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rewritinghomestuckasmr · 3 years

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>John: place....

>John, place your new CON AIR POSTER on the wall.

You lovingly NAIL your CON AIR POSTER to the wall, a sense of pride washing over you when you step back to look.

>John: Pat yourself on the back for a job well done.

Patting yourself on the back, you admire the CON AIR POSTER a little longer.

….

You wanna say it…

…

Put the bunny back in the box.

>John: Are you proud of yourself?

Why yes.

Yes your are.

>John: Look at the calender.

Ah your handy dandy ORDINARY CALENDAR. You marked your birthday down on it, April 13th, and have yet to x it out. You would right now but, you just didn’t want to.

>John: Mind the fall!

What?

…

OH!

Almost tripping and falling face first into one of the many cakes in your room (Your dad was overly zealous when it came to this sort of thing), you turn and glare into thin air.

Thanks for the tip jackass.

>John: Eat.The.Cake.

You love your dad’s baking, don’t get that twisted, but you are sick of eating cake right now. You’ve never even really liked cake to begin with!

You’d CAPTCHALOGUE it but, you don’t wanna waste your SYLLADEX cards on it...so it’ll just stay where it is, taking up room in your bedroom.

>John: You’ve got a message!

Looking over at your laptop you brighten considerably when you see that you do in fact have a message, you walk over to your computer to answer the message.

Just for some context this computer has served you through many wars, being there for you whenever you searched the treacherous waters that the internet was. Baring scars from your betrayals and anger filled words.

Proudly your own homemade wallpaper shines back at you.

Your Pesterchum is going off.

>John: Open Pesterchum.

Your grin seems to somehow grow, it’s your bestfriend pestering you after all.

>John: Open message.

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:13 --

TG: hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today

EB: i got a little monsters poster, it's so awesome. i'm going to watch it again today, the applejuice scene was so funny.

TG: oh hell that is such a coincidence i just found an unopened container of apple juice in my closet it is like fucking christmas up in here

EB: ok thats fine, but i just have one question and then a word of caution. have you ever seen a movie called little monsters starring howie mandel and fred savage?

TG: but

TG: the seal on the bottle is unbroken

TG: are you suggesting someone put piss in my apple juice at the factory

EB: all im saying is don't you think monster howie mandel has the power to do something as simple as reseal a bottle?

TG: why did the that kid or whoever drank it know what piss tasted like

TG: i mean his reaction was nigh instantaneous

EB: it was the 15th day in a row howie mandel peed in his juice.

TG: ok i can accept that

TG: monster B-list celebrity douchebags are cunning and persistent pranksters

TG: also fred savage has a really punchable face

TG: but who cares about this lets stop talking about it

TG: did you get the beta yet

EB: no.

EB: did you?

TG: man i got two copies already

TG: but i dont care im not going to play it or anything the game sounds boring

TG: did you see how it got slammed in game bro????

EB: game bro is a joke and we both know it.

TG: yeah

TG: why dont you go check your mail maybe its there now

EB: alright.

You roll your eyes at your friends quirks,before getting up.

>John: Look out the window.

Your yard looks the same as ever, the looming Oak tree remains resilient while your childhood tire swings sway back and forth from the wind. Your grass remains perfectly cut and free of any lumps and missing pieces of grass. There at the end of the driveway was your mailbox.

>John: You got mail!

Looking at the mailbox closely, you practically cheer for joy when you notice the red handlebar thing was up!

>John: Do a victory dance.

Not right now.

You need to go downstairs and check the mailbox!!!

>John: Go retrieve the mail.

Just as you were about to run down out of your room, you notice that your dad has pulled into the driveway!

Your dad has returned from the grocery store.

>John: Forget it and check the mail later.

What, no! It’s just your dad.

>John. Forget it and check the mail later.

No. Your going to spite the voice in your head and go check the mail now and give your dad a hug.

>JOHN.

Your head starts to ring.

>CHECK >THE >MAIL >LATER

Your not feeling so good...a fear starts to creep into you, the voice in your head was scaring you….

>John: CAPTCHALOGUE the fake arms again.

You really don’t want to….but out of fear you do,

>John: Set PESTERCHUM status to BULLY.

Scuttling over to your computer, you quickly set the status of your PESTERCHUM client to bully, not quiet RANCOROUS yet.

>John.

…..

Yes?

>John: Forget about what happened a few minutes ago.

You try your best to forget, you're only able to push it to the back of your mind for later.

>Readers: Forget about what you saw.

...You have a feeling that this will be important later...

#homestuck #john egderp #john egbert #dave strider #ooo spooky whats the narrator up to now

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nyslovesfilm · 5 years

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Save the Date: TV Premieres and Film Releases

The schedule of television premieres and film releases continues. Below is a list of upcoming television shows and films that participated in New York State’s production and post-production tax credit programs with upcoming release/premiere dates. American Son – Nov. 1 – Netflix An estranged interracial couple searches for answers about their missing son. Based on the Broadway play. Starring: Kerry Washington, Jeremy Jordan, Steven Pasquale (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit program – Production) Cubby – Nov. 1 – Pulsar Studios A 26-year-old from the Midwest moves to New York City to find hope and self-discipline through his friendship with a precocious 6--year-old and the adult superhero Leather-Man, who is conjured from a psychedelic cupcake. Starring: Patricia Richardson, Lucy DeVito, Zachary Booth (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Post Production) Dickinson – Nov. 1 – Apple TV+ An inside look into the world of Emily Dickinson. Poet. Daughter. Total rebel. In this coming-of-age story, Emily’s determined to become the world’s greatest poet. Starring: Hailee Steinfeld, Toby Huss, Jane Krakowski (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Production) For All Mankind – Season 1 – Nov. 1 – Apple TV+ Imagine a world where the global space race never ended. This “what if” take on history from Ronald D. Moore (Outlander, Battlestar Galactica) spotlights the lives of NASA astronauts—the heroes and rock stars of their time—and their families. Starring: Joel Kannaman, Michael Dorman, Wrenn Schmidt (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Post Production) Harriet – Nov. 1 – Focus Features Based on the thrilling and inspirational life of an iconic American freedom fighter, Harriet tells the extraordinary tale of Harriet Tubman's escape from slavery and transformation into one of America’s greatest heroes. Her courage, ingenuity, and tenacity freed hundreds of slaves and changed the course of history. Starring: Cynthia Erivo, Leslie Odom Jr., Joe Alwyn (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Post Production) Helpsters – Nov. 1 – Apple TV+ Meet Cody and the Helpsters, a team of vibrant monsters who love to solve problems. Whether it’s planning a party, climbing a mountain, or mastering a magic trick, the Helpsters can figure anything out—because everything starts with a plan. Starring: Stephanie D’Abruzzo, Martin P. Robinson, Tim Lagasse (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Production) The Irishman – Nov. 1 – Netflix Martin Scorsese’s epic saga of organized crime in postwar America, as told by a hit man. Starring: Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, and Joe Pesci (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Production) Motherless Brooklyn – Nov. 1 – Warner Bros. Set against the backdrop of 1950s New York, Motherless Brooklyn follows Lionel Essrog, a lonely private detective afflicted with Tourette’s Syndrome, as he ventures to solve the murder of his mentor and only friend, Frank Minna. Starring: Bruce Willis, Edward Norton, Cherry Jones (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Production) Tom Clancy’s Jack Ryan – Season 2 – Nov. 1 – Amazon An up-and-coming CIA analyst, Jack Ryan, is thrust into a dangerous field assignment as he uncovers a pattern in terrorist communication that launches him into the center of a dangerous gambit. Starring: John Krasinski, Wendell Pierce, John Hoogenakker (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Production) Patriot Act – Season 1, Cycle 5 – Nov. 3 – Netflix Every Sunday, Hasan Minhaj brings an incisive and nuanced perspective to global news, politics, and culture in his unique comedy series. Starring: Hasan Minhaj (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Production) Marriage Story – Nov. 6 – Netflix Academy Award-nominated filmmaker Noah Baumbach directs this incisive and compassionate look at a marriage breaking up and a family staying together. Starring: Scarlett Johansson, Adam Driver, Laura Dern (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Post Production) Noelle – Nov. 12 – Disney+ Santa’s daughter finds herself needing to take over the family business after her dad retires and her brother crumbles under the pressure of the job. Starring Anna Kendrick, Bill Hader, Billy Eichner (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Post Production) The Good Liar – Nov. 15 – Warner Brothers Career con artist Roy Courtnay can hardly believe his luck when he meets well-to-do widow Betty McLeish online. As Betty opens her home and life to him, Roy is surprised to find himself caring about her, turning what should be a cut-and-dry swindle into the most treacherous tightrope walk of his life. Starring: Helen Mirren, Jim Carter, Ian McKellen (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Post Production) The Report – Nov. 15 – Amazon In the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks. CIA agents begin using extreme interrogation tactics on those they think were behind it. Starring: Adam Driver, Annette Benning, Jon Hamm (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Production) The Shed – Nov. 15 – A Bigger Boat Stan lives with his abusive grandfather and tries to protect his best friend from high school bullies. When he discovers a murderous creature has taken refuge inside his tool shed, he tries to battle the demon alone until his bullied friend discovers the creature and has a far more sinister plan. Starring: Jay Jay Warren, Cody Kostro, Sofia Happonen (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Production) Waves – Nov. 1 – A24 The epic emotional journey of a suburban African-American family—led by a well-intentioned but domineering father—as they navigate love, forgiveness and coming together in the aftermath of a loss. Starring: Taylor Russell, Kelvin Harrison Jr., Renée Elise Goldsberry, Lucas Hedges (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Post Production) Crown Vic – Nov. 15 – Screen Media Films Follows one memorable night in the life of LAPD officer Ray Mandel while hunting two cop killers on the loose. Starring: David Krumholtz, Bridget Moynahan, Thomas Jane (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Production) Ray Donovan – Season 7 – Nov. 17 – Showtime Ray Donovan, a professional “fixer” for the rich and famous in Los Angeles, can make anyone’s problems disappear except those created by his own family. Starring: Liev Schreiber, Eddie Marsan, Dash Mihok (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Production) 21 Bridges – Nov. 22 – STX Entertainment Thrust into a citywide manhunt for a duo of cop killers, NYPD detective Andre Davis begins to undercover a massive conspiracy that links his fellow police officers to a criminal empire and must decide who he is hunting and who is actually hunting him. Starring: Chadwick Boseman (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Post Production) A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood – Nov. 22 – Sony After a jaded magazine writer is assigned a profile of Fred Rogers, he overcomes his skepticism, learning about empathy, kindness, and decency from America’s most beloved neighbor. Starring: Tom Hanks, Matthew Rhys, Susan Kelechi Watson, Chris Cooper (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Post Production) Dark Waters – Nov. 22 – Focus Features Inspired by a shocking true story, a tenacious attorney uncovers a dark secret that connects a growing number of unexplained deaths due to one of the world’s largest corporations. In the process, he risks everything – his future, his family, and his own life – to expose the truth. Starring: Mark Ruffalo, Anne Hathaway, Tim Robbins. (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Post Production) Christmas at Graceland: Home for the Holidays – Nov. 23 – Hallmark Channel A Graceland tour guide meets a single father during a tour and agrees to fill in as his temporary nanny for the holidays. Starring: Kaitlin Doubleday, Adrian Grenier, Sunny Mabrey (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Production) Servant – Nov. 29 – Apple TV+ From M. Night Shyamalan, Servant follows a Philadelphia couple in mourning after an unspeakable tragedy creates a rift in their marriage and opens the door for a mysterious force to enter their home. Starring: Lauren Ambrose, Toby Kebbell, Rupert Grint (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Post Production) Daniel Isn’t Real – Dec. 6 – Samuel Goldwyn Films Trouble college freshman, Luke, suffers a violent family trauma and resurrects his childhood imaginary friend, Daniel, to help him cope. Starring: Patrick Schwarzenegger, Miles Robbins, Sasha Lane (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Production) The Wolf Hour – Dec. 6 – Brainstorm Media It’s July 1977, and New York City is awash with escalating violence. June, once a celebrated counterculture figure, attempts to retreat from the chaos by shutting herself inside the yellowed walls of her grandmother’s South Bronx apartment. But her doorbell is ringing incessantly, the heat is unbearable, and creeping paranoia and fear are taking hold. Starring: Naomi Watts, Jennifer Ehle, Emory Cohen (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Production) The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel – Season 3 – Dec. 6 – Amazon Studios A housewife in the 1950s decides to become a stand-up comic. Starring: Rachel Brosnahan, Alex Borstein, Tony Shalhoub (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Production) Uncut Gems – Dec. 13 – A24 Set in the diamond district of New York City, Howard Ratner, a jewelry store owner and dealer to the rich and famous, must find a way to pay his debts when his merchandise is taken from one of his top sellers and girlfriend. Starring: Adam Sandler, Kevin Garnett, Idina Menzel (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Production) Little Women – Dec. 25 – Sony Four sisters come of age in America in the aftermath of the Civil War. Starring: Florence Pugh, Emma Watson, Timothée Chalamet, Meryl Streep (Participated in the New York State Film Tax Credit Program – Post Production)

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moderncolors · 5 years

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Hilarious Thanksgiving Quotes & Jokes {Rated PG} Keep them in stitches at the dinner table, just make sure you know the Heimlich maneuver! “Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.” -- Kevin James "I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. It's a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving." -- Craig Ferguson "Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape … to play Santa Claus." -- Melanie White “Thanksgiving. It’s like we didn’t even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ ‘But we do that every day!’ ‘Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'” -- Jim Gaffigan "Your Tofurkey Thanksgiving dinner isn't cruelty-free as far as your guests are concerned." -- John Lyon "I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land." -- Jon Stewart "Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often." -- Johnny Carson "Stove Top Dressing: satisfying your craving for a big bowl full of wet onions and mush since 1957!" -- Mike Vanatta "I have had vegan Thanksgiving of tofurkey and soy gravy. And it's not to say that Thanksgiving will ever justify the genocide of the Native Americans. But vegan Thanksgiving -- that's just spitting on the graves, isn't it?" -- Hari Kondabolu "I love Thanksgiving turkey ... it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts." -- Arnold Schwarzenegger Q: What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? A: If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy. "Too soon, bro. Too soon." "Too bad those pilgrims didn't gather around some cheeseburgers instead of a turkey." -- Lisa Goodwin "Is it just me or does everybody have that one uncle who disappears after dinner and then shows up asking for the plunger."-- Darin Loves Bacon, Twitter "I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I’m thankful for that.” -- Howie Mandel "Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty." -- Michael Dresser "Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, Blam! Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?" -- Kenny Rogerson "I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, ‘man, just be yourself.'" -- Mitch Hedberg “If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch you must first invent the universe.” -- Carl Sagan Q: Why can’t you take a turkey to church? A: Because they use fowl language. "Here I am 5 o'clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird's butt..." -- Roseanne Barr "Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car." -- Stephen Colbert "You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out." -- Jay Leno “I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.” -- Erma Bombeck "OMG, I gave thanks for everything yesterday, but it was the WRONG DAY." -- Steve Martin A lady was looking for a turkey but couldn't find one big enough. She asked the stock boy "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied "No they're dead." --- www.jokes4us.com ▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲▲ Pin to share please :) Do you have a great Thanksgiving joke or quote? Share in a comment below! amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_search_bar = "true"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "mocotw-20"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "manual"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "My Amazon Picks"; amzn_assoc_asins = "B073F5J71P,0800788036,1539751848,B006URPSDQ"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "02f5ab2e366f2992b00ceca896257bb6";

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