#german stuff

[tinybreadcreation]

Umgekehrte Tropes (but make them german)

“Darf ich dir das Sie anbieten?“ – Nix mit duzen, mit der Intimität kommt nun mehr Abstand

Es gibt zwei Betten, aber nur eine Bettdecke. Make them fight for it

„Ich esse meine Pommes am liebsten mit Nutella :)“

Der Zug ist pünktlich, Charakter A und Charakter B haben beide eine angenehme Reise nach Sylt

Alle schnulzig-kitschigen Kosenamen sind akzeptiert, "Schatz" hingegen verpönt

Anti Bäckerei AU: Anstatt zum Bäcker zu gehen macht Charakter A für Charakter B Aufbackbrötchen im Ofen warm

„Oh, du mähst morgens um sechs an einem Sonntag den Rasen? Wie… attraktiv…“

#fanfiction #german stuff

[tarisbackyard]

Here's how to write an authentic Grimm style fairytale, brought to you by a Certified German TM:

Forget everything Disney movies taught you, besides maybe Snowwhite, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty. But even those are on thin fucking ice. Also ignore modern fantasy literature conventions, especially Dungeons & Dragons type stuff.

Ideally only the protagonist or none of the characters ought to have names. And the names should either be really fucking ordinary, or some kind of epithet. Like, either that's a Franz or a Bramblesock, cause when Bramblesock was a child he lost a sock in a shrub of brambles. Everyone else is either the king, the grandma, or the carpenter.

The common types of protagonist: Regular working class guy who cons his way into a life of riches, poor downtrodden peasant who through hardworking kindness is granted salvation (usually via gaining riches), too pure too good for this world princess who can't catch a fucking break, too nasty too bratty for this world princess who gets taught a lesson in humility.

The characters are generally very one note and the only kind of character growth they can experience boils down to "maybe I shouldn't have been a dick, huh?"

The location is either as vague as possible or super fucking specific for no reason; either the story takes place literally nowhere or in the town of Buxtehude.

Animals and inanimate objects that can talk for no apparent reason and no one bats an eye at are always a great addition.

If you want to add any fantasy races, use giants (large, dumb brutes), dwarves (angry little guys who live in the wilderness and get really angry if you touch their beards), or gnomes (mischievous house spirits who might be helpful but watch out!), but never more than one of these. Fairies are rare and usually the "tall beautiful wise woman" type, not the small annoying pixie type. Dragons are very pointedly no-where to be found, those distinctly belong in sagas, which are their own distinct type of literature.

Weird moral of the story that either boils down to "be smarter than all the other fuckers", "good things happen to good people, bad things happen to bad people", or "don't upset the supernatural".

Random tidbits of gore that no one bats an eye at.

Witches eat children, if a mother gets more than single line dedicated to her she's evil, fathers are spineless and/or assholes who either die or come around in the end.

Ugly means evil, pretty means good. Except when it doesn't.

Optional: Repeated rhyming phrases and numbers. Seventh son of a seventh son kinda stuff. The numbers 3, 7, 12, and 13 in particular.

Ideally a 19th century scholar should be able to read some clumsy Germanic pagan wishful thinking into the story, no matter how big and obvious the Christian overtones are.

Optional: Start the story with "Once upon a time" and end it with "And if they didn't die, then they are still alive today."

#writing #fairy tales #fairytales #grimm's fairy tales #gebrüder grimm #brothers grimm #german stuff #writing advice

[schreibfederlaerm]

so this European clothing retailer decided to advertise their jean cuts on youtube and it's unintentionally the funniest shit I've seen today. why? well.

now important context here: in German, die (pronounced 'dee') is just a feminine article, it literally means "the".

but if an ad gets placed in the middle of an English video and doesn't use a single explicitly German word for most of the ad, even a native speaker is gonna think "they want me to die how?" it keeps getting funnier.

I mean, holy shit

i will use these as reaction images until i die

#lmao #german stuff #BundesTag #deutsches zeug #non fandom stuff

[dr-drea]

Be gay do crime but in Bavaria and we're putting these everywhere

#german stuff

[whosherefor-thechaos]

incredible translation of sheeesh thank you google

#german stuff #like listen idk how i would translate sheesh but my first thought would not have been meine güte #or even my second or third thought #actually sheesh is probably best left untranslated #also don't ask me why youtube is offering to translate to german in the first place even tho i've set the app to english #rhys's pieces

[sprachgefuehle]

me, a german dependent on public transport, repeating my daily affirmations into the bathroom mirror while gripping the sink so hard it hurts: strikes are important no matter how badly they affect me strikes are important no matter how badly they affect me strikes are important no mat

#german stuff #deutsches zeug

[ajarofpickledtears]

see, when i think of bread, i first and foremost imagine something like this

#cylas speaks #and calling it sandwich once there's stuff on it etc feels wrong??? #like sandwich is done with toastbrot. #german stuff #deutsches zeug #bc bread is deutsches zeug

[shiinsei]

Du Gay 👉

#german stuff #my stuff #why the notes

[dernisseznirp]

"Save our wildlife before it's too late"

This ad is a banger!

#german stuff #deutsches zeug

[hammill-goes-fogwalking]

a dramatical "schwiiierig" is literally the worst response you can get from a German

#german stuff #just German things

[ichfreddyhier]

Happy "Germany picked the funniest date to kinda legalize weed" day

#germany #not even a joke happy april first #german stuff #weed

[langernameohnebedeutung]

I didn't have 'German Chancellor suffers eye injury after jogging accident and posting pics of himself with an eyepatch and "I'm excited for the memes" on twitter on my 2023 bingo card and yet

#HEWWO???? #BundesTag #german stuff

[official-german-gaming]

Wegen dem Bahnstreik saß ich heute am Kölner Hauptbahnhof für eine Weile fest und musste Zeit totschlagen, also hab ich bei der Gelegenheit einen historischen Ort dort besucht.

#german #german stuff #deutsch #deutsches zeug #op #bundesTag #ich hoff einfach mal dass ich da nichts weiter erklären muss

[felixcosm]

Something that's sweet about German is when you introduce yourself, you can say you're The [Name]. Like you're the main one. The Ambassador of your name.

Like, hi, I am the Felix. The Ultimate Felix. The Felix of All Felix.

#german stuff

[siriwesen]

After seeing a question on Reddit about Germans and foldable rulers, I need to know how everyone feels about them.

The ask implied, that foldable rulers are not super common to use or own outside of Germany, and now I am wondering about exact demographics and why. Pls spread and add your country in the tags if you want. I can not imagine owning a tool box without one of these. And no, I am not talking about measuring tape, I specifically mean these foldable rulers. They also exist with cm + inch measurements.

EDIT: I specifically mean the item from the image. A long ruler, 1-3m long, can have inch + cm, or just cm measurememts, and it may be called a folding ruler or folding rule. The reddit post called it a foldable ruler however, hence I used this term.

#german stuff #zollstock saga #polls #tumblr poll #using my first poll for science

[munchymunchkin]

#german #germany #german fairytales #german stuff #german stories #fairytale #fairytales #fairytale ending #happy ending #this is my fairytale #im on fire #girl on fire #yelling cats #cats yelling #cats can talk #cats cats cats #this is stressful #this wasn't supposed to happen #i'm on fire #this wasn't the plan #fairy tales #fairy tale #fairy tale art #fairy tale aesthetic #fairy tale ending #german fairy tale