#and somehow i am always more attracted to darker haired guys instead of blondes

[ryllen]

it's fun when they are a little silly [x]

#sam is just super silly #stardew valley #sdv #sdv sam #sdv sebastian #sdv vincent #stardew sam #stardew vincent #stardew sebastian #stardew valley sebastian #stardew valley vincent #stardew valley sam #fanart #sam is fun but i love alex more because he is more family orientated #and somehow i am always more attracted to darker haired guys instead of blondes #but i am probably more outspoken to someone like harvey #he has the same shy vibe like i do irl

[loulougoingsolo]

DIYing a Bold Hair Choice

So, as we all know, we live in troubling times. I've personally been living in quarantine-like arrangements for about a month now, and although I've been mostly doing alright, some things have proven to be hard. I was supposed to have my hair professionally cut and dyed this week, but I had to cancel the appointment, and at the moment, I don't know when I'll get to visit the salon for the next time. So, I had to take matters (or scissors) to my own hands.

I'm a DIYer, but I've never cut my own hair. I've also had it professionally dyed since I was 15 or so. For a short period, I only had it bleached and cut by a pro, but then dyed it myself with a pretty intense cool shade of red - but other than that, and a few toner touch ups, I've always relied on professionals. So I was in a bit of a pickle, when I realized that I'd have to either DIY or have my grey roots grow wild for months. And because my hair is short, the roots way too grey for my age, and I had all this time ln my hands, there was really only one way this could go.

When I go about a DIY project, my first step, always, is thorough research. I had an idea for what I'd attempt to achieve, so I went on Youtube and searched for diy haircuts. I got some good tutorials, but most of them were for long hair - and I also got suggested GMM episode #989, in which Rhett and Link battle in cutting their own hair (wigs). Can I just say, they predicted the Tiger King craze long before Netflix:

So, I immediately figured I would not be able to follow yhe hair styling tutorials of this GMM episode. First of all, I could only find one pair of scissors even remotely sharp enough to cut hair. They were not sharp enough. Secondly, the longest part of my hair barely reaches my chin. I would need to really commit to every snip I make, or I'd end up with a bald hair style, instead of bold. As attractive and gorgeous some people are with a fully shaved head, with my head shape, that was something to avoid at all costs.

Another thing I was worried about was that I'd probably end up cutting my own finger, like Link. I've always found it extra difficult to see my own reflection in a mirror and try to do accurate motions according to the reflection. Simply put, my brain gets confused. Also, I don't really have a way to see the back of my head through the mirror at all. How the crap am I supposed to cut anything?

At this point, I understood that the actual haircut was going to be the tough part, so I decided to focus on the dye. Since I cojldn't just go to a big supermarket to buy the equipment, I had to order the dyes online. At this point my plan was simply to buy a multitude of wild colours to mix and match according to my mood, so I ordered a tub of Midnight Blue, Daffodil Yellow, Flamingo Pink and Cerise dyes, all by the brand La Riche Directions. These dyes are semi-permanent, sonI knew they wouldn't cause permanent damage to my hair, and at this point, that was kind of my goal - whatever I do, I don'g want to ruin things too badly. But, because I'm familiar with semi-permanent dyes, and I've had pretty much every shade on the spectrum on my hair at one point, I knew I might require an extra step to see results. Which is why, "just in case", I added a hair lightening kit to my order. I figured, I'd make some lighter strands on top, to have some colours show properly.

By the time the dyes arrived, I was already pretty fed up with my grey roots. I watched the GMMore which followed the hair cut episode. Rhett, who won the haircut challenge, got to decide what colours would go in Alex's hair. Alex had done the smart thing and bleached his hair professionally to be dyed in this episode, but he somehow agreed to letting Rhett and Link add the colours.

When Rhett explains everyone how he and Link used to dye eachother's hair back in the day, I realize that even though I'm technically watching a DIY hair tutorial, they aren't actually doing it themselves. It's quite different to put dye on someone else's head than your own. (Also, something I didn't notice back when I first saw this episode: Link says it would be crazy for him to have his hair dyed, but looking back, he most certainly had his hair dyed at this time.)

It was slightly alarming to see that Alex was worried about how things would go. I could hardly expect to achieve anything much better than the guys, since at least they had the studio lighting and a full team to help rhem not screw up. I had a mirror in my dark toilet, which is barely big enough to stand in.

I also forgot to buy vaselkne, which was a big mistake - although I don't think it's even possible to buy a container that big here. Why would they have that at Mythical in the first place? But something about seeing how much trouble the guys were having controlling the unmixed streaks of dye and all that vaseline made me worried.

At this point, I need to tell you that seeing the blank canvas which was Alex's hair, I, now the proud owner of a 40 % bleack kit (which apparently is the strong stuff), decided I was not going to waste energy by trying to dye my hair without bleaching, only to find out that the colours didn't show. So, I mixed the bleach, put on a worn-out t-shirt, used hand lotion to vas up my forehead, neck and ears, and then just went for it.

I did watch quite a few proper tutorials. They taught me, firstly, that 40% was a no-no. Secondly, never bleach something that has already been bleached, especially, if your hair has multiple colours. Forth, never start from the roots, as they get bleached faster (this ended up being the only rule I followed). And, above all, go to a professional.

So, I added the bleach to my hair. First I tried sticking to just a few strands, but then a blop of the bleach fell on the wrong spot, and I figured, why not just go full head. I did. I left the stuff on for maybe 20 minutes, and after that I got scared and rinsed it off. Then, I used a silver toner, and was left with a fascinating mix of orange, yellow and white hair - and a strand of persistent green from my previous dye. But it was blond enough for my plans.

Alex had a beautiful mix of blue, pink and purple in his hair - and that accidental splash of green - and after considering thoroughly, I decided to go for these colours, too. I mean, pink, purple and blue are my jam. Also, as much as I wanted to go full rainbow, I figured it would be an impossible task to keep the different colours from mixing, and that might result in brown, which is the colour of defeat. So, I went with midnight blue, flamingo pink and cerise, and wasn't too concerned aboit getting the colours mixed together.

This is how Alex's hair looked on the episode, before he rinsed the extra dye off:

I couldn't find any good photos of his hair after it was rinsed, but tgere was one which suggested only a faint shade of blue stuck.

And finally, here's what happened with my hair. Now, I'm not posting my face here, just the hair. Imagine a white blop with green eyes below the hair, and you'll get the idea. In the first two pictures is my hair during normal times, and just before I diyed it. It looks particularly nasty in the just before hack job pic, because it was adviced not to wash your hair before bleachkng to save the scalp - but as you can see, this was not a fun thing to see in the mirror each morning:

After I had dyed my hair, I did some snips here and there, and also, because I was able to borrow a hair clipper from my dad, some clipping - which in my books, saved the day. The haircut is pretty botched, but I actually absolutely love the colour. And the criss-cross shave despite it being pretty bad - it also looks badass in real life. The picture taken outside shows the pink colours more accurately, but the cut shows better in the other pic. There are a couple of ways I can style this later on, but I kept styling to minimum for starters, because I didn't want to cause extra damage to my hair:

So, this has been the story of how I diyed my hair during quarantine. My mom loves the whole thing (I showed it to her yesterday while taking them groceries), and although there are some spots in the back which could have more colour in them, I'm pretty satisfied. I know my hairdresser is going to weep when she sees me, but she'll get over it.

So, in conclusion: Would I do this again? Yes, but I'd definately leave the cutting and bleaching to the pros. Also, now I can't really bleach again for a while. But I'm actually thinking about taking the dyes I have to my hairdresser so she can dye my hair properly with them, in a healthier way, once all this chaos settles and it's safe again. I'd probably need a slightly darker, permanent colour to the roots, but I absolutely love these insanely bright colours. And I'm so going to try the full rainbow this summer, too.

Would I recommend this to others? Yes, but with caution. The direct semi-permanent colours are safe and won't damage the hair, but bleach does. My hair is naturally a tad too dark to show bright colours properly, so I took the risk. I was also mentally prepared to shave the whole thing off and wear my mythical hat for the summer - but I'm happy that wasn't necessary. If you aren't willing to risk damaging your hair, stick to semi-permanents.

To end this post, here's a selfie I took yesterday on my grocery store trip in full safety gear (I have a paper mask under the scarf):

Stay safe! Do things that make you happy! BYMB! 💗💗💗

#diy hair #bold hair choice #inspired by #gmm 989 #diy hair cut #diy hair dye #quarantine glam #pink purple and blue hair #bymb

[darkbluec0nstellations]

1-150

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?My ex.2. Are you outgoing or shy?Yes.3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?My friends.4. Are you easy to get along with?I’d like to think so.5. If you were drunk, would the person you like take care of you?Possibly? Somehow?6. What kind of people are you attracted to?Musician weebs, apparently.7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?Who knows?8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?Someone.9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?Depends.10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?Good question.11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?‘Also, I just bought comfy pants.’12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?Sometimes.14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?Yes.15. What good thing happened this summer?I saw a decent amount of my favorite bands.16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?No.17. Do you think there is life on other planets?Sure.18. Do you still talk to your first crush?Bold of you to assume I remember who that is.19. Do you like bubble baths?Sometimes.20. Do you like your neighbors?They’re not bad.21. What are you bad habits?Drinking coffee instead of eating food.22. Where would you like to travel?Chicago. California. Texas. England.23. Do you have trust issues?Oh yeah.24. Favorite part of your daily routine?Going to sleep.25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?My entire body lmao.26. What do you do when you wake up?Usually go back to sleep because I usually don’t sleep through the night and wake up at like 3 am.27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?Nah.28. Who are you most comfortable around?Good question.29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?No.30. Do you ever want to get married?Maybe?31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?Yeah.32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?None.33. Spell your name with your chin.jhukaqxsdmnkjoinmbnjkesd.34. Do you play sports? What sports?I used to. Track. Swimming. Soccer. Bowling. Baseball.35. Would you rather live without TV or music?Good question. Next question.36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?A few times.37. What do you say during awkward silences?Nothing.38. Describe your dream girl/guy?I don’t know.39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?Macy’s.40. What do you want to do after high school?I still have no idea.41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?My heart says yes. My brain says no.42. If you’re being extremely quiet, what does it mean?Nothing. I’m actually a pretty quiet person.43. Do you smile at strangers?Sometimes.44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?Outer space. God knows what is at the bottom of the ocean. Or even where that is.45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?The need to pee.46. What are you paranoid about?Stuff and things.47. Have you ever been high?Yes.48. Have you ever been drunk?Yes.49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?Nope.50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?Uhhh. I have no idea.51. Ever wished you were someone else?Sometimes.52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?Literally everything.53. Favourite makeup brand?I really love NYX.54. Favourite store?Newbury Comics.55. Favourite blog?@one-time-i-dreamt​56. Favourite colour?Pale peach.57. Favourite food? Cheesesteak.58. Last thing you ate?Pancakes.59. First thing you ate this morning?Babybel cheese.60. Ever won a competition? For what?Not really.61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?Nope.62. Been arrested? For what?Nope.63. Ever been in love? Yeah.64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?It was stolen by an asshole when I was 16.65. Are you hungry right now?Oh yeah.66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?Now that I have a better group of in real life friends, nope.67. Facebook or Twitter?Twitter.68. Twitter or Tumblr?Twitter.69. Are you watching TV right now?Yeah.70. Names of your best friends? Cass. Bryan. Matt. Caleb. Johnny. K.71. Craving something? What?Chicken chipotle griller from Taco Bell.72. What colour are your towels?Good question.72. How many pillows do you sleep with?2 or 3.73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?Yes.74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?Maybe 11?75. Favourite animal?Corgi.76. What colour is your underwear?Black.77. Chocolate or Vanilla?Vanilla.78. Favourite ice cream flavour?Cookies and cream.79. What colour shirt are you wearing?Grey.80. What colour pants?Purple.81. Favourite TV show?I don’t know. I don’t watch TV that much.82. Favourite movie?Deadpool. Space Jam. Searching.83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?Mean Girls.84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?21 Jump Street.85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?Karen.86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?Dory.87. First person you talked to today?I think my mom?88. Last person you talked to today?As of this moment, one of my groupchats.89. Name a person you hate?Trump.90. Name a person you love?My grandpa.91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?A few, haha.92. In a fight with someone?Nah.93. How many sweatpants do you have?At least 2 pairs.94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?At least 2.95. Last movie you watched?The Sandlot.96. Favourite actress?Anna Kendrick.97. Favourite actor?Idris Elba.98. Do you tan a lot?I don’t even tan.99. Have any pets?Nope.100. How are you feeling?Alright, I guess.101. Do you type fast?Yeah, I guess so.102. Do you regret anything from your past?Yeah.103. Can you spell well?To an extent.104. Do you miss anyone from your past?I think I’ll always miss some people, but not enough to do anything about it.105. Ever been to a bonfire party?Yes.106. Ever broken someone’s heart?I don’t know. Have I?107. Have you ever been on a horse?Yes.108. What should you be doing?Nothing.109. Is something irritating you right now?Nah.110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?I think so.111. Do you have trust issues?Wasn’t this already asked? Yes, yes I do.112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?No one lmao.113. What was your childhood nickname?Jazzy Jazz.114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?Yes.115. Do you play the Wii?Nope.116. Are you listening to music right now?Nope.117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?Yessss!118. Do you like Chinese food?Some of it.119. Favourite book?The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupery.120. Are you afraid of the dark?Nope.121. Are you mean?When I have a reason to be.122. Is cheating ever okay?Nope.123. Can you keep white shoes clean?Nope. There’s a reason I don’t have white shoes.124. Do you believe in love at first sight?Nope.125. Do you believe in true love?Maybe?126. Are you currently bored?Yeah, kind of.127. What makes you happy?Sleep. Corgis. Friends. Music.128. Would you change your name?Nah.129. What your zodiac sign?Pisces.130. Do you like subway?Nope.131. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?I have no idea.132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?Good question.133. Favourite lyrics right now?‘Rebuild until my back breaks.’134. Can you count to one million?Probably not.135. Dumbest lie you ever told?I don’t know, I’ve probably told a lot of dumb lies I can’t remember.136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?Closed.137. How tall are you?5′ 4″138. Curly or Straight hair?On me? Wavy.139. Brunette or Blonde?On me? Brunette.140. Summer or Winter?Spring.141. Night or Day?Day.142. Favourite month?May,143. Are you a vegetarian?Nope.144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?Milk.145. Tea or Coffee?Coffee.146. Was today a good day?Eh.147. Mars or Snickers?Snickers.148. What’s your favourite quote?‘Strength will find you sooner than you ever thought it would.’149. Do you believe in ghosts?Kind of.150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? I don’t even know where the nearest book is.

#ask #svd-boys-clvb

[mvssmallow]

Bloodline, Part V

Previous Chapters

It’s midnight, the traffic has slowed down and they’re in his small, quiet and almost barren apartment. He’s standing at the edge of his bed, looking down at the body twisted in his blue sheets: there’s hard lines of muscle, dark swirls of tattoos across a broad back, scars down both arms, bruises colouring a cheek and cuts slicing over knuckles.

He feels his heart breaking but he says nothing, worrying and knowing that it’ll only burst the bubble and lead to an argument where he will lose and end up alone.

Jiwon’s eyes blink open slowly, probably sensing the distressed way he’s being stared at. He always thought those eyes were on the smaller side but now that they’re looking straight at him, their intensity makes them seem so much bigger, darker and sinister.

“I thought I told you we couldn’t do this.”

And he’s mute again. His feet stuck to the ground. Hands heavy, leaden and unmoving. He can’t do anything but look and breathe and fall apart on the inside.

“Is this what you want?”

His mouth won’t even open. Jiwon just looks at him with a frown that’s equal parts accusatory and disappointed.

“Stop dreaming of me.”

****

“Bad day?” Jin asks, sliding a mug of black coffee across his table.

He nods, unable to look up, worried that anyone who sees his face will somehow figure out that he’s been dreaming of the same guy all week.

“Wanna talk about it?”

He shakes his head and accidentally lets out a frustrated sigh.

Jin picks up on it right away. “You okay?”

He’s not but this is completely unprofessional behaviour. He’s an adult. A fully functioning, working, responsible adult and not some moody hormonal teenager who gives monosyllabic answers and shrugs at everything.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He says, forcing himself to look up and offer a small smile. “Just got a lot on my mind.”

Jin nods like he understands it, maybe he does. “Hey, listen. I know you’re into maintaining this whole Fortress of Solitude thing but me and Yun are gonna grab a drink tonight at Cherry Pie if you want to come.”

A ‘No’ is already forming in his mouth when Jin butts in again.

“One drink won’t kill you. Come on, you need to come. You’re so boring.”

He can’t stop the eye roll and groan but at least it takes his mind off everything else going on in his head for a few seconds.

“Fine. FINE. Now get out of my room.”

Jin pokes out his tongue but gives him a happy thumbs up.

The rest of the day goes to shit but at least it’s over quickly. He’s in a bad mood and everyone knows it. There’s no surprise end-of-the-day appointments and if Jin caught him staring out the back window at 5:58pm, nothing is mentioned.

They all take their cars home and agree with meet up in half an hour. He can’t shake the bad mood. Alcohol is not the answer but what else is there at this point?

“Ugh, finally. I thought this week would never end.” Yun says with a long sigh as he sinks into the booth at Cherry Pie. He was another new doctor working at the clinic and the only reason they’re friendly is because the three of them developed some kind of addiction to the danish pastries from the bakery down the road.

Jin comes back with two beers and a pink cocktail.

Yun raises his eyebrow. “What’s that? You’re doing the first round and only one person gets the fancy cocktail?”

“Yes. Suffer.”

“Rude.”

“Don’t care.” Jin shrugs and sips at his cosmopolitan dramatically.

And so it goes, there’s one cocktail per round until they forget what round it is and the table is all fancy straws, cherries and snacks. He’s not really one to get drunk and it’d take more than a couple of fruity glasses to get him anywhere near wasted but at least he’s relaxed. Jin was right. He did need this.

“So Hanbin, what’s the plan for the weekend?”

He chews on a chip and wonders if there’s a way to dress up the fact that he’ll just be at home eating take-out. Again.

“I think I’ll try the new burger place that just opened.”

Yun doesn’t even laugh at him. Just nods in deep drunk understanding. “I know a guy who works there. Well, actually. I don’t know him. But he’s kinda hot. You remember him Jin? That blonde guy. With the nice smile? The one I said you should hook up with because he looked-”

“-like he’d be good in bed.” Jin rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I remember you embarrassing me when all I wanted was a damm burger.”

Yun shrugs and doesn’t look sorry at all. “He’s not as cute as that weird guy at the bakery though.”

They all hum in agreement there.

He learns that Yun recently moved from Hong Kong, where he did most of his training, and returned to South Korea help take care of his grandmother. The clinic job was a last resort but now that he’s working it, it’s not half as bad as he expected it to be.

Jin announces that he’s going to dye his hair gray to match the weather and ‘his shrivelled up heart’. They can’t stop laughing at it for some reason. It feels good to laugh at something for a change, however short lived it might be.

“Did you guys hear about that crazy gang stuff went down a few weeks ago? Some guy got sliced up pretty badly. I’m surprised we don’t get them walking into the clinic.” Yun says, grabbing a few hot chips from the plate and chewing thoughtfully. “Those guys probably want to avoid authority though don’t they?”

He’s not even remotely drunk but now he feels more sober than ever. Jin shifts in his seat and their eyes meet for a brief nervous second.

“This whole area is so weird. There are families walking around but then you hear about all this gang stuff. I wouldn’t even know who’s in a gang or not, everyone dresses the same.” Yun continues, seemingly oblivious to their silence.

Jin clears his throat then, because one of them had to say something. “It was probably just minor stuff. Didn’t even make the nightly news.”

It was in the local newspaper though. He remembers reading that with a cold sweat down his neck and knot in his stomach. There were no names mentioned but deep down, he just got this feeling that never really went away.

“It’s like those guys in the corner. Are they just cute bad boy aesthetic or are they actually really bad guys in general…no, don’t both turn around at the same time!” Yun hisses in exasperation. “One at a time, geez!”

Jin looks first but doesn���t say anything. There’s a nudge at his feet under the table and that’s not exactly reassuring.

When it’s his turn, he does it slowly and with so much apprehension that it feels like it takes too long.

He wants to laugh.

Because: of course.

Of course this shit would happen to him here.

Of course Jiwon would be here.

God hates him.

The only mercy in all this is that Cherry Pie is dimly lit, Yun is a featherweight drinker with a bad memory and Jiwon hasn’t seen him yet.

But he’d know the sharp angle of that jaw anywhere.

“I should get going.” He starts, knowing it sounds so abrupt but trying to make a show of how tired he is. “Been a long day.”

Yun boos him but Jin doesn’t say anything at all, just looks across cautious and anxious.

“You’re okay to get home?”

“Yeah, I don’t live that far. I’ll get a cab.” He shrugs, knowing there’s always a few parked out front on a Friday night. “Have a good night, thanks for inviting me out.”

He slips out of the bar just as a group of university students walk in. At the last minute, his eyes search the group of guys sitting in the corner but Jiwon isn’t there anymore. He’s not sure if he should be grateful or disappointed. This whole day has him on edge. Fuck, the whole week has been a mental disaster and he knows it’s because of the same frustrating recurring dreams he’s been having.

No more. He just needs to go home, shut the world out and sleep.

There’s a few smokers out front that he passes on the way to the line of parked cabs. The good thing about Fridays is that there are always so many people out late. It gives him a weird sense of security.

Safety in numbers. More witnesses. Something like that.

“You’re not invisible you know.”

He whips his head around to search for the voice, his heart racing and mind thrown into chaos again. It goes right through him like a jolt of electricity and settles uneasily in his stomach. Like the strongest of visceral responses, goosebumps break all over his skin and he’s acutely aware of how exposed his neck is for a moment.

There’s a gray puff of smoke coming from the shadow of a shop front he just walked past. Why is this whole fucking street so dim?

He’s man enough to admit that the cold sweat running down the back of his neck is fear. He feels everything at once: excitement, worry, curiosity, attraction, confusion….but in the end, fear drowns them all out.

It’s the Jiwon he knows. The Jiwon that has a brother and smiles and makes jokes. It’s the same Jiwon, he reminds himself. It’s the Jiwon you know.

Except that it’s not. He doesn’t know Jiwon. The energy around them is different now. It’s all wrong and crackles through the air like sharp lightning instead of the usual soft hum of thunder that he’s always found more comforting.

There’s a cab a few meters ahead and he could just get in and go home right now. It must be the hesitation in his movements that has Jiwon pushing off the wall of the shop front and walking towards him, stopping just before he steps out of the shadows completely. It’s just enough to be seen and heard but not enough for anyone to see his face clearly.

“Going home?”

Something about the casual way Jiwon asks him, like he’s asking about the weather, and keeps on smoking like he has no idea what kind of effect he has on people, turns his shock and fear into something resembling anger.

“Yeah I am.” He says defensively.

“Shouldn’t be walking around here by yourself.”

“Shouldn’t be sneaking up on people.” He snaps back, fists tightly balled up by his side.

There’s a quite chuckle that does nothing but flare his temper even more.

“You gonna fight me?”

He ignores the question. “What are you doing here?”

Even in the darkness, he can see Jiwon’s wide grin. “Aren’t you supposed to be all polite and shit? Not gonna ask me how my day was? What happened to all that?”

“Not at work right now.” He says as neutral as possible but knowing it comes out cold. He hates himself for reacting to this so badly. He’ll regret it later. He already knows.

“Ahh,” Jiwon says, taking another hit and blowing the smoke to one side. “Only polite and nice at work, huh?”

This isn’t his Jiwon.

Fuck.

His Jiwon?

Not his Jiwon at all.

Someone else’s Jiwon, he thinks dejectedly. And it’s right then that the anger simmers down, replaced by that all too familiar feeling of misery and resignation over something he knows can never and will never happen.

“I should get going.” He stammers out and makes to turn towards the cabs again.

“Why?”

The question catches him off guard, the last thing he expected to be asked.

“Because it’s late. And I-”

“It’s like 9pm. And a Saturday tomorrow. You got a girl to see or something?”

“What?”

“Why do you need to go?” Jiwon asks him again in an amused and mocking tone. “Got big plans?”

“No, I just need to go.”

“Because?”

“Because….”

“Jesus, you’re a hard sell. Can’t even talk to you without an appointment, huh?”

“That’s not what-”

“S’okay, doc. I’m just playing.” Jiwon smiles at him again, this time smaller, less arrogant, less…everything. He watches as the joint burns to Jiwon’s fingers and gets stamped out on the ground between them.

He stares at it, then at their shoes, then the shadows they create on the pavement, all the while cursing at why he lets this one guy shake him up to the point of social disaster.

“Thought you needed to go?” Jiwon asks and there’s so much knowing in that voice that he wonders if people can hear his thoughts all the sudden.

“Yeah. I do. Um, have a good night.”

He stumbles his way towards the line of cabs, each step confusing and depressing as the next.

“Hey? Take the second one. He won’t scam you a few bucks.”

He turns around to say thanks and well, that was a mistake because Jiwon finally steps out of the shadows and they can both see each other clearly for the first time tonight. There’s a cut across his cheek, he looks exhausted but it does nothing to stop that lopsided smile from appearing and does nothing to stop that one automatic thought.

Fuck. Why does he have to look like that?

The butterflies that were paralysed with fear in his stomach only moments ago suddenly decide to take full fucking flight.

“Have a good night.”

He hates himself the entire way home. He hates how weirdly nice the cab driver is. He hates how the fare really is a few dollars less than usual. He hates how he turned to wave out the window and Jiwon was still there, lighting up a new smoke. He hates how he dreams of the same thing over and over again but still wakes up frustrated and alone. 

#bloodline #just felt like writing this tonight #speed writing haha #one day i will give it gifs and photosets #but right now #i kinda like that it has nothing #double b #hanbin #jiwon #wherein: hanbin hates himself #and jiwon is amused kinda...

[artificialqueens]

Red Delicious ch. 2 - Dela/Jinkx - Emerald

In which Dela seeks help for one of her student and gets a little more than she bargained for.

A/N: This one was both easy and difficult to write. As a preschool/kindergarden teacher myself, I wanted to make it as accurate as possible to what it actually is dealing with children that age. Thank you to the anon from a few days ago for giving me the little bit of motivation I was missing to keep writing it, i’m glad other people than me enjoy it too, it warms my heart to read that.

“MISS DELAAAAAAA,” the shrill voice cut through the noisy classroom chatter easily for the fifth or sixth time already since coming back from lunch break. The teacher worked very hard at hiding the exasperated sigh menacing to spill from her lips as she turned to the source of the commotion. In the play house area, three of her pupils seemed to have attracted everyone’s attention. Standing taller than most of her fellow first grader, Eureka was waving her arms to try to get the teacher’s attention to the small blonde on the floor and the other one standing over her. “Miss Dela!” she yelled again. “Aquaria pushed Blair! I saw it! She needs to get an angry sticker, Miss Dela!” The loud cries attracted the entire classroom’s attention, a handful of children leaving whatever they were doing to come find out what was causing this commotion.

Not one for public displays but suddenly thrust in the limelight, poor little Blair on the ground was fighting very hard not to cry until the teacher swooped in. “Alright everybody goes back to what they were doing, this is not your problem to fix” she ushered all the children away as she extended a caring hand to the small girl on the floor. It was easy to see that the child was putting on a brave face, her voice shaky as she kept repeating she was fine, but the moment she was asked what happened, Blair went silent, her eyes glued down to the floor. “Blair, treasure, if you want my help. I need to know what happened,” Dela asked softly. But the girl wouldn’t budge. The teacher looked up to Aquaria, who had adopted a similar pose, quiet as a mouse.

There was a strange heaviness in the air, one that the teacher hadn’t encountered often in her years on the job. Children that age tended to forget their woes quickly, fights disappearing as quickly as they started. The energy surrounding the girls though seemed charged with something she couldn’t quite figure out. “I’m not angry at you, Aquaria,” she offered with a sympathetic hand on the blonde’s shoulder, “I just want whoever did it to make it right by Blair. Just to make sure she’s okay. Did you see it happen? Do you know who did it?” Her questions were met by a puzzling wall of silence still. To Dela’s knowledge, in 95% of the cases, an innocent child would vehemently defend him or herself. So Aquaria’s silence spoke great amounts, but the teacher still wanted a confession or at least an account of the events because she knew it was so easy to shatter a child’s trust and didn’t want to accuse any of her students of anything without proof. She sighed lightly. “Alright, well if either of you want to talk about it, i am ready to listen when you’re ready,” the teacher offered gently.

It was unlike her to give up on such a matter, Dela believed that providing a safe environment for her student started by showing them that they wouldn’t be vilified for their actions but rather take responsibilities and make it better. But she also didn’t believe in pushing them to the point of discomfort. So for now, it would be dropped, but not forgotten.

**

Standing by the door, the teacher’s arm was getting tired from waving at every children as they walked off one by one with their parents. Despite the early dismissal, they all seemed to have a lot to share with the various adults waiting for them and it did warm Dela’s heart. It proved she did something right. As she turned around to go back in, her shin caught on something unexpected. Aquaria was sitting, cross-legged, by her feet, all ready with nowhere to go. “What are you still doing here, treasure? Who’s picking you up today, mom?” The teacher asked. She tried to keep her voice light and sweet, but the hint of concern was hard to miss for the more trained ear than that of a 5 year old. Aquaria just shrugged. “No one,” she piped up, apparently unphased by it. Dela looked at the time. Whoever was in charge of this child was much too late for her taste. “Come on then, treasure,” she urged brightly, holding her hand out to the child who gladly took it, “I know someone who can help us out.”

With over an hour left of school for the older children, the corridors were much quieter than they had been previously with hordes of kindergarteners bouncing off the walls. The child didn’t seem to mind, walking quietly next to her teacher. On her own, Aquari seemed like such a quiet, docile little thing that it was difficult for Dela to believe it could be the same child supposed to be a monster, but there definitely was something under there. “Alright, Aquaria, I am going to go ask a few questions to another teacher. Check out what’s happening.” she crouched down to the little girl’s level to explain what was happening. “Can you go get the book I let you being home and sit by your locker? I will be right back, treasure.” The girl nodded and obeyed to the letter.

Jinkx’s class was extremely loud and animated when Dela pushed the door opened. Children were spreaded all over in groups, pouring over massive pieces of papers, actively arguing and jotting things down. At her desk, heels propped right up on the furniture, the redhead was in the middle of a book Dela strongly suspected to be 50 Shades hidden under a different jacket (she somehow doubt Jinkx would actually be reading a Stephen Hawking biography) when she spotted the intruder But Jinkx didn’t move to invite her in or force her out for that matter. She stayed put and quirked a perfectly drawn brow up at Dela who assumed it was her cue to approach.

Thinking of the little girl waiting, the brunette figured she didn’t have time to be intimidated by the other. She confidently strode up to Jinkx. “Hi, can I borrow Brianna for a second?” In what was an obviously deliberate attempt at being dramatic, Jinkx slowly closed her book, looked around the classroom, then to Dela, then to the classroom again, landing on the loud blonde in the corner, and back to Dela before finally giving her answer. “No. She’s busy,” the teacher answered seriously, “may I interest you in my humble help instead. Not like I’m doing anything worth shit right now.” For a moment, the dark haired woman was taken aback. It was difficult to understand if Jinkx was joking or being an asshole. Despite everything, Dela wasn’t too proud to admit when she needed help. “Her sister is still here, no one came to pick her up at early dismissal. I wanted to know who was supposed to be there,” she explained.

She almost regretted asking the moment she was done talking. Jinkx’s gaze was fixated on her and the redheaded teacher’s expression was almost impossible to read. Was she laughing at her or pitying her or maybe she was still hungover and didn’t understand a word that was said. Out of the blue, she suddenly reacted, eyes still staring right back at Dela. “Cracker! Come over here!” she called out. Almost immediately, the blonde swayed to the front of the class. “What’s up, miss M?” Brianna asked brightly. Only then did Jinkx finally acknowledge someone other than her colleague, turning her attention to the 12-year-old. “Are you guys with Sharon this week?” The child nodded and was almost immediately dismissed. As if that answer alone was supposed to mean anything to Dela who was still as confused as before. Jinkx waited for a few moments to see if the other teacher would understand and sighed when she obviously didn’t. “Sharon works late, they’re supposed to go home alone. Aquaria should have a key in her backpack. Left side pocket, that’s where they always put it.” The explanation made sense but Dela had barely listened, her brain getting stuck at the very beginning. “Excuse me? You mean to say that I should allow a 5 year old child to leave on her own? That doesn’t sound like responsible parenting!”

Something in Jinkx’s expression changed in an instant, suddenly her eyes were darker, harder, she was squinting ever so lightly. “Out,” her tone was stern and cutting, shaking Dela for a moment. “You and I, we’re gonna have a chat outside, sweetie.” She was already up before Dela could even answer and the brunette had no choice but to follow, fearing the consequences if she was to retort.

“Who the fuck do you think you are,” the moment the door slammed shut, Jinkx had Dela against the wall -literally- with a menacing finger pressed hard against the other woman’s sternum, “judging a parent without knowing them? I have known Sharon for years. She is a hard working mother who does the most she can. She not perfect, but news flash, sweet cheeks, no one is. Not even you.” The last words were spat with such force it was hard not to understand all the contempt behind it. Both women stood for a moment, face to face, waiting for the other to make a move in any direction. Dela definitely saw where she went wrong and was considering apologizing but words were failing her as she stared into the angry and hurt green eyes. She didn’t dare open her mouth and risk digging her hole bigger. Finally taking a step back, Jinkx actually broke the tense silence she created. “I’ll send Brianna to pick her up after class, if you can watch the kid during that time, if it makes you more comfortable for them to walk together,” the redhead suggested, her tone still hinting at the remnants of her previous upset. Still not sure she should be talking, Dela simply nodded vigorously and watched the other woman disappear back into the classroom, left with more questions than answers as she retreated back to her own door.

#jinkx monsoon #bendelacreme #aquaria #miz cracker #red delicious #lesbian au #emerald #rpdr fanfiction #jela

[minglossy]

retry? yes/no

Rating: Teen and up Paring: yoonkook Tags: fluff and angst, angst with happy ending, break ups, missing each other, trying to get over each other,  Words: 7,226 Summary: “Yoongi has never thought his apartment was a lot. Just two cramped rooms with too many things and not enough space. But now it feels empty like never before. Absence isn’t supposed to feel like a physical thing, is it? He hears doorbell and wonders why does Jungkook bother to ring when he has his own keys. Few seconds pass. Answer clicks. ” Notes: im too weak to write sad things. hah. anyway, heads up because English is not my native language.  / playlist

Yoongi doesn’t like clubs too much. No matter how big they are they always feel cramped with too many people, too much noise. The music is so loud that the air in stuffy room seems to be vibrating to the rhythm of the pulsing bass. Yoongi finishes his drink, some weird blue thing Hoseok bought him, and realises he doesn’t mind that much. He slides down on a leather couch and his cheeks start to feel warm. Somehow everything around him becomes a little bit less real.

He looks around the dance floor and catches a flash of a smile, so bright it couldn’t belong to anyone else but Hoseok. He already looks too happy, even for himself. Yoongi makes a mental note to drag him out of this place before he ends up with a lifeless body instead of a friend.

When Hoseok comes back, breathless and with his bangs lifted up off his forehead, he is not alone anymore.

“Look who’s here!” Hoseok makes sure his voice is loud enough to be heard through the music. “Remember Taehyung? I mentioned him to you a few times.”

Brown hair, nice eyes, handsome face. Yeah, Yoongi recalls hearing about some Taehyung guy, Hoseok’s university friend. He nods his head as a way to say hello and it seems to be enough because Taehyung returns it with a smile. They start a conversation Yoongi isn’t exactly interested to be a part of. The only thing he hears is that someone else is going to join them soon.

Yoongi doesn’t know why his lips are the first thing he notices. He blames the alcohol making him dizzy and stupid. Or stranger’s face that's so much he doesn’t even know where to look at. In any case, lips are the first thing he focuses on, when Taehyung’s friend shows up next to their table. He sees how they move when he speaks even though words alone don’t seem to reach Yoongi. He smiles, Yoongi realizes, and it’s a nice smile despite its timidness. His voice is lower than Yoongi expected. He leans in closer to make sure Yoongi hears his name. Jungkook. A pretty name.

Jungkook, a stranger with starry eyes and bunny teeth. Jungkook with black, messy hair and pierced ears. Jungkook in too loose shirt and with cute laughter. Jungkook with his shyness gone as soon as his feet touch the dance floor. With body that moves with such a fluidity, Yoongi can’t take his eyes off him. Full of confidence, smugness and whole annoying attractiveness of it.

Yoongi takes in as much as he can. The way he breathes through parted lips with his chest heaving. Sweat on his neck glistening in red light. Hand moving to push back his hair. Heavy-lidded from alcohol but still attentive eyes. And a smile, lazy and sweet, slowly spreading across his face.

It starts out simply. 

Something, an accident or fate, decides to let them meet again. Jungkook and Yoongi  find common language pretty quickly. Helping Jungkook with his music project is easy. He is smart and quick to learn new things so Yoongi is not complaining. Being with Jungkook is fun and Yoongi hopes he thinks the same about him.

They circle around each other, both knowing what they want but neither of them ready to admit it. It’s a time of conversations about everything and nothing at all. Counting hours to next meeting and stolen gazes at each other faces. Pinkies brushing as they sit next to each other in library. Too fast heartbeat when one of them gets a little bit too close.

It’s too many longing looks when they say “bye” to each other. Hoping for something that neither of them has the courage to do.

Yoongi didn’t expect to ever get excited by phone buzzing in his pocket. But it’s exactly what happens everytime he gets new message.

“I swear, if you don’t ask him out, I will.” Hoseok says, looking at Yoongi. “And I will make sure to be embarrassing about it. Tell him how you smile like an idiot every time you get a text from him.”

Yoongi puts his phone back but doesn’t answer right away. He can still feel his lips curving in a smile behind his scarf. It’s not like he didn’t think of that. He did, more than he wishes to admit.

“I don’t know if he would say yes.”

He hears Hoseok’s sigh. “So you won’t even try?”

Yoongi shrugs. At least he would avoid disappointment that way. It’s not so bad, whatever they have right now. Friendship, let’s call it. It’s good. It could be enough, right? They stand in silence for a long time, before Hoseok speaks again.

“I think he wouldn’t say no.”

Jungkook didn’t say no.

After a while Yoongi doesn’t know what was the movie about or what did they order. But he remembers getting stuck on an empty bus stop, disconnected from reality by blizzard. Single street lamp giving enough light to see Jungkook’s face. Snowflake on Jungkook’s eyelashes and his pink from cold air nose.

Coldness of his hands on Yoongi’s cheeks. Lips trembling against his own.

Taste of mint.

“You didn’t say anything for a while. Is it that bad?”

Blonde hair, still damp from washing, covers Yoongi’s eyes, making them seem ever darker. In the morning sunlight it looks like it’s glowing and Jungkook can’t take his eyes off it.

“Actually, it’s the opposite.”

Yoongi’s pout disappears and a smug smile takes its place. “I had a feeling you’ll like it.”

Yoongi takes a hint when Jungkook pats an empty spot on a bed next to him. He sits down, his legs crossed, fingers still playing with the ends of his bangs. Jungkook reaches out, runs his hand through Yoongi’s hair, lifts it up off his forehead. Few stray strands find their way between his fingers and go back to their previous place.

“You really can pull off every color, can’t you?”

Corner of Yoongi’s lips rising is the only warning Jungkook gets before he’s pushed back until his back hits the bed. Yoongi twines their fingers together and leans in so close few droplets of water from his hair fall on Jungkook’s face.

“Sure I can.”

It’s funny how they could start on the most opposite sides of the room but then always end up next to each other. Pressed side to side on a small couch. It’s not the most comfortable position for watching tv. There’s not enough space and Yoongi’s legs are slowly getting numb. But familiar weight of Jungkook’s body next to him makes it his favorite one.

‘’Next.”

The TV screen changes again, from some drama to variety show. All colorful lights and smiles.

“Next.”

Yoongi skips few channels again, not even paying attention to what he’s looking at. He gets a little bit distracted with Jungkook lips pressed against his neck, soft and warm.

“You are so picky,” Yoongi says, keeping his tone not interested.

“Sure I am.” Jungkook presses a small kiss on Yoongi’s collarbone. He  goes up higher, stopping to press kisses on Yoongi’s neck until his lips brush against his earlobe. “I always pick the best things.” He kisses him again, right below jawline. “That’s why I have you.”

Yoongi’s cheeks burn from embarrassment but he laughs until he feels tears in the corners of his eyes. “That was so lame, you know.”

“Yeah? Maybe.”

Jungkook moves, pressing his body against Yoongi to make him lie down. He looks at him, cute little wrinkles showing around his eyes. “Still made you smile though.”

There’s a lot from Jungkook’s personality in the way he kisses. It always starts out a little bit shy like he’s asking for permission. And when he gets it, it builds up to reveal something else. Confidence, as his hand slips under Yoongi’s shirt. Teasing, when his teeth close around Yoongi’s bottom lip. A little bit of dominance in a way his fingers curl in blonde hair and in marks he leaves on pale skin of his neck.

Sometimes Yoongi likes to remind him that he’s not the only one in control. It doesn’t take much for Jungkook to melt under Yoongi’s touch and show him something he usually keeps hidden. Softness, when he sighs as Yoongi’s hands move up the length of his spine. Embarrassment, when Yoongi’s brushes Jungkook’s hair away from his eyes. Sweetness, when he rests forehead against Yoongi’s to catch his breath and laughs.

And loving, loving, loving in the rhythm of the heart pounding in his chest.

Yoongi looks at Jungkook who seems so small curled up in a ball on the passenger seat. He hesitates for a moment before touching him and running his hand through Jungkook’s messy hair. He blinks few times before opening his eyes. Enough to know what’s happening but without waking up fully.

“Where are we?”

Yoongi shrugs. “I’m not sure. But you wanted to see the sunrise, right?”

They travelled without any particular destination, played rock-paper-scissors to choose the direction. Stopped on gas stations away from big cities with colorful neon signs, tasteless coffee and bored to death employees. Slept in a car or small motels near the road, with suspicious stains on the walls, rooms filled with musty smell and halls full of cigarettes smoke. Survived bathrooms with cranky shower controls and never enough hot water. Lay in bed tired, talking until their words became to fade from sleepiness. Fell asleep to the sound of each other’s steady breathing.

Sunrise drowns empty beach in it’s warm, golden light, leaving the sky bright blue. Jungkook stays still, hands hidden in his pockets and mouth slightly opened in a silent awe, fully awake now despite 4:45 on the clock. Only when the clouds turn less pink he turns to Yoongi with shiny eyes and smile so bright it could put the sun to shame.

  Yoongi watches how his feet drown in wet sand, deeper and deeper with every wave. He listens to seagulls flying above their heads and thinks that maybe it’s not quite what Jungkook wanted for his vacation. It’s just a beach, same as many others, in some boondocks where they don’t even have a place to stay for the night.

“Sorry it’s not enough.”

“You’re here. It’s enough.”

“Hey, Jungkook,” Yoongi says, his mouth so close to Jungkook’s ear it tickles. His arms wrap tighter around Jungkook’s waist and his body presses closer against his back. “Move in with me.”

The summer night is warm but Jungkook still shivers. He covers Yoongi’s hands with his own. He feels bones of Yoongi’s wrist under his fingers and then a coldness of silver bracelet. He thought he was completely wrong choosing it as a gift but didn’t see Yoongi without it since the day he got it.

“Okay,” he says and he’s not surprised how easy it was. “But don’t expect me to clean after you.”

Yoongi lies on the couch, resting his head on Jungkook’s lap as soon as he’s inside the room. It’s a clear message of “I had a shitty day” and Jungkook doesn’t ask. He will say. Eventually.

It’s hard to get to Yoongi sometimes. He tends to keep things to himself which doesn’t really surprises Jungkook that much. He does the same. Sometimes he wonders why they both insist on keeping quiet instead of just talking.

He looks down on wrinkle between Yoongi’s eyebrows that shows every time he’s upset. He wishes he could do something, make it go away but he isn’t sure how. He doesn’t feel confident with his words and decides to rely on action instead.

He presses his fingers to it and giggles when Yoongi pouts even more. He bends down and it’s an awkward position like this but he manages to press lips on Yoongi’s forehead.

It takes some time and more kisses but wrinkle disappears. 

Their lives go on and they both fall into daily routine too busy with their jobs to notice that some things start to change. They talk less. Laugh less. Do things together less.

They get past each other even if they live together. Yoongi’s asleep when Jungkook’s awake and the other way around. They try to find time for each other but it doesn’t always work.

Sometimes it feels like they don’t even see each other.

Jungkook finds out the he can’t always rely on action alone. It’s getting harder to communicate and he isn’t quite sure how to fix it. They seem to hide things from each other more and more. And neither of them wishes to be the first to talk about it.

It grows and grows until anything can be a reason to fight.

After it’s over there are arms wrapped around the other or kiss pressed to forehead. But never enough words to tell “I’m sorry.”

The distance grows so big they can’t see what they used to had.

They don’t talk. Sometimes for a day. Sometimes for a week. Just exchange information if it’s necessary. Simple, short sentences.

“I’m going out. I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

“I’ll be home late tonight.”

“Don’t wait for me.”

Sometimes Yoongi thinks he prefers to hear “fuck off” and slamming doors than being stuck in this silence.

“I’m scared of losing you” neither of them says out loud.

Jungkook disappears for few hours. Sometimes for a day. Yoongi wakes up alone and then falls asleep in empty bed that only smells like Jungkook, too tired to wait up for him.

They both know where this is going and it’s not like they don’t try to stop it. They do, but it never seems to work for longer than a week. It gets better and then everything breaks again.

They try to put their lives back together but it’s like trying to solve puzzles. With time and patience it should work out eventually. The only problem is that they both seem to have pieces from different boxes.

[01:02] we’re over right?

[01:03] yeah. i think we are

Jungkook’s phone breaks into three parts when he throws it against the wall.

It doesn’t take too long to make the apartment look like he didn’t even live there.

They don’t talk much when Jungkook shows up for the rest of his things. He comes in with simple “hi” said more towards the floor than Yoongi and makes sure to keep his eyes away from him most of the time.

Hearing Jungkook walking around their bedroom was always nice to Yoongi. There was something comforting about the sound of opening cabinets and drawers and footsteps on wooden floor. It reminded him that he’s not alone, that Jungkook is right there, occupied with something. Right now he wishes he would not hear anything at all.

“Are you sure you took everything?” Yoongi manages to ask somehow even though his mouth feels so dry he can barely stand it.

“I’m sure. Sorry for bothering you.” Jungkook searches his pockets until Yoongi hears  silent clink of metal. “Here.”

Yoongi takes the keys from him. He doesn’t have the chance to say whatever he thinks should be said because Jungkook is already walking towards the door.

Standing in the entrance Jungkook looks at him for the first time that day. He’s not angry or sad. If the blank look on his face is anything at all, it’s tired.

He looks at Yoongi for few second like he’s searching for something. He looks down and nods, almost like he’s giving himself courage to leave. His smile is just lips pressed in thin line.

Neither of them says goodbye before Jungkook turns and walks away.

First night after he’s gone Yoongi sleeps on the couch too afraid to smell Jungkook on his sheets. He throws the bedding into the washing machine the next day.

Yoongi has never thought his apartment was a lot. Just two cramped rooms with too many things and not enough space. But now it feels empty like never before. Absence isn’t supposed to feel like a physical thing, is it?

He hears doorbell and wonders why does Jungkook bother to ring when he has his own keys. Few second pass. Answer clicks.

It’s Hoseok with his too polite smile and worried eyes. He’s quiet like he is too afraid to say something wrong. Yoongi feels irritation creeping in his gut.

“I don’t really have anything to eat, sorry. I should go shopping soon or something.” Yoongi rambles to the point he doesn’t even know what is he talking about anymore. But he’s talking, right? Filling in this fucking silence around them. He’s trying. “But we, I mean, I still have some coffee left. I can make you if you want.”

He’s about to go to the kitchen when he feels Hoseok’s hand on his wrist. “Yoongi, you don’t have to.”

“Don’t have to what?” He snorts. “Make you coffee? “

Pretend like nothing happened. Yoongi knows the answer well enough. He tries to pull his hand away but Hoseok’s doesn’t let go.

“Let me go, asshole.”

“I won’t until you talk with me.”

“Talk about what?!”

His voice is louder than he intended it to be. The look in Hoseok’s eyes and way he lets go of his hand make Yoongi feel even worse. He shouldn’t come here in the first place. Yoongi takes a deep, shaky breath. “Talk about what, Hoseok?”

He bites his lips so hard it start to hurt but it’s the only way he can stop himself from breaking completely. He doesn’t want to blink, too afraid the tears that gathered in the corners of his eyes will spill. They do anyway, rolling down his cheeks before he wipes them quickly.

Something in his throat is burning so much he’s unable to speak anymore. He looks away, tired of seeing the same look in his friend’s eyes as he saw in everyone’s else. Worry. Sadness. This fucking pity he doesn’t need.

When Hoseok’s arms wrap around him, he doesn’t hug him back. Just stands there with head resting on his shoulder until one spot on Hoseok's shirt becomes damp from tears.

“Thank you for letting me stay with you. It won’t take long. I just…” Jungkook looks back down on his half unpacked bag. It's mess of clothes he didn’t have time or patience to fold properly. “I just need to find something cheap I can rent and I’m out of here.” He forces a laugh but knows it sounds pathetic.

“Stop saying that. You can stay as long as you want.” Jimin leaves his place by the doorframe. He spent at least ten minutes there, talking and cracking jokes. Anything to distract Jungkook somehow. “Me and Taehyung are happy to have you here.” He puts both arms around Jungkook in a hug. “You sure you’re okay, Jungkookie?”

Jungkook clenches his teeth together. He pats Jimin’s head in light gesture. “I’m sure.”

Jimin leaves him alone, giving him last worried smile before he leaves the room.

It feels like it has always been like this. Jimin being there for him and Taehyung when they fucked up. Coming to them with his arms opened and shoulder ready to cry on. No matter how hard things got or how angry he was with them. At the end it was always Jimin with his warm embrace and too kind heart.

The inside of Jungkook’s bag is not a lot. Few plain t-shirts, sweatpants and jeans, wrinkled shirts, jackets. Toothbrush he threw there in a rush. He places his clothes in a dresser, filling the drawer Taehyung lent him, not caring for any kind of order. He promises himself not to stay there for long anyway. He doesn’t want to feel like he’s bothering someone. Not anymore.

He finds it on the bottom of the bag, among some crumpled papers and single socks. He must have grabbed it by accident in a hurry. His heart sinks painfully when he feels soft material between his fingers.

Simple white shirt, at least one size too small to fit him. With faint smell of Yoongi’s cologne still on it.

Yoongi wanders around the city alone and it’s scary how lonely human can feel at two a.m. in the morning. All the streets he knows, all bars and cafes he’s a customer of, all benches he passes. All of that used to be shared with Jungkook.

And if he’s not with him then what’s the point.

Jimin and Taehyung are his best friends, Jungkook knows that. He would never exchange them for anyone else in the world. But they can get a little bit too much with their caring and sometimes Jungkook feels like he has enough. Of everything. Of constant questions if he’s okay. Of that look in their eyes. Of tiptoeing around him too afraid to mention Yoongi’s name by accident.

Of pretending like Yoongi doesn’t exist when he’s the only person he can think about.

Single drops roll down between Yoongi’s shoulderblades. He knows they’re going to leave dirty stains on his shirt, the same they left on the tub, but he can’t bring himself to care. Gray water swirls and goes down the drain. He collects the empty package of hair dye and throws it away.

He looks in the mirror. Both, the difference and forgotten familiarity of his black hair catches him off guard. He runs his hand through it, making his fringe fall on his eyes.

There’s no sign of blonde anymore. Almost like it wasn’t even there.

Jungkook didn’t know muscles can get this stiff until he touches his aching shoulders. He rubs them for a moment but without any effect. His eyes feel dry from hours spent staring at the computer screen. He allows himself few seconds of break before he goes back to his laptop with resigned sigh. The door behind him open with silent creak.

“Jungkook? It’s almost 4 am. You should sleep.”

Taehyung voice is even deeper now with sleepiness. He looks at him through squinted eyes wearing a shirt so big it reaches almost to his knees.

“I’ll go as soon as I finish this. I promise.”

“You can’t overwork yourself like that, you know?”

“I’m almost finished. Twenty more minutes and I’m in bed.”

Taehyung doesn’t look convinced but he lets it go. Jungkook waits until doors close and he’s alone again. Blank page of document is still in front of him with black cursor blinking at him. He fights the urge to shut his laptop close. Takes a deep breath. Starts typing again.

He can’t sleep anyway and this, at least, keeps his thoughts away.

The cafe is busy at this hour, filled with people chatting and laughing here and there. Yoongi catches fritters of conversations as he passes the tables. Some names he doesn’t know. Happy news he’s not a part of. Jokes he doesn’t understand.

He sits down and warms his hands against hot cup. For now, he leaves the talking part for Hoseok who doesn’t seem to be bothered by Yoongi’s silence.

Yoongi knows he’s not there because Hoseok was “just passing nearby” as he says. He’s a good friend but a terrible liar and recently it shows more than ever before. It’s another day of his plan to drag him out of the apartment. Movies, cafes, walks and bars. Anything to occupy Yoongi with something. He watches his friend talk about something he lost a track of few minutes ago. It’s cute how invested he gets every time he tells him something, no matter how trivial it may be. He feels warmth and gratitude he’s not sure how to return to him.

“So anyway, you have to see this movie. Taehyung promised to borrow it to me sometime. We had fun and Jungk-” He stops as if he said something bad and looks at Yoongi with scared eyes.

“It’s fine.” Yoongi’s lips curve into a soft smile despite the weight he feels in his chest. “It’s not like his name is forbidden around me or something.”

The atmosphere gets somewhat stiff. Hoseok changes the topic but Yoongi doesn’t listen anymore.

“How is he?”

He manages to keep his voice monotone, almost bored. As if every cell in his body was not telling him to go and check the answer to his question on his own. Hoseok looks like he’s unsure if he should say something. He stares down at his cup, way too focused on mixing his coffee.

“I know you two got close when we were together, it’s okay. Just tell me.”

Hoseok sighs, putting away the teaspoon. “He’s fine. At least this is what he tells me.” He looks at him with a sad smile. “You know him. He would never say anything else.”

Yoongi understands. No matter what he felt or what he was going through Jungkook has always been fine.

“Jimin and Taehyung take good care of him. It’s just…” Hoseok stops like he was searching for a proper words. He must feel Yoongi questioning look on him because he fidgets nervously in his sit before speaking again.

“He became so quiet without you.”

When Jungkook enters the room and sees Seokjin sitting with Jimin and Taehyung he can’t help but feel like going out again. He likes him a lot, always did but sometimes he has the tendency to be painfully direct and honest. Jungkook can’t decide if it’s good for him at this moment.

“Oh, Jungkook!”, he says not looking up from his phone. “Are you still sad over your boyfriend?”

“Hello to you too.”

“Sorry. You won’t hear anything more about this from me. I promise.” He makes a pause to take a sip from his glass. “I still think the same anyway.”

Jungkook remembers what was the last thing he had said about this whole mess. He thinks about it a lot and starts to agree with him more and more.

“I think you’re both idiots. Or just like to hurt yourself for fun, whatever. But it’s obvious you still love him. So maybe it’s good to stop hurting yourself even more.”

“Hey, good to see you’re not trying to starve yourself to death anymore. Making progress, I see,” Namjoon says looking at Yoongi from the opposite side of the table.

Yoongi decides not to mention that eating is still one of the least pleasurable things for him. He forces himself to swallow tasteless piece of burger he’s been chewing for the last minute. “Kind of.”

When Namjoon’s done with his fries, Yoongi already knows what he’s going to ask. He always asks that and Yoongi knows he’s doing it because he worries. But that doesn’t change the fact he finds it irritating.

“So? How are you holding up?”

“Okay, I guess.”

“Man, you really suck at the “being convincing” part, you know?”

And there it is. The phrase that makes Yoongi’s blood boil. “You sure you’re fine?” “You don’t look like you’re fine.”

Yoongi feels his fist clench under the table. He counts to ten as he always do to stop himself from yelling “maybe it’s because i’m not okay.”

He wants to be. He wishes his words to friends were true. He wants to be fine, to feel normal again. To stop waking up every morning feeling like something’s missing. He wants this fucking hole in his chest to finally be gone. But he doesn’t know how.

He hears Namjoon sigh. “You still love him, don’t you?”

He does. He knows he does even if he tries not to. He nods.

“Then you either tell him about it or learn how to stop.”

Jungkook always knew he didn’t love Yoongi for something. He didn’t love him for his independence or creativity. He didn’t love him for the way he laughed. He didn’t love him for the way he cared about him. He just loved Yoongi. That’s it.

Before they started dating Yoongi used to change his hair color a lot. He tried different things before he settled for blonde and Jungkook loved him in every one of them.

He loved meeting him for the first time and realising that he has never seen someone with mint hair before. He loved how it faded until it became something between grey and blue. He loved him in that ridiculous flaming red he was so embarrassed about he refused to take off his beanie for a week. He loved him in pink that followed right after. And he loved him in blonde. The way his hair looked when his head rested against a pillow. Tickling feeling of it against Jungkook’s skin. The way it moved between his fingers.

And now, when he sees him in front of the same club he saw him years ago, he knows he loves him in black too. Still. Without stopping.

Suddenly, hours he spent convincing himself he’s over him mean nothing. Every minute of trying to forget doesn’t matter anymore because Yoongi’s here, right in front of him. He knows he’s going to break every promise he made to himself but he doesn’t mind.

“Yoongi,” he says more to himself than to him. Like he needs to hear his name  to make sure it’s happening.

Whatever Jungkook saw in Yoongi’s eyes, surprise, fear, hope or maybe mix of everything, is gone after few seconds. He collects himself quickly, falling right back to his forced indifference. He takes a sip from his bottle of beer before looking at Jungkook again. “Been awhile, huh?”

There’s so much questions Jungkook wants to ask him. How have you been? Are you doing okay? Do you miss me? Do you still remember me the way I remember you? He keeps all of them to himself though, not because he’s afraid to ask but because he isn’t sure he’s ready to hear the answer. From all of things churning in his head he picks the simple one.

“Did you come here with someone?”

Yoongi shakes his head. “Nah. You?”

Yoongi looks like some weight has been taken off his shoulders when Jungkook denies. He leans against the wall more comfortably and asks

“How are you?”

The question is so simple and yet Jungkook has nothing or maybe too much to tell him. Really, how is he? In any other case he would say “fine.” But now he knows it’s not true. He’s not fine, hasn’t been fine for the past few months.

He can clearly see two paths he can take from that moment. First one is a lie. It’s saying “fine.” Turning around and coming back to his life as he left it that evening. It’s repeating “fine” over and over again to convince himself it’s true. Second one is taking a risk. It’s following a road but not knowing where or how it ends.

Something silver around Yoongi’s wrist shines when he rises hand to finish his beer in a single gulp.

Thing is, Jungkook was never afraid of risk.

“Could we talk somewhere else?”

“You realise it’s a twenty minutes walk to my house, right?”

Jungkook does, he still knows the route by heart. But he doesn’t see why that would stop him from walking, holding Yoongi’s hand in his own as he follows him few steps behind.

“Do you have money for a cab or bus tickets?”

There’s a silence before quiet “No…”

“Guess we have no choice then.”

It’s a familiar feeling to hold Yoongi’s hand. He’s one of those people with always cold  hands and Jungkook missed making them warmer.

“I’m not so drunk. You don’t have to hold my hand.”

Yoongi’s probably right. He’s many drinks away from being drunk for real. For now it’s just his words, a little bit too close to each other when he speaks. But then Jungkook hears silent curse as Yoongi trips behind him and reflexly holds his hand tighter.

“You sure about that?”

Yoongi’s grip on Jungkook’s hand loosens somewhat but he doesn’t let go.

“Fuck, it’s just… this shitty pavement is so crooked. That’s why.”

“And everything spins around, huh?”

“I’m practically sober.”

“Mhm. Whatever you say.”

God. He missed this. He missed it so damn much it hurts. His own head is spinning even though he didn’t drink anything.

“So,” Jungkook starts, hoping that they can fall into conversation like they used to do. “How are you?”

“I asked you first and still didn’t hear my answer.” There’s no pretense in his voice. It’s soft and quiet, just like Jungkook remembers it.

“I’m asking you now.”

A sigh and then “I’m…” Jungkook waits for “fine” or “okay” but neither of them happens. “I got a new job. In the radio.”

Jungkook feels excitement starting to bloom in his chest. That’s what Yoongi always wanted to do but somehow never got the chance to start. “Really? In which station? I don’t think I’ve heard you anywhere.”

“And you won’t,” Yoongi laughs.“I’m just a broadcast assistant. I don’t present anything on my own.”

“With your voice you’d be perfect for that though.”

Twenty minutes long walk doesn’t seem that much with Yoongi talking. Jungkook doesn’t know if it’s thanks to the alcohol in his system or not. But it feels like it used to do. Maybe a little bit more stiff but it’s better than where they were at the end. It feels easier, smoother somehow.

Yoongi talks about his job and about people he met there. How he is finally doing something he likes. How he’s paid less than in his previous job but he doesn’t mind as long as he can sleep in more human hours.

They reach Yoongi’s apartment building and Jungkook feels overwhelmed. It’s a little bit too many memories all at once and he’s not sure how to handle that. But he doesn’t want to run away. Not again.

Yoongi notices that he’s still holding Jungkook’s hand and it��s not the most comfortable way to search for his keys. He lets go, even though ridiculous fear that he won’t be able to touch him ever again creeps somewhere behind him.

When they’re finally inside Yoongi plops down on a couch and observes. It hurts him to see Jungkook acting like a guest in a place that used to be his home. Not for long, but still.

Yoongi realises that his shirt smells with someone’s cigarettes and for some reason he finds it unbearable. He starts to unbutton it but fumbles with it and gets stuck on one stubborn button.

“Are you still trying to tell me you’re not drunk?” Jungkook asks reaching out to help him.

Yoongi wants to smile because no matter how he looks at it the situation is ridiculous. Here he is, with his ex-boyfriend unbuttoning his shirt. With someone he still loves so much and yet has no idea how to make him stay.

He looks up at him, sitting so close now, and it all drives him crazy. Jungkook’s eyes focused on the buttons with eyelashes casting shadows on his cheeks. His lips so close to his own. Even that beauty mark on his neck. All he thought he had lost is right in front of him.

“Jungkook,” Yoongi starts. “What is this?”

“Hm?”

“This situation, you here.” He waves his hand in a vague gesture. “What the hell is this?”

“I’m… not sure.” Jungkook answers biting his lip. He always does when he’s stressed. His hands let go of Yoongi’s shirt and fall at his sides.

“Is this like, I don’t know, blast from the past?” Yoongi can feel his voice getting harsh and he tries his best to control it.  “Fuck your ex for the sake of good old times?”

Yoongi regrets opening his mouth as soon as he’s done talking. The look of sadness and defeat in Jungkook’s eyes, no, in his whole body, are making his heart ache.

“Do you really think I would do that?”

“I’m sorry.” Yoongi runs his hand through his hair and sighs. “I don’t. That’s why I don’t know what the hell is going on.”

“You asked how am I, right?” Jungkook takes in a deep, shaky breath. “Well, not so well.”

Yoongi waits until he speaks again. “I was always lying to people that everything’s fine. But it wasn’t. I missed you so much I sometimes didn’t know what to do with myself.”

Yoongi watches how Jungkook’s hands clench and unclench on his knees.

“I always thought that when I’ll see you again I will feel angry or I don’t know. Indifferent.” He stops and rises corners of his lips in a sad smile. “But seeing you today made me happy. I haven’t feel like that in months.” He lets out a tired laugh. “Sad, right? The way I can’t force myself to let go of you.”

Yoongi’s heart beats so fast in his chest he feels like it’s about to burst. He tries to control his thoughts but they show and disappear so quickly he doesn’t know on what he should focus. All he knows is that Jungkook’s here, on his couch, in his apartment. All he need to do is to reach out, hold him like he always used to do. Feel that he’s alive and real.

Yoongi’s whole body burns with the need to touch him but he stops himself. It was the reason things ended up as they did. Action. But no words.

“Jungkook, I..” He knows what he feels, he knows so well and yet there’s no words, no sentences that could express that. “Fuck. I tried to stop thinking about you. But I can’t.” Now when he already started he doesn’t feel the need to stop. For once, he wants it all out of his system. “I thought I could do that, you know? That it would be easy to just move on. But I can’t. I don’t know how.” He laughs and he isn’t sure if it’s because he’s happy or so stressed his body doesn’t know how to react anymore. “And when I went out to at least try to forget you, from all of the people, I ran into you.”

Now Jungkook’s laughing too and god. He missed the sound of it. Missed the way it echoes through the walls of this room. He doesn’t want to stop hearing it again.

Jungkook wipes tears from the corners of his eyes and Yoongi doesn’t know if it’s sadness or happiness that caused them. He sniffs before speaking

“We fucked up.”

Yoongi lies down and closes his eyes because suddenly everything hurts. His stiff muscles, his stomach and head. His hands are shaking and he feels so dizzy it’s almost making him nauseous.

But his heart feels happy. Finally.

“Yeah. We did.”

Yoongi doesn’t open his eyes when he reaches out to find Jungkook’s hand. He twines their fingers together to make sure they still fit perfectly. They do.

“Do you want to stay?”

“Yeah.” He hears Jungkook say as his fingers squeeze around his. “I’d like that.”

Yoongi wakes up to three things. First, a bright sunlight shining in his eyes. Then, a headache starting to buzz at the back of his head. And finally, to the sight of Jungkook looking back at him.

They don’t say anything for a while, just lie next to each other on that too small and uncomfortable couch. But Yoongi doesn’t mind, he never did. No matter how narrow it was and how hard Jungkook’s knees pressed into his thighs.

“You stayed.”

“I did.”

Yoongi thought he forgot how it feels to have someone pressed next to him, with his body warm and breath tickling against his skin. He’s glad Jungkook’s here to remind him.

“I can’t believe you were so sad without me you dyed your hair black. How dramatic.”

“I can’t believe you were so sad without me you haven’t spoken to anyone for over a week.”

“It’s the last time I told Hoseok anything,” Jungkook laughs and it’s sleepy and sweet. Yoongi’s favorite kind.

He wants to tell him so much he’s not sure where to start. And he wants to listen to him. To know every detail Jungkook’s willing to share with him. Yoongi brushes Jungkook’s hair out of his face. “So that’s it, right? We’re trying again.”

“I wouldn’t stay otherwise.”

After all this time breathing finally becomes easier.

Jungkook fumbles with the keys because this one lock is always stuttering. He moves the key inside, up and down, in a way he learnt some time ago but still remembers. It works. The doors open.

He’s there, leaning against the counter and waiting. Not like an enthusiastic dog that runs to you with its tail wiggling. More like a cat, quiet and attentive.

It’s hard to kiss him when he’s smiling but Jungkook knows he has time to finally learn that.

“I’m home.”

“Welcome back.”

-bonus-

“Tell me,” Yoongi says, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “How is it possible that I bought the biggest bed and yet you still take all of it for yourself?”

He would lie if he said Jungkook wasn’t making a nice view like that, lying on his stomach with hands hidden under the pillow. In the dim light of the bedroom, tanned skin of his back makes a pretty contrast to the white crumpled sheets around him. Black hair, a complete mess now, sticks out in some odd directions. He doesn’t open his eyes, just smiles sweetly.

“Why did you buy such a big bed when you are so small?”

Yoongi can see his shoulders shaking a little bit with laughter.

“Obviously not for some asshole who sprawls like a goddamn prince in the middle of it.”

Jungkook yawns. “So you can’t use it either, huh?”

Being hit with the pillow just doubles Jungkook’s laughter, his whole body shaking now. “You could just politely ask me to move, you know?” He finally opens his eyes and turns to lie on his side instead, bending his arm to rest his head on hand.

“Move.”

“I think you didn’t hear the “politely” part.”

Yoongi leans closer to him with a hint of a smile and makes sure their eyes meet before he speaks again. He lowers his voice until it becomes a whisper. “Move, babe.”

Jungkook’s smug expression turning into embarrassed one with his cheeks blushed and eyes unable to look back at him, is one of Yoongi’s favorite things. Jungkook groans and lies down on his back, hiding his face between fingers. Yoongi suddenly feels so fond of him it’s almost too much.

He somehow finds enough space to fit next to him. After enough time of accidental kicks and elbows shoved in ribs, they both managed to work the cuddling system out. It takes a moment to lie in a position comfortable for them, Yoongi’s head resting against Jungkook’s chest. After a minute he feels fingers playing with his hair. Yoongi closes his eyes, his body relaxing under the touch.

It’s one of those times when time seems to slow down a bit around them. When they don’t need to be anywhere except next to each other. Do anything else beside breathing together and feeling each other’s heartbeats.

It’s simple and Yoongi learnt simple works the best for him.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

#yoonkook #sugakookie #fanfiction #bts fanfiction #yoonkook fanfiction #oyemi

[idontknowwhysblog]

CHAPTER #1

Dream a little dream of me

The vision this time was clear. Like the last few times. What was needed the last few times was some research, a visit to a library perhaps and a long journey to reach the place. With the advent of technology and transportation means this wasn't necessary anymore. Just a quick Google Search and Nick knew where he was headed this time. It was really funny because the first time he had the vision he was too lost in his own sorrow to make much of it. He didn't realize that he was supposed to act on it. But now he was a pro. Centuries of playing the same game had made him a master of the game. The first vision had been of the snow clad Alps where he had spent the torturous era of two World wars; waiting for her. Then he found her in the deserts of Afghanistan and now as he slept he dreamt of the tropics again. He saw a crowd rushing to catch a train, countless unknown faces and then he saw her. She looked very different from the last few times. What remained same were the dark eyes which were a passage to her soul. The eyes never changed. He saw her with her face covered in a scarf that was tied all around her face with only her eyes open and he recognized her. Like he had recognised her the numerous previous times. She was his Abigail. She was the reason he was alive. This time she was in India and he had no trouble guessing it. He had been there couple of times over the past many years. The next thing Nick did was dye his blonde hair a darker shade and buy the darkest black contacts and a ticket to India. He had to fit in. Somehow this twisted action made sense to him.

He would find her. He always did.

Ruhi was at the most happening discotheque of the city and she was bored. It had been the idea of her closest friends to sneak out and visit the epitome of night life in the city to bring in her 16th birthday. The LED lights of the most happening disco in city flashed in blood red at the top most floor of the skyscraper.

“The age limit is 18 and above.” Neha had remarked a night before.

“We look eighteen and above.” Anushka had replied without much thought. The three of them were in the ladies room of the mall, shopping for Ruhi's birthday dress a day before. Anushka reapplied her neon pink lipstick, smacked her lips and brushed her hair for the umpteenth time, her eyes never leaving her reflection in the mirror. She didn’t even look at Neha as she took a dig at their mutual friend and Neha's boyfriend next. “I just hope your boyfriend’s patchy moustache doesn’t give us away.Both chose to ignore.

Next night, they successfully entered the disco without any questions asked. Minutes after entering the discotheque, her best friend Anushka had found a guy and was busy flirting with him. Her other two friends were a couple and were busy dancing. She didn't want to be the third wheel. She took a deep breath and the only thing she could inhale was cigarettes. So she decided to go in the attached balcony overlooking the city at 12th floor of the building.

It was close to midnight and suddenly the DJ decided to go slow. He put on a melodious track of bygone era and Ruhi imagined her friends getting cozy inside. She threw a quick glance at Neha and Rohit and indeed they were lost in their own world. She walked out, there were just two couples in the balcony and a single guy smoking in a corner.

She couldn't resist singing alongside the melody and was at the Hmmm…hmmm... part of the song, totally lost into it when she was interrupted.

“You have a very nice voice.” A heavily accented voice said.

She was sure that she was not that loud and was just humming to herself. She was even sure that she had scanned all the people on the balcony and the stranger was not one of them. The door to the balcony was still closed and she was seated very close to it, so he could not have entered without her noticing. She just smiled back consciously.

“You mind if I join you?” he asked next. A direct No sounded rude in her head. A yes was not safe, not because he was a stranger but because he was a stranger, she could get attracted to, she took advantage of the light, rather the lack of it and studied him for a while. He didn't seem Indian although he had black hair and eyes. He was really tall and was dressed in a pair of casual jeans and a white linen shirt. He seemed older.

She nodded and he sat beside her. Damn the risk she thought ," my friends have conveniently forgotten that it is my birthday so I deserve this escapade."

She was anyways sure that he would get tired and go away, that was one aspect of her personality that she was sure of. She never had many things to say. People usually got tired of her silence and moved ahead, even he would.

“So happy birthday!” he exclaimed as he sat beside her

“How did you know?” she was surprised.

He shrugged.

She insisted on a reply though.

“I am a friend of your friend Rohit.” He said. That explained it. She never knew his other guy friends. They were just classmates since nursery. All four of them, Anushka, Ruhi , Rohit and Neha. Over a period of time Neha and Rohit had become a couple and that left a very shy Ruhi and an over the top Anushka in the group. But they still did hang out together. Rohit did have other guy friends whom he introduced time and again and some of them did become a part of the group when Anushka decided to date them for the time but were soon forgotten.

“So Ruhi, right?” he asked her. They were now seated facing each other completely on the bench in the balcony. She was sitting with her legs crossed and he sat on a bench near her with a leg on each side of the bench. However his upper body was tilted towards her as he talked.

“It’s obvious, Ruhi if someone is tilted towards you while talking he is interested, if not, just drop the conversation and leave.” Anushka’s voice echoed in her mind.

He sure was interested.

She nodded.

“What does it mean?” he asked next.

“Soul.”

He laughed at that.

“What is your name?” she asked a bit offended by his laughter.

“Nick.” He managed to murmur as if he was ashamed of his name, as if he was saying it for the first time and was not comfortable with it. The way someone named funny would say his name. His name was not funny, the way he said it, he made it sound like an insult he was inflicting on himself. She continued looking at him as if he had not spoken at all.

“Nicholas Corduroy.” This time he sounded confident.

“Nice to meet you Nicholas.” Ruhi smiled. She had never acted this frank, and kept wondering if Anushka’s company was getting to her, not that she was complaining. She was smitten and right now could have exchanged souls with Anushka, if that would make her seem interesting to him. Ruhi always felt that she was too dull. She didn't know how to hold a conversation. She had never learnt how to small talk and was pretty sure she bored whoever was in her company.

The song changed with the DJ announcing the next track with verve.

“Tourist?” she asked next only because his stare made her uncomfortable. His coal black eyes pierced directly into her as if they were looking for some answer. He was caught off guard by her question, which was simple so she repeated.

“Yes… No…” he faltered.

She waited.

“I am sorry… what did you ask?” he asked again.

By that time she was sure he was drunk or just not interested in holding a conversation, but he was still facing her and looking at her with those deep eyes. But then she decided to give him the benefit of doubt, as the next track chosen by the DJ was real loud.

“I asked if you are a tourist.” she enunciated every word.

“No. I work here.” He replied never taking his eyes off her. He replied with the same enunciated words, speaking above the music, his one hand pressing his ear closer to the door.

“Your hair is still so dark and long.” He exclaimed and she flushed red but caught herself soon enough.

“That’s because I turned sixteen today, not sixty.” she tried to joke but he did not get it. He obviously was good looking but seemed slow. She was contemplating making a move and introducing him to Anushka instead, they would click. But then she remembered Anushka had already found someone.

“Sixteen…huh?” he asked

“Don’t shout it out, for tonight I am eighteen.” she whispered.

The discotheque had strict rules about underage entries.

“I get that, would have helped me if you were indeed eighteen.” he laughed.

She smiled uncomfortably again. She had no experience of flirting even when she had witnessed Anushka do it a number of times. She had no answer and he was still looking.

She got up to leave murmuring some excuse.

“Be here for a while, I have no company.” he said.

“My friends must be looking for me” she lied.

“No, they are not.” He replied and patted the place where she was seated a minute before, signaling her to sit down.

“Are you bored?” he asked.

“A bit.” she could not lie.

“You don’t like it here?”

“This is my first time, I thought I would like it, but it sucks.” she replied and he acted shocked.

“What?” she asked.

He was giving her the shocked look as if he was offended by something she said. It took him a long time to clear his expressions but not without a shake of his head.

He was really confusing her but she was transfixed.

“Nothing” he said and laughed again.

"What is it with this person?" Ruhi thought. He laughed at all inappropriate moments.

“No, seriously why were you upset?” she asked

“You always amaze me.” He replied and smiled again.

“Always?” she was more confused than ever.

That question went unanswered as Neha came out searching for her.

“This is my friend, Neha.” she introduced her to her new stranger-friend.

Neha gave him a shy smile and informed Ruhi that she was leaving. She wished her again with a peck on the cheek. Ruhi was supposed to wait till Rohit dropped Neha home and returned as Anushka wanted to stay. With no other option left, Ruhi stayed.

“So you want to do something else which you might be interested in?” Nicolas asked her.

“Like what?”

“Like getting out of this place?”

“I cant, my friend is in here.”

“We will come back, c’mon. I will show you the game room.”

She was confused. The invitation was very tempting but she could not go without informing anyone so she refused.

Initially.

“Too bad, I had a little something in my mind.”

Her curiosity got the better of her and with a quick touch to the pepper spray in her purse she walked through the interlinked door to the game room with him. She had never acted this irrational and impulsive. But there was something hypnotic about him that made her throw all caution to the wind. It was quieter there, so quiet that she could hear her breath and his as he walked behind her. She finally sat down on the recliner there and looked around. Again just a couple in the room and they were busy fighting each other in a video game. He kept standing beside her and looking at her strangely and she did not have it in her to ask him to stop instead she tried distracting him.

“So what do you do?” she asked him.

“Work.” Monosyllabic again.

“Oh… is that how you know Rohit?” she had to keep up the conversation.

He just shrugged. Now she was out of things to say to him. She rattled her brains with all possible things she could say but came out with a blank. So she walked away from him and strolled on, looking at all the different consoles and games in the room.

“You have no friends in there?” she asked him next.

“No.” he replied.

“It’s quiet in here. Feels good.” she knew she was just blabbering. She was not a great conversationalist. It seemed nor was he.

“I am glad you like it.” he said.

They went silent for a while and she was humming the song she heard earlier. Somehow the silence was not uncomfortable anymore.

“Sing it loud.” Nicolas said

“No, I am a terrible singer.” she complained but he kept on insisting.

“You cannot be a terrible singer.” He said with an affirmation even she lacked in herself.

“How can you be so sure?” she questioned. Anything to not sing.

“I heard you down there.”

“You understand the language?”

“No, but I understand the emotion and I like to believe I have a musical ear.” He smiled.

He was standing in the dark and she could just see his eyes sparkling and it started to feel weird. She suddenly realized that they both were alone there so she suggested going down again.

“Stay.”

Just that one word.

And she stayed.

She didn’t know what she was doing or why, but it felt comfortable to be in the company of a stranger than her friends down, as if she had known him longer than she actually knew them.

“So where are you from?” she asked the obvious question.

He did not reply. Either he was deaf or just not paying attention. It was disturbing.

“Hello? She called in again and walked towards him. He was leaning against the wall and looking at her strangely.

“Is something wrong?” she ventured again.

“No, Why?”

“Don’t be offended, but you are weird.”

“Mussouri” He said and smiled.

“And how do you know Rohit?” she asked again.

“Mutual friends.”

“And why are you not down there with them?”

“Your friend stole him away, so I chose to steal you.” He smiled referring to Anushka flirting with the guy she met earlier.

“I did not know that I and my friends were causing trouble.” she said. She was a bit flustered; she had expected a different answer. He laughed again.

“You amuse me.”

“I did not intend to.” she retorted and turned away from him.

“Did I offend you?” he asked and turned again to look at her. He looked worried.

“No, I just don’t know what I am doing here.” she said the truth at last. She had been pulled towards him although they seemed to have nothing in common.

They did not speak for many seconds, she was looking at the different games figuring out what she wanted to try and Nick…Well he was looking at her.

“Stop.” she finally snapped.

He was taken aback. “Sorry?”

“Why you keep looking at me like that?” she finally managed to say.

“Like what?”

She didn’t know how to phrase it. He looked at her like she was a long lost love, trying to search some source of recognition in her eyes. She did not know what to say so she let it pass.

“I should be going.” she said instead but he stopped her again.

“I am sorry for acting weird, just don’t leave yet.” He shook his head, as if trying to get rid of a memory.

He finally looked away and sighed.

“So you are in school?” He asked.

She nodded.

“You like it here?” he asked next.

She assumed he meant the disc, but she had already mentioned that she did not, so then she guessed he meant the game room so she nodded again. Now that he as finally opening up she had turned monosyllabic.

“It’s quieter than down there.” she said to make up for her lack of words and he laughed again.

“I meant the city.” He said.

“Yes, I do.” She was born and raised there and never been any place else so she had nothing to compare it against.

”you don’t?” she asked.

He just shrugged.

“That is not a definite answer.”

“It is different, but I am not complaining.”

“How long you been here?” she asked.

He looked at her for emphasis as if he wanted to convey something more than what he said eventually.

“I keep coming and going back since last sixteen years.” He said at last.

She was out of things to say again and tired too, so she just slid down and sat on the floor, resting her back against the wall. He kept standing.

“Sixteen years is long.” she said at last as she replayed the last words he said in her head.

“Trust me, it is.” he laughed again.

Finally he sat down beside her and that was a bit comforting because he standing over her was intimidating. By that time, she was really enjoying herself. He did not fill in all silences with chatter so it suited her well, she spoke when she wanted to and he continued sitting by her side when she did not speak.

“What do plan to do tomorrow?” he asked her. It was a Sunday.

“I usually am at home on Sundays, What about you?”

“I was wondering if you want to go out.” He asked.

Really? She thought" why would someone mature, good-looking and one who had all the options open ask me out?"

“I am not very sure.” she replied.

“I bore you.” He stated and looked away. Thinking of it, they had not had a very interesting conversation but she definitely felt a strange pull.

“That’s not it…,”she faltered. He did not press it further.

“I have a lot of homework to do.”

“I can help you with that.”

She could not think of any other reason so she just said that I would think about it.

“What homework?” he asked.

“I have to write an essay on the Victorian era.”

He laughed aloud at that.

“What is funny?”

he didn't reply.

“Is it difficult?” he asked her instead. She did not know what he was referring to. “The essay.” He added noticing her confusion.

“Not really. But I cannot visualize it.”

He smiled yet again. She was not minding his smiles much now.

“I will help you, if you are meeting me tomorrow.”

“Sounds like a fair deal.” she replied. The point was she sucked at writing long meaningless essays. She never understood how studying the history could be of any particular use to anyone.

“So what exactly, you want me to write on?”

“We are supposed to research the culture, the people of that age from the internet and come up with a 1000 words essay.”

“Consider it done, you will have it tomorrow.”

“Well… thanks.” she murmured.

“1000 words, Huh?” He asked for confirmation and she nodded.

“500 would do, I can work up the rest.”

“I was in fact wondering how I would restrict myself to 1000.” He winked at her.

“You seem pretty confident.”

“I can visualize pretty much.” He nodded. “I can go on and on.”

“Really, tell me something then.”

“Like what?”

“Anything, Educate me…” It was her turn to wink.

He did not say anything.

“You did not read any classics?” he asked

“I suck at it.” she replied and he looked upset again. “Seriously, I tried reading the Austen classics and I go to sleep within two pages, the language is too high brow for me.”

He laughed again.

“What did you attempt?”

“Agnes Gray” she lied. The truth was she never had read any classics, never opened a book. Her mother was an English graduate and she had seen this particular book on her shelf.

“That’s Bronte not Austen” he informed her and she was red with embarrassment.

“Now you know how bad I am.” she looked down.

“So tell me the story.” she said next to come out a bit interested and a tad intelligent. She had accused him of being slow; she was coming out as being ignorant.

“Of Agnes gray?” he asked.

She nodded.

“Well I read it ages ago, don’t think I can do justice.”

She was disappointed and relieved.

“I can tell you another Victorian story though, maybe that would help you visualize the age.” “Go on…” she encouraged.

“Oh wait… is it a love story?” she had to ask.

“You can call it that.”

“Brilliant… I love love stories, go on…”

He turned towards her and she had her chin on her knees as she lost herself in the picture he created so expertly.

“It’s a story of a high class girl, the daughter of a reputed lawyer.”

“What was her name?” she asked.

“Abigail Clarke.”

“And what’s the hero’s name?”

“We will come to that.”