#I’ll need a day or two to get over it

[galariangengar]

💭

#hhha ha…. of course of fucking course this would happen to me #welp just found out on Instagram that the guy I had a crush on my last year of college and even made moves on #he posted on his Instagram story today of a Polaroid of him and a girl with a heart emoji…. guess that’s his new girlfriend 🙃… #I mean yea it took me some time but I did eventually get over him #but mostly cuz the pandemic started half way through our final semester of college #but I did dm him before we started spring break basically asking him out to coffee which still to this day he never saw… #and i could live with the fact that I did try/I got the guts/encouragement to make some moves on him #tbh I still did kinda like him this whole time but knew I shouldn’t bother trying #and also I haven’t been doing well in several aspects for the past couple years since graduating & pandemic #… it hurts… it does hurt seeing him with a girl… but… idk… #I’ll need a day or two to get over it #ha… I’m crying a little but it’s cuz of all the other stressful shit going on and that is what pushed me to the edge… #jazz uses curse! 💜

[fujii-draws]

OKAY! Chatot rant in tags below! Read at your own discretion.

#okay starting from the beginning of where ppl usually dislike him. apple woods chapter. #he doesn’t give hero/partner the CHANCE to explain themselves despite them being relatively good recruits up until that point. #and that legit might be my only gripe with that chapter bc!!! stories need conflict! I LIKE the conflict in apple woods!!! #hero and partner being punished so something they didn’t do! #the misunderstanding! how team skull (Skuntank) actually outplays the main duo with a clever yet rotten trick. I LOVE that it segways into- #one of the more sweeter scenes of guild members looking out for eachother. I LIKE APPLE WOODS CONFLICT. #but chatot just. not giving them a chance. is so dumb. #I’d personally fix this by having a lil montage of hero/partner fucking up on jobs. A LOT. and chatot giving them a pass every time. #and let the perfect apple incident BE the one where he puts his foot down and doesn’t listen to them. bc he’d given them loads of chances. #and doesn’t want to hear any excuse. #but yeah. I legit dont mind him during that chapter except for that really stupid and frustrating moment. #NOW. CHAPTER 17. #UGGGGHHH WHERE DO I BEGIN #Him not believing hero and Partner about Grovyle and the future being in ruin? FINE. ACTUALLY GOOD. BC CHATOT WOULD BE SKEPTIC. #IT FITS HIS CHARACTER!! #BUT WHAT DOES SUCK. IS HIM GOING ‘Dusknoir isn’t the bad guy. he didn’t do anything wrong’ #WHEN HE LITERALLY KIDNAPPED HERO AND PARTNER RIGHT I N F R O N T OF HIM. #(​NO LITERALLY. HIS CHARACTER IS IN THE FRONT ROW WHEN IT HAPPENED.) #and him. having the GALL to tell hero and partner they must’ve been ‘seeing things’ and downplaying the HELL they went through. #despite them being missing for hours/days. his own guild recruits. and his angry sprite showing up. #like. I think that’s when I genuinely despised him. #that and him going ‘OH I BELIEVED YOU THE WHOLE TIME HEEHOO :)’ shit was so fucking annoying. #just playing it off as a joke the second the guild started to believe hero and partner. #IMAGINE IF HE W A S ACTUALLY TESTING THE GUILD’S TRUST. SHOWCASING HIM AS THE MORE RESPONSIBLE AND RESPECTFUL RIGHT HAND OF THE GUILD. #and yes. Brine cave he saves hero and partner. but at that point I just didn’t care anymore. #he fucked those two over so much. that I didn’t care what ‘valiant’ sacrifice he had. #and he grills Team Skull for what they did OFF SCREEN. they couldn’t even give us THAT. #<<< THAT or him outright saying sorry would’ve been nice. IKIK his ‘actions’ or whatever but. #eughh again this is all imo. I’m not trying to make people hate him or change their mind. #I’ll get into positives in the second post cause I’m running out of tags

[youronlybean]

I just realised I’m one square away from bingo for Secret Life but I don’t think I can get it ?? The card is all made up of stuff that’s commonly happened in the past seasons but this season is so different that I just haven’t gotten a lot of them

#I would have had bingo like. five times over in most past seasons lmao #the missing square is ‘day 1 alliance is redeemed later on’ but I don’t think anyone made day one alliances that aren’t still upheld???? #AND I CANT EVEN GET ‘JIMMY DIES FIRST’ ANYMORE EITHER!!!! #‘trap failure’ and ‘intro interrupt’ are another two I’d need for a different bingo but I may have missed either of these when watching #so I’ll have to go back thru some videos to see #youronlychat #secret life

[showinalittlelife]

r y’all up

#UHM #this is another episode of me not being able 2 make a decision #pls help a girl out idk what 2 do #basically do we skip or no #bc school is doing a sports thingy #so I’ll be playing volleyball all day #(girl who is having anxiety over volleyball) #but my team doesn’t need me anyway there r two extra ppl #but if I don’t go I might get in trouble #sooooo #which is it #(I’ll delete this later)

[notmygrave]

she posted like parts of a photo from this summer on her instagram story doesn’t matter whatever i am in that photo and it’s the beach at the end of my street and i am going to be fucking sick i hope i really fucking hope it makes her a bit sick too

#it’s soooo something’s missing and it’s me and it’s on purpose! and i’ll probably see her next week at a house party #and she promised to call when she gets better just to let me know and she is better and she’ll never reach out #and i tried so hard to be anything she wanted me to be anything she needed and i wasn’t doing well and i tried so hard not to put that #weight on her and i was still a burden! and she said that she wanted to stay friends and i would’ve taken anything she was willing to give! #anything at all! i loved her and she was my best friend and i would’ve coped with anything just to have her around sometimes! and #she promised and she never fucking called! just one lousy fucking call to let me know she isn’t going to kill herself or anything! and i wa #working two fucking jobs 6 days a week and going to uni to pay off a debt to my father getting harassed constantly i went through first #semester barely alive barely awake constantly cold and hungry! and in the middle of all that she decides to just leave bc her online fuckin #therapist told her that because she’s feeling guilty over not being present in the relationship and that guilt is just fucking suffocating #as if i’m not drowning in guilt and self pity my entire fucking life #this is so stupid and i’m oversharing but i’ve already typed it out and i can’t keep crying to my friends over same shit from 3 months ago

[callixton]

AT LEAST HE GOT THE UNDERSTUDY. AFTER ALL OF THAT PAIN AND SHIT AT LEAST THERES THAT !

#our dirctor FINALLY confirmed it on day two of rehearsal #ig after just skimming over it and assigning literally everyone else’s on day 1? #but at least we got that. slay <3 #and we WILL have an understudy performance and i will hold extra rehearsals w them if we need to & i will fight for tech where we can get it #and i’ll work with him on our own time and the director better fuckin come to it and see how much work we’ve put in #cool 👍 smallest silver lining #ted talks #🗡️

[horsemage]

Look, I totally get being too swamped with work to not get to an email immediately but I don’t know how many more “looping everyone in on this”s and “just following up on this”s and “please fill out this when2meet ASAP”s i got left in me man

#it took a fucking instagram dm to get this person to respond to an email sent a week ago with a follow up email four days after that #*five days #and we’re supposed to be organizing an event where we bring a speaker on campus with her!! #it’s been over two days and no one has filled out the when2meet we need to figure out WHEN TO MEET TO START DISCUSSING LOGISTICS #she also put our club name on an email without okaying the email with us?? #I’m forbidden from speaking to her at the meeting (if the when2meet ever gets filled out!!!!) because I genuinely don’t think I can be civi #please. god. just reply to the email saying thank you I’ll get to this soon

[seventh-district]

*puts a photo of me in between two random photos i took of the sky today, not because they go together whatsoever but simply so any poor soul that happens to scroll across this post won’t be jumpscared by one giant image of me taking up their entire dash* :)

also yes those are the Everything Stays shoes that i wear far too often and i thought about Moon and flustered my damn self when i was putting them on today and if you want to know why i thought of him specifically… well, you’re just gonna have to read Ch. 4 of ES when i post it on Thursday and you’ll find out 😊

#Seven.txt #my face #i love how i use the my face tag as my catch-all selfie tag and then. you can hardly even see my face in the pics #anyways. *wears my daycare fit to my root canal appointment bc i am a fucking clown for letting my tooth get this bad* 🙃 #also it’s just very comfortable and i like it. but yeah! 4th dentist appt. out of 7 is done and dusted!!! #yes it’s 7 now instead of 6 because of course it is. of course it is. #it’s fine tho. i think today was the worst of it and it was overall a very fine time! i once again had no need for the sickening amounts #of anxiety that kicked my ass for the last two days prior to the appointment. as soon as i got settled in the chair that weird haze #of Calm washed over me and everything went well! but does my anxiety care about that? does it learn? no! never! #so i’m sure i’ll be sick with fear again the next three times as well but oh well. what can i do but suffer thru it #anyways if u wanna know what burning trees smell like and hear a disconcerting sizzling noise coming from ur mouth just get a root canal #it’s fun it’s a really great sensory experience (/i am Lying it is Not a fun sensory experience. take care of ur teeth and avoid the pain) #it’s lighthearted though it’s really not That bad. like i could tolerate it totally fine but it’s also not. fun. it’s just. Unplesant #anyways on another note i think i’m developing a crush on my dentist’s assistant lmao #like not Really but like also that’s not a complete joke. like. do u ever meet someone and just feel like you’d be friends #like it’s not something you’ll ever act on but you can’t ignore the feeling regardless? #it’s wild bc they look So fucking similar to someone i used to have a brief weird thing going with #like they both have such distinct eyes/facial features that i’ve never really seen on a lot of other people #and they compliment my hair and i compliment their tattoos and they tell me about the latest movies they’ve watched while i’m laying there #in the dentist chair for 50 minutes waiting for the dentist to finish with an unexpected drop-in patient #and they open the blinds to see what the deal is with the screaming old people outside the windows and they crack jokes and ramble about #their travel plans and they struggle to mix the temporary filling paste into the right consistency and they apologize for their handwriting #on the appointment cards they give me and i tell them it’s good handwriting and i mean it and Oh No i’m romanticizing my dentist visits. #aren’t i. lmao ANYWAYS i’m that dumbass that falls for every single person that is ever nice to me at all ever it’s fine i’m normal #the dentist delay was nbd btw i’m one of those freaks that actually enjoys waiting and also it was a bit of an emergency #for this mennonite mom and her son with an abscessed tooth so like who could be mad abt that #i’m never making another afternoon appt. again tho cause holy shit they get busy. i was in the waiting room for 30mins alone #1hr appt. turned into a 2.5hr appt. :) but it’s fine i just read fanfic on my phone to pass the time. and you’d think it was a dca fic #based on my clothes but no it was BG3 Astarion x Reader Hurt/Comfort bc i’ve latched onto a new blorbo this week and can’t get enough #so i’m obsessed with this traumatized vampire elf now but that’s a story for a different post’s tags

[floral-hex]

no see I WILL write something eventually, I haven’t been putting it off, I’ve just been uhhhhh cultivating the story for a couple of years yeah yeah

#stop cultivating and start harvesting idiot #no but I CAN’T write until I have at least a dozen books of story ready to go #how am I supposed to foreshadow anything if I don’t know what’s going to happen 500 chapters later??? #how am I supposed to write a character even a minor one if I don’t have their entire future backstory and parent’s backstory planned out?? #I can’t worldbuild unless I plan out all of the major cities including their political systems religions economy food production trade etc #also I just don’t want to sit down and write #so I just sit an worldbuild in my head all day #I have been for like two years now this is the longest I’ve seriously ‘worked on’ (ie daydreamed) a story in my head #and it’s really cliche and has a billion well worn tropes but it’s like… this is my comfort world building #and by comfort I mean really kinda fucked up world but whatever every edgelord or loser with an over active imagination has one #I need to read more people’s uhh… like.. not published authors… like tumblr users writing or whatev. like what is it called ao3? that stuff #not to be negative to them or anything but to like hype myself up #like see you don’t have to be a big named author to put your mind out there #I’m just kind of babbling here #suddenly reminded that a book I like John Dies At The End was originally released chapter by chapter online #so like… you don’t have to be like ‘this has to be put out whole in one book to be real writing’ #I just need to write for fun but im a very shy boy 🥺 #im fucking 34 im not a little boy I have to remind myself #anyway… if any mutuals read this much and you write online you should message me something you have that you like so I can read it #and I’ll be extra sweet and supportive and happy bc you’ll be helping me and I’ll get to support you #or whatever. I dunno. this is dumb. I’m sorry for wasting your time! jeez! #you can ignore this #text

[gaylotusthatexists]

me proud of myself for cooking that doesn’t look like something a four year old would eat, ignoring the fact that i used frozen pre seasoned chicken, frozen vegetables, and microwaved rice.

#better than chicken nuggets and chips ig #consuming vegetables for the first time in like over a month let’s goooo #frozen vegetables are great when it comes to sensory issues tho bc usually i. cannot stand vegetable but when i’m having a rare Good day #there’s a few i can cope with but buying them fresh? absolutely fucking not who knows when i’ll use them they’ll go off #at least with frozen vegetables i can keep them as long as i need to eat when i am able to #same with frozen chicken actually. i tried to get fresh chicken and was gonna season is myself (i do have all the stuff to do that) but the #chicken. went off before i got chance. bc i had no energy to do the seasoning part. #but with this i don’t have to :) bc it’s already done for me :) and i can use it whenever i am ready #the rice has also been sitting in my cupboard for like two months but that’s bc i was waiting until my brain will allow me to try new thing #i’ve had rice before so i know i like it but i don’t have it very often so like. gotta convince my brain first. #it’s nice tho i will be buying more microwave rice i think.

[goldensunset]

Happy one month until tears of the kingdom 🎉

WAUGH YOU’RE RIGHT

#time is passing soso quickly… #june 2019 feels like it was only yesterday #we’ve really been waiting for this game for almost four years huh #now suddenly it’s like that’s way too soon oh man just a month #can’t believe it’s even happening feels like this was never supposed to be a real game just a myth #i’m gonna be out of school in less than a month… probably working in less than a month… #funny my brother has been saying for years now ‘once botw2 comes out i’m gonna request an entire week off of work’ LOL #imagine if i did that lol. hey i know i’ve been here for two days but it’s really important i need to play this game right now #man this summer is about to be lit… a real and interesting job… a game i’ve been waiting for for years… #i’ll be in class for the final trailer tomorrow AUGH #maybe i just shouldn’t watch it anyway. like just to avoid spoilers #i wanna go in as blind as possible actually #me from a year or so ago would’ve NEVER passed up the chance to get more info on totk but that’s bc i needed crumbs to sustain me #but now it’s like. hey it’ll be here in a month anyway and i’ve got other stuff to do in that time #same with the gameplay showcase i haven’t seen that #i’ve had all the relevant tags filtered on here for like a month ever since the art book leaked #just gonna leave ‘em on #once we get closer to the date itself i might eventually log off indefinitely #actually that’s probably gonna happen anyway #if it’s anything like last summer having a job and a game to play over the summer means i don’t need tumblr to fill my time #anyway this has been a ramble sorry #asks #rosie-kairi

[milo-is-rambling]

Just remembered how one of my dedicated to people last roadtrip literally was like “oh actually I don’t think you can stay here tonight I have work early tomorrow :(“ after driving like seven and a half hours to him (and he texted me this when I was an hour away from his house and we had literally talked about my plans to stay there all day) like hello red flag red flag red flag

#the way he made me drive ten hours in one day when it was like less than a week after my fathers funeral like bro hello #he really was like idk you should be able to just drive three hours to your next person idk ur gonna figure it out #insane insane insane #not to be that guy but literally to be that guy I am so glad I am making my own plans to sleep in random places on the road and not staying #at anyone’s house besides Millie and direct family #it was literally snowing in the mountains of West Virginia he was like yeah just drive three extra hours at night thru the mountains while #it snows #GRAH MAKES ME SO UPSET STILL #AM I THAT SHITTY OF A PERSON THAT HE DIDNT REALIZE THAT WAS A SHITTY THING TO DO #me willing to wake up at four in the morning to get out of his hair before work just for a bed to sleep in and not drive #I literally stopped and ​napped in his bed while the he smoked weed with our West Virginia friends before driving the extra three hours #he should’ve just let me crash if he was willing to have me and three other ppl over that night #god. angry. okay. gonna go shower and try to stop thinking about dedicated to people. I think I’ve also decided I’m not even gonna try to #talk to my Chattanooga almost friend at least not on the way up maybe on the way back I’ll shoot him a text #it only cuts like half an hour off of my trip but like whatever I’ll take that time over an awkward hang out with someone I haven’t talked #to in six months #ugh having friends is hard I hate it #Millie I love you. I know you don’t really tumblr often and don’t even follow this blog but Millie forever #gives me as much space as I need but then we randomly call each other and talk for hours and then go mute for a week again #send each other random pictures or texts or videos and then call in another week or two #and then we meet up in person and just absolutely love the vibes and then go back to being low key distant #I love it she is so awesome Millie ily forever and ever dude ur so good and so cool I am so excited to visit again even tho it’s only been #a couple months #okay I’m back to ranting I’m still thinking about it. we literally fucked and then he (dedicated to…) rolled over and tweeted abojt thinking #about someone else during sex LIKE I WAS LAYING NEXT TO HIM #AND HE TWEETED THAT. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. Not to mention all the just so so clearly ignoring me and talking to dudes on grindr while I was #sitting in his living room trying to hang out with him #still mad but I don’t want to be mad but I am still so mad he treated me like shit and I just was like yeah this is how having friends works #I was so dumb but I wanted attention and when he gave me attention it was incredible but so fucking rare but I actually cared about him and #he just didn’t care at all about hurting me while I was literally going thru the worst shit in my personal life like god I was so dumb

[a-concert-just-for-me]

I love how my autism just doesn’t exist to my family lmfao

#jess rambles #delete later #I’ll be two seconds away from a meltdown and instead of trying to understand why I need quiet everyone just gets angry with me #I’m not even mean about it either I just wish be alone but that is Asshole Behavior when there is Work To Be Done (tm) #sorry I cannot meet your sudden demands I’m about to kill myself over how bright the light is and how wrong the fan sounds #everyone is mad at me it’s fine it’s chill it’s so fine #everything’s just an excuse I’m selfish I’m lazy I’m an asshole it’s fine #I love my family they just don’t get me <- said like an emo middle schooler #I’m struggling to do even the most basic care tasks how am I supposed to help you do yard work in the bright sun and loud and sticky skin #I’ll just hide in a locked room until the day is over and wait for them to not be mad at me anymore #lmao whatever!

[sluttyten]

Now I sit in my room anxiously for the next hour and a half waiting for tickets to go on sale, and then I drive anxiously across town too

#like fuck I’m nervous and I need to eat something but I’m nervous and that makes it difficult #also I fucking hate making plans with people that I don’t know all that well 😭😭 like yeah I know them at work but not outside of work #and also going places I’ve never been before?? to do things that I don’t do?? the social anxiety has my belly in knots #and then….. I have to show my parents that I pierced my nose and I think that’s my biggest fear about all of this #number one fear actually: not getting tickets #number two fear: me coming home with my nose pierced and having to tell them #I just got home from work and saw my dad was home and was like oh shit bc when I leave I’m gonna have to offer an explanation #but like once I have the tickets purchased then like 🤷🏻‍♀️ what’s my mom gonna do tell me that we’re not going #also like everyone keeps telling me I’m a grown ass adult and I can make these decisions myself #I wonder if everyone at work could see how nervous I was and how increasingly throughout the day I’ve been getting like more nervous and #more quiet but like I feel like it’s equal parts ticket sale anxiety and doing something out of the ordinary that my parents might not #approve of while I live under their roof and all that #but on the bright side my dad just left to go do something so maybe he won’t be back before I leave and I’ll just be like hey I’m leaving #um and I’m getting my nose pierced but I’ll be back soon!! #also though like a source of my anxiety right now is that I have to go pick up one of the people I’m going with and I’ve never been alone #with him not that I mean that in a bad way just an anxious way like I’m awkward as fuck #and the other girl who was maybe going with us didn’t work with us today and she seemed a lil hesitant about it and then I texted her about #what time I’m planning on going and she hasn’t responded but I’m pretty sure she read it #anyway I’m literally like buzzing with anxiety right now over getting tickets first and foremost #ALSO I’m supposed to be getting something from Amazon today and it’s not here yet plus I’m waiting on a trade to get here and I just want #it all to just be here

[robotwrangler]

Man I am so excited to move out with my friends later this year.. I can’t wait to finally have a life, and a nice new home for Pigeon, and a new job..

#and my roommates both really want cats too so even tho she’ll miss her mum and dad Pigeon won’t be lonely & will have friends :’] #she’s very sociable and friendly so I’m sure she’ll get along with any kitties my friends get #god it’s going to be so nice to have responsible roommates for once too. my dad lives like a slob #the house is always filthy again within a day of me cleaning it and I’m constantly criticised even though I do everything #so it’ll be good to move out with two guys who actually know how to cook & clean and are responsible reasonable people #as for the job? my current job pays shit-all compared to the hours #it’s a generic carer job where my hours are described as a loose ‘minimum 20hrs per week’ #but since I live with dad I do wayyyyy more hours than that. but I don’t get paid for them #literally a minimum wage job like McDonald’s would pay higher than this #and this work sucks. dad admits himself that he’s at a point where he doesn’t really need a carer #he just likes not having to do anything #so that.. on top of the fact he’s constantly a mean bastard to me WHILE I’m doing stuff for him… really sucks!! #so I’d rather work pretty much anywhere else and I’ll get paid better anyway #anyway negativity over I’m really really happy things are finally shaping up well for me after basically living in purgatory for 3 years

[a-very-fond-farewell]

ok the vibe is: I’m just a silly little guy in a dreadful little world. time to go back to my roots (*eats croutons straight from the bag*)

#sneaky niki #it’s update time on yours truly #lamb loose liveblogging #I’m using that tag in case anyone reading my current fic needs to know where I’m at #I did rest a little bit. thank you for asking #no. unfortunately my hand seems to be getting worse. I still need to take a shirt on of notes for my IRL stuff tho #*SHITTON of notes (y u censor me text-predictive keyboard??) #so I’m trying to pace myself a little #but I did write something for the fic! #yay me :D #turns out my circadian rhythm is fucked anyway. so I still wake up at 5am every morning no matter what #they will scoop me off the floor one of these days #in the meantime.............. I’m like. I’m 200k words in as I check the draft for the entire project and #fellas is it gay to hyperfocus on two trash idiots so much you end up writing 200k words for them?? #in like....... 5 months?? #on the bright side. I’ll meet a friend this weekend after 4 months apart :D #I’ve self-isolated so much that I don’t know how I’ll manage. but I’ll be in a bookstore for the first time in 4 months! can u believe it?? #still. city scary. full of women I won’t be able to stare in the eyes. I’m easily affected. #also so many dogs I will never have the courage to ask if I can pet #anyway regarding the fic #I’m trying to map out ch18 now #all I can say is: SDY u cvnt. absolute trash of a man. I will avenge you #also backscratchers and a man walking on a roof are somewhat involved?? #let’s hope I can plan this out the right way before word-vomiting all over it #so. that being said. I hope anyone reading is having a good time #if not I still hope you can get some comfort from your pets or plants or projects #or people. yea. those too. (notice how effortless that was. very much a people’s person me. obviously) #Niki out ~<3