#I am well aware she’s probably just on the comedown of her life and also well aware that I have no right to feel this way after three dates

[knitting-with-norbert]

Normalising Anxiety Stuff

So this is basically the short cut of my full blog post about this, but anxiety is shit in general but what’s even more shit is some things that come alongside it that people just don’t talk about? Because I know that there were some parts of my anxiety that I didn’t realise were normal for people going through the same things as me - and so I wanted to try to write about some of the stuff that went on with me that I’ve since learnt are normal, in case there are other people who are going through what I went through

(Also I put a load of photos of my dog because she’s cute and makes dealing with this shit a whole lot easier)

1. Sensory Overload

So this is a big one and I genuinely think that I could talk about it forever, but I’ll try to keep it short. I hadn’t actually realised until very recently that sensory overload was a real thing.

All those times I was sent spiralling into a panic attack because everything was too loud around me? Or when I would have to literally cover my ears and start humming to try to calm myself down because I was finding some background noise too loud? Or how, year after year at my dad’s birthday party I would end the night sobbing on the ground because the fireworks were just too fucking loud?

Yep, sensory overload.

And there I was thinking that there was no real cause, that I was just being dramatic or perhaps I was just a little jumpier than most people. But no, it’s a very real thing that doesn’t get talked about enough, and I wish that I had known that it had a name and that other people were going through the same thing because I think that then I would have known how to better deal with it when all my senses were too overwhelming

You’re not strange for getting overwhelmed in situations that are too loud or by textures that you don’t like or anything like that – it’s not just you that it happens to. And so please reach out to someone who you know does understand it and don’t be afraid of asking them if they can help you figure out healthy ways of managing those times where you are feeling that overwhelmed

And if you don’t know who to ask, then I’m here. Be it on my instagram, twitter or Tumblr (where I do have anonymous asks open) if you feel like you want to talk to me about it please don’t hesitate to. I will repeat again that I’m not at all a medical professional, but I do have a solid past 19 or so years coping with my own sensory overload bullshit so I can try to help you to figure out what works for you

It sucks to feel alone going through any mental health shit, but in particular this always makes me feel so, so lonely and if I can help anyone going through it to feel even just a smidge less isolated then that’s a win in my books

2. Adrenaline Crashing After Social Situations

This is such a big one for me, but I think that a lot of my friends who I’ve spoken about it with all already knew that this was a thing and I was just being dumb about it. But I wanted to put it down anyway in case there are people who don’t realise that this is pretty normal

When you go out into a social situation or even just somewhere out of your comfort zone like leaving your house and going to a public space or I know I get it when I go into a shop, even if I use self service I still get a huge adrenaline rush just from being outside basically. 

Because to your anxious brain’s mind you have just returned to somewhere safe (your home or school or friend’s house for example) from an environment that it deemed as being ‘unsafe’, hence why it activated your fight or flight. So naturally upon returning to a place that you feel comfortable in and it starts to regulate your hormone levels again it’s going to leave you drained and sometimes the comedown from that can send you spiralling into a panic attack

Again: it sucks. But it’s a normal thing, please don’t think that you’re overreacting or exaggerating or whatever because of it. A lot of people with anxiety have this happen to them

3. Post-Event Rumination

It’s essentially just being completely and utterly self critical over everything that you did, even if you weren’t doing anything out of the ordinary

For example, if I ran into my neighbour and had a quick conversation with her, literally just exchanging no more than just “hi, how are you?”‘s, that run-in would be playing on repeat in my head for at least the next day and I’d be sure that I must have said something wrong or she knows something that I don’t or anything like that.

For me, if the adrenaline crash wasn’t enough to send me spiralling into a panic attack, post event rumination pretty much always is. But I found a weird amount of comfort in being told that, actually, it’s a thing that a lot of people deal with! A lot of people do it and I’m not strange for being one of them. So that was nice for me to hear at the time, especially to find out that it’s real enough that it had a name, and so I thought that there was someone else out there who might need to hear it too

4. Crashing/Spacing Out

This one is so, so common for me, but no matter how often it happens I always just feel so fucking rude, like, it can literally be the most interesting conversation in the entire world and I just…. won’t be able to concentrate? For the life of me?

As it turns out, though, that’s apparently completely normal for people with anxiety, especially in regards to the social side of it. It’s something that I actually did research in myself rather than trying to talk to one of my friends about it. And that’s because I didn’t know how to admit to being constantly spacing out in conversations with them (as in, more than they would notice) without it straight up just sounding really rude.

But it only took me a pretty quick Google search to tell me that it was actually not at all uncommon. A lot of the time, it just comes from being completely drained by conversations or sometimes (going back to the sensory overload thing) the environment just making it too hard for me to fully concentrate because of fucking birds or something

So yeah, next time that you catch yourself spacing out in a conversation please don’t feel bad about yourself because of it. Of course, it’s incredibly inconvienient and will probably always make you feel a little rude, but it’s got a cause and it is normal and usually it’s totally out of your control, too. Most people will understand it if it does happen so please, please don’t beat yourselves up about it

5. Romanticisation of Mental Health

I guess that this isn’t really, like, normalising something any more than it’s just me having a bit of a rant about how mental health is seen a lot of the time from the outside thanks to it being completely misrepresented in the media

I just know that the very first time that I saw a panic attack on a TV show was during one of the earliest episodes of Teen Wold (which I still haven’t finished by the way – anyone who’s reading this and has seen it, should I watch the rest?) and I remember Stiles getting kissed by Lydia as a way to bring him back from a panic attack.

I genuinely cannot stress enough how averse to that I am now, knowing what I do about how I and my friends deal with my/their panic attacks and anxiety – that is my worst nightmare!

My aim in making this post was to try to bring some people going through these things some comfort by being able to understand that what they are going through is completely valid and that there are ways to cope with it no matter how lost and alone you feel trying to navigate it

So please add on your own things that you wished you knew about anxiety earlier, what you wish you had known was normal or even things that you think not enough people are aware about – comment it or DM me or whatever, I just want to be able to raise awareness of these kinds of stuff

Anyway, figured I’d fill the post with photos of my dog looking sweet as fuck because she is the loveliest dog in the world (send me dog photos boys)

Thank you for reading, I hope that you’re well and if you wanna check out the full post I wrote it’s on my blog - there’s a link in my bio to it!

I hope that you’re well,

Freddie 🐸

#mental health #mental health awareness #mental health sucks #mental health stigma #mental health suggestions #anxiety #anxiety disorder #sensory overload #sensory overstimulation #sensory overwhelm #generalised anxiety disorder #social phobia #social anxiety #normalize #normalise mental health #long post

[chocolate-brownies]

Both Emily Fletcher and author Cara Kovacs are Wanderlust teachers. Learn with Emily directly at Wanderlust Stratton and Wanderlust Brooklyn, and Cara at Wanderlust Snowshoe. Tickets on-sale now! 

With so many styles, adaptations and applications, meditation can feel like an elusive concept. It may be a lifesaver, but it can also feel like something everyone tells you you should be doing but you aren’t sure how to grasp. Emily Fletcher, founder of Ziva Meditation has designed a technique specifically for help high performers integrate and master meditation—even if they claim to be too busy to do so.

Her debut book, available on February 19, Stress Less, Accomplish More: Meditation For Extraordinary Performance brings her technique—along with the science behind meditation’s many benefits—to the masses. Her humor and candor make this book an easy and enlightening read for seasoned practitioners and newbies alike, not to mention this is the book to recommend to that friend who seems to always complain about stress yet never take you up on your recommendation that they meditate.

This is not just another meditation book. In Stress Less, Accomplish More, Emily teaches the trifecta of Mindfulness, Meditation, and Manifesting to improve your personal and professional performance, clarity, health, and sleep.

“We meditate to get good at life, not at meditation,” quips Emily, reminding us that the point is deeply profound energetic shifts we are capable of making in our lives when we adopt this kind of practice, not simply to say that we are capable of clearing our mind. (Which she tells me is impossible). Curled up in Emily’s West Village apartment, with her adorable six-month-old joining for this interview, Emily gave me the insight behind meditation, mindfulness, manifestation, magic-making and more.

Photo by Jared Rice

Cara: What inspired you to write this book?

Emily: Honestly, I am tired of people saying that they don’t have the time to meditate. Many people don’t know the difference between mindfulness and meditation. So, what this book aims to do is rebrand meditation as a productivity and performance tool, so that people can see that it will actually help them accomplish their goals with more ease and less stress.

Cara: I know in the book you talk a lot about the difference between mindfulness and meditation, but if you could just give us a little sneak peek into exactly what you are referring to?

Emily: Where this gets confusing is people are using mindfulness and meditation as synonyms. Most of the “meditation apps” and “guided meditations” on YouTube, and even meditation studios are teaching what I would call mindfulness, which is the art of bringing your awareness to the present moment. This is very good at dealing with your stress in the now. The type of meditation that I teach in the book is about getting rid of your stress from the past. It’s about getting the deep, healing rest that can combat the stress and tiredness that is making us stupid, sick, and slow. When you eradicate the backlog of stress in the nervous system, that is what uplevels your productivity and performance capabilities.

Cara: I love that! A lot of people who are familiar with Wanderlust tend to already have a strong and active practice of meditation, and then when they are talking to people in their live to whom they want to recommend it, that’s when we hear, “Oh I’m just not someone who meditates,” or “I don’t have time for that.” So for people who want to help those that they care about embrace meditation and some of the lessons in your book, what is the best way to have that conversation?

Emily: This is a beautiful use for the book. For people who don’t have a practice, this is a great starting point. And for people who do, this book has equipped you with the perfect rebuttal to “I can’t clear my mind, I don’t have enough time.” It is all the neuroscience behind why stress is making us stupid, sick and slow. The best way to share with your loved ones is, “Hey, this book actually covers the neuroscience behind why meditation can help you have better sex, better parking karma, make more money, reverse your body age, and improve your immune function.”

That is the first five chapters of the book right there, and it breaks it down benefit by benefit. The best argument is to not have an argument. The most helpful thing that you can do is share your experience, and then say “Here is all the science broken down for you. One of the world’s leading doctors wrote the foreword; a leading neuroscientist from Stanford wrote the preface, this woman’s taught 15,000 people how to meditate. It will take a few hours and it could change the rest of your life.”

Cara: That was one of the things that I liked about the book. It felt like a really easy read, digestible for people both on the “spiritual,” “mindful,” “wellness” path, but also a door opening invitation for people who weren’t. Was that your intention? Who is this book for?

Emily: Yes, my superpower is making meditation accessible, attractive, and easy to adopt. This book is a great starting point for anyone who is curious but a bit skeptical. It is for people who want scientifically verifiable benefits, and it is also a tool for people who already have a practice to share with their friends and family.

Cara: For people who already have a practice, how can this enhance it or be a tool for them?

Emily: For one, it goes deep into the difference between mindfulness and meditation. Most people are practicing what I would call mindfulness; this may be a new technique for them. It also talks about the importance of twice a day. For people who are only meditating once a day, it breaks down why twice a day is so important. Like anything, we can get stuck, and in a rut or get stagnant. And in that case, having an intellectual reframe or deepening can reignite our personal practice.

Cara: Twice a day versus once a day, let’s talk more about that.

Emily: Once a day is really good at dealing with all of your stress from today: “My boss yelled at me, my kids were screaming, I am stressed, I can meditate, it will clear out stress from today.” But if you want to get rid of that backlog of stresses that have been accumulating, you gotta do it twice a day. This ushers us into higher states of consciousness, it carves out a lot of stress that has been stored in the cellular memory so that we have more capacity, more adaptive energy for the task at hand.

Cara: That completely makes sense. However, I feel people may struggle with integrating a twice-a-day practice if they are committed to another style at a certain time. For people who may be doing a training program or studying a specific kind of meditation where their practice is calling them to commit to a regime of meditation that deviates from the one in your book, how can they partner or pair the Ziva Technique with their training methodology?

Emily: There is nothing preventing people from doing multiple types of meditation, as long as they understand the differences and that they are not trying to do both at the same time. Where people mess themselves up is when they try to do a focusing practice and a surrendering practice simultaneously and then feel frustrated when they can’t clear their mind. It’s confusing to focus and also surrender at the same time; it feels like a fish-milkshake. But, if you do multiple practices in a day, beautiful.

I would recommend starting with something like breathwork or mindfulness and then moving into surrender or more restful practices, and ending with some sort of visualization, prayer or manifesting. That’s what we do in the Ziva Technique, we do mindfulness into meditation into manifesting. But I would say that you could absolutely do a morning hour-long practice, and then do your fifteen minutes of the Ziva Technique as your afternoon pick-me-up, like a shot of espresso (without the jitters or comedown).

Cara: One of the things that I really liked about the book were all of the little Ayurvedic secrets that you wove in. What are your favorite wellness trends and secrets? I’ve been telling everyone who tells me they are getting sick, “Just meditate three times a day and you’ll be fine,” ever since I read the book.

Emily: The black pepper tea is a real winner. I have people tweeting and DMing me all the time, “I had black pepper tea, it kept me from getting sick!” It is also probably the cheapest and easiest. So if you feel a cold coming on, take organic black pepper grinder. Grind six grinds of it into a mug, pour some hot water over it. Let the grinds sink to the bottom and the then just drink the water. It can help you sweat out a fever.

Cara: I love that one! I told my mom about it! I used it too, and it totally prevented me from getting sick. What should people who love the book and want more know?

Emily: So glad you asked! The book, as we mentioned, an entry point and give you a solid intellectual understanding of why you would even “waste your time” meditating in the first place. But if people want to dive deeper, I would recommend zivaONLINE which is our 15 day online training. That is 15 minutes a day for 15 days. You get a more powerful mantra than the one in the book, you get an online community, daily emails in your inbox, an advanced follow up course that anticipates your challenges moving forward, access to monthly calls with me and all the Ziva teachers and long term meditators. zivaONLINE is a great next step, particularly if you can’t fly to New York or LA to learn in person.

Cara: And if they did want to travel?

Emily: We do live courses about once a month in NY in LA, which is two hours a day for four days and you graduate with what I call is the “Maserati of meditation practices,” it’s fast, it’s powerful, and I think it makes you sexier. Every time I teach it, it’s such a gift, it feels like a tribe has been created, there is a sense of community. And people leave with a powerful daily practice. In this day and age of wifi, apps, and quick fixes, we have kind of lost our sense of self-sufficiency. If you rely on your phone to charge and a quiet corner and headphones, there are really a lot of things that can “prevent” you from meditating.

Sometimes when someone else is guiding you through something it keeps you in your left brain, and what Ziva does is it invites you to drop in to your right brain and de-excite your nervous system. Additionally, once you graduate no one can take these tools from you; you have them for life. You can do this anywhere:  in an Uber, with your kids screaming in the next room, in your open floor office space, on an airplane. Just like the coffee you drank two weeks ago is not going to give you energy today, the meditation you did two weeks ago is not going to give you more clarity, focus and creativity today. You have to do it every day, which is why self sufficiency is so powerful.

Cara: Yes! Self sufficiency is so powerful! For the Wanderlust community, where can we see you at Wanderlust this summer?

Emily: I’ll be teaching my first one day intensive [Immersions] at Wanderlust Stratton, which is a new format for me so I am really excited. I’m also leading my first festival wide mass meditation! I will be at Wanderlust Brooklyn this summer. There will be a Speakeasy talk, and definitely a guided meditation.

Ready to take mindfulness, meditation, and manifesting to the next level? Stress Less, Accomplish More will hit the shelves on February 19. Preorder it for an exclusive preview of Ziva Online training, three guided exercises from inside the book, and Emily’s “Day In The Life” Guide for extraordinary performance.

—

Cara Kovacs is a third generation healer, second generation oracle, and Sex, Love & Relationship expert trained by Layla Martin. Named as 2019’s one of “35 People Under 35 To Watch In Wellness” by Wanderlust, she combines modern science with ancient healing and spiritual philosophy to help bring people to truth through love. Past featured events have included Bustle Rulebreakers ft. Janelle Monae & The Big Quiet, Lollapalooza, Austin City Limits, Wanderlust Festival, partnerships with Employees Only, Root Mamma, Salt Witch Studios, Soho House, Freehand Hotels, LadyBoss Social Club, Alchemist Kitchen, and more. She is an official card reader for The Poetry Society of New York and has been featured in Time Out, Cosmopolitan, Bustle, and Elite Daily.

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The post Stress-Busting Meditation Creates Space for Success appeared first on Wanderlust.

#sleep sounds #sleep music #white noise app #nature sounds #relaxing sounds #rain sounds for sleeping

[in-paradox-space]

very long rambly text post, you know the drill

you’ll get nothing out of reading it, you may as well scroll.

It’s fucking painful. 

I barely even know her

but I can’t stop thinking about her

I’ve met her once, I shouldn’t feel this way about her.

I can’t concentrate on anything.

I just really really want to be around her.

I miss her.

and its really fucking painful to think she probably just wanted to get away from me 

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

I need to work on improving my skills before college starts. I need to be able to pick myself up, eat the right foods, shower and sleep at the right times

I can’t. I can only think about her

and its weird. I have had crushes before, painful ones, for girls and guys.

and I’ve spent nights awake because of it

but this is making me really sad

to feel like I’ll never be with her and she’ll probably never approve of me

she probably thinks I’m really weird

and that I just want a hookup

because our mutual friends made it out like that before they invited her

and 

she’s a regular girl

I met her one night

and I don’t understand.

It would make sense for me to enjoy being around her and wanting to chill with her again

but it does not make sense that I feel like this

that she comes into my mind every single minute

and she makes it hard to focus on anything

I want to look at all the units on my course, and visualize how I can get the best grades in each one

I want to research some shit to buy 

I need to choose a good cheap bag to order from china or somewhere cheap

I can not concentrate on any of it. 

My mind is only interested in thinking of her

I’ve been waiting for a camera for weeks, it arrived today

I unboxed it. 

the tag and the plastic was still there

I need to format an SD Card and change the date/time settings

the box had the big bubble wrap 

why am I not excited? 

I don’t give a shit 

I don’t.

I only seem to care about her right now

and it feels like a drug craving

like im low

I need her to pick my serotonin up

and I think, relationships, crushes, love, affection, sex, all that shit

it kind of is like a drug 

not in a poetic way

but its basically the same release of chemicals in the brain

and you think about it every day

you look forward to it

and you feel highs and lows

pick me ups and comedowns

the rushes, the emotions

you change and shape your life to suit it, you make compromises

and its all for a release of the chemicals your brain creates

i know im not the first one to point this out

but im growing aware of it

and I’ve always been aware its just chemicals

an illusion, a distraction from what is important

and I know in reality it doesnt mean shit. I should move on and get on with whats important

but heres the thing

its making me low, because somewhere along the lines my serotonin or dopamine or one of those kind of things has been thrown off balance

and thats basically what happens when you want more cocaine, but it would be more extreme with cocaine of course

I want to see her again.

I dont want to ask my friends to invite her out again, its embarrassing that im interested

and i feel sort of uncomfortable knowing my friend fucked her that one time

i dont even care what we do

i just want to be around her

and i am well aware of how creepy this is 

considering i dont know her

and I spent one night with her

and if anyone spouted this shit to me, I’d think they were just being really dramatic

and they just wished they lived inside a movie

theres not really a pattern to when I think of her

and i find it so strange, because I really really dont know her

but I feel so strongly about her, like I would with a crush from high school

it just does not make sense, logically, to me.

but I will be thinking of anything and I’m suddenly overcome with this unique feeling

a reminder through my whole body

that I really really fucking like being around her

and I just want to be around her again

a feeling exactly like seriously craving a certain drug which you haven’t done for a day or so, but its less physical pain and more feeling emotion through a sense of weakness in your  body

 i wont tonight because i might not be thinking straight

but im considering just talking to my friend about it

and trying to see her again

and i want her to like me, but authenticity is important

but i wouldnt want them to set me up

and honestly i dont think she wants any of this

even if she did date me it’d probably be for 3 days and she’d move on

and she is the kind of girl I’d be friends with

but I really don’t consider people like her as anything more

she liked blink 182 and generic pop rock

i didnt even care about that

you can like whatever you like, but a part of my interest is usually dictated by that

i just liked her more

simply because I was learning more about her

and my god

I would fucking hate anybody who was talking like me right now

I will get over her. 

but for now I’m enjoying hearing her voice as I sleep

I think it happens to most people, it almost always happens to me after doing ecstasy 

the next few nights have mild hallucinations 

kind of abstract and psychedelic 

rarely scary but I have had very very fearful nights of paranoia a few days after in the past

they’re mainly voices

its like certain phrases keep being replayed in your ears over and over

not thought out but heard

like theyre really there

and you know theyre not there

but you feel as if these people are really around you

and youre in the same place

and you dont question it at all

you believe they are there

and its not imposing, it doesnt raise any questions. you’re physically in your bedroom but you look around, you hear them, youre really in the place you were the other night

and eventually when youre really drifting off

it becomes lucid visual

and you see them but you also dont

and its just certain things being replayed

and it has the potential to turn into a bad trip but its mostly pleasant and soothing

and I can still hear her voice

I still hear my friends and his girlfriends

but I hear hers too

I love it

I don’t want it to go away

I cant think of what she says

well theres one phrase

and again it makes absolutely no fucking sense

shes just a completely regular fucking girl, with her own interests and experiences

some we share. some we dont

and i met her fucking once, spent one night high with her. we didnt even kiss. hugged once

she didnt express any interest

didnt show any signs of it

and my heart feels fucking weak

and my body is released with, is it endorphins? 

it feels like when something release endorphins

an opiate effect.

im going to see her again

i wish my brain could take that in

so it will stop distracting me with thoughts of her at this crucial part of the year

the version of me from a year ago would feel disgusted by these posts

and I’m sorry, old me

I’ll always be me

probably

ill feel that same way about love again

i dont know what this is

i think im physically dependent on codeine again

and that might have influenced me being sick before

i took some when i got off the bus but it didnt change much

im going to go cold turkey anyway

i was planning on taking some at a gig but i begged kek, bargained to not be sick until im off the bus

and i made a sort of deal that i will sacrifice taking codeine at the gig

then bargained some more and said id stop

idk if it was them who helped me 

but a deal is a deal

and it will still be a fucking good show

would probably love it more if I was high though

im gonna have to forget that

and I feel sick again

im going to wash my hair and sleep

I started college today

I got up at 6am, and I would’ve made it on time but I was almost sick on the bus ride.

I didn’t want that to be my first impression so I went home.

I think it’s because of the weekend. I don’t take alcohol very well, even a little. Or cigarettes. I just get migraines from anything slightly unhealthy. 

I think its more of a delayed hangover/comedown though. 

If the pills are 200mg each, I did roughly 700-900mg of MDMA on over two different days.

I started one day, rested the next and continued the day after that.

to some thats a lot. 

To others it’s a milestone they’re way past. 

It’s the most I think I’ve done in that timeframe though though. 

I’m still very tired after sleeping through the afternoon and very weak. 

I want to make it tomorrow but I don’t think I will. 

It’s a shame. I want to ace the first project and make a good first impression. 

I told them I get ill a lot, they should understand but I think they’ll be suspicious that I just happen to be seriously ill on the first day

especially after talking about how much better I am compared to the start of the year in the interview

Now im going to think of a personal tag for her,

one memorable that isnt her name

#personal #relationships #feelings #i did some heavy drugs last night and im kind of fucked #her