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thesunisatangerine · 5 months

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against all odds (to wait for you is all i can do) – part ten

alexia putellas x photojournalist!reader

warnings: none (im pretty sure)

(a/n in the tags) [parts: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve]

word count: 5.8k

The melodic chirping of birds in time with the gentle beat of Alexia’s heart roused you, your back delightfully warm, and for what seemed to be a long time you felt well-rested–felt as if the leaded weight that made its home in your bones finally melted away because, truly, you’d forgotten the lightness of being one felt upon waking from a night’s sleep or, even more so, the lightness one felt when waking in the sheltering arms of a lover. So you sighed, content and at peace, as you breathed Alexia in when you nestled further into the safety of her neck where faint wintergreen and her delicate, earthly scent lived, familiar and evermore comforting.

When you finally drew your eyes open, the world came to focus and revealed, in its center, Alexia already awake, her head propped on her arm with her honey eyes, just like molten gold in the resplendent glow of the morning sun, lidded as she gazed at you with a lazy smile, soft and relaxed but it ignited you with a gentle flame all the same, whose radiance only intensified upon meeting your eyes.

“Good morning.” Alexia greeted you and it struck you just how much you missed the sound of her voice in the morning, low and soft with just the right amount of rasp that never failed to incite the desire to kiss her right then.

“Good morning.” You replied in the same tone, cheeks warming to a gentle simmer in the face of your lover’s tender demeanour. She brushed the back of her fingers on your cheek while a silence filled the space between your eyes, intimate, as you soaked each other in. But when you could no longer sustain the weight from her gaze–when you chest had filled twice over that it felt in danger of bursting from the sheer joy of being looked upon by such earnest affection–you whispered, “you’re staring.”

Alexia tucked your hair behind your ear before she countered in a voice so tender your heart ached.

“And you’re beautiful.”

No words could translate the gravity of what you felt in that moment, so you spoke the only language that could ever come close to conveying it: you cupped her jaw and caught her lips between yours, seared the missed ‘good morning’s’ and the lost ‘hello, how are you’s’ into the kiss, the pace languid but sweet, savouring the way her lips parted in this silent conversation–relishing the way Alexia tasted like summer on your tongue.

Alexia tugged you closer, and closer still but still not close enough, with a gentle pressure from her hand against the small of your back, the other now over the nape of your neck.

But the conversation was cut short, too short, when a small gasp reached your ear, electrifying you in an unpleasant way your eyes flung wide open, darting immediately to the direction of the sound to find Elisa standing at the last step of the stairs, her hair ruffled from sleep, her loose shirt creased and draped slightly to the side, mouth wide open in disbelief as she gawked at the sight of the two of you.

And what a sight the two of you must have been.

In your haste to extricate yourself from Alexia, you ended up flopping down against the tiled floor, the carpet doing little to cushion your fall, but you recovered quickly and now you stood there not quite knowing what to do with your arms or what to even say. Alexia, on the other hand, remained half on her back and half sitting up, her weight against an elbow, the other arm frozen outstretched towards you, a clear attempt to save you from when you fell down. If the situation had been different, you probably would’ve laughed especially at Alexia’s expression: her face contorted in part mortification and part worry, brows upturned, eyes agape, and lips partially opened–if only you weren’t too flustered yourself to do so.

Alexia got her bearing faster than you, though–damn her and her athletic condition–because she, too, now stood from the couch (and did so with a lot more grace than you did). She cleared her throat, fumbled with her hands as it looked like she tried to stick her hands in her jacket pockets before it dawned on her that it remained still on the coffee table, so she resorted in putting them in her jean pockets instead.

“Good morning, Elisa. How are you?” Alexia said in English and her voice wavered at the end, the question infused with a guilty inflection.

With bated breath, you waited for your daughter’s reaction as trepidation filled you, which only worsened when Elisa’s eyes darted at you, then to Alexia, then back to you again. Numerous scenarios fleeted through your mind and out of all the images your mind conjured, what happened next was not one them: you didn’t expect the way with which Elisa’s surprise morphed into smug delight, her once opened mouth now curved into a coy smile, not dissimilar to a cat’s, that only served to accentuate the mischievous gleam in her eyes.

“Are you guys dating?” Each word deliberately drawled out as Elisa posed them, punctuated by a teasing cadence that set your ears and cheeks aflame. The question, thankfully, brought you back to yourself because only you could save you and Alexia from this situation.

“Okay, I think I need to have a conversation with you so up you go, young lady, back to your room for now.” You said as you approached Elisa who you guided towards the stairs with a gentle hand on her back but not before you placed a good morning kiss on the crown of her head. Elisa whined, but she heeded your words nonetheless, although she did sneak a wave and a cheeky thumbs up to Alexia on the way up, leaving you with an amused smile on your lips at her antics as you thought fondly, shaking your head, ‘Oh my god, this child.’

When Elisa was finally out of sight and you heard her bedroom door shut, you let out the breath you were holding. That really could have been a disaster, and when you looked over your shoulder, you found the same thought written in Alexia’s face. You dragged your feet back to where Alexia stood who, as soon as you got close enough, was quick to pull you back into her gentle arms. With your cheek pressed against her collarbone, her arms loose around your waist, and her chin resting on your head, you were grounded back to the moment, your muscles relaxing as apprehension began to leave you.

“That was mortifying.”

Alexia let out an airy laugh, the remnant of her nervousness still apparent. “I know. At least we didn’t do it last night.”

“Alexia,” you groaned as your cheeks burnt anew, “please, don’t–I don’t even want to imagine that right now.”

Melodic laughter filled your ears again before it tapered off which, once again, left you two blanketed in the subtle refrain of the waking world and the warmth of the sunlight that streamed through the window. You didn’t know which of you moved first but in the next moment, you found the both of you swaying to a gentle rhythm as you held each other.

“So, what now?” Alexia asked, breaking the silence.

“I… I don’t know.” You answered truthfully. Sure, the both of you agreed to take everything slow, but where to even start? When intimacy and familiarity were already there, strong and incessant in their pull, how could torn lovers begin to mend the fragments–to keep everything tentative and slow? Where should the lines be drawn, the boundaries set, when a profound desire that transcended physical affection already made its home in your heart, a yearning that constantly craved for not only Alexia’s company but also her thoughts? Because with Alexia, you wanted–and would always–want more.

“I think, for now, I need to talk to Elisa about this–about us.” Sighing, you continued, “what do I even tell her?”

“Well, she seems to approve.” At that, the both of you chuckled, then Alexia spoke again, serious but her tone remained light when she did. “Tell her whatever you’re comfortable with. Slow, remember? No labels for now, it’s just you and me.”

She placed a kiss against your ear and you hummed, nuzzling her neck in gratitude.

Another pause.

“I think I should go.”

Hard as you tried, you couldn’t hide your disappointment at what Alexia just said even though it was probably the best thing to do right now. There were much you needed to talk to Elisa about alone: her nightmares and her therapy, and now this. The only thing that eased your heart was the fact that Alexia seemed as reluctant to go, too, with the way her hold on you tightened and you responded to her touch by falling further into her, clutching the fabric of her shirt in an attempt to let her know you’d rather she stayed.

“I know. Me, too,” Alexia sighed seeming to understand what you were feeling as she kissed your temple. “How about this? If you and Elisa are feeling up for it, I could take you some place tomorrow? I did tell you before that I’d show you around.”

At the reminder, the memory fleeted through your mind and a sense of melancholy filled you but you swallowed it down before it could take root. Then you hummed in agreement, “I’ll ask Elisa about it. What’s on for you today?”

“Apart from waiting until tomorrow comes?” Alexia joked which made you giggle. “I’ll probably visit La Masia, check with Josep for next week’s schedule, then head home or visit Mamá and the family.”

“That sounds fun.” You said as you began to kiss her, knowing that your time together for the day would end any second now. As you punctuated each word with a kiss, you continued, “alright, I should let you go now, then.”

The rumble from Alexia’s chuckle radiated beneath your palm on her chest as she whined, “you’re making it really difficult to leave.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop now,” you giggled and just as you began to pull away, Alexia cradled the nape of your neck and sealed your lips together again for a deeper kiss. Then she pulled away but not before dragging down your lower lip with her thumb as she untwined herself from you and gave you a look that made you burn all over.

“Call me later?”

You nodded.

Alexia grabbed her leather jacket, gave you a smile and one last peck on your cheek, before she strode out of the door.

The feeling of loss that arrived upon her departure did not go unnoticed by you but before it could settle in your heart, you made your way to Elisa’s bedroom. As soon as you entered though, Elisa shot you a question without any preamble, practically buzzing in her excitement.

“Mom, why didn’t you tell me you’re dating Alexia?”

Your cheeks burnt at Elisa’s bluntness.

“Before we get to that, ladybug, I need to talk with you about something first.” You said as you set yourself down next to her on the bed. Elisa regarded you with a look that said she already knew what you were going to talk with her about. You wrapped an arm around her and squeezed her shoulder. “I’m worried about your nightmares and your therapy. Do you think we need to switch to a different therapist?”

Elisa gnawed on her lower lip before she spoke in a soft voice. “I like my current one. She’s cool and she makes it easy for me to talk about what happened. But I can take more sessions if you want me to.”

“Do you think you need more sessions?” You looked at Elisa pointedly, emphasising the fact that the choice was hers to make. “All I want is what’s best for you and your wellbeing, Elisa. I’m not trying to make you do anything, especially if you know yourself you don’t need them, but I also can’t just stand by and watch so I’m just here to tell you that there are options. If you need more sessions, we can do it. If you want to change therapists, we’ll both find you a new one. As long as it’s going to help you get through this, we can do it.”

“I’m not sure… Can I–” You caught her eye again and you raised your brows at her chosen word, and you watched as Elisa nodded, understanding what you meant, before she began again, “I will talk to my therapist about it and see if I do.”

You beamed at her, proud as you squeezed her shoulder again. She smiled back.

“So, what do you think is causing this spike in nightmares?”

“I… I don’t know. I think I’m just nervous? Also, maybe too excited?” Then Elisa added with a small laugh, “or both? I don’t really know.”

“About what, ladybug?”

“Going back to the Academy.”

At this information, you couldn’t help but frown, confused. “Is something happening in the Academy?”

Concern must have been too apparent in your tone because Elisa quickly looked at you and said as she waved her hands in reassurance, “it’s nothing bad, Mom, don’t worry! It’s just, Coach told us there are scouts coming some time around the end of the year and I’m… I really want to play for Barça, Mom.”

You understood her apprehension but her answer didn’t tell you why her shoulders looked like they’d taken on an invisible weight again with the way her spine curved inwards, almost dejected.

“That’s a really big opportunity, ladybug, so I understand that pressure is there for you to perform your best. Is it the pressure that’s making you think about what happened?”

Elisa shrugged, quirking her lips to the side in an unsure manner. A moment later though, she nodded and admitted in a small voice. “I just don’t want to let them down. I don’t want to let you down.”

“Elisa,” you took her hand in yours. “Never, never. If your parents were here, they would tell you how proud they are of how far you’ve come already. You’re so strong, ladybug, and you don’t even know how much. And if you happen to fall down, we’ll be here to support you until you’re ready to stand back up again. Just know that whatever happens, you will always be enough. Always, Elisa. ”

Elisa leant her head against your shoulder then she turned her head and gazed at you with wide eyes. “You really think I can make it?”

“I believe in you, ladybug. Do you?” You pinched her arm playfully which earned you a giggle from her. When she looked back up at you and you saw the determined gleam in her eye, the worry in you was put to rest.

“Yes.”

At that, you couldn’t help the warmth that surged through you and you hugged her. “There you go. I’m so proud of you, ladybug.”

After a moment of silence, Elisa asked in a teasing tone, “so… Alexia, huh, Mom?”

Your cheeks warmed. “What about her?”

“Are you together?”

“It’s… complicated right now, ladybug. We’re working on it.”

“Was that why you always looked sad whenever we talked about her? Before now?” You raised your brows in surprise. You’d always tried your hardest to school your features whenever Alexia was brought up because you didn’t want Elisa to worry but you didn’t think that you were that transparent.

“Did I really?”

“Yeah. I don’t know how to explain it but whenever you tried to smile, it didn’t quite reach your eyes.”

“Oh.” Pause. “I… I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

Elisa shook her head. “There’s nothing to be sorry for, Mom. And it’s different now. Now you look happy.”

“I am.” You admitted with a small smile. “How… how do you feel about us, though?”

“I’m happy that you’re happy, Mom. It’s going to take awhile to get used to the Alexia Putellas being around but I’ll be fine. And as long as she treats you well, I’m alright.”

Your chest expanded at her words. “Thank you, ladybug, that… that means a lot.”

Elisa hugged you then and you hugged her back.

“Speaking of, Alexia offered to take us around the city tomorrow. What do you say?”

At that, Elisa practically jumped up, unable to control her excitement and you laughed.

True to her words, Alexia pulled up in her car the next day a couple of hours before noon. Alexia looked comfy in her white sneakers, ankle length socks, shorts, an oversized t-shirt, and a baseball cap, and upon opening the door for her, she took you in her arms and kissed you. Her eagerness amused you and you laughed against her lips but you tangled your fingers in her hair to deepen the kiss anyway.

“I missed you.” Alexia spoke between kisses.

“It’s only been a day,” you smiled into the kiss, charmed. “And I missed you, too.”

Time slipped you as you lost yourself in Alexia’s arms and lips, and you didn’t know how long the both of you were there by the open door, but it was apparently long enough that Elisa needed to interrupt you two. A terse cough made you pull away and, turning to look at Elisa who was standing just beneath the archway that lead to the living room, offered your daughter an apologetic smile. Elisa only stood there with her arms crossed, clearly unimpressed with the way her brows were creased.

“Hola, Elisa.” Alexia said with a shy wave which drew your attention back to her and you bit your lip at the state of her face. You reached out to wipe away the faint smudge of your lipstick on the corner of her lips and, upon realising what you’d done, Alexia quirked her brows up as she smiled at you, sheepish.

“Hi, Alexia.” A pause. “Wait, should I be calling you Aunt Alexia now?”

Alexia opened her mouth then closed it, seeming to be completely disarmed by the question. And when she looked at you with plea in her wide eyes asking you silently how she should answer it, you knew just how much the question definitely caught her off guard.

“Uh, if you want to.” Her words lilted with so much uncertainty it sounded more like a question than a statement.

Then Elisa grinned at the both of you, practically beaming. “I’m just messing with you, Alexia.”

She then continued to skip between you two, bounding through the door and down the porch stairs, and you held your laughter in as Alexia looked after her with a bewildered gaze, mouth agape. Once Elisa got to where Alexia’s car was parked, she started to wave the two of you over.

“She’s… she’s very funny.” Alexia laughed nervously, eyes still fixed at Elisa. Then she whispered conspiratorially, pointing to Elisa for good measure. “Are you sure she’s the same kid I met at the Olympics?”

“Yes.” You chuckled as you locked the door and began descending down the stairs. “She’s only like this when she feels comfortable around people. So, do you know what that means?”

Alexia shook her head.

You smiled at her, cupping her cheek before you pressed a light kiss on the other. “It means she likes you.”

At that, Alexia smiled back at you with lightness in her eyes before she grabbed your hand, intertwined her fingers with yours, and kissed the back of it. And the gesture warmed you more than Barcelona’s summer sun ever could.

Then, once the three of you were in Alexia’s car, you asked, “so, what do you have planned for us today?”

Alexia adjusted her rearview mirror to look at Elisa at the back seat, smiling. “First of, who’s hungry?”

After a delicious–and a quite scenic–brunch at a restaurant located by one of Barcelona’s waterfronts, the three of you took a short walk down a nearby landing connected to the port. By this time, the sun had already reached its peak, and with the vacant sky and the high tide, the view was one someone would expect to have come out of a film; the blue tinge of both the heavens and the sea was so vivid that you knew your camera would have trouble capturing the essence of it. Image after image, you captured your surroundings and as the three of you walked on, rolls of film were exposed to the light of Elisa and Alexia, and these images, you knew, you would cherish forever.

At one point during the walk, Alexia asked you to teach her how to work your camera, and so you did. With Elisa between you looking over at the sea, you guided Alexia’s fingers over the camera and taught her how to hold it properly, before you told her about the rest. As soon as she got it, she slung your camera around her neck and immediately started taking photos of you and Elisa. You laughed when she held the camera at arm’s length in an attempt to take a selfie of the three of you, adjusting it as best as she could to get the right angle before she set the timer. You told her as all of you returned to her car that you’d send her the fruit of her labour the moment you developed the negatives.

About half an hour later after hitting the road again, the three of you ended up at the second stop for the day: Camp Nou’s Barça store–much to Elisa’s delight. When Alexia parked the car at a less crowded spot and began to take her seatbelt off, you fixed Alexia with a reluctant gaze, speaking in Spanish so Elisa wouldn’t understand.

“Is it really wise for you to just march in the store? You’re the Alexia Putellas, after all, there’s no way no one would notice.”

In response, Alexia held a finger up to indicate you should wait and shifted so she could grab the hoodie that was hanging over the back of her seat. She put it on, zipped it up and pulled the hood down over her cap, then she put on a face mask and her sunglasses, her light brown hair spilling out to frame her face.

“Voila!” Alexia waved her open hands. “What do you think?”

You looked her up and down. All of her tattoos were covered but even with her attire and her face concealed, you could still recognise her–maybe you could chalk that up to you intimate familiarity with Alexia’s being but still. So you said as you schooled your features, your voice monotonous. “Wow. You really look like a whole new person.”

Alexia threw her head back, laughing. Then, “we’ll treat it as an experiment and see if they will.”

“That’s very modest of you,” you countered, tone still dry.

“Thank you,” she retorted in a saccharine tone while she flipped her hair over her shoulder, and that, in turn, made you laugh.

So then it was decided that you and Elisa would also wear face masks as all of you went on ahead in your quest to infiltrate–as per Alexia’s words–the store. Much to your surprise, Alexia’s disguise worked although she did draw some unwarranted glances, ranging from suspicion to pure amusement, due to the nature of her getup. And to your chagrin, once the three of you got back to the car with your bags of merch, Alexia smirked at you, smugness all too evident in the curve of her lips.

After that, Alexia took all of you for a drive up a mountainside with the windows rolled down that let the fresh, summer breeze rush inside. With the wind in her hair, she began to sing along with you and Elisa to the music playing on the radio, nodding her head to the beat of the music. At the end of the ascent, Alexia parked the car at your third stop, which turned out to be the Tibidabo Amusement Park.

You knew this place was pretty high up, but the moment you stepped out of the car, even from the parking lot, the view hit you: it was incredible. The city of Barcelona stretched out far into the distance, expansive and seemingly never-ending, and you could just see the strip of blue that bordered the ports, and the colours of the city’s structures were made ever-vibrant by the radiance of the sun. The view pulled you towards the edge of the parking lot, where you put the viewfinder to your eye to capture it.

“The view is stunning, isn’t it?” Came Alexia’s voice from beside you.

“Yeah…” you said, breathless, dragging you eyes from the cityscape to Alexia and as you did the remainder of your breath was completely taken away, cheeks warming when you found Alexia gazing at you, her smile as tender as her eyes, while her loose brown hair fluttered to the breeze which added to the softness of her demeanour. The urge to kiss her then became too much so before you fall into temptation, you closed the distance and simply rested your head against her strong shoulder, an arm around Elisa’s shoulder when she stepped into the space beside you.

Soon, you began a short trek upwards to get to the entrance, and if the view from the parking lot took your breath away, it was nothing compared to what you found at the top: from the regal immensity of the structure of the Temple of the Sacred Heart of Jesus that greeted you, to the Torre de las Aguas de Dos Ríos that stood proud just behind the Temple, to the perspective that overlooked the other side of Barcelona. After another round of picture-taking, the three of you finally entered the park.

The day went by as the three of you amused yourselves with the park's attractions. And since you'd all forgone wearing masks, Alexia was, as expected, recognised by people and was stopped more than a handful of times for photos and signatures during different points of your excursion. And you watched with Elisa on the sidelines, appreciating the way Alexia interacted with her supporters, and smiled at her with encouragement and reassurance whenever she looked at you two with an apologetic gleam in her eyes.

By the time the three of you left the park, the sun had begun to set.

It was another drive around the mountain side that lead you to the last stop for the day: Mirador d’Horta. Alexia parked the car in such a way that the trunk faced the cliffside before she urged the two of you to step out and you gasped.

You’d seen some magnificent scenes today, but this one was definitely your favorite.

There you stood, taking in the way the lights of the city burned like embers embedded in the earth. There was something about witnessing the city at night that never failed to make you feel connected, elevated, when you see the million tangible proofs of existence: under each light was a person, a family—lovers—all in their own worlds at their corner of this world you shared with them. And in your corner, in the opened trunk of Alexia’s car, was your world right beside you, and there was nowhere else you’d rather be. The three of you sat there in silence, Elisa in the middle of you and Alexia gazing over the city lights.

It wasn’t long until the day finally took its toll on Elisa, and she ended up settling her head on your lap and dozing off into slumber. You smiled down at her, brushing back her hair behind her ear as you watched her breathe deeply, feeling relieved when you noticed the peaceful smile on her lips.

“So her battery does run out. Sometimes, I forget just how much energy kids have.” The pure awe in Alexia’s voice made you let out a quiet laugh.

“It has its way of catching you off guard.” You shook your head fondly before you met Alexia’s eyes and teased, “I can’t believe she tired you out; aren’t you supposed to be the athletic one?”

“Hey! I’m only human; thank you very much. And what’s a thirty-year-old compared to a twelve-year-old?" Alexia raised an eyebrow in challenge.

“Touché. Ah, to feel young and full of energy again.”

Alexia cringed before she laughed out. “Please, stop. You’re making me feel old.”

“I’m making us feel old.”

The both of you chuckled, then took a momentary pause. You turned to Alexia and asked, "Did you run your parents ragged as a kid?”

The inner corners of her brows lifted—it was subtle, but you were familiar enough with the intricacies of her demeanour that you caught it—exposing more of her eyes, which looked pensive in the dim light, her lips pressed in a melancholic line before she smiled, wistful.

“Oh, yeah, but I’d like to think I wasn’t a menace. It’s just—you know, when you get so focused on something that you forget the time?"

You nodded. She continued.

“When I was much younger, there were times I was so intent on winning that I’d forget about dinner. So, one of them would look for me around the streets or the square. But after I got into Sabadell, my energy finally found the right outlet, and most days I’d gone home tired. Papá–” Alexia bit her lip, her eyes glazing over for a moment as she receded somewhere—a tender memory—then she shook her head. You watched the way her throat moved as she swallowed before she continued, voice raspy and quiet, “He, uh, he’d always exclaim, ‘She’s finally tamed!’ whenever I’d slump down on the couch after a practice. It was ridiculous, but it never failed to cheer me up.”

You grabbed her hand and squeezed it, expressing silent gratitude for the memory she imparted, as you smiled at the image of young Alexia with red cheeks in a sweat-soaked shirt, hair matted to her face, being chased and dragged back home to have dinner.

“No, I can’t imagine you being a menace. Mischievous, yes, and probably hot-headed, but never a menace.”

She laughed, winking at you. “Yeah, hot-headed is probably what people who knew me then would say about me. And I can’t imagine you being a menace, either.”

You raised your brow at her, smiling slyly. “Are you sure about that?”

Alexia opened her mouth as if to reassert her claim, but you saw the way her confidence wavered as she regarded you. Then she closed her mouth, now looking more unsure.

“Wait, are you being serious right now?”

You allowed her confusion to linger for another moment before you finally broke your character. “No, I wasn’t a menace, but you really should’ve seen the look on your face.”

Alexia squinted at you and muttered just loud enough for you to hear, her tone dry. “Are you sure about that?”

“Hey!” You yelled quietly, giving her shoulder a playful nudge but being careful not to accidentally jostle Elisa awake before you took her hand again. You intertwined your fingers together and pressed a kiss on the back of her hand, meeting her eyes. Then you took a moment to soak her in.

“Thank you, Alexia, for today. You don’t know how much this means to Elisa... how it means to me.”

Alexia squeezed your hand, smiling softly.

“I’m glad you both enjoyed it.” Alexia squeezed your hand as she regarded Elisa with a soft eye. Then a sincere smile lingered on her lips as she caught your gaze and said, “I think I needed something like today more than I realised. It feels good to be spending time with you again.”

Warmth bloomed in your chest, clearly understanding what Alexia meant.

“I know the feeling,” you whispered. And I missed you, too.”

With her other hand, Alexia reached out over the space between you and brushed her thumb over your cheek, tucking a strand of loose hair behind your ear as she smiled at you with her eyes and her lips. With the city lights behind her, the soft glow of the car light bathing her features in its golden glow, and the summer breeze playing with the soft strands of her hair, Alexia looked so tenderly human, the embodiment of warmth and all that the word entailed, gentle and, oh, so soft.

The two of you sat in silence, just soaking each other in, until a ping from Alexia’s phone interrupted the moment. Alexia looked down, read it, and then locked the screen with a sigh. When she met your eyes, hers were apologetic. You smiled in understanding.

“Time to go?”

“Yes.” Alexia sighed as she stood up and tucked her phone back into her pocket. “It was Josep. He reminded me I have a full day tomorrow.”

You nodded. You gently roused Elisa, watched her drag her feet to the back seat, and nearly chuckled when she fell right back to sleep after putting her seatbelt on and closing the door. You turned to Alexia, and as soon as she closed the trunk, you cradled her jaws in your hands and pulled her down for a kiss. Immediately, Alexia wrapped her arms around your waist, pulling you closer to her.

“I wanted to do that all day.” You whispered against her lips.

Alexia gasped when you nipped at her lower lip before she buried her fingers in your hair, deepening the kiss. “You have no idea.”

On the way back to Derek's house, Alexia kept one hand on your thigh. And with the radio playing softly as the car passed under a tunnel with lights overhead, it felt like you were in a movie.

After Elisa had gone back inside the house after thanking Alexia for the day and bidding her farewell for the night, you kissed Alexia’s cheek in gratitude. Then her lips.

With her forehead resting against yours, she whispered, “I’ll see you Tuesday?”

“Yeah.” You brushed your nose against hers before you kissed her again. You began to pull away. “Have fun tomorrow.”

“I will. I–” Alexia’s cheeks flushed before she smiled. “Bye, for now.”

Later, when you were in bed about to go to sleep, you received a message from Alexia. She sent you a link to a tweet containing a photoset that contained pictures of the three of you but mostly pictures of a hooded Alexia taken from a distance by the photos’ grainy quality, captioned, 'Alexia, what are you doing????’ followed by a string of laughing emojis.

At that, you couldn’t help but laugh. Her disguise was ridiculous in person, but captured like this, you thought it was a work of pure comedy.

You messaged her back, 'I guess you do have reason to be modest after all.’

#ap11 #not proofread #mine #my writing #a/n:#this was meant to be longer but i decided to split it into (or else this wouldve been like 10k long or something lol)#sorry for not updating last week id been in pain for the last 2 weeks so it was hard to concentrate #not to mention i got hit by a writer's block so i needed to just take a step back lol #anyway i just need to tie up some loose ends in the next part and then against all odds will be finished in two weeks time 🥲#also i apologise for any style inconsistency #i may or may not have been rereading frankenstein while going through some parts of this lol #will fix any grammar/spelling/prose mistakes later #woso x reader #alexia putellas x reader

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margridarnauds · 3 days

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what makes bres such a special boy to you

I mean, you know better than almost anyone how long he's been following me, how long I've been following him. I've been to this man's grave site, like. Within the next year, I intend to have visited this man's fortress, or what's left of it. I've crossed oceans for him, multiple times. I've argued for him, consistently, advocated for him, and, if nothing else, I can say that, if people think I'm obsessed or one-note, they HAVE had to think about him. He has changed my life and he's continued to change my life, and the way I understand him now isn't the way I first understood him when I was 14, which won't be how I understand him when I'm 40. In some ways, you could say that he and I have grown up together.

And...there's a lot to draw me to him. As a character, he's fascinating, because from the evidence we have, the villainous depiction of him in Cath Maige Tuired, his main text, is a recent development -- it SEEMS most likely that he was a prominent literary figure who was viewed positively, but because the author of CMT wanted to make a political point, he was made into an anti-king character, a villain to represent the ultimate degradation of the social order. Even there, he's isn't what you'd expect from a tyrant figure -- he isn't BLOODTHIRSTY. An entitled brat, yes, but not bloodthirsty. Not sexually predatory.

When I first started working with him, I pictured him as this kind of seductive, bad boy character. His goal was to act as this figure of temptation for a (now cut) OC of mine. But the problem was that, the more I looked into him, the more it didn't work. But I kept working with him, kept fiddling with him, looking into more texts, and I think that it finally set in for me when I was 16, and I had just cut off contact with my father. And I was...I wasn't a wreck -- after the initial crying fit was over, I was more angry than anything else, as I recall, but I was a little lost. Like, here was this image of a family that I'd had in my head, this image of a relationship with my father that I'd never have, and it was gone.

And I was rereading Cath Maige Tuired, and I distinctly remember reading Bres seeing his own father for the first time, after his father essentially asks him why the fuck he's bothering to go to him in Lochlann, doesn't he have a kingdom of his own, and thinking about Bres' response: "I have a question then: what advice do you have for me?"

And I remember reading it, for the first time, not as something snarky, not as him being stupid, but him being lost. This young man, possibly no more than 25, visiting his father for the first time, probably having all these preconceptions about this man, and his response to him is "Why are you here? What are you doing here? Why are you invading my life?" Scholarship is overwhelmingly sympathetic to Elatha in this scene; it thinks that Bres is the unworthy son of a great father. I read it and I see a creation looking at its creator and going "do you have anything useful to give me? You created me, why?" Bres is a Frankenstein story, he's created by Elatha, had this name put on him by Elatha, and then summarily abandoned to his fate.

And as I got older, as I developed myself a little bit more, as I learned that Celtic Studies was a FIELD, I remember reading John Carey's Myth and Mythography in Cath Maige Tuired, where he made the argument that Bres was originally a positive figure but also pointed out that Bres fulfills an ungodly number of traits associated with the Irish HERO. It was also...interesting to me, the more work I did, how often that women come up in Bres' life, how the women of the tribe support him in the kingship, how his mother is his closest relationship in the text, and that hit me VERY hard in the "raised by a single parent." (I've also done a lot of thinking about how he's queered by that connection to the women, how it's a way of showing that he doesn't live up to the standards of masculinity in medieval Ireland, because Bres was ALWAYS for the girls and the gays.) That was what spurred me onto my undergrad, where I did a lot of work on Bres' fall from literary grace, where I also developed the idea for my MA thesis. I think it's easy, when looking at this grand, heroic texts to focus on the hero -- because we want to BE like the hero, don't we? The hero exemplifies society, exemplifies those neat little categories. We want to be effortlessly skilled, or charismatic, or beautiful, but what happens when, for whatever reason, you fail? What happens when you're Salieri and not Mozart? And CMT is a text that is BIG on parallels -- there are so many ways that Lugh, Bres, and Nuada parallel and contrast one another, they're built up deliberately as foils to one another. So, I understand why Lugh is more popular, but I'm more interested in Bres because I think he's the more realistic, the more human of the two of them. He's a man who isn't a monster, who isn't portrayed in the text as a monster, but he isn't enough, even when he tries, and possibly never could be, and who ends up becoming the Tuatha Dé's own rabid dog, turning against his masters. It's great to like Lugh, to admire Lugh (even though he IS murderous in other texts), but how many of us are more like Bres than Lugh, at the end of the day?

I also dealt more, during my undergrad, with OTHER texts where he shows up, often more positively. His relationship with Sreng in the First Battle was really interesting to me, seeing Bres develop this positive relationship with someone else from another tribe, seeing him genuinely experience friendship, even if it's for a little while, even if it's bittersweet because they have to fight one another. There's the reference in his death tale to him dying "without successful progeny" -- he outlived his children, and we see his son die in CMT "in his father's presence" -- Bres literally watched his son die in front of him due to an order *either he or the rest of the Fomorian leadership gave* and he is STILL dehumanized in depictions of him, with some adaptations even having him coldly have Ruadán die at his feet.

And then, as I was rereading CMT in the Old Irish a couple of years ago, I made the realization that he is actually described as a "mac" -- a boy. He's this symbol of corruption and failure but he's also neurodivergent and a minor a *child* -- whose fault is it more? The child for ruling poorly, or the adults who put him in that situation in the first place? By the time he takes revenge, sure, he's an adult, he's responsible for everything he does, but he starts this out as a potentially seven year old boy king, where no one wanted him in that position because he was replacing a very popular king suddenly.

So. He haunts me. I think he always will. I don't see a time when I'll ever stop being haunted by him. Like, I've entwined my life around his and...I'm kind of okay with that. I do a lot more than just him, but I also think that he's the first association people usually have with me, and...that's okay. That's a kind of immortality too, isn't it? To tie yourself that tightly to something that's lasted for a thousand years? I'm very happy to chase him for another few decades, though who knows if I'll ever fully understand him, because I think, in order to do that, I'd have to understand myself, every single part of my soul, as well as fully understanding the souls of the various scribes in medieval Ireland who wrote down these stories, and that's an impossible task.

In other words, "this thing of darkness, I acknowledge mine."

#bres mac elathan #long post

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goose-books · 7 months

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please check out @yvesdot's remastered debut! trust me, it's worth a read and a reread and a re-revisit. for the blog tour, i give you... another blast from the past, an old-fashioned writeblr-style comic sans powerpoint!

Something’s Not Right, published by tRaum Books, will be released October 10th 2023 and is available to preorder at Amazon, Bookshop.org, and itch.io. It will also be available upon release signed from Bookshop Santa Cruz. yves. will also have a local event at 6:30 PM on October 12th at the Santa Cruz Diversity Center and another on January 4th 2024 (to be announced) at Bookshop Santa Cruz.

(my sixth favorite story is koschei, btw. shoutout to koschei. sorry i left you off the slides)

(slides described under the cut)

all slides are written in white comic sans on a black background.

slide one: text reading "FIVE reasons YOU should read" over a cropped image of the cover for Something's Not Right, featuring the title. smaller comic sans next to the image reads "by yves."

slide two: at the center of the slide, text reads "1. IT'S GAY!" smaller text boxes, scattered around the slide, read:

so many transgender people

you want fluff? we got fluff. you want angst? we got angst. you want high octane drama? we got it

you like metaphors for queerness? we’ve got metaphors for queerness

some characters’ identities are plot relevant! some of them just happen to be trans!

there’s even an m/f couple i actually like!

there’s literally a lesbian robot what else am i supposed to say

first book where i ever saw a they/them lesbian referred to as a woman and they at the same time <3 <3 <3

you want monsterfucking? we got—

between the first and third boxes is this image of feathers. beneath the monsterfucking box is this image of a halo/eclipse. beneath the they/them lesbian box is the anakin image from this post, reading, "dyke business. go back to your drinks"

slide three: the top of the slide reads "2. CLEVER USE OF TROPES AND TALES." the bullet points beneath read:

the author was a lit major & lovingly: it shows

fresh takes on everything from sexy vampires to demigod/human romance

do you like russian folklore? do you wish it was set in your high school

hansel and gretel story followed immediately by wlw fairies

STORY WHERE VICTOR FRANKENSTEIN GOES TO A PARENT TEACHER CONFERENCE

an arrow points from the sexy vampire bullet to an image of edward cullen, captioned "this guy isn't in there." another points from the frankenstein bullet to a picture of the book Frankenstein, captioned "this guy is, tho"

slide four: at the center of the slide, text reads "3. DELIGHTFUL NARRATIVE VOICE." smaller text boxes read "the sheer range of the range of character narrations in this book is impressive and so fun" and "we got teen talk we got litfic prose we got monsters narrating we got ordinary people." there are also three quotes from various stories, set in speech bubbles:

“Everyone’s cousin Tanya says she’s done it with an elf dude. That doesn’t mean shit.”

“And all of these things were true, and simultaneous, and all of them were occurring only a moment before she might be killed, and rise again.”

“At first, the plants seemed quite innocuous, and Ephraim watched them pile up on the windows of the little greenhouse with mild curiosity.”

there is also an edited image of the "she doesn't have the range" meme, reading, "they have the range."

slide five: the top of the slide reads "4. DON’T LIKE ONE-OFFS? NO PROBLEM!" the bullet points beneath read:

do you prefer your short stories unrelated to each other? completely tonally variant?

SNR has got that!

do you prefer your short stories interconnected? do you like recurring characters? do you want to see… characters from OTHER yves. projects?

SNR has got that too!

smaller text boxes read "Red and Eliza from Forest Castles are there!" and "maybe avner too. i'm not allowed to say"

there is also a picture of hannah montana's "best of both worlds" album.

slide six: the top of the slide reads "5. THERE ARE NEW STORIES IN IT!" the bullet points beneath read:

already an SNR fan? already have a copy? you haven’t yet read the new content!

THREE new stories

what if the alien abductee you were interviewing had questions… for you?

what if you had to love-potion your crush… for someone else?

what if you had to come out to your date… AS A MONSTER?

there are clipart images on the side of an alien spaceship, a bubbling potion, and a lit candle.

slide seven: word art with a glowing green shadow reads "max's favorite stories :)". each story blurb goes with a corresponding image:

Six Hours Under: the woman on the L train is crying, dead, and very very pretty. [clipart of a train]

Monsters and The Guy: there’s a guy in Arrivals. he’s being weird about it. [clipart of an airport]

The Hands and The Mouth: the story-speakers speak only in script. there are only a few of them left. [clipart of rolling waves]

Don't Feel Guilty: a teen’s plant collection starts to unnerve their father. [clipart of a leaf]

Blood Orange Tea: getting trapped at work with your crush is awkward even when you’re not a vampire. [clipart of iced tea]

slide eight: large text reads "THANK YOU. GO FORTH AND BUY SNR." in smaller text is the information paragraph from this post.

#max.txt #snr #something's not right #writers on tumblr #yvesdot #yves tag #by others #:) :) :)

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the---hermit · 1 year

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13|12|2022

My months of rest and relaxation // day 35

Today I worked all day, so I have very little free time, I didn't even manage to read first thing in the morning, so there's not much to say. I finished my rereading of Frankenstein yesterday, and I kind of want to start a very slow reading of Milton's Paradise Lost. I have never read it, it's strongly bound to Frankenstein and I would love to slowly try to get into it. It will probably take a long time, but it's fine, I'll switch between books to keep my motivation high.

Productivity:

worked all day

continued the audiobook of Nettle and Bone by T. Kingfisher

Self care:

made sure to drink enough wanter during the day

lunlun's reading challenge // day 15

Okay, share one of your unpopular opinions on a book/trope/author

To be very honest I think everyone's got their taste, so read whatever feels good to you even though people look down on it. I don't like romance books, it's not my stuff, but I'm not going to shit on it simply because it's super popular and I don't like it. No book is superior to other as long as you are getting something out of it. I don't like when people feel like they're better than others because they read a specific genre. I like classics, but I also like some really stupid graphic novels, I don't really care. I would never pick up a Sally Rooney book because it's everything I don't look for in a novel, but apparently lots of people love exactly that type of books. The reading experience of a book it's too personal to be judged in general.

#i might manage to fit in a quick irish lesson on duolingo after dinner but i'm not sure #studyinspo #studyblr #book #bookblr #journal #studying #notebook #notes #books #annotated book #readingwithlunlun #myhoneststudyblr #hiyatranquil #productivity #self care #journaling #mine #the---hermit

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inolienkiki · 25 days

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hi there! [PLEASE READ THIS bc it has important information about what will be on my blog for the next several months]

so I've been mysteriously mia for the last week, and no it is not because my mom visited and also I'm finally getting therapy

It is actually because I randomly reposted a writing ask game and *people actually responded* and now I must stick by my word and work on 3 projects I will have trouble working on. and I haven't done that yet So I'll do at least a bit of that tomorrow! And send excerpts! And thank you @mx-quartz and @frankensteins-mt-dew and @kazoosandfannypacks for keeping me accountable abt this! Also I made a vague post about isles of the emberdark and it got 14 notes which is a personal record lmao

Anyway the very important information here is that I have finally finished 53 of the books on my reading list this year! This means I'm finally ready to dive deep into my giant Brandon Sanderson reread... that I'm guessing will probably take most of the rest of the year. And I am going to be reading everything affiliated with Brandon Sanderson. I'm talking the Infinity Blade books, Dark One Forgotten, White Sand Prose, Centrifugal, Hyperthief, HARRE, so on. If you're a Sanderson fan and you have no idea what I'm talking about, that's totally valid- the point is, I've found all the obscure stuff and I'm going to read it. Also the entire cosmere and everything else. (Except for Wheel of Time, since I still have only read the first 3 books and I have no intention of skipping to book 12 for no reason.)

Future posts on this blog may be associated with various Brandon Sanderson-affiliated works, and will have spoilers, which I will put below the cut. I will mention this on the applicable posts, I just want to put this information out there so you guys, my 3 followers, (hi! love you guys) don't click through and see something you don't want to see.

Other information: to stop myself from going insane, I am going to be interspersing the Sanderson works with various Warrior Cats books. I don't know which one is more likely to drive me insane, but I'm not sure they work in conjunction, so at least there's some hope for me yet.

I will be starting with The Rithmatist! Tomorrow, probably! (4/5/24) And then I will read Reckoners, including Mitosis and Lux.

This is going to be fun. After all, I'm going to need something to occupy me until the WoR kickstarter gets fulfilled and Wind and Truth comes out.

#brandon sanderson #cosmere #kiki's reading list #big reread

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nellasbookplanet · 25 days

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I was tagged by the wonderful @kmackatie, thank you!

Last song/piece I listened to: not to sound like a huge killjoy, but I don't listen to all that much music lol. I can't really have music on in the background when writing/doing work where I need to think (too easily distracted) and when i do more mindless work i prefer to listen to audiobooks or podcasts over music. Mostly I listen to music while driving, but I can't stand commercials and my car doesn't have bluetooth so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Probably the last full song I listened to was the Critical Role opening theme, which feels on brand.

Last book I read: I just finished Max Gladstone's (one of the authors behind This is How You Lose the Time War!) Empress of Forever earlier today! A woman gets transported into the far future by a mysterious all-powerful space empress and must assemble a crew of misfits to fight her and get back home. It was a bit more episodic than I prefer, but overall a lot of fun with some Wild worldbuilding and good characters. Also, it's very gay, which is always a plus.

Last film I watched: I'm not sure actually? I tried watching The Witches of Eastwick a bit ago but dropped it. I'm planning to watch The Angry Black Girl and Her Monster (frankenstein retelling!) soon though!

Last TV series: I watched an episode of Resident Alien the other day (an alien has crash landed on Earth and is hiding in a small community as he tries to repair his spaceship. also he's planning to destroy Earth, but first he needs to survive Living Around People, and also he really wants to solve this murder and prove he's cooler than the town doctor while he's at it, he'll get around to the destruction later) and have yet to decide whether I'll continue watching it or not. I enjoy the premise and the characters but the humor doesn't entirely work for me.

Last thing I googled: something about archives for my masters. did you know there are so many different definitions of an archive. too many in fact. but also i'm about to invent a new one.

Last thing I ate: An apple lol. I had pasta for dinner though.

Sweet, Savory or Spicy: Probably savory. I love sweet stuff but mostly in dessert form, and while I enjoy a bit of spice my tolerance for when it stops being taste and starts being Pure Pain is pretty low.

Amount of sleep: never enough even with naps. Which reminds me I should start getting ready for bed 😔

Currently reading: Too many books. I just picked up Abbadon's Gate (part 3 of the Expanse series, space and horrific aliens and body horror my beloved). I'm also sporadically listening to The Wandering Inn (it is. very long. it's got some interesting things going on but I'm not a fan of the whole levelling concept, but I should've known that going in) and trying to read Jonathan Sim's Family Business (it's good I'm just bad at reading these days, I've been picking away at this book for weeks and it's very spooky). I'm also rereading Things That Gods Despise by dawl-and-dapple for bookbinding purposes, it's one of my favorite fics!

Not entirely sure how many have already done this thing yet, so if you've been double-tagged (or don't feel like it) feel free to ignore, but I'm tagging @mllekurtz, @aravhy and @howlsmovinglibrary!

#i do have a bad habit of picking up too many books at once #but a lot of my reading headspace goes into academic articles and stuff right now. (same with writing headspace)#anyway this was fun! i need to go to bed #rambles #hm. realizing i haven’t purposefully listened to a song in a while made me want to pick up my guitar

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ofliterarynature · 6 months

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SEPTEMBER 2023 WRAP UP

[ loved liked ok no thanks (reread) book club* DNF ]

* * * * *

Magic Below Stairs was a charming middle-grade spin off to the Cecelia & Kate series, I had a good time and would be more than happy to read more books in this world!

The Hanged Man was the second in the Tarot Sequence, and still great! Not perfect, but the characters are so fun and the plots are extremely intense, I loved reading this. The haunted ship was scarier than the actual haunted ship horror book I just read.

Sir Hereward and Mister Fitz…bad. You took this amazing set up and look what you did with it! You made it generic and boring and feeling outdated. Justice for the centuries-old, animated, sentient, sorcerous, gender-fluid puppet who deserved better (to be the main character, to start)

(Veronica Speedwell is of course, fun as always. I have unfortunately now hit the books with longer hold times and am very D: about it)

Scattered Showers was a very heartwarming collection! Perfectly (and maybe, best) suited for fans of the author’s novels. Perhaps a little one-note, but a good read. I love the cover design a lot :D

This is the first time I’ve reread the Shades of Magic books since I finished the series in 2018. I loved them dearly. But my tastes shifted dramatically between then and now… ADSOM is ok. A decently solid fantasy novel, but not one that’s delivering what I want these days. A Gathering of Shadows, however, is a hot mess. I already did some yelling about it but there’s really not a plot, the storyline seems forced, and as asexualbookbird put it, it’s really just Book 3: The Prequel. I don’t know if reading it for the first time would be better? Mostly I was bored and irritated and would have loved to quit.

Somebody help me out, was there hype for Empire of Sand? Because I feel like there was, and I was so let down. The world building was beautiful, but it felt like absolutely nothing happened for the entire middle of the book? And the romantic elements weren’t enough to tempt me, I’d have loved this if it had gone full political intrigue instead.

I’m not a Frankenstein person, but I had a great time with Our Hideous Progeny! I’m a sucker for historical fiction with smart female characters, even if I wanted to strangle a lot of the men, lol. I might have zoned out a bit during the denser paleontological bits, but I look forward to future work by the author.

Klara and the Sun is another one I don’t quite understand the love for, it just wasn’t for me.

My Volcano. YES. IT IS BACK AGAIN. FOR BOOKCLUB AGAIN EVEN. This is such a complicated book that only two of us managed to finish it for book club when we first read it last year. Now that we have some new recruits we decided to try it again (no luck alas). BUT I am still not over it, check out my tag for more yelling. Right now I’m trying to convince the group to *not* do a third read next year and maybe try one of the author’s other books (and the author followed me back on Twitter! I got irrationally excited lol)

I was a bit nervous going into A Pale Light in the Black, having had some flops from the person who rec’d this previously, but it was so fun! ‘Space Coast Guard’ is not a thing that would immediately leap to mind as something I’d be interested in, but this goes *hard* on the found family vibes and spends just as much time on the characters’ emotions as it does on the plot, in addition to being super queer! The plot is a little clunky being split in two different directions with the investigation and the military games, but I still had such a good time (and speaking from the future, book 2 does improve on that!)

When will I learn my lesson about contemporary romance? Regardless of the fact that the plot for Not the Witch You Wed could have been ripped from one of the many many Teen Wolf fics I’ve read and enjoyed, we did *not* get along. Sigh.

I’m not sure what I was expecting from The Anomaly, but I think it was something more? Probably because it was a translation? Idk, I don’t find the “are we just a simulation” discussion particularly compelling (and My Volcano deals with related topics in more interesting ways), and the rest couldn’t hold me. Really wish I’d DNF’d this one, but I pushed though in hope.

The actual DNF’s -

The Undertaking of Hart and Mercy I wanted to like. I enjoy quirky world building, but it felt like a contemporary romance masquerading as a fantasy - accompanied by all those pesky cr tropes that annoy me. Most of the characters were irritating me as well, and I didn’t want to forgive Hart, even if I understand why he was being so awful, so I decided to quit before I worked myself up too far.

The City & The City had a cool concept, but after 25% I still wasn’t interested. I’d maybe try something else from Mieville, but this wasn’t for me.

The Splinter in the Sky is a book that probably looked fantastic as an outline. But when it came to filling it out and connecting the dots, well…it was lacking a lot. Readable, maybe not worth the effort, but I’d give the author another try on a future work.

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oh-cawsh · 5 months

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9 people to get to know better

thanks for tagging me @ghostradiodylan !!

1. Three ships: Rylan my beloved they do no wrong. theyre the epitome of awkward bashful and honest gay summer teen romance with the perfect contrasting note of horrific life threatening monsters which is unsurpassable genre peak. and yeah ngl its pretty rare that i get behind a ship but two others i can think of are amity/luz from the owl house (but mostly in season 1 because they do cute anxious crushing stuff and after that they just kind of turn into supportive gf A and supportive gf B), and legosi/louis from beastars because how do you just gloss over neurotic homophobe slut ptsd theatre twink x weird brooding puritan loser freudian pervert and the fact that it does WORK too like hello

2. First ever ship: i wanna say gregg and angus from night in the woods?? i remember i was in that weird sexual orientation puberty where you literally know you're gay but it's not like a consciously meaningful part of your identity so i remember seeing them and thinking wow that's cool that they're boyfriends i guess idk. also i'm inexorably drawn to their existence for some reason and my lockscreen is them cuddling with the lazy morning light peeking through the curtains

3. Last song: My Kink is Karma - Chappell Roan, im a sucker for moody electronic pop and that album DELIVERS

4. Last film: i watched the first three movies in a pirates of the caribbean marathon with some friends which ngl after the first one feels like trying to suck sugar water out of a sock 😶 the last film i personally chose to watch was the 1976 Carrie! it was nice being able to watch it and appreciate it as an adult with an education and not a teen recluse going "yeah carrie you show those villain highschoolers what's what"

5. Currently (re)reading: Shakespeare's Twelfth Night! i have my old copy from highschool open next to me and the 2012 shakespeare's globe production up and i just sit and sift between watching and reading and analysing it, just like when i first learned it in class. i'm not really sure why i wanted to reread it again in the first place, but i find it kind of soothing to read older texts where the language and culture's a little ways off from its modern successors. i find it calming to kind of pull those stories back in a way we can understand with its old contexts and writing, and see more and more of that timeless human experience shine through. sudoku for english nerds i guess LOL

6. Currently watching: my watcher's stamina has actually gotten so shit im ngl like i actually haven't watched a show in months 😭😭😭 the last show i watched was bluey (which was pretty good! (and pretty indicative of the kind of attention span ive got these days 😂👌))

7. Currently consuming: this horrible like nutraloaf nightmare bowl i made because my appetite was really poor today and at 5 pm or so i was like ugh well id better eat something quick and dense if im not gonna have a proper meal so i insulted God and put together reheated smashed potato (in the microwave so they lost all their crunch and flavour) + dried roasted edamame beans + peanut butter + regular butter + cheddar + yoghurt + whole salted almonds in a bowl and had a slice of walnut fig cake as a side. that thing needed a censor bar like i was in the trenches trying to get that down im ngl. eating that meal took more energy out of me than what it gave back like i knew i made something unholy and then immediately paid for it like it was so frankenstein and his monster right there on that kitchen counter

8. Currently craving: literally anything after that like god damn 😭😭😭😭😭 otherwise ive been hankering for a good chana masala and naan combo cus there's literally never a day where i'll turn south asian cuisine down like aw man i shouldve just gone out and got some of that to eat today ugh god damn it

also im ngl i don't really know who to tag cus i only started having a presence on tumblr like barely a month ago and ive only meaningfully interacted with like 3 people since then so um!! whoever's out there lurking around on my blog if ya wanna participate feel free! and either way, thanks for readin my ramblings regardless :)

#personal #wow this came out like really long i hope thats ok :x #id been meaning to watch ghosts!!! i saw like two loose clips n the first was funny and the second made me tear up #i was like sigh let me add this to the list....#ive been meaning to be more active on here but im gettin caught up in irl business forgive me yall

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cytocutie · 9 months

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tag game sent over by @chiropteracupola :)

rules: list ten books that have stayed with you in some way, don’t take but a few minutes, and don’t think too hard - they don’t have to be the “right” or “great” works, just the ones that have touched you.

haha oops it's long. i'll go ahead and put my chain letter bit up here if you folks would like to have a crack at it: @atomic-madness , @the-atrium-of-fools , @another-sad-lieutenant ?

I'm gonna take "books" loosely—some of the pieces of writing that have affected me most were short stories. In no particular order:

1. "There Will Come Soft Rains", Ray Bradbury

is the house, broken, obsolete, and alone, still a house? the gentle death is far more painful than the violent one. oh shit i just realized how much this story influenced my d&d character

2. "A Fisherman of the Inland Sea", Ursula K. Le Guin

i have so many second-/third-generation immigrant feelings about this story. even if you could do it all again, better this time, there would always be something too late to be changed, it was already part of you... when you make a decision there's always something you leave behind... and then there's the ansible and the desperate futility of communicating with a world "you" cannot return to...

3. "A New Refutation of Time", Jorge Luis Borges

this one's an essay! well kind of also a prose poem. one of those works that found me at exactly the right time in my life to punch me in the gut. "The world, unfortunately, is real. I, unfortunately, am Borges." sooo true girlie.

4. Braiding Sweetgrass, Robin Wall Kimmerer

i don't know what to say just please read this if you haven't. it changed the way i love

5. Pachinko, Min Jin Lee

i do enjoy a good intergenerational epic! despite spanning a century, each character was written with so much love and humanity. this book sat down in my stomach in 2018 and has not budged since.

6. The Canterbury Tales, Geoffrey Chaucer

7. Frankenstein, Mary Shelley

speaking of epics with ensemble casts whose humanity breaks me. there's nothing i can say that hasn't already been said. i love People

everyone shut up about victor. the creature is so fucking transgender. i cannot emphasize enough how transgender the creature is. envisioned as Adam, cast as Satan, yet so often paralleling Eve. conceived as the perfect man, meticulously designed, and rejecting the design. bristling against his own body. the monster is Creation itself, creating itself. but i didn't give you that option! none of us are given that option. <-part of an unfinished diatribe ignited by my ap lit teacher

8. A Tale Dark and Grimm, Adam Gidwitz

10. The Unfolding of Language, Guy Deutscher

a silly trilogy and not one i particularly enjoy as an adult, but i found it very cathartic as an unwell nine-year-old with violent fantasies.

9. Superman from the 30's to the 70's

i inherited my affection for Superman from my dad, mostly through this anthology. at one point i had the first couple issues in it memorized. i got some very strange ideas about crime from this book before i learned enough about the modern world to realize that's not quite how things work

words (and art and ideas and loss and transformation) are so fucking cool you guys. this was my comfort book as a tween but i honestly hadn't thought of it in a while. i should go back and reread it

#mine

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smalltownfae · 8 months

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Book recs asks!

3, 5, 15, 24, 48, 61, 118, 129, 133, 134, 135

Is that too many? You can just pick the ones you like if it is.

It's alright. I love answering these so thank you for sending the ask :D Sorry in advance for the very long post though.

3. a stand-alone that you wish was part of a series

If anything, I always hope for more standalones. I read very few series until the end. The books and characters need to be really good to get me that invested. I can't think of any standalone that I would like to be a series so I am grasping at straws here and I am going to say Black Water Sister. I could do with more shaman shenanigans and seeing the mc with her girlfriend. But, tbh, I prefer it as a standalone. I am terrible at this... That's what happens when you have a preference for standalones anyway.

5. something in fiction that reads like poetry

Patricia A. McKillip is known for this. Her books can be quite lyrical. They tend to be short and have a fairy tale and dreamlike feel to them. Not all of her books feel the same and some are more confusing than others, but I would recommend starting with The Forgotten Beasts of Eld or The Changeling Sea, that are more straight forward. I also love Winter Rose, but that one reads like a confusing dream.

“I did not want to think about people. I wanted the trees, the scents and colors, the shifting shadows of the wood, which spoke a language I understood. I wished I could simply disappear in it, live like a bird or a fox through the winter, and leave the things I had glimpsed to resolve themselves without me.” (Winter Rose by Patricia A. McKillip)

15. a book rec you really enjoyed

Usually when my online friends recommend books to me they are right because they know my tastes the best.

There's Howl's Moving Castle recommended by @monpetitrenard, Momo by @whatevsbla, the manga Pandora Hearts both by @whatevsbla and @song-of-amethyst. Black Water Sister was also recommended to me. Persepolis was recommended by an irl friend too. I might be forgetting some. I should take notes of who recommends me what...

24. a book on your nightstand

That is always the book I am currently reading and my kobo. Right now I have The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas and I am also reading For Real by Alexis Hall on ebook.

48. your favourite sci-fi novel

Dawn by Octavia E. Butler. Every book I read by her so far, except for Fledgling. Butler doesn't use weird scifi lingo. She keeps her stories very personal with a human focus instead of a scientific or technological one and I really like that. I never thought I would love a book with aliens and set aboard of a spaceship but here we are. Only Butler could do it.

Other scifi books I really like are The Left Hand of Darkness and Flowers for Algernon. I also used to love The Illustrated Man but I need to reread it before considering it a favourite still.

Klara and the Sun is also a favourite, but that is more literary fiction and Frankenstein is more of a gothic book, but I still need to mention those.

61. your favourite horror novel

My favourite horror subgenre in literature is gothic horror. I feel like I might like psychological horror but I need to explore that more. Horror (and psychological thrillers) is my favourite genre when it comes to movies, but somehow it doesn't work so well when it comes to books.

That said my favourite horror novel, if we don't count Frankenstein and The Picture of Dorian Gray, is We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson.

I got some horror book recommendations I still need to sink my teeth into and that is a genre I plan to explore more soon. This year I read The Silent Companions by Laura Purcell and I am interested in checking more of her books.

118. your favourite short story collection

Hands down The Secret Lives of Church Ladies by Deesha Philyaw. I really like every story in it, which is rare to happen in short story collections. This is a book about women and their relationships with each other and religion. These are women leading lives that the church would disaprove of and it mostly involves their sexual desires.

‘There’s an old saying: mothers raise their daughters and love their sons.’

The Women of Brewster Place by Gloria Naylor is also a great one to check if you enjoy the above since it's also about the lives and strugles of black women (in this case women living in a poor neighborhood and how society fails them). Life Ceremony by Sayaka Murata, Kissing the Witch by Emma Donoghue and Shiver by Junji Ito are also good, but not even close to that level. Also, Poirot Investigates is so much fun and a nice place to start with Agatha Christie.

129. a book with beautiful prose

My favourite writing style is something that feels just right. It doesn't look like the author is trying too hard like flowery writing nor does does it look like the author isn't trying at all. It's something in between those extremes. Because of that my favourite kind of prose is the one presented in the Realm of the Elderlings series by Robin Hobb and The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde. Also, the feelings I get while reading those books are unmatched. It really does something to my heart and that is very rare.

133. a book that you came across randomly and fell in love with

Daughter of the Forest by Juliet Marillier. I eyed it everytime I went to the supermarket when I was a kid, but I only ended up reading it much later in life (in my 20s) when I found it in the library. As a kid I just liked the cover, the title and the fact that it was inspired by a fairy tale, but I am glad I haven't read it then because that rape scene would be a shock. Nowadays, everything I pick up is calculated and I do not read anything just because the cover or title seems interesting anymore. I have a big list full of recommendations by other people or books I heard others talk about and sounded interesting. I find more success that way to be honest.

134. unreccomend any book you like!

Oh where should I start? This question can be taken both ways so I guess I will start with the shorter answer for the interpretation of a book I like, but I wouldn't recommend to people (or at least not most people). Those are Earthlings and As Meat Loves Salt.

With that out of the way, let's go to the salty interpretation.

Do not believe people that say The Name of the Wind is just like Farseer by Robin Hobb. Honestly, this is far from the worst book I have ever read now. I read so much worse, unfortunately, but I still hate that it is so popular while other books I love are not.

PS: I made myself angry while writing these so I apologize for letting my emotions show, but I am not taking anything back because these matters do make me really angry.

Pyongyang: A Journey in North Korea is the worst thing I had the displeasure to attempt to read. It is incredibly awful and I have no idea how it ever got published. I couldn't even finish it and I stated my reasons here. At least it made me see that when I thought I had read bad books I hadn't seen nothing yet.

Fledgling by Octavia E. Butler. Look, I love her too, but this book ain't it.

Stop calling Circe and the Bloody Chamber feminist books because they are not. They are so not. No book that has women being awful to all other women because of a man is feminist and I would like everyone to stop saying it is. Also, a book isn't feminist just because you have a special girl you care for while screwing everyone else. Please, stop. Thank you.

The Last Wish makes me really impressed by how much people love it and don't notice that only female characters get screwed over while a rapist has the pity of the protagonist. It really makes me go hmmmm (and by hmmm I mean that sexism is very much ingrained in your brain and you should examine that. You can still like the book, but it would be nice to have you acknowledge that it is there, you know?)

Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie. Yeah, it's a kids' book, but it's a shit kids' book that should be put in the trash and stop being considered a classic because it has close to nothing of value to offer. More about it here.

Prince of Thorns by Mark Lawrence. If anyone likes this book they better not even open their mouths to talk about the trash I enjoy. This is pure edgy teenage boy fantasy and you know it. I can see why some people might find it fun, but these are the people that say a character is flat for being kind in a cozy fantasy. Have you looked at Jorg? He is flat but in the opposite way in the sense that he is just evil because evil is dark and edgy and isn't that nice? It isn't.

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. It's a good thing that people stopped pretending this play is good since J.K. got "cancelled". I kept hearing the excuse of "oh you just don't like it because it's a play, but those are supposed to be different". Oh, it's different? I am in shock! That a play is different from a novel. No, what happens is I read actual good plays like The Importance of Being Earnest and Waiting for Godot. This argument was always the most ridiculous one.

135. recommend any book you like!

Everyone should at least try Realm of the Elderlings by Robin Hobb. That obsession is how this blog got created to begin with. I had a tumblr blog before but I came back because I had nowhere where I could scream about these books and even if this was an empty void at the time full of old posts and innactive accounts at least I could be annoying here. It's fine to start the series with either "Assassin's Apprentice" or "Ship of Magic".

Also, I am going to recommend some underrated stuff (or at least it seems like it is from what I have seen).

Short stories: Recitatif by Toni Morrison, The Nose by Nikolai Gogol

Poetry: Don't Call Us Dead by Danez Smith

Novels: Sistersong by Lucy Holland, The Silent Companions by Laura Purcell, The Language of Roses by Heather Rose Jones, Silver in the Wood by Emily Tesh, The Travelling Cat Chronicles by Hiro Arikawa, The Little Stranger by Sarah Waters

Manga: Our Dreams at Dusk by Yuhki Kamatani, Solanin by Asano Inio, Pet Shop of Horrors by Matsuri Akino

#andy answers #book asks #too many books to tag

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