#also we all know Napoleon would drive like a MANIAC

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

you posted it a thousand years ago but that one modern au napolington was great. there was one just one thing i cant get out of my mind though. murat and arthur. how exactly would that go?? i want them being forced to go on a wine run or something and being in a car by themselves

oh the modern au where they fight over the plane seat? That's a classic.

Murat and Arthur would be hilarious. Murat's at the wheel and they're in Corsica visiting the in-laws and Murat's just taking hair pin turns like a demon as they drive down to Ajaccio to do a big shop for everyone and Arthur is having heart attacks. Multiple ones. Messages Napoleon 'If I don't make it back alive I want you to have my book collection.' Napoleon replies, 'Calm down, Joachim's not that bad.' Arthur is like, 'True, you're worse.' (

I feel like Arthur would have to try and keep Murat on track because he'd get sidetracked on other quests. So they're there to get like wine, bread, cheese, pork, and these seven vegetables that Letizia needs but Murat is like 'We can also get these other fifty items' and Arthur is like 'We don't need flaming hot cheetoh mac n' cheese' and Murat is like, 'But I want to know what the Americans are up to now with their insane food products. Plus, the kids will love it.'

Arthur squints, is fairly certain Murat isn't really buying this for the kids. Arthur isn't wrong. When it comes out of the shopping bag Napoleon is like, 'That looks radioactive. Arthur you were supposed to curb this sort of purchasing behaviour.'

Arthur wants to drive back when they're done at the Spar or wherever it is they end up stopping at. Murat is like 'No, you drive slower than my granny. '

In general, I think they'd be polite around each other and wouldn't get into fights or anything. They're just very different people. I don't see them being besties. The only time they're super friendly/brotherly is when Murat ropes Arthur into some insane game or prank, because Arthur had a bit of a prankster streak in him that would come out from time to time which Murat would capitalize on. When they start spending time together everyone begins holding their collective breath for whatever shenanigans are about to unfold.

Caroline is like, 'This is Arthur's fault. The Englishman is a bad influence. Trust Nabulio to bring in the trouble maker.' And Napoleon is like, 'E x C u S e M e. You married a man who is 80% feathers and leopard print.' Caro replies, 'You say that like it's a bad thing.'

I can see Arthur not getting on with Jerome because he would be like 'your brother is making STUPID decisions over and over again' and Napoleon is like, 'Yeah...that's Jerome for you.' It drives Arthur absolutely nuts because it's so frustrating.

#also we all know Napoleon would drive like a MANIAC #he'd never follow the speed limit and would go so fast on the autoban he would actually get pulled over and the german police would be like #'congratulations you've been ticketed for driving too fast in the country with the road made for driving too fast.' #Napoleon would keep it as a souvenir #Arthur thought trains in the 19th c went too fast this is not a man who would be equipped for Napoleon's approach to speed #but I would tag Napoleon as a bit of an adrenalin junkie #ask #reply #napolington #napoleon bonaparte #arthur wellesley

[paraclete0407]

I feel I have done little but to attack the Christians right and left who actually looked out for my body as well as spirit and kept me company when no one would and inspired me not to lust or get in political arguments or strain every muscle-fiber and sweat every drop to displace an immoveable object and for their trouble I am basically mad at them for what they have that I don’t - your wife, your muscles, your training, your past, your firm footing in life, where you’re going.  I just lack passion and affection and neighbors / friends and more passion, try to be ‘technical’ about everything, preaching about good relationships and sacrificial generosity.  I read ‘The Meaning of Marriage’ and realized that husband and wife could be one flesh - it clicked - but IDK why I tried to share this.

All these novel-ideas and I like to set up sentiments and situations but then too I feel as if Korea is practically my only reality - a if, like I said on my last night, ‘This is the first thing I gained’ - and now the present absence or distance is the ‘operative condition’ of my life or the ‘keynote.’  I also realize now that I fell in to the Millennial / Miles Klee (in past) habit of sophisticated coastal elites writing evocations of ‘wholesome’ Midwesterners or Southerners, with the implication being that they will sooner or later become - to take a short leap of intuition - media, or, education.  I guess Kent Haruf is all about this where the characters are defined by adultery or trying to play the white knight or I had a thought of ‘Teacher Dream’ where all these utility clerks pushing in carts and I felt glad at first to remark to myself I am carrying multitudes of learning but then felt sad I wasn’t doing anything much but muse about what I used to be.  I got in the habit of trying to open bout my personal story / narrative concerning Christian belief but now some people won’t even stay on the phone if I mention NK and play games about anything.  Am I a drug pusher?  I wasn’t even asking for money, just expanding on my interest as the other person had expanded.

I don’t thik it’s not even a big deal - Milwaukee could get nuked or attacked by neo-Nazi’s with bombs and assault weapons with all these mixed-race marriages and adoptions and I know for a fact Wisc’s got neo-Nazis all over.  Nuclear war!  Not a lot of manufacturing left in some areas or farmland, just old buildings and human souls.  Everyone was starting to believe that C-19 was over but then Delta and I started to remember everything from ‘16 and how my spirit wants to drive as fast as possible around be prepared for welcome our angelic invaders / victors (literally); I felt as if the heavenly military have hair-triggers and just open fire if they see sth they don’t like.  

I had tried to elevate my understanding of the Midwestern soul or the customary ‘course of life’ in terms of male self-consciousness or expectations-versus-outcome which in retrospect was not as comprehensively smart as I had liked to believe but only beautiful and pleasing to the intellect.  My ideas about the Midwestern novel helped make me a friend but in retrospect I don’t know why I even tried to get in to the genre when my whole image of life is here just somehow being and/or being with Koreans.  

I feel sometimes as if I don’t really know anyone and for a long time my main character has been some clone or graft of my brother.  I’ve lost my standards.  I just look at all the world going by.  Maybe I ought to just pray and write poems for a while since I have a sense of what is going on or at least what I hope will soon be happening.

I keep reading books too and I bought up all the books I could then got rid of them.  

I had been living in a case of ‘eventually’ for years and didn’t realize the Covid ‘revolution’ or Delta would suddenly appear and I would be regarding ‘last things.’

I keep wondering whether I ought to talk about Korea or Asians at all.  It’s - they are - my one hit-you-up lapel-grab button-hole and tell tell tell.  In this time of wanting to give away one’s best I am like pine-tree, ‘far away and over there,’ beautiful and intense.  People back away from me.

I wonder whether everyone feels as confident as I do in their understanding of what’s going on right now in history - and whether it’s even useful or even acceptable to talk about it that way as it sounds like total Marxism.  Anyway I was talking about Satan and Judgment and I mean it 100% literally and I saw it and recognized and heard the word for it, ‘Judgment.’  I wonder whether Tolstoy in War and Peace was 100% confident in having the character label Napoleon anti-Christ and who’s the instantiation or manifestation of anti-Christ today if that is ‘dispensationally appropriate / valid.’  I read Coronavirus and Christ numerous times and feel it cannot be quite the last days but then since when does David J. Johnston not believe that he likes believing?  But sincerely and fully who’s out there saying anti-Christ stuff like oppressing religion?  I feel I’m only against false religions but then I go around being not very loving to anyone and only excuse myself - ‘an excuse is twice is a lie’ - by dint of that no one ever opens to me here.  [relationship is no].  Sleep on street in K-Town LA just if I’m in LA I want a projectile weapon.  

...Who’s the one saying everyone can be together today and religion is bad?  I almost feel it’s Anglo America with Christopher Hitchens (St. Theresa bad, alcohol good, nuke North Korean ‘dwarves,’ making special stipulations so that not only can he not live a believing life but ‘if I die and want God that’s not me’), Johnson acting like he understands everything; America(?).  I remember when I read the Obergefell opinion there was the phrase ‘love that lasts beyond life’ or something.  It made me think of stones in Egypt and stuff or the Middle East(?).  I wonder am I a terrible person just for having certain pure ideas?  People appear to look at me and go like, ‘Solzhenitsyn, Hobby Lobby,’ just attacking others’ values wile I’m really a misogynist casual rapist.  

I’m just trying to supply some narrative for why I came to crystallized convictions after years of studying and writing.  My friend said ‘pastors who study porn are disgusting’ which I agree with but then part of me is like there’s evil everywhere; someone’s gotta study war, pornography, weapons, fat people ~ but I see like no good; I see ‘image-aspirations’ and ‘identitkits.’  She wanted me to teach AmLit which I felt like it sends all kinds of confused messages that lead to disappointment and all of these Rutgers girls believed they were Jane Austen and that’s again why I say send your daughters to Bethlehem Seminary and just learn from OT NT faithful women b/c the rst are literal ‘Gossip Girl’ that I can tell or it’s just sad but I don’t wanna be Norman Mailer and attack the corporate cool girl - Generation Alpha’s rising and here I am coping, depressed they just wants sports-based instructional design.  They appear to want nothing or IDK; pressure their parents.  Am I just seeing the same narrative again about the MS cafeteria, the Lunchable someone has and I don’t and I am ‘special’ and feel ‘proud’ if not a ‘solemn pride’ that my mom gave me healthier foods but then believed I would get the big-ticket items we were saving up for - it’s ancient history but part of why I lost my mind and nearly my life in quest of a) personal glory or vindication that I’m not like others and b) ‘educational justice’ or ‘fairness’

I remember how when I first lived in South Korea I was reading St. Augustine partly because it is interesting and lovely and talks about the reading life and growing up, love-failure,’ parents’ weird maniacal greed and impatience to become grandparents, and incredible things about history and the heart and pedagogy and basically everything, which is why I feel as though ‘Confessions’ but also ‘City of God’ are covering the whole sky right now, people rediscovering the actual existence of sin, the violence of history (which some are lip-licking for), the ways in Time and in Eternity...

At that time I felt reading ‘Confessions’ and much else made me better than others or that ultimately I was not required to deal with some people or look at them that carefully nor wonder how they got to be the way they were as I could just stay with my books and have consolation and uplift.  I wanted to write my own ‘Midwestern novel’ with the title ‘And I Will Give You Rest’ and the topic of coping, basically or abandoning desires and ambitions.  My other novel ‘Commitment’ is going out the window I’m afraid since the desire or intention it reflects is rapidly coming up to me as reality.  On Grace to You the description of ‘rest’ included ‘lack of apprehension.’   I also felt that since my parents and younger brother appeared to be night-terminally obstructing my aspirations through unlawful backhanded means I would include my ‘confinement’ I might as well ‘mix in Eastern and Western characters’ and talk about the present world-situation but it’s still fiction at a terrible moment in Time and I sincerely feel that America and England are defending values and ideas that aren’t even really good for anyone.  Kindness and gentleness and rights and non-enslavement to the state and absence of a state religion such as in NK (from what I can tell), are excellent, but chauvinism, complacence, some aspects of procedural and parliamentary governance.  

I also remembered how at 27 and then 34 I’d fall asleep when I saw someone really beautiful.  One of these people made me feel lost without resources and the other gave me a notion of living love.

I feel as if my whole life is actually one story which circles around a dream I had in 2015 about birth but also involves this beauty of holding love; honestly I do not know why else I am still alive as I have contributed so little economically.

[evenstevensranked]

#49: Season 2, Episode 12 - “Easy Crier”

Holy crap you guys. Can you believe we’re already into the #40s?! This is going by faster than I anticipated.

This week, Lenny Cranepool (a.k.a “Lenny the Lifter”) is the new kid at school. He's a giant. Louis and Twitty befriend him and they become the most feared crew in school. Until they find out Lenny is a big softie who dreams of becoming a pastry chef. Meanwhile, Ren is trying to outlaw dodgeball due to its physical dangers.

The opening shot is Louis late for school, running in slo-mo down the hallway. His backpack is unzipped so every single paper in his bag goes flying literally everywhere. He gets stopped by Tugnut who yells at him for being late, and Louis says “Or! Is it possible everybody else on earth is early?” Real slick, Louis. Tugnut let’s him off the hook for his “sassy mouth” clap back, because it’s dodgeball season and he’s creepily overexcited for it and even throws in some maniacal laughter to drive it home. Do schools have dodgeball season, though? Like, is that a thing? Do they have big rainbow parachute in gym class season, too? That was the best. Anyway, this dodgeball mention is setting up the subplot.

Louis crawls into math class trying (and failing) to go unnoticed, when suddenly… there’s a giant foot in the aisle! Someone else is sitting in his seat. It’s Lenny Cranepool! The new transfer student who must’ve only transferred there for a few days because we never see him again! Louis is clearly intimidated when Lenny stands up, towering over him and GROWLING. I’m not kidding. Lenny genuinely growls and grunts like a caveman. Now that I think about it, that’s pretty hilarious. Louis is chill though and settles for a different desk. Once he sits though, he casually says “Actually, I’d prefer the window seat” and out of nowhere he is LIFTED INTO THE AIR BY LENNY and carried over to the window. 

He’s sitting in front of Twitty now, so Twitty fills him in on everything. He tells Louis the new kid is Lenny the Lifter. Word on the street is that he got kicked out of his old school for “going on a lifting spree” probably. I love that, omg. Lenny breaks his pencil and growls like an animal again. Louis is nice and gives him one of his pencils, but Lenny doesn’t even say thank you and gives them a hard look. Louis and Twitty are just relieved to be alive at this point. 

Next, we see Ren and Nelson preparing to go live on the school news program, The Wombat Report. Ren introduces her dodgeball segment accusing it of being a “barbaric celebration of pain and violence that sadistically pits the mean and vicious against the weak and skinny.” Dang, Ren. Tugnut is watching while wearing an I <3 DODGEBALL shirt and gets so pissed he breaks his pencil, too. That’s one too many pencils broken in under a minutes time if you ask me. Ren says they took a hidden Cap Cam into Tugnut’s gym class and came away with “disturbing footage.” The footage shows him teaching the kids about Hot Zones on the human body to aim for while playing dodgeball and uses a cardboard cutout of a skinny nerd dubbed Target Timmy. He notices the kid in the Cap Cam and says “no hats in class! TAKE IT OFF!” and violently throws a dodgeball at their head. Great teacher, right there.

I’m sure that’s enough to get him fired and banned from teaching ever again???

Louis is walking down the hall and is surprised when each step he takes parts the crowd of kids like Moses. Until, of course, he notices Lenny has been following him. He initially runs away, but Lenny catches up to him at lunch and thanks him for the pencil. Louis says “The pencil! Oh, right. Old Number 2! You’re welcome.” The Old Number 2 comment makes me laugh. That was definitely an ad lib. Louis invites Lenny to eat with him and we see the first glimmer of Lenny the Softie accompanied by sensitive piano. He’s like “YEAH! :D Thanks!” all happy. And it would be a nice gesture, except it marks the arrival of Selfish Louis here. He immediately decides to use Lenny to his advantage. He takes a seat at the 8th Grade lunch table, which is clearly off-limits and decorated like a fancy restaurant in comparison to all the other lowly tables, lol. Twitty comes over and asks Louis if he has a death wish. This is accurate.

When I was in middle school, there was this small stoop in the parking lot where the 8th graders would hang out during recess. If you went anywhere near there they would cuss you out. I was a pretty outgoing kid (I mean, not as brazen as Louis can be, but..) so one day when I was in 6th grade, I purposely got to the stoop before the 8th graders and just stood there. When they eventually came over telling me to leave, I stood my ground and said “This is a slab of cement. I don’t see your names anywhere. I can stand here if I want to.” They eventually gave up and went somewhere else, letting me and my friends hang out there that day! Ayyyyyy! One of my proudest moments. I wonder if I was subconsciously inspired by Louis. Probably, honestly. This show subconsciously shaped my sense of humor growing up and I only realized this when I started getting back into the show in 2011. I digress…

I felt the need to include a picture of the stoop. I literally went on Google Earth to get this! haha. This isn’t the exact stoop at the exact location, but this is exactly what it looks like. Just so you can visualize, lol.

Sure enough, Larry Beale and the big tough 8th Graders come over telling Louis the table is reserved. But, Louis says “Larry, this table is only reserved because you and a few of your unattractive friends say it is.” Burrrrn. I’ma use that next time. Just then, Lenny comes over. Larry is clearly scared and quickly sits at a different table and pretty much does whatever Louis says. So yeah, this is where Louis realizes he can just use Lenny to intimidate everyone and get whatever he wants from this moment forward. Nice!

Ren goes walking into a pitch black gym per Coach Tugnut’s request. He says “you got a problem with dodgeball?!” and claps twice to turn on a spotlight which dramatically reveals him sitting at desk. That’s honestly terrifying considering Tugnut is a grown man and Ren is like.. 14. I’d run out the door. We get one of my favorite lines here, though. Ren asks “I take it you’ve seen my dodgeball exposé?” and Tugnut says: 

(credit)

He tells her that Principal Wexler is holding a referendum on whether to keep or ban dodgeball. But he’s adamant that dodgeball isn’t going anywhere.

Louis notices Lenny sitting on the stairs, visibly upset. Louis goes over to him and Lenny immediately bursts into tears! Louis frantically tries to hide him so his tough image stays intact. Turns out Lenny is crying over a simple poetry assignment that’s due the next day. He says he’s worried that if he doesn’t do well in school he’ll “never graduate and become a p-p-p….” through tears, and Louis tries to guess what profession he was going to say. Asking “Police Man? Private Investigator?! PYTHON TRAINER?!” (I just love the way Shia says it.) But Lenny clarifies that he was going to say pastry chef. Louis ain’t thrilled.

Later that day, Louis and Twitty try to come up with a plan that will help Lenny remain feared. Louis just hopes that Lenny will write a poem that’s dark, mean and hateful. Unfortunately, he writes a poem that’s gentle, sweet and loving. Ren reads it and convinces Lenny to recite it on the Wombat Report to show everyone what a sweet guy he is.

Then, the following scene happens. Which I’m just going to embed instead of describing because I think it’s hilarious.

This paper cut incident helps Louis come up with an idea to stop Lenny from reading his poem.

The dodgeball drama turns into a Ren vs. Larry thing because Larry sides with Coach Tugnut. I’m not complaining about this. Any Ren/Larry interaction is nice because REN AND LARRY SHOULD JUST PUT ASIDE THEIR DIFFERENCES AND DATE! Larry and Tugnut demand equal time on the Wombat Report to debate over dodgeball, which is fair I guess. 

Over the course of ONE NIGHT Louis comes up with a voice activated device to attach to the bottom of Lenny’s chair that will zap him as soon as he starts reading his poem. Louis The Incredibly Gifted Engineer strikes again. 

The plan is to make Lenny go insane, like when he got the paper cut, on live TV. Yeah, that should do it. But before he’s about to go live, Lenny gives Louis a copy of the poem and says he wrote it about him. Louis reads it and asks Twitty “You ever feel the gnawing pains of guilt? You know, the ones that make you feel like a terrible person who doesn’t deserve to live?” Twitty says no and Louis is like, “Yeah, me neither. But this is the closest I’ve ever been” as if he’s a person incapable of feeling remorse or emotion. Not a fan of that choice, tbh.

Either way, he decides to do the right thing and swap the chairs. Lenny successfully reads his poem, which is also hilarious. Here’s the transcript:

“Emotional” by Lenny Cranepool

I wish you could see beyond my size, to the person that lives inside. There is someone who sees the real me... his name is Louis, and you see... He never judged, or laughed or tried to hide, he just treated me like any other guy. I owe a lot to this true friend, I hope our friendship never ends. It really hurts to be left out, if you have any doubt... Try being me for just one day, and I’m sure you’d agree when I say -- That being feared cuts like a knife, but one good friend can change your life.

The entire school is in tears, including Louis and Twitty. We see Larry and freaking PEDRO FROM NAPOLEON DYNAMITE with tears in his eyes (this is his second appearance in the series as a member of Larry’s posse.) He turns to Larry and says “That was so beautiful, man.” And Larry’s just like “Shut up, Omar” which makes me laugh. Larry’s happy though, because Louis just lost his body guard.

“Shut up, Omar.” lol this show has so much meme potential. 

Then they make a sharp turn from crying to the dodgeball debate, which is also funny. Only problem is that Ren is sitting in the rigged chair now. Oops. As soon as she speaks to debate against Larry, she gets zapped and screams at the top of her lungs. She knows Louis did it. She kicks the chair away and quickly shares a seat with Larry instead. They’re so cute. Just like that, Ren changes her position on dodgeball and decides that it can be a “very rewarding experience.” Meaning, she wants to get back at Louis.

I love how they have an American flag displayed. I mean, what’s more American than dodgeball?! 

The last scene is Ren, Larry and Tugnut ganging up against Louis by pelting him with dodgeballs. Ren and Larry are smiley and he says it’s nice to be on the same side for once, which is also cute. They’re just cute and should’ve got together by the end of the series!!!

Anyway, I’m not against Louis getting his but kicked here. He was going to do a pretty mean thing to Lenny for his own personal gain. And, then ended up ruining things and embarrassing Ren in the process. So… Sorry, Lou! I'm not with ya on this one. The episode ends on a freeze frame of Louis about to get hit in the face. The end.

This is a good episode. I used to love it... A LOT. (But again, every episode was my “favorite” at some point.) I guess the fact that it revolves around a one-off character makes it difficult for me to rank it any higher. Although, a good episode is a good episode regardless. But still. Louis’ ugly side made an appearance here, which I hate. So. I love the little Ren/Larry bit at the end, though. I wonder if Eric Ty Hodges was directed to subtly act like he has a secret crush on Ren occasionally, because I get those vibes.

Just a side note I’ve been thinking about: I might be the only person who feels this way.. but… Season 2 is weird for me. I’ve always seen it as the awkward transitional period between gritty Season 1 and über polished zany Season 3. Barring a few super memorable, pretty iconic episodes — Season 2 is just kinda… there. It might have something to do with the fact that Shia looks a little awkward himself. He’s not the young baby faced kid from Season 1 and he’s not the grown teenager we see in Season 3. He’s like.. an actual awkward 7th grader here lol. Also, little known fact! Louis and his friends actually move up to 8th grade in Season 3! It’s widely believed that Louis and Ren are in 7th and 8th grade the entire series. It's even listed as a production fact on Wikipedia! But, nope. There are slight things that confirm this, which I’ll acknowledge when they pop up but yeah. (This means that LJH is one of those rare middle schools that go up to 9th grade, btw) So, that’s definitely something else that contributes to my feelings towards Season 2. For Louis and his friends, in my mind I think...

Season 1: First half of 7th grade.

Season 2: Second half of 7th grade.

Season 3: 8th grade.

Obviously, Ren would be the same except 8th-9th. Also, fun fact #2: Seth Miller, who plays Lenny, was in an episode of Boy Meets World. There are a lot of parallels between the two shows, actually. 

I DIGRESS AGAIN!

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#rank #even stevens #shia labeouf #louis stevens #ren stevens #lenny cranepool #comedy #tv show #review #old disney #disney channel #season 2 #alan twitty #efren ramirez #larry beale #louis plot #ren x larry #louis the engineer

[imaginaryculturepress-blog]

TFTP: Rise Against in Perth, WA

In which we photograph Rise Against and have the best shuttle and replacement bus experiences ever. *Mexican wave.*

Hi, hello, and welcome!

My name is Skyler and oH MY FUCKING LORD YES I PHOTOGRAPHED RISE AGAINST. I honestly cannot believe it either, but here we are. I guess I make up for that with my really shitty lenses and positioning though, so I'm back to being a pathetic idiot. For real though, I was using your standard 18-55mm f3.5-5.6 kit lens and it made me want to die.

We're only one paragraph down and I've managed to include an abundance of self-hatred and suicide references... how fun.

Before we begin, I'd like to take a moment to thank the lovely lads at HBF Stadium and VenuesWest for their assistance in gaining a photo pass, even if it wasn't a "proper", "entry-to-the-pit" one; this experience was actually extremely educational, teaching me to try out new angles, avoid photographing the same people (for social images) twice, that I really need to pay more attention to my camera modes, and that I should just get new freaken lenses. Furthermore, it's only necessary to thank the amazing Bare Bones for hooking us up with a reviewer pass. The guys are some of the kindest and talented people I've had the pleasure of meeting, and seeing them live was incredible. So thank y'all kindly.

Anywho, let's get to it:

T'was a lovely Wednesday 7th February when I found myself doing some last-minute transport calculations and failing to print a ticket. After dragging my lazy ass out of math class I headed home, only to realise that I hadn't worked out a proper schedule for our train-to-train-to-Grill'd-to-bus-to-HBF Stadium trip. It was at this same point that I realised that the Freo line wasn't operating that evening from 7pm till Thursday morning; you know, so it'd be closed

after the concert ended and busses stopped.

Furthermore, I had a pathetic excuse for a digital ticket that refused to transfer or print itself, thus I was in a complete panic.

So I did what any good concert photographer would do: I decided to wing it. The trains, the busses, heck, even the mushroom burgers and tickets. Just go with the flow. What ever will be, will be. Et cetera.

I was of course to regret this when I found myself sprinting to the Freo train and not regaining my breath until we reached Claremont Station, but it's fine. It's all fine. Just go with the flow. I had to become Boxer from Animal Farm;  "I will work harder". "Napoleon is always right". I will plan better. Grill'd burgers make everything alright. Something like that.

Soon enough, we found ourselves at Grill'd, ordering mushroom burgers; you know, those vegan ones we get every single goddamn time because Grill'd only has two (though very amazing) vegan options... besides the chips. But nobody counts that. Regardless, t'was an incredible lunch/dinner/linner and I might've become addicted to it.

We soon headed for HBF Stadium, where after an hour of hectic "I've never photographed here before", I was assisted by a wonderful VenuesWest employee. (I don't want to mention names as I don't know if they'd be all right with that.) The place was crawling with eager concert-goers, and there's nothing I love more than listening to their conversations. It's weird and creepy, I know, but they're usually highly opinionated and I love to answer or debate them in my mind.

After a little while longer of waiting, the show was about to start.

First up were Bare Bones, some of the best lads in the whole of Australia. I first met them last year through an interview for Hysteria Magazine, in which I was wrongly credited by the publication. I also reviewed their album Bad Habits (2017) and was a fan of their music, giving them a 5/5. Anyone gonna comment on how that's a plain numeral and not "play this at my funeral/5"? No? Well regardless, I've matured since my days at Hysteria and now use fancy ratings, not those basic af number things. (I'm still salty at Hysteria. That will never change. They're in my book of Most Disliked, alongside Gina Rinehart and Supposed Manager.)

Though I'd only had a five-minute phone call with the band back in May, they appeared to be very humble and down to earth. This was confirmed that night, with Bare Bones playing one hell of a set before Rise Against. I was proud to say the least; I realise it's not my place to care, but I've been attentive to these guys' music for a little under a year, and had seen them grow as musicians. Sure, I had no clue as to what was occurring behind the scenes, but from a fan's perspective, they were progressing in the right direction.

Their performance was phenomenal. A slightly tough crowd, considering the majority of people were too busy waiting in lines for booze, but those present seemed to love the set. The lads did a fantastic job, and I had a bit of a fangirl moment when they played "Thick as Thieves"... stop judging me...

They were the perfect way to start the evening, even with the red lighting.

Intermission.

The lights dimmed, the crowd screamed, the blogger wrote the same "a band is about to go onstage" line that everyone uses, and lo and behold, Rise Against appeared before us. I had a bit of a restrictive photo pass, and could only shoot from the crowd (the photo pass part of it allowed me to bring in professional equipment, which the general admission was prohibited from doing). It was quite the spectacle, really. The guys were super energetic and immersed the entire audience, which is always fun.

We had a three song shooting restriction, which nobody but myself actually followed. I wanted to enjoy the show from a fan's perspective, so after the third song, "The Violence", I set down my DSLR and realised just how incapable I was at audience-ing. But before we get to that, let's focus on this last shooting song:

I was granted permission to run around the venue like a headless goose, so long as I got some decent imagery out of it. So for this song, I ran to the nosebleeds to capture some crowd shots. I received quite a few concerned expressions from staff and security, mostly due to my weird singing whilst shooting; apparently normal people don't do that. But as I was at the top of the crowd, looking down at each and every attendee, I felt at peace. There was something rich and raw within that moment, something that united the entire stadium as one. It was that same emotion that grasped me during SOTA Fest last year, and I loved it. So I took it in. A moment of admiring the scene.

I was soon back in the crowd, and as I said before, I didn't know how to audience properly. I mean, I stood there... just... standing. I sang along to some songs, but felt awkward without a camera and was unsure of where to keep my hands. I was going to run into the pit and join the moshers who were throwing shoes at each other, but then a really sweaty muscular dude almost knocked me over as he headed for the pit, and I realised that if I can't survive the sidelines, there's no way I'd walk out of that pit alive.

So I went back to figuring out where to place my hands.

Rise Against were absolutely incredible. They're such modest people and are wholeheartedly dedicated to entertaining their fans, and anyone with the chance to see them live should do so. There's nothing I love more than (vegetarian and vegan) musicians showing a love for their fans and being the sweetest people ever whilst jamming the fuck out and hosting one of the craziest mosh pits ever. (SOMEONE GET THEM A GRILL'D MUSHROOM BURGER, THEY DESERVE IT!)

Inter- fuck, it was over. But don't fret; this post isn't. We've still got a Drunk Dudes on a BusTM story to tell. Actually, there's over an hour of bus tales to tell, so I think we're gonna summarise it as follows:

- We got to the shuttle and were greeted by a seemingly chillaxed bus driver.- Soon the bus was packed full of drunken weirdos and I loved the atmosphere.- Everything was about to intensify when the driver began, well, driving.- He actually drove like a maniac and was going way over the speed limit; everyone loved it! (Dead serious, no sarcasm. It was amazing.)- Some random dude with a thick Aussie accent screamed "SICKIIIIIIIES FOR EVERYONE TOMORROW!"- Everyone replied with "hear, hear!"- The driver should star in the next Fast and Furious film.- He was driving super recklessly so the drunk guys up the back decided it was only necessary to do the Mexican wave.- When they finally perfected the wave - sorry, we all perfected the wave, because everyone was engaged and loving the moment - someone shouted "GO TEAM" really loudly. - They were being the hilarious drunks and I wished I had some of the beer they were having. Well, I did; it was spilled on me at least three times during the show. Nevertheless, I hadn't drunk any and I regretted that.- The driver ran a red light.- It was kinda like that bus in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and my geek self was thriving.- Unfortunately we reached Claremont Station and had to get off the bus ://- The trains weren't operating so the Drunk GangTM (I'm included okAY I WANT TO BE A PART OF THIS) trekked to the bus stop. - The replacement busses were running late so we had to stand there for over half an hour. I loved it.- The Drunks were trying to hitchhike and scared a lot of passing traffic.- They started terrorising passing Grill'd employees and screaming "ONE OF US! ONE OF US!" until we were all chanting.- There was one couple who seemed to be normal backpackers but they were having some weird-ass conversations regarding red suitcases and pillows. - We were getting pretty reckless so somebody called the railway security Transperth people whose profession titles I've momentarily forgotten.- It took a fair few patrol cars to keep us at bay. It's not like we were harming anyone, though; just screaming at passing cars. - I wish I took a group photo of everyone but that would've required crossing the street and it was midnight and I had no energy left to avoid getting run over by a truck. Or the shuttle bus. In all honesty, I was mainly concerned the bus would arrive the moment I got to the other side of the road and would leave without me.- The replacement bus finally came and barely anyone paid for their tickets.- It was one of those large ones that had a caterpillar in the middle (what? I can't explain things) so we were fortunate enough all fit in and travel together.- I had a lovely chat about the comfort levels of the bus' seats with some obviously intoxicated lad.- One dude boarded at a random stop out of nowhere and was like, "Hold up, y'all are coming from Rise Against? I WAS THERE TOO! FAAAAAAM!!!" - Someone got kicked off unfairly at the side of the road and we still miss him dearly.- After he was kicked off, everyone went dead silent for a couple dozen seconds before someone at the back started singing loudly, "The wheels on the bus go round and round..." and then everyone joined in and Broadway was shook. - We went the really long way and it was like 1am when we reached the Perth bus station.- I LOVE MY BUS FAM AND I WISH WE COULD HAVE A REUNION SOMETIME SO PLEASE CONTACT ME IF YOU WERE THERE AND WE CAN AT LEAST ACKNOWLEDGE OUR BUS PRESENCE OR SOMETHING. PLEASE. I'M SLIGHTLY DESPERATE, I DON'T CARE HOW WEIRD OR CREEPY THIS SOUNDS.

So... that was that. I still love my Bus Family just leave me to cry.

Next up: I don't freaken know, but I'm not writing about Hyperfest because I don't have nearly as many adjectives as I'd need for that. (But Midland Grill'd make the best vegan mushroom burgers and I love them for it.)

MUSICAL SUMMARY:

Bare Bones: mY PRECIOUS FAVES I'M SO PROUD *wipes tear*/5

Rise Against: YOU FUCKEN LEGENDS I LOVE YOU/5

Drunk Dudes on Bus: Y'all should get a musical.ly account and start touring and I'll be your photographer and wE CAN ALL LIVE ON A BUS TOGETHER/5

PHOTOGRAPHICAL SUMMARY:

Lenses: Failed me/5

Camera: The love of my life/5

Lighting: Pretty. Good. Pretty good. -Mike Wheeler in Stranger Things/5

Editing: I had to crop some images I'm sorry please don't hate me/5

My sanity: I JUST WANT MY BUS FAMILY BACK IS THAT SERIOUSLY TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR/5

Live long and headbang, xx-Skyler Slate

#tftp

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

I have a silly Napoleon ask for you: if he suddenly woke up in the present day what do you think he would a)like most about it b) like least about it c)get unreasonably addicted to d)decide to do for a living

hahah I’ve answered a similar one before here and here. 

Most Like About It: A lot, I think. Central heating. Guys, he’d fucking love central heating.

In general, he’d love most technological advances. Cars, planes, trains etc. like he’d be very into that. “Bertrand we’re going to ride the TGV all day every day. Look at how fast we are going! This is genius.” 

“Bertrand WE ARE IN THE SKY. This is AMAZING. We are going from Paris to Rome in a matter of HOURS. HOURS BERTRAND. WE DON’T HAVE TO CROSS MOUNTAINS.” (sorry just assuming this is exile Napoleon who woke up in modern day.) 

Public transit in general - the metro, buses - anything that makes life more efficient for people. Dishwasher, washers/dryers, modern electricity, laptops, printers, ball point pens etc. 

I suspect he’d be a big supporter of public health care and all the advances made on vaccines and medicine in general. 100% would hate anti-vaxxers. Pro-modern glasses (he’d get himself a pair asap. Then they’d explain contacts to him and I think he’d be like “WAIT NO, I WANT THOSE.” He would not be into lasik, I suspect). 

Modern hygiene! Razors, tooth brushes, floss, moisturizer - general daily body care he’d probably be keen on. (All that stuff we take for granted.) Though maybe not all of it, he was quite traditional in certain things (his penchant for older fashion, par exemple). Maybe he’d keep the old straight razor shaving approach. But modern dentistry would be a huge improvement and I can’t see him being against it. Especially as someone who had a tooth extracted in the early 19th century. 

‘Oh they give you pain killers now? Fantastic.’ 

‘Sir, we just numb the area where we are doing the work.’ 

‘So it doesn’t impede my awareness? Amazing. Please, fix all my teeth right now.’ 

He’d also support the greater access to education that exists, especially compared to his day. Also, streaming services. He would binge so many things. ‘Bertrand we are watching every thing this very soothing sounding British naturalist made about planet earth. Holy shit look at that they’re under water! They’re at the bottom of the ocean! Bertrand look at this. if only Josephine were here. She’d be so excited.’ 

Pro-zoom/Microsoft teams/facetime etc. 100%. ‘If I had this instead of people relying on my bad handwriting ...’ 

Oh, he’d like the EU as a concept. Except he would be very disappointed that France wasn’t at the helm. I think France’s position globally would disappoint him, overall. But yeah, the broad principles espoused by the concept of the European Union would appeal to him. 

Brexit though. Lol. I think he’d enjoy watching England shoot itself in the foot. But if you asked him for his opinion, as in “do you think the UK should do this” he would answer no. They should remain. 

He would like globalization, trade agreements, things like NAFTA, CETA etc. Supporter of big government. Reduction of religion in public sphere. Though would he be pro-banning visual manifestations of faith? (i.e. Hijab etc.) I don’t know. I doubt it. Simply because he was very focused on religion in government, so if churches aren’t involved in decision making, what citizens get up to on their own is their business (so long as you don’t cause problems). But I don’t know, he might be pro-it, because he was also into assimilation and creating a broad sense of a French culture. I could see him really going either way on it. It’d probably come down to whatever he thought would garner the most public support as a political move (since a lot of his more liberal moves as a leader were tied to understanding that marginalized communities would gun hard for him if he helped them). 

He would be pro-mask wearing for COVID because he wasn’t a fucking idiot and lived in a time when pandemics were still a real going concern. 

He would also probably like how comfortable modern clothing is. I don’t think he’d like how cheap and made-to-wear-out that most brands are, but he’d like the over all philosophy. Like Napoleon would dig t-shirts. Lounge wear. The fact that jeans have some stretch in them. That sort of thing. 

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Least Like: I think he’d be very wary of the internet. For many reasons. For the lack of government control (Napoleon “What is a free press? never heard of her” Bonaparte). But also, because of the misinformation problems. The side effects many of us are now bearing witness to, and experiencing the ramifications of. 

He would dislike the whole fake news nonsense. Oh this man was a master spin-doctor, very good at twisting a narrative around to suit him, but he still did have respect for and a firm belief in basic facts. Especially fake news that usurped the sound advise of scientists and doctors (i.e. COVID nonsense). 

Free press, I think he would be wary of it. Mostly from a government control perspective. Like as a day-to-day citizen, since he wouldn’t be anyone in power in this hypothetical, I think he’d value it. He would do that disassocative thing he did when he talked about things in the abstract. That cold, calculating way he would position himself in a situation and be like “Ah yes, these are the things that need to be tamped down if you want control of a populace as a monarch”. Then he had his more liberal, call-back-to-that-misspent-jacobin-youth moments where his views shifted. 

I suppose it would also depend what age this hypothetical Napoleon is. He softened a lot in retirement exile. Napoleon at the height of his power, thirty-odd years old, different man to fifty year old Napoleon. 

Would not be into women in politics. He’d be like ‘Why is there a woman in charge of Germany? Also what happened to the Habsburgs? Where’s Prussia? Silesia? What the FuCk is happening in the Balkans? I’m very confused about Europe’s current geographic layout. ...Corsica...still doing you, I see.’ 

He’d dislike Trump and his cronies. As I wrote before: “ I think Napoleon would find Trump disgusting on a personal level. Uneducated, incapable of holding a real conversation, gauche, anti-intellectual, anti-fact-based discussion, anti-science, anti-art etc. He’d also feel that Trump is disgracing the position of President and that he is unworthy of leadership. Napoleon would also find Trump physically repulsive as he could be a wee bit shallow in some of his assessments (though, very early modern to 19th century to assume your physical appearance is a manifestation of your interiority).” 

Steve Bannon’s fiddling with finances? Napoleon would find that repulsive. Mitch Mcconnell disgracing his office by fucking around with constitutional loop holes? Napoleon would think it a disgrace. 

He had a lot of respect for America’s experiment with democracy. Like, quite a lot of respect. So I think he’d be vastly disappointed in not only the person occupying the white house, but also a lot of the apathy in voting that is going around. (Yes, this coming from a [mostly] absolutest monarch, too.) But Napoleon valued and respected the notion of civic duty. If you live in a democracy, you have a duty to participate. To opt out is to shirk that duty which he would find insulting and distasteful. Because, I would argue, he was very much a believer in people doing right by their fellow citizens. 

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Get unreasonably addicted to: MODERN BATHS. HE WOULD NEVER LEAVE THE BATHTUB. THEY CAN HAVE JETS AND EVERYTHING BERTRAND THIS IS GREAT. 

Also central heating. Saunas. Jacuzzis. He was like a wee lizard seeking warmth at all times. 

I think he’d be into driving. I don’t know if he would be good at it. Don’t let Napoleon take the wheel, guys. But if someone else was driving he’d be that person “go faster. you’re driving like my grandmother.” And gods, he’d do dumb shit like drive like a maniac around the arc de triumph six times in a row because he’s an adrenaline junkie and a risk-taker (it’s that bored ADD brain of his). The autobahn would be his dream. 

I think he’d be super into epic fantasy series. Like the big sweeping ones like Lord of the Rings. I think less so GRRM because GRRM is unrealistic and Napoleon is pedantic. Especially about politics and war. Exhibit A: consider Napoleon’s very detailed nitpicking of Virgil on his inaccurate rendition of Troy from a military perspective. Therefore, I suspect GRRM’s lack of accuracy in how society works, how war works, how politics works, all the plot holes and illogical character decisions, would drive him up the wall. Napoleon liked Homer because he could tell Homer had been to war. And you can tell Tolkien has been to war. Also LOTR hits all those notes of high-hearted emotion and big sweeping scenes that Napoleon so liked in Ossian and the Illiad etc.

All this to say, overall, as a genre, I think those big, sweeping fantasies with lots of plot, politics, intrigue, soaring battles, great heights of emotion - he’d love that. It would hit all of his buttons for what he liked in fiction. Lots of emotion, lots of action, lots of big scenes, lots of crazy shenanigans. This can also be applied to Sci-fi. I think he’d be a big nerd on that too. But the science would have to make sense. 

I think he’d be into Star Trek, particularly Picard, if only for the philosophical aspects of it. He liked those sorts of questions and hypotheticals. So I think he’d binge all of The Next Generation (among other seasons). 

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Do for a living: Teach? God knows. This is Napoleon from 18-something who just woke up? He could be paid for consultant work for historians and film crews and the like, I guess. Just to tell them how accurate stuff is. Of course, be wary, this is Napoleon I Am A Spin Doctor Bonaparte. 

I think he could lean into writing histories - particularly the classics, early French and European history - that sort of thing, where he already has a strong background in it and it wouldn’t require him basically learning an entirely new trade. Like, will Napoleon ever fully be a natural with computers and cell phones? Probably not. Could he be like your old school Professor emeritus who still churns out papers and does 90% of it the old fashioned by-hand way? Yes. And Napoleon had a bunch of histories planned on St. Helena that he wanted to write, so I think he could do that. 

As this is literally Napoleon Bonaparte he’d get a book deal in seconds. There’d be a bidding war over it. 

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Thank you for the ask! This was very amusing :D 

#napoleon #napoleon was his own shitpost #napoleon bonaparte #napoleonic #napoleon in the modern day #ask #reply #anon