#and also ive got a bad case of uhhhh. Depression | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

leathermouthfag · 5 years

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k this is a Lot but long story short im moving in a few days n also a fuck ton of other stuff is happening n i Tried 2 put this under a read more but it didnt work so like

long post n also its kinda heavy n yeah

im gettin my tongue pierced 2morrow n rooks gettin snakebites n im rly excited but my parents r both like 😬 abt it so i have 2 take the bus

im not at all packed n i have 4 days n i dont even have a guitar case

i need 2 talk 2 my roommate cos i Dont Kno Him

i was talkin w rook abt how i dont think my parents have both slept in their bed at the same time in Several months n id come 2 the conclusion that theyre gonna get divorced after ri moves out n they mentioned that my mum had talked 2 their mum Years ago abt how shes wanted a divorce for years so uhhhh Yeah im dealin w that n im so glad rook let me figure it out n then also Confirmed when i told them

n im worried abt my mum cos even tho shes rly rly emotionally manipulative n gaslights me n the rest of my family quite a bit n uses me as her main emotional support system which is fucked she has a super low income job n isnt part of a union cos she works at a private school so idk how financially dependent on my dad shell b once me n my sister r out

my sister is like super depressed n has been since elementary school n she doesn't have any close friends n i dont think shes even that close 2 her bandmates n apparently at 1 point in the schoolyear it was literally so bad that her friends went 2 the counsellor n she got called down n our parents got called in n she was full on suicidal n i only just found out abt it a month ago even tho my parents bitch abt my problems in front of ri all the time

i wanted 2 ask my parents abt our church n what it was like when we went cos my therapist thinks theres a good chance i do have some of trauma related 2 it but also theres also a decent chance i was just bored n the Only way of finding out is either Ask or Go Back n neither sounds appealing but i would like 2 go 2 a service n see what its like (i listened 2 a sermon from a guest priest/preacher/whatever presbyterians have on youtube once n it was p antisemitic) but i dont have time 2 do that

n my pyromania or whatever it is has been flarin up (haha fire pun) p bad lately cos ive been freakin out so much abt all of this n im rly startin 2 worry tbh. it rly only ever gets bad at night so as long as i keep my lighter away from where i sleep it should b fine

AND im super sad cos last night i slept over at rooks house 4 the last time b4 i move 6 fucking hours away n it was my last time hangin out w shelb n gashley n ak n like

theyre more my family than my parents n my big sis r. room n i call gash our son shelb is 1 of the best friends ive ever had n ive known ak almost as long as ive known rook n im not gonna see them again until i come 2 visit

im not ready 4 college n even tho im excited i kinda dont even Wanna go but its my best opportunity 2 get away from my parents n this town

#beans ramblings #do Not rb this pls n thanks #y is my family so fucked afjfsjahmdd #like #wtf

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starbitstudies-blog · 7 years

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92 questions

tagged by @stevenstudies thank you!!!

rules: answer these 92 questions and then tag 20 people!

last:

1. drink: water

2. phone call: uhh i don’t remember i don’t really call ppl aaa

3. text message: something about hating when people think a bad character = a bad person because that’s not the case!!! or that one bad action done by a character makes them horrible!!

4. song you listened to: well i’m currently listening to lollia’s cover of “cymatics” by techniken!

5. time you cried: i think two or three days ago!!

have you:

6. dated someone twice: nope!

7. kissed someone and regretted it: never kissed anyone so nope!

8. been cheated on: fortunately, with me having not dated anyone, that’s not possible. hopefully this answers stays ‘no’

9. lost someone special: our family dog died a while back... i mean also my father left a long time ago but tHAT’S HEAVY SO UHH

10. been depressed: yeah, since it’s likely i have depression

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nah

list three favorite colors:

12. PERIWINKLE!

13. pastel pink

14. cyan!!!

in the last year have you

15. made new friends: yeah!! a few tbh

16. fallen out of love: idk i don’t think i’ve been in love hahhaha,

17. laughed until you cried: TWO NIGHTS AGO

18. found out someone was talking about you: ye

19. met someone who changed you: people here (positively) and people at school... also people on other sites (both pos and neg)

20. found out who your friends are: yes i think?

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: whats facebook? (jk but no)

general:

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: i deleted my facebook sorry pals

23. do you know any pets: we have so many u dont even know

24. do you want to change your name: PLEASE can i change it to zia?

25. what did you do for your last birthday: i played video games, helped babysit my nephew for a few hrs, then ate chinese

26. what time did you wake up: technically like 7 but i got out of bed at 8

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: i think on tumblr

28. name something you cant wait for: MY OWN LAPTOP TBH

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: right now

30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: PRACTICE ART MORE AS A KID!!! UR NOT GONNA WANNA BE A WRITER WHEN UR OLD ZIA NO FOCUS ON ART

31. what are you listening to right now: all we know (chainsmokers) this is after the last music post bc time has passed rip

32. have you ever talked to a person named Tom: my ex-best friend’s dad! (we’re still friends but not close anymore, because we don’t live close to each other anymore)

33. something that is getting on your nerves: myself

34. most visited websites: tumblr, twitter or insta probably. maybe even yesstyle because GOSH i love clothes more than i ever knew

more random info:

35. mole/s: face moles that’s all i know of

36. mark/s: idk dood

37. childhood dream: i once dream i was at like a disco thing and then there was water and i was DROWNING my dreams were and are weird.

38. hair color: black! (but i wanna go for blue-black or black w blue on the bottom and tips really soon!!)

39. long or short hair: LOOKS SHORT (bc super tight curls) but it’s really medium length

40. do you have a crush on someone: i mean kinda but its like a ‘admiration’ crush bc i don’t know them at all so i’m disregarding it.

41. what do you like about yourself: sometimes my eyes look ok uh

42. piercings: just ears!

43. blood type: idk dood

44. nickname: bob the builder can he fix it yes!!! he!!! can!!!

45. relationship status: single and too focused on college apps to want to mingle.

46. zodiac: aquarius

47. pronouns: ANYYY but most refer to me by she/her by default so!!

48. favorite tv show: rwby!! but i love a good spongebob for giggles

49. tattoos: ehhh .... not unless its hidden good im too worried about jobs

50. right or left hand: right (trying to learn to write w my left hand as well)

51. surgery: never have, maybe someday i will, who knows

52. dyed hair: a few times, purple streaks, purple on the bottom and tips, a few times black.

53. sport: i used to play volleyball but uhh bye

54. subtitles or dubbed version: when it comes to anime either way!! i’ve never rlly watched anything else w subs i dont think

55. vacation: nothing nada

56. toenail color: plain plain plain

more general:

57. eating: i had some harvest snaps and non dairy ice cream thank u ben and jerrys

58. drinking: water

59. im about to: think about my life

60. ive been putting off: my entire life

61. waiting for: SCHOOL i miss the routine and i hate this anticipation stop it summer stop i

62. want: more stationery and CLOTHES FROM YESSTYLE OR H&M OR SHEIN

63. get married: maaaybe???

64. career: VIDEO GAME ARTIST PLEASE or animator

65. hugs or kisses: hugs?

66. lips or eyes: eyes

67. shorter or taller: uhhh

68. older or younger: UHHHH

69. can you wiggle your ears without touching them: no im a weenie loser

70. nice arms or nice stomach: ARMS ARMS ARMS A

71. sensitive or loud: depending on the situation..

72. hookup or relationship: relationship!

73. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

74. kissed a stranger: nah

75. drank hard liquor: whats a hard liquoryall

76. lost glasses: yes im HORRIBLE ive also broke them mmm boi some spicy troublemakin

77. turned someone down: ONCE AND IM STILL SHOOK I FEEL SO BAD PLEASE DONT EVER DO THIS TO ME AGAIN @ GOD !!!

78. sex on the first date: oh no sirree

79. broken someones heart: i mean KINDA?? idk

80. had your heart broken: proBABLY IDK

81. been arrested: nope

82. cried when someone died: yes

83. fallen for a friend: HJFKSHFKJDHSKFHDSKJF

do you believe in:

84. yourself: NOT ENOUGH

85. miracles: YE

86. love at first sight: NOT RLLY LOVE but like a crush yes???

87. santa claus: I DONT THINK I EVER HAVE

88. kiss on the first date: mmmmaybe if u know them

89. faeries: MMAYB

other:

90. current best friend name: KHALO AND BRANDON AND VAAN!!!

91. eye color: dark brown but they look like the void yo

92. favorite movie: MOANA ATM!!!!!

ANYBODY I TAG U ALL AND DON’T FORGET TO TAG ME I WANNA KNOW U GUYS!!!

#zia.doc #tagged

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