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seasidewriter1-writes · 3 years

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Answering Asks from @fadingclamalmondrascal : “Hi! I hope you're still doing asks, but I understand if you're not, it sounds like you've got a lot going on. I've got 3 questions for you:

1: What made you want to adopt this story and write an "Anakin's big sister who falls in love with obi" au? What about it appealed to you initially, and what about it keeps you coming back?

2: I love Elara's Sith name! Carus is so cool. What kind of thought did you put into that name and her sith design?

3: What does your writing process for each chapter look like?”

Hi!! My asks are always open, and even if my life his completely hectic, I’ll always get around to answering them! But, thankfully, my life has started to calm down in the last week. I’ve gotten a lot of writing done in the last day, so I’m in a very “Balance” mood, so I’m super stoked to answer these!! (I also wrote a lot again, so buckle up!!)

1. So fun backstory on my finding the story: I was living in England for my first year at University, and I was on a big ol’ Star Wars kick because The Force Awakens had just come out in December. It was January. It was cold, the evenings were getting rainy, so one night after dinner and scrolled through FFN to find something fun to read. And when I first found and read the original story, pre-adoption (which I believe is still up and called “Another Skywalker”), I remember being like ‘wow, this is an interesting concept.’ And as I read it, in my head, all of these ideas were coming to my head; and I remember being kinda sad about that. I didn’t want to write my own story, then have it seem like I’d ripped off the concept from the author. Because this was the first fic with the “Anakin’s older sister falling for Obi” concept that I’d ever seen. I didn’t know if it was something of a trope for an Obi x OC pairing, or if this one was an odd one out. So I finished reading the 11 chapters, and the author had posted a note saying that the story was, effectively, up for adoption. I have never jumped on something so fast. I drafted out two scenes (a now obsolete scene where Elara sees Obi-Wan off to Kamino, and a chunk of the final battle RotS) and sent it to the author. When she told me that the story and concept were all mine to do with as I pleased, I was so excited. Because I realized that all the ideas that had been tentatively brewing in my head, I could now fully bring to fruition.

What initially drew me to the concept was the idea of being able to explore a story and a romance that is, in a way, a foil to Anakin’s. Almost a way to show that maybe, if things had gone differently, Anakin and Padmé’s romance didn’t have to be doomed. Because I have always believed that there had to be some way that it didn’t have to end in disaster. Presenting a Jedi OC x Obi-Wan can explore similar issues (and there’s a lot of fun to be had with that concept, too). But then you have two people who were raised with/to follow the same ideals. Though they are both unique individuals, they will come up to very similar blockages––struggling with breaking the Code, with sloughing off ideals and a way of life they’ve followed all their lives. But with a Skywalker OC… that changes. You get someone who wasn’t raised to keep her emotions in ultra-check. Someone who, like Anakin, is family oriented, passionate about protecting those they love, and innately wishes to express their emotions in a more open manner. Those characteristics present unique conflict (particularly in conjunction with Obi-Wan’s characteristics), and I just… I wanted to, and continue to want to, play with that. Because Elara is dedicated to the Jedi Code. She’s a good Jedi. But put her want to be a good Jedi (for herself, for her brother, for the good of the galaxy) right up against an undeniable, innate need and want to love (because, at her core, Elara is just a purely loving person)––you get whole other obstacles to overcome. It’s a lot of fun to figure out how her overcoming her obstacles helps Obi-Wan overcomes his, and vice-versa. How we can see, in recent chapters, that Obi-Wan realizing he can’t hold Elara at arm’s length anymore affects her; how she starts being more gentle towards him again, tentatively letting him back in. I just love playing with stuff like that!!

And there are a whole lot of things that keep me coming back to this story. One of the biggest things, I think, has to be the idea that ‘love prevails.’ I love myself a complex romance. Maybe that’s why I love Regency/Period Dramas so much; because there are so many ups and downs––and that’s what makes it feel so good! Because while there’s hope and love and happiness, there’s also drama and frustration and confrontation. But through all of that, at the end… love prevails. I’m a hopeless romantic, I’ll own up to that any time of the day. So seeing a couple, so hopelessly in love, go through trials and tribulations and come out on the other end completely alright? That’s my jam! And when you’ve got someone who stands so steadfastly by their ideals as Obi-Wan, but who very clearly is… so passionate and loving… That just feels like the way a love story with him would go. And ‘love prevails’ doesn’t just apply to the Obi-Lara stuff either. It’s about the familial love between Anakin and Elara, and how that love for each other may thrive or suffer in events to come… it’s the platonic love of Elara and the men of the 442nd. Star Wars is a story of many things––family, adventure, coming into your own… but it’s also about love. And getting to add to that aspect of the story in any given way, for people who enjoy reading it, to have fun conceptualizing and writing everything… it keeps bringing me back for more.

2. I had so much fun thinking up all the Darth Carus stuff!! It was prompted by a question in a review, asking what I thought Elara would be like as a Sith/what her name would be. So I started looking at all the other Sith names, and realized a lot of them were words that stood for descriptors of the Sith Lord. “Maul” for (the literal usage of) “maul,” “Tyrannus” for “tyrant” (derived, likely, from Latin tyrannia or tyrannos), “Vader” for “invader” (or “father”). So I decided I would use a Latin word for her Sith name, and decided I needed to think of what she would be like as a Sith. Tyrannical? Violent? Rampaging? And none of those seemed… right. It felt, to me, that if she were to become a Sith, it would be out of heartbreak. And it wouldn’t be a denial of love kind of heartbreak; it would be losing someone she truly loved (Anakin or Obi-Wan) forever. Their death, perhaps by a mistake that she made. So I went, ‘okay, the birth of her being a Sith is related to love.’ I searched up some Latin words and found “Carus” which means heart. And because Elara, Jedi or Sith, is so involved with her emotions and with love, with her heart… it just seemed to fit.

Now, the outfit––ohh, I had so much fun with the outfit. I’ve got a BFA in Theatrical Arts, so I’m big on costumes and costume details, so creating Elara’s Sith outfit was absolutely delightful. Again, I started with what I thought Darth Carus would be like. There’s a mournful aspect to her, so black as part of her color palette works, but I didn’t want her to be dressed in all black. I thought that, in the wake of her heartbreak, there would be a dangerous passion about her. An angry passion. So ‘anger’ and ‘passion’ are typically associated with burning colors like red, so I through red (and orange) into the mix. And I wanted them to be bright––Darth Carus is no longer hiding in the neutrals of Tatooine or the Jedi Order. She’s letting the galaxy know her pain. I did, however, want to stick with clothing articles that were more robe-like. It’s what Elara’s known her whole life. But instead of multiple layers, I stripped it down to singular, more form fitting articles. In a way, the fewer layers is displaying the vulnerability that turned her towards the Darkness. Red is the predominant color (the tunic) because it draws attention. You have to look at her, you have to see her pain. It’s almost like staring into a fire, or gaping at an open wound. And because all good Sith Lords need a dramatic cape, I thought I’d do a fun take on it and do one of the ones that attaches at the shoulders instead of drapes over them. Maximum drama for sweeping down staircases or jumping off of tall platforms. Now, like I said, I’m a sucker for small details… hence why I added the embroidery on the tunic collar. It’s floral. It denotes her love of life. Now, if this were all real life, real costume design in an actual movie… the embroidered flowers would be Gleannish Snow Blossoms. And, of course, amidst all the bright reds, vivid oranges, and swaths of black… against all this intensity… you have the delicate, cool softness of the real Snow Blossom pinned to the spot over her heart. The very same Snow Blossom that Obi-Wan gave her on Gleann. A gentle reminder of better days… of the reason she became the ways she is… of the man she loved so wholly and deeply that, in losing him… she’d much have rather killed her own heart instead. (Also, a friend of mine and I had a wonderful conversation discussing how much of a terrifying, badass power couple Sith!Elara and Sith!Obi-Wan would be. It’s delightful.)

3. So, if I’m writing a chapter that deals with a chunk of movie or episode, what I’ll do first is sit down and watch what I perceive I’ll be writing. I’ll take down notes on things that I’ll want to add in/describe. I’ve also got a whole document of ideas I’ve already written down, and a document of bullet-pointed ideas, so I’ll give that I skim/edit, too. I always have to pick what scenes to leave in or take out, decide if they can be summarized or should be left in. Sometimes this’ll happen the same day I start writing, but sometimes I take a day to really think things over, sleep on it, then start the next. Then I’ll start to write, and I’ll have the movie/episode open for reference. When I write canon dialogue, it’s a lot of: watch, listen, pause, transcribe; rewind, read subtitles, listen, pause, transcribe. I also usually have, like… five safari tabs open with different research pages open––one for the movie/episode, probably one for a character of some kind, a google image search of a costume or something, and another one that’s got, like, different kinds of starships or droids (because there are so, so many). A lot of the time I’ll just transcribe/describe a chunk of canon stuff, then go back and add in extra details, weave Elara into it, or change up the dialogue to fit. An example being Obi-Wan and Sugi’s conversation in the barn. I beefed that up a little bit, added in references, and used it to benefit the overall storyline.

With chapters that are more original content based, those take a little longer to plan. Even if I have an idea of what’s going to happen, it takes a bit of time to figure out how to order it all, how to get a proper lead in, how to make transitions. And I also contemplate whether or not what I want to write is really going to be beneficial to the story, or if it’s going to end up being meaningless filling. There are a lot of ideas that I have had or do have that would be fun to write, but don’t really… work into the story well enough (like, god, do I want a girls’ day chapter 😂). And it’s in writing these chapters in particular that I do a lot of my music listening. Star Wars soundtracks, the story playlists I’ve made… the right music can help me find the mood or setting of a scene, inspire a moment. Like, I cannot tell you how much of the bunker scene on Ryloth was inspired by Sebastian Böhm’s rendition of “Blue Monday.” Music plays a huge role in writing for me. I’ll have music playing when I’m driving or doing dishes or cooking, and I’ll start to formulate ideas while listening. There are times, too, when I feel stuck when writing that I’ll swap on over to YouTube and I’ll watch some Star Wars edits. There’s an amazing edit of “War Pigs” by Black Sabbath over battle sequences from the films, and it’s just… it feeds my soul when I get stuck writing battle sequences. I’ve got, like… a go-to list of edits I watch when I feel a little stuck, and they’re all phenomenal. And when all is said and done and I’ve finished the chapter, I usually take a break and sit on it for a bit. Then go back, read over it, do grammar edits, change things if I see fit too. Then it’s on to review replies and I get it uploaded and posted!!

#mary answers #Mary answers asks #balance asks #I’m alive!#And I’m writing again!#HUZZAH!

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animemangasoul · 3 years

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You Are Wanted Obi-Wan Kenobi

Summery: Qui-Gon lives and Mace gets a new Padawan.

[In which Qui-Gon repudiates Obi-Wan and Mace isn't about to let the kid leave the order without a fight.]

Chapter: 4/10

Obi-Wan came to, to a throbbing headache, a flaring pain in his abdominal region and two warm bodies sprawled on top of him on either side. Full awareness had yet to sink in, faint traces of nightmares still clinging to his consciousness; threatening to drag him back under.

But the painful memories they spun through his mind were not easy to shake off. The warmth of Master Qui-Gon's presence dimming under his desperate hands, his own injuries screaming in agony, the tears, the horror, the force within him, building and building until it burst. Until there was nothing.

Until he was nothing.

He remembered it all so vividly. Even weeks later, those excruciating moments clawed at his chest, screamed in his soul, choked his heart.

It had hurt, Obi-Wan remembered that much. Being stabbed by the Sith had nothing on the pain that came after forcefully healing his Master with everything he had. He'd never been a proficient healer, had never learned nor mastered the art, but fear and desperation had forced his hand and as his Master had begged him to let him go, begged him to not endanger his life, begged him to train the Chosen One, Obi-Wan remembered shaking his head; tears running down his face, remembered how he'd let his emotions rule him.

How he'd clung to a man ready to join the force. How he'd exhausted himself, holding onto a soul ready to depart as he poured his very essence into his Master, until there was nothing left in him anymore.

And he remembered, Qui-Gon tears splattering against his hands. Remembered how his Master had tried to heal him in turn, but his body had rejected it. As if the force required penance for his crimes. As if by giving himself fully to bring Qui-Gon back, the force shied away from him.

It was the last thing he recalled. That face, his Master's face marred in so much pain, so much horror, so much desperation and so much grief.

It had been the last thing he'd seen. His Master alive and breathing. Obi-Wan had thought then that his time had come and if, he'd wondered as his gaze connected with the pleading eyes of Master Qui-Gon Jinn, if he was to go saving his Master, then there was no greater honour. And so he'd let the darkness take him, consciousness fading to declaration of love and sobbing demands to please wake up.

'If I die saving you, Master,' he'd thought, wrapping his thinning force presence around the grieving man in comfort. 'Then I'm glad. I'm so very glad.'

And then, there was nothing.

A blissful moment of silence. A fleeting moment of peace. Until he was forcefully dragged back,

Until he opened his eyes and found himself alive.

Oh and if the reality he woke up too wasn't a nightmare he rather not have laid his eyes on. Even now, his eyes stung thinking about it. The betrayal, the abandonment, the…….

His Master had repudiated him, hadn't he?

Clenching his teeth, Obi-Wan blinked frantically to stave away the oncoming wave of tears.

'No,' he hissed at himself. 'I won't cry anymore. Never again. Not over this.'

What was done was done. No amount of self-pity and confusion was going to clarify it. And Obi-Wan couldn't linger in the past, not anymore.

'Here and now, Padawan,' he thought bitterly. 'keep your concentration here and now where it belongs.'

He gritted his teeth and sighed, feeling exhausted even as it appeared that he had actually gotten a goodnight sleep, going by the bright morning light breaking through the window.

A soft mumble against his ear snapped him out of his grief and he blinked. Turning ever so slightly as not to disturb the man sleeping next to him he came nose to nose with the peaceful face of Quinlan. His best friend making a little noise at the back of his throat, brows furrowing before he sighed and leaned forward, his forehead coming to rest on Obi-Wan's shoulder.

Exhaling gently, Obi-Wan ignored the painful twinge of his heart at the action and carefully pressed his cheek atop the crow of the other man's head. Closing his eyes in silent gratitude.

Leaving the Halls had been such relief, but he'd also dreaded it. Maybe that's why he'd been so cooperative with Master Che; the healer endlessly suspicious of his respectful attitude and his lack of attempts to flee the scene. It was unusual for him after all, to be so obedient. But he hadn't done it out of any sense of respect, not really. Because despite his reckless need to be independent and his bone deep fear of medics, the outside world was so much scarier than the white walls of the Halls.

To cry out for independence and for it to thrust into his lap in the cruelest way imaginable. It rattled him. And in a way, he found hiding within the Halls of Healing, away from the prying eyes of the public, gave him the only level of dignity he could be afforded.

Sighing, he allowed himself to drown in the two force presence surrounding him. Little Aayla's force signature still a little unfamiliar to him, but all the more welcoming. The newly minted Padawan had practically shadowed Quinlan for as long as she'd been at the Temple, and while Obi-Wan hadn't had the pleasure to talk to her often, her gentle kindness had been a balm against his burned soul these past couple of weeks.

Smiling softly at the Twi'lek girl pressed against his side, Obi-Wan fumbled for Quin's hand, squeezing it lightly even as the sudden movement; little as it were, sent a flash of pain across his chest.

Still, the presence of this particular Master, Padawan duo made the turmoil of his current situation just the tiniest bit more bearable.

He hadn't wanted anyone to come along when he'd left the Halls, all the attention and broadcasted worry by his friends and new Master, making him uncomfortable. So he'd left them with a grateful goodbye. Master Windu pushing him to their newly shared quarters.

It had been embarrassing, being fussed over. Master Windu clearly had other more important businesses and order meetings to take care of, but somehow the man had made himself available for his discharge and kept a steady follow of conversation between them as he guided the hoverchair to Obi-Wan's new home. "I can walk, Master," he remembered saying; face ducked into his chest to avoid the curious glances sent his way. "You can go if you want." And he remembered Master Windu placing a gentle hand atop of his head and patting him gently in response.

"I know you can kid," he'd huffed. "But there is no need to strain yourself when you don't have to." And that had been the end of it. Somehow the warmth emitting from Master Windu's force presence curling around him in soft comfortable that Obi-Wan didn't quite know why it made him want to cry. So he only flushed deep red and nodded. Content in sharing this little moment with his new Master.

Rarely had Master Qui-Gon been so open with his worry and concern for him, his action of course spoke louder than words and Obi-Wan vividly recalled his former Master's arms around him as he sobbed into his hair, begging him to hold on. But his mind, his thoughts had always alluded him, so to experience Master Windu's care for him, so openly, so unrestrained, it had been….. Comforting.

In the end Quin and Aayla had greeted them as soon as they'd arrived at Master Windu's quarters. Grinning at him with little Aayla rushing forward to give him a tentative hug. His weeks in the hospital had brought them closer with Anakin and her forming an adorable friendship and secretly Obi-Wan was thankful. For as sweet as Anakin could be, sometimes being in his presence, remembering how Qui-Gon chose---- sometimes it was difficult to be kind, so Aayla whether she realized it or not had been a force blessing in disguise.

The Master, Padawan duo had refused to leave of course and with Master Windu backing them--- "It's your first night out of the Halls Obi-Wan, it's best to be careful with your recovery," there was nothing Obi-Wan could do but let them stay.

Master Windu left shortly after that. Helping him to his bedroom first; quickly snatching up what suspiciously looked like Soresu training leaflets from the covers with fond exasperation and nearly tucked him in if he hadn't caught himself last minute, much to Quinlan's amusement and his own mortification.

While Quinlan's presence was annoying as ever after that, practically lounging in his bed, taking up more space than required and forcing him to watch stupid holodramas. His and Aayla's company pushed away the dark thoughts clouding his mind and even as he grumbled and frowned at his best friend, Obi-Wan found himself relaxing. And just like that, their laughter and jokes, Aayla's timid little smiles and mischievous tales of her and Anakin's exploits, Quinlan's snarky comments and embarrassing retelling of Obi-Wan's childhood stories, lulled him to sleep. Holodrama forgotten and for the moment, Master Qui-Gon too.

Now here he was, eyes tracing the ceiling of this unfamiliar bedroom, lingering ever so often on the scorch marks; likely done with a lightsaber and wondering how Master Billaba had gotten away with practicing her lightsaber forms inside her kriffing bedroom. It's the funny mental image of Master Billaba slashing across the walls, while Master Windu frantically begging her to stop, that accompanies him back to sleep. Aayla's fingers curled around the hem of his tunic and Quin's breath fanning warmth across his skin, grounding him as he slipped away into a dreamless rest.

-----------------------

When he woke up next, it was to a dull headache, pain bursting through his guts and a distinct lack of bodies clustering around him in his bed.

He sighed, arm coming up to cover his eyes, teeth digging into his lower lip to keep himself from yelping at the sheer agony that flared up at his action.

Obi-Wan took his time dragging himself out of bed. Fingers grabbing for the note by his bedside, eyes skimming over Quinlan's chicken scratches and snorting at the hurried explanation for their departing-- "Ay needs to get to class!! Can't believe I slept in!!!! You Obs make a hell of a pillow!" and of course the threats for him to take his medication or else--- "Take those pills man or I'll sic Bant on you. Don't think I won't!!!" With a crude drawing of Bant with a pitchfork.

Obi-Wan wondered how Quin had found the time to draw the picture if he was in as much of a hurry as he said, shaking his head fondly. Clearly he'd taken his time with it too, going by the erased lines and all the redraws. Snorting in amusement, he threw back two pills, ignoring the warning of eating something first; the pain was borderline on unbearable at this point, and slowly eased himself up and in the direction of the bathroom.

Every apartment in the Temple were simplistic and almost identical in their designs; the only difference being the size and number of rooms depending on one's status as a Jedi, so Obi-Wan managed to get through his morning routine with relative little difficulty. The shower taking the longest time as he struggled to stand through the hot water cascading down his back. He should have just settled for a sonic, he thought bitterly, but the pelting droplets of water somehow elevated the coldness in his chest and loosened his muscle; unknown tension draining from his figure and even as he pressed his face against the cool glass, legs barely able to hold him up, so he couldn't find it in himself to regret his momentary reprieve. Constantly as it might have been.

Still, even with the painkillers dulling the pain coursing through his veins, Obi-Wan stumbled out, breath coming in gasps and even drying himself off taking more energy than his body was capable of providing. His bandages had come off around a week ago, the bacta tank having healed the external wound to a degree but Master Che fearing infection, had kept them on for a time. The healers were extra careful in how they treated him, and from the way his stomach and his insides, from the way it all burned, Obi-Wan couldn't fault them for treading lightly.

Collapsing on the bed; pants all he'd managed to drag on, Obi-Wan scrunched his eyes shut, the trickle of tears sliding down his cheeks joining the splotches of dampness on his covers by his poorly dried hair.

'Just a minute--' he thought, swallowing down the misery, muscles screaming from unused exhaustion.

It appeared to be that no amount of physical therapy could make up from weeks suspended in a bacta tank. 'Just a minute.'

At last he found himself making his way out of his new bedroom and wandering into the living room; a simple tunic the only outer layer he had any strength in pulling on before his body once again bucked against him in protest.

Fingers clutching at the doorframe, he let his eyes scan the vast space.

Looked like Masters on the council had much larger living space afforded to them then just being a Master. 'Or maybe it's just the Master of the Order,' Obi-Wan thought, eyes landing on the floor to roof length windows stretching from wall to wall and the meditation space separate from the living room itself and finally the modest sized kitchen down the hall that he couldn't quite see from his position.

He'd heard rumours that outside of important council meetings, council sessions between select members were often held in Master Windu's quarters for convenience, and from the several chairs surrounding a round table by the far side and the datapads stacked like mountains in the corner, Obi-Wan was inclined to believe the rumours to be true.

Finally, his gaze landed on the stacked boxes by the wall separating his new bedroom from Master Windu's own and he found that he couldn't quite swallow past the sudden lump in his throat.

Those were his things.

He knew Garen had brought them over sometime during the holodrama marathon, even offering to unpack most of it with Quin and Aayla's help; despite Garen having a mission briefing to report to.

Obi-Wan had flat out turned it down. Firmly telling his friends that no, he didn't need help with every little thing in his life. "I'll unbox them at my own time," he'd said, glaring mulishly at them. "Just because I'm a recently recovered victim of a Sith does not mean I can't take care of myself."

They'd eventually relented when he'd threatened to kick them all out if they didn't stop; Quin hurriedly shooing Garen out, claiming his favorite episode was coming up and he couldn't afford to be kicked out now, while Aayla just laughed at them all.

"If you wanna waste time unpacking all this junk, be my guest," was Garen's departing words, saluting them as he went. "Don't come crying to me when you get tired." And his friends had left it at that.

If only they'd known the real reason why he hadn't wanted their help.

Sighing, he carefully shuffled over to the boxes, fingers running over the sealed tape, eyes stinging for just a moment at the thought of Master Qui-Gon packing away his things just so he could give his room to his new favorite Padawan. 'No,' Obi-Wan thought, even as his fingers clenched and jealousy spiked in his heart. 'This is not Anakin's fault.'

Of course it wasn't. He was just an innocent kid, a kid who'd been through hell and now was caught up in the middle of this mess, and yet…..

What it most have been like for him. To be chosen by Qui-Gon. To be wanted, when Obi-Wan begged and pleaded and cried for even a sliver of that attention.

Gritting his teeth, he let his arm drop. Having Gar and Quin help him with unpacking his stuff would have been much easier all things considered; especially since Master Windu would be back around noon to check up on him as he'd promised, but…..

Just the thought of Master Windu's kind smile and understanding eyes froze him in place. Refused to let him even entertain taking the first step in opening those boxes, because…. What if….

What if Master Windu changed his mind?

It's not like their partnership had been made official yet. Master Windu hadn't stood in front of the council and declared him his Padawan. Not yet….. Maybe not ever.

What if, right this very moment, he was thinking his decision over. Realizing a grown adult Padawan was not what he was looking for. What if he was talking with Master Qui-Gon and Master Qui-Gon was telling him about all of Obi-Wan's shortcomings. What if he got back later only to inform Obi-Wan; with that sad tilt of his mouth and calming force presence that this, their partnership wouldn't work out. Because Obi-Wan was too much trouble and no one in their right mind could ever teach him and turn him into a competent Knight.

What if Master Windu was regretting giving him hope, telling him he wouldn't be sent away and now he was stuck with him and there wouldn't be an easy way to let him down and maybe Qui-Gon had been right all along maybe Obi-Wan had never been cut out to be a Knight because if he was meant to be a Knight, why did Master Qui-Gon throw him away!

And oh….

He couldn't breathe.

Slamming a hand against his chest, he tried. His throat tightening up, a wheeze escaping past his lips.

He couldn't breathe.

Shutting his eyes, he counted. The silence, the quiet. He drew it to him. Focused on every inhale and exhale. One, two, three. In and out.

'Breathe,' he told himself, the ghost of Master Qui-Gon's hand pressed between his shoulder blades. 'Breathe Obi-Wan. It's going to be okay.'

It took him several minutes; of what felt like hours, to get his raging emotions under control, but when he did, a loud gasp pushed through his mouth, finally, and he was breathing again. Shuddering and forcefully fighting against the need to curl into a ball and weep, but breathing nonetheless.

Obi-Wan stumbled back, using the boxes for support as he blinked away the dark spots that invaded his sight.

Breathe.

It's going to be okay.

Somehow he found within himself the strength to move over to the couch and sit down. Kneels buckling underneath him as he sank into the cushions. Wiping a tired hang across his brows, Obi-Wan gave himself a window just to gather his sense and it was not a moment too soon for a couple of minutes later a knock alerted him to an unknown guest outside Master Windu's quarters.

"Come in," he called before suddenly realizing that this wasn't actually his old quarters and unlike Master Qui-Gon's not many refused to use access code. But just as he was about to force himself back on his feet, the door slide open and Master Billaba walked in. Hands carefully balancing a tray of food she most have gotten from the refectory as well as a slim wooden box.

"Hello, Obi-Wan," she smiled and Obi-Wan smiled back; albeit with much more restraint and politeness.

"Hello, Master Billaba."

"Depa," she corrected, eyebrows raised.

"Master Depa," he said, bowing as best as he could without agitating his recent injury.

Stepping into the apartment, Master Billaba placed the breakfast tray on the dinner table, before she made her way over to him; wooden box in hand.

"I don't have much time," she said, sitting down across from him. "I'm expected to be present for the council meeting starting thirty minutes from now so I most be quick." Folding her legs, Master Billaba gave him a calculating look. "I have something for you."

Obi-Wan stiffened. He didn't know much about Master Billaba except for her sound reputation and Master Windu's fondness of her.

What could she possible have for him?

'Maybe Master Windu sent her to soften the blow,' a traitorous voice whispered into his ear. 'Maybe he couldn't face you when he rejected you too.'

Swallowing thickly, he schooled his features into serene blankness. "What do you have for me Master Bill---" she gave him a look. "Master Depa," he corrected with an apologetic smile.

"Well," she said, and strangely enough to Obi-Wan's quiet surprise, she sounded unsure of herself as she fiddled with the cover of the box. "I talked to Mace and--" tearing her eyes from his, she exhaled loudly; her force presence coiling around her as if soothing away her worries, concern? "We talked about your Padawan-braid, Obi-Wan. How Master Jinn removed your marks of achievements when he released you from his care."

Obi-Wan flinched, fingers immediately coming up to tug at his braid, long as it were, bare as it was. "Yes," he managed to stutter out. "That is correct."

His pain most have reached her, for Master Billaba sent him a sympathetic smile before carefully removing the lid of the box and looking down at the content. "We both know, that for Padawans, the beads and bands they collect throughout their apprenticeship means more---" she swallowed, blinking slowly. "Means more to them, than any outsider of the Order can ever hope to understand. It signifies our commitment, our devotion, our dedication and---" a pause. "our relationship with our Masters." The last part was but a whisper, as if Master Billaba by speaking softly could somehow spare him the hurtful truth of his repudiation.

It didn't and it was all Obi-Wan could do not to recoil from her words. "Yes," he whispered back. "Yes."

This time, Master Billaba's smile was brittle, pained but when she met his eyes it held the calm resolve of the woman who had ha seat in the council, one of the youngest Masters to ever be appointed. He saw Master Depa Billaba of the Jedi Order and her tranquil presence helped him cobble together a modicum of composure to not fall apart right then and there. "I know Master Jinn took your accomplishment with him when he repudiated you," she said. "And what I have here might not make up for that loss, might not hold the same history or importance to you, but I hope it can give you…., a sense of closure and a sense of closeness to those that do care for you."

Obi-Wan blinked, confused. "What---" he started, but before he could even formulate an appropriate question, Master Billaba stood up and gently placed the open box in his lap and when Obi-Wan looked down he saw beads of several different colours.

Blue and red and pearl white and, was that Bant's pale green band that Tahl had given her for all those years ago?---- "I don't understand," he mumbled, a single finger running over a diamond shaped bead that distinctly looked like the one he'd seen in Garen's braid just a cycle ago. "I don't….. What is this?"

Resting a hand on his shoulder, Master Billaba projected warmth, comfort and calmness through to him and Obi-Wan found the tension within his body slowly easing away. "Your apprenticeship is nearly over and I felt that it was wrong for you to have to finish it without all the accomplishment you have achieved with your own merits on display like every Padawan that came before you and will come after you. Therefore I had an idea--" she squeezed his shoulder slightly. "And so I ran it by Mace and your fellow Jedi and it looks like many of your crèchemates and friends value you dearly Obi-Wan Kenobi. Those beads are either from their former Padawan braids that they have requested from their Masters or from their current braids in the case of Padawan Eerin and Padawan Reeft. Each contributed a single bead or band, to you." Leaning over so she could meet his eyes, Master Billaba smiled, soft, kind, gentle. "You are very loved Obi-Wan, I wished for you to know that."

"Oh."

For what else could he say.

Here were all the….. The evidence of how much…..

He hadn't been the brightest Youngling nor the strongest Initiate and his years as Master Qui-Gon's Padawan were fraught with controversies and infractions, and for the longest time he'd known, in his heart of hearts that he was destined for infinite sadness. That in his path lay nothing but misery and suffering.

So to see, despite of his current predicament, despite his rejection, despite his bone deep loneliness, this level of kindness. It…..

Every bead and band gave of little pulses of familiar force signatures. Without needing to concentrate Obi-Wan could feel them all. He could feel Quin and Bant and Reeft and Gar. And he could feel Master Billaba, Master Windu and Master Plo Koon. His crèchemates and Masters Friends he'd met throughout his years as a Padawan and…..

Obi-Wan didn't quite know when he started crying, but when the first droplet of water splashed atop of the silk green band, he raised a finger to brush against his cheek.

'Would you look at that,' he thought, faintly aware of Master Billaba coming to sit next to him. 'I'm crying.'

"Who's this one from?" He finally managed to whisper after an infinite time of him just staring down at a gift he didn't know quite what to do with. "I don't recognize….the force signature?" Obi-Wan had asked in hopes of distracting himself from his embarrassing display of emotions but holding the green little orb in his hand, the question still held true. This bead was the only one whom its force signature was wholly unfamiliar to him.

"That one belonged to Feemor," Master Billaba said, eyes far away and lips drawn into a sad frown. "He is an old friend."

Curiously staring down at the green bead, Obi-Wan wiped away his tears and felt for the gentle force pulsing from it. It was calming. "Could you… thank him for me? All of them I mean. I…. I'm not quite sure how to react, it's….. Thank them for me?"

Master Billaba squeezed his shoulder again. "Of course," she said and with that was on her feet making her way to the door. "Oh and Obi-Wan," she called back.

"Yeah?" Fingers digging into the wood, he barely managed to tear his eyes away from it.

"Mace told me that your Padawan announcement will be held in front of the council tomorrow afternoon and if you're not up for it physically it will be held here, in your quarters."

"What?"

Master Billaba's force presence wrapped around him in a hug. "You will officially become my Padawan brother tomorrow, Padawan Kenobi. Congratulations."

"I…. I don't--"

What do you say in the face of such overwhelming kindness?

"Thank you," he said, face probably blotched, nose red and eyes stinging. "I will be ready to go to the council….when I'm called."

Master Billaba nodded, her fondness all but ruffling his hair and Obi-Wan found himself ducking, blushing at the carefree display of affection. "Take care, Obi-Wan," walking out the door, she nodded at the dinner table. "And eat your breakfast."

Letting out a watery chuckle, Obi-Wan shook his head. "I will."

And with that, Master Billaba was gone, vanishing out the door as quickly as she'd walked through it. Leaving behind a new legacy and a new bond.

Obi-Wan sat on the couch for a long time simply looking at the handful of beads swimming at the bottom of the box, silently wondering how Quin had managed to keep it a secret from him this whole time. It most have taken so much effort. Knights like Gar and Quin having to go back to their former Masters to request a single token from them and they'd done it all, for him.

Closing the box with a gentle click, Obi-Wan stood up. It was time to unpack his things.

"One step at a time," he told himself, a tiny smile lurking at the corner of his mouth.

Maybe after all these weeks he could finally move forward. Maybe Master Windu was right, and it would all work out in the end.

Maybe, just maybe.

The End

Note: In this AU I'm going by the popular headcanon that Feemor had a previous Master who died and Qui-Gon picked up his training and saw him through to knighthood. Half of Feemor's braid is therefore put under his bed with his former Master's belongings and the other half he gave to Qui-Gon and that's how he could also give Obi-Wan his bead. Also it paints an interesting parallel between the qui-gon who helped a padawan who lost his master to knighthood and the jaded qui-gon of today who is the one abandoning a padawan willingly to train the chosen one.

Chapter: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

#obi wan kenobi #obi wan fanfic #qui gon jinn #depa billaba #quinlan vos #aayla secura #star wars #star wars fanfic #fanfic #you are wanted obi-wan kenobi #qui gon a+ parenting #Mace is best dad #chapter 4 #yawowh chapter 4

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sassysnowperson · 4 years

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Total Words Posted 2019: 263,964!

Total Works: 30 works in 7 fandoms with 30 different relationships (counting Gen pairs - also, it was not, in fact, a pairing per fic, but a couple repeats, and a multi-pairing fic).

As compared to last years: 269,752 words, 64 works, 3 fandoms, 40 different pairings.

Compare/Contrast between this year and the last: Roughly the same wordcount! Again! I've been pretty consistent these last three years. I wrote fewer, longer works, but remained very open in terms of pairing. We're growing the fandoms, but Star Wars definitely wins still (though, breaking it up by TYPE of Star Wars, I diversified this year - learning to write more broadly across the canon! Star wars is about 12 fandoms in a trench coat, after all).

Major thing(s) I learned this year: Narrative courage, I think might be the best way to sum it up. I feel like I've taken more chances than I have in past years - I've learned how to write different characters and different settings than I've written before.

I feel the need to shout out Arrivals, Connections, Departures here. It's my WIP longfic that I started this year. It's already nearly 50k, and it's nowhere near done. This story is going to be LONG, and honestly, it's intimidating for me! There are so many things I want to write, and a fic like this requires commitment. I think it's a story worth telling, through, and I'm enjoying sharing it with folks. But I'm learning how to pace myself when I'm not writing fic all in a rush, breaking it up with breaks for smaller fics. Trying to find the balance between loving my WIP and getting to chase creative spark.

I also got way more involved in exchanges, the gift-swap is fun, as is a chance to write something I've never written before.

How I did on my Goals for Last Year: One of my goals was to go back to my ongoing series and I...did not. I had a sort-of idea for how Bodhi Lives would roll out going forward, and I feel like I've grown enough as a writer that I'm not satisfied with my tentative outline anymore. I'm not sure what the solution to it is - I still love the universe, and I'm not ready to close the book on it yet, but at the same time, I'm not sure how to move forward. Will require thought.

HOWEVER, my other goal was to get Arrivals, Departures, Connections started, and I did! We've got the ball rolling!

I also had the goal to write more gift fic, interspersed with my giant fic, and I did that too! I think probably about two-thirds of my fic output this year was written as a gift for someone else.

Goals for the Coming Year: I think I want to set the goal of finishing my massive WIP in 2020. At least the draft - hopefully getting it posted, too.

I also want to close some of the "open tabs" I have in my fic writing brain. Off the top of my head, that's the Bodhi Lives conundrum I talked about earlier, my Bodhi/Cassian series (am I ever actually going to write them having sex? It's a mystery), my K-2SO narrates wildlife fic, and I've got a bunch of prompts sitting in my tumblr inbox. Next year, I'd like to either decide that I'm not going to write them, or start sitting down and getting them out into the world.

I'd also like to read and comment more - I've been a good writer this year, but a bad fan community member. I think it might be fun to do fic read-a-thons together, or something like that.

Under the readmore is a round-up of the fics I wrote in 2019. I'm going to group them by fandom, sub-fandom for Star Wars and Marvel, and then by date posted.

If you’ve been reading my work, talk to me!

What’s been a favorite story? Most unexpected? What was the first thing of mine you read? What are you hoping I’ll write more of in 2020?

Note: Titles below are links to the works.

Star Wars

Rogue One

Critical Flaws - (Galen Erso/Lyra Erso/Bodhi Rook) (50458 words, 21,847 posted this year) - Galen, Lyra, and Bodhi form complicated plots for how to kill the Death Star, and also have to figure out why they are to each other, now that Galen has reunited with Lyra. (A continuation of the Lyra Lives series, where Lyra decides to go with Jyn instead.

Entirely Useless - (Cassian Andor/Leia Organa) (1780 words) - Cassian and Leia make time for something entirely useless.

Suboptimal Shape and Texture - (Cassian Andor/K-2SO)(100 words) - A moment of quiet.

Instinct and a Winning Smile - (Davits Draven/Antoc Merrick/Mon Mothma) (5208 words) - Antoc Merrick never wanted to be in the middle of Mon Mothma's fling with her spymaster. But that's exactly where his substandard sabaac face has landed him.

Poet with a Problem - (Cassian Andor/Jyn Erso/Bodhi Rook) (2774 words) - University Professor AU, where Professor Rook should really know better than to get a crush on both his best friend, and his best friend’s nemesis.

Star Wars Prequel Trilogy

Trade - (Obi-Wan Kenobi/Owen Lars/Beru Whitesun) (5839 words) - When one-and-a-half year old Luke’s Force powers start acting up, Owen and Beru reach out to the man that brought him in the first place.

Flustered - (Padme Amidala/Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker) (5500 words) - Padme Amidala has a horrible crush and her husband is not helping.

Knight Amidala - (Padme Amidala/Obi-Wan Kenobi) (18865 words) - At the end of RotS Anakin dies, Padme wakes up with all his power, and the galaxy changes.

Star Wars Original Trilogy

Obvious and Intractable - (Dak Raltar/Luke Skywalker) (13717 words) - Considering all the problems in Wedge's life, it's impressive that the issue of Luke Skywalker's gunner even shows up on his radar. But Dak Raltar's obvious and intractable crush on his commanding officer is a problem, and it's growing more complicated by the second.

Star Wars Sequel Trilogy

Keep Coming Back - (Star Wars Sequel Trilogy) (5515 words) - Han finds Rey on Jakku. She’s not ready to leave, so Han keeps coming back.

Insult and Intimacy - (Lando Calrissian/Poe Dameron) (9365 words) - A Regency AU in Space featuring Titles and Genteel Understatement and Suitible Matches, as well as some scandal and a bit of kidnapping.

What I Wanted to Tell You - (Finn/Rey) (557 words) - What was it that Finn wanted to tell Rey?

An Awful Legacy - (Rey’s Mother/Rey’s Father) (879 words) - Rey’s mom reacts to...certain revelations.

Scorch Marks - (Wedge Antilles/Luke Skywalker) (910 words) - Wedge leaves the new generation to their celebrations, and considers an old familier X-Wing.

Calrissian Sass - (Lando & Jannah) (1181 words) - Lando loves showing Jannah all the things she missed out on, growing up.

Just My Type - (Zorii Bliss/Rey) (1058 words) - Rey is really interested in Zorii’s relationship with Poe, and Zorii has no idea why.

Star Wars Legends

Truce - (Wedge Antilles/Mara Jade/Luke Skywalker) (15038 words) - Wedge and Mara don’t like each other and they don’t trust each other, but they’re both willing to do what’s needed to save Luke.

Star Wars Intra-Universe Crossover

Sharpened - (Rogue One/Solo) (Jyn Erso/Qi’ra) (17490 words) - Jyn’s found the score that will let her stop running. Unfortunately Qi’ra of the Crimson Dawn stands between her and her target. Podfic Available.

Whatever You Want - (Sequel Trilogy/Rebels) (Rey/Ahsoka) (6782 words) - Ahsoka slept for forty years, and Rey wakes her up.

New Lands for the Living - (Original Trilogy, Sequel Trilogy) (Poe Dameron/Luke Skywalker) (50241 words) - Time-travel fix-it AU where Poe Dameron winds up on Tatooine before the Original Trilogy, winds up married to Luke Skywalker, and is desperate to fix things.

Hoping It's Mutual - (Rogue One/Sequel Trilogy) (3247 words) - Bodhi Rook and Poe Dameron have eighteen hours together before they take on a stupid, risky mission that could lead to both their deaths. They make the most of the time.

Eight at the Most - (Original Trilogy/Rogue One) (Luke Skywalker/K-2SO) (8332 words) - K-2SO has questions he wants answered and no concept of social niceties. Luke Skywalker, honestly, finds this a refreshing change from gentle respect everyone treats him with these days.

Arrivals, Departures, Connections - (Sequel Trilogy/Original Trilogy/Rogue One) (Wedge Antilles/Bodhi Rook, Luke Skywalker/Poe Dameron) (WIP - 46,751 words written in 2019) - A sprawling, story of loss and love, friendship and romance, and all the messy ways those things collide.

Star Wars Extra-Universe Crossover

The Face Underneath - (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine/Rogue One) (Cassian Andor/Elim Garak) (300 words) - Injured and alone, Cassian finds a familiar face in a very unfamiliar environment.

Various

Remixed: 100th Fic Fest - (K-2SO & Bodhi Rook, Cassian Andor/Bodhi Rook, Bodhi Rook/Luke Skywalker, Wedge Antilles/Bodhi Rook, Poe Dameron/Bodhi Rook) (500 words) - A what-if drabble series in my existing universes, along with end notes - much longer than the drabbles, amusingly - musing about these AUs

Marvel

Captain Marvel

Galactic Response Time - (Carol Danvers & Nick Fury) (5130 words) - All the OTHER times Nick paged Carol.

The Avengers

Return Policy - (Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers) (8888 words) - A missing scene fix-it that shows how exactly Steve returns the Infinity Stones.

Good Omens

Life's Little Pleasures - (Crowley/Aziraphale) (1758 words) - A statue in Crowley's apartment sparks an unexpected discussion.

Russian Doll

The Messed Up Motherfuckers Afterlife Movie Club - (Nadia Vulvokov & Alan Zaveri) (2991 words) - After everything, Nadia and Alan watch a movie.

Sailor Moon

Destiny and Property Destruction - (1055 words) - Instead of getting Moon Powers, Usagi gets a giant mecha.

#fic talk #2019 fanfiction year in review #year in review #This is always so much formatting #worth it #but man #About halfway through each one I'm going...I need to write less. For sure #also this didn't fit in the above #but another thing I'm proud of this year is New Lands for the Living #it's a 50k fic that I wrote in like...two months #because it was for an exchange #it was not supposed to be 50k #but I got it written!#and I'm very proud of it #:D

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swhurtcomfort · 5 years

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Fic Rec Friday!!

I almost forgot it was the first Friday of December, because that’s how long this week has been! But here’s some muffled screaming about Star Wars anyway:

Banthas and Metaphors by lajulie24: 1k, HanLeia, complete Pissed off and alive was still alive. He’d take it.

Broken by Revenge by Pandora151: 2k, Gen, complete Summary: In the wake of his encounter with Maul on Raydonia, Obi-Wan returns to the Resolute.

Dangerous Territories by Plodder: 6k, Pre-Obikin, complete Anakin was never chosen to be a Jedi but became a pilot instead, harboring just a little bitterness towards a certain Obi-Wan Kenobi. Now, he has to fly his least favorite Jedi on a dangerous mission, and things take an early turn for the worse.

Bloody Escape by Sulis57: 4k, Gen, complete Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi and Asajj Ventress barely escape with their lives after a dangerous encounter with Darth Maul and Savage Opress. Trapped together in a small shuttle, these one-time enemies must put their differences aside in order to find their way back to civilization. Things get complicated when Ventress realizes Kenobi has been gravely wounded. Will he survive the long journey or will his blood be on her hands?

Keep reading for my jumbled thoughts~

Banthas and Metaphors by lajulie24: Oooooh ok this is so so cute and I can’t stand it! These big dorks are so unsure around each other but so tender and caring, and Leia’s biting sarcasm throughout, and both of their insistence that the OTHER one not put their life at risk for the cause, but when THEY do it, no, of course, it was logical and okay, it’s just so telling and Han and Leia taking turns patching each other up put a big goofy smile on my face. So much love to this little ficlet.

Broken by Revenge by Pandora151: DECEPTION ARC FEELS!! Oh, the scene with the medics before Obi-Wan knocked out was so potent, poor baby, he gets so much hurt and deserves none of it. So much careful detail is put into this fic and it really shines. AND THEN there’s Anakin and Ahsoka, and poor Anakin still reeling from the emotional roller coaster of losing Obi-Wan and then almost losing him again, and being torn between relief and anger and Obi-Wan just doesn’t GET it which I think is really in-character, it’s so easy to see it through each of their eyes, and how these horrible, destructive decisions seemed logical at the time and how they reveal the faults within the Jedi Order itself. Everybody is so human and fallible in this story, it’s really well done and packs an emotional punch both emotionally and physically for Obi-Wan.

Dangerous Territories by Plodder: Ouch. Just ouch. Major props to this one for not shying away from the medical details and making sure we’re all VERY AWARE of how much pain poor Obi is in (and love note to the part where Cody comments, shit, if you’re admitting that you’re injured it must be serious because honestly he’s right Kenobi). I liked the awkwardness of the relationship between them, because in this AU they never really got the chance to work through all the TPM issues, and their first impressions of each other are all they really have moving forward and I loved this unique take on their relationship in the wake of that. Also Anakin taking care of him even when they don’t know each other that well (and hello, BLANKET SHARING) was uhhhhh-mazing.

Bloody Escape by Sulis57: I’ve never recced a fic starring Ventress before!! This is definitely a step off the beaten path as far as hurtcomfort stories go, and it was so interesting to see these two characters thrown together and how awkward it is for Ventress to be thrust into a role where Obi-Wan’s life is in her hands, and poor Obi is in so much pain but still manages to banter with her which is so him, but they are both really aware of their awkward enemies-to-tentative-allies relationship. I liked the introspection about the crossroads Ventress is at in her own life at that moment as well as all the sweet, wonderful hurtcomfort <3

#fic rec friday!!#fic recs #star wars #fanfic

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arielsojourner · 7 years

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Vader Strikes Back - Prologue/Thoughts

So I should be working on my sequel to the tumblr posts of Luke and Vader saving the Galaxy that became the actual fic Back from the Future and I thought I had it all planned out. I was going to draft a fic about 11-12 year old Luke and Leia Skywalker having some summer adventure, meeting up with some of the Original Trilogy characters with different life stories living in this Brave New Future that Luke and Vader created. I had thought out some conflict points, was working on getting my characters in my heads, playing logic games about what and how people would be different in this new present when another idea hit me.

What if it wasn’t Vader that died killing off Palpatine when he and Luke faced him down with Fives, Chatterbox, and Hardcase? What if it had been Luke who died?

Sometimes I hate my brain.

Now I should be working on my Luke and Leia story (tentatively titled “Rogue Twins: a Skywalker Story” -- I know, I know, I am silly in naming my fics) but I cannot get it out of my head.

What would Vader do if Luke had died? And all I can think of is from Mace Windu’s perspective. (And I barely have any idea on how to write from his POV, his voice and character elude me!) But that is what I see. Mace trying to figure out what happened: the rogue Jedi Luke is dead killing Palpatine, but the Sith, he is still alive and the clones are hiding him/covering for him. No one knows where he is but there is a pile of suspicious bodies turning up and they are all turning out to be co conspirators of Palpatine. And Mace is trying to find him and following behind the destruction in Vader’s wake and he talks to everyone, one after another, always ten steps behind Vader.

Because Vader falls into a Pit of Despair. He has failed AGAIN. Oh, Padme has lived. He has twins-- no, Anakin has twins, Vader has nothing. He lives but his son is gone. His daughter was never his to begin with. His Padme is dead. The galaxy is in shambles and he is alone.

And the image won’t leave me alone when I should be working on the sequel, the domestic adorable sequel. Instead all my mind and my muse keeps giving me is angst. ANGST!

I see the 501st rallying around Vader. Luke’s students trying to do what Luke would have wanted them to do, protect and help support Luke’s father. Rex would finally distract Vader by doing what worked best for Luke: point Vader and his mountain of rage at an appropriate target and let Vader be. And so Rex reminds Vader of his plans for Tatooine and let us just say the campaign is bloody. It is shock and awe. It is brutal. It is what Vader was known for after 20 years of serving an Empire than never existed. The clones didn’t realize how much Luke tempered his father and so they try and fill the void as best they can in Luke’s honor.

I see the clones in general decide that Vader is adopted as one of them. That is what Luke would have wanted. When the Jedi Order comes calling, they don’t say anything. “Vader? Vader, who? Sith, you say? No, can’t say we’ve seen any Sith, General Windu. Not since the war ended. Perhaps if you provide a description?” And Mace will just give them the Eye, like really? A description? They guy’s image is plastered all over the holonet and you need me to give you a description. But no, the clones will not be helping the Order find Vader. Hells, they even try to warn him off. (99 would totally gently tell Mace off).

And the Council wants to find him. In unraveling Sith treachery and they have gotten it into their heads that that means hunting down the one wild card left-- Vader.

Obi-Wan isn’t interested in their Sith hunt at all. First of all he is helping Anakin and Padme and then he is on Mandalore and he is just done with all this shit, y’know? Anakin has severe PTSD (his son from the future is dead at the hands of his mentor, his Sith self is out and about in the galaxy with his men killing people) and Padme is not doing much better. Second, Obi-Wan in this story having actually watched the holonet vid of Palpatine’s and Luke’s death recognizes Anakin’s fighting style a light year away (he trained the boy for over a decade, he is not blind) and he knows who Vader is and what he must have lost. He cannot kill Anakin, any Anakin past, present or alternate future. He won’t do it. Not when Vader helped defeat Palpatine. He will not help the Council find Vader now when all Vader seems to be doing is taking out the last of Palpatine’s puppets with extreme prejudice.

But that doesn’t mean Obi-Wan doesn’t watch the news fearful of the day Vader crosses over the line. Because if he does, then someone will have to go after him and Obi-Wan fears that day and fears what the Order/the Force/Anakin/his own conscious may ask him to do.

So Obi-Wan doesn’t tell Mace anything, even when the man comes to Mandalore to talk to him and to Ventress trying to find out what Vader is up to. Obi-Wan doesn’t tell Mace who Vader really is/was.

And Ventress would laugh in Mace’s face. Outright laugh at the idea of Mace hunting down Vader and taking him out. She doesn’t mince words. Mace is a dead man if he challenges Vader. And Mace would be all “How do I know you’re not working with him, his apprentice? How do I know the Separatists haven’t just found a new leader and war is still going on and you are about to attack the Republic at its most weakest?”

And Satine is having none of this, you hear? There is PEACE. Luke insisted the war is OVER and his name and in his memory that is what they are going to have. She isn’t having anyone or anything jeopardize that even if it means going toe to toe with Windu and the Order. She throws him off the planet. He protests, Mace looks to Obi-Wan to support him or to leave with him. Hells, Mace looks to Vos to back him and his Council mandate up and both men are like, “No, no. We’re just fine. We’re staying right here. The Duchess said YOU have to leave. We are here to see the Reconstruction Accords signed, thank you very much.”

Mace then goes to Serrano. That doesn’t work much better than confronting Ventress. Vader isn’t there and Dooku makes it clear he has given his parole to Luke and he hasn’t broken it so there is nothing the Council can do to him. Dooku also points out Mace would be well served staying very very far away from Vader if he wants to continue breathing.

Mace doesn’t listen. He keep searching. He finally tracks down Senator Amidala (he is stonewalled and sent on wild goose chases for weeks by her aides and her friends and even Ahsoka!)

Ahsoka isn’t going to help. At first she thinks Vader has lost it without Luke by his side and is too dangerous to be left to his own devices, but then Tarkin shows up in pieces and other evidence surfaces of those willing to help back Palpatine and then news of Tatooine reaches the holonet and Ahsoka sees how it affects Anakin. She looks down at the twins in their crib and recognizes the rogue Jedi in the little baby boy asleep next to his sister. Nope, if she follows after Vader it will be to help him as Rex and the others clearly are, not to kill him for the Order. And since when did Jedi become assassins? Luke would definitely have something to say about all that!

The Noghri take Mace unawares when he tries to enter Padme and Anakin’s home one night. They decide not to wake the family and only bother to tell Padme of the intruder after breakfast the next morning. Padme insists she can handle it so Ahsoka and Anakin take the babies off on a picnic and Padme sits down to a reluctant meeting with Windu.

I don’t know where this story goes from here. I don’t know WHY I seem to have this in my head only from Mace’s perspective. I have always found him very very hard to write without dissolving into simply inappropriate “bashing” of a character. (The only one harder for me is Clone Wars/Prequel Obi-Wan, that man is like the Hamlet of the Star Wars universe). I don’t know why I can’t write this from Vader’s perspective. I don’t know why I can’t focus to write my true sequel with the Skywalker twins.

But I have this scene in my head of Windu facing Vader at some point in time. Perhaps Depa and her Padawan are with him. Perhaps some of Mace’s men are with him too (not sure how that works logically). Perhaps he has convinced them that he just wants to talk to Vader but it turns nasty and violent and Windu expects his troopers to help subdue Vader but Vader has the 501st with him and the troopers aren’t down with that, they aren’t down with that at all and there is a hell of a fight. (Or maybe that is too dramatic and silly and out of character but damn it, it is in my head).

Windu loses the fight and would have lost his head the way Dooku did in Episode III except something stays Vader’s blade. Some sense of something, or someone stops him. And then . . .

I don’t know. I just can’t seem to stop thinking about this alternate storyline but I am not sure any of it makes any logical sense. So the question is do I go down this rabbit hole and follow Vader alone without Luke wherever that story goes or do I refocus on my sequel?

Decisions. Decisions.

#star wars #vader strikes back #luke and vader save the galaxy

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