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pandasized-crevice · 2 years

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MY KINNPORSCHE EP 6 FRESH JUST WATCHED THOUGHTS

MOVE IN TEAMS LETS GOO

they got the motherfucking drones out here yall

tf is bodyguards rule

ROCK PAPER SCISSORS PLEASWE

clown music yall just......clown music the entire time kinnporsche are stomping around the forest

WHERE'S MY LOVE PETE

aw lord he's watching vegas

POL SIR WAKE UP

NOW HOW'D VEGAS KNOW HE WAS BEING WATCHED IF NOT FOR THE MOLE HUH H U H

then again it's not like pete & pol are so wonderfully hidden

bread & mosquitoe spray! yum for a stakeout!

not the condoms VEGAS LEAVE PETE ALONE

FIRE AND I BELONG TOGETHER POLITE BUT HOT KINN WHAT FUCKBOY SHIT IS THIS

MY SLOGAN NO FUCKING WAY

porsche PLEASE make fun of that man PLEASE I CANT

well not right to his face anyway......

kinn has been smiling so much he's precious

PORSCHE BRINGS HIS CHILDLIKE SIDE HE KNOWS HE CAN BE HIMSELF WITH HIM

AYYYOOOO A SMOOCH NEAR THE WATERFALL

kinn you whore don't call porsches weenie small

TF A SKELETON??!!porsche is me rn

KINN IDOL DREAM??!!!

wheres my porsche owns a beach bar & kinn is the singer there au??!!!

wait can't mile actually fr sing??so this should be good right???

porsche dont laugh PORSCHE DONT LAUGH

oh serious yall.....

OH HHHHH

poor kinn fr he had to take on all the responsibility that tankhun had originally and he wasn't ready/built up for that

OH NO PORSCHE MY LOVE

the little face porsche makes i love him

KINN YOU HE HE REALLY SAID THAT

r we gonna talk about it???????......IG NOT BUT WE SHOULD GUYS

AHHH THE SCENE YALL AHAHHAHA

KINNS SMILE HIM NUZZLING PORSCHE S T OP

NOT FREE FALL PIANO

oh shit ITS EVERYONE

KINN JESUS WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING

UMM WHAT THE HELL WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT FOOLS

yay they're holding hands:D

KINN JUST WANTS FREEDOM DAMN IT

AH PORSCHE CALLING KINN CUTE

oh SERIOUS agin

HUH WE TALKING ABOUT IT

Ii hate porsche, giving a thumbs up, hes JUST LIKE ME WHEN SERIOUS SHIT HAPPENS

no doubts huh.........sounds fake besties

i hate them

WAIT PORSCHE LOT ON PURPOSE

YALL WAIT PLEASE IT DONT GOTTA BE LIKE THIS

KINN YOU BASTARD YOU KNEW HOW TO GET FREE??!!

HIT HIM AGAIN PORSCHE

OH WHAT OMG KINN

HAHGABAHBGH crying screaming throwing up SHAKING IN MY BOOTS

SHIT ITS NOT OUR PEOPLE

PORSCHE KING YALL SAW THAT KNIFE THROW

NOOOO KINN

shit did porsche get shot to??why isn't he moving more

STOP NO THIS CANT BE

CHAN YESSSSSS ARM YESSS

okay okay so peteporsche undercover at a casnio next ep.....AND PORSCHE ARM & PETE WORKING FOR/WITH VEGAS NEXT EP???!! from the preview it seems like vegas is telling korn about a plan(maybe having porsche work for him??)& he agrees??? if i don't see a bed ridden kinn throwing a fit then whats the point

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #thai bl series #thai series #kinnporsche ep6 #christ idk whats going to happen next yall #kinnporsche throws me against walls like the hulk #and i just take it #cellulars fjwkpt

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lacontroller1991 · 2 years

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Hanky Panky (Bionic Exile Drabble)

Requested by @fairchildflag: 14. "How do you feel about two at once?" with Rick Flag and Takeshi Kovacs 😏

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Warnings: polyamorous relationship, LIME 18+, language, sexual innuendos, a lil hanky panky at the bar, drinking

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You can feel their eyes on you before you see them. It's a game they came up with. All three of you, go to a crowded bar, who ever finds one another first is in control for the night. And even though you can't see them, you know they can see you. "Shit."

A large hand wraps around your shoulders as another sets a drink down next to you. "You know what this means, right?" You turn around in your stool and peel off your fake wig before looking at Tak and Rick, both sporting identical shit eating grins.

"No, what does it mean?" You play along with the game, knowing that either way it's going to end in a night of ecstasy.

"It means, princess, we're going to do whatever the fuck we want to do," you feel Tak's hand slowly begin to trace the inside of your thighs and if it weren't for Rick's broad frame standing behind you, you probably would've fallen over.

"And what we want to do, we want you to scream our names," Rick's breath is hot against your ear as he lightly nips at the lobe before moving to lean against the bar top.

"How'd you guys find me?" You ask the pair through gritted teeth, trying to suppress a moan as Rick's hand joins Tak's beneath your skirt.

"Blonde don't look good on you, baby. Stuck out like a sore thumb."

"Shit, I knew I shouldn't have listened to Harley. She said you guys wouldn't be able to find me."

"You decided to listen to Harls? That's your own fault, darlin'." Rick chuckles taking a sip of his beer while his other hand continues messaging your inner thigh. Meanwhile, Tak's hand slowly creeps closer and closer to where you want it.

"We were wondering," he begins, stealing your concentration as Rick listens in on his partner. "How do you feel about two at once?"

Tak doesn't even try to lower his voice and his question has a couple of people turning their heads to look at you and your boys. "You know how I feel about it."

"Then why don't we get outta here, go somewhere more.... private."

"Where did you have in mind, Colonel?" Rick and Tak exchange a knowing glance before their attention turns back to you.

"Waller's office."

"You guys, that's suicide."

"Meh, that's what we're known for," Tak extends his hand for you to take as he helps you down from the stool. "Plus, risk of being caught could be fun."

"Ricky, was this your idea?"

"Nah, we've been wanting to do this for a while."

"Well then," you slam back your drink. "What are we waiting for?"

==========

General Tag List: @marvelousmermaid @himbovillain-anon @babblydrabbly @a-reader-and-a-writer @fairchildflag @infatuatedjanes @niki-xie

Joel related Tag List: @aestheticallywinchester @loverhymeswith @xoxabs88xox @t-i-n-y-d-i-n-o @witchygagirl @the1redrose @ratcatcher2world @green-socks @heart-0n-fire @weallhaveadestiny @yourjacketisnowdry @rachelh1992 @a-girl-who-loves-disney @knivesareout @bubblegloopswampwitch @waspswidows @burntghoost @mattymurdocksbitch @katjnordstrom96 @bb-skyrunner @edwardbaldwin @yespolkadotkitty @heresathreebee @madkovacs @wxr-zxne @wtfobiwan @alieninoklahoma @sociiallydiisoriiented @violetmuses

Bionic Exile Tag List: @kingtwhiddleston @taternuts @strawberriebabbles @nerdysuperchick @inthetikiroom @taylorgasmtpr @saritanotserena @blackrose53666 @more-cardigan-than-woman

#bionic exile #rick flag x reader x takeshi kovacs #Joel kinnaman #rick flag x reader #rick flag x you #takeshi kovacs x reader #takeshi kovacs x you #colonel rick flag x reader #colonel flag x reader #rick flag #colonel rick flag #colonel flag #takeshi kovacs #the suicide squad #altered carbon #rick flag fanficiton #lacontroller1991 #writing prompts

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mat2468xk · 1 year

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MrBeast:

Welcome to your final test, I'm MrBeast.

We can scrap the 'S' cuz I've never missed a beat!

You had to cut from honey under threat of a gun blast;

When I had a cut from Honey, that's another check that I'm gonna cash!

You're coming last, Number 1 is Jimmy; only dub you have is horribly written.

You're accomplished 'cuz you fought the opposition and became the best,

But the consequences that you've got to live with

Is you paved their deaths all to pay your debt, I applaud you Gi-Hun!

In the diss game, you won't get rich.

I'm like your momma: I'm dead sick!

Then check the gaming channel, millions of children watch it.

How'd you win all that Won, kid, but not custody of one kid?

Did ya think you'd get her back with that lighter you bought her?

You're playing tug-o-war with your ex, but the rope is your daughter (Ooh!)

So stupid, Sang-woo showed you the light; you didn't go to SNU, that's right.

If the task was last to get backstabbed by a pal, you wouldn't make it through the night!

When I feast I don't need a suit and tie, wrapping with gold like the food I try!

Utter a word then you will die, save those subs for PewDiePie! Seong Gi-hun:

So this is the next test they'll make us fight in for survival?

But instead of a kiddie game, we'll be playing this manchild? (Hmm?)

Your career's fragile like glass, I will smash it if you push me.

Made your fortune from subscribers, now give them their fucking cookies!

You've done all this good, you fed lives in need right 'till they get by each time,

Gave islands, sweet rides, let high trees thrive, set headlines being nice when you spread vibes.

Teens hype it and then buy MrBeast line, so you make ten times what you leave guys,

Only ever "moving" when you're in set sight of a keen child, like an anti-red light green light!

Don't talk about loyalty, you don't get any!

You're like "I Spent At Least Ten Thousand Dollars Renting People Out To Pretend To Be Friends With Me"!

I wondered why VIPs had to hide their face behind plastic,

Now that I see this bastard, I get what the point of the mask is! MrBeast:

I just replaced all of Gi-Hun's surviving friends with Legos!

Uhm, Jimmy… there aren't any Legos.

(Vine boom sound effect) (Hahahahahahaha!)

For a 'critique on greed', it seems ironic,

Your show sold out like it's stock from shopmrbeast.com, bitch! Seong Gi-hun:

(Yuh!) You spent 24 hours in a bunker, another 24 inside of a fake prison,

And over 50 hours in a coffin; could you do us all a big solid and stay in it?

Spending a minute with the Jeff Bezos for daycare kiddies is a challenge that I couldn't be paid to be in.

You can't make good lines, I won't stay within them; like Jake the Viking, I'm straight up leaving! MrBeast:

Let's hope that you didn't bet all of your money on winning this fight now,

Cuz a lot like your job, if that happened, you're likely to die in my fire and strike out.

Join Team Seas and clean that garbage past you deem so awful!

You lost everything to a pensioner who lost his fucking marbles! Front Man:

I make the calls in this torture-ridden place,

You only got balls in an Orbeez giveaway.

It's a real manhunt, you don't got the courage to beat me,

Go hide in your nerdy Dream streams.

We've got more beef than your burger meat, Beast.

Plotting more seeds in your girl than Team Trees!

Pictured a world where equality rules,

That's not just a pic you can fly to the moon.

Got no firepower against my roster,

Don't you "identify" as an attack helicopter?

You said hi to your brother with a brand new channel,

I said bye to my brother with a mag of ammo!

So go cry to your momma in an ad to pack dough!

You'd ditch your morals to put your hand on Lambos!

Can't handle the truth: if you run out of money, you run out of your personality too.

Out of 100% of your viewers, nobody watches your channel for you!

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sanchoyo · 3 years

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danny phantom season 2, ep 12-16 thoughts! these episodes, in comparison to the first 10 or so, felt way more laid back and low-stakes, which I appreciate sometimes. I didn't appreciate how lazy jack's halfa design was in masters of time, it made me so annoyed I redesigned it. 👎🏻 u_u

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-'picking a fight with me and my upgraded form!' 'you upgraded to a mullet?' DANNNNY. YOU CANT SAY THAT TO TECHNUS. YOUVE HAD A MULLET TWICE NOW ('fun' split danny, and evil future danny BOTH HAD THEM). I HAVE THE RECEIPTS.

-danny seeing technus hurting valerie and yelling I AM GOING TO BREAK YOU IN HALF. SAMEEEE <3

-axion labs is now a part of vladco. FUCK YOU VLAD. hes not even really IN this episode, but just thought I'd throw out a nice fuck you anyway.

-'capable of blasting a single person into space in (2) minutes!' tucker. that would kill someone. i mean yeah they might get to space, but theres NO WAY THEY WOULDNT CATCH FIRE, OR THEIR ORGANS WOULDNT LIQUIFY BECAUSE OF THE STRAIN. THEY'D PROBABLY PASS OUT BEFORE THEN, BUT. ...no, okay, I get why vlad bought this company. this is RIGHT up his alley.

-danny KNOWS VAL DIDNT DO THIS, THAT SOMEONE STOLE THE SUIT. AND SPENDING ALL NIGHT CHATTING WITH HER. <3 and val is a 9TH DEGREE BLACKBELT?? danny's mom is, too!! omg and she hunts ghosts, his parents would love her. and her fav fruit is kumquat bc its a funny word. im so with danny val is amazing. I love her and I Do Not Want To Hear It From Sam.

-I knew danny wanted to be an astronaut, but the bowling tidbit is like. yes give me more useless info abt these characters, I love tiny details that make them feel more human, and im glad hes got hobbies aside from ghost stuff, we dont really see a lot of that!!! (I mean, we knew 'fun' danny from when he split himself in half liked bowling, so obv it makes sense he LIKES it, but hes very GOOD at it. so proud of him, bowling king) val calling him neil armstrong and them teasing each other. LOVE THAT.

-technus you are my favorite grandpa for setting this up. SAM WHY ARE YOU BEING SO CREEPY BE HAPPY FOR YOUR FRIEND!!! STOP SPYING ON THEM!!! who actually cares if technus did 'set them up' together, theyre having fun and enjoy each others company!!! 'you think the universe wants you two to be together?' 'i dunno, but maybe /I/ do!' EXACTLY DANNY!!! SOO TRUE.

-and valerie being happy sam said she wants to try and be happy for them and make room at the lunch table for them. and hugging sam over it. VAL NEEDS MORE FRIENDS.

-VAL GOING AFTER TECHNUS IN HER SUIT WITH (1) MILK, AND (1) TREE BRANCH AND KEYS!!!. I LOVE YOUUUU BEST GIRL. her new suit kicks ass

-dannys like 'HEY IM AN ASTRONAUT :D' AW. ...HES IN SPACE... the fact he's actually intending to give her the ring. with SAMS NAME ON IT?? IM CRINGING DANNY NO. YOU CANT DO THAT...thank god he didnt. thank god valerie cut it off and said they can just stay friends for now. tbh, they both have a lot on their plates!! they obv both still like each other...it can be a future thing!! when she knows about phantom! youre 14 theres no need to rush. I just want her to have friends and be happy :(

-...danny struggles to do (1) pull up. SAME. but all the ghost fighting in phantom form REALLY doesnt carry over at ALL? that sucks

-sam being as fit as she is, is not just a goth. shes a goth jock.

-honey I Shrank Our Kid, One of his Enemies, and his Bully: the episode

-dash's crush on phantom is So Obvious. fitness buddies :) watching them interact always makes me laugh. also, phantom, with PANTS. 'how many costume changes you gonna go through, what is this, vegas??' DASSH DJKSFHASKDF

-MADDIE GOING AFTER THE MOUSE WITH A BROOM, WHAT THE FUCK. AAAH. JUST BUY SOME KIND OF MOUSE TRAP.

-danny likes lime and vinegar chips. which sound very good.

-'our boy finally has the physical prowess of a 60 year old president!' ...poor danny LMAO

-'what's wrong with beauty pageants' oh tucker you sweet naïve child. what ISNT wrong with them. who approved this for a high school?? (I mean, yes. unfortunately child pageants exist, but...) also danny and tucker once again treating the pretty girls like objects. I need to meet the grown man who wrote this, I just want to talk...

-prince aragon's dragon form reminds me of maleficent (color scheme wise) which is always a bonus. considering the episode is called beauty marked, I feel like the sleeping beauty references are deliberate

-sam with the fake fangs. once again her accessories never miss. hate the 'not like other girls, girls who get sucked into this kind of thing are all shallow and all want to be carbon copies' bs tho.

-sam trying to be the Worst Bride, being rude as shit. DORA IS GOING TO GET KILLED. DID YOU MISS THE PART WHERE SHE SAID THE PRINCE WILL HAVE HER HEAD IF YOU ARENT THE IDEAL BRIDE. YOU /KNOW/ DANNY WILL COME SAVE YOU. JUST ACT CHILL UNTIL THEN. even if you were doing fine to get him to take off the crown, consider maybe not letting his poor sister get punished also?? sure, she could also take off the crown and has dragon powers, but did you know that for sure?? dora didnt even really realize it until you guys talked!! (or at least, she was scared to stand up to him. you had no guarantee she would...) but. good for dora. ANOTHER friendly ghost to add to the List :)

-tucker is so under appreciated in his time. if he was doing a tech-based campaign today he'd have a better shot. people in 2004 had NO IDEA how much tech would be a part of our day-to-day lives...altho. tbh if you're going to be running for student council president, maybe you should..focus on things to actually improve the school? since he's going for a tech angle, he could say like, he would be running fundraisers for the schools computers to be upgraded, etc? we've already SEEN he can be good at money-making entrepreneur type stuff!!

-oh my god wait. this episode is JUST YUGIOH?????! A REBORN PHAROH USING A TEENAGER AS A VESSEL?? YESSSSSS

-tucker using his new minion to feed him grapes and carry him. AND LOCUSTS ONTO THE BULLIES. I love how when he's possessed, he gains winged eyeliner.

-this episode is giving me big 'plankton makes everyone in bikini bottom his slaves and build monuments of him from the spongebob movie' vibes. and the pharaoh has a traitor who works for him? VERY big yugioh vibes. aknadin confirmed

-I like that danny is still completely exhausted after using ghostly wail. (still patiently waiting on him to get duplication)

-LOVE the fenton's 80s outfits. I get hes 14 and embarrassed by everything they do because theyre his parents, but. cmon, this is one objectively cool thing theyve done. love 80s fashion.

-...was vlad just standing on that streetlight waiting for danny to come out? how'd he know they'd be coming out the back? how long has he been up there???

-oh, wait, his ecto-acne has flareups? that SUCKS. danny was...well I dont want to say he was LUCKY HE HALF-DIED, but he was lucky his was pretty instant (I'm assuming that had to do with the power/scale of the portals being different?) I remember in the ep we met him, vlad made a point of saying he was stuck in a hospital for a long time, so. that really actually sucks and I feel bad. not that it excuses anything he's done...but like. it does suck.

-vlad being so sure danny wouldnt help him he made it somehow contagious to his friends to make sure he'd get help? danny is a nice boy, he wouldve helped if it was anyone else. the only reason he wouldn't have is because of the shit vlad did to him, on purpose. vlad 100% dug his own grave by being the biggest asshole, so it is very hard to feel bad for him.

-clockwork is back!!! and making danny learn lessons The Hard Way. Uhhh, okay. I kind of get Danny’s logic, that time traveling this far back would prevent vlad from becoming a halfa also, ergo no arch nemesis or ectoacne to worry about. But the fact that was basically the first solution Danny came up with to solve this problem is actually so funny. It’s so extreme

-APPRICIATION FOR THESE 80S LESBIAN BG CHARACTERS.

-vlad telling maddie in the lab (in the 80s) he has something he's wanted to tell her 'for a long time'...how long have they known each other? I assumed they met in college, since jack always calls vlad his college buddy/roommate, so jack and vlad for sure met in college, but did vlad know maddie longer? thats surprising if so. Tho we don’t know what year of college they’re in so they could mean they met as freshmen and a few years have past…speaking of maddie shes crushing the 80s look.

-vlad blames jack, but. maybe dont stick your face 2 inches from the portal??! THIS FEELS LIKE LAB SAFETY BASICS. IF SOMETHING HAS POTENTIAL TO BE DANGEROUS, DONT GET NEAR IT. WITH YOUR FACE UNPROTECTED IN ANY WAY. (altho jack didnt really give a Big Warning besides screaming BONZAI. so. also that, but cmon.) also, they need gloves, goggles, and to pull all of their hair back tbh. but fuck lab safety, I guess!

-cryyyyinnng at how lazy they were with jack's ghost form design, its just plasmius' design on jack!!! you couldve given him his own design!!

-there. I did that in about 10 minutes and its somehow less lazy than what made it into the show. embarrassing! better yet, I think the episode would've been better if maddie would've gotten the ectoacne. or maybe its just me, wanting to see her design! anyway. I'm sure people have already done redesigns of them both as halfas. I have to go look after I finish this watch through. Also mildly frustrated jacks resentment and bitterness is basically also a copy paste of vlads backstory. They’re different characters, I really don’t think jack would stew in bitterness and jealousy the same way vlad would!! I also don’t think he’d give up after one time of trying to hunt ghosts and getting laughed at. Our canon timeline says different…I dunno, I get it was for laughs, but I’m annoyed because the POTENTIAL this plot has…

-did vlad really wear a stupid cheese hat to his wedding. ok actually that kinda rules. and the cheese door knocker. the dairy-only buffet table. vlad still got rich, just on being the New Dairy King. (Assuming that means he owns a lot of dairy businesses?) ok! this actually is great. hope maddie isn't lactose intolerant!

-'no matter how hard I tried, I could never get rid of my ghost half, the half I knew Maddie could never accept' ohh, ouch, what a horrible thing to say to her HALF GHOST SON. 'YOUR MOM WILL NEVER ACCEPT YOU' BASICALLY.

-maddie strapping danny to the table with a lazer pointed at him in a secret lab she keeps from vlad that she makes a point of saying is sound proof so he can scream all he wants...CHRIST. DANNYS POOR PYSCHE.

-also, not to feel bad for alternate vlad (because, he did lie to maddie saying jack blames her and never wants to see her again...) but. being married to a woman 20+ years and she immediately goes back to jack? if she didnt love vlad and feels like she had to hide shit from him, and says she wasted her best years with him, WHY MARRY HIM. it feels like leading him on!!! cannot believe im feeling bad for vlad, but. this alternate timeline vlad is significantly Less Horrible than Our Vlad. did she not think she'd get funding for her ghost stuff? (which, fair assumption since they're considered 'ghost fanatics/nuts in canon...but...) why did she think jack or vlad would be her ONLY OPTIONS? be like your sister. be single. Actually, this au could’ve been really interesting if after the accident, vlad lied to her and said jack never wanted to see her again, but she stays single. Imagine how much that would bug vlad… like, in her mind, it was never a competition it was jack or no one type situation…

-danny being like 'leave him ALONE' this jack is a HOMEWRECKER, DANNY. let them go to court and settle this at the least. ...or just throw vlad into the portal. (100% human, defenseless vlad) CHRIST, MADDIE THATS BRUTAL. THATS MURDER.

-danny seeing his mom immediately accepting him and his dad being half ghosts in this universe, if I was him this would be a great sign that his universe's maddie would also.

-*maddie voice* "clockwork will help!" *2 seconds later, with clockwork* "I will Not Help." TOUGH LOVE KING. YES LET DANNY SEE THE SODA HIMSELF AND DEVOLP BETTER OBSERVATION SKILLS.

-when clockwork ""reset time to the way it was"" just before danny "meddled"" ...did he really erase a whole alternate timeline? ...damn. because maddie and danny both called it an alternate timeline by name, it splitting when the college incident went different, so it wouldnt have really mattered if he reset it, right. like because danny's timeline is on a different stream? why didnt clockwork just. show danny a replay and not Reset That Timeline. wh...I wonder how many people that Erased From Existence. Anyway! once again stating clockwork is casually terrifying!

#danny phantom #dp thoughts #sanchoyorambles

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an-american-whovian · 3 years

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- An American Whovian Reviews: 'Revolution of the Daleks' by Chris Shitnall.

• The Story Thus Far.

When we last left the Doctor she was partaking in one of the WORST Doctor Who episodes of all time. Turns out she's had, like, a billion regenerations -- and started off as a cute lil' black girl who got experimented on by some crazy TimeLord lady. Makes about as much sense as an asshole on my elbow.

I digress, after that whole REVEAL -- the Doctor is arrested by everyone's favorite space rhinos and sent to space jail much like Rick Sanchez at the end of 'Rick & Morty' season 2.

(Just not as good.)

• Recap.

The story starts off with a reminder of an even shittier story 'Resolution' in which the Doctor and "Fam'" defeat a Dalek with spare parts from a microwave. (Fuck you, Chibnall.)

Anyways, back to now: some people have the leftovers of that one Dalek in some facility. This one dude is tasked with transporting it and stops fer a hot cup of coffee -- which he chugs. (That's a thing.) Shortly thereafter, turns out he got drugged by the barista and she's, like, "Bitch, this is my truck now."

• I Loved that Show.

Curtis from 'Misfits' and Mr. Big from 'Sex & the City' meet up with some lady in which he hired some folks to "roleplay" as rioters. (I can't make this up.) He's, like, "Check this out -- I made these robots that can subdue rioters." (Where was he during the attack on the Capitol!?) Actually, Curtis from 'Misfits' supposedly made them from scratch.

Somewhere Davros is rolling in his chair.

• Political Disintrigue.

Mr. Big and the lady are in cahoots. I don't care.

• Elsewhere.

The Doctor is in jail serving her sentence and eating space brownies. She's got a Weeping Angel, Sycorax, Ood l and the Pting as neighbors. (Everyone loves call backs.) Laying on her cot she does her best quirky Matt Smith impersonation when she here's a-knocking.

WHO COULD IT BE!?

• Elsewhere, again.

We cut to the Fam' back on Earth. Yaz is living in a house that's a TARDIS in disguise; whilst Graham and Ryan could care less about what happened to the Doctor. They're, like, "Yaz, you gotta move on. However, someone leaked that footage of the roleplaying rioters versus a Dalek on DailyMotion -- so we should do something about that."

The lady and Mr. Big meet up, again, this time in some forest -- fer more expository conversation. I still can't be bothered.

Later, the Fam' just tracks down Mr. Big, like, it's nothing. Fortunately fer him, he has has guards -- and they shoo off the Fam'.

Ugh.

• Slammer Buddies.

The Doctor sees a Silence and then, say wha'!? Captain Jack is there to break he Doctor out with some doohickey he snuck up his ass. Turns out it's a giant hamster bubble that let's them break out of a MAXIMUM SECURITY SPACE JAIL! I hate this shit . . .

It's great to see Captain Jack, again, but this isn't worth it.

Only 18 minutes has passed. Fuck me.

• Exposition Earl.

Curtis from 'Misfits' is talking to Mr. Big and he's, like, "Dude, did you know there's, like, DNA samples inside that old casing you gave me!? Well, I took the time to clone it! I call it Squiggly."

Curtis from 'Misfits' cloned a Dalek. Fuuuuuuck.

Mr. Big is, like, "Yo, get that abomination out of my face and burn it!" -- which Curtis from 'Misfits' hesitantly obliges. Psyche! Squiggly takes mind control over Curtis from 'Misfits'. Who didn't see that coming!?

• Elsewhere: Part 3.

The Doctor and Captain Jack SOMEHOW just get back to the TARDIS like it's nothing. Fer some reason the Doctor is a bit of a jerk to Jack eventhough he just got her ungrateful ass out of Space Prison.

She's, like, "I gotta find my REAL friends." and meets back up with the Fam'. Yaz gets wet and Jack flirts with Graham. Turns out the Doctor has been gone fer a little less than a year. Cool. They get straight to the point and are, like, "Daleks are back. You know, the same aliens that tried to conquer Earth in series 2 and 4. Oh, no one remembers that?"

Fuck you, Chibnall.

• Hilarity ensues.

Squiggly somehow has a giant facility with other Dalek clones in Japan. Where the fuck did they come from!? Who knows -- and who cares.

The Doctor confronts Mr. Big and he's, like, "I'm 3D printing Dalek casings. It's cool, tho'. There's nothing inside of them. It's not, like, there's a facility in Osaka, Japan with a bunch of Dalek clones waiting to fill these up.

Speaking of which, Yaz and Jack are in Japan and they have a cringey convo about life with the Doctor. Rose and Sarah Jane's talk in 'School Reunion' this is not.

There's still 40 minutes to go.

After their heart to heart -- Yaz still has the audacity to insult Jack. She's fierce!

Anyways, guess what they find!? GUESS WHAT THEY FUCKING FIND!? The Dalek clone farm. Like, we weren't already shown this before. They even do a "Dun-Dun-Dun!" reveal fer this shit.

FUCK YOU, CHIBNALL.

• Facepalm.

Fer reasons unbeknownst to me the Doctor takes Mr. Big along to Japan -- you know, fer reasons. All the while, we cut to scenes of that one lady introducing Daleks to the public. No one still remembers series 2 and 4 -- or any other time Daleks have been on Earth.

At the same time, Jack and Yaz get attacked by a bunch of other Squigglies and I'm getting mad hentai vibes.

The Doctor, still back on the TARDIS, has a half hearted conversation with Ryan and tells hims it's, "Four minutes to Osaka" -- eventhough there's 50+ years of the TARDIS landing places INSTANTENOUSLY!

FUCK.

YOU.

CHIBNALL.

Ryan is, like, "Yea, I kinda prefer being back home than traveling in the TARDIS and seeing all of time and space. By the way, how'd 'The Timeless Children' go fer you?"

The Doctor is basically, like, "The less said about that -- the better." I tend to fucking agree.

Four minutes are up and Jack has and orgasm when he sees the TARDIS materialize eventhough he was just on it not too long ago.

• Git 'er Done.

Everyone's reunited along with Mr. Big as they confront mind controlled Curtis from 'Misfits'. We get more exposition as to how these Squigglies were cloned and what they eat. The big revelation is that they eat humans -- and I still can't be bothered to care.

Somehow the cloned Squigglies can teleport to those empty Dalek casings and proceed to wreck havoc to the masses. I will NEVER grow tired of Daleks massacaring people. "EXTERMINATE!"

(I finally have a non ironic smile on my face.)

Squiggly kills Curtis from 'Misfits' and the only one to give a shit is Mr. Big. The Doctor tries her best at a, "I am the Doctor and I save people!" speech which falls flat. She's got a plan, tho'!

She beeps up real Daleks -- and she's, like, "These REAL Daleks are gonna kill those fake Daleks! It's okay if they come -- fer REASONS they wont kill any humans. Just these fake Daleks. The story demands it."

• Invasion of the Dalek Snatchers.

We finally get the revolution in "Revolution of the Daleks". The real Daleks are, like, "Y'all, mother fuckers, are impure!" All the while, Mr. Big is, like, "I like these real Daleks. I wanna be friends with them -- you know, 'cause I'm a bad guy. Take me to yer leader." (That last bit was a direct quote.)

The boys leave the girls behind to go destroy the Dalek ship. We get some more poorly written dialogue.

Mr. Big tells the real Daleks about the Doctor -- which they should've been already privy to. Luckily, Jack informs the Doctor about Mr. big's treacherous ways and she's got another trick up her sleeve! All the while, Jack and the boys blow up the Dalek ship and the Doctor reveals her ruse. She sucked the Daleks into the spare TARDIS that Yaz was living in and has it collapse on itself.

Aren't TARDIS kind of, like, living creatures? They've been known to have a consciousness. Whatever.

• The Home Stretch.

Fer REASONS Mr. Big is considered a hero. Captain Jack is, like, "I'm out and I'm gonna go find my Torchwood friends. Fuck you guys."

Ryan is, like, "Yea, no more trips fer me either. I wanna stay home and play football with me mates and eat fish and chips." Graham agrees, too. So it's just Yaz and the Doctor now. I'm excited fer that potential porn parody.

Then we get a call back to 'The Girl Who Fell to Earth' and Ryan trying to ride a bike. I forgot that was a thing. They babble about facing off alien threats on Earth and fer other REASONS Grace shows up a, like, a fucking Jedi Force Ghost. 😂😭🤤

• The Good, the Bad and the Fugly.

The best I can say about this story is that Doctor Who, aesthetically, has never looked better. The Daleks inside and out were REALLY well done; and I fucking love the look of the TARDIS traveling through the time vortex. Unfortunately, that's it about it.

This was god awful. Maybe in time I can rewatch this in a it's so bad it's good capacity; but I won't be doing that any time soon. Chibnall has lost his goddamn mind.

Why is everyone so mean to Captain Jack!? I don't fucking get it. Graham and Ryan wanting to leave the TARDIS just 'cause they're, like, "Meh. It's been done.? Why is Mr. Big in this, at all!? Also, somebody fire that composer! I'm tired of his ambient noises.

Seriously, this was bad.

Zero stars.

#an american whovian #doctor who #dw #whovian #review #nuwho #the thirteenth doctor #jodie whitaker #chris chibnall #revolution of the daleks #yaz #ryan #graham #daleks #chris noth #jack robinson #misfits

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