Kabby + get inside before you freeze to death.”
This is what I get for thinking that writing them couldn't hit the intense internal places anymore. WRONG. Post-s2 grayspace, PG-ish, and also on ao3.
This is just not her day.
To be fair, Abby has thought that… most days for the past few months, and the exceptions were usually worse but at least too much going on for her to process how bad it all was. The calm of winter was supposed to fix that, but winter on the ground hasn’t exactly been…
Mundane frustrations, she’s starting to think, are somehow worse than the possible end of the goddamn world. She’s not sure how that works, but it does.
Today, as usual, the primary cause of her anger and anxiety is the same person who’s reliably given her those emotions for close to thirty years. If she remembers right, the first thought she ever had about Marcus was that he was going to be a problem, and the judgment of twelve-year-olds is rarely so accurate but in this case…
The nature of the problem has changed a bit, but the problem remains. And today, apparently, the problem is passive-aggressively trying to kill himself. Again.
The power hierarchy is more fluid than it’s ever been in Abby’s lifetime, and while she’s functionally running things, she’s decided there are some areas she can delegate. Like anything involving the Guard – not her world, not her interest, not her problem now that Marcus has made it multiple months without even accidentally trying to kill her. In a functional world, she would not have to make suggestions about, say, more frequent rotations for outdoor shifts. In this one, apparently…
If the rumors are true, and anything four separate people report back to her tends to at least be worth checking out, he’s decided to give himself all the dangerous postings. Like overnight in the middle of a snowstorm. Alone.
In another life – two months ago, even – she might’ve thought about ignoring this particular bad life choice. He’s comfortably in her age bracket, aka more than old enough for fuck-around-and-find-out, and she might enjoy watching whatever goes wrong. Unfortunately…
Adequate damage control means going out in said nighttime snowstorm herself, in the thickest oversized coat she could find and armed with a flashlight the width of her lower arm, and reminding herself that this bullshit rescue mission is going to be easier than whatever frostbite might be acquired if someone were left unsupervised, because that would also end up her problem, because that man is living proof the universe hates her and-
“Are you out of what’s left of your fucking mind?” she says in greeting once she’s close enough to… well, not yell yet, but…
“Do I want to know what emergency brought you out here?”
“I’m looking at it,” she replies. “You’re out here in the middle of this and-“
“Someone has to-“
“No. Not today. Anything that might be an actual threat to us presumably also has the sense to stay in some kind of shelter in this weather. Now get inside before you freeze to death.”
Marcus looks her up and down like he’s more worried about her than himself, and of course he is, too many of his failed attempts at whatever he’s even doing have looked like an atonement tour, and she’s starting to wonder if-
“Someone-“
“Not. Today. And not you.”
She can’t lose him, she thinks and can’t say under these circumstances. Too much of her identity has gotten tangled up in their complications to a point where he’s almost the only thing she has left and-
“Like you actually give a damn.”
The fucking nerve of him.
“Would I be out here in this lovely weather, halfway up into a questionably stable uninsulated watchtower, if I didn’t care about you? Has it at any point occurred to you that maybe I don’t-“
“You shouldn’t.”
Oh, like she needs reminding. His recent behavior is actually tolerable, the personality shift seems to have stuck well enough, but… this is still new and dangerous, and fascinating out of that, and-
“You don’t get to die on me and leave me like that, understand? You want to go out there and die tragic somehow, fine, but you don’t get to intentionally do that without a succession plan and-“
“I wasn’t aware-“
“Of course you weren’t,” she hisses. “You don’t think about anything but yourself. Even now. And no amount of moralistic-“
“You would be better on your own.”
“Maybe. But I’d be lonely.”
That makes him quiet, brings him closer to her. She sees that quiet pain in his eyes, all the things she thinks may be hers alone because she’s the only person left who’d think to look for them, and maybe…
“I will escort you back inside,” he says after adequate silence and time. “As is within my responsibilities.”
“You’ve done too much to me to be that formal right now.”
“Can you believe I am trying to do better?”
Maybe not in words, she thinks, but actions have shown her enough. Whatever quest he’s on for absolution, it seems to start with doing right by her, and he… has, lately. They’ve made it multiple days in a row, primarily working in the same space, without sparring. The last time she felt threatened by him was… the last time. They are in a new era now, and-
“I want to,” she breathes. “I am trying to.”
He joins her on the ground, and it’s easy enough to entwine their gloved hands, to stay that close as they walk back towards warmth. There are snowflakes in his beard and she has the fleeting thought that she should brush them out with her free hand, and she does, and-
“What was that for?”
It has been, Abby thinks, far too long since she’s given that kind of touch, and it awakens something in her that she knows now is not the time for and-
“I wanted to,” she replies, recoiling just as quickly before anything else can happen. “I-“
She realizes she probably worsened the issue, and she’d offer to deal with it again when they’re indoors but skin on skin might be a problem and-
“You always have to take care of people. Whether they ask for it or-“
“Better than trying to become a sacrifice at every opportunity,” she counters. “And you leaned into that, you weren’t exactly-“
“You of all people should know a biological reaction isn’t-“
“I am trying to respond to you! And I would love to know what you get out of saying you want to do right by me and at the same time pushing me away every time I-“
“It’s complicated.”
“Try me.”
“You deserve better.”
“I don’t think we’re in a situation where that matters. I have you. Fuck me for wanting to make that functional.”
She expects him to fight back, but he’s been doing that less and less lately and instead they slip back into comfortable silence until they’re indoors, hands still entwined as he walks with her to her room and-
“If you go right back outside…”
In this part of the building she’s taken up residence in, they can hear the howling winter wind. Nothing is out in that. Any living thing, regardless of intentions, is too cold to be a threat.
“I could claim that you had requested my presence.”
“Don’t make this weirder than it has to be.”
It isn’t, though. In the haze of everything that had happened when logistics were worked out, and her own immobility at the time, someone had appropriated a bed suited for two people and… it had been a nice week of knowing there was another presence near her, as cautious as he was not to touch her. Nothing happened, no matter what anyone else thinks, and-
“You heard something and you asked for me,” he decides. “Plausible enough.”
“You realize too many people think we’re screwing each other every chance we get,” she counters. “We don’t need a story, realistic or otherwise. Just… stay, okay? Stay where I can see you and let me sleep.”
There’s no real need for talk after that. They’ve done this before, this fakeout domesticity, and… it’s a little different with neither of them wounded, but still familiar enough. Still perfectly safe for her to strip down to minimal layers and slip under blankets that will be shared and-
“You’re a terror,” he mutters, letting her get comfortable before he joins her.
“You wouldn’t have me any other way.”
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