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eamonwhalen · 3 years

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Rap I Liked 2020

An attempt at an omnivorous list of rap songs from the year 2020 that undoubtedly missed many good songs.

In a Spotify Playlist

In an Apple Music Playlist

If you’d like to read what I wrote this year click here.

1. Quelle Chris and Chris Keys featuring Earl Sweatshirt, Denmark Vesey, Merill Garbus and Big Sen - Mirage

2. Mozzy featuring Blxst - I Ain’t Perfect

3. Jay Electronica featuring Jay-Z - A.P.I.D.T.A

Sleep well Lately, I haven't been sleepin' well I even hit the beach to soak my feet and skip some seashells Sleep well The lump inside my throat sometimes it towers like the Eiffel Sometimes I wonder do the trees get sad when they see leaves fell Sleep well The last time that I kissed you, you felt cold but you looked peaceful I read our message thread when I get low and need a refill Sleep well

4. Shabazz Palaces - Fast Learner

5. G-Herbo featuring Juice WRLD, Chance The Rapper and Lil Uzi Vert - PTSD

“People judge people from my city, or people who go through what we go through. It’s just the way you’re brought up and different situations that you experience that change your life and make you who you are. There’s a lot of people who would come to my city and not make it. There’s certain survival skills that you learn in Chicago from just naturally adapting to your environment. People judge us and outcast us from what they see on the outside but they really don’t know what’s going on on the inside. We’re making rational decisions because what we go through forces us to make those decisions. Just the older I get, the more serious I look at it. When I was younger I had my family taking care of me, and I was just living life like a kid. But by 14-15, there’s a lot of kids in my city who are living the lives of adults at that age. Other places people don’t live like that. When I was 16 I started to see people die around me. In my city theres so little to depend on, so people take other options to survive and make a way for themselves. At a young age you start learning this,” - G-Herbo, from an interview I did with him a few years ago.

6. 21 Savage and Metro Boomin’ featuring Young Thug - Rich N***a Shit

the sounds of luxury

7. Sada Baby - Slide

8. Megan Thee Stallion - Circles

https://youtu.be/TwZl9WCHjnc

9. Polo G - Martin & Gina

10. Gunna - Skybox

11. Pop Smoke - Yea Yea

Rest in Peace Pop Smoke

https://pitchfork.com/thepitch/pop-smoke-dior-protest-music/

12. Bfb Da Packman featuring Sada Baby - Free Joe Exotic

13. NBA Youngboy - The Story of OJ (Top Version)

14. Bris - Me Important

Rest In Peace Tricky Dance Moves

15. Playboi Carti - @ MEH

16. Navy Blue featuring Ka - In Good Hands

“Even friends in a frenzy became ravenous

Brothers named universal, wise, supreme became savages

It's said the common thread with our enemies

Is we was all men in need with no amenities

Couldn't sit in peace, we each hit the streets for remedies

Through the hatred accumulate a hundred arms we was centipedes

The stress of empty pantries kept us antsy

No lie, essentials essentially in a shanty

Could give scripture but that big picture is what you can't see

Every grain I spelt is what helped enhance me

Went from gun waving to saving lives

I give sight to the blind just for the 85

That's what I was in the line of scrimmage

Lost some folks of course, that growth redefined percentage

Doomed in the womb, surprised I ain't see a hanger

Start questioning affection when all you see is anger,

But now I’m in good hands, surrounded by good women, good babies, good mans,”

-Ka

17. Lil Uzi Vert - Chrome Heart Tags

18. SahBabii - Double Dick

19. Rezcoast Grizz - Water

20. Future featuring Drake, Da Baby and Lil Baby - Life Is Good Remix

21. Drakeo The Ruler featuring Icewear Vezzo and ALLBLACK - We Know The Truth

The Ruler’s home. Read Jeff Weiss on Drakeo’s trial and release, and the book Rap On Trial for an underreported and understudied phenomenon.

22. Future and Lil Uzi Vert - That’s It

23. Shordie Shordie - Save A Little

coolest new voice in Rap

24. Busta Rhymes featuring Kendrick Lamar - Look Over Your Shoulder

25. Cam & China - Know What I’m Saying

https://youtu.be/H1JSWy9lxuk

26. Ovrkast featuring Navy Blue - Face

27. J Hus featuring icee tgm - Helicopter

Shaitan in police uniform Feds in a helicopter I seen pigs fly but I never seen a unicorn Tryna find cover on somebody's front lawn I see an undercover and he had his gun drawn Didn't like me 'cause I'll never conform Man want beef, but they'll never come forth Like CB, all I need is one corn You see me alone but I got a strong force No man can ever put my life on pause They enslaved my ancestor, no remorse I bring knowledge to Europe, just like the Moors The knowledge, they need it, they cravin' for more Left the yard before the jakes kicked in the door Have you seen a lengman drop his stick on the floor? Say you wanna bang, you don't look like you're sure

28. Demahjiae featuring Mejiwahn, Michael Sneed and Pink Siifu - Wild & Fireflies

29. Lil Baby featuring 42 Dugg - We Paid

No choice but to respect someone who is not only still rockin’ with the Detroit Lions in 2020 but says so much on the biggest song of his career thus far.

30. Ka - Patron Saints

31. Benny The Butcher - Famous

32. Key! - Spend One Night

33. Smino featuring JID and Kenny Beats - Baguetti

34. Open Mike Eagle - Death Parade

35. OMB Peezy - Sleep At Night

36. Mick Jenkins - “Carefree”

read me on Mick Jenkins circa 2016.

37. Chris Brown and Young Thug featuring Lil Duke and Gunna - Big Slimes

38. Freddie Gibbs and Alchemist - God Is Perfect

39. Chester Watson - Life Wrote Itself

40. Denzel Curry and Kenny Beats - DIET

read me on Denzel Curry circa 2015

41. Young Dolph - Hold Up Hold Up Hold Up

Still probably the coolest thing any rapper has done in years.

42. Dua Saleh - Hellbound

43. Rod Wave - Fuck The World

44. Young Nudy - Deeper Than Rap

45. Bobby Raps - Believe The Lie

Alex Howard, more like Alex Garland!

46. Saba - So and So

47. 2 Chainz featuring TyDollaSign - Can’t Go For That

https://youtu.be/ccenFp_3kq8

48. Blu and Exile - The Feeling

49. astralblak - Out In The Woods

50. Key Glock - Word On the Streets

51. Black Thought featuring Portugal. The Man & The Last Artful, Dodgr - Nature of the Beast

I feel like Phillip Seymour Hoffman, less Denzel Washington When people are watching me If the right amount of likes and follows can make me less hollow I'd somehow be more complete But people tend to be more toxic so we see more gossip And there's tension on the streets

52. Flo Milli - Not Friendly

53. Shootergang Kony - Still Kony 2

54. Homeboy Sandman - Trauma

55. Kevin Gates - Weeks

56. Pink Siifu and Fly Anakin - Open Up Shop

57. P Will aka Prince Williams - Survival

58. Cupcakke - Discounts

59. Nas - Ultra Black

60. Spillage Village - End Of Daze

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/04/magazine/societal-collapse.html

What I listened to most besides songs by artists on this list:

Jazmine Sullivan’s live performances of Lost One and Pick Up Your Feelings

Other stuff that doesn’t really belong on a Rap list:

Liv.e, Brent Faiyaz, Helado Negro, Slauson Malone, Chronixx, Contour, King Krule, Kehlani, Moses Sumney, Thundercat, Soccer Mommy.

Best books I read that were published in 2020: The Jakarta Method by Vincent Bevins and I Got A Monster by Brandon Soderberg and Baynard Woods

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joyofcrime-elinorhigh · 5 years

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Camp Camp REVIEW:

Hello there, everybody. My name is JoyofCrimeArt and the Summer season has just come to an end. It's that time or year where the heat starts to die down, as the brisk Autumn breeze comes blowing forth to refresh our minds and bodies, and to remind us that-wait hold on. Yeah, okay. So I just checked Google and it turns out that it's currently ninety degrees outside exactly. Sorry Autumn, better luck next month. Anyway, with Summer "technically" wrapping up I though now would be as good of a time as any to talk about Rooster Teeth Production's Summer themed adult animated series "Camp Camp."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4c6JUBauBg

(By the way, this intro is so frickin' catchy.) For those who don't know "Camp Camp" is a online animated series that comes from Rooster Teeth Productions, the studio that brought us Red vs Blue, RWBY, and the Youtube Red original movie, Lazor Team. If I had to describe the show I would describe it as "Total Drama Island" crossed with "South Park." So what's the plot? Camp Camp centers around Max, a cynical ten year old who hates the entire world around him. He's the typical cynical, bitter type of character you see a lot in these "adult animated" shows. Max's goal in the series to escape from Camp Campbell, a crappy run down summer camp in the middle of nowhere, and make his way back to civilization. He also has help from his two friends, Neil and Nikki. Neil is a science nerd who is very quick to angry outburst. He and Max share the role as the straight man in most episodes. Then there's Nikki, a hyperactive wild child and self proclaimed "agent of chaos." Out of the main trio she's probably my favorite. She just has some much energy, and it's actual nice to see a character who is actually happy to be at the camp, even though she still tries to help Max and Neil escape. There's also the two camp counselor, David and Gwen. David is an optimistic yet dim counselor who tries to make the three (mainly Max) see the joys of camping, without much success. He often will suffer torment form our main protagonist, sometimes indirectly but often directly. However despite the universes punching bag he's still manages to stay cartoonishly optimistic. I really like David, and he is one of my favorite, if not my favorite character in the show. His constant optimism is really funny but he's not a static character either. In a lot of these type of cartoons we get characters who are either always happy or almost always happy, and they end up being very one dimensional a lot of the time. David is different because while we see him being happy most of the time we see that he does have limits. We see that he gets stressed out by things and is trying his hardest to stay optimistic anyway. It's not like in Spongebob, where Spongebob is always happy because he unaware that things around him aren't perfect. David knows that things around him aren't perfect, but still tries to stay upbeat about it. It's a lot more relatable in that way, at least in my humble opinion. Gwen meanwhile, is the smarter and more snarky counselor who just tries to stay out of everything and just read her trashy magazine. Gwen will often act as the foil to David and it works really well comically. I also really like Gwen's voice actress, Lee Eddy. It's a great voice that really works for her deadpan deliveries, and as we later learn she also a great singer! The show also has a large plethora of side characters. The show uses a clever strategy when it comes to introducing the side characters, usually giving each of the side characters one episode each to shine. Plus they break those episodes up with episodes that are just about Max, Neil and Nikki. This makes it a lot easier to manage all of the side characters, and the stereotypes that the side characters represent makes it very easier for the audience to immediately know what the characters are about. The show has a pretty large cast, so I'll try to hit most of the more notable side characters real quick here. There's Cameron Campbell, the camp's immoral founder who is on the run from the government. There's Space Kid, a kid who likes outer space and always has a glass dome around his head. There's Preston, the psychotic theater kid (Who is a really funny character by the way.) There's Nurf, the camp bully. There's Ered, the cool kid. There's Harrison, the magic kid. There's Nerris, the other magic kid. There's Dolph, who may or may not be a clone of Hitler. Y'know, all of the normal character archtypes. None of these character get to much development beyond there stereotypes, but there still enjoyable and funny in there own rights. Oh, also there's a platypus as the camp mascot, because when in doubt, add a platypus.

(Muack!) Now, as stated before, this show is not for kids. As we learned from "Don't Hug Me, I'm Scared" the more kid friendly something on the internet looks the more horrible and vulgar it probably is. But they do adult humor very cleverly, usually not going "too far." with the joke. There are a lot of adult cartoons out there that just try to be vulgar for vulgarities sake. Show's where every character is just an irredeemable jerk wad. Camp Camp, luckily, doesn't fall into this category. There's some vulgarity in it, but it never feels like they are trying to force it in where it doesn't belong. This shows humor is very clever and funny, and just happens to incorporates some adult themes sometimes. What I like about this show is how closely it does feel to a show that could air on television. The episodes are about the right length, and so is the theme song. Plus the animation in this series is beautiful by web series standards. It looks TV quality, on par with something like PBS Kid's "Wild Kratts" or something like that. Just like Don't Hug Me this makes the adult humor a lot funnier. Since it looks so much like a kid show it makes it more unexpected when they do something very adult and thus makes it more comedic. I admire Rooster Teeth so much for always putting so much effort into there animation, even though they only do web series. It's all done in flash but it's done well, so that all that really matters. Similar to the point above about content being juxtaposed with the animation, this show also has an odd thing with it's music. In the show itself the music matches, but during each episodes end credits the music is always some kind of rap song, for whatever reason. It seems odd but thinking about it it really does works. I think it's because everything in this show has such a weird mishmash of elements that one more weird element doesn't really feel out of place. Plus it's sort of matches Max's anti-authority mentality, so in a way it actually match in a weird kind of way. This show is also really fun to watch if you are already a fan of Rooster Teeth's other works. About half of the cast of Camp Camp are returning actors from RWBY. Max is Sun, Neil is Mercury, David is Jaune, Space Kid is Ruby, Ered is Pyrrha, Nikki is FRICKIN' WINTER OF ALL PEOPLE! It's greatly amusing to see the voice actors from the mostly child friendly RWBY saying such vulgarity. It's a nice extra level for RWBY fans. Same thing I would think would apply if you watch this and then watch RWBY, except backwards. Speaking of voice acting the show has a pretty all star cast for a web show. Big name anime and animation voice actor Yuri Lowenthal voices Neil, Travis Willingham is Cameron Campbell and they even got Dante Basco in one episode! It's really cool hearing all these big name actors voices in a web cartoon like this. Now the show obviously isn't perfect. My biggest problem with the show is honestly, the main character. Neil and Nikki are cool characters but I honestly don't like Max very much. Now Max can be a funny character for sure, but he's not very likeable, at least to me. He's just a cynical A-hole. Which I know is the point and all, but still. I don't hate him or anything, but out of the main three characters he's probably my least favorite. It's just hard to care for a character who doesn't care about anything. Also I sort of don't like how David is the shows punching bag a lot of the time. David is an awesome character, but it's lame that we always see him suffer. Again, I know it's the point but it's still hard to watch. That being said the show does sort of make up for it in the final episode when we get the sorta "moral." of the series, and what the David/Max conflict was leading up to. I don't want to spoil the ending for anybody who hasn't seen the show, but the scene in the season finale with Max and David (If you seen the show you should know what scene I'm talking about.) Is so powerful. From the lack of music to the voice acting to the beautiful message of it all. I would just rewatch that scene over and over on Youtube because of how well done it was. So even the flaws of this show do have a point. It's just kinda a grind getting to that point, but overall I think it is worth it for the message the show is trying to teach. Also it looks like these flaws might be toned down in season two, but it's kinda two early to tell at this point. But that all might just be a personal preference kind of thing, and other people might not mind at all. Especially if you happen to be a fan of cynical or sadistic humor. ...Y'know what I just realized. This show in a lot of ways in just a backwards "Camp Lazlo." Think about it, Camp Camp is about a cynical camper who tries to annoy an overly optimistic camp counselor and show him that life is a sad and pathetic place. Meanwhile Camp Lazlo is about an overly optimistic camper annoying a cynical scoutmaster, trying to show him that life is great and awesome place.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ssnw2GA657s

Random thing. Only recently, when rewatching some of the episodes in preparation for this review did I think to myself, "Why is Nikki's hair green?" Like, I had been watching this show every week for over three months, and I knew her hair was green but only then did I really question-wait a minute. Green hair. Self proclaimed agent of chaos. Oh my God....Nikki is the Joker! It makes so much sense! It was always there in front of us, we were all just to blind to see it!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ssnw2GA657s

Another random thing. Just one month before Camp Camp came out, another camp themed adult cartoon came out. Camp WWE. If you are unaware, Camp WWE is a show about the WWE superstars being children in a summer camp run by Ric Flair. I've never seen the show, but I just found it an interesting thing to bring up. The show was created by Seth Green and more importantly IS AN ACTUAL THING THAT EXIST IN THE REAL WORLD FOR REAL! Anyway, I'm not saying that Camp Camp ripped off Camp WWE, as both would have been in production for long enough that they couldn't copy each other. But it's quiet a coincidence. Or is it a coincidence? Hmmmm. Coincidence?....I think NO- In conclusion, Camp Camp is a funny, well written, Amazingly animated web series that I think you all should consider checking out. While not perfect in any way I had a ton of fun watching through the series and all the episodes are easily available on Youtube. So Campe Diem! Have you seen the series? If so what did you think of it? What's you're favorite episode? (Mine is episode 12! Ugh, it's so good!) Tell me what you think about the show in the comments down bellow and I would really appreciate it. I love hearing what other people think about cartoons, and starting a discussion. Any suggestions for things I should review. Suggest them down bellow and maybe I'll do em if I find them interesting enough. Please fav, follow and comment if you liked the review and want to see more and have a great day!

https://www.deviantart.com/joyofcrimeart/journal/Camp-Camp-REVIEW-636395864 DA Link

#camp camp #RWBY #Rooster Teeth #Cartoon Reviews #web series

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douxreviews · 5 years

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Aquaman Review

By CoramDeo

"What could be greater than a king?" "A hero."

SPOILER WARNING: There will be a brief non-spoiler review to start with, then I'll discuss the film in depth for those who've seen it.

Also, SARCASM WARNING: For whatever reason, I was in an extremely sarcastic mood when I wrote this review. As a result, I use sarcasm here. A lot.

By nature I love brevity: Absolutely gorgeous in every shot and action-packed, Aquaman is full to the brim with moments that will make die-hard comic book geeks and casual fans alike say things like, "Aw, YEAH!" and "That was awesome!" While there are a few themes, they don't do too much. All in all, it doesn't have a lot of depth, which is surprising for a movie set primarily on the ocean floor.

In Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice, Zack Snyder stuck Jason Momoa in an aquarium tank and filmed him for ten seconds. In Justice League, he used green screen to depict underwater action that sound exactly like it really would to human ears - dampened and unintelligible. For Aquaman, James Wan has been handed the task of trying desperately to make Aquaman look cool. Perhaps a more traditionally-minded director, Wan wisely decides that the decades-old tradition of great filmmakers deciding that scientific accuracy is for losers (and Nolans?) and not really caring what human ears would actually hear is probably not a thing to abandon at this time.

The result is what Neil DeGrasse Tyson might call 'disregarding science' and what I might call 'making an entertaining film.' The underwater action is engaging and epic, and every single frame of this film looks like a freaking Van Gogh as far as color goes. Where Snyder's DC offerings employed the vast range of color one might find in, say, a zebra, or a weekday newspaper, Wan uses revolutionary new techniques like 'orange,' 'bright blue,' and 'not actively desaturating your entire film.' He's got a keen sense of colorful beauty and contrast, and the movie is stunning.

Don't expect a particularly interesting plot; the quest and the story as a whole were fairly by-the-numbers. Neither should you anticipate any clever dialogue; the characters stumble their way through unnatural lines and gobs of exposition in a good half of the film's key exchanges. What you should expect to see, but not be blown away by, is some themes. I'll get into exactly what those themes are in the spoiler section below, because they are somewhat spoilery. And you definitely won't guess the entire plot by the end of the first act.

Though Aquaman isn't too deep, it's a heck of a lot of fun to watch and quite an enjoyable experience. I really do recommend that you go see this movie, if you enjoy fun action and pretty pictures. Also if you are a person who likes to mock the character of Aquaman, because I'm 90% sure that's the target audience.

3 out of 6 pretty pictures.

Friendly neighborhood Aquaman:

This film is not too family-friendly. There is a fair amount of swearing and foul language. If you want a fun movie you can take your kids to, go see Spider-Verse.

SPOILER ALERT: The review will discuss spoilers from here on out.

I mentioned that this film has some themes to it, which aren't exactly clear or well-realized. The first and most obvious of these is the uniting of two worlds which are completely alien to one another. This is the theme that is central to the first and last scenes of the film. In the former, a man from our world meets a woman from theirs as Aquaman narrates about ships meeting each other without any discernible force to propel them. The clash of cultures is evident in the opening sequence more than in any of the rest of the film. In the film's closing moments, too, we see these two representatives of completely different worlds coming together at long last, after what we know has been many years of waiting and longing.

The issue is that this particular theme doesn't really come across very well in the rest of the film. There are loads of situations and dynamics that on paper carry the theme, but in the context of the movie and the way it felt, it doesn't come through almost at all. Aquaman and Mera, themselves a pair from two worlds, are chased by both surface dwellers (Manta) and Atlanteans. They fight both on land and in the sea. And Mera clashes with the humans' culture almost as much as Arthur does with the Atlanteans'. Yet because the quest itself is entirely Atlantean in nature, and because the classically sci-fi world of Atlantis isn't too far off from other sci-fi worlds, which do center around humans, we don't really feel the blending of two worlds. Had the Atlanteans felt more alien, and the plot involved the human world more significantly, this theme would have been much more strong a presence.

The other theme I feel warrants particular scrutiny is that of a great unifier - or a hero - de-escalating conflict instead of escalating it. Interestingly enough, this unifier/hero is not Aquaman. The film's central character always escalates the conflict, at every turn of the plot. It is instead Atlanna (Nicole Kidman) who truly exemplifies this. If you think about it, every effect the character has on the film is to bring peace and unity, not chaos and conflict. She leaves Tom and Arthur in order to protect them. She tries to teach Orm and Mera, and Arthur when he finally meets her, to be better. And in the end, she arrives to end the conflict, saving the life of the film's antagonist. At key points, Atlanna brings people together and gets them to be more peaceful.

The issue with this theme is also that it's not overt enough. For this to be real and feel like it matters, Aquaman would've had to oppose it more directly at the start, and be convinced more significantly to act otherwise by the end. Instead, Arthur fights his way out of every situation right up until the end, and doesn't really show enough signs of having grown. The only thing he does even remotely displaying a change is his refusal to kill Orm, which is a more merciful act than his abandonment of Manta's father early on. Yet this is not particularly great, nor does it have much of an impact as his chance to kill Orm immediately disappears after his initial reluctance. Even with Mera and Atlanna encouraging him to learn throughout the film, he never really does in any way that matters.

A few other themes were present, but weren't really intended to make much of a difference. These include the bits about ocean pollution, which were not as heavy-handed as one might have expected and subsequently been annoyed by, and the bits that deal with duty to one's people. Both themes were present but not overpowering, and were quite tasteful in their execution.

Real quick, let's talk about the final battle. As I said before, I kind of feel like the target audience of this film is people who mock the character of Aquaman. The reason it feels that way is that all the things that Aquaman gets mocked for - talking to fish, riding seahorses, throwing water while underwater, etc. - appear in the third act as epic moments. It feels like the filmmakers just made a list of all the things Aquaman gets mocked for and then intentionally set out to make his scoffers cheer for those very things. Which is kind of fun.

Acting is acting like you're not acting:

The performances in this movie were neither outstanding nor terrible. They all pretty much hovered in the middle of the spectrum. At the high end were Nicole Kidman's Atlanna, Amber Heard's Mera, and Temuera Morrison's Tom Curry. At the lower end were Patrick Wilson's Orm, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II's Manta, and Dolph Lundgren's King Nereus. So, you know, all the bad-guys. Jason Momoa (Arthur/Aquaman) and Willem Dafoe (Vulko) hung out near the middle of the pack. One thing was reinforced in my mind by this film - no matter what character he plays and no matter how much of a good-guy that character is, there is nothing more terrifying than Willem Dafoe smiling.

Pensees:

-So, can we talk about how much Michael Beach (Manta's Dad) looks and sounds like Steve Harvey in certain shots? I'm just saying, I had a really hard time taking him seriously when I could so easily picture him hosting Family Feud.

-I was totally not expecting the Karathen to speak. That took me by surprise. Also, that was Julie freaking Andrews!

-Randall Park plays Dr. Stephen Shin after playing a character in Ant-Man and the Wasp. Interesting franchise leap, and for that role, too?

-There are a total of six actors listed as playing Arthur in this movie, not including Jason Momoa and his stunt doubles.

-Interesting choice, going with the 'quest based on a specific series of nonsensical instructions' plot that you most often see on animated children's shows.

-I wish they'd left Manta out of this film and saved him for a sequel. His character didn't have enough of a good role in this one to justify his inclusion.

-The final battle is probably the first cinematic battle between sharks, crabs, and... Attack seahorses? Attack seahorses. Alrighty then.

-Apparently, James Wan was offered the choice of directing this or the practically non-existent Flashpoint. He made the right decision, apparently, since Flashpoint seems cursed to lose all its directors.

-Despite anti-Snyder measures such as color and a non-confusing storyline, the Snyder slo-mo still remains. Which is perfectly fine; that was never my problem with Snyder.

Quotes:

Guy in the bar: "You that fish-boy from the TV?" Arthur: "It's fish-man."

Arthur: "We've got a bogey on our tail!" Mera: "What does that even mean?" Arthur: "Bad-guys behind us!" Mera: "Why didn't you just say that?" Arthur: "Bad-guys behind us!"

Arthur: "Redheads. You gotta love 'em." *jumps out of the plane*

*Mera pulls water from Arthur's skin and uses it to activate the device* Arthur: "Show-off. I could've just peed on it."

Mera: "You based our exit strategy on a children's book?" Arthur: "I didn't read the book. I just saw the movie."

Arthur: "I'm no leader. I came because I have no choice. I came to save my home, and the people I love."

3 out of 6 Attack seahorses.

CoramDeo likes to review movies and television. He thinks he's getting good, but he can handle criticism.

#Aquaman #Arthur Curry #DC Comics #DCEU #Doux Reviews #Movie Reviews #ICYMI

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omniversalobservations · 4 years

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He-Man and the Masters of the Multiverse No. 1 (January 2020)

For over 30 years, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe has been one of pop culture's most iconic franchises. We've seen a few cartoons, not to mention the famous movie starring Dolph Lundgren in 1987, all putting the character into the spotlight, reminding us of our affection for the Mattel toyline again and again.

In DC's He-Man and the Masters of the Multiverse, a crisis erupts that strings together all of the He-Man universes we've been privy to, and in the process, it turns the series' lamest villain into Eternia's greatest threat.

This villain is none other than the Anti He-Man from the German audio cassettes of the '80s. The cartoon was released on records and cassettes in Germany in '85, comprising of 37 episodes more than 40-minutes in length, with an additional ten She-Ra: Princess of Power tapes, and six specials. These cassettes introduced the world of Anti-Eternia, complete with its own evil, alternate universe version of He-Man, and this is who Tim Seeley and Co. use as the main foil in this story.

The book opens up on an Eternia where Skeletor's knocking on Grayskull's door, seeking a confrontation with He-Man. Prince Adam turns into the titular hero but by the time he emerges, Anti He-Man has already murdered Skeletor and somehow, he's overpowered to the point that he goes on to slay this He-Man with consummate ease. Sorceress loses her power as the Anti He-Man claims Adam's Power Sword for his own collection while absorbing the mystical energy of Grayskull.

It's a high-octane reintroduction to the character, who has similar motivations to Skeletor's robot He-Man, Faker. However, the villain here is all black; clearly the antithesis to He-Man and Grayskull, boasting the power of Hellskull instead, and way more than a mere copycat machine. We eventually discover he comes from the Anti-Eternian realm where the Lundgren He-Man and cartoon He-Man from the '80s travel to in order to recruit Prince Keldor. Using a cosmic key, they've been hopping between realities and in this dimension, they relay a message from Gwildor that this Keldor isn't destined to become Skeletor like all other worlds, he's actually the Chosen One meant to bring balance and stop Anti He-Man.

But it'll take a lot of courage, and they do need back-up, as the Anti He-Man has unlocked the mysteries of the cosmos from the Nexus of All Realities (last seen in DC's He-Man/Injustice crossover from Seeley). The tyrant has since been using the Orb of Horrors to walk between realms, strip all Grayskulls and He-Men, and then move towards to Power Prime that feeds the Multiverse.

He's similar to Superboy-Prime, believing himself to be the alpha He-Man and all other pretenders must die. As for how he's stealing power, it's similar to Lord Drakkon killing off Green Rangers in the Power Rangers mythos, as well as Spider-Carnage from the Spider-Man animated series' Clone Saga where he believed he was the ultimate Spidey.

In Masters of the Multiverse, the gauntlet has been thrown down and so, Keldor, Lundgren He-Man and the classic version must all unite to find help across the galaxy because the Anti He-Man is proving to be more powerful than all of them combined, and he's only getting stronger.

Source: Comic Book Resources

Newsarama: Tim, how did you guys come up with the idea to incorporate all these different versions of He-Man into one story?

Tim Seeley: We were talking to Mattel about doing another He-Man series, and Rob David, who’s the brand manager at Mattel, said, we have so many cool versions of He-Man and there’s so many different fans, it’s now generational. And there’s people who come into it from all these different angles. And he kind of felt like we should justify and celebrate all of them.

So that was the original idea, was to make all of this stuff real - you know, New Adventures is real, and Tappers of Grayskull video game is real, and Masters of the Universe 1987 movie is real - and treat them all with respect and show them off again.

Nrama: So are all these different versions going to interact with each other?

Seeley: Absolutey! The first issue, you get Anti-Eternia Skeletor, which is Prince Keldor, interacting with 1987 movie He-Man. And you get little snippets of all kinds of different stuff.

There’s even stuff in there, in the first issue, I’m pretty sure most people aren’t familiar with, like Star Comics version of He-Man. So I try to make sure everything is available - we’re making sure that all of it is on the table.

Source: Newsarama

#comics #Masters of the Universe #multiverse

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sportsandrec · 7 years

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It’s Always Sunny is the Best Cartoon on Television

The show’s long tenure is a credit from its cartoonish qualities

In its twelfth season, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is continually putting out good television. They’re not stopping anytime soon either, with FXX already committed to the show through season 14. Not to mention the network’s big big brother Fox just started up a comedy starring Dee, err sorry, I mean Kaitlyn Olson playing a character almost exactly like Dee.

Seriously, you cannot convince me the idea for the Mick was anything other than someone watching Sunny and going, “What if we took Dee and made her the main character? But instead of having a bunch of guys her age shit on her, we’ll put her in charge of a family and have the kids shit on her!” Here’s the thing: it works. I’m loving the Mick. But here’s the much more incredible thing:

A company took a show running on its “Are we allowed to air this???” network and made a knock-off version for its major network.

That has to be about as successful as a show on a knock-off knock-off cable network can get. Does anyone remember when the show moved from FX to launch FXX? The show was so successful, they launched an entire network on its back. So on its way to being one of the longest-running live-action comedies on television, what is it that allowed the show to reach heights typically only reached by the likes of the Simpsons and Family Guy?

Probably because it is more like a cartoon than any other live-action comedy in history.

A bold statement? Sure, considering there is a lot of television out there I’ve never watched. However, I’m prepared to back up such a bold statement with uncompromising opinions masquerading as circumstantial evidence.

There are two major elements of a cartoon. First, there’s the ability to shed the limits of reality. In a cartoon, you have more leeway to commit unrealistic acts. People already see the characters aren’t real. In fact, cartoonists often add to that sense by giving characters odd noses, misfingered hands, or even a football-shaped head so big there’s no possible way it could have come out of a human vagina. These characteristics further remove us from the restraints of reality, so when something talks that shouldn’t or someone doesn’t die who should’ve, we’ve already accepted it as alternative fact. (sorry)

So where does Sunny fall on this scale? Um, have you seen the first episode of the twelfth season? (If you haven’t guessed by now there will be some spoilers in this article). Not only did the Gang Go Black, they went musical. It wasn’t the first time they’ve gone musical either. And I know, a lot of comedies sprinkle musical and other themed episodes into their repertoire.

Scrubs did a great job with themed episodes and fantasy sequences. That 70s Show was an entire series with a theme, and it used that setting to put its own spin on fantasies. Community is probably the closest to Sunny in the way it used themed episodes. (It’s no accident a former Community writer is now on the Sunny writing team). But in Sunny, when they do themes they go to a darker place than most other shows are willing to stoop.

There was an episode where they thought Mac was a serial killer. Then it turned out he was dating a transgender person. Then they were in the home of the actual serial killer who had 15 heads in his refrigerator. The killer came home and Frank fired up a chainsaw. They cut to credits, never addressing it in the next episode. Does that episode description sound like something from a sitcom or a cartoon?

The second element of cartoon television is lack of character development. People might make jokes about cartoon characters never aging, but it’s what gives show-runners the freedom to use the same characters successfully for decades. Every episode they hit the reset button. Yes, there’s callbacks and recurring story lines. But for the most part, everything that happened in a half hour episode will be completely forgotten by the time the next half hour airs a week later.

This is incredibly difficult to do in a live-action show. In Scrubs, medical interns get promoted. In That 70s Show, high schoolers graduate. Diddo in Community for college students. In Sunny, bar owners didn’t have to do anything. In fact, in twelve years they’ve done absolutely nothing. Absolutely. Nothing.

Oh, excuse me, in season 2 Frank bought the land the bar was on, placing him above Charlie, Mac and Dennis as owners and establishing him as part of the gang. So they made one change, and it was in order to write in Danny Devito - the biggest No Brainer of all time. Sure, they’ve crashed some cars and burned some apartments but nothing that would severely interfere with the half hour reset rule.

How did they do this? It’s because rather than develop their characters, they established them early on. When I try to get someone new to watch the show, I’ll show them the first episode and then I’ll show them “The Gang Solves the Gas Crisis” from season 4. It’s nothing against the rest of the first season, but when the gang solves the gas crisis the show embraces the caricatures most shows try to avoid. Yet, all of these character archetypes are done with the sadistic It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia twist.

Frank - the muscle

Network: “Okay, well you’ve got to have the father-figure.”

IASIP: “Okay… but what if he’s a shady businessman who hates being a father? What if it turns out he’s not the father at all? OOO! What if instead he’s the father of someone else in the show and he refuses to acknowledge it because he made the mother get a cheap abortion that didn’t take and he insists the mother is a whore and the father could be anybody? Yeah that’s good, write that down.”

Dennis - the looks

Network: “There has to be a good looking guy, the charming one.”

IASIP: “Right… oh, but what if we make him a sociopath? Like he’ll have these way too elaborate schemes to get women. And some of the girls will be way too young, it will be really creepy and gross. He could also imply girls will have sex with him because they fear what would happen if they didn’t! He’ll even fly off the handle every once in awhile so people will question if he actually is a rapist ! Yeah write that down.”

Network: “Are you talking about Trump?”

IASIP: “No no, you said good looking. He’ll still be good looking.”

Network: “Oh okay, that’s fine then.”

Charlie - the Wild Card

Network: “How about the dumb guy?”

IASIP: “Hmm… yeah but we still want him to be a terrible person. Maybe not as terrible as the rest of the group because he’s too stupid to be quite so terrible, but still pretty bad. Oh! And every now and then, he is like the master schemer!”

Network: “I don’t know, the dumb guy being smart for an episode has been done before.”

IASIP “Right… okay, well we’ll do it better by making him REALLY dumb. Like I’m talking full on illiterate. And he’ll be weird too. Real weird. He’ll be the one who survived the abortion for the father guy! And he’ll sleep on the same BED with that guy! No not bed, FUTON! And he’ll talk about ghouls and a Night Man and a movie about a giant nose on top of Dolph Lundgren’s body! Write THAT down!”

Network: “Perfect.”

(Notice how the network went from wanting the archetypes in the beginning to “this is gold, what else you got?” That’s how you do it. You write television so good you turn the demanders into beggars.)

Dee - the useless chick

Network: “We need a useless chick.”

IASIP: “Done.”

Mac - the brains

Network: “Alright, I think we’ve got a great framework here. But I still feel we need someone else, the man of action. The one who schemes and gets the group into difficult situations.”

IASIP: “Aren’t we using the good looking guy and dumb guy for that?”

Network: “Well the good looking guy’s schemes are mostly about getting women, so it won’t necessarily involve everyone. And you can’t have your dumb guy scheming too often or he’ll no longer seem like the dumb guy. You need another one. The passionate one.”

IASIP: “Gotchya… AHA! WE’LL MAKE HIM GAY!”

Network, disappointingly rolling eyes: “The passionate gay guy? That’s the best you got?”

IASIP: “Oh but don’t worry, he’ll be terrible too. He’ll be passionate about all of the wrong things. He’ll be racist and sexist, and he’ll say being gay is sinful. Meanwhile he’s hooking up with transgender people and constantly talking about men’s bodies in a sexual way. He’ll even have an exercise bike where he’ll cut a hole in the bike and there will be an object coming out of the seat towards his butt, but he still won’t come out of the closet.”

Network: “Gee, I don’t know I think at the end of the bike episode he would HAVE to come out of the closet.”

IASIP: “… Yeah I think you’re right on that one. But we’ll leave it kind of open, where he might go back in the closet in a future episode. Oh, and the kicker will be that the rest of the characters, despite how terrible people they are, will have no problem with him being gay. It will show the homophobes that even the worst people we could come up with aren’t as bad as them.”

Network: thinking

Network: “Well, we love it. We’ll sign you up for 20 seasons.”

#it's always sunny #iasip #the mick #television

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gamerssphere · 4 years

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Wrestlemania 36 is so big and unique that it needs 2 consecutive nights. Tonight is the second part of this year’s peculiar WWE Pay-Per-View. After yesterday’s Main Event, we are excited to see what’s to come.

Kick-Off Show

As usual, this is just a preview of every single match of the night. There isn’t too much to add here, but it is quite useful for those who don’t follow the weekly WWE shows.

Natalya vs Liv Morgan

Interestingly entertaining, the first match of the night has the seasoned Natalya fighting against the new Liv Morgan. After going through the Riott Squad phase, Liv has been getting a name for herself. This match started as a training match between both of them and feeling as if Natalya was helping Liv. It escalates and we see a technical Liv fighting toe-to-toe against Natalya until she beats her.

Not even close to being the best match you’ll see, but it was a good start for sure.

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Main Show

We start the main show with Stephanie McMahon welcoming fans again. Along with the cinematic intro from yesterday. It was amazing yesterday. It still looks great. I was expecting something different today, though.

NXT Women’s Championship: Charlotte Flair vs Rhea Ripley

We start the match with both measuring each other. They are going slowly, calculating their next move. This is certainly a battle between the best. Sadly, Rhea is failing and every time she is attacked, her response is “Really?”

The entire match is in Charlotte’s favor. She focuses her attacks on Rhea’s injured leg, keeping the champion down most of the time. Rhea is able to counter a couple of times, hitting some nice punches and kicks, but it doesn’t feel like it is going to be enough to get out of this match as champion.

We see submission holds, chained pin counts, a lot of aggression coming from both contestants. This is turning out to be a really good match. They are screaming a lot, possibly increasing their ki.

In the end, Charlotte wins via submission. What a shocker…

Aleister Black vs Bobby Lashley

This may not be the well awaited Lashley vs Lesnar match we’ve all been waiting for. However, Seeing Aleister Black against Lashley might be what steals the show tonight.

The fact that there’s no trash talking during the first minutes of the match makes it feel real. We hear the punches and kicks. Aleister’s breathing is loud as well. They are here to fight. Luckily, that’s what I’m here to watch.

We see something real: Lashley brings strength to the mat. Aleister brings magic. Every time Black hit a kick, Lashley went down. It takes a few punches to keep Aleister down. In the end, with a beautiful Black Mass, Aleister defeats Lashley, and Lana seems to not be happy at all.

Otis vs Dolph Ziggler

This is a soap opera now. But WWE made me worry about Otis. Who doesn’t like Otis? I love to hate Ziggler now. I don’t get excited about these stories, but there’s something unique about this one. No idea what it is, but I hope Otis wins.

Otis was dominating the match, but Ziggler being the heel he is used Sonya Deville as a distraction to hit a low-kick on Otis. Mandy appears, attacks her former best friend and hits a low-blow on Ziggler. Otis wins the match and recovers Mandy!

Last Man Standing: Randy Orton vs Edge

Long stories have proven to be quite good in wrestling. We’ve had Miz vs Daniel Bryan, John Cena vs Randy Orton. Now, Randy is trying to get Edge to retire shortly after he returned.

One of the best things that happened during Royal Rumble was Edge’s return. Tonight, we may see Edge’s last match ever. This is going to be epic for sure.

The match is off to a great start when Randy hits an RKO “outta nowhere!”, followed by a second one. This doesn’t feel like a Last Man Standing match, though. Edge gets out of the rin and Randy hits him with a camera. Now we’re talking!

Randy takes Edge to the gym, and this is awesome since they are at the Performance Center, there are a lot of possible weapons around. The fight is great; however, they don’t get to use too much from the environment. I am completely into this match at this point and it feels like a “kill or die” sort of scenario.

If there is one thing to hate on this match is the camera work. It is certainly tough to handle those big and heavy cameras in this place. But cameras were on the way of the wrestlers to a point where they had to ask them to move. Even, at one point, they hit a cameraman. It felt like an amateur move instead of something good.

I’m now in this match for way longer than needed. It stopped being interesting and I can’t wait for it to end. This is the worst Last Man Standing match I’ve seen. Edge jumps from a weird balcony and hits Orton with his elbow through a conveniently placed table. Now we see blood on Orton’s back, but still, this needs to end.

Finally, Edge gets emotional, but hits a “Con-chair-to” on Orton to get the win.

RAW Tag Team Championship: Austin Theory & Angel Garza w/ Zelina Vega vs Street Profits

Street Profits made an entrance showing how every entrance should’ve been: with wrestlers acting for the camera, instead of the empty arena. The match starts and they are fired up! This is what I want to see on every single match now.

In a weird ending, the Street Profits retain the titles.

After the match was done, though, the losing team attacked the champions with the help of Zelina Vega. Only to get Bianca Balair to help the champs and take Zelina out.

SmackDown Women’s Championship: Fatal 5 Way Elimination Match

This match may be interesting. No disqualification match with 5 of the best wrestlers SmackDown has. Not sure who am I rooting for, though. It is still funny for me to listen to Bayley’s entrance music, sounds like one of the standard generic songs from WWE 2K games.

The match starts as it was expected: everyone against Tamina. As soon as she was out of the equation (momentarily) it was time to fight. In a choreographed chain of moves that don’t fool anyone, the champ and her best friend are taken out, only for Tamina to come back and start dominating again.

It took every single contestant to be on top of Tamina at the same time to get her eliminated. Why do they put a super strong person in a match just to have this done? Beats me!

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Sasha makes Naomi give up in the fastest submission ever. People have been enduring the “Bank Statement” for so long that having Naomi tap out within seconds makes no sense. But we all knew this was going to happen, didn’t we?

This whole match feels like a waste of time. Why did they make it a Fatal 5 Way only to have Sasha vs Bayley at the end instead of having it as a 1-on-1 from the beginning? Dumbest drama on WWE for a while. Luckily, we get Lacey Evans to knock Sasha Banks out, and we have a different ending now. Let’s hope we get a new champion.

Remember when Lacey was the best thing ever in NXT? It feels like an old memory nowadays.

Bayley tied Lacey’s right arm to the corner. Badly. Lacey isn’t even trying to oppose to being tied, or untie herself. Soon after, she does untie her arm, though.

Sasha comes back, attacks Lacey and gives Bayley the win. Of course.

Firefly Fun House Match: John Cena vs The Fiend

We are expecting nothing less than a direct competitor to last night’s Undertaker vs AJ Styles match here. Let’s see how it goes.

Apparently, the Fun-House is just boring as hell. We go through different phases of John Cena throughout the years, there’s a lot of talking and no fighting at all.

I was right. There was no way to top the Boneyard Match from yesterday. This is boring! You can skip this whole thing, not even Titus O’Neil knew what happened. Seems like The Fiend won, but there was no match to begin with. Way to destroy everything that went well last night. Kudos to whoever puked the idea of this “match”. 15 minutes of my life that I will never get back.

Main Event

WWE Championship: Drew McIntyre vs Brock Lesnar

This is weird. After the fiasco that was the Firefly Fun House, I don’t know what to expect. Brock wasn’t presented by Paul either. The match starts and Drew hits a Claymore but Lesnar survives, now it is time to visit Suplex City. Lesnar hits 2 F-5 and Drew kicks out both times. Lesnar hits a third one. Drew is still alive!

Lesnar was about to hit another F-5 but Drew hits him with 3 consecutive Claymore and wins!

My final thoughts about Wrestlemania are simple: I should’ve stopped watching at the end of Night 1. Let me know if you disagree, and why.

#Wrestlemania 36 Night #2 Results & Analysis Wrestlemania 36 is so big and unique that it needs 2 consecutive nights. Tonight is the second part of this year's peculiar WWE Pay-Per-View.

#Wrestlemania #Wrestlemania 36 #WWE

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adambstingus · 6 years

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5 Directors That Should’ve Stopped After One Movie

Some filmmakers are like marathon winners; they stay consistently strong and fast for an inconceivable amount of time, and when they finish, you are left inspired by their existence. And some directors have careers like my performance in my second grade’s three-legged race. I fell at the start, busted my nose open, and writhed on the ground for a while as my partner walked away from me. The following five directors did similar things in their own metaphorical three-legged races. What began as a burst of glorious potential devolved into something hideous and often embarrassing.

Zack Snyder With Dawn Of The Dead

Zack Snyder has always been the Mountain Dew Code Red to Christopher Nolan’s iced coffee. They both direct grand adventure movies, but while Nolan’s philosophy is that of the kid in the back of the freshman year writing class with the scarf, Snyder’s is frat bro existentialism. Snyder is pretty great at examining the darkness that lurks in the hearts of men, but only when those men are grunting at each other, “HOLD ME BACK BEFORE I LAY THIS MOTHERFUCKER OUT, DUDE”-style. In any other case, it’s a toss-up. For example, in Watchmen, he totally got the plight of radioactive superman Dr. Manhattan. But the only female on the team, Silk Spectre, was shot like she was in an impromptu Axe Body Spray commercial.

Read Next

5 Superhero Movies That Are Only Worth It For One Scene

Terrence Malick With Badlands

Roland Emmerich With Universal Soldier

Seth MacFarlane With Ted

Eli Roth With Cabin Fever

Daniel has a Twitter. Go to it. Enjoy yourself. Kick your boots off and stay for a while.

Watch Independence Day right here if you’re a true American, and get one of the cool aliens in adorable Funko form and pity Daniel Dockery for hating everything amazing in the world.

For more, check out 5 Reasons Great Directors Eventually Make a Bad Movie and 5 Famous Filmmakers Whose Dream Projects Were Disasters.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 4 Directors Who Do the Same Thing in Every Movie, and watch other videos you won’t see on the site!

Also follow us on Facebook. It’ll be worth it.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/5-directors-that-shouldve-stopped-after-one-movie/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/09/06/5-directors-that-shouldve-stopped-after-one-movie/

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ryanonwrasslin-blog · 7 years

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The Wrestling Optimist - March 16, 2017

Welcome to my weekly, mostly optimistic, look at the wonderful world of professional wrestling. This came about because I’m working my hardest to stop being such a miserable smark, and this column is my best effort at both keeping myself honest and funneling out the various thoughts I have on wrestling. For the most part, this will be a WWE-themed piece every week, and it’s still evolving, but for now I think I’ve found a solid format. I urge you to join me in being a happier wrestling fan, whatever that may mean to you!

Theme of the Week All of the authority figures on the main roster are TERRIBLE at their jobs

In some ways, this is all Vince McMahon's fault. The standard for manipulative, overbearing authority figures was set with Vince vs. Stone Cold, and ever since then WWE has been trying to recapture that magic, forever sticking to the idea of pitting the authority figure against one or more of the top wrestlers on the show, and usually shuffling them around the card like they do with other feuding superstars. They even go so far as to feud face authority figures against heel wrestlers, which is SUPER tricky to do and rarely ever works well except to make the heel look like the face.

But let's stick to kayfabe for a moment. On Raw this week, Stephanie McMahon, rather than devote her time and energy toward building to Wrestlemania and making sure that Raw actually, you know, is watchable for a change, tells Mick Foley that he has to fire one superstar. Mick, rightfully, is like, "Da Fuck?" and points out that, again, THEY ARE THREE WEEKS FROM WRESTLEMANIA and this is not an ideal time to fire anyone. She insists and he wanders around backstage in a daze for the next two and a half hours. And at the end of the night, after reviewing a roster that includes Curtis Axel, R-Truth, Primo, Epico, Sin Cara, Titus O'Neil, and like 4 cruiserweights I wouldn't recognize if they hit me with their finisher, tells Steph that SHE'S the one who he's firing.

Homie, if you were gonna go the self-sabotage route, why not fire like Cesaro or Sami Zayn so that Smackdown could sign one of them and they'd be free from the plodding march toward permanent mid-card status that is their career on Raw? That actually would have popped me and gotten me interested in the direction they were going with a story. But no, Foley "fires" Steph, which shortly summons Triple H, who does all but fire Mick, which was whatever, eats a Sock-O for his trouble and then "re-injures" or whatever a returning Seth Rollins, you know, one of their biggest superstars, THREE WEEKS BEFORE THE MANIA OF WRESTLING.

Alright, everyone calm? No? Well, at least I can skip the Let The Smark Out segment this week, because Smackdown Live, incredibly enough, was possibly even worse in terms of terrible authority figures, even if they at least serve a purpose beyond "Gotta get Steph and Hunter over."

So, there are two feuds on Smackdown Live that touch on Shane O'Mac and Daniel Bryan. The first, obviously, is AJ Styles vs. Shane. I'm going to skip the part about the build because it's covered below in my best moments of the week. But again, in kayfabe, AJ Styles absolutely has a point. That opening promo was like a fired-up babyface, pointing out all the ways he was wronged, and none of them are actually false or embellished or delusional, like you'd hope they'd be from a heel. Instead, he gets the crowd on his side and then goes to the back to wait for Shane O'Mac because he blames him for the conspiracy against AJ. And Shane, for some reason, on a two hour show that presumably required significant time preparing for in advance, doesn't arrive until we're like an hour in. Huh? Was dude just concerned about the non-title tag match and 205 Live (of which he's not an authority figure) going off without a hitch? Wrestling doesn't always have to hold up to intense scrutiny, but you should be able to at least think through the basics of a plotline without furrowing your brow. And if the story was, "Shane's a McMahon and doesn't have to give a shit about this job," then maybe they'd be onto something. But it's not, so they're not.

But I digress. Shane shows up, AJ beats his ass something fierce, to which the crowd cheers, Daniel Bryan fires AJ, to which the crowd boos, and then Shane gets the Monday Nitro NWO backstage cutaway during the "main event" which basically screams "we don't care about this match at all," and then puts himself against AJ in a match at Mania.

Now, maybe this could be mostly fine, and I'm not gonna pretend like I'm not way more hyped for this match now then I was a month agao, except for one other thing: We've seen countless wrestlers do terrible things backstage on Smackdown Live in recent months and not even get fined or suspended, let alone fired. Baron Corbin attacked Ambrose with a fucking forklift, Maryse beat Nikki Bella with a pipe or something, Dolph Ziggler was wailing on dudes with chairs, AND RANDY ORTON BURNED DOWN A MAN'S HOUSE. Corbin, Maryse, and Orton get matches at Mania, and AJ gets fired. Guys, we all know it’s one big scripted show, but consistency in the story has to matter at least a little bit or we’re just staging wrestling matches for no reason.. And also, no way does AJ get fired without Steph calling that dude in like .2 seconds and offering him a big old contract for Raw.

Alright, let's just move onto Daniel Bryan's role in Cena/ Nikki vs. Miz/ Maryse. Again, the build to this is mostly a lot of fun, but the authority figure, if you really think about it, is the worst. Miz has been rightfully murking Bryan on the mic for months ever since Bryan openly admitting during the draft that he didn't want Miz and then called him a coward a few weeks later on Talking Smack. Regardless of if you like Miz, Daniel, you deserve every bit of that verbal ethering you've gotten. And then on SDL, Bryan, as biased as they come in a feud that involves his sister-in-law and her boyfriend, books the match for Mania apparently against Miz's wishes after talking about how much he wants to punch Miz in the face. NOT IDEAL MANAGEMENT TALK, DANIEL.

Look, at the end of the day, much of this is done in the service of building feuds, and for the most part, I understand it (though not that Foley/ Steph stuff), but when you think about wrestling like it's a real show, and not with a winking nod at it being fake, the logic behind it falls apart, and that's just not good enough. But I guess what I’m really saying is, can we just get William Regal to take charge of both brands?

10 Best Moments of the Week

Shane O’Mac takes a bigger beating for a Smackdown Live backstage segment then Brock Lesnar took in his entire Mania match last year Shane continues to be a lunatic. That looked like a hell of a stiff whoopin’ he took from AJ, and as “meh” as I’ve felt about seeing the best wrestler in the world selling for Shane’s baby jabs, I can’t deny that this popped me.

That Austin Aries rolling elbow I mostly dislike that spinning lariat/ clothesline or elbow thing that a few different people do because they usually do it like Natalya where they spin, then have to step forward and throw the thing, thereby neutering the momentum of the move. Even Luke Harper doesn't do it very well. But Aries has the best one I've ever seen. When he comes out of the spin he is ON TOP of you and that elbow looks like it has extra oomph on it because of it.

Bringing back the Mick Foley/ Triple H blood feud It wasn't Rock/ Austin in terms of box office and hype, but the Foley/ Triple H feud, peaking with Cactus Jack's return, is probably my favorite feud for both men, and so I was getting a little worried when Trips was giving every appearance of absolutely neutering Mick, but I can't deny that there was a huge pop in my living room when the camera cut away from Mick apparently cowering in the corner of the ring but discreetly reaching for something in his pants. That was a good moment, though I felt less so about Trips getting to stand tall over Rollins at the end of the night, though at least that match is clearly on for Mania now.

SLAY MARYSE Wrestling feuds based on shootin’ are super tricky, but this Miz/ Maryse vs. Cena/ Bella feud continues to do the best job I’ve seen a feud do with “shooting” since, like, CM Punk. I have no idea how bad Maryse’s ring rust might be, but that genuinely seemed like a woman who is just going to punch Nikki in the face at Mania.

Dana Brooke, white bread baby face They stopped and started with this moment too much on the way there, but I'll be damned if Dana's goofy energy in the ring didn't get that crowd cheering for her. The timing seems odd to me given that we're a few weeks from Mania and Charlotte has much bigger fish to fry, but I'll allow the string to play out on this one and hope that they build on it and make her into the sort of mid-card babyface that isn't really present on either main roster.

Roman Reigns: Shithead heel I have no idea if they're actually doing this heel thing with Roman or if they're really content to let him wither and die in the middle, but R-double as a cocky, entitled dick throwing shade at Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker at once was a fascinating decision. Given that Undie has shown his own Bobby Hill-inspired heel tendencies as recently as the Lesnar follow-up feud, I wondered if maybe they were going to try and make the Dead Man play something of a bad guy here, but right now they are setting Roman up to get booed out of the goddamn building in Orlando.

Bray Wyatt... ewww I’m no big fan of any of the spooky stuff WWE does with Bray Wyatt because too often they half-ass it, and you can’t half-ass the mystical/ magical shit. It’s either real or it’s not. But Bray bathing in Sister Abigail’s ashes or what the fuck ever happened there was a billion times more memorable than the countless gaspy promos he’s done before about being the Eater of Worlds or something.

Sasha planting seeds I hope it happens, and I'm glad they're planting the seeds, but I hope they wait until after Mania for Sasha to even hint at hostilities towards Bayley. The night after Mania for a Sasha turn would cause just obscene levels of reaction.

William Regal, my dude That triple threat tag match at NXT: Orlando is now by far the odds-on favorite to be the match of Mania weekend. Adding that elimination stip is a fascinating stroke. It’s very unclear if any of these six guys are headed for the main roster anytime soon, so I could really see anyone coming out of there with the title, but I’d say the elimination piece makes AOP far more likely to retain. Still, that match should get 30 minutes if I have the say, and just be ten kinds of awesome.

Asuka stylin’ and profilin’ Asuka hanging by the pool, saying her catchphrases, and that entire segment, was a really good one for the champ. She’s never been more arrogant or looked better. I didn’t think they’d beat Ember on the way to the top, but I’m definitely starting to feel more like Asuka will retain and maybe go a little extra heel afterwards.

Let the Smark Out

I went overboard in the Theme of the Week on my smarky side, so I’m just going to list my two problems this week and not go too far in-depth about them here.

LOL Ziggler should be a meme at this point. I can’t believe how bad this heel turn has been.

The Club's self-inflicted words - Hey, Gallows and Anderson, in the words of CM Punk, "You need to watch the show." I'm actually debating making this into a weekly segment because I feel like WWE's characters way too often do the dumbest shit with the most obvious, self-inflicted outcome. And that's exactly what happened with Gallows and Anderson guaranteeing that Foley would put them in a Triple Threat match at Mania after interfering in the Sheamus/ Cesaro vs. Cass/ Enzo #1 Contender's match.

Let’s Rank Stuff

Two weeks to Mania and we’re so close that it’s pretty clear, with a couple possible exceptions, what the card will look like. So this week we’re ranking how long I expect the Mania matches to go, from longest to shortest. And keep in mind this is my prediction for how long the matches will actually last, not how long I want them to last.

Reigns vs. Undertaker (22 minutes)

John Cena and Nikki Bella vs. The Miz and Maryse (19 Minutes)

Triple H vs. Rollins (18 Minutes if Seth can go)

Corbin vs. Ambrose (17 Minutes because they go backstage and do goofy shit)

Jericho vs. Owens (16 Minutes)

Wyatt vs. Orton (15 Minutes)

AJ vs. Shane (15 Minutes because it takes time to set up a crazy Shane spot)

Charlotte vs. Bayley vs. Sasha (14 Minutes)

Sheamus/ Cesaro vs. The Club vs. Enzo and Cass (13 Minutes on the Pre-Show)

Neville vs. Aries (10 Minutes)

AMBAR (10 Minutes, longer if it goes to the Pre-Show)

Smackdown Women's Free For All (9 Minutes)

Lesnar vs. Goldberg (6 Minutes)

Match of the Week

Bobby Roode vs. Kassius Ohno for the NXT Championship - I was really torn between this and the 5-Way on 205 Live, but I have more to say about Ohno/ Roode, so I picked this one. I liked that they made Ohno look pretty good even as you knew there was no way he was winning. His offense looked and sounded stiff as hell, which I always appreciate out of a big dude. And Roode continues to just be smarter and survive by the skin of his teeth. But I also needed to talk about the elephant in the room: Ohno’s gear. That tightie-whitie and basketball jersey look was horrific. I have no problem with guys that aren’t as physically fit being really good at wrestling. I like the different body types. But the ring gear here is actively distracting and it’s going to hurt him.

Either put him in a pair of full-sized trunks that come up past the waist (think old school Dusty Rhodes) and let him wrestle shirtless, or get him pants and an actual shirt. Either option is fine, this option is atrocious.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Mania. Obviously, we’re headed towards Mania. But post-Mania, I’m nervous about how WWE might treat Smackdown Live. It’s been their best show for months, but change is a-comin’. Cena is reportedly taking time off, Nikki might be retiring, and word is the AJ Styles could be traded to Raw. That leaves an enormous gap at the top of the Smackdown card that I don’t see how they can fill without getting an enormous asset from Raw.

The top of the Raw card post-Mania would be: Brock, R-Double, BRAUN, KO, Finn, Styles, Rollins, SmoJo. And that’s without mentioning Sami, Cesaro, Sheamus, and Handsome Rusev. That roster is fuckin’ STACKED.

The top of the Smackdown card without Cena would be: Orton, Wyatt, Miz, Ambrose, and I guess Baron Corbin??? Yikes. If AJ goes to Raw and SDL doesn’t get like Seth and New Day in return (because let’s be honest, the rosters are already uneven), then they are completely setting Smackdown Live up for massive failure.

Do the right thing, WWE.

Hitting The Finisher

We saw the first concrete glimpse of a Sasha Banks heel turn on Raw this week. It was as fleeting as they come, an off-handed remark about "haters" intended to sew doubt in Bayley's mind, but NXT fans the world over had to be relishing it, dreaming of the inevitable moment on a future Raw when Sasha and Bayley are in the ring, perhaps yelling at a retreating Charlotte or Nia, when Bayley drifts a little ahead of Sasha, just far enough for Sasha to give her a quick stink eye and then... BAM! Backstabber into the Banks Statement. Even if WWE does its usual main roster, half-assed, telegraphing in the lead-up to such a moment, it will pop the hell out of the crowd and change the face of the Raw women's division for the better.

And yet I'm here to tell you that I hope they wait a while before they pull the trigger. Bayley seems incredibly likely to retain the title at Mania despite being the third best performer in the Triple Threat, and my guess is the night after Mania they pull the trigger on the Sasha turn. That crowd will eat it the fuck up.

But I hope they wait. If you want Bayley to retain the title, let Sasha hang at her side for a while, let her stay Bayley's friend out mutual respect. Maybe she helps Bayley survive a Nia feud post-Mania, while also feuding with Emma or someone from Smackdown that gets traded. The point is, let us get comfortable with Sasha and Bayley as friends, even as we all know that Sasha ultimately wants the title. Give Sasha multiple opportunities to turn, but never take it. Really build up the respect these two have for each other. Let Charlotte recruit a few others into a stable and let Sasha and Bayley withstand them, and then, pull the damned trigger after you're 110% sure you've earned it.

The Boss turning on Bayley should be heartbreaking. Right now it would just be predictable. Fun, yes, but emotional, no.

#wwe #wrestling

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