#and a pre s4 cas is just a cas he rolls his eyes at more. but also makes thinly veiled We Should Fuck statements at more.

[tiktaalic]

#I think this is the reverse where deans really normal but everyone else is abnormal about him #dean would be pal-ing around with s1 Sam like haha Remember When we did this you crazy kid. #and a pre s4 cas is just a cas he rolls his eyes at more. but also makes thinly veiled We Should Fuck statements at more. #sam Could be normal about s1 dean but could also be like. Man. this (dean I live with) sucks. #and he would not enjoy Greetings Bloodfreak the second one. anywhere from annoyed to like. having a real crisis about it #if it was JUST cas and s1 dean. it would be a tragic gay drama from the aughts. #but if it’s not in a vacuum and s15 dean is also there this changes how s1 dean AND s15 cas act. #possibility to wig cas out by virtue of Girl we are in love with a man who is Turbo Closeted he’s gotten WORSE just look at him #and ofc any sort of reaction to s1 dean would make s15 dean bristle and start fights with cas #s15 cas to Sam. that’s literally just some guy to him. got a new roommate ama. cas when s1 Sam shows up #etxt #spnwatch

[autisticgayngel]

Canonverse Castiel-centric/pining/loving Cas fics

some of these are Dean's POV and a lot are alternating POV, but all of them really delve into Cas's emotions and his love for Dean. All canonverse and all happy endings. Categorised by post-confession, pre-s15 curtain fic and other canon-era. Descending word count within each category. If anyone has any recs for things I should add lmk!

Post-Confession Fics

things happen (they do, they do, and they do) by sobsicles 28k rating E

Everyone has recced this, and for good reason, it's stunning. Cas gets back from the empty and Dean sort of lets him down gently and is very worried about breaking his heart. Despite this Cas is finally able to express to Dean how much he loves him and takes full advantage of this. He's earnest and sweet and so intense about it, but also incredibly hurt about the lack of reciprocation, though he tries to hide it. He does get the love he deserves in the end and it's so good!

closer (isn't close enough) by fleeceframe 18k rating E

Again, Dean's POV, but very much focused on how much Cas loves him. Has the gorgeous Cas line: “When you are hungry, you eat. When you are tired, you rest. When you are dirty, you bathe. But what are you supposed to do with love?”

My unintended by DeanaWinchester, Jeanne_de_Valois 10k rating E

Really good Cas POV, he’s obsessive and insecure but also deeply loving.

my heart a compass by lagaudiere 10k rating T

The empty torments Cas with visions of Dean and of the family he longs to have with Dean. Dean saves him.

I said show me something by ilovehowyouletmefall 7k rating E

Sparked by the debate about whether or not Dean thinks Cas can feel. Cas is hurt by Dean saying he thought he couldn't feel and vulcan mind melds to show him exactly how he feels about him. It's a really interesting exploration of both of their feelings and fears.

Gift by thisisapaige 2k rating G

Very sweet little fic of them trying to work things out once Cas returns from the empty.

Pre-s15 Curtain Fics

take the long way home by dothraki_shieldmaiden 95k rating E

Dean tries to retire with his family but finds himself alone as Sam and Jack take a road trip and Cas goes hunting in order to prove he's still useful as a human and to avoid thinking about his feelings for Dean. Really agonising and harrowing at the start as they both feel so rejected and miserable. Cas gets into situations where monsters use his feelings for Dean to attack him. Eventually, they're able to tentatively work out their feelings and settle down together and it's very sweet.

Morning Glory by edgarallanrose 26k rating E

Dean and Cas retire together. Cas becomes a beekeeper and Dean starts to use the honey he makes to bake goods, which they sell at the farmer's market. Cas is very much in love with Dean but it takes Dean a bit longer to work things out.

Other Canon-era

A Winter's Tale by NorthernSparrow 64k rating T

This one hurts a lot, so fair warning for that. Cas falls ill while human and homeless and is hospitalised. Dean finds the journal Cas kept as he struggled to survive in this time. Pre-Destiel but Cas does write a lot about his feelings for Dean. Sam and Dean shower Cas with love and kindess as he recovers. Also a destiel epilogue that is very sweet and fluffy.

In the Shadow of your Wings by Enochian Things (Salr323) 57k rating E

Cas confesses his love to Dean post s11 finale but the timing is terrible and Dean is very repressed about it all and breaks Cas's heart. Cas gets an Italian man of letters boyfriend in an attempt to get over it and Dean is insanely jealous (which Cas is oblivious to) but they all have to work together to try to save Sam from the BMOL. Dean eventually gets his shit together and treats Cas the way Cas has learnt to understand he deserves.

That Black Dog Ache by SaltyWords (agent4hire22) 28k rating E

This is very much Dean's POV but I'm putting it here anyway because it has a really intense love confession from Cas, which I'll include an excerpt of that drives me insane:

'“I listen to your music, and I close my eyes. I try to imagine I’m in the Impala, hunting with you. And, sometimes,” his throat jumped, “I lay on your bed. I think about what it would be like if I got to have a place on it beside you... If you ever let me get close enough.”'

Kelp!I Need Somebody by andimeantittosting (Saylee) 27k rating E

A really sweet fic in which Sam, Dean and Cas go to investigate a case on Jesse and Cesar's ranch. Switching POV with really good mutual pining as they tentatively begin to realise the other feels the same.

Being Dean Winchester by Anonymous 26k rating E

Set early s4, Cas has to possess Dean temporarily. While doing this, he has to work to hide his feelings from Dean. Cas is already obsessed with Dean and in love with him but is embarrassed by it and struggles to keep Dean from seeing all of this, especially when Dean wants to have sex with someone while Cas is possessing him.

Après by imogenbynight 24k rating E

Set after the angels fall in s8. Cas falls to earth in Paris and realises he's in love with Dean. Dean comes to get him and they find love together in Paris.

desiderium, lost by atlasian 20k rating T

Castiel confesses his love for Dean and Dean tells him to move on. Cas tries, fairly unsuccessfully, before Dean gets it together.

No Other Worthy Quest by MajorEnglishEsquire 15k rating E

Cas just loves Dean very much.

'“For fuck's sake,” his skin is heating. Cas can feel it. “Stop saying lovey-dovey shit.”

“I know,” Cas rolls his eyes. “It’s so mortifying for you when I want to tell you I love you. I’m using all my self-restraint, I promise not to embarrass you.”'

The Arrow by jscribbles 12k rating T

Valentine's day and Cas has been hit by a Cupid's arrow and is literally sick with love for Dean.

and all this devotion by dothraki_shieldmaiden 10k rating M

Dean gets hurt on a hunt and Cas takes care of him in a cabin. Very sweet, delightful Cas POV of him being very much in love.

Cuckoo And Nest by komodobits 10k rating E

Cas struggles to work out why Dean deems some things meaningful and some things worthless, and where he fits into this apparent dichotomy. Really gorgeous and agonising Cas POV that deals with their constant issue of Dean just wanting Cas to stay and Cas wanting Dean to want him to stay but they're both too afraid to express it.

Breathe by turningthepages 9k rating G

Dean and Cas platonically sleep together to help with Dean's sleep. Cas both likes the situation and longs for it to mean more.

First Date by aeli_kindara 9k rating T

Dean asks Cas on a date and they're both trying very hard to make it all work. The sequel is stunning too.

'Dean says, “We should do that. Go on a date.”

Something in Castiel’s chest fuzzes, like static on a TV, and stops.'

weights on my ankles by dothraki_shieldmaiden 9k rating M

After 15x3 The Rupture, Cas goes back to Rexford. While there, he thinks about how Dean hurt him all those years ago and how he hurt him more recently. Partly a 9x6 Heaven Can Wait fanfic-gap fic.

Let it Linger by OmniscientOranges 8k rating M

Cas starts sleeping with men out of jealousy when watching Dean pick up women at bars. The way the fic describes how in love he is and how hopeless he feels about it is both agonising and very sweet.

He Thought He Was Reckless by MajorEnglishEsquire 8k rating M

Cas plays up injuries so that Dean will coddle him. Self-woobification from the Angel of the Lord and it's so sweet!

Something to Protect by Sass_Master 6k rating G

Cas tries to work out how to make Dean feel less unsafe so that he no longer has to jolt awake. Sweet, tentative intimacy and Cas enjoying it so much.

lonely hearts. by outpastthemoat 5k rating G

Deals with Cas accompanying Sam and Dean on hunts and feeling incredibly lonely and longing to be with Dean. He finds solace in romance novels.

Some People Would Call This Romantic by almaasi 5k rating G

Human Cas goes to the beach and finds it rather overwhelming. Taking a romantic walk with Dean along the beach is also overwhelming.

The Tea is Decaf by mnwood 4k rating T

Really sweet! Cas and Eileen talk and gossip about Sam and Dean in the bunker at night over tea.

A Place to Rest by Inessencedivided 3k rating G

Dean and Cas talk through things after the Stuck in the Middle with You love confession. Cas cries some more.

White Noise by domesticadventures 2k rating G

Cas struggles with feelings of worthlessness in the aftermath of Lucifer's possession.

Receipts by surlybobbies 1k rating G

Cas writes little notes about how much he loves Dean on receipts from meals they share together. Dean finds them.

#fic rec #destiel fic #fanfic #spn #destiel #pining cas #fic

[nonsensegnomes]

thanks for tagging me @tiarnanafainne!! (i’m actually also looking at 32 words for field on my bookshelf right now, but i’ve never properly started it for similar reasons. being kinda-but-not-really able to read irish is so :/)

putting the actual answers below the cut for not-being-annoying reasons :)

favorite color: always love a purple! also like that one post says, i’m the only person who knows the good shades of green red, but when it’s good it’s GOOD

currently reading: i’ve actually been on a roll w/ my backlog of books recently so i can actually answer this, thank god! the most recent ones have been east of eden (altho i’ve kinda stalled out bc you have to be in a certain mood to read steinbeck’s 8 paragraphs on californian agriculture before you can get into a new chapter, imo) & the good man jesus and the scoundrel christ by philip pullman, mainly bc i really liked his essay about it in daemon voices (so far what he had to say about his writing intentions was unfortunately way more interesting than what he wrote, which is basically a retelling of the new testament :/ but re-reading bits of that essay book i really CANNOT recommend it enough, it taught me a lot about close reading way back when!)

       also paradise lost, but not really, bc it’s to mine quotes for horrible little spn edit reasons >:) oh, and the dcwt sequel i guess lol.

last song: deuteronomy 2:10 bc it’s on my cas playlist 😑🚬 altho the last thing i actually listened to was the bluff city messy business arc, which might have my favourite eps of the series so far? bluff just has SUCH summer vibes to me, and the combination of keith kinda playing the villain (?!!) & that theme tune had me sooo invested

last movie: rewatched pride (2014) the other day and let me say the montage at the end over “there is power in a union” STILL hits

last series: mythic quest!! it’s really very good, almost all the strengths of sunny with far less of its weaknesses (although still pretty Capital-L Liberal in places) + i don’t think i’ve seen anything quite like the poppy&ian relationship on a workplace comedy before, and i am FASCINATED.

       also re-watched “the legend of tennessee moltisanti” yesterday (the sopranos), despite still needing to finish s4, bc i wanted to put that dream sequence back in my eyeballs & i got sucked in :)

      also our spn rw is currently at 4.21 (we skip around, so we’ve already seen select eps from s4-10 + all of s11-15, and we’re currently watching all of s1-5; listen the system may be weird but it WORKS) and i am really happy that eventually sam got to see that panic room burn <3

sweet, savory, or spicy: sour!!!

craving: dried apricots from this market near me, i ate them religiously at the start of the lockdown but now they don’t stock them anymore :(

tea or coffee: i’m irish so i practically breathe tea

currently working on: ooh so about 12 dozen projects lmao! like everybody else i recently got really inspired to dip my toe into spn fic for Some Mysterious Reason asdjehdwdhefewj, which may never see the light of day but if it does i’ll link it lol. there’s one set pre-series about dean & tv (esp scooby doo) bc to boldly go opened my eyes about him being daphne-coded, and i think it’s fun when his gender is set to: weird! there’s also a cas&jack-centric one that’s s14 canon divergent bc “jack in the box” filled me with an INCONSOLABLE rage (although not for the reasons you might think? except for mary. definitely still mad about mary.)

       apart from that, i’ve got a quote compilation edit thing for cas that i should be finished with in a couple of days!! + i’m still working on that samsam & hadrian supercut, but i couldn’t listen to any more winter in hieron during covid 😔 so i might break it down by season and do aih & marielda first? also working on an original short story for myself so we’ll see how that goes! jesus that really is too many things 🙃 We Shall See ig

hate tagging people with a passion, but if some mutuals want to do it?  ABSOLUTELY no pressure tho <3  @queerangelic, @ishtarstripdying, @gaylittlejack, @doorwaystodoubt, @casgender, @8daysuntiltheapocalypseiguess (bc of the dean-is-daphne inspo lmao)

#ask games #personal #actually listing out everything i'm doing at the moment is nice i feel Accomplished #literally thank god it's summer now i can actually READ #also once AGAIN i am hoping the tagging works #will never figure out what kind of eldritch rituals you need to perform to unlock the basic features of this website