It’s gone
Pairing: Husband Inseong + Female Reader
Genre: Angst + Fluff ending
Warnings: Miscarriage, mention of bleeding, mention of sex... It’s just the saddest text I’ve ever wrote TT
Words: +4,3k
Author’s message: Hey, foxies! So, I decided to write this scenario after a bad dream I had with Inseong and I couldn’t just let this plot disappear of my mind. Also, I’m taking this writing as a sequel of 00:00, so I put the link down here. Hope you enjoy it *and cry*. Foxy kisses 😘
P.S: As english is not my mother language, it may contain misspelled. Also, sorry for any other mistakes :)
Part 1 - 00:00
this pic breaks my heart 😭
You and Inseong can't be more happy with your life. You love each other more than anything, both of your parents are always by your side, your baby is healthy and your four-months tummy is getting bigger so beautifully.
You woke up especially clingy that saturday and everything led to a lazy morning sex, Inseong carefully taking you from behind while spooning you. After both of you came and shared some cuddles and kisses in bed, you took a bath together, softly making out in the bathtub as Inseong played with your little round tummy.
"Let's have breakfast now. I need to feed my little baby" - he kissed your stomach - "and my big baby", he kissed your lips, while you smiled lovingly at him. You ate pancakes and fruits, playing around while feeding each other. Yes, you were the perfect definition of a cheesy couple and you loved that.
You'd have dinner with Inseong's parents that night. However, you still have the rest of the morning and the whole afternoon just for yourselves.
But you felt sick after breakfast and ran to the bathroom to vomit. "Morning sick again?", Inseong approached you and rubbed your back while you put out all the food in the toilet. "Yes, I thought it's already done, but it seems I was wrong", you said weakly.
"It's okay, it's okay", Inseong reassured you. "Let's take some rest, huh?", he suggested and you nod. He helped you to get up and wash your mouth and carried you to bed, where he laid you as he moved closer to your stomach.
"Hey, mini us, it's dad. Let's take it easy with mommy, hum? She's doing her best to take care of you, so we have to treat her well too, okay?", Inseong said softly, rubbing the warm skin of your firm tummy before slowly kissing it. You smiled sweetly at him while your fingers ran through his hair.
He grinned back and whispered a "I love you" when you pulled him to lay with you. "I love you too, Seongie", you answered and pecked his lips. Inseong snuggled closer into your body, holding you against his broad chest as one of his hands massaged your hair and the other one caressed your belly.
"Can't wait for tuesday to come, so we'll know the gender of our baby", Inseong said with a bright smile gracing his face. "I know, right? I'm so excited to choose a name for her or him!", you exclaimed happily. "Love, what do you think it will be?", you continued. "I have no idea, but I hope it's a girl. I want to see a mini you running through the house", he giggled. "But a boy would be nice too. He could protect his little sister later", he completed and looked at you.
"Yeah, and a mini you would make me company during your schedules", you laughed pinching his nose. "But something tells me it's a girl", you confessed and smiled, placing your hand over his on your stomach. "Doesn't matter the gender, she or he will be our precious baby", his smile was so sweet and sincere before his lips started to plant soft kisses all over your face, making you giggle and melt between his arms.
When he stopped his kiss attack, you cupped his cheeks and looked deep into his eyes. "Thank you, honey, for making me the happiest woman, for planting a baby inside me, for loving me so much", your voice shook as tears formed in your eyes. "You're my universe, darling. And our little one here is our first star", Inseong murmured against your lips pressing your foreheads together.
You stayed in silence for a while, just hearing each other's breath and heartbeat, feeling the warmth of your bodies, just the three of you. "Baby", you broke the silence and looked at him, "will you be there with me during delivery?", you asked while your lips formed a little pout, that Inseong kissed away before answering. "Of course I will, so you'll be able to hold my hand tight until it breaks and pull my hair until I go bald", his answer made the two of you laugh.
"Seriously, babe. I'll be there with you, right by your side, holding your hand and caressing your head and your back, until our baby is in your arms". This time, his words hitted straight on your heart and he hugged you tighter when he saw you were about to cry, firmly kissing the top of your head. "Don't cry, baby", he pleaded into your ear. "Blame the hormones", you whined against his neck. "Okay… It's okay", he chuckled, rocking you side to side.
"Y/N, do you want me to cook your favorite food?", Inseong asked after you calmed down from your comotion. "No, I'm still sick and can't think of food right now", you whimpered. "But you need to eat to be strong and healthy, princess", he insisted, trying to pull you off the bed with him. "But I can't do this right now", you whined laying on top of him, burying your face on his chest.
Inseong gave up on cooking, but was still making you eat something, so he reached for his phone and ordered your favorite dishes without you noticing. About half an hour later, your doorbell rang and you looked suspicious at Inseong. "Lunch time", he exclaimed, carefully taking you off his chest.
He grabbed the food and placed it on the kitchen table, before walking to you who was reluctantly watching him leaning against the wall. "Inseong, I don't want to", you pouted as he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you to him. "Please, Y/N. Just try it, just a little, huh? For our baby", he pleaded and looked down at your tummy, your gaze following his. "Okay", you whispered and let him drag you into the kitchen.
Inseong plated the food and handed you your portion, for which you observed feeling your stomach churn. Your eyes met his, looking for some ground before taking the first spoon of rice into your mouth. “Just a little more”, Inseong encouraged you, squeezing your free hand over the table. You were struggling to chew and swallow, but persisted in eating as much as you could, before the food came back up your throat and you rushed to the bathroom to throw it up.
Your husband sighed defeatedly on his chair, looked down at his own untouched plate before getting up and cleaned the table so as not to make your condition worse. Then, he walked into the bathroom where you were hanging on the sink to wash your mouth and sweaty face. Inseong got closer and hugged from behind, you leaned back into his chest as your legs were a little weak and you felt dizzy.
“You’re not keeping anything inside today, right?”, he wondered, not exactly waiting for an answer, but you still shook your head. “Are you feeling anything else?”, he softly mumbled, kissing your shoulder. “Just some cramping, but it’s not a big deal”. Inseong looked at you through the mirror, his expression full of concern. “I’ll call my mom and cancel the dinner tonight”, he said after a moment. “No, honey, we have to go. It’s been a while since we had dinner with your parents”, you protested. “Y/N, you need to rest. They will understand. And if something happens to you because of this dinner, I’ll never forgive myself”, he confessed under his breath and held you tighter.
You turned around in his arms to face him and embraced his neck, pulling him closer. “I’m okay, Inseong. I’m pregnant, not ill. And I’ll go to rest, I’m gonna take a nap now and I’ll be much better when I wake up”, you said trying to calm him down, but he was not convinced yet. “Baby, please. Don’t worry too much. Just pregnancy things. I’m okay”, you insisted and he nodded, hugging you tighter but carefully, as you played with the hair on the back of his neck.
"Go to eat. I'll wait for you on the couch", you softly said breaking your embrace.
“Go to bed, it’s more comfortable”.
“Inseong, what did I just say to you? I’m okay”, you sulked. “And we can watch a movie before taking a nap. What do you think?”, you looked at him with your best puppy eyes and he gave in. “Okay”.
When Inseong finished eating and joined you on the couch, you were already soundly sleeping. He chuckled softly and spooned you, pressing sweet kisses on your exposed shoulder, quickly dozing off as well.
Both of you slept deeply for some hours into the afternoon, lost in each other’s embrace, molded bodies. It was already getting dark when you opened your eyes and found yourself cradled between Inseong’s loose arms. Your mouth curled up a little, but the pain on your low stomach limited your joy. Your cramps got worse over the hours, just like your nausea.
Inseong felt you moving and woke up, bringing you closer to him. “Did my babies rest well?”, he mumbled softly, pecking the side of your neck. You smiled and turned slowly into his arms to kiss him properly, his hands rubbing your back under your shirt. “Are you feeling better now?”, he asked when you broke the kiss and you shyly shook your head negatively.
“Baby, let’s cancel this dinner”, Inseong tried to convince you one more time and you said no again. “I’m okay, darling. Let’s take a shower and get ready. We have to leave soon”, you insisted and he stared at you for a while, trying to get any glimpse of how bad you were feeling. “Please… Let’s go”, you whispered one last time as he nodded, helping you to get up.
You took a quick shower together and got dressed, but you were feeling so sick that you didn't have the mind to put on any makeup. "It's okay, baby. You're beautiful anyways", Inseong whispered into your ear, trying to smile even if his concerned eyes weren't happy at all.
You gave him a weak smile and left your room while he finished to get dressed. You stared at that door in front of yours for a while, your baby's bedroom, and felt an urge to enter it to analyze the few furniture in there. A white crib was placed on a corner, near the window, with a stuffed fox Inseong had bought after your first appointment resting inside.
You smiled as you got closer to the crib and took the plushie in your hands, rubbing its soft fur. You heard a knock at the door and turned to see Inseong standing there, looking lovely at you. "What are you doing?", he mumbled, approaching and pulling you into his chest. "Nothing. I just wanted to be here for a moment", you answered, playing with the little fox still in your hands.
"Are you sure you're fine?", Inseong looked deep into your eyes, and you nodded. "We'll be okay", you whispered softly, placing a hand on your belly as Inseong gently pecked your forehead. “Let’s go”, he took your hand and you left.
You stared at the three icicles in his bracelet while he drove, imagining how it will be when you have your child in your arms. You opened a little smile through the pain that was getting stronger at each moment, feeling weaker and weaker. Maybe you should have stayed at home, but you knew it wouldn't make much difference now, so you tried to ignore your sickness the best you could.
"Sweetie, you’re so pale”, it was the first thing Inseong’s mother said when she laid her eyes on you. “Are you feeling bad?”, she asked, helping you to sit. “I just have nausea and cramps, but I’m okay”, you quickly answered, trying not to focus on how bad you were feeling. Your mother-in-law looked from his husband to Inseong, concerned expressions filling the table.
“Please, don’t worry too much. I’m gonna be fine”, you reassured them as they sat down and ordered the food. The mood was a little tense among you, mainly when your dishes came and you didn't take a single bite of your food, staring at your plate disgusted. Your cramps were so terrible now that you shifted constantly on your chair, your head heavy and spinning.
“Baby, let’s go home”, Inseong murmured very close to your ear and you realized your eyes were shut and you were grabbing your fork with too much force. “You can finish eating first. I can handle this”, your answer was just above a whisper as you struggle to control your weak body.
Suddenly, an excruciating wave of pain tore your belly and you reached out for Inseong’s arm as you cringed in agony. “Inseong…”, it was the last thing you managed to whisper before your vision got dark and your mind went out.
Inseong caught you, but didn't understand what was going on until he saw blood soaking your white dress. "Oh no, baby… No, no, no… Please, no", he kept repeating desperately, taking you into his arms and rushing to the car.
While his father drove fast through the streets towards the hospital, Inseong sat on the back seat, holding your weak body against his, repeating "please’s" and "no’s" like a mantra, his crying filling the car while he watched the stain of blood getting bigger on your dress and tarnishing his own trousers.
As your mother-in-law had called your doctor while you were on the way, when you arrived at the hospital, she was already waiting for you. Inseong carefully laid you on the stretcher and some nurses took you to a room. He was shaking and sobbing as he watched you being taken along the white corridors, knowing that something wrong was happening with you and your baby and he couldn’t do anything to help.
Some minutes later, a nurse appeared to tell your family about your state, your husband quickly walking to her. “She had a miscarriage and now the doctor is removing the fetus. I’m so sorry for your loss”, she said cautiously, an empathetic expression on her face.
Inseong’s legs lost their strength and he fell on his knees, sinking in despair. His mother hugged him tight and his father helped him to get up, leading him to the nearest chair, his cries echoing throughout the empty corridors. “Calm down, son. We have to be strong for her now”, Inseong’s dad comforted him, but his eyes were full of tears too.
It took an eternity for the doctor to leave the operation room and show up to talk to Inseong. His head was resting on his mother’s shoulder, holding hands with his father, sobbing softly now as tears couldn’t stop rolling over his face. Your doctor watched that scene for a brief moment, her heart aching to see both of you suffering like this.
She knew how passionate you were for each other and how much you wanted this baby. She felt your love every time the two of you entered her clinic for your monthly appointment, Inseong always by your side with a huge smile on his face. But now you ended up like this and she didn’t even know how to tell Inseong the details of your state.
Your doctor slowly approached those three miserable people waiting in the corridor. “Mr. Kim Inseong,”, she called softly, “can we talk in my office for a moment? You can see your wife right after”. But Inseong didn’t move, only whispered a weak “It’s my fault”.
“Inseong-ah, it’s not your fault. Come on, get up and talk to the doctor. We’re gonna go home and back with clean clothes for you”, his mother said, cupping his cheeks. Inseong looked down at his jeans soiled with blood - your blood, your baby’s blood. It made him cry even more.
“She will be okay. You can try again in a few months”, the doctor said, taking his hands on hers, trying to calm him down. “Let’s talk in my office. I have some things to tell you”. Inseong struggled to get up and follow her, fearing what he would have to hear.
Inseong sat down in front of the doctor, her table between them, but he wasn’t able to face her. “It’s all my fault… We had sex this morning… That's why, isn't it? I hurt Y/N and made her lose our baby?”, he whispered, choking on his own tears, his heavy body weighing a ton.
“No. It’s not your fault, nor hers”, your doctor calmly said. “It wasn’t because of sex or any other activity you did. It was her organism that rejected the fetus. Her immune system detected it as an intruder and expelled it”, she explained, trying to find easy words to say.
Seeing that Inseong didn’t react, she continued. “We did a washing in her uterus and it didn’t suffer any trauma, so you can try again in two months”, she paused, gaining courage to tell her next words. “Also... we detected the gender of the baby”, she stopped, carefully waiting for his reaction.
“It was a girl, right?”, Inseong mumbled, still staring at the floor.
“Yes. I’m so sorry, Inseong”, her final words were sincere, watching your husband sobbing helplessly in front of her eyes.
~
You woke up hours later, in the middle of the night. You slowly opened your eyes, understanding where you were. Inseong was sitting on a chair by your side, holding your hand, his eyes puffy and red from crying. “Hey”, he weakly said when he saw you awake, giving you a sorrowful smile.
“What happened?”, you asked looking deep into his eyes, your free hand resting on your now flat belly. Feeling the difference and a slight pain on your low stomach, your heart sunk in your chest. “Inseong… what happened to our baby?”, your shaking voice came as a broken whisper.
“Our baby is gone”, Inseong struggled to tell you after a couple of seconds trying to hold his own despair. “We lost her, Y/N”.
His words broke your heart in a million pieces and your eyes exploded in a whirlwind of desperate tears. Inseong sat down on your bed and pulled you into his body, your cryings filling the room and echoing through the silent corridors. All the pain of not being able to keep your baby crushing both of you.
You kept crying until exhaustion invades your body and you fall asleep in Inseong’s arms. Obviously, he couldn't close his eyes that night, still blaming himself for your miscarriage and worried if you feel some pain - dark bags under his eyes in the morning.
You were discharged in the afternoon and your parents-in-law took both of you home, Inseong holding you against him in the back-seat, a heavy silence filling the air. When you arrived, you changed clothes and went to bed to take a rest, your husband laying with you until you fall asleep. No words exchanged, no small smiles; only guilty eyes and a heavy feeling suffocating the two of you.
~
The sun was already gone when you opened your eyes. You didn’t feel any pain, at least not physically, because your heart was broken and now your body carried the emptiness of your baby not being anymore. And all of that was much more painful than anything else.
Your shaking hands reached for your belly, feeling nothing where there was a life before, tears slowly falling from your eyes while your body curled up into your sheets. Inseong wasn’t by your side anymore. Actually, you were on his side of the bed, his pillow smelling faintly like him.
You got up and left your bedroom to look for him, stopping when you saw the door of your baby’s room ajar and low sobs escaping from its dark inside. You carefully opened the door and turned on the lights, only to find the miserable state of your husband sitting on the floor at the foot of the crib, the plushie fox in his hands, his bracelet hanging from his fingers.
Inseong didn’t lift his face, didn’t look at you, didn’t say anything, just held his breath in a failed attempt to stop his sobs. Your heart ached for seeing him like this.
“Oh, baby”, you sighed, feet taking small steps towards him, kneeling in front of him and placing your hands on his shaking shoulders. “Inseong”, you called him, but no responde. “Baby, please, look at me”, you begged, crying, but he only shook his head and leaned down to rest his head on your chest.
“That’s all my fault”, he sobbed, not being able to hold himself anymore. “I’m so sorry, Y/N”, Inseong cried desperately in your arms as his heavy body relaxed against yours. You couldn’t speak, your voice choked in your throat as uncontrollable tears ran down your cheeks.
You wrapped your arms around Inseong’s neck, pulling him closer to your chest, trembled fingers carded to his hair, his hands still holding the plushie.
“I’m sorry for being like this, darling, so weak, so fragile”, he managed to murmur against you, his arms struggling to hug you. “I’m sorry for not taking care of you properly”, he sobbed, grabbing his shirt you were wearing with all this remaining strength. “I’m sorry”, he sank into your body, shaking hard, destroyed.
His desperate cries made the pieces of your heart ignited, and a painful wave of despair took your whole being, your own sobs mixing with his. Your body curved over his, weak, strengthless, hurt.
“It’s not your fault”, you quickly whispered against his shoulder, “It’s mine”, you broke down, tugging in his shirt like it could save you.
Inseong gently released your arms from around him and brought you closer to him, caging you in his chest, that warm place that always makes you feel better. But it was different this time: his usual calm heart was now as broken as yours, trying to collect some hope from you, trying to comfort itself through you.
Your legs were over one of his as you sat between his long limbs, your arms resting weakly on his stomach as your head were buried on his chest. Neither of you couldn’t say any more, only cry and take deep breaths. Inseong calmed down before, but stayed quiet, giving you time to relieve yourself while he ran his hands through your hair and back.
“Inseong”, you barely whispered, “I’m sorry for not being able to keep our baby”, you choked your last words.
Inseong squeezed you tighter, placing a slow kiss on your temple. “None of this is your fault, babe”, he tried to reassure you. “We just… just…”, he couldn’t complete his sentence as his tears got stronger again.
You leaned back from his chest to look at him, his hands gently cupping your face, caressing your wet cheeks as you took a deep breath before talking. “Until yesterday, I was pregnant, Inseong”, you paused. “Now there’s nothing here inside”, you sobbed, touching your belly. “Our daughter is dead, Inseong”, you broke down once more, grabbing his shoulders for some ground.
Inseong didn’t know what to speak, didn’t know what to do, struggling to not break himself in tears again, pulling you even closer and tighter against him, desperately trying to comfort you with these gestures.
After some minutes, when your cries stabilized, he caged you in his arms, grabbing the fox plushie on the way, and took you to your bed. Inseong cuddled you tight, holding you like he wanted to merge your bodies, protecting you from anything that could harm you.
“Baby”, he softly called you, “it’s okay now. I’m here with you”, he told you.
You sighed against his chest, trying to regain forces to speak. “Inseong… Do you still love me? I mean, am I still the love of your life?”, your voice cracked with every word.
“Honey, of course I still love you”, Inseong firmly kissed the top of your head. “You’re my everything, my wife, my woman, the only one I love and will ever love”, he reassured you and you felt sincerity in his words and in his heartbeat under your ear.
“Please, stay with me”, you begged, moving to look at his face.
“I’m not going anywhere”, he mumbled, kissing your forehead. “I’ll stay by your side until my last breath”, he confessed, leaning down a little to place a soft peck on your lips.
“We will overcome this, okay? We can do anything since we are together”, Inseong consoled you, tugging some strands of hair behind your ear. “We can try again very soon and I’m sure we’ll have a bunch of healthy kids playing around the house”, he said, giving you a small smile.
You slightly chuckled at his words. “Oh, you’re laughing”, Inseong gave you a cute grin, brushing his nose against yours. “We shouldn’t blame ourselves anymore, promise?”.
“I promise”, you whispered and you both smiled. You watched attentively when Inseong moved one of his arms behind him and reached for the plushie, bringing it to you.
“Hey, mommy and daddy, be strong, right? Give me brothers and sisters soon. I love you”, Inseong mimicked a cute funny voice, making you laugh. He pressed the little nose of the fox all over your face multiple times, as it was kissing you, just before he moved the toy away to use his own lips.
“I love you, Seongie, so, so much”, you whispered against his lips, eyes closed, feeling him grinning into the kiss.
“I love you more, my love”, he murmured, deepening the movements of your lips together.
It was still hard to accept and painful, but you had each other and had dreams and hopes together, and that’s all that matters. You were sure you’d still make a beautiful family in the future, full of mini Inseongs and mini Y/Ns, and you were willing to achieve all of this pure happiness soon with Inseong by your side, always taking care of you, supporting you, comforting you. You’d be strong for him and for your beautiful love until your last breath.
~
Part 3 - Try again
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