#and he said 'under the tenancy act we can't force them to leave' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sexualrevoluti0n · 1 year

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Y'know what, I'm really fucking angry with my ex tonight and I can't sleep because of it so I'm gonna write some of it out here in the hopes that it'll get it out of my mind so I can rest. It's just a big long vent so feel free to scroll by.

He said that he'd left because my mental health was too much for him, which has pissed me off more because when things were really bad I told him I wanted to admit myself as an inpatient to get help because that really helped me in the past and I was having constant flashbacks at that point, and he convinced me not to go. He said he wouldn't be able to cope without me, he wouldn't be able to manage in the house on his own (for like a couple of weeks, seriously?!) and that it wasn't that bad, that we didn't need to resort to that. He stopped me from being help before things got to a crisis point, and then when a few months later they got to that stage because I had no support (and he'd told me multiple times that he didn't want to hear about my mental health struggles so I had no support from him) he acted like he couldn't have seen any of this coming and I was just too much for him to handle and such a burden. When he actively prevented me from getting help and getting better before it got to that stage!

He came round this week to bring some of my things back but forgot basically all of the things. Acted shocked at the amount of his stuff that's still here - it would take multiple car loads to take all his stuff and furniture he's left.

Not to mention that he then spent the whole time he was here this week telling me how hard this all is for him, how awful he feels for leaving me because of my mental health, what a monster and a terrible human being he must be, all woe is me, everyone hates me, no one has spoken to me in months, let me emotionally dump all my current mental health struggles and suicidal ideation on you without asking if you have capacity for this when this is exactly the reason I'm saying I left you. I got forced into the comfort and rescue role once again, and he spent the whole time telling me that I was wrong, that the reason people weren't taking to him had nothing to do with the fact that he hadn't tried to talk to any of them in 5 or 6 months and was actually because everyone hates him. I spent sooo long trying to say that friendships work both ways, and that people often assume a friend is busy if they don't hear from them, and that doesn't necessarily mean they hate you. He said he was really hurt that he hadn't been hanging out or speaking with any friends when I had, and when I said that I'd been actively reaching out and arranging things with people regularly since he moved out he just kept telling me that it had nothing to do with that and that he's just such a terrible unlikeable person and none of those people are his friends, and how I knew so-and-so first actually so they're my friends not his, and it was just. So. Fucking. Exhausting. I'd said that I thought if some of his friends knew he wanted to hang out then they'd probably be up for doing something with him, but he was adamant that under no condition would he reach out or try to talk to anyone because they all hated him and he deserved it etc etc, literally went on so much about that and that he would not speak to anyone. Messaged me later saying he'd looked on Facebook and it just made him sad so he'd never go on again 🙄

And then today it turns out he's posted on facebook saying that he misses hanging out with friends and wants to see them. Just. Ffs dude. Stop being a fucking hypocrite.

He messaged me saying we still need to sort out rent. I've been busting my ass constantly chasing estate agent and landlord to change the tenancy and he has done fuck all about anything this entire time. There's no we, it's just me doing everything, like it was our entire relationship. All of the mental load, running everything in the entire household as well as managing his constant rollercoaster depression that he refused to ever get help for, and when he did try counselling he would stop the second he started feeling slightly less bad, and not actually follow through until he was properly stable and functional.

I'm pissed off because my mental health was doing really well before we got together, but his depressive episodes always lasted so long and he would never speak to friends or family about it so I was the only support, and I gradually got worse and worse myself from only ever hearing the most pessimistic answers to everything, so that I started to think that way myself. Because what was the point of trying to help him when I'd be told everything I said to help was wrong, that nothing would ever change, there was no point to anything but that that was just normal and how life was and that there was no point trying to change anything. Hearing that constantly for so fucking long.

I'd just got to the point where I was finally stable and happy and not having flashbacks again and had come off all my meds and was finally starting to enjoy life again when he decided that actually, after 5 years of me having to be monogamous with him because he was too anxious to be ok with me being polyam (which he knew when we got together and said was fine with but changed his tune once he actually saw me being interested in acting) that actually he was totally poly cause this cute person liked him, and we didn't need to have any conversations ever about what we wanted from this new relationship, no we didn't need to know what anyone's boundaries were, but oh sorry he forgot he promised to pick me up from the station cause he was taking to the other partner! oh he forgot he'd told me he was back from this partner's today and that I was waiting for him before making dinner, he wasn't actually back til late on Tuesday, but he feels sooo bad about this he's such a terrible person. oh he forgot we had plans tonight, he was too excited and planned a thing with the new partner, oh he forgot we had a party with friends doing all his favourite things this weekend, he was going to visit the new partner instead. You're feeling left out and like you're second best? I don't understand why would feel like that, you don't need to be jealous it's poly, no one's more important. Oh by the way it's been 6 weeks and me and the new partner are getting handfasted and talking about living together. There's no reason to be anxious it's not important it's all in your head, I love you both equally. I don't know why you want to talk about what we all want from relationships, we don't need to do all of that. You don't need to be uptight or worried. Yes fine sure let's have a talk about boundaries around sex when we're in the same house. But actually me and them are just gonna fuck anytime we want in any room and not have the discussion we promised, screw your boundaries. Idgaf that you've been waiting the whole two weeks our partner is here for this conversation to happen and have not been initiating anything sexual and turning down advances until you knew what everyone was comfortable with. We don't care about what anyone else apart from the two of us want. Of course you're still important. Actually your insecurity is getting really difficult to deal with. You need to get help to stop being so jealous.

#vent #personal #relationship #relationships #ex #polyam #breakup #breakups #mental health #mistreatment

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