#and i was watching a playthrough of a game that makes me paranoid but I'm sucked in and i just don't feel like being schizophrenic rn

[romeoandromeo]

.

#so bored rn i want to write but i don't want to get up and go to the computer to do so and also I'm shit out of ideas #and also i took a sleep aid so i should actually probably be trying to sleep instead of writing or browsing Tumblr #idk today was just very unfulfilling i guess #i was supposed to see my friend and chill and get high #but he got called into work and so i just went to the bmv instead because I've been putting off getting my new license and i had nothing #better to do so i just got that shit out of the way #i didn't get a chance to buy cigarettes so I've been without nic all day long and it's making me restless #I've been inside literally all day I'm going stir crazy i need some nature #but it was hot today #well hot compared to what it has been it was only 78 today and i come from Florida so i shouldn't be completing #complaining i mean #but like all week it's been in the fifties and I've been loving it i feel like I'm living with this cold weather #I'm literally in bed sweating rn i feel like I'm still down south #i can't continue the YouTube video I'm watching because i think this sleep aid is making things influence my dreams #and i was watching a playthrough of a game that makes me paranoid but I'm sucked in and i just don't feel like being schizophrenic rn #who am i kidding I'm always schizophrenic lol maybe i should get back on meds idk just don't feel like being extra paranoid ig #i have a roach but no one hitter and i found literally a pinch of weed #but how can i smoke it? idk where my bfs pipe is and also my parents bedroom window is open so they would literally smell it #im not trying to get kicked out 🙄 can't leave the house because the garage makes too much noise and idk our front door is weird #also where would I even go?? wtf #idk im literally just so incredibly bored and i want to do anything but sleep i really want to be outside smoking really #anything a blunt a cigarette... idc id even take a damn vape and i literally hate vaping #well i guess i don't megahate it but still #ugh what do i even dooooooooo. i want to be under the influence of somethingggggg but we don't even have any alcohol.... #well... i have a few blue moons in my car which i should probably get that shit out of there they've been under my seat for months #but I don't want beer :/ i need like a buzzball or smth also?? ever since i moved and have had to buy something that i need to show my id i #i keep getting dirty looks from the clerks??? like what'd i do I'm literally just buying a pack of cigarettes.. and you hardcore stare at #my id and then give me the evil eye for what?? I'm of age??? stick up your ass much??? #idfc i started giving them dirty looks right back like i did nothing wrong and you're out to get me for no reason :// #what was i talking about before this???

[mecchantheotaku]

i don't have the game slay the princess but through playthroughs I'm still fixated on it anyway :) I was wondering if you knew what each voice says immediately after you tell them they're going to die when in front of the mirror? I'm really interested in knowing how they react and haven't been able to find all their reactions somewhere else.

Thanks!

Lucky for you, I can easily check! I have the Voice files saved to my phone (I did this mainly so I can use Paranoid's mantra to help calm myself whenever I need it)

Also, fuck you for making me look and give myself emotional pain /lhj

Hero: "What is that supposed to mean? Whatever awful thing I felt before, it feels so much worse now."

Broken: "This is what we all deserve."

Cheated: "So you're the real puppetmaster here? Can't believe I tried to help you."

Cold: "I would have kept them in the dark, if I were you."

Contrarian: "He's just messing with us... right?"

Hunted: "Death. Real death." (Note he says this louder than his normal tone)

Opportunist: "You'd better watch your back. You can't get rid of me that easy!"

Paranoid: "Can't even trust ourself..."

Skeptic: "No! That can't be right! There has to be something more!"

Smitten: "Do it then. End us all before I die of a broken heart."

Stubborn: "Screw that! This can't be the end, it just can't!"

#slay the princess #i hope i did this right

[dimeadozencows]

I was looking back at your past Gaster content from your old account (specifically the pieces where he’s interacting with other Narrators from other games), and I feel that the Narrator from Slay the Princess would be a natural addition to the gang.

In fact, I’d argue he’s a lot like Gaster in many ways.

I'm so sorry it took me so long to get to this! I wanted to give this ask the attention it deserves but i've been super busy- then had a few weeks off and decided to relax- but i'm doing it now!!

First of all, i've known about slay the princess for a while now, but because it's such a long game (and it seemed fascinating so i wanted to sit down and appreciate it) i didn't have the chance to watch a playthrough until recently (this ask was what pushed me to finally do it, so thank you!)

This game is seriously fascinating- its genre subversion pushed to the max and i seriously enjoyed every part and route- to avoid spoiling the game for anyone i'll continue after the cut :’))

Idk if i agree with the stp narrator being similar to gaster- we don't know gaster yet!

The narrator barricades the world, lies to us, hides the truth just so we’ll continue on with an impossible mission- one that he deep down knew was an unwinnable battle. The narrator was a delusional mortal man who wanted to free the world of the inevitable pain that comes with life- those are a lot assumptions placed on my peepaw

I'm not saying that there's no way he’s at all similar to him, he might be! That's the thing about not knowing who he is or what his plan and goal are yet! But so far, to me, Gaster seems like a nice and caring powerful being who loves watching us do what we want in his world. He might've been the one to make it so our choices don't matter, and if he was then yeah they're kinda similar! But idk. We don't know yet :’]]

But if i misinterpreted this and you're talking about vibes then yeah of course sdshdjs,,, romance repulsed gaster for the win he’s british too they're twins separated at birth. Although the narrator lacks gasters innate silliness imo

Also my favourite voices were the cheated, the smitten, and above all, the paranoid :’DD definitely didn't start whisper chanting 'heart, lungs, liver, nerves' as a vocal stim. (\sarcasm, totally did) and my favourite princesses were all of them

Anyway, some doodles cus i miss him hehe

The story and vibe of Slay The Princess is so gorey and horrific compared to their games. They'd be scared i think lol (this is gaster and The Narrator from The stanley parable btw)

(Also i feel the need to mention that i DON'T believe gaster is the narrator in Undertale/Deltarune, i just like drawing him interacting with other godly and omnipresent silly beings in media i like lol)

#gaster #the stanley parable #slay the princess #my art #the adventure line connecting through the images was a happy accident thats so cool shjdjfkf #also i don't interrupt the Stanley parable narrator as the adventure line #its just there :] its having fun following the narrator through worlds :] #awesome people being nice #i JUST realized i posted this on 4/27. Stanley day. happy birthday Stanley <3

[marshvlovestv]

I've been watching another playthrough of the whole Psychonauts series - not only are they an absolute blast, but I think they're a beautiful example of how people really CAN grow and change and how subconscious bigotry CAN be unlearned. As great as the first Psychonauts is, it stumbles in its depiction of neurodivergence in all its forms. It stumbles hard. From how it casually talks down about "insanity," to playing some of the campers' deep issues for laughs, to the heavily stereotyped and shallow depictions of the asylum patients (the ticking time bomb of a paranoid schizophrenic, the dramatic and self-absorbed manic-depressive, the callous straitjacket and padded cell imagery). At the end of the day the game does feel as though it has compassion for all of these characters, but that compassion is undermined by the need to be funny above all else, and a lack of any real understanding of the issues at play.

By the time Rhombus of Ruin and Psychonauts 2 come out, though, the amount of learning and reflecting that the developers have gone through is beautifully apparent. The language of the game is more careful, there are honest content warnings, the binary between sanity and insanity that the first game operated by is less rigid, and almost every mind Raz enters, no matter how damaged, is treated with respect and compassion. Nowhere is this more obvious than with how the latter two games handle Dr. Loboto, whose "insanity" was in the first game used as a shorthand for "evil." But the devs seem to have learned: someone as mentally ill as him is much more likely to be the victim than the villain. Loboto is recontextualized in Rhombus of Ruin as the victim of medical abuse (an actual lobotomy) that left him heavily damaged mentally. And Psychonauts 2's opening sequence goes even further to show that this left him vulnerable and easily manipulable - he's not a serial henchman because he loves it, it's because people with bad intentions see him as an easy target.

The sequel still isn't perfect, of course. For all it's triumphs it still makes me, as a person with a personality disorder, very uncomfortable that Gristol Malik, the only character depicted without compassion and as wholly irredeemable, is unsubtly supposed to be pop psych's version of a narcissist. Not that this surprises me - even the most supposedly open-minded and accepting of neurodiversity still refuse to show sympathy for people with PDs. But we've already seen that growth and learning are possible. This last tricky thorn in neurodivergent acceptance can be tackled just as anything else can.

I'm thinking about the asylum patients from 1 a lot (hey, as bad as I know it is I still latch onto messy neurodivergent representation like a tick). I hope they're doing well in the kinder world Psychonauts 2 created.

#psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #ableism tw #neurodivergence #mental health #mental illness

[theladyjssem]

9 people I'd like to know better

Tagged by: @greenskellyblob

Last song: Pop! Cherri's Assault by Paranoid DJ

I have a full playlist of songs I use for both bopping along to when I'm out and about, or doing something be it art, gaming, or what have you. Cherri's Assault is just one of those songs that has the right energy, starting slow and building up to being the exact level of bouncy I enjoy. Paranoid DJ is just one of a host of brilliant artists I absolutely adore for their fan musics and original works too.

Currently watching: Just finished both Nimona and the latest season of Dragon Prince. Stars above I loved Nimona, so so SO much! The memes out there, (especially one I shared from @wishingstarinajar ) are so right, Baltizar's sad kitty face throughout is everything. PLEASE go watch the movie the animation, the voice acting, everything was so GOOD. Dragon Prince is still a lovely story and it feels like they've finally dealt with the janky animation, it didn't look nearly as jittery as is used to, still a little quick but not jittery. Dragon designs are still top teir and the humour is brilliant.

Oh and I also have been binge watching Aavak and Lady Shelab's playthroughs of 7 days to Die, I admit it, I'm a huge schadenfreude fan. I love watching Markiplier or Wanderbot in scary situations (Wander's little laughing "Aaah!" as he runs away from spiders in Grounded, looking back at the spiders then run away again laughing and saying "Guys, help!" always gets a giggle). But Aavak and Shelab are so enjoyable and calming, I've watched some of Aavak's playthroughs for very chill building games to fall asleep to a few times. Shelab gets a little upset from time to time when things go wrong but Aavak is so gentle and patient when he reassures her its lovely to hear, espeically as a Youtuber couple who both do their own things as well as game together.

Currently reading: At the moment I'm re-reading The Adventure Zone graphic novel series. I just finished the Enchanted Forest Chronicles (for the millionth time), and wanted more humor and shenanigans. I loved the Balance arc, it was so good for their first dnd campaign and while the others have been good, they haven't hit the mark for me like Balance did. I have ALL of the graphic novels that are out, even preordered the latest one, the artist who does the series art is brilliant, and I love the little nods to the silliest things from the show, while making it a proper BOOK so the ooc conversations get translated into ic convos that make perfect sense, but also how the artist has made certain to tie in the overarching story into EVERY book! If you haven't listened to the series, you are in for a LOVELY surprise. Gah! I can't wait for the other books! They are going to be so good, and I am going to cry when they're done. Oh and Kravitz.... I love Kravitz... that character design *chef's kiss*

Right... now who to tag, (and please don't feel obligated!)

@anonbea , @hydaen , @silverryu25 , @xsuicunex2 , @epic-and-kitty , @dreemurr-skelememer , @renmarrr , @owlygem , @ronkoza

#ladyjssem speaks #hope these links work #or I shall be annoyed!

[mynameis-a]

i'm back at it again watching playthroughs of the game that makes me more paranoid than normal!!

but this is the new game that just came out!

so i have no idea what's going to happen in it :)

lets hope ranboo makes it less creepy :D

#“why would you watch something that you know is triggering” #because its a great game series that i love and im very excited to see the new one #we stan the observation duty games AND we fear them #♡⊱a talks #observation duty #im on observation duty #where did those tags go #eh whatever

[sk3tch404]

Akskjdhshjs thanks for enjoying my crack idea lmao, yknow I've always been a fan of those kind of endings that give you whiplash (cough cough silent hill 2 dog ending cough) it's like, you're on the edge of your seat, paranoid about what's gonna happen next, the monster/yandere could be around any corner and god knows what the creator of the game's gonna put you through next and suddenly your faced with the most absurd situation that you couldn't have seen coming in a million years, leaving you speechless at the screen, the only thought in your mind being 👁👄👁 what,,, in the WORLD did I just witness—

Anyhow if you actually do implement it in the game, please watch out for Burnout! Considering it's the first game you're developing, it's easy to get a lot of ambition for it, which is always good, but it's also easy to underestimate the amount of work you'd need to do to implement said ideas, so it's better to finish a bare-bones playthrough first and then fleshing it out later, so you can get a rough estimate on how long a single ending would take for you to create and for players to get and thus adjusting the time you spend on certain aspects accordingly. Most importantly, make sure to take care of yourself!! and have lots of breaks, considering that staring at a screen for a prolonged amount of time causes eye strain!

-Ren'py anon

Aw thanks renpy anon! I also have been kind of- well a lot of burnt out, but I'm doing what I like and taking the time to just live life. You stay safe too!

Thanks for that bare bones playthrough reminder. I need to get one ending done and over with so I can work on the others so I dont feel so messy. I think I'm gonna ask some of my mutuals or even you (If you'd be okay sharing your non anonymous blog to me that is) to beta test it so I can get a rough estimate of time of one ending and game review.

AND FOR THE LIFE OF ME- PLEASE DONT READ MY SCRIPT UNTIL IM COMFY WITH IT BC ITS HELLA EMBARRASSING AND ITS SO MESSY 😭

I get so insecure abt someone judging my code and saying it's really bad even tho ik it's not great. I see other devs do stuff like

label yandere_branch4:

y "Blah blah I'm yandere haha."

if: I hate u

p "U suck dude."

elif: I love u too

p "Awwww k."

else: Um anyway...

p "... {w} crickets boo."

I mean this is basic renpy code but damn do I still feel intimadated. I also label my shit as random words, so I should probably change that huh.

label hallway_drunk:

... speaks for itself tbh

I feel like I spend too much time on dialogue. Idk I just have a lot of things to say 🤧

The crack ending would be AMAZING and I'd still love to somehow do something with it.

I love silent hill, but I haven't seen a playthrough yet. I've seen John Wolf play Silent hill 3 and I loved it! So I guess I should go back and retrack if he played the 2nd installment to see that whiplash ending you're talking about hehe.

The crack ending wont just be a lot of absurd/cuss words being slapped everywhere and just weird things happening lmao. I'll make it kind of climatic ig 😭

#renpy #renpy anon #development #hunt me down darling #youre a the love of my games life #insert veronica screaming YEAHHHH #from heathers the musical #bc its been suck in my head for days #and it gets me going #so #YEAHHHHAHHHHHH

[mrthoughtbubbles]

Last week, I had the urge to watch a playthrough of a game called Mortuary Assistant, wherein the mortuary assistant has to overcome the possession of a demon. The whole playthrough is about 1 hour, 43 minutes, but it took me 3 days to watch the whole thing because there were times wherein I got really scared and I had to stop every few seconds to focus on other things that will make me forget my fear for a little while.

Fast forward to last weekend, I got curious about exorcisms and all that, and I found out about Anneliese Michel, the real story on which the film, The Exorcism of Emily Rose, was based. Listening to the audio tapes of the 6 demons that inhabit her body, it was as if the microphone was placed down in hell to listen to them talking.

As for the reason why I'm sharing this, listening to and watching videos about demons strengthens my faith in God because, as for how I reason it out, if there are demons, surely there are beings that are opposite to them, which are God and his angels. Furthermore, Lucifer is a fallen angel, which is another proof for me to believe in them.

I am not the most religious person, in the sense that I don't go to masses, due to me getting anxious going outside the house and being around a lot of people, partly due to my introversion and partly due to my paranoid schizophrenia, and I don't really like listening to the sermons of some priests, especially when they reason out that if a person can buy a cellphone, he/she can still have another child, or when they dabble into politics. To me, priests are also human who make mistakes and have their reasons for their views and all, and I respect that, but I'd rather pray by myself and have a personal and intimate connection with God.

[bunnyb34r]

Whyyy must I like horror stuff so much when it makes me so fucking paranoid 😩 I don't even watch scary stuff I just read plot synopses online and that's enough to fuck me up

#i wanted to watch Squid Game but I was like i can read episode synopses faster than i can watch and i knew itd be gory and gd was i right #its really interesting and kinda sad at parts but the final twist is fucking genius and wild sgdgdg highly recommend if you like horror #it really reminds me of the running man in the way that desperate people are playing dangerous games for money & rich peoples enjoyment #theres apparently another series similar to it but i probably shouldnt look that up agdggd im already bugging #at least I'm not as paranoid as i was when i read this one game series playthrough bc good god i was searching on private mode AND #duckduckgo 😅 i was talking ab that series with someone and how it fed my fear of ''living dolls'' which ironically im considering making a #story ab agsggdg it would basically be ANOTHER spinoff of Nadia's story with minor adjustments and lilly would be in it sgdhdhd i did say i #wanted them to share a story ANYWAY im looking up fun facts while scupa scares the shit out of me #scupa: oh? youre paranoid rn? i better make a lot of sudden loud noises by hitting the glass then :) #marquilla #oh also really glad i didnt watch the show bc it has one of my worst fears in it agdgdgdgd youd never guess it but i aint putting it here

[lilacmuffins]

(keep in mind im in the middle-end of the first trial so-)

okay okay but like. i was watching a playthrough of danganronpa 2 and hajime's eyes caught my attention because they have this like... 🚫 symbol in them, right? and it threw me off and i wasn't exactly sure why until i realized uhh

^ that's junko's tie. it's probably just a coincidence (or not and it's something obvious but uh... idc i wanna post this anyways haha-)

hajime's eye [with no outline by me (top) and an outline by me (bottom)], for reference.

i dunno man, it kinda made me think because he doesn't remember his ultimate and the game gave us the whole, "oh fuck what if I'M the traitor?!" thing and then instantly dropped it and played it off as hajime just being paranoid (which would 100% make sense but still, it was a little odd).

i dunno though i could just be overthinking a design choice because im overtired-- 🤷‍♀️

[journalofhrr]

I wanna write down all my experiences but sometimes I forget :( I know something happened but I don't remember when or what...

Anyway

I Know I'm not from this universe not human at all. Altho I am inhabiting this body it's just a puppet. I have memories from before I came here. I can't remember why I came here tho.

I do like to believe I'm a Dog! I'm a furry and i like pet play. But I'm really a dog in a human body being piloted by an outside force.

I constantly feel like there is someone in the room watching me even when I'm alone. I never feel alone when I'm alone there is always another presence. And I never used to feel presences.

There is always eyes watching me they're every where on the walls on the table under the fridge behind the washer.

I'm afraid of people looking in the windows so all the curtains are closed the only light comes in the stained glass and I covered all the clear parts with post it notes. The window in the bathroom is covered in rice paper or some shit it's totally white.

I get so paranoid at work that someone is going to come in when I'm there alone and it doesnt help that I keep hallucinating this karmpus looking guy walking around the corner or behind the bagel slicer or into the bathroom so I see him and get spooked but like at least I work alone so no one can see how fucked up I am

And then like a handful of times I've heard voices usually I hear someone says my name and then just whispers like they're behind the wall talking about me but once again I work alone so

No one had sent me a message or called me in over a year and a half like 2020 was the last time anyone besides my wife and the BT have had contact with me. I have 0 friends. Cause if they were my friends I wouldn't have to reach out every single time. Communication is a two way street but I can't be the only one driving on it, every single time. So after I reached out to a person I waited to see if they would reach out to me..and they haven't not a single fucking person. I've had the same phone number for 16 years so it's not like they don't know what it is. Of course some of these "friends" talk to my wife but not a single message to me not in over a year and a half like what the fuck . What can I do other that take it as a sign that not a single person I've met in the last 13 years has ever wanted me or to be my friend.

So yeah total isolation from people and society. I watch YouTube videos. I reblog things on my main. I scroll a little on reddit. But that's it. I don't talk to anyone online. I don't make content. I do play video games and smoke weed and cook amazing food. So I'm just living the hedonistic life by my fucking self (aside from my loving bipolar wife and my loving ocd BT)(only someone who's brain is as fucked up as mine can deal with me I guess.)

I get obsessive with my interests and I like to collect altho I'm careful not to become a hoarder. My wife is a certified hoarder tho and it's taken us years to go through all of her stuff. We still have 12~ boxes to go through but after 5 years I'm kinda exhausted. There still might be some treasure but these are very disappointed looking boxes lots of cables and paperwork to sort.

Anyway back to my interests I watch movies 30-40 times listen to songs 8+ times a day every day, read billions and trillions of words of Harry Potter fanfic. Harry Potter is my deepest and most long lasting interest (my mother literally bred it into my reading me every Harry Potter but the last one that I was able to read on my own. Anyway only good thing she ever did) (of course fuck jkr I'm trans my wife and bt are trans I get it trust me) right now I'm obsessing over spose good thing he has so many albums that boys catalog is crazy at least 50 songs on my playlist and 3 more albums to go but that has nothing on my 100+ they might be giants playlist. But also my 4000+ collection of online adoptables dogs my 20+ playthroughs of Skyrim and the 7? 8? Copies of Skyrim I own lol thousands of Pokemon cards and dozens of statues and carvings and knifes and blankets and glass pipes and and and maybe I collect too many things but at least they are all nice useable items

ANYWAY

I am really smart high iq good grades really logical worked in electronics on helicopters all that shit so like I feel like I'm too smart to be so fucked up over haluctions :(

The 500mg of Seroquel has definitely helped with my depression. Like if my pit of dispair was a really deep swimming pool and Im usually doggy paddling in the deep end ready to slip under and not be able to touch the bottom at any moment. The Seroquel has like pulled a winter pool cover over top of the pool like I'm in the same spot but I'm sitting on the cover and since I'm not paddling it's much easier to deal with... I'll still feel empty and emotionless but it's not painful or so foggy. It cuts through the fog that's for sure.