#I want to cry so fucking bad right now

[slutdge]

Not to get deep here or anything but i really think i dont want to have a relationship with my sister anymore and ive been reflecting on that a lot. like sure she didnt abuse me or really do anything to directly traumatize me, but she voted against me having human rights because im queer, as well as voting for a party that wants to harm first nations people despite both of us being first nations i just.... i dont think i can forgive her for that. weve had laughs and good times together but i find myself unable to forgive her for her politics. i wouldn't tolerate bigotry from anyone else, i shouldnt tolerate it from someone just cause theyre family.

#can anyone provide me guidance on this? ill bring it up with my therapist but i dont see her for another week #anyways im making myself cry late at night whats new lol ive been processing a lot this week #ok eta: and theyll always make you feel bad for this!!!!! #theyll be like ''ok so everyone has to bend to your commie regime to have a relationship with you 🙄'' #like yeah actually you do #if you really loved me like you claim to you wouldnt be FUCKING VOTING FOR THE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO TAKE MY RIGHTS AWAY #yes you do have to respect my rights if you want to have a relationship with me that is completely reasonable #whats ACTUALLY unreasonable is you asking me to ''just get over'' the fact that yall support people who think i shouldnt have human rights #right wingers will try to gaslight you into believing basic human decency is an unattainable and torturous request #then when you get upset theyll be like ''god the left is so emotional 🙄'' #like yeah. i am. and you should be emotional too about human rights violations. the fact that youre not is pure evil. #anyways ill go cry myself to sleep like a faggot now #it just breaks my heart that i dont have any immediate family members who dont blatantly hate me for being queer/first nations

[iwasbored777]

The most beautiful thing in the entire Trolls franchise will always be Branch's character in the first movie when he wanted Poppy to understand that life isn't as perfect as she thinks but when she got betrayed and hurt and lost all hope he did everything to make her happy again because he wanted her to understand the pain but not experience it because she didn't deserve that and he didn't think that others have to suffer because he did.

#i know so many people who would look at her crying and say your problems are not that bad mine were worse she literally thought her kingdom #will be cooked alive #she got betrayed by a person she trusted and for whom she risked her life #she learned that some people never change #and no one knew what to do #but branch knew he had to heal her emotional damage first and let her know that he's there for her #so many people would tell her i told you so lol i was right you were wrong at least now you understand but he knew that she deserves better #because she didn't mean any harm #and because it's not her fault that he suffered #this is so important to show #because so many people want others to suffer too just because they did #so many people want to see optimists with broken spirits because life is bad #yes it is but don't hurt innocent person for something that has happened to you years ago #the writers understood the assignment #the writers fucking understood the assignment #and she loves him so much for it #trolls movie #trolls 2016 #trolls branch #branch #Poppy #trolls poppy #trolls band together #trolls world tour #trolls holiday in harmony #trolls holiday #Broppy

[girlpetrarca]

I have not been accepted for the summer school

#feeling like shit right now #I want to cry but I'm in class #I reached enough points to be considered but not enough to actually get accepted #I wanted to get in so bad. it was a fucking dream #yes I have the possibility to do it again next year but I'm so fucking sad #personal #university things

[angel-of-sweet-revenge]

When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out

#vent #its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything #i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant. #im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something- #-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again. #plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal) #and just #im fucking tired ok #and I'm sorry im a bad friend #i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some. #but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired #i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn? #and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON. #I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it #but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit #and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them #and they can lash out on me #i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not #last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend #it wasnt my fault #that friend ghosted me #im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too #but at the same time im too done to even really care #i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day

[pink-psychic]

The Doctor not actually being able to talk and confide in the real Donna literally had me sobbing and screaming

#all I wanted was for him and Donna to have a real talk #Doctor Who #doctor who spoilers #FUCK I JIST WANT HIM TO SHOUT AND SCREAM AND CRY AND BE UNDERSTOOD #he deserved to have that conversation with Donna #uuhhhggggg he was holding on so strongly and trying not to break down when the Not-Donna brought up the Flux and his confusion #about who he is now that he knows the truth and that his whole life was a lie #it hurt so bad that he didn’t get to confide in Donna for real #he was hoping that the Not-Donna’s explanation was real so he could confide in he real best friend without having to actually explain it all #to be fair I was hoping the same thing the Donna would remember what happened and Understand and know Just the Right Thing to Say #and make everything ok again

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

now that hell week is over and i actually have time to Feel Things the dread is hitting full fucking force despite the fact that my period is over.. im a having a delayed reaction and i am Not enjoying it

#just gotta keep reminding myself i dont actually wanna kms but jesus christ its so hard to feel anything other than Bad right now #stressed out of my mind because of school bullshit feel like a disappointment and a failure #im so fucking exhausted all the time i just want it all to stop #something something i have got to reread frankenstein something something something #that or watch inside out again.. that sould hopefully fix me #genuinely what i need is someone to hug me while i cry for like an hour but that is Not gonna happen because theres nothing i hate more #that crying in front of people!! #its fine im fine i dont need human support and companionship right now i have my stuffed hippo and my chemical romance to keep me alive #i hope everyone is doing better than me rn

[frostycatblr-fandom-files]

if you're sitting there feeling sorry for yourself, wondering why no one's commented on your hiatus status(es), i'll help you figure out why

you're behaving like a selfish, entitled bitch. you're throwing a pity-me-party while you accuse people of favoritism in the same breath. like, no wonder your ~CoMmUniTy~ won't feel sorry for you, or interact with your bad artwork or your other uninspired bullshit when you bitchfit that no one's sharing your shit: no one wants to interact with that melodrama. there's better writers out there that don't cry about interaction bullshit.

you need to grow the fuck up, and maybe do people all a favor by not coming back.

Wow... thank you for sending me this present shortly before Christmas (Dec. 20th, to be exact). Real lovely stuff.

So listen while I break this down by section and say things later on that I don't mean:

If you're going to call me an 'entitled bitch' or criticize my content, you should really take ownership of your words like a grown-up first. You're welcome to those opinions, I suppose; but it means NOTHING when you send me this from a position of cowardice. If your goal was to hurt my feelings and upset me, I would only award you with partial congratulations, if that.

I'll concede it was a bit of a "bitchfit" if it makes you happy, because yes, it kind of was. I'll take ownership of that: I should have been better, and I wasn't. I should have been a lot calmer, and I wasn't.

Maybe then more people would have given a damn about me and what I had to say. Or maybe they wouldn't. I don't know anymore, quite frankly. I can't say I ever did.

Your point about "better writers out there [who] don't cry about interaction bullshit" is wrong, by the way. I can think of several fan writers (and I'm not going to compare content quality because that's gross) either on my dashboard or in fandom tags (many with larger followings + outreach than me) who've complained about lowered interaction these days at one time or another.

Or several times, even. It was largely and perfectly fine when they spoke up about it. Weird to me, anon, how it's okay when these unnamed and so-called "better writers" speak up, but not the little guys.

Some people are a little too comfortable telling those with smaller followings/outreach to just suck it up because interaction has been bad for everyone lately. Or placate themselves with excuses for why they didn't offer any sympathy to people who admit to struggling with feeling like belonging, or those wishing they felt more included. Noticed. Remembered. (Whatever the case may be.)

I mean I've seen who repeatedly makes the cut on these stale recommendation lists that float around… Your 'pool of so many talented writers/artists in this fandom' is more of a damn puddle. You'll have to fucking forgive me for just wishing to be remembered (for one or the other) and included in these little "~fandom enrichment activities~" at this point once in a damn while! Why's it such a fucking crime to you, anon, that I just want people to remember I'm here too?

I spoke my feelings about things feeling like a popularity contest rather than a true community back in December, and you thought that warrants calling me a selfish, entitled bitch? Telling me do people a favor and not come back?

What the fuck??????

I think you're something of a rancid tar pit for hoping to kick someone while they were down, or whatever it was you intended by all that. Did you get the warm and fuzzies typing this out? Did you feel good about yourself for choosing to be malicious to someone going through a hard time? Someone admitted they were going through a hard time between Seasonal Affective Disorder, and being upset about a lot of trivial stuff, and you thought "Hey; let's pile on!" was the correct solution rather than offer any kindness where you had witnessed a lack of?

It would be so tempting to stoop to your level and wish you nothing but ill on top of telling you to do me a favor and fuck off; I'm going to encourage you to learn to have a little more compassion for people instead and be a better person than whatever you are now going forward. May you learn to be kinder to people in the future, anon… You make the world a far better place that way.

#bad anon no biscuit #lesson for next time is to just ghost the blog for a month since no one's going to notice or care I guess. only tell you to leave #that's only partial sarcasm #a couple of people showed they cared or said nice things before the holidays. and to that short list of people I just want to say thank you #otherwise my activity page was very quiet #and some other things happened that reinforced my decision to not really want to participate with this space for the time being #simple fact there's someone out there who's too comfortable with being nasty to people and telling you to fuck off... #fuck man!!!! it's been a long time since crying over some damn anon hate but this was too much for me #''help you figure out why'' no you're not being helpful you're actually just being a prick for no good reason! #im done im so fucking tired i don't want to look at this fucking ask anymore #i feel sick to my stomach right now fuck

[running-in-the-dark]

and I'm having thoughts again

so I've been watching that John Larroquette interview that I reblogged on repeat for half an hour now and I'm just. man I am so very....... okay I'm trying not to say that I'm stupid anymore but god what else is there to say. it's making me feel like my brain just turns off and all there is is static and [insert very high frequency screaming sound].

like I would love to be able to have actual thoughts about this shit but I am not. I just love love love people who think about shit and face their issues and work on getting better. and talk about it. like it's just a thing that happened. because it is. it's not 'oh you did bad shit in your past so you're fucked forever now'. it's 'bad shit happened, I did bad things, I confronted it, I made different choices' and that's it. I just. man I'm feeling really emotional and am probably gonna have a good long cry about this now.

#one thought that I had when my brain stopped just loudly screaming at me was #oh I totally always think I wouldn't ever end up in a cult. because it's not something that would appeal to me and shit. I'm suspicious of #anything like that. one person claiming to know everything and all that #and it just hit me like. DUDE. you would absolutely 100% end up in a cult if the right guy was leading it #like if he had a cult that I could join right now? oh dude I'd be so in. kinda joking but also like. come on I am so fucking obsessive I #would absolutely fall for that #(and lets not even get into the whole thing of actually getting attention from the person I'd be obsessed with. oh it'd be bad. it'd fuck #me up. I'd be so easy to convince if we're being honest....) #but anyway I just. I don't know #honestly though? I just love studying one person at a time from afar like. hi I would immediately explode if I ever met this man I could not #handle it. but I can absolutely find out everything I can about him and study him like. something that normal people would study idk I'm #insane. #anyway man that was a weird tangent #true tho. #I don't want to make light of actual addictions like alcoholism. I'm not. addicted I guess. but I'm absolutely fucking obsessive about shit #and I absolutely know it cannot be healthy to keep doing this #like dude you have no life because all you do is watch other people live theirs. why am I studying this man's life like it matters. it's not #making anything better. knowing every damn thing he did in the 80s will not make up for the fact that I don't have. anything. #fuck now I'm really crying oh well this really took a weird turn #fuuuuck. #personal

[deadlittledogs]

#THATS IT *MOODBOARDS UR GRIMES* #feeding no one but myself right now the way God intended <3 #I Want Him So Fucking Bad #I’m exploding him with my mind #someone make me an edit where he’s like covered in blood throwing up shitting and crying but like he has a flower crown on #will kiss u on the lips and make it my lock screen

[squisheebugdoodles]

i am going to wither and explode if i have to not be able to draw much longer i am losing my mind

#i cannot believe that after having the best most peaceful pain-less time for my hand in years that it immediately went back to square one #from when i first injured it years ago. #i am so. #it is no better right now than it was at the beginning of the month #i had like a couple of good days in a row so i did some super small warmup doodles and it went right back to constant pain again #i just want to create please please please i want to do things so fucking bad please please pleaaaaaaaaaaaase i'm gonna cry #also it's affecting my ability to make money which i need to do bc i have bills i'm raAGHGHH #BACK TO SQUARE ONE S O B S

[barkingangelbaby]

I feel like such a broken fucking person lol

I talked way too much in the tags don't read them

#fighting off the ideation like my life depends on it!! bc it does!!! #been good about not thinking certain phrases but F U C K am i feeling it. i want to turn into a pile of dust #i am so desperately trying to work on myself and change my patterns and bad habits and perspective but it feels like i always fall short #i try not to talk about it online but I'm just. having a very hard day with N because we experience our feelings in different ways #i isolate myself bc i struggle with regulating my reactions and tones when im having an episode but she needs me to talk through things and #i sometimes just. can't. bc I'm not done experiencing the negativity and am not in a place to have a productive convo bc shame spirals etc #we just spent a long time talking and being patient and i thought i was understanding and explaining myself well but i just. idk. #i don't know how to explain that of course i love her even if I'm isolating myself. of course i love her although I'm nonverbal today. i jus #t can't *make* myself talk when I'm like this i don't want to be nonverbal i don't want to isolate i don't want to be a distant partner i do #n't want to fall back into these patterns related to my grief i want to be better i am trying to be better i am working so fucking hard on #being better. i just feel so defeated bc this all spiraled from me not wanting to decide what to get for lunch n using a poor tone about it #I'm about to talk with her some more but I just. kinda don't want to exist right now. fuck dude. it feels so fucking awful when i upset her #like i love her so much she is so important to me and it breaks my heart that our entire day is shot bc i was tired and cranky #i just don't understand how that equates to me not loving her bc she is my whole world dude. I'm going to throw up #i also don't know how to explain to her that scrolling on tumblr is comfortable to me I'm not ignoring her it's just the SM that i scroll on #like we're hanging out watching tv together I'm gonna scroll a little bit. it's just not insta or anything #idk my mind is scrambled I'm crying I just want to be a better person who can calmly communicate my thoughts and emotions #today has just beat my fucking ass dude. i isolate so those feelings don't get translated into my interactions with others #i don't even know what i typed in these tags I just don't want to off myself or think about it I'm fighting myself so much 2day #rAMbles

[carol-ing]

The way people are dying on the hill of Burning Man attendees deserve it because it's $500 to go and no normal person can afford that is like.

$50 a month is unattainable for most people? That's your logic? No one can spare $50 a month on entertainment unless they're ultra rich???

You can criticize the damn thing on a lot of points but the price point is like. I get it, you don't prioritize something like this as a thing to save money for and look forward to. Neither do I! But I'm not gonna be out here criticizing people based on what they use their limited spending money on. I'm not a fucking cop.

#just say you want to be able to laugh at people having a bad time guilt free and go #this is so stupid #it's like... how do I say this #the fact that it's Burning Man that's getting treated like this over any other festival #the high standing moralizing over having a festival in the desert #when Reno and Las Vegas exist as cities #the way it's a recent upsurge of rich assholes that are being used to rationalize the glee over people suffering #like you understand that's not why you're hearing about it now right? #you get that you're only hearing about it now because people didn't like it before #and no they didn't like it before because of native rights issues or climate issues or anything like that #they didn't like it because of the sex and drugs #it's not fucking Ibiza for crying out loud

[da-proti-toku-grem]

feeling like a total asshole today 👍

#an aunt's mom passed away yesterday night #i didn't really know her that much just spoke to her a few times for the typical merry christmas & happy new year you know #so when my mom told me i felt bad for my aunt bc i knew they were really close but i don't feel SAD #but my parents seemed to be like so shocked and sad and my little brother even started crying #and i felt absolutely nothing #idek what my mom saw in my face but she went like 'don't you feel anything?' and like wtf am i supposed to feel #like. i'm sorry for my aunt and everything but i just????? #that already made me feel like an absolute asshole but now we have to go there (like 2hours away by car) #and because i am an adult now i *have* to go to the funeral home (?) today and to the funeral tomorrow #and i REALLY don't want to and thought it's making me so fucking anxious bc i haven't been there since my grandma passed away 2 years ago #i really don't want that feeling that i felt back then to come back #not right now #not when i've been starting to feel a bit better this past week #but i'm already failing at that because they started to come back the moment i was told i have to go #and i feel like a fucking asshole because my aunt's mom literally passed away and she (and her whole family) must be heartbroken right now #and all i can think about is that i'm anxious #i'm anxious to go back there. i'm anxious just thinking that i'll have to express my condolences to people that i don't even know #i'm anxious because i'll have to TALK to people and at least try to look a bit SAD but i can't just fake it #bc if i don't look sad my brain tells me that i'm an asshole that doesn't have feelings like apparently everyone around me has #but if i fake it my brain tells me that i'm an asshole bc why tf do i have to fake my fucking personality #why can't i just express my fucking feelings like normal people do and the only thing that i know how to do is fucking complain #like. i know i rant a lot here but it's literally the only place where i talk about my feelings #i NEVER talk about my feelings with anyone because idk HOW to do it #i have like a million things in my mind that i want to tell my mom or my therapy for example but when i finally convince myself to do it #i just CAN'T. the thoughts won't leave my mouth because i don't know how to phrase them properly #so nothing ever leaves my mind unless i make a post here bc apparently writing my thoughts in english (my 2nd language) #is easier than talking in spanish #and at least if i write them here they don't just stay bottled up in my mind #but i'm too tired of myself and my stupid brain that tells me that i do everything wrong :/ #i'm gonna shut up now bc i once again reached the tag limit