#also i HATE that mlm and MLM are the same acronym but one is gay sex and the other is destroying everything you love | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

manlarp · 3 years

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I've stopped hating the term queer solely because it's a slur, and have now moved onto the fact that it's a catch-all term allowing completely heterosexual individuals who have never had a slur directed at them in their life into the community. But not just the community. Legislation, academia, and history, too.

The T was originally included in the LGBT acronym because there was intersection between homosexual people, and transvestites/transsexuals/GNC people. Many transsexuals were also homosexual, many transvestites were gay men, many GNC women were lesbian, etc. That's why the T was originally there. Nowadays, a lot of people argue that the painful mental illness of gender dysphoria doesn't tie in to harmless and healthy homosexuality. But that's another matter.

The word queer doesn't just include gay, lesbian, bisexual, and trans people, or even heterosexual GNC people. Tongue in cheek, it appears to include:

'Aromantic asexuals', 'non binary' people, 'genderfluid/genderqueer' people, 'pansexuals', 'demisexuals', 'mlm', 'wlw', 'achillean' and 'sapphic' people, 'gay trans boys' (heterosexuals), 'transbians' (heterosexuals), drag queens, drag kings, girls with 'she/they' in their bio who are not GNC in any way, men wearing skirts, women with short hairstyles, 'non-binary lesbians', 'nb transmascs', people who use neopronouns, people who wear pronoun pins and rainbow flags, allies...

The problem with this is that it's actually impossible to gatekeep who is queer and who isn't. Now, "why is that a bad thing?" you ask. "Gatekeeping sucks!"

Consider this. When someone says, "I'm LGBT", that's a useful way of hinting that they're homosexual, bisexual, and/or transsexual, groups which have faced discrimination, oppression, violence, and ostracisation in every society for centuries. Identifying as "LGBT" means you don't have to disclose which specific part of the acronym you are, but you're pointing out that you know what it's like to face homophobia or transphobia (the latter, in my opinion, is usually borne of the former), and pressures both internal and external. This kind of discrimination can be deadly, and affect your human rights even to this day.

So if someone says they're LGBT, you can immediately identify their struggle. But if they say they're queer...

They could be a gay man who was hospitalised for injuries caused by homophobic violence. They could be a lesbian married to a woman whose entire family disowned her for liking women. They could be a homosexual transsexual who spent their entire childhood being bullied and mocked for not conforming to gender roles, to the point where transition felt like the only way to fit in.

Or... they could be a 13-year-old who hasn't had sex yet, and identifies as asexual. They could be a straight girl who uses they pronouns, but only on tumblr. They could be a 'trans lesbian' who has no barriers to marriage or having children, and never grew up experiencing internalised homophobia. They could be a 'genderqueer demiboy' whose identity consists of wearing a dress on Monday, and a pair of shorts on Tuesday.

This is why I abhor the word 'queer', because it's meaningless. Anyone can be 'queer', even people who hate being labelled as such. You don't need any kind of definable characteristic, such as same sex attraction, to be 'queer'.

That word doesn't indicate a shared struggle or history. It doesn't indicate a sense of belonging because there's so much discourse as to who belongs there, instead of a set definition as to what exactly makes you LGBT. And once again, it is a slur, with a terrible history, one steeped in violence and hatred. I don't like it, I don't use it, and I revile anyone who uses it to describe me.

#Q slur #q slur discourse #You know i think we should drop the T but I'd take lgbt over queer any day

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homo-sex-shoe-whale · 3 years

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Online shipping, the fetishisation of gay men, and the romanticisation of queer trauma

An essay by me!

Word count: 2.8k

A link to the Google Doc version of this essay.

A big thank you to my friends Nathan @themeerkatnate, Mav @not-mavv , and Duke @dukedark-ness for reading this essay and giving me their thoughts as mlms on the topic. Make sure to check out their blogs and give them a follow!

So I was on a lovely website by the name of Twitter.com yesterday, just scrolling through while having my afternoon cup of coffee, when I saw that viral post of a girl reading a Larry fanfic through a classroom projector. I'm sure most of you have seen it. It's gone viral on Instagram, TikTok, and likely Tumblr too, and if you haven't come across it I'm positive you will soon.

Now, after getting through my initial reaction to that post which was, holy fuck, that's so embarrassing, I had a second reaction of... wait, this ship is still around?

And after I had some thoughts on the incredible permanence of some online ships and the weird obsolescence of others, I did get to thinking of how lots of these popular ships seem to stem from the same types of perceived relationship dynamics and homophobic stereotypes.

These online fandoms often seem to have an obsession with objects of queer trauma, such as having to hide a relationship, lying about sexuality for self-preservation, and even social rejection. So, after some opinions from my followers and the great archive that is the internet, I've decided to discuss some of the most popular examples of online shipping and the particular nuances they came with.

NOTE: Out of respect for all these people, I won't be sharing viral images or videos of them in perceived romantic proximity (or even kissing, as is applicable for some examples), but I will be describing certain moments I deem to be relevant. So even if you're unfamiliar with them, you won't be confused as to what I'm talking about.

NOTE 2: Although not all people within these fandoms were/are toxic, this essay is focused on the overall toxicity of the fandoms, and how they are toxic more so as a "hive" than as a group of individuals. When I refer to a fandom I don't mean every person involved in the fandom, but rather the collective impact of the group.

1. Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson

This is arguably the most popular example of online shipping. The absolute permanence of this ship, and how its fandom never seems to fully die off even beyond the lifespan of One Direction as it once stood, is downright impressive.

I'm going to be the first to admit I was never in the loop with this fandom. My childhood best friend was actually a massive Larry shipper and asked me to beta read one of her fics, but that was before I even knew who tf Harry and Louis were! Not because I avoided the fandom or even because I rejected the online shipping, but just by coincidence, I delved into the world of pop punk music right when One Direction began gaining its popularity. I bought my first ever album, Riot by Paramore, in 2011- only a year after One Direction made their X-Factor debut. So, this fandom just bypassed me by a sort of weird coincidence.

But I don't need to be in the loop with this fandom to know the astronomical obsession with these two men, no, these two BOYS, was extremely toxic. In 2010, when One Direction made their debut, Harry Styles was only 16 years old. And Louis Tomlinson wasn't much older at 19! This made the two of them incredibly young when this unprecedented wave of shipping hit the internet, and although that must be traumatising for anyone, I cannot even fathom how overwhelming it must've been for two boys that young.

I'm 18, almost 19 now, and I cannot begin to imagine how scary it was for the two of them to have their every interaction nitpicked within an inch of its life by thousands upon thousands of people online. I do not know this myself, but from numerous recounts by some of my followers, this massively impacted Harry's and Louis' nondescript relationship in real life, seemingly driving the two previously close friends apart.

Now, before we move on, there's something we need to talk about. And that is the obsession with the dominance/submission dynamic within the world of gay shipping.

With almost every popular mlm (an acronym meaning man-loving-man) ship based on real people, it seems that fandoms have a particular fascination with power imbalances in these relationships. You don't even need to look at the insane amount of fanfictions based on BDSM to figure this out. In almost all of the examples I'll be citing today, there is an age gap within the perceived relationship and a person the fandom has seemingly decided to be the top/dominant figure.

Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson are 3 years apart in age. Although it isn't all that relevant now, an age gap of 3 years when you're in your late teens is a lot more significant. In 2012, for example, when this shipping really started gaining traction, Harry Styles was 18 and Louis Tomlinson was 21. That power imbalance, albeit not that significant, is enough for a fandom to latch on to. We'll see this a lot more in the coming example with Dan and Phil.

2. Dan Howell and Phil Lester

It's impossible to have a discussion about internet shipping without talking about Dan and Phil.

Dan Howell and Phil Lester, although being popular YouTubers individually, are arguably one of the internet's most iconic duos. The two creators published their first videos together in 2009, and while their relationship was already a motive of speculation back then, the peak of the "Phan" shipping definitely came in the 2013-2016 era of Tumblr.

Now, I'm going to admit… I was actually on Tumblr when that happened.

The 2013-2016 period perfectly aligns with my middle school days (I started middle school in 2013 and high school in 2016), and I was not only on Tumblr back then, but I was on Wattpad too! Again, this wasn't a fandom I had much contact with as I had a huge anime phase in middle school and I was on Tumblr posting mainly photography and Soul Eater content more than anything.

But I did watch some of Dan and Phil's videos! And the occasional "Phan" content did not completely evade me as one of my closest friends in middle school had a fanchat for them. I wasn't involved in the fandom myself but they were actually one of the few English-speaking YouTubers I watched once in a blue moon (back then I watched mainly Brazilian YouTubers). One thing I did in fact notice over the years, around 2014ish perhaps, was that the two of them seemed to grow increasingly "awkward" around each other, in a way that many folks on the internet thought was reminiscent to Markiplier/Jacksepticeye, two YouTubers who also dealt with extraordinary amounts of shipping.

I'm not the only one who thinks this. The change in Dan and Phil's relationship, at least to the outside world, was clear to almost anyone who watched their videos for a while. I cannot blame them at all. The shipping was nuts. Between the countless fan videos, speculative comments, and insurmountable number of fanfics, there's no way the two of them didn't feel the weight of the shipping. The term "demon phannie" made its way into internet vernacular and there it stayed for years. Even Shane Dawson, who was one of the largest creators on the platform at the time, made several videos speculating on the nature of Dan and Phil's relationship and their sexual orientations.

There was even porn made in which actors with similar appearances to the creators were made to have sex on camera.

Now, this is actually a rare example where the two people involved in the ship actually came out as gay once the shipping seemed to die down. I'm incredibly happy Dan and Phil both reached a point where they were comfortable being publicly out, but I hate to say I'm shocked this day ever came. If I'd gone through what the two of them did, I don't know if I'd ever trust the internet.

And again, this ship's fandom definitely had an obsession with the power dynamics they thought existed between the people within the ship. Dan Howell is 4 years younger than Phil Lester, and was only 18 in 2009, when they started making videos together. From my personal understanding, the shipping was often quite focused on this dominant/submissive dynamic especially in discussions from their early relationship. And this is in no way exclusive to Dan and Phil.

This general fascination with the older man/younger man dynamic, in my opinion, plays into the homophobic stereotype that gay men are predators. The idea that gay men usually seek younger men, and somehow "convince" them to engage in homosexual relationships, is popular homophobic rhetoric. The popularisation, exaggeration, and fetishisation of these power imbalances, in age and/or in relationship dynamics, is directly harmful to the mlm community.

Not only that, but the romanticisation of a "hidden/forbidden relationship" is also detrimental not only to gay men and the mlm community, but to queer people as a whole. Queer people face huge trauma having to hide their relationships; queer attraction is already a societal taboo. And acting like this is good, or even desirable, is harmful to queer people as a whole, regardless of whether or not it's actually applicable to the people being shipped. It normalises this trauma not only to cisgender, heterosexual people, but to impressionable queer youth who grow to believe this type of trauma is to be expected.

3. Frank Iero and Gerard Way

This is another example where the perceived power imbalances between the two subjects of the shipping were directly exploited online. Now, this ship did precede the others mentioned above. If we're looking at this topic chronologically, this particular ship did come first in the shipping timeline. It's closer to the origin of the shipping extended universe, if you will.

In case you aren't familiar with them, Frank Iero and Gerard Way are both members of the American emo band My Chemical Romance. This ship is the first one here of which I don't recall the full popularity. It really peaked in popularity around the late 2000s, circa 2008. And I don't remember this moment online as in 2008, I was only 6 years old and believe it or not, I wasn't really all that concerned with rumoured homoeroticism as a first grader.

However, the popularity of this ship did carry over into the 2013-2015 Tumblr shipping boom. The emo fandom (or "bandom" as it was called) involving not only My Chemical Romance but other similar bands such as Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, and Pierce the Veil, found its hub on Tumblr.

During this time, I did in fact listen to this style of music, but was focused a lot more on the anime side of Tumblr as mentioned earlier. Of course, I wasn't 13 years old like, "hey, this type of content might be harmful and can inadvertently perpetuate homophobic stereotypes," I just happened to care more about my silly little anime and ended up not getting involved.

This ship does involve a discussion that the others don't, however. With Frank Iero and Gerard Way, there is quite often a certain sentiment of, "Oh, they brought this upon themselves!" as the two band members very famously kissed during a show in 2007. In my opinion, though, this doesn't really justify all the obsessive shipping. If you look at Green Day, a band often grouped in with MCR as another famous pop punk group, the members don't follow too different of a trajectory. Billie Joe Armstrong has, on numerous occasions, kissed both of his fellow band members onstage- particularly Tré Cool, the drummer. And Billie Joe Armstrong is openly bisexual, which none of the members of MCR seem to be but some, or even all of Billie's bandmates, are too.

You'd think Green Day would face a lot more shipping as the more persistent onstage homoeroticism and Billie Joe's openness about his sexuality would warrant more "substantiated" speculation. However, Green Day faces nowhere near as much shipping as My Chemical Romance. Why is this? I actually don't know. It might've been because Green Day has been around for over a decade longer and generally has an older fandom, but I really am not that sure.

It could also be because of the lower lack of potential for forced relationship dynamics. The members of Green Day are all less than a year apart in age and are even similar in height. However, Frank Iero is 4 years younger than Gerard Way, who is not only the frontman of My Chemical Romance, but also considered to be the group's intellectual and creative "leader". Even beyond that, Gerard Way is quite visibly taller, and the perceived power difference between the two of them definitely did not elude their fans.

This difference could even be partly due to the lack of a "mystery" with Green Day. There's not as much to speculate as, well… the members of Green Day are already open about their sexual orientations. It might be that shipping in the Green Day fandom has less of a forbidden appeal for most people.

Of course, I won't just keep repeating myself, but my previous points about forced relationship dynamics still stand.

4. Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch

Better known for their roles in BBC Sherlock as Sherlock and Watson, Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch unfortunately had their roles follow them well into real life. This is the example I know least about, so have these thoughts from a follower by the name of @indubitably-a-goblin, who had the following to say:

"the main issues i had with it were:

a) they were both married at the time, freeman to amanda abbington and cumberbatch to sophie hunter (in which both had children)

b) the main reasoning for it was their chemistry in the many projects they've done together. which is, shockingly, their Whole Job. They're actors! That's what they're supposed to do! if they weren't good at interacting then they wouldn't be good actors! i don't know how people can't understand this.

c) they're real people. we don't know them. we aren't friends with them. we aren't their family members. we have zero right to be pushing this onto them and ruining their friendship by doing so. (this one relates to most of the ships you've mentioned though)

d) healthy friendships between two men are ignored so plainly in most medias and in fandom. its obvious that these two men have a relationship, but that doesn't mean it's a romantic one.

e) its fine to ship their characters, but actors shouldn't be treated as less-than-human or some sort of prop. they're doing a job, and once they are off-screen, they aren't here for your entertainment."

I believe she did a great job of summing it up on her own, and for the sake of avoiding redundancy, I'll leave it at that!

5. Corpse Husband and Sykkuno- an emerging yet subtle example

I am absolutely positive you remember how popular the game Among Us was a couple of months ago. And with the popularity of this game, some of its most prominent content creators became the targets of online shipping- as is the case with YouTubers and streamers Corpse Husband and Sykkuno.

Although the shipping involving these two creators is nowhere near as strong as it was/is with the examples above, I do think there is once again a reemergence of a common theme here. Whilst Sykkuno is known for his happy-go-lucky, almost "innocent" persona, Corpse Husband is the antithesis of this, known for his much darker and moodier personality.

Do I even have to mention what the common theme seems to be?

Again, although the popularity of shipping - at least with real people - seems to have died down a bit since the Tumblr shipping boom of the early to mid 2010s, I do believe this example is worth mentioning. Even though the creators are still close, they have in fact expressed discomfort regarding the shipping, and I can only hope the internet as a whole lets their friendship blossom and exist naturally without obsessive speculation.

My final thoughts

As explored in the essay:

The romanticisation of objects of queer trauma as a part of online shipping normalises queer trauma to both cishet and queer youth.

Online shipping, especially at a high intensity, can end up negatively impacting the very relationships they pine over.

The relationship dynamics often forced on mlm ships perpetuate homophobic stereotypes about non-heterosexual men.

If anyone else has thoughts on this matter, do share! This essay is moreso an opinionated observational piece and isn't meant to be taken as fact but rather just as my thoughts on the matter. I hope it was useful as a reflective piece regardless!

Date of posting: June 16th 2021

#lgbt #lgbtq #gay #mlm #I cannot believe I said the phrase 'shipping extended universe'

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philosophiums · 4 years

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i don’t fully agree with the way the op talked about this but a) there is lgbtq as identity and then there’s lgbtq as a political coalition. neither you nor op made any distinction between them and of course there’s overlap but that’s part of the issue with this whole argument. second not all ace people are straight obviously but a cisgender heterosexual person is what people are referring to when they talk about straight people. i don’t think that’s about exclusion it’s about being honest >>

about privilege imo plus the split attraction model is deeply problematic for a lot of reasons, namely that it assumes that “””allosexual””” lgbtq people somehow don’t experience atypical attraction or have complicated relationships with sex. that may not be the intention but it’s a problematic way to frame the conversation. like mogai culture has a lot of problems and if this is about community those concerns should be taken seriously. idk op was not wording things well but i think > >your response didn’t necessarily address some of the actual issues with mogai and/or the aro/ace discourse. like i think this has devolved into a “who can be in the club” argument and that’s not the point either “side” is trying to make. idk i just think this is an issue almost exclusively on the internet and it would be more productive for us all to discuss solutions bearing in mind historical and social context. i am really sorry some fuck sent you death threats over this though wtf

oh hey look an actual reasonable discussion. i’m going to break this down into a numbered list to stay a bit organized and try to address things as you brought them up so please don’t think the list is my way of being like... snappy or something

100% agree. lgbt as an identity vs lgbt as a political coalition are different but not mutually exclusive. lgbt+ is a looooong acronym and includes a broad range of alignments and identities, and it’s great that so many people can find comfort and community in that identity, and i think that anyone who feels like they’re not solidly cishet is welcome to try on some identities or keep themselves as “questioning” and educate themselves further about different identities and the community history, and no one should be held back from exploring because - shocker - identities and our understanding of them change frequently, especially in relation to ourselves

genuinely i think the split attraction model is the biggest problem here. and place the blame for this wherever you like (media, society, the church™, whatever). like i hate that our options are I Have/Want Sex All The Time vs Maybe I’m Acespec. that’s not.... how attraction works. that’s not how people work. the ace spectrum is.... so strange to me because “ace” as in “actually asexual” can not, by default (in my opinion) be cishet, because the “ace” replaces the “het.” they would be cis ace. unfortunately, i think a lot of the ace spectrum is full of sexuality modifiers (demi is probably the most popular one). demi isn’t actually.... a sexuality. i think it’s a valid identity and i think it should be allowed in the community, but we circle back to, then, the difference between lgbt as an identity and lgbt as a political coalition

i am 100% with everyone on the whole “some acespec people are cishet” thing. a cis girl who IDs as demi (i’ve already used it once i’ll keep going with it) but who is pretty sure she’ll only ever be attracted to cis guys is welcome to use lgbt as an identity, but shouldn’t have a say in lgbt as a coalition. she’s still cishet, because even though demi is “ace” in the absolute loosest of terms (because it’s on the spectrum), it’s a modifier. the reason i get so worked up about ace discourse posts is that no one who makes them bothers to differentiate between asexual and the rest of the spectrum - they just say “ace” and refuse to acknowledge it as its own sexuality. asexuality is, by default, not cishet. and like... i’m saying this as someone who ID-ed as demi for a long time because i was still convinced due to social expectations that “surely i have to want to have sex i just need to find the right person”

however, of course, you then get into the complications of “some people who were cishet but who were abused are now ID-ing as asexual and should they be allowed to ID as lgbt as a coalition.” well... no. they have always been cishet. if they want to actually ID as asexual then i think they can use lgbt as an identity, but the other side of it isn’t open to them

also please don’t get me started on romantic attraction i’m not even sure it’s a super real thing i honestly think it’s something (western) society more or less made up by uplifting the ideals of marriage and more or less banning close physical contact between friends because honestly how do you even define romance as an attraction it’s bonkers

i didn’t touch on this stuff in my initial reply to the post because every time there’s ace discourse it always seems to boil down to “we can’t be adults and understand that there’s nuance and complications to all of this so we’re just going to hate all acespec people and try to ban them from ID-ing as lgbt and they’re only valid if they also hastily say that they’re trans or wlw/mlm but they’re on thin ice.” and that pisses me off because if you think you’re in a sound enough place to start dictating who is and isn’t allowed to say “i fit into the lgbt political coalition” then you need to be less line-in-the-sand about it and more understanding to the fact that some people who identify as ace actually aren’t cishet Even If They’re Still Cis And Not Bi/Gay/Pan/Etc. because asexual is. literally. a sexuality and you can’t be het if you’re not. attracted to people?

but yeah like......... no one can really be the Identity Police and say that someone who thinks themselves to be something other than the social standard of cishet isn’t allowed to identify as lgbt (allies can fuck off they don’t get to be in the acronym but like.... it’s open ended with a + for a reason). and i think that anyone who wants to identify as lgbt needs to start doing some research on different identities and on the history of lgbt as a political coalition and it’s evolution as an identity as well. and you’re right - none of this actually exists in the real world, because it typically happens that getting into discussions in the real world results in learning instead of tightening your grip on your beliefs (which is how tumblr discussions always go; everyone gets defensive and no one actually learns anything)

and i’m not saying that even i’m 100% right. everything is so dependent on minute details and individual identities. we get so used to binaries that i think it’s difficult, sometimes, to remember that no two people are in the same exact place on the spectrum. no one experiences their sexuality the way another person does. sometimes even the definitions of terms and identities are different for different people, and they change so damn frequently

thank you for being a reasonable human being and please feel free to keep up the discussion if you want to ♡♡♡

#ace discourse #we're delving deeper lads #lgbt #Anonymous

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zorilleerrant · 6 years

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There is no one community.

Oh, sure, there’s overlap, there’s a space that marks itself LGBT in big letters and a space people name ‘the queer group’ and another space that no one has a name for, but you know if you go there you’re safe if you’re gay and you’re safe if you’re trans but no one better talk about kink. A space where we can’t talk about aphobia and biphobia because it’s ‘getting too political’ and a space where we can talk all we want about intracommunity issues but the kid in the corner having a panic attack just gets laughed at and told to suck it up.

Plenty of you get your hackles up when something says LGB, when something says LGBTPN. Some of us have to navigate the intricate nuances of the difference between LGBT and LGBT+ and LGBTQ and LGBTQ+ and LGBTQIA and every letter, every symbol after that. Do you want to know the difference? The difference is, the first is sometimes well meaning older people and often strict assimilationists the second is progressives from conservative areas but mostly some kind of gatekeeper the third is strict on its definitions it’s okay with people who don’t want labels but it expects you to be some kind of gay or some kind of trans real trans not any of that nonbinary shit while the fourth may be okay with that and probably is okay with any identity but they love to play respectability politics and the fifth is virtue signalling they like to seem inclusive to feel inclusive but they don’t like to be inclusive and by god if they don’t shut down any conversation they think is off topic. You can see it in the people who like the labels, in the books that get shelved under them, in the articles that get marked with one tag over another. You can see it in the support blogs, in the community discussion groups, in the events that get a banner with one or the other. It’s not just the activist groups.

And it makes sense in some ways to have groups that are just the L, just the G, just the B, just the T. (It doesn’t make sense to have just the Q. What would that mean, anyway?) And something for mlm and something for wlw, but LG and oh now that’s a red flag, that’s, well it’s sure something, but it’s something we don’t need to reinforce within the ‘community’ or without. And sure, different groups for trans women, trans men, nonbinary people, different groups for transneutral and transmasculine and transfeminine, but here’s a question: what do trans men and trans women have in common that nonbinary people just don’t have to deal with that’s the real issue. And sure separate resources for people who want HRT and people who want at-home solutions, people who need help with changing their legal documents and people who just want to be called something different by their so called family, people who are trying to be vocal and people who are as closeted as they can be at the moment. But the infighting? Well, you can try to keep it open to ‘everyone’, which means safest for whoever was already safest on the outside, only protect us from the lowest common denominator of well that wasn’t very nice, or you can keep it safe for the most at risk, which means risking the most backlash, the angriest subhegemonic rants about who is and who isn’t allowed. No one can play nice with everyone, it’s the paradox of I want to punch you in the face.

(Let’s not address which people are personally oppressing which other people. This dichotomy of ‘oppressor’ and ‘oppressed’, that’s not how oppression works. That’s straight out of radfem rhetoric. And ‘privileged people’ v. ‘marginalized people’ isn’t much better. Classes are privileged, not people, and how that plays out one on one often looks different than the aggregate, which is sort of the point of why you have to aggregate the data in the first place. And while we’re at it, stop treating every kind of oppression like it has the same dynamic, like it works in the same way, like it’s interchangeable. They aren’t.)

And there’s the other acronyms, too, the MOGAI and GS(R?)M that welcome everyone who wants to be included, but, you know, a lot of people don’t. For one reason or another. So the intended demographic and the observed demographic, well, let’s go back to the paradox of kys shall we? Anyway there are a lot I didn’t put here because I don’t even recognize them all and also because I hate SAGA so much just because it looks like SGA even though I don’t actually know what it means. Alliance, I think? But that’s reasons for you.

And queer, you can say queer, but that isn’t one thing, either. There are queer behaviors - those we can list off, those we can study in any reputable university - and it’s easy to say what. Is it socially normative? Checklist time. Queer people are harder. We can pick who self-identifies and that’s fine, but. But. Some people use queer to mean specifically gay, like specifically, like if they find out you have some sort of vague or nebulous attraction, that you like men and women both, that you have any sort of feelings about your gender, well, that’s a betrayal isn’t it? (It’s an older meme, but it checks out.) You have the people who are queer as in ‘oh I don’t know yet’, or queer as in ‘I don’t like labels’, or queer as in ‘none of your business’. You get the ‘queer as in fuck you’ crowd that means they want to assimilate so bad, that they can’t see why these facts are meaningful, that they just want a way to be hegemonic like you and you and you. You get queer as in homonationalist, you get queer as in transgressive just for the transgression (queer as in troll), you get queer as in political faction that seems off but you can’t tell how. You get queer as in closeted about some of their identities. You get queer as in I want to queer things, queer as in academic, queer as in apparent, vocal, loud. Rarely you get people who mean they want to subvert the paradigm, smash the hegemony, the queer agenda if you will.

And it’s not the same. Pick any group, any group you want. You think the tumblr anarcho-queer and the facebook anarcho-queer and the reddit anarcho-queer are the same person? The same cultural perception, the same context, the same makeup of backgrounds and goals? You think the internet cultures we build are the same as offline spaces, and those - how are you acting like that specialty group in the middle of Manhattan works the same way as the five people who meet in someone’s barn in the middle of Kansas and have to be friends no matter how much they hate each other.

And fuck it. I’ve given up finding a community with people who know anything about my experiences of color, about the way my brain forces me to see the world, about the way my body stops it, let alone my interests.

But please, please stop the myth of the cohesive whole.

#my writing #look i said something

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