#sorry for not updating last week id been in pain for the last 2 weeks so it was hard to concentrate

[thesunisatangerine]

against all odds (to wait for you is all i can do) – part ten

alexia putellas x photojournalist!reader

warnings: none (im pretty sure)

(a/n in the tags) [parts: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve]

word count: 5.8k

The melodic chirping of birds in time with the gentle beat of Alexia’s heart roused you, your back delightfully warm, and for what seemed to be a long time you felt well-rested–felt as if the leaded weight that made its home in your bones finally melted away because, truly, you’d forgotten the lightness of being one felt upon waking from a night’s sleep or, even more so, the lightness one felt when waking in the sheltering arms of a lover. So you sighed, content and at peace, as you breathed Alexia in when you nestled further into the safety of her neck where faint wintergreen and her delicate, earthly scent lived, familiar and evermore comforting. 

When you finally drew your eyes open, the world came to focus and revealed, in its center, Alexia already awake, her head propped on her arm with her honey eyes, just like molten gold in the resplendent glow of the morning sun, lidded as she gazed at you with a lazy smile, soft and relaxed but it ignited you with a gentle flame all the same, whose radiance only intensified upon meeting your eyes. 

“Good morning.” Alexia greeted you and it struck you just how much you missed the sound of her voice in the morning, low and soft with just the right amount of rasp that never failed to incite the desire to kiss her right then.

“Good morning.” You replied in the same tone, cheeks warming to a gentle simmer in the face of your lover’s tender demeanour. She brushed the back of her fingers on your cheek while a silence filled the space between your eyes, intimate, as you soaked each other in. But when you could no longer sustain the weight from her gaze–when you chest had filled twice over that it felt in danger of bursting from the sheer joy of being looked upon by such earnest affection–you whispered, “you’re staring.”

Alexia tucked your hair behind your ear before she countered in a voice so tender your heart ached.

“And you’re beautiful.”

No words could translate the gravity of what you felt in that moment, so you spoke the only language that could ever come close to conveying it: you cupped her jaw and caught her lips between yours, seared the missed ‘good morning’s’ and the lost ‘hello, how are you’s’ into the kiss, the pace languid but sweet, savouring the way her lips parted in this silent conversation–relishing the way Alexia tasted like summer on your tongue.

Alexia tugged you closer, and closer still but still not close enough, with a gentle pressure from her hand against the small of your back, the other now over the nape of your neck.

But the conversation was cut short, too short, when a small gasp reached your ear, electrifying you in an unpleasant way your eyes flung wide open, darting immediately to the direction of the sound to find Elisa standing at the last step of the stairs, her hair ruffled from sleep, her loose shirt creased and draped slightly to the side, mouth wide open in disbelief as she gawked at the sight of the two of you.

And what a sight the two of you must have been. 

In your haste to extricate yourself from Alexia, you ended up flopping down against the tiled floor, the carpet doing little to cushion your fall, but you recovered quickly and now you stood there not quite knowing what to do with your arms or what to even say. Alexia, on the other hand, remained half on her back and half sitting up, her weight against an elbow, the other arm frozen outstretched towards you, a clear attempt to save you from when you fell down. If the situation had been different, you probably would’ve laughed especially at Alexia’s expression: her face contorted in part mortification and part worry, brows upturned, eyes agape, and lips partially opened–if only you weren’t too flustered yourself to do so. 

Alexia got her bearing faster than you, though–damn her and her athletic condition–because she, too, now stood from the couch (and did so with a lot more grace than you did). She cleared her throat, fumbled with her hands as it looked like she tried to stick her hands in her jacket pockets before it dawned on her that it remained still on the coffee table, so she resorted in putting them in her jean pockets instead. 

“Good morning, Elisa. How are you?” Alexia said in English and her voice wavered at the end, the question infused with a guilty inflection. 

With bated breath, you waited for your daughter’s reaction as trepidation filled you, which only worsened when Elisa’s eyes darted at you, then to Alexia, then back to you again. Numerous scenarios fleeted through your mind and out of all the images your mind conjured, what happened next was not one them: you didn’t expect the way with which Elisa’s surprise morphed into smug delight, her once opened mouth now curved into a coy smile, not dissimilar to a cat’s, that only served to accentuate the mischievous gleam in her eyes.

“Are you guys dating?” Each word deliberately drawled out as Elisa posed them, punctuated by a teasing cadence that set your ears and cheeks aflame. The question, thankfully, brought you back to yourself because only you could save you and Alexia from this situation. 

“Okay, I think I need to have a conversation with you so up you go, young lady, back to your room for now.” You said as you approached Elisa who you guided towards the stairs with a gentle hand on her back but not before you placed a good morning kiss on the crown of her head. Elisa whined, but she heeded your words nonetheless, although she did sneak a wave and a cheeky thumbs up to Alexia on the way up, leaving you with an amused smile on your lips at her antics as you thought fondly, shaking your head, ‘Oh my god, this child.’ 

When Elisa was finally out of sight and you heard her bedroom door shut, you let out the breath you were holding. That really could have been a disaster, and when you looked over your shoulder, you found the same thought written in Alexia’s face. You dragged your feet back to where Alexia stood who, as soon as you got close enough, was quick to pull you back into her gentle arms. With your cheek pressed against her collarbone, her arms loose around your waist, and her chin resting on your head, you were grounded back to the moment, your muscles relaxing as apprehension began to leave you. 

“That was mortifying.”

Alexia let out an airy laugh, the remnant of her nervousness still apparent. “I know. At least we didn’t do it last night.”

“Alexia,” you groaned as your cheeks burnt anew, “please, don’t–I don’t even want to imagine that right now.”

Melodic laughter filled your ears again before it tapered off which, once again, left you two blanketed in the subtle refrain of the waking world and the warmth of the sunlight that streamed through the window. You didn’t know which of you moved first but in the next moment, you found the both of you swaying to a gentle rhythm as you held each other. 

“So, what now?” Alexia asked, breaking the silence.

“I… I don’t know.” You answered truthfully. Sure, the both of you agreed to take everything slow, but where to even start? When intimacy and familiarity were already there, strong and incessant in their pull, how could torn lovers begin to mend the fragments–to keep everything tentative and slow? Where should the lines be drawn, the boundaries set, when a profound desire that transcended physical affection already made its home in your heart, a yearning that constantly craved for not only Alexia’s company but also her thoughts? Because with Alexia, you wanted–and would always–want more.

“I think, for now, I need to talk to Elisa about this–about us.” Sighing, you continued, “what do I even tell her?”

“Well, she seems to approve.” At that, the both of you chuckled, then Alexia spoke again, serious but her tone remained light when she did. “Tell her whatever you’re comfortable with. Slow, remember? No labels for now, it’s just you and me.”

She placed a kiss against your ear and you hummed, nuzzling her neck in gratitude.

Another pause. 

“I think I should go.” 

Hard as you tried, you couldn’t hide your disappointment at what Alexia just said even though it was probably the best thing to do right now. There were much you needed to talk to Elisa about alone: her nightmares and her therapy, and now this. The only thing that eased your heart was the fact that Alexia seemed as reluctant to go, too, with the way her hold on you tightened and you responded to her touch by falling further into her, clutching the fabric of her shirt in an attempt to let her know you’d rather she stayed.

“I know. Me, too,” Alexia sighed seeming to understand what you were feeling as she kissed your temple. “How about this? If you and Elisa are feeling up for it, I could take you some place tomorrow? I did tell you before that I’d show you around.”

At the reminder, the memory fleeted through your mind and a sense of melancholy filled you but you swallowed it down before it could take root. Then you hummed in agreement, “I’ll ask Elisa about it. What’s on for you today?”

“Apart from waiting until tomorrow comes?” Alexia joked which made you giggle. “I’ll probably visit La Masia, check with Josep for next week’s schedule, then head home or visit Mamá and the family.”  

“That sounds fun.” You said as you began to kiss her, knowing that your time together for the day would end any second now. As you punctuated each word with a kiss, you continued, “alright, I should let you go now, then.”

The rumble from Alexia’s chuckle radiated beneath your palm on her chest as she whined, “you’re making it really difficult to leave.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop now,” you giggled and just as you began to pull away, Alexia cradled the nape of your neck and sealed your lips together again for a deeper kiss. Then she pulled away but not before dragging down your lower lip with her thumb as she untwined herself from you and gave you a look that made you burn all over.

“Call me later?”

You nodded.

Alexia grabbed her leather jacket, gave you a smile and one last peck on your cheek, before she strode out of the door. 

The feeling of loss that arrived upon her departure did not go unnoticed by you but before it could settle in your heart, you made your way to Elisa’s bedroom. As soon as you entered though, Elisa shot you a question without any preamble, practically buzzing in her excitement. 

“Mom, why didn’t you tell me you’re dating Alexia?” 

Your cheeks burnt at Elisa’s bluntness.

“Before we get to that, ladybug, I need to talk with you about something first.” You said as you set yourself down next to her on the bed. Elisa regarded you with a look that said she already knew what you were going to talk with her about. You wrapped an arm around her and squeezed her shoulder. “I’m worried about your nightmares and your therapy. Do you think we need to switch to a different therapist?”

Elisa gnawed on her lower lip before she spoke in a soft voice. “I like my current one. She’s cool and she makes it easy for me to talk about what happened. But I can take more sessions if you want me to.”

“Do you think you need more sessions?” You looked at Elisa pointedly, emphasising the fact that the choice was hers to make. “All I want is what’s best for you and your wellbeing, Elisa. I’m not trying to make you do anything, especially if you know yourself you don’t need them, but I also can’t just stand by and watch so I’m just here to tell you that there are options. If you need more sessions, we can do it. If you want to change therapists, we’ll both find you a new one. As long as it’s going to help you get through this, we can do it.” 

“I’m not sure… Can I–” You caught her eye again and you raised your brows at her chosen word, and you watched as Elisa nodded, understanding what you meant, before she began again, “I will talk to my therapist about it and see if I do.” 

You beamed at her, proud as you squeezed her shoulder again. She smiled back.

“So, what do you think is causing this spike in nightmares?” 

“I… I don’t know. I think I’m just nervous? Also, maybe too excited?” Then Elisa added with a small laugh, “or both? I don’t really know.”

“About what, ladybug?”

“Going back to the Academy.”

At this information, you couldn’t help but frown, confused. “Is something happening in the Academy?”

Concern must have been too apparent in your tone because Elisa quickly looked at you and said as she waved her hands in reassurance, “it’s nothing bad, Mom, don’t worry! It’s just, Coach told us there are scouts coming some time around the end of the year and I’m… I really want to play for Barça, Mom.”

You understood her apprehension but her answer didn’t tell you why her shoulders looked like they’d taken on an invisible weight again with the way her spine curved inwards, almost dejected. 

“That’s a really big opportunity, ladybug, so I understand that pressure is there for you to perform your best. Is it the pressure that’s making you think about what happened?”

Elisa shrugged, quirking her lips to the side in an unsure manner. A moment later though, she nodded and admitted in a small voice. “I just don’t want to let them down. I don’t want to let you down.”

“Elisa,” you took her hand in yours.  “Never, never. If your parents were here, they would tell you how proud they are of how far you’ve come already. You’re so strong, ladybug, and you don’t even know how much. And if you happen to fall down, we’ll be here to support you until you’re ready to stand back up again. Just know that whatever happens, you will always be enough. Always, Elisa. ”

Elisa leant her head against your shoulder then she turned her head and gazed at you with wide eyes. “You really think I can make it?” 

“I believe in you, ladybug. Do you?” You pinched her arm playfully which earned you a giggle from her. When she looked back up at you and you saw the determined gleam in her eye, the worry in you was put to rest. 

“Yes.” 

At that, you couldn’t help the warmth that surged through you and you hugged her. “There you go. I’m so proud of you, ladybug.” 

After a moment of silence, Elisa asked in a teasing tone, “so… Alexia, huh, Mom?” 

Your cheeks warmed. “What about her?” 

“Are you together?”

“It’s… complicated right now, ladybug. We’re working on it.”

“Was that why you always looked sad whenever we talked about her? Before now?” You raised your brows in surprise. You’d always tried your hardest to school your features whenever Alexia was brought up because you didn’t want Elisa to worry but you didn’t think that you were that transparent. 

“Did I really?”

“Yeah. I don’t know how to explain it but whenever you tried to smile, it didn’t quite reach your eyes.”

“Oh.” Pause. “I… I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

Elisa shook her head. “There’s nothing to be sorry for, Mom. And it’s different now. Now you look happy.”

“I am.” You admitted with a small smile. “How… how do you feel about us, though?”

“I’m happy that you’re happy, Mom. It’s going to take awhile to get used to the Alexia Putellas being around but I’ll be fine. And as long as she treats you well, I’m alright.”

Your chest expanded at her words. “Thank you, ladybug, that… that means a lot.”

Elisa hugged you then and you hugged her back. 

“Speaking of, Alexia offered to take us around the city tomorrow. What do you say?”

At that, Elisa practically jumped up, unable to control her excitement and you laughed. 

True to her words, Alexia pulled up in her car the next day a couple of hours before noon. Alexia looked comfy in her white sneakers, ankle length socks, shorts, an oversized t-shirt, and a baseball cap, and upon opening the door for her, she took you in her arms and kissed you. Her eagerness amused you and you laughed against her lips but you tangled your fingers in her hair to deepen the kiss anyway. 

“I missed you.” Alexia spoke between kisses.

“It’s only been a day,” you smiled into the kiss, charmed. “And I missed you, too.”

Time slipped you as you lost yourself in Alexia’s arms and lips, and you didn’t know how long the both of you were there by the open door, but it was apparently long enough that Elisa needed to interrupt you two. A terse cough made you pull away and, turning to look at Elisa who was standing just beneath the archway that lead to the living room, offered your daughter an apologetic smile. Elisa only stood there with her arms crossed, clearly unimpressed with the way her brows were creased. 

“Hola, Elisa.” Alexia said with a shy wave which drew your attention back to her and you bit your lip at the state of her face. You reached out to wipe away the faint smudge of your lipstick on the corner of her lips and, upon realising what you’d done, Alexia quirked her brows up as she smiled at you, sheepish. 

“Hi, Alexia.” A pause. “Wait, should I be calling you Aunt Alexia now?” 

Alexia opened her mouth then closed it, seeming to be completely disarmed by the question. And when she looked at you with plea in her wide eyes asking you silently how she should answer it, you knew just how much the question definitely caught her off guard.

“Uh, if you want to.” Her words lilted with so much uncertainty it sounded more like a question than a statement. 

Then Elisa grinned at the both of you, practically beaming. “I’m just messing with you, Alexia.” 

She then continued to skip between you two, bounding through the door and down the porch stairs, and you held your laughter in as Alexia looked after her with a bewildered gaze, mouth agape. Once Elisa got to where Alexia’s car was parked, she started to wave the two of you over. 

“She’s… she’s very funny.” Alexia laughed nervously, eyes still fixed at Elisa. Then she whispered conspiratorially, pointing to Elisa for good measure. “Are you sure she’s the same kid I met at the Olympics?”

“Yes.” You chuckled as you locked the door and began descending down the stairs. “She’s only like this when she feels comfortable around people. So, do you know what that means?”

Alexia shook her head.

You smiled at her, cupping her cheek before you pressed a light kiss on the other. “It means she likes you.” 

At that, Alexia smiled back at you with lightness in her eyes before she grabbed your hand, intertwined her fingers with yours, and kissed the back of it. And the gesture warmed you more than Barcelona’s summer sun ever could.

Then, once the three of you were in Alexia’s car, you asked, “so, what do you have planned for us today?”

Alexia adjusted her rearview mirror to look at Elisa at the back seat, smiling. “First of, who’s hungry?”

After a delicious–and a quite scenic–brunch at a restaurant located by one of Barcelona’s waterfronts, the three of you took a short walk down a nearby landing connected to the port. By this time, the sun had already reached its peak, and with the vacant sky and the high tide, the view was one someone would expect to have come out of a film; the blue tinge of both the heavens and the sea was so vivid that you knew your camera would have trouble capturing the essence of it. Image after image, you captured your surroundings and as the three of you walked on, rolls of film were exposed to the light of Elisa and Alexia, and these images, you knew, you would cherish forever. 

At one point during the walk, Alexia asked you to teach her how to work your camera, and so you did. With Elisa between you looking over at the sea, you guided Alexia’s fingers over the camera and taught her how to hold it properly, before you told her about the rest. As soon as she got it, she slung your camera around her neck and immediately started taking photos of you and Elisa. You laughed when she held the camera at arm’s length in an attempt to take a selfie of the three of you, adjusting it as best as she could to get the right angle before she set the timer. You told her as all of you returned to her car that you’d send her the fruit of her labour the moment you developed the negatives. 

About half an hour later after hitting the road again, the three of you ended up at the second stop for the day: Camp Nou’s Barça store–much to Elisa’s delight. When Alexia parked the car at a less crowded spot and began to take her seatbelt off, you fixed Alexia with a reluctant gaze, speaking in Spanish so Elisa wouldn’t understand.

“Is it really wise for you to just march in the store? You’re the Alexia Putellas, after all, there’s no way no one would notice.” 

In response, Alexia held a finger up to indicate you should wait and shifted so she could grab the hoodie that was hanging over the back of her seat. She put it on, zipped it up and pulled the hood down over her cap, then she put on a face mask and her sunglasses, her light brown hair spilling out to frame her face.

“Voila!” Alexia waved her open hands. “What do you think?” 

You looked her up and down. All of her tattoos were covered but even with her attire and her face concealed, you could still recognise her–maybe you could chalk that up to you intimate familiarity with Alexia’s being but still. So you said as you schooled your features, your voice monotonous. “Wow. You really look like a whole new person.”  

Alexia threw her head back, laughing. Then, “we’ll treat it as an experiment and see if they will.”

“That’s very modest of you,” you countered, tone still dry. 

“Thank you,” she retorted in a saccharine tone while she flipped her hair over her shoulder, and that, in turn, made you laugh. 

So then it was decided that you and Elisa would also wear face masks as all of you went on ahead in your quest to infiltrate–as per Alexia’s words–the store. Much to your surprise, Alexia’s disguise worked although she did draw some unwarranted glances, ranging from suspicion to pure amusement, due to the nature of her getup. And to your chagrin, once the three of you got back to the car with your bags of merch, Alexia smirked at you, smugness all too evident in the curve of her lips. 

After that, Alexia took all of you for a drive up a mountainside with the windows rolled down that let the fresh, summer breeze rush inside. With the wind in her hair, she began to sing along with you and Elisa to the music playing on the radio, nodding her head to the beat of the music. At the end of the ascent, Alexia parked the car at your third stop, which turned out to be the Tibidabo Amusement Park.

You knew this place was pretty high up, but the moment you stepped out of the car, even from the parking lot, the view hit you: it was incredible. The city of Barcelona stretched out far into the distance, expansive and seemingly never-ending, and you could just see the strip of blue that bordered the ports, and the colours of the city’s structures were made ever-vibrant by the radiance of the sun. The view pulled you towards the edge of the parking lot, where you put the viewfinder to your eye to capture it.

“The view is stunning, isn’t it?” Came Alexia’s voice from beside you.

“Yeah…” you said, breathless, dragging you eyes from the cityscape to Alexia and as you did the remainder of your breath was completely taken away, cheeks warming when you found Alexia gazing at you, her smile as tender as her eyes, while her loose brown hair fluttered to the breeze which added to the softness of her demeanour. The urge to kiss her then became too much so before you fall into temptation, you closed the distance and simply rested your head against her strong shoulder, an arm around Elisa’s shoulder when she stepped into the space beside you.

Soon, you began a short trek upwards to get to the entrance, and if the view from the parking lot took your breath away, it was nothing compared to what you found at the top: from the regal immensity of the structure of the Temple of the Sacred Heart of Jesus that greeted you, to the Torre de las Aguas de Dos Ríos that stood proud just behind the Temple, to the perspective that overlooked the other side of Barcelona. After another round of picture-taking, the three of you finally entered the park.

The day went by as the three of you amused yourselves with the park's attractions. And since you'd all forgone wearing masks, Alexia was, as expected, recognised by people and was stopped more than a handful of times for photos and signatures during different points of your excursion. And you watched with Elisa on the sidelines, appreciating the way Alexia interacted with her supporters, and smiled at her with encouragement and reassurance whenever she looked at you two with an apologetic gleam in her eyes.

By the time the three of you left the park, the sun had begun to set.

It was another drive around the mountain side that lead you to the last stop for the day: Mirador d’Horta. Alexia parked the car in such a way that the trunk faced the cliffside before she urged the two of you to step out and you gasped. 

You’d seen some magnificent scenes today, but this one was definitely your favorite.

There you stood, taking in the way the lights of the city burned like embers embedded in the earth. There was something about witnessing the city at night that never failed to make you feel connected, elevated, when you see the million tangible proofs of existence: under each light was a person, a family—lovers—all in their own worlds at their corner of this world you shared with them. And in your corner, in the opened trunk of Alexia’s car, was your world right beside you, and there was nowhere else you’d rather be. The three of you sat there in silence, Elisa in the middle of you and Alexia gazing over the city lights.

It wasn’t long until the day finally took its toll on Elisa, and she ended up settling her head on your lap and dozing off into slumber. You smiled down at her, brushing back her hair behind her ear as you watched her breathe deeply, feeling relieved when you noticed the peaceful smile on her lips.

“So her battery does run out. Sometimes, I forget just how much energy kids have.” The pure awe in Alexia’s voice made you let out a quiet laugh.

“It has its way of catching you off guard.” You shook your head fondly before you met Alexia’s eyes and teased, “I can’t believe she tired you out; aren’t you supposed to be the athletic one?”

“Hey! I’m only human; thank you very much. And what’s a thirty-year-old compared to a twelve-year-old?" Alexia raised an eyebrow in challenge.

“Touché. Ah, to feel young and full of energy again.”

Alexia cringed before she laughed out. “Please, stop. You’re making me feel old.”

“I’m making us feel old.”

The both of you chuckled, then took a momentary pause. You turned to Alexia and asked, "Did you run your parents ragged as a kid?”

The inner corners of her brows lifted—it was subtle, but you were familiar enough with the intricacies of her demeanour that you caught it—exposing more of her eyes, which looked pensive in the dim light, her lips pressed in a melancholic line before she smiled, wistful.

“Oh, yeah, but I’d like to think I wasn’t a menace. It’s just—you know, when you get so focused on something that you forget the time?"

You nodded. She continued.

“When I was much younger, there were times I was so intent on winning that I’d forget about dinner. So, one of them would look for me around the streets or the square. But after I got into Sabadell, my energy finally found the right outlet, and most days I’d gone home tired. Papá–” Alexia bit her lip, her eyes glazing over for a moment as she receded somewhere—a tender memory—then she shook her head. You watched the way her throat moved as she swallowed before she continued, voice raspy and quiet, “He, uh, he’d always exclaim, ‘She’s finally tamed!’ whenever I’d slump down on the couch after a practice. It was ridiculous, but it never failed to cheer me up.”

You grabbed her hand and squeezed it, expressing silent gratitude for the memory she imparted, as you smiled at the image of young Alexia with red cheeks in a sweat-soaked shirt, hair matted to her face, being chased and dragged back home to have dinner.

“No, I can’t imagine you being a menace. Mischievous, yes, and probably hot-headed, but never a menace.”

She laughed, winking at you. “Yeah, hot-headed is probably what people who knew me then would say about me. And I can’t imagine you being a menace, either.”

You raised your brow at her, smiling slyly. “Are you sure about that?”

Alexia opened her mouth as if to reassert her claim, but you saw the way her confidence wavered as she regarded you. Then she closed her mouth, now looking more unsure.

“Wait, are you being serious right now?”

You allowed her confusion to linger for another moment before you finally broke your character. “No, I wasn’t a menace, but you really should’ve seen the look on your face.”

Alexia squinted at you and muttered just loud enough for you to hear, her tone dry. “Are you sure about that?”

“Hey!” You yelled quietly, giving her shoulder a playful nudge but being careful not to accidentally jostle Elisa awake before you took her hand again. You intertwined your fingers together and pressed a kiss on the back of her hand, meeting her eyes. Then you took a moment to soak her in.

“Thank you, Alexia, for today. You don’t know how much this means to Elisa... how it means to me.”

Alexia squeezed your hand, smiling softly.

“I’m glad you both enjoyed it.” Alexia squeezed your hand as she regarded Elisa with a soft eye. Then a sincere smile lingered on her lips as she caught your gaze and said, “I think I needed something like today more than I realised. It feels good to be spending time with you again.”

Warmth bloomed in your chest, clearly understanding what Alexia meant.

“I know the feeling,” you whispered. And I missed you, too.”

With her other hand, Alexia reached out over the space between you and brushed her thumb over your cheek, tucking a strand of loose hair behind your ear as she smiled at you with her eyes and her lips. With the city lights behind her, the soft glow of the car light bathing her features in its golden glow, and the summer breeze playing with the soft strands of her hair, Alexia looked so tenderly human, the embodiment of warmth and all that the word entailed, gentle and, oh, so soft.

The two of you sat in silence, just soaking each other in, until a ping from Alexia’s phone interrupted the moment. Alexia looked down, read it, and then locked the screen with a sigh. When she met your eyes, hers were apologetic. You smiled in understanding.

“Time to go?”

“Yes.” Alexia sighed as she stood up and tucked her phone back into her pocket. “It was Josep. He reminded me I have a full day tomorrow.”

You nodded. You gently roused Elisa, watched her drag her feet to the back seat, and nearly chuckled when she fell right back to sleep after putting her seatbelt on and closing the door. You turned to Alexia, and as soon as she closed the trunk, you cradled her jaws in your hands and pulled her down for a kiss. Immediately, Alexia wrapped her arms around your waist, pulling you closer to her.

“I wanted to do that all day.” You whispered against her lips.

Alexia gasped when you nipped at her lower lip before she buried her fingers in your hair, deepening the kiss. “You have no idea.”

On the way back to Derek's house, Alexia kept one hand on your thigh. And with the radio playing softly as the car passed under a tunnel with lights overhead, it felt like you were in a movie.

After Elisa had gone back inside the house after thanking Alexia for the day and bidding her farewell for the night, you kissed Alexia’s cheek in gratitude. Then her lips.

With her forehead resting against yours, she whispered, “I’ll see you Tuesday?”

“Yeah.” You brushed your nose against hers before you kissed her again. You began to pull away. “Have fun tomorrow.”

“I will. I–” Alexia’s cheeks flushed before she smiled. “Bye, for now.”

Later, when you were in bed about to go to sleep, you received a message from Alexia. She sent you a link to a tweet containing a photoset that contained pictures of the three of you but mostly pictures of a hooded Alexia taken from a distance by the photos’ grainy quality, captioned, 'Alexia, what are you doing????’ followed by a string of laughing emojis.

At that, you couldn’t help but laugh. Her disguise was ridiculous in person, but captured like this, you thought it was a work of pure comedy. 

You messaged her back, 'I guess you do have reason to be modest after all.’

#ap11 #not proofread #mine #my writing #a/n: #this was meant to be longer but i decided to split it into (or else this wouldve been like 10k long or something lol) #sorry for not updating last week id been in pain for the last 2 weeks so it was hard to concentrate #not to mention i got hit by a writer's block so i needed to just take a step back lol #anyway i just need to tie up some loose ends in the next part and then against all odds will be finished in two weeks time 🥲 #also i apologise for any style inconsistency #i may or may not have been rereading frankenstein while going through some parts of this lol #will fix any grammar/spelling/prose mistakes later #woso x reader #alexia putellas x reader

[messinwitheddie]

Somehow this anonymous ask was deleted as I posted it?? So, hopefully whoever sent this asks sees it. Luckily I had the questions written down (helps me visualize sometimes)

1: Was tallest Red sick? If so, how long did he have it and did Purple see the signs? When did he die?

2: Hitz is the one out of the three whose upgraded vessel didn’t get destroyed during the last battle. Where is he now at the time?

3: I like to learn about tallest Spittle. He is one nicely built Irken. Confident enough to pose naked and loving how it intimidate his rivals.😆 what has he done for the empire during his reign? How did he pass away? Who was his closest staff workers?

4: How Was Hoola’s encounter with humans so far? What does he think of them and has he done any study of their world or at least learn form one?

5:How fond of Hitz and Soxx was of Dava? Enough to want to ally with her? Want her to be their life mate and have their sworms?(or was that towards Kii?)

6:Did Purple survive the battle against the control brains? Did he take back his throne or did he sit this own out? If the 6th era started, how is irk fairing after all this trauma over the years being led by each crazed, power tripping leaders and super computers?

7:If they can go back to the natural way of breeding, would they? If the irkens can find a way to limit the rick factors and death tolls. And only using the smeetiry method if it’s in dire need for population control. Surely there must have been a small amount of irkens who wish to have smeets of their own?

8: Out of all tallest, who’s reign was the least damaging to the empire and is more towards fixing itself from the inside while trying to gain Allie’s and trading partners on the outside? Any in favor?

9: When the time comes for them to die, will Zim and Dib see each other in the afterlife or will their paths be separated? Will they still watch over others?

10:What’s Cini’s favorite color? What would it be like if Lich was to be his personal guard? How would the interaction be between the two for the most part?

(Sorry this is all text. I will absolutely illustrate to these answers at some point... Catching up on other drawings this week. I like the numbering system; helps me stay focused. I is shit at focusing lol)

1. Red wasn't sick exactly. He and Purple suffered chronic joint and back pain, especially after their official measuring process which limited their physical activity. Red slowly developed a drinking problem after ID I, so his robes were a little tighter on him than Purple, even if on livestream that seemed unnoticeable. Red's reoccurring headaches started shortly after the Massive escaped the florpis hole.

The Massive's medical staff was OVERLOADED with emergencies at the time. Maybe something ailing late Red was misdiagnosed or overlooked in the chaos, but he was young and relatively healthy for his abnormal height. Nothing concerning showed on any of the maintenance tests Medic Hoola or the imperial PAK technician ran on his PAK. Late Red's death via aneurysm was unexpected. It shocked the empire. It nearly destroyed Tallest Purple. Purple didn't take Red's complaints seriously for a while. He will always blame himself for this. At the same time, a repressed part of him wonders if Red's death wasn't a freak coincidence. Tallests are telepathically/ wirelessly synced directly to the control brains. They often express displeasure with Red/ Purple's work performance... Maybe this was their way of punishing them? Their way of keeping Purple humble and in line...? He tries not to wonder. Outside his personal chambers, they can hear...

The exact date Red passed away, I honestly don't remember when I said originally or if I ever specified. I would have to look it up... In my AU Zim left earth a little under 2 years after the events of ETF. Red passed away some time between then and when Zim returned to earth (18 years after the events of ETF).

2. Self indulgent ending for Hitz (or his updated flesh vessel at least). The exact details have not been fleshed out. To sumarize, the one single surviving back-up flesh vessel, Purple winds up adopting the newborn updated Hitz and raises him as his own on Mem's mystery planet. New Hitz is a very big, very challenging smeet, but the evil, greed and hatred that infested his original vessel never infests new self. New Hitz is showered with love and friendship growing up. He has the same compulsive need to be orderly and follow rules and a logical routine, but he has no desire to enforce rules through violence and fear.

3. (Trying to gloss over this part, but… yeah) Spittle was the 21st tallest of the 4th era. He wasn't the brightest drone; he could barely manage the label on a nutrition shake. BUT, he had the good sense to surround himself with bright drones and listened to their counsel. He trusted the judgment of his staff, frylords and military nobles.

Spittle had a competitive streak and inferiority complex. He also had body image issues, if that wasn’t obvious. So in his efforts to build a strong, thriving empire and a flawless physique to match he invested large sums of monies and resources into medical research; improving the irken population's overall health.

Improving quality control and labor-drone's burnout on Producia, Foodcourtia and the other major snacking systems was advised by the frylords of his day, so he enlisted more service drones and made it mandatory for encoded full-time soldiers to work shifts for service drones due for a reprieve (vacation). For a soldier to refuse to show for service-drone duty or fail to perform the job correctly was considered a punishable offense. His advisor and battle pilot comrad, Blinx, cautioned him about declaring war until the armada was upgraded. So Blinx invested heavily in military research. Within the first century of Spittle's reign, he commissioned and mass produced three new battle crafts, the Spittle Runner (named after him), the shuvver and the ripper. Navigational tech upgrades were installed in all the Armada's ships. Maintenance on all crafts were performed more often and the regulations themselves were updated and reinforcedmore strictly.

Spittle had enlisted for battle pilot training when he was a cadet, so he especially enjoyed discussing battle crafts, space battles, racing stats ect.

Funding for Irken military and battle pilot academies was increased as was the number of training hours needed to graduate. Training improved exponentially and the stats of cadets across the board improved. The youth of his day confidentiality believed Spittle was leading them into a platinum age of Irken history...

He seemed untouchable, but Spittle had two character flaws; he had a habit of showboating and taunting his enemies and he never learned his limits. After declaring the only war during his short reign, Spittle started a strict body building regimen. He injured himself at the gym. In an attempt to rush his recovery and gain results, Spittle went against the advice of his medic. He took a cocktail of performance enhancers. His heart gave out.

His advisor, Blinx was measured the next tallest and the war Spittle declared lead to the pandemic that decimated the Irken population when Cini was a smeet.

4. The only two humans Hoola has interacted with so far is with Reg (Dib's oldest child) and Lyr (Gaz's only child). He is pleasantly shocked by how kind they are to him, considering how much these humans know about the Irken race and their endless warpath. He likes these young humans. They're funny creatures; very expressive and curious. Reg especially asks a lot of questions. Hoola knows giving away too much information may be a punishable offense, but he is sick of the injustices plaguing the empire and his life clock has been detonated, starting his 10 year retirement countdown to death.

He enjoys participating in Reg's interview. Lyr is especially fond of Hoola. He considers him their Irken grandpa. Lyr is deeply troubled when Hoola explains to him how retiring works in the Irken empire.

5. Dava was long dead when Hitz, Soxx and Kii ruled as tallests if their respective hives. Soxx and Hitz would have HATED Dava. Dava allowed her drones too many perks and freedoms. She encouraged disobedience. She spat on tradition. Kii ruled the same subterranean territories Dava and her allies ruled. She admired Dava or how her legacy described Dava, as a smeet but failed to honor her memory in the long run.

6. Purple survives several battles against the control brains. He dies long before the final battle. He lived a comfortable-ish life in Mem's hive. He did what he could to help the resistance.

7. I think it would take a few generations to get used to the idea of a natural/ smeetery option birthing system. The smeetery has been the only method of birth permitted in the empire for thousands of years. Most Irkens would choose to let the smeetery replenish the population, but if the alternative method is decriminalized eventually more drones might find the natural method appealing. It would be a huge win for drone rights if natural pregnancies weren’t a punishable offense.

8. Hmmm… Late Cini probably fits that description as far as my ocs go. Spittle is a close 2nd. But I haven't written lore fot 17 or 18 other late reigns of tallests.

9. I'm sure Zim and Dib will run into each other. Where and when I'm not certain. Zim is relieved Dib has kept tabs on his family / descendants. Otherwise, it would take Zim forever to recap.

10. Cini's favorite color is neon pink. He is also fond of iridescent silver or iridescent pink, and sequins of any color.

#invader zim #asks #irken #oc #au #lore #long post is long

[her-world-on-fire]

It Was All Yellow {Jason Todd x Reader}

MASTERLIST

REQUEST HERE

Word Count: 2,424

Request: Jason or Damain finding you, the happy girl, singing a sad song and crying while on patrol. If possible, do you think the song could be If I Could Ride a Bike by Chevy? Thanks, you're a godsend <3

A/N: Sorry if this wasn’t what you imagined, hope you like it anon!

I LISTENED to the sound of own heartbeat. It echoed loudly, and I looked over at Jason, fearing he would wake at any moment. He had fallen asleep almost as soon as we got to the apartment. I didn’t blame him, almost every night he was working himself to death. Crime rates increased with every new vigilante. The work never seemed to stop. No matter how much we tried it seemed like Gotham was the same as we left it the night before. I watched as his chest slowly rose then fell. His face was expressionless, his usual smirk was gone.

Jason was sore, I could tell by the way he moved he was in pain. He tried his best to hide it, but I noticed it. I noticed that he hot showers to try and ease the pain. The steam flowed from under the crack over the door, and found its home on the mirrors and walls. Every night before he went to sleep he would sneak into the kitchen and take ibuprofen. I could hear the pills rattling inside the bottles, and his hushed footsteps as he hurried back into his room.

This was the most peaceful I had seen him all week.

His head was resting on my lap. I pulled the blanket over him as gently as I could. It was only 8pm, he needed to sleep to recover. I didn’t have to worry about the boys waking him up. Jason had insisted on getting his own place. He knew I never felt quite at home in the manor, and let me stay with him.

I turned off the TV and leaned against the arm rest. I wanted to try and get some sleep too.

I woke up to the sound of Jason’s phone ringing. I looked around, and he wasn’t in the living room or the kitchen. My best guess was the shower. I grabbed his phone, it was Artemis. I bolted to the bathroom. “Jason!” 

I reached the bathroom door and he immediately swung it open. He looked over at me. “What? Are you alright?” I held up his phone.  He looked at the caller ID. “Oh shit.” He took his phone, and answered it, bringing it to his ear. “Hey.”

I looked at Jason, his hair was still soaking wet. The water dripped from his hair down to his neck, them his chest. He had his towel wrapped around his waist. I motioned I was going to go into the kitchen. And he nodded and closed the door. He spoke quietly. A few moments later I heard him move into the closet.

Artemis.

Artemis was a former teammate, and from the way Dick told it, they were more than that. I tried my best to push the negative thoughts out of my head. I started making breakfast when I heard a loud crash. “Jason?” I moved away from the kitchen and into the hallway. I heard rustling coming from inside his room. “Jason? Are you okay?” The door opened and Jason emerged with a duffel bag. “Have you seen my holster?” He didn’t look at me as he zipped up his duffel bag.

“It’s in the laundry room.” He moved past me and to the laundry room. He didn’t speak. He moved back and forth between the rooms collecting his things. “I paid this months rent. Alfred will continue the payments on my behalf just in case.” I blinked in shock. A month’s rent? Just in case?

“You’re leaving?” He stayed silent. He looked over the apartment, trying to make sure he didn’t miss anything. Finally he looked over at me. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He reached for the door and paused. He mumbled something under his breath. He turned back to me and pointed a finger.

“Don’t go out on patrol alone.” With that, he was gone.

------------------------------------------------------------

Dick had noticed a change in Y/N’s behavior. Normally, Y/N was the highlight of patrol. Constantly positive and bubbly, it made the night go much faster. But since Jason left, Y/N was quiet. No more humming, the laughter that had once illuminated the night was gone.

Not even Dick knew why Jason was gone. It was Jason didn’t want any backup, it was something he needed to do alone. He didn’t want to risk Y/N getting caught up in his mess. He was sending updates to Jason but he wasn’t sure that he was getting them. If Jason wanted to be alone, he knew exactly how to do it. He cut off all forms of communication and was consumed by the job. It had been 2 weeks and he was silent. No one knew where he was. No one knew if he was even alive. Roy informed Dick that Jason had stopped by for supplies. But he hadn’t heard anything since.

Whatever he was doing, he was sure to hide it. No news reports caught wind of his activities. For his sake, Dick hoped that Jason was on the right path. The last time Jason broke his promise to Bruce beat him until he was almost unrecognizable. Jason had even remarked he had never seen him hit the Joker as hard.

There was an insatiable anger in Bruce. He had trusted Jason to operate in Gotham under the condition he wouldn’t kill anyone. Then Jason went on national television and nearly killed Cobblepot, by shooting him point blank. The boys were at a loss, neither of them knew what to do. Bruce insisted on dealing with it himself. Jason only got away because Roy saved him. Dick wasn’t sure how they would stop Bruce this time.

-----------------------------------

Jason slung his duffel bag across his shoulder. He released a sigh as he stretched. He had been driving all night to get back as soon as possible. He had a lot of explaining to do. He had received all of Dick’s messages.

Let me know you’re alright.

Tim can’t track your location, just check in.

Jason we haven’t heard from you in 3 weeks.

Y/N’s not doing good.

He felt guilty for just leaving, but he had to. He knew that if he gave explanations then Dick would try and talk him out of it. It would give Tim more time to figure out how to track him. More importantly he knew if Y/N had asked, he would’ve stayed.

Jason entered the apartment. After being gone for so long it seemed almost foreign. There were a few noticeable changes. The curtains that were almost always drawn open to let in the sun were shut. More importantly it looked empty. Almost as if no one was inhabiting it.

There was no evidence of dirty dishes, no laundry, and everything was spotless. It was too clean for anyone to be living here. When he opened the fridge his suspicious were confirmed. There was no food. It was almost empty, apart from a case of water. He sighed, Dick was right. Things were not good. He looked around the apartment, trying to find any hint of where Y/N went.

The only thing missing, was a single outfit.

Y/N’s suit.

Jason decided to visit all the patrol spots he knew. Each one of them came up empty. Just as he was about to give up, he heard something. Jason stopped. He faintly heard a voice in the distance. It was barley audible, but he somehow caught it. He tried to find the source, he walked towards the stairs. It had to have been coming from the roof top. As he got closer, he heard an accompanying soft piano.

“If I could sail a boat I'd cruise across the sea. A sweet adventure for us two. I'll be Jack and you rose.”

The voice began to falter, there were so many emotions just begging to be released. Jason didn’t want to interrupt, in fear of the voice stopping. He didn’t walk completely up the stairs. He was mesmerized by the sound. He stayed at the bottom steps, as quietly as possible. It took him a while to process that he knew the voice.

It was Y/N. He had not ever heard Y/N sad. He continued listening as the voice grew louder. “Just please don't let me go. Cause I'll be nothing without you.” The desperation made Jason want to make his presence known. He wanted Y/N to know that he was there. He wanted to help, more than anything. He slowly walked up the stairs. “Oh when you call me, I'm drifting on clouds. Like I'm dream-ing.”

“But in the morn-ing, I'll wake up and see that you’re stuck here with me. If only you knew what I would do for you I'd jump up and hold you so tightly.”  With every verse, the voice grew softer. There was more sadness in each line. He listened carefully to the lines, trying to piece together the information. Each line made it apparent, unrequited love.

-

“But I will never be able to do these things, so I'm just left imagin-ing.”  As the song ended, I finally let all my emotions go. No one knew where Jason was and I was beginning to give up hope. I was sitting on the ledge of the rooftop. Police scanners were quiet. There were no distressed civilians. For once it seemed like Gotham was having a good night. Jason wasn’t here to see it. I moved to get up, in search of something. I had been trying to distract myself as much as possible with work. I couldn’t stand being inside the empty apartment anymore. For the first two weeks I stayed in hoping that one night Jason would come back and everything would be okay. But by the third week, it was evident he wouldn’t be back any time soon. When I did sleep, I stayed with Roy. We had been working together to try and track Jason but it appeared he had learned some new tricks.

I heard a creak come from behind me. I turned around immediately, but there was nothing there. I was about to venture down the stars when I heard something. “Hey.” I froze. That voice. I turned around and saw Jason. He was in his street clothes. He looked drained. There were a few small cuts and some bruising on his face. I moved closer to him, and let out a breath I had been holding in. I was relived he was okay, but I was angry at him for leaving.

“I didn’t know you were back. I didn’t even know if you were-“ I couldn’t bring myself to finish the sentence, but he knew. “I went to the apartment and it was empty. I noticed your suit was missing. I figured I would find you out here.” He moved closer and wiped the tears from my eyes. “How much did you hear?” I asked nervously. I was hoping he arrived after I had finished but by the look on his face it was apparent he didn’t.

“Almost all of it.”

“I don’t even know where to start.” He paused, “I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I just disappeared.” I nodded and thought back to each restless night. Not knowing was the worst part. “A long time ago, someone really bad got away. I lost his trail, but I’ve been keeping tabs on him. He resurfaced and I couldn’t let him get away again.” He put his arm around me, “But I won’t ever leave you like that again.” He placed a kiss on top of my head. Silent tears streamed down my face and I took in his warm embrace.

“Let’s go home. The boy’s have this covered.” I looked at him in shock. He had never called the apartment home. He always said that it was just somewhere he slept. He had never felt that it was home. “I thought the apartment wasn’t home?”

“It’s not home without you.”

We got back to the apartment and Jason reached for the door. He opened the door and I moved to turn on the lights. I stopped, the table was lit by candles. The floor was scattered with rose petals. It was nothing like how I left it. It felt comforting again. “I had Roy bring your things back.” He shut the door behind us. “It’s perfect.” I turned around and wrapped my arms around him. He ran his hands through my hair. “Come on,” He took my hand and led me to the bathroom. It was lit by a few candles. The bath was set with warm water. “I know you haven’t been here much and I thought you would appreciate it.”

“I’ll be in the bedroom, when you get out.” He placed my towel and some clothes on the sink and departed.

Once I got out I followed the petals into the bedroom. The bedroom was back to it was before. Jason had left a mess when he left, and I left a mess moving back and forth between Roy’s. Everything was neatly put away. Jason by now had changed out of his street clothes and into his sleep wear. He was laying down staring at the ceiling. Once I closed the door he looked over. “How was it?”

“I haven’t done that in a long time.” I moved to the bed and joined him. He opened his arms and I put my head on his chest. “Are you okay?” I looked up at him and examined his face. The darkness hid the severity pretty well. Now in the light, it looked worse. “You should see the other guy.” I shook my head and laughed a little. “Really, I’m okay. It’s not as bad as it looks.”

“Prove it.” He leaned over and kissed me. It was soft, and needy. After weeks, it finally seemed like it was going to be okay again. He pulled away and pulled me closer. He pulled the covers over me, and kissed my forehead again. “Get some sleep babe.”

“How are you?”

“Better, now.” He ran his thumb across my cheek, “I’m so sorry.”

And for the first time in weeks, I slept soundly.

MASTERLIST

REQUEST HERE

#Jason Todd #jason todd x reader #jason todd imagine #jason todd x you #jason peter todd #red hood #red hood imagine #red hood x reader #Red Hood X y/n #red hood x you #jason todd x y/n #gotham #batfamily #batboys #batman

[ntamain]

Is my (24F) neighbour (27F) into me or is she just being friendly? How do I know if she's gay?

another gay gem from the r/relationship reddit

Update:

Image ID under the cut, please let me know if I did it wrong!

[Image ID: four screenshots of a post from the relationship subreddit by tumblr user nta-main. The title reads “Is my (24F) neighbour (27F) into me or is she just being friendly? How do I know if she’s gay?”

The text reads “Update post is now locked, I cant believe so many people were interested in us!! Thank you again for your support, comments and messages.

Hi all, I can't believe I'm asking for advice from a bunch of strangers on the internet but I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this. Sorry for the incoming essay but I guess I need to give history. I bought my first house in September last year, It was an odd time but everything just fell into place. It's quite a small village and everyone is really friendly so I got to know my neighbours soon after moving in - yes, socially distanced. Then I met my over-the-road neighbour, let's call her Elle. I can't describe it but it's the first time I've ever met someone and been lost for words and my heart was racing and just thought "omg", y'know?? So after I blushed my way through a welcome to the village type convo we only saw each other for a wave and hello for a few days.

To help kinda settle in I had my dog (Bea) with me for the first few weeks. During this time there was a massive increase in dog thefts in a nearby town, not just from gardens but literally wrestled away from people. If I'd have been working (furloughed off and on since March) then I would've taken Bea back to mum's but since I was home with her all day she stayed. So the local police advised to not walk dogs alone but we go out twice a day, a 10k run in the morning and a few miles walk in the evening. So obvs this scares me, but at the same time she is honestly a pain in the arse and gets upset if she doesn't go for a run and needs to be tired out so I'm kind of stuck at this point. Then along comes Elle. She knocked on the door and offered to come with us as she'd seen Bea and me in the evenings and everything kind of spiralled from there. I told her about my morning runs but she didn't really bite so I thought nothing of it. Then a few days later I bumped into her on a run, so she started joining us on those too.

A few months later and we are spending more and more time together everyday. It has now progressed to a run early morning, afternoon coffee, dinner most evenings and then the evening walk. It just seemed to happen without me really noticing. I didn't read into things that much as I don't want to get my hopes up and ruin anything until another neighbour commented about how much time we spend together and how "it's nice to see you young gals getting on" and winked. She actually winked at me. I asked her what she meant but she just laughed and said "you know what I mean". So now I'm looking back on things and wondering if she could like me too?

Here's some reasons why she might like me:

I went running along the same route at the same time for nearly 2 weeks before I happened to run into her a few days after I told her this?

I make her a coffee every afternoon (Elle is WFH) and take it over in her fave mug. She says I make good coffee but I'm pretty sure I saw a fancy coffee machine the first time I went round (it's not there now?).

Elle carried on running and walking with me even after Bea went home. I told her she was going back to mum's and she said well "I'll have to make another excuse to join you" and then we just carried on everyday.

She has tried really hard to bond with Bea. Bea is a very anxious dog and is scared of everyone except me and mum. Elle bought special treats to give her everyday and has been so amazing with her and never tried to force anything. When I asked her she said "it's important to me that she likes me and is comfortable". Bea actually fell asleep between us on the sofa yesterday and It just makes my heart skip a beat guys.

She invited me to the zoom quiz she does with her friends every fortnight or so and they were all like "oh so this is who we've heard so much about "

We realised we had become each other's support bubble. Elle asked if I was meeting anyone else and I said no, she said she was glad she had me all to herself (!!)

We gave each other quite personal xmas presents. Like, it actually made me tear up it meant so much to me. And she bought stuff for Bea!!

Reasons why she might not like me:

All the reasons above, but that she's just doing them because she's a fucking great person and we're friends?

It might sound dumb but idk I need your help guys. She is the just the most incredible person I have ever met and I really really like her but if she isn't gay or doesn't feel the same I don't want to lose her friendship as she has become such a huge part of my life. I genuinely have no experience with these kind of things as I went to quite a strict all girls school, so it's not as if there were any relationships around me as a teen and then I went to a very small uni (8 of us on my course). I guess another reason is that I've struggled with anxiety and depression for the past 10 years, as well as my weight and working on my self confidence, but I can say that right now I am the happiest and healthiest (both mentally and physically) I have ever been. I've only just really become comfortable with the fact that I'm gay and I have never really told anyone in real life, but I don't think people would be too surprised lol. I don't have any close friends as no one stuck around when I was really struggling with my MH a few years ago so I can't discuss this with anyone irl.

So I need your advice : how do I find out if she is gay? And no, I don't have the confidence to just ask!! What if she says no and I ruin everything? She has never mentioned anything about past relationships and I'm pretty tactless so not sure how I could naturally slip it into the convo. Like, "hey tell me have you ever had a girlfriend? Do you want one now?" Lol. And how can I make a move without really making a move so I don't ruin things??

tl;dr : Don't know whether my neighbour is gay and into me or is just really friendly. How can I make a move without ruining our friendship?

Edit: Ok guys, thank you so so much for all your support and encouragement. You've all given me a lot to think about. I think I'm going to casually slip some gay stuff into conversation and see how she reacts. Then bring up the neighbours comment like some of you suggested, seeing as tho the neighbour was heavily implying that we're gay. I'll do it tonight otherwise I'll talk myself out of it again. I will post an update to let you know what happens (eek). If you never hear from me again assume it went badly and I am consoling myself with cake and watching brokeback mountain in floods of tears.

Hi reddit, yes it's me the useless lesbian. First off I want to thank you all for your support, encouragement and advice - and the undeserved awards! I never expected this many of you to take the time to comment and that so many of you were rooting for us.

So I had the plan to drop these gay hints into convo like you guys suggested but honestly it all went out the window. Elle was kinda stressed friday after a shitty work zoom and just needed to vent so it wasnt the right time to start anything. Though I guess I must have been a bit off thanks to spending all day overthinking things on here, as Elle turned up Saturday morning rambling about stressing me out and apologised (!!) for ruining dinner. Obvs I said "what are you talking about you can talk to me about anything", and she said "anything?" and I said "anything" back. And guys the tension was unreal, staring at each other and hoping our lesbian mind reading powers would kick in.

Then there was some loud noise like a car backfiring or something and the moment went. So I went to make coffee and then Elle asked me why I was a bit quiet the night before and I said something about overthinking stuff and she said "what stuff" and idk you guys I wasnt prepared to be put on the spot my casual gay pop culture references were useless in this moment. My mind just went completely blank and I forgot every single thing you guys suggested and my heart was pounding and I just blurted out you know I like you, right?.

...And then she kissed me. Kissed me. We straight up just snogged in the kitchen and it was fucking great. So...you were right. You were all fucking right. She's gay, she likes me and has been trying to drop hints for nearly 5 months. sigh

We were both just too scared to make a move or ruin anything. Turns out she's been burned by straight girls in the past, so she's pretty wary and was hoping I'd straight up say I'm a lesbian so she'd know for sure - maybe the I'm a lesbian wall hanging would've been a good idea after all? Her friends have been helping her drop hints, she showed me the group chat and guys their suggestions ranged from flirting more to just turning up in a trenchcoat and nothing else lol. Also, the winking neighbour has been making comments to her as well, so shout out to her for trying to make this happen too.

So no cake and cry watching brokeback mountain, just 5 months of dating to catch up on. As for worrying about how our current schedule could be more date like during lockdown, you were right it's kinda irrelevant when you've essentially been dating the whole time. Though we never made it to our morning run yesterday, in fact we didn't leave the house at all, ha.

Thank you guys for giving me hope, even if all your suggestions completely disappeared in the moment. Maybe I'll show her the post later and ask if any of the suggestions would have worked.

tl;dr: she's gay, into me and I'm an idiot”

End image ID]

#this is for sure already on tumble #but it's so cute #I had to #mine #r/relationships #tw// ed #edit: I'll add a transcript in a minute just gotta figure out how to make it accessible

[doakaptan]

i think i finally get mad men and im not happy about it

Two weeks ago I started watching Mad Men for an assignment and accidentally became obsessed with a show that had no premise other than Don Draper bedding various women. 5 seasons in, I bought myself a mechanical keyboard just so that I can live the aesthetic of the show while writing this.

(I will write this post assuming you have read my first blog post about this show but you don’t have to worry about missing any info because the first blog post was me predicting an unpredictable show and cursing at characters)

So turns out, I did not really figure out anything by only watching the first seven episodes. No surprise there. But by diving deep into the first 2 seasons I realized that Mad Men is actually deeper than it lets on and the cheapening effect of its over-sexualized characters don’t really do a great job at hiding it. Actually after a while sex in the show is more symbolism than actual sex. It especially signifies a mental state that is special to Don and you actually start feeling sorry for him whenever a sex scene comes up. 

Well, Don Draper is a villain as well as the hero or to put it more accurately, a tragic hero and as the seasons progress you develop a love hate relationship with him. And if you binge watch 5 seasons and use all your spare time to think about it, you start relating to Don. Surprisingly Don had all the odds against him and lived an awful life without ever doing anything to prompt it. As I learned more about his life I actually started getting mad at the alternative reality of Mad Men because goddamn let the man breathe and be happy for once. 

At the start I was mad about him cheating on Betty with every single powerful women that looked his way and I am still mad, you can’t really excuse that, but as their relationship was revealed more and more I kind of started to understand why he preferred spending the nights somewhere else. Betty is incredibly hard to put up with and no offense but even I’m not sticking around for her character development. She is overbearing, childish, overall a pain in the ass. If I knew her in real life I would have thought that she was pampered too much and was unable to grow up and get a grip as a result. She has mommy issues though and I respect that. There are also moments that she shines and she especially prefers shining only after they get a divorce and when she knows she will get Don’s approval. Before I lose track and continue talk about Betty know that Don is always worse and let me wrap up his analysis. 

Don is, in my opinion, someone who experiences love by avoiding it. (A love avoidant may be the term but I am not really sure). He marries Betty because he falls in love too hard and starts avoiding her right after their marriage, he likes the artist woman too much so he leaves her to be with someone she is more compatible with, same thing with the most of the women he chases. I only realized how hard he avoids the people he likes during season 4 when he decides to marry his secretary (who mind you spend like 4 days with him in Los Angeles to take care of his children) rather than building a healthy relationship with Faye who was probably the best person he could have ended up with. This also relates back to his self-destructive tendencies. He never truly believes that he deserved anything so he makes sure that he ruins it.

He excessively drinks and smokes, cuts ties on a whim, cheats and only ever feels truly like himself while he’s with Anna (who dies later in the series). Anna is and was the friend he needed all along. Even in his stolen identity Anna was the only person who accepted him as who he is and didn’t leave his side even in his darkest times. The man literally went to Korea by himself to defend an area and came back with a stolen id and lots of trauma and adopted himself into the life of her (the wife of the person he stole his identity from) and made sure she lived a life full of love. He shines the most when he can be himself but his old identity is and probably will always be an enigma to him. 

I think he’s slowly starting to find his way and make up for his mistakes but since he is used to self-destructing his set backs get more and more brutal each time. I start relating to him at this point the most. Relapsing in situations like these is brutal and it always feels like it is the last time and for once, for Don, it is the last time. He starts writing to understand himself and starts doing things like, regularly going to swimming or getting into a healthy relationship with someone who will be with him and help him through his ups and downs. He relapses when he decides to marry his secretary and from then on his relapse will only get worse but I believe that he is getting somewhere…

I will update this post once and for all, when I finish the entire series but for now I weirdly have hope that everything will end well for Don. 

And since I overstayed my welcome by going way over the word-limit I will speed run the thoughts I have about the other characters.

Betty, despite my comments earlier is actually misunderstood and deserves more than she gets. She truly loved Don and did everything in her power to make him happy. She even left her very successful modeling career to get married with him while SHE DESERVED BETTER THAN HIM. Her parenting is questionable but it can be overlooked because right now (in the middle of a global pandemic) we can all agree that being stuck with our family 24/7 is not ideal and we have been doing it for only a year while she has been doing it for more than a decade with more children adding up. LEAVE BETTY DRAPER/FRANCIS ALONE. 

(Also, watch the scene where she shoots at her neighbor’s pigeons because he threatened little Sally with killing her dog then talk to me about good parenting…)

Pete Campbell, turns out I really like him and his work ethic. I wish he ended up with Peggy but he is doing just fine with Trudy good for him. good. for. him. Thank god they didn’t follow up Trudy’s ‘old lover’, ‘the one that got away' plot line because it would probably be the thing I hated the most about watching this show. She is not an interesting character and she’ll never be. Good for Pete though, good for Pete. He never gets anything and I don’t know if he deserves getting it because we are not that exposed to him. But he is loyal to the ones he loves and even though his morals can get a bit questionable at times he is hardworking and will build up a great life as far as I’m concerned. (And if he doesn’t you can find me on ao3 re-writing his plot because I am no longer appreciating Pete-slander in this house).

Peggy. GOOD FOR HER GOOD FOR HER. LEAVE THAT DAMN CATHOLIC CHURCH AND HANG OUT WITH WANNABE REALEST OF THE REALEST ARTISTS. Also love the gay girl she should have ended up with her instead of the wannabe artist who only talks about capitalism. Peggy’s job is capitalism their relationship don’t really make sense.

Joan… Joan deserved someone who treated her right but fell into the lap of a charming locker-room-mouthed jock, who tried to be a surgeon and failed then tried to be a psychiatrist and failed and finally got drafted for Vietnam (ngl I hope he dies there). Unpopular opinion she should have ended up with Roger because while I hate ‘the perfect girl fixes boy with problems’ trope I would have eat it up. I like them together and surprisingly they are good together. I think she is the only one smart enough to actually lead cis-het white men who think they own everything because they are men, within their company and she deserves more than she gets with the shit she deals with. 

On a last note, the topics Mad Men deals with sometimes can get a bit triggering or upsetting but I think it is worth a watch.

#mad men #yes #im talking about mad men again #sue me #Don Draper #pete campbell #Peggy Olson #Betty Draper #betty francis #i am still attracted to don #u can sue me idc #he is attractive #joan harris

[ibelieveinharrystyles]

Chapter Four: Loverboy

Always Golden Masterlist

TW: Contains brief descriptions of violence

February was a miserable month, Ashley longed for warmth, she longed for the warmth of the sun, she longed for the warmth of Harry’s hug. She sat at her desk in the Capital offices, twiddling her thumbs. “You bored?” Roman asked, popping up out of nowhere, “No, you’re lovesick.”

“I haven’t seen him in two months,” Ashley told him, “And as much as I love you as a friend Ro, it’s a bit shit spending Valentine’s Day here.

“Why don’t you head off early then?” He asked.

“I can’t, we’re on air for another two hours.” She sighed.

“I’ll cover for you, you did it for me when I came back from Australia and jetlag got the better of me.” Roman assured her, “If anyone asks, I’ll tell them you felt sick.”

“Roman you’re a bloody angel.” Ashley smiled, she knew Harry was at the BBC, so contacted the one person she knew she could count on, “Grimmy! How’s it going?”

“It’s too early for this, you know I don’t wake up this early anymore, only sociopaths do that.” Nick mumbled.

“I need your help,” Ashley told him.

“You’re having Harry’s baby?” He cried.

“No, definitely not, but I need your help to get into the BBC.”

“So you’ve decided to leave the dark side?” He replied.

“No, Harry’s doing something on Radio 2 this morning, I haven’t seen him since Christmas, I wanted to surprise him.” Ashley explained.

“I think my life was easier when you two despised each other, the sexual tension between you two does me no favours.” Nick laughed, “Any how, I’ll call the front desk and tell them you’re coming in, take the back entrance as there’ll be lots of fans, and go get your man.”

“Oh Nick thank you so much, love you lots.”

“That’s too much affection for one day, I’m off to bed for another five hours.”

The BBC was impressive, Ashley never got used to the sheer scale of it, the colossal glass building towered above her, she discreetly passed the fans, not wanting to cause a scene. On her way there she had been texting Charlotte, Harry’s pianist as she was giving her regular updates on what was going on. She reached the back entrance with no qualms, a member of security waiting for her eagerly, “Ashley Hanson?” He asked.

“Yep, that's me,” she smiled, showing him her ID as he handed her a security pass, “He still doesn’t know I’m coming does he?” 

“He’s got no clue, they’re just performing their second song, I’ll take you to the viewing gallery where the producers are, you’ll be able to see him, but he can’t see you.” He led Ashley into the dimly lit room full of control panels and several members of the production team, Harry was strumming away on his guitar while singing one of her favourite songs, her dad used to play it during the summer before he got seriously ill. She’d lie with Harry under the big tree in his garden as her dad cut the grass, the two of them would sing the lyrics on repeat until their voices became hoarse. As he finished the show came off air and it was time for the late morning show, she made her way to the green room where the band would return to once they’d finished, texting Charlotte to ask her to make an excuse for Harry to go by himself. She sat on one of the dark leather sofas, until the door pushed open and Harry stood there, a massive grin plastered across his face.

“Not bad loverboy, not bad at all.” Ashley smiled, standing up to greet him.

“What are you doing here?” Harry grinned, wrapping his arms around her and nestling his head in the crook of her neck. 

“You know me, Styles, element of surprise and all that.”

“It’s a bloody good surprise though love, I didn’t think I’d be seeing you until this evening.” Harry replied, his arms still wrapped around her waist.

“About that, it seems that every babysitter in the UK has plans tonight, but we have the rest of the day together.” Ashley explained.

“I can cancel, we can have a quiet night in.” Harry replied.

“Honestly it’s fine H, you go and meet the others, I’ll have a night in with Daisy.” Harry had originally asked Ashley to come for dinner with him and some of his closest friends.

“But once we’ve had our day together, you can come and pick her up from nursery with me if you like, she’s been talking about you non stop since Christmas.” 

“I’d love that,” Harry whispered, pecking her lips softly.

After strenuous decision making both Ashley and Harry agreed that a take away at her house was the best option, the press would have a field day if they were seen out together on Valentine’s Day. sticking to their northern routes the pair settled on pie and mash. Having never seen her new house before Harry was beyond impressed with how homely it felt, there was so much of Ashley’s personality in every room, from the pink neon light in the kitchen, to the wall of polaroids she took every time someone new visited the flat. “How come Niall’s on here?” Harry asked, examining the polaroids while she poured them both a cup of tea.

“You aren’t jealous are you Haz?” She giggled.

“I didn’t say that.” Harry huffed.

“Your face did,” She teased, “I’m messing, he came round last summer for a picnic with Daisy, but then it rained so we had one indoors instead.”

“Do you take all the members of One Direction on picnics?” Harry asked.

“Only the pretty ones.” Ashley joked.

“Ash, can I ask you something?” Harry asked as they stood in the playground, alongside other parents, waiting for Daisy.

“Depends what it is.” Ashley smiled, wary of the other parents around them.

“Do you want to come to the Brits with me next week? I was going to ask Gem, but I want you there too.” 

“I’m afraid I’m busy on Tuesday,” Ashley sighed, “I’m presenting an award at the Brits.” 

“No way!” Harry grinned.

“I’m doing it with Niall actually.” Ashley explained.

“That’s incredible love, I’m so proud of you,” He smiled, squeezing her hand. 

“Mummy!” Daisy interrupted their tender moment, running straight into Ashley’s arms.

“Hello monkey, have you been a good girl today?” Ashley asked.

“I’m always good mummy.” Daisy smiled.

“Look who came with me to pick you up bubs.”

“Harry!” Daisy exclaimed, lurching towards his arms, he took hold of her bouncing her in his arms, “I made you a card today Harry.”

“Did you petal?” Daisy handed him a pink piece of card decorated with lots of glitter and hearts, “It’s lovely, thank you Dais, I’ll put it on my shelf when I get home.” Harry told her softly.

“Mummy, can we take Harry to the donut shop?” Daisy asked, fluttering her eyelashes, “Pretty please.”

“Harry’s a busy boy my sweet, you’ll have to ask him that.” Ashley told her.

“I’d love to go for donuts with you petal.” Harry replied. 

It was the late evening, donuts had been eaten and enjoyed, Daisy had insisted on taking a picture of Harry for the wall and now she was curled up, watching Moana with Ashley. Harry had left for his dinner engagement, even though he insisted he could cancel. Eventually Ashley decided to put Daisy to bed, as a late night wasn’t going to do her any favours, as she pulled the bedroom door shut her phone began buzzing frantically, she opened it to see several missed calls from an unknown number, “Hello?” she said when she called it back.

“Hello, is that Ashley Hanson?”

“Speaking.”

“Would you be able to come down to Hackney police station please? I’m afraid your friend has been the victim of an attempted mugging.” The police officer explained.

“Is it Harry?” Ashley whispered as her voice wobbled.

“I’m sorry, I can’t give sensitive information like that on the phone.” Ashley hung up immediately, calling Lou and practically begging her to come round and look after Daisy, to which she agreed.

Ashley ran and ran until her legs stung with pain, the police station was a good twenty minute walk from her house, but she was too scared to wait for a bus, the heavy rain didn’t do her any favours, splashing down onto her skin as she continued to sprint to the station. As she arrived she saw Harry leaving, he looked as pale as a sheet, tears filled her eyes when she saw him, she fell to the ground in tears in front of him, “Hey, love, it’s alright, I’m fine.” Harry whispered, stroking her hair as he crouched beside her, holding her in his arms.

“This is all my fault H, I should’ve come with you for dinner, I could’ve stopped this.” She sobbed.

“Ash, one of them had a knife, neither of us would’ve been able to do anything.” Harry assured her.

“When they called me I was terrified I’d lost you, stay with me Harry, don’t ever let me go.” Ashley told him.

“Always Ash, I promise.”

***

It was the day of the Brits, for the first time since the attack Harry had gone back to his house, he had been staying with Ashley since it happened, because she was terrified something could happen to him again. But they both needed to get ready for the awards, and for that they both needed their own space, Ashley had called upon Lou and Lottie to help her get ready, she figured it made sense seeing how well she knew them. Daisy was being looked after by Lou’s sister at Lou’s house, making the whole process somewhat more bearable. “Well it looks like you’re all done, shall we get you into that dress?” Lou remarked, the dress was a mission and a half to put on. Although she was only presenting an award she wanted to prove that she was there from her own doing, not because she was just Harry’s plus one. 

The skirt spanned further than she expected, but again it was worth it, “Will I do?” Ashley asked as she entered the kitchen.

“I mean if Harry doesn’t get down on one knee, I definitely will,” Lottie smiled, helping Ashley with any last touch ups.

As her car pulled up at the red carpet Ashley began feeling sick to the bottom of her stomach. She’d never had to do a red carpet before, especially one as prestigious as the brits. The driver opened the door and she was met with waves of excited screams, she assumed they thought Harry was sat with her, but even when they realised he wasn’t, their screams remained loud. She took her place walking along the red carpet, allowing each photographer to blind her with the flash of their cameras. As she left she bumped into Niall who was catching up with some old mates, “Ash! look at you! You look incredible!” Niall exclaimed, greeting her with a hug, “I’m going to look underdressed presenting this award with you.”

“You don’t look too bad yourself Horan,” She smiled, “I suppose this is your first time presenting too, seeing as you boys have always been on the receiving end.” 

The awards were in full swing and thankfully Ashley and Niall’s award had been the first one, meaning she was able to fully let her hair down and enjoy the party. “Hello stranger, you up for a drink?” she felt Harry’s familiar warm hands on her shoulders as he whispered to her, she stood up and followed him over to the bar, away from prying eyes. “Love you look phenomenal.” He grinned, unable to wipe the smile from his face.

“I could say the same about you, and your performance was incredible, you smashed it as always.” Ashley told him, “I matched the dress to your bow tie deliberately.”

“I guessed so,” Harry smiled.

“When’s your interview?” Ashley asked.

“I’d say it’s about half an hour or so.”

“You can do a lot in half an hour.” Ashley whispered.

Harry glanced up at her, “You mean? Here?” 

“You’ve got a dressing room don’t you?” Ashley replied.

“Yeah.” Harry smirked.

“Well then, we best get a move on.” Ashley took hold of his hand, pulling him towards the backstage area.

Their lips were interlocked as soon as Harry fling the door open, kicking it shut and locking it before they made their way towards the tiny couch. Harry continued to place delicate kisses on Ashley’s collarbone, “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this H.” Ashley whispered.

“Oh trust me, I do.” Harry replied, trying to undo the back of her dress, “Did you have to wear such a hefty dress?” Harry chuckled, fumbling with the buttons that lined her spine.

“I heard you loved a challenge, it took you long enough to make a move on me.” Ashley whispered, peppering Harry’s jaw with kisses, “Besides, you’re bad enough with this daft bow tie, how’d you expect me to take that off?” 

“All part of the challenge princess, all part of the challenge,” Harry muttered, sliding the straps of Ashley’s dress down past her shoulders, the sheer weight of the skirt pulling it to the floor, leaving her body bare. 

“If you’re wanting round two when we get home, you're going to love my after party dress.” Ashley grinned.

“Why’s that?” 

“It’s a lot smaller than this one.” Ashley proceeded to unbutton Harry’s shirt as he removed his blazer and tie, until his torso was exposed, the tattoos Ashley once dreamt of, there in front of her. She proceeded to trace her fingers over his famous butterfly tattoo as her lips found his again. Harry lifted her from her dress that sat at her ankles and moved her so that her unclothed back was against the cold dressing room wall. 

“Where did you two get to earlier then? Jack was about to interview Gemma instead, you literally made it with seconds to spare.” Roman asked, it was the Brits after party and the music was booming. Harry and Ashley had just about composed themselves after their fleeting dressing room rendezvous. Harry raised his eyebrows at Roman as he took a sip of his complimentary drink.

Gemma glanced between Ashley and Harry, “Fuck sake Harry, at the brits? Really? Actually I don’t want to know.” Gemma said uncomfortably.

“Ro, shall we go get some more drinks?” Ashley suggested, unable to look Gemma in the eye. They made their way through crowds of people, over to the bar, “So you and Harry at the brits huh?” Roman asked as they ordered another round.

“Are we really going to go on about this all night?” Ashley sighed.

“I knew how you felt about each other, I just didn’t think you’d get down to business at the brits.” Roman replied.

“Make it sound seedy, why don’t you?” As they returned to Gemma and Harry, she noticed they were joined by someone else, someone she recognised as Kendall. She’d only met Kendall a couple of times, and safe to say she didn’t think much of her. Harry used to invite Ashley out to America over the summer when she was at college and they’d spend all day together, until Kendall invited herself over and Ashley was simply the third wheel.

“You know Harry has a girlfriend now,” Gemma smiled, making polite conversation with Kendall.

“Really? who is she?” Kendall replied.

“That’d be me.” Ashley stated, handing Harry his drink and placing a kiss on his cheek as he rested his hand on her back that was now exposed thanks to her new white after party dress. Roman and Harry shot knowing glances at each other, impressed by Ashley’s brazen confidence.

“You? I certainly didn’t see that one coming.” Kendall replied. 

“It’s funny how life works out isn’t it?” Ashley remarked, sipping on her cocktail. 

“Truly, I should probably head off, it’s fashion week and I’ve got to be up early tomorrow.” She smiled, “See you soon Harry.” She moved to kiss him on the cheek as he swerved her advance. 

“Fucking hell Ash, I’ve never seen you like that, I have to say, I’m impressed.” Roman said once Kendall had left the group.

“I can’t help it,”  Ashley smirked “I played third wheel to those two for too long.” 

“You’re cute when you get territorial.” Harry grinned, kissing the top of her head.

“You’re just cute in general.” Ashley replied.

#BEST FRIEND HARRY #Harry Styles #harry styles fanfiction #one shot #one direction #harry styles one shot #one direction memes #imagine #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #vogue italia #fine line #louis tomilson #headers #harry styles fanfic #harry smut #boyfriend harry styles

[angelsswirl]

Petrichor

Eight

"I've lost heart. The forest's scarred. I hear no birds, just TVs and cars."

It had been seven weeks. You knew because you counted. You counted like you were a prisoner waiting for their release day. You counted like you were a seven year old tallying sheep in their head to help them fall asleep.

You counted seven weeks, two days, 5 hours, 37 minutes, and twelve...thirteen...fourteen seconds since you last spoke to either of them.

You were sick to say the least.

Well, face to face you should say.

Jisoo spoke to you once a week out of obligation. Only to organize days that you hung out with Lia.

Chaeyoung would respond to your texts occasionally. Probably when she felt a bit too bad for not answering your calls.

Somehow, in the middle of all that. You had managed to finish your 3rd year of grad. You're not sure how. You'd been working on autopilot.

You were tired. Exhausted even. And you're not even sure why.

Your phone rung. You'd hate to admit that you had hoped it was one of them. Luckily, you don't have to as your hopes were admittedly dashed upon looking at caller id.

It's your father.

"Hey, Kiddo." You decided not to overthink the dejection in his voice. He better choose his next words carefully because you don't think you can take much more of anything really.

"Hey, dad. What's up?"

"You mind coming down to Mount Sinai? It's your mom."

You must have murdered someone really important in a past life. Surely, that is the only explanation for why you would deserve any of this.

The rest of your afternoon is performed using the ever allusive autopilot feature of your brain.

You stared at your phone for a few minutes after getting dressed. You can't quite remember if you used it. You doesn't feel any worse than you did before so you assmumed you didn't.

You navigated the streets of New York and then the hospital quickly. You had been here a couple of times before.

You caught up with your father and younger brother. Your father doesn't look as concerned as he probably could, and that served to make both siblings feel better.

Kameron, your younger brother, looked about the same as when you saw him last. Which was 2 years ago. He was in his third year of undergraduate at Yale, and rarely left campus. You wondered when he would have found the time to come back up from Connecticut.

"They just took Maria back to emergency surgery. There were a lot of big words that I honestly think the doctor made up but what I think he was saying it was her kidney's again." George shrugged helplessly.

You just nodded.

"Hey, are you okay? What's going on?"

You turned around with a raised eyebrow.

"What are you doing here?"

"You asked me to come."

~•~

Can you come meet me at Mount Sinai? It's my mom.

I'm so sorry, Y/N. I'm stuck at work.

~•~

Can you come meet me at Mount Sinai? It's my mom.

Omw

~•~

"Oh."

Apparently you had used your phone.

"Thank you, Jisoo." You sniffed.

Lia is clinging to Jisoo's neck sleepily.

You gestured vaguely to the waiting room a few feet away, "You can go sit in there. I'll be there in a bit."

Jisoo looked as though she wanted to say something further, but instead decided against it. She shuffled to the waiting room. Lia beginning to rouse from her apparent sleep deprivation.

You're true to your word. Twenty minutes later, you sat heavily in an uncomfortable, slightly outdated chair. Your face immediately found the palms of your hands.

"Thank you for coming."

Jisoo shrugged, Lia grumbled at being moved, "It isn't a big deal. You needed someone so I came."

You, only half listening, nodded slowly.

You both sat in silence. The general hustle and bustle of the hospital fluttering around you.

Jisoo still looked as though she wanted to say something.

You eventually spoke up. You stared straight ahead into the empty room. "I've been so fucking tired recently. Like for no goddamn reason. And tmi but, I keep going to the bathroom like every half hour, and it's not like I've been drinking more than I normally do. I hope I don't have what my mom has."

Jisoo's eyebrows knitted together. She thought back to something you weren't privy to. She grimaced slightly, "No, I don't think you have what your mom has." She doesn't elaborate further.

"I know you probably don't want to here this, but I'm so sorry. To both of you. I met you guys coincidentally on the same day, and I liked you so much, and it all got out of control so quickly." You decided you were all cried out at this point. You shrugged one of your shoulders and shook your head.

"I get it-"

"You do?"

"No, but it's okay. I'm still a bit upset, but I think that's just the alpha being stubborn."

You nodded and took a deep breath.

"Kiddo?" You turned your head in the direction of your father. He gestured for you to come to him.

Your dad had exactly two emotions. 'Just happy to be here', and 'mildly uncomfortable with what's currently happening'. Those two emotions generally caused his face to do the exact same thing, so he was very hard to read.

"The doc just came back for an update. Your mom is stable and everything is going well. Still going to be in the OR for a couple more hours." It was 'Just happy to be here'.

"Did he say what happened?"

George shrugged, "I'm sure he would if I asked, but I feel better not knowing."

"That's fair."

"Okay, just wanted to let you know. You can go back to your girlfriend now."

"She's not my girlfriend."

"Yeah alright. Anyway, love you, kiddo. I'll come get you when she's ready and awake."

You blushed heavily.

~•~

"Now you said there were two. Where's the other one?" Your mom inquired. She had gotten out of surgery about two hours before. You had urged Jisoo to go home in the meantime. Lisa and Jennie were on their way, and Jisoo definitely needed to get Lia to bed at a decent hour.

"She got caught up at work. No big deal." You shrugged. You felt a bit bad for Chaeyoung. Your mom was most definitely going to judge her for this.

"I beg to differ, but quite frankly I don't have the energy to rant about it."

"Thank god."

Maria slapped you lightly on the hand.

It's then that your phone rings.

"See, she's calling now." You exclaimed. Your mother rolled her eyes.

"Hey."

"Hi...I'm sorry I couldn't be there. Some days I really hate my job. But nevermind that, is everything okay?"

"Yeah. Everything is cool now. My mother is just very dramatic and never does anything half assed." Maria swatted you again.

"Okay, that's great!"

"I'm sorry, Chaeyoung-"

"You don't have to apologize. It's okay. Um, I'll talk to you again...later." Rosé hung up quickly. You tried to hide your pained frown from your mother.

You didn't succeed.

You turned back to your mother. Her lips pursed. Lisa, who had been sitting uncharacteristically quietly, raised an eyebrow.

You decided to keep quiet.

Unfortunately, it seemed their was only one way to ever get back to somewhere close to where you had been with both Chaeyoung and Jisoo.

You had to finally make a decision.

Fuck.

#jesssica's fanfic #blackpink fanfic #blackpink #jisoo fanfic #jisoo x reader #petrichor #rose fanfic #rose x reader #abo

[wthzoe]

chapter 7 pt. 2 - you can never be too happy in this life

'you can never be too happy in this life' yeah, that's still the line

series masterlist - here

previous | next

warning: character death

a/n: aaand she lives! hi, yes, i'm alive! i honestly don't remember how long i was gone but thank you sm for (still) supporting 'with a smile' even if my updating schedule is shit lmao. here's the long overdue part 2 of chapter 7! i hope it's alright 😩

tags: @crayonwriting

-

The timing couldn’t be more perfect for the two of you. Spring break rolled around a couple weeks later, giving you time to work on Kuroo moving into your apartment. Soon enough you were sharing your room with your boyfriend. The triplets were overjoyed to find out that their papa will be living under the same roof and that they get to spend more time with him.

“Papa!” The triplets yelled one peaceful afternoon; excitement evident in the tone of their voice. That could only mean one thing; Kuroo has returned home from volleyball practice. You peaked at the entrance area from the kitchen, seeing how hot and disheveled your boyfriend was. Duffel bag slung across his torso, his hair messy as usual and his lips smiling widely at his little boys.

He picked all three of them up at the same time (which gave your poor motherly heart a scare) causing the boys to burst in a fit of giggles. Kuroo chuckled along with them as he walks the short distance to the kitchen before placing them down on the table. You walk up to him to give him a kiss, standing on your tippy toes to match his height. He grabbed you by the waist the moment you came in close proximity to him.

"I'm home," he whispered.

"Welcome back," you whispered back, giving him one last peck on the lips before pulling away and moving your attention to the food on the stove.

You ate dinner with your family as usually would, nothing really going out of the ordinary until you heard your phone ring from the living room. You were about to stand up in order to retrieve the device but Kuroo offers to do it instead as he was closer to the living room.

"I'll get it." He picks it up then glances at the caller ID which showed the name 'Grandpa'. He instinctively answered it then brought it to his ear. "Hello?"

"(Y/N)— Oh, Tetsurou?"

"Yes, it's me." He began walking back to his spot on the dining table while you watch him curiously, trying to find out who he's talking to and what they're talking about. "I'm sorry, what?"

Kuroo's face went pale, probably due to the news delivered to him. He gulps before shifting his gaze to you.

"(Y/N)..."

You beg Kuroo to drive faster than he already is in hopes of arriving to the hospital quicker. She'll be alright. She's fine. It's just a minor thing, right? Thoughts flooded your mind from the moment you dropped the triplets off at Bokuto and Akaashi's shared dorm room to the present.

Kuroo grabbed your hand that you were nibbling on out of anxiety, giving it a tight squeeze of reassurance. But nothing could keep you calm, all you need was to arrive at the hospital faster and see for yourself that your grandmother would be alright.

The second the car was parked, you dashed out of it and into the hospital, frantically asking the front desk for your grandmother. You didn't even give the receptionist a chance to finish her question regarding your relation to the patient. You simply dashed to the elevator, pressing the 'up' button too many times, as if it would help the elevator arrive faster. When it did, people swore a ghost rushed by at how quick you got on.

More thoughts fill your head, making you forget that you completely left your boyfriend behind, but he understood. Unlike you, Kuroo calmly asked the receptionist for your grandmother's room and calmly waited for the elevator door to open.

On the other hand you were there catching your breath right outside your grandmother's room. You knew she wouldn't be too fond of the state you were in now so you gave your self time to breathe. After a couple minutes you finally lift your fist to knock— beep.

Oh no. It was that beep. The long one. Your heart sank to the deepest pits of Earth. That's not it, right? You were hearing wrong. She's fine. When you walk in, she'll greet you as always. She's fine. She's fine. She's—

The scene that greeted you when you opened the door sunk your heart deeper than what you thought was humanely possible. Doctors, or were they nurses? You didn't know, you couldn't think, were huddled around the bed while frantically trying to revive your grandmother.

In the corner was your grandfather, who had noticed you enter because he was trying so hard not to see his wife battle life and death. You ran to him in tears. He gave you a tight hug, his breath equally as shaky as yours, maybe even more.

The two of you stayed in that position the whole time, earnestly waiting for good news that never came. She's gone. You grandmother's gone. The person who took you in and raised you like her own was gone.

You sink into the chair beside the bed, listlessly staring at her peaceful expression. If it was even remotely possible, more tears rolled down your cheeks. Your breaths becoming even heavier, as you release sobs.

"Grandma," you called out, hoping she'll find her way back to you. Maybe she was just lost. "Granny..."

The more you call for her the more you realize that she's not coming back. You grab her cold hand with both of yours, desperately trying to heat it up as you call for her. You lean your head onto her shoulder and bawled. Her body no longer providing the comforting heat you always loved.

"I said— I said I'm going to repay you... for everything you've done for me." You choked out in between sobs. "How am I going to do that now? Please don't leave me..."

You stayed like that for hours, even after Kuroo came to comfort you. But Kuroo and your grandfather both decided that it would be best to leave you be for now.

After a while you calmed down. Your grandfather approached you and placed a hand on your shoulder.

"She... knew what was coming." He started. "Two days ago, before we came here, she told me she wanted a nice romantic evening before she goes. So we did that. She said she regrets not being able to properly say goodbye to you and the triplets before she goes."

You stare at your grandmother's lifeless body as tears began to flow once again.

"We prepared gifts for the boys for the next 15 years until they turn 18. She said it was the least she could do. She didn't let me contact you until she knew it was her last day. She said it was 'a few days too many of worrying for my baby'."

Once again you were full on sobbing into her shoulder.

"She said she has a last wish for you."

"What is it?" You lift your head, determined to fulfill your grandmother's last wish until;

"(Y/N)..." You felt your body tense at the feminine voice from behind you. You turn around only to see—

"Mom, dad. Why are you here?" Your voice was harsh as you eye them up and down.

"(Y/N), sweetie..."

"Don't you 'sweetie' me. You kicked me out remember?" Your grandfather's hand on your shoulder gave you a slight squeeze.

"(Y/N)... did you know that all this time they've been assisting you and the boys as much as they can? They regret what they did. Please talk to them at least. Your grandmother would be very happy."

You remind yourself that this was your grandmother's last wish as you hesitantly lead them out of the room. Kuroo gave you a look of concern from where he sat, knowing how tense you were. You give him a slight smile to reassure him.

"Just so you know, I have nothing to say to you." You speak up.

"I know, but please listen to us." You crossed your arms and turned to face them, not making eye contact. "I admit that what we did was wrong, that we were too harsh to you. I also admit that the first few months, we didn't care at all, but then one day your grandmother visited us and brought us a copy of your ultrasound. Your dad and I were happy for you, we regretted what we did but we knew you wouldn't even want to see us after all that."

She reached for your arm but you flinch away from her. She sighed then continued her explanation.

"We asked for updates about the four of you. We asked about what we can do to help, even if just financially. I saw how well you raised your boys, (Y/N). I don't have the rights to, but I'm proud. We... didn't plan on approaching you because the pain we caused you was too much and I didn't want you to be in pain again when you see us. But mom said it was her dying wish, and I also wanted to make things right. So, (Y/N), I'm very sorry."

You eyed your parents, checking for signs of insincerity in their words. But their expressions were nothing but sincere. You sigh and slowly approached your mother for a hug.

"Don't get me wrong, I still haven't fully forgiven you. I'm still very hurt. I just think that having things continue the way they were will only be bad for all of us." Both parents gave you a tight hug back, crying. Yoy caught a glimpse of Kuroo sitting outside your grandmother's room from over your mother's shoulder. "I have someone for you to meet."

You pull away from each other before calling for Kuroo. "Tetsu."

Your boyfriend stared at you in confusion, probably wondering why on Earth were you calling him in the middle of a touching reunion. Nonetheless, he complied to your call and approached you sheepishly.

"This is my boyfriend, Tetsurou."

"Kuroo Tetsurou, ma'am and... sir." Without further notice your mom pulled him into a tight hug.

"Thank you. Thank you very much for taking care of my (Y/N)."

Kuroo chuckled as he hugs her back, looking over to you before saying, "My pleasure."

#kuroo x reader #kuroo imagine #kuroo imagines #kuroo tetsurou x reader #kuroo tetsurou imagine #kuroo tetsurou imagines #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo tetsuro imagine #kuroo tetsuro imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu au #haikyuu #haikyuu scenario #haikyuu scenarios #with a smile series

[wordsafterhours]

Ticket to L.A. (3)

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 

A warm, tingling sensation spread throughout Rowan as the girl, who had captured his attention so completely, rested her head against him. It was late, she was probably tired, as it was inching further into the wee early morning hours. They’d had a few drinks, talked and laughed, leaving her no time to get any of her work done. He wanted to feel bad for distracting her, but he couldn’t muster up an ounce of regret no matter how hard he tried.

Deciding to live in the moment, Rowan leaned his head against hers, reveling in the companionable silence that had settled around them. He needed time to process this entire situation anyhow. He’d never flown by the seat of his pants a day in his life, but reason had evaporated the moment he’d heard her laugh. It was almost as though he was coming home for the first time in his life.

Jesus man, you sound like a damn romance novel, Rowan internally chastised himself. Fate. Serendipity. Whatever this was with her, right now. . . these things didn’t actually happen in real life. This was just two strangers sharing a moment because they had nothing else to do, right?

“Ro?” she said quietly, almost so that he missed it amongst the raging thoughts in his head.

“Yes?” he asked in the same hushed tone.

“What’s your favorite animal?”

He tried to stifle a laugh but was unsuccessful, causing the woman to lift her blonde head from his shoulder—he promptly felt the loss of contact so acutely it was almost painful. With a shake of his head, he cleared his throat and proceeded to answer her rather random question. “A hawk.”

She smiled, quite wickedly,  and a rather mischievous glint filled her bright blue eyes. “Oh, like those birds that eat dead animals off the side of the interstate?”

“No! Those are buzzards. Hawks are majestic and powerful. Buzzards are straggly, ugly even,” indignation punctuating his words.

“Goodness, you sounded wounded, Buzzard. I was only kidding!”

“Buzzard?” She couldn’t be serious, likening him to a bird who ate dead things for a living. Disgusting.

“Yeah, that’s your nickname now, Buzzard.” She informed him, her smile growing larger by the second.  

“That’s it, I’ve found your only flaw. You’re a terrible nicknamer. If I’m a bird, I’m a hawk. I mean have you seen me? Tall, muscled, green eyes most women would kill for? Look like I could grace the cover of a men’s fashion magazine?” he rapidly fired while motioning up and down along his body.

“I don’t see it,” the stranger deadpanned with a facial expression to match.

Rowan craned his head back, trying to decipher if she was serious. Several tense seconds passed amongst them before she cracked up, nudging their shoulders together.

“I’m only kidding. You should have seen your face! Gods, you’re like the hottest guy I’ve ever seen, and my best friend is a male model, so I would know.” He watched suddenly as her face grew beet red for the first time all night at the realization of what she’d allowed to cross her lips.

“Oh, so the hottest guy you’ve ever seen, huh?” he mused and waggled his silver brows.

“I think I’ll just melt into the floor now,” she muttered, sliding down in her chair, a beautiful pout taking residence upon her face. The maneuver caused her white t-shirt to ride up, revealing a small silver of tanned skin. His throat grew instantly dry and subconsciously he reached out, tracing the bare skin with a calloused fingertip.

Her soft hand brushed against his, starling him. Like a child getting caught with their hand in the cookie jar, he tried to yank his hand back, all too aware of the multiple boundaries he’d carelessly violated. However, she latched her hand onto his, preventing him from severing their contact.

Pine green met turquoise and the air grew thick with unspoken feelings. Both continued to stare, bodies moving closer until lips were barely a hair’s breadth away. It would take nothing to feel her velvet, pink lips against his and Rowan wasn’t going to waste the moment. Her eyes fluttered shut, a clear invitation to kiss her, but he never got the chance as a loud voice rang out over head. Surprised by the unwelcome intrusion, they fell apart, moment ruined.  

“Flights are now starting do board. The storm has moved out of the airport’s vicinity and it is safe to resume flights. Please check the information boards to see updated flight schedules regarding arrivals and departures. Again, we apologize for the delays, thank you for your patience.”

I can’t believe I almost kissed him. I don’t even know him. Damn PA system. Aelin internally cursed while avoiding Rowan’s heated gaze. “Uh, I guess we should check out those updates,” she said lamely, gesturing towards the cluster of monitors with her thumb.

“Oh, I guess you’re right.”

He stood, offering his arm to her. She looped hers through his and both awkwardly wandered towards the screens. She eyed the small text up and down, finally noting when the flight to L.A. was boarding out of gate 22. A small glance to her right revealed a brooding Rowan.

“So, when does your flight leave?”

“Looks like I still have a while,” he replied quickly, schooling his features to replace his frown with an impartial look instead.

Aelin turned from the board and started to walk back to their seats, tossing over her shoulder, “My flight appears to be boarding next. Well, if that shit is to be believed.” Rowan’s steps faltered for just a moment, like he needed a pause to digest what she had said, before he resumed following her. Perhaps he didn’t want this night to end either but then again, she could be projecting her own feelings onto him. There was a strong chance the sentiment was not mutual. That possibility caused her heart to painfully stutter and she rubbed her chest, trying to quell the ache that was taking root.

The duo plopped into their chairs, both electing to stay silent. Finally, it was Rowan who breached the chasm that had developed, “I guess you’ll have to answer your emails and write your blog post on the plane ride. I’m afraid I’ve occupied all your free time.”

“Looks that way,” she muttered, picking up her discarded laptop from the floor and shutting it down prior to slipping into her bag. Aelin wasn’t why, but his remark had further soured her mood. She would do anything to spend another few hours with him. Sell a kidney. Send a nude photo to Arobynn Hamel, the creepy lawyer that worked for uncle. That man was always hitting on her, but she’d never felt like this before and desperation was setting in by the minute.

The part of her that was used to be disappointed and incessantly let down was reminding her of all the reasons this couldn’t or wouldn’t last. Quite honestly, she was sure the bubble the two had forged couldn’t last past tonight. She’d get on that plane and Rowan would end up being just another person, floating out of her life as quickly as he’d entered it. Things didn’t work out for her, ever. Her parents, Chaol, Sam… all of them finite examples of how life shit on her when she least expected it.

Too wrapped up in feeling sorry for herself, Aelin hadn’t noticed Rowan move closer to her, until she felt the same calloused fingertip that had branded her skin earlier, apply gentle pressure beneath her chin. Willing herself not to cry in front of a stranger, she glanced up through her lashes. He looked concerned, the tip of a question on his tongue.

He kept his finger perched beneath her chin and leaned his forehead against hers. “You never told me your name.”

She snickered. If he had been trying to distract her from herself, he’d certainly succeeded. He was right, she hadn’t told him her name for a good reason, and she wasn’t sure she’d tell him; a little mystery could be a good thing. “I know, it was intentional. You could be a serial killer after all.  You are good looking, give off a mysterious air, sought out a girl sitting alone in an airport. All these things just scream serial killer, ya know. I binge watch murder shows like the rest of the country.”

“First, you liken me to a buzzard and now I’m a serial killer?  No wonder you’re single, you can’t give a compliment or flirt to save your life,” he jested, not moving at all while he did so.

Aelin pulled back and scoffed, “I’ll have you know, I’m an excellent flirt. Shame on you for suggesting otherwise.” She paused, tucking a piece of hair that had fallen loose behind her ear.  “Besides, you don’t know I’m single! Buzzard!”

“Well, I hope you are,” he confessed, staring intensely at her.

“I’ll get back to you. I’m pretty sure there’s this very attractive man just waiting to take me out. I mean, I am a solid 10 and swim 5 times a week. You should see me in my bikini. It’s gold—” She would have continued torturing him, but Rowan sounded like he might cough up a lung. Being the merciful woman she was, Aelin leaned over and patted his back, trying to hide a shit eating grin the entire time.

“I’m good, I’m good,” he stated, waving her off. Mmm, I bet you are.

Before the two could continue, the same monotonous voice from earlier sounded overhead yet again, “Now boarding flight 547 JFK to LAX. Please make your way to the proper gate with your tickets and ID ready. Again, flight 547 JFK to LAX now boarding.”

Aelin’s stomach dropped at the stark reminder that their time was indeed ending. Rowan’s face crumpled as he came to the same realization.

“That’s me,” she mumbled, sadly. Rowan, being a gentleman, stood and bent down to pick up Aelin’s bag from the floor. He tenderly slipped the bag onto her shoulder, making sure it was in a comfortable position. Both stared, unwilling to utter goodbye. It was in that stubborn and stifling silence that Aelin decided she would divulge her name but not in the way he probably expected.

She rifled through her bag, finding a Sharpie. “Give me your hand and close your eyes.”

Rowan did as she demanded and extended his large hand towards her expectedly for the second time tonight. She scribbled her name and number on his open palm and then pressed his fingers around it, sealing it with a featherlight kiss. “Please don’t look at it until I board the plane.”

Rowan cocked his head, finding her request peculiar, but decided to acquiesce, giving a slight nod. Aelin smiled faintly whilst placing a hand on his shoulder, rising to her tip toes, and brushing a soft kiss against his stubbled cheek. Her lips lingered for a few more seconds than necessary and before she could stop herself, she hastily turned and disappeared through gate. 22.  

Rowan watched the beautiful golden blonde woman until she disappeared from his view. He then gave himself another ten seconds before he opened his hand, revealing what she had written.

Aelin. 423-555-9048.  His face split in two. Despite no longer being in front of him, this woman was still making an impression. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl. He slunk back down into the uncomfortable plastic chair that he’d occupied for the previous 8 hours and continued to stare at his hand. Time seemed to stop as he sat there, analyzing his feelings and the situation that was quite literally, at hand. With renewed purpose, he sat up straighter and pulled out his phone, googling the distance between Seattle and L.A.

One state—Oregon. 1,135 miles. 18 hours in a car. A stuffy plane ride. This was just a short list of what separated them. This woman—Aelin—could in fact be the love of his life and here he was wasting time compiling stupid lists. He should be calling her. Gods, he should have chased after her. But he’d already acted out of character when he rashly scoured the airport for the owner of such magical laughter.

Could I really do it? Could I chase after someone I’ve only known for 8 hours? He repeated this over and over to himself until he could no longer counter himself.  

Having spent so long talking to Aelin and then spending more time agonizing over what he should do, Rowan had missed his flight to Seattle by a couple of hours. But he wasn’t sorry. This day had started out in such a shit way and by the time he had gotten to the airport, Rowan was ready to curse Hellas and label it the second worst day of his life.

If you asked him now though, he’d tell you it was the day that changed his life.

Was it cosmic forces? Fate? Luck? He didn’t know but he wasn’t going to question it any further. He picked up his carry on and slung it over his back as he approached the ticket counter.

“Ah yes, I need a ticket for the next available flight to LAX.”

#aelin x rowan #rowan whitethorn #rowan #aelin ashryver #rowaelin #rowaelin prompt #rowaelin fanfic #rowaelin au #aelin galathynius #ticket to L.A. #throne of glass

[thesevenseraphs]

Bungie Weekly Update - 4/2/2020

This week at Bungie, we look towards Io. So, you’re a few weeks into your seasonal journey. You’ve cleared the EDZ Bunker of Fallen, and have been taking the Hive to task on the Moon. You’ve reclaimed The Fourth Horseman, and maybe even completed its catalyst. So, what’s next? Tuesday, the final Seraph bunker will open on Io. New Seraph weapons and seasonal mods enter the mix, giving you more options to build your monster-killing machine. Later in the month, Guardian Games will kick off some good old-fashioned Guardian rivalry, accompanied by the Grandmaster Nightfall difficulty. This week, we’ll be parsing through some feedback we’ve been seeing since the season launched, and discussing next steps for emblem stat trackers.

FOCUSED FEEDBACK

Over the last few weeks, we’ve been watching the conversation about Season of the Worthy, and more specifically Trials of Osiris. We wanted to walk through the topics we’ve been exploring and give some basic thoughts on what we’d like to approach in the future. Some items below may be addressed in the coming weeks, but other may take a season or more to tackle. We’re having meetings and discussions daily to determine the best course of action. In the meantime, it’s important to us that you know your voices are heard.

Card Rewards

We’ve been discussing feedback around a lack of incentive for players to go Flawless. We understand that some players have found the first few games to be more lucrative, which we’d love to shift to the later games. Early card token farming, as some would call it, is something that we are very interested in solving. We want to make sure that every Destiny player who wants to play Trials has something to show for it at the end of a weekend.

Additionally, we’ve seen feedback that the Flawless chest isn’t comparable the rewards associated with grinding out Nightfalls. This is something that we’d love to improve upon. There are quite a few ways we could approach this, and we’re currently discussing what would be the best for Trials in the long run.

Disconnections

We’ve been investigating an issue that prevented us from enabling rejoin options when Trials first launched. The short version: A player’s score could reset if that player left and rejoins the match. Since we’ve resolved this issue, we are currently planning to enable rejoin in Update 2.8.1.

Additionally, our teams are continuing to investigate the rise in error codes since the launch of the season. This is one of our top priorities, and we’ve made some progress in identifying the issue. What’s left is developing a fix and testing it. We want to take the appropriate time here to avoid introducing any further issues into the game.

Fair Play

We’ve seen reports from players that have encountered cheaters in Trials over the last few weekends. What follows is a quick update on what we’ve been doing to improve your experience, and what we’re discussing internally for future improvements. To restate the note in the intro, some of these items may not be addressed for some time, as we’re in early conversations, but we wanted to give you an update of what’s going on behind the scenes here at Bungie.

Our anti-cheat is not as “visible” (by design) as some security products. However, we regularly detect and remove thousands of malicious accounts from the PvP ecosystem.

On the front lines we continue to implement new anti-cheat improvements during patch releases (we don’t include these in the patch notes for obvious reasons), and are always investigating new approaches as cheat developers adapt to our latest tech.

Many of the cheats you may find in the wild already have detections and countermeasures deployed or in development, with work being done constantly to keep them updated against new threats. Because cheat developers don’t stop, we know we have to keep working to improve these systems.

Note: This is a tricky line to walk, as we don’t want to punish any innocent players that may consistently have high stats due to extreme skill, game bugs, or game logic exploits which Bungie considers our fault.

We are working with our platform partners to identify ways in which we can further strengthen our security.

We are investigating ways in which we can let you know when your reports have resulted in a permanent ban or a temporary restriction.

Additionally, we wanted to give a few tips on information that helps us during our investigations when processing reports from the “Report Suspected Cheating” contact form. Important Note: Do NOT post any of this information publicly. Not on Reddit. Not on the Bungie forums. This information should only go in this specific form. Here’s the information we are looking for:

Display name of the “known good” player. Is this you? A friend of yours?

Display name of the suspect(s) and any other identifying info you have (clan name, Steam ID, etc.)

Explain what suspicious behavior was observed.

Note the platform the behavior was observed on.

Provide a link to the Post-Game Carnage Report (PGCR) on Bungie.net.

And if possible:

Give us links to any video evidence. This could be a YouTube video or archived Twitch stream with timestamps, a clip, or a video you have recorded and shared via a public sharing service. (Sorry, we can’t connect to your private Google Drive or OneDrive to view a video).

I know that some of you out there may find the statement of “We’re listening!” to be a repetitive cliché of community management, but the first step toward taking action is to listen. We’ve been collecting your feedback and looking to fully understand the root of the perceived issues that are being discussed by players in the wild. Your voice is important to us, and helps us as we walk the path to what’s next in Destiny 2. We’ll be sure to keep you updated on our plans as they become more concrete, and we thank you for your continued feedback on the game.

Speaking of the future, let’s talk about Stat Trackers.

BACK ON TRACK

At the beginning of the season, changes were introduced to stat trackers to give players more ways to express their achievements in Destiny 2. We introduced weekly Seasonal and Lifetime trackers, and these were completely optional to those who might want to have a clean emblem. With this overhaul, previously featured trackers were removed. Players were quick to highlight this as a pain point, which we’re eager to address. This week, we have a list of the stats we’ll be bringing back in Update 2.8.1, which is coming later this month.

Seasons

Career

Forge Completions

All of the Trackers below are hidden if their value is zero:

Season 8 Season Pass Rank Earned

Season 9 Season Pass Rank Earned

Number of Tier III encounters completed in the Reckoning

Fractaline Donated

Menagerie Completions

Heroic Menagerie Completions

Kills of Haunted Forest Terrors

Deepest Branch of Haunted Forest Cleared

Completed Branches of the Verdant Forest

Revelric Light triggers during the Revelry

Candy Collected

Recipes Baked

Account

Career

Heroic Missions Completed

All of the Trackers below are visible on their class:

Kills as a Sentinel Titan

Kills as a Striker Titan

Kills as a Sunbreaker Titan

Kills as a Arcstrider Hunter

Kills as a Nightstalker Hunter

Kills as a Gunslinger Hunter

Kills as a Stormcaller Warlock

Kills as a Dawnblade Warlock

Kills as a Voidwalker Warlock

Crucible

Career

Gold Medals Earned

Longest Glory Win Streak

Total Valor Resets

Iron Banner Rank

Gold Medals Earned in Iron Banner

Iron Banner Bounties Completed

All of the Trackers below are hidden if their value is zero:

Wins in Trials of the Nine

Flawless tickets in Trials of Nine

7th column Medals Earned

Annihilation Medals Earned

Undefeated Medals Earned

We Ran Out of Medals Medals Earned

Ghost in the Night Medals Earned

This Crown is Mine Medals Earned

I Made This for You Medals Earned

Kills in Crimson Doubles

Kills while under the effects of Iron Burden

Destination

Career

Kills of Final Bosses in Escalation Protocol

Available on Mars and Escalation Protocol Emblems

All of the Trackers below are available on Luna Emblems:

Completed Nightmare Hunts on Master Difficulty

Pit of Heresy Solo Flawless Completions

Gambit

Career

Infamy Rank Resets

Raids

Career

Prestige Leviathan Completions

Available on Leviathan and Guided Games Emblems

Prestige Eater of Worlds Completions

Available on Eater of Worlds and Guided Games Emblems

Prestige Spire of Stars Completions

Available on Spire of Stars and Guided Games Emblems

Strikes

Career

Nightfall Challenge Completions

We understand that there may be a few stats that are still not present that you’re interested in returning. To be clear, we have a hard cap on how many stats can be listed on emblems, so we want to make sure we have room to grow in the future. Please continue to give feedback on what you’d like to see, and we’ll keep you in the know of what our plans are.

UNDER THE MAGNIFYING GLASS

No stone is left unturned when Destiny Player Support is on the case. When issues begin to trend, they disperse troubleshooting articles, but also dig deep to diagnose the issues. This is their report

HOTFIX 2.8.0.2 

On Tuesday, March 31, we released Hotfix 2.8.0.2 to the world. While maintenance was underway, we incorrectly noted two items in the 2.8.0.2 patch notes:

A fix where bunker upgrades on the Season Pass are only unlocked on one character.

A fix where the first weekly clear of a Legendary Lost Sector won't award a powerful drop.

These issues were not fixed in 2.8.0.2. Fixes for these issues will be available with a later update.

CURRENT KNOWN ISSUES

While we continue investigating various known issues, here’s a list of the latest issues that were reported to us in our #Help Forum:

We are continuing to investigate increased WATERCRESS and NEWT errors.

We have identified an issue with the Felwinter’s Helm exotic helmet that allows players to emit a detonation impulse that blinds and weakens enemies on any kill. We have disabled this Exotic until a fix can be deployed at a later date.

We are investigating reports of players who have their emblems blacked out completely with power appearing as 0 in the Roster tab of the Director.

The Level 32 PDS upgrade can only be used to clear the Bunker by the character who unlocked the EDZ Bunker.

Rasputin’s Daily Seraph Weapon can only be claimed on the character players were on when Rank 92 of the Season Pass was unlocked – this cannot be claimed on other characters.

The Cloak of the Exile Trials armor is not glowing properly when going Flawless in Trials of Osiris.

Defeating an enemy with the ranged Celestial Fire Warlock melee ability does not trigger the Warlord's Sigil perk on the Winter's Guile Exotic gauntlets.

The lore piece "By Thy Tongue Be Damned" is not properly unlocking for players.

For a full list of emergent issues in Destiny 2, players can review our Known Issues article. Players who observe other issues should report them to our #Help forum.

#destiny 2 #Bungie Weekly Update #TWAB #long post

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas: Bamn! And the kid is 4

Also on AO3! 

TL;DR:  Izuku gets hits by a de-aging quirk and it turns out hes always been super cute.

izuku gets hit w a de-aging quirk back to like,, age 5-8

angst + fluff + dads happens

izuku, iida, bakugo, kiri and all might are getting groceries

not a great team for shopping but its like, just post internship pre cultural festival so its no a disaster

all might is there to make sure they dont do something stupid or get lost. he was kinda hesitant to go with them because he cant protect them anymore but they are little heroes! so they should be ok, right?

w r o n g

the villain attacks katsuki just outside the store, the only one of them that doesnt have a licence, izuku takes a hit for him and he and iida quickly take the villain down while kiri protects the bystanders

then izuku collapses and bakugo is ready to yell because if izuku takes one more hit for someone hes going to be the hit

all might runs over because even though its still dangerous he has a hero license (bc it hasnt been cancled yet because no one wanted to be the person to do it) and thats his s o n. iida is calling the people he should be calling

all might finds just, this tiny tiny green freckly mess in izuku's oversize clothing and he wants to cuss up a storm because FUCk hes liKe 6

bakugo runs over because all might looks like hes going to cry and hes not ready for that today and he sees this horrifically familiar face. he he does swear.

izuku looks so lost but he sees bakugo and he lights up!!

"kacchan!! youre so tall wow!!! so coool!!!"

and bakugo is going to scream bc f u c k hes so annoying and adorable. bakugo tells izuku that he is normally his age but got hit with a quirk that made him small and hes!! so excited!!

hes rambling about how cool the quirk is and wondering how long it lasts and how it works and allmight is just shell shocked still

"young bakugo, should we tell his mother?"

",,, inko is in america chasing down her husband to divorce him. i dont think she needs this shit right now"

"understandable"

kiri comes over bc whats happening? and he shrieks a little and hugs izuku

izuku is very lost but hes giggling bc kacchan's cool friend likes him, so maybe kacchan likes him now! bakugo is like "fuck why do i feel emotions thats wack"

so iida, having just reported what happened and now on the phone to aizawa walks over to tell aizawa everyones status. he and sees izuku and goes dead silent

"iida?? iida whats wrong?"

",,, hes,,, so s m a l l "

"wAiT WhAt"

"like,,, shrunk?????????"

"no sensei like,,, hes 5"

just a loud "F UUCK" as aizawa hangs up to run over

ok but they are all awkwardly buying the food bc they really need to get food, tiny izuku or no

and so izuku is with bakugo and allmight while the others do the worlds fastest grocery run

and izuku asks all might "mr? is your quirk being really tall? because thats super cool if it is!!" and bakugo is dying because what the fuck does all might say to that

"no my boy, im actually quirkless!"

"oh,, sorry sir"

"why are you sorry?"

"i dont know, but thats what everyone says to me when i tell them so i think its bad?"

and he just mumbles

"kacchan said i could play with him again if i got my quirk but i never did. do i get my quirk now? is that why we have cool friends??!"

and bakugo is going to cry bc all might looks so sad and he cant deal with that

so iida and kiri have bought all the crap and they are waiting out from with this tiny bubbly kid who they have to hold hands with or he Will run off to go look at stuff

aizawa shows up in the school car (,,, driven by mic because he cant fucking drive) and izuku is like OH HI

and aizawa is like ",,, hello?"

and izuku sees mic too and he thinks for a few seconds

"are,,, you two the new heroes that just started? from that really cool sports festival!!! i heard you from my preschool!!"

and bakugo is cackling be he fucking remembers that

and aizawa is red and nods and mic is like TINY CHILD WHO ARE YOU because aizawa didnt tell him what was going on

izuku is like "hi im midoriya izuku! please call me izuku!!" and mic is crying bc??? baby boy??

so they get an update ab the villain, apparently the quirk lasts for 2 weeks and allmight is caught between happy bc Tiny and sad bc My Boy??? he says how long it lasts and katsuki groans loudly

"bakugo?"

'AUntIEs iN aMEricA For 3 WeEKs"

"shit"

in the car all might has to hold him because aizawa didnt think this through and there isnt a child seat, so izuku is playing with all mights fringe because its long enough to be in his face and allmight is cry bc its his boy!!!!

they are up front because iida and katsuki need to talk to aizawa about whatever is going down with izuku. kiri is just there for moral support honestly, he is still pretty lost

izuku is asking present mic all these questions about his quirk ands all might is legitimately impressed at the control mic has because h looks like hes 30 seconds from bursting into a screech of joy at this tiny boy but his voice is just a little louder than normal

mic is singing a song in english

and izuku says "thats a rude song! my mum said so!" in perfectly understandable English and katsuki l a u gh hs

"I WAS WAITING FOR HIM TO SLIP UP HAHA"

and mic, cackling bc hes worked it out had to pull over for a sec

all might is red because hes been swearing in english the whole time oops

aizawa is like "Um????? whats happening"

katsuki, through tears : this little shit has known english his whole life but he didnt want more english homework so he just pretended he didnt through middle school and forgot to admit he could when we started UA

izuku looks lost bc what did he do?? mic is saying sorry to this tiny child for singing a rude song, iida is ab to have a stroke

mic and izuku chat about mics quirk in english happily and they pull up to ua and izuku is like wAIT WHAT. bakugo is cringing bc howwww do they explain this

present mic and aizawa, 0 clue what going on "its UA. you go to school here."

"oh, did i get into gen ed? is that why kacchan is my friend again?!!"

"youre in the hero course with me, brat"

and izuku looks upset and aizawa is lost because what kid cries when they are told they get to be a hero

"dont be mean, its rude to lie"

"why would i lie?"

when izuku says hes quirkless bakugo and all might look like someone kicked them

aizawa is like "wait,, quirkless?" and izuku looks at him confused because evryone knows izuku is quirkless

"yeah,, i have the toe thing-y."

and the kids face crumples

"does this mean i cant go into UA now??"

mic picks up the kid before he can start to cry and says "of course not! i bet youd be a great hero, quirk or not!!"

aizawa and mic are giving all might and Bakugo a Look because they look so sheepish

kiri and iida are lost because izuku Very Much has a quirk, it explodes him

all might all but pushes everyone through the gate and aizawa and mic are just staring at him because they Know hes not spilling something

anyway, eri comes to visit!! bc izuku is small!!

she calls him deku and izuku looks sad bc kacchan only calls him deku when hes mad at him and izuku just whispers "you can call me izuku please?" and eri is like "YES IZUKU HI IM ERI HELLO"

izuku is very happy

hes still like, wearing a shirt dress basically so aizawa gets momo, who has a little quiet "HES SO SMALLL" scream in the cupboard, then pops out to make him a onesie. izuku asking if it can be allmight and momo is like “OF COURSE IT CAN YOU LITTLE MUNCHKIN ID DIE FOR YOU”

izuku gets this massive fuzzy onesie and hes like !!!” yourequirkissocoolallmightiloveitsoftthaNKYOU”

momo just hugs him because hes so tiny and cute oh my lord

eri and izuku play heroes!! eri is lemillion and izuku is all might and they are defeating the great villain Kirishima

kiri wasnt warned he was the villain. he just has these kids yeeting on to him and hes so lost

all might and bakugo are trying to make a child sized dinner. they are working together bc if they pretend they are doing something important maybe aizawa wont kill them

aizawa is just,,, glaring at them. he hasnt moved from the corner of the kitchen. bakugo is getting nervous, all might is trying not to spit blood into the food

its like, 4pm? and izuku and eri are sleepy but they are Big Kids so they dont need to nap. all might and bakugo are trying to finish the food before they fall asleep bc god damn it they worked for this

aizawa is trying not to smile but they are so goddamn cute. izuku is cheering because they made katsudon

"kacchan how did you know this was my favourite!! youre so coooolllL!!!!"

bakugo, suddenly feeling crushing guilt: yeah,, im,,, awesome

aizawa is like, walking slowly towards all might and hes scrambling to think of something to spare him from his wrath

bakugo : OH YAGI WERENT YOU ALL MIGHTS SECRATARY

izuku, crying: OH MY GOD

yagi, crying also : thankyou bakugo i owe you my life

izuku is asking so many questions aizawa has to remind him to breathe

please tiny izuku is very fond of aizawa but no one has any idea why bc the dude is scary

"eraserhead sir, when can i see my mum?"

aizawa, suddenly wishing he had kurogiri's quirk: ",,,,you seee"

ok but like, just for a little pain

"it'll be like a sleep over, ok kid?"

"you really want me to stay? most kids wont let me even play for a little while, so no one sleeps over. i can stay home without my mum if you want! i dont wanna bug you,,,"

aizawa, feeling a rush of fondness for this terrible child "no its ok, stay here. youre a good kid"

baby izuku clumsily braiding aizawas hair bc his mum taught him

consider: baby izuku and shinso

baby izuku is on a need to know basis bc there is a traitor somewhere. shinso is just minding his own business and runs into a giggling curly boy

and hes like ",,, who are you???"

"im izuku!!!"

shinso just looking at him and groans

"of course its you. its always you"

he picks up izuku and takes him to aiawa. izuku is patting his hair happily

"i found the gremlin"

"hi eraserhead!!!"

"thank god

izuku makes him help with his hero notes because he doesnt know kanji yet. izuku is just telling him what to do while shinso does as hes told, trying not to smile

#bnha au #bnha #mha #midoriya izuku #midoriya #kid midoriya #deku #katsuki bakugou #bakugo #shinsou hitoshi #shinsou #aizawa shouta #aizawa #eraserhead #allmight #present mic #bnha eri #eri #kirishima eijirou #iida tenya #the kid is 4 au

[strsburn]

inked | tom holland [2]

pairing : tom holland x female!reader 

inked

summary : in which the reader works at a tattoo parlor for a living and is a bit intrigued by the oddly attractive british dude who insists on having a spider inked onto his foot.  

see also : "is that gonna hurt?" "well it's certainly not going to tickle." 

pairing : tom holland x female!reader

genre : fluff, smidge of angst, but mostly fluff

words : 800+

side notes : I'm so sorry for the delay on the second chapter, I've been super busy lately and mother nature has decided to visit so I'm also in pain lol. I hope you enjoy this series as much as I do, and I can't thank you enough for the love and support on the first part :')

as always please comment your thoughts and if you wish to be added to a tag-list for this series, send me an ask or inbox message. thanks!!

-

[chapter one]

A week had passed since your last encounter with the infamous Tom Holland. Unfortunately he had to return back to London to prepare for another tour, regarding his recent film far from home. 

 

You'd seen the many pictures and live streams he had posted to his Instagram, but all the texts you had sent him remained unanswered. You reminded yourself that he was a busy man, and he probably didn't have time to reply, but the more you saw his posts, the more your doubts grew. 

From across the counter, Liv stared at your pitiful state and sighed. You had updated her on everything that had happened the following week, and while Liv was happy for what this could lead to, she was also worried for you. 

“C’mon, Y/n. You need some fresh air.” She stated determinedly, moving from her comfortable place upon the counter top. 

You stared at her in confusion, as she made a move to flip the open sign to closed, in front of the shop. 

“What? We can’t just close the parlour.” You told her in disbelief. 

“It’s a slow day today, I’m sure the parlour can handle one day off. Besides, the boss is out of town, which means you’re in charge.” You sighed at her explanation, knowing that there was absolutely no way to back out of her escape plan now. 

With one last glance at your blank notifications screen, you tossed your phone into your purse and stood up looking to your friend Liv, with a plastered grin on your face.

“What do you have in mind?”

-

“What’s got you all pouty for, Holland?” 

Tom glanced to his left to see his co-star, and now close friend Jake Gyllenhaal looking at him with amusement. The two of them had decided to grab lunch at some pizza place, and while Tom appreciated the fresh air, he couldn’t stop thinking of you.

When he didn’t respond with his usual mirth, Jake turned serious sitting down beside him. 

“You know you can talk to me, Tom. What’s bugging you?” He asked sincerely. 

Tom glanced at him, letting out a deep sigh, his mind once again wandering to you and how he hadn’t seen you the past two weeks, much less responded to your texts, leaving a sick feeling of guilt in his gut. 

“There’s this girl,” he ignored the teasing smirk on Jake’s lips, “and I really like her, but I’m afraid she’s only going to get hurt, because of the fact I’m busy a lot and the press is constantly on my ass, you know? I just, I don’t want to put her through that.” He finally admitted to what had been on his mind, since meeting you, a sigh of relief leaving his lips at being able to speak it aloud. 

He turned to see Jake staring at him thoughtfully, his expression unreadable. 

“You are an idiot.” He wasn’t surprised at the statement, Jake was known to speak what was on his mind, and this was no different. Still, the comment had him a bit confused, and it must have shown on his face, as Jake elaborated further.

“You could have talked this out with her, she’s probably confused and hurt, and you didn’t even bother to think about how she felt?” Jake questioned. The words were ringing in his head, and Tom groaned as he pictured your face, filled with confusion and hurt. 

“I’m an idiot.” He repeated. 

“So, what are you going to do about it?” Jake prodded.

Tom, sat up, feeling rejuvenated. 

“I’m going to fix this.”

-

"Liv, I don't know about this." You tell her, as the two of you approach the entrance of the night club "lights out" the neon sign standing out against the pitch black of the sky. 

"Trust me, you need this." Liv tells you tugging you further into the club.

The music immediately fills your ears, the bass vibrating enough to send shivers down your spine.  

"I'm going to get us a drink, do you want anything?" Liv asks, her voice rising to be heard of the crowd. You shake your head, opting to stay in the corner rather than try and shove your way into the crowd. 

"Haven't seen you around before, you new?" An unfamiliar voice calls. You look to see a male no older than you, watching you intensely. His black hair falls over his blue eyes, as he clutches his glass awaiting your response.

"Yeah." You answer a bit hesitant, your eyes darting around to see if you can you find a way to escape this conversation.

You let out a sigh of relief when you felt your phone buzz in your pocket. You didn't even glance at the caller ID as you looked towards the boy who still stood by your side, his presence unnerving you greatly. 

"Sorry, uh to cut this conversation short but I need to take this." You gestured lamely towards your phone, and before he could offer another response you hurried towards the exit, your skin burning with his stare. 

As soon as you stood a safe distance from the club, you unlock your phone and glanced at the notifications screen, squinting your eyes at the brightness. 

3 missed calls from spider-boy

Why would Tom be calling me? You were both surprised and confused yet you didn't hesitate to hit the call back button, chewing on your lip as you listened to the dial-tone. 

"Hello?" 

You instantly smiled at the familiar voice, your heart beating erratically.

"Hey, stranger? You called?" You teased, hearing a shift on the other end of the line as you imagined Tom to be running a hand through his hair at the back of his neck. A nervous tick of his you had noticed.

"M'Sorry, love. And I know, that's not a good enough apology considering everything I've done. Listen, can we meet maybe? I'd like to explain myself better, i-in person. I'll even pay for the plane ticket. I just need to see you."

Your lips curled up into a smile at the nervousness laced in his tone and you couldn't resist giving in. 

"See you soon then, Holland." 

With a goodbye, you hung up sticking the phone in your pocket you headed home, a slight skip in your step. Perhaps, things were looking up. 

-

taglist (+mutuals/people who seem interested)

@blissfulparker @gioandreolli @sunshine96love @acceptance07 @marvel-lock @unholyhaz @hollandsunshine

[chonkyspacekitten]

No reblog please

Idk i just wanna update on my life at the moment. Its been a while. I dont really like to talk about my relationship in public forums online and i also wanna give my mutuals an explantion for my splotchy texts cause i have like 80 something messages on here rn. Ive just been so busy and emotionally drained. Sorry if i message you after like a month, start a convo but then just trail off, then respond to that response 3 months later and trail off again-

sorry sometimes yall just miss my social window yall gotta be quicker😅😅😅

Kidding kidding, but once its closed, its closed until further notice. im sorry and im trying i cherish yall a lot, my mutuals and people i still text on here. But god texting has gotten so hard the past year idk why...

My regular texting sucks too so yall arent missing much btw but happy to obliged, it if anyones interest lol, along with my messenger im on FB a lot.

But anyways. My life for the past year.

Me and my girl are in the closet, everyone knows we are dating, besides her dad and town. He doesnt know and wow it feels like we're really getting away with something LMAO

We are long distance but we kinda do this back and forth thing whenever we can. Usually every 2-3 months. Like we'll stay at each other's houses for like weeks, and its become my 2nd home, and their parents love me, my dad loves her.

We are currently trying for jobs. We both have mental illness obvi, so its hard. Really really hard. But we are trying. We're saving up to move in together. Our situation isnt ideal rn we, dont really expect to even think about moving for about a year or 2, for multitude of reasons. It just isnt realistic.

I'm also trying for disability. Doing odd jobs like mowing the lawn...really relaxing.

Am In between saying fuck it and just getting a job RIGHT now or just waiting. I first applied for social security december of last year. Denied twice. Wish me luck, i may even have to get a lawyer.

Apparently you can have a job while on disability so long as you don't make too much money...and i want a job man, but with the way my mental state is...it would do me good to actually leave the house and try to get more human interaction besides just grocery shopping myself and going to the thrift shops by myself lol or the occasional movie outing with my gf

I now have a resume. And wanna work at the gas station, library and/or Dollar tree near me. All of which im pretty comfy at. Wish me luck.

My mental health recovery...this has been a year of breakthroughs man im really making strides

Im discovering more and more traumas. Learning how to deal with shit. Its been hell for my depression but ive been growing and evolving and becoming more in tune with myself and my emotions and shit

Me and my partner are doing okay. We are okay and healthy. They have a therapist too now!

We are doing so good. We are able to be so vulnerable with each other. We talk for hours until we figure out a miscommunication. She holds me like a baby, she just squeezes the pain out of me , ive never had anyone try to understand me the way Amy does. And i give the same back. I cant keep my eyes and hands to myself. I have to look away when i stare at her for more than 2 seconds, i just cant

My heart feels with so much joy that it scares me and it feels like im gonna burst

Ive never felt this way before, about anyone

My ex? Whos a guy? And any other person ive had interest in?

The fact that most of the people ive been into have all acted "feminine", been fellow genderqueer, but AMAB at the time, and 2 have both come out as trans girls at some point...shouldve been a sign lmao. But nope, "i like guys...i like girls but cant imagine myself being romantically involved with a girl, only sexual . Guys more so emotionally i guess. *has literally never imagined actively living with a man before, getting married. Didnt even want to meet my first bf irl. But looked at boobs and was that 12 year old with a lesbian porn and hentai tiddie addiction*....yes im straight :)"

Actually coming to the realization that i can have a wife...wow that shook me. Id never considered. Or thought realistic. i was "normal", what compulsory heterosexuality wanted me to believe.

Im still struggling coming to terms in my sexuality. Been in straight up denial since i was early teens but ive known i was different since 8. Im growing in this area too, im trying. We both are actually.

1 year, 7 months ❤

We are both genderqueer demisexual sapphics/wlw❤❤

To all my sapphics in the closet with partners, i wish to you my luck and blessings

We are allowed to be happy, no one can change us

We are allowed to have happy endings, and we can whether the straights like it or not.

Tl;dr: doin really good, hard year of growth but making strides in my sexuality, relationship, goals and ambitions. Pretty grand.

#me.txt #wlw positivity #mental illness positivity #good vibes #lgbtq #genderqueer #nonbinary

[thirteenthspirit]

“People don’t kill themselves over love” (Part IV)

Link to part 1 “I would, my friend, Fernando”: http://thirteenthspirit.tumblr.com/post/182269822949/i-would-my-friend-fernando-part-i

Link to part 2 “I wish I hadn’t”: https://thirteenthspirit.tumblr.com/post/183770872439/i-wish-i-hadnt-part-ii

Link to part 3 “I am confusion”:https://thirteenthspirit.tumblr.com/post/184778393699/i-am-confusion-part-iii

It’s been about a month since the last update to this story. I’ve been through the thick and thin, rose high and fell low. I wish I could say I was over you, but… I’m missing you so much today that I couldn’t be further from that goal.

I continued therapy. Weekly sessions, they helped me detangle the mess in my head. But they didn’t really do much to ease the pain of heartbreak, time is the only course of treatment for that. And time did pass.

Not enough. I kept having regular triggers upon receiving your messages, even if they were only to boast about your most recent “shiny” encounter. And as light-weighted and simple as they were for you, they were monumental for me. They ruined my day. Rekindled the connection I was trying so hard to bury. Part of it was my fault, the withdrawal from not actively contacting him made me check his Instagram profile, which was riddled with references to his boyfriend – a bit masochistic of me, I realize.

The last straw happened at an Ed Sheeran concert. Big event, took place in a stadium here in the city. I went with my roommate, she had tickets. We were sited, waiting for the concert to start, when I saw you post on the Pokémon group a screenshot of the arena, with the caption “Looks like Ed Sheeran turned into a Snorlax!”. My stomach dropped immediately. I also commented I was there, and he immediately came to speak with me via private chat. Obviously, he was there with his boyfriend – and 7 other of said boyfriend’s flamboyant friends. He kept complaining to me how he hated the music and didn’t feel like he was fitting in at all, among the people he was with. So his boyfriend had paid him the ticket and he was complaining, to me, while standing next to him? Real mature. Anyway, it ruined the concert for me. Let’s just say the sad songs were a sob fest for me, for about 10 mins straight.

I realized then that the proximity wasn’t doing any good. I had changed houses, I stopped going to any part of the city where I might encounter him, and yet… the tether was still there. Any sign of him was still enough to send me reeling. So I knew the only way forward would be to do what I was most afraid of – completely cut him off. I had postponed it long enough.

It’s the first advice people give you upon a breakup – sever all ties immediately. But since we didn’t have a relationship per se, I assumed normal rules didn’t apply.

So sever is exactly what I did. I took a knife, went straight to his house and – no, ok. Fine. Only in my mind did I do that, sometimes. I just cried and went to therapy. During a session, he messaged me, by pure chance – my session was taking place during the “Cresselia raid hour” and he wanted to let me know he had caught 3 shinies, asking whether I already had one. My therapist saw, live, the effect a simple message from him had on me. She could read it in my face. All the join and mindfulness completely drained away in .5 seconds. So she pushed me to cut him off. In that moment.

I didn’t want to at first but I myself had realized previously I needed to do exactly that. So I filled myself with courage and texted him “Hum… Could you please not text me anymore?”. His reply was “Huh?”, to which I answered “Thanks. Sorry.”. He then retorted with “Ok. Bye.”. It wasn’t exactly “bye” but it’s an expression in Portuguese akin to that – “Fica bem”. Meaning “stay well” but in a more “Peace out” chilled and dismissed way.

And that was it. That was the last time I spoke with him. It’s been over 2 weeks since then and there has been 0 contact whatsoever – I still see him speaking on the Pokémon group all the time, but I just stopped opening that conversation. Sad that I’ll have to sacrifice losing some good friends just to stay away from him but if that’s what it takes… I just can’t deal with these triggers anymore.

The following day I cried my eyes out, which I still hadn’t done. A necessary step in every breakup (?) I’d wager. People go to therapy over losing friends, or so I’ve been told.

Either way, I don’t know if the realization that I’m the bad guy in his story, the mad one who stopped wanting to be friends overnight and needs to go to therapy over his crippling depressive state, helps me or not. It hurt more then than it does now, so that should be the takeaway. Then again, I was never really that important for him, so losing me didn’t affect him in the slightest, right?  So I’m not even worth the label of ‘bad’ or ‘important’ guy in his story. Just a shrug of the shoulders without even a second thought.

So that’s my life now, I guess. I still have my triggers, my moments. I still avoid going to 50% of the city because of him, including my parent’s house… Lucky for me they have been super understanding, and come hang out with me at my place instead. My mother suspects what’s going on but doesn’t know 100%.

The only dark thought is… when does this stop? I’ve done everything I was supposed to and yet there are still days in which I am so lost and hopeless without you. Then again, maybe I would’ve felt the same way with you – your narcissism definitely wouldn’t help me in the slightest.

I took the title of this chapter from something my therapist told me. You see, I had spent the past weekend at my roommate’s parent’s house in the country, which stood upon a rocky cliff. That cliff was a notorious spot of election for suicides. The odd unfortunate soul or two had been known to take their lives upon those rocks, tossing their ID into the garden of the house. And after returning home… I couldn’t stop thinking of the cliff. Couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

The privilege guilt I felt over that, I mean how could I, a young man with no visible disabilities or hindrances in life, who is only hurting over a stupid love rejection, compare myself to the people who were so desperate that they wound up actually taking their own lives – people with real problems, real issues.

Either way, I couldn’t prevent the thoughts from escalating. My friends made me promise to talk to my therapist about them, which I did. She started keeping a closer eye on me from the on, but her immediate reply was this:

“People don’t really kill themselves over romantic heartbreaks. In most of the cases, it’s about money. The money troubles really take the cake on this one. But love… passes. It doesn’t stand the test of time. So hang in there.”

And hanging in there I (still) am.

                                                                                                    João A. (Xanuda)

#short story #story #writing #venting #mental health #mental illness #depression #anxiety #gay #lgbt #love #romance #relationships #heartbreak #rejection #friendship #real story #pokémon #pokémon go #fernando #therapy

[ssweet-perceptionn]

Instagram and VMAs 2018 - Camren

I am using my unknown tumblr account when I saw a page that says “Update: Lauren deleted pictures with Camila on IG” When I saw that, there’s a familiar pinch that I felt on my heart. Yes, I am fine but whenever I hear or saw something related to the girl who caused so much tears on me, it just breaks me everytime. I was about to distract myself by listening to a song when my mom suddenly knocked on my door.

“Karla, Ariana’s here go talk to her”. My mom said eagerly and I just nodded.

I saw Ari sitting on the couch with her phone, she’s making cute faces. I know she’s updating her fans on Snapchat. I walked to her and she still didn’t notice me until I grabbed her phone.

“Hey! Fck off!” She said with annoyance.

“You came here to my house just so you can do snapchat?” I asked her with my left eyebrow quirked.

“No, well yeah snapchat is always with me but I heard something with Lauren and I know that you need me.” She told me confidently.

“Wow, do I owe you now?” I asked her with a laugh.

“Bigtime Cabello” Ari said while claiming her phone.

  While we’re at my room, Dinah and Normani joined us so we decided to order an extra-large pizza knowing that me and Dinah are pizza lovers.

“Mila, you know that she didn’t mean to do it right?” The thick blonde girl asked me.

“I don’t know what to believe Cheechee” I shook my head as I told her that.

“Come on Mila, we all know that she loves you and there might be a reason why she did that” The dark skinned gorgeous girl comforting me.

“Idk what else to say about Lauren because she’s pretty complicated” Ari added.

----

It has been two days since Lauren deleted our photos on IG. Dinah told me that she will contact Lauren to know why she did that but I told her that there’s no need for that. Dinah is so determined so she still insisted. I’m all alone here in my room blasting the speakers with “God is a Woman”. I refused to take that song because I feel like it’s a perfect match with Ariana’s voice and it is a bop. I’m currently being drowned in my thoughts when I noticed my phone is ringing and saw Dinah’s caller ID. I immediately turned the volume down to take her call.

“Hey Walz! Chill” she said playfully.

“What? I haven’t said anything yet” I asked while I shook my head though she can’t see me.

“Lauren wants to talk to you and she will be there later, bye!” I didn’t get the chance to say anything at all and Dinah ended the call.

----

My parents are having dinner plans with Roger and Sofi is with our grandparents. I am all alone tonight and I don’t have any idea if what Dinah said was true. I’m currently at the kitchen making myself a sandwich for dinner when I heard the doorbell rings. I immediately went to see who it is assuming it was the shipment that my parents are expecting but my eyes went wide when I saw the familiar waves and the piercing green eyes.

“Hi” She said smiling at me.

“Uh hey” I hesitantly said.

“Can I come in?” She broke the silence and I realized that we were staring at each other for the past 5 minutes so I motioned for her to come in.

“About the pictures Ca— “I cut her off.

“I get it Lauren; I know you wanted to get rid of me but I didn’t expect that you’ll delete most of our pictures” I let out my frustration.

“Look Camz, you don’t und- “I cut her off again.

“I do understand Lauren, I always do th- “This time, she cut me off

“Will you please shut the fuck up and let me speak?” She asked me with a sigh and I nodded.

“I don’t have any plans on deleting it, these hardcore shippers are leaving comments on our photos everyday. I can’t handle it Camz that’s why I decided to delete most of it because I hate myself not realizing what I’ve lost. I don’t take anything against our shippers but it’s me. It’s me who is always stubborn and denial. I’m sorry for all the pain that I’ve caused to you Camz, I really am. That’s why I’m here and I am glad Dinah talked to me about it and she told me to go after you.” She said with full of sincerity.

“Really? Are you serious?” I asked in confusion because this is overwhelming.

“Yes Camz, I’m serious. I made up my mind since I deleted those because I want us to start anew. Well, not all of it because there’s one photo of us that I left there and, I want to let you know that I still love you, I always will.” The green eyed orbs directed in my eyes with sincerity.

“What about you and Ty?” I asked concerning our career.

“We broke up a month ago. Also, that Matthew was cheating on you!” She furiously said.

“It’s PR Lo, I don’t care if he cheated because he doesn’t matter anyways and, I love you too.” I said meeting her eyes with mine.

“But your reputation Camz? The girl he was dating was so full of it. She’s acting innocent like she’s the only victim. Hell you don’t even have any idea that he was dating someone before this PR started” It is now evident in her eyes that she’s worried.

“I don’t care about what people thinks of me. All I care is my music, my family, my friends, my fans, those who believed in me and specially you.” I assured her. I saw Lauren eyes glisten when I said those words and I meant all of it.

“So, should I post a new camren pic?” Lauren asked with excitement.

“Calm down Jauregui, don’t spill the tea yet. I have to go to VMAs next week and as much as I want the world to know, let’s keep it low this time and I’ll be the one to tell other people.” I said with a bright smile.

Lauren hugged me and she decided to go to a restaurant. I am a little disappointed that she didn’t stay the night because she will have a meeting with her manager to discuss about her album. I am extremely excited for her because she received 2 awards as a solo artist and knowing the fact that she has not released a single yet makes it even more exciting.

----

This week has been pretty tough because of the nonstop tour but I’m not complaining at all, I love what I do but it’s inevitable not to feel exhausted. Lauren and I are getting better. I don’t know what we are but we both love each other. I wish I can call her my girlfriend because what happened last week was so sudden. Now, I’m getting ready for VMAs and I thank the producers so much because I am not performing so I am one of the audience. I heard my phone rings and I saw the pic of a gorgeous girl so I immediately answered it.

“Hey Babe” the raspy voice said.

“Since when do you call me that?” I asked grinning.

“Well, you’re my girlfriend aren’t you?” She told me and I was caught off guard because I was thinking about that earlier and she answered my thoughts.

“Camz? Sorry, I should not rush things plea- “so I cut her off.

“Lauren babe, you can call me whatever you like. I just didn’t expect that my thoughts are answered immediately” I told her honestly.

“So, you’ve been thinking about me?” and by her tone of voice, it seems like she has a wide grin plastered on her face.

“I can’t get you out of my head Lauren, I guess I am so in love with you all these years” I flirted but meant it wholeheartedly.

“Stop Camz! You’re the one that I should make blushing not the other way around. It’s unfair!” She whined and it makes her cute.

“You will have the time soon babe, I gotta go now and I’ll call you after.” She wished me luck and I headed my way to the event.

----

The VMAs ended and tonight was so incredible yet there was unexpected that happened. I thought Tiffany Haddish will say compliments about me but it does not satisfy me at all. Yes, I was nominated 5 times and won 2 awards but what she did was inappropriate and I don’t like it at all so I just shook my head with a fake smile. Later on when Nicki defended the girls, Tiffany was speechless and the crowd was crazy. I don’t have time for any beef at all because me and my girls are still in good terms. I’m here in my room right now checking some photos that I took from the show and HOLY CRAP!! Madonna presented the award to me and I just can’t stop myself for fangirling. I am done posting stuffs on my social media when I heard a knock on my door. I got up from bed and opened and I saw Lauren grinning widely and hugged me.

“Hey babe, I missed you” The hoarseness of her voice is evident.

“I missed you too. It’s late why are you here?” I asked concerning her.

“Can’t I congratulate my girlfriend personally? Can’t I visit my girlfriend late at night? Can’t I love you as much as I want?” with her words, I can feel the heat on my cheeks and now she’s grinning so wide knowing that it is obvious that I’m blushing.

“We’re even now Lauren.” I said while I cover my cheeks with my both hands.

“I know, you got me earlier so it’s my turn. And don’t hide your red cheeks, it’s cute” she said while laughing.

“Stop, I’m worried about us. What if people can’t accept us? What if they judge us? What about our career? What if I messed everything up?” I am so distressed and asked her.

“Ssshh baby, don’t think of those things. You know they already love us right? Put your worries aside. We won’t know if we won’t try. I know I am mostly the reason why you’re anxious because I was so scared before but let me catch you Camz. I’ll always catch you and you always have me. I love you so much” Lauren leaned in and now her soft lips met mine. It was a slow kiss with gentleness and all I can feel is love. I pulled back from the kiss to give our lungs air.

“Thanks Lauren, you know I love you more. I hope everything will work out” She hugged me and Lauren suddenly grabbed my phone and took a picture with me, her arms on my shoulder and she placed a kiss on my cheek. She took 3 minutes with my phone and when I got it, I saw my account on IG, Lauren posted our pic using my account and tagged herself with the caption: “She’s only mine. It’s real – L xoxo”.

  --OMG please forgive me guys. I didn’t proofread so I apologize if there’s any error with my grammar or any typos. I'm so bored rn so bear with me. Let me know your thoughts!!! Lol or not.

#fanfic #fanfiction #camren #camrenisreal #real or not #vmas 2018 #vmas #ariana grande #dinah jane #normani kordei #nicki minaj #tiffany haddish #camila cabello #lauren jauregui #fifth harmony #harmonizers #camilizers #jaguars #love #sun and moon #short story #love only #au #fanfic au

[benbarnesescape]

Rules - Part 2

Billy Russo Prompt Challenge for @deerprongs    

Prompt #41 “Sorry for calling so late - I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

Prompt #50 “Wait, don’t pull away - I want to hug you for awhile longer.”

Prompt #53 Ouch, I bit my lip… kiss it better?”

Warnings: Language, Angst, Violence, 18+ Sexual content. Basically a story you’d have to show your ID to preview

A/N: Okay guys – I’m deeply invested in this particular story of Billy and Reader. I’ve heard your concerns and perhaps I’ve led you down the road of a happy ending. Or not. Who knows. This is taking a different spin but will provide you all with all the angst, fluff and sex the first one had. I hope you enjoy – this was def. a fun one to write!

 Special thanks to @caitlyn-blackwell for betaing this

Tag List: @ rockintensse @missphanosaur18 s @ninjathrowingstork  @charlieimaginesstuff  @ benbarnesfanforever @ladyblablabla @deerprongs  @ugh-my-back @padfootagain  @aylinnmaslow  @ marauderskeeper @caitlyn-blackwell  @princessderavenclaw @starlesskyox

You hurried down the busy streets of New York, tugging your jacket closer to you as you maneuvered around pedestrians. You had to ignore the way the wind was beating against your face, making it feel like jagged ice was slapping against your tender cheeks. Ignore the deep throbbing in your right shoulder as you turned into an alleyway, needing a second to regain your footing as you leaned against a brick wall.

“You.”

The foreign words hit your ear, Ukrainian you were sure this time, and you sighed as you looked to your left at the large man who had been tailing you since you’d left work that evening.

“Are we really going to continue with this dance?” you ask back, the language hitting his ears and he looks at you unyielding. No smiling, no flinching. The sun was setting, the rose and orange rays hitting the large glass tower across the street from you, causing a temporary blinding light to shield you from the people who passed by you both, scrambling to get home. You push yourself off the wall begrudgingly, the sound of the subway taking over your senses and he lunges toward you.

Whoever he was, he was a professional. He hits your right shoulder, the place where his bullet had missed your heart and grazed meaty flesh instead causing you pain and you groan, falling to the ground as he punches you. Your head is swimming, your senses being overcrowded with the strong smell of urine and trash, the loud sound of the subway ringing in your ear. You fall on one of your knees, giving you the opportunity to dig into your boot and grab the army knife you always kept on you, waiting as he moves closer to you, pulling a gun out of his jacket pocket.

“You should have kept your eyes closed bitch.” He says – final words – and you will yourself to lunge up, taking him off guard as you grab his arm, flipping the knife in your hands with finesse before shoving it into his chest. Coming into perfect contact with his heart and he looks at you, eyes glazed as he watches you in confusion, stumbling backwards back to the brick wall. You allow gravity to do its work as he slumps down, the sound of the subway subsiding, the sun continuing its journey away from the Manhattan island.

You look around, noting the traffic camera to your right and you groan, taking in the coordinates of the street before ambling toward the man, your adrenaline slowly dissipating as the heavy throbbing in your shoulder begins anew.

His eyes are locked open as he looks at you, his breathing labored as death hasn’t taken over for him yet and you can tell by the strained, fearful look he’s trying to hold on to you. Onto life.

“You should have stayed in the Ukraine and let me do my job.” You sigh, pulling the knife out of him and he groans as you dig through his body.

You find the gun he’s used on you, bullets, a knife, his wallet. You pull it out, going through his driver’s license, a few credit cards, some bills and then a black card. The embossed lettering stands out against the stiff, hard paper and your eyes tighten around it.

“Why does an American contractor need files on a Ukrainian assassination?” you question, more to yourself than to him.

His breathing is wheezing, the little light that was left in his eyes starting to fade and you stand up, groaning in pain and coughing. You needed to get to a safehouse, needed to report back to your contact, erase the security cameras and take care of this bullet wound.

Then you needed to see an old friend.

You stand outside the large, brick building taking in the size of the warehouse. Apparently, he had been busy. When you had last been back at Anvil, he had a decent space that had accommodated his 20 or so employees. He had been proud when he had taken you on a tour, Curtis on your left and Bryon on your right.

It felt like a lifetime ago.

Now as you walked in, your stiletto’s clicking against the cement tile as you walked to the reception desk, you were overwhelmed by the expansive space. Overwhelmed by the people training with discipline alongside trainers, the faint sound of gun shots echoing from some deeper part of the warehouse.

He had been busy. Successful. Achieved his dream of effectively building an in-network consultation for war vets. If this had been any other occasion, you would have even brought a congratulatory bottle of whiskey, one of his favorites, to applaud him for his success.

Except it was his card, his business in the man’s wallet that had tried to kill you and essentially tried to steal from the private agency you worked for. You feel the ice envelop around your heart at why that could be.

“Can I help you?”

The large man manning the desk looks up from his clipboard, taking in the way your pencil skirt hugs your curves, the way your designer V-neck teases your cleavage. You’ve brought two coffees and you place them carefully on the counter as you smile at him, throwing your hair back a bit.

“I’m here to see Billy Russo. Is he available to meet briefly?”

“Did you have an appointment with him….?” He’s looking over your shoulder, probably for someone who would know and you blink your doe eyes at him as you shake your head.

“No, no, no…. Billy and I…. we’re old friends and I’m back in town and wanted to surprise him. Made him his coffee the way he likes it…. can you help me out with that?”

He bites his lip, nodding before grabbing his walkie talkie and speaking into it lowly. You fall back on your heels, drumming your hands on the desk as you take in the space. Despite the openness of the area it screamed high security. Limited exits, high ceilings and electronic doors.

Curtis always said that outside of Frank Castle and himself, Billy was the best.

“Can I get your name?” The man’s voice cuts you off and you turn and smile at him.

“Y/N.” you say as you dig your hands in your pea coat, walking back to the counter.

He repeats the name into the receiver and smiles at you, ushering you off to the side.

“He’ll be here soon. Would you like anything. Water? Coffee?”

You lift your coffee cup, shaking it and smiling.

“Brought coffee. Remember?”

He nods, flustered as he goes back to looking down at your clipboard and you grab the coffees from the counter.

“Well I’ll be damned,” it’s a voice you weren’t expecting as you turn around and you smile at Curtis as he walks toward you slowly. “When Billy said that some girl was claiming to be you, I laughed. Said you took some job in Paris and haven’t heard from you since. Had to make sure myself that some women hadn’t stolen your identity.”

You smile at your old, longtime friend as he wraps his arms around you, enveloping in him and you feel that sense of comfort that only Curtis could provide. Safety. Happiness. Home. Doesn’t even matter that he’s squeezing your fresh wound, causing you to flinch as you pull away.

“Don’t be so melodramatic. I send you checks every month to go toward your group with a detailed letter updating you on my whereabouts. We literally talk every other week. Just like old times when you were the one leaving me to save the world.”

You point at his chest and he laughs, loud and rumbustious.

“True. But none of them mentioned you’d be back in New York.”

You nod, taking a sip of coffee as hair spills over your face.

“It was only going to be a quick trip. 24 hours to process some files and head back to Paris. But something happened with the exchange and I’m stuck here a little longer.”

“That better be it.” Curtis says as another voice nears, his voice low as he inches closer to the both of you.

You know its him. Know it because you can smell that cologne that always tangled your brain, made your thoughts go hazy. Knew it from the way his voice, rich and deep, resonated against your ears. That same voice that made you squeeze your legs together like you had to now in order to contain yourself.

He looks up at you, those ebony eyes piercing into yours and you fight the urge to go slack, to ignore the way your heart desires to run towards him and apologize for being such an idiot those years back. Want to run your hands through his styled, rich hair while your lips teased his mouth open, tasting him as your legs wrapped around his lean waist. Wanted to kiss every inch of him, every scar, every imperfection on top of his perfection.

But his card had been on that dead man. He could have wanted you killed. And you couldn’t ignore that.

“Y/N.” he breathes your name out, surprised and shook and it makes your resolve waver. Just a bit. For as manipulative Billy could be, for as good as he was at feigning doe eye innocence like yourself, he couldn’t lie to you. Could hide it, but could never lie.

It’s what kept you in control of your emotions all those years. Because you couldn’t lie to him either.

“Hey Billy.” You smile and he’s at you in four long strides, hugging you in a way that’s different from Curtis. Its longing as his arms wrap around your waist, his chin resting on your shoulder and you return it, your face falling against his suit in natural ease.

Then he stiffens upon hearing Curtis clear his throat and pulls away, adjusting his suit jacket.

“What are you doing here? Heard you were in Paris.”

Back to business. The Billy you knew had grown up.

“Normally, typically I am. Had to come stateside for a quick trip when a wrench got thrown in some I’ll be here longer. I was in the neighborhood, figured I’d drop by and say hello. Bring you a coffee. See how you’ve been.”

You stick out the paper coffee cup and takes it from you, his fingers grazing against your own and electricity shoots through you both.

“Notice how she was going to see you before me.” Curtis mentions and you roll your eyes to look toward him, shaking your head.

“I was coming to see you next. Invite you both out to dinner to catch up. I just happened to be closer to Billy.”

“Uh huh.” Curtis is giving you a cheeky grin and you turn back to Billy who hasn’t stopped looking at you.

“What about it Billy? Down for dinner and drinks with me? Could be like old times.”

He smiles at you, digging his free hand in his pocket as he gives a slow nod.

“Uh huh. Yea, okay.”

“Good!” You walk toward the reception desk, asking the man for pen and paper before returning to him.

“Here’s my number. Text me and I’ll shoot you booth a group text on the time and place for dinner, yea?”

Your hands scribble out the digits to your phone number, sticking it in his hand before turning on your heel.

“Should probably head back to work. Look forward to seeing you both soon. Oh – and I don’t plan on going anywhere fancy so ditch the handsome suit, would ya Billy?”

His grin is cheeky as he watches you and you turn, biting your lip and cursing at yourself. This wasn’t going to be easy. Billy had become a man. He was patient. He was earnest. He was yours.

And you could tell by the way he was staring back at you, that he knew you were his.

“You guys fucked.” Curtis is sitting across from Billy, chuckling as he takes a swig of his beer and falls back in his booth seat. Billy tears his attention away from the door, trying to monitor when you will show up as he plays with the beer in his hands.

“What? No! That’s not even…. that’s not true. She’s married, remember.”

“That wouldn’t stop either of you. Y/N hates Bryon. Or hated. Last I heard, she asked for a separation. Wasn’t wearing a ring on that delicate little finger of hers which I’m sure you noticed too. Finally got the balls to know that you can’t love other people for the sake of other people. Maybe now you can get off this single guy, continue to fuck ‘em and drop ‘em and start something with her. If you won’t admit you’ve been fucking, I know you’ve had a thing for her since I introduced you both together”

Billy sighs, his jaw flexing before he takes a drink.

“It’s more complicated than that Curtis. She won’t be interested.”

“Why not?” Curtis asks and Billy shrugs.

“Don’t worry about it.” His eyes flash toward Curtis who raises his hands and nods.

“Fine. But she’s here. So whatever I’m not worrying about it, you better figure out.”

Billy jumps in his seat, turning around as you near their booth. You’re wearing thick leggings, tall brown boots and a loose-fitting sweater. Your leather jacket is open as you move down to hug Billy and he’s reminded again of why he’s become a cold lover to begin with.

You had broken him. Like a wild horse, you were the one who had crumbled his walls and then left him to fend for himself. Made him feel like a child, isolated and alone, like he was worth nothing. Reminded him that having attachments was a weakness in the human condition.

So he trained himself to harden his heart. To not be invested. To not care. Women, like cars or a good liquor, were a nice accessory. It was chauvinistic, sure, but it saved him from the brutal way you had torn his heart the morning he had woken up without you by his side.

Now as you hugged him, your perfume enveloping his senses, he knew he would give you the world if you asked him. Liked the familiar way your hands enveloped around his arms as his head nudged against your bosom, feeling the way your heart beat steadily in your chest. The way your hair brushed against his face, the soft way you whispered, ‘Its nice to see you again’ under your breath, only for him to know. He wanted more, needed more as you pulled away. Wanted to vocalize, ‘Wait, don’t pull away - I want to hug you for a while longer’ but knew he couldn’t. Had to accept what you provided as you slide next to Curtis who has that same shit eating grin on his face.

Like you had said two years ago – you were both hurricanes that didn’t need to be in the same path together.  A large part of him knows it’s a lie but its what he holds onto.

“Hey monster.” You say, giving Curtis a side hug that’s intimate in a way that’s different from the on you’ve given him. Protective and familiar as you shrug out of your jacket.

“It’s a cold December. Surprised New York hasn’t any snow yet. It’s been freezing in Paris.”

Your eyes survey the table, taking in their two drinks and you frown as you lean over, nudging the beer from Billy’s hands.

“Mind if I take a sip while you order me a beer?”

He relents, allowing you to take the beer as you take a long sip. Both your eyes never breaking. It was that take-charge attitude, that confident sure way you inserted yourself into a situation that had always gotten to Billy.

“Is Bryon coming out?” Curtis questions, breaking the intimate moment and you stiffen for a second as you stop drinking, before placing the bottle on the table and clearing your throat.

“Bryon and I are divorced.”

It’s said with surety and Curtis chokes on his beer as Billy watches you. Uncertain.

“I thought…you said…”

You shrug, playing with the beer in your hands.

“He brought up having a family and wanting kids and wanting to settle down and goddamn I couldn’t anymore. I literally saw him once a month toward the end. Finally caved and said that I was cheating on him and wanted a divorce. Haven’t seen him since.”

It’s said matter of factly as you take another drink and Curtis cocks an eyebrow as Billy leans in,

“I’m glad you did that.” You throw a skeptical eye at him as he falls back in his seat. “You were never happy with him. You deserve to be happy. Deserve to stop sacrificing yourself for the sake of others. You only have one life, better to have it doing something that fits you. Not what society wants.”

You had always disguised your emotions from him, always alluding to the mysterious which tantalized his questioning mind. However, six months of his infatuation with you, of being swirled in the mystery that is you had taught him that when your eyes softened, your mouth pulled into a soft smile that you were showered with happy relief. Knew that throughout the rest of the dinner, despite Curtis sitting next to you as you all fell in easy conversation, your foot creeping up his leg slowly was your silent way of letting him know that you wanted to be back let in. Could sense when you all decided it was time to leave the dive bar, saying your goodbyes outside, hugging him longingly that he had one more chance. One chance of letting you know that he wanted you, dreamed of, thought of you more than he was willing to let himself on.

Instead his phone vibrates in his jacket, causing you to pull away as he looks down at the screen.

“You should answer that. If I was Dinah I would be bummed if you didn’t answer.”

He looks up at you as you flit your eyes away from his phone’s screen,

“Sorry. Didn’t meant to look….”

You huff a sigh, the condensation from your warm breath hitting his face as you dig your hands into your jacket. Biting your lips as you force a smile onto your face, the kind of smile he’d seen you force when you were lost in your mind, laying on his chest after hours of love making, debating staying with him but knowing it was for the best if you left.

So much familiarity mixed in with mystery and he’s conflicted. He had a job to do. Had goals of his own now, things he wanted to achieve and none of those included you. Dinah, was just another notch. You were something dangerous that he couldn’t get lost in.

He swipes his phone, answering it and you sigh, turning on your heels as you meet up with Curtis, falling into an easy cadence as you walk away from him.

“Hey Dinah. Tonight? Sure…be there in thirty.”

He had a job to do. And, like an old mantra that can leave his brain, he repeats what had gotten him through the days all those years ago.

Sex. It had just been sex.

You’re disappointed as you scuffle into your hotel room, throwing your jacket off as you meander to your desk.

What the fuck was wrong with you?

Two things needed to be done. Build a net of familiarity then slam him with the question. Why the hell was he trying to kill you?

Instead, you had fallen into the rabbit hole of nostalgia, being triggered of why you had fallen for him in the first place. Why you had ruined your marriage and fled. Because Billy Russo had the power to destroy you. Make you want to give in to the idea of a the picture perfect life.

You picked up the USB drive that you had been deciphering. Both the FBI and MI-6 had been after this little guy. The information, so far, had been encrypted in not only a technical language you  and your partner had been trying to hack, but a variety of languages that fell on top of each other. Unlocking it was going to take weeks but if you could get Billy to spill the importance, why two governments were trying to get a hold of it, it saved you hours in front of a monitor, drunk off coffee.

You place the drive back under the coffee tumbler and peel out of your sweater. You just needed a hot shower, a drink and you could sort this all out in your brain. Call Tommy, see how far he had gotten. Get back to it tomorrow.

Forget Billy Russo. Leave the city if you had to. Just forget about him.

You’re peeling off your socks when you feel your phone vibrate and you pick it up lazily, not even bothering to look down at the screen.

“Yep?” You ask and he chuckles, that deep playful one that causes your breath to hitch and you freeze your actions.

“…..Billy?”

“Sorry for calling so late - I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Is this okay? Should I let you go?”

‘Yes’ you think internally. ‘Let me go. Let me go forever.’ Instead you answer,

“No, you’re fine. Just got to my room. Curtis and I grabbed one more drink at my hotel before I let him go.”

A sigh of relief floods your ear and you tighten around your phone as you hear him say,

“I know….I asked him where you were staying?”

Your heart drops. You could hear the distant sound of traffic outside, a siren that wails by that echoes in your receiver. He had chosen you over that Dinah chick. The thought makes your heart tighten. Your brain, on the other hand, is having a field day. No. No. No. You would make a poor choice if you continued.

“You following me Russo?”

Another nervous laugh before,

“Yea, yea guess I am. Grabbed a bottle of wine since you’ve been drinking it al evening, guess I…..I don’t know. Guess I can’t stop thinking about you and want to see if you can’t stop thinking about me.”

Your brain is literally holding a gun to your heart as you let out a breathy,

“Yes.”

“What’s your room number?”

That familiar need that shoots between your thighs takes over as your heart turns the gun back on your brain.

“1243.”

“I’ll be up soon.”

He clicks off and you put the phone down shakily. This was wrong. This could not end well. He wanted to kill you. Wanted you dead.

But you wanted him. Loved him. Always had.

Always would.

Three light knocks on the door and you’re up quickly, shuffling to the door and swinging it open. Your just in your bra and leggings, the expensive delicate fabric encasing the fatty tissue of your breast as they rise and fall in large waves.

He takes you in, the way your hair is array, your plump lips red from biting down on them too hard, the way your breast move in the fabric. He doesn’t move, just watches you as he stands there with a wine bottle in his hands, and you’re at a lost for words.

It was your move.  You bite your lip harder, a nervous tick and you flinch at the small taste of iron flooding your mouth.You lick your lip, soothing the sensitive skin that has been a victim to your nervousness as you whisper,

“Ouch, I bit my lip… kiss it better?”

It’s a terrible line, not even subtle but its all he needs. He’s in the room in a heartbeat, his hands eagerly searching for your flesh as he throws the wine bottle somewhere on the floor. He slams the door shut with his leg, picking you up as his mouth crashes down on yours, a sloppy tangle of teeth and tongue as your hands move to wrap around him.

He finds the bed with ease, dropping you both down on it as you push his jacket off him, needing to suddenly feel him everywhere. Your hips jut up into his and he groans into your mouth as your hands move down his sculpted arms, still toned under the soft cashmere of his burgundy Henley and you grasp him, kissing him even deeper, needing to taste him again. He’s eager, needy, clingy as his hands sloppily rake over your body, down your feathery breast that he squeezes hard, to your stomach to your legs, then back up your center cupping you, cupping at the pool of wetness that’s forming.

“Could smell you all throughout dinner.” He whispers, as he leans away from you and you whine, leaning up with him as you grab the hem of his shirt. He helps you tug it off as you grip his torso, looking up at him with hooded eyes.

“I can’t get you out of my head. No matter how hard I try, I can’t.” You say this through open mouth kisses, kissing the bullet wound at his v line tenderly, your right hand tenderly tracing over his battle scars.

“I miss you every fucking day and it hurts. I had to see you first, don’t you see.”

He’s looking down at you tenderly, allowing himself to be washed by your feathery kisses, letting the words burn into his mind, etch into his heart. He cups your face as he looks down at you tenderly.

“I know. Me too. Every day since I met you.”

He bends down and kisses you again, slowly this time, more deliberate, pushing you back onto the bed. Rediscovering your mouth for the first time, taking in your flavor as his tongue tangles with your own. Your hands paw at his belt, starting to hastily grab at the fabric and he grabs them, pulling them above your head as he moves down to your jaw, nipping at your skin.

“Patience baby, patience.” He whispers against your skin, using one hand to skim down your body and pull at your leggings. He moves them down enough to gain access to your center, grunting in approval at the wet mass he finds leaking down your folds.

He hisses in your ear, his other hand that has been gripping you moving down your back to your bra strap, unclasping the small material in one smooth movement. He pulls far away enough to watch your breast spill out of the confined material, his eyes glazing over in desire as he bites down watching the way they bounce, how puckered your nipples are.

“I’ve fucked models, actresses, singers, teachers, waitresses and officers. But none of them darling, none of them can hold a candle to how beautiful your body is.”

His voice is husky as he bends down, taking in a mouthful of your fatty tissue and you sigh as you arch into him, your hands running through his hair. His other hand is still playing with the folds of your vagina, amassing your wetness before stretching the slick around your clitoris and you yelp, your hips shimmying as Billy gives an approving moan. His mouth is merciless – sucking, biting and nipping your right breast and between his assault against your clit you’re a mess, your body already shaking in satisfaction. He pulls away to make similar work to your left boob, his hand moving south until it finds home in the walls of your pussy, already fluttering in need and you moan, arching into him more as you bite down hard on your lip.

“Oh Billy….”

He loved when you got this way. When you became prisoner to him, bent to his will and he smiles into the mound of tissue as he inserts another finger into you, working in and out of you slowly as your juices slide down your thighs, into the creases of your ass. When he inserts a third you’re tugging his hair, your hips moving against his hands as he fucks you harder and you lift his head, causing him to break free of your breast with a loud pop as he looks up at you, irises flooded black.

“Fuck me, please fuck me.”

You’re a withering mess as his fingers speed up their pace, the familiar way he knows how to scissor in and out of you, grazing against that special spot that has you clawing at his shoulders as you come undone around his fingers, your lips curling as your head falls into the pillows of the comforter.

When he pulls his fingers from you, you feel hollow, like a piece of you has been stolen from you and your eyes flit to where’s he’s standing, one hand furiously tugging at his pants while the other is being sucked into his mouth, a pornographic moan filling the room as he licks you off his fingers, watching you wantonly as you kick the rest of your leggings and underwear off. You sit up only fast enough to slide onto the floor, your hands making eager work of his boxers as his erection springs free and you look at it longingly at it bobs up his stomach, pre-cum leaking out of the tips and you grab his base before inserting it into your mouth.

You loved giving Billy head. Mainly because you loved his cock. Loved the way it tasted in your mouth, that salty flavor that could only be described as him saturating your taste buds as his fingers gripped your hair, a low exhale of gratitude escaping his mouth. He did this now, your name a faint whisper on his lips as you fought your gag reflex, urging yourself to take him all the way. When you do, spit coming out your throat he gives a happy sigh, stroking your head as he pulls from you, before slamming back into your mouth. Watches you with dark, predatory eyes as he fucks your mouth, urging you on as he wipes the tears from your eyes as you urge him on.

“You’re doing so good baby, you know. You know how good you’re doing for me. Letting me fuck this pretty little mouth of yours….”

You look up at him, your eyes large as your hands dig in his ass, needing more of him. Wanting to taste all of him. Your tongue lifts on the large vein of his erection and he makes a sound you’ve never heard before, a mixture of pleasure and pain before he’s pulling from you, lifting you off the floor and throwing you back on the bed.

“Fuck I need to fill this wet little pussy.”

He parts your legs and whines, his cock teasing your entrance as he quickly inhales, shaking his head.

“So fucking wet…. does it turn you on to when I fuck your mouth?” He bends over, slotting between your legs as his cock enters you and you both groan as he slowly fills you.

Billy’s always felt too big for you, like if he fucked you the wrong way too hard he might split you in half but you loved the way he made you full, how it would take you both a minute to adjust to the new feeling. His eyes are closed as he takes a minute to acclimate to the familiar old feeling and you take a moment to admire him. To admire the sharp, handsome features of his face – the way he’s groomed his beard in a sinful shadow.

You fucking loved him and it didn’t matter.

You cup his face, causing him to look back down at you as you lean up to kiss him, your walls fluttering around him and he groans as he readjusts his arms, pulling from you before slamming back into your body. Slowly relearning the rhythm to your body – learning what makes you submit to you. You urge on him, letting him know what you like as you kiss him languidly, slow, like you’ve always wanted to when he fucked you so long ago.

Rules were made to maintain boundaries, to ensure safety.  But when he broke them that night, made you break them, you had to go. That’s what you told yourself – you had to go to make sure you wouldn’t ruin his life. Now you’re sure you ran because it scared you how much control he had over your emotions, how he stole a piece of your independence and you willingly let him.

He pulls your legs up and shimmies into you harder, causing you to scream as you tear away from him and he smiles, lifting you up with him as he moves toward the desk, the items falling haphazardly on the floor as he spread your legs and fucks you harder, pushing you back so he can hit that spot that has you gasping out his name.

“Billy….I….ungh….I……can’t…..” You’re a broken mess as his hands find your clit, rubbing it before he bends downs, his hips unapologetic as he slams into you, his mouth capturing your breast and sucking it hard.

When your first orgasm hits you, you’re not prepared. It’s the combination of every part of you that has you yelling out his name, your fingers pawing at every inch of skin you can find on him, your vision clouded as you shut your eyes, your mouth slack as wave over wave washes over you.

He loved watching you cum. Lived to fuck you and watch the pleasure spread throughout your body. Loved the way your face contorted as you arched into him, his name a breathy whisper on your lips as your body shook violently. Didn’t matter how many people he fucked – he always imagined your face if he was stuck jacking off alone at home alone. He doesn’t care about the scars you probably are leaving over his body as you succumb to your pleasure, doesn’t care that he’ll have to explain the bruised hickies you’ve probably left on his neck while he was fucking you.

You were the only woman that’s ever captured his heart – the only one he’s loved – and he wants to keep you forever. Wants to pretend that he can have you the way he’s always wanted to. Beyond casual fucking that’s peppered through the work week. Wants to wake up to you, drink coffee while you read the paper, showering together, cooking and lounging on the couch after a long day at work. All that shit normal people take for granted – he wanted with you.

You’re coming down from your orgasm, your fluttery walls tightening around his cock as you look up at him, your eyes barely open as you reach up to him, your hands softly caressing his face.

“…love you so much….” its faint and weak but it’s what he’s always wanted to hear come out of you and he feels his balls draw up, that familiar knot in his stomach taking over as he spills his seed inside of you, his orgasm sputtering in you and you give a satisfied moan as he falls into the crevice of your neck, grasping onto you hungrily as his body goes lax against you.

You take on his body weight, enjoying the way it feels against you as you tighten your legs around him, your head resting on his shoulder and he nuzzles deeper into, inhaling you.

You were fucked. If this was the karma for being a selfish, manipulative bitch it was well deserved. Of course, it’s the man you love that leads to your demise.

“I love you.” He whispers in your ear, his mouth placing a tender kiss on the delicate skin and you can’t fight back the tears that have filled your eyes, were spilling down your cheeks. They hit his skin, over the love scars you’ve left with your nails and he grimaces as he pulls away to look at you worried.

“I love you too Billy. And it scares the shit out me.”

#ben barnes #billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy the beaut #ask and you shall receive