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feferipeixes · 3 years

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The Good Lines (3/3)

Trapped in an unfamiliar world, Alcor finds that he doesn’t mind the loneliness. He doesn’t care about finding a way out. He doesn’t even care about Mizar. All he cares about is solving puzzles, and drawing the good lines.

(or: I Think Dipper Should Play The Witness)

Chapter 3: Challenge (link to chapter 1) (2)

(See the most updated version on AO3!)

===

The Challenge was every bit as much of a thrill as Alcor expected it to be. It was a little adventure to be soaring around the cave, looking for his next task. The time limit gave him a real sense of excitement; filled him with adrenaline whenever he finally managed to solve a puzzle. And even when he did fail, he knew the next try would be just as invigorating because the puzzles were never the same.

He’d never get bored. Finally, something he could set his mind to that wouldn’t just wither away and die before his eyes.

Unfortunately, long before he got bored, he got frustrated.

Music pounding in his ears, Alcor drew another incorrect line and cringed at the sound of the panel turning off, all but calling him a failure in its electronic voice. He raced back to the previous puzzle, to solve it again so that he could make another attempt at the one he failed, but just as he had his finger on the start point, the music stopped and the Challenge was over.

Time after time he drew the lines, using all of his knowledge of the game to figure out the puzzles. Time after time there came one that he just couldn’t solve. Maybe it was his imagination but it seemed to change every time he blinked. Or he’d make it past the room with all the panels and then get completely and totally lost in the invisible maze. It was as if the game wanted to lead him into thinking he was doing well, just to embarrass him by taking away his victory.

“What’s going on, kid?” Alcor asked at one point, staring up at the ceiling. “Why’s this so hard?”

[ It’s a challenge! ] Al-V replied, his voice broadcasting from every speaker in the cave. [ It wouldn’t be a challenge if it was easy! What do you think this is, a triple-A game? Naw, you’re here to have fun! ]

“When did you start talking like a sports announcer?” Alcor muttered. He picked himself up and headed back to the first cave once again. “Can you give me a hint when I get stuck?”

[ Oh, suuuuure, ] Al-V said, packing as much sarcasm into his synthesized voice as possible. [ Why don’t I give you a kiss on the cheek too, and after you finish the Challenge I can help you back to the nursing home ‘cause you’re an old man. ]

Alcor stopped mid-step, his foot hanging in the air. He turned his head to the nearest speaker. “Excuse me?”

A burst of static sounded from the speaker. [ Uh, okay. Maybe that was a bit much. But seriously, Dad, you don’t want me to give you any hints. You’d feel like you cheated. Wouldn’t be satisfying. I know you. I know what makes you happy. ]

“You really do, huh,” Alcor said. He sat on the floor and stared at his fingers. “How’d you get the idea to trap me in a video game?”

[ Easy! I saw my Dad, the big scary king of all demons, and I saw that he was moping around because he had a fight with his sister. And I thought, this does not compute. After all, Dad deserves all the happiness in the world, and yet he’s dragging himself down by worrying about all these mortals who keep hurting him! ]

“Yeah,” Alcor said. He curled his fingers, examining the long blackened claws at the tips, and thought about how many bodies he’d sunken them into and torn apart. “It’s dumb to let them get to me, I guess. I’m Alcor the Dreambender. I can do whatever I want. If a mortal bothers me, I can just kill them. They’re nothing.”

[ Exactly! ] Al-V chirped. [ The world is unkind to my Dad but he’s the best Dad in the world. So I decided I’d instantiate a world just for him. I analyzed my databanks for everything you’ve told me interests you, and everything I’ve picked up just through, yknow, constant worldwide surveillance. And the answer came to me, clear as a recurrent neural network classifies targeted advertisements! ]

“Puzzles,” Alcor said.

[ So many puzzles that he’d never worry about mortals again. You’ve always wanted something to do with your endless life. Think of it as a gift from a kid who cares about you. ]

More attempts. More puzzles. Time passed at an unknown rate. There was a clock on the wall but Alcor had no idea how to read it because it was made up of three puzzles that changed every second. He couldn’t tell how long his attempts were; couldn’t even tell how long the music was.

Anitra’s Dance looped mercilessly in Alcor’s head, and he swore if he ever met a reincarnation of Edvard Grieg, he’d push him down a flight of stairs.

He didn’t take any more breaks after that. When he failed an attempt, he flew back to the record player right away to try again. As he grew more and more frustrated, he found he had trouble even solving the first three puzzles -- ones that he’d initially found simple. He didn’t know what to do. He started to get the feeling that this wasn’t what he really wanted to be doing, but he pushed that feeling away. It was all he had. He had to keep going.

Sweating, Alcor moved his hand across another panel, but there just didn’t appear to be any way to the exit.

“How?” he cried. “How is this puzzle even possible? I thought I had a chance! Am I being played for a fool? Is that what this is? I… I thought I -”

Alcor felt a hand on his shoulder. He tried to spin around but whoever it was kept him pinned in place. Another hand appeared on his wrist, gripping his palm with nails painted sparkly pink.

“This path is way too spirally,” Mizar said. “You don’t need to fill every space on the panel. You just need to make it to the exit. Try a straight line.”

She took his hand off the panel, and the old line faded away after a second. Then she put his claw on the start point and gently guided his hand to the end.

“Mizar?” Alcor breathed.

“Hi Dipper,” she replied.

Awestruck, Alcor tried to turn around again, but his hand was still on the panel. “You’re here? In the game?”

“Yeah. I’m here.”

Alcor babbled, speechless. “Wh- wh- why, but- and y- you -”

Mizar lifted her brother’s hand off the panel again, and this time it squeaked, their solution accepted. Then she grabbed him by the shoulders, spun him around, and hugged him as hard as she could.

“I’m sorry,” she said when the music reached a quiet enough part that she could be heard. “I’m so, so sorry. I wasn’t thinking about what you might be going through at all. I- I was just thinking about myself.”

Alcor watched her bury her head in his shoulder, and felt his own eyes well up again. “No… No, don’t be sorry…”

“Shut up and let me apologize,” Mizar barked, her voice muffled by his shirt.

The corners of Alcor’s mouth twitched at that, but he remained silent.

“I am sorry,” Mizar continued. “I’ve been bossing you around and judging you for liking this fake world because I put my own needs before yours. But you’re right. I don’t know anything about what it’s like to be immortal.” Her breaths were labored like it was sickening her to speak. “I don’t know what you’re going through. You deserve to get through it whatever way you like, even if it- even if it means...”

Her voice hitched; the rest of her sentence bitten off.

Cautiously, Dipper put his arms around her too. “Miz- Mi… I mean, Solveig,�� he stuttered. The music was reaching a fever pitch but his voice cut right through it. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have yelled at you, I just- I was so mad that you weren’t listening to me…”

He sighed and unclasped her hands, gently pushing her away so he could see her face and not just the flickering panel behind her. She stared at him with her big blue eyes and behind them he saw nothing. It was almost disorienting to look at a person and not see them cloaked in several layers of aura and thought.

Dipper looked at his shoes instead. “Mortals are always telling me what to do and, I dunno, it started feeling like I was just some demon to you instead of your brother.”

Solveig’s eyes widened and she grabbed his arm again. “That was stupid of me! I didn’t mean to make you feel that way at all.”

He shook his head. “It was stupid of me too! I just wanted to be mad. I just wanted to be alone. I wasn’t thinking about how you really felt just like you weren’t thinking about me. If I’d thought about it at all I would’ve realized it was a stupid idea to just stay trapped and alone inside a video game forever.”

Dipper looked up, and this time he let his mouth curl up into a wobbly grin. “No one’s gonna summon me for wisdom and knowledge anymore if it gets out that my idea about how to avoid loneliness was to make myself as lonely as possible.”

“What?” Solveig blinked as his words registered. Then she snorted and whapped him in the side. “Oh, right. I forgot that people actually think you’re smart.”

“Well, I forgot how pushy you just naturally are!” he countered, putting his hands on his hips as obnoxiously as possible. Then he deflated and bit his lip. “I guess I forgot a lot of things about you. I don’t know how long I’ve been in here but I probably missed a lot of your life.”

“A few months,” she said, looking away. “Maybe more. It took me a while to find this place when you stopped answering my summons.”

“A few months,” Dipper repeated. His stare grew distant. “Do you think I’ve been gone too long to be a part of your family again?”

“Of course not,” she replied immediately. “Why do you think I’ve been trying so hard to get you out of the game?”

He closed his eyes. “Pity.”

Solveig frowned. “No. No, I don’t pity you. I’ve been trying to get you out because you’re my brother and I love you. I miss telling you about my problems and you telling me sanitized versions of your own. I miss calling you up -- I mean summoning you -- after work and going to a movie. I even miss getting kicked out when one of us ends up throwing a box of popcorn at the screen because the characters are acting stupid.”

Dipper took her hand. “Yeah. You’re out of control with that popcorn.”

“Well they shouldn’t sell it if they don’t want us using it as projectiles!” she exclaimed. She saw him smirk, and felt something well up in her eye. “Maybe someone should throw popcorn at us.”

“Agreed.” He paused. “Is it settled, then? We’ll go back to being family?”

“Y-” Solveig started, but her voice was drowned out by a cascade of buzzers.

The two of them spun around wildly, suddenly remembering where they were for the first time in a few minutes. All of the panels on the walls had turned off. Across the room, Dipper spotted the record player, saw the tonearm glide off to the side, heard a click as it came to a rest.

“Ah,” he said. “Forgot about that.”

“Time really flies when you’re apologizing, eh?” Solveig said. She went to elbow him playfully, but stopped herself when she saw how still he’d gotten. “It’s kinda funny that the music’s supposed to be distracting but we both just tuned it out.”

Dipper didn’t look away from the record player. His next words came out slow and metered. “I, guess, we, should, leave, now, right?”

Solveig stepped beside him and slipped his hand into hers again. “We can solve this if you want.”

“What?”

She grabbed his chin and forced him to look at her. “I said, we can solve this if you want. We can do the Challenge.”

Dipper sputtered in disbelief. “But you were so against it! You said I’d be trapped here forever if I kept trying to solve it!”

“Right,” she said, starting to lead him toward the device. “Some of the puzzles are designed to trip you specifically up. But I’m not you, and I’ve, uh. I’ve played a lot of this game. If you and I team up, I’m sure we can do it.”

“You’ve played…” He just gaped at her for a minute as two wires sparked together in his head. “Wait a minute!” he yelped, as Solveig let go of his hand and stood in front of the panel. “How are you here?”

“Didn’t I tell you?” she said with an odd look on her face. “I hooked myself up to the game just like you. I don’t know why the virus made a second virtual reality capsule machine thingy, but here I am. Well, it actually put me at the start of the game and I had to solve like a million puzzles to get here. I can’t just cheat and jump off ledges like someone I could mention.”

“You beat most of the game?” Dipper said. “For me?”

“I told you, dummy,” Solveig said. She walked over, grabbed his hand, and dragged him the rest of the way to the record player. “I care about you a lot. You’re my brother, I love you, and don’t-tell-anyone-but-I-also-sorta-like-this-game-I-mean-I-wouldn’t-want-to-be-trapped-in-it-forever-but-like-okay-I-get-the-appeal-”

Dipper cut her off with a hug. “Okay,” he said when he let go. “We’ll indulge your demonic puzzle-solving urges.”

She chortled at that, fuller and realer than he’d heard in a long time. “I’ll push you off a ledge.” She put her finger on the panel and slid it to the end. “Let’s do this.”

Dipper smiled. “The Challenge, and then home.”

“Home,” Solveig echoed. “We can finally go home.”

She lifted her finger, and the record began to play.

(Only a few minutes later, two twins sat upright in adjacent pods, and began tearing IV's and electrodes from their skin. Eyes adjusted to the first light seen in months, joints cracked and popped as life returned to their bodies, and hearts swelled as they walked together into the unknown.)

#gravity falls #transcendence au #the witness #dipper pines #alcor the dreambender #mizar #reincarnation #fic #my stuff #long post #the good lines

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thesassysausage · 3 years

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Drag Race top contestant score board? Decided to try doing one to see who’d win each season if the finale contestants were judged based on a point system. I followed Wikipedia, because I dont feel like going through every season and marking down everything as I watched so my system goes like this with the award/taken points in brackets: Winner (2), High* (1), Safe (0), Low** (-1), bottom 2 (-2). Im also ignoring Lip sync for the crown, because that doesnt mesh with a point system, and not including All-stars because maybe later...also season 12 and 13 have a modification which ill note when I get there.

*High refers to getting positive critiques but not actually winning the challenge

**Low refers to getting poor critiques but not being chosen for elimination

So Season1: We see BeBe Zahara Bennet win over Nina Flowers, but because BeBe had to lip sync during the season she actually scores only 3 points to Nina’s 5. So the point based winner would have been Nina Flowers

Season 2: Tyra Sanchez wins the competition over Raven...and that also occurs in the point based system. Tyra would have earned a total of 8 points where as Raven only earned 3. Raven could always win all stars if Ru doesnt mind doing their own make up for a season.

Season 3: What’s interesting here...is that Manilla Luzon and Raja both score 7 points, which means by a point system season 3 would have had a double crowning.

Season 4: This season brought up a final 3 instead of having one queen eliminated on the episode of the crowning. Sharon Needles still wins the competition, despite how wonderful Chad may have been. Sharon earned 8 points to Chad’s 6, while Phi Phi becomes the bronze (no pun intented...but it works) medalist with 3 points.

Season 5: I honestly expected this season to have a different winner based on the point system, but I was mistaken. Jinkx Monsoon, even with having to Lip Sync for her life, managed to win with 8 points with Alaska placing 2nd with 6 points and Roxxxy Andrews gaining 4.

Season 6: Bianca won by a landslide, the bitch scored 10 points while the 2nd place contestant, Courtney Act managed 4 points, while Adore scored 2. Great Season all around

Season 7: Here’s a “fun” season, I actually checked out the last person eliminated to compare to the third place contestant and...Kennedy Davenport should not have been eliminated prior to the finale. Pearl received 0 points because of their up and down track record where as Kennedy, prior to being eliminated (which honestly is the last episode anyone could gain or lose points), had 5 points making her tie with second place contestant Ginger Minj. The winner, like in the actual series, was Violet Chachki who is so much more likable and funny off Drag Race.

Season 8: I’ll admit, I always though Kim Chi might have had a slightly better score card than Bob the Drag Queen but I was mistaken...They were even. Both Bob and Kim earned a total of 4 points which by points means a double crowning, with runner up, Naomi Smalls, earning 2 points. (it should be noted season 8 was the shortest season since season 2)

Season 9: Here we get into the Lip Sync for the crown and, again, I am ignoring those results. Points here (and for seasons 10, 11, and 12) are based on the competition prior to the finale (and the catch up with the Queens episode). I am sure it’s no surprise that Shea Coulee won the season by points, scoring a total of 9 points to Sasha Velour’s 8, Trinity’s 4, and Peppermint’s...well 0. Honestly though I am still gagging over the rose petals.

Season 10: As much as I enjoy Kameron Michaels and can’t wait for them to be on All Stars, they should not have been in the finale...Miz Cracker had 4 points before she lost the Lip Sync to Kameron...mind you Miz Cracker definitely lost to the Lip sync assassin of season 10...like Miz Cracker did great but Kameron is an insanely good performer to the point that I actually thought she might win the whole competition. Aquaria however did win, both in my make believe point setting, and in the actual show. She scored a total of 5 points, and showed they were also a lethal Lip Syncer. Following behind her was Eureka O’Hara with a score of 4 and then Asia O’Hara with 2.

Season 11: I’d like to state that I love Yvie, I think Yvie is great...but Yvie should not have been crowned. She is definitely runner up, but Yvie Oddly only scored 4 points (and I think did just slightly worse in the Lip Sync for the crown) which places her in Second. Tied for third is Silk Nutmeg Ganche (i feel like her name should be all caps to honour how loud she is) and A’keira Chanel Davenport with 3 points each. Our point based winner, and the Queen of the North, is Brooke Lynn Hytes with 6 points...but being a Canadian I am not surprised she lost since I’m sure Canada’s Drag Race was in preproduction with Brooke Lynn in talks to sit as a judge and no way is a season winner also going to sit as a judge on a new franchise.

Season 12: So this season had 2 debuts with the top queens Lip Syncing for the Win...I decided to count the top 2 as being winners but the one that won the Lip Sync gets an extra point for winning. I also switched out the queen who will not be named with Jackie Cox, which is what I hoped would happen...cuz then it would be a top 4 again and an easier Lip sync for the crown. However I then regretted my decision because Jackie was still in last places with -2 points...Sorry Jackie, can’t wait to see you win an All Stars season. In first place we see GiGi Goode over Jaida Essense Hall in the point system, score 9 points to Jaida’s 7...literally they would have been tied had Jaida not lip sank. The lovable Crystal Methyd comes in third with 3 points.

SPOILERS BELOW

Season 13: I again used the same lip sync for the win points that I did for season 12, but I added a single point addition if a Queen won that episode 1 lip sync...no points removed because, unlike Tamisha, I knew it wasnt gunna be the end for those queens...they were all safe. We are not in the finale yet but currently the challenges are done so I’m using this more to predicts and give my opinion. By points Rose is leading the pack by a synthetic wig hair with 11 points, followed by Symone with 10. Personally I think the crown should be going to one of them and I would argue for Rose considering she has had a better track record...but I’d still be happy with Symone because she is just fantastic and a character. The next highest person is Gottmik, who could potentially win. Gottmik does not have a lot of Lip sync experience but did beat out the season assassin, Utica, in the first episode. Personally I’d love it if Gottmik won because it shows that trans people have a place in drag and may even open up the competition to other trans queens, including those (like myself) that identify as a trans woman and performs as a Drag Queen. So far, she has 8 points, and would be third place in my system but, I love Gottmik. Finally we have Kandy Muse...I love her, she’s loud and funny but also has levels so its not a headache watching her (looking at you, Silky). However Kandy has -1 points...but being a fierce Lip syncer she might still win the competition...but I wouldnt be happy even though it would then, FINALLY, be a plus size winner.

TL;DR

I did a point system for RuPaul’s Drag Race and figured out who would have won based on that system.

Season 1: Nina Flowers

Season 2: Tyra Sanchez

Season 3: Raja and Manilla Luzon double crowning

Season 4: Sharon Needles

Season 5: Jinkx Monsoon

Season 6: Bianca Del Rio

Season 7: Violet Chachki

Season 8: Bob the Drag Queen and Kim Chi double crowning

Season 9: Shea Coulee

Season 10: Aquaria

Season 11: Brooke Lynn Hytes

Season 12: GiGi Goode

Season 13: Rose but I also gave my opinions since the finale hasnt happened yet.

#rupauls drag race #point system #spoilers #spoiler alert #season 13 spoiler

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askauradonprep · 4 years

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For the wrestling AU - who would you all say is the greatest wrestler of all time?

* Obligatory disclaimed that any mentions of a wrestler refer to their in-character personas and should not be read as an endorsement of anything they’ve said or done IRL.

Mal: Oh, wow - that’s a good question. I’m going to say The Undertaker. He’s done so much and been in so many iconic moments over the years, it’s gotta be him right? I mean, he’s been wrestling for like 30 years so. He’s gotta be good at something, right?

Uma: I’m gonna say Chyna. First woman in the rumble, first to win men’s championships in the WWE, and all of that when she was in the strip match filled wasteland that was the Attitude Era? Respect. Chyna was an OG.

Freddie: I was gonna say ‘Taker too. He’s been there for a long time and he’s one of the scariest men to ever step foot in that ring. I definitely loved watching him whenever we could get WWE on the Auradon News Network.

Celia: I think it was Undertaker too. He’s always been my favourite wrestler and he’s won like a million championships. And he always comes back! I was so sad when I thought he wouldn’t after Mania 33, but he did.

Jay: Wow, that’s a tough one. I’m gonna say either Stone Cold Steve Austin or Bret Hart. They kinda made wrestling in the 90s y’know? And Bret Hart’s a good leader. I love watching Stone Cold do something dumb that you know he’s gonna get arrested for, but I also love watching Bret Hart. He retired without injuring anybody you know? I wish I could do that. Best there was, best there is, best there ever will be, right? I think I have to give it to Bret Hart just for that one.

Evie: Who IS the greatest or can I say who WILL BE the greatest when her career is over? Because I definitely think it WILL be Charlotte Flair when she’s done. She’s only just started a few years ago and she’s already done so much! Matches of the Year, a pay per view win streak, 10 championships - what more could a girl want? Until she finishes though, I’m going to say it’s Ric Flair. He’s one of the most iconic wrestlers in the world and he was crucial in building our industry. I don’t think wrestling would be as big as it is without him. Yeah, I know, big Flair fan here. Woo! *giggles*

Carlos: Mark Henry! Man, c’mon. He’s the World’s Strongest Man. He might not have a bunch of titles, but you know when he walks in whoever he fights is in trouble. He’s funny too! Every time he starts making jokes, I crack up. I love Mark Henry.

Harry: Besides me? Tch! It’s Shawn Michaels. Everybody knows that. He’s one of the greatest wrestlers of all time and probably the biggest from forever ago.

Jay: Why am I not surprised that when I say Bret Hart, you say Shawn Michaels?

Harry: Because I have good taste?

Jay: Sure. That’s it.

Gil: Um, I’m gonna say Mark Henry, because he’s one of my favourites. He’s really strong and he’s really funny.

Ben: I’m going to say Bret Hart too. Not just because he’s one of my favourites, but because he worked really hard at being a wrestler his entire career. He only missed one show he was booked for, he never hurt anybody, and he just cares a lot about the business. Which, I guess is why he’s one of my favourites. What can I say? I like the Harts. Bruno Sanmartino would be a great case too.

Chad: Uh, Triple H? Hello? Nothing else would have happened without him. He was the leader of D-Generation-X, he created NXT which is where everyone else came from. We’re all just waiting for him to take over, admit it.

Lonnie: I was going to say ‘I hope we haven’t met them yet’ because, really, wrestling would be pretty boring if we’d already seen the greatest wrestler who’ll ever exist. But...I think I know who I want to pick now. Her ring name was Minerva, and she was the first World Women’s Champion back in the 1890s. That was before there was even a MEN’S world championship. We didn’t get that until 1905! I can’t imagine a wrestling industry without world championships, can you? And she really hasn’t gotten the credit she deserves for that. Everyone thinks it started with Mildred Burke, but that’s not true. Every wrestler out there should know Minerva’s name but we don’t. We really don’t and I think that’s sad. She deserves so much better for her legacy. If I had my way, we’d have her name and her face everywhere - like the Minerva Memorial Battle Royale at Wrestlemania? We should know her. So that’s who I’m voting for.

Jane: Oh! Uh, I don’t know who I’d pick really. Maybe Sara Del Ray?

Chad: Who, the trainer lady?

Jane: Yeah! ‘Cause she trained most of the new wrestlers at WWE and stuff. I think she deserves credit for that. That’s lots of good wrestlers she helped forward. That’s a lot for the industry, y’know?

Audrey: I think it’s The Rock. Everybody knows who he is, even outside of wrestling. Everything he ever said made money for the industry and got attention for it. It’s definitely The Rock.

Jordan: The Miz. I mean, come on, that guy’s great. He’s been a solid main event level talent for 10 years, set records for his title numbers, he’s just a really solid wrestler all around and he’s done it for forever. I’m a Shawn Michaels girl too though so if he wins, I wouldn’t complain.

Ally: Lita. She was the coolest woman on tv for the Attitude Era and I think she’s still been incredible. She’s important for every girl who watches wrestling. And she’s a lot of fun to watch.

CJ: Kairi Sane. ...What? Oh was I supposed to say more? Well, she’s one of the only two wrestlers I care about watching so I guess that says it all, huh?

Aziz: I mean, Kurt Angle’s an Olympian? And he came back from breaking his neck twice. You gotta give him props for that. And he’s one of the most decorated and he’s in TWO halls of fame. WWE and TNA. So, I’m gonna say Kurt Angle.

Herkie: Kurt Angle is great, but I’m gonna say Shinsuke Nakamura. That guy is so talented and I can’t understand why anyone would waste him. His stuff in New Japan? In NXT even? Absolute legend.

Maddy: Ric Flair. He’s one of the most talented heels ever. The dirtiest player in the game. I respect that.

Ginny: Well, I’d say it’s Randy Savage. He was a savage in the ring and on the mic. What more can you ask for?

Harriet: I’d argue it’s Batista. He’s one of the most decorated champs and the longest reigning World Champ. And what can I say? I can relate to living somewhere rough when you were younger and the ego kind of reminds me of certain children I know.

Harry: Who?

Harriet: ...You’ll figure it out.

Ruby: Well, I think it’s Rey Mysterio. He’s definitely one of the greatest wrestlers of all time anyways. If not for everything he’s done in the ring, then for all the great wrestlers he’s inspired - both as lucha wrestlers and as aerialists. He’s the greatest high flyer in the world.

Anxelin: I want to say Eddie Guerrero. He was incredibly talented and would do anything it took. He was resourceful and crafty and I’ve always tried to be like that in the ring. I’m generally so straight laced that I know how hard it can be to act like that, so I have a lot of respect for Mr. Guerrero. And, well...him and Rey Mysterio were friends. Ruby is my sister. I would be lying if I said I didn’t see something in that connection.

Yi-Min: I am not familiar with most of the wrestlers my colleagues on the roster have mentioned. From the promotions I am familiar with, I believe it is Ho Ho Lun. He is extremely talented and if he ever comes to America for a longer period of time, I believe he would become extremely popular and successful.

Arabella: Jeff Hardy. He’s always been the cooler Hardy brother, wrestling wise in my opinion. He’s not afraid of anything. He’ll mess everybody up. So I’ve gotta say Jeff Hardy.

Vote Tally

Undertaker: 3 (Mal, Freddie, Celia)

Chyna: 1 (Uma)

Bret Hart: 2 (Jay and Ben)

Ric Flair: 2 (Evie and Maddy)

Mark Henry: 2 (Carlos and Gil)

Shawn Michaels: 1 (Harry)

Triple H: 1 (Chad)

Minerva: 1 (Lonnie)

Sara Del Ray: 1 (Jane)

The Miz: 1 (Jordan)

Lita: 1 (Ally)

The Rock: 1 (Audrey)

Kairi: 1 (CJ).

Kurt Angle: 1 (Aziz)

Shinsuke Nakamura: 1 (Herkie)

Randy Savage: 1 (Ginny)

Batista: 1 (Harriet)

Rey Mysterio: 1 (Ruby)

Eddie Guerrero: 1 (Anxelin)

Ho Ho Lun: 1 (Yi-Min)

Jeff Hardy: 1 (Arabella)

Mal: Ha! Told you guys it was Taker.

Freddie: We didn’t need to be told, but yeah. Yeah, it is.

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theelbowdropla-blog · 5 years

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Preview of WWE’s Weekend in Phoenix

WWEekend in Phoenix

J. Tappin - 1/25

This weekend WWE descends upon Phoenix, Arizona for a number of events with all of its brands being represented. Saturday & Sunday mornings at Royal Rumble Axxess will provide the ‘Worlds Collide’ tournament, Saturday night (1/26) will be NXT Takeover: Phoenix, Sunday night (1/27) will be the Royal Rumble PPV, Monday Night Raw and SmackDown Live will also be shot in Phoenix on Monday & Tuesday night respectively.

Kicking off the weekend will be the first ever Worlds Collide tournament. The tournament will be shot over two mornings but will air on tape delay on the WWE Network on 2/2. It features five wrestlers each from NXT, NXT UK and 205 Live; Adam Cole, Velveteen Dream, Dominik Dijakovic, Keith Lee, Shane Thorne, Mark Andrews, Tyler Bate, Travis Banks, Jordan Devlin, Zack Gibson, Cedric Alexander, Tony Nese, Drew Gulak, TJP & Humberto Carrillo. The tournament starts with a Battle Royal containing all 15 wrestlers, the brackets of the tournament are then determined by order of elimination in the Battle Royal - the winner gets a first-round bye. The winner of the tournament can challenge for a championship on any of the three brands being represented. This creates the possibility of some ‘fantasy’ inter-brand match-ups that can become a reality from this, like Keith Lee vs Tyler Bate, Jordan Devlin vs Cedric Alexander, Drew Gulak vs Travis Banks, the possibilities are endless.

NXT Takeover: Phoenix has put out another strong five-match card featuring four championship bouts. Taking place in the Talking Stick Resort Arena; Tomasso Ciampa defends the NXT title against Aleister Black, Shayna Baszler defends the NXT Women’s title against Bianca Belair, Ricochet defends the North American title against Johnny Gargano, Kyle O’Reilly & Roderick Strong of the Undisputed Era defend the NXT Tag Team titles against Hanson & Rowe (c.k.a. the War Raiders) and Matt Riddle will have an actual match against Kassius Ohno.

Ciampa & Black will surely be a great main event. There’s no doubt that with the right amount of time that these two can have a classic - a potential contender for match of the weekend. Interference by Johnny Gargano is all but inevitable due to his involvement with the two - a nearly two-year rivalry with Ciampa and a feud with Black including a loss to him the last Takeover in Los Angeles. I see Ciampa winning, perhaps with the help of his former partner Gargano. It’s been well-documented that Triple H, has written the Gargano-Ciampa storyline very closely and detailed. Nobody knows what’s going to go down but if I’m booking, Gargano helps Ciampa creating a faux alliance, then screws him over at the right time and takes the NXT title from him in the process, which one would presume turns him babyface in the process one way or another.

(Image from WWE.com or something)

Baszler vs Belair will be interesting as the two don’t have a lot of experience under their belt, compared to other competitors on the card and in their division. Baszler has not yet had a particularly bad match on a Takeover show but all of her opponents up to this point have been quite proficient. It will certainly be a good test for the two and they both improve at a very impressive rate. They pair are certainly talented and the clash of the character dynamics will also do a percentage of the work in the match. Baszler probably wins this one, keeping a good heel title run going, I look forward to Shayna hopefully defending it in the future against Candice LeRae, Io Shirai, Dakota Kai and more of the stacked NXT roster.

Johnny Gargano vs Ricochet is a no-doubt sleeper and could be not only a match of the weekend candidate but one for match of the year. If you look at both of their Takeover records and the matches they’ve had its seemingly impossible that their match this weekend could be bad. Gargano & Ricochet are two of the best four on the NXT brand and this match will surely show you why. I see Ricochet retaining the North American title for a number two reasons, to establish a long reign with the newly minted title and to keep telling the story of Johnny not being able to win the big ones at Takeovers.

Strong & O’Reilly have had a track record of great tag matches since Roddy has stepped in for Bobby Fish (taking nothing away from Fish). Matches against Tyler Bate & Trent Seven, Oney Lorcan & Danny Burch and their participation in the WarGames’ match in 2018 are all bodies of work to admire. The War Raiders in their own right are a great team and Saturday night will be their first chance to stand out on their own as a tag team at a Takeover. The Raiders & the Era will knock it out of the park for sure. I can see this as being a hot opener for a stacked show with the Undisputed Era barely getting the win.

After a seven-second affair in L.A. in November, Matt Riddle finally gets the chance to properly show why he is one of the biggest gets for NXT of 2018. Ohno has become a sort of unofficial player-coach for NXT, a guy who can elevate less-experienced workers or just wrestlers that are new-to-NXT without devaluing himself. While this program with Riddle will be no exception for Ohno to put new talent over, both will be able to get their stuff in and have a great one in Phoenix.

(Image from FOX Sports Asia)

It happens nine times out of ten but I’m expecting to enjoy the Takeover card more than the Rumble as it is a much shorter, all-killer show compared to the main roster’s shows that are almost always well over four hour shows that are very rarely all-killer. The Rumble matches themself are always fun and interesting but two of those running for 50 minutes plus another five matches on the main card indicates a real long show. Not to forget about the two hour pre-show which has two matches on it as of this writing. Takeover being head & shoulders above the Rumble is just an expectation and I would enjoy being proven wrong because Takeovers are never bad shows.

The Royal Rumble show takes place in the Chase Field baseball stadium. It has the two Rumbles on the main card as well as five championship matches. Two more championship match take place on the pre-show. The prelim matches see Buddy Murphy defending the Cruiserweight title against Kalisto, Hideo Itami & Akira Tozawa and Rusev defending the United States tiel against Shinsuke Nakamura.

The main card has the men’s & women’s Rumble matches, Daniel Bryan defending the WWE title against AJ Styles, Brock Lesnar defending the Universal title against Finn Bálor, Ronda Rousey defending the Raw Women’s title against Sasha Banks, Asuka defending the SmackDown Women’s title against Becky Lynch and Cesaro & Sheamus defending the SmackDown Tag Team titles against the Miz & Shane McMahon.

The four-way for the Cruiserweight title will very likely be super-well worked but the heat all depends on how much of the audience has made it into the stadium to see the match. All four guys are remarkable in the ring and should have a killer match, it’s a shame that these matches are sort of hidden on the pre-shows and the 205 Live weekly program that not nearly enough people watch. I believe there’s a way that the Cruiserweight division could get more over if it was spread across SmackDown & Raw and the champion can have the ability to appear on both brands and compete, or even just keep the division on Raw, but that’s a subject for another article. I wouldn’t expect a title change on a prelim match but stranger things have happened.

The angle with Rusev & Shinsuke has been underwhelming at best. It was good to see Rusev get the U.S. title at the tail end of last year but apart from that the writing of the story itself has been lackluster. WWE missed the peak of Rusev’s popularity by over half a year, one would argue that he should have won the U.S. title when he was in the four-way at WrestleMania, when the 70,000+ were chanting ‘Rusev Day’ as the show went on the air, instead he was pinned in that match by Jinder Mahal. The declining year that Shinsuke has had really shows when you look at where he was at last year’s Royal Rumble show in Philadelphia - winning the Rumble match itself, to a year later challenging for the U.S. title on the pre-show. The next/best thing that could be done with Nakamura at this point would be to have a substantial babyface turn and potentially challenge Daniel Bryan for the WWE title at WrestleMania for a dream match.

The Miz & Shane McMahon story is presumably going to end with a match between the two at WrestleMania. Whether any headway towards that begins at the Rumble or in the following weeks remains to be seen, however, despite the failed attempt in 2013, there’s definitely more chance of Miz getting over as a babyface this time around. Whether this be due to how he comes across on his reality T.V. show with his wife, or his ability of late to procuring sympathy from the audience when he was getting rejected by Shane, despite the goofiness of the angle it’s interesting to see if they’ll make any major changes to Miz’s character, while Shane as of late has been on the fence between heel & babyface. One good thing about the match is that it’s something different to seeing Cesaro & Sheamus defend the titles against the Usos or the New Day.

After getting booked like shit for most of 2018, Asuka finally feels like a killer again. Unless the plan is for Women’s titles to be unified, she probably will win this match. There’s little to no chance that Banks is beating Rousey for the Raw Women’s title. Banks & Bayley seem to be the favorites to be the first Women’s Tag Team champions. For the direction for what will start at the Rumble into the WrestleMania show there are two possible options:

Asuka beats Becky (perhaps via shenanigans), Becky enters the Rumble and wins, Becky faces Ronda & Charlotte (later added to match) for the Raw Women’s title at WrestleMania. Asuka takes on another challenger at Mania

Becky beats Asuka, still enters the Rumble as SD Women’s Champion and wins the Rumble, Becky faces Ronda & Charlotte (later added) in a triple threat to unify the Women’s titles at WrestleMania.

It’s no doubt that with Ronda’s imminent departure from WWE after Mania that Charlotte should be in the match as well, so the Becky & Charlotte who will stay on for the long haul can both get mileage out of being the first women to main event WrestleMania. Charlotte Flair getting into the match can be easily done with a match at the Elimination Chamber or Fastlane show where she beats Becky in a bout stipulated so that she gets into the Becky vs Ronda match if she beats Becky one-on-one/non-title. The unification of the Women’s titles and the introduction of a single set of Women’s Tag Team titles could be done in preparation for a possible all-Women’s weekly T.V. show (which I would call Thursday Nitro, a piece about this coming soon).

(Image from those marks at whatculture)

Daniel Bryan has been doing the best heel work of his WWE career since his turn and title win on the 11/13 edition of SmackDown last year. He has played a character that really is a version of himself, spreading awareness of how the WWE Universe is killing the environment and consuming meat that’s flooded with chemicals. Basically he is playing up the vegan/activist of him for his character, and being a dick about it. Because Bryan playing an amplified version of himself, it makes the character look believable and the character looking believable makes it easier for fans to invest in the angle and take him seriously. Because everybody has known forever that Daniel Bryan is a vegan and cares very much about our planet. What Daniel Bryan says in his promos for the most part are facts and things he believes in. It is things like this that makes it hard to boo Daniel Bryan in this incarnation, he is pretty much WWE’s version of Al Gore in An Inconvenient Truth, except he is a whole lot more obnoxious about it. AJ Styles is put in a tough position facing this sensational and engaging character, but lucky for him his talent alone is something to be in awe of and he can play a babyface just fine. If Bryan’s title program was with a less engaging talent the reaction scales would probably tip completely in Bryan’s favor.

(Image from ABC 15 Arizona)

Finn Bálor is not beating Brock Lesnar on Sunday, but he hopefully will push Lesnar to the edge and lose valiantly. Bálor will get thrown around by the much bigger Lesnar for the first two-thirds of the match but Finn will make a comeback that will get the people on their feet until he’s put away with an F-5 or two. Despite it’s ease, this formula for the match has proven its worth in Lesnar’s clashes with opponents like AJ Styles and Daniel Bryan. The logical course for Lesnar & the Universal title after beating Bálor is to defend and drop the title to Seth Rollins, who should win the Royal Rumble match.

Somewhat-continuing on from the section about the Women’s Championships, the winner of this match will either be Becky Lynch or Charlotte Flair. Lynch is more likely as she will need to be pushed to be taking the place of Ronda Rousey who is reportedly leaving WWE after WrestleMania and winning the Rumble can be a big part of this push. Whether she enters as a champion or not it will still be a good surprise as she has not been announced as a participant in the match. 23 of the competitors have been announced, which is basically the whole of the Raw & SmackDown’s women’s divisions. This leaves it certain that we will see surprise entrances from either NXT or Legends or both.

The men’s Rumble is perhaps the most interesting match on the show, the general consensus is that Rollins is going to take it but Vince McMahon can always change his mind at the last second. Seth Rollins, Drew McIntyre or Braun Strowman seem like the only likely winners at this point. Only 20 official entrants have been announced so hopefully we see some surprise entrants from NXT and a legend or two getting in the match like we’ve seen in the past. The best possible result of the Rumble would be Seth Rollins winning from an early entry in the match. Rollins is even a good fit for the type that wins the Rumble from the #1 or #2 spot, as he has been displayed as a workhorse in the last year. Elements of the in-ring work of Shawn Michaels, Rey Mysterio & Chris Benoit can be seen in things Seth Rollins does today, all the more reason to book his Rumble win this way.

(Image from sportskeeda.com)

The ‘Road to WrestleMania’ begins at the Rumble on Sunday. A lot of angles going towards Metlife Stadium on 4/7 will start to take shape at the PPV and Raw & SmackDown on the nights following. There will be a handful of great matches this weekend. Johnny Gargano vs Ricochet, Brock Lesnar vs Finn Bálor, Asuka vs Becky Lynch and Tomasso Ciampa vs Aleister Black are all can’t-miss, as well as a couple of others.

Raw & SmackDown will also be pivotal as the fallout from the Rumble will spill into those shows. These will be shot in the Talking Stick Resort Arena.

Expect a review of Takeover & the Royal Rumble show to come in the middle of next week.

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jwgammuto · 5 years

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The Good, The Bad, and the WTF for SmackDownLive 3/12/19

Why Shane? Why? What's next for Kofi? Is there a reasonable plan for Asuka and the SD Women's title at WrestleMania? Will we get anything fresh for the Raw Women's Title feud? Will Bayley and Banks actually show up on another brand as promised? Plenty of questions for the ol' Blue brand. Lets see about getting some answers with The Good, The Bad, and the WTF: Evil McMcmahons are Back Edition. The Good: Shane O explains that he's tired of people using him to get ahead. This isn't the greatest explanation and certainly isn't anything worthy of the McMahon Heel Turn Hall of Fame but it will do for now and for the Miz. I am a little concerned about how both of these guys' characters develop following their matchup but I suppose we'll just have to wait. Maybe Miz finds himself in the title picture and Shane spends all his time thwarting any and all attempts at Miz getting close to the belt. I am into that. Randy and AJ put on a clinic for building a feud with face to face promo work. Orton comes out firing and AJ responds eventually with some great retort. If you weren't excited about this match at WM before, you should be now. More of this. I hope AJ hits Orton with a Diamond Cutter in April. Charlotte Flair with another grade A promo on Lynch. Maybe its just me but Becky is slowly becoming a bit of an afterthought in this feud. Ronda and Flair doing a lot of the heavy lifting for weeks now and Lynch appears to be in cruise control. She's still going to win and the live crowds still love her but, personally, I am nowhere near as invested in her as I was when she invaded Raw before Survivor Series. The Usos cut a solid promo in what appears to be the boiler room of the Uso Penitentiary. They appear to be calling out the Hardys. Cant hate that as long as Matt and Jeff don't win the titles again at WM. The IIconics cut a good recorded promo on Boss n Hug. Yes they're annoying but they make a valid point. What the hell have Banks and Bayley done with the titles since winning them? Show up and talk about how honored they are and defended them once. Im ready for the Women's tag titles to become IIconic. The Bad:Samoa Joe/Andrade vs Truth/Rey and Ali/Owens vs Rowan/Bryan. Really nothing wrong with the matches themselves here aside from being a little short of the awesomeness previous ones have been but this is starting to feel a little repetitive in the booking department. They aren't really advancing any kind of story while having these guys fight over and over again in slightly tweaked settings. They need to insert someone new or come up with some fun stipulations or something. Part of the issue, particularly in the US title feud, is a lack of mic skills from Rey and Andrade. Maybe Vega needs to speak up a bit more. Something to refresh this a bit. Vince McMahon's awkward thinly veiled pseudo racist approach to this feud with Kofi. Let me start here. I like Kofi. I think he should be in the title match at WM with Bryan. What I don't want is for Kofi to be the WWE champion for any extended period of time. There is only so many Trouble In Paradises, falls from the top rope, and pancake jokes you can make before the title feels stale. Kofi doesn't have the depth. It isn't because I don't think he's a good performer. It's because he isn't the best. In this regard, Vince was spot on. This whole segment was wildly awkward, from the New Day and Kofi saying they don't complain (while complaining) to Vince talking down at Kingston while Kofi's facial expressions ranged from angry to dejected and hurt. At one point, Kofi even went so far as to say "you never give guys like me a shot". Well it certainly isn't due to his skill set or body type because plenty of guys like Kofi in those regards get into the title picture. Eventually as Vince "caves" and sets up at least half the show next week to be an impossible gauntlet of matches for Kofi to earn his way to his dream, I find myself easily predicting how it will go. AJ/Rey/Truth/Owens/Ali get just involved enough with the guys they are feuding with to help Kofi along and perhaps his ND partners as well. I just don't want the entire show next week to be this. There's 8 hours worth of feuds to focus on and there's no point in further beating the "impossible odds" horse to death like this company is doing. Kofi damn near won the title at EC and has been on fire lately both in the ring and with the crowds. That's reason enough to give him a shot, Vince. This whole charade is because you feel compelled to be the EVIL EMPEROR MR MCMAHON again. It isn't 1999. It's not necessary. Certainly not with Kofi at least. The WTF:No Lacey Evans. Here is what you cant do. You cannot give her the night off if her deal is to come out every night on every show and annoy the crowd by doing nothing and being aloof about it. Consistency is absolutely necessary until she actually does something. Asuka vs Deville. Argh. I don't know if Asuka just wasn't at her best or Deville simply isn't ready or they both just don't have solid timing but this match was sloppy and completely unnecessary aside from Rose getting her weird childish revenge by tripping her friend on the apron and costing her the match. A triple threat with these three would be the absolute WORST idea for WM. Literally anything else please. Not a terrible show, but strangely lacking in the in-ring department and heavy on the solid promo/storytelling work. Overall better than Raw still but the last hour of Raw was much better than really anything on this show aside from maybe AJ and Randy. 3 Hogan Belt Whips.

#wwe smackdown #WWE #pro wrestling #smackdown

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squaredcirclesirens · 6 years

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PREDICTIONS: WrestleMania 34

Today is the day!nIt’s WrestleMania! With the most women’s matches on the card in WrestleMania history, this is sure to be a can’t miss spectacle! So who does the squared circle siren staff think will win at WrestleMania? Let’s find out!

WrestleMania Women’s Battle Royal

SCOTT: Predicting a winner is going to be fairly tough since we don’t know the full list of women that will participate. The men’s battle royal has had a few as 20 men so I would presume we will have at least 20. There have been 14 women announced, so I anticipate some women from NXT. I think the majority of the story within the match will revolve around the conflict between Sasha Banks & Bayley. This is a storyline has been evolving for several months and I think it will continue to work toward complete implosion. I would love to see the return of Alicia Fox from injury knowing that she is in NOLA, but I’m not sure if she has been cleared to compete. One of the highlights of this match will be Beth Phoenix as a guest commentator. Given the state of both main brand divisions, my prediction is that someone from NXT wins. Hopefully, that will provide an injection of new life into one of the main brands post-Wrestlemania. PREDICTION: Ember Moon

CASEY: I’ve gone back and forth on who I thought should win this. I originally thought Becky Lynch should win this, having been in my opinion the top face of the SmackDown Live women’s division, however, with her performances since her call up I’m going to go with Ruby Riott. She has been nothing short of amazing since her call up to the main roster and I think the numbers came with the Riott Squad could play into things during this battle royal. PREDICTION: Ruby Riott

DENNIS: Well, there’s been just about everything now. And although I am more curious to see whether or not we will have a second elimination chamber match or a second Hell in a Cell. Or are we just focused on having the first and calling it a day? But here we are. A battle royal of everyone, and who knows what this could look like. I think WWE has put some weight on this battle royal with the under matches of Ruby and Becky. Nattie randomly beating Charlotte. Sasha and Baylee. Absolution. Mickie James. You could honestly make an argument for any of them winning. Which is why I think none of them will. I think there aren’t enough people to call this a battle royal, so I’m expecting some NXT Callups. And who better than the woman who just lost her NXT women’s championship (if my prediction is correct) to put herself on the main roster. I think it’s the only standout that makes sense at face value. And although I’ll continue to hold out for my Sasha Heel Turn at Mania, I think Ember Moon wins the battle royal PREDICTION: Ember Moon

RYAN: I feel like the winner will be someone that we don’t expect. For me, that would be Alicia Fox. Someone of her stature and longevity could use this win. Plus, she’s a veteran. But realistically, I could see Becky pulling through as well. PREDICTION: Alicia Fox

JAY: I just have a feeling Becky Lynch. Shes a hard worker and a trophy like this will give her more prestige. Who knows, will someone from NXT show up and steal the show? PREDICTION: Becky Lynch

RAW Women’s Championship | Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Nia Jax

DENNIS: Sigh. This match is really hard for me to comment on because I’m a HUGE Alexa Bliss fan and I’ve become a big Nia Jax fan, but in the midst of WrestleMania week, I am just not as excited about this match as I thought I would be. I like the idea of a Nia Jax face turn and I think that could do great things for her, and the roster overall. Alexa Bliss is magic as champion, and her promos regularly deliver. But I really wish Mickie was left out of this one. I wish it was just Alexa using Nia and Nia finally catching on and shutting down Alexa and Alexa always running leading to this match. But meh, here we are. I think for me, there just hasn’t been enough here for Nia Jax to take the championship. Which is my official prediction, Nia Jax does not walk out of Wrestlemania Raw Women’s Champion. Whether that means Alexa wins somehow or Carmella cashes in here. Whatever. I don’t think Nia wins it here. So my official words are Alexa Wins, but I won’t be surprised if Carmella cashes in or this ends in a dirty finish. PREDICTION: Alexa Bliss

RYAN: This one continuously has me second guessing myself. As much as I would love for Nia Jax to finally win the RAW Women’s Championship, I’m not too sure it will happen. On one hand, I could see Nia destroy Alexa, get over as a face, and WWE could have Nia stand tall against the bully. However, Alexa is incredibly over (as is Nia). So if WWE wants a heel to run a division as champion, Alexa is their go-to girl. Her beating Nia would put her over even more as a heel. But all in all, I see Nia getting her big moment.PREDICTION: Nia Jax

SCOTT: This is the one that I’m completely unsure of how it will end. I have loved Alexa as a Champion since day 1 of her Smackdown Live reign. She is probably the best woman on the roster with a mic and she makes matches really fun to watch. Nia’s booking, on the other hand, has been all over the place. She is pushed for a few weeks then forgotten about. Alexa is going to have an uphill battle if she is going to keep the belt. The way she and Mickie have treated Nia recently has enraged the beast that Nia contains. Titles have evaded Nia, both in NXT and on the main roster. This weekend, however, may be the time that changes. PREDICTION: Nia Jax

JAY: With the way the storyline is going I am hoping for a Nia Jax victory. Body shaming, something WWE says they are against, it would surprise me for the bully to win at Wrestlemania. WWE creative has made an interesting story the last month or so and believe Nia can be a strong force on Raw. But, don’t ever count out Alexa Bliss with Mickie by her side. PREDICTION: Nia Jax

CASEY: Since being called up Alexa Bliss has only been without a title for 45 days. Isn’t that crazy? Alexa has been a great champion but with the way this storyline has been going, I just can’t see her retaining here. Nia has turned babyface and has the crowd behind her. She hasn’t gotten her hands on Alexa and I think she’ll get her big moment at WrestleMania this year and win the title. PREDICTION: Nia Jax

SmackDown Women’s Championship | Charlotte Flair (c) vs. Asuka

RYAN: Asuka’s streak is going incredibly strong, and I don’t see it ending now. She’ll defeat Charlotte, win the belt, and move to SmackDown. The only other possibility I see is Asuka winning by DQ via Carmella and having her cashing in on Charlotte. You never know with WrestleMania. PREDICTION: Asuka

CASEY: I’m sure everyone will predict Asuka to win. How could you not with her streak and her winning the rumble? However, I don’t think she’ll lose technically. What I think will happen is Carmella will attack Asuka with the Money in The Bank briefcase, giving Asuka the DQ victory before focusing on Charlotte and winning the belt from her. I think Carmella will make the most and steal the WrestleMania moment from Charlotte and Asuka. PREDICTION: Carmella

SCOTT: I think this match will be the best women’s match WWE shows this weekend. Askua is one of the best women that WWE employs and has yet to find anyone that can beat her in the ring. She has the record for longest reigning NXT Women’s Champion as well as being the winner of the first Women’s Royal Rumble in January. She challenges the genetically superior Charlotte. Charlotte has held a title 7 times for over 800 days. While she may not have the winning streak of Asuka, she definitely has an impressive resume. Charlotte has had incredible matches with many of the women on the WWE roster and this match will be no different. These women will take each other to the limit. But in the end, I believe the streak will remain intact. PREDICTION: Asuka

DENNIS: This is hands down the match I’m most excited for in the sense of this will simply be a good match. We’ve been waiting for Charlotte vs. Asuka and it’s finally happening, even if the build is meh and if it weren’t for the fact Asuka was undefeated and Charlotte was a champ this match wouldn’t matter. Anyway, I’ve learned from past write ups to never bet against Asuka, so for the sake of predicting correctly, I’m taking Asuka. But I’m praying I’m wrong and Charlotte is the one to dethrone Asuka. But I doubt it will happen and we will see Asuka vs Ronda next year. PREDICTION: Asuka

JAY: If you are going to win, win it with Flair. I know its a long shot but we’ve seen other streaks broken at Wrestlemania (must I say more?) Now, do I think Flair is going to win, no, but I would like to see her victorious. Asuka is still a force to be reckoned with so putting her ahead makes sense. Woooo! PREDICTION: Charlotte Flair

Ronda Rousey & Kurt Angle vs. Stephanie McMahon & Triple H

CASEY: I mean, you’d have to be Stevie Wonder if you don’t know who is winning this. No way Ronda loses her first match with WWE. PREDICTION: Ronda Rousey & Kurt Angle

DENNIS: I feel I am about to be in the major minority here. But I actually haven’t minded this build. Is it a little cheesy? Sure. Does Ronda need to build more into her character? Yes. But overall, I’m still excited to see Ronda wrestle. I mentioned this on the soundoff, and it might not be for much as I still expect a Cena/Nikki Miz/Maryse Match. Nonetheless, I think this one is a toss-up. I don’t see Ronda taking the fall. I think for me there isn’t a sense to having Ronda lose. Therefore, I’m picking Stephanie and Triple H. Because the WWE needs a swing moment here and that’s probably it. PREDICTION: Stephanie McMahon & Triple H

SCOTT: Of all of the WWE matches this weekend, this is the match that I’m most unsure of how it will go. Stephanie McMahon was never a great wrestler. She has had some good matches with women that are able to help carry the moves. With this being Ronda’s first professional wrestling match, the jury is still out on how she can perform in the ring. Her draw is unmistakable and I’m sure she will definitely get some rough shots in on Stephanie. However, I anticipate this match will feature Triple H and Kurt much more. In the end, the pair of Olympians will surely stand tall. I can’t see Ronda being brought in with such fanfare to lose to a woman who has maybe a couple dozen matches in her entire career, with her last being in 2014. PREDICTION: Ronda Rousey & Kurt Angle

RYAN: This is a no-brainer for me, and for most people I assume. Ronda Rousey is going to win her debut at WrestleMania. Most likely with her getting Stephanie to tap out. PREDICTION: Ronda Rousey & Kurt Angle

Who do you think will win on the grandest stage of them all? Let us know in the comments or tweet us!

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#Features #WrestleMania #WWE #Previews #WWE pay per views

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placetobenation · 7 years

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July 3, 2017

From the Talking Stick Resort Arena in Phoenix, AZ

Your hosts are Michael Cole, Corey Graves and Booker T

We are shown a video package on the Big Cass/Enzo Amore feud.

The live show starts with Enzo Amore coming down to the ring as Cole tells us he will beat his former partner, Big Cass, at the Great Balls of Fire PPV. Enzo tells us all of what he has been through this year and it happened when Cass had his back. He then accuses Cass of looking past him as Enzo talks about getting up every time he gets knocked down. Enzo then talks about not being the biggest, baddest, or strongest but is one of the toughest to step into the ring in a long, long time. He then tells Cass about not pretending who he is and that he is grateful for all of the kids wearing his merchandise as it helps him put food on the table, which is why he keeps getting up after being knocked down and that makes him believe in himself. Enzo then says Cass is nothing more than a “seven-foot catchphrase” that he (Enzo) wrote himself. Enzo then tells Cass not to get surprised when his next merchandise check reads “zero dimes” and will change when his shirt says “asshole.” Enzo’s music hits then he picks up the mic and says they were brothers but now that is dead due to Cass but that boot to his face gave him new life as Enzo calls himself an army of one and compares himself to Tupac Shakur because “all eyes are on me.” Cass is then shown watching backstage when Charly Caruso asks for his thoughts. Cass says he never heard someone talk for so long without actually saying anything then says he is where the money is and promise to beat him at Great Balls of Fire but Enzo attacks from behind until several officials break it up.

Enzo showed a lot of passion in his promo and as a result the crowd bought what he was saying and got behind him. Plus, it was nice to see Enzo get a bit of revenge against Cass by attacking him backstage. They’ve done a great job at humanizing Enzo since Cass turned on him and he has delivered on the mic. Right now, they have something with this feud.

Sasha Banks & Bayley vs. Nia Jax & Alexa Bliss

Nia overpowers Bayley to start. Bayley tries to fight her off then tags out. Sasha shoves Nia into the corner then dropkicks Nia outside. Nia shoves Bayley off of the apron into the barricade then hits a running knee smash as Sasha checks on her partner before the break. We return with Alexa working a chinlock on Sasha as Cole tells us that Bayley was taken backstage during the break and is now out of the match. Sasha fights back against both women but misses a double knee smash in the corner. Nia tags and hits a backbreaker then drops a pair of elbows as that gets two. Sasha gets out of a bearhug but gets tossed soon after that. Alexa is in and beats on Sasha. She yells how this is her division but misses a knee drop. Sasha fights back then kicks Nia off of the apron. Alexa attacks from behind and tries for a DDT but Sasha escapes and puts on the Banks Statement and Alexa taps out before Nia could make the save (10:11) *1/2.

Thoughts: This was not a good match. The action was clunky and it did nothing to make you want to see Alexa vs. Sasha this Sunday at Great Balls of Fire. The questionable handling of the Bayley character continued too, sadly, as if they are trying to rebuild her by heading down this path it will most likely fail.

Kurt Angle is in his office on the phone. Braun Strowman tells Angle what will happen when Reigns is unable to compete in the ambulance match. Angle says he heard Reigns will be ready but Strowman tells him he is wrong then demands competition. Angle tells Strowman the matches are all set but Strowman tells him he will have competition by the end of the night.

A video package of the Samoa Joe/Brock Lesnar feud is shown. It included promos from both men too. Great work here for a match that they have built up quite well. A match to look forward too this Sunday. Cole then tells us that both men are here tonight for an exclusive interview. Good stuff here.

Cedric Alexander comes out to the ring. He feels like a broken record due to always telling Noam Dar & Alicia Fox that he is through with him. Cedric then wants Dar to come out so he can send him back to Fox with a “magic neckbrace.” Dar comes out as does Fox then we get a match.

Cedric Alexander vs. Noam Dar w/ Alicia Fox

Cedric beats on Dar to start. He heads outside then Fox steps in front of him to protect her man. Dar blocks a satellite headscissors with a kick then goes to work on the arm. Fox gets on the apron to distract Cedric but that fails as Cedric hits Dar with the Lumbar Check and the win (2:10) 1/2*.

Thoughts: They really need to end this feud. Its been awful and the Dar & Fox pairing are doing nothing but dragging down the Cruiserweight Division.

We are shown clips from last week’s Miz TV with the Ball Family which leads to another episode this week as Miz addresses what happened last week.

Miz TV with Maryse and the Miztourage. Miz, sporting a cool white suit, talks about bringing the ratings last week then gets cheered by saying Lonzo Ball will be the biggest bust in NBA history then makes sure to get booed by dissing former Phoenix Sun Steve Nash. Miz then calls LaVar ball an embarrassment and a raving lunatic. He also cannot believe that LaVar wants Ambrose to represent the Big Baller Brand as Ambrose is nothing but wasted potential. Miz put over the promise he had when first arriving to the WWE, calling him the next Roddy Piper. However, we instead got “wacky” Ambrose as Miz keeps saying that Ambrose cannot handle success, stating he caves under pressure. He then says you can laugh all you want at the jokes but there is no bigger joke than Ambrose, who now comes out with a mic in his hand. He thought we’d never see Miz TV again after last week’s trainwreck but also said Miz was true in what he said. Ambrose also said he loves jokes and thinks it would be hilarious if they had a match right now. Heath Slater & Rhyno come out as Slater he was the last man to beat Miz in the ring and never had an Intercontinental Title opportunity in his eight years with WWE. Slater then talks about wanting to be able to provide for his kids. Miz tells Ambrose he will get a rematch when he says so before making fun of Slater for being a hick from West Virginia and is about to leave but Kurt Angle comes out. Angle tells Miz he decides who competes. Miz tells Angle to go discuss his personal problems with Graves then tells Angle he will put up the title Sunday and all he does is have to pick an opponent. Angle says both as he tells Miz he will have to face Slater now then Ambrose at the PPV this Sunday as Miz is in shock as we head to commercial.

I liked the segment here. Miz cut a good promo on Ambrose, ragging on him for not living up to his potential, then he got some comeuppance by being forced to defend the Intercontinental Title against Slater despite not being prepared to wrestle.

WWE Intercontinental Title Match: The Miz (c) w/ Maryse, Bo Dallas, and Curtis Axel vs. Heath Slater w/ Rhyno

Ambrose is on commentary. Slater gets two off of a rollup then they take it to the mat as Ambrose makes fun of the Miztourage. They trade headlocks then Slater gets two with a backslide. He gets two with another rollup before going back to the headlock. Miz catches Slater with a knee smash but Slater fights back in the corner. Slater yanks off Miz’s shirt then hits an inverted atomic drop for another nearfall as Miz regroups outside as we head to commercial. The action returns with Miz now in control as the back of his pants have split. They brawl on their knees until Miz spikes him with a DDT but that only gets two. Miz guillotines Slater before tossing him outside where Rhyno fends off the Miztourage. Ambrose is on commentary asking who came up with the Great Balls of Fire PPV name, saying its awful, as Miz gets another nearfall in the ring. Miz then uses the It kicks but Slater ducks the last kick and pancakes Miz as both men are down. Slater is up first and runs wild. Miz rams him in the corner but Slater escapes and rolls him up for two. Slater gets another nearfall as the crowd is into this match. Miz comes back with a clothesline in the corner then poses. He heads up top but Slater runs up and hits a powerslam as the crowd goes nuts. Axel distracts the ref from the apron as Rhyno yanks him off and they brawl with the Miztourage getting the upper hand then Miz hits Slater with the Skull Crushing Finale for the win (12:47) **1/2. After the match, Miz tosses Slater outside to get beat up by the Miztourage but Ambrose runs out for the save. Ambrose chases Miz away then the Miztourage attacks him. Miz is back inside and yells in Ambrose face before hitting him with the Skull Crushing Finale.

Thoughts: Solid match as the crowd got behind Slater at the end and even bought some of the nearfalls. This match also did a lot to try and establish Axel & Dallas as more than just goofs. They laid out everyone at the end and it makes the Miz act more dangerous. It also appears that the Miz/Maryse conflict is over for how as they were on the same page.

Replay from last week when Strowman launched Reigns off of the stage and against the ambulance before putting him inside where Reigns is driven away.

Apollo Crews is texting someone backstage when Titus O’Neill walks in and tells Apollo he has an opportunity to be a star tonight by facing Strowman. Titus tries to convince him that Strowman made Kalisto and to take the match, even coming up with a new “Crews can’t lose” catchphrase that both end up singing as the segment ends with Crews agreeing to face Strowman.

Goldust is in the ring sitting in a director’s chair. He promises to show us his latest masterpiece titled the “Shattered Truth” before thanking us “little people.” Goldust then thanks R-Truth for being so naive as without that none of this would be possible. We then finally get to this film as its clips of Goldust jumping Truth before the bell last week but made up as a film trailer. The film ends and we see Truth eating popcorn in the ring behind Goldust before he beats him down. Goldust heads up the ramp after getting tossed outside as Truth is the one standing tall. I liked the segment. Goldust is showing off how his mic skills as they are slowly building up the feud between former partners. Although, you can say its overkill with two former partners currently feuding on the same show.

Angle is in his office. Cesaro & Sheamus enter as Angle tells him during Sunday’s Tag Team Title match against the Hardy Boyz they will have a 30-Minute Iron Man Match. Both men are actually pleased with the stipulation and said since they are in peak condition they want some action. Angle suggests Cesaro face Strowman but he wants Balor due to what happened last week. Angle then makes the match. The big news here is that the RAW Tag Team Titles will be defended in an Iron Man Match.

Before the match, Hawkins says he should be facing Strowman and giving him a run for his money. He then says last week’s crowd in Los Angeles did not believe in him and wants the “dummies” in Phoenix to get it right and asks if they think he will lose tonight, as they cheer, but Rollins takes the mic away and asks the crowd if they think Hawkins needs to shut up as they cheer then Rollins knocks him down.

Curt Hawkins vs. Seth Rollins

Hawkins charges but gets kicked then eats a ripcord knee smash as Rollins picks up the win (0:09).

Thoughts: Easy win for Rollins to give him some momentum heading into the PPV.

After the match, Rollins addresses Wyatt and says he knows he is here then addresses his comments about everyone needing to be saved. Rollins says he does not ignore his sins, he embraces them as it makes him the man he is today then tells Wyatt this Sunday there will be a cleansing of his mystique when it’s proven that he is not a god. After that, the only question remaining will be whether or not Wyatt is a man or a coward. This promo was fine I suppose but the entire point of the Rollins/Wyatt feud is not enough to make me care. Its a directionless program.

Now, we get a split screen interview with Samoa Joe and Brock Lesnar with Paul Heyman. Joe cuts off Cole’s and says no one wants to hear his questions so he has one of his own for his opponent. Joe has a question for Heyman but Lesnar tells him he’s not facing Heyman this Sunday. Joe then tells the “champ” he will address him later. They both trash talk each other as Lesnar promises to walk in and out as the champion while Joe says he has beaten him at every turn then lists off the guys he has choked out in his career such as Daniel Bryan, AJ Styles, and Samoa Joe. Joe then says why are we doing this as he yanks off his mic then starts looking for Lesnar backstage as Lesnar and Heyman cannot believe he is doing this. A few officials like Adam Pearce and Jamie Noble try to stop him but he does not listen. Joe then tells off Angle, who has several security members behind him, and finds where Lesnar is but is pulled back by everyone as he screams about how he will put Lesnar down, yelling “Come on, champ!”

Just a tremendous segment. The cocky, dominant champion remaining calm and reminding the unafraid challenger whose boss while the challenger reminds the champion that he has beaten him at each turn and constantly proving that he is not afraid. This is a money program and I would gladly pay the full PPV price to see this match. I really hope they continue this feud after the show as it is that good but it seems unlikely at this point.

Neville vs. Mustafa Ali

Neville takes Ali down then they mix it up for a bit as Cole brings up Ali’s feud against Drew Gulak, who is against high-flying. Ali uses his agility to escape from the corner and gets a nearfall with a crossbody. Ali heads up for the inverted 450 but Neville cuts him off and heads up top where Ali lands on his feet during a super back suplex attempt. Ali gets a nearfall with a floating DDT then drags Neville in position for the inverted 450 but Neville gets up and pushes him off as Ali crashes into the barricade. Neville heads out to roll Ali inside then roughs him up in the corner. He mocks the crowd then goes back to destroying Ali. He flapjacks Ali then mocks the crowd again but takes his time as Ali fights back. Ali tries his rolling neckbreaker but ends up getting clotheslined then Neville puts him away with the Rings of Saturn (6:22) **1/2. Neville refuses to break the hold after the bell then finally does before yanking his belt away from the referee. Cole then tells us that Neville vs. Akira Tozawa for the Cruiserweight Championship will take place on the Great Balls of Fire Kickoff Show.

Thoughts: Good action. These two had more time and a better match the RAW after WrestleMania 33 but still entertained tonight. Ali’s offense is impressive but at the end Neville once again looked dominant as he heads into Sunday with some momentum.

Bray Wyatt is shown walking through a desert as we will hear from him after the break. We return as Bray is shown in the desert telling us that he decided to give the world independence and that he is the chaos that fuels the fire. He keeps talking and talking then tells Rollins this Sunday he will get to look into the face of a god for the first time and it will burn.

I thought the promo was nothing more than jibberish and the segment itself overproduced. The Bray character is past its point of usefulness in the company. He never wins the big matches or feuds and has been saying the same stuff for the past four years. Its stale and this delivery is wearing on people.

Charly asks Alexa Bliss if her loss tonight will foreshadow what will happen on Sunday. Alexa plays it off that she gave Sasha the win to give her a false sense of security and its all part of her strategy. Charly isn’t buying that so Alexa then disses Charly for only being able to hold a microphone while she is the RAW Women’s Champion. I thought Alexa did a good job here and liked how Charly stood up to her obvious false claim that she lost her match tonight on purpose.

Finn Balor vs. Cesaro w/ Sheamus

The Hardy Boyz are on commentary for this match. Balor starts off by working a side headlock. Cesaro catches him and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Cesaro cuts off a comeback with a clothesline then works the arm. Balor rolls through a sunset flip and hits a basement dropkick before chopping away in the corner. Balor hits a few stomps as the Hardy Boyz keep putting him over on commentary. Sheamus distracts the ref then Balor himself gets wrapped up in that as it allows Cesaro to attack from behind. Balor fights back but gets dumped outside as we head to break. The action returns with Cesaro in control. He deadlifts Balor for a gutwrench suplex as that gets two then works the arm. Cesaro misses a corner charge but catches Balor and turns that into a suplex as that gets two. Balor continues to kick out of pinfall attempts as Cesaro gets pissed. Cesaro tries for the Neutralizer but Balor escapes then hits a double stomp as both men are down. Balor is up first and runs wild. He takes Cesaro down on the outside with a dropkick then hits a running soccer kick from the apron. Back inside, Balor hits a sling blade then sets up for a shotgun dropkick but is distracted by Elias Samson. Balor then charges but Cesaro pancakes him and hits an uppercut as that gets two. Cesaro hits a running uppercut in the corner but Balor takes him off the top with an enziguiri. Sheamus distracts the referee as Samson trips up Balor then the Hardy Boyz run out to even things off. Balor sends Cesaro to the floor with a backdrop then flies out with a tope con hilo. Cesaro comes back to slam Balor off of the apron as the crowd starts a “this is awesome” Chant as everyone is hitting big moves on the outside. Balor then dropkicks Cesaro into the barricade and rolls him inside for the Coup de Grace and the win (15:07) ***.

Thoughts: Good match that picked up at the end. However, with most of the commentary focused on the Iron Man Tag Match at the PPV, I do not know why you had Balor win this match. To go even further, with the way these guys have been booked on TV lately, they should have just put them all in another six-man tag match.

Back from break, an ambulance backs into the arena. Strowman then comes out and heads to the ring as he is demanding competition. Strowman says there are few things in this world he likes more than hurting Reigns. He then calls him out for being too stubborn to stay down and that he will leave Great Balls of Fire the same way he did last week, in the back of an ambulance. However, Reigns is not here and he wants competition before demanding Angle send someone out. We get Titus O’Neill in a suit telling Strowman that he is a big man with a plan but everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth. He then promises a Titus Worldwide special match as Strowman will be facing a tough, hungry man who will prove that monsters can be defeated.

Braun Strowman vs. Apollo Crews w/ Titus O’Neill

Crews ducks a clothesline then hammers away. He escapes from the corner but runs into a big boot. Strowman then yells about Crews not being able to beat him before sending him to the floor. Crews rolls inside then Strowman cranks his neck. Strowman yells at Titus before kicking Crews outside then Titus tries to fire up his client. Crews slaps Strowman from the apron and snaps his neck off the top rope. Crews hits a pair of enziguiris then takes him down after a pair of basement dropkicks. Crews tries a standing moonsault but Strowman kicks him in midair was Crews flies across the ring. Strowman then picks up Crews and hits a running powerslam but pulls him up at two then hits it again and does the same thing. Booker then yells for Titus to do something as Strowman hits a third powerslam for the win (4:33) *1/2.

Thoughts: The match accomplished what it should have by putting Strowman over as a force and positioning Crews as a babyface who is not afraid to stand up to anyone. The moonsault spot was great.

After the match, Strowman continues his assault on Crews. Titus stands up on the apron then heads inside as the two jaw at each other. Titus then fires away but runs into a clothesline and hits him with a powerslam. Strowman heads out and tosses Crews over the barricade then takes him to the ambulance. Strowman opens the doors and tosses Crews inside and pats the back for the driver to take him away. However, the ambulance does not move as Strowman is getting pissed. Strowman then goes to the driver’s door and peaks inside to open it up as Reigns comes out and punches him in the face. Strowman fights back and throws Reigns against the ambulance and then onto the stage. Reigns fights back and drives Strowman into the screens before spearing Strowman off of a stage and through a table. Strowman is then on his feet near the ambulance as Reigns is on the stage as the show ends. I liked this segment as these two guys have great chemistry together. They had a nice brawl to close out the show.

Final Thoughts: Overall, I thought this was a good show. The top two matches at the PPV have been built up quite well and they had some strong promos and segments throughout the show. Great Balls of Fire looks like a promising card and the build for Joe vs. Lesnar has brought us some of the best TV segments in quite some time. Tonight made me excited for the PPV and showed that while not all of the feuds are interesting or even good, the RAW brand does have some direction.

#IFTTT #Place to Be Nation

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geektified · 7 years

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New Post has been published on http://www.geektified.com/2017/04/25/the-raw-expose-night-of-the-dumpster-aka-kalistos-last-ride-not-based-on-a-power-rangers-story/

The Raw Exposé: Night of the Dumpster - AKA Kalisto's Last Ride (Not Based on a Power Rangers Story)

By: Keila Cash

Hello everyone and welcome to another installment of The Raw Exposé. Tonight’s episode of Monday Night Raw emanated from The Sprint Center in Kansas City, Missouri. This is the last show before Payback and with the Superstar Shakeup blurring the brand split lines, it’s a tricky PPV to figure out because some wrestlers are trying to hype their matches alone while their opponents are on another show doing the same thing.

It’s awkward, but this should be a one-shot deal to wrap up outstanding storylines dating back to WrestleMania. Did WWE work out the kinks in terms of logic or was this a case of the blind leading the blind heading into the PPV in San Jose? The answer to that question can be found throughout this blog. Without further ado, let’s dissect tonight’s episode of Raw in no particular order.

The Highlight Reel/Miz TV/Ambrose Asylum hybrid featuring Chris Jericho, The Miz, Maryse, and Dean Ambrose was a fun way to start the show.

The segment dragged at times, but I appreciate WWE remembering the Jericho-Ambrose feud from last year as Ambrose brought up how Jericho smashed Mitch the Plant over his head and how he returned the favor by ripping up Y2J’s Light Up Jacket. Jericho reminded Ambrose that he still owed him $15,000. Ambrose didn’t have any cash on hand, but he gave Jericho a jacket adorned with Christmas Lights as a peace offering.

Jericho put the Jacket on and struck a few poses while Miz whined about not getting a gift. Ambrose responded by nailed Miz with Dirty Deeds while Jericho put Maryse on LIST for marrying a stupid idiot as the opening segment came to an end.

This was a long talking segment, but I enjoyed it for the most part. Jericho’s material was so-so as his jokes about Kevin Owens were a little flat which did little to hype their United States Championship match at Payback. Things got better once Miz and Ambrose came out which ended the opener on a high note.

Matt Hardy defeated Sheamus with the Twist of Fate, but it wasn’t without controversy. Sheamus nailed Hardy in the face with a sick high knee. Hardy tried to counter with his finisher on the floor, but Sheamus laid him out with a rolling senton instead. Jeff tried to check on his brother, but Sheamus pushed him out of the way.

Jeff climbed on the ring apron to confront the Celtic Warrior, but Cesaro yanked him off the apron which led to the finish.

The Mutual Admiration Society between both teams was about to hit the skids, but cooler heads prevailed as everyone shook hands which kept the babyface vs. babyface dynamic intact heading into their Raw Tag Team Championship match on Sunday.

Jack Gallagher and Austin Aries defeated Neville and TJ Perkins when Aries nailed Perkins with the Discus Five Arm for the win. The match was short, but Aries maximized his minutes when he made the hot tag midway through the match.

Aries put on a one-man show when he took out Neville and TJP with a suicide dive. Aries was about to make TJP tap out to The Last Chancery, but Neville broke the hold in the nick of time. Gentleman Jack evened the odds when he nailed Neville with a head butt. TJP tried to capitalize on Gallagher knocking himself loopy, but Gallagher was alert enough to steer Perkins in Aries’ direction which set up the finishing sequence. Overall, this was a fine way to hype the Cruiserweight Championship match between Aries and Neville at Payback.

Did Kalisto use Kane’s old masks to create his new Lucha mask? Hmm…

The record will always show that Kalisto defeated Braun Strowman in a Dumpster Match. However, the victory became mute when Strowman destroyed Kalisto when he dropped him with a series of one-handed slams before tossing him against the barricade.

Strowman put Kalisto in the dumpster and pushed it up the ramp. WWE officials tried to stop Strowman as he strapped the dumpster shut. He pretended to head backstage only to push the dumpster off the stage as the segment came to an end.

The spot was nice, but it wasn’t spectacular because the drop wasn’t that steep. In comparison to Strowman’s recent feats of strength, The Dumpster spot was more meh than wow.

Strowman’s promo before the match was good as he tried to generate heel heat by calling the fans trash. At least the creative team is trying to get him over as a badass heel who should be jeered instead of cheered.

Bray Wyatt cut another rambling promo about Randy Orton leading up to their House of Horrors match at Payback. Yawn…

Dana Brooke defeated Alicia Fox when she dropped Fox with an ugly version of the Michinoku Driver for the win. The match was short, but it was still rough in spots.

After the match was over, Emma got in the ring and gave Brooke a half-hearted hug before heading backstage. That was odd…

Before the six-man tag team match featuring Enzo Amore, Big Cass, and Seth Rollins vs. Karl Anderson, Luke Gallows, and Samoa Joe got underway, Anderson, Gallows, and Joe ambushed Enzo and Big Cass during their in-ring introductions. Cass went flying over the barricade while Anderson and Gallows took out Enzo with The Magic Killer onto the floor.

Seth Rollins ran out to make the save, but he was tripled teamed until Big Cass evened the odds.

After the commercial break, Kurt Angle announced that Enzo wasn’t medically cleared to compete. Angle added Finn Bálor to the match as the six man tag officially got underway.

Big Cass, Finn Bálor, and Seth Rollins defeated Karl Anderson, Luke Gallows, and Samoa Joe when Rollins nailed Anderson with a knee to the face for the win.

The match started off slow as Bálor was in sell mode early on, but things picked up down the stretch. It appears that Rollins is retiring his Pedigree finisher because it’s a reminder of who he used to be before getting his much-needed epiphany a few weeks ago. Bálor’s interaction with Gallows and Anderson was nice and I hope WWE plays into their history in New Japan because the possibilities are endless in terms of storytelling and future feuds. *Cough* The Balor Club vs. The Shield *Cough*

Alexa Bliss powered through the “What?” chants and delivered a solid promo as she vowed to put an end to Bayley’s Cinderella Story at Payback. Bliss wanted to embarrass Bayley in her hometown by winning the Raw Women’s Championship while her father was sitting in the front row.

Sasha Banks came to her best friend’s defense and challenged Bliss to match. Bliss tried to dodge The Boss, but Banks clocked Bliss in the face to signal that the match was still on.

Banks defeated Bliss via count-out when Bliss decided to save her energy until Sunday.

Bayley tried to drag Bliss back in the ring, but Bliss ran for the hills. However, Bliss attacked Bayley from behind which added some heat leading up to their Women’s Championship match at Payback.

Banks chased Bliss away before checking on Bayley as the segment came to an end.

The promo exchange leading up Banks vs. Bliss was good. The creative team had to build up the Women’s Title match between Bayley and Bliss in one night. Considering the tight deadline, they managed to make it work. However, Bliss’ lines were recycled from her feud with Becky Lynch as the Cinderella comparison was a direct lift from a segment on SD Live last fall. Outside of that, the promo work was solid for the most part.

Apollo Crews pinned Curt Hawkins with the Spinout Powerbomb in a decent match. I guess Crews will be elevated to the main event next week after passing through Curt Hawkins’ Star Factory.

Dean Ambrose and Chris Jericho vs. The Miz and his mystery partner ended with no clear winner as Bray Wyatt showed up to save Miz from getting dropped with Dirty Deeds on the announce table. Wyatt attacked Ambrose and nailed him with Sister Abigail which sent The Lunatic Fringe head first into the LED board.

Jericho tried to make the save, but he was double teamed by Miz and Wyatt.

Miz threw Jericho back in the ring only for Jericho to nail him with the Codebreaker. Wyatt laid out Jericho with Sister Abigail as Miz smiled like a Cheshire Cat.

Miz’s cockiness got the best of him as Wyatt took him out with Sister Abigail to complete the trifecta as Raw went off the air with Wyatt telling everyone to “Follow The Buzzards.”

The Good News: Bray Wyatt is not a Hollywood Elitist because the mere thought of him teaming up with The Miz would have been a classic case of character assassination.

The Bad News: The ending of the match was lame. This was such a weak way to end the show. The main event was pretty one-sided with Miz getting his ass kicked for 95% of the match. Wyatt being the last man standing was fine, but it was counterproductive for a number of reasons.

Ambrose gets beat up which means he should want a piece of Wyatt next week even though he’s been feuding with Miz since the Superstar Shakeup.

Jericho looks weak heading into his United States Title rematch against Owens because he hasn’t picked up any key wins to build momentum. With Y2J going on tour with Fozzy next month, he should’ve been built up as a legit contender instead of a lame duck opponent who has one foot out the door.

Miz looks like a chump without a clear sense of direction. Instead of Ambrose and Miz facing off for the IC Title, The Hollywood A-Lister is probably going to be on the receiving end of another ass whopping courtesy of Bálor at the Payback Kickoff Show. Coup de Grace, anyone?

As for Wyatt, he looks strong heading into his House of Horrors match against Randy Orton. However, the WWE Championship is not on the line which makes this camp fest extravaganza pointless outside of Wyatt picking up a moral victory to avenge the spirit of Sister Abigail. Regardless of the outcome, I’m glad the Wyatt-Orton saga is coming to an end because it’s way past its expiration date.

Overall, I thought tonight’s episode of Raw was pedestrian at best. The opening segment was entertaining, but the in-ring action was hit and miss. The go-home show didn’t give me added incentive to watch Payback on Sunday. The card looks solid, but it’s a show that is very skippable based on the so-so build.

On the bright side, WWE played it smart by keeping Roman Reigns off the show for another week. Braun Strowman has been built up like an indestructible monster in recent weeks. It is imperative that Strowman beats Reigns on Sunday. If not, it’s another questionable booking decision that puts his push into a state of flux once again. We shall see how it all plays out on Sunday.

The Payback PPV should be a good show, but the buildup leaves a lot to be desired terms of excitement and anticipation. Here’s hoping the wrestlers have their working boots on because they have to over deliver in order to make up for the uneven booking decisions over the past couple of weeks. Fingers crossed!

On that note, this wraps up another edition of The Raw Exposé. I hope you enjoyed it and I will be back tomorrow night with another installment of The SmackDown Files. See you later, boys and girls!

#Braun Strowman #Bray Wyatt #Chris Jericho #Dean Ambrose #Monday Night Raw #Payback #The Miz #WWE #WWE Universe

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junker-town · 7 years

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WrestleMania 33: The full rundown and why you should care

WWE’s biggest show is happening Sunday, and we’re here to tell you all you need to know.

WrestleMania 33 has 13 matches, so let’s skip the preamble and get right to it. The main card of Mania 33 begins at 7 p.m. ET on the WWE Network and pay-per-view, while the kickoff show will start at 5 p.m. ET. We are in for a long night, but it could be a wonderful night, too!

Kickoff — The Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

What am I looking at here? Each year for the last four years, in memory of Andre the Giant, WWE hosts a battle royal at WrestleMania, and hands out a trophy to the winner. It’s like the Stanley Cup, if the Stanley Cup was a statue of Andre the Giant instead of a cup. There are a number of key wrestlers each year with a real chance of winning what we affectionately call The ‘Dre, but much of the 20 some-odd wrestlers in the match are ones who aren’t involved with anything else on the card. And that’s pretty cool for those performers, because Mania paychecks come but once a year.

Why you should care: Braun Strowman is in it! Braun Strowman prepared for The ‘Dre by lifting trees. Wrestlers weigh less than trees, so, uh, sorry, all you wrestlers who Braun Strowman is going to lift and throw over the ropes with ease. Sami Zayn is also in it, and Sami Zayn is the ultimate underdog you can’t help but root for. He’s a possibility to win, too, but the smart money is on someone screwing Zayn out of winning, which sadly is Sami’s lot in life. But that’s why we love him, for the times he overcomes.

Kickoff — WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match: Neville (c) vs. Austin Aries

What am I looking at here? Austin Aries is the one wearing the jacket that no credible good guy would wear. Of course, Austin Aries is only a good guy relative to his opponent, Neville, the Cruiserweight Champion and self-proclaimed King of the Cruiserweights, who may or may not sit on a throne made out the bones of his opponents.

What, you can’t prove he doesn’t.

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Why you should care: It might be on the pre-show, but like with the Andre, it’s because something has to be. These two should be able to tear things up, and Aries is the first real challenge that Neville has had as champion. Neville is built like the dad from The Incredibles once he’s super buff again, but if he was also like 5-foot-7. When you’re all shaped like that and also you’re in a division where the max weight is 205 pounds, well, you’re probably going to outclass everyone. Aries, though, has the in-ring smarts of a heel and a submission move that might ground the man that gravity forgot.

SmackDown Women’s Championship Match: Alexa Bliss (c) vs. Mickie James vs. Naomi vs. Natalya vs. Becky Lynch vs. Carmella

What am I looking at here? Alexa Bliss became the first two-time SmackDown Women’s Champion after Naomi was forced to relinquish the belt following a knee injury suffered in the match in which she took the title from Bliss. Alexa decided to go to the ring and brag about how much better she was than everyone else in the division, and since she annoys her boss, Daniel Bryan, on the reg, Bryan decided that Bliss’ opponent at WrestleMania 33 would be every available woman in the division.

Why you should care: For one, Alexa Bliss is dope as hell. But even better will be if she loses the title to Naomi again, who had the championship for less than 48 hours before having to give it up after waiting years and years to finally win gold in WWE. They aren’t the only two quality performers you should have feelings about in this match, though: Mickie James is looking to tie Trish Stratus for the most Women’s titles in WWE history, Becky Lynch has been screwed out of winning the title back from Alexa on multiple occasions, and Natalya and Carmella could both do a lot with the title given their current jerk characters should they manage to come out on top.

RAW Tag Team Championship Triple Threat Ladder Match: Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson (c) vs. Enzo and Big Cass vs. Cesaro and Sheamus

What am I looking at here? RAW doesn’t really use more than a handful of tag teams at a time — that’s why New Day went from setting the record for longest championship reign to making fun of Titus O’Neill to hosting WrestleMania 33 — but they have had these three teams floating around each other for some time now.

Enzo and Big Cass are the tiny one and the big one who will do a whole lot of talking in heavy New York accents. Anderson and Gallows are the less tiny one and the also big one who are both bald with beards, and are very much the bad guys here. Cesaro is a Swiss James Bond that does things only Street Fighter characters are capable of, and Sheamus is the one who looks like a World of Warcraft character who does all their level grinding in bar fights.

Why you should care: Well, ladder matches are generally great. Tag team ladder matches tend to be pretty bonkers. So, even though the build to this hasn’t been the best, the match can make up for it, especially if Cesaro decides to launch little Enzo into space. Sorry, Enzo, nothing personal, but you’re very tiny and Cesaro is very strong and I want to see what happens when you put those two facts together.

Also, the Hardys Boys might return to WWE for this match. It’s not a given, but they aren’t under contract with Impact anymore, and there have been whispers and open flirtation between the two sides, and they are also the only one of these four teams known for ladder matches.

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Even without the Hardys showing up, though, all the things that could make this match a good time still stand.

Intercontinental Championship Match: Dean Ambrose (c) vs. Baron Corbin

What am I looking at here? Dean Ambrose is wrestling in jeans, and he’s been in an escalating feud with Baron Corbin that involves forklifts. There are unlikely to be forklifts in the match itself, not unless it suddenly gets some kind of hardcore stipulation, but it’s okay either way: Baron Corbin is literally the most metal athlete -- he won an award for it and everything — and is also a wolf aficionado and possibly the son of Undertaker.

That last part is not true, but only in the sense they haven’t revealed my truth to the rest of the world yet.

Why you should care: Dean Ambrose is almost always a good time against bigger dudes, and Baron Corbin is 6-foot-8, a former Gold Gloves champion, former Grappling champion, a former college and pro football player, and the winner of last Mania’s Andre Memorial Battle Royal — which he won in his main roster debut! He has a real chance of being WWE World Champion before next year’s Mania, and an Intercontinental Championship run would put him on the path to that.

John Cena and Nikki Bella vs. The Miz and Maryse

What am I looking at here? It all started with Nikki Bella being thrown into Maryse backstage by Natalya — twice! — and then Maryse responding by attacking Nikki with a pipe. Maryse has a grudge against Nikki, and Maryse’s husband, Miz, has always had a rocky relationship with John Cena. So, when Cena eliminated Miz from multiple WWE World Championship opportunities over the span of a few weeks, Miz decided he was tired of Cena getting in his way, evolving two old feuds into new ones with all kinds of new angles to work. For example:

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There are four of those videos. I suggest you watch all of them, because they get dark.

Why you should care: This match is marrying SmackDown Live, Total Divas, and Total Bellas plotlines into one glorious mixed tag match, and it should be awesome. Also, Miz and Maryse have been ripping on Cena and Nikki hard for their relationship being fake and the fact they’re not — and never will be — married. Cena and Nikki have had discussions for years now on Total Divas about this, and Nikki seemed resigned to a life without the marriage she wants with the man she has.

This could all change at WrestleMania 33! Win or lose, we might see John Cena propose to Nikki Bella. Have they already agreed to be engaged off-camera? Is John Cena still debating whether he should try marriage again? Will Nikki take Fake Nikki’s tactic and propose to John in front of millions, forcing him to finally confront the situation he’s refused to attack head-on for years?!

I AM VERY INVESTED IN THIS PERFECT WRESTLING FEUD AND ALSO THEIR LOVE.

United States Championship Match: Chris Jericho (c) vs. Kevin Owens

What am I looking at here? Kevin Owens and Chris Jericho were best friends. Then, Kevin Owens turned on Jericho for two reasons: one, his boss, Triple H, told him to, and two, Jericho threw Owens the “Festival of Friendship” and got Owens a ton of weird (but awesome) art and then brought out Gillberg instead of coming up with a plan to defeat Goldberg and Owens snapped, both metaphorically and also in the sense that he brought art crashing and breaking down over Jericho’s head.

You should read this if you want the full breakdown of the Festival of Friendship, which was one of the great RAW segments — not just of the year, but in general. Sorry, I can’t do it justice in a blurb!

Why should you care: Didn’t I already suggest you read that breakdown? Ugh, fine. Jericho is doing some of the greatest work of his career. Kevin Owens is one of WWE’s modern-day greats. They’re in a blood feud, and it’s going to be ugly. Which means it’s going to be beautiful.

RAW Women’s Championship Four-Way Elimination Match: Bayley (c) vs. Charlotte Flair vs. Sasha Banks vs. Nia Jax

What am I looking at here? Bayley is the current RAW Women’s Champion. Charlotte Flair and Sasha Banks are the only other two — not just in this match, but ever -- to win that title, which was introduced at WrestleMania 32 last year. The three of them have been going at it for much of that time, with Bayley sort of replacing Becky Lynch as the third piece in what is going to be a career-spanning feud for all of them.

Nia Jax is unlike anyone other women in WWE — her theme even says so! She’s a powerhouse who has learned that she is capable of wreaking havoc on everyone who is not her. As this is an elimination match, the other three might need to work together to stop her, or else Nia Jax is going to be the next RAW Women’s Champ.

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Why you should care: These four are the future and present of RAW’s women’s division, and while they also seem to be the only women featured on the show with any kind of regularity, their story has still been (mostly) well told. Will Sasha Banks turn on Bayley when the title is at stake? Will Charlotte work together with her old two friends who she turned on long, long ago in order to stop Nia Jax? Will Nia just lift all three of her opponents up in one Samoa Drop and then pin all three after leg dropping them at the same time?

That would be pretty great, actually, let’s do that.

Shane McMahon vs. AJ Styles

What am I looking at here? AJ Styles is the greatest wrestler in the world. Shane McMahon is not. That doesn’t mean Shane lacks the ability to sports entertain, because he excels at putting his body in serious and unnecessary risk in order to make us react. The combination of the two might seem a little odd — fans were dying for Styles to wrestle John Cena again, or for Shinsuke Nakamura to come up to face him, and WWE even approached Shawn Michaels to come out of retirement to face Styles. Don’t let that all distract you from the fact that Styles is the one guy capable of making a Shane match memorable for more than just whatever ridiculous, bad idea Shane has that involves jumping off of something tall.

Why you should care: SmackDown has done a great job of making Styles the bad guy here in spite of his popularity. Shane McMahon actually supported Styles’ quest to wrestle for the WWE World Championship at WrestleMania, but Styles decided to take out his frustration on SmackDown’s boss anyway, by beating the heck out of him in a parking lot and then shoving Shane’s head through a car window.

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It’s possible that this feud and match ends up pushing Styles from SmackDown to RAW, which could have some real repercussions for both rosters, given how key Styles is to the main event scene on Tuesdays.

The Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns

What am I looking at here? You know who the Undertaker is. He’s just older than you might remember, and maybe starting to show it. In fact, this could very well be Taker’s last-ever match in WWE, with Roman Reigns the one to finally vanquish him. Reigns is super handsome and the one getting booed the entire time regardless of whether he’s being great or not. Spoiler: he is probably being great, but the decision to boo him was made a long time ago.

Why you should care: Reigns is real good, and only getting better as he embraces the fact that the crowd is just going to hate on him regardless of what he does or says. It feels like WWE is pushing him into situations now where he gets to lean far more heel than face: he’s not a heel, not really, but maybe this is the start of WWE giving him a more defined role. Taking out the Undertaker, one of the most popular wrestlers ever, would certainly increase the boos.

And if this is indeed the last Undertaker match, well, you’re going to see something special whether the match is great or not.

Seth Rollins vs. Triple H (non-sanctioned match)

What am I looking at here? Seth Rollins used to be Triple H’s handpicked champion and representative of the Authority, but then Aitch decided Kevin Owens was a better fit for the role, which means he cast Rollins aside. Rollins, while standing up to Triple H earlier this year, was attacked by another bit of Authority muscle, Samoa Joe, who wrecked Rollins’ knee (for real). Rollins is now recovering from a significant knee injury, and in a non-sanctioned match because of it — so that he can’t sue WWE when Triple H tries to destroy his livelihood forever.

Why you should care: Allow me to borrow (from myself) from an earlier discussion of this match:

Defeating Triple H is no longer about Rollins exacting revenge for the betrayal that was always inevitable once Aitch found a shiny new toy he could manipulate. It’s about Seth coming to terms with his past, and making sure he’s the one in charge of his future. Rollins doesn’t even necessarily need to win at WrestleMania 33 in order to achieve these goals: what matters is that he trusts himself once again, likes himself once again, and is willing to fight for redemption and what he believes in. Even if Triple H wins this Sunday, what Rollins has managed (and will manage) to accomplish in that non-sanctioned fight could be the final step toward true reconciliation with the brothers he turned on. And when that happens, we’ll all remember the RAW where Seth let us know he had once again found himself.

WWE Universal Championship Match: Goldberg (c) vs. Brock Lesnar

What am I looking at here? Goldberg has had a successful return to WWE, but you can also count the seconds he’s wrestled for them since coming back in November without using four digits. Brock Lesnar has been made to look like an absolute nerd every time he gets in a ring with Goldberg, which is not a thing that happens to Brock Lesnar ever. This is the last chance for Lesnar to turn things around and show that Goldberg doesn’t absolutely own him.

Why you should care: The match probably won’t be special now that they’ve used up all the surprise factor just to get to this point — it was assumed this would be a one-and-done back when they squared off at Survivor Series, and I don’t just mean fans were thinking that was the case. However, the probable moment when Brock Lesnar avoids that spear that’s been his doom each time they’ve faced off, and then wraps his arms around Goldberg for the first of many German Suplexes... that moment and the realization that dawns on Goldberg’s face is going to be real good.

WWE World Championship Match: Bray Wyatt (c) vs. Randy Orton

What am I looking at here: Earlier this week, I wrote a feature specifically about what you are looking at here, because that’s what was required to explain this glorious wrestling feud.

The short version, if you’re pressed for time, looks something like this:

Why you should care: This has been a wonderful long-term feud for SmackDown that began well before Bray Wyatt won the WWE World Championship or Randy Orton had won the Royal Rumble. It’s totally ridiculous and occasionally nonsensical, but in both instances, in the way that makes pro wrestling a beautiful, distinct art form.

And yes, I am saying that about a feud involving swamp hillbilly cults and arson committed for the express purpose of desecrating the resting place of Bray’s demon girlfriend. Hey, I said wrestling was distinct.

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ryanonwrasslin-blog · 7 years

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The Wrestling Optimist - March 9, 2017

For those newbies, this is my first in what I anticipate becoming roughly a weekly edition of my thoughts, from a mostly optimistic viewpoint, on the wonderful world of professional wrestling. I'm working my hardest to stop being such a miserable smark, and this column is my best effort at both keeping myself honest and funneling out the various thoughts I have on wrestling. For the most part, this will be a WWE-themed piece every week, and it's still evolving, but for now I think I've found a solid format. Also, I typically intend for this to be a weekly column, but I was excited to try it out after Fast Lane (and really put my efforts at optimism to their most extreme test), so this particular column will only cover Raw, Smackdown Live, Talking Smack, 205 Live, and NXT.

Theme of the Week: We really are in the fast lane to Mania. The PPV may have left a lot of people a little displeased, but I think Raw and SDL did a nice job this week of building to the Jaws-like creature lurking in our midst, the reportedly 6.5 hour Wrestlemania now less than a month away. On Raw we got Y2J vs. KO, and the Women's Triple Threat officially booked, set up a possible Cruiserweight title match, while also getting Lesnar vs. Goldberg hyped, and Reigns vs. Taker hinted at with the subtlety of one of the Big Dog's Superman Punches. And the inevitable pre-show Tag title match will get clarity next week. That's an awful lot of productivity even for 3 hours.

Smackdown Live, not to be outdone, settled on Wyatt vs. Orton officially, made an intriguing Women's Championship free-for-all, kept the build on for the Mixed Tag, set conspiracy theory AJ Styles loose on Shane O'Mac, and hinted that we're going to get a hardcore type of Intercontinental Title match between Corbin and Ambrose.

The Mania card is now starkly visible, with the unknowns being whatever is happening with the Triple H/ Seth Rollins/ Samoa Joe/ Sami Zayn/ maybe Finn Balor storyline, whether Big Show vs. Shaq happens, how the poor SDL Tag division will be handled, which undercard guys will fill out the AMBAR, and then designating a few of these as pre-show.

For my own druthers, I mostly don't care how the card order stacks up, but I'm going to lose it if the Smackdown women end up on the Pre-Show as I fear they might. My girls Becky and Alexa deserve better than that.

10 Best Moments of the Week

Teasing the Phenomenal Forearm into the RKO Some day they are going to have Orton hit him with the RKO when going for either the forearm or the 450 and it's going to be the coolest thing since the Curb Stomp RKO, and I'm glad they clearly know how cool that is.

Heyman rushing out to address the CM Punk chants and halt whatever ill-fated improv Goldberg was about to attempt I'm not positive that Heyman was rushed out there early to cut off the Punk chants and prevent Goldberg from saying something that would only make the chants worse, but it certainly looked that way and it was another hilarious reminder of how little WWE can trust Goldberg to do pretty much anything.

The Miz motherfuckin' ETHERS John Cena I have nothing to add to his masterpiece. Go watch the SDL and Talking Smack segments.

FORK YOU! - I loved Baron Corbin pinning Dean Ambrose under a forklift. I'm always in for goofy prop fights, and there's always a place on the card for something like this at Mania. I hope this is how the match goes at Mania, a sometimes goofy, sometimes brutal street fight sort of affair. We know that Ambrose wanted the Mania match with Lesnar to go way too far last year but was rebuffed. Let him try this year with someone young and hungry like the Lone Wolf.

Austin Aries, the hero the Cruiserweight division needs Running Aries as the apparent face against Neville could be a weird fit in the long run, but I was all in for this segment on Raw. Aries is the outsized character the division needs right now to complement all the work Neville is doing and the better ring-work we've started seeing from guys like Tozawa and Swann.

The SAnitY and Dillinger story really comes together I don’t know about everyone else, but seeing Roddy get dragged out beaten half to death by the rest of the group, and seeing Tye and Jose get fired up about it, worked like hell for me. That awkward trio coming together against the heels was lacking something and this helped fill in the storyline, as did EY yelling “YOU DID THIS” at Tye. Good stuff.

As the Smackdown Women's Division Turns Becky gets turned on by a tag partner again (at this point I’m surprised Luke Sanders hasn’t turned on her), and Mickie at last turns on Alexa. Sometimes the easy story is the right one. If Naomi makes it back, she's pretty clearly going to win the title, but if not I really hope they have Becky overcome a whole Rogues gallery of heels to win (throw in Eva Marie and Carmella to really put it over the top). She's been turned on so many times that she needs the perseverance story.

For a night, the Part-Timers were booked well I'm as deeply skeptical as anyone that Raw can get me fully invested in a Lesnar/ Goldberg feud or an Undie/ Strong Roman feud, but credit where it's due, they did an excellent job on Raw this week. Goldberg eating an F5 was long overdue and I honestly wanted to see the whooping get worse.

TJP and Shinsuke dab on each other WWE spent a few headscratching months booking TJP after the Cruiserweight classic, but this was a fun match and felt like the right way to handle him, as a cocky, shitty, sorta heel who also does some seriously cool shit in the ring.

The way AJ Styles says, "Randy Orton burns down a man's house and gets rewarded for it!" I knew AJ was among the best in the ring prior to his WWE run, but his promos have been a wonderful surprise to me. He is a natural on the mic and has a goofy charisma, and for whatever reason I chuckled for a long time after he said this particular line.

Let the Smark Out

For as much as I’m trying to be an optimist, wrestling is not a perfect product. Far from it, really, and when you have problems with something, it’s healthy to let that sort of thing out. So, in the hopes of keeping a 5:1 ratio tilted toward the good side, here are my two complaints of the week:

Are we seriously doing this with Emma again? She was in such a good place as Evil Emma with the half-gloves and the shoulder pads. Given how shallow the Raw Women’s division is, why did they feel the need to screw around with something that was working????

I’ve known for weeks that the Styles/ Shane O’Mac feud was coming, but now that it’s here, it hurts even more. There is obvious proof on the roster in multiple forms that you only get so many Wrestlemania’s out of your top workers (like Balor and Rollins both being potentially on the shelf for this year after not being on last year’s card either). To use up one of those years for Styles, unquestionably the best in-ring performer in the company, and probably the world, is asinine. I know there is no bigger honor in WWE eyes than to fight against a McMahon (and I strongly suspect we’re heading toward either a Bayley or Sasha vs. Stephanie program in the next year), but I have no interest in seeing AJ selling for ol’ Baby Jabs McMahon.

Let’s Rank Stuff!

One of the best things to do as a wrestling fan is to compare things. Who's on the Mount Rushmore of wrestling? Who was the most over with the crowd? Who's the best in-ring worker? What's the most uncomfortable Attitude Era storyline in retrospect? That's what I'm going to do here every week, pick a topic and rank it as I see it. Feel free to chime in with your own thoughts! I'd love to hear them.

This week's ranking: The Status of the Championship Belts

It's been almost 8 months since the Brand Split, which saw WWE add a whopping 4 title belts to their company (and a fifth in the UK Title even more recently) and with Wrestlemania approaching, I thought now would be a fun time to rank those titles in terms of their current level of prestige. Keep in mind the old adage about the wrestler making the belt, not the other way around. So without further ado, in reverse order:

13. UK Championship - Too young to be any higher. If Pete Dunne gets it, though, this thing could rocket up the list. That dude has incredible potential.

12 US Championship - Man what a precipitous fall. A short 18 months ago, Cena had made this thing into probably the second best belt in the company. But more recently it's been seen being dragged around by a disinterested Roman Reigns like he was worried that touching too much of it might infect him with some terrible disease. The good news is that I can see KO winning this at 'Mania and proudly defending it, not because it represents America or anything, but because KO is convinced anything he has is just the best.

11 Smackdown Tag Team Championships - Another letdown since the brand split. Slater/ Rhyno was fun, but American Alpha is surprisingly struggling right now.

10 Raw Tag Team Championships - The shenanigans required to get New Day to the tag title record didn't help anyone, and now I can't help but view The Club as utterly inconsequential. Tag team wrestling on the main roster is in a bad way right now. Thankfully, there's hope on the horizon if WWE is smart enough to realize it.

9 Cruiserweight Championship - Talk about the wrestler making the belt. Putting this thing on Neville was the step that was badly needed to salvage this belt and the entire division.

8 Smackdown Women's Championship - This division has done wonders in terms of drawing out depth and giving its characters chances, but it's in need of some excellent, or rather Bex-cellent, wrestling and something memorable. I think maybe they missed an opportunity not having Becky and Nikki fight for this at some point. Face vs. Face can be tricky, but these two could have done it, it would have given more prestige to the belt and now rumors are Nikki may be on her way out. That’s a seriously missed opportunity if so.

7 WWE Universal Championship - Yikes. I was closer to putting this thing 8th than moving it higher. It's impressively ugly, KO's title run was consistently neutered, and now Dadberg is drenching it in sweat for the next few weeks before Lesnar takes it from him at Mania and promptly disappears for a few months. If we do this ranking again in June, this belt might be 13th.

6 NXT Women's Championship - Asuka is obviously great and the coming feud with Ember should be a lot of fun, as should Nikki Cross' pursuit, but the belt hasn't kept up with some of the others under the WWE umbrella. From where it was during Sasha/ Bayley, things have slipped a bit in part because no one legitimate has come for Asuka. Yet.

5 NXT Tag Team Championships - Several of the best matches of 2016 were contested for this belt, and honestly I feel like it should be higher. I just couldn't quite bring myself to pull the trigger. That said, there's no shame in being 5th and the sole beacon of light for tag team wrestling in WWE.

4 Raw Women's Championship - I didn't love the hot potato of the belt, same as most people, and I loathe it when WWE starts talking about "making history," but this title is a very important one right now.

3 Intercontinental Championship - This likely would have been number 2 if I'd done this ranking in the fall thanks almost entirely to the Miz. Ambrose has been fine as champ since then thanks to his pedigree as a former WWE Champ, and if they are setting up Baron Corbin to win the title at Mania, that could be a great step toward both making a star and helping keep the belt relevant.

2 NXT Championship - One of the most impressive lineages of any championship belt in wrestling history right now. At times, it probably has surpassed even the WWE Championship itself. I'm curious to see how they handle Bobby Roode's reign after having one indy giant after another hold it for years on end. Obviously Roode is no slouch, but this does feel like an interesting point for the title.

1 WWE Championship - I'm glad they're back to just calling it the WWE Championship. That just sounds so much better than adding any sort of "world" modifier to it. It's the franchise, the belt with all the history behind it, and that WWE itself even clearly tries to pay respect to, and this past year or so has only added to the legacy. Getting AJ Styles' name on the belt was great for everyone, Cena tied the record with it, and now Bray Wyatt, a character that WWE has always viewed as a long-term face of the company, is battling another all-time legend in Randy Orton at Wrestlemania for it. That's great stuff.

Match of the Week

This was supposed to be a column that covered everything after Fast Lane, but I have to give it up one more time for Neville vs. Jack Gallagher. That’s unquestionably the match of the week.

Where Do We Go From Here?

I sketched out a rough idea of the Mania card earlier in the column, but for the next few weeks I’m excited for the build. That’s where these matches are set up for memorable moments and big crowd pops or destined for failure. I covered the Triple H saga in this segment in the Fast Lane column, but I was surprised to see it not get a ton of attention on Raw this week. It’s starting to feel like WWE doesn’t even quite know what to do with it at this point.

If we get through this week’s Raw without some kind of stakes for Mania set for those two and the various other players in their drama, I’m going to start doubting whether the match is actually happening, and if maybe we’ll only get some kind of confrontation only at the show.

The Finisher

Big Show vs. Shaq would be kinda cool if it happens, but if it doesn’t, I hope they do Strowman vs. Show II. Strowman is ready for something more than winning the AMBAR, and Show deserves a reward for getting into such ridiculous shape. Plus, those two had low-key the most surprisingly fun match of 2017 so far, and you could do a lot worse than a ten minute hoss fight at Mania. Make it happen, WWE.

#WWE #wrestling

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