thus causing far more damage than when he was small.

Eventually, it's starting to get on your nerves too much. You have to say something.

But you can't bring yourself to be rude, he's got such a happy, kind energy to him... You'd hate to hurt him.

You try to be indirect. On one of your walks that you’ve been involuntarily accustomed to, you ask him if he's been, you know, looking at job prospects...? Maybe considering something new...?

He does not take the hint in the slightest, merely says nope, not really! in a tone far too upbeat and smiley for what he's saying.

Is he looking to settle down?

Haven't thought about that yet!

Maybe look into higher education?

Ah, that's super boring.

No questions you ask result in favorable answers. He seems perfectly content doing exactly what he's doing for the time being, and shows no sign of any discontentment with his current situation. But he does pick up on the common theme. What's with you wanting to know all of that? But thankfully, he immediately follows the question by assuring you not to worry, he's not struggling to get by or anything. It's really nice that you're concerned about him and all, but really, he's doing just fine!

You can't think of anything further to say, so you just sort of let it go, unsure of what to do from here. And the cycle continues. Each morning now, he's already waiting for you outside, invoking memories of how he used to do the same thing… except it was actually sort of cute back then.

He’s also very touchy. He was as a kid too, of course, but nothing has changed since then, despite the appropriateness of such touchiness having significantly decreased at his current age. It's just transitioned from him clinging to your leg, now instead to constantly having his hands on you in some way, arms wrapped around your shoulders, suffocating embraces.

Apparently he just has nothing better to do with his time than wait for you each day. He acts so very close to you, as if you were never apart, to a degree it's almost strange. For whatever reason, he just thinks that a brief connection you two had over a decade ago, is meaningful enough to indicate that you're still best friends or something automatically, even despite how much time has passed.

He keeps recalling more and more incidents from the past when you talk, and now it's getting to ones that, although you smile and nod, you don't have the heart to tell him you do not remember at all. To you, he was just... some kid you babysat for a few years. Not that you dislike him or wish anything but the best for him, it just seems so strange for him to have this sense of closeness and connection to you that is certainly not a mutual sentiment.

It gets progressively worse. Eventually, your supervisor comes to inform you that you need to do something, says he's loitering outside your place of work every day and it's unnerving people. You're told it needs to be fixed. Thankfully, you can at least then blame it on said employer, so it softens the blow quite a bit and he doesn't seem offended, merely happily agrees that he can wait for you across the street instead. Your smile twitches, you try to sweetly say that oh, he doesn't have to wait for you or anything... but no worries! It's no trouble, he says. How nice.

You've been constantly brainstorming of what you can do to escape this newfound situation, but you've been unable to come up with anything, until you're informed that there is the option of taking another position in a location a short ways away, just an hour journey or so. It would put you in a new area, let you get a fresh start, higher pay, and not to mention, away from your current location. You accept, admittedly largely because you see it as a potential way of getting you out of your current predicament.

As the day you intend to move draws closer and closer, you do begin to feel a bit guilty about your plan to just sort of ditch town without telling him where you’re going… no doubt he’ll be a little bit hurt. Thus, you start acting extra nice to him over the course of the coming weeks, allowing him to drag you from place to place at night as he so enjoys doing, and walk you home as he insists upon.

He always stops just short of coming into your place, coming to a halt right outside the door when you more or less firmly plant yourself in between him and the door itself and bid him farewell for the night. You're pretty sure if you didn't, he would just walk right in. You're pretty sure he wants to come in.

And one night, well into your newfound routine, you make the mistake of feeling bad about it, and tell him he can. You immediately regret the words as soon as they're out of your mouth, but it's too late, his eyes light up and soon enough he's standing in your living space. Great. You try to make things less awkward by occupying yourself with getting something to drink, also hoping that maybe some alcohol will help loosen your nerves and make the whole thing less awkward.

He's still talking all the while as you do. Oh, wow, you have a really nice place! It's nice and homey, and everything is so nicely -- wait, is that -- is that...?

You yourself forgot about it, it's one of those objects that you have sitting around that you're so used to being there you sort of forgot it was there. But yes, over in a corner with some other things you had laying around (really, in preparation for packing it up to take with you), you still have a small container of sorts filled with all those rocks and neatly-folded drawings and other little things he used to give you. They held too much sentimental value to just throw away, so you kept them... that seems to make him especially happy. He didn't think you would still have them after all this time.

It draws upon more and more memories, he picks it up and starts going through each little thing, recalling various occurrences behind each object. With that, once again, you feel the awkwardness and discomfort having him in your place dissipate to some degree, you find yourself genuinely enjoying the moment, just a bit. You share memories, laugh over some stories of things that have happened in both of your lives since those days, and down a significant amount of alcohol until you're both overly-giddy, laughing too much over nothing, conversation fading into slurred words and unawareness of what you're even saying... and next thing you know, you're jolting awake to a very familiar feeling.

You’re laying with a feeling of a weight on top of you, just like you did back then... must have passed out on the couch after a while. You can tell it's some early hour of the morning, the sun hasn't even begun to rise. You're on your back, and he slumped over so he's laying with his head on your chest, except now as a full-grown adult he's significantly heavier than he used to be. It’s quite awkward, for obvious reasons. Unfortunately, no amount of trying to shake him awake seems to have any effect on a deep drunken sleep, so you're more or less forced to wait, giving you plenty of time to reflect on what a poor choice this might have been, given you've basically just encouraged him.

You're left with nothing to do but to reflect on everything up until now, and the conversation that was had just a few hours earlier. You can't say why, but you have this... sinking feeling in your gut, like you've messed up somehow, but it's all too fuzzy to actually remember. The feeling keeps you from falling asleep, so you're left to just lay there for several hours, watching as the sun rises, the dread increasing all the while.

When he does wake up, he just gets up and yawns and stretches, acts like there's nothing particularly strange about being full-grown adults and falling asleep on top of you. He just says something about how much his head hurts, complaining until realizing that, oh no, he told his friends he'd meet them a bit earlier... sorry for leaving so quickly! He has to head out now, sorry he can't stay a bit longer, but no worries, he'll be back later this afternoon (as usual!).

But as he's about to run out your door, he pauses, he smiles and turns his head back to you to add that oh, almost forgot to thank you... for telling him about how you're moving and all that.

Mm? Yeah, you mentioned it when you two were talking, remember? You were super out of it, so you probably don't remember, that makes sense. You said you were moving and he offered to help and you said he could? You gave him the moving date to come by and help you transport your stuff? Don’t worry, he may have trouble maintaining, ah… a lot of responsibilities, but he would never miss out on helping you! He’ll be there, no worries.

Y'know, he's been thinking of relocating too! Get a fresh base of operations and all that. Perfect timing, right? It would really suck if you were far apart, after all. This way he'll still get to see you every day! It'll be great and -- ah, right, sorry, you'll have to finish talking about it later. See you in just a little while!

And with that, he’s out the door before you can even manage to protest. You’re left standing, staring forward, eye twitching… looks like you’ll need a new plan.

---

Being hired by one of the upper class families in Liyue is generally considered to be a major achievement, no matter how small the role may be. Even common roles are paid better and work under nicer conditions than they would doing the same job elsewhere -- for example, a private maid for a family would make far more than a corporate maid working for a business building, and so on. So for you, getting hired to be a child caretaker was a major opportunity that you weren't going to turn down, even if you felt a bit intimidated when you first arrived by just how massive and intricate the estate was, how every aspect of the grounds reflects the owners' enormous wealth.

Getting to work with their son actually helps calm you down. He's just a normal child like any other, albeit with some class-standing-induced differences in his behaviors.

You can tell from the first interaction that Xingqiu is particularly bright, his parents also hire private tutors, a different one for each academic subject, which no doubt contributes. He likes to show off said knowledge by spouting anything he thinks might be impressive. He's that child that's always rushing to give you some did you know? fact about whatever may be relevant to the conversation, hoping this information will impress you, even if it's very often something that most grown adults do in fact already know. You try and pretend to be impressed nonetheless, of course, seeing as it makes him happy. Your responsibilities aren't academic or anything like that, but more like a personal attendant.

He always tries to act more mature than his age, and it just comes off as sort of cute more than anything. It's only logical, though, that such a privileged child would turn out at least a little bit spoiled. He's a sweet boy, really... it's just that consideration for others' needs and feelings and time wasn't something anyone ever went out of their way to instill in him.

So while he's sweet to you, he sometimes gets very upset if he can't get his way over things. He has a tendency to think that pouting and staying silent will get him whatever he wants, or will at least get you to give him attention and thereby validate him. He's much better about it now, but when he was younger, it was pretty awful, he'd do it over virtually everything that didn't go his way.

He's also very insistent, in general, that when he wants attention, you need to give him that attention immediately. You're his caretaker, right? So he should be, like, the most important person to you, you should value him above anyone else, which means he's allowed to just interrupt any conversation or interaction you may be having and you should immediately forget the other person and pay attention to him instead. As time goes on, he's forced to learn that isn't always the case, although it isn't something he accepts without a great deal of bitterness about it. He still has a habit of interrupting your conversations, even now.

He also insisted on having you be present at all times, when he was very very young. He would refuse to have his lessons with the tutors or instructors if you weren't in the room, would essentially just whine and whine until finally his parents allowed it, having you in the room if for nothing else but to sit there and watch. It was rather boring, but you soon learned he didn't mind if you brought something else to work on, as long as you were just physically present in the room. The habit carried on throughout his childhood and well into adolescence, it basically just became a routine you didn't object to, and neither did his parents, seeing as it was easier to more or less just let him have his way on the matter.

Even as time passes, he sometimes seems to think you have no life outside of being his attendant. You still occasionally take time off, of course, to go visit family, take care of necessary things in your life, or just a short vacation. Sometimes a single day, sometimes a week or so.

At the youngest ages, the poor thing would, according to later accounts from the other exhausted staff responsible for your duties while you were gone, sob and cry every day you were gone, throw borderline tantrums over anyone trying to fill the tasks he was used to you doing.

Everyone else doesn't make the snacks the same way you do, it tastes different, which means he can't eat it. No one else knows how to play the games you two play. No one else reads to him the same way you do, they don't do all the voices for the various characters right. It's all bad because it's not how you do it, or so he would desperately try to explain to his parents whenever they came to see why he was making such a fuss over the matter. You would return to work a few days later to be ushered back to your position as quickly as possible. Every other household servants would have dark circles under their eyes, tired and exasperated expressions, thanking you for returning as if by doing so you were saving them from some horrible burden.

Once he got slightly older, though, it actually got worse. It became bitter stubbornness, to the point that once when you took a week-long vacation, you got a knock on your door only two days in from another household servant, begging you to cut your vacation short because apparently the young master won't do anything. Refuses to do any schoolwork or otherwise assigned tasks. Rejects all food presented to him and won't eat because it isn't tailored to his extremely specific preferences. It wasn't quite as bad, but the other employees are still quite overjoyed whenever you return.

Now, as a young adult, he just gets... quiet, when you casually inform him that you'll be taking a few days off soon. He doesn't respond immediately, but after a few moments just smiles at you, says he understands you must have incredibly important things to deal with.

But you just sheepishly laugh and say no, no, you just have allowed vacation time you haven't used up. But you tell him no to worry, it'll only be a few days...

Still, he's not very good at hiding what he feels, he tends to show his inner thoughts outwardly for a moment before regaining composure... This being no exception. You see his face contort with bewilderment for a second. Vacation?? His automatic assumption when you first informed him you'd be gone was that someone you were very close to must have died or something. That's the only logical explanation he could come up with in his head as to why you'd be taking time away from your job. But no, you're just... going off on your own. For fun or something. Because you feel the need to do that, for whatever reason.

He gets bitter. Sulks by himself the rest of the day, barely says a word. You notice, of course, but you're a little frustrated because you know exactly why and you're not going to pay that sort of brattiness any mind. He mopes, pouts, doesn't get much done. Internally, he's just wallowing in bitterness over the matter. It's not like your job is hard. You have it really easy. You just want to get away from him that bad? Even though you have the best possible living conditions here? Even a hotel or something would probably not be as nice as what you already have. Or so he thinks to himself, still maintaining a proper politeness externally and feigning to be unbothered.

Besides, what are you even doing with that time? He can't fathom it. It's not like you have hobbies or anything, right? You dedicate your time to doing stuff for him, that's what you enjoy. That basically is your hobby. So what are you doing in that time off? Just sleeping? Doing nothing?

Well, he can always find out. You live at the estate, so when you take time off you have to stay in inns. He casually asks something about how you do have a place to stay, right? Where will that be? Just to make sure you're properly accommodated, wouldn't want you staying somewhere cheap and dirty... So he gets the name.

From there, it's easy to follow you, when he wakes up extra early to go pay a visit... From a distance. You really are so thoughtless, inconsiderate even, doing such things and making him concerned for you with your carelessness. But luckily for you, he's perfectly willing to take a whole day of his time to watch over you. You don't do much of note. You get up, go walk around, buy things, come back to your hotel for a while... it seems you truly are just doing nothing. Which makes no sense, how is this more enjoyable than a normal day? Don't you like your job? How is this not boring for you? Well, whatever, you're just so difficult to understand sometimes.

The next time you emerge from the hotel (hours later, mind you, he was very patient and waited on you), you look nicer than you did before, dressed differently, more formally. You make your way across the harbor area, completely oblivious to being followed, until you arrive at some expensive-looking establishment. You sit down. He watches from a ways away. He almost thinks about walking up to you, pretending it's a coincidence and seeing if you would like to go for a walk, and then maybe convince you to cut this excursion of yours short and who in the hell is that.

Who's this guy?? Why is he sitting down across from you? Why are you acting like you know each other? You have no time to know anyone. You shouldn't, at least. What kind of guy is willing to settle for someone he can only see a couple times a month? Maybe it's family or something. That makes sense. You're being awfully affectionate for family, reaching out and grasping at each other's hands... but he's heard it said that the lower classes have less reservations about being outwardly affectionate to one another, no need to maintain the cold properness more familiar to him, so maybe that's it. Still irksome, nonetheless.

And then, the guy says something that makes your eyes go wide, you look stunned. It lasts only a moment before you smile, nod your head, whatever it was, you seem happy about it. He can't remember the last time you looked so happy... maybe you just received some kind of good news or something. Either way, it irritates him. Why do you act so happy like that over what's undoubtedly something relatively unimportant? It's annoying. It makes him more annoyed to realize he won't even be able to question you on the matter. Ugh.

He watches with a burning irritation in his stomach as you go about the rest of your night, finish and leave, and you go off down the streets... not back to your hotel, but somewhere else, and disappear inside together. Well, he's already deduced that you're family, so it's okay, such a thing is permissible only in this case. He'll just have to garner whatever information he can tomorrow.

You're not sure why he seems so upset when you return. Usually, your returns make him happy, but this time he seems... bitter. He stays very quiet, barely says a word, and when he does speak, it comes out very passive-aggressively. He asks you what you did with your time off, and you answer honestly, saying you didn't do much, just spent some time to yourself, met with your partner for dinner... leaving out the topic of conversation that was had, since that's not really anything you're ready to tell anyone yet.

You still see him stiffen, although his back is turned to you, absorbed in some book he has on the table. He doesn't say anything beyond oh, I see, but you sense animosity radiating off of him. It's no behavior you aren't pretty used to by now, so you simply sigh and try to go on with your day as normal. The more attention you give to him when he's being petty, the longer these episodes last, so if you ignore it, he'll go back to normal faster.

You love him dearly, having taken care of him for so many years, but it does get obnoxious sometimes. Perhaps that's partially why you've been thinking of moving on so much recently. Your date yesterday has only further led you to think that it's about time to do so, and carry on into the next stage of your life.

Xingqiu is... Well, he's grown. There's no real need for you anymore.

Really, you and his parents alike have avoiding bringing up the fact that his brother stopped having a personal attendant years before he was the age Xingqiu is now. And unbeknownst to him, his parents have actually specifically had talks with you about the matter, begged you to stay because they weren't sure how to handle the emotional devastation it would have on him if you were gone, they're well aware he developed a far greater attachment to you than his brother did to his maid. They remember full well how he always reacted as a kid, and even now, when you're gone for a week -- how would he react if you were gone forever?

But as time has gone on, you've started to feel you don't have much use here. He doesn't need to be watched over, so most of your day-to-day life consists more of being a sort of friend to him than a caretaker of any sort. You simply don't have any real reason to stay here much longer, so now it's just a matter of going through with resignation, and then getting married, as you've established with the guy you've been seeing as the next step you both wish to take.

It'll be a new chapter of life, an exciting and promising one... although you'll always cherish the memories you've made here, of course. Despite your young master's poor mood, you can't help but be elated as you go about your day, still reveling in the night prior and the future ahead of you.

Which is certainly only a cause of annoyance for him. What are you so happy for? You're walking around with an obvious joy in your movements and in the way you hum as you go about little tasks... it's bothersome, you shouldn't be happy. You just reveal that you've been hiding some... some... illicit relationship for who knows how long, and you act like it's nothing? You have no shame on the matter?

How do you even have a long term partner? There's no way, right? You can't. You would never see them, since you're always working, so there's no way you've committed to a relationship. But you certainly wouldn't make that up, you have to be telling the truth. You're going on dates, having fun with this person. He can't just let you do something so wasteful. What is it even for, anyway?

Oh, that guy probably doesn’t even like you, seeing as he barely knows you. That guy is probably the type who just wants someone sweet like you to push them around. And you’re so naïve to it, too, you don’t even realize what you’re getting yourself into! Honestly. How can you be this foolish, allowing yourself to become attached to this person and…

A thought pops into his head. His mind goes down a train of thought that create an awful, awful feeling, a gnawing pit of dread and disgust and panic in his stomach. You're dating, you're seeing some specific person, you'll spend time with him, and then...

And then what?

He's seen it happen to plenty of other maids and servants -- they work for a while, and then once they reach a certain age bracket, they start leaving. It's just ever even crossed his mind that you could do the same. You always registered in his mind as something... Permanent. But a quick check through family records he performs later that day confirms that the contract you signed all those years ago had a date range that's been expired for years now, and you've been continuously signing extensions for a year each.

He's not foolish, he understands what will happen. You're going to get married. And you'll quit. Have your own life. Spend your time with someone else, caring for someone else, paying attention to someone else's needs the way you're supposed to with him.

That's so not fair. Shouldn't you need permission for that? You're just going to abandon him after so much time?

Not to mention that even now, your time is dedicated to him, but your heart and mind is dedicated to someone else. Your thoughts too, probably. How much time have you spent going about your daily tasks for him while thinking about that guy? It makes him feel sick.

It begins to consume him, in the coming days. Eventually, you finally announce resignation (and your future plans) first to his parents, then to him. You break it to him very, very softly, prefacing it with how you've loved spending all these years here, but...

You're actually rather shocked that he seems to not be bothered. He smiles, says he's happy for you, and then returns to his reading. You're actually so taken aback that there was no trace of passive-aggressive discontentment in his words that you're left standing still for a moment. At this age, that's how he usually deals with being upset, since he deems himself too old to throw actual tantrums or appear outwardly upset, so he usually just gets subtle with his signs of irritation, but you genuinely find none. You're rather content as you walk out the door for the evening... if only you could see the way his expression changes as you shut the door behind you.

It's a difficult act to maintain, but he knows he can't appear too upset. He doesn't want to give any reason for suspicion. Unfortunately, you see, you've driven him to take drastic measures, but he can't afford to be connected to those measures.

This person is the reason you're leaving, so if that person is gone, you will stay. You will have no reason to leave, no one to leave for. It’s messy and inconvenient, but it must be done, and he’ll do whatever necessary for your sake. You agreed to be there for him... he won't let you back out of that. It's your responsibility. Just because some piece of paper says you were only obligated to for a set time doesn't mean anything, the right thing to do is to stay forever. It's a matter of ethical responsibility, not legal contract. He just has to be the one to push you in the right direction, ensure you aren't led astray by distractions that would pull you away from him. Even if that means dealing with those distractions outright.

And if you get someone new -- which he'll certainly have to put his full effort into preventing -- he'll just have to do the same thing all over again. A strenuous and unpleasant task, certainly, but it's no big deal, really. It's all worth it as long as he has you by his side.

#problematic dynamics my beloved #.xq #.it #.ay #yan.txt

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