#Well a little lie on my part

[hextv]

I have this silly idea floating around in my head.

C!Dream dies in prison and instead of going to limbo he appears in the middle of a lush but obviously unknown forest, his first thought is that he is in limbo.

He explores the place a bit and eventually runs into another person he absolutely doesn't know.

N!silenco is confused by that stranger who is staring at him with that mask that looks like it was made by a 5-year-old child.

Somehow C!Dream was dragged by the bull man while he doesn't understand absolutely anything he says because he doesn't speak Spanish.

#nuggetsmp #c!silencio #dreblr #Any errors are because I don't speak English. #Absolutely no one here knows who C!Silencio is #But I want you to know that he would become friends with C!Dream #In fact they are friends #Everyone at nsmp loves C!dream #Well a little lie on my part #I love C!dream

[humanmorph]

"They found each other in the wreckage of optimism, and it took them a decade to decide that hope was not enough to save the Golden Branch from itself. It was in a library, not an armoury, where the Apostolosian became the sword and shield of Integrity, a Divine who’d lost its Candidate. Some climb into their Divines, others deploy them across the battlefield, or fight under the blanket of their shadows. But Integrity demands intimacy. It digs into the flesh of the willing, all metal and promises and penetralia, desperate to create an unbreakable unity. It is afraid, and wounded, and it cannot know the power it gives without seeing it first in the reflection of a Candidate's eyes: the loft, the velocity, the violence. And for the first time in centuries, Integrity doesn’t fear its Candidate. It moves with confidence, in muscle and ambition. It believes in Sokrates Nikon Artemisios." (COUNTER/Weight 22: A Broken Branch)

Great episode to get to after recent palisade happenings. I obviously remember the "Integrity demands intimacy" but there's so much other great stuff here.... "They found each other in the wreckage of optimism" is just incredible.

Edit: Noting the wording of " [...] the Apostolosian became the sword and shield of Integrity" because Integrity literally is both those things - they are the armor Sokrates wears and the weapon they wield - but it positions them here both as a protector of Integrity and someone Integrity acts through (divines & candidates!).

And I love that this gives Integrity pre-Sokrates interiority I had honestly completely forgotten about. "For the first time in centuries, Integrity doesn't fear it's candidate" A divine afraid(!) of what it can do together with it's candidate, the power it gives. And then what Austin describes in pal29 comes to mind, which is like, "if there was a time when Integrity was like, you know, 'Finally someone has come to help me get out of this situation.' That is not what's happening here." It's interesting because that phrasing of if not the current but a past state("that time has come and gone ")... it still sounds like fear a little bit. And that obviously isn't the case anymore (I don't feel like typing out this Austin quote but he said something about the notion of immortality & change that made me real happy. I love that shit) & I'm curious to learn more about this hopefully.

I love Integrity & while I don't think of it as "the good one", it's fate is important to me because is still one of the sickest divines (which is really saying a lot with like, Perennial and Motion et al. around).

#Integrity is in the description for todays ep & I'm not sure if that's because they're just mentioned like hey btw. or actually relevant #But I shall find out. After I finish this faction game that is #counterweightposting #Palisadeposting #Palisade spoilers #I couldn't fit it in up there but more than everything else 'It is afraid and wounded' made me think of pal29. Likeeee #Also I was like Austin come on give people some credit when he said that bit abt integrity fans going but that's the good one #But 1) likely something he's actually seen? and 2) I can't lie I would like it to be on MBs side. This is my wouldn't that be sick? part. #But ultimately I want whatever happens to to be interesting. And there's things that aren't interesting to me and some of those - #- even fall under 'on MBs side' so like. WELL I'LL JUST HAVE TO SEE. #I could elaborate on what's not interesting to me but it's a little. What if I jinx it. (not real) (I'm being extremely silly) #Those tags could've been it's own post tbh but I don't want to type it all out again.

[araneitela]

Quick interruption: This may (somehow, still?) be a hot take, but I swear to all that is unholy and insane, I've been sitting on this salt about the TB and Kafka since like May of last year. This isn't going to be a long meta at all, but I do want to make something abundantly clear on this blog.

I know that people say the 'mommy' thing jokingly because they have the hots for her (listen, I understand the motivation, I just firmly hate the term), but I know some people actively still believe that Kafka is somehow related to the TB even if her story quest has since entirely debunked that claim and proved the opposite. Let me just, share this for a second:

(source) Can we put this to rest now, pretty please? I'm too old and too tired for this, guys.

#Before I post the reminder however #[ i also need to note that i think if any mother figure speaks to a child the way that she does to caelus and/or stelle-- ] #[ then i do think that there's something a little... odd going on there. it has many interesting “undertones” when she talks to them. ] #[ and looking at that dynamic with a familial lens has me feeling a little.. weird. ] #[ i just. i don't want to get weird surprises here! but also i didn't realize until i had to inform like a handful of people recently... ] #[ that this is /genuinely/ not a thing; guys? ] #[ the 'part of my dna' leak of forever ago was used for the /lie/ in her story quest. it is LITERALLY the lie. ] #[ and yes it has been thoroughly confirmed. i even was one of the people who double checked this. because... ] #[ you could do the '2+2' option in the second half that /verifies/ the first answer as the real answer. and i did that for this. ] #[ and others apparently have as well. people /wanted/ this confirmed or the opposite. and it's since been confirmed to have been a lie. ] #[ so they're not connected in any capacity through 'dna' or anything. ] #[ i just-- yes. i just wanted this out there. ] #[ for those who might not know. ]

[arthur-r]

hello new self portrait just dropped which means this is officially what i look like now

#i have glasses now!!!! i’m not very good at drawing them but i sure have them on my face at all times shdhdf #and i recently started growing out my hair!!!! my distinctive bowl cut had a good run but i’m officially moving forward #i’ve also started exaggerating my big droopy sad eyelashes a LOT in pictures lately it’s part of my core identity now or something #(that’s not true shdhdf but i think my face knew about my puppydog destiny long ago and gave me puppydog eyes) #anyway i just haven’t drew anything in forever like i think i’ve drew four things that weren’t JUST notebook doodling. all this school year #(and one of those was vent art on paper and the other one was coloring with my little sister. so i’ve drew two things on ibispaint at all) #anyway i think my glasses suit me really good and i’m also really excited i can see the world really good now #i still have some vision problems from POTS that aren’t fixed but like. i can see detail in brick walls now and i’m obsessed #house fucker behavior i’m so sorry shdhdhdff (THIS IS A JOKE AND LIE. I DONT FUCK HOUSES) #(and i’m apparently a house m.d. kinnie so i wouldn’t fuck him EITHER cause we’re the same person i could never) #ANYWAYS i can see well finally and that’s good. and in conclusion i’m real tired and should go to bed #i took my meds at 9:30 then started drawing at 10 finished at 11:30 #and now it’s midnight and i’m long overdue to be asleep already. so goodnight world!!!! #i have a sleepover tomorrow night which is very exciting. and also work and homework as usual shdhdf #but in the meantime i get to sleep. for up to 12 hours!!!! here’s hoping #ok anyway!!!! goodnight!!!! #P.S. text or call if you need anything!! #me. my post. mine. #delete later (probably)

[01tsubomi]

mfw i spent yeeeeears in college aaaaaagonizing about how to turn a short fanfic of mine into a full-length original work and was working on it with my professor and through all the editing became really embarrassed of the original fanfic version thinking it was immature and shallow but could also never make the rewrite work so i moved onto other projects and then today after a very long time reread both of them only to find that the original fic is concise and heartfelt with clunky execution but solid and gripping emotional beats and the novelization is overwritten self-obsessed garbo

#i think i posted about it here a decent amount too #i was surprised at how much i liked the fic but honestly shocked at how bad the rewrite was #like not to dog on myself too much #but i wrote the fic originally for a class on short stories #(which is why i wanted to rewrite it in the first place - if i was already disguising it as original work might as well go all the way) #(see how far we can make this premise go) #so the original is super super to the point and like yeah clearly written by an 18 year old and dramatic but also very tastefully paced #like i was genuinely surprised at how effective i thought a lot of it was #i don't tend to toot my own horn about my writing especially not my old writing i was genuinely chuffed #then i had the dangerous thought of 'maybe i could give the rewrite idea another go this time more in the spirit of the original' #'keep it short and punchy and focused on the characters and their dynamic while updating it w my skills now and use it for grad school apps #but then i thought no...that was the vision i had when i was 18 #this is sort of a pun bc it's a story about ghosts but i should just let it lie and move on #personal #i was genuinely so put off by the writing of the rewrite that i was like wtf wait...i like...submitted this to lit mags on campus didn't i #did some digging found that it was the opening scene - which was THE most overwritten wanky part of it in my current self's eyes - #that i submitted to (and got published in) the lit mag i worked on in my little college community #girl nooooooooo i mean i guess the other girlies liked it enough to put it in #but it's odd i guess how time changes your perception/value judgments

[moinsbienquekaworu]

You don't understand. My little guy. Constant. My little guy.

#my curious little guy #my guy who turns into an owlbear 80% of the time and into a spider or a deep rothé the rest of the time #the 'cursed to put my hands on everything' line is the root of a good half of their decisions #they always the annoying questions. they touch the cursed items. they eat the dubious food. they lick the spider. #always ask* i forgot a word lol #the rest of their personality is trying to be nice to people and Persuading #persuading people with money to part with it. persuading people to give them info. persuading shopkeepers to give you freebies #we gotta justify that persuasion proficiency! #they're not an intimidating guy! they don't lie... much. they just Look At You and then you're telling them about cheating on your wife #and they're nice to people of course. buuut if you're going to be an asshole first.... #they made that goblin kiss their feet y'know #my constant who is probably chatty because i make them do the rounds at camp & talk to all the companions every evening #even when they don't have anything to say. just. go over. say hi. #'well met.' 'speak.' 'i did miss that face you know.' 'soldier?' 'lay of sorrows guide us. did you want something?' #and then we leave because i don't want them to stay at camp or join me on the road #BUT i talk to them! i say hi! i have to be nice to them!! #my constant who's been wearing armour that makes them look very broad shouldered and manly and menacing #but who really is Some Druid. Some Potter! as in they do pottery. it's their job. #who should be wearing fun little outfits where the armour class doesn't matter #i want to do something fun with their hair and their horns in my drawings #since the game doesn't give you As Many Options As The Sims 4 With 4.6gb Of CC #wow i have a ramble tag now #wow i have an ocs tag now

[bancaishi]

dungeons and dragons: honor among thieves was so good, and [pointing to the, like, 2-5 followers who see and like my text posts] you should watch it

#xyx.txt #xenk is literally THE guy of all time. i love paladins i love characters that are so lawful good they're silly #i ESPECIALLY love his autistic swag. #doric was a little boring but i forgive her #because i think her player is the one who like. #doesn't know how to rp very well so picks one specific trait and that's the only trait they bring up in rp moments #'i.........don't trust humans. they always lie.' repeated in a handful of variations depending on the situation #it reminds me of my little (for the most part) inexperienced dnd group #yes i include myself under the inexperienced category

[thebirdandhersong]

Just started TLJ for fun because it was a Long Day and I wanted some form of distraction that didn't involve the current Ghost Crew kinda high stakes episode I was halfway through and I must say..... this is so strange to me

#the brief scenes with paige just gutted me #you know that post about the unnamed servant in king lear (i THINK it's king lear at least) that has that cs lewis quote #that's paige. like. that's literally her that's her role in the story that's what she chooses to do and that's why #poe's Personally Sanctioned mission to destroy the dreadnought or whatever it's called succeeds. it's because of her #not gonna lie i wish we saw more of her!!!!! #anyhow there are a lot of things that were little gems. like our intro to rose is her sitting alone in an empty space sobbing #because she lost her sister as she's clutching the matching necklace. that was a really good bit #and finn being like. WHERE'S REY. HOW CAN SHE GET TO US IN THIS CHAOS. #and the sheer intensity of rage from kylo ren #unlike many of my fellow tumblr girlies (please don't burn me at the stake for this) i don't find adam driver very attractive and am a bit #puzzled as to what makes people like him So Much (mentally i'm like ???? which is my reaction to timothee chalamet enthusiasm too) #but i can give him one thing. he's absolutely terrifying. the intensity and sheer out of control FORCE of his anger terrifies ME #probably on the same level as hayden's anakin does tbh #i jumped a little when he punched the elevator wall. that man has got Deep Seated Issues that he REALLY needs to work out at this point #there are also bits of this movie that REALLY confuzzle me #like leia's force hovering through space (????) and poe's anger/control/defiance (??????????) #and also LUKE GIVING UP????? i was like. well the video essay peeps on youtube were right about THIS bit being #the Worst Part Thus Far. a luke skywalker abandoning hope is a luke skywalker i'm struggling to recognize #anyhow more thoughts incoming...... class has started and media analysis brain is on #is it EVER OFF THOUGH LOL #tlj liveblog

[nomaishuttle]

omg also im soo mad i e been listening to rhis worldbuilding podcast at work and it was giving me lots of ideas but i had to turn it off bc i took like..an hour on a room bc i was so focused on jt and my beautiful world.. and i forgot all the ideas i had 😭😭 all i can remember is my fairy thing and that isnt even a from today thoufht

#bc bssicallyyy the way magic works is every living thing produces Some magic. like its legit produced by an organ in all lviing things. and #how Much you produce is like. it can be influenced by a lot of factors genetics etc but everybody produces some. so thats all well and good #and the fairies technically dont produce lke. more magic rhan humans yk. kts actually Very similar levels BUT bc theyre so small that amt #of magic is proportionally a LOT. thats why fairies glow is bc they have so much magic (magic glows and in humans who #have a lot of magic they also tend to glow around their chest :] omg and alsooo some of the ways magic can be channeled is likee. through #your hands or your voice theres rly so many basically. and its very versatile but its likee #so im stoll working on the rules for it but basically the idea of it is like. it can be used as a form of energy and also as temporary #form of matter if that makes sense ?? idk how to explain kt) #But anyways so the fairies theg r soo little but have sooo much magic proportionally. so fhey can ' #fly' with it (not rly flying rly its more like making little platforms to walk on in the air... this parts jnspired by kekkaishi cant even #lie to you i thjnk its awesome when they do that.) so ya #and technically a human could do the sane thing but the platform would be bigger and bearing more weight so it wouldnt rly be as like. #practical.. bc 1 human sized platform would be like..1000 fairy skzed platforms LOL. yk. but yeah so yeah #n then on occasion fairies are born with very low amts of magic (this happens with all creatures everybody Has magic but some ppl have so #little that rhey cant do much with jt) n these 'fairies' + #(theyre usually called something else but they r fairies. ive been calling them borrowers in my head but thats copyrighted skull) usually #cant live in fairy cities bc. well. fairy cities r very oriented around being able.to use magic to navigate them. so in antiquity the #borrower fairies would form sort of like. Underlayer cities where youd have the main fairy city up in the trees and then on the ground #would be the borrower city. but that started getting dangerous especially when tthe bigger ppl started expanding their territories and #stuff. so borrower fairies ended up forming Way more secretive communities either underground or like. oftentimes there will be entire #borrower communities in a house yk. and u see where my jnspo is comjng from yes i love the borrowers yes i watched arrietty a few weeks ago #but yeah :] the borrowers are wayyy more secretive bc they cant defend themselves against the big folk the way the magical fairies can yk. #so fairies are Known (though not often encountered bc of how defensive they are of their cities) #to humans but borrowers are WAYYY less frequently seen bc they go out.of their way not to. #theres ALSO. so. as mentioned magic is produced by an organ. normally if anything happens to that organ youre like. dead. yk. you cant rly #live without it. However fairies have figured out a way to majorly decrease your magic levels while keepjng you alive #like 50 percent kf the tjme it works the rest they just die. its a surgicql procedure basically and its Intensely guarded #as in 1-2 ppl know how to do it at any given time and if anybody else fjnds out theyre killed immediately. the only ppl who know it Exists #r like. theee highest ranking fairies in existence. its used as a punishment for the most 'heinous' crimes. aka the ones the fairy monarch #dislikes the most -_-. its not a Technical exile but like. yes it is..yk. since as i said you rly cant navigate a fairy city if you dont.

[crescentmp3]

hi please pray for my math exam to go well. please......... this->🐛 is me

#babygirl i did /not/ study at all over the weekend. i did not even look in her face #frantically going over the topics... √ i hate you. war and destruction on gods green earth #i havent even gotten to the. the things #there arent even online summaries of those... #🌙rambling #// if i dont do well here i will choke and die forever. ten million explosions #aheem heem........ whimper #every math exam i reconsider if i really want to take the ... whats it called? numeric part? for my next grades #quite honestly i love biology! and chemistry! but these useless and annoying physics and math topics are being so so rude to me #i may as well go for the equal part. which will be better for me i think #math i love you under circumstances but currenly you are spitting in my face. please stop...... i am literally a little guy #they should /not/ have the right to do this to a little guy like me. please im a little birthday boy (lie).........

[fuckingarataswespeak]

finally got the balls to block them on tumblr so i can not-so-vague post abt it now but I just had to break up with the person i was dating for 9 months

#Little part of me is like at least you were the one to do the breaking up #but also i was the one getting absolutely nothing back for this entire relationship #so who really won..... #i'm a really good communicator and i could barely talk to them and i wanted to break up for ages but then they were straight up like awful #to me #and then they LIED to me #and once i found out they lied there was nothing that could ever redeem them #I would never in a million years do what they did to me and none of my friends would either so now they have to live with the fact #that they fucked this whole thing up completely on their own #and that I was too good for them #I'm not a saint im not perfect but i WAS too good for them #absolute child #I switch between completely fuming about what they did to me and really sad that anyone would hurt me like that #because i genuinely would never lie to anyone like that #the nail in the coffin was when they didnt show up to my birthday #a guy i didnt know that well showed up from meath to be there #and do you want to know why they didnt come? #they just didn't bother #and then they lied about it #and now i dont think i can trust anything they said #i will put up with a lot of shit if your honest about it but once you lie to me then its over #one of my friends turned out to be a pathological liar and i didnt clock it for years and they KNEW about that and they KNEW my policy on #lying and they had the absolute NERVE to try and tell me that they lied to protect me from how shitty they were #Nah u were lying to protect ur own ass #wish i got more mad at them during the breakup but it hadn't all registered #Like i put in so much effort and i only realised when they just didn't bother showing up to my birthday that they just dont give a shit #about me and they just wanted to play at having a girlfriend #I was always trying to support them and i got NOTHING back #anyways oops i literally didnt expect to say all of this i just wanted to tell the tumblr girlies that im a single pringle #broke up with them yesterday so its still pretty fresh.

[skeletonmaster69]

man u know what. if im gonna be a worthless loser i can atleast try to be a worthless loser that looks hot and has fun before he dies

#vent tw #its been a month and i still havent emailed any of the potential workplaces to see how my applications are #nor have i filled out my running start papers #or done any of my summer school work #ive just been playing videogames and hanging out with friends #pretty shitty of me huh #on the bright side one of the bites has successfully turned into a scab #it even bleeds really nicely. and its a little line too so very satisfying to rip off the scab #the other bite isnt doing so great. its so stubborn and i bit my nails down recently so its reallt hard to rip off the almost scab #u know the hardened bit that feels like scab but looks like skin #the other bite that part ripped off easily so ill def have a nice scab tomarrow #ill be able to pick it off and watch the blood flow #and since it all left so nicely the first time im sure itll flow out nicely tomarrow too #im so excited #i probably shouldnt be looking forward to watching myself bleed huh #its always so nice though. like its calm. you rip off the scab and watch it for a second and wipe off some blood if it gets too much #and then focus on something else while rhe blood keeps coming out for awhile #and eventually it hardens and you can do it again and again until your body slowly heals or someone notices and makes you stop #dad threatened to take me to the hospital for one of my scabs once but hes the guy who gave me the lie for the doctors soo #plus it was an empty threat. the cut was so shallow and it bled well but it really wasnt anything special #it wasnt even infected when he saw it #wasnt even too big for a bandaid #so he was being stupid #anyways #im leaning on the arm with the bites rn #theres just a little dull pain when i move it around but its so nice. even better when i touch them or poke them #man i cant wait for the scabs #if i ever got up the courage id slit my wrists and bleed out in the bathroom just to watch it all leave #even though that method isnt effective #pills are way more effective than that and i still survived them because i was a coward so

[gatun-gatunesco]

...

#and so i came back here. because in here i can find joy and sorrow. laugh a little and cry a lot because someone made a post i resonate with #it makes me feels understood. a private and intimate place that is also shared at the same time. and strangely; like a home #but i came back without knowing who i am. I see someone else in the mirror. Is that a monster? a sinner? a human? a normal man? #after all that effort leaving depression and self hate from my adolescence behind. from being proud of myself for being different to all me #was all a lie? how could i do such awful and terrible thing to the person i swore to protect? the person i love the most #i said i would never do that kind of unforgivable act. And here i am. Alive after the event. I want to drop dead. To dissapear from here. #But at the same time i want to fix what i did. in order to do that i need to heal. to change. be happy. to live. and i hate it #how can i do all of that with the weight of guilt crushing me and telling me i killed myself that day? i am just a shell of who i was #how to change what i thought was the best version of me? i was supposed to be different no harmful and kind man!!! #i already asked for help. and they told me it was not all my fault. But i still think it is. There is no way it can be 50/50 #physical actions are only responsibility of the ones who made it. circumstances are not a reason to diminish them guilt #a confused person is not deserving of any part of the guilt. they do not have control over themselves. but the other ones sure have it #yes. they might have started and added little physical actions. but i refused and it never came to completion. which is the opposite of min #physical trauma can spawn emotional and mental trauma as well. is way more bad and deep that the emotional one i might have #i want to kill that trash in front of the mirror. why are you still living bitch? just to be a parasite and hurt people on the go? #to make irreversible mistakes that affects every person around you? your decisions never end well. why do not you just give up already? #and yet here i am. trying to not isolate myself thanks to the safe place i found here. I can write what is on my mind. gives me some relief #because the only person i talked everyday is the same one i hurted as i never thought i would in my life #Hope i can found redemption one day. I hope they can heal and be happy soon and forever. #I am going to always be worry about them (i am sure of that) but i wish nothing but the best for them. I want nothing to hurt them again. #They never deserved the trauma and guilt. They suffered more than enough way before i step in and fucked up everything. #Life. if you can hear me. Please give them recovery. happyness. health and lots of love. They deserve it. Please #They did nothing wrong! Take them pain away and put it in me. I will stay alive just for that if is neccesary #I wanted to kill myself way long ago. but i still here. I might want to kill myself again. but i still will be here. #Just leave them be happy. That is what i really want

[kybee-the-bee-cat]

First of all, Beesting, you've never felt that kind of heartache in your life. The only cat you liked liked you back and you two got together and had kits (granted the father was six feet under at that point). Second of all . . . That's just gotta hurt. The fact she unknowingly correctly guessed what he was going through . . . Like what do you do at that point? Do you just pretend you're fine and that you're not actually upset because she doesn't like you back? How would you even do that? Just not a good situation to be in. Sorry to put you through that, Wolfheart. It makes for good story material and drama though. You understand, right?

Another comic-like thing of a quote I found that I thought fit some of my OCs. They’re kinda fun to make. Recently, I've been getting into the show 'Hey Arnold!'(as some of you may know if you saw my recent activity), and this is a quote from it (except Wolfheart's not the character the person was speaking to in the actual show, and that said character doesn't walk away in tears). I figured it kinda fit these two. So I suppose you could say this is also my way of showing I like the show this is referencing. At least when it comes to make things myself.

At least for now. Maybe that’ll change in the future.

#KyBee's stuff #warrior cats ocs #cats of the past and future #Okay that last part was kinda a lie. For some of my OCs I headcannon them to have voice claims as ppl call them. #And Me and my sister had the idea that Doglash (my OC) and Cloudfeather (her OC) would have Arnold and Helga's voices as kits-early apps. #So as a result of watching the show as well I wanna make little things using audio from it and animating our OCs with it. #I already got a clip in mind lol

[peppermintbutch]

on my paper-writing home stretch where I am so stressed I have no appetite and I feel dizzy maybe because I’m hungry or tired but I can’t tell and I also can’t tell if what I ate today was a normal human amount or not and I don’t feel like writing my paper so much that keeping my eyes focused on it is literally straining (is that an adhd thing?? I can look at other things and unrelated text fine I just changed the font and it helped a little bit but :-/)

#helphelphelp. i think i didn't get Quite enough sleep and food but I feel like ready to lie down #i think I'm rlly hungry but i have to forcefeed myself bcs my stomach is acting up bcs of stress which makes food rlly unappealing #my least favorite part of papers is having to constantly switch between tabs and finding things in documents #my eyes and brain have such a hard time w it it's like physically uncomfortable #literally that is the thing most ppl don't get abt adhd is that executive dysfunction etc is very physical as well as mental #like my chest gets really heavy and my eyes unfocus and my brain gets rlly slow when i have to do smth i don't want to #anyway might try to eat some bulgur now byee wish me luck. I'm ok I'm being dramatic a little but the last thing is interesting to me idk

[vaguenotions]

Oh, yes, I just love your unannounced sleepover where you both come back from the bar after carefully avoiding telling me that's where you were going, and also neglecting to tell me when you'd be home! I definitely do not want to knock you on your ass and take a bat to your dome! That would be rude and unnecessary :)

Oh yes, please do start talking about shit amongst yourselves and make me feel isolated and othered in ny own room! These moments are what I live for, of course. Naturally. Who would ever have any issues with this arrangement at all?

#txt #might delete this later but i also might not because my irritation and rage is real and i shouldnt have to so constantly discard it #i am so tired of constantly putting it aside #i want your blood in my fucking teeth. and it's your fault i want it there- certainly- because I TRY. I try so hard not to feel this way #but eventually you get tired of those little games too #okay I drafted this for a minute bc idk if this fucker is actually spending the night or not i just know he took off his belt. BUT THEN ONE #+ OF THESE FUCKERS DECIDED TO START TALKING ABOUT SPIDERS. A THING THAT I HAVE A VERY BAD PHOBIA ABOUT. I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU #thinking of killing and maiming and maiming and killing and killing and shredding and tearing and killing and- #seriously though what. the fuck. you even go ''oh they're not gonna like this'' THEN HOW ABOUT YOU DONT FUCKING SAY IT #ohh and now you're sitting here making plans for when you go out without me next! I'm going to make you a bloody smear on my fucking floor #i am going to Dissect you. I'm going to rip you apart and feed you to the local strays and csrrion birds. #not even getting up and leaving right fucking now would assuage me. i wish i wasn't so full of fucking hate but you just keep adding fuel + #+to the fire #im so tired. I'll come back with a ''im fine now'' if he fucking leaves but im going to seethe now. im so fucking angry. #how do you fucks continually just bounce between the topics that makes me feel Most Violent Towards You? literally how do you not realize i #+ want you dead at this point? how do you not realize the grave you've dug for yourselves in my mind? #i dont fucking mask it that well. i know i dont. and still you fucking do this #((part of why it being a bar specifically that bothers me besides the very deliberate and careful avoidance of mentioning it to me is that #+*one of you is at serious risk for becoming an alcoholic. why the fuck are you being enabled this way?*)) #((if i was dating someone with a genetic predisposition of alcoholism i would make your regular dates nights- idk- NOT THE FUCKING BAR + #+ DISTRICT. DO YOU EVEN FUCKING CARE ABOUT THEM? DO YOU? This fucking boils my god damn blood.)) #(ultimately its their decision if they want to fucking drink yeah sure whatever YOU DONT NEED TO REGULARLY AND READILY ENABLE IT. BASTARD.) #(If they want to drink so fucking bad- if they push for the bars- JUST BUY SOME ALCOHOL AND BRING IT FUCKING HERE. It limits how much they+ #+can have for one- and it would isolate me from you two less! just as an added fucking bonus! but no very unreasonable of me. what was i + #+thinking? clearly not about them 🙄) #i might be a little out of line here. i can admit that. but if anyone spent a week in my fucking shoes back when they first got together + #+and then now? you would fucking understand. #and they just. keep. talking. to eachother. no attempts to include me. not even glances my way. like always. #''oh nothing will change'' IT FUCKING CHANGED. I want to hurt you so bsdly for that lie with ever passing day. do you even know it was a li #do you? anyway was abt to post this and noticed a gif i have of a woman ripping her shirt off so im going to stare at that until im calm ig.