#11freunde

[torunarigha]

Ha Ha Ho? Stadium Ban

Hang it all: an ex-ultra is Hertha’s new president!!! Will Kay Bernstein enact a Pyro-requirement in Olympiastadion? Will Dietmar Hopp be banned from Berlin? We answer all the most pressing questions relating to Bernstein here.

(a very goofy article from 11Freunde’s Max Dinkelaker and translated by yours truly. It pokes fun at questions one Bild journalist posed because of Bernstein’s former ultra connections. Said journalist seemed to have no regard for anything Bernstein has actually said during his campaign and implied him being elected would be “dangerous” for the whole league.)

The blue danger: Kay Bernstein has reached the top!

How dangerous is Kay Bernstein? For Hertha, for the Bundesliga, for Germany? Since yesterday it is clear: the former Vorsänger (person who leads chants at games) of the Berlin Ultra group “Harlekins 98” is the new president of the Bundesliga team. This selection poses many questions and the most important were posed by Walter M. Straten from Bild, with all appropriate restraint. 11Freunde conducted intensive research to find the answers.

Walter M. Straten asks: “Will he make Pyro legal and turn Olympic Stadium into a flaming hot pot?”

11Freunde knows it won’t stop at that. According to the editor’s exclusive information, Bernstein will issue various requirements for the most loyal fans of the old lady concerning future stadium visits, as soon as the first email to Hertha members. For example, starting next season there will be mandatory pyro, with every hertha fan required at minimum to fire one Bengal Firework for every half. What is especially treasonous is that children are allegedly not exempt from these rules. The only exception: whoever tattoos “Scheiß DFB” in big letters across their stomach has to only light one off every other home game. Hertha-Insider Volker Rauch (a name that is a play on words in German i don’t get lol), who spoke with 11freunde exclusively and extensively, knows about additional new rules to follow:

1. Whoever can’t prove that they have any Pyro torches to the ticket control will be shoved into specially prepared tiny hiding places* by security.

2. Otherwise, the primary job of ticket personnel for the new season will be to check whether the fans have smeared at least 50 milliliters of blood on their faces before the game as part of satanic rituals, per Bernstein’s request. Anyone who has too little or no blood on their face at all, must wear a balaclava.

3. Furthermore, there will be a minimum blood alcohol content for stadium goers. Anyone caught with less than 1%, will get knocked out.

4. Whoever drinks liquor instead of beer, must make sure that it is exactly 50+1 percent alcohol.

5. Apropos Alcohol: starting in August conventional cups will not be used and will be replaced in favor of Skull Jugs, custom built from the skulls of the slayed opposing Ultras.

6. Whoever maneuvers a scarf, flag, or jersey from rival fans will receive a lifelong stadium ban.

7. Media representatives, who say Ha Ha Ho instead of Ha Ho He (this actually happened lol) will lose their accreditation for at least one season.

8. Media representatives, that call the so-called “so-called fans” “so-called fans” one more time, will be personally delivered to a stadium guard by Bernstein where they will be forced to watch all the episodes of “My story - the life of...” with Riccardo Basile (i’m not sure the context behind this guy - do tell me if you know!).

Walter M. Straten asks: “Will the people (like Dietmar Hopp) or clubs (like RB Leipzig) hated by the Ultras be insulted and ridiculed with his [Bernstein’s] blessing?”

With this question, 11Freunde has more shocking information to present. Only people who can prove that they insulted Dietmar Hopp numerous times, can get a season ticket for the 2022/2023 season. Fan can upload evidence of this (in the form of screenshots or links to Facebook comments or tweets), on the club’s website until the end of July. Important to note: elementary school insults like “egghead” and “idiot” are not enough. Worse explicit and criminally relevant insults are required, ideally against the the parents of the Hoffenheim investor. All the same, Bernstein will try to reach out to people who have not played a part in these insults and mockery. During the summer break, there will be various workshops with seminars like “Crosshair Drawing For Dummies” or “Mockery Record Keeping 1: This Is How I Keep Track of my insults.” Whoever has a participation certificate to show for it at the the start of the season, is allowed to get a season ticket, even without the participation in the years long of Hopp-Ultra feud. A tip for the noble fan Frank Steffel: showing up at the workshops but only being on your phone doesn’t count as successful participation (he went to an in-person questions/answer session with Bernstein but was on his phone the whole time)

As far as the fight against RB Leipzig goes, the situation is clear: whoever is caught with a can on Red Bull at or around the stadium, will be driven through the streets of Westend (where Hertha’s current stadium is) by other Hertha fans with pitchforks and torches. Bernstein will arrange the correlating change to the club’s rules as soon as possible. Other than that, there will be a Kampl (player for RB) “Palm Tree” hair style ban starting in August for all visitors to Olympic Stadium.

Walter M. Straten asks: Will he ultimately scare away the unpopular 375 million Investor Windhorst?

Despite the fact that Bernstein stressed that he would sit at a table with Lars Windhorst many times during the election, and even re-emphasized it afterwards (“We will try to involve him in the best possible way and achieve our goals with him.”) 11Freunde knows better: It was merely lip service up until now. Actually, Bernstein would like to start the next public mudslinging as soon as possible so as not to get any fresh money from Windhorst and Hertha will have its back financially against the wall. Then the club will experience an extremely complicated sporting season and Bernstein himself immediately comes under pressure. Hm... Well uh.... Hm. Anyway, to effective provoke Windhorst, Bernstein plans to wear a Gegenbauer mask during the first talks with the investor. If the meeting is virtual, he will try this using deep fakes. According to 11Freunde information, he is already in contact with Berlin’s mayor Fran­ziska Giffey, who is deemed an expert in this area, for tips on undertaking this endeavor. An especially bold part of his plan is that Bernstein will not kiss Windhorst’s ring during the first private audience that he is granted. Bernstein does not want to proceed with the courtly love song as of right now. What is absolutely clear: trouble is inevitable.

11Freunde’s Conclusion:

Hard times are coming to Germany. Should Berlin’s example catch on, the leagues stadium’s will become lawless places. Our recommendation for Walter M. Straten and other fans with integrity: emigrate today rather than tomorrow!

-----

*this was originally Schuh­sohlen-Ver­stecke but i couldn’t find an appropriate translation so i just made up what was hopefully the intent lol

#hertha bsc #my translation #11freunde #idk this made me chuckle and i had the motivation to translate it so why not!! #es wird gut für meinen Deutsch :D #i think its valid to have concerns about what he's going to do because he is new and people may not like it #but geez this bild guy took it to another level

[pixelpluto]

Es gibt immer noch kein 11Freunde-Spezialheft über Schiedsrichter, muss ich mich halt mit 60 Jahre #Bundesliga begnügen 😄⚽

#fußball #fussball #11freunde

[bauerntanz]

11Freunde

@11Freunde_de -Lesung am Donnerstag in #Lingen, Theater an der Wilhelmshöhe, 20 Uhr, 17 €

11 FREUNDE live Köster & Kirschneck lesen vor und zeigen Filme Lingen (Ems) – Theater an der Wilhelmshöhe, Willy-Brandt-Ring 44 Donnerstag, 13. Oktober  –  20 Uhr Karten 17 € plus Gebühren „Fußball ist nicht nur Ding! Fußball ist Ding Dang Dong!“ Schöner als Altmeister Trapattoni hat noch keiner formuliert, wie vielfältig, bunt und lustig Fußballsein kann. Und niemand bringt die komischen Seiten…

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#11Freunde #Köster & Kirschneck #Lesung #Lingen (Ems) #Theater an der Wilhelmshöhe

[elishamanning]

Christoph Kramer photographed by Norman Konrad for 11Freunde (2020) (1/2)

#christoph kramer #* #i'm literally going out of my mind

[shrimpeon]

Leon Goretzka on the cover of 11Freunde

#leon goretzka #it has something to do with referees

[bluecloudy]

Jonas for the 11Freunde

#football #jonas hector #fc köln #germany #bundesliga

[neun30]

158 - Halbwissen über die Sofa-Clique

Im Stadion gab’s keine Lautsprecher. Dann machen Harry und Flo das. Laut sprechen. Gibt ja genügend zu sprechen. Aus Gründen gibt es eine Presserückschau. Flo zitiert aus der SZ, Harry regt sich drüber auf. Zurecht! Schönerweise gibt es ja auch andere Gazetten wie die 11Freunde, die das Ganze ins richtige Licht rücken (Danke dafür; und gar nicht erwähnt im Podcast den Brunnenmiller der natürlich auch stabil berichtet, Merce!). Bleibt festzuhalten: geht’s zu Wahl im Juni im Zenith! Und: Freiheit für Sechzig! (PS: wo gibt’s das T-Shirt? Gerne bei uns melden!) . (1860 gg Viktoria Köln / 07.04.2024 / Spielstand 2:0 (3:1))

#podcast

[alsfussballnochrocknrollwar]

Mit #EPISODE48 geht die #Podcast🎙️- #Retro-Show „ALS FUSSBALL NOCH ROCK’N’ROLL WAR“⚽🎸🕺 am 11. Januar 2024 weiter.

Der Titel der #Folge28 lautet: „Die Deutsche Wüste“.

Auf unserer #Kreuzfahrt🛳️ von Nord nach Süd, waren wir nun im #Südatlantik. Wir kamen zur Insel #Ascension 🇸🇭, eine #Vulkaninsel ohne indigene Bevölkerung, dafür aber mit jeder Menge Abhöreinrichtungen der #NSA. Aber auch Brutplatz der #Suppenschildkröten🐢. Nächster Stopp war ein Platz, den man aus dem Geschichtsunterricht noch kannte, #StHelena 🇸🇭. 1815 Verbannungsort für #NapoleonBonaparte.

Es ging zurück Kurs Süd-Ost an die Südwest-Küste #Afrikas, nach #Namibia 🇳🇦. Erster Hafen war dort #WalvisBay.  Hier viel deutsche Geschichte. Das Gebiet war von 1884 „Schutzgebiet“ #DeutschSüdwestafrika und sodann bis zum Ende des ersten Weltkrieges deutsche Kolonie. Wir stießen hier auch noch auf sehr viele Relikte aus dieser Zeit.

Aber zunächst ging es in die #Namib, einem der unwirtlichsten Orte des Planeten. Am Rande der Namib kamen wir auch nach #Swakopmund. Die Stadt gilt bis heute als „deutscheste“ Stadt Namibias. Und es ging auch im nächsten Hafen, #Lüderitz, weiter mit deutscher Kultur in Südwestafrika.

In #Folge29 und dem Titel „Am Kap der Guten Hoffnung, hoffen auf Hannover 96“ erreichten wir den Endpunkt unserer Seereise, #Kapstadt 🇿🇦.

Ein Empfang wie aus dem Bilderbuch mit Blick auf den #Tafelberg und strahlend blauem Himmel. Kapstadt ist wohl eine der faszinierendsten Städte der Welt. Alles im Programm: #VAWaterfront, #LongStreet, #HoutBay, #CampsBay, #GreenPointLighthouse und natürlich #M6, atemberaubende Route dort an der Steilküste entlang. Unser Hotel für das Nachprogramm lag im bunten Stadtviertel #BoKaap. Es ging natürlich auch auf die #KapHalbinsel, #CapePoint und dann zum markanten Holzschild mit der Aufschrift in Africaans: „Kaap die Goeie Hoop“. Hier bat ich um Hoffnung für #Hannover96.

#Folge30 „Abstieg auf allen Ebenen“, zeigt dann leider das alles Hoffen nichts genützt hat für die #Roten. Es ging wieder ab in die 2. Liga.

Ich hatte auch eine ziemlich intensive Debatte mit dem damaligen #Sportchef der größten hannoverschen #Tageszeitung🗞️, einen doch sehr infantilen Zeitgenossen, der dann wohl auch seinen Posten räumen musste. Für mich aber auch Anlass, einmal über #Medien und #Journalismus zu philosophieren, denn den ausgewogenen, unabhängigen, objektiven Journalismus, wie ich ihn noch zu Zeiten von #PetervonZahn, #ThiloKoch, #DagobertLindlau und #MichaelVermehren kannte, die mir Werte vermittelt, #Gesellschaftsordnungen erklärt, die mir #Meinungsfreiheit und #Meinungsvielfalt näher gebracht haben, gibt es schon lange nicht mehr. Ein Beispiel aus dem Sport ist das heuchlerische #Pamphlet „#11Freunde“.

Vielleicht gibt es hier wieder Erkenntnisgewinn, einfach mal reinhören und viel Spaß dabei.

#podcast

[kunstplaza]

[goretzkastits]

https://shop.11freunde.de/hefte-buecher/hefte/11freunde-ausgabe-180.html there was a translation of this somewhere. Well worth reading!

Thank you!

#asks

[torunarigha]

and in bittersweet news... :’)

#fotostrecke #i dont know what happening with pál other than that one bild article #im trying not to be angry but its hard lmao #pál dárdai #hertha bsc #11freunde

[paderbornnews]

Zum Artikel: https://www.paderborn.news/tp6t #fussball #stadion #scp #scp07 #scpaderborn07 #fußball #football #mannschaft #bentelerarena #paderborn #kreispaderborn #darmstadt98 #robertleipertz #11freunde

[seventeenlovesthree]

Sensible move from [football magazine] 11FREUNDE: Instead of exclaiming "one should finally come out of the closet" as usual, this time it's about 800 football players that say: you can count on us. #homosexuality #homophobia #bundesliga [X]

#11freunde #max kruse #christian gentner #bundesliga #anti homophobia #homosexuality #important #lgbtq #germany

[elishamanning]

Christoph Kramer photographed by Norman Konrad for 11Freunde (2020) (2/2)

#christoph kramer #and all the pink ones

[saltforthesea]

what did ronaldo do? i only just turned on the tv

I just wanna quote the great German 11Freunde ticker because I can't say it any better

"Ronaldo falls and screams as if someone was cutting his toe off while being fully conscious. But Brych, this hyper-referee, doesn't fall for it. Right on, Felix! Go on."

#11freunde #euro 2020 #ronaldo #belpor #portugal nt #belgium nt

[screwtheprinceimtakingthehorse]

https://www.tagesspiegel.de/sport/philipp-koester-ueber-das-coming-out-im-fussball-philipp-lahm-hat-einfach-nicht-weitergedacht/26929324.html

#actout #11freunde #german stuff #fußball