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#Bc he knows what that's like. He knows what it's like to live a lie
dnphobe · 2 days
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New to the phandom but why do we think sleepless night with phil was a lie?
okay i tried to find a post explaining this bc there Is at least one comprehensive post about this out there but thanks to tumblr's search function sucking i couldn't. so im gonna relay the info from memory for now and if anyone has the post im talking about handy please send it bc im sure it's better than whatever im about to write. anyway. hi anon question answered to the best of my ability under the cut lets go
okay so i'm referring specifically to 'A HUNGRY sleepless night with Phil' rather than the whole series. so the main and original reason this is believed to be fake is this moment:
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phil says it's 1:40 a.m and he's downloading dream daddy for them to play on the gaming channel, but as you can see on his laptop...it started downloading at half past eight in the evening. which. not only does does phil not act like he's been downloading it for this long but rather just started, that would be a LONG long download time.
also, from our position of living in the future, we know for certain that the "bedroom" phil is filming this in is, as was long suspected, a set that he had specifically for filming, like the rest of that apartment. they confirmed it themselves in 'Dan and Phil finally tell the truth'. (i will add that phil has since said he DID sometimes sleep there, and honestly yeah maybe he did, so do with that what you will).
as for WHY he faked the sleepless night, not long before this video was uploaded he posted this series of tweets, known as 'the centipede incident':
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which, as was noted by snoops (and just people with eyes) everywhere that is...not the floor of what at the time we were supposed to believe was phil's bedroom. the floor it DID match was what was known as 'the moon room'. at this point dan had stopped filming videos in his bedroom but he did lives from an otherwise unseen bedroom with a moon decal sometimes.
conclusion: dan and phil share a bedroom
context: dan and phil were not out yet (and would still not reveal that they shared a bedroom today, never mind then)
result: damage control, formally known as "A HUNGRY sleepless night with Phil"
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angstintensifer · 2 days
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Hunter Huntsman headcanons
Hunter knows more than he'd like about shoes because he always listens to Ashlynn's many facts about them.
Hunter plays Minecraft with Cerise, Cedar and Sparrow, sometimes he teams up with Cerise just to kill Sparrow on Minecraft.
Hunter lets Dexter play Tailer Quick in their dorm room and keeps it a secret because Dexter doesn't want to get teased for it, but Hunter was already used to it anyway because Ashlynn is also a fan.
Hunter always lets Dexter vent to him about anything, he's a very good listener.
Hunter is very good at keeping things to himself as he has been hiding things about himself from his parents for years.
Hunter gets fairy down on himself a lot, because he knows he will never be the son or huntsman his father wants and while he doesn't want that destiny, he feels ashamed that he can't live up to it.
Cerise is older than Hunter and he has often come to her when he needs advice or to vent.
Hunter and Cerise are fairy good friends, he always suspected Cerise was hiding something but since he hides things about himself as well he never asked her about it and respected her privacy.
Their mothers are actually friends. Hunter's mother once made a comment about Hunter and Cerise "liking" each other in front of them and they both laughed because they never saw each other that way.
Hunter's phone contains millions of pics of Fern, Ashlynn, him and Ashlynn, Pesky, sunsets and any of his favourite wooden works.
Hunter always takes a picture of a good sunset or sun rise.
He is a terrible hexter and doesn't use his phone a lot.
He wants to be good at poetry, because he thought it would impress Ashlynn, but he's not, he's awful at it. (Literally the episode Cedar wood would love to lie)
Hunter can tell something is wrong with Pesky if Pesky isn't throwing nuts at him.
Hunter once scolded Pesky coldly for accidently hitting Ashlynn with a nut.
His favourite artist is Hozier.
Ashlynn is his go to person when he messes up.
He does not like Sparrow, at all. At first it was general annoyance, then it was Sparrow teaming up with Duchess in the exposure of him and Ashlynn's relationship, and then it was back to general annoyance but their friendship has improved because Hunter doesn’t like to hold grudges.
Hunter made the tiny satchel Pesky wears, and he made one for Fern as well.
When Fern learned to walk, Hunter insisted on taking her out for her first walk around the enchanted forest, his parents trusted him because they know he would protect her.
Once he tried on a pair of heels at Ashlynn's shop to see what they felt like, he tripped and accidently damaged them, he vowed to never do it again and paid damages for them.
Ashlynn tips him for delivering shoes, he fought her on it because he only did it as an excuse to see her.
He once beat Daring in a sword fight. Daring made him promise to never tell anyone. (He lied and only told Cerise)
Apple was never close with Hunter even though they share a story but after his relationship with Ashlynn was exposed, Apple lost some respect for him for betraying their story and with that causing her friend to betray hers (no one actually talks abt this and I didn’t even think abt it until I read Gumjesters eah rewrite and Apple made one comment to Hunter during true hearts day and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since)
He is a trans man (I know this is v popular headcanon for him but I adore it and I had to include it bc I love it sm)
Despite being a rebel Hunter is still afraid of telling his parents he doesn’t want to follow his story, he knows he will let them down and he wants to put that off for as long as he can. He thinks they won’t support his decision and his romance.
Hunter and Pesky met when Hunter rescued him from a wolf by distracting the wolf with some meat. Hunter showed Pesky he wasn’t a killer and gained his trust.
He is a great horse rider and has ridden Ashlynn’s dragon (the one from dragon games)
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shima-draws · 2 years
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I recently stumbled across a theory that Bee isn’t even the ORIGINAL Bee, she’s just a robot her father created to replace the real human Bee who presumably died years and years ago (Bee did say in the birthday episode that she got really sick one time, so there’s actual canon evidence to back this up). Honestly I really dig this one bc the angst potential is huge, it really fits into canon so well regarding Bee’s general behavior and how others view her. And her being a robot is already so isolating for her, but imagine if she’s just a replacement--that’d probably make her feel even more out of place than anything, which is why she connects with Puppycat so well.
Also tying this into the reboot, if the Bee that Puppycat babysat for a day was the original human Bee, that would make things SO sad. Imagine being on the run in a “monstrous” form for years and finally returning to one of the planets you feel safe to hide on...only to find out that the girl you once looked after is dead and has been replaced with a robot. And that robot is well aware that her entire existence is a feeble attempt at preserving what once was, that she’s not human, that she’ll never live up to the original human version of herself. Oof.
Maybe Puppycat originally decided to stay with her out of pity, but over time grew to really care about her as her own person. And I feel like Bee would definitely appreciate that 🥺
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piningprecussionist · 3 months
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Im going to be completely frank with you all... and admit that I read these options and wasn't sure how to take this chart,,, so uh. Under the cut is Another Version. I'd apologize but I've given you the option to keep scrolling ¯\_(・・)_/¯
(If you notice characters missing on Kim's side, I probably figured she doesn't know who they are lol)
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For the record,,, if they *wanted* me to pull their hair-- *is shot several times before I can continue*
Uhh Matthew is here because I have been converted fully on he/him or enby lesbian Matthew I think. He lives in my brain rent free now, very gender. I'd pull his hair but also I think he mostly just deserves to have it played with nicely.
And Scott's here because 1) I enjoy trans Scott, 2) Kim Pine Brain Rot possibly, 3) idk he's like,, the exception. God damnit, I've fallen for the inexplicable Scott Pilgrim Effect. What the fuck--
I did think about doing this chart like everyone was actually applicable to my tastes, but even if they were I think the ones I didn't put up would have to fall on the caress side bc I just don't feel that way abt them lol.
Again, not to say that's the case for the gals over on that side,,, I just think I would want to be gentle w them shxkdjsdhbd with the exception for Lynette who probably deserves to have her hair pulled, but again I fear she would Hurt Me,,, but maybe in a fun way,,,
Anyway No One Look At Me....
(,, also,,, Ramona is so far over bc I think she would enjoy it,, otherwise she'd be closer to Kim in that section. Same thing w Roxie)
If anyone actually looks at this version, I'm not opposed to doing a version like this for Kim btw! Just ask for it so I feel like I'm not just Dropping This and scurrying away
#sp comic#meme#kim pine#id tag more people but i Do Not Have The Strength....#also i like Living and I think the idea of more people seeing the suggestively taken one makes me want to Die a little#(not to say you cant reblog this or whatever im just being dramatic shdjejsdhdhgdd I am generally a fairly Reserved person)#for the kim chart- i based my other scott placement on the interaction theyve had here! i think if they interacted for real or more often +#+ he'd end up definitively in the Pull Roughly suggestion with most people#ooc#he maybe if i finish edits for everyone i could try this w the au stuff. kit's thoughts might be different here...#hey*#also let me know if i forgot anyone??? i thought abt including the robots but. no hair. and gideon the cat has Fur so. on technicality-#but like barring parents and peter i think i got most people#i guess if lainey was here she'd go somewhere in the middle or right? w/out knowing what she'd be like#FUCK I DIDNT MEAN TO POST THIS. I MEAN IT'S HERE NOW SO IM NOT REMOVING IT BUT I AM S C R E A M I N G I WASNT READY#ah i forgot crash and the boys actually. thats why i wasnt supposed to post this yet#uhhhh Pull Roughly for like all of them. except trasha. trasha gets head pats and a juice box#except for on Kim's chart. on Kim's chart she's in the pull roughly section I can't lie to myself. she hates that kid 😭 also on that note +#+ knives should probably be in the middle section. like she wants to pull it for her having copped her style and being stupid abt scott.#but I didn't put her there bc I feel like even if she wants to she wouldn't ya know? knives is a Precious Angel after all
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rpfisfine · 3 months
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MY DAD JUST TEXTEDME ???????FGBGGH123;&/@& “what’s going on with RPF? still no video?”
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extravalgant · 1 year
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Well done, my champion, my hero, my... dare i say it? My Scion. 
started thinkin about lemuria again and before i knew it i was 4+ hours deep into this painting of calamity . crazy stuff
IM NOT THERE YET ON MY STORM (camera pan to me dead in karamelle) but that wont stop me from getting the story ELSEWHERE... the monitoring stations with the old one always interested me . love how he called us his scion i think thats very fucked up possessive of him
anyways heres one more lil doodle
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#wizard101#w101#lemuria spoilers#HOW DO I... EXPLAIN THIS#this is a lie i would love to explain all my fucked up and projected thinking#I LOVE THAT LITTLE PIECE OF DIALOGUE....#and its so funny to imagine this as calamity in this situation#because as far as she knows the arcanum and ravenwood let her kill anyone she pleased#either that or she realized early on that she had 'permission to kill' that anyone else didnt have#so later on down the line she starts toeing the line of a 'good' and 'bad' person so when dasein comes along shes like ur telling me#i gotta deal with and sort out my own moral compass ??? AND TEACH IT TO THIS GUY???#guy (gender neutral)#but like... MY SCION . what did u mean by that. AND ITS CAPITALIZED SO ITS IMPORTANT#whether or not he knew it was us (but i think he did know it was us) when we saw each other on the summit its like . things would have been#so different if he didnt get swallowed and thats the crazy part#MY CHAMPION.. MY HERO... like objectively speaking those are very much positive/good aligned but coming from that tv#i was like u are trying to mold us (the wizard) into EVIL!!! MAYBE . maybe#also its sooo juicy how we will never know if the old one actually had a change of heart bc hes dead . like LOST CONNECTIONS...#some will say yes and canon supports that i guess w the guilt line but at the same time im like . he was way too flippant with the lives of#these inhibitants for me to believe that he felt guilt at the last moment like what CHANGED...#anyways . i like to think that he was still putting up a front and had an ego to assume nothing bad would happen to him#bc yknow he 'knew everything'#and then he ends up getting absorbed and its like . a#I TALK SO MUCH IN THESE TAGS... kissie for whoever reads this mwah#my art#also this was like my first time doing both perspective AND lighting and i was working with 4 different light sources#please . have mercy on me#edit: ok apparently he didnt know who the scion would b in lemuria but ig he knew it might have been us in karamelle . idk! idk
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crazymecjc · 7 months
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in a strange and shocking turn of events I am head full of oc thoughts on this fine evening,,,, this literally never happens
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desperatepleasures · 1 year
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uh oh I'm climbing back up my Trans Rufus hill again
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sassy-assassin · 1 year
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Buddy Daddies episode 12 WAS SO GOOD WTF IM SOBBING I CANT EVEN WITH THIS BEAUTIFUL FAMILY. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!
Spoilers (and my unhinged thoughts) in the tags just fyi
#i loved the action of the full-on assault on the mansion#and like yess get Ogino's bitch ass#that whole fight in the mansion was pretty gayyy no lie#rei in his suit with his hair down was HOTT like wtf#that xmas photo of them all just makes me wanna cry it's so adorable#poor Miri when they told her her mama wasnt gonna be able to make it to the concert like my heart#wish rei's dad would've got taken out but i kinda get why rei did what he did#as in the long run that was prob better for getting the organization off their backs fully#since simultaneously proved he was serious about leaving and that he couldnt be an assassin anymore#tho he looks like he can still use his arm pretty well in the future tho#and im sorry DID REI TELL HIS DAD HE WAS SLEEPING IN THE SAME BED AS KAZUKI AND MIRI LIKE OMG WHAT A FUCKING PSYCHOLOGICAL POWER MOVE#he really was like FUCK YOU DAD Kazuki and Miri and I are a real family#i started bawling when they showed Miri older like the fact that they all got to grow up together and be a family im so happy#but also like a lil sad bc does that mean there is no hope for a season 2? Like pls i need to know what happened between the times#i wanna see her growing up and them two managing to make a real family#ahhhh i love how kyu is still clearly a part of their lives by the photos#i wholeheartedly believe kazuki getting drinks with a woman was him drinking with Carol & Dorothy while complaining (in a loving way)#about how Rei can only make french toast loll and just like Dorothy listening with this completely knowing look on her face#and the photos of Karin from France like she looks so happy!#@kazuki's goatee whyyyy lolll#FUCK I JUST HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT THIS SHOW AND LOVE THEM SO MUCH#buddy daddies#buddy daddies spoilers#buddy daddies episode 12#daughter daddies#i want to scream into the void about how happy i am they all got to be a family together#idk what to do with myself now like the past few weeks have been so wrapped up in this show idk who i am anymore#fuck pls i NEED A SEASON 2#OR LIKE A MOVIE
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snekdood · 1 year
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i really dont think i actually deserved all that bullshit. the internets traumatized me now at this point and literally no ones gonna care unless my abuser is honest and its so fucking exhausting.
#at this point its my mantra that yall only care about believing the victim you like. if two ppl are accusing eachother you're going#to pick the person you like more. that just seems to be the situation. and its so fucking dumb#all these ppl who call themselves progressive who do this are so fucking dumb#you only want to believe the victim you like and i just dont understand why you're willing to throw me in the trash over a lie#not even CONSIDERING it could be me at all. nah. bc if you had to consider that you'd probably just have to feel guilty for the way you#treated me#but lord knows hardly anyone on this website ever likes to admit they did anything wrong bc they found their safe haven where they can#be an eternal victim and they dont want to lose that#i genuinely think yall are the worst people to walk this earth and you provide literally 0 benefit for anyone else#i have no idea what possesses you to think its okay to treat me this way like at all#how are you so sure. how do you believe them so storngly that you can have this reaction to me#and why do you think its fine#to the person reading this going 'omg hes so dramatic 🙄' i dont think you under fucking stand#humans aren't supposed to have THIS much criticism. our brain isn't used to having criticism from like 200 people like this.#ive lost friend and followers over this situation.i saw someone i thought of as a friend shit talking me on a different site#friends*#theres people irl who wont talk to me anymore#i dont think you understand what that does to someones psyche#imagine you were sent to prison for some shit you didnt do. you might in your heart know you're innocent. but the fact that you're#in prison makes you second guess yourself. and im tired of living by tumblrs rule of law since people on here dont even have#the basic human decency to give due process.#theres fucking people online who accuse me of shit i didnt do or dont believe in all the time on here now and i dont think they#wouldve done it so hardcore had my ex decided to be honest from the get-go#it feels like they know deep down theyre lying so theyre trying to find or even make up more reasons to keep believing im bad#like im sorry i had a messy past and im upset not enough ppl care about trans men#i have no idea how that warrants this response though#and im not like??? bad politically??? like at all??#like when ppl try to find reasons im bad its either disingenuous. a common misconception. things taken out of context.#someone just simply refusing to see my point or perspective in any capacity.#ot its something from my past but even as far as my past goes ppl are extremely hyperbolic about it. i wasnt a fuckin nazi or something
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homingpigecns · 2 years
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im playing hashi/hime of old book town and the fact that its about a friend group is fucking me up because its TOO real and i am taking it TOO personally. these characters keep talking shit about each other to me and im writing their names down in my little book
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six-of-ravens · 10 months
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sure you might have had a stupid moment, but at least you're not my 3rd(?) cousin who joined a cult, quit his job, refused to pay taxes for 3 years, and just lost the farm that's been in his family for generations.
#this is the start of a gothic novel#but also. what the fuck dude. idk what cult he joined but it's one that made him believe he didn't have to earn money OR play taxes#we suspect the q/ueen of c/anada#so now him and his wife and kids AND his parents who lived in a separate house on the property are all unhoused#i want to beat this guy to death with his own arms. his parents literally just GAVE HIM the family farm bc they were preparing to retire#and he does THIS!!!#where are they going to LIVE#who are going to raise the kids when him and his wife are in prison?? the grandparents he just UNHOUSED????#I know how cults are but. seriously fuck this guy. how do you fuck up 5 other people's lives this bad.#all because someone tells you that ~money is all a lie~#also his grandparents/my great aunt and uncle are devastated bc this is the farm they bought#she's got like stage 4 cancer she doesn't need to deal with you being a dumbass right now!!!!#anyway. luckily i am not at all close with that part of the family bc this is both awful and embarrassing.#and at least there is still a ton of family in manitoba that the guy's parents can live with but like...they were on the brink of retiremen#and now they have no home and have to work their asses off to rebuild their lives#anyway im just so angry.#oh also dude didn't tell ANYONE. AT ALL. they found out cause some guy showed up looking to see 'the farm for sale'#i guess hes so fkn brainwashed he was like 'oh they won't REALLY seize my assets!'#buddyyyyyyy were you dropped on your hard as a child. i hope your children never see your dumb ass again.
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milo-is-rambling · 11 months
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First shower in my shower at home,,,, vibes are not what they should be
#not as good as I would like it to be#expected this euphoric moment of getting home but all I want to do is empty the car and leave again#this doesn’t feel like home this never felt like home this has always been where I’d end up wahhhhhhhh#as soon as you start thinking about the beginning it’s the end#I miss u shitty shower in a random hostel or hotel I miss u being exhausted on the road I miss you being in the carrrrrr#also my brother is annoying me !!!!! (who is surprised)#I’m pmsing and he always seems to be exactly where I want to be or doing exactly what I want to be doing#like I got up and went to shower and he was in the bathroom. whatever. went to do laundry. he is doing laundry.#that’s it. it’s just those two things so far. but. every time he comes home it’s like this#NO THERE WAS A THIRD THING#when I went to sit in the living room last night he was in my seat!!!! and so I just didn’t hang out with my family I just went into my room#I am bad at sharing especially with my brother especially when I haven’t been home in two weeks and when I do come home everything is very#slightly changed and then my brother is everywhere I want to be and I have no where else to go to get away from it#deep breaths deep breaths#going to the psychic today hopefully he doesn’t give me shit bc I’ve been working so hard and I’ve been seeing shit and hearing shit that#reminds me of dad or feels like a message from him like so many angle numbers that are like appropriately timed to events or thoughts#like. idk. maybe I’m going crazy or maybe my dead father is sending me messages or maybe I’ve lost my marbles completely who knows#I just want Ken (psychic) to be happy with me and to tell me that my dad has been reaching out#please tell me it’s him I don’t care if you lie to me please tell me my dad is proud of me please it’s all I want it’s all I ever fucking#wanted and now he’s dead and I’m so mad and sad and upset and I hate it all#sorry. deep breaths. it’s fine.#my dad has been dead for 8 months as of two days ago. 8 months without my father. I want to throw up. that’s insane. my stomach hurts. idk#if it’s periods about to start cramps or if it’s mental illness tummy ache#I’m gonna start a job in a couple days oh my god#crazy crazy crazy#gonna have money tho!!!! money!!! if I don’t fuck shit up at any point#anyways I’m gonna shower. and then probably have to help my brother unpack the van even tho I did all the driving and helped him pack it the#first time and mom didn’t and I said she should help this time bc everything hurts from being in the car and she can help him lift shit it#doesn’t all have to be me helping him#ughhhh
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shellshocklove · 1 month
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wet nights | joel miller
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pairing/AU: bfd!joel miller x female!reader – no outbreak
summary: getting beer spilled down your dress at your best friend sarah’s birthday party might not have been so bad– not when her dad can help you clean up.
warnings: this is an 18+ fic so mdni! reader is 25 and joel is 47, reader is described as wearing a dress, swearing, use of pet names, oral (m receiving), dirty talk, exhibitionism, praise with a dash of degradation kink, one small touch of your clit, soft dom!joel, use of sir, cum play, no use of y/n
a/n: mom said it was my turn to write bfd!joel lol. basically this is just me wanting to write joel getting his cock and balls sucked bc it's what he deserves 😌 as always thank you to @dustydaddyyy for reading through this for me! and happy reading <3
main masterlist / ao3
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Nodding your head to the beat of the music you gulped down a cooling sip of beer. The bar was stuffed to the brim tonight for Sarah’s birthday. Every chair and booth occupied, large groups huddled together against the walls, and a growing crowd of brave, seemingly deep enough down their drinks, dancers moved across the makeshift dance floor. Leaning against the bar right at the end, you were shielded from the continuous line of people looking for a drink to sate their thirst on this hot summer night.
You’d missed Sarah since graduation. She’d moved back to Austin to be closer to her father – a man you had still to meet even after all these years of knowing Sarah. You’d met in undergrad where you’d had a couple of overlapping classes the first year. She’d been one of those people where you’d just clicked, like a hand in a glove, you two just fit together.
Now you had moved to Austin. It wasn’t exactly planned, but you’d applied to a postgraduate program at the University of Texas, not necessarily thinking you’d get in– but then you had. Sarah had been ecstatic when you’d told her. You hadn’t seen her in person in over a year, but you couldn’t wait to live in the same city as your best friend again.
But first, her 25th birthday party.
Tonight would be your first night out as a new Austinite. Sarah had invited all her closest friends and family to her favorite bar to celebrate. You’d dreaded it a little, you weren’t gonna lie. That nagging anxiety had bubbled under your skin all week at the prospect of being the only one at the party who didn’t know anyone already. Sarah had told you not to worry though when you’d voiced your concern to her a few days ago – she’d introduce you to everyone – nothing to worry about, and she’d been right.
All Sarah’s friends had been extremely friendly and nice, and you’d been taken under their wing immediately. Quickly, your anxiety had melted away, condensing into nothing as you’d started to have a good time.
It was deep into the summer, and Austin had shown itself from its hotter side the last few days. Inside the bar everything ran hot, even with the AC on blast and with the amount of people who’d made their way inside in the last hour, looking for a good time on a Saturday night, it never stood a chance.
Trying to cool off you’d excused yourself from your new group of friends to order yourself a cold beer. One of the ACs blew cold air directly towards the bar, keeping the frantic bartenders cool as they pushed out order after order of drinks. You watched them from where you stood perfectly in the wind of the AC, glass raised to your lips when you felt a hard bump against your shoulder.
“Fuck,” you cursed as your full glass of beer spilled all down your front, staining your white summer dress.
“Shit– sorry, sweetheart.” You didn’t have time to react as your beer was lifted out of your wet hand and placed on the rough wood of the bar.
Looking up from your ruined dress you took in your beer thief as he reached across the bar for some napkins. He was older, forties maybe, maybe older if you were to take the sprinkle of salt and pepper in his hair into consideration, but he was gorgeous. A strong jaw and sculptured nose. Clad in a t-shirt and a dark pair of jeans, you thought he looked casual– not like he belonged to the rest of the birthday party. The material of his t-shirt strained against his bicep as he leaned back from over the bar – a stack of napkins now in his hand. Standing to his full height before you, you noticed just how broad he was, and it made a drop of desire pool in your core. 
The man’s previous frantic movements came to a halt as he took you in for the first time; his dark brown eyes rolling down your body and leaving a trail of heat. His fist full of napkins stalled when his eyes landed on your dress, quickly diverting them with a loud clearing of his throat.
“Um– here,” he said, voice strained as he handed you the napkins.
Pulling your eyebrows together in a frown, you looked down at yourself again. The fabric was completely soaked through, and you felt a prickling heat tickle your cheeks as you realized you now looked like a walking ad for a wet t-shirt competition.
“Oh shit,” you muttered, taking the napkins from the man as you tried your best to cover yourself.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart– bumpin’ into ya like that.”
Pressing the napkins to your dress you shook your head at him, “It’s fine– eh,” you looked up from your body.
“Joel,” he introduced himself.
“It’s fine, Joel. It was an accident. I’ll just go to the restroom and try to get the stain out,” you said with a grimace, and reached for more napkins.
“Let me help ya,” he offered as he placed a friendly hand on your elbow.
As Joel guided you through the crowd towards the toilets, hand hovering at a polite distance behind your back, he continued to apologize.
“I feel terrible– let me at least pay for it if it ends up needin’ replacin’.”
Inside the bar’s toilets, you jumped up on the stone countertop lining the wall, turning the closest sink on.
“It’s okay,” you repeated as you busied yourself with trying to clean yourself up, “This isn’t the first time I’ve gotten beer spilled all over me,” you said with a teasing laugh, trying to lighten the mood a little.
Standing beside you with his hip leaning against the stone and a knee popped, Joel huffed out a strained laugh, a laugh somewhere between embarrassment and relief.
“Yeah?” He questioned, eyes falling to your working hands.
“Tell you this much– I’ve had plenty of wet nights.”
A sound escaped Joel at your words, one he quickly tried to cover up with a cough, and you realize your innuendo a second too late. When you looked up from your hands, eyes wide, you noticed that Joel’s cheeks had flushed slightly, like he was embarrassed that he’d even caught onto the innuendo you hadn’t meant to make. 
“Oh! No, not like that–” you rushed, tone slightly mortified as your eyes met his, trying very hard not to stutter through the rest of your sentence, “I–uh... I only meant that I uh–... I‘ve had plenty of situations in which I’ve gotten wet–” 
At this sentence, Joel raised his eyebrows in a look that seemed half-surprised, half-amused, and your stomach dropped even further into your ass in embarrassment. 
“–with water!” you clarified quickly, before you scrunched up your nose in embarrassment, closing your eyes as you huffed out a laughing sigh, “There’s no way I’m getting out of this gracefully, is there?” 
You heard Joel’s chuckle to your side, deep and syrupy, like the stuff you’d liked to pour over your pancakes in buckets when you were a kid.
“You’d have gotten away with it if you hadn’t started explainin’, I think,” Joel told you, his tone joking, and you chuckled bashfully, nodding before you looked up at him. 
There was a moment in which you exchanged a look, before you felt the smile break over your face and you dissolved into embarrassed laughter, shaking your head as Joel laughed, too. 
“Off to a great start,” you muttered in between chuckles, “First week in Austin and I’m already making passes at handsome strangers in bar bathrooms.” 
“I never said I was complainin’,” Joel said jokingly, and you let out a chuckle, “First week in Austin, hm?” 
“Yeah,” you said with a nod, “Here for a postgrad.” 
“Smart and beautiful,” he mused, “Reckon I should spill beers more often if this is what I get in return.” 
Delicate wings fluttered in your tummy at his words as a feeling of excitement filled your chest. Looking up at him with a raised teasing eyebrow you said, “Not sure spilling beer on someone is the tried and tested formula.”  
“Well, that depends, really,” Joel answered back in a teasingly contemplating voice, “‘s it workin’ on you?” 
Your stomach dropped slightly at his words, and when your eyes moved to meet his, he was looking at you with a look that made your insides burn. 
“Maybe,” you told him with a teasing smile pulling at the corners of your mouth. 
You were never usually this bold, but there was something in the way he was looking at you and the syrup-y tone of his voice. You could tell he knew what he was doing, knew exactly what to say, and you wanted more. Biting down on your bottom lip coquettishly, you leaned backwards on your arms, giving Joel a full view of the soaked front of your dress, and more specifically, everything he could see underneath. 
“And what works on you, Joel?” 
You watched with some satisfaction as Joel's eyes ran over the length of your chest, before he quickly redirected them to your eyes.
“You’re making it very hard to be a gentleman here, sweetheart,” he almost whispered, his eyes as dark as the Austin summer night sky. You gave a noncommitted shrug as a teasing smile tugged at your lips. Then, you leaned forward so that you were closer to him, feet dangling slightly.
“I never asked you to be,” you told him, your voice low but not quite a whisper as you looked up at him through your lashes. 
Behind your rib cage your heart quickened with excitement as Joel’s darkening gaze bored into yours, and you knew you him right where you wanted him. His eyes danced over your face for a moment, before they flickered down to your lips. It almost made you stop breathing for a second, the tension in the air between you so thick you could cut it with a knife. There was just something about this man, something about Joel – and in this moment you wanted him more than you’d ever wanted anyone before. 
Maybe it should’ve scared you, the speed at which you’d fallen under his spell (or was it the other way around?), but right now, with Joel’s darkening eyes staring into yours, you couldn't bring yourself to feel any fear. You could only look at him, could only feel his breath fanning over your lips and the intensity of his gaze on your face.
“You’re trouble, aren’t ya?” Joel’s voice was low, not quite a whisper, but full of deep bass. 
You felt the expanse of his hand fall on your bare knee, rough and calloused over where your sundress had ridden up. 
“Nothing you can’t handle.” You batted your eyelashes semi-innocently, spreading your thighs slightly, which made Joel’s mouth twitch in amusement. 
“’s that so, darlin’?” He asked, taking his place between your legs, your face now only inches from his as he looked down at you with a raised eyebrow.
“Mhm,” you nodded slightly, your hand falling over his to guide it slowly up your thigh, “Don’t you wanna find out?”
As Joel’s index finger made contact with the side seam of your underwear, he closed the space between you and pressed his lips against yours. The hairs of his mustache tickled your cupid’s bow as he dove deeper, lips rolling over yours. You sat up slightly when his other hand wrapped around your waist and pulled you closer to him, your core rubbing up against his growing bulge. You whimpered against his lips at the contact, and Joel inhaled it, consuming every breathy moan and whimper.
His hand slid slowly downwards to your ass where he gave it a nice squeeze, pulling you even closer when your legs came up to wrap around his waist. He licked at your lower lip hungrily, and you opened yourself up to him to allow him to deepen the kiss. It was hot, and suffocating, and all-consuming, all at the same time. He was a great kisser, probably the best you’d kissed. His lips moved expertly over yours, soft and firm at the same time as he guided you through it.
The grip on your ass tightened again and soon you were half-way to hanging off the counter as he rocked his front steadily against your core, where your arousal had started to pool. The kisses turned needier then, shorter and desperate between quiet whines. You could feel the shape of him against you, hard and thick, and big. A wave of tickling arousal washed over you as you imagined yourself on your knees before him, the weight and taste of him on your tongue. He was so fucking hot, and you wanted him so fucking badly.
“Can I suck your cock?” you panted through frantic kisses.
Joel pulled back slightly, head tipped back to find your eyes. 
“You wanna suck my cock?” he asked, a hint of surprise in his voice. You only nodded, head tipping slowly with the bite of your lip.
Joel tsk-ed, “Dirty girl,” he said and rocked his hard bulge against your core, which earned him a moan. It made a wicked grin spread across his face, like he’d just proved a point.
His hands left your body as he slowly stepped backwards – that same cocky grin adorning his features as he nodded towards one of the stalls. Jumping off the countertop, you almost tripped over your feet to follow him inside.
“Relax, baby– ain’t no need to get on your knees until after we’re inside,” he teased, holding the door open for you, bicep bulging against the fabric of his t-shirt. Fuck, he looked so hot.
“Ha-ha,” you fake-laughed at him with a teasing roll of your eyes as you stepped past him and into the bathroom stall. When the door clicked behind him, followed by the unmistakable sound of the lock turning, you felt a pair of strong hands land on your hips as he pressed his body against your back.
“I’m only teasin’,” he reassured you in your ear, his breath fanning over the shell and sending a tingle down your spine. Turning around in his hold, your own teasing smile spread across your face as you wrapped your arms around his neck.
“Yeah?” you queried with the raise of an eyebrow, “Well two can play that game, sir” you teased as you slowly sunk to your knees, missing the way Joel reacted to the title you’d assigned him.
From above Joel watched you, body relaxed and composed like he wasn’t about to get his dick sucked, but the lust in his eyes gave him away. Your teeth caught on your bottom lip as you fumbled with his belt, the sound of metal clinking bouncing off the tiles as you focused on popping the button on his jeans and pulling the zipper down. You couldn’t take your eyes off the shape of him hidden behind the denim, and it made your mouth water, your thighs squeezing together. You were mesmerized as you let your pointer finger run over the covered length of him, the cotton fabric of his boxer briefs soft under your fingertips.
For a moment, you couldn’t believe what you were about to do – suck a man you’d just met less than an hour ago off in the bathroom stall of some dingy bar? But then again, something excited you about it. 
Maybe it was Joel? Or maybe it was the thrill of it all– of maybe getting caught?
“Go on, darlin’, it’s okay– be a good girl n’ take it out f’me,” Joel ordered from above, his voice dropping an octave. You looked up at him, caught the way he studied you, gauging your every move and reaction.
Then something shifted in his eyes, a flash of insecurity making its presence known, “Or don’t– we can stop f’you want– if you ain’t feelin’ it anymore.”
You shook your head before he’d even finished his sentence. God, no! You sure as hell didn’t want to stop.
“I wanna keep going, Joel,” you smiled, your fingers hooking into the elastic band of his boxer briefs.
A genuine smile bloomed across his face then, his rough hand coming down to cup your chin, “That’s good, baby,” he said, swiping his thumb slowly over your skin, before he leaned down to press a chaste kiss to your lips.
“Know you’ll be good f’me, won’t you?” he whispered against your lips, drawing a breathy whine from you at the praise.
“Yes,” you sighed, almost breathless as he kissed you again quickly before he murmured against your lips, “Yes, you will, darlin’– you’re gonna choke on my cock ‘n thank me for it, won’t ya?”
He was driving you mad with all these questions. In just a few minutes, this man had turned you inside out, pushed every button to turn you on– you were practically swimming in your panties, your mind clouded in hazy arousal. 
You didn’t know what to do, and not thinking clearly, you chased his lips.
“Nuh-uh,” Joel chuckled, pulling away slightly, “lemme hear you say it, sweetheart.”
“Yes,” you sighed again, “thank you for giving me your cock.”
“Thank you for giving me your cock, what?”
This manwas relentless.
“Thank you for giving me your cock, sir?” you tried, teeth nibbling on your bottom lip.
Pleased, a satisfied grin pulled at Joel’s lips. He rewarded you with a quick kiss before he pulled away, standing to his full height again.
You couldn’t wait any longer, you needed to touch him. Hooking your fingers into the elastic band of his boxer briefs again, you slowly pulled them down, revealing inch by inch of the base of his fat cock.
He was big, and the sight made your mouth water, but what excited you the most was the weight of his heavy balls.
“Fuck,” you whispered, eyes wide with fascination.
His hand found the back of your neck in a grounding hold as he guided you closer, your lips bumping against his tip. “Give it a kiss, baby… just like that,” he praised as you did exactly what he wanted, placing a kiss to his cock the same way you’d kissed his lips.
Over you, you could hear Joel release a content breathy chuckle, “That’s so good, baby, such a good girl.”
Egged on by his praises, you shifted a little on your knees, steadying your hands on his thighs as you pooled a blob of spit in your mouth that you let drip down the head. Joel watched you intensely as you used your dominant hand to slowly work the spit over his length, earning yourself a strained grunt. He grew even harder in your hand as you familiarized yourself with the weight and size of him in your hand. 
“Wanna taste it, sir,” you said and placed another soft kiss to the head, swiping your tongue over the slit to taste the precum that had started to pearl.
“Yeah?” he taunted, almost degrading, “You wanna taste my cock that badly?”
“Y-yes,” you whined, looking up at him through your lashes.
Joel watched you for a beat before he tapped at the hand wrapped around him, shooing it away as he fisted himself. “Open wide then, honey, ‘f you want it that bad,” he said, slapping his cock against the side of your face.
Your mouth dropped open in an instance as Joel stuffed his cock inside your mouth slowly. You opened up as wide as you possibly could, relaxing your jaw to accommodate the size of him in your mouth. It was a wide stretch, and the tip touched the back of your throat far too soon, making you gag around the head.
He pulled back to let you breathe for a moment, before he sunk back down your throat again, a large and grounding hand resting at the back of your head. The second time you were more prepared to take him, holding him in your throat for a few moments longer before you started to gag. Over you, Joel let out a strained grunt; the noise sending a bolt of arousal straight to your core.
After that, Joel let you take the lead.
You started out slow, taking the head into your mouth as you let your spit-covered fingers glide over his shaft in an experimental tug. Under your fist, a slick sound echoed off the tiles with every jerk of his cock. You made sure his cock was thoroughly coated in your spit as you set a steady rhythm. You let your tongue glide over the underside of his tip, his hips bucking when you dipped your tongue into the slit.
It was sloppy, and wet, and the noises coming from your throat were entirely too obscene as you started bobbing your head, taking him down your throat.
“That’s a good girl,” Joel praised you, helping guide his cock down your throat with the hand resting at the back of your head. “You love suckin’ cock, don’t you? Love havin’ a big cock fill up that tight throat?”
Suddenly, you heard the muted music coming from the bar grow louder before dying again at the sound of the door slamming shut. You stilled your movements in panic as you heard someone slip into the stall to your right. Your eyes met Joel as you slipped his cock out your mouth, but to your surprise he looked far from concerned about the new audience. 
Stretching his neck he turned his head in the direction of the occupied stall, while he wrapped his fist around the base of his cock. Even in his hands it looked big, and you started to wonder how you’d ever managed to fit it down your throat. A beat passed before he turned his head to look at you again, a wicked grin coating his lips as he bobbed his cock in your face, rubbing the head over your closed lips before he slapped it lightly against your cheek.
“Open up,” he mouthed with another light slap to your cheek. His actions made a tingle of arousal spread throughout your body, and you realized in shock how much the thought of getting caught turned you on.
You did as Joel said and opened your mouth for him to feed you his cock again. He watched you very closely this time, letting you ease yourself down his cock at your own pace, trying your best to be quiet. When the very tip of your nose made contact with the thatch of coarse dark hair at the base and your lips were snug around his cock, Joel couldn’t help himself. The grounding hand at the back of your head held you down as he shoved himself as deep as he possibly could down your throat, his balls bouncing against your chin at the movement.
To your right you heard the unmistakable sound of a toilet being flushed and a lock being twisted. Your eyes welled up with tears, your vision fogging over as you tried your best to fight against your gag reflex. Over you, Joel watched you with a proud smirk on his lips. When the sound of the sink turning on echoed through the restroom, you allowed a whimpering gag to escape you as you squeezed your eyes shut.
It shouldn’t have turned you on as much as it did, but the thrill of getting caught choking on an older man’s cock, a man who was essentially a stranger, made you wonder if you could come untouched. You were so close already, just a flick of your clit would send you off the edge of bliss.
Your eyes were about to roll back into your head when Joel finally pulled back. You gasped violently for air at the exact moment the door opened, filling the toilets with loud music for a moment before you and Joel were locked away again in your own little world. Like you were on autopilot, your hand slipped between your thighs to find your clit, and soon you were withering with your orgasm.
“Oh, there you go, honey, come all over those fingers f’me, just like that,” you heard Joel say, though the force of your orgasm made it seem like he was far away, like your ears were filled with cotton.
When you finally calmed down, you steadied yourself with a tug at Joel’s jeans – the fabric rough under your fingertips. Over you Joel fisted his cock as he watched you with a wild look in his eyes.
“Goddamn, baby, you’re so fuckin’ hot comin’ like that just from gettin’ your throat fucked.”
“Thank you, sir,” you managed to let out, your voice strained and hoarse.
Realizing he must’ve been close, you sat up straighter on your knees, ready to pull him off the edge too. Leaning forward, you stuck out your tongue, licking a fat strip up the seam of his balls to the underside of his shaft. His cock jumped in his hand as Joel let out a breathy laugh.
“Jesus fuckin’ Christ,” he muttered, “Look me in the eyes honey– look me in the eyes when you lick my balls.” Joel jerked his cock above your face as you continued to lick at his heavy balls – your eyes locked with his.
“Look so fuckin’ pretty like this,” he choked out through groans, “Suck on ‘em, baby, suck on my balls.”
Blinking up at him you tried your best to fit one of them in your mouth, hollowing your cheeks and sucking greedily and lapping at the skin, before you moved on to treat the other with the same amount of love.
Joel’s mouth dropped open in a gape, his breath coming out quicker and more staggered. He squeezed himself harder at the base with each jerk before skating his thumb over the swollen head, massaging it. 
“Fuck,” he panted, “I’m gonna come, baby, I’m gonna fuckin’ come.”
Popping his balls from your mouth you hurriedly sat up in front of him, the tip off his cock brushing over the plump of your bottom lip with every thug of his cock.
“Please, sir,” you begged, “Please, come in my mouth.”
Joel wasn’t one to deny your request, especially not when you were sat so pretty in front of him with your tongue sticking out.
A second later, Joel shoved his cock in your mouth and came – balls drawn tight as he shot his load down your throat. The force of it made you gag a little at first, the restriction around his sensitive cock only making him come harder. He groaned above you as you sucked him dry, before he pulled back when it was too much, and caught his breath.
“Say Ah,” he said, a gentle but firm hand cupping your jaw. The squeeze of his fingers made your mouth drop open to reveal the cum coated on your tongue and where it pooled at the back of your throat. “Don’t swallow– Let me see, darlin’.”
Your smile fought against his grip. Sticking your tongue out the best you could, you let him see the state he’d left you in; chin coated in saliva, tears starting to dry on your cheeks, mouth puffy and fucked, and marked in this stranger’s cum.
“Pretty as a picture,” he tutted before he let go of your jaw, and with a pat to your cheek finally gave you permission to swallow.
After that it was like the spell had broken between you. Joel helped you to your feet, both of you giggling when your legs wobbled like a foal unsteady on its feet. He held you upright with a strong hand to your waist, while the other one traveled up the length of your body to cup your face, and bring it closer to place a slow and sensual kiss to your lips.
“Would you believe me if I told you I’d never done anything like that before?” You asked him a moment later as he helped you clean your face by the sink.
Joel gave you a look in the mirror.
“You don’t?” you exclaimed.
Joel gave you an infuriatingly casual shrug, “It ain’t your first time suckin’ dick that’s for sure,” he teased with a pinch to your side which made you jump.
Giving him a playful shove, you said, “I’m not lying! I’ve never had a one-night stand.”
“Well, the night’s still young,” Joel joked, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind and dipping his head to place a soft kiss to the column of your neck.
You leaned into his touch, feeling the soft grip of his hands on your body, and the soft presses of his kisses as you watched the two of you in the mirror. You found that you liked the reflection looking back at you, and if you were lucky, you hoped he liked it too; maybe enough to want to see you again.
“I can’t go back out there like this,” you said after a moment.
Your dress had finally dried, but so had the beer – staining it yellow.
Joel lifted his head from your neck to rest his chin on your shoulder as his eyes scanned your body in the mirror. 
“I have a flannel in my truck I can borrow you?”
“More layers in this heat?” you questioned, already sweating at the thought.
A wide grin spread across Joel’s face, full of mischief, “I guess I’ll just have to take ‘em off of you later, then.”
Turning around in his hold, you wrapped your hands around his neck, your fingers toying with the hair curling at his neck as you met his eyes. “That doesn’t sound so bad,” you whispered, painfully aware of the wet stain of arousal soiling your panties and sticking to your cunt.
“No, it doesn’t,” Joel hummed, his eyes crinkling as he smiled. 
“Wanna get out of here?” you asked and brushed your lips over his.
A moment later Joel guided you out the restrooms with a protective hand resting at the small of your back. Weaving through the crowd, you’d made your way almost to the exit when you heard a shout of your name over the music.
“There you are!” Sarah shouted again as she moved through the crowd towards you and Joel, arms reached out to the sky.
“Oh! And you’ve finally met my dad!”
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i hope this was okay and that someone liked this? as always feedback as a comment, in the tags, as an ask or reply is very much appreciated, and they make me super happy! <3 i'm very curious to hear your thoughts about this! <3
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