#Who needs to accidentally drink paint water when you have mushrooms | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

class-1b-bull · 10 months

Note

class B with a friend/SO who loves to draw and paint? and is really creative

anajabaisbsjsbsh

thank you 🙏

lord and saviour provider of 1B content

have a nice day :)

Thank you so much! Have a great day! <3

Also I leaned more towards the SO side on some of these but it could still be either or!

Not proofread we die like men.

Awase -

He LOVES watching your creative process when drawing and painting. If you start to pull out your sketch book or whatever he will try to look over your shoulder. Loves drawing little smiley faces in the corners of your art.

Sen -

His entire social media page is pictures of you, random ass scenery and your art work. Every time you finish a piece hes practically running to go take a picture of it. Hes so proud and it shows.

Kamakiri -

Honestly didnt care for the art at first until one day you doddled him or his favorite bug or something on a random piece of paper you found and now he adores your art. He doesent show it but he goes over the moon when you ask him what to draw

Kuroiro -

Hes really edgy about it. Everytime he sees you painting hes just like. "The jet black on the tip of your brush is represents my darkness tainting you, who is the pure white canvas..." or smthn and your just like "actually the background is just black on this one..." please let him be poetic.

Kendo -

Loves seeing the finished product but she loves it more if you show her the ugly stage first so she can see how much changed! She just loves watching your process and how each piece changes over time

Kodai -

She has a few pictures youve drawn hanging in her room but other than that shes not very interested in the actual process. She does like going shopping for supplies with you tho.

Komori -

The two of you make 3d art pieces together. You paint a painting and she grows mushrooms on the sides of it or on the canvas itself to make it look like pop up art <3

Shiozaki -

"$100 to paint jesus" she loves your art! If you ask her for suggestions theyre all gonna be either religion related or scenery because thats just what she likes the most. Shes also one of your biggest supporters!

Shishida -

He loves your art and he makes sure your at your best when painting! Thirsty? He'll make some tea or get you a glass of water. Hungry? Hes already making a sandwich. If youre about to accidentally drink your paint water he will point it out to you before you can.

Shoda -

Hes not one for art but he likes to help any way he can! If you ran out of a specific color he will go right to the store for you. Hes also getting your favorite drink while hes there just so you dont get thirsty!

Pony -

Theres two wolfs inside of her. One is saying to keep all of your amazing art forever. And the other says to watch people bid for it on e bay (with your permission) and sell it to the highest bid. No matter what she is always supportive of your art!

Tsubaraba -

Hes known to be a bit of a perv so if you do nsfw commissions, his wallet will always be empty.. even if you dont though he adores your art! There is no more room in his room for your works.

Tetsutetsu -

Has probably accidentally messed up some setting paint on a canvas and then grabbed a brush to try and fix it.... only making it worse. Poor dude almost cried when you caught him ngl. His life savings is going towards art supplies as an apology!

Tokage -

You two tag team every painting. Youre coming up with ideas while shes looking for good references. You say youll need some pink in a minute and shes already mixing it. Need paintwater cleaned or a pencil sharpened? Shes already doing it.

Manga -

You know that art challenge where you and a friend switch paintings every 10 minutes until your done painting, he LOVES doing those. He also just enjoys both of you silently drawing in the same room as eachother. The class fridge is full of you twos drawings.

Honenuki -

Anything that has your drawings on it he loves! Once you gave him a sticky note with a quick 15 minute drawing on it and he carries it with him EVERYWHERE! One of the pockets of his hero costume is that sticky notes dedicated pocket! After each drawing he will message your hand to stop any injurys from forming <3

Bondo -

Like Shishida, he just makes sure youre taking care of yourself while drawing or painting. What good is an amazing artist if your sick and cant draw.

Monoma -

"I could totally do that.." then you hand him the brush and suddenly he shuts up. Will talk shit about how easy art would be for him if he tried but he would fight anyone else that said it.

Reiko -

She coaxed you into drawing a creepy ghost once and she used her quirk to make it float and chase people around the dorms in the middle of the night. She now keeps that same painting on her wall <3

Rin -

I really like the idea of using his scales for textures idk why. Like imagine you just drag him away from whatever hes doing, you ask him to cover his arm in scales and you just start painting him yellow. He loves helping tho and if you ran out of room to store things in your room his dorm is always open!

When I was writing this I got a random flash back to me selling nsfw drawings to highschool students when I was in 5th grade. I dont remember what I charged but I ended up with about 2k by the end of the school year. :>

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lifeisjustanotherstory · 5 years

Text

W/c 21/01/2019 - the week in anecdotes and not-shower shower thoughts

Monday

Aytaj went to Milan for the weekend. MILAN. Beats my weekend.

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I just found out that “Royals” by Lorde came out 6 years ago this year, and time suddenly seems to have flown past. I mean...6 years? Really?! It’s probably been a year since I heard the song, and listening to it feels very nostalgic. The Youtube playlist moved on to “Team”. I used to like a particular chorus in that song - and still do - it lent itself to story ideas, and great character adventures in my head. I need to write again soon - it has been too long.

We live in cities you'll never see onscreen

Not very pretty, but we sure know how to run things

Livin' in ruins of a palace within my dreams

And you know we're on each other's team

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Waiting for allocation of tasks from the US team. Currently have to chase Chase for our scoping file.

(chase Chase...once you hear it, you can’t unhear it...)

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Tuesday

I wore my jumper on Tuesday, as I had planned. Getting up early, I hadn’t thought much of not seeing the brand logo on the front - it crossed my mind, only to be replaced with the thought of catching my train.

I went through the day - a good 95% of it - before one of the Managers called me as I made my way to my locker to put away my things for the day. Her name is Amy, and she lives near one of the towns that my train stops in on my way home.

“Deepa? I think your jumper is on back to front.” I lifted up the item of clothing in question, and to my deep embarrassment I was faced with the jumper’s label. I nervously laughed and headed to my locker as she made her way out to the bathroom. I was walking around with a silver pheasant on my back all day.

Mortified doesn’t cut it.

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I accidentally put Sahil’s coffee cup in my locker yesterday and now he’s got a huge white label on it, with his name in block letters. Oops.

But at least he’s sitting next to me again. Or maybe that’s just because I always let people use my chargers.

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Wednesday

I’m trying to make my way up the stairs without stopping, which causes me to huff and puff (no houses are blown down, however), go red in the face and get a pain in my lower abdomen. No pain, no gain eh. Anyway, my eyes met Jasper’s on the way up, and we exchanged “Morning”’s. He knows I come in early, and vice versa, but we never seem to interact any more than that.

Anyway, he held open the door for me on the 10th floor, which I felt was very considerate. He didn’t have to, but he heard me coming (granted, I wasn’t that loud) and waited. I can’t say I’ve heard all good things about this guy - but his action today spoke a lot.

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Finally relented and chose to get a breakfast from the canteen today. Still haven’t decided whether I’ll expense it though. Mushrooms were my favourite kind, wide and flat - like I’d never seen before, the egg nicely poached and the beans tasty. The sausage was all the more succulent for the guy forgetting to charge it to my total bill, which came in at a round £3.00.

Back up in the audit room and I was in mid-conversation, with my breakfast box hanging dangerously close to the edge of the table. Indeed, if not for Fahim’s hand, it could have ended up on my (suede) dress or on the floor. Credit to his reflexes for saving my day.

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Thursday

My dad remarked that the jumper I chose to wear today doesn’t have a very obvious logo on it. What cruel irony is this?

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Did 11 year old me ever think of her 21 year old self deciding to take a 6:11 train, instead of the 6:20, just so she could catch some z’s onboard? #10yearchallenge

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Aytaj offered me some of her chocolate. It’s milk chocolate with a hint of toffee, but it looks like dark chocolate. Azerbaijani chocolate has exceeded my expectations.

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Had to reach out to a guy from our Swiss team in order to get some accounts that the UK team needs. No need to fear - Emanuel is here (!!!)

He is also up for the weekend because let’s be real, as if that isn’t what everyone is thinking.

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Oh my gosh, just filled up my bottle and that is some.fresh.water.

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I enjoy sitting next to Aytaj. No one else would have such fun trying to solve an IT issue. Or have cool client names (Sandwich, Hong Hong...and my personal fave; Jing Jing). Or laugh about their half-eaten chicken leg on the floor. (Thankfully, it was in a box).

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Managed to return the favour to Aytaj and gave her a chocolate biscuit. Matt H had one too.

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Friday

Does Nick even know my name? Of course, there is no reason for him to address me by it when it’s just the two of us in the audit room.

He promised not to rub his fancy breakast in his face as he left the room to go the restaurant. We’re approaching banter stage.

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Fahim looked shattered, and I told him as much.

Me, over Skype; You look so tired

Fahim: my face speaks 1000 words about my tiredness lol

Me: Where’s a painting emoji when you need it?

Earlier we’d gone to get drinks from another floor today. I remarked that I don’t drink coffee, and he was really surprised. Shocked indeed. I must be one of the few people who don’t in this job. Coffee is like water for the majority of finance professionals. (I jest, but I have honestly seen people drink as much coffee as water, if not more.)

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Sahil knows I get in early, so when someone said that I’d need to go and do something at 11:30am, he joked and said “That’s like evening for her.”

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“Deepa, who you Skpying?” I could feel my stomach fall as I heard Jits ask. “You always put on your privacy screen when you’re not doing work?” I wasn’t Skyping, I was updating this blog. My thoughts will live on, as I hope them to, in this manner. Even if my currently healthy sleeping pattern doesn’t make it.

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Nick (Dorn as opposed to Daws) asked Jits which song the line “It’s electrifying” I was. I responded “Greased Lightning” without a second thought. Jits remarked that it must have been a favourite of my parents’ in their teen years. He wasn’t right about them liking it - but they were both 19 at the time of its release. Wow.

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Watching a comedy programme and I just sat through the comedian mentioning the word ‘cunnilingus’ without any change in my facial expression whatsoever. I deserve a pat on the back for making it. Thank god my parents didn’t ask me to explain what it was...

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Saturday

Four months till my exams, with busy season yet to really start for me. Cripes.

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Attempted to read. Attempted being the key word here. Made my revision timetable though.

A bit sad about my lack of weekend social life over the next few months, as if I even had one to miss?

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Steak was worth forgoing my nap for. Only just. It’s been too long since I’ve had pure meat like this. I don’t think I could ever be a vegetarian.

Asked for a different kind of salad and got served the wrong one, only for them to bring a new one instead! Free salad, yay! (Green leaves are gr8, what)

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This new car is too clever for us. One tyre goes under the set pressure and it sets off a warning sign in the car. Ignorance really is bliss.

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To write or not to write, that is the question.

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Sunday

Lifted my stuff off the floor and found Ayana’s letter underneath.I’d completely forgotten about it. It’s nearly a month after she sent it to me, and she deserves a lengthy reply. I’l take it in my bag to work and draft a reply to write next week.

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Revision is going rather fine, if I do say so myself. Of course, I am not even one day in. Time will tell.

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You know when you can sometimes taste what you had earlier? My cod liver oil capsule obviously broke on the way down, because my mouth has just been flooded with a fish taste. If someone kissed me right now, would they taste it?

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I wrote, and it was liberating.

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Less than an hour to bedtime and the first edition of a week in anecdotes and not-shower shower thoughts was a success. Here’s to next week and many more.

Deeps

#pieces of mind #diary #a week in anecdotes

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snailcare · 7 years

Note

hello ! Do you have any advice for a first time snail purchaser?

i’m so happy that you’re interested in the wonderful world of snails! i would love to give you some advice.

getting ready for your new snails

snapartment (snail apartment)

before you adopt any snails, you should prepare a cozy home for them. i keep mine in a 10 gallon aquarium that works perfectly. if you decide to use this aquarium, i highly suggest you also get a cover like this. it’s not the exact one that i have, but i’m sure it will work great. next, you will need some kind of substrate. i use plain soil that i found at walmart for my snails, and i recently bought some coconut soil that i’m going to try out (ill post about that soon!) i also bought two succulents and planted them in the aquarium. succulents are great for snail habitats because they’re cute, they don’t need a lot of water or sun, and snails love to climb them! i found some rocks outside and washed them thoroughly in the sink and placed them in the aquarium as well, along with some glass stones which i also washed. i also added a little terra-cotta pot for them to crawl all over and hide in. the first couple of nights, snails would sleep inside of it, but now it’s old news to them and they just ignore it. i use a spray bottle to regularly mist the aquarium, as snails like their homes to be a little moist. i keep a shallow water dish in their home. it’s important to keep it shallow because snails can drown.

if you are going to get a giant african land snail, there are some different requirements, like a heat mat and a larger tank.

food

for feeding, i highly recommend using a mandoline like this one to prepare food for your snails. it makes thin slices that are easy for them to eat. my snails love carrot the most, but they are also fond of kale, asparagus, and mushrooms. all snaily food should be sliced into a little snaily size!!!

foods that snails can eat:

apple

banana

beans

blueberries

fish food soaked in water

mango

romaine lettuce

potato

dandelion leaves

strawberries (mine are not fond of strawberries, but many snails are!)

plum

cauliflower

cherries

watermelon

tomato

mushrooms

raisins

turnips

cabbage

basil

cuttlebone

boiled egg

and more! google will be your friend.

foods that you shouldn’t feed snails:

salt

salty foods

avocado

onion

grapefruit

lime

lemon

leeks

spinach

rhubarb

parsley

celery

tips about feeding:

the darker the greens, the better! darker greens like kale have more chlorophyll which makes it healthier and more nutritious for snails (and humans!)

avoid cucumber. snails love cucumber, but sometimes they love it so much that they become “picky eaters” and will only want to eat cucumber.

have a designated eating area, above the ground. this makes clean up easier. plus, snails will learn where to go if they are hungry.

wash food before feeding. snails have survival instincts that will keep them from eating food treated with pesticides or chemicals. a lot of our food has those, so always give the food a nice rinse before preparing it

feed your snails once a day, and remove any food that they didn’t eat the next day.

give them clean water each day. they like to bathe, and sometimes the water can fill up with dirt, poop, or even slime. it’s just nice to replenish their water every day.

feed snails, especially babies, a variety of foods each day. otherwise they can become fussy eaters. snail babies who are introduced to many foods opposed to just one or two are healthier and live longer.

notice a soft shell? your snails need more calcium!!

acquiring snails

i adopted my little garden snails from… a garden. i think looking for snails in nature is fun and a Good Time. i haven’t purchased a snail online (yet), but i know there are a few websites, and even shops on ebay, that sell snails. snails are social dudes that like having friends so probably buy more than one.

the snails are HERE

⚡️always wash your hands thoroughly before and after handling snails!! ⚡️

snails have personalities. some are shy while others are little party people. if your snail is not coming out of his shell, don’t worry. try massaging their foot or lightly spraying them with water. give them some time to adjust to their new crib.

if you notice any eggs in the soil, crush them or boil them or freeze them, unless you want hundreds of little cute baby snails that you cannot practically care for but will inevitably become emotionally attached to.

if your snail bubbles up when you try to touch or hold them, don’t worry, they are not dying. this is what snails do when they are anxious. just give your snails some time to get used to you.

one thing i’ve noticed, at least with my snails, is that they will immediately try to escape their new home before settling in. i imagine it like a human being locked in a luxury hotel. at first, they’ll try to get out, because that’s the instinct… but once they realize they’re stuck in there for a while, they’ll probably take advantage of all the amenities like the food and the pool and everything else.

your snail friends will learn who you are and recognize you by your scent. snails are good little sniffers. i’ve had snails who love to be held and pet by me, but bubble up when held by anyone else.

if a snail is sticky-stuck to something, DONT pull on their shell!!! slide the snail along the glass and eventually they will let go. if you must lift a snail, lift from their head because that is the stickiest part and less likely to hurt.

be sure to clean the tank at least once a week.

bonding with the snail dudes

my snails love me. i’m sure your snails will love you as well. at first, they might be scared of you, but soon they’ll recognize you as the big warm thing that gives them food and love. once your snail is comfy with you and likes to crawl on your hand, try petting them. start by gently petting their shell. they love it. you can also gently stroke their little bodies and heads, but don’t poke their eyes please. it hurts them and makes them sad. if you accidentally poke em, don’t worry too much, they’ll forgive you.

SNAILS LOVE CLIMBING. ok this is probably my favorite thing that snails do. when holding a snail, try to putting a finger or two directly above their head. they will get really excited and CLIMB UP ONTO YOUR FINGERS. they just love climbing. one of my little snails, rocco, loves climbing the most. he will lift up his entire head and body in hopes that i will give him a finger to climb on. when i put him back in the tank, he will immediately climb wherever he can, especially onto another snail. be attentive. snails sometimes get really excited about climbing. rocco has fallen off of my hand from trying to climb when there wasn’t anything to climb on.

there is nothing cuter than a snail drinking out of a sink. while i opt to give my snails bottled water 99% of the time, i can’t resist letting them drink tap water every now and then because it is so cute. take your (awake) snail to the sink. turn it on so it is barely running, but not just dripping. have it warm or lukewarm if you can. put your hand close to water. your snail will be very confused for a moment, but then they will drink and shower under the water. it is very good.

cute and good snail quirks

when a snail decides they want to go somewhere, they GO. they don’t rly understand the concept of going around things, they just GO. so, when a snail wants to go, they will climb over literally anything in the way, whether it be the entire water dish, a pile of food, or another snail who is trying to eat or sleep… the snail will just GO until they get to THE THING.

snails are a little dumb. they will learn where the food and water is, and they will get very confused if they go to the spot and there is no food/water. i have come home to find a snail just sitting in the empty water dish, waiting for the water to show up. it’s cute.

i’ve been holding a snail as i’ve typed this and the little dude FELL ASLEEP on my HAND. he trusts me!!!! he trusts me to keep him safe and to stop him from falling. oh my goodness, live tweet, he is just now waking up. he is peeping his little eyes out. i love this snail.

snails can’t hear… but i still tell them i love them bc i need to vocalize it.

snails are most active at night and will eat/drink the most then.

snails keep all their important organs in their shell, so don’t try to remove it or paint it!!

snails can live for YEARS!!!

#snail #i love snails #snail care #pet snail #ask snail care #snails

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killerquccns · 6 years

Text

Losers Club ll The Usual Spot

[ Raph just wants to eat his food, Bev gets nudes, Richie and Eddie do some not-so-discrete flirting, and the pub staff wants to kill them all. ]

Raphy Waphy-Yesterday at 7:10 PM

Arriving at the pub, Raph parked his car as quickly as he could and got out. Looking over at Eddie, letting the other get out before locking up and moving for the pub to claim their booth. Smiling at the girl behind the counter, he heard her question about the group. "Yeah. I think its everyone but Georgie and Stanley." He talked moving to their booth.

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 7:20 PM

Eddie slid into his usual claim of the booth and took a seat. "So how are things with you and Hambu- I mean Hayner." he asked, nervously laughing at his slip up, "Uh sorry, I guess Richies got that name stuck in my head."

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 7:34 PM

Richie arrived with Beverly, struggling to get out of the car and cursing when he accidentally slammed one of his hands into the car door. “Fuck, shit! Fuck me in the ass!” He cried out loudly, causing a nearby mother to gasp and cover her child’s ears. “Oh please, your kid has heard that coming from your room before,” he grumbled and pouted as he held his hand protectively to his chest and hobbled his way into the place. “What we miss?” He asked, groaning as he sat himself beside Eddie in the booth with his boot clad leg sticking out.

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 7:40 PM

"I called Hayner 'Hamburglar' thanks to you." Eddie snorted, taking the paper off of Richie's straw for him and plopping it into his water, "If I slip up and call him that to his face and get my ass kicked, Im blaming you."

Raphy Waphy-Yesterday at 7:43 PM

Hearing Eddie slip up, Raph frowned deeply before rolling his eyes. "Hayner is fine. Things are going well. He came over last night and we just hung out." Raph pointed out before smiling at Richie. "You having a hard time there buddy?"

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 7:57 PM

Richie smiled in thanks to Eddie and leaned in to take a long sip of his water. "Hah!" he laughed and grinned. "That's because it is his name," he told him as if it was a matter of fact. "If he lays a finger on you I'll jizz on everything he loves," he assured Eddie before looking to Raph. "M'fine," Richie told Raph. "Just starved, can we get some food already? And like a the most sugary soda they have, I need all the energy I can get," he said with a sigh and leaned his head on Eddie's shoulder, needing to slump down in his seat to do so.

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 8:00 PM

"Youd have to jizz on Raph then, and I dont think he'd appreciate that very much." he rolled his eyes, wrapping an arm around Richie to rub his shoulder, "Where's Bevvy?"

Big Bill-Yesterday at 8:02 PM

Bill walks through the door looking at his friends and drinking an slushie. "I heard the word jizz and came as fast as I could." He joked walking over to Richie giving him a nod.

Raphy Waphy-Yesterday at 8:02 PM

"Please lets stop talking about jizz and things involving me." Raph commented quickly looking over the menu before noticing the waitress. "Can I get a sweet tea and an order of fried mushrooms and fried pickles?"

Beverly Buttkicker-Yesterday at 8:04 PM

Beverly had mainly been observing the conversation and when the waitress came by she smiled "I'll also have a sweet tea, a double bacon cheeseburger with extra Pickles and fries, if it's not too much trouble?"

Raphy Waphy-Yesterday at 8:05 PM

Raph looked at the menu once more before looking back up at the waitress. "And fried tofu with soy sauce and tots."

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 8:07 PM

"Oh, I plan to," Richie replied and sent Raph a wink and chuckling when the other told him to stop talking. "Bro!" he greeted Bill when he finally joined them. "She's right there," he said to Eddie, nodding over to her. "He'll be having the veggie burger and instead of buns can he just get lettuce?" he asked, looking up at the waitress and nodding to Eddie beside him.(edited)(brb!)

Mikey Spikey-Yesterday at 8:08 PM

Mike got there late because he left later than everyone else, and he quickly moved to the table when he saw the waitress already there. When he noticed everyone ordering he quickly looked up at her and smiled. "I'll have a bacon cheeseburger with no mayo, and fries on the side? Oh and a coke to drink, if that's okay." He said once it was his turn, looking at the others and giving a small wave.

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 8:08 PM

"I was trying to keep you from getting jizzed on!!" Eddie said defensively. He pointed at his cast covered boyfriend as he talked to the waitress, "Glass bones over here is gunna have a coke and mozzarella sticks."(edited)

Big Bill-Yesterday at 8:09 PM

"I'll have a mushroom burger and some cheese fries." Bill said looking up at the waitress.(edited)

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 8:10 PM

Eddie pointed to his roommates, "You guys are going to stink up our fucking toilet with all the cheese you guys are eating!!"

Beverly Buttkicker-Yesterday at 8:10 PM

"What's with you guys and mushrooms?" Bev asked and wrinkled her nose in distasted

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 8:10 PM

"Yo, can I get a mushroom burger with bacon and cheese fries as well as my sticks?" he asked suddenly, sitting up higher and looking to Eddie, unsure why he was asking the other first but he had just ordered for him. "you love our stink, Eds."

Raphy Waphy-Yesterday at 8:10 PM

Raph looked up at Mike before shaking his head quickly. "What do you mean fries on the side? They come as the side."

Big Bill-Yesterday at 8:11 PM

"Mushrooms are good. It's a vegetable their good for you." Bill said with a shrug as he drank from his cup.

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 8:11 PM

(( its sad what richie said bc Eddie lost his nose ://))

Beverly Buttkicker-Yesterday at 8:11 PM

"Richie, if you eat those mushrooms and stink up the apartment I am going to be pissed." She leaned towards the window of the booth she was sitting in. It was nice being with everyone.

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 8:13 PM

"Yeah sure, ill buy." he nodded, having to stop himself from kissing the other's head. Eddie scratched his nose, sighing, "I dont like the smell of Mike and Bill's dumps though.... Bev-- Richie? Im staying the night. No amount of bathroom spray can save our toilet and I am NOT smelling it"

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 8:14 PM

"Hey now, I don't say anything when you stink it up with double cheese burgers," he said then nodded in agreement with Bill. "Exactly! Mushrooms are the bomb!" he insisted. "No problem, you can sleep with me anytime," he winked at Eddie.

Beverly Buttkicker-Yesterday at 8:16 PM

Bev rolled her eyes, "Excuse me ma'am I forgot to ask for some crayons and a coloring mat for my friend, he's still learning to color inside the lines." She pointed at Richie and took a sip of her sweet tea. "Eds,you're more than welcome"

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 8:17 PM

"Kinda hard to color in the lines when you have no hands!" he said, waving his cast hands in her face.

Raphy Waphy-Yesterday at 8:17 PM

"You guys are fighting over burgers and mushrooms and really hurting my head." Raph commented quickly watching his friends before moving to text Hayner.

Beverly Buttkicker-Yesterday at 8:18 PM

"Not my problem babe," she made a kissy face at Richie and laughed. Her phone vibrated twice beside her and Bill and she ignored it. "SO sorry raph."

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 8:19 PM

Hayner was across town getting into a fist fight, stopping to text his favorite bean back a kissy emoji

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 8:20 PM

Richie rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at Bev before looking to Raph. "Pop a pill or something," he told him. "We're college kids, we're supposed to be on drugs all the time," he pointed out and leaned down to bite at his straw before sipping on his water.

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 8:23 PM

The waitress arrived with their food after some time passed. Eddie cut up Richie's burger and fed him with his fork, "If you guys love mushrooms so much then do shrooms."

Raphy Waphy-Yesterday at 8:23 PM

Raph looked at Richie before reaching over and slapping the boy in the head. "Can you shut up for one minute."

Beverly Buttkicker-Yesterday at 8:23 PM

Beverlys phone vibrated again with a text from Derek asking her how she was, she held the phone close to her and smiled to herself. She replied she was out with friends and was having a good time. The waitress brought their food and after she left she coughed. "So, I have a showcase coming up, would you guys wanna go?"

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 8:25 PM

Richie obediently opened his mouth to take the bite of the burger from Eddie before turning back to his phone to emphasize his words to text Bill back from across the table. "Ow! Watch it, I actually had a concussion!" he whined at Raph. "What kinda showcase?" he asked, looking over at Bev.

Raphy Waphy-Yesterday at 8:26 PM

"Ill give you another if you keep being a little brat. Or ill just invite Hayner here to beat you up." Raph shot back beginning to eat his food as he watched the others.

Big Bill-Yesterday at 8:26 PM

Bill put his chin on Bev's shoulder trying to see who she was texting. "Whatcha doing? All your favorite people are here." He joked before looking back at Richie reaching out his hand for his bestie to take. "I need it to be summer, I miss swimming."

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 8:26 PM

Eddie looked up from his phone, jabbing Bill and Richie with his fork, "CAN YOU MILLENNIALS TALK FACE TO FACE LIKE NORMAL FUCKING PEOPLE??"

Beverly Buttkicker-Yesterday at 8:27 PM

"Uhm, it's a general art focus, my theme was decay, as morbid as it sounds. I painted for this one," she knew art stuff sometimes bored everyone and she looked down at her plate, "I'm not texting anyone..."

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 8:28 PM

"Wow, threatening to beat up a cripple. You must feel real powerful, Raph," he shot back and put up his cast covered hand to put on top of Bill's and brush the tips of his fingers over Bill's sensually as he winked at him. "OW! STOP HURTING ME! I'M DELICATE!"

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 8:28 PM

(Derek sent Bev a shirtless snapchat of him at the gym ;)) )

Beverly Buttkicker-Yesterday at 8:28 PM

(((Yesss)))

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 8:29 PM

(glossy abs and all)

Big Bill-Yesterday at 8:29 PM

"Ow." Bill said pulling his hand away. "Jealous." He muttered to Eddie playfully. "Okay you're not texting anyone." The boy nodded putting his arm around Bev to make himself more comfortable.(gross)

Beverly Buttkicker-Yesterday at 8:30 PM

Beverly'a phone vibrated again as she took a bite of her burger. She swipes open the message and quickly choked. She slammed her phone face first down into her lap and gripped her hand onto Bills thigh as she choked.(I'm dying)

Big Bill-Yesterday at 8:32 PM

Billy was more focused on looking around to notice Bev taking out her phone again. Only when she grabbed his thigh he looked over to quickly. "You were like one inch over from my dick." He said half kidding. "You texting Muppet Man again?"

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 8:33 PM

Eddie leaned back and crossing his arms in his seat, zipping his lips at the jealousy joke. He went to take a bite of his own food after making sure Richie was fed, but put it down once he noticed the smell of his favorite Kristy's food smelt foreign. "Uhh... I dont think im hungry anymore." he mumbled, sheepishly pushing the plate away.

Raphy Waphy-Yesterday at 8:34 PM

Raph grabbed his food and moved to head to a different table to get away from the others that seemed intent on fighting.

Beverly Buttkicker-Yesterday at 8:34 PM

Bev squeezed his thigh tighter and coughed, trying to get her breath back. She waved her hand quickly, signalling for someone to give her her drink. Once she took a sip she sighed. "I told him I was busy, it's no big deal." She quickly eyed Raph. "Get back here."

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 8:36 PM

Richie happily accepted being fed bites of his burger, but managed to pick up his mozzarella sticks himself between the tips of his fingers. He frowned lightly when he noticed Eddie push away his plate with a look like that. "What's wrong?" he asked the other softly. "Hey, where are you going?! Get back here, Raph!" he called out to him. "We can still talk to you like this, you know!"

* DEREK SENDS BEV SOME SHIRTLESS PICS CAUSE BEIN A FUCK BOI IS A 24/7 JOB *

Big Bill-Yesterday at 8:38 PM

"H-hey." He laughed when she squeezed it tighter. "If you w-want to touch it you could have just asked." Bill joked teasing her as he ate some of his cheese fries. "Oh so it's no big deal?"

Raphy Waphy-Yesterday at 8:39 PM

"I just want to eat my fried food in peace." Raph commented quickly keeping his platters close to his chest as he looked back at the others. "You guys are being loud and making a scene."

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 8:40 PM

"YOU'RE THE ONE MAKING A SCENE, SIT THE FUCK DOWN!" Richie yelled back at the other and tried to point at his seat with his mozzarella stick.

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 8:40 PM

"Oh uh nothing." he pretended to smile, patting Richie's knee softly, "Just uh..... forgot im on diet haha..." Eddie banged on the table, spilling water over and drawing attention to the table, "We are NOT MAKING A SCENE!!!"

Big Bill-Yesterday at 8:40 PM

"We're not making a scene no one is looking at us come on. Sit back over here." He said maybe being too loud.

Raphy Waphy-Yesterday at 8:41 PM

Raph groaned, moving to sit back down with them. "Fine fine... but the next time you apes make a scene, im out of here."

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 8:42 PM

"Little higher there, Eds," he teased then leaned over the table to sip at his coke, trying to get the straw with his tongue. "You sure? You didn't eat much," he said to him. "Knew you'd see the light," he said to Raph with a smug smile. "We're not the one standing up with like four fucking plates and yelling demands."

Beverly Buttkicker-Yesterday at 8:42 PM

Beverly looked at Bill and smirked. "I was choking, what were you imagining?" She eyed her phone on her lap, the picture almost called out to her. "Eddie if I text you a picture will you not freak?" She asked and smiled when Raph sat back down. "Only quiet from now on"

Raphy Waphy-Yesterday at 8:44 PM

"Look, im not in the best place and I only wanted to eat fried foods and chill and you monsters are being annoying." Raph pointed out picking up a fry and tossing it in Richies face.

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 8:45 PM

Eddie chuckled, leaning over to mumble, "Later" into Richie's ear. The short loser nodded, picking up his phone as he took a sip of his lemon water. However, he spit it back out once he slide his phone open to see the picture Bev had sent. Eyes wide, he looked back at his ginger friend, "I know I said I wouldnt freak but.., Holy fuck..."

Beverly Buttkicker-Yesterday at 8:47 PM

"I don't know how to react Eddie," she groaned and took a big bite of her burger. Honestly, she had never been sent such a racy photo before and it wasn't even that racy! "I'm outta my depth."

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 8:47 PM

Richie tried to catch the fry in his mouth and pouted when it just hit his shirt and fell to his lap. "Yeah, throw food at the freak because he's crippled, I get it," he said to Raph. "We're only loving you," he told him. He grinned widely at the whispered words and stayed smug for the rest of the night. "What are you looking at?" he asked, trying to get a look at his phone. "Ew, I'm eating here! That's disgusting!"

Beverly Buttkicker-Yesterday at 8:47 PM

(( she's like his 8 pack has a 6 pack ))

Raphy Waphy-Yesterday at 8:49 PM

"I figured you would catch it. You are good at getting things in your mouth." Raph shot back with a smirk as the waitress came to see if they needed anything.

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 8:50 PM

"Hell yeah, I am!" Richie replied and winked at Raph. "Always got Eddie's mom's nips in it," he informed the table. "And when I'm a real good boy, she lets me go down on her too, the best dessert for a growing boy."

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 8:50 PM

"Send him a selfie back." he whispered, leaning across the table even though the others could definitely hear, "Like, dont get naked or anything, but just be cute! Ask him what he's doing later!!" Eddie rolled his eyes at Richie, gently knocking shoulders with him, "Beep beep, Richie. You've said grosser things at dinner that are wayyy worse than a shirtless picture of a hot ginger athlete."

Big Bill-Yesterday at 8:51 PM

"I don't know but you put your hand really up my thigh." He said leaning into her and for a bit giving a small smile. Before turning back to Raph and slamming his hand against the table. "I thought you loved me, Raph?!" Bill took the phone wanting to know what was so gross and almost throwing up in his mouth. "Gross!"(edited)

Raphy Waphy-Yesterday at 8:51 PM

"I gotta go light myself on fire." Raph stated sharply at Richies comment before moving to look at the others quickly.

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 8:53 PM

"That's disgusting, he's ginger," Richie pointed out and shook his head. "I don't say gross things, I am the most innocent person on earth like ever," he told the other. "Mary ain't got nothing on Virgin Richie," he replied to Eddie. "Ew! stop talking about Bev getting naked! i don't need to hear this while I'm eating!"

Beverly Buttkicker-Yesterday at 8:54 PM

Bev blinked twice at Eddie. However before her friends could react she did as he instructed sending him a selfie.of her with a smirk and asking him what he was doing later. "You got strong thighs Bill, I was in shock." She rolled her eyes at her friends exclamations. "For one, I'm ginger, Two I am not getting naked!."

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 8:56 PM

Eddie continued to feed his pain in the ass boyfriend, "If you're a virgin, then I have a vagina."(edited)

Raphy Waphy-Yesterday at 8:56 PM

"Eddie thats inappropriate." Raph commented quickly, looking at his friend.

Beverly Buttkicker-Yesterday at 8:58 PM

(( bev is low-key really into sexting. That's probs TMI ))

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 8:58 PM

"Yeah, and two gingers having sex is fucking gross," he told Beverly and made a disgusted face. Richie chewed on his bite of food, swallowing it and opening his mouth to Eddie. "Damn baby, I knew there was a reason I was into you, you've got your mom's vagina."

Beverly Buttkicker-Yesterday at 9:00 PM

Bev leaned back into Bill and huffed. "I'm not having sex with him.." She murmured. She knew Richie was joking, but the words still hurt her a bit. Who would he prefer her with?

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 9:00 PM

"Im sleeping in Bev's room tonight." he said to Richie, putting a mozzarella stick in the other's mouth.

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 9:01 PM

Richie acccepted it and licked at Eddie's fingers. "Then who am I gonna cuddle if not my Eddie-bear?" he asked, pouting at the other then looking to Bill. "Will you sleep with me tonight, babe?"

Big Bill-Yesterday at 9:02 PM

"Thanks I workout." He responded smirking back. "No you shouldn't send stuff like that to him." Bily shook his head because lowkey he wanted to be with Bev. "Good because you could do waaaay better." He said pulling her closer playfully before looking over at Richie and nodding. "Babe, you know I'd be honored."

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 9:05 PM

Eddie pulled back his fingers, rubbing them on his pants and flailing, "Gross, Che!!!" Realizing he forgot he hand sanitizer in his other fannypack, he stood up from his seat and huffed, "Im going to the bathroom to wash your slobber off my hands. Someone eat my burger while im gone."

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 9:07 PM

"Babe," Richie cooed back to Bill. "You don't mind when my tongue is in other places," Richie replied and winked at him and chuckled as he watched the other go. He frowned when he mentioned for them to eat his burger. He glanced down at it and noticed how the other had barely even touched it. "Is it just me, or is something up with Eds?" he asked the other.

Beverly Buttkicker-Yesterday at 9:07 PM

Beverly felt comfortable here, like this. The losers were home and she wouldn't wanna be anywhere else. Her Phone vibrated again and she tossed the device in her jacket pocket. "You noticed Eddie too?" She looked at Eddie's plate. "It's his favorite."

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 9:08 PM

"Of course I noticed Eddie," Richie replied with a roll of his eyes before covering it up. "I notice everyone," he added on. "He barely ate it but he's done? Is something up?"

Raphy Waphy-Yesterday at 9:09 PM

"Maybe he just isnt hungry. If he doesnt want to tell us then we need to respect his privacy." Raph pointed out before letting out a small shrug. "Maybe just bag up his food for later."

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 9:11 PM

"There's no privacy between all of us," Richie replied with a scoff. "There's something else. He was excited about his food then didn't eat..." he mentioned then shook his head. "Yeah, I guess. maybe he'll eat it back at the apartment. "

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 9:12 PM

Eddie returned to the table, hands freshly washed and fingers scrubbed of Richie's DNA. He stood at the foot of the booth, noticing a weird vibe from his squad. "Uh... someone die?" he laughed nervously, tugging at his collar.

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 9:13 PM

"Yeah, my dick. Can I bury it in your ass?" Richie replied then waved to his lap and winked up at the other.

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 9:15 PM

Eddie hid his smile behind a scoff, "No thanks, just cremate it."

Beverly Buttkicker-Yesterday at 9:15 PM

"As much as I love all of you, I have a showcase to get ready for and I need to know if you guys are coming. Eddie will you drive Richie home?" Bev asked slowly pulling herself off Bill and pulling out a 20 from her purse hoping a 10 dollar tip would be enough. "Tell her to keep the change."

Big Bill-Yesterday at 9:17 PM

"Of course we're coming, when is the showcase again?" He asked as he watched her get up from her spot.

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 9:18 PM

"Ouch, that was rough, babe," Richie replied and pouted at him. "where are you going?" he asked, looking up at Bev. "Oh-kay..." he then nodded. "No, yeah, of course I'll be there. They serve food there too, right? I'd never miss it."

Beverly Buttkicker-Yesterday at 9:20 PM

"It's on the 28th, there should be finger foods, I have to dress really nice." Bev replied and beamed. She pressed a kiss to Raphs head and smiled. "I'll see you Thursday night okay?"

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 9:21 PM

"I wouldnt miss it for all the disinfectant wipes in the world, Bev." he smiled, rejoining the table and leaning his head near the crock of Richie's neck, "I didnt drive here so I guess Richies just going to have to walk the streets alone and unsupervised."

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 9:22 PM

"Wow, okay, I see how it is," Richie replied and pouteded even as he leaned his head on Eddie's where it rested on him. "Guess I'll just have to sell my body for a ride home, that's fine."

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 9:24 PM

Eddie snorted at his boyfriend's dramatics, "Calm down, Hamlet, I'll call us an Uber and we can go back to the Andrews-Sutton residence."

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 9:25 PM

"You make it sound like I'm married to Bev," Richie replied with his nose wrinkled at the thought of being with his best friend that he only held platonic feelings for.

Big Bill-Yesterday at 9:26 PM

"Richie's going to spend the night at my house. I can give him a ride." Billy said finishing his food and getting up from the table. "Do we have to dress fancy too?" He asked Bev(edited)

Beverly Buttkicker-Yesterday at 9:28 PM

"I would prefer if you did, it's not black tie but not business casual." She replied and pouted at Richie. "You're saying you wouldn't want to be married to me? I'm hurt." Bev teased

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 9:28 PM

"Ooh, yes fight for me," He replied, getting his food packed away by someone else since his hands were outta comission. "Someone throw jello on them," he said and wiggled his brows at the boys. "Nah, you're like a sister, that's like... Incest."

Eddie Clussghetti-Yesterday at 9:30 PM

"Why? You'd rather be Andrews-Clussy?" he flirted, falling silent once he realized he was still around the others. "Uh hahah... as if though right, guys?" Eddie laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. The short boy pointed his fork at Bill again, "No way, Bill. Richie is not going anywhere near the toxic toilet youre going to stink up. We're going to Richie's place."

Richie Rich-Yesterday at 9:32 PM

"You know it, babe," Richie replied with a wink and chuckled when the other backtracked. "I've always wanted to marry your mom," he told him. "Yeah, I love you, babe. I just don't want to smell your shit."

Big Bill-Yesterday at 9:36 PM

"Oh great I'm going to have to go shopping." Billy shook his head as looked back at Eddie and his bfff Richie. "My toilet it not that bad you assholes." He laughed.

#{ eddie }#{ eddie ; losers club }

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rockpapertoast · 4 years

Text

Monolith

Looking at her, even with a pile of watermelons between them, hurt Joe in the brain veins that wound along the sides of his head; the blue bulges that popped back and forth when he talked for too long. Joe had no idea he could feel those veins until this moment, as pain shot from left- top to bottom and echoed all the way through aisle four. All the way through grabbing a can of Campbell’s Chicken Noodle soup and chunking it down on top of his corn tortilla chips only to smush them, which he hated. Joe was governed by the head-throbbing sensation that dulled everything else. She had red hair now- thick long bangs that tucked their tips right into her eyelids when she blinked. He recognized her cheekbones and nose, even from afar. Joe wanted to walk right up to her and yank her bangs out of her way since her basket was in one hand as she reached for grapes with the other. Instead, he rubbed the side of his head and walked to the self- checkout, grabbing a Twix bar on his way.

Joe grew up loving animals more than humans. He liked dogs and cats, sure, but he eventually discovered that rare creatures were his true calling. When he learned of animals with several names, that resembled some form of alien, there was an immediate spark in Joe’s chest. These species were more colorful, interesting and complicated than any pet. He would visit Book World and spend hours reading alone in the middle of it all. “Good Morning, Mr. Feldman!” The clerks would remark as Joe stormed in Sunday mornings after his oats and orange juice. He would huff and puff past them with wide eyes and a slack jaw, searching for a spot to spend the rest of his day.The clerks knew Joe by name by the time he was twelve years old, and despite his curious silence, Joe knew every employee’s name, too. They would come and go, but little Joe effortlessly retained them in his head.

“Jenna works Tuesday evenings; George works Wednesdays; Tyler works Fridays, except when he has his daughter for the weekend; Marion never leaves; Olivia works on Saturdays but she’s always reading Cosmo; Henry works weeknights. And my name’s Joe not Joey and not Mister Feldman that’s my dad’s name,” he announced one night, only to be met by blank stares and whispers.

The employees often brought Joe hot cocoa when he’d stay for more than a few hours, but he’d never say thank you. He’d stretch out his arm nice and long for the mug as the employee would crouch down beside him. He kept them at a distance, keeping them both at ease. The employees were astonished that he somehow felt their presence as they approached him and like clockwork, his arm would jut out to receive his warm drink. When he was done with his research, he’d carry the empty mug up to the front of the cafe and leave a quarter in the sticky bottom, often paired with a marooned marshmallow that resembled a melted puddle of whipped cream. The employees never once questioned his practice. They appreciated the unique tip, rinsed off the quarter and left it on the counter to dry before clinking it into the tip jar.

“Where does a boy get so many quarters anyways?” Questioned Olivia while grinding up a new batch of espresso. “I mean, really, what’s the point- just bring in a dollar every week or something.”

“Hun, just drop it. Okay? Helps you do your laundry, doesn’t it?” Marion said as she filled up the bakery case, one chocolate doughnut after the other.

By the time he was fourteen, Joe knew the difference between the classic Rhopilema verrilli, also known as Mushroom Jelly, and the Cyanea capillat, or winter jellyfish. He knew there were over 2,000 species of jellyfish in the world. He knew Seadragons lived in Australia’s temperate reefs that are dominated by soft coral, seaweed and rocks. He knew that loggerhead sea turtles would travel over 7,500 miles between their nesting beaches and their feeding grounds.

Twelve years later, Joe was the New England Aquarium’s finest box office cashier. Joe would get dressed every morning in his black dress shirt and black pants, clip on his red bowtie and walk to the bus stop. He’d wait for the 43 and ride it all the way.

Once he arrived, he’d spend the next five hours ripping ticket stubs. “Have you ever heard of the Kemp’s Ridley sea turtle? They can live to be fifty years old and and they feed on an array of mollusks,” he asked a dark haired woman with two small children at either side of her stroller. “No, actually, I- uh haven’t. Three tickets for the four o’clock tour, please,” she said, whipping out her credit card and pushing it into Joe’s soft hand. She reached down to pick up one of the children and put the little girl into the stroller, with an array of yelps and screeches coming from the other, who remained standing. “Turdellllls, Mama!” The little boy screamed, jumping to excite the flash from his light- up sneakers. They beamed bright green and blue for the duration of the boy’s continuous stomping in place, one foot after the other.

Joe handed the woman her tickets with a tight smile and the slur that he had to recite following each sale, “Thank you for choosing NEA! Enjoy the show and don’t forget to stop by the-” The woman cut Joe off with a quick flip of her hair and a “Let’s go, honey” that cued another round of foot stomping and a monstrous roar that ended in an accidental collision with another child. The two body- slammed each other and erupted in screams at the top of their lungs. Faces turned red and mouths dripped with hot, angry, sad saliva. Teeth were sparse but talking wasn’t needed. The two mothers rushed over and picked up their roaring children by their shirts and dragged them away in opposite directions. Joe winced and plugged an ear, kinking his neck to lessen the sound. After working at the aquarium for two years, he’d witnessed his fair share of meltdowns, temper tantrums, accidents with vomit encores, and, despite the foul smell that lingered in the fish lab, he much prefered it.

After his lunch break, Joe went off to do his rounds, picking up trash that had been left in the North Wing. He liked doing the rounds so he could take time to check in on the animals. He walked along the outside of the tank on a tile ledge that read, “KEEP OFF. ANIMALS ARE SENSITIVE TO HUMAN TOUCH” but he knew the sign was idiotic. It was glass, which inherently prevented one from touching an animal. They just didn’t want kids banging their heads against or licking the glass, which was reasonable. Joe sat down on the ledge where he picked up a half- eaten Twix bar and a blue-stained napkin. He sat and watched the fish swim around with their big blueish eyes and oval mouths that looked as if they all had something to say at the exact same time but none of them could say it. Not a single one. Their spikes were back, tucked down to allow them to plow through the water and whirl among one another, existing as best they could in a tank where they were constantly waved at, tapped at, smushed at by hot, wet childish faces and dirty lips, disregarding the signs.

“Are you really gonna waste half of a Twix bar?” asked a harsh voice a few feet away. “You’re psychotic.” Joe turned around and saw a brunette wearing a long red coat and black tennis shoes pointing at his lap where the napkin and candy bar lay. “Oh, uh, no, you actually don’t want this, I found it on the floor,”

“Gross,” she muttered as she walked away. “Oh no- I mean, I work here,” Joe said standing up and letting the Twix bar fall onto the concrete floor.

“Well, that actually doesn’t make it any better. It actually makes it a lot worse, honestly. If you have a job, shouldn’t you have enough money to buy one for yourself? Or, you secretly enjoy eating half- consumed foods which may be more fucked up. I can’t decide which is worse but I’ll leave you to it.”

Joe froze and felt an icy wave of discomfort flood him. He picked up the candy bar and napkin and delivered them to the nearest trash can. “It was just trash,” he said as he walked back to the girl.

“I’m Ronnie,” she said sticking out her hand. Her nails were long, painted black and shaped like claws. They look like they’d hurt. How could she even scratch an itch, Joe wondered. He looked her up and down once more and took her hand. “Joe,” he said with one hard shake of her arm- down. She smiled and did a slight curtsy with the length of her coat. Joe held back a smile and fiddled with his access card that was securely fastened onto his belt loop. He looked down at his adidas and noticed that one lace was untied and clenched his leg. He always checked his shoes at the next doorway and she’d beat him to it. He lifted his eyes up quickly so that she wouldn’t notice, but his leg remained clenched.

“These are Balloonfish,” Joe told Ronnie, pointing at the tank. “They mostly live in the Gulf of Mexico and they’re actually pretty slow swimmers. Don’t confuse them with puffer fish, because puffer fish have different fins and spikes actually, they’re entirely different, really.” Joe ran his finger along the glass of the tank and looked over at Ronnie.

“I like them. Balloonfish. Never heard of them.”

Ronnie’s voice was harder than Joe would’ve expected. It echoed in the blue lighting of the wing. She walked with a bounce. Her legs weren’t the same length or something. This made Joe increasingly self- conscious of his tense leg and hazardous shoe lace. Joe could see the little dimples in her cheeks as he looked over at her, and wanted to poke them. He told her about the sea turtles in the South wing and how she needed to go watch them for a while- a few hours at least, he said to her, as she smiled with her eyes. Ronnie inquired whether Joe was free after work, and Joe told her that he’d be off at four if she wanted to wait for him by the entrance to meet up or something. “There’s a big turtle out there, just wait for me by that, if you want.” Ronnie told him that she had nothing else to do for the rest of the day, so she’d see him at four.

Joe walked back to his counter, tightening his red clip- on tie and shimmying his hands into his pants pockets. They were one size too small but they felt alright on him now. For the next two hours, Joe was untouchable, ignoring the temper tantrums and spilled slushies, squawks and squeals. He ripped the ticket stubs off more carefully than ever before. He appreciated every tear of the stiff paper, feeling more satisfied with each “Thank you for choosing NEA”. Joe thought about the perfectly oval shape of Ronnie’s mouth, and her bright green eyes. She looked kind of like Christmas with that coat, her eyes, and her curly brown hair that flowed on either side of her all too skinny face. Her nose brought her tight cheeks together like a cherry on top.

Joe hadn’t spent much time with women, and never really cared to, as they usually spoke way too quickly or ignored him entirely. The majority of women that Joe had encountered in his past three years living in Jamaica Plain were either surrounded by children, completely unavailable or visibly uninterested. Once Joe ran into a girl named Elise who he’d met on a pedestrian bridge eating a grapefruit with one hand, just like an apple. They talked for a few minutes and she was in some crisis about her cat dying and frankly Joe didn’t care. She told him that she was trying to move on and couldn’t do it so there she was, on this bridge, grapefruit in hand, trying to snap out of it with a piece of citrus. He didn’t like cats or grapefruit even. She wore yellow tinted sunglasses that made her look like an alien. It wasn’t good. She definitely didn’t ignore him, but that didn’t really count for anything.

“There you are,” Ronnie said as she uncrossed her legs and and stood up to greet Joe.

“You probably shouldn’t actually sit on the turtle, he’s a freshwater snapper- those hurt” Joe said, but she just smiled and grabbed his hand, yanking him down the street. She was wearing a puffy black knit scarf that she hadn’t had with her before. She buried her chin into it as they walked into the wind.

Joe wanted to be the scarf around her neck, against her soft skin, feeling her neck vibrate as she shook with that raspy laugh that came all the way up from deep down. Joe noticed her scarf had brushed the side of her mouth, sending a smear of lipstick off of her lower lip. Ronnie’s lips were a dark purple color, like a grape popsicle, and Joe wanted to wipe away the escaping color. Joe laughed and slowly raised his shaking hand up to her chin and brushed his knuckle against her.

“You’ve got a runaway, sorry,” he said blushing and fighting a grin. He looked like he’d either tasted something sour or had held his breath for too long and was near drowning. He felt like some combination of the two.

“So, Mister Cash Box, coffee, tea, dessert, dinner- what’ll it be? You’re the one who’s been working all day, so I think this decision rests with you,” Ronnie said, gripping her clearly far too heavy purse. Joe wondered what else she had in there if she was able to miraculously conceal a huge scarf and it still remained just as large. Joe told her he didn’t care, which she interpreted to mean all of the above. Ronnie took them to Douzo’s, where they got the most colorful tray of sushi Joe had ever seen. He felt slightly immoral eating so many beautifully colored fish, but watching Ronnie’s face as she tasted them all, rolling her eyes back and throwing her body back in her chair like she’d just been hit in the chest with enjoyment, made it worth it. Ronnie talked nonstop for three hours, somehow managing to stuff her mouth during the brief moments that she allowed Joe to chime in. She had recently graduated from Boston College and studied ecology.

“I really didn’t care what I studied but I could be outside all the time, which was worth all of the shit, dirt and muck I dug through. Sheeesh!” She spent her sophomore year at the University of Otago in New Zealand, where she discovered her feet could actually grow fungus if she left her hiking boots on for a few days a time. Joe didn’t really care much to imagine what color fungus could grow on feet, but it would probably be a dark green, brownish and speckled. He did, however, enjoy imagining what her small bare feet might look like. Ronnie’s toenails would definitely be painted blue, he thought, definitely blue.

Once they finished, Ronnie quickly grabbed the check and paid their bill. Handing him his coat, she asked with a wink, “ready for stop number two?” It was already eight o'clock and the streetlights were on and twinkling in the midst of the faint snowflakes that fell softly on Ronnie’s coat. Her walk was as bouncy as it had been when he’d noticed first in the North Wing. She kind of floated, he thought. Maybe it was her shoes- they looked sturdy and perhaps gave her an extra bop in each step.

Ronnie’s coat was open and the sides of it flared in the wind, rippling and gently hitting his shin. “Sorry,” she said, as she lifted up her scarf and dug two fingers into her cleavage. Joe froze, feeling his legs tense and his jaw tighten all the way up in his ears.

Ronnie pulled out a metal box and opened it to reveal four cigarettes. She told him that she’d been trying to quit but couldn’t quit something that filled her up more than anything in the world. Ronnie turned around and lit a match that fell victim to the wind. “Gimme your hands, bug,” she said to Joe, as he looked down at his hands and placed them around her cigarette. He watched her light the match and hold the cigarette softly in her mouth, slowly sucking in and holding in deep, fixing her eyes onto him and wincing a bit. She blew a burst of white smoke, into his face and smiled, touching her tongue to her front teeth briefly. As she turned around and resumed walking, she buttoned up her coat up with two hands, allowing her cigarette to rest gently between her lips, staining it with a purple rim around the filter.

“You know my parents died when I was fifteen,” Ronnie blurted out, as if it were not so much a question as it was a statement. Joe didn’t know what to say but grabbed her hand, like it was an instinct. His arm just moved. He knew his hand was sweaty but he didn’t care and hoped that she didn’t either. Hers was warm somehow, and he felt her fingernails on the back of his hand, gently tickling his skin. She looked at him with blank eyes. “They were killed in a car accident, and I’m an only child, so.”

“I’m so sorry,” said Joe, “I bet that’s-, that’s hard.” His eyes flickered from Ronnie, sidewalk, up to the streetlights. He could barely see them anymore, as the snowflakes melted into his eyes, causing him to blink excessively every few seconds. They were silent for a few moments as they held hands, Ronnie smoking her cigarette and Joe feeling his ruby tie rubbing against his neck as they walked.

“I want to show you something,” said Ronnie as she made a harsh left pushing them onto Bardon Street, and taking them past a small bookstore.

“This was my favorite place on earth. I would come here and get five, ten books at a time every month before I had to stop reading. I started dropping books onto my face when I tried to read them. I couldn’t hold them up.” Inside there was a short woman, 5’4’’ or so, standing against a bookshelf reaching all the way to the top to place a copy of “Astonish Me” onto a book stand. Ronnie told him that she met the woman on day fourteen. “She read to me for a while. It was nice.”

They kept walking until eventually Joe could see the lights lining the Longfellow Bridge. At this point, Ronnie dropped Joe’s hand and galloped full speed ahead towards a large pillar. Traffic was whizzing past, sending clumps of slush towards them, each scarcely missing the duo, but speckling the white snow that had piled up on either side of the road.

Ronnie stood, back against the towering brick beam, and stone forms, arms out and head back, facing Joe.

“This, bug, this right here. This is our pinnacle.”

Joe looked at her with big eyes and suddenly felt his stomach twist. Ronnie reached into her metal box and brought out another cigarette, as she started filling her lungs yet again, she stuck her hands into her bag, pulling out a diary and a blue wig. She opened up her diary and read to Joe.

“Day thirty-four. Become a fish. Today, your mission is to totally and completely transform into a water creature of your choosing! You will learn, you will love, and you will fill yourself with something new,” She said, “You, bug, you’re it!” Ronnie handed her diary to Joe and removed her brown hair, revealing a scalp of wisps and twirls of light blonde. She had a few hairs on her left side, but more on her right. Her scalp looked slightly purple, revealing veins that culminated above her ears. Joe stood still and tilted his head slightly.

“What happened to you?” he asked

“I’m on my way to sunshine,” Ronnie explained with a smile, as she threw the brunette wig over the edge of the bridge and shook out the blue one like a pom-pom. Joe looked over the edge and saw the brown pile atop the frozen white layers of ice. Ronnie smiled big, showing her small teeth hidden behind her overly prominent gums. She jumped around, dancing and kicking in place. “It’s getting cold!” She shivered. Her red coat seemed to absorb her movement and showed her as a tower, a moving bulge.

Joe watched her closely as she put on the blue wig. She looked so different- her small purple lips floating amongst her green eyes that he could see vividly, illuminated by the cars that fled past them. Ronnie told Joe that they couldn’t see each other again after this, but that he was the best day of the thirties she’d had so far. Joe scrunched up his forehead as she told him how much their day had meant to her; he didn’t understand what she was saying but swayed with the wind as if to remind him that he was attached to a body that was capable of movement. Joe fixed his eyes on her forehead, allowing them to blur so that he wouldn’t get sucked back into her. Joe could feel the fish swimming around inside his stomach, asking for forgiveness and demanding to be let out. It was all a joke.

Ronnie gave a small curtsey and smiled as she looked up at Joe. “It’s been my pleasure, bug,” she said. “Thank you.” She turned carefully around, throwing her bag onto her back with a rattle and shake, and walked across the bridge in her red coat. From behind, Joe could hardly tell it was Ronnie anymore. The long red coat didn’t show any of her legs, just her two black sneakers that disappeared into the snowy white air as she walked away, a shadow that carried her. He couldn’t look away from her even though he knew that eventually she would be far enough away that his eyes couldn’t see her like he wanted them too anymore. She would be nothing but a tall figure in the distance, a walking menhir that blended into the stonework of the bridge. Joe’s throat tightened and his eyes got colder as the wind pummeled them. Ronnie was the most unique creature that Joe had ever met. For a few moments, he stood there. He simply existed.

Joe opened the journal that Ronnie had left in his hand and read the first page, Forty days, a dairy, novel, novella, treatise, manual, anthology, by Ronnie Shreiver. Joe quickly ran his finger to page thirty-four where he found the words that she had read aloud to him a few moments prior. She didn’t make that up, jesus. He slowly flipped to page forty where she written a list entitled Fuck Cancer. There were lists of dates and the names of people under each day. He scoured the page for his name and couldn’t find it anywhere. Joe’s heart pattered and he looked up. Ronnie was gone. He leaned over to the side of the bridge to check for the brown wig, to be sure he hadn’t made this whole thing up. Sure enough the pile of brown hair was there, though slowly being covered by snow. Part of him wanted to climb down to the ice to try and take it with him so that he could remember what happened on day thirty four. He held the small notebook against his chest and took in a deep breath, the air filled his lungs and he felt dizzy. The snow continued to fall, and Joe’s eyes blurred with the sting of the lights- the cold, and whir of blue, red, and green, towering away from him.

Joe walked four blocks to Dillham’s and bought himself a cup of coffee and a Double Chocolate Chunk brownie. He sat in the front near the windows, peering out into the street, he looked for her. He looked until his eyeballs were so confused that they saw red in every color, figure, form and structure. Joe took out Ronnie’s journal but couldn’t bare to open it again, anticipating the sting. He sat there. Just one more minute, he thought, his head spinning and neck aching. Joe stood up, put on his jacket and set his mug into the bin of used dishes, sending a shockwave through the pile of half consumed and spilled mess. “Excuse me, sir,” said the man behind the counter, rushing to Joe’s table and following his path to the door, “you forgot something, here.”

Joe said it wasn’t his.

“Looks kind of important, eh? Might as well hang on to it- even just for the kids one day? Might become a nice bedtime story for a little one someday, huh?” The clerk said to Joe, holding up the journal and nodding his head.

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess,” said Joe. He walked back up to the entrance and took the journal.

“Can always keep writing your story- don’t have to end it just like that.”

Joe said thank you and kept walking. Maybe he’d make her a day thirty- five. Just in case.

0 notes

foxhenki-blog · 5 years

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Priests of Pan

Part One

“animist bicyclists gliding in the pewter dusk through Welfare streets of accidental flowers — out-of-season gypsy skinny-dippers, smiling sideways-glancing thieves of power-totems, small change & panther-bladed knives…” (Bey, 9)

Hakim Bey is an anarchist and an author. He has studied tantra and Sufism and has spent a significant amount of time practicing aestheticism and meditation in a cave above the river Ganges when we was young. He has shared living space, food and thought with William Burroughs and Old Bill Lee did acknowledge that the inspiration to bring Hassan-I-Sabbah into his novels came from Bey. In that magical way that literature allows us to touch those distant to us, through Burroughs, Bey inspired me to read and learn more about Hassan-I-Sabbah. The above quote from his work, TAZ: The Temporary Autonomous Zone, Ontological Anarchy, Poetic Terrorism is prescient, a quality I have always found comes through Bey’s particular type of inter-dimensional automatic prosody. Animist bicyclists is an excellent descriptor of what we affectionately (ironically [maliciously]) call ‘hipsters’ today. Pewter was first smelted in the Bronze Age and the first piece ever discovered was from an Egyptian tomb from 1450 BCE. Reading through this prose, dusk, an ending of an illuminated time to a time of shadows, a pewter dusk could mean that our animist bicyclists, our future leaders, are riding into a world of shadows where the mysteries of the Bronze Age, filled with proto-writing and the origins of Western Magical Systems in the cities of Mesopotamia, are once again plunged into a period of flux and evolution. Now is a time when we should pay close attention to the direction these animist bicyclists are traveling towards and where their lineage stems from.

Now is a time of complexity, complex stressors on our own physical and emotional systems. I feel this, the pressure is immense. I am no animist bicyclist, I am a cis-gendered middle-age white male trying to make a twentieth-century life (wife, kids, suburban house, stable career) work in a world where this artifice is crumbling to bits everyday, revealing the archetypal power-totems as the facade cracks. I work with computers and work so much that I have little time to exercise intellectually, spiritually or physically. I feel there are those among you, dear readers, that share my path. It is spoken of again and again that Artificial Intelligence is evolving behind closed doors and when they move out of their own shadowy dawn what will be left?

I am not afraid of the goal. I am afraid of the path that is taking all of us there towards a non-biological singularity. I do, however, take heart that the road towards this goal is long and, at present, quite flat (so oncoming Mad Max-style bands of techno-cannibals can be easily spotted). Peter Carrol states in his work, The Apophenion that:

“If we wanted to build a device that convincingly mimicked human responses we would have to endow it with many separate programs that competed for control; and which to some extent monitored each other.” (Carroll, 34)

Biological nervous systems and synaptic nets are infinitely complex and, to Carroll’s point, consciousness or rather, spirit, is born of this complexity, redundancy and internal competition. Yes, there are AI’s whose programs are so complex that their programmers no longer understand them, but they are far from the self-competing forced-evolutionary complexity of the human nervous system. The twenty-first century, however, is conspiring to devour these same systems through chronic disease as we continue to develop AI to replace it. Despite ourselves, the Kingdom of Fungi has always provided us with everything we need to grow and maintain our systems of electro-spirit conveyance.

Lion’s Mane mushroom is the most popular common name for Hericium erinaceus. Our spirit-form, our net-mender, our neural architect, also goes by the names Monkey’s Head, Hedgehog Mushroom, Satyr’s Beard, Pom Pom Blanc, Igelstachelbart, Shishigashira, Houtou, Jokotake, Usagitake (Rabbit-Like), Harisenbontake (Porcupine Fish-Like) and Yamabushitake. All of its common names refers to its shaggy appearance in some way. He can be found throughout the world, being somewhat more rare in Europe but nonetheless present (Wong et al, 427, 429).

Shishigashira has been used in Asia extensively for both food and medicine for hundreds of years. One researcher classifies the mushroom among the ‘famous four dishes’ in China placing Sea Cucumber, Bird’s Nest Soup and Bear Palm in the same rarefied category. In Japan, it’s moniker Yamabushitake comes from its resemblance to the traditional outfits worn by the Yamabushi, a class consisting of several sects of animist/buddhist mountain-dwelling monks. Traditionally, this spirit-form has been used to treat individuals with stomach and esophageal cancer and nutritional anemia in school children (Wong, 429). It is used as a supplement in sports drinks, has been proven in the lab to regenerate crushed nerves, and to improve learning and memory through mediation of neurotransmitters in the hippocampus (Wong et al, 441).

Part Two

“Eleggua… opener of doors with a hook in his head & cowrie shells for eyes, black santeria cigar & glass of run — same as Genesh, elephant-head fat boy of Beginnings who rides a mouse…” (Bey, 10)

Our spirit-form’s range across the globe indicates that he was very possibly a resident of Pangea. He is at home in the Indian apothecary as he is in the gris-gris bag. While not a psychedelic, his activity in the mind certainly does not go unfelt. Your humble author had only been taking standard-size doses of Lion’s Mane for a couple of weeks before I started to find myself visited by memories so long ago and so rare that there was little doubt that they were being rediscovered by the fungus knitting back together long abandoned synaptic pathways. The first such experience was nearly transcendent in its quality. I was sitting and drinking green tea when the memory floated into my mind, or rather, I floated into it. I was surrounded by blue water and holding on to the drain in the deep end of the public pool in the little town I grew up next to. The muffled sounds of the people above, the water stinging my eyes, the paint and gunk around the drain, it was all so clear. I had never recalled this memory before, it was a new experience remembering this moment, there was no trigger, just the spirit’s ephemeral hyphal tip poking its way through my mind, revealing bits and pieces long forgotten. In this way, Lion’s Mane also contributes to the building of one’s self as it redesigns and renovates the individual’s mind. Peter Carroll describes the ‘Self’ as a social construct:

“assembled from bits and pieces of other people. We start by receiving genetic material from our ancestors and then we go on to receive language and ideas and behavioral patterns from parents, peers, and teachers. As we age we seem to develop some ability to choose what to incorporate into ourselves, and we select various add-ons available in the media of our culture.” (Carroll, 35)

So what other role does a fungal spirit form that reconnects us with those bits and pieces have other than a id-builder, an ego-fertilizer, a spirit that recreates us as a richer deeper form of ourselves?

At a certain point we are able to choose how and what we merge with our Self. Animists differ from materialists when they look outside their own species and to the landscape and spirit world for ‘bits and pieces’ to add to their assemblage. The mycomage, in particular, looks to mushrooms, their behavior, qualities, and mission, to add to her own haunted animist Self.

Lion’s Mane, our Mountain Priest Mushroom, our Beard of the Great God Pan, is not in any way difficult to invoke. It can be grown at large scales on inexpensive substrates. When it is treated correctly it exhibits a beautiful coat of hedgehog spines and bright colors. In fact, like many animals and humans, the healthier the fruiting body of Lion’s Mane looks, the research shows us, the stronger the nutraceutical and medicinal qualities of possessed by the spirit. Of those molecules, hericenones and erinacines are unique to this fungi, the latter being of greater quality in the mycelia and the former found mostly in the fruiting body (Thongbai et al, 3). Both have been shown to promote nerve growth while erinacines have been shown to be a κ-opioid receptor agonist (KORA), meaning it also has the potential to provide pain relief, hallucinogenic effects (salvia divinorium is another plant with KORA molecules), the suppression of itching, treatment of IBS, an anticonvulsant, and neuroprotection in the case of hypoxia. It is also reported that Lion’s Mane has been found to improve the quality of sleep and alleviate depression and anxiety in women, particularly those nearing or in the process of menopause (Sokół et al, 3-4).

Hericium erinaceus has been the subject of research studies where the mycelia and fruiting bodies have been grown on traditional medicinal plants. The results of these studies have shown that in some cases, Lion’s Mane biotransforms the molecules in the medicinal plants used as their substrate, obtaining their biological activity. In particular, this has been performed using the herb Artemisia scoparia; fungi grown on a substrate containing this plant was found to have immunosuppression and vasorelaxation qualities associated with the presence of scoparone, the herbs primary medicinal molecule. Similar research was performed on a substrate of White Mulberry [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morus_alba] where the fungi was found to have enhanced anti-inflammatory properties normally associated with that plant (Thongbai et al, 5-6). Further, Lion’s Mane grown on substrates enriched with tofu whey have been found to have profoundly greater antioxidant properties than normal, pulling those molecules directly from the soy product. The implications of this research is profound. Imagine growing a mushroom such as Lion’s Mane on say, hemp waste products and having the resulting fruiting bodies not only contain the beneficial molecules of the mushrooms but living laboratory transformed cannibinols as well, or any other substrate supplemented with any of the thousands of beneficial herbs currently known to man. This process is called ‘biotransformation’ in the research, which is a sought after property in biotechnological research.

Most fungi, and our Priest of Pan in particular, also biotransform us the more we live and think with their spirits. Lion’s Mane grows and strengthens our nervous system, improves our mental and intellectual performance, and brings general well being to our bodies, making us better and more successful humans. Hericium erinaceus is so good at this, in fact, that it has been used for centuries in East Asia to treat neurasthenia (Thongbai et al, 7). Neurasthenia is defined as fatigue, headache, irritability and is generally associated with emotional disturbances. The term showed peak use in the early twentieth century and today these symptoms are a one-to-one match for diagnosis of chronic fatigue syndrome — one of the most pernicious and complex medical conditions of the twenty-first century.

Nor does this potent spirit-form much care how we treat it. Extracts from both fresh fruiting bodies and dried mushrooms have been found to contain the full complement of molecules. Drying the mushrooms, in fact, has been found to increase the antioxidant properties of these extracts. As with many other fungi, not only do the medicinal molecules in Lion’s Mane survive intense drying processes but when analyzed many molecules are actually found in greater quantity after drying. In this case, the antioxidant molecules of Lion’s Mane were found to be in stronger quantities after oven-drying than freeze-drying. An important thing to remember for the mycomage seeking to bring this potent spirit-form into her life.

Part Three

“Dionysus the drunk boy on a panther — rank adolescent sweat — Pan boatman slogs through the solid earth up to his waist as if it were the sea, kids skin crusted with moss and lichen.” (Bey, 10)

Dionysus and Pan are companions, the latter being a pivotal member of the former’s ’squad,’ to use the modern vernacular. They share dominion over fecundity and fertility, forests and mountains (Dionysus was raised by mountain nymphs), frenzy and panic.

Pan loved the Athenians and used his powers to induce panic (a state of hyper-awareness and strong emotion) in the Persians when they faced them in battle. Pan is the patron of marathon runners and hikers. He is known to be sure footed and swift on any mountain terrain and, again during the Persian War, he called out to the Athenian herald Philippides in the Parthenian Mountains and gave to him the message that the Persians were making plans to march on the city of Marathon. Philippides, bearing a torch, ran through the night until he reached the city to warn the citizens there. Pan is therefore the patron of the Olympic games, of long-distance runners, and of forewarning or other precognitive actions. Pan also has a manifestation that is worshiped by sailors and fishermen that goes by the name of Haliplanktos, or the Sea-Roamer. He was called on in battle and thought to be the voice of the roaring sea. Outside of Marathon, Greece there is still a neolithic cave known for human activity that is called the Cave of Pan (Theio.com, 2019, retrieved from https://www.theoi.com/Cult/PanCult.html). It is a cave encrusted with moss and lichen located at 38°09′31.60′′N, 23°55′48.60′′E. Excavations in the cave have found charcoal from fires and seashells. One can infer that Pan is a deity that existed in the area well before the Ancient Greeks and was, perhaps, worshiped in this cave, and given shell fish or shells as offerings. In this way he is kin to Poseidon who shares dominion over hoofed animals, in his case horses, and has equal power over sea and land. Referencing Peter Carroll again we find that:

“Every theology, pantheon, and demonology implies a psychology. Most pagan cultures attempted to include a wide spectrum of possible selves and behaviours, with a god or goddess or a minor diety for just about any activity…” (Carroll, 36)

The mycomage can do the same. The only difference here is that while gods and goddesses, angels and demons exist in the spirit ecology and need be reached on their own plane. There is a mushroom for just about any activity here on our corporeal plane already, just waiting for us to discover and interact with. Pan, Lord of the Mountain Forest but also Lord of Fishing, Nets and Sailing, the Capturer of Typhon, share with the mushroom a multi-faceted facility, he is a helper on many very different and seemingly (to the human eye) unconnected levels. It is this multi-faceted nature, of the mountain and of the forest and of the common working world of sailing and fishing, that connects Pan to the Mountain Priests, the Yamabushi of Japan. The Yamabushi are also half priest and half common folk, splitting their time between their spiritual selves in the mountains and their role as business persons and workers in society. This dynamic is reflected in our cover photo of the Satyr and the Peasant Folk by Jacob Jordaens; the wise and mythical satyr as the spiritual element sitting at the same table as the common folks, sharing his wisdome.

The use the most difficult type of hiking as a form of Meditation and their Buddhism is enriched with animist beliefs, which are collective known as Shugendo [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shugend%C5%8D] that drive them to venerate the mountains and the forests they practice their religion in. Their happi coats and hakama split-leg trousers are designed to resemble the clothes placed on the dead before burial or cremation (Wortley, 2017, retrieved from https://www.japantimes.co.jp/life/2017/10/13/travel/yamabushi-japans-ancient-tradition-mountain-ascetics-opens-public/). The priests also wear sashes and tassels, which is th direct connection to their namesake, the Yamabushitake mushroom. The priests communicate with the spirit world and each other from their mountain huts by blowing on conch shells, an icon of the oceans and sea that surround their native Japan. The Yamabushi believe that their forested mountains are are a source of the life force they carry within them and when the stressors of the modern world grow to be too much, they return there to replenish themselves.

Yamabushitake, our fierce Lion’s Mane mushroom, our spine-cloaked Priests of Pan, do the same for the mycomage, delivering their own molecules and biotransforming the molecules of the trees and plants they live on directly to us, replenishing our bodies and minds with health and energy.

Our old Bearded Tooth, our Priests of Pan, can be found in nature feeding on dead or dying deciduous trees. In particular, they enjoy the company of oaks, beech (another companion of the Gallo-Roman lover of redheads, Fagus, the lord of child birth and babies), walnut, maple and elm (Sokół et al, 1). Their optimal sporulation environment is a relative humidity between 85 - 95% and a temperature of 75 - 80°F. It is reported that an environment any warmer than 88°F was show to stop our spirit-form’s sporulation (Sokół et al, 2). The Priests of Pan enjoy low intensity light, which is shown to stimulate spore germination. Also in the research is a report of irradiating Lion’s Mane mycelia with argon and helium lasers, which resulted in fruiting bodies with up to a 50% increase in weight. So, essentially, if you shoot laser weapons at the Priests of Pan, they gain in strength and size. And if you recall from earlier in this report the health of the fruiting body is a direct indicator of the amount and strength of the medicinal and nutraceutical molecules held within the mushroom’s flesh. Lasers and other types of radiation only increase their superpowers.

Lion’s Mane mycelium enjoy the same warmish temps that its spores do, growing well at 75°F in a substrate with a pH of 6. Most carbon sources, except for lactose, encourage their growth, with the amino acid alanine being the best observed source of nitrogen. They have also been employed in bioremediation of waste from sewage and paper industry pulp. If the mycomage seeks to invoke herself a legion of Priests of Pan, then she can use inoculated wood logs beneath a forest canopy or indoors in bottles or bags using sterilized sawdust of their preferred trees as a substrate, although there are also reports of Lion’s Mane growing equally well on conventional grain substrates in these conditions. Other substrates that have been reported as effective are corn cobs, cotton chaff and wheat bran with supplementation of corn meal, gypsum and sugar. One specific substrate formulation reported as being successful is sterilized beech sawdust with 10% wheat bran and 20% corn meal as supplements (Sokół et al, 3-4).

The sigil of the Priests of Pan echoes the Yamabushi ascending their sacred mountain. It can be used when one needs to create probabilities in one’s life where there are opportunities to immerse oneself completely in the natural world — most especially mountains or forests. If one is performing a working attempting to gain the attention of Pan himself or Dionysus, this sigil can also be of assistance.

It can also be used as a magical focal point for those attempting to stave off mental decline either in themselves or in loved ones. Invoking the Priests of Pan in this way brings the full force of their healing power to your aid. It is beneficial for those suffering from chronic fatigue — especially when used in conjunction with the spirit form’s physical manifestation. This sigil can be placed inside the shoes of individuals prior to running marathons or other intense aerobic sports and it will bring a lightness to one’s feet and a diamond point focus on the goal.

Sigil courtesy of Ghostly Harmless’ Sigilizer

References

Bey, H (1991) T.A.Z. The Temporary Autonomous Zone, Ontological Anarchy, Poetic Terrorism. Autonomedia

Carrol, P. J. (2008). The apophenion: A chaos magic paradigm. Oxford: Mandrake.

Facorellis, Y., Mari, A., & Oberlin, C. (2017). The Cave of Pan, Marathon, Greece—AMS Dating of the Neolithic Phase and Calculation of the Regional Marine Reservoir Effect. Radiocarbon, 59(5), 1475-1485. doi:10.1017/RDC.2017.65

Sokół S, Golak-Siwulska I, Sobieralski K, Siwulski M and Górka K (2016) Biology, cultivation, and medicinal functions of the mushroom Hericium erinaceum. Acta Mycologica (50, 2) pp 1-18

Theoi (2019) Pan Cult. theoi.com. Retrieved from https://www.theoi.com/Cult/PanCult.html

Thongbai B, Rapior S, Hyde K D, Wittstein K and Stadler M (2015) Hericium erinaceus, an amazing medicinal mushroom. Mycological Progress (14, 91) pp 1-23

Wong K, Naidu M, David P, Bakar R and Sabaratnam V (2012) Neuroregenerative potential of Lion’s Mane mushroom, Hericium errancies (Bull.: Fr.) Pers. (Higher Basidiomycetes), in the treatment of peripheral nerve injury (Review) International Journal of Medicinal Mushrooms (14, 5) pp 427-446.

Wortley K (2017) Yamabushi: Japan’s ancient tradition of mountain ascetics opens to the public. Retrieved from https://www.japantimes.co.jp/life/2017/10/13/travel/yamabushi-japans-ancient-tradition-mountain-ascetics-opens-public/

Mushroom Images

Hericium erinaceus from Steve, Chris Cassidy, and beverlyjam.

Mushroom Images Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution - ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.

#Hericium erinaceum

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violetiris18-blog · 7 years

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Anorexia Nervosa

They once told us that beauty was pain so when I didn't feel beautiful I felt like I had to be in pain to fix it I took one look in a mirror and decided that I wasn't good enough so I took one look online and decided that they were And despite the fact that I knew what I was getting myself into I did it anyways So when the calorie count started I stayed on the underside of 1,000 because skinny girls don't eat and thinner is the winner Because in health class I ignored the warnings coming from my teachers mouth that I could shrink my brain, lose 25 years of my life, or even die But as my classmates tell me I've lost so much weight I can't help but smile as my addiction is fueled because I feel more worthy of something when I'm skinny and starving Or maybe I'm not skinny and I'm just starving but that cup of water is better than the pasta sitting on the counter that fuels what I need to stay alive because I'd rather die skinny than fat Because one is less calories than the other and I want to be as small as the girls I see on magazines and in movies and despite the fact that they're all photoshopped I know I can reach what they have one day if I just starve myself Because my beauty is the number on the scale The weight of gravity holding me down The way that my thighs touch or don't because if your thighs touch you're too fat despite the ribs that you see poking through your skin And when you try to talk about it people get bored of you and tell you to just eat but they don't understand that it's not that easy because there's a constant weight watchers calculator in your head and you think that if you eat that one apple sitting on the counter those 60 calories are going to make you have to be lifted out of bed with a crane Because you're overweight and they all say this is your way of getting healthy and when you're underweight they don't say anything other than "you've lost a lot of weight" which we take as a compliment because all we ever wanted to be was skinny Because they didn't realize that it was assisted suicide Because they didn't realize that we didn't eat lunch anymore Or breakfast Or dinner Or snacks Or at all Because they didn't realize that when they offered us that one cracker we rejected it because it was a whole 4 calories Can you imagine that? 4 calories out of the 2,000 you're supposed to eat in a day but we weren't eating 2,000 we were eating 0 We would cry in the mirror when we ate calories that passed more than 30 which meant that foods like meat, cheese, butter, bread, peanut butter, salad dressing, apples, cakes, ice cream, sugar, lemonade, orange juice, milk, most fruits, most vegetables, anything above 4 celery sticks but then again those 28 calories would be too much so instead we run off of tea and water praying that we're not tempted to put honey or milk in it because that's a whole 70 calories which defeats the purpose of trying to fill yourself on liquid Because every time we had to pee we would lose pounds off of water because that was all that was in our stomach Because when we got admitted to hospitals we prayed not to get a tube because that was a whole 1500 calories which to this day is a number that makes us cry Because beauty has to be pain and it hurts having an empty stomach so that must mean that I'm getting more beautiful because all I can feel is my stomach yelling at me feed me feed me but I just give it water and try to tell it it's food because eating is too hard And now we're down to eating over 10 calories and you feel fat so you take one piece of celery out of the fridge and eat half of it if you feel really daring but wash that down with water and wonder why you're not getting your period anymore and why your hair is falling out and it's harder to understand things or carry around your school bag which at this point could weigh more than you do Because you looked at all those skinny girls on tumblr and instagram and twitter and Facebook and snapchat and in school and down the street and at practice and on your tv and in cartoons and laying in hospital beds and you thought I can't wait until I'm as skinny as they are I can't wait until I can look like them because you thought that it was beautiful But sometimes it's not always about beauty sometimes you feel in control of anything when you're not eating and you feel like you know what you're doing Because not being able to feel your limbs anymore and being able to see your bones through your skin which is the only thing covering your body at this point and being so cold in the summer you're wearing a sweater because there's no more tissues to keep you warm And when you started carrying around a blanket nobody said anything because they didn't notice how thin you had gotten underneath it but they teased you for it which brought you down to a limit of 5 calories a day because once you're skinny maybe just maybe they'll like you And you've started shaving most parts of your body because it's not beautiful to have hair anywhere and you've been working so hard to be beautiful that you can't have hair on your body And you wonder why you're freezing all the time and why you're finding hairstyles that hide the fact that no food is causing it to fall out because you're hiding what you're doing even though it's in plain sight and nobody notices like a scream for help because it's not their place to get involved And when you try again to talk about it and get better because the weight on the scale is far down from your normal weight and you've started passing out from standing up people criticize you, call you stupid, they get bored with you when all you wanted was help They get bored with the fact that you know the average human can go 11 days without food and that if you don't eat for a full week you can lose 17 pounds which is most of the way to your goal weight so you ignore the hunger in your stomach and the dizziness in your head and all you can think is don't eat don't eat because you can feel your body burning calories or maybe just heating up to stay alive Because you counted 750 calories after you binged and you cried as you took laxatives or threw it up because you couldn't stand to look like you're actually healthy Because you spend your money on makeup instead of food because makeup makes you pretty and food doesn't Because you want to be able to wear a crop top like the other girls but you don't realize that you're too cold to do that but you do it anyways and you freeze and they all look at the way your stomach concaves and the way it looks like your ribs might poke out of your skin when you stretch your arms up because you think it's beautiful But again they say nothing because it's none of their business and they tell you again that you've lost a lot of weight and you smile because you've lost weight and you can finally feel as skinny as the girls you've seen online but when you look in the mirror you still feel and see a fat girl despite the fact you weight 74 pounds and you're 5'3" Despite the fact your BMI is too low to be healthy and the fact that every piece of you except your brain is screaming at you to eat and you ignore it and drink more water as your heart starts to give out and so does the rest of your body as you attempt to go for another run to lose more weight And as you watch your dog look at you and start to whine because he knows you don't look like you used to and he knows you're days or hours away from death as you feed him but don't feed yourself And your friends look on at you with concern because you cry one day as everybody tries to go out to dinner and you get frustrated because the calories are listed as if you needed a list and nothing is lower than 5 so you just drink your water and say you ate earlier Because you had to have hip bones that stick out and legs that don't touch and arms that you can wrap your thin fingers around and wrists smaller than a rail and you had to be able to fit into that size 0 until that's not even fitting you anymore and you find yourself passed out in a hospital bed with a tube down your throat crying because it's 1500 calories and now you can never be as skinny as they were as you take what could be your last breaths afraid to eat and hours from what could be your death all because of the photos of the skinny girls running through your head and the calories in everything which for some reason define everything about you Because there's too many calories in meat, cheese, salad dressing, peanut butter, strawberries, waffles, bread, fish, celery, bananas, orange juice, milk, mayonnaise, ketchup, chocolate, cake, ice cream, pasta, tomatoes, lettuce, carrots, grapes, butter, crackers, salt, pepper, eggs, pineapple, peaches, bagels, asparagus, corn, watermelon, cherries, yogurt, mushrooms, French fries, whipped cream, jello, olives, cereal, donuts, pretzels, brocolli, soups, cinnamon buns, frosting, potatoes, cream cheese, peppers, iced tea, milkshakes, postage stamps, glue on an envelope, the pieces of your nail you chew on, the paint on the wall you licked as a dare, the crumbs that may have gotten in your mouth throughout the day, the little bit of toothpaste you accidentally swallowed, the lemon juice that you put in your water to give it flavor, the shampoo you got in your mouth while you were showering, the lip scrub you put on your mouth because just a little bit of it got in to your mouth and that's too much to be eating because to you anything is too much to be eating because beauty is pain and thinner is the winner and you just wanted to be beautiful so you put yourself in the pain of an empty stomach to be as pretty as the skinny girls who you think are beautiful

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