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greeneggsandhann · 5 years

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Hey guys. I’m Hannah. I am an Alcoholic and an Addict. Both Alcoholic and Addict are capitalized because I look at my addiction and alcoholism as an asset to my life rather than an expense. Here is my journey:

I know exactly where and when my disease started. It was 2010 and I was 16 years old. Some junior girls invited me to a sleepover with them. My friend and I have never drank before, so we thought this was going to be the perfect occasion, somewhere we were safe and somewhere we couldn’t get caught,...and if we did get caught by our parents, we wouldn’t actually get into any trouble other than a lecture or a very intense hangover. So, we all sat in a circle with two water bottles one filled with strawberry vodka and one filled with orange vodka. They taught and demonstrated how to take a “shot.” Step 1) Put a little bit of koolaid in your mouth Step 2) Drink the vodka Step 3) Chug the rest of the koolaid After I took that drink I remember my lips went numb along with my teeth. I thought this was crazy and I loved every feeling of it. We each had about 3 shots and within the hour we all were laughing and had a pretty good buzz going on. Things kept coming in and out for me. One minute I would be upstairs and the next I was downstairs trying to take more shots with my friend Jo. I finished the bottles and passed out in my own throw up. The next day when I woke up I was filled with shame and guilt because this poor girl had to clean up after me all night. I was mortified and embarrassed I couldn’t hang like the rest of them. Also, I felt like shit. Of course, I never would have known at that point in time that my brain functions differently than other peoples brain. In my 16 year old head I never thought I could be an alcoholic just by that one time.

I moved away from home for my first time and tried out college. I made up this huge bullshit story to my doctor about how I needed adderall to help me focus better in school. That was all I had to say and BOOM wish granted. The world in my hands. I could do so much more and actually enjoy anything I was doing while on it. About a month after I had gotten that script I dropped out of school and found a passion in the food service industry. Where I moved up fast. I Became a bartender and then moved up to management by the time I was 21. I was working long hours, close-open shifts. My tolerance with adderall built up. And I needed more and more to make it through the day. Eventually, my script lasted less than a week and that is when I started spending hundreds of dollars on adderall a month. When I didn’t have the money and couldn’t take it, I became a completely different person. I was irritable and lazy, always tired and pretty much careless. I remember thinking out loud one day to a friend about how much money I am spending on it and how I felt like I didn’t have any passion or care about anything when I was on it. But I didn’t think that was a stopping point I just wanted it to go back to how it used to be where I could take one per day and go to sleep at night without having to feel wired.

About a year of being an assistant manager, I was often tardy for my shifts. My best friend in the whole world fired me. It was something I needed. I needed to get out of the industry and move back home with my mom and save up some money. So that is what I tried to do. I stopped calling my doctor for the adderall because I knew it was killing me. That was when I started picking up pints of vodka. One day I had missed work because I got too fucked up during the day and passed out. I woke up to my mom screaming at me. So I got in my car and was on my way to my aunts. On the way I was hit by a huge SUV. I was still drunk and didn’t have my seat belt on and passed out in the car for a few minutes. When I woke up there were so many lights, firetrucks, an ambulance. My head was gushing blood. At my window there was the couple who were in the other car. I started screaming and crying and they were the sweetest couple ever. They hugged me and asked if they could pray with me. So we prayed. I was off in the ambulance next and asked them to take me to Mercy Health hospital because there must be some God there waiting for me. That happened to be the nurse who clearly knew what had happened but refused to do any blood work on me that could check my BAC. She was an angel and stitched up my head with no judgement whatsoever.

My next brilliant idea was to move to Detroit with my cousin, Jewell. Find a new scenery away from everything kinda like a fresh start for me. I was doing pretty good there. I didn’t have very much money to drink and no adderall. I found a good job at the airport. Then started bartending again and suddenly had good meeting so I started drinking more and more. Started buying pints every night to just chill and have a little fun and something to look forward to. Never really thought it was a big deal, but I never told my cousin about it either because she would be all weird and try to tell me I shouldn’t be drinking so much and watching my every move. So it was my little secret. Work was going well. Longer shifts were getting more difficult to me and I couldn’t understand why. I started getting really dizzy and felt like I was going to faint. My hands would shake and I was sweat profusely. I thought I had vertigo or something like that. Not once did I blame it on the alcohol.

The year went by and I moved out. My car broke down. Back at home with my mom and my brother. Drinking a lot. Having mental breakdowns often. Haunting dreams. That brought me to Pine Rest where I was an impatient for mental illness and drug abuse. I went into this facility thinking “its unrealistic I am never going to have a drink again.” That kind of attitude. When I left there I felt so good for the first time in a while.

About a month later I got wasted while working. I was taking xanax and sneaking shots while I was working. I got sent home. Probably fired. I drove and smashed my brand new 2015 honda civic into a parked car. Tried to start my car and get away. But my car was too smart and notified the police. I blew .31 and was still functional (kinda) So i went to Jail, and I tried every kind of way to get out. That includes faking a seizure and scratching so hard my wrists would bleed. Obviously, that didn’t work. I was too embarrassed and did not want to face my guilt and shame to call someone, so I didn’t. ohhhhh but they found me. and brought the whole litter to pick me up. (aunts cousins niece brother mom) I was offered to go to rehab that day and I told them that jail was rehab enough,

One month after that incident I was on my way back from Detroit I was feeling really sad and depressed and I had a lot of thoughts about suicide in my head. I was drinking the whole way back and made the selfish decision to speed up and hit a semi going 85 mph on the freeway. I didnt know what the plan was in that moment, I didn’t know if I actually wanted to die or just wanted a scare. It was so selfish and I cannot believe I would ever put other people at risk. I am so ashamed to this day. The cop asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital or get breathalyzed. I choose the hospital. my BAC was 5X over the legal limit. and when my aunt and my mom showed up I cried and told them I was ready to go to rehab and I needed help. The next day I was checked into Brighton rehab center for two weeks.

Rehab was amazing. It is not a bad place to be. Its a safe and comfortable place to share your emotions and to withdraw without any judgement. I made life long friends and learned so much about recovery there.

Right after that trip I continued going to my SMART Recovery meetings and had just moved into a sober living house. I was doing really well I had gotten a job, learned how the bus system works. I learned so damn much in that month of being there. But another Relapse happened. It was a 4 day relapse. This time I was DONE.

I made my second trip to Brighton rehab center for two weeks. I knew this was not enough, After that, I admitted myself into the Sanford house for 44 days of rehab. I was doing well and I was nervous about leaving because I would actually have to start connecting with people at meetings etc. I really wanted to give AA a try so i started attending meetings. I found a sponsor right away who is truly amazing. She has taught me so much and guided me through the steps. I started going to YPAA meetings and connecting with young people in recovery. I have made so many life long friends through all of this. I had finally found a hope that I never thought could exist. I know that this is still early recovery and some people might say it’s my “pink cloud” but I have seen so much God in my life right now. Finally, I feel free and I feel actual Joy and contentment.

Being an Alcoholic and an Addict is an asset to my life. Because without this disease I would not be the strong and hopeful woman I am today, It is so amazing to be able to say I am Proud of me.

Long post. Thanks for reading. If you or anyone you know are struggling with addiction and need some support or an ear. PLEASE do not hesitate to contact in my messages on here.

Thanks again for reading. KEEP COMING BACK IT WORKS IF YOU WORK IT AND IT SUCKS IF YOU DONT

ONE DAY AT A TIME

#sober #sobriety #drunk #alcohol #alcohlism #addict #life #alcoholics anonymous #onedayatatime #justfortoday #recovery #story #hope #sponsor #12steps #smart recovery

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jesstastic · 6 years

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I didn’t write any of this, just wanted to share it! THE BLOAT LIST (Here's the different types of bloat I tried over the years, and there result) STOMACH CAPACITY TRAINING: -Drink a large glass of water before, and after a big meal, it make each stuffing session much more intense -Eating a head of lettuce before a meal to expand the stomach: It's not very fun to eat, but it works very well! SPRITE AND BANANA Pretty good, resulting in a big solid belly. It creates a foam that doesn't go away instantly www.youtube.com/watch?v=kN9ife… Peoples doing Banana & Sprite are trying to drink a 2 liters bottle in one go, so of course, their little stomach reject it. Just try with a can and two bananas to begin, and work your way up each time. For this method, you can take it very slowly. COKE AND MENTOS: Use DIET COKE, it's more effective, youtu.be/iS2vG1o7Op4 , and don't put it in the fridge, it's easier to chug when it's not cold. Use ORIGINAL MENTOS (the fruit one doesn't work), or Excel/Eclipse Mints instead. They take MINUTES to disolve and keep releasing air! It's amazing! I use 710 ml, but if you have a large stomach capacity, you can try a 2 liters bottle -First, I put 2 mentos in my mouth. I quickly open the bottle and push the third of its content while I swallow as fast as I can. At this point, I'm inflated from the carbonation, and I can push my belly out and hear it sloshing around. The urge to burp is beginning -I wait a couple minutes, and do the same thing again. It produce a geyser in your mouth that you are trying to swallow immediately. (If the bottle was full, the pressure would make you spit everything out instantly) At this point, I'm full of air and the urge to burp is really strong. I lie down and wait for it to pass a minute, and let my stomach relax. -Finally, I put a last mentos in my mouth, and I chug the geyser until there's nothing left. At this point, I can't even push my belly out: the air is pushing to hard. Nothing is sloshing around: I'm maxed out. -Next: Now that my belly is stretched out, time for a big meal! If you could keep all the air in, your intestines will be full of gas, making a food inflation even more impressive. Note that I'm skinny and I see the effect immediately. If you have a layer of fat, the effect might be less visible. The key information here is to maximize the amount of air you swallow. I heard people says that they ingest several rolls of Mentos in a bloat, but you don't need that much. Just put one Mentos in your mouth and try to drink from a bottle of Coke which is not full (otherwise it will create a geyser). It will bubble up and you can swallow the foam quickly to ingest a massive amount of air. All that with just a single Mentos. Your stomach will get full rapidly. CAKE SHAKE: Blend a box of Betty Crocker Yellow Cake mix with a quart of milk, a little at a time so it doesn't cake up in the blender. (DON'T add eggs!) Drink that down. Then I drink two 8 oz. glasses of water as chaser, to stimulate the baking soda in the mix. (I'm a slim guy, so I used half a box and 750ml of milk) It's quite filling, leaving you big all day long: the reaction comes later (approx 10 hours). You will fart A LOT, as the chemical reaction happens. It kind of clog your system, while increasing your appetite and stomach capacity, so every meal will build up on top of that It wasn't painful at all, and quite delicious. As the day ended, I was fully bloated, 10 pounds heavier, with a belly stretch at my maximum (I couldn't even push my stomach out). It's really great, but it's not your typical 1 hour bloat. You have to be committed for an entire day, but it can be very, very effective (I can't even imagine doing the entire box). CHEMICAL REACTION: -Pop Rocks and Coke: One of my favorite. Tastes good and is not dangerous. It's great to hear the crackling noise in your stomach. I recommend. -Vanilla ice cream and root beer: like a root beer floater, it makes a lot of foam growing inside you. Really good and effective. -Swallowing whole Alka-Seltzer with water: It bloat you good, but it's an analgesic. Only do it when you have a headache. But it works. -Cook 4 packets of oatmeal, then chug 900mlof water: It expand in your stomach, but not very much -Baking Soda and Coke: It bloat you full of air quickly and strongly. It's a little disgusting and not very good for your system, but it works -Baking Soda and Vinegar: it create a violent foam expanding in your stomach, but it's disgusting (don't mix with Coke, trust me) FOOD/LIQUID: -Water Inflation (drinking): Heavy bloat, free, and you can reach your capacity quickly. Use it as a stomach stretcher before a big meal. -Seltzer water: the carbonation will inflate your stomach without the sugar and caffeine of Coke (HEALTHY!) -Diet Pepsi ans Chocolate Milk: A lot of calories, it really bloats you heavily for a long time. Drink the Pepsi, then chug the chocolate milk. -Ramen stuffing: it expand a little in the stomach, but not enough to be an inflation method. -Mashed potato powder: a guy on a forum said it works for him, it was disgusting and impossible to swallow -A tube of raw cookie dough: I never thought I would say this, but it's too sweet. Half a tube and I had more than enough. It doesn't expand that much -Drink half solid bowl of Jell-o: it works, and will have more chance to stay in your stomach, even in large volume -Uncooked Pancake mix: I've tried it, but I don't remember the results, I'll have to do it again -Half-cooked rice: Eating rice that is still a little crunchy will makes you extremely gassy for a whole day... Be careful! -Eat a big watermelon: A big hard bloat, cheap and good for you! BLOAT BY GAS: (that one differ from one person to another, but try it out first): -Fiber One Bars. Eat 4 bars or more, and you'll get a gigantic bloat and fart all day long! -Kombucha Tea (named "Rise" where I live). It's as fizzy as alcohol, can leave you seriously bloated if you drink a lot -Lentils, dry beans, chilli ENEMAS: -Water Inflation (enema): The best one to feel full to the max, but, a lot of trouble to setup up and you can't keep it in for long -Whipped Cream Enema: the compressed air from the air will inflate you up. You may need more than one can. Bloatedboy9 made a tutorial here youtu.be/wtOKP4XtuTs -Inflation with soda carbonation: great idea, you drill a hole in the cap of a coke bottle, use a tube that goes in your rear, and you just have to shake the bottle to produce carbonation that will inflate you. ChubbyInflator had the idea here: youtu.be/7KntaByRIgI AIR INFLATION -Painful afterward, and dangerous if you go too far. You can try it, but other bloats on this lists are much more pleasant. Each time I did it, it ruined my day with cramps and pain. I personally prefer more candid bloats that you can just burp and go back to your normal activities. BUT, if you like incredibly loud and long fart (which I don't really), it's the perfect way to inflate. The best is to use an aquarium pump (slow and steady flow) with the tube going in your butt, or pumps like a bicycle pump. Careful, you have to go slowly to prevent intestine rupture, and you absolutely have to stop if you begin to feel pain. Do at your own risk. SHOWER BLOAT: A thing I do often, while in the shower, I catch a small portion of the jet with my mouth, and I begin to swallow endlessly. The goal here is to swallow more air than water, to inflate your stomach to the maximum. At one point, I'm so full of air that my throat don't allow me to swallow anything more. (You could just drink water, but when you reach your maximum capacity with water only, you'll probably vomit. With this technique, you'll just have a gigantic belch, and then be OK. You could also just try to swallow air, but I find it hard to do without something in my mouth) I didn't try yet: -A gallon of milk -After a meal, take 1/4 cup of Metamucil, the fiber with bloat you -Yeast bloat, instructions on pyrotvfun profile page, or the instructions from pineapples123 I received on DeviantArt: "1.5 oz of yeast in a water bottle that i drank a little out of, plus some koolaid mix for flavor and some sugar to feed the yeast. leaving the warm laptop on my stomach makes it almost feels like its growing so quick. chugged about a liter of sweet tea afterwards to clean my throat, so I'm already feeling a bit full." (I wouldn't try it, it may be dangerous) -Water through nasogastric tube (that seems dangerous too) TIPS: -For a big liquid bloat, use those large straw for shake or slosh. You'll drink a large amount of liquid in no time! -To try once: buckle a belt tighty below your pec or in the middle of your stomach before a bloat, the inflation will be more intense, and your belly will push out even more! -How to suppress the need to burp after a bloat: Close your mouth and only breath through your nose. Wait a couple minutes, and your stomach will relax, expand and adapt to its fullness. It helps to make the best of coke and mentos bloats, where your stomach is full of air SUGGESTION? PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT! :-) If you want to encourage me for doing more morphs, you can donate will PayPal at [email protected]

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