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flowerandblood · 3 days

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Death and Resurrection

The Gate of Salvation Universe Oneshot

[ young pope • Aemond x catholic • female ]

[ warnings: sex content, smut, angst, sexual tension, anxiety, doubts related to faith, religious guilt, breaking celibacy ]

[ description: When the Pope decides, after drawing inspiration from TV series, that they will go on a date, she knows that she cannot refuse. However, it turns out that their adventure ends differently than they both expected and a boundary is crossed from which there is no return. Main theme: sexual tension & holy touch. ]

This oneshot is the events that take place a few months after The Gate of Salvation and The Songs of Songs. It can be read as a oneshot, but at the same time it is a complement to the entire series.

Aemond as a Pope Edit Series Characters Moodboard Aemond NSFW Alphabet

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

My other works: Masterlist

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"Where are we going?" She asked apprehensively − they had never gone underground together before, the cramped, dark corridor beneath the Papal Residence through which he led her while holding her hand smelled of centuries-old dampness.

His attire also made her uneasy − he was dressed all in a white tracksuit, a hood over his head and sunglasses with white frames on his nose.

He wore this outfit whenever he wanted to get away somewhere.

"We're going on a date." He communicated softly, as if he was just explaining to her what they were going to have for breakfast. She shook her head, looking back in horror, feeling her heart pounding like mad.

"Please, Holy Father. We can't." She mumbled helplessly, knowing that usually when he came up with an idea it was difficult to dissuade him from it.

She thought with horror that it was because of a TV series they had recently watched. He insisted that she show him the blockbusters she loved as a child on her laptop, so she decided to show him The Office for fun. She turned on a random episode and the main characters in it went on a date, leaving him bewildered.

She thought he would be disgusted by the jokes and humor in this series, but he was intrigued by something completely different.

"What's so great about dating? What's the point of it? Why can't they just meet up and talk about what's important to them?" He asked with a frustration that surprised her.

She realised that his years in the church and convent had completely disconnected him from the life he could have lived as a teenager.

She wasn't sure how she should explain this.

"It's true, however, you can't be serious all your life. Sometimes, as we are doing now, a couple feels like watching a film and just being together. It's pleasant then, for example, to go to eat ice cream, to take a walk in the park, to have shared memories, shared moments." She muttered, feeling embarrassed that her explanation was childish and that he certainly thought she was silly.

He, however, only pressed his lips together at her words, as if something in her words troubled him, his fingers beginning to play with the fabric of her dress covering her knees, trailing over her bare skin after a moment.

"Would you like to experience something like this?" He asked as if unwillingly, tense.

She knew she couldn't ask that of him.

What they were doing was too much anyway, and they both knew it.

She smiled at that thought, squeezing his fingers in hers.

"No, Holy Father. You give me more than I would dare to ask. I am happy and fulfilled." She said softly. His gaze lifted to her as if to see if she was telling the truth − his arm finally embraced her and drew her close, her cheek pressed lightly against his chest.

She was sure he'd forgotten about it, but he'd clearly taken her words so personally that he couldn't get over it.

"I had it all planned out. We’ll blend in with the crowd, have an ice creams, walk around the Vatican and come back. After this we can kiss if you want." He added after a moment, as if he thought that might be part of her ideal image of the event.

She swallowed loudly at the thought, feeling at once terror, discomfort and warmth in her heart, love for him, gratitude at how much he cared, how much he wanted to give her everything she could possibly need in his mind.

She pressed her lips together at the thought that when they stepped outside he hadn't let go of her hand − he intertwined their fingers together as they headed quickly down the main street between the cramped tenements, looking around.

"It should be somewhere in there. I checked on the map." He said excitedly, like a little boy pulling her behind him towards a café that held a huge fridge outside, where you could actually order ice cream.

She looked around as they got closer, afraid that by some miracle even though no one knew what he looked like, someone would connect the dots, someone would recognise him.

As if he always had to wear that bloody white tracksuit.

"Good evening." The girl standing at the counter greeted them, waiting for their order.

"Good evening. We'd like five scoops of ice cream in two different cones, please. What flavours do you want?"

"Five? That's too many, we won't eat it all." She muttered surprised, looking at him in disbelief. He turned towards her, his eyes hidden behind his glasses, all she saw was that he furrowed his brow.

"No? Are you sure?" He asked with disappointment, from which she scratched her cheek.

"I mean…if you are sure you can eat that much then, take it. I'll stick with two."

Holy Father seemed displeased, however, he cheered up when he saw the size of his cone with scoops in cream, vanilla, strawberry, toffee and blueberry. She watched with amusement as he struggled to eat with a plastic spoon what had started to run down the waffle into the bottom of his cone, herself taking her ice cream from the seller.

"How is it? Do you like it?" She asked with a laugh, seeing him lick his fingers, all sticky from the berry cream.

"Very much. It's delicious. What should we do now?" He asked, looking around, eating and at the same time trying not to stain his snowy white tracksuit.

"Let's just stroll."

They moved ahead arm in arm, looking around the evening skyline of the Vatican, focusing only on the food and this surprisingly pleasant moment.

"Have you done this before? Dating and all?" He asked reluctantly, as if the thought that she might have done it with another man before him made him uncomfortable. She looked at him indulgently, trying to hide a smile of amusement.

"Not really. I haven't had the opportunity. I have never been as close to anyone as I have been to you, Holy Father."

"Aemond."

"Pardon?"

He shrugged his shoulders, taking a bit of strawberry ice cream into his mouth.

"That's my name. I won't mind if you use it when we're alone." He muttered, visibly tense, as if what he'd said, the fact that he'd exposed himself to her terrified him.

She smiled involuntarily at his words, embarrassed.

"Very well."

After a few minutes, she could clearly see that the portion he'd ordered for himself had outgrown him − he was eating slower and slower, and it occurred to her that he'd gone pale when she'd long since finished eating her ice cream. He wanted to share his portion with her, but she shook her head.

"I can't fit any more. But if you don't have the strength to eat it, don't force yourself." She muttered, seeing him sigh heavily.

"Wasting food is a sin." He mumbled and continued eating, apparently trying not to think about the discomfort in his stomach.

It wasn't even a few seconds after he had squeezed the last bit of cone into himself when he vomited the entire contents of his stomach into one of the bins.

She ran up to him quickly, horrified, stroking his back, taking from his face the glasses that had rolled down his nose so they wouldn't fall right into his puke.

"Oh dear. Are you okay?" She asked tenderly, at the same time unable to hold back a smile of pity thinking that she had warned him after all.

He was like a little child.

When they returned back to his residence by the same route they had fled he wanted to go back to his room, although he usually insisted that she let him sleep in her bed.

"Let's go to my place. I don't want you to spend the night alone when you're feeling unwell." She said softly, grasping his fingers. He pulled down the hood from his head, all pale, fatigue in his eye.

"I ruined everything."

Though reluctantly, he followed her as she began to pull him towards her room. After he had brushed his teeth and brought himself to order, he lay on the bed without strength − he watched indifferently as she changed into her pyjamas, closing his eyes, as he always did when she revealed her naked flesh.

She was touched by how much respect he had for her, how important it was for him to treat her body with proper reverence.

She lay down beside him, turning off the lamp beforehand, his face immediately snuggled against her soft breasts.

"Do you love me?"

She froze and swallowed loudly, feeling her heart begin to pound like mad under his cheek, her hand that had been stroking his hair stopped in mid-motion.

"I love you. You are the love of my life."

She pressed her lips together when she heard him gasp, an indication that he was crying but didn't want her to see it. It took him a moment to get more out of himself, her lips placing warm, reassuring kisses on his head.

"Forgive me for not being able to give you what you need."

"You give it to me."

"You know what I mean. Sometimes I wonder…" He began and hesitated, swallowing heavily, as if afraid to say his words aloud.

"…I wonder what would happen if I left, if I married you. I imagine we would have had children, a house with a garden. That we would have had a dog. That we would pray in the evening and then make love and it wouldn't be a sin."

She shuddered at his words, feeling a drop of cold sweat run down her back, her body tensed, all hot.

"− I − you would not forgive me for that −" She muttered helplessly. She felt him rise up on his elbow, his lips parted in an accelerated breath, his cheeks swollen from tears.

"− for what? −"

"− that I have destroyed your life − pulled you away from God and your destiny −" She whispered in a trembling voice, feeling a warm tear fall from the corner of her eyes onto the pillow under her head.

He looked at her with a gaze filled with pain, breathing heavily, playing with the fabric of her shirt between his fingers.

"− but it is in your presence that I feel his presence most strongly − as if he were in the room with us −"

"− the devil takes the form of angels −" She mumbled wearily, letting the air out loudly, feeling that her throat was squeezed with pain.

Was this the moment?

The moment when she would have to say farewell to him, do the right thing?

"I have deceived you for too long. Forgive me. I will give my official notice tomorrow."

He looked at her dully, as if he didn't understand what she had just said, his breath stuck in his throat.

"− you said you love me −"

"− I do −"

"− that you won't leave me alone −"

"− I won't leave, not in my prayers − but I'm destroying your life, pulling you away from what matters −"

"− is it because of this stupid date? − I regret ever taking you there −" He hissed, as if he was furious at his idea and the woman who sold them ice cream.

"− no, of course not − Holy Father −"

"− Aemond −" He growled.

She pressed her lips together, swallowing hard, the first time she had seen him like this − his jaw clenched, his nostrils twitching in accelerated, anxious breathing, his gaze dark and cold.

She didn't recognise him.

"− don't you remember what I said to you when I first met you? − there is no greater sinner in the world than me − because I am eternally, eternally thirsty −" He said slowly and carefully, like a predator who was just slowly preparing to lash out at its prey.

"− do you think you know what I desire? − what I really need? − I'll show you −" He said lowly, not even giving her time to reply − his lips immediately clung to hers in an aggressive, impatient kiss that took her breath away, a startled, muffled squeal escaping from her throat.

She felt his body pressed her back against the bed as his hips began to rub his hard manhood hidden under the material of his sweatpants to the spot between her thighs making her shake with a strong, wonderful shiver of pleasure.

"− mghm −" She mumbled out, clenching her fingers in his hair as she felt his slick tongue invade deep into her throat, licking her with its tip − she was panting into his mouth, shocked, involuntarily responding by rocking her hips to his movements.

"− undress −" He breathed out, rising up on his knees, pulling the material of his sweatshirt over his head with a quick, impatient swipe of his hands − she stared at him with wide eyes, feeling her insides clench greedily around nothing at the sight of his bare chest.

Her trembling fingers quickly rose to the buttons of her shirt, undoing it one by one, exposing her skin piece after piece. She shuddered and moaned, surprised, as his hands pushed the material aside, revealing her breasts and stomach.

His lips parted in desire at the sight − his hand tentatively rose higher, running gently over her bare flesh, kneading and massaging her breast between his fingers.

For the first time he was looking at her naked body, at what he was doing, and she felt like she was going to die of desire. It seemed to her that everything that happened next was like a dream − his swollen lips that clung to hers, their panting as they impatiently slid every piece of their clothing off each other, when at last his bare skin pressed against hers.

"− Aemond −" She gasped out into his mouth, feeling his thick length rubbing against her achingly swollen folds, their hands trailing blindly over their naked, sweaty bodies, pressing into their exposed skin as if to melt them into one.

"− fuck − so warm − so soft − like silk −" He murmured, sliding his lips down to her jaw, neck and shoulders, leaving wet, sticky trails behind − her body arched back with her innocent, surprised whine as his mouth finally pressed down around her puffy, hard nipple and began to suck on it.

"− yes − God, yes −" She mumbled, involuntarily spreading her legs in front of him − she heard his grunt of delight as he moved his hips back in a soft motion so that a moment later she could feel the fat, leaking head of his cock begin to push against her slick opening.

She guided him with the movement of her body to where he should slide in, only to hear his sigh of delight a moment later as he thrust deeply into her with an impatient, desperate push of his hips.

"− yes − yes, yes, yes −" She panted, tilting her head back with her eyes closed, digging her fingers into the hot skin of his buttocks, startling him as she threw her legs around his waist, crossing them over his back.

Nothing but grunts and noises of pleasure left his throat as, with his lips pressed against her nipple, he pounded into her again and again with deep, greedy, fast thrusts, from which their bodies slapped against each other again and again with loud, sticky splats.

For the first time in her life, she was experiencing something so animal and spiritual at the same time − him deep inside her, stretching her tight, fleshy walls apart, doing what was natural to man, what Adam had done to Eve back in Eden.

"− forgive me − I −" He breathed out at last, as if with each successive brutal thrust of his hips he understood that there would be no turning back from this, that they had crossed a line after which nothing would be the same again, that he would take her for himself in every sense of the word.

"− inside me − please, inside me −" She mumbled helplessly, thinking only of the fact that she craved his seed inside her, that she could be his lover, his whore, bear his children if it meant spending her life by his side.

By the side of the man she loved.

She reached her peak with a sweet little moan of relief at the thought, at the image of herself and him, holding their children in their arms. She heard him gasp loudly at her words and closed his eyes, panting heavily as she suddenly felt something hot and sticky squirt out of him deep inside her.

"− f-fuck − fuck, oh, God −" He mumbled out, rocking his hips inside her with a loud click of their shared wetness for a moment longer, his mouth wide open, his eyes closed, as if he wanted to remember this moment forever.

After a moment, he looked at her − there was a calmness in his eyes and some kind of certainty, as if he already knew what was right.

"− marry me −"

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teainthesnow · 1 year

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#I'll tag #rottmnt #bc that's what Id probably write for #I have been unemployed for... a while now #and have been so far unsuccessful at getting a job #so I need to start doing something to raise my dwindling funds #ough #<-and that's not me trying to make anyone feel sorry #I just wanted to explain why id be doing them #had to redo this #if you think you've seen it before

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puppyeared · 3 months

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i wanna post my skip to loafer art but i cant do it knowing ppl are gonna put it on tiktok and pinterest bc itd be like. bringing an invasive species ykwim

#my meds just kicked in so im feeling talkative but truly idk how to explain it #its like. with anything else id be more than happy to introduce it to ppl like monkie kid and mp100. witch hat maybe but its personal to me #but skip to loafer is special to me. and i feel bad for saying this bc other ppl do deserve to watch smth they will enjoy #hell the reason i got into it was bc my friend was kind enough to lend me her copy and i got hooked #its so ironic im saying this esp given how insecure i am abt depicting characters wrong. but i really dont want to look thru the tags #and see them on a 'can i copy your homework' tier list. or ppl getting mad abt why egashira mitsumi and shima cant just be a throuple #its just!! i wont stop you if thats how you like to engage with the show or how you interpret it bc ill just ignore it and leave u alone!!#and theres no objective wrong way of doing it!! and i know that interacting with the work is what forms a community after all!!#but keeping it tight knit is just easier for me bc nobody has to worry abt making each other laugh and we can enjoy it for what it is #fully aware im saying this as someone whos drawn monkie kid art with text post memes and owl house draw the squad templates #but at the same time i just. dont want to explain myself or give ppl reasons why shima and mitsumi are ace coded just bc it 'feels right'#fandom is a communal thing and it feels so hypocritical thinking this. too many conflictng thoughts that idk what to act on #yapping

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bunnyb34r · 6 months

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Trying to undo the damage of Facebook w/o risking your relationship with a loved one is like defusing a fucking bomb sometimes I stg

#marquilla #i had a whole thing typed out ab this but ugh #im trying to explain to my mom that no they are not fighting to let children have sex changes. the only sex change sugery they preform on #minors are the fucked up shit they do to intersex kids at birth #that hormone therapy would be the only 'trans treatment' a minor could get and no it will not be w/o parental consent. and that hrt is #reversible.#id love to try to deradicalize the rest of my family but im sorry those motherfuckers are too far gone for me to try and keep my own sanity #like 1 went from far right to libertarian which isnt much better but it's something but im still leery of him ngl #and tra/dwife cousin's husband is full blown far right and i know it's wrong but i dont care enough ab them to want to try #ahdhdgdg i know it's bad but like they can all go to hell idc #and then theres the cousin i dont talk to who is a bible thumping freak who told his sister at her fucking lesbian wedding something #something god doesn't approve or something like that like 😬#and hes in a cult of some kind im sure but i didnt dig deep enough to find out if it's just WS flavored or full on WS shit #but theyre dead to me. i only have my lesbian cousin w/that last name sorry i dont have any [name]s in my family besides her #wouldnt put it past tra/dwife cousin's sister to be in some cult or cult adjacent beliefs honestly #i know shes being abused in some capacity and that her husband is a fucking asshole but shes a bitch so i dont talk to her at all anyway #(not that her being a bitch makes her deserving of that. those statements are two sep things. i feel bad shes being abused. AND separately #shes a bitch and her being a bitch is why i dont talk to her)#ANYWAY I Have a headache so im gonna wash the gunk off and hope i feel better

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bigothteddies · 6 days

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I get such an ick when people post videos and clips where they are so obviously trying to be attractive in a way to please an audience instead of themselves

#unimportant thoughts #like…its hard to explain i think #but youre gonna post thirst traps post them because you love them and you feel hot #Not because this is the Thirst Trap Trend of the moment and you think people will be in your dms for it #I don’t know! I don’t know I’m just a hater #Its part of the reason i hate posting content #i feel so fake posting in combat gear and masks and hand pics #I’m only doing it cause I know that’s what people want yk? Like #i like tactical gear as a sex thing. a lot.#but im not posting it because i have a passion for wearing it and am proud of it!#I’m posting it because I know people like it #id never be taking hand pictures at all if the internet didn’t tell me thats what people like #And that’s why i don’t make content!#feels fake whenever I try

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trans-estinien · 28 days

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i love being autistic cause sometimes i get a glimpse into how regular people perceive things and its like. what the fuck. what the fuck is that? you live like this? and its normal?? i think YOURE the weird one actually. im fine. thanks though.

#THERES SO MANY WEIRD RULES #LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION TO HOW SOMEONE WALKS LIKE HUH????? WHY????????????#can someone fucking explain the dude head nod thing to me why do we do that. whats that about. ive never seen anyone do that irl before #is that an american thing or do i just hang around too many afab people #i am learning the intricacies of cis people gender rules and i am. what fucking planet have i been on the last 17 years like what is this #was there some like. rulebook they handed out at somepoint they forgot to give to me or something #“best way to learn is to observe the men around you” OBSERVE WHAT. YOU PEOPLE PAY THAT MUCH ATTENTION TO EVERY LITTLE MOVEMENT????#bruh i can barely make eye contact w people...#my ass has never intentionally copied someones mannerisms ever.#i do it subconsciously. but doing it actively feels weird and wrong and like im breaking someones boundaries #“men dont smile at people.” well they should.#ive decided cishet men are the most boring people on the planet #“dont move with your hands” YOURE BREAKING MY POOR THEATER KID HEART #i need to meet more gay men irl to absorb the vibe of cause i only know like two. not counting myself #i want people to look at me and go. ah yes. fruit.#at this point im just going to accept being misgendered for the rest of eternity. id rather die than be boring in the way cishet men are #my flavor of being trans is so influenced by my autism cause my perception of genders is completely off from what everyone else is doing #im like. yeah i want to be a man. and then i look at what the majority of men are actually like and its like. wait no. not like that #shoutout to flamboyant gay men where would i be without them #i think the thing that bothers me the most is that like #in my mind peoples genders are just. the way they express themselves.#its not like. this super big complex deal like how everyone else treats it. if that makes sense? like.#regular people have so many rules for what counts as a man or what counts as a woman or what counts as neither and its like???#you can do what you want???? why do we care????#and ive been doing this since i was little. on account of the autism #i just. dont get why its such a big deal to people.#i cant wrap my head around it at all #not nonbinary not a girl not aegender not a man but a secret fourth thing #(man but i do it my way instead of everyone elses way)#unfortunately doing it my way just. leads to the misgendering dimension. for some reason

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catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 1 year

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writing poetry sometimes feels like you gotta cut yourself open to express it idk smear all your organs all over the page and hope somebody else reads something beautiful. is that like divination the way it's expressed in various places and things? I dunno. poetry never slides off your skin like water off a duck's back. it's from within I think. sometimes you have to tear yourself apart to get at the words and sometimes it just wells up from within and gushes out. always from somewhere deep inside. sometimes it's difficult and horrible and painful but the alternative would be worse. sometimes it's from sheer joy that must overflow into words. I think that's beautiful personally. skin splitting from joy. it happens, I think, to us all at some point. or maybe I'm just a creature of extremes. maybe that online test I did because a friend recommended it is true. it said my symptoms were high. I don't know. maybe it is true, maybe it's not. I read a book once where there was a character named Nathan Hill-and-Dale, and while I'm not nearly as extreme as he was portrayed, in my extremes, I know I'm a fairly volatile person. funny, for most people who see me IRL seem to think that I'm fairly calm. nope, I'm a volcano. watch out, even when I'm apparently calm I might blow up one way or the other. one of my residents' family members said today that I was young and bubbly and she was glad to see it because happiness is the prerogative of the young. a part of me wished I told her. I have actively tried to kill myself once; I have come extremely close to the same actions countless times including yesterday; I would sooner hurt myself than others; if I had my own choice I would simply starve. of course I didn't tell her. sometimes I think I'll never get better. at this point I would consider it a very high chance that I will either die by suicide or end up in hospital following an attempt. not now, of course. but despite my fierce love for my course it has stress associated with it and I think that it's very likely that no psych help on earth would fix my mental health enough for that not to be an option mentally in this short time. I think it's possible to recover from all of the things I struggle with. God help me, I hope it is. the real question is whether I will survive long enough to recover from them. and the answer? I know not. I was reminded of a past interaction with the boy today, where he called my name - I turned - his grandfather, a photographer, was waiting to see if he could get a decent photo, for we were at a church conference and he was trying to get photos everywhere. they were laughing. I could not help but laugh. that memory is tainted now, for he would not look at me now, let alone try to pull such a stunt again. I don't blame him. I don't blame anyone for it. I wonder what would happen if I blocked all my friends on discord; who would seek me out? part of me hopes people would, another part hopes they would not. sometimes I just want to be left alone to curl up and die. it would be easier. so much easier than living, and living, and living. I tried writing poetry just now. it felt like trying to cut myself open, I couldn't get the words out. it only made me feel rather wild. I'm desperate for change, for something. something. what is that something? I don't know. did you know I'm a sadist? I would not in a public place express the thoughts that led me to that conclusion. but I am. I wish I wasn't. there's an obvious solution to that. quick, and easy. so easy. too easy. I tried writing poetry, and then instead of writing anything coherent, I wrote this.

#tw suicide #tw suicidal ideation #tw sh #personal #puddleglum hours #tried writing poetry and the very act of trying made me desperately want to harm. i think i'll break my streak today. all the things have #been so bad today. not so much the individual things as they all stack up together. almost the worst most constant dysphoria ive ever #experienced. coincided with eating new stuff which was scary. weighed myself yesterday on dad's recommendation and found out i *believed*#id gained like more than double what i *did*. feel so disgustingly fat and heavy tho why can't i just stop eating. why is everyone #prolonging my existence. serious question. this includes myself. whats the good. im tired but not. and oh so disgusted with myself.#weak. stupid. failing. only a fool talks like this. oh but don't worry im safe. safe enough anyhow. oh look nothing's real that explains #something. but i am safe. aint me as gonna commit suicide today. don't worry about me. im ignorin my friend who's worried about me bc she #has her own struggles. im not gonna ad to them at this point. selfish enough i am already. ive been choking on disgust all day even through #my jubilation over reaching a fourteen day streak. funny i literally don't care now. gonna break it. unless i'm too coward to do otherwise.#i ought. i ought to do other things too. i don't know how long i can keep on going like this. pray for me.

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sakebytheriver · 7 months

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#love how i lost a follower because i called the pirate show a slave owner pirate show and they said i was being bad faith 😭😭#and then when i explained my reasons and dressed down why i dont want to watch two slave owners and traders fall in love #very patiently if i do say so myself they decided to unfollow rather than confront why they think its #in their own words ok to use slave owners as characters since there were lots of slave owners before the 1900s and there still are #so what we just arent allowed to use them as characters now #like yeah buddy i dont think we should be using slave owners and traders as characters in uwu gay fantasy shows #i think its a good rule of thumb that we dont turn slave owners and traders into white gay icons that parasocial tenderqueers go to #the graves of to do some cutesy little ceremonies to honor them as if theyre these peoples blorbos from history #dw babe i blocked you so youll never see anpther post from me 💋#like EXCUSE ME for thinking some kitchsy little comedy show shouldnt pinkwash two ACTUAL slave owners from history #like im so very sorry i told you that i want better representation for gay people than LITERAL SLAVE OWNERS #i guess im not a very good ally 🙄#the way they were like we should give them a pass because theyre a big show that is bringing marginalized people to the public in good ways #as if we dont live in an age where we have more rep than ever before and have to give a pass to a show that decided to make two slave owners #into two little uwu smol bean gays for the tumblr communitys consumption 🙄🙄🙄#i just know they unfollowed because i said id seen better rep and better writing elsewhere 😪#like no way that wasnt what offended them most 😂

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skyllion-uwu · 5 months

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Am I nauseous because I'm hungry or because I triggered myself last night

#my stomach hurts and i need to eat but the idea of doing that is. ack #and i cant tell my parents why because id have to unpack so much spontaneously #like id have to explain i was on the internet before they let me make an account and that i didnt tell them when i was getting those dms #and how its basically ruined any neutrality i had towards sex because ill be fine and then BAM!#everyone else is 12 year old me and im an adult and im my abuser and im going to hurt them if i keep talking about this #just because it was only words doesnt mean it fucked everything up forever. i know back then i was aroace but didnt have the words #but i sincerely think id be just sex neutral if it wasnt for that fucking asshole and now i think about sex for too long and get sick #and i didnt say anything because i thought they were my friend and i dont know if they were 11 like they said they were or not either way #its just. im getting so much off my chest here i wish i could go back in time and tell myself to block after that first message #and i didnt say anything after i realized because i wasnt allowed to have social media and i didnt want to get in trouble over that part #fantasizing alone is one thing but as soon as someone else is involved theyre me and im that person on da and i hate it. i hate it i hate it #i hate it i hate it #is that a common thing. where you feel like youre the abuser in certain contexts even if youre nothing like them #whatever. i have physical therapy and then ask a prof if i can use him as a reference and then finish my application if he gets back to me #and then i can rot all i want #sky vents like amogus

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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#thats me in the corner. thats me in thr spotlight. rocking from side to side and not contributing to the conversation #which is to say. i made it to thr lab get together with an old lab mate. i really truely did not think i would #i was like 20min late bc of the crying and hyperventilating over a 6min drive down the road #i sorta freaked out while driving too. and almost turned around. its just that i kno i havent been sleeping enough and got overwhelmed #but i made it there. and i dont think i looked like id been crying but i probably looked a bit blank faced and miserable #as i rocked from side to side for like 2hrs listening to ppl talk. i enjoyed it exactly as much as i expected. it was good to see the guy #again but i just dont connect in group gatherings idk. im glad its done. also fucking we were sitting there and a group comes in and whos #in that group?? someone i have avoided seeing for like a loooong time. the guy who tried to be in a relationship with me back when i 1st #started as a grad student. i say relationship. i was explaining to him why i couldnt do any sort of romantic e tanglement and he was very #firm abt not wanting a relationship. and im like bro im explaining u why no romanticly adjacent thing is gonna work. u literally asked me #to physically hold ur hand thru this. u r somehow more emotionally invested in this than me and also are telling me that u just wanna fuck #me. so like u r not slick. whatever. it was so fucking stressful at the time. which i feel bad abt bc it wasn't really his fault #i was just less self aware so i didnt kno i have bad awareness in the moment. like i dont kno a lines been crossed until a week later when #im laying on thr floor falling apart. so like i wish him the best. didnt kno he was still around. hopefully this doesnt trigger stress #dreams. all this to say i was very fucking tense. and when i got back in my car i was like shaky and panting lol #idk looking back its just such a weird situation with that dude. if i was anyone else it woudlnt have been a big deal but #my brain just doesn't process physical touch right. so now ive got these horrible touch memories that like on paper r literally nothing #but for me they were so unfathomablly awful when i 1st aquired them. i literally could not deal with any romantic stuff for like a month #bc it would like trigger me. now thst its been like 3 years its not bad tho. just like gives me thr ick but i dont get #stuck in the memories too much. its so dumb. whatever. point is im all sore now from sitting all tense haha #unrelated

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sirgloria · 2 years

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if teach has a million fans, i am one of them. if teach has one fan that is me. If teach has no fans then i am dead, etc etc. i am #1 teach stan.

#xenoblade 3 #xenoblade chronicles 3 #xenoblade chronicles #same goes for z honestly. i am feral about them #but teach is my number 1 #i love him #i would kill for him #and i would marry him. teach only run #i love that he just spams all slayer too. yaaas king slaughter all those who stand in your way 😌#hes so cute. and pretty. dont get me started on z #i have many thoughts i figured id put somw here so people know. that i am number one teach stan.#my switch memory is depletjng bc of them. i have so many screencaps. but Not Enough #also if youve made it this far into the tags im going to drop some cursed information i learned when i beat the game last night.#i didnt know teach had official art that you can view in game so i went and did that.#can someone please explain to me the discrepancy between the art and the in game model. why did they do that.#the last thing i was expecting out of xenoblade 3 was that.#where did his socks go.#and when i exited that screen and tried one of his voice clips he said can i help you. and i screeched #i also cant bring myself to use any other hero besides him even though i want to use the big himbo. man.#also also z's voice....good.#ok thats enough for now. thanks for coming to my ted talk.

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britneyshakespeare · 9 months

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I don’t think he ever read any of my poems now that I think about it

#tales from diana #when we first met i told him about my poems and i gave him some free copies of this small local literary magazine they're published in #he pretended to be interested but never actually said he read them. i dont think i asked more than a couple times #but if i recall correctly he told me unprompted a few times he hadnt #perhaps thats why he thought of me as more of an artist than a poet. he had seen me draw but i dont write poems in front of ppl #and it takes one second to look at a drawing (and to not appreciate it) (as he didn't for the most part)#even though i explained often that id only been drawing for like a year and im still very much a beginner and it's a huge struggle for me #it's very very hard for me to draw i don't consider myself good at it. ive made a FEW good works but im not a good artist #im not confident but that's ok ive enjoyed my progress #there were a lot of little things id do for him that he just wouldnt acknowledge much or seem to care about #so much for trying to make an impression on ppl #i think some ppl only want to be around you so they can suck up your company and feel validated #i have to be honest. that is nothing like me at all #im fine being alone. i could never be addicted to ppl as some are.#long story short this guy never cared about me

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iknowicanbutwhy · 2 years

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Same anon from before, and I'm gonna kick things up a notch, now I'm going in the opposite direction where Wukong (who does have a history of an incredible temper and a catastrophic history of violence) who's so distraught and upset about Mac using his stufent against him and about MK training with Mac that after the fight Wukong lashes out and gives MK that wound before stopping to realize what he's done, but it's too late and MK has screaming and Mac *heard* it happen, and looking at Wukong with total disbelief and broken trust that a shadow portal opens up under and brings him to Mac, who's let down his glamor and has a scar from a similar wound.

AaaaaaAAAAAAAA NOOOOOOOOO and by no i mean YES YES but also AUGH WUKONG NO

Okay this goes for a while so i need a readmore

*head in hands* Wukong.. how would his and MK's relationship ever recover from that. I dunno if it would tbh. I feel like after that though, he'd either 1) hide away and wait for MK to come back, 2) do whatever he can to figure out what magical stuff and things he can get to fix MK's eye, or 3) seek out MK to take back his powers and staff before Macaque convinces him to enact some sort of vengeance and misuse those powers (which Wukong thinks he can understand why MK would do that and feels guilty and deserving enough to think it possible).

Or all three, not necessarily at the same time. Because this monkey may have a temper but DAMN was that Too Far For No Good Reason. He's supposed to be better and look what he did >:( but if his mistake leads to MK doing terrible things, he cant let that happen, and as sweet as Wukong knows the kid to be, its not like MK would go back to being trained under Wukong after losing an EYE. Probably. Definitely.

MK's most likely response would probably be shock, some disbelief, and then resentment, but not vengeance. He might feel guilty for a while, because it was him who went behind his mentor's back, but he'd also realize (and Mac would tell him) that he didnt deserve to be half blind because of it. He'd want to avoid Wukong more than anything, but if Wukong did try to take his powers, he'd fight back - because he still has to protect the city and his friends - and that would only exacerbate things further.

I like to think Macaque would certainly be empathetic, and a bit sympathetic, but im pretty sure the sympathy would be buried under the frustrating righteousness of MK not even trying to get back at Wukong. But hey, if MK begged him to train again (with less trust than before, but he doesnt have Monkey King anymore...) and Macaque actually agreed (probably trying to take the opportunity to convince the kid to share his power with Macaque or have MK fight Wukong with him) then... thats an opportunity for hesitant bonding time :)

For example: living with One Eye!! eh.... it's disorienting, your depth perception is suddenly gone (but kind of there through context clues), if your eye isnt healed yet you get headaches from moving around too much and sometimes from your other eye straining to pick up the pace (i cant remember the stuff i know about this), you may or may not have to sleep upright for a while - stuff i havent researched because if i click off my tumblr app my phone lacks the RAM to keep it open in the background. Fighting is harder, walking is harder, driving is harder. You have a literal blind spot and it's a little terrifying, especially when you dont notice someone is there. You ever do that embarrassing thing where you lift a utensil to your mouth and miss for no good reason (i do that with two eyes)? Macaque may have some tips to help adjust and a greater understanding than everyone else around MK, and thats always nice. Im pretty sure Macaque would encourage MK to use his ears more, especially on the blind side, even if it's easier for the Six Eared Macaque to do that than the two-eared MK.

But man.. the fight between Wukong and MK would be such a hit to MK's already bruised ego. Wukong would admit to his own terrible mistake, but he probably wouldnt even give MK a chance to (maybe not forgive but) move on from what was done because he'd probably shamefully assume he didnt, and then IMMEDIATELY proceed to demand MK renounce his staff and powers and MK is like >:O "NO!!! I- I need these to protect the city!" And Wukong is like "well sure, yeah, but I'll be taking care of that. We cant have you misusing your powers." And MK is all "But I havent been misusing them?? I've literally been kicking demon butt while you were hiding all the way at your mountain or disappearing wherever you want in the world or doing absolutely nothing to help the city." And Wukong is like "You've been watching the island??" When it's more like Macaque was and just telling MK about it because MK wanted to know whenever Wukong was in town so he could hide and Wukong gets all defensive before MK can talk like "Of course you were. Scheming with your new mentor, right?" And MK is like "No??? I didn't- I wouldnt DO that-" and Wukong interrupts with "just like you didnt do it before?" When he KNOWS that MK didnt purposefully work with Macaque the first time but he's getting defensive okay??

Id love to end the ensuing fight with Wukong getting genuinely angry again and that trips up and scares MK BUT. Wukong manages to hold back. He's not there to hurt the kid again, he's there to stop him from hurting himself and anyone else. Which is a bit ironic, because MK's friends most definitely joined in on the fight and got DEMOLISHED, but they're not missing any eyes (or limbs for that matter) and that makes MK SO relieved yet guilty that they'd been put in that kind of danger to begin with. But Wukong definitely made use of MK's blind spot and that definitely hurts, actually, but is also infuriating.

Oh wait how do i end this where the hell is Macaque.

Macaque kept out for the most part, feeling it was necessary to have this play out. Not that it was exactly easy... but he does yoink the kid out of there when Wukong corners him and very nearly takes his powers. And if any little MKs were in denial of just how far Wukong would go to do what he thinks is right (no matter how wrong he is), the good news is that Wukong had to remove the limiting seal on MK's powers that made him less than immortal first, and that achieved two things: 1) MK saw for himself Wukong reaching inside of him to rip out the best defense he has for the city and his friends, and 2) MK's powers remain unlocked when Macaque yoinks him out of there. And so commences the comfort portion of the hurt/comfort that this entire thing seems to be. I always like to think that Macaque is rather awkward when it comes to reassurances. He seems like a guy better at throwing out the harsh, twisted truth and a guy good at giving out platitudes, but he tries.

After that fight, MK and Macaque both realize that the King isn't going to let this go. Before Wukong showed up, MK had a choice between fighting with Macaque and hiding for a little longer, but now he doesn't even have a choice. It's fight or lose.

#lego monkie kid #lmk au #mistakes have been made and i love all of them #THE CHARACTERS I LOVE THE CHARACTERS #but also the mistakes #ah wait this entire thing is starting to sound familiar #sigh. it's just like my fic #its just like my OTHER AU but with a few key differences #sorry for holding off on answering this for a moment because i KNEW id go into full idea mode and needed to be awake for thar #maybe in the end Wukong offers MK a choice between getting his eye back or fighting Wukong to keep his powers #and MK is like but i NEED THESE #and Wukong is all no you DONT. I GOT the city #And MK is all why are you doing this?? just leave me alone #and Wukong just apologizes. he doesnt feel the need to explain nor wants the kid to affirm his suspicions #and mk is tired of being half blind and he knows wukong sucks but he has been protecting the city at that point #and maybe he can get his eye back. stop feeling worried for his friends. maybe get Macaque's eye back?#Macaque would be so prideful and distrustful as to turn it down though and MK knows that #maybe he shouldnt trust Monkey King. The guy who apparently hasn't changed at all from the books. not really

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