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calpops · 4 years

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falling facade | c.h.

part seven: falling forces

5k words

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Radio silence ensued between Calum and Arden for days after their parents left. Days of quiet left Calum’s admission floating in tense air and burning the back of his throat; the words taunting him among lonely days. She didn’t respond to his texts and she didn’t answer his calls, Michael wasn’t a mediator he wanted to use as the truth he offered her was one he didn’t want Michael to know. So he stopped texting and calling, decided to wait and try to play it cool though contractual commitments and management looming over him created more anxiety. Arden couldn’t opt out of paparazzi walks, they had to make posts and keep playing the game. After nearly a week Calum decided to head over to Michael’s and face her in person only to be met with confusion.

“She’s packing,” Michael informed as soon as Calum showed up; he didn’t even need to say a word for Michael to know he was in search of her.

“She’s leaving?” He asked and couldn’t keep the panic from his voice.

Michael was quick to catch it and though he may not have understood why he was so worked up he moved aside from the door and invited him in. He told him Arden ought to be the one to explain and sent him down the hall to one of many guest bedrooms. The door was closed but Calum heard footsteps moving about and rapped his knuckles lightly against the wood. A pause in motion ensued and Calum knew she was contemplating either opening the door or calling out to come in or go away. He hadn’t told her he was stopping by and he assumed her usual response to Michael would be something of the sort. Steps approached and the door swung open, Arden standing shocked and uncertain before Calum.

A suitcase laid on the bed with stacks of clothes inside, proving Michael’s statement to be correct. Calum knew Michael wouldn’t lie about that but the evidence was jolting and hard to swallow. Arden held a shoe in her hand and grasped the doorknob with the other, knees knocking into each other as her legs began to wiggle amidst the uncomfortable silence they were standing in.

“What are you doing here?” She asked after a stretch of silence. Her eyes flickered up and down Calum in her curiosity.

“You’re leaving?” He answered with a question and a sinking stomach. “You know we have a paparazzi walk scheduled for tomorrow.”

The burn in the back of Calum’s throat was flickering to life, words said and unsaid dancing on the tip of his tongue. Instead of telling her he wanted her to stay he reminded her she was obligated to. Instead of reminding her of what was and what could be real he reminded her of what was constructed and fake. He resented the words as soon as they rolled off his tongue and wished he could go back; say the right thing and be honest.

“I’ll be there,” she said and turned back to the bed and suitcase to drop the shoe haphazardly within. Calum followed her into the room, the days of silence and her curt answer doing very little to explain what was happening between them. His own foolish words didn’t help the matter either. “At noon, right?”

Calum nodded. “Arden, is everything okay?”

Calum really wanted to know if everything was okay between them but the words were caught in a fiery embrace and couldn’t escape. She turned back to look at him, hand blindly finding the edge of the suitcase to grip. She nodded this time but the nod slowly faded and pursed lips and downcast eyes replaced it.

“It’s fine. I just need to get out of this house,” she admitted and shook her head. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just need to get out of Michael’s hair. Stand on my own two feet. I got a job. Found a little place. It’s not much but it’s liveable seeing how I’ll be here a while.”

Words of being in Michael’s shadow and not having life figured out, not having a passion or pride floated through Calum’s mind. Suddenly her silence made sense.

“You could’ve told me,” Calum said and reached a hand out, almost certain she’d flinch or reject the gesture, but in her ever consistent way of surprise she leaned into the touch and nodded again.

“I know,” she began and shrugged. “But I wanted to do it on my own. I had to do it on my own. For myself.”

In a way Calum understood the sentiment of her words but couldn’t quite grasp why she couldn’t even pick up a call or return a text. A spiral of doubt and intrusive thoughts tumbled through and had his hand dropping from her arm, the loss of contact cool on his fingers tips and tightening his throat. Arden shifted and sighed, disappointment seemingly hanging over her head and escaping in her every motion. Calum shook himself, pushed his selfishness away and realized the situation for what it really was. Arden may not be chasing a dream but she was running after something.

“I’m proud of you.”

She looked up suddenly, inquisitive glance trying to figure out the simple sentence packed with meaning. A faint blush danced across her cheeks and calmed the doubts that once plagued Calum. She still reacted innately to him; leaned into his touches, knocked her knees together and blushed at compliments all while holding eye contact. Things were changing but what was real would always stay the same.

“It’s nothing, really,” she responded but the bite of a smile betrayed her humble statement and showed Calum his words were well received.

“I know you had to do it on your own but what about some help packing and unpacking? I can lift,” Calum offered and smirked as her gaze went to his biceps for just a fleeting moment. “Got anything heavy?”

Arden laughed and gestured to an already packed suitcase sat on the floor; one without wheels and that was stuffed to the brim. “Be my guest.”

***

Arden’s place was small but cozy by the time it was all set up. They spent all day bringing her things over and unpacking, adjusting the furniture that came with the apartment and running out to get a few necessities. It was late by the time they were done, takeout containers littered the small counter space and exhausted bodies crashed into the overly stuffed couch. There was still a lingering awkwardness that dwelled between them in Calum’s truth and Arden’s silence. Especially when there were no more tasks to keep them busy or food to keep their mouths full and provide an excuse not to talk. Calum yawned and stretched under the glare of light from the television static—they hadn’t figured out how to get channels but Arden didn’t mind. Calum would guess the moon was out but the very few windows were too small and awkwardly placed to see much of the night sky.

“I guess I should get going,” Calum mumbled and moved to stand from the couch. Arden’s hesitant touch stopped him short. She was unsure as her hand lightly settled on his forearm.

“It’s really late, you could stay,” she said and furrowed her brows before getting out a rushed, “if you want.”

Her offer surprised him, stunned him into his own silence and stalled any motion. They hadn’t spent a night together since Vegas provided allure of lights and drinks that wound up with them tangled in the same sheets as morning broke over the city. He remembered the panic that morning brought, the haze being demolished by the glint of the ring he had come to almost admire on her finger. It took him a few seconds to decide, to weigh the situation and realize he’d like a new morning with her. Something less panicked and nauseated, something like the naps they took on his couch together. Where they could wake up with ease. Even if Calum would have to crash on the small couch.

“I’ll stay,” he said with a decisive head nod and watched the smile slowly lift the corners of her mouth. Hazel went humble and a bit shy but stayed on him nonetheless as she stood and tilted her head to the only bedroom. “I can sleep here, on the couch, that’s fine.”

Arden waved her hand through the air and let out a small noise Calum might peg as a scoff. “You’d be crunched in on yourself. Besides, it’s not like you haven’t been in my bed before.”

Calum felt heat rise to his cheeks at the reminder of something he was already thinking about. He felt caught but laughed through it. “Right, Vegas.”

She threw him a look he couldn’t quite decipher and followed her to the room they had spent all day setting up. The mattress was still on the floor until a bed frame could be delivered but soft sheets and a pile of inviting pillows welcomed them.

“I was actually talking about when we were kids and you’d spend the night while I was away and I'd come back to you in my bed,” she said as she wandered to the closet and disappeared behind the door for a moment before emerging in a large shirt and small shorts. She was clearly dressed for bed and Calum stood in athletic shorts and a T-shirt from the previous day. “But there was also Vegas.”

Calum clapped a hand to the back of his neck where his palm and fingers were met with warmth. He was blushing all over at the reminder of memories he had forgotten. He blew out a breath as her knees hit the mattress and she pulled the covers back, an inviting pat to the comforter having Calum do the same.

“It was either your bed or the floor,” Calum defended and bit his lip. “Hope you didn’t mind.”

Arden smirked and slightly shook her head as she settled into bed, Calum was a bit stiff and awkward as he tried to do the same. The thought of Vegas was enough to make him settle at the edge; arm nearly falling off as he left little space between him and the floor. Whispers of reasons why this was wrong floated through his mind but they were quickly drowned out when Arden giggled and pulled him toward her with a small remark of him falling off and really sleeping on the floor. He rolled to his side, saw she had done the same and they were facing each other. A gap laid between them and though there was a want to close the distance he was also content to keep things the way they were.

“You don’t think we”—Arden began as she tucked loose hair behind her ear and slightly shifted—“did anything that night in Vegas, do you?”

She finally asked the question that had been continuously reappearing in Calum’s own mind. The only thing he could remember and be one hundred percent certain of was the kiss on the dancefloor and holding her close in the pool after hours. All else was a blur. But the way they woke up; with underclothes still on and rumpled as if from a full night of sleep, helped to paint a picture of what he thought could be.

“I don’t think so,” he confirmed. “I’m pretty sure I’d remember that.”

He couldn’t see a blush on Arden’s face but could imagine the rosy cheeks his words may have inspired. There was minimal light through a small slat of window up high on the wall. It wasn’t like in Calum’s living room where floor to ceiling windows painted her under sun or moonlight. This was more confined. The bed brought them closer than a sectional. It was more intimate. He could hear her breaths, could feel every shift in the mattress and map out every minuscule inch between them. He had thoughts of Vegas in his mind which brought tumbling woes of tomorrow barreling through as well. Another stunt loomed on the horizon. He didn’t know how his new truth being told would impact them in the face of the facade.

Arden yawned and burrowed under her covers just a bit more, pulling the blankets up under her chin and Calum could picture her eyes fluttering closed. He did the same, tried to get comfortable and it wasn’t for the lack of comfort the bed provided but the uncertainties of tomorrow that kept him stiff. Time passed in a blur, it wasn’t until Arden’s breathing was even and she had moved a bit closer that Calum began to relax and let himself fall asleep—though it was interrupted and constantly shifting.

By morning they woke in a familiar way. With Calum’s arm wound around Arden and her cheek pressed to his chest. Neither said anything as they pulled apart and vacated the bed. Only small smiles and lingering gazes back at each other brought them back to the reality of what the day had planned. They left Arden’s place once she was ready so that Calum could change his clothes and check on Duke; his friend had taken care of him for the night but a stop to say hello and make sure he was set for the day was needed. Arden took Duke out as Calum changed and a sense of normalcy and a craving for days like these befell Calum in an urgent way. If it weren’t for the silence on Arden’s end and alarm bells fleetingly ringing in his mind Calum may have had hope that this could be a new normal.

All too soon that normalcy was shattered when they had to leave for another stunt. The fake always caught up with them; the game was always in motion and distinguishing between realities was becoming increasingly more difficult. They found themselves in another familiar position, eyeing paparazzi out of the windshield of Calum’s car as Arden hesitated. Her fingers wound around the seatbelt and held it tight, white knuckles and a hazy gaze telling of how much she did not want to go. She let out a small huff and turned to Calum with pursed lips and a dropping hand. It landed on her thigh and made no move for the door handle.

“Did you mean it?” She asked and caught Calum off guard, made him nearly jump at the sudden question with no previous context. When Calum’s confusion was evident she further expanded. “What you said when our parents were here. Did you really mean it? It’s not all fake?”

Calum nodded without even having to further process the question. “Of course I meant it.”

“Then why haven’t you said anything else?”

Now Calum furrowed his brows. “I guess I was waiting for you.”

He didn’t want to push and he didn’t want to assume or make her feel obligated to reciprocate. He took her silence as uncertainty and she took his waiting for her to mean the same. He now realized that what he said could be open ended and not answer the questions that might have been tumbling through Arden’s mind.

Arden shrank back in her seat and let her shoulders slump. She blew out a breath and a tendril of hair went with it, an urge to tuck it back behind her ear coursed through him and won. He reached over and gently did so, fingertips trailing and reveling in the moment and the contact. Her hand came up to capture his, brought it down to the console and rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand; it was as if the movement was her contemplation and mind rushing back and forth.

“Sometimes it’s hard to know what’s real and it’s even harder to know what you think is real too,” she admitted and glanced away, bit her lip and stopped the motion of her thumb. It took a moment before she could look at him again. “What moments did you mean? What did you feel was real?”

Calum softened and squeezed her hand, pushed the thought of paparazzi lingering outside to the back of his mind and focused in on her and the memories they had cultivated in just a couple of months.

“The night of the party. The road trip and everything that happened in Vegas”—Arden arched an eyebrow and Calum quickly reconsidered his words—“kissing you on the dance floor, sneaking into the pool, waking up together. When you stood up for us to management. Dates at the diner. Napping on the couch with Duke. Afternoons in the pool. Sunset on the beach. Being proud of you for opening up and finding a path to follow while you figure out where to go to chase your dreams. All of that is real to me.”

Arden went quiet but Calum felt as if he could hear her thoughts out loud—he just couldn’t make sense of them. It felt as if she was thinking in another language, in a way he couldn’t quite understand, but desperately wanted to. He didn’t want her to stay silent again. He laid his cards on the table now it was her turn to show her hand. Whether it was what Calum wanted to see or not.

“That’s all real to me too.”

Calum let out a breath of relief followed by a small and dry laugh, unable to bite back the bubble of hysteria that had worked its way into him. Arden pushed closer, closing some of the minimal distance and reminding Calum of how much he missed peaches and sugar. He licked his lips, dipped his down just a bit.

“Can I kiss you again?” He asked, and suddenly that breath of relief felt fleeting; he felt utterly breathless as he stared into hazel.

She averted her gaze and pulled back, a sinking feeling consuming Calum. He thought it was real.

“Not here,” she explained and looked out to the paparazzi waiting mindlessly on the curb. “Not while we have to do this.”

Calum understood; no words were needed to define this. Crossing lines of real and fake would only make things more hazy. When the moment was right, when everything around them was real, he would ask again. Arden took a breath and flung the car door open, leaving little time for Calum to think further or get too intoxicated by the scent of peaches. He followed her, wrapped her in an embrace to keep the cameras off of her as much as possible and strolled into the cafe as cameras snapped in their faces. While in line he thought less about what the headlines would say, thought more about what they might do for a real moment once the cameras were gone and if it might lead to something sugary sweet.

This stunt was different, management wanted more photos and more affection, something to splash across pages of a magazine and keep fans attention apt. It was the build up before the breakdown. They would have more intense stunts like this before the inevitable drifting phase and while that stage of the stunt already had a harrowing grip on Calum he tried not to think about it. He was okay with living in the moment and unraveling more of Arden.

The line moved fast and their orders came in quickly and they situated themselves at an outdoor table where the paparazzi positioned themselves at a slight distance to make the photos appear off guard. Sunglasses disguised Arden once more and a tilted laminated menu helped to hide her even more. Calum dipped behind it as well, imaginations welcome to run wild at the hidden shots.

“You know,” Calum started and smirked. “You didn’t tell me what your new job is.”

Arden tilted her head and leaned in, whispering words so they could stay between only them. “I can show you, after we get out of here.”

Calum nodded with enthusiasm as he was excited to see another real side to Arden; to show his pride for her accomplishment and maybe, just maybe, get another kiss. In the meantime he humored the paparazzi as they ate, flung an arm around her and played up all the aspects that management was seeking. Arden fed into it and it almost felt like making a mockery of the demand. Over dramatized affection and longing gazes, bashful and playful hiding behind menus and pretending the cameras didn’t exist helped bring them through their lunch with as little actual interaction with them as possible. Once the food was finished and Calum was certain they had gotten plenty of shots he pushed out his chair and stood; offered his hand to Arden and tucked her back into his side.

“That’s enough for today,” he said in a low voice as they walked away, never wanting to give them any more of Arden than was necessary.

Although, Calum had to admit the way they were acting was not them and it felt like a victory to pretend on their own terms. Whether or not it would fool the masses and appease management was up in the air. Their over the top performance kept the paparazzi at bay and from spewing comments to incite reactions or ask questions they wouldn’t want to answer. They fed off of actions, a picture sometimes worth so much more than words. Photos were flashy and attention grabbing. Words fell flat when they were practiced.

Back in the car Arden took Calum’s hand as soon as the cameras were put away. Out of sight, out of her mind and back to being real and okay. Her fingers laced with his and their hands rested on the inner console. Neither said anything about it; all that was said was directions to Arden’s job and questions about it that she danced around with giggles and an emphatic you’ll see.

“Right here,” she said and pointed to a stone building with one large window and a glass door dominating the front. A flashy sign hung above the glass and Calum immediately smiled when he read it and pulled up to the curb beside the building.

“An art gallery?” He asked and remembered the discussion when they were sat in the grass about art only being a hobby and not a passion. “Don’t tell me you bought an entire gallery and filled it but I still don’t have one painting from you.”

Arden lightheartedly rolled her eyes at his comment as she unbuckled and Calum followed suit, wandered after her as she got out of the car and waved for him to peek inside the closed gallery.

“It’s not my gallery. I’m just a coordinator,” she explained as Calum took a look through the window to dim lighting and art hanging on stone walls—none of which he understood as well as Arden’s. “Who knew all it took was half a degree, an art history course and “good eye” to get a decent job. Well… that and maybe using Michael as a reference helped a bit.”

Calum’s hand found its way to the small of her back without thinking. She was still looking through the window and had come to bite her lip at the admission of using Michael’s name. Calum could tell it wasn’t something she wanted to do; still seeking to step away from his shadow and all. He thought quickly.

“It was all you,” he said and gently rubbed a circle into her soft skin as she gazed at him in question. “You got the job on your own merit. Michael’s name doesn’t hold any weight in the art world. Not this art world anyway.”

“You think?”

The question was genuine and the concern in her eyes spoke volumes to the authenticity of her character. She didn’t want to be a social climber. She didn’t want to use what little light got cast into Michael’s shadow to give her a step up. Calum couldn’t hold back the smile that overtook him or the need to move closer to her. She reciprocated and welcomed his embrace; hand moving to wrap around her waist as he stood behind her and ducked his chin down to the crook of her shoulder.

“I’m sure of it and I’m proud of you.”

Calum could feel the blush that heated up Arden and heard the slight choked up noise that slipped past her resolve. He didn’t know how long she had gone without hearing those words for something she actually felt pride for. Her hands found his and she titled her face towards his. She was so close, peaches and sugar once again invasive in the best of ways.

“I just figured if I don’t know what my own dream is yet I may as well help other people achieve theirs,” she said in a whisper and her lips nearly brushed along Calum’s cheek like so many thank you’s she had previously graced him with.

Calum warmed at her explanation and inched just a bit closer, felt her turn and welcomed her into his hold properly as he adjusted to accommodate. Her chin tilted up and her eyelashes fluttered as a quiet calm blissfully danced around them. Calum was hyper aware of his own heartbeat, could feel it in his throat and his ribs and the pit of his stomach. He wondered if she could hear it, if her heart was beating as erratically and wondrously as his. She licked her lips and the rest of the world faded away into muted colors. His breath hitched in throat.

“Now,” she whispered and let her eyes fully close as Calum leaned in.

It was soft and reminiscent of the dance floor at first. Just a tender touch that lingered for a beautiful moment. They both slightly pulled away but only enough to take one small breath before reconnecting. It was explosive and sent chills up Calum’s spine. His tongue swept at her lower lip and she invited him in, greedy hands sought out more of each other with a press of their bodies. Calum was fiery and floating, breathless and rejuvenated once they pulled away. Her eyes stayed closed a moment before fluttering open and softly meeting his gaze. Though there was the faint sound of bells ringing through Calum’s mind they were drowned out in favor of his heart beat and the small breaths that escaped Arden.

“I know you just got your new place set up but do you want to head back to mine?” Calum asked and waited with bated breath and hope on his heart and sleeve. “Duke misses you, you know.”

“Oh does he?”

Calum nodded with a cheeky grin and gave her a small peck on the cheek. “He does. Told me this morning.”

“How could I ever refuse then?” She questioned with sparkling eyes and a crooked smile as they started back for the car with hands held. “And you know Micheal won’t be waiting up for me anymore either.”

Calum stopped dead in his tracks and so did Arden consequently. Those bells came back as a blaring alarm.

“Michael’s gonna kill me,” Calum said with volition; as if it was a known fact. He rubbed at his jaw with his free hand and let worry crease his forehead. “Soon as he finds out we’re real that’ll be the end.”

Arden’s eyes went wide and Calum knew in that moment the warning bells had caught up to her. Her hand dropped from his and went unsurely to the hem of her shirt with a loose grip. Her knees knocked together and she shook her head. He could tell she was trying to think it through. He hoped he hadn’t scared her into not pursuing a real relationship. Michael was just another obstacle they would have to go around.

“Maybe we don’t need to tell him?” Calum asked with a wavering voice and not much faith; a bite of guilt already eating at him at the prospect of omitting such a big truth from his best friend.

“What Michael doesn’t know”—she said as she came back from the warning alarm and opened the car’s passenger door—“won’t kill you.”

Before she could get in the car Calum stopped her short and shook his head as he weighed the situation and his request. “Are you sure you’re okay with that?”

People passed by on the sidewalk as Arden took an extra moment to contemplate. Calum reached for her hand again and felt an ache in his chest ease up when she squeezed back.

“I mean, I did ask you to lie to your family,” she began and took a step toward him, the door shutting behind her. “And we will tell them all the truth eventually. Right now, we still have a lot to figure out between us. It’s probably best that it stays just between us. We don’t need more outside forces trying to call the shots.”

Calum knew that to be true, there was still a lot up in the air between them. It was real but it was still laden with questions and undefined. With a loose hold on her hand he pulled her closer and pressed a shy kiss to her forehead.

“Just until we figure it all out,” he agreed.

“Can we head to your place now? I miss Duke,” Arden agreed and teased.

Calum decided to ignore everything except the way she lit him up and made him feel like he was floating. To focus only on her and what was best for them. Nothing else mattered. Not Michael. Not management. Not questions and labels yet to be discussed. What they knew was that it was real and something more than a contract could define. All of the falling forces lingering around them didn’t hold half a flame to the importance of each other.

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barbaesparza · 7 years

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A Load of Bologna – Liv POV Barisi one-shot (2205 words)

L: Sonny's letting me borrow him tonight... Sorry.

R: Are you really sorry?

L: Um...

R: I suppose it's only fair.

R: I'm gonna go visit my mom

R: I still blame you for this

L: I wouldn't be surprised if that was Sonny's plan all along :P

R: He loves my mom. He wishes he got to eat her food tonight.

L: I don't doubt that.

R: Still, I suppose he needs his fill of humans who aren't yet old enough to roll their eyes at him

L: I'm pretty sure that's just you, Rafael

R: Excuse me? Are you telling me everyone else enjoys his company while I'm the only one who simply tolerates him?

L: I never said that.

R: Right...

L: So you gonna put a ring on that soon, or?

R: Interesting segue

L: I thought we were just talking about how much you love him?

R: Were we?

R: I mean..................

R: Since you asked...

L: Go on...

R: I've been thinking about it.

R: A lot.

L: Oh, Rafael...

R: The thing is, I hadn't thought about marriage for a long time?

R: But then, Sonny happened.

R: And I can't imagine my life without him. And frankly, I never want to.

L: You're a big softie, aren't you :)

R: Shut up.

L: It's a good thing!

R: We'll see about that

L: So when were you thinking?

R: I don't know... Within a couple of months?

L: My detective is going to be so damn excited!

R: Oh god, Liv

R: You'd better not breathe a word of this to Sonny

R: Or I swear, I'll... I'll

R: Never let you abuse his cooking services again!

L: Rafael. Relax. I won't.

R: I might need that in writing.

L: You want that kind of evidence lying around the house?

R: ... Fine. I'll take your word. Go get your son and get yourselves ready for a relaxing night of bolognese and bologna.

L: You really love him, don't you :')

R: Why are we friends again?

Sonny arrives at 5:30 pm sharp, bringing a bottle of red with him. He gives Liv a kiss on the cheek and hands her the bottle. He looks over her shoulder.

"Where's the little guy?"

As Liv puts the bottle of wine down on the dining table, Noah pokes his head around the couch, where he's sitting on the floor playing with his hot wheels.

"Hey, there he is!"

"Uncle Sonny!"

Noah stands and plods over to Sonny, who picks him up.

"Hey little guy, not so little now, are you?"

"Nope, I'm a big boy now, Mommy said so."

"Yeah you are!"

"When I grow up, I'm gonna be as big as you!"

"Well, you'd better eat all your vegetables if you want to grow up nice and tall!"

"Okay! Uncle Sonny?"

"Yeah, Noah?"

"Where's Uncle Rafi?"

"He's at his mami's house tonight!"

"Oh!"

"When you're Uncle Rafi's age, you're still going to visit your mommy all the time, aren't you?"

Noah looks at him, confusion evident on his little face.

"Where are you going, Mommy?" he turns to ask his mother, pout forming around his words.

"Ohh, baby, Mommy's not going anywhere!" Liv assures, reaching out to hold her baby boy.

Noah goes readily, throwing his arms up to hang around her neck.

Sonny looks at Liv, feeling slightly guilty. But Liv only smiles at him, patting her little boy on the cheek, who seems to have forgotten all about his abandonment panic.

"Come on, sit already."

Drinking on an empty stomach was never wise, but that never stopped Olivia. She pours a glass each for Sonny and herself, and they sit and chat about work, Noah and family. Meanwhile, Noah sits with them at the table, happily making an elephant out of playdough.

After a short while, Sonny checks his watch and announces that he should start cooking. He makes his way to the kitchen and peers into the fridge.

“Wow, you weren’t lying about the fridge full of groceries,” he calls out.

Liv follows him to the archway of the kitchen, keeping one eye on Noah.

“I never lie, Sonny,” Liv twinkles at him.

Sonny lays out ingredients and implements.

“Let me help,” Liv offers, but Sonny shakes his head.

“No, come on. Go play with Noah. I got this.”

Liv smiles at him appreciatively.

“Thanks.”

In 45 minutes, Sonny’s serving up a tuna pasta bake with a side of vegetable soup. Liv helps Noah to move his playdough creations, now with a pink snowman, a green caterpillar and a blue hamburger to join his elephant, over to the coffee table.

“Here we go. Who’s hungry?”

“Meeeee,” Noah volunteers.

“Good,” Sonny chuckles. “Eat up. But be careful with the soup, it’s hot.”

“Veggie soup,” Noah states matter-of-factly.

“That’s right, Noah! To help you grow nice and tall,” Sonny grins, and the way her son is grinning back at him melts something inside of Liv.

Noah jabs artfully at his pasta bake before shoveling some into his mouth.

Liv digs in, and as she chews, she can’t help thinking that Rafael is a lucky man.

As they eat, Sonny asks Noah all about what he’s learning at school. Noah talks good-naturedly about the books they’re reading in class, the project he’s doing on the seasons and the games he likes to play.

“What about you, Uncle Sonny?”

“Um, what about me, Noah?”

“What are you learning at school?”

Liv and Sonny take one look at each other and burst out laughing. They calm themselves quickly, diverting their eyes, not wanting Noah to feel self-conscious.

“Oh, uh. I don’t go to school anymore. When you grow up, you finish school and go to work. I work with your mommy, remember?”

“Oh right, I knew that,” Noah says with a cheeky grin.

Liv blows on some soup and holds it out for Noah to eat. Noah sips on the soup and chews on some carrot thoughtfully.

“So what are you learning at work?”

“Well, Noah, I’m uh… I’m learning that every day the fight to do the right thing is worth it. And I’m learning that good people, like your mommy and Uncle Rafi, are always going to be there for those who need help.”

Noah nods, pretending to understand completely.

“Yeah. Mommy helps me all the time.”

Sonny’s eyes crinkle knowingly.

“I know. She helps me, too.”

Liv smiles fondly at Noah.

“You help me too, baby.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. You help me by making me smile.”

Noah giggles.

“And you can help me now by finishing your soup!”

“Yes, Mommy,” Noah responds eagerly.

After putting Noah to bed, Liv joins Sonny in the kitchen where he’s doing the dishes.

Sonny turns around when he hears her walk in.

“Liv, about before. You know, with Noah. I’m really sorry.”

It takes a second for Liv to understand what Sonny’s talking about.

“It’s okay, Sonny. That was really nothing.

“It does make me a little sad though…

"He doesn't know yet, that he'll be the one to leave.

"I just wish he'd stay like this forever."

Sonny doesn’t know what to say to that, so he just gives her an awkward pat on the arm.

Liv grins cheekily, thoughts seeming to change tack mid-awkward-arm-pat.

“Speaking of staying forever… where do you see yourself in 5 years, Detective?”

Sonny, thrown by the sudden question, feels like he’s back in one of those countless job interviews again.

“Um… I’m still open to change, but I’d like to think I’d still be here, at SVU.”

“Uh huh.”

“Is this about the lawyer thing?”

“Depends…” Depends which lawyer.

“Because like I told Rafael, I don’t think I’m interested in pursuing law at the moment. I mean, 5 years, that’s a long time. And I’m not promising I won’t consider it again sometime, but for the meantime I’m happy here. Real happy.”

“I’m glad to hear it, Sonny.”

Sonny gives her a slight smile.

“In that case, if you’re planning on staying long-term… I’d like to unofficially recommend that you take the Sergeant’s exam at the next opportunity.”

Sonny splutters.

“Me? Really, Lieu?”

“Don’t act so surprised, Carisi. You’ve consistently shown that you have what it takes. Not to mention your aptitude for exams.”

Sonny blinks at her, wide-eyed and clearly humbled.

“But… what about-”

“Amanda?”

Sonny nods seriously.

“She has expressed interest in the past, and I have no doubt she would make a fine Sergeant. I will be speaking to her about it as well. There’s no reason you can’t both do the exam.”

A slow grin makes its way across Sonny’s face as he washes his hands.

“So what do you say?” Liv asks, as Sonny dries his hands then looks back up.

“I’ll definitely think about it. Thank you, Liv.”

“Good. Good,” Liv responds, leading the way out of the kitchen.

Sonny pauses, seeming to consider something.

“Um… you know… I’ve been thinking about something else, too.”

“I’m all ears,” Liv says with an easy grin, motioning for Sonny to sit down again, at the couch this time, and pours them both another glass.

“Well, uh…”

“Yes?”

“In 5 years, I still want to be with Rafael.”

Liv can practically feel her own ears prick up with interest.

“Yeeees?”

“I want to be with him a lot longer than 5 years, though.”

Liv uses her silence to will Sonny to keep talking.

“And. I’d really like to, you know, make it official.”

Liv clasps her hands under her face, which must be lit up like a Christmas tree at this exact moment.

“Oh, Sonny.”

Sonny flushes slightly, probably a combination of the wine and the rush of admitting that out loud to someone.

“I’m so happy for you,” Liv gushes, and slides over to envelop him in a firm hug.

Sonny laughs into Liv’s shoulder, squeezing back affectionately before pulling back to take another long sip of his wine.

“So you think he’ll say yes?”

I’m contractually obliged not to answer that question, Liv thinks.

“You’ll find out when you ask him.”

Sonny glances at her nervously.

“But if you’re asking my opinion, I think there’s not a single thing you could do to get him to say no to you.”

Sonny smiles at her, eyes possibly looking a little damp, and reaches out to give her hand a gentle squeeze.

When Sonny leaves a little later, Liv flips the TV on and mutes it, flopping down on the couch. She frowns momentarily at the empty wine bottle before grabbing her phone, a wicked grin replacing her frown at an alarming rate.

L: If you want to be the one to propose, you'd better do it sooner rather than later :)

L: (I never sent this text)

R: Liv you fucker! You better not have told him!

L: Nope. It just came up naturally in conversation

R: Good

R: Wait, it did?

L: I thought you trusted me ;)

R: With my life, yes. To keep a secret, depending on the amount of wine you've consumed.

L: Just 2 glasses :)

R: Drunk Liv has been known to lie to me

L: I'm not drunk!!!

R: Whatever.

L: Can I be Maid of Honor?

R: When I propose, I will make sure to bring it up with Sonny.

L: Okay!

R: Besides, I think you would be my Best Lady.

R: And I'm going to go out on a limb and say yes, you can

L: This is all I've ever wanted in life

R: Not drunk, my ass.

R: Are you even gonna remember this in the morning?

L: I don't drink on the job!

R: Aren't you at home?

L: Motherhood is a full-time job, Rafael! You should know that!

R: I hate to turn this into an interrogation, but you just admitted to having 2 glasses of wine.

L: I mean I don't get inebriated

R: Just for being able to spell that, I'm inclined to believe you this time

L: Thank you, autocorrect!

R: You're a real sharp drunk, aren't you?

L: You should know I'm sharp no matter what.

R: Oh, I know.

R: Liv, Sonny's home

L: Ask him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

R: Whoa there! Not tonight, Olivia.

L: You're no fun :(

R: Good night, Liv. Sleep it off.

L: Sleep what off?

R: Text you in the morning. I gotta go make love to my boyfriend who wants to become my fiancé :)

L: Too much information!

R: Huh. Maybe you're not that drunk after all

Liv rolls her eyes and puts her phone down beside her on the couch. Her eyes flick up to follow the movements on the TV screen, but her attention is not held. She eyes her phone again and bites her lip.

L: Psssst. Amanda.

A: Hey, Liv. You’re not asleep yet?

L: Nope. I’m totally buzzed. But don’t tell Barba.

A: Oh god, what did I miss?

L: Technically, neither of them told me not to tell you.

L: So.

A: ?????!

L: Who do you think is going to propose first? Sonny or Rafael?

L: Place your bets

A: Anyone ever tell you you’re an enabler?

L: No.

A: Rafael’s proposing?

L: He’s thinking about it. A lot.

A: Oh fuck!

L: Wait. You knew about Sonny?

A: He may have mentioned it roughly 500 times over the years

A: But I think he’s been serious about it for the last few months

A: God, our boys :’)

L: You know, whatever happens, we never had this conversation

A: Oh, you’re not meddling anymore?

L: I wasn’t meddling! They came to me and told me this shit!

A: Alright. Well, I won’t make the same promise ;)

L: I absolve myself of all repercussions from this conversation

L: Btw you should take the Sergeant’s exam

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