#OH OH OKAY SO YOU MEAN AURORA BELLAMY AND OCTAVIA BLAKE???

[headstrongblake]

❝  all three of us were drowning and we didn’t know how to save each other, but there was an understanding that we were all drowning together. ❞

#OH OH OKAY SO YOU MEAN AURORA BELLAMY AND OCTAVIA BLAKE??? #yeah #okay this is so fine #re. aurora and octavia || slay your demons. but what if you’re one of them mom #re. blake siblings || i’m not going anywhere without my brother #musings. octavia blake

[love-a-little-less-archived]

pause to ponder the miracles

a holiday secret santa gift for @hyperion-moonbabe-art3mis​

“Is me not liking you a problem, Princess?”

Clarke shrugged. “It could be.”

“Why?”

“Because I was planning on inviting your sister to come up with me for Christmas, and thought maybe, if you weren’t an ass about it, I’d invite you, too." Bellamy opened his mouth to say something but Clarke barrelled on. "So are you going to continue to hate me or can we get along? Because I know O wouldn’t want to leave you here alone for Christmas.”

Bellamy pursed his lips. “Yeah. Okay. We can get along.”

Modern AU where Bellamy hasn’t truly celebrated Christmas in years, and with the help of his sister’s university roommate, maybe this year can be different.

Rated teen+ for language

[ read on ao3 ]

-

So!! I don’t think anyone else has posted their fics for this event yet but I figured I had it done, might as well be the first. So a little backstory on this fic: I had originally planned out something entirely different. I was trying to stay in canon-verse but honestly I was having enough trouble with the holiday theme anyway so I gave it up and moved it to modern-verse. And the first couple things I drafted up I tried to make more focused on the group rather than one person but that also didn't work very well so I decided Bellamy might be a good pick for you. And as much as I tried to not make it romantic I- kind of failed. As you’ll see.

Anyway!! I hope this is holiday-themed enough for you!! I’m actually considering maybe writing a second chapter to this because I did really enjoy typing this out, but that’s iffy.

Merry christmas, dear!! I hope you like it ♥

@johnmurphyisqueer​

( I’ll post the whole thing below the cut, but formatting is probably better on ao3 )

-

“Christmas is like softly-falling snow that covers the world in a blanket of white so flawless and brilliant as to make us pause to ponder the miracle.”

― Richelle E. Goodrich, Being Bold

Bellamy had never had much of a Christmas.

Before Aurora had passed, they’d bake cookies and buy gifts and string lights on the walls, but after, it had mostly stopped. Bellamy was too focused on providing for himself and his sister to worry much about holidays. Sure, he’d buy Octavia a few small gifts, sometimes they’d go walk around neighborhoods and look at the fancy light shows some houses boasted, but it was never anything big for them.

This year was different.

It started like this: Octavia had just begun her first year at university, courtesy of years of saving up for it, and when November rolled around, Octavia came home to him for a few days. She brought a friend. Clarke Griffin, her roommate, who looked like she’d never struggled for a day in her life. Bellamy immediately disliked her. But for Octavia’s sake, he tried to mask it.

“So, Clarke,” he started, the three of them lounging in the living room, Octavia and Clarke with a bag of chips between them. “What brings you down here?”

She shrugged. “My hometown is more than a few hours drive from campus, didn’t feel like making the effort. Octavia invited me along when she figured out I wasn’t going anywhere.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t feel like going to see your family?”

“Nah. The only reason I’d want to go down would be to see my old friends, and not all of them would even be around. My mom and I don’t have the best relationship.” Clarke scrunched her nose. “ And I’d already told her I’d come see her for Christmas, so no reason to make the drive.”

Bellamy huffed. Clarke raised her eyebrows. “Something funny?”

Octavia was glaring at him, so he just settled back. “Nope. All good, Princess.”

Clarke didn’t seem to believe him. Octavia stood up, tugging Clarke with her. “Come on babe, why don’t we go hang out on our own?”

Clarke and Bellamy avoided each other for the rest of the day. And the day after that.

It didn’t last.

It was early, early enough that Bellamy expected to be gone for work by the time the girls got up. But then Clarke strode into the kitchen and rested her hands on the counter, hard eyes locked onto him. “Why do you hate me?”

And Bellamy, not at all prepared for that, just stared at her for a few moments. “What?”

“You heard me. What’s your problem with me?”

He turned around, taking a sip of his coffee. “I don’t know what you mean.”

She growled. He heard her shuffling around, and suddenly she was right in his face. Bellamy jerked back, almost spilling his coffee. So maybe he didn’t like her, but her glare was downright terrifying.

Bellamy clenched his jaw. “Is me not liking you a problem, Princess?”

She shrugged. “It could be.”

“Why?”

“Because I was planning on inviting your sister to come up with me for Christmas, and thought maybe, if you weren’t an ass about it, I’d invite you too.”

Bellamy’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What? Why?”

Clarke sighed. “Because I like your sister, and I know she’s never had much of a real Christmas. And because I’m nice, I was going to invite you so you could not be a sad person who spends Christmas alone.”

The only thing he could say to that was “oh.”

Clarke didn’t seem bothered by it. “So are you going to continue to hate me or can we get along? Because I know O wouldn’t want to leave you here alone for Christmas.”

Bellamy pursed his lips. “Yeah. Okay. We can get along.”

Clarke grinned. “Great! I’ll bring it up to Octavia later today. Now tell me if you have anything other than that straight black coffee you’re drinking-”

And despite himself, Bellamy could tell she was already growing on him.

︵‿︵‿୨✼୧‿︵‿︵

Though Bellamy offered to make the drive alone, Clarke insisted that she come and pick him up. Said it wasn’t too much of a detour. He knew it was easier to just agree. There was no arguing with Clarke.

And so that was how Bellamy found himself draped over the backseat of Clarke’s car, the two girls chatting enthusiastically in the front seats.

“Bell, are you excited?” Octavia asked, turning around. “We’re going to have a real Christmas! With a tree and presents and lights and cookies!”

Honestly, he was more nervous than excited. He wouldn’t know anyone there other than Octavia and Clarke, and the latter he still didn’t know very well. But he let Octavia’s joy seep into him, smiling back at her. “I am.” And because he was far too polite, he addressed Clarke too. “And thank you, Clarke, for inviting us.”

She waved him off. “Oh, it’s helping me too, don’t worry. Hopefully it’ll get my mom off my back about how I need to expand my social circle now that I’m in uni. She’s been bugging me about it forever.”

He hummed. “What year are you?”

“Sophomore. Majoring in creative arts, minoring in a couple medical classes. Mostly because of my mother.”

He raised an eyebrow, though she couldn’t see. “Sounds controlling.”

“Ugh. Very.” Clarke clenched the steering wheel tightly. “She was so angry when I said I was majoring in the arts. Said it wasn’t a career that would get me very far in life. She’s always wanted me to be a doctor like her.”

He chuckled. “You don’t strike me as very doctor-esque.”

“Oh, she’s better than you’d think,” Octavia butted in. “I got sick for a few days in the first weeks, and Clarkey here had it down. I barely even had to do anything.”

Clarke shrugged. “Not a bad skill to have.”

“I probably would have died without you.”

“It was a stomach bug, O.”

“Still!”

And suddenly he wasn’t as worried about the trip as he was before. Not if it was going to be like this.

︵‿︵‿୨✼୧‿︵‿︵

Abby Griffin was a very intense woman.

She and Clarke exchanged quick hellos, Abby going to hug her daughter, but even Bellamy could tell it was awkward. When she addressed him and Octavia, it was very stiff, professional, and Bellamy could see why she and Clarke didn’t get along. The two women were opposite personalities, sharing the same stubborn streak that likely played a big part in their strained relationship.

Another thing he noticed that was very opposite to Clarke was the house. From what he knew of Clarke, she was not a very organized person. Her car was a bit of a mess, a lot of her clothes were stained with paints, and she didn’t put much effort into her appearance. Abby’s house was huge and pristine, everything sparkling clean, the house itself matching Abby’s intenseness. 

The woman sat them on the couch and went to get them drinks. Bellamy looked around the huge living room. “This where you grew up?”

Clarke shuddered. “God, no. My mom moved in after my dad… died. He never wanted anything big or fancy. I lived here for about two years before moving out. Though honestly I tried to spend as much time out of the house as I could. It’s almost too much.”

Octavia leaned closer, keeping her voice low. “You didn’t tell me your mom was rich!”

“She’s a world-class surgeon, I thought that was a given.”

“I didn’t expect this!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Clarke shrugged. “I wasn’t planning on spending much time here anyway. We’ll probably spend Christmas day here, but the real fun will be on Christmas Eve. One of my high school friends is a master at throwing parties. You’ll have the time of your life, trust me.”

Neither Blake could reply as Abby walked back in with drinks for each of them. Bellamy wasn’t sure what it was, but it tasted fancier than anything he’d ever had. 

“So.” Abby sat down on one of the plush chairs across from the couch. “Why don’t you two tell me about yourselves? Clarke doesn’t talk much about school.”

Octavia spoke up first. “I’m her roommate. Majoring in video production.”

Abby nodded, not seeming very impressed. “And you?”

Bellamy shifted. “I’m Octavia’s brother. I’m not in uni.”

“Oh?” Abby’s face shifted a bit at that. “Did you graduate?”

“Never went.”

“I see.”

“Okay!” Clarke interrupted. “O, Bell, how about I get you two set up in your rooms and we can go out somewhere?”

Octavia jumped up, eager to get out of the room. Bellamy nodded, taking one last sip of his drink. “Sounds good, Princess.”

Abby’s scalding gaze fell onto him as the nickname fell from his mouth, but he couldn’t care less.

︵‿︵‿୨✼୧‿︵‿︵

“So where are we going?”

“To a local diner,” Clarke said. “I invited some friends, too. Hope you don’t mind.”

“Clarke, I have been dying to meet your friends after all the stories you’ve told me,” Octavia responded. “Which ones?”

“Raven, Murphy, and Emori.”

Octavia clapped her hands together. “I am so excited to meet Raven. She sounds like a badass.”

Clarke laughed. “Oh, she is. I have no doubt you two will get along like a house on fire.”

And after meeting her, Bellamy knew they would.

Raven was full of energy and possibly the most sarcastic person ever. She had a brace on her leg, but it didn’t stop her from bowling Clarke over with a hug when they met outside. “Clarke! It’s been so long!”

“Hey, Rae!” The blonde laughed. “It has! How’ve you been?”

“Fantastic. Who are they? Friends?”

Octavia was practically beaming. “I’m Octavia! Clarke’s my roommate. Heard a lot about you.”

Raven preened. “Of course you have, I’m awesome.” She leaned over to Clarke. “Why didn’t you tell me your roommate was this hot?”

Clarke chuckled. “Jealous, Rae?”

“Of you? Never.” Raven reached out and took Octavia’s arm. “Come on, hot stuff, let me buy you a drink.”

Bellamy was smiling widely at how happy his sister was. Clarke bumped his shoulder, making him look down at her. “Come on. Your sister will be fine with Raven for a while. Come and meet Murphy and Emori.”

He couldn’t help the surprise that shot through him. “You don’t want Octavia to come with us?”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “When will it get through your thick skull that I actually like you? Come on!”

Bellamy flushed at that, trailing after Clarke into the diner. She didn’t even have to look around, heading straight towards a table in the far corner. There were two people there, a man who looked like he wanted to murder everyone in sight and a woman with kind eyes and a tattoo covering half of her face.

The woman lit up as she saw them approaching. “Griffin! Damn, it’s good to see you!”

“You too, Emori,” Clarke said, leaning down to hug her. “You and Murphy doing well?”

Emori’s smile split her face. “We just bought an apartment together!”

“Oh, that’s great!”

“Girls, if you could stop being sappy for one minute,” the man, most likely Murphy, butted in. “Who’s this bitch?”

“Oh!” Clarke grabbed his elbow, pulling him to sit down beside her opposite of her friends. “This is Bellamy. I invited him along for Christmas.”

“Guess I’ll be stuck seeing you around then.” Murphy looked him up and down. “He your boyfriend or something?”

Bellamy blushed, and Clarke sputtered. “What? No! Honestly, I barely even know him that well- he’s just my roommate’s brother.”

And it shouldn’t mean anything, but Bellamy feels disappointed anyway. He’d hoped they were friends on their own now. He thought that was what Clarke had meant outside. Apparently not.

“Roommate’s brother, huh?” Murphy just nodded. “Kinda disappointed. Dude looks like he’d be great in bed.”

Emori smacked his head, both Bellamy and Clarke going red again. Murphy just cackled. “What? You gonna tell me that’s a lie?”

Emori huffed. “You need to learn decency.”

“If you expect decency from me then you don’t know me as well as I thought you did.”

“John.”

“Okay, okay,” Murphy raised his hands. “Have it your way.”

“Great,” Clarke interrupted, her cheeks still flushed pink. “How about we get some food and we can catch up?”

Emori elbowed Murphy before he could say anything. “That sounds wonderful, Clarke.”

︵‿︵‿୨✼୧‿︵‿︵

Bellamy had to admit, Clarke’s friends were growing on him.

“Bellamy, man, back me up here,” Murphy insisted. “Tell these two gremlins that their movie taste is shit.”

“Says the man who likes to watch slasher films in the middle of the night!”

“It’s better than the comedies you like to watch? In what way are those entertaining?”

“In what way is watching people get their brains ripped out entertaining?”

Beside him, Clarke giggled, nudging him with her elbow. “Whose side are you on?”

Bellamy just scoffed. “Neither. Both genres are mediocre at best.”

Murphy turned to him, slapping his hand down on the table. “Oh, and what do you watch? Fucking documentaries?”

...he did, yes, but he wasn’t going to admit that now. “Just saying, if you like horror, psychological is better. Slasher films are just blood and guts. No suspense.”

“Suspense is bullshit, who needs the creepy buildup? Just get right into the action!”

“Glad to see you boys are having fun.”

Raven slid into the bench beside Emori, Octavia dropping down beside Clarke, who gave her a smirk. Leaning over, Clarke said to her, loud enough that the whole table could hear: “have fun on your date?”

“Our date was definitely more enjoyable than whatever you idiots got up to,” Raven responded for her, wrapping an arm around Emori. “Bet you were wishing I was here.”

Clarke snorted. “Never any fun without you, Rae.”

“Of course not, I’m the life of the party.” She took a sip of Emori’s drink and crinkled her face. “You losers didn’t even get good drinks.”

“Just because Emori is boring doesn’t mean the rest of us are, Reyes,” Murphy said, earning another elbow to the ribs from his girlfriend. “And who are you to judge us? You drink pepsi.”

Bellamy watched as the two descended into arguing, as seemed to happen often with this group. And even if he was a bit excluded, he still found himself having more fun than he’d had in a while. It was nice, being a part of something again. Hanging out with friends. He had never had much time for that, between working and taking care of Octavia.

Maybe he could find that again.

︵‿︵‿୨✼୧‿︵‿︵

“So did you have fun?”

Bellamy looked up from his spot on the couch to see Clarke wandering over to him, dressed in pajamas, hair dark and damp. She looked adorable. Not that he’d tell her that.

“Yeah, I did. Your friends are an interesting group,” he said as Clarke sat down on the arm next to him. From the sound of running water, he guessed Octavia had hopped in the shower after Clarke. Abby was gone when they got back, most likely at the hospital, but nobody was complaining much. “You grew up with them?”

“Kind of. We all got stuck together in high school, and we just clicked. Before that, I’d only had one friend. His dad moved though, and I never found out where to.” She had thrown an arm over the back of the couch so she could lean back, and her arm pressed against his shoulder. He could smell the shampoo she’d used. Clarke didn’t seem to notice their proximity, but he was hyper-aware of it.

“You seem to work well with them. You’re all very rowdy. Very fun. You seem like you would’ve been a trouble-making group when you were teens.”

Clarke chuckled. “Oh, we were. The friends that’ll be hosting the party, Jasper and Monty, they were always sneaking drugs and alcohol for the rest of us, and we’d always get into trouble with them. Maybe it was that common factor that had us all getting along.” 

Bellamy huffed. “Honestly? When I first met you I thought you’d be a goody-two-shoes.”

Clarke laughed. “God, no. Maybe when I was younger I was. But after my dad died, my mom started getting on my nerves, trying to control my life, and I wanted to be rebellious. So I did everything I could to piss her off. I still kind of do, to be honest, but I’m trying to get better about it. I don’t want to hate my mom for the rest of my life.”

Bellamy was silent for a moment. “You want to know another thing I thought when I first met you? When you said you had a bad relationship with your mom, my first thought was that at least you still had a mom.”

Clarke’s face fell. “Oh, Bell…”

He shrugged. “I hated you because you seemed like a privileged princess. And I guess in a way, you kind of are, but you’re more than that. You have your own problems too. It’s not your fault your mom is rich.”

Clarke offered a small smile. “I don’t blame you for thinking that. With how you grew up, you have every right to hate me for the way I live. For how lucky I am.”

He shook his head. “No. You didn’t choose your life any more than I chose mine. We didn’t choose the family we were born into, but we can choose what we do with our lives after that.”

Clarke moved her arm to wrap around his shoulder, pulling him to lean against her. She rested her cheek on top of his head. “I’m glad you don’t hate me. I’m starting to like you.”

He chuckled. “I’m starting to like you too, Princess.”

She sighed. “That’s sticking, isn’t it?”

“You bet it is.”

They laughed together, and Bellamy could feel something warm bubbling inside him. Maybe he was starting to like her a bit too much.

It was only a few more days, though. He could bear it.

︵‿︵‿୨✼୧‿︵‿︵

When they pulled up to the house, Bellamy could already tell he was in for a ride.

It was decked out in crappy Christmas decorations, blow up characters, window stickers, hell, there was even a garden flamingo with a santa hat on it sticking out of the snow by the mailbox. Octavia was out of the car barely a second after Clarke turned it off, and Bellamy laughed at her eagerness. Clarke smiled back at him, pushing open the car door.

“Look who it is!” Someone cheered when Clarke opened the door. A scrawny dude bounced up to them, wrapping Clarke up in his arms. “Missed you, Clarkey!”

“Missed you too, Jasper.” Another guy came up and hugged her, looking like possibly the sweetest person Bellamy has ever met. “Hey, Monty!”

“I’m so happy you’re back!” Monty beamed. “Oh my god have you heard the news?”

Clarke beamed back at him. “What news?” “Harper and I got engaged!”

“Holy shit, really?” Clarke hugged him again, squeezing hard. “I’m so happy for you! I’m invited to the wedding, right?”

“Of course you are!” A woman walked up to them, pulling Clarke away from Monty. “We’d never leave you out.”

“So who proposed to who?”

Monty blushed. Harper just laughed. “I proposed to him.”

Meanwhile, Jasper had made his way over to where he and Octavia were hanging by the door. “Clarke! You brought new people!”

Clarke perked up, moving back to grab both Bellamy and Octavia by their arms and drag them forward. “Yeah! Come on, I’ll introduce you to the group!”

The main room was already a bit of a mess, a poorly decorated Christmas tree tucked in the corner. Bellamy saw the familiar faces of Raven, Murphy, and Emori, who waved at them eagerly. Raven hopped up and sauntered over to Octavia, slinging an arm over her shoulder. Octavia grinned. “Hey, bitch.”

“Okay!” Clarke let go of Octavia as Raven pulled her over to sit beside her, instead wrapping both hands around Bellamy’s arm. “Guys, this is Bellamy, and that’s his sister Octavia. They’re friends from uni.”

There were a few choruses of ‘nice to meet you’ thrown out. One dude came up and extended a hand to him, which Bellamy took. “Hey, I’m Nathan Miller, but most people just call me Miller. It’s nice to see a new face around here.”

Bellamy shook his hand. “Happy to be here.”

“Kind of surprised Jasper hasn’t broke out the alcohol yet,” Clarke, still wrapped around his arm, commented. “He’s usually way too excited about it.”

Miller just chuckled. “Yeah, Maya’s been keeping him entertained. She’s his new girlfriend, by the way. A sweet girl. I’m not sure how she and Jasper work romantically, but they seem to have a good thing going.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows. “Really? Well, I’m happy for him. I haven’t seen him in any serious relationships since- ever, I think.”

“Well, he’s a bit intense, takes someone special to handle him.”

Bellamy snorted. “No offense, but everyone here is a bit intense.”

Clarke huffed out a laugh. “Think you can handle it, Bell?”

Bellamy made an unsure face. Miller slapped his arm. “Don’t worry, man, we aren’t that bad. It’s a bit overwhelming at first, but you get used to it. If you can handle her, we can’t be much worse.”

Clarke snorted. “What are you implying, Miller?”

He raised his hands up in surrender. “Nothing bad.”

“If you say so…”

“You know what we should do?” Jasper stood up from the couch beside a timid-looking woman. “We should go outside!”

Raven wrinkled her face. “Jas, it’s like, supremely cold outside. There is snow on the ground.”

“Exactly! Come on, where’s your inner child? Don’t you want to go play in the snow?”

Raven grabbed her thigh, lifting her leg. “You see this brace? This thing gets insanely stiff in the cold. I’m not going.”

“Come oooooon,” Jasper whined. “Stop being such a party pooper! Where’s your sense of fun?”

Octavia grabbed Raven’s hand, pulling her onto her feet. “I think it’s a great idea!”

Raven made an incredulous sound. “This is betrayal!”

“You coming or not?”

Raven glared at her before sighing. “Fine.”

Jasper whooped. “Yes! Octavia, I love you already!”

The group laughed, all seeming to have been spurred on by Jasper and Octavia’s eagerness, and Clarke pulled Bellamy towards the door, neither having shed their coats or boots since coming inside. He stumbled along behind her, laughing, and though the chill was sharp, he was warm with happiness. 

The rest of the group piled outside behind them, and Jasper and Octavia immediately set to work rolling a snowman. Bellamy and Clarke began to roll another section for the snowman when a snowball hit Clarke in the back.

They both looked back to see Raven cackling at them, a cocky smirk set upon her face. Clarke scooped up a wad of snow, throwing it back, but it went awry and Raven just held up a middle finger.

Bellamy crouched down to make his own snowball, and with Raven distracted by Clarke’s efforts to hit her, he threw. It hit Raven right in the shoulder, and she let out an indignant cry. Clarke cheered before Murphy came up behind her and shoved snow down the back of her coat.

And suddenly everybody had been sucked into the game.

Octavia hit Bellamy on the side, and when he went to retaliate she darted behind Emori, who Bellamy then hit in the stomach with a snowball. He got pelted with so many snowballs, but he threw at anyone who was in range, and Bellamy felt happier than he had in a long time. He and Octavia would do this sometimes when they were younger, and it reminded him of that. He couldn’t stop smiling the entire time.

Eventually, it died down, and though by now they were all thoroughly soaked, they still attempted to finish the snowman that had been started before Raven made the first attack. Even with so many people working on it, it wasn’t the best, especially not when no one had bothered to get supplies from inside, but they gathered some little rocks to use as the mouth, eyes, and nose, and it was good enough.

So after they all wandered back inside soaked and shivering and promptly collapsed in the main area. Bellamy fell onto the floor in front of the couch, leaning back onto Clarke’s legs. Emori plopped down next to him and flashed him a grin, eyes flickering between him and Clarke. Her implications were clear. Bellamy shook his head, and Emori rolled her eyes.

Jasper, still somehow bouncing with energy, declared they were going to have a Christmas movie night. “You came on a good year,” Emori said beside him. “Usually Christmas Eve is a lot more chaotic than this.”

He chuckled. “Miller said the same thing. He blamed it on the new girlfriend.”

Emori snorted. “Maya? It could be, yeah. I think Jasper’s trying to impress her.”

“I can’t imagine him being any worse than this.”

“Oh, god, this is probably him at his best.” Emori nodded to Monty. “Monty used to be the same way, until Harper. The girls keep them reined in most of the time. They probably would’ve accidentally blown themselves up by now without Harper.”

“That’s more Raven’s thing. They’d end up getting arrested for theft, probably.” Clarke leaned down behind him to enter the conversation, and he could feel her hair brushing the top of his head. “How many times has Jasper shoplifted?”

“Every time he goes to any store.”

Bellamy laughed with them, once again feeling intense gratitude to Clarke for inviting him.

“Okay okay shut up! We’re watching a movie!” Jasper yelled. “What’s a good Christmas movie?”

“Home Alone!”

“Fuck no!”

“What’s a Christmas movie that isn’t a comedy?”

“Literally none of them!”

“There are some!”

“Like what?”

“Oooookay, I’m deciding!” Jasper declared, picking up the remote. Everyone grumbled at that, but Bellamy was just amused. He felt something tap the side of his head and tilted his head back, seeing Clarke grinning down at him. He smiled back, face bright with happiness. This wasn’t like any Christmas he’d ever had, but it was his favorite already.

Jasper turned something on, Bellamy wasn’t really sure, and then he and Monty went into the kitchen to get everyone drinks. In true Christmas spirit, Harper yelled after them to make hot chocolate and not just grab some alcohol. Murphy huffed. “You really trust them with a stove?”

“They’re grown men, Murphy.”

“They don’t act like it.”

Maya trailed after the boys into the kitchen, and a little bit later they came back with cups of hot chocolate for everyone. Bellamy took a sip, the scalding liquid instantly warming him up. Someone turned the overhead lights off and the holiday lights on, illuminating the room in red and green. This was truly Christmas.

Bellamy wasn’t paying much attention to the movie, more to the quiet conversations that were constantly going on, whether it be Raven and Murphy arguing over something or Jasper making snide comments, but there was always the low buzz of talking, never silence. Not that he would have expected it from them.

A hand wove into his hair, and Bellamy turned his head to look back up at Clarke. She had a blanket tucked up to her chin, her mug held tight in one hand, and her eyes shone. She looked so content and relaxed, snuggled up on the couch, a hand combing idly through his hair. 

“You look happy,” she murmured. “Happier than I’ve ever seen you.”

He smiled. “I am happy. I’m glad you invited me, Clarke. This is amazing.”

“This is the best Christmas Eve I’ve had in a long time,” she sighed. “You should come next year, too.”

Bellamy blushed. “You want me to come back?”

“Of course. You’re fun, when you aren’t hating me.”

“I don’t hate you anymore.”

“Good. I didn’t like it when you hated me.”

Bellamy let himself indulge as he grabbed her hand from his hair, tangling their fingers and pressing a kiss to her cold skin. She giggled, and he looked back up at her, cheeks hurting from smiling so much.

He hoped he could come back next year. And maybe every year after that, too.

#hma 2020 secret santa #love.hma #love.hundred #love.mine #the 100 #the 100 fanfiction #bellarke #bellamy blake #clarke griffin #bellamy blake fanfiction #bellarke fanfiction #secret santa #fic exchange

[summernightskyy]

My Top The 100 Men

So, @nomattertheoceans​ tagged me to post about my Top 5 The 100 Women, and while I was doing that, I got curious about who her Top 5 The 100 Men are (I’m almost positive I know at least one person who would be on her list, and I think he might even be number 1 haha). So I decided to do my own and then tag her in this! This was very hard, but in a different way from the women for me. I knew who my number one was, no doubt. But #2-5? I love every character on this list a lot, so really almost everyone else is tied for second place hehe.

1. Bellamy Blake

Oh Bellamy. My journey with him has been a long one. I started out the series nearly hating him, but then as we got to see the motivation behind his actions, I started to not only understand the character, but love him. Now, he’s one of my favorite characters across all media - potentially even my absolute favorite male character of all time. He’s an extremely nuanced character, and I love getting to see different sides of him. I love getting to see a lead male character express emotion the way he does (and not just anger); I love seeing a male lead get to cry, and not be portrayed as weak I think we need that more on TV and in movies. I grieve for the childhood both of the Blake siblings had, and I’m so proud of them (is it weird to say I’m proud of a fictional character?) for turning out the way they have. Bellamy, who was burdened with so much at such a young age, who probably never thought he would get to have a life outside of Aurora and Octavia, for fear of Octavia getting discovered. Octavia, who knew nobody outside of her brother and mother for what, like 15 years? Who probably thought she’d never get to have a life of her own either? (Ugh, I get so annoyed when I start thinking a little too much about Aurora and the decisions she made. She doomed both her children. I don’t know how she thought either of them, especially Octavia, would ever have normal fulfilling lives. If Octavia hadn’t been sent to the ground, they wouldn’t have.) Yeah, they’ve both lost their way at times, but I LOVE the Blakes (especially the eldest one haha). Season 7 has been pretty good so far, but I somehow became even more aware of just how much Bellamy (and B.ob, because he’s an amazing actor and portrays Bellamy so well B.ob antis DNI!!!! Regardless of what anyone thinks about him as a person, I think he’s a great actor) brings to the show for me with his extremely limited presence so far this season. I really enjoyed 7x11, even if it ended up with my boy being brainwashed. I stood by him even after he wrongfully and stupidly participated in the grounder army massacre, and I’m sure as heck gonna stand by him now too. @clarkegriffinlovebot​ said they would watch Bellamy Blake watch paint dry for 45 minutes, and I totally agree. (Is it weird that I’m tagging you? I don’t know you and I’ve never interacted with you past liking that post, but I wanted to give you credit haha) The show is just so much better for me when this adorable mythology and history nerd is in it.

2. Nathan Miller

Onto number 2! I chose Miller because although we *unfortunately* haven’t seen much of him or delve into his character that much, I’ve loved all the little bits we’ve gotten to see. He’s just so sassy and snarky, and I love it, in addition to him being loyal (sometimes to a fault) and trustworthy (lmao, that’s funny considering he’s a thief - but I don’t know, in my eyes he’s trustworthy when it counts 😂). I love him, and him hating all the planets they’ve been to is so, so relatable. I would be just entirely done and tired as well. I also really enjoy Millamy and Millarke as brotps (although I don’t think I’d mind if Millamy was a romantic ship haha). There’s quite a few things I would change about this show, but two of the things highest on that list would be 1) making Jarod Joseph part of the main cast so we could properly explore Miller as a character and give him his own full story line(s) and 2) making Miller x Monty canon, even if it was just for a little bit! Marper was cute, and Mackson is alright, but I think these two would have been cuter, and I’m so salty the show didn’t go down that route, especially since both Jarod and Christoper Larkin seemed to be on board.

Also, I really need to learn how to make my own gifs, because I was really hoping to find one with Miller saying “In other words, get the flock out of here!” I actually died during that moment. Maybe someone did make one, but if they did, I didn’t see it. That’s fine, though. I needed motivation to start trying anyways, because its something I’ve always wanted to do.

3. Gabriel Santiago

Everyone else on this list has been on the show since season 1, and I definitely didn’t expect to love a character who was introduced in the penultimate season as much as I love Gabriel. At the end of season 6, I was really hoping they’d keep Gabriel around, so I was super happy to hear they were going to, and I haven’t been disappointed. I love how he literally seems to thirst for knowledge. (I clearly have a thing for attractive, nerdy guys, okay?) I also find it incredibly brave that he pushed so hard for the Primes to stop what they were doing, because he had to know that all of them, including the love of his life, would turn on him. It was obvious that Ryker wasn’t fully okay with what was happening either, but he didn’t do what Gabriel did and fully renounce the practice. He clearly has a pretty strong moral compass, even if he was lead astray from it for awhile. I also really liked seeing him bond with Echo, Hope and Orlando. He’s smart, hot as hell, subtly funny, and not afraid to do what’s right even if that’s gonna end up making the people he cares about mad at him. 

4. Monty Green

Monty has been one of my favorites from the jump, and I miss him so much. He’s just so adorable and kind, and literally one of the best people on this show. He suffered through and lost so much, and I wish we could have had more focus on him dealing with those traumas. I hate that we never really got to see how he dealt with what happened at Mount Weather. The focus tends to be mostly on Clarke and Bellamy, but even then mostly Clarke. I think it’s easy to forget that while, yes, they pulled the lever, Monty made pulling that lever possible so he could save his friends. We also don’t really get to see much about him dealing with the trauma of having to kill his own mother, and even Jasper’s suicide was relatively swept under the rug. I mentioned earlier that there’s quite a few things I would change about this show, and when it comes to Monty, I wish we could have seen him process these events and heal. I also think credit for saving the day tends to go to Bellamy, Clarke, Octavia and Raven - but Monty has been instrumental in many instances. Those five, in my opinion make up the core five characters of the show, and honestly, the show hasn’t been the same without Monty. I love Jordan, he’s adorable and genuinely good just like his dad (and mom) but Monty’s part of the soul of the show to me. Also, how cute is it that Monty taught Jordan Korean?!? (I really think Jordan might be onto something about Cadogan and the Disciples interpreting the text incorrectly - so look at that, Monty might indirectly save the day again)

Also, shout out to @thelovelylights​ for making this gif - it’s one of my favorite moments of Monty, I’ve been following her for a long time, and her blog is amazing.

5. John Murphy

Honestly, I didn’t realize just how much I’d come to like and care about Murphy as a character until this season. I’ve been sooo stressed out watching every single episode he’s been in, worrying that he would end up dying. I’m a sucker for well depicted character growth / redemption arcs, (I mean lol, there’s a reason that some of my favorite characters include Bellamy Blake, Zuko, and Jaime Lannister), and Murphy’s had a great one. He was such a dick in season 1 who, unlike Bellamy - who clearly cared about Octavia at least, really seemed not to care about anyone but himself. It’s been so amazing to see him grow into the person he is now; a person who cares so much about the lives of random people, who was genuinely scared when he realized Madi was in danger, who reassured to her that she was safe and helped calm her down. I really hope the theories about a Memori baby end up becoming canon, because Memori has grown sooo much over the course of this series and they would be absolutely amazing parents.

Honorable mention: Lincoln Kom Trikru

Lincoln was just such a great character. I miss him so much 😭

Tagging @nomattertheoceans​ and anyone else who sees this and wants to do this!! 

#the 100 spoilers #the 100 #top 5 the 100 men #bellamy blake #nathan miller #gabriel santiago #monty green #john murphy #lincoln kom trikru #also just have to mention how large my crush on chuku modu is #being bi is great lol #i'm official bellamy blake trash

[bellarkefanfiction]

Submissions are closed and we’re excited for everyone to vote on this month’s flash fics!

We received 9 submissions, which means there will only be 1 round of voting. Choose your FAVORITE and help us pick a winner! Now, make sure to take your time and read through the submissions carefully. Otherwise our results won’t be accurate!

Voting

Opens now! (19:00 EST) Closes in 24 hours (19:00 EST, October 26th)

Prompt - ‘wedding’

VIEW ENTRIES BELOW

1) Looking To You

“They seem a little nervous,” Bellamy remarked quietly, his arm draped around Clarke as they waited in the church lobby.

Clarke smiled and leaned her head against him as they continued to watch her mom fiddle with Marcus’ bow tie. “You think they’re worried? It’s not like this is going to change too much…all our lives have been pretty intertwined for the past decade.” She glanced up at Bellamy and saw the corner of his mouth twitch.

“It’s going to change a few things,” Bellamy chuckled, “but you’re right. The past decade has been pretty great, all things considered.”

“Mhmm,” Clarke agreed, running a hand along his back. “It sure has.”

At this moment, Murphy burst onto the scene, making far too much noise for the reverent nature of the setting. He rolled his eyes and heaved a sigh at the two of them. “Clarke, Bellamy, come on. We don’t have all day.”

“I believe we do,” chided Marcus good naturedly from across the lobby. He walked over to the younger couple, hand in hand with his wife. Murphy smirked and disappeared through the double doors back into the sanctuary.

“You kids ready?” Marcus asked.

Clarke grinned and hugged her stepfather, then embraced her mother. She couldn’t help but notice the tears in Abby’s eyes, so she pulled her a little closer. When she let go, it was to return to Bellamy and press one last kiss to his cheek before the ceremony.

“You ready to do this? We’re looking to you, princess,” Bellamy joked, tenderly fixing one of her curls that had fallen from place.

“I’m ready.” Clarke squeezed his hand, then Bellamy proceeded first with his best man into the church, shortly followed by Clarke on Abby’s arm to rejoin him at the altar.

2) untitled

Bellamy removes himself from the group with a half-assed excuse – the laughing and joking is too much for him.  Some days he tries to laugh along but his heart isn’t in it – not anymore, not since he left Clarke behind.

Some nights - like tonight - when Bellamy misses Clarke more than he wants to breathe, he thinks about an alternate life they could have led.  It started off as a way to make it through the difficult days when he could barely even talk without crying, when he couldn’t even look out the window and face looking at the Earth where Clarke’s body was.  Now it was some warped coping mechanism that he relied on too much to be healthy.

The wedding is a quiet one, held outside the dropship, with just their closest friends and Abby and Marcus.  Marcus walks her down the aisle towards him and his breath catches at the sight of her.  She’s beautiful in her simple grounder wedding dress that she traded a week’s rations for and her hair has been expertly braided by Octavia.  He catches her hands as she meets him.

The vows are simple ones that all Arkaians take, they feel special though.  He promises to care for her and protect her, like he always has.  A lump forms in his throat as he says the final line:

“Until death do us part.”

Clarke repeats the same vows, happy tears flowing down her cheeks.  The rings are exchanged and he caresses her face before kissing her.  They grin at each other and he doesn’t think he’s ever been be happier than in this moment.

The door opens. Then,

“Oh, Bellamy.”

“I just miss her so much, Raven.”  He lets out strangled cry.  She rushes to hold him as he sobs.

3) Getting Ahead of Themselves

“That was…” Clarke pauses, trying to find the words. Any words. Words are hard, especially when the world is spinning. She thought laying down would help, but with her head on Bellamy’s stomach, his every word, every laugh, every breath jostles her.

It’s nice.

(She might be drunker than she thought.)

“…memorable,” Bellamy finishes, stumbling over the mmm’s.

“Very them.”

It was the most slipshod, informal wedding Clarke had ever been to, and Murphy and Emori had reveled in every second. They’re married and they’re happy, so Clarke is happy for them.

Even happier since she and Bellamy stumbled away from the debauchery for some fresh air.

“Who would’ve guessed Murphy would be the first?” Bellamy wonders. He keeps twisting strands of her hair around his fingers so absently Clarke doubts he knows he’s doing it.

“Love makes people… unexpected.”

They’re quiet, pondering this, and then Bellamy snorts.

“That’s deep.”

Clarke swats at him, humming when he catches her hand.

“Shut up.”

“Hey–” He traces her bare fourth finger, where a ring would go. “What do you think our wedding will be like?”

“Our wedding?” She’s been working up the courage to tell him how she feels– he’s her best friend, the best period, and she’s absolutely crazy about him– but hasn’t actually told him yet. Maybe she is too drunk. Maybe she’s dreaming.. “We’re getting married?”

“Duh.” His voice is lethargic. “Who else would I marry?”

She thinks this over.

“Yeah, you’re definitely not allowed to marry anyone else,” she says at last. “I call dibs.”

But when she turns toward him, his eyes are shut, his breathing steady, holding tight to her hand.

She smiles and turns back over to stare up at the canopy above them, the stars beyond that. Soon, she thinks.

She’ll tell him soon.

4) Home

She holds his hands as she speaks up, her voice is trembling after hearing his awfully perfect vows and she feels like she’s gonna fuck up. Again. On their wedding day of all days. “Bellamy,-” he smiles and her heart warms “After my father died and I got locked up, I used to draw the Earth on the walls around me. I wasn’t sure what I meant with it then, why was I so captivated by this dream I was never going to reach. When we actually did and I came down here, facing the most stubborn hotheaded idiot within thirty seconds of landing, it felt like my imagination had over exaggerated things.” he chuckles through tears “And then…after we began leading together and built our camp, I realized that I was drawing the Earth because I was desperately looking for a home.” he grips her hands even tighter “But home was not a constant thing, not down here. And I soon lost it…it was there, but I couldn’t come back to it. It was not the same. After that, I lost and found my home many times until one day, I opened up my eyes and found myself in your arms…and then I realized my home has been with me all along. My home has never left me from the moment I found it thirty seconds after landing. I had left it, but it had never ever left me.” he’s trying to brush the tears away “So on this day, I would like to thank you, Bellamy, thank you for letting me in, thank you for keeping me safe, thank you for supporting me, holding me up when I couldn’t stand and pushing me forward when I could. Thank you for being my home today, tomorrow, forever.”

5) One Step Closer

The dress is white, of course - a monstrosity of satin and thread billowing out behind her as she sprints. Taking a moment to stop and catch her breath, Clarke kicks off her shoes.

“Remind me why I agreed to this,” she pants, stealing a glance at the man beside her.

Ditching her own wedding 20 minutes before it started was going to come back to bite her in the ass.

Bellamy loosens his tie, a grin tugging at his lips. “Since when are we church-goers, princess?” He reaches a hand out, entwining his fingers with hers.

“I think city hall’s in the other direction,” Clarke says in reply. He pulls her closer, pressing his mouth to hers. “You ready to get married?”

6) A Father’s Blessing

It’s Clarke.

It’s not the words that scare Bellamy, it’s the look on Raven’s face that make his nerves about screwing up his vows seem trivial.

They walk out of his room and down the hallway the girls are all huddled up outside of Clarke’s room. They’re all ready to go but something tells him his bride isn’t.

“We thought you might like some privacy.” Harper says. When he walks into the room he expects to see his girl in a white dress, but only finds empty cups of coffee, bottles of hairspray, makeup and robes lying around.

He hears sniffles coming from the bathroom and presses his palm against the door. “Clarke?”

“Bellamy? W-What are you doing here?” Clarke asks from the other side. “You can’t-“

“I know, I can’t see you yet.” He rests his forehead against the door. “What’s wrong, baby?”

She doesn’t want to marry him anymore.

“It’s my dad.” She croaked. “I’m sorry.”

“Clarke,” He hums with a frown. “It’s okay. He’ll be watching.” He reminds her. He’s unsure about some of his beliefs but he’s sure heaven exists, and that Jake Griffin’s got a front row seat to the ceremony next to Aurora Blake.

“H-He won’t get to walk me down the aisle.”

“I’m sorry. What can I do?”

Silence.

“Will you walk with me?”

“Are you sure? Your mom-” The bathroom door unlocks. Clarke steps out and he’s pretty sure he loses his breath for a second.

“She gave me this.” She looks down at the watch in her hands. “It was his’. Will you wear it?”

He’s already fixing up his sleeve and she slides it on his wrist.

Bellamy smiles her and looks down at his father-in-law’s watch. “Something old, something borrowed.”

7) Maid of Honor Meets Best Man (Again)

They always met at their friends’ weddings, and that would be okay, if not for the fact that they were always chosen best man and maid of honor. It was getting ridiculous -really-, the amount of times those two had already walked down the aisle together. But it just kept happening.

The first time, it was at Monty and Miller’s wedding. At the time, Clarke and Bellamy couldn’t exactly see eye to eye; in fact, they loathed every second in which they had to breathe the same air as the other. It all went back to their first year of college and some heated argument that tended to repeat itself at every moment they were left alone. But Clarke was Monty’s best friend, and Bellamy was Miller’s, and before they knew it, they had been tricked into a whole day spent in each other’s company, compelled to behave and swallow down any sarcastic remark for the time being.

The event went smoothly -they had even danced a little bit closer than necessary-, and it worked so well for everyone else, that they were chosen maid of honor and best man at the following three weddings. The rest of their friends had seen the opportunity and potential that Miller and Monty had pioneered, in being able to reunite both Bellamy and Clarke in peaceful terms, and exploited it. It was just ridiculous.

And that’s how -one wedding at a time-, they went from:

“I’m gonna need a lot of alcohol if we’re doing this.”

“Way ahead of you. As always.”

To:

“Look, don’t take this too personally, but you look great in that dress.”

“You look alright, I guess."

To:

"I’ve been thinking about it, and they can’t make us best man or maid of honor if we’re the ones getting married.”

“Tell me more about that.”

To:

“I do.”

8) Wedding (Before the) Date

Clarke heads towards Madi’s room to see how she’s doing and can hear the cat meowing in protest from the hall.

“I don’t think Ophelia wants to play,” an amused if slightly worried voice tells her daughter.

“But we need a bride!” Madi insists just as Clarke appears in the doorway. “Mommy!“

Now sufficiently distracted, the cat jumps from her daughter’s arms and runs for safety out of the room, leaving behind the tulle covered headband Madi was trying to force on her.

“What’s going on?” Clarke asks, glancing at Bellamy. He had offered to come over and watch Madi while she got some much needed quiet time in her studio to paint.

He was wearing a black suit jacket over his shirt that Clarke had given to Madi for dress up. It had belonged to Clarke’s father and completely dwarfed the 5 year old. On Bellamy? It looked good, if a little worn. The look was kind of ruined by the child’s sized top hat on his head.

“We’re playing ‘Wedding’ and apparently Ophelia has commitment issues,” Bellamy answers with a smile.

“But now mom can be the bride,” Madi jumps up and tugs at Clarke’s hand in excitement to get her to sit next to Bellamy.

“Uh-huh,” Clarke says as she takes the headband Bellamy is holding out to her. “And what are you going to do?”

“I’m going to be the one who marries you!” she exclaims matter-of-factly.

Clarke turns to look at Bellamy who’s trying hard not to laugh.

“What do you say, Princess? Want to get married?”

She wills herself not to blush but it’s a near thing. “How about we try dating first?”

They’re smiling at each other as Madi tells them to hush and Clarke thinks marrying Bellamy might not be so bad.

9) Whenever You’re Ready

Bellamy stood on the balcony overlooking the gardens. A little ways down the gravel path he could see the staff working on weaving garlands of flowers through the lattice work of the archway. It was times like this where he really wishes he had a cigarette. His mind racing and his gut twisting.

He ran a hand through his hair, no doubt messing up the curls before he started fidgeting with his bow tie.

“There you are.”

He didn’t turn as he heard Clarke approach him, just kept his eyes trained on the white chairs and the stupid flower covered archway. She didn’t say anything else as she leaned against the railing next to him but he could tell she was glancing at him out of the corner of her eye.

“I can’t believe she’s getting married,” he finally said.

“To a really great guy,” Clarke put her arm on his shoulder and rubbed it, trying to sooth the tension.

“It’s not Lincoln, fuck, Lincoln is a great guy,” he ran his hand through his hair again, “But she’s my baby sister.���

“And she always will be.”

Clarke leaned her head against his shoulder as they watched the staff continue to set up, his arm automatically coming around her shoulders. They were quiet for a while.

“Do you wish you were getting married first?” She asked softly and his hand that had unconsciously been moving up and down her arm stilled.

He had asked her to marry him a year ago, unbeknownst to their friends, but she had turned him down. It led to a pretty big fight but one they got through and were stronger for. She was overcoming her issues when it came to love and happiness.

“Whenever you’re ready,” he said, kissing her hair. He could wait.

#flashfic #flash fic #features

[the100oneshots]

A Second Chance - Bellamy Blake Imagine

Pairing: Reader x Bellamy Blake

Word Count: 1,862 words

Warnings: minor swearing

Bellamy Blake had always been a good person in your eyes. Yes, he made mistakes. Yes, he could be a bit of an asshole some of the time. But you knew he had a kind heart, and you knew he cared for everyone no matter how hard he tried to mask it.

Yet, ever since that day, you’d ignored Bellamy. Only really replying with a few short words if he ever tried to talk to you. He’d try to find you, thinking you were still, well, friendly. But you always made yourself busy.

It was the week before all the drama had unfolded. That was when your confrontation with Aurora occurred. Before Octavia was found and Aurora was floated. You’d considered telling Bellamy, but after everything, you decided against it.

And now on Earth in Camp Jaha, he was everywhere. You still had the feeling that whatever was going on between you two for the short period time you were hanging out, could still work. However he was constantly plagued by people, you didn’t see him alone once.

And you never noticed it, but he always saw you. He always saw the small smile that never left your face, he always saw you talking to the children, and who he presumed were your friends. He never got the chance to ask why you two stopped hanging out, and eventually stopped talking. He missed it, he missed you.

Octavia had seen those longing looks, from both you and him. She knew Bellamy wouldn’t really tell her anything, so she tried you first. 

“Raven.” She approached the mechanic. She spread her arms a little bit out so they both could be use to support her against the table. “Octavia, what can I do for you?” She asked, looking up from her work station. “That girl over there, who is she?” She turned around and pointed towards you, her body now leaning against the bench.

“That’s (Y/N) (Y/L/N). She’s a few years older than you, a year younger than Bellamy. Why do you ask?” She said as she continued on with her work. “Her and Bell keep looking over to each other when the other one isn’t looking, I’m curious.” She admitted.

“Have you asked Bellamy?” Raven looked up, but her gaze stayed up right, towards you. “Like he would tell me anything.” She rolled her eyes, Raven agreeing. “Well ask her.” She suggested and Octavia looked back at her and thought about it.

You had moved to the mess hall. Your friends messing around with a guitar, singing a bit. And if it wasn’t them creating bits and pieces of music it was them complaining about the lack of privacy, or some stupid conspiracy theory they’d thought up just because they were bored. You were to the side, just peacefully reading a book, but still taking in every word they said.

She wasn’t going to lie to herself, she was a little scared going up to a group a few years older than her, but she did it anyway.

“(Y/N)?” She approached. The whole group turned towards her, it went quite. “Uh, yeah. How can I help you?” You spoke up, to say you were a little taken aback was a bit of an understatement. 

“I’m Octavia, do you mind if I talk to you for a minute.” She said still calm. You were surprised, and then realised who she was, and nodded. “Of course.” You placed a makeshift bookmark in your book and stood up, stepping out of the connected table and chair walking away with her.

“I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who’s noticed this, but my brother and you keep stealing glances of each other, and I’m just curious.” She came out full steam ahead, and it was another thing you took by surprise.

You were’t the best with confrontation, and you were definitely getting a dose of it lately. “Oh, that.” You awkwardly looked down at your hands. “Look it’s nothing to worry about, if it really bothers you- I mean I didn’t mean for to be creepy, looking back it probably looked really creepy, but it wasn’t my intention.” Babbling was a talent of yours.

“Wait a minute.”

“Octavia, get behind the door.” Aurora commanded. She didn’t think there were any surprise inspections, and it didn’t exactly sound like a brute guard knock. When she opened the door to only a dainty brunette she relaxed. “Oh, good evening Mrs Blake.” You smiled.

“(Y/N)? what do you want?” She asked with a tight jaw, she was never fond of your family. The way they abused every right they had, and even ones they thought they had. Your family wasn’t ark royalty, but in the stations, your parents, no matter the cost, did everything they could to climb the pretend social ladder. However, what Aurora didn’t know was that even though they did whatever they could to get up in the world of the ark, they always left you behind, to fend for yourself.

“I was wondering if Bellamy was in?” An innocent question. Aurora clicked, it had been you Bellamy had been spending all his free time with. No wonder he was always late, or taking later guard shifts for when she was home so he could go hang out with you. 

“No, he’s not.” She replied almost in an disapproving matter. “And, I’m going to be honest with you (Y/N). Don’t come past here again.” She spoke seriously. 

You were speechless, it wasn’t something you expected to come out of her mouth. But she was protecting her family, and apparently you weren’t the influence her son needed.

“You’re going to leave my son alone, he’s got better and more important things to do and doesn’t need to be distracted, especially not by you.” Aurora stood firmly in her door frame. 

“Uh, yeah.” You nodded. You felt like a babbling idiot. “Enjoy the rest of your night Mrs Blake.” You stammered before walking away. Embarrassed, in this moment would’ve been an understatement. You hurried back to your shared apartment before anyone could even see you.

You thought that maybe Bellamy would’ve been that constant happiness in your life, but now, maybe not.

“(Y/N)! You’re back!” Dom, your flat mate spoke, desperately trying to clean the place up before you got home. “And the flat isn’t clean. Are we playing that game again where we say how things are around us?” You sassed and he had a sheepish look on his face. “Well I only tried so hard because you said there was a possibility of you and your boy toy coming home.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

“Yeah.” You begun to trail off. “That’s not exactly happening - ever - anymore.”

“But Bellamy is so good looking.” He dramatically draped himself sadly across his bed, causing you to laugh. “Was Bellamy for me or for you Dom?” You laugh.

“I would be more than happy to take your sloppy seconds. Especially if those sloppy seconds were Bellamy Blake.” He batted his eyelids dramatically.

Meanwhile, Aurora had closed the door and summoned for Octavia to come out. “Why’d you tell her to stay away mum?” She asked, as Aurora went back to braiding her hair. “Bellamy doesn’t need a girl like her in his life. I’m doing what’s best for him.”

“You came past the apartment that one time.” She connected the dots. “Yeah,” you nodded. “The one time, because it was made very clear that I wasn’t welcome at your apartment.” You went back to playing with your fingers. 

“She was only doing what she thought was best for Bellamy.” She defended her mother. “Oh no, I’m not- I’m not saying that it was nor wrong or right what she did. She’s-” you paused for a moment, “she was his mother, your mother. I had no intention of disobeying her.” You tried to get your point across.

There was a silence between the two of you. A bit awkward but not until you interrupted it. “However, I do sometimes wonder what may have happened if I did disobey her.”

“He used to tell me what you guys did when you hung out. When he told me about the ark, you’d always be in there some where.” Octavia chuckled and she saw how your eyes lit up, the corners of your mouth twitched ever so slightly. 

“You never told him, did you?” She asked you. 

“I know what it’s like to have shitty parents, or have your parents do a shitty thing. Your mum wasn’t like that. And even if I did, I wouldn’t have had the time. I wouldn’t want to tell him when your mother couldn’t defend herself. No one should have their memory of their parent tainted like that.” You admitted. She felt like she knew you more, she felt like you sincerely cherished and still do, what ever you a Bellamy had.

“I have an idea.” Her face lit up, and she grabbed hold of your hand. Your eyes widened as she begun running and dragging you down the hall. “Octavia, what are you doing?” You seemed to yell above the chaos.

“Bellamy!” Octavia yelled as she saw her brother talking to Clarke. You both came to an abrupt stop, you puffed and trying to catch your breath. “That was not cool dude!” You continued to huff.

“(Y/N)?” He asked, confused. You looked up, gave a short wave as if you were putting your hand up for attendance and went back to huffing. 

“Can I borrow you for a second Clarke? Thanks!” She said and dragged Clarke away. So it was just you two. “You okay?” He asked a bit surprised. “Your sister, made me keep up with her, practically dragging me all the way from the mess hall.” You said standing up and still puffing. 

Bellamy was trying to suppress a laugh as he saw your poor figure. “How did she even run that fast, or am I just that unfit?” You asked, and he couldn’t help but laugh out loud.

“Thanks for your sympathy Bellamy, we all can’t have the athletic build of you.” You chuckled with him, motioning to his torso, up and down. 

“What were you doing with my sister?” He asked, still a smile on his face from his laughing. 

“She’s the one who approached me. She just wanted to talk.” You said, finally regaining a steady breathing pace. “About what?”

“Oh well you see, uh well, it’s just that, um-” You closed your mouth before you could say anything else. “Interesting choice of topic you two choose to talk about.” He commented, causing a small laugh to escape your mouth.

“So, uh, I was wondering something actually.” He began, and you nodded of him to continue. He scratched his neck nervously before continuing. “Uh, are you free tonight? For a drink maybe?” 

Before you could answer Clarke came back. “Bellamy, we need to go now, the inquisitions over.”

“Mess hall, after rations. Don’t be late Blake.” You began walking back in the opposite direction. Whether the truth came out or not, you were willing to give it another try.

#bellamy #bellamy blake #bellamy blake imagine #bellamy imagine #bellamy blake imagines #The 100 #the 100 imagines #the 100 imagine #the 100 one shot

[sometimesrosy]

the 100 rewatch 1.08 Daytrip

my real life friend I just got back into contact with just decided to give The 100 a try. (this is the friend who introduced me to GOT ten years ago.) So I got so excited by her reports of 2.01 that I realized I had been slacking in my rewatch. Wow. I’m supposed to be on season 2 now for our bellarke fam rewatch. bad fangirl.  So lets get to bidness.

oh it’s day trip!

I love this scene where Miller acts like a dick to chained Lincoln and Lincoln headbutts him. I always laugh. (and yet the parallel in season 3 where Miller acts like a dick to him while he’s in lockup and then gives him medicine for the sick grounder is a GREAT contrast and awesome character and plot development.)

Bellamy is very certain about not killing Lincoln though. Which is a change for his character up to this point.

Clarke talking to the council about how they are going to freeze before they starve. And Kane’s hair gel is gone. Costume signified character development. She’s talking to Jaha about killing her dad being an unavoidable tragedy and how she doesn’t see it that way and won’t ever. That’s an interesting bit, considering how far she went later. (And yet couldn’t kill Bellamy for the same reason as Jaha had.)

Clarke wants Bellamy to go on a DAY TRIP WITH HER. “Why are YOU asking ME?” “Well because right now I don’t feel like being around anyone I actually like.” Oh you two crazy kids. You’re so cute.

oh it’s the jobi nuts. i love the jobi nuts. Jonty hi five!

Ugh Finn. how about i just not write about any of his scenes. You don’t deserve Clarke OR Raven. Although I like Bellamy coming in to take Clarke away from him. Haha.

Bellamy’s last look at his sister, or so he thinks because he’s planning to run. And Dax coming after him.

Lincoln speaking English to Octavia, macking on the pretty girl while tied up and bloody. Look at these abs girl. “Tell them you’re not the enemy.” “I am.” Sadly this is true. He knows his people are out to destroy them. AND he thinks it’s wrong. But he can’t make this choice yet.

Bellamy angry about shooting Jaha and Clarke trying to talk him down. The jaha thing is why he was so angry. He discards his enmity with Clarke after the Jaha pardon happens. I mean there was more, but that was part of it.

Raven and Octavia. Raven tortures Lincoln and feels no remorse. Octavia says Finn likes Clarke. Bitch vs Bitch. I love it.

[finn raven sex scene. deleted. don’t you fucking grin at her. you don’t deserve her bitch.]

me ugh-ing at the murderer dax. not all delinquents are bunny rabbits. he’s a bad dude.

Bellamy so angry at the failed bunker. No supplies. SO HE KICKS A BARREL (always taking it out on unsuspecting barrels.) AND THEN the joy of a rare Bellamy smile. GUNS.

The delinquents are high.* ALERT* The delinquents are high.

aww poor jasper and his ptsd, starting with grounder fear. :( He’s holding a spear. Anti grounder stick. Octavia has figured this out. How does she know how to deal with a bad trip? You don’t get that knowledge isolated under the floor. Or maybe bellamy told her about kids tripping. he probably would. 

Bellamy’s chewing jobi nuts. The gun lesson. Getting close. Touching her shoulder. “Yeah, uh, that’s good,” as he gets too close to her. That is the BEST scene. his bullets are duds. “still watching,” she says teasing him. Another Bellamy smile. A Clarke smile too, for that matter. She figures out that he’s going to run. He’s afraid. AND he mentions that he is planning to lock up Lincoln for the rest of his life. Not kill.

Oh here comes the bad trip. Peek inside Bellamy’s head.Guilt over Jaha. Guilt over the 320 souls culled from the Ark. “It’s not my forgiveness you should seek, it’s theirs.” Murderer,murderer, murderer, And peek inside Clarke’s head. Jake. Solitary confinement. forgiveness.  Forgiveness is such a giant theme. (she doesn’t know that the exodus ship will crash and for a while she thinks her mom is dead. this is before she learns about forgiving people. I think she learns her lesson too well and forgives people for things they are not actually sorry for. 

Wow Raven has a pretty naked back. Finn you suck. Monty I like your concern with the cooperation of the tides. 

Octavia freeing Lincoln. Lincoln kissing Octavia. Mack daddy.

You are the most beautiful of brooms in a broom closet of brooms. (he dies later. murphy does it. Connor.) Finn sees Lincoln and lets him go.

More Bellamy trip. “I can’t fight anymore.” “DOn’t you know life is a fight? Live. Breathe. Suffer. You owe them that. If you want the peace of death you’re going to have to earn it. Fight back! You think you deserve to be free of your pain? Do you deserve that gift.” (These are Bellamy’s own thoughts, not Jaha.)

Clarke rescues Bellamy from Jax. Bellamy says Shumway set it up. They save each other. Bellamy’s first kill. Jax with a bullet in the carotid, “Bellamy are you okay?”

“No I’m not. If my mother knew what I’d done, who I am... she raised me to be better, to be good. And all I do is hurt people. I’m a monster.”

I need you--Bellamy’s look at her is where I started shipping them-- we all need you-- and how disappointed his is that it wasn’t HIM she needed.

Clarke doesn’t recognize that his belief that he is a monster is real. She will feel it later. Her forgiveness is too 

“All I think about every day is how we’re going to keep everyone alive. But we don’t have a choice.” Is this where he wants to run away with her? Woulda been a different story.

I don’t understand why people ignore this whole scene of Bellamy’s pain and guilt over the deaths he’s caused. They think he’s a monster because he’s anguished by what he’s done, and calls himself a monster. But monsters, by definition are not agonized by the pain they cause. The people who cause harm, and then say it wasn’t their fault, in fact it was YOUR fault for fighting back or winning.... well THOSE are the monsters. They don’t care about the suffering they cause. And they’ll do it again.

Also please note that he credits Aurora with teaching him to be good. Yeah she was not perfect. Yeah she gave him too much responsibility. But she was NOT an absent mother. She was not neglectful. As far as we know there’s no evidence of physical abuse. If you want to believe that it was unfair to Bellamy to give birth to Octavia, that’s fine. Nothing about their life is fair. That’s the point, isn’t it? It was completely oppressive and unjust. Anyone born into this life was up for hell. But hope remains when people have children. It just does. Having a second child, even though it makes their lives harder, (which happens in real life) is not enough to count as abuse and places all the blame of an unjust society on the victims of that society. Which pisses me the hell off. (OH, if only you didn’t make the wrong choices, then this oppression would be just fine. How dare you. You should be jailed for it. You’re an abuser.  It’s your fault.) Shut the hell up with your victim blaming. 

Power couple on deck. Have some guns kids. (shut up finn)

I don’t expect you to forgive me, but you’ll have to ind a way to live with me because Im not going anywhere.” Some foreshadowing for the blake sibling relationship.

Jaha pardon. This was the point when I could not be saved from shipping Bellarke. I love the way they smile together. 

Bye Shumway. Kane definitely does not wear hair gel anymore. Here comes hair Jesus.

nope. no finn in my recap. not even with your bellamy besmirching. She trusts him not you. so shut up. he deserves it. you don’t. you were not trustworthy. that’s how that works. 

hello diana sydney. bye shumway. 

#the 100 rewatch #the 100 rewatch 2017 #day trip #yay!

[raavenreyes]

northern lights.

braven in space being cute, n domestic, n in love.

word count: 1, 116

rating: pg-13.

fluff with a light dust of angst. like super light.

That hum.

His first night on the ground, Bellamy almost missed it. The ark hum that had lulled him to sleep from the time he was an infant until he escaped in the drop ship to be with Octavia. Once it was gone, it was like something was missing. The foreign sound of the world outside, the forests, the birds, it kept him up at night. So, naturally, he needed something else to replace it—and he found it one colder than usual summer night in Raven Reyes.

Her breaths were deep and rhythmic, and her heart beat was strong, so strong he could feel it in every part of her. She had mentioned briefly about a defect in the muscle and he couldn’t believe it because the sound of Raven’s heart beating was the surest thing he’d heard in a long time.

The Ark hum was back, and Bellamy wasn’t sure he was going to be able to sleep for the next five years—but then the ark, combined with Raven’s heartbeat—he slept soundly.

Here, tangled in cold sheets and warm limbs, he was at peace. He let out a soft grunt, brushing his nose against her spine and Raven let out a gentle sigh, tangling her fingers with his on her hip.

“You need to get up and swap out the filters in the algae garden so I can clean them.” She whispered.

Bellamy groaned and lifted his head, staring down at Raven as she rolled onto her back. He reached over her and pushed a switch, opening up the window covers and letting sunlight flow into their room. The minute everything lit up, he buried his face in the crook of Raven’s neck. “I love you,” He murmured.

“Oh no you don’t,” She chuckled. “Don’t you get all sappy on me, Blake. You have to get up.”

“But I was thinkin’ that me and you could fool around a little, huh? What do you think?” He grinned, nibbling on her shoulder.

“Get to those algae tanks, Mr. Blake.”

“Yes, Mrs. Blake.” He muttered, pulling his form out of bed. He picked up a pair of relatively clean pants and pulled them up to secure them around his hips. A bright smile split her face, and he mirrored it. “I’ll make you a deal.”

“Yeah?” She asked, sitting up and pulling her knees to her chest.

“Date night? What do you say? Algae salads and a packet of dehydrated meat by the viewing deck.”

Raven chuckled. “That sounds like heaven,”

Bellamy ducked into another room, and Raven used to the time to get out of bed and dress into her normal work clothes. When Bellamy returned, a smile almost split her face.

Aurora was caught mid-yawn, and Bellamy brushed some hair away from her forehead before placing a kiss there. “We slept super hard, didn’t we, baby girl?” She babbled some and began tangling her little fingers in Bellamy’s thick curls—the same ones she was slowly growing out on her own head. “We didn’t wake Mommy and Daddy once last night. That’s some development, huh?” He grinned, mirror the small, lopsided smile his daughter gave him.

His daughter.

Raven’s pregnancy caught them off guard. They had only been sleeping together for six months when she began having symptoms. With no way to test it, it became a waiting game while Raven figured out how to make a living environment sustained for seven into one for eight—including the return trip. The other members of their crew were angry with them, rightfully so, because they felt the pregnancy could endanger not only Raven’s life, but the rest of the crew.

But the minute Aurora came into the world screaming, everyone fell in love—hard to believe it was only ten months ago. Year two on the Ark was coming to a close, and all Raven could think of was Aurora would be having the same experience she had—returning to Earth after being born in space. Bellamy was ecstatic from the moment Raven’s belly began to swell.

“I can’t believe she’s gonna be a year old in two months.” Raven commented and Bellamy set her down, watching her crawl to a pile of poorly sewn together dolls that Echo had made. “Hi baby, hello mi amor,” She cooed, and Aurora giggled, crawling over to the bed. Raven lifted her up into the comforters. “Aurora, you’re so beautiful. How’d you get so pretty?”

“Well, she’s my kid, that’s a good start.”

“Oh shush, Bellamy.” She grinned.

Aurora had the distinctive Blake jawline, a faint dusting of freckles across the bridge of her nose and cheekbones and Raven’s eyes—even Bellamy agreed on the eyes. Otherwise, she was Bellamy’s twin, hair and all.

Bellamy slid into bed with them and Raven sighed. “You know you have to go down to the Algae garden at some point, right?”

“I will, I promise but my little girl just woke up. I wanna spend some time with her.” She let out a couple D-sounding grunts and Bellamy lit up. “Dada, are you trying to say Dada? Dah-dah,” He egged her on. “C’mon, Rors. Dada, say Dada.”

“Bah,” Aurora responded and Raven kissed her cheek. The little girl released a small cry and reached for Bellamy, curling into his chest with three fingers in her mouth.  

He glanced over to Raven, opening his mouth to say something until he noticed her deep in thought. “Rae,” He whispered, letting Aurora play with his hand. Her eyes met his, he and looked on in concern. “Everything okay?”

“I know it’s not for a while, but…last night, I did a re-entry simulation with eight people and it kept crashing.” She revealed. “It works with seven, eight we crash.”

“Raven—”

“No, Bell. That means we need to prepare for the fact that I need to stay behind in order to make sure you, Aurora, and everyone else get back to Earth safely.”

“Raven, I told you two years ago and I’ll every day of our lives: I’m not leaving you behind.” He shook his head. “You’re the mother of my child, I’m not leaving you up here to rot.”

“Someone needs to be there for Aurora. She’s the next generation.” She whispered, brushing her fingertips across Aurora’s cheeks. “She needs to survive.”

“And she will, with both her parents by her side.”

“Bell,”

“You have four years to figure this out, Raven. Four years to make sure all of us get to the ground safely.” He smiled. “That’s more than enough time for you.”

“I’m gonna try.”

“You can do it, Rae. You got this.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

#blayesnetwork #braven fic #rellamy fic #northern lights

[a-kabby-k-fanfictions]

The life we deserved

AO3

Tumblr

Summary : (4/?)

“I…I know that it sounds crazy, but, I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but I don’t belong to this world, I’m not this woman on the pictures. Even if we look the same, I know that’s not me,”

When Season 1 Abby wakes up in a world where she lives on earth and worst of all, where she’s engaged to Marcus Kane…

Abby had spent the rest of the day in her bedroom, safe from Kane’s wounded look. She had been sitting next to the window for hours, staring into the distance and thinking again that there had to be a logical explanation she still hadn’t discovered.

For almost her entire life, she had been dreaming about being on Earth. Her parents had told her stories about a world made out of shades of green and blue, a world with a sun and where rain fell from the sky. During her years as a child all those stories had sounded like a fairy tale or a dream, but as she grew up she realized that she would never live on Earth, neither would all the people she knew. All of them and the next two generations would remain stuck in space and they would never experience the warmth of sunlight only the coldness from living in space. Yet, inexplicably, here she was, as she looked at a squirrel running on the lawn, feeling the sunlight stroking her skin through the window and smelling the scent of an October evening. This was insane, totally insane.

When the sun started to go down, Clarke had come to tell her that the dinner was ready. At first, Abby had said she wasn’t hungry, but the rumbling of her stomach had betrayed her and her daughter had practically dragged her downstairs.

That was the only reason why she was now sitting at the kitchen table, facing Kane and between Clarke and Bellamy. From the corner of her eyes, she could see Octavia staring strangely at her between two mouthfuls. A heavy silence was lingering over the room and only the sound of the cutlery resonated from time to time.  

"This is really delicious," Bellamy said tentatively after a while, shifting slightly in embarrassment on his chair.

"Yes, it is," Clarke agreed with an exaggerated nod. "Do you like it mom?" she asked and Abby swallowed hard at the sight of her almost untouched plate.

It wasn’t that she didn’t like it, but all these new flavors and textures on her tongue were really strange.

"Yes," she replied nonetheless before taking another bite.

Kane was now staring at her with a blank expression. As their eyes met he lowered his gaze and cleared his throat.

"You like salmon," he started to say and for a second she thought he was blaming her, but he kept talking. "Preferably with white wine, but we finished the last bottle last week. You always drink two glasses, one during dinner and one when we’re doing the dishes.” he told her calmly while staring at his plate. "I used to garnish the salmon with fennel, but even though you never said anything I knew you didn’t really like it so I started to use chives," he kept explaining before looking up at her with a shy smile on his face.  

Abby felt her stomach clench a little without knowing why. Clearly, this man, kind and cute, couldn’t be the Kane she was fighting every day on the Ark. He looked exactly like him, except for the beard, but he didn’t act like the cold and strict man who had arrested both her husband and daughter.

She pursed her lips and gave him a little nod. In a way, she suddenly felt sorry for him. She wasn’t the woman he thought she was and no matter how hard he tried to bring back her memories, she knew it would never happen. The memories he was talking about had never existed in her mind. The only ones who were engraved in her memory were made of space, loss, and pain.

"You also like to drag us to the marketplace early in the Sunday morning, but if you have forgotten that as well, I won’t be complaining," Octavia said abruptly which won her a glare from Kane.  

Bellamy and Clarke seemed to freeze, their fork hanging in front of their mouth. Everybody seemed to wait for her reaction. It could have been inappropriate, joking about amnesia wasn’t the best kind of joke, but Abby felt her lips stretching up in a smile.  

"Duly noted. No more marketplace on Sunday morning," she finally answered with a chuckle and everybody seemed to relax.

Octavia smiled at her and then turned her head toward Kane, giving him a look which sounded like a cheeky "See?" The latter slightly shook his head in annoyance and went back to eating.

The rest of the dinner went better after that. The kids talked about their day and the coming week. The girls teased Bellamy about his "just-an-insufferable-police academy-partner", a girl named Echo and in return, the boy snitched on Octavia and stated that she was texting a guy named Lincoln which made Kane frown. Abby didn’t know who he was, but she understood that he was older than the teenage girl and already in college.

"Okay, I don’t have the strength to deal with that tonight," Kane breathed out as the kids left the kitchen in a barrage of insults.

Abby chuckled a little and started to clear the table. Without the kids, the atmosphere seemed to become tense once more.

"You should go to bed, I got this," Kane told her softly, reaching for the glasses she was holding.

"No, it’s okay," she declined with a little smile before walking toward the sink and turning on the water.

"We have a dishwasher," he informed her almost in an apologetic tone, opening the door of the machine next to him.

"Oh, well...," she breathed, taking back the glasses from the sink.

"You could pass me the dishes and I’ll put them inside?" he proposed and she agreed with a nod.

They started to load the dishwasher silently and Abby felt a question suddenly burn her tongue. She didn’t want to inquire about things the other her was supposed to know, she didn’t want to see the pain taking place once again on Kane's face, but the curiosity was too strong.

"Who are they for you? I mean Octavia and Bellamy?" she asked him and she saw him freeze, still bent over the door of the machine.

On her reality, she knew who they were: the Blake sibling. Octavia was the girl who had hidden herself for sixteen years under the floor and Bellamy was the one who had tried to kill Jaha. Their mother had been executed for having had a second child and they both had landed on the earth. Nonetheless, clear beyond recollection, Abby didn’t remember any link with Kane.

The latter stood up and leaned against the counter, staring into space.

"I’m Octavia’s father," he answered after several seconds. "Bellamy is her half-brother," he added still without looking at her.

He broke off momentarily and turned around to open a cupboard. "Sixteen years ago I met a woman at a law convention in New York," he kept telling her, taking out a bottle of brown alcohol. Cognac, Abby read on the label as Kane filled a glass. "She was the barmaid. I flirted with her and then we ended up in my room," he said, shrugging lightly. "She left while I was showering. I didn’t know who she was and to be honest, I didn’t care at that time, it was just a one-night stand," he confessed before taking a sip of alcohol and winced slightly. "In June 2016 I received a letter from a law firm, I was convened for a will opening," he kept going, his face darkening. "I found out that this girl was named Aurora Blake and that she had two children, and that one of them was biologically mine," he said and finished his glass in one go. "She died of liver cancer and named me legal representative of Octavia," he said, putting down the glass on the counter.

Abby remained speechless. Clearly, she hadn’t expected something like this. She would have wanted to say something kind or comforting, but she was too stunned. All she could do was point at the bottle.

"Can I have some?" she asked, her throat suddenly dry.

If she thought that this world was already crazy, imagining Marcus Kane as a father was even crazier.

"I...I don’t think it’s a good idea," he told her before pressing his lips together in an embarrassed smile.

"Probably not, but still...Can I have some?," she insisted.

Kane stared at her a few more second and then surrendered. He let out a deep sigh and grabbed a second glass to fill it.

"Just so you know, you don’t like it," he informed her with a grin as he handed her the drink.

"Let me judge of that," she retorted with a hint of defiance in her voice as she took the glass.

She brought the amber liquid closer to her nose and smelled it. It wasn’t bad. Well, how could it be worse than the moonshine they had drunk on the Ark anyway? She took one last look at Kane and cursed him quietly because of that irritating smirk which was tugging at his lips. The same which was plastered on his face each time he was ready to prove her wrong during a council meeting.

She put it to her lips and took a sip. It wasn’t a hard alcohol, far from it compared to the moonshine, but still, she couldn’t help but wince with disgust. The taste was nauseating and seemed to stick on her tongue. She swallowed it anyway, but failed to hold back a shudder.

"So...?" Kane mocked her, raising an eyebrow.

"Shut up," she retorted, rolling her eyes, but with a tiny smile at the corner of her lips.

He smiled at her back and reached for her glass. Very naturally he brought it to his lips and drank. Abby stared at him, thinking that this was something that Jake used to do too. Drinking from each other’s glass was such a couples thing that she couldn't help but felt a little ill-at-ease.

"I have some work to do tonight, but I can go get what I need for the night right now in the bedroom if you want to go to bed," he offered her as he put the empty glass in the dishwasher. "I’m going to move into the guest room," he informed her and even if he tried to say it on a neutral tone she noticed a hint of sadness in his voice.

She looked down and nodded as a wave of guilt washed over her. She could feel how hard it was for him, how miserable the situation made him, but there was nothing she could do about it. This Marcus seemed to be a good man and he didn’t deserve what was happening, but still, she wasn’t who he thought she was.

"I can take the guest room as well," she offered shyly but he immediately shook his head.

"No way. You need to rest and the mattress is a piece of crap," he objected firmly. " To be honest, I think it’s the only reason why Raven doesn’t live there," he added jokingly, but Abby didn’t get the joke and raised an eyebrow. "She’s Bellamy ex-girlfriend. They were dating when I met him and Octavia," he explained. "She’s been through a lot too, and well... Even if they broke up I can almost say that we have adopted her too," he said and then chuckled slightly.

"I didn’t know you have a spot for children," she commented, but realized too late that she wasn’t speaking about him, but about the other him. "Sorry, I shouldn’t have...," she hurried to apologize, not wanting to bring back the subject he wasn’t ready to hear.

"Who am I?" he asked her suddenly before shaking his head. "I mean, in the...world or whatever it is you think you remember?" he specified, rubbing nervously the back of his neck.

Abby swallowed hard and looked away. She didn’t want to answer that question. She didn’t want to hurt him more than she already had today. What could she say anyway? "You are the man who asked for my husband’s execution? Who came to arrest my daughter? A heartless man I hate so much that every time I look at you I desperately want to punch you in the face?" Telling him this wouldn’t help and in a way, she wasn’t even sure that it was still the truth. She was mad at him. Yes, she was really mad at him, but did she truly hate him? In the end, things were never as simple.

"It doesn’t matter," she replied, trying to dodge the question.  

"Did he-- did I hurt you?" he inquired, his voice shaking slightly as he took a step toward her.

He reached for her arm and this time she didn’t pull back. She looked up at him and the look on his face, hurt and concern, made her heart clench in her chest.

"No," she sighed. "No, it’s just that...that we have a complicated story that’s all," she told him, offering him a shy smile to reassure him.

Kane took a deep breath and nod. He didn’t seem convinced and his hand remained on her arm. Her gaze fell upon it and she pressed her lips together. She didn’t want to push him back, but this kind of touch from him made her still feel uncomfortable.

"Sorry," he mumbled, taking his hand away, probably alerted by the embarrassment on her face.

A heavy silence fell once more upon them.

"You were saying that you needed to take some stuff in the bedroom," she reminded him to change the subject.

"Yes. Yes, that’s right. Let’s do that," he said before hurrying to leave the kitchen.

About one hour and thirty minutes later she was back where she had woken up that very morning. She was lying on her back in the best bed she had ever had but she couldn’t sleep. She was staring at the ceiling, her eyes wide-opened, her fingers tensing on the sheets. She could feel the fatigue creeping into every muscle of her body, the day had been exhausting, but she couldn’t sleep a wink. Not when she didn’t feel at home. Not when Kane’s scent filled the pillow next to hers. Not when she was unable to find a rational explanation for the world she was currently living in.

A wave of anger and despair swept over her and for no reason, she grabbed Kane’s pillow and threw it away violently. She didn’t want this life, she didn’t want to be stuck there forever. Even if the life on the Ark wasn’t easy, it was her life, it was all she ever knew. Clarke, her Clarke, was still out somewhere, maybe in danger and now it was much more than space which separated them.

Abby turned on her side and curled up under the sheets, tears starting to run along her cheeks. She wasn’t crazy and to prove that to herself, she started to think about her oldest memories. She could perfectly remember the softness of her mother, Iris Walters when she was braiding her hair before school. She could still picture her long and coppery red ponytail swinging in the air as she laughed at one of her husband’s joke. Aloïs Walters was known to be the best doctor of the Ark, but he was also famous for his jokes. He always knew how to put a smile on his patients’ face. But unfortunately, his sense of humor hadn’t been able to save him or his wife. Iris and Aloïs Walters had been sentenced to be floated when Abby was sixteen.  They had been convicted of embezzlement of medical supplies. They hadn’t even tried to deny it, arguing that the non-essentials workers also had the right to seek medical attention. This life was real, it couldn’t be otherwise not when she could still feel the pain it had left in her heart. The picture of them, hand in hand, standing in the airlock still haunted her, just like the picture of Jake, standing in the same place twenty years later. Everything was real, the good and the bad. Her scars didn’t need to be visible to exist. They were there, branded into her heart and soul.

Abby remained awake for hours, her whole body shaking with sobs. She was so focused on her pain that she didn’t hear the quiet knock at her door.

"Abby?" a soft voice called out to her in the dark as the door opened.

Abby froze in place and held back her tears. She feigned sleep, hoping it would make the intruder go away, but it didn’t work.

"Abby, are you okay? I heard you crying," Octavia insisted as she took a few steps inside the bedroom.

"I’m fine," Abby answered, pulling the covers over her head to muffle her curbed sobs.

"Yeah, well, you don’t look like it," the girl said. "Do you want me to get Kane?" she asked tentatively.

"No," Abby exclaimed as she sat up curtly. No, she didn’t need Kane nor anybody else. All she needed was to fall asleep and to wake up on the Ark, to get back her real life. "No, it’s n--," she started to refuse again, but she cut herself off when she noticed Octavia’s outfit in the moonlight. She was wearing a leather jacket over a little blue top which didn’t hide the lower part of her stomach. Her pair of low waisted jeans were kept in place by a belt and her face was covered with makeup. "Wait, why aren’t you sleeping?" she asked suspiciously, her maternal instinct taking over her self-pity.  

Octavia immediately bowed her head and ran a hand through her hair.

"I...I was just...," she stammered. "I was going to the kitchen. I needed a glass of water," she finally asserted, falsely confident.

"And you needed to change for that?" Abby asked her, raising an accusatory eyebrow.

The teenage girl stared at her for a second and then let out a deep sigh.

"Well, okay, okay, you got me," she said, raising both of her hands in front of her as a sign of surrender.

Abby tilted her head and pursed her lips.

"Does your father know that you sneak out?" she asked severely.

"He’s not my father," the girl spat sharply without wasting a split second.

"Well, he says he is," Abby told her, guessing that the teenage girl might have difficulty with accepting her new life.

"The fact that he banged my mother sixteen years ago doesn’t make him my father," Octavia retorted bitterly with a hint of defiance in her eyes.

Abby choked a little, surprised by such coarseness coming from a so tiny girl. She opened her mouth, ready to reprimand her, but the sound of a car stopping in front of the house drew her attention.  She pushed the covers back and get up from the bed to walk toward the window.

"I guess that those are your friends," she said as she glanced at the two people in the car.

Octavia crossed her arms over her torso and rolled her eyes.

"I need to go tell them that I’m not coming along tonight," she mumbled as she turned around.

"No need," Abby snapped. "I’m sure they’re smart enough to figure it out on their own when you won’t show up," she added with a pinched smile.

Octavia gave her a dirty look over her shoulder and then left the room, still muttering.

Abby looked back at the car in front of the house and listened carefully, wondering if Octavia would go back to her room. The stairs were close to her room, but she wasn’t sure that she would hear the footstep so she sat on the edge near the window and stared at the car. Abby leaned against the wall behind her and kept watching through the window even after that the car had left the area. There was no way Octavia was sneaking out tonight, not on her watch.

Abby stayed awake most of the night, but after a couple of hours, her fatigue got the better of her and as her head slumped against her shoulder, sleep finally overtook her.

#Kabby #kabby fanfiction #kabby fanfic #kabby fic #au #the life we deserved

[justalittlebluetiefling]

Chapter 45: Sometimes I Can’t See Myself

Rating: T Fandom: The 100 Pairing: Bellamy x Clarke Chapter: 45/68 Word Count: 3016 Words

Chapter Summary: I unfortunately don’t have a clever chapter summary for this one (probably won’t for the next one, either). It’s hard for me to try to be clever about this subject matter, because it hits a little close to home. So I do have a minor content warning. If you’re also reading on AO3, I have this fic tagged for mentions of cancer. The mentions of cancer are much more prevalent in this chapter and they spend a lot of time in the hospital in both this and the next chapter. 

(Also, I’ve been doing a new editing thing and this chapter went from 2200 to 3000 words... I thought editing was supposed to be cutting things not adding 800 words to an already depressing chapter.) Next chapter should be out in a couple days, so hopefully this “cliffhanger” isn’t too horrible.

Also on AO3; Start from the beginning on AO3

Wells had this infuriating habit of tricking Clarke into family functions. It seemed impossible that he could forgive her mother for letting him shoulder all that blame for years. The logical part of her knew he was more forgiving and she had never had an easy time with it. That didn't make it any less frustrating when he convinced her to go home for Thanksgiving and she arrived at her mother's house to find out that the Jahas were out of town for the holiday.

Clarke 11:27am I can't believe you thought this was sneaky. I can't believe you in general.

Wells 11:30am What was that? azzxdfaesgxvz Sorry, my phone is breaking up. sarezvxdgawesgz We're in a really bad service area.

Clarke 11:32am Oh, you're sooooo funny.

Wells 11:34am You love me.

Clarke 11:35am Not right now I don't.

Abby retreated to the kitchen once it became clear that Clarke wasn't there of her own volition. She seemed content to let Clarke make up her mind about whether or not she would stay. When she said she understood why Clarke was upset and would give her all the time she needed, Clarke was pretty sure her mother had been replaced by an alien. Or a robot. Or some creepy AI that didn't know who it was emulating.

The only other place she wanted to be was with the Blakes, but she wasn't sure she wanted to continue to infringe on their family time. There was a fine line and she wasn't sure if she was crossing it. Bellamy and O swore she wasn't, and Aurora did always invite her to family dinner, but Clarke tried not to go every time.

But they were still the only people she thought of when she wanted to run away. She could just go home, but they'd probably be more frustrated with her if they found her there later.

Clarke 11:51am Were you in on this little conspiracy?

Bell 11:54am I wondered if he'd actually make it until today without you finding out. I told him it was a stupid idea. But he wanted to try anyway.

Clarke 11:56am I don't know what I'm supposed to do now.

Bell 11:58am For what it's worth I already told mom you might be coming by today anyway. We can also bring you leftovers if you don't want to drive all the way up here.

Clarke 12:02pm Thanks Bell. I'll let you know, okay? I might try to stick it out.

Bell 12:03pm No pressure. But make up your mind soon. We have only have 2 more hours with our phones.

Clarke 12:05pm No promises. And don't worry about me. I'll only call in an emergency like if we decide to murder each other So change my ringtone to something appropriately alarming and leave your volume on high.

Bell 12:08pm I don't know if she'll be more pissed at you or me. But for highest impact, call around 4:30.

It wasn’t ideal, but Clarke finally listened to her mother’s apology. It hadn’t quite been four years, but that wasn’t that long and it was hard to reconcile herself with the fact that her mother had her followed, because she thought her daughter was getting out of hand. Wells hadn’t made the call (which Clarke already knew), but it was Abby who pushed Jake to get behind the wheel that night.

Neither of them wanted what ultimately resulted from all of it.

There was nothing cathartic about the revelation, so Clarke eventually changed the subject. She stayed for her father’s sake. It was always a big deal to him to have the family together for the holiday, and she wasn’t honoring him well by ignoring her mother. Things didn’t have to be perfect.

Neither of them felt much like cooking after their talk, but they did it anyway. Clarke even humored her mother by changing into her pajamas. It was what they had done their first Thanksgiving alone. Her dad would have liked it.

They were preparing to put a game hen in the oven when Clarke’s phone rang. It wasn’t the alarm she had set for herself to call Bellamy. She shot her mom an apologetic glance (old habits die hard) and jogged across the room to look at it. Her stomach tied itself up in knots when she saw Octavia’s name.

“O? What’s going on? Bell said you guys had to give up your phones like an hour ago.”

“Clarke?”

“Yeah, I’m here. What’s–”

“Are you still at your mom’s? Can you come to Ark Memorial? Can you bring her?”

It had felt like her insides couldn’t drop any lower, but she was apparently wrong. “Yeah. Yes. Of course. Are you okay? Is Bellamy okay?”

“No. I mean, yeah. We’re fine. It’s…. Mom collapsed.” O’s voice finally broke.

“We’ll leave right now. Right now, okay?” Clarke ran out of the kitchen and grabbed her shoes, along with a pair of her mom’s. “Do you need me to stay on the phone?”

“I need to call Lincoln. But you’re coming?”

“Yes. Thirty minutes max. I promise.” Clarke waited for O to say anything else as she hurried back into the kitchen. When she pushed her mom’s shoes into her arms, Abby’s mouth fell open, but Clarke turned around to find their coats before she could protest. She could still hear Octavia’s jagged breathing on the other end. “Hey, O, I love you, okay? We’ll be there soon.”

“Thanks Clarke. I love you, too.”

If there was one thing Bellamy hated in the world, it was the incessant beeping from hospital equipment. Even after his mom got better, any time he heard it in a movie or a TV show, he cringed. Being in an actual hospital again shook him to his core. They were out in the waiting room, but he could still hear the beeping everywhere. It was surrounding them. It was deafening. He kept his head in his hands, staring at the floor.

The air around him started to crackle. He could feel it on his skin. It pulled his gaze up in time to see Octavia already halfway across the room. He stared blankly, because he wasn’t entirely convinced that Clarke wasn’t the hallucination his brain had come up with in an attempt to comfort him. But then his sister was throwing her arms around her neck. Clarke pressed a kiss to her cheek and they stood there, foreheads pressed together while they whispered back and forth. Tears poured down both their cheeks.

Minutes felt like hours and also seconds. He had no idea how long they stood there that way before she turned her eyes to him, but she did eventually and he could feel the weight of the air on his skin again. Octavia had left the room, but Clarke was walking toward him. When she sat down next to him on the couch and opened her mouth, the beeping stopped.

“Bellamy.” His name was all she said, her voice rough in an attempt to contain her emotions. He couldn’t look at her anymore without breaking, so he put his head back in his hands.

At first, she settled her hand on his lower back. When he didn’t move, she slid her other arm between his stomach and arms and set her cheek on his shoulder. His strength left him, then, and he relaxed into her with a broken exhale.

“Bellamy, it’s going to be okay. My mom’s in there now and she’ll come out soon and tell us everything is going to be okay. She’s going to know how to fix this.”

He listened to her chant platitudes like prayers and set his head on hers. She linked her left ankle behind his right and grabbed his hand. He stared down at their linked fingers and watched as her thumb moved in circles along the back of his hand. When she started rubbing circles into his lower back, he sighed and leaned into it.

Octavia finally came back with Lincoln. Bellamy wondered what he had thought when he pulled up to their house only to find it empty. They sat on his other side and settled in for the wait.

By the time Abby came out with a chart in her hand, sweats tucked into her fluffy boots, he realized that the Griffins hadn’t even taken the time to change clothes before driving across the city to get there. He hadn’t even registered the fact that Clarke was wearing almost the exact same outfit. Abby’s eyes swept across the group, her mouth in a tight line. She looked tired as she pulled up a chair in front of them. Clarke somehow managed to hold both of his hands in one of hers and reached across him to grab onto Octavia’s knee.

“Bellamy, Octavia. Do you want to talk alone?”

He couldn’t speak, but O turned it down for the both of them. He was glad, because he was pretty sure that if Clarke left, the beeping would start burrowing into his brain again.

“Okay, well.” She hesitated. He could feel what she was about to say in his bones. This part of her job had to suck. “I wish I had better news. I spoke with your mother’s doctors and… well, it sounds like she’s been ignoring these symptoms for some time. They’re running a few tests to confirm it, but it is highly likely that your mother’s cancer is back. Frankly, I’m a little worried. I don’t want to give you false hope. If the cancer is back, they’ll try everything that they can, but early detection is incredibly important in these cases.”

Bellamy didn’t want to hear about the tests they needed to perform or the treatment options that might work. It was all still fresh in his mind, even though it had been six years since he heard them. Of course, there were new clinical trials. That was when he stopped listening and buried his forehead into Clarke’s neck.

Clarke sat in the passenger seat in silence. It was hard to be mad at her mother after seeing what Bell and O were going through, but she was frustrated that they were leaving. She toyed with her phone, not sure if she should wait to text Bellamy. Octavia knew Clarke would be back first thing in the morning, but she wanted to make sure that he knew they weren’t alone in everything.

“Clarke? Honey?”

“Hmm?” She wondered how long her mom had been trying to get her attention. “Sorry, I’m distracted.”

Abby patted her on the knee. “I know. It’s hard to know how to be there for someone in a situation like this. You were so great with them, though.” She started to chew on her lip and tapped a nonsense rhythm into the steering wheel. Clarke was content to wait until she said whatever else was on her mind. It didn’t take long. “This seems like a strange question to ask at a time like this, but I’m curious. How long have you been with Bellamy?”

That was enough to fully snap Clarke back to the present. “What?!”

“You didn’t tell me you two were dating. I was just wondering how long you and Bellamy had been together. The last time we really talked, you two were still figuring out how to be friends.”

“What are you talking about? Bellamy and I aren’t together.”

Abby laughed softly. “So, you hold hands with all of your friends?”

Clarke hesitated, thinking about it for a moment. She wasn’t not affectionate with her other friends, but she could see where the confusion might come from. They all hugged and occasionally sat on each other or cuddled on the couch if they had been drinking. It was true that she and Bellamy were probably the most physical with each other out of the group. They were always in each other’s personal space and it had really just happened without her realizing it, so there was no good way to explain it.

“I guess not,” she finally responded. “But… it’s Bellamy.”

“It’s Bellamy?”

Clarke shrugged even though Abby wasn’t looking at her. “Yeah. That’s just what we do.”

She was grateful that Abby let it go at that. If her mother asked for more of an explanation, Clarke wasn’t sure what she would say.

Aurora went home after a couple of days. She claimed that she didn’t want to drain their already meager inheritance away with hospital bills. One of the Blake siblings had a harder time “allowing” that than the other. (“I don’t always like your decisions. You don’t have to like mine.”) The two of them worked out a schedule so that someone was with her almost all of the time. It took some doing, but Clarke and Abby managed to insert themselves into the schedule as well.

Still, she ended up back in the hospital after a few weeks. Clarke finished up her shift at the clinic and checked her phone to find a voicemail from Octavia.

Hey, it’s me. Mom collapsed again. We’re back at Ark Memorial. Your mom’s already here…. Her voice trailed off for a moment, but the steady beeping in the background kept Clarke listening. Things don’t look good, Clarke. I know you’re working, but come as soon as you can. Mom keeps saying she wants to talk to you. Love you. I hope you get here soon.

It was all too surreal. It didn’t feel like a thing that was happening. Even in the face of a grim prognosis, Aurora had been constantly optimistic. The Blakes seemed immortal, impervious to harm, and the last few weeks had been a rude awakening for Clarke.

When she arrived at the hospital, she found Aurora’s room and rushed back. Bellamy was sitting in a chair at the side of the bed and O was sitting on the bed, both clinging onto one of her hands. She saw Clarke first and greeted her, voice weaker than the last time they had seen each other. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m so glad you could make it.”

It was the same thing she said any time Clarke showed up for lunch or dinner on the weekend and it hurt. Both Bellamy and Octavia jumped and turned their heads, but Aurora kept speaking.

“Bellamy, will you go find me something to eat? Chips or something from the vending machine? Octavia, you should go call that handsome boyfriend of yours and see when he’ll get here.”

They both reluctantly assented. O squeezed Clarke’s hand on the way out. Bellamy hesitated more than his sister, but eventually agreed. He attempted to smile and almost walked right past her, but Clarke grabbed his arm. They shared a wordless conversation. Are you okay right now? and How could I possibly be okay right now? She hugged him tightly and he let it last longer than she expected, but he still left without saying anything.

“Will you come sit with me?” Aurora patted the bed next to her.

Clarke swallowed hard and nodded. The first step was the hardest. It was like trying to walk in the shallow end of the pool and it didn’t get easier as she crossed the room. Aurora’s face was gaunt and pale. It looked like she hadn’t slept in days. Clarke took her hand as she sat down on the bed and could feel each individual bone. She had lost too much weight. But it was a time for strength. Crying could, and would, come later.

“Oh, honey, don’t worry about me.” Aurora patted her hand. “I knew this was coming.”

Clarke frowned. “How long have you known for sure?”

“It’s been a few months. Before that hospital visit. And you know the doctors weren’t optimistic about treatment options. I wanted to enjoy the time I had left, not suffer through it, poked day in and day out, tubes everywhere. You and your mom were more than enough medical supervision.”

Aurora smiled and Clarke tried to come up with the laugh she wanted, but it wouldn’t come. “There isn’t anything they can do?”

“There are no guarantees.” A tear ran down Aurora’s cheek, making it harder for Clarke to maintain her composure. “I wish I didn’t have to leave them, but I’m ready to go.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I’m ready to go, because I know I’m not leaving them alone. It’s important to me that you know how much I appreciate how much you’ve done for us. For my kids. Not just helping us out the last few weeks, but ever since they met you. You’ve had such an impact on both of them and I’m so happy that they know you.” She paused for a moment to cough and Clarke handed her the glass of water from the table. When she finished taking a drink, she smiled. “I’m so glad they have you, Clarke. I hope you know how much you mean to this family.”

“I hope you know how much your family means to me.”

“I really do.” A truly contagious grin spread across Aurora’s face. Clarke couldn’t help smiling back, even as a heaviness weighed down on her chest.

When Bellamy came back, Clarke could see him trying to figure out what they had talked about, but she wanted to hold onto it for a little while. She gave Aurora a long hug and managed not to cry until she left to go find Lincoln in the waiting room.

Clarke knew that things were bad, because Abby didn’t try to make her go home once Bellamy and O were set up in Aurora’s room for the night. She was grateful that Lincoln stayed, because Abby was back with the staff, so she would have been alone. They talked about finals, the classes they were going to take next quarter, but her heart wasn’t in the small talk. Once Lincoln realized it, he just squeezed her hand before leaning back in his spot. It took some time, but eventually, they both fell asleep.

#bellarke fanfiction #bellarke #modern au #sometimes i can't see myself #my work #bellarke au #erin writes

[imaginaryimages]

Something Special (Modern AU)

I think about them sometimes. They were wonderful, loving people, my parents. I often wish I had gotten more time with them. I wonder sometimes how different my life would have been. Not that I’m not grateful for everything the Blake’s have done for me since they passed, taking me in and making me part of their family. It was more than I could have asked for. My parents and Aurora had been long time friends, I knew them since the day I was born. As a kid I spent many play dates with Octavia and Bellamy. I was so young when my parents died, I’ve spent more of my life living in the Blake household than I had in my own. But, sometimes, I can’t help but feel like I don’t belong.

There’s a knock on my door, pulling me out of my thoughts, and I realize I’ve been crying.

“Come in!” I feign enthusiasm, still feeling that pang of pain in my chest from thinking about the death of my parents.

Bellamy pops his head in, “Hey, Y/N, dinner’s ready.”

“I’ll be right down.” My voice sounds strained and false. I hope he doesn’t notice. He just nods, pulls his head back, and he’s gone.

As soon as the door is closed, I find myself smiling. Bellamy always has a way of making me feel better, even if he doesn’t know it. We’d always been close. There was something special with us. For a second I feel another pang in my chest, but this one a little different. It feels more warm. I recognize the feeling, but I ignore it. He’s practically my brother, after all.

As I walk towards my mirror, I wipe my face with my hands, removing any evidence of tears. I take a deep breath and look at myself. My eyes are still a little red and puffy, but hopefully no-one will notice. I run my fingers through my hair to make it look a little more presentable, silently cursing myself for looking like a sad disheveled mess when Bellamy had stopped in, then head downstairs.

The delicious smell of tonight’s meal fills my nose. I hear the sounds of dishes clinking, and a pot bubbling, and people shuffling around in the kitchen. When I walk in I see Aurora stirring something on the stove, Octavia pulling plates from the cupboard, Bellamy putting placemats on the table. We catch each other’s glance and he smiles a half smile at me, which I return in kind. He knows I had been crying, and he knows why. I can see it in his eyes.

The evening passes much like any other. We all make small talk around the table, laughing and smiling comfortably. Aurora is more bristly than usual, so we all tread lightly with what we say. Never the less, it’s a fairly happy family dinner. When I pass the salt to Bellamy our hands touch for a second and I feel a little electric pulse, and our eyes catch again. The moment is quick. Maybe there was no moment at all. I remind myself, “He’s like a brother.”

When the meal is over, we all help clear the table and pile the dishes in the sink. The others head out of the kitchen to their respective rooms and I’m left alone. It’s my turn to do the dishes, so I fill the sink with soap and water.

I fall into a familiar pattern. Scrub, rinse, dry, scrub, rinse, dry. My mind begins to wander. Childhood memories pop up in my brain, Octavia and I playing dolls, Bellamy chasing us when we all played tag, the three of us scribbling in colouring books while laying on our stomachs on the floor. Then flashes of later memories, as we all grew up. I see Bellamy’s face, his smile, his freckles, his curly hair… No, no, stop that now. I can’t think about him that way. I have to stop thinking about him that way. I need to think about something else. My mind switches gears then, back to my parents, back to the night I found out they died, back to the moment my entire world shattered around me, back to the most broken feeling I’ve ever experienced…

Crash.

I jump as pieces of ceramic scatter on the floor. Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no. I’ve broken one of Aurora’s plates. The china passed down from her grandparents. The dishes that had survived three generations of Blake’s couldn’t survive one clumsy moment in my idiot hands.

“What was that?” Aurora asks as she enters the kitchen. I see her face drop as she sees the mess on the floor, her mouth hanging open. Her eyes start to water, then flash with anger.

I bend down to pick up the pieces, “I’m sorry! I’m so, so sorry!” I can feel the tears stinging in my eyes and I try my best to hold them back.

Aurora approaches me and I can feel the heat of rage radiating from her. I’d seen her angry before, but not like this. She’d been in a bad mood all day, and I was about to be on the receiving end of all her frustrations.

“What did you do?” Her voice is like razors slicing into me.

“It was an accident, I’m so sorry.” I stand up, my hands filled with sharp broken pieces of the delicate dish ware, I feel a few cuts into my skin.

“You do realize those dishes were handed down to me by my parents, handed down to them from my grandparents. Don’t you?”

“I didn’t—“

“No, you didn’t. Just go, get out.” She grabs a broom and starts sweeping up the remainder of the broken pieces on the floor.

“Aurora, I’m so sorry. You know I didn’t mean to!”

“You know what, Y/N? I don’t want to hear excuses. Sometimes you’re such a burden.” she snaps.

Ouch. We’ve had our fights before. She endured my defiant, snotty teenage years. But this… this was something else. This ran deeper than just a broken plate.

“I don’t mean to be a burden on you…” I feel a tear escape.

“Didn’t I say I didn’t want excuses? You’ve always got something to say, always have to get in a word,” She’s on a roll now. This must have been pent up for a long time. “Just like your parents.”

“Don’t talk about my parents.” I say through gritted teeth.

“I knew them better than you did. You know your mom broke one of these plates once, too. You clumsy idiots, all of you. Like mother like daughter.”

“Hey, that’s enough.” I say, my blood beginning to boil, my voice rising.

“Don’t tell me what’s enough. Don’t speak to me like that in my own house.” Her voice has risen now too, and I’m sure Octavia and Bellamy can hear every word.

“It’s my house, too.” I counter.

“No, it’s not. You’re not a part of this family. We took you in. You ungrateful little goblin. I took you in! I didn’t have to do that and I did.”

“Nobody asked you to!” I spit.

“Your parents did! In their damn will. And stupid, stupid me, I agreed to it! We had enough struggles on our own and I still took in their bratty little kid.”

“Stop talking about my parents! They were your friends! They trusted you, which was clearly the wrong choice.”

“They made a lot of wrong choices. Irresponsible, unreliable, —“

“Oh, that’s rich coming from you!” I sputter.

“All you’ve done is be a drain on this family. You’ve caused way more trouble than you’re worth. You’re a leech. You always have been. But you know what? I’ve had enough. That’s it. You are not welcome here. Not anymore. Get out.” Her voice is steel, cold and hard.

I stand there, frozen. All my worst fears were true. I didn’t belong.

I turned on my heel and marched straight to my bedroom. Slamming the door shut, I stomped to my bed. I felt like a petulant child, but I was so hurt and angry I didn’t care. If she wanted me gone, fine. I’ll pack my things and get the hell out. It’s about time anyway.

I grabbed a bag and haphazardly started throwing clothes into it. I was blind with anger and tears. I grabbed another bag and started stuffing that one, too. After some time, I sat down on the edge of my bed. Exhausted and still crying, I heard a knock on my door. I didn’t respond. I didn’t want to talk to anyone.

Another knock. I still did not respond. I sat in rage charged silence.

The door slowly cracked open. “Hey, is it… is it okay if I come in?” Bellamy’s voice asked.

I huffed, “Yeah, sure, fine.”

He stepped inside, eyeing up the mess I’d made while tossing my belongings into bags. He approached the bed cautiously, and sat down beside me. His presence was already soothing, but my breathing was still heavy and uneven, and my throat still tight with fury.

“You heard all that, huh.” I stared straight ahead.

“Oh, I heard. I think the whole neighbourhood heard.” His sarcasm was not welcome right now.

I sighed. “Yeah… not my proudest moments.”

“Going somewhere?” He gestures towards the bags on the floor.

“She wants me to go, so I’ll go.” I say flatly.

“Don’t go. You know she didn’t mean it.” He reassures me. I turn to look at him then. His eyes are soft, concerned.

“Maybe. But she is right about one thing. I don’t belong here. And I never really have.” My voice quivers a little. This is what I’d worried about my whole life here.

“Don’t say that. Of course you belong.”

“No, Bellamy, I don’t. You guys have been so good to me, but I’ve never been part of the family. I’m just the kid who lives in the spare bedroom. I don’t belong.”

“Well, you belong with me.”

The air catches in my lungs. The room feels frozen in time. I stare at him, puzzled, shocked, my heart racing. Did he? Did I hear? What?

“I mean, you don’t belong with me, you belong to me. No not to me. I just mean that y’know that you’re cool, you’re good, you’re fine. I mean not fine as in fine, but fine as in okay.” He sputters, nervously, and laughs.

I realize I’ve been holding my breath. I laugh, too.

“Yeah, right of course. No, I knew what you meant.” I laugh awkwardly again.

We go quiet. There’s a tension between us. I’m suddenly aware of how close we’re sitting. I shuffle over a little and clear my throat, trying not to look directly at him because I can feel the warmth building in my cheeks and I’m sure they’re turning red. “Well, I uh, I better finish packing. I’ll stay at a friend’s place tonight, and come back and get more of my stuff tomorrow.”

“You’re really going to leave?” Bellamy’s voice is tinged with fear and disappointment.

“I mean, I’m not a kid anymore. I should get out on my own eventually, right?”

“Right…”

“Yeah. Right. So it’s about time I go.”

“I don’t want you to go.” He says in a tone I don’t know how to read.

Silence falls again.

“Do you want help packing?” He asks after a few moments pass.

“Yeah, you know what, that would be great.”

The tension soon breaks as we start to move around my room, assessing where to begin. I turn on some music and the mood lightens even more. Soon, we’re laughing and joking, picking up random objects and arguing over whether or not they’re worth keeping. I insist on keeping a hideous mug he had made me for my birthday one year when we had all been enrolled in a ceramics class. He convinces me to toss a very outdated sweater.

As the night wears on, we eventually stop packing things and end up sitting on the floor across from each other, listening to the music and just talking. It’s so easy to talk with him, so cozy to sit and let our thoughts mingle. We share our hopes, dreams, stories, jokes. It’s all just so… right.

“Hey, what did you mean earlier when you said you didn’t want me to go?” I ask him

He shrugs, “Y’know, I’m just used to having you around that’s all.”

I’m not convinced. I raise an eyebrow.

“Then again, it might be nice to have a break. You’re a pain in the ass sometimes.” He laughs

“Ha ha.” I roll my eyes.

But then he continues, “But also, I mean, I guess…” He trails off.

“What?” I laugh

“Nah, it’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“Oh, come on, you can’t do that” I tease, “You can’t just start a sentence and then pretend you didn’t say anything and leave me wondering what the hell is going on in that head of yours.”

I move closer to him, continuing to tease, “C’mon, tell me tell me tell me. Don’t be a jerk butt. Tell me.”

He laughs and rolls his eyes, smirking.

“No, you’re an idiot. Stop. Forget it.”

“Nope, not gonna.” I’m sitting right in front of him now, looking at him determinedly, “I’m going to sit right here until you tell me.”

He lets out a sigh, “I’d just… miss you, I guess.”

There’s one of those moments again. A moment that feels enticing. Like something is pulling us together.

“I’ll miss you, too, Bell.” I move to sit next to him, and the familiar safe feeling washes over the room again.

I lean my head on his shoulder and we sit like that for a while, the music playing softly, everything still and calm.

Then, his hand slowly moves closer to mine. It brushes against the side of my hand. I don’t move. We’re both looking down at our hands, transfixed. His pinky starts to reach towards mine. Slowly, our ring and pinky fingers are touching, softly, wrapping around each other. This gesture of intimacy fills the air and we both look up into each others eyes. Electric pulse.

Our eyes scan over each others faces, linger on each others lips, lock into each others gaze, and we’re leaning in. Gently, our lips touch. We move closer, lips parting and moving in synch. It’s slow and soft, meaningful. When we finally pull away, our eyes meet again.

“I can’t believe we did that.” I breathe.

“Did you… did you not want to?” He worries.

“No, no. I did. I just…” I can’t form a sentence.

“I wanted to.” He says.

“You did?” I try to hold back the hope and excitement in my voice.

“I really did. I… I have for a long time.” He seems relieved to say that.

“Me too.” I breathe.

“I like you, Y/N.” He looks me in the eyes, “I like you a lot.”

“I really like you too.”

Like magnets, our lips are drawn back to each other. This time the kiss is deeper, filled with pent up longing. I feel myself getting lost in it. There was always something special between us, and now, finally, we knew what it was.

---------------------------

This was a request by @ariatate. Sorry it took me so long. I hope you like it!

#bellamy blake imagine #bellamy imagine #bellamy x reader #bellamy blake x reader #bellamy blake au

[thefeministhundred]

Feminist Review of The 100: 3x10 Fallen

Writer: Charmaine Degratè & Javier Grillo-Marxuach

Director: Matt Barber

Total time in episode: 39

Total number of character credited in episode: 24

Number of female characters credited in episode: 8

Clarke Griffin

Abby Griffin

Octavia Blake

Raven Reyes

Harper McIntyre

Alie

Hannah Green

Ontari

Amount of time at least one female character is the focus of a scene: 33

Does the episode pass the Bechdel test: Yes.

Number of deaths in episode: A couple of guards.

Female: 0?

Sexualized moments: 1 

Female: 1 

Male: 1 

Bad Ass Woman Moment of the Episode: Oh man Raven Reyes. You have been through so much in the last 3 seasons. For sure more physical pain then anyone else. I just adore her this whole episode and Lindsey nails. YAAAS QUEEN.

Badass Female Friendship Moment: Abby and Raven’s relationship has had its ups and downs... but it is so important. It is important that these two women have remained close to each other and supportive of each other. I’ve said a few times that for Abby, Raven is the child who allows her to help. Clarke does not. 

Cave Kru

The Octavia beating Bellamy scene. So, I have seen the full spectrum on responses to this. Octavia is abusive. Bellamy deserved it. And I suspect somewhere in the middle is what the writers were going for. I don’t think what Octavia does it RIGHT, but I also understand that siblings have an interesting relationship. I don’t think Octavia is abusive towards Bellamy, but I think this scene goes too far. It’s farther complicated by the fact that Octavia is normally the moral center of this show. She is always the one saying “we can’t do this, it’s wrong.” You can’t take the moral center POV character and without telling us she is no longer the moral center, having her beat the shit out of her chained up brother. And I get that Bellamy PHYSICALLY could have stopped her, but I would suggest that emotionally, he could not. Bellamy would allow Octavia to kill him if it made her feel better. 

I am going to take a moment here to talk about Trauma Bonding. I talk about it a lot when I talk about this show because there are several exampled happening. All of the 100 (plus Raven and Bell) have a trauma bond. They are willing to chose each other over most other people due to the intense bond they share from the violence they experienced when they first landed. Bellamy and Octavia’s bond goes deeper and slightly more dysfunctional. They have a co dependence that effects them both differently. Bellamy learned for Octavia’s whole life that her safety was the priority. “My sister, my responsibility.” It is his job to keep her safe, no matter the effects on him. I suspect that any tantrums a young Octavia would have had would have been dealt with by Bellamy. Not that Aurora didn’t love them both, but she was trying to keep the WHOLE family safe. Bellamy’s entire life has taught him to love Octavia the most and her wellbeing is the Priority. So, I suspect that all of that means that Bellamy isn’t going to stop Octavia. Even though it’s not actually helping either of them. Octavia beats Bellamy because she cannot get to Pike. Anyway, at some point I might do an entire post around the trauma that has happened to these kids and how it has really given them a super dysfunctional relationship dynamic. 

Okay, so the entire plotline of Bellamy playing Pike to get him turned in and save Octavia... Kane is right, it matters why you do the right thing. Just doing it to save Octavia is not enough. Also oh man Octavia has some bloodlust. 

Polis

Ontari is really the most “Cool motive, still murder” character. I understand she was probably brainwashed and abused her whole life, but still. I do appreciate that this show gives us “evil” women as well as our heroes. The full spectrum of women happen on this show. 

The Rape of John Murphy:

Okay so, again people much smarter then me have talked through this scene. I want to say I suspect that the writers were going for “John consents with that ‘what I do to survive’ line.” Only, John Murphy cannot consent. Ontari JUST told him she will kill him if he doesn’t agree to this. That is coercion. There is no consent once coercion has entered the playing field. John Murphy was raped, full stop. This show promised us they would not use sexual violence and I was SUPER disappointed that they did. This was a show that didn’t even use sexually violent language and it’s what inspired me to start this blog. I BADLY hope it is something we never see again, for either a man or a woman. 

Arkadia

Raven is the smartest human alive. I love her trying to block Alie out. It’s so smart. She’s so smart. Swoon swoon swoon. 

So, we’re suppose to think that in this scene with Hannah and Monty that Hannah is setting Monty up, correct? She is literally setting her son up. I wonder if she offered to have Monty saved if they could get the rest. (Note: yes, it is confirmed later in the episode Hannah is selling Monty out and I totally forgot.) 

Raven getting all her memories back is so heartbreaking. Lindsey is so fucking amazing. Her acting is ON POINT this season. When Lindsey does the Alie stuff, CHILLING. JUST CHILLS. ALL OVER MY BODY. 

OKAY SO. Let’s get a little personal here. I am a cutter. I have not self harmed in roughly 7 years, but like alcoholism it never really goes away. I am not super sensitive to triggers because I am really good at compartmentalizing but I am really glad I have a friend who texted me to tell there was a trigger warning for self harming in this episode. I was not triggered but I can imagine that for some people that entire scene was very hard. I know they were wanting to go darker this season, and they clearly did. But I wish we hadn’t had to watch this woman who has been through SO MUCH also slice her wrists. I understand it was Alie in control of Raven’s body, but still. 

Poor Abby, having to watch this. Make this choice. Do you think Clarke would have let Raven die here? I wonder that after what happens in the finale. 

Jasper got to kind of be a hero! Go Jasper! Way to find some motivation deep inside there. I just LOVE the shot where Jasper sees Clarke and has to slam on his breaks. So I know Jasper hates Clarke, but at least he told her to get in the car. 

THE BAND IS BACK TOGETHER YOU GUYS. I cannot wait. 

#feminist review of the 100 #the 100 #season 3 #3x10 #fallen #clarke griffin #abby griffin #raven reyes #octavia blake #ontari #Harper Mcintyre #alie #Hannah Green

[kinetic-elaboration]

January 30: Thoughts on 1x06: My Sister’s Keeper

Instead of eating dinner at a normal time like a normal person, or even watching TV in a normal way like a normal person, I took over an hour to watch a 40 minute episode and write these incoherent notes on it.

Okay, so the flashback saying seventeen years ago implies Octavia is seventeen, and here I was, pretty darn sure she was supposed to be sixteen as of the pilot. Not super sure how I got that idea but regardless, I actually do like it better, it makes somewhat more sense to me.

Aurora’s a pretty terrible person and tbh I wish the show had just gone there 1000%, more along the lines of the books. Like this show is so weak sometimes. Not that making her son an accomplice to a crime and telling him that making sure neither his sister nor mother is brutally murdered by the state is his sole responsibility isn’t bad enough but like...they could have gone harder on just how screwed up this situation is.

I guess since the massacre in S3 no one gives a fuck about Bellamy throwing away the radio but I remember when it used to be the Hugest Deal Ever that he did that (a laugh btw), and isn’t it funny how the very next episode starts out Hardcore Humanizing him by showing him as a small child just trying to take care of his sibling??

“It’s Octavia. She’s probably chasing butterflies.” Girl does that one time and it’s like her only character trait. I feel like ‘being a petulant brat’ should overshadow it but okay. (I don’t even dislike Octavia, I just think ‘butterfly chaser’ is more of an anomaly than a primary character trait.)

Lincoln’s mancave: OMG he has paper bound books and something that looks like a toy car?!? I’ve never noticed this before.

Generally though everything about Lincoln’s introduction (kidnapping Octavia, chaining her up, and most importantly refusing to speak to her in her language even though he’s fucking fluent in it) tells me that the writers cared 100% about drama and suspense and 0% about believability or long-term character consistency, which is part of why I have a hard time giving them the benefit of the doubt ever. Sorry.

First appearance of Monroe. Like 20 years after the pilot, sorry again but I still don’t believe she was cast that early and didn’t show up in a single frame for 5 whole episodes.

Never forget that Jasper was known for, what, weeks maybe, as the kid who can’t leave camp. Also I miss Jasper + Octavia friendship stuff tbh. Totally underrated.

Finn was considered a good tracker, that was like his one skill. Literally.

Raven’s so beautiful.

I know I always say I don’t hate Finn and then I badmouth Finn but like it’s so hard to see the connection between Finn and Raven and I’m trying, sincerely, but...I don’t know. Maybe it’s the fandom. Maybe it’s the annoying way he tells Clarke he’s “not sure” they can stop having an affair when, like, she literally just told him, she’s not going to have an affair and that’s totally the sort of thing one can choose to do or not do. Hard to tell.

Jasper is bi headcanon continuously constantly confirmed. “Finn? We’re not gonna find her with you?”

Bellamy is looking particularly beautiful in this episode. If no one has giffed his face when he finds the skeleton graveyard, someone should do that.

Speaking of: skeleton graveyard! That’s the kind of creepy shit I like. No idea what tf it is or why it’s there but it’s cool as heck.

So Bellamy braves the skeleton yard because O’s his sister, obviously, and Jasper because he likes her, and Finn because IDK gotta be a hero or something, but you know who else goes with them when all the little boys get scared and leave? Monroe. Boom. Another wasted character.

Aurora: “Fear is a demon. Close your eyes and tell yourself you’re not afraid. That is how you slay the demon.” Bellamy is such a wide-eyed innocent. He’s just trying so hard.

I stand by my theory that class disparity on the Ark has little to do with material wealth but I will admit the Blakes have a much shittier housing unit than the Griffins, the Chancellor, or anyone in Alpha based on the S3 quarters.

I still ship Clarke/Raven something fierce; I miss scenes like this one where they...you know...interact. I love that Raven loves flowers and thinks Abby’s a badass and I also love that they either walked all night or stopped to rest and ended up (literally) sleeping together.

The Grounders are obviously lame as a whole but even I am impressed by their sneak attacks. RIP other John.

Okay also by the way: the Grounders only attacked when the kids crossed the skeleton line, or as this helpful exposition points out, when they “crossed the boundary.” In other words, as of now, the total Grounder interaction with the Sky Kids has been: spearing Jasper when he crossed a boundary, (possibly rogue) spying, having their spy go (extra?) rogue and kidnap someone, and killing a couple more kids when they crossed another boundary (this one admittedly more clearly marked). So far, almost halfway through season 1, the Grounders really do not seem to give a fuck about the Delinquents. I really don’t think this ever had anything to do with land. I think if the kids were on Tri Kru land this entire time they would have been wiped out in Episode 2.

Anya will of course later cite the destruction of the Grounder village by the flares. Retaliation seems to come pretty late for that lol (I’ll have to watch, actually--DO they ever retaliate for that?), but at least it’s a definite, though accidental, form of aggression.

Okay, wow, it is canon that Bellamy and Octavia are from the section that would have been quietly killed in the original culling plan; it says Section 17 on their door.

Octavia’s first walk through the Ark is really beautiful though. Lovely sequence.

I love how they have their dance...in a hallway? Like undergrad parties in the atrium in Main.

How completely overwhelming and magical to be Octavia in that moment though, like she‘s literally only met 2 people her entire life and now she’s around all of these other kids, just dancing and having fun.

(Also it still bugs me what tf is behind Jasper’s goggles in this scene why I do obsess over random shit? And yet. Also also he’s 14 in that flashback what a trip.)

Lincoln’s neck thing with the skull hands on it is one of my favorite pieces of Grounder wardrobe.

I wonder if Lincoln doesn’t speak because in his head he’s like ‘oh shit, I’m in so much trouble, what the fuck am I doing, this is such a bad idea.’

I feel like they should have started figuring out that Jasper has some Pretty Big Issues sometime around here: can’t leave camp, starts screaming for Grounders to kill them, etc. Funny how no one is suspicious about this.

I find it semi-weird that the response to a solar flare is to start taking names, like--this makes me think there was no solar flare, this is just a trick of the totalitarian state. I mean “you know the drill, masks off, id chips out” sounds like this happens a lot--random person inspections just like random housing inspections. Also what is an “ID chip”? I feel like this is something you carry but you know what would have been cooler? Something in your skin. But this is a Fake Sci Fi show so they’re not going to go that route.

Was Bellamy going to “create a distraction” for O using police brutality?

Major props to make up making Marie Avgeropolous, a woman pushing 30 at the time this was filmed, look like she’s actually 15/16 years old.

Bellamy’s realization that O doesn’t know how to get home breaks my heart EVERY DAMN TIME.

This is definitely the moment when Shumway picked Bellamy to be his Chancellor assassin.

It’s not funny, but Finn, Bell, Jasper, and Monroe squeezed under a tent together just looks like the most awkward sleepover ever. Which is to say it is pretty funny.

No commentary, only respect, for the Clarke + Raven discuss Finn scene, but: “Do you love him?” / “I hardly know him” is gold because, yeah, she does hardly know him, and even though Finn would 10000% think otherwise, level headed people like Clarke know what’s what. (Aside: I actually think she was lying to him when she killed him--or that she meant ‘love’ in the general sense, the same way she loves, say Monty or Octavia or any delinquent. But that’s just me.)

I feel a little cheated over a proper Jasper/Octavia hug tbh.

LOL at Jasper wanting to take the knife out of Finn. “Mom, Dad said I couldn’t take the knife out...”

Next time on The 100: Raven and Clarke work together to save the life of a boy who two-timed them both. Then they fall in love.

Bellamy and Clarke and leadership, since I’m semi-trying to develop a theory here: nothing really about leadership in this ep. Clarke seems initially to be heading up the search party with Bell, but then she goes with Raven and has basically the C-Plot. From the point of view of the delinquents, in this ep, Bellamy is definitely the leader (again) and Clarke is the doctor.

#the year 2017 #2017: the 100 s1 #2017: fandom thoughts

[justalittlebluetiefling]

Chapter 23: Sometimes I Can’t See Myself

Rating: T Fandom: The 100 Pairing: Bellamy x Clarke Chapter: 23/? Word Count: 1440 Words

Chapter Summary: The one where Clarke’s invited to a Blake family dinner.

Also on AO3

“You owe me big time,” Clarke said as she climbed out of her car.

Octavia threw her arms open wide and grinned sheepishly. Clarke rolled her eyes and crossed the lawn to hug her.

“Is he here yet?” Clarke asked, searching as though she’d see Bellamy pop up from behind a bush or poke his head up in one of the windows. He hadn’t spoke to her for a month after she had driven him home. Then, out of the blue, he had texted her to tell her that he saw her in a movie along with a picture of a velociraptor from Jurassic World. Any time she’d try to talk about anything with substance, he’d ignore her again for a couple of days until he got tired of her bombarding him with pictures of dinosaurs. (She didn’t understand why the dinosaur texts kept working, really.)

“Yeah, he’s helping mom in the kitchen.” Octavia’s mouth twisted in distaste. “She’s excited you came for dinner. Even if it did ruin her plans for an epic Blake sibling reunion.” She linked her arm with Clarke’s and pulled her towards the house.

“So, you’re still mad at him?”

“He’s still a dick. So yeah.”

“Oh, come on. He’s always been a dick and you weren’t mad at him before.”

Octavia glared at her and led her inside. They stopped by the kitchen and Clarke had to grin at the enthusiasm she was greeted with.

“Clarke, it’s so good to see you!” Aurora put something in the oven and ran over to sweep her up in a tight hug.

“Hey, it’s Princess!” Bellamy was smiling, too, close behind his mother. He gave her a quick one-armed hug, keeping his whisk-wielding hand away from her. “I’m glad you could come.”

“We’re going up to my room.” Clarke winced under the pressure of Octavia’s fingers pressing into her arm and pulling her away from Bellamy. “Call us when dinner’s ready.” As soon as they were on the stairs, Octavia let go. “What was that about?”

“What was what about?”

“You hugged him! You’re supposed to be mad at him, too!”

Clarke just raised her eyebrows at O. It took a few minutes, but she finally had the grace to look abashed. Well, she at least looked a little sorry, so Clarke broke the silence. “You know how I feel about this.”

“I know.” Octavia fell onto her bed and sighed, tossing a small pillow up into the air. “I was hoping you’d at least pretend for my sake, I guess.”

***

The dining table was big enough to fit four. Clarke sat across from Aurora, in between the siblings who were so pointedly not speaking it made the whole thing a little awkward. She had only met their mother a couple other times. At first, she had seemed timid next to her children. It wasn’t that she was timid, but Bellamy and Octavia both had the tendency to be brash where their mother tended toward being careful with her words. And since the two who normally dominated a conversation were silent unless prompted, it was left to Aurora and Clarke to fill the quiet.

“So, Clarke, Octavia tells me that you two are going to be roommates again this year?”

“Yeah,” Clarke said, covering her mouth to finish chewing her bite of food. “We already submitted the roommate request form and it was approved.”

“Good.” Aurora smiled softly. “And Bellamy. You’re still living with Nathan and Harper?”

“Mom, I talk to you pretty much every other day.” He stared down at his plate, pushing his food around with his fork. “You already know.”

“How are they doing?” Clarke asked.

He glanced up at her cautiously and then shrugged. “Fine? Harper says hey, I guess. To both of you.”

“Miller didn’t?”

“You know Miller. He grunted from the couch.” Bellamy paused for a second as though considering something and then pointed his fork at her. “You know, now that you mention it, he wants that book that you borrowed from him earlier this summer back. I should have texted you and told you to bring it.”

Clarke choked on her sip of water and a triumphant look spread across Bellamy’s face. Aurora raised an eyebrow at Octavia, who shrugged. “Clarke, did you decide whether or not you want to stick with pre-med?”

This time, Clarke choked on her new sip of water, because Bellamy and Octavia shot her matching apologetic glances. It would have been funny if she could have pointed it out to either of them. They had talked about it when they first met and their mother thought it was silly that Clarke was putting herself through ‘so much trouble, because surely her mother would love her regardless of her choice in major, and Bellamy and Octavia told her so many good things about her drawings and paintings and she was so talented.’ Still, over the course of her internship at the clinic that summer, she had come to the reluctant conclusion that pre-med might actually be the right course for her.

“You know,” she said slowly, “I don’t know if I could ever admit it to my mother, but I might be a little more into the pre-med idea more than I thought I would be. But I still love drawing and painting, too. That will never go away. I might just have to stick with both and figure it out later.”

The rest of the dinner conversation continued in the same vein. Aurora talked about how proud she was of her little historian and her little dancer, and both blushed gracefully at her compliments, although there was a tension in Bellamy’s shoulders that she hadn’t noticed before.  

After they were finished eating, Aurora instructed Bellamy to clean up and dragged Octavia away for a trip to the store to get the ice cream they forgot earlier. Clarke didn’t hesitate before she started to help him clear the table. They stayed in silence as they started rinsing the dishes to set them in the dishwasher until Clarke couldn’t handle it anymore.

“And here I worried you’d be all weird around me.”

Bellamy laughed. “I wasn’t sure how weird you’d feel after our last conversation.”

“You mean the one where I offered to be there for you if you needed to talk and then you ignored me for a month? Because I don’t think you can count any of the ones about the Jurassic era.”

“That’s the one.” He frowned and Clarke glared at him, but he didn’t see. “Hey, since you mention it, can I ask you for a favor?”

“Maybe.”

He set a hand on her wrist to stop her from grabbing another dish. “Can you help me make things right with O?”

The openness in his face caught Clarke off guard and she didn't know what to say. "I don't know, Bellamy—“  

“Clarke, please. She looks up to you. She listens to you. And I’m just so tired of fighting.”

“Well, did you try apologizing?”

He rolled his eyes and pushed a plate into her arms. “I want to, but she won’t talk to me at all right now, and I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Clarke set the plate in the dishwasher and took another from him, watching him out of the corner of her eye. He seemed to sink in on himself the longer she waited to speak, but she wasn’t really sure what to say.

“Listen, it was stupid of me to ask,” he said as he handed her the last dish. “I don’t want you to be in the middle.” He started to walk out of the kitchen.

“Bellamy, wait.” He stopped in the doorway, a hand on the frame, but didn’t turn. She sighed heavily. “I want to help. I just don’t know how.”

The tendons in his hand flexed as his grip tightened and loosened on the frame. “I get it, Clarke.”

“No, I don’t think you do.” She closed the distance and laid a hand on his elbow. She wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do, but he dropped his hand to his side and didn’t leave. “I’m already in the middle. O will get over it, okay? And I’ll try to help her along. I’ve been… I’ve been trying. But I don’t know how long it will take.” She hesitated for a moment. “Just be ready when she is.”

Tires crunched over gravel and they separated. He nodded before he led the way into the living room and gave her a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

#bellarke fanfiction #bellarke #modern au #sometimes i can't see myself #my work #erin writes