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askthetotallynotsquad · 5 years

Note

*sneezes on michael* pls become more sick and die rn

ACT 1

Jeremy: *sobs* NO STOP

Rich: I fEeL iRrEllIveNt iLl jUsT LeAVe *puts gun up to head*

Jeremy: RICH NONONONO *hugs him*

Rich: wth mAn iM trYinG ro leT u aNh mIcheal bE alOne *still has gun up to head*

Jeremy: Rich please stop. I love youuuuuu- PLATONICALLY

Rich: wEll tO bAD *moves gun to stomach and pulls trigger*

Jeremy: Rich-

Rich: sh-shit that w-was a bad idea wasn’t it..*starts bleeding* f-fuck

Michael: omg rich!!! *speed dials 911*

Rich: hah.. *coughs up blood* t-thit

Michael: rICH YOU GOTTA BREATHE PLEASE

Rich: *coughs more* o-ok god well… nice kn-nowin ya…. *tries to breathe*

Michael: uM THINK ABOUT JAKE??

Rich: h-heh *smiles a bit and coughs more*

Jake: oMG RICH??? *sobs* DUDE BRO??

Rich: *hugs* i-its ok… *dies some more* ou-uch…

Jake: omg omg omg ok bro dude you’ll be fine right?? it’s like the fire??? you’ll be fine???

Rich: y-yeah…. *passes out from so much blood loss*

Hospital people: OMG!! QUICK GET HIM IN THE VEHICLE FOR THE HEALTH!!

Heath vehicle people: *throws rich in the heath vehicle*

Jake: *intense sobbing*

Rich: *passes out still*

Heath vehicle people: *gets in front of health vehicle about to drive*

Jake: *stops the health vehicle* let me go with my bf pls

Heath vehicle people: sure why not kid don’t kill him though or else we will lose some money

Jake: *cartwheels into the heath vehicle with rich* babe omg awaken pls

Rich: *tumbles on over to Jake and hugs him still passed out*

Jake: omg rich ily bab *kiss*

All the healthy bros working at that heath place: *fixes rich*

(1 hour later)

Rich: *wakes up*

Jake: *hugs rich* omg babe you almost died I missed you

Rich: *hugs tighter* i-im ok *smiles*

Jake: *all the kisses* please don’t do that again rich

Rich: I won’t d-don’t worry *still shaking a bit*

Jake: *breaks the health place rules and lays next to rich bc he needs all the hugs*

Rich: *hugs* your great

Jake: *kisses our favorite short boy on the nose* so are you

Rich: *cuddles*

Jake: *gently cuddles and whispers v nice things to rich*

Rich: *falls asleep cuddling jake*

Nice classic time skip

Jake: *carries rich to Rich’s house*

Rich’s mom: WHAT’S THIS RICH

Rich: *wakes up* NOTHING MOM

Rich’s dad: I THOUGHT U WERE TO MUCH OF A LOSER TO HAVE FRIENDS

Rich: *sobs a bit* y-yes dad I am..

Jake: rich it’s okay— *plays with Rich’s hair bc our boy* it’ll be okay

Rich’s mom: EXCUSE ME CHILD BUT WHY ARE YOU HARASSING MY SERVANT

Rich: *sobs*

Rich’s dad: QUIT CRYING YOU PIECE OF SHIT

Rich: *holds back tears* yes dad

Rich’s dad: CALL ME SIR

Rich: yes sir…

Jake: *angry Jake pulls a jake* eXCUSE ME SHITHEADS BUT WHY ARE YOU HARRASSING MY BOYFRIEND BC IF YOU DO I WILL SLAP A BITCH OR TWO

ACT 2

Rich: *clings onto jake*

Rich’s dad: SERVANT WHAT IS THIS PEASANT TALKING ABOUT

Rich’s mom: ARE YOU GAY!!!! *pulls out shotgun about to shoot jake*

Rich: *v v v scared* —- MOM NO

Rich’s mom: WHY SHOULD I LISTEN TO YOU BITCH

Rich: b-because I love him!!!!

Jake: *shields rich bc oh no*

Rich’s mom: *boom boom tries to shoot rich but oh damn she shoots jake*

Rich’s dad: good job wife you killed it

Rich’s mom: yeah

Jake: *passed out oops*

Rich: WHAT THE FUCK MOM *starts sobbing* YOU ARE ALL FUCKING BATHSTARDS AND IF I COULD YOU WOULD BE DEAD BY NOW *v sob* stay with me Jake… it’s ok….

Rich’s mom: FUCK U *trys to shoot rich but has no bullets* SHIT

Rich’s dad: LET’S GET OUT BEFORE THE COPS COME!!

(Rich’s parents run away)

Rich: s-stay with me… *calls 911*

Jake: *jake wakes up a little* I’m f-fine— rich I’ll be fine— *passes out again*

Rich: *screams to 911* GOD FUCKING DAMNIT HELP ME *starts sobbing over jake*

(Health vehicle people arrive)

Heath vehicle people: ugh u agian. Get him in the heath vehicle u are not coming

Rich: *slowly pulls out gun* do You wanna be the next one in the health vehicle?

Health vehicle people: OK YOU CAN COME JEEZ…

Healthy health people: *fix jake*

29 hours later

Jake: *jake awake* rich-?

Rich: *jumps-ish onto jake* I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD *happy sobs*

Jake: oW- *hugs rich weakly sksksk* I told you I’d be okay— *haha weak laugh*

Rich: *hugs tightly telling Jake jokes*

Jake: you’re so small and perfect… *boops Richard Goranski Bc that’s the tea*

Rich: *crosses eyes for a moment and blushes* your perfect too

Jake: I wanna sleep—- *woah Jake falls asleep*

Wreck it Ralph thanos hobo guy: *fortnite dances in* hey kids want a beverage *gives rich a “perfectly normal” drink* I’m a healthy health bro so you can trust me ok bye

Rich: ooooo drinks *drinks the drink* wait. This is.

Wreck it Ralph thanos hobo guy: MTN DEW >:)

ACT 3

Rich: *starts screaming and rolling around on the ground and overall dying*

Jake: *screams and wakes up to his bf having a seizure omg* rich?? babe??? bro??? are you okay??? *panic panic panic*

Rich: AWUHHDHXNHRNCJDBJSNWKDNEONCIENXLWNDOCNEKCNIENCJDBDJSMLAHHBSHHhHHhHHHhhhhh *rolls around holding head* H-HELP JAKE HELP…!.! A..A.AJHhh d9g xhdhxudnkshJHHJDHDBIDNRIEW

Jake: rich- Richard what’s wrong?? Tell me please- talk to me— what’s wrong-

Wreck it Ralph thanos hobo guy: *yeets himself out the window*

Rich: *stops screaming* hhh….* turns to jake crying and sweating* i-its back jake… it’s back.. *has a panic attack and moves closer to jake* j-jake it’s b-back *keeps crying*

Jake: rich- rich come here- it’s going to be alright- I love you babe- *kisses rich on the top of his head bc our boy*

Rich: *cuddles up to jake still sobbing a bit and shaking*

Squip(dark Kermit): OK first order of buisness. Ditch this goon.

Rich: WH-what!! Never!! *still sobbing and holds onto jake tightly*

Jake: *hugs onto rich tightly* it’ll be okay—- I’m here— you’re okay-

Dark Kermit: disgusting. You seriously want this… thing? Nah- go for… chloe?

Rich: n-no!!! He'th amazing!!!

Dark Kermit: mutters- optic nerve blocking on- fine. We’ll have to do this the hard way.

Rich: j-JAKE!! WHAT DID YOU DO WITH JAKE!!

Jake: Rich? Why’re you yelling- it’s okay-

Dark Kermit: STOP WITH THE LISP! Jesus… you’re such a bad person.

Rich: *sobs* i-im not that bad…

Dark Kermit: why would this hooligan hang around you if you aren’t bad

Rich: HE'TH BEAUTIFUL!!

Dark Kermit: yeah, just like you right?

Rich: … *silently crys* i-im not- not that bad……… im not b-bad..

Dark Kermit: your terrible. The lisp make you worse. And this whippersnapper. He makes you terrible. Cut him off

Jake: rICH? RICH THIS ISN’T FUNNY. TALK TO ME-

Rich: WAIT WHERE DID JAKE GO- JAKE WHERE ARE YOU!! WHAT HAPPENED!! JAKE DON’T LEAVE ME PLEASE….. don’t leave me alone….

Jake: *hugs rich* I’m right here— I’m here-

Dark Kermit: ew push him off you

Rich: I-i can feel you i just can’t thee you… Kermit heth…. I can’t thee you please….. just…. *sobs*

Jake: I’m here- that’s all that matters- I’m here- it’s okay *all the kisses* lemme call up my homie Michael *calls up his homie michael*

Michael: yeah sup

Jake: I need mtn dew red

Michael: yeah come to my house

Jake: why

Michael: I’m comfortable

Jake: fine

Rich: d-don’t leave me!!!!! *moves around trying to find jake* don’t leave me!! *tears up*

Jake: I’m going to pick you up, okay babe? *bOOM picks up rich bridal style bc owo* *runs on over to his homie Michael’s house* MICHAELLLLL

Michael: I’m in my room, bitch

Rich: *clings onto jake*

Dark Kermit: ok I’m back from japan and my spa. What’s been happ- OH MY GOD YOURE IN THHE PRESENCE OF TWO LOSERS! GET OUT OF THERE.

Jake: *runs to our homie michaels room*

Dark Kermit: im done *starts to take control of rich’s legs

Rich: *clings onto jake tighter* he’s gonna t-take control *starts moving legs trying to get up* j-jAKE DON’T LET ME GO WHATEVER YOU DO WHATEVER I SAY DON’T LET GO OF ME *clings tighter*

Jake: *hugs rich tighter sksksk*

Dark kermit: jfc this is boring uh—- *makes rich punch Jake in the nose* thereee

Jake: *gasp-* ow— oW *cries*

Rich: I’M SORRY *sobs* I DIDN’T MEAN TO *sobs a lot and clings onto jake v tightly* PLEASE DON’T LET ME GO…. u-unless I hurt you agian…. I don’t want y-you getting hurt *v sob v sad*

Dark Kermit: *makes rich kick Jake in the ribs bc this is the tea* hah hah hah

Jake: ooWwww *drops rich and doubles over bc ow pain*

Michael’s first mom: Michael your friends are here!

Michael’s second mom: Michael your friends are fighting!

Rich: I-IM SO SORRY I-

Dark Kermit: *makes rich y’all ooo the tea*

“Rich”: I hate you ew you’re gross go die

Jake: rich??? that- that’s mean…

Michael: CAN YOU GUYS KEEP IT DOWN IM TRYNA FIND THE MTN DEW— AND WATCH HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL

Rich: i- I didn’t mean it it was the squip I swear!!!!! Please just find the mtn dew.. I can’t hurt you anymore…. *single tear*

Dark Kermit: mmm nahhh

“Rich”: just leave omg I’m lying to you. I’ve always hated you, douche. Go die—

Jake: riCHARD!

Michael’s mom pt. 1: Michael who do you hang out with?!

Michael’s mom pt. 2: Do we need to have a talk??

Michael: CAN EVERYONE SHUT UP?!

Rich: i…. i

Dark Kermit: you’re so bad at this

“Rich”: just leave. Leave!!

Michael’s moms pts 1&2: this is like a soap opera omg

Michael: Jesus why is my room a mess..-

Jake: rich please stop…

Rich: I’M TRYING!! *sobs* HE'TH TAKING OVER…

Michael: bAM FOUND IT *michael makes an entrance dododo* here— *shoves that tasty mtn dew red down Rich’s throat*

Jake: riCH?

Rich: *still sobbing* he- he'th gone…. *hugs jake* I’M SO SORRY… ALL OF THAT WAS NOT TRUE I-I DON’T KNOW WHAT CAME OVER ME

Jake: it’s okay… it’s okay… I’m here… *hugs rich bc he deserves all the hugs*

Michael: can you guys get out of my house bc jere is coming over—

Jake: jfc *picks up rich and kisses his nose uwu* lets go babe

ACT 4

Rich: *holds onto jake* thanks for that… you know.. getting rid of the squip and all for me *kisses Jake bc he is a hero*

Jenna: *has filmed entire thing from ACT 1 to act 3* heh heh heh heh >:)

Jake: I love you so much babe- *all the kisses sksksksksk*

Jenna: *still filming all this hot tea*

Rich: I love u to :) *so much of the kisses*

Jenna: *stops film* YO GAYS

Rich: *turns around* thit-

Jake: oh- um- *lets go of rich* hiii jennaaaaa———

Jenna: look what i got *holds up camera*

Rich: no no no no no no no it’s not what it looks like…

Jenna: OK so I’ll go tell Madeline Jake is single then ok?

Rich: —————–JAKE IS MINE

Jake: Jenna, what’re you going to do with that recording? *hugs rich bc iconic*

Jenna: oh idk, defiantly NOT show the school… yeah! Because I want to not be cool. Sure…. NO. I am showing EVERYONE!!

Rich: *hides behind Jake scared*

Jake: J-Jenna! You wouldn’t do that- right?? Right??

Jenna: Yes I would! In fact, I already shared it with clohe, Brooke, and Madeline! They will share will share with evreyone else since they are v popular.

Rich: *continues hiding behind jake*

Jake: *hugs rich close to himself*

Chloe: *screeches and jumps outta tree* oH MY GOD!!! THAT IS SO GAY!

Rich: *hugs Jake sobbing* why do we have to c-come out by gossip…

Jake: *rubs Rich’s back* it’ll be okay, babe. I’m here… *kisses Rich’s head bc my sons*

Jenna: this will be the talk of the school tomorrow! I can’t wait!

Rich: i-i don’t wanna be cool anymore… *hugs Jake tighter*

Jake: shhh… it’s okay…

WOW LOOK THE NEXT DAY AT SCHOOL

Bully McGee: *slides on over to Rich’s dms and life tbh* hey gay. you’re gay. haha dummy

Rich: ……. *moves closer to jake*

Jake: *punches bully mcgee* go away.

Jenna: oh it’s my second favorite gays! How are you two?

Rich:(sarcasm alert) oh you know, bullied here, getting called a faggot there. Good times, good times. *leans on Jake*

Jake: *kisses rich on the nose* Stop being so angry *laughs*

Madeline: *stomps on over to jakey d and rich* jAKE. HOW COULD YOU DATE ME, AND THEN JUST THINK YOU CAN CONVERT TO A FAG? I CANT UNDERSTAND YOU.

Jake: Madeline- calm down-

Madeline: NO. I WILL NOT. YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME. *sLAPS JAKE BC TEA* *sassily walks away*

Jake: *cries* I didnt mean to hurt anyone…

ACT 5

Rich: thes a bitch jake, don’t let that get to you *hugs jake* if it makes you feel any better, you know I love you *smiles*

Jake: mhm… *digs his face into Rich’s hair bc wow*

Hobo’s cousin: hey bitches it’s me 😏 who wants a nice quality tic tac

Rich: no thanks I’m good

Jake: idk gimme one *inhales a tic tac*

Hobos cousin: oh yeah take mtn dew *shoves it down jake’s throat*

Jake: *intense screaming*

Rich: JAKE ARE YOU OK *holds jake*

Jake: rich- babe- th-there’s a man behind you— he’s— scary— *cuddles into rich* rich I’m scared— what happened???

Live action squidward (SQUIP): why the fuck is this short little asshole touching you ew

Jake: uH?

Rich: *holds Jake tighter bc he’s special* i-its ok dude…i think it’s a thquip…

Jake: *sobs into Rich’s shoulder* I want it to be gone- it’s- it’s scary- and mean-

Squidward: ew you make me want to poop

Jake: *screaming*

Jenna: wow this is tea *films Jake literally dying*

Rich: *plays with his hair to calm him down* i-its ok bro it’s fine I got u man… (in his head: THIS IS NOT FINE)

Jake: *sits on the floor with his knees pulled up to his chest* rich— I’m scared—

Squidward: hi I’m a robot beeply booply

Rich: Its ok bb i got u.. *sits next to Jake pulling him closer*

Squidward: what does this fag think he’s doing. Get him away he might give you rabies

Jake: *hugs into rich* go away squidward—

Squidward: *makes Jake push rich away* there you go

“Jake”: what am I doing? I should be with Madeline

Rich: w-what…?

Squidward: hehehheheh

“Jake”: yeah! YOU DO realize no one likes you right? You just a flat out loser. I can’t belive I Dated you

Rich: n-no… it’s the thquip… *starts to cry*

“Jake”: no, this is just me. Plain. Old. Jake.

Squidward: nice job me! Well thank you me

Jake: rich I- *BAM the squip shuts off his vocal chords bc omg tea*

Squidward: I am just so good at this

Rich: you what….

Squidward: heh heh heh

“Jake”: I hate you.

Rich: o-oh yeah cool….. *looks away crying*

Jake: *starts sobbing and hugs rich*

Squidward: hehehe 😎😎

Rich: t-thorry for being alive….

Squidward: look what you did to your friend. You’re such an asshole

Jake: *intense sobbing and shaking*

“Jake”: you should be sorry. you’re the ugliest, stupidest, worst person I’ve ever met. your short and you have a lisp which is ugly af

Rich: F-FINE I N-NEVER LIKED U ANYWAYS… *runs to Jake’s house sobbing and shaking*

Squidward: *BAM wow look Jake can talk again*

Jake: RICH WAIT- *sONIC RUNS AFTER RICH* RICH STOP I DIDN’T MEAN IT- IT WASN’T ME-

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sun-downer · 3 years

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Why are there so many fucking fancy ass cars parked in this mother? Fucking broke ass building parking lot. The APM Debbie's out 30 cars in his goddamn parking lot. Oh, so first of all, you were allowed to pass a police car. Second of all, no one has ever been pulled over by a Patty wagon. No offense, but what the fuck?

God damn it. That was energy. Holy shit. That's a lot for Monday morning. Hey everybody. What up? It's the no offense, but what the fuck podcast? I'm your host? Marvin Martinez. And as always my future ex-husband is with me a bunch of Agra. How are you doing? Until I got

Yeah. That's just, that's just what happens when you go to Japan, people just, it's just what everybody does. Speaking of perfect hair. Uh, Maki, Kaji, the godfather of Sodoku died at 69. He nailed it. 69. Oh shit. Yeah. He was good with numbers. He was good. He's like, I'm going to go out on a math joke. Oh yeah.

And you know what? The next one's pretty hard to get four twenties, pretty hard to reach. Even for like Japanese people. Cause you know like this. Yeah. Japanese, you wouldn't refer about your Japanese people. What are we doing here? Let's see. I gotta, I gotta Google up the Google. I get the joke about them.

Right? We used to be allies where you, are you going to teach the history? No, but Japan and in Japan. You guys bombed Japan because they were part of like our crew, basically. Like they were homeys with the Nazis. Yeah. Yeah. Also not read, they would do known thing, but you know, they were also homeless. They were like, what up respect, yo shit.

What do you respect the most about, uh, the Japanese? What do you it currently? I like historically. Oh, overall, just Metta overall. Hmm. I guess I do love, I dunno, respect, but I love that. Like people in Japan tend to be very, very, like, let's not, let's not be seen when they're on the outside. Right. They just like try to behave in a way that nobody looks at them.

But then once you get to the house, they have like the weirdest hobby. Yeah, I collect pickled eggs. I have a whole two apartment bedroom, two bedroom apartment, and like one bedroom. It's only two collecting pickles. Yeah,

I get it. I got stint. You know, who else has says they got soldier boy claimed to own a tare and a tar. He said, that's the how corporations work, dude. I sit in the subway in the morning and I'm about to read me this manga. That's all about weird team and girls that are formed it in 20, but look 12 sniffing each other's hands.

And I'm gonna just read that shit out in the open. That's what I. I did that. Uh, I did that D and D that's my that's my group. I started a girl band idol group of bards as like, you know what, I'm not, I'm going to, they're not going to play the backing music. They're going to actually know how to play instruments.

You know what I'm saying? Uh, let's see what else happened, Taliban? Uh, Taliban said women should stay home because soldiers aren't trained to respect them.

And, and the other women said fine, but, uh, you can't be subscribed to early fans anymore. So you do know that. I don't know, am I the only person on the planet who kind of looks at the Taliban and goes like, you know what good for you guys? Like, I know you're doing a horrible, I mean, it's going to be horrible for a lot of people, but good on you.

I don't know. You beat you beat America, dude, whatever. Like, you know, you guys just stuck to your shit. You're like, no, we want to miss treat our women. We will not have this weird women human rights, bullshit. We will stone the gays get out. You know what Taliban, I respect your Fortnite strategy. You stuck around and you, you, you went to the MPC that told you where the last storm circle was.

And you found that perfect Bush in the last spot. And you just waited in that Bush full shield, full health, just a fucking desert Eagle in your hand, just waiting for that last guy, crouched, you sat there for 35 fucking minutes in that Bush, and then Taliban, you came out of that Bush and you shot the last guy left.

When he, when he was like, there is no other earthly goddamn place this guy could be, why would any shitbag be hiding in a Bush? You come out of that Bush and shoot that guy in the face. Taliban. Good on you. I know, right? Like, holy shit. They took their time. They waited it out, but then they were like, you know what?

No, now the shit, I just read something about it tomorrow, today in the morning, I didn't actually pay attention. Well, I just saw like a headline that I already forgot, but I think now they own all of Ghana's Stan. Again, like they're in control of that. Ooh, getting this sweet, sweet drama. I like, Hey, this, ah, shit, shit.

I'm so pissed. Fuck you guys on there. Is that place ever going to not have war? Like, is that going to happen within like the next 50?

But it doesn't matter what they're fighting over. It's just sand. Yeah. More fun stuff. Leaders of the proud boys centers of five months in jail says, uh, he only got five months. Cause you promise to only burn American flags from now on, um, black lives matter flag. He was, he was charged for burning a black lives matter flag and having high capacity ammunition, route, uh, devices when asked why he needed so many bullets.

He said, my penis is really tiny and I want to look really cool. Is that what he says? And the store only gave out ammo in two sizes, mother issues and compensate for something. And they were fresh out of, I didn't kill my wife. So did he actually say. Ah, damn cause that was

like this guy rules, dude, and all this shit. But wait, one of the, that doesn't mean that this is true. This is true. What convicted? He stood up in the courtroom, pointed up the FBI and screamed. I learned it from me. He actually had a turns out. He had a long history of snitching for the FBI. Actually. He was actually a snitch.

Yeah. Okay. But like, hold on. So one of those isn't there, right? No, but wait a second, one more riff. I like, I like, I, I did research cause you showed me the German article. I was like, they were so tame about it. It was like two, it was like two paragraphs. I click on the Miami news top new times. And it's like a, it's like a five page, like origin story.

Like he's like a bro. And it's like, he's like all American Dan and they use like a good picture of him. It's hilarious. It's so it's the only article about this to where it's not him wearing a flak jacket, like ready to just like shoot anybody. Like, wait, actually anybody. I, I need to get this, this, this bothers me too much right now is burning a BLM flag, a crime

bullets. Cause like I get, if he doesn't, if he's not allowed to have those bullets, I fine. Burning a flag. Is, is that an issue because like I'll burn a flag today. Uh, they burned a bit, I think, I think burning black lives matter, like it was considered like a hate crime, but I don't think they could, I don't think the ground for that was actually like, I think they tried to get them for a hate crime on that.

I don't actually okay. Fucking Australia news. Thanks for not giving me that's where the German newspaper was tamed because they actually stay objective. They only reported the facts and none of the like, like anecdotal bullshit. So it only turned out to be two paragraphs it's like, yo, this white supremacist called Luis Herrera or whatever it is.

Yeah. Uh, douche bag, Mick douchey, dag bag pants has been sentenced to 155 days in prison by a quarter in Washington, confess a pro. He could fast to property damage and possession of weapons, weapon accessories in the proceedings. Uh, the remainder of the sentence under 85 days will be suspended for a three-year period.

He didn't bring his own flag. He just burned one. That was somewhere okay. That, that I get that there's no, there's no, there's a mention of a flag. That's the property damage and nothing else makes any sense. So I feel like if he burns somebody else's flag. Yeah. That's a problem. But if I buy a BLM flag and I want to burn it, I will.

God damn do. So that is within my rights.

You know what I mean? Yeah. I'll burn it. I'll I'll dance on top of it. I'll do it exactly. As Ms. Gatsby says

that was a perfect, my mouse died right. When I was trying to get to the truth. Let's see. Okay. Let's see what he does. Yeah. Uh, so he has to pay a thousand dollars fine and $345 compensation to the, to the church that had, uh, property damage. He was involved with the burning of a, of a banner. It wasn't a flag.

It was a banner that was stolen from the church by members of his group. So he's getting sued for property damage. It's not because it's a crime it's property damage, but the article is misleading in that way. Then the one that you read before was like, well, he's in jail for burning a black lives matter.

It's not that it was misleading. It's that they weren't directly like laying out. Like if the second paragraph what he's fucking is, you know, it didn't say anything about thousand dollars and all this bullshit. No, but it did say at that I was summarizing, I wasn't actually reading that article when I said that.

Oh, okay, cool. So you just insinuated that you asshole, he's proud to be a boy. No. The article was in Sydney, winning that they kept like they're doing this weird moral argument thing. And I was like, okay, fuck up and tell him what the fuck is happening. So he just admitted to it and yeah. Yeah, yeah. So he admitted to it in an interview with the Washington post and then they arrested him.

Cool. I'm good with that. Yeah. So it's bullets, by the way, you shouldn't burn black lives matter flags, but if it's your own thing, you can burn stuff that belongs to you. That's what you choose to do with your property. Do whatever the fuck you want. Like you can have, you can go buy a PlayStation five and burn it for like Tik TOK content.

I'm okay with that. That's all I'm trying to say here, not big enough. Tik TOK content soldier. Boy did actually literally claimed T O and Atari on his, uh, I think it was Instastory or tech dog or something. And, uh, he like showed his contract. Everyone's like, uh, you don't know how to fucking read. You just have a million dollar contract with a target, Haley about you owning it.

And then Atari, like, they literally were like, yeah, we have a CEO. Uh, we're a corporation. We have like a board of C like, go, like, that's not how companies work. I've had, he like ripped up the contract like a day later. And, uh, well actually it turns out Atari ripped up the contract after they found out soldier, boy has less than 4,000 people watching his IQ.

There are only, there are only 3,500 people watching his IgG live, where he was like, fuck you at tiring. Like, what's you, you obviously don't have as many fans as you think you do soldier boys. So then again, to be fair, I've only ever watched one single IgG life in my entire life. And it was like a rocket beans thing that were playing hide and seek.

And like everybody that was hiding, um, like had their Instagram feed on. So you could like watch them hiding and then you could on your computer watch, like the, the guy searching for them and shit. So that was fun. And I partook in for like five minutes and playing around with that. And then, yeah, I closed Instagram again.

Cause it's gay. Uh, speaking of gay, Joe, Biden's on the run again. Uh, Joe Biden, uh, apparently apologized to a lab after he made their mini brains go bald because, uh, he was, he was stunning, his white, white nuts. Uh, and, uh, so, and, and the rays from his nuts bounced off of a mirror and bounced into the lab, uh, 12 miles away.

So, uh, he was paying damages. Yeah. They're making many brains and labs and they're starting to see. Yeah. Apparently one of them saw race jumped in front of a train. Um, let's see,

one of them looked upon the United States and its state of affairs and it killed itself. That's beautiful. Uh, that is beautiful. One of 'em, one of them realized it didn't have a cumbersome Dick and murdered itself. Um, one of them woke up and felt like it was female. It shine at itself. One of them, uh, realized it's perpetuating the patriarchy and it's still Rogan.

Uh,

We're coming for you, baby boy, they made, they use a company made, they felt bad for Val Kilmer after his documentary. And they made a, a voice for him based on all of his, uh, you know, performances and stuff. All the speaking of documentaries, I watched some crazy thing on Netflix the other day called the push.

You ever heard of the push to be a poop joke? No, I sorta, it's not, although it is right there, but it's so was this like British mentalist guy and like in the intro, what he does is he has like some dude call into a coffee house and be like, hello, my name is Mr. Police officer. In high ranks of you, whatever.

He gives him like a fake title and fake name, but like he pretends to be a police officer on the phone and the coffee shop workers, like you hustle what up? He's like, oh, do you see a woman dressed like that? And that, and that we, we were told she walked in. He's like, yeah, well you see her having a baby.

That's not her baby. She abducts babies. Dah, dah, dah, dah. What we need you to do is like distract her pretended I'm a call you on your phone. Pretend like you got a call on the landline, get her to get the phone. And then you take the baby and you walk out the store so we can collect the baby. He's trying to see if he can make a person it's not an actual card and was trying to see if he can make the person commit a crime, but just like giving him certain excuses, like, well, I'm talking to the police on the phone.

Do you know that? For sure. You don't know that that's an actual cop. So just like by giving him like an, a story that he has no knowledge about whether or not it's true, he just goes with it because he doesn't, it seems so big that he doesn't want to go against it. So, so, but that was just the big, is it?

Mungus partsy dicks. You know what my boss has got a huge cock. Right. Cause he subscribed to them famous. Yeah. Yeah. Join our picture. Be early, get on the ground floor. Yeah. Well, you'll be the guys that like, look in two years, you want to be the guys where we interrupt the stream or whatever we're doing and go like, oh my God, yo it's Marco HD.

What up my board. Cause like you've been here since day one. So you know, you wait, should we live stream? This? Is that what you're saying? We should maybe start soon. We should get on Twitch to the just talking thing. Maybe. I don't know, maybe, but we'll take them off. It's all set up. It's all set up. Uh, you know, push thing.

What it was about at the end was it was trying to get a guy to commit a murder. Basically. They were trying to get a guy to kill a person. Yeah. Well, everything was acted out, but it was like this gala thing. And they just made him like, get deeper and deeper. Like within like 20 minutes, the guy was hiding a body,

hit a body. He's like, no, look, when the event is over, we'll call his wife. I swear to you. And he's like, oh, that seems fair.

He said, you dropped in front of you. You're not going to call an ambulance. It's not been five minutes. Well, he did yell at me twice. Like they made sure that the guy was kind of an asshole before and shit. And like, they just gave him all these excuses. But yeah, I'm not going to tell you how it ends, but like he's basically gonna, they want him to get to push that guy off of this, like the roof at the end of it all.

That's like the plan here, you know, incriminate himself to a point where he's like, this is the only way out I need to shove this guy. Dude. I don't know, man, if, if, cause like I always imagined myself and like, you know, if, if there's a game show or whatever, like how could I win here? And like in that one, if you, if you go through that at the end, do you like, what does that say about you?

You were willing to kill a guy. You know what I mean? Isn't that sort of like attempted murder because you did think that you were going to kill the guy. That's like the literal that's like intent to murder, I think is, I think it's like a separate crime actually.

That might be like, like if, if it wasn't for like, if they didn't sign that, uh, what's your McCall it, then it's all actors and shit. Yeah. So like, if it, if it was just him by himself, like that's like conspiracy to commit a murder and stuff like that. Yeah. My question is just like, does the fact that it's all actors remove the fact that he was w because, you know, they would, the actor, the actor was never in any danger, you know, by the time that he would have been put, there was never, I'm saying, if you're going to do a show like that or whatever, the, like, you, you have lawyers that make him sign an like, sign, some kind of agreement where it's like, it absolves you of all that kind of, because like you're controlling the situation.

But outside of that, if it, if he was just like, If it was just some dickhead that was like, cause like if it's just somebody manipulating someone into doing something that's, that's Charles Manson. That's why Charles Manson's in jail forever. Yeah. Because he like, you've manipulated people into doing something, but actually doing it himself.

But what I'm saying is do those contracts really absolve him from the fact that he was willing to put a murder, a person? Well, the guy in the documentary, I get that it's legally. So I'm just saying like, it doesn't really though he's absolved because they're all actives and he did that. But, but, but if he figured out, but if he like actually, so catch this, if he some, if somehow for some reason that stunt fell through and he ended up actually literally murdering them, then it's on the production company.

The production company would go to jail. And so like, so like, and so like he might get manslaughter, but he wouldn't get, like, he wouldn't get like homicide he'd get, like, he would get some, like, acting in a way that, that expand it. It's like, look up whatever the it'd be like coerced manslaughter or something, reckless behavior assumption like that, or, yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, we could, we could, uh, I don't know, call a lawyer, find a lawyer, learn Instagram. Let's ask a bunch of murder questions. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to ask a lot of questions about like, um, international waters for when we have our mansion. We can do what we, we can, uh, you can actually find a lawyer that does a free, a free zoom consultation.

Could we get just like Casa is ask him dumb questions. Like, what do I have to do to do a class action? Is it a class action lawsuit? If I want to Sue every, uh, manufacturer of led headlights and uh, backlights cause the lights on the back on the, the brake lights on the back of cop cars are absurdly bright for no reason at all.

Here's my question. If it's just me and Bontrager, and we let's say abductor person, but then we drive out into open waters. What are we legally allowed to do to set human? Just legally, not morally and just hypothetically obviously, but we get married. How long do we have to wait till we get divorced that we can be called ex how long do we have to stay together before it becomes funny.

Funny? Yeah. Like the window is either the shortest divorce. Right. So like within an hour or some shit, just to make it funny, if it's that short, it would just get a node. That's my thing. I think it would get a note. Sure. Yeah. But if it gets to, now we have to go through, we can't go through an actual divorce.

No, but if we get a note, that's what I'm saying. If we get into note, then you're not my area. Oh, you're going to, you're going to sign a prenup then. Cause I think I own more shit. Just signing prenups. We're both signing prenups. No, I wouldn't have a few toilet paper. Oh, I want, uh, at least half of that woodwork behind you, like, come on, I'll take like one of those doors with the weird man on it.

I'll take whatever is weird cars, man doors. That's the one half of the manga that you find back there. And I was not a half colorful, so I thought those were dildos that no that's like mangoes and books and stuff. And, uh, um, right. No, right here is the game of Thrones, but. And their racist, approximations guitar.

For some reason, I don't actually play a guitar, but like, it's here now. So whatever it looks here, you better start playing it. Dude. I'm going to earn enough to do when people come over so I can go like a damn do they do like a two for five to six seconds long thing. And I go like, guys, guys, come on, come on, come on.

I keep forgetting, go to the storage to get my guitars. Cause I have that game where like you can plug in a real guitar.

Use that a problem plugs, plugging things in China wants to restrict the online play of their teenagers, or I think everybody, I'm not sure if it might just be kids, but, uh, yeah. And, uh, and there's, there's a, there's a mass flooding at the borders of everywhere. That's not China, Chinese teenager. So I guess don't really like, they're trying to restrict your place.

So it's like three hours a week of online play and, uh, yeah, the Taliban promises that Chinese teenagers can play as long as they want, if they join us. So, yeah. Cool. They even get like 72 virgins if they do it, right? Yeah. Yeah. They get 72 versions, but yeah, all they have to do is just keep the room clean and promising not to tell mama they are.

Yeah, problem is they don't tell them the other, the 72 virgins, that's just at the Chinese. Compared to sticking in that room with him, basically slave camp. They're all Virgin Virgin. So I heard that you got like a little bit of a class for me, professor Bont, ERG, two more news stories. The, the drug liberation front, uh, was handing out clean heroin to stop overdoses on, uh, Canada's uh, drug overdose day.

That does sound like something Canada wouldn't do. Yeah, because I guess there was like a lot of fentanyl deaths. Don was conflating it saying it was more than COVID deaths. I was like, I don't know about all that. Yeah. She's not the person that I would run to for like factual numbers on things, but who knows?

I don't know. She talks to a lot of guys who knows things. Do you think that people that go to the beaver trap to get drunk and cheap fucking rum or whiskey or like smart people? Is it, was that called the beaver trap? I have no idea, but that was the most Canadian born name I could think of in like, you know, the time I had, Ooh, do you know how to speak French?

Uh, here we go. Wait, chat. So when I point to you, you're going to, you're going to say a thing step, but you get there. Okay. So in Vancouver, a Vancouver man bites dog, it was a police dog, mad bites, police, dog, after screaming.

I think it was cash will reign Supreme. I don't know the CA the, uh, th the, the cat, the, the, the, the man was a suspected, uh, cat, dog, separatists. I hate those fucking old school. Can't get over, like re mixing some races together. You know, you know how adorable it is when the little kitty cat sleeps on a big dog?

God damn it, dude. I heard, uh, some people, uh, suspect this cause conspiracy theories. They think he was actually a tail disguised as a man in attempt to, uh, wag the police.

like a late night. He's just been bothering me for like the last 20 minutes. And now I just can't now I got it. What is going on here today? All this time. My dog, man, Korea is working on a new gas weapon. I guess he has more than just far it's coming out of there. Am I right guys? I'm all right. Sorry. Okay.

Uh, welcome to news feud. Uh, let's see, take a guess. Uh, today's today's topic things founded, Joe Biden's pockets. Take a guess. What do you think

says is limped on the boat? Uh, no, but we have, uh, rockets, which I guess again, I guess, uh, survey says, oh no dementia pills, but we do have pair of sunglasses, which I get to guess again, um, um, um, nacho cheese chips, but they're, let's see if the board says it. Let's see if the board says it. Survey says, Nope, I see it says another pair of sunglasses, but you'd like to guess again.

It's weird. I don't like it, I guess one more time. Okay. Fine.

Survey says it actually says a third pair of sunglasses. That's ridiculous. Joe, possibly go that he needs that many things last. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Uh, another round new topic. Uh, the topic is we surveyed, we surveyed families all over America and they think the top results in Ryan Reynolds search results are no, no.

We actually actually called Google. We got these straight from Google. I'm kidding. Fuck. Fuck families. So we, uh, these are Ryan Reynolds, Google search results, top search results in the past week. Uh, what let's let's hear a guess about Ryan Raynaud's or things that he himself Googled. Yeah. Yeah. Ryan Reynolds.

Yeah. Ryan rhinos Googled. Okay.

Is there a gluten in water? Is there a gluten in water? Is it on the board? It's a survey says, uh, how to promote aviation gin. Would you like to guess again? How do you become Hugh Jackman? Let's look at the survey survey says, oh, really close. Uh, where does Hugh Jackman live? It's pretty close. Pretty cool.

Pretty good. Pretty good. I want to take one more swing at this. I'm going to take one more second. Here we go. Here we go. Here you go. Why wait? No, no, no, no. I know it now. I know it now. I know it now. Horrible. Romcoms comma who's hiring question mark. Go show me. Survey says, Ooh. It actually says, uh, who is married to Ryan Reynolds.

He needed to know. So

actually, okay. I got one more. I got one more. I got one more in me. Okay. Yeah. How much is Ryan Reynolds worth? He wants a nice, says. Oh, it actually says how many dildos are too many dildos at once.

Uh, festival. Uh, I still believe in having like a John wick room, but just for sex stories. So like a panic room that you deco with some nice led lights, which is full of sensors, man. Shit. Yeah. Like, so you like that game? I made. I think when I, I think when I say paid it up, a woman said family feud and I was like, yeah, I'll make it better.

She didn't know how to write for it. She left like, write the prompts for it. It's like, no, like, stop, like stop getting so hung up on like the new story. Now we have to like, be funny. You're allowed to like, put like gossipy. Yeah. Ryan Reynolds, shit in it. Like, why are we talking about Joe Biden? Um, he's the president like it's topical.

Like it's topical. These people are alive. He's funny. He's weird. I like him. So if you were to do a family feud show about the news, what would you, what would your topic be? We'll just survey topic B oh, COVID no questions. I want to see the world burn. A

Google question is COVID a hoax. And I say maybe. Okay, one last way. Is this the last news story at resident? Yeah. One last news story. Uh, I got here, uh, FTC is investigating McDonald's ice. Uh, the claims that McDonald's ice cream machines are always broken, uh, said all the ice cream machines, I'm always broken.

Like my marriage. Uh, I'm always broken like your marriage. I don't know. FTC side with, McDonald's saying the employees come it's just too sticky to reliably. Make an ice cream. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a problem in Germany to, yeah. Seth Rogen com has gotten stuff. It did get tweeted. Tweeted. If the ice cream machine is broken, what did I just eat?

God doing this again?

I'm right back in it. It's like I left Vietnam just to go back to Florida, but now I'm fighting like a private Alicia somewhere in the woods. Why is this happening? I should put Joe Biden and then I can put anybody in there. Oh,

Oh,

that's nice. All the Steelers happens to win after an, after an, the crazy turnaround at the end, some say they stole it.

I can't. In other news on your German website, Qubole under the tub, uh, under, uh, the Taliban women only expect bad things said women everywhere else. Um, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Tweeted. If women only expect bad things, what did I just eat?

Fucking Seth Rogan. I bet. Like, I bet he here's what happened with that whole James Franco thing, right? The, the James Franco thing, right. You know, the, the, he had this weird school of like hot chicks basically only that he would try to like, Hey, hot chicks, James Franco, like an acting horse or something.

And it was mainly like attractive ladies. And like, he would have like really sexual scenes with him. He was basically just gaslighting them all to fucking him. It was cool. Okay. But then like Seth now, Seth Rogan went like pretty hard to get, but Seth Rogan one's so hard against it after like being James Franco's boy for like forever that it just kind of feels like it was doing the same exact fucking thing.

But it's like, if you're, if you're actually my friend, here's how this is going to go down. I'm going to throw you under the bus and then I'm going to pay you 11. Hi, cool. He got money for this. And he was like, deuces wrote us a joint dude.

Amen. By the way, I was listening to an audio book of game of Thrones in German. And I hate how they say the names. They, they read them like antique Germans would. So like Janey, isn't just Jamie he's Hyman

who are say, who are you talking about to real generous, but who's generous. Let's say, don't know you mean to an era that sounds so unattractive, but they talked about the, the, by the way, he's called Drogo is so much less rapey in the book. Holy shit. Why did it make him so rapey in the movie, like in the TV show,

Well in the book, he like, they sit together naked for like an hour or something. They just sit there. He just undresses her and stuff, but like slowly and it's always with the more like stuff and go thing. And then like they just chill for an hour. Then he just starts like gently touching her overall. And she starts like getting excited.

It ends with him like picking her up and putting her on his lap. Right. And then going no, because like the only more he knows is no. So you've asked her like, no, and she like grabs his hand to put it to the place where she got wet and then said, yes. So like, it's very different than in a TV show where he just buckles her over.

She says, no, he throws a right back around and just like bounces into her. Like it's. Yeah. It's interesting. I now question, why the fuck they made it so raping the TV show because like, you know, he just goes, no.

The books open shit so much, but like, it's like, it's like, it's like they needed some, some reason for her to go crazy or something, but like they fall in love afterwards. So it's like, it's done. They could have just made it this way, the way that it was in the book, because like it has to do with her, like for the first time, because she was so afraid of everything and shit, before they go way more into that.

Like you can tell him the TV show that she's a skirt, skirt, little girl, Scarlet girl, but she's a skirt. You don't see why she's that scared as much because you don't hear her inner monologue and shit. So, I mean, I guess our parents were murdered. She was shipped over somewhere. Her brother keeps beating her up every day.

It makes sense that she's kind of a scared little chain. When you hear about Sansa, just live in the life.

Was awesome in the books even more so right before, you know, everything turned to shit.

Oh, what, what was, uh, like little flower, I mean, not little flower, a little finger stuff. Oh, in, in the show, I don't like it. The last season. What's different. What's different in the book. I'm not that far yet. I am still on the first one. I just got them this weekend, this weekend. I just started reading the books for real.

Okay. Cause I, like, I figured if I got bored in feast of crows or the one after it, I'm like curious for pepper. I have, I have all the audio books that they have out. Because I'm like, I'm like curious for some of the shit that's been theorized that didn't happen in the TV show, but like, that's been theories for like a long time.

So like, uh, I forget his name, but bran the kid that like goes cripple, uh, he like gets carried. He finds this other kid that comes with the sister and they like get him over to the, to the guy in the woods, you know, behind the wall that Oak, that third eye Raven or whatever his name is, Raven. He's a Raven with eyes when he dies.

I'm just going to call him, leave him with the 3i, Raven, the Raven with eyes. Exactly. Every rape and that's. That's awesome. I like it. So like the theory is that he eats the kid Brahm without knowing like they turned the kid. Cause he has like four senior abilities also lightly, but he's not like strong.

So like they make him into a paste that Brahm eats and then gets stronger with his like vision powers and shit. It's like a whole weird consultant, the conspiracy of the masters and all that shit. Oh, they, he ate one of the children or the forest or whatever. No, no, no, no. The there's like a kid that he goes, oh man, I can show you the F you saw the TV show that he ate the weird kid.

Well, he, didn't not knowingly eat the weird kid, but yeah, like the chill, cause he liked disappears within those caves. All of a sudden, not there's no mentioning of him anymore. It just happens. He just don't get mentioned anymore. All of a sudden. And then like brand has to hear this weird, weird wood paste or something, but like, like it tastes like blood.

He does, he describes the taste of blood as he's like eating. Okay. Well, yeah, but if he died, where's the corpse. Why does nobody talk about him anymore? Ever like even a sister, I guess we'll have to put that in the chat. We'll I mean, the, you know, the discouraged we'll look into the wow. Watch those episodes because those episodes were fucking weird.

Yeah. The, the episodes it's more based on the Joe. Jim was his name. Um, it's more based on the, on the, that's what I'm saying. I'll see what they, what they do in the episode. And then I'll see, I'll try to figure out where it is in the books because yeah, I was listening to you. I have like a video on YouTube that explains it.

I hope. Well, all right. How, what time are we at? What are we, what are we looking at here? Hi, I'm Chad. Yeah, on the recording. I mean, I forgot to record, press start on the we're good though. We talk to a lot of stuff, right? I bet you it's only 20 minutes long. We didn't do any improv games. Okay. So, oh, we, yeah, we can still do some, you pick a profession.

Wait, pause it first for one second, because I need to tinkle.

And then I said the duck flew across the restaurant. That was flawless. Let's do another one. Let's do another one. Uh, okay. So P pick a profession, um, lawyer. All right. So we're two lawyers and a lawyers office. And, uh, we're, we're just chilling in the break room, I guess. Yeah. How about that? Hey, how you doing?

Not too bad. Just hanging out much appointment today, but you got a lot on your plate. I wish I had a lot more on my plate. Right? Becky's ass Becky, look at her. She is bigly, but like, what's your favorite jiggle part of her though? Um, objection. I enjoy nothing. That just goes on hair.

Oh, thank you for the ugly dude.

Never have that conversation. I need to pick a less professionally. I, uh,

I actually, uh, she, uh, Becky. I, I donated my sperm to Becky. She's going to have my kid technically. Huh? How did that happen? Oh, she just asked, she just asked. She wanted to like, she's like, you know, I want to do like the insemination thing. Like we can do the fuck thing, but it's, you know, it's easier to just do the, the juices if like she, like, you can choose the thing and I'll do the insemination at the doctor so that my family feels like it's like, uh, you know, actual a semen donation, but we could just fuck on the side.

So I F we fucked and then I did the, I did the Jews in the cup. Okay. And did you sign, did you ever sign any contracts that legally forbid her from later on abusing you as the father? Oh, yeah, of course. Okay. Okay. Okay. She drew them up. They're actually pretty good. The papers were pretty fucking silent. I checked them out.

I actually ended up, I had added a line or two. She was trying to like catch me on a, on a tense in the third paragraph, second clause. You know how it is, but I fucking, you know what I mean? I added that extra comma. She thought she could fuck me over, dude. She taught, she could fuck me over. Get the fuck at a, this guy is Columbia educated.

You thought you could take them? Huh? Community college graduate. Or you do it. Isn't that like? Yeah. Wait, what are you asking if Columbia college is a community college one, right? No, no, no. I'm saying she's the club community college graduate. How dare she question? Yeah, of course. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good one.

Let me, it's like, okay. It's not like a top tier. It's not like, yeah, but it's okay. It's okay. People are like, oh, you went to Colombian. People say it like that. Okay, but not like, oh, you went to Columbia, but yeah, they're definitely not like, fuck Columbia. There's no. Is it hardwood? Uh, yeah, I guess if you're going to go like, yeah, you want to go Ivy?

Ivy? I think Columbia is a no, I was, I was so wasted. I don't even know what kind of school Columbia is. Honestly. It could have been like, uh, it could have been. Where were you? What college did you go to? Uh, I went to brown. Ooh. You know, college is bad, but it's just named after a collar. Well, in the garden of all fucking universities, only one I could get into, I can get into, I went to circle university.

We had, we had a big rivalry going with triangle. It was great. Yeah. Yeah. Did you have good parties of circle? Yeah. Yeah, but to be honest rectangle, they, they would just be crazy if they were the wild south. Fuck you. What'd you go circle. I was circled, dude. You did not fucking go to circle. Give me a real co give me a real college.

A piece of shit. I didn't go to college. Germany doesn't work that like university here is more for, for if you want to become a lawyer or shit like that. Yeah, you're a lawyer. No, no. I stopped doing that a year ago. I didn't pass the bar. I just scanned my way into here. What are you joking? Obviously, dude.

Come on.

I was going to have to report you to fucking, uh, Roger were there. Oh my God. Come on. You know me? I'm I'm the office prankster. I was literally pulling up the, uh, secretly report and employee for not going to college. Yeah. That's it's weird. That's the function on the app? How much does that happen in his office?

Well, we're lawyers. So a lot. You gotta, you gotta fuck your, your friends over when you can. It reminds me of that kid. Dr. Fi love. Dr. Love the, the 16 year old, just Dr. Love. It was just this like 16 year old who pretended to be a gynecologist.

He wanted to finger women. Huh? I wish I could have represented that kid. That's the dream man. Getting a teenager off. Speaking of getting a teenager off, what's your favorite case? To be honest right now, I like the Lieberman case. It's, it's just really favorite case that you've won. Oh, my favorite that I've won.

I guess I liked that. I liked that bad girls club case that I represented. That was the best girls club. Yeah. You know, the girls that, that Sue back girls club, because they were like, they were like, dude, you can't just throw us into a room and feed us with drugs and booze for like a week. And then like get angry at us when we fight.

That's like not how this shit works. And I like, I represented, you know, backgrounds, but obviously, so I made sure these bitches didn't get a single cent. It was awesome on what grounds? Well, they signed a contract and they didn't agree to civilized behavior. You know, they broke the car. She got them on breach of contract.

Yes, they're classic. Oh, so, you know, the judge was an old white male and these women were all minority. So I walked in there, I saw that and I was like, oh my God, classic Frederico, getting them on a fucking breach of contract. And you know, these girls use Slaby Federico. These girls are never going to be able to pay, but that does not matter.

I won the case and I get paid. You know what I mean? You gotta do your pro bono for the hot girls. I get it. Oh yeah. I'm going to pro bone. These girls. Yeah. Laura is our gross. Let's get back to where. Alright. Okay. So now, yeah, so you see how easy improv is. Let's do another one. Now you choose something, but choose a spot.

Um, spot a profession, like a job and, and event that happens. Actually, I, I pick the event that happens. Something's going to happen throughout that. It's going to happen with us, with the profession, hit us, hit us with the professional. Um, we are, uh, let's see, everyone says the same seven professions. Let's see.

Uh, we are,

were like, those were like those people who like, uh, like suck people. We suck the fat out of people. We're like suck the fat technicians. Okay. So we're just assistance to a guy in a like office. Okay, cool. Cool. Well, not the head honchos there. They're still a doctor, but we're the guys that just do the,

so like the plastic surgeon guy, he comes in and he marks up the body, like, this is the fat is the fat. And then so like, then we just cut the hole and suck it out. He's like, he like marks it out and we suck out the fat equals back in and he, and then he like adds the structure and stuff. We're we're, we're just the fat removers.

Okay. Okay, cool. What happens is a cockroach flies against the outside of a window. Improv works. It's an event. We're going to build it into it. Don't worry. And now give us the location. Yeah.

Where we're going to do a scene, an improv scene, uh, here at second city. Can I get a suggestion, but just so you know, there's going to be an event, an event happening. I am going to take a shit. Yeah, just being in the scene. That's fine. Probably works. Let's just do that. It's called. Yes. And why can't you just, you can't even, I can't.

Yes, Andy, because we have to fundamentally agree of the game here. Right? Remove improvising. You don't have it. Like you don't we'll do what you have a cockroach. You can be like, you can be like we're at an event, like could be like, and a cockroach. Like, what is that? I just wanted that to happen. But you, you could make, you could start the scene off by saying, Hey, look at them.

Agreeing with you. Let's move this over to you. You haven't, you haven't read this book. You haven't read this book over. Have you read any books down? I can't read. I never learned, I think I just know a lot of words that I memorize what they look like, but I don't know anything. Making books sounds. I'm going to book right back at you.

You better book. That's the sign of a big ass, but whatever fine, fine. We'll do, there's going to be an event. No, no more event. Let's just go with,

where are we? What are, where are we? We're fat suckers. Suckers. Yeah. Well, we're fat suckers. You choose the place. We just at the job at the job, we're just at the scene of the happening, you know, it just right. Maybe it's like we're maybe it's like the, like the person's like knocked out and we're sucking the fat.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. We're double w we're double sucking it cause we want to get out early. Okay. Okay. God damn it. This way too much fat to sock on this piece of shit, huh? Yeah. You know, honestly, honestly, I think I've, I've like the second time I've seen her back this month. It's crazy, dude. Dr. he's fucking he's he's so he's so, uh, he's he's, he's pretty good.

I don't know. He, it, the asses he makes, I wish he'd put a little like, like, like, like, like, you know, like a nice juicy ass should sit. It should be kind of like, like a peach or something. I feel like, but I feel like there should be a slight flatness. Like they use it, you know what I mean? Like, I want an ass that's you?

I know. Yeah. Oh yeah. You like broken you like, like broken women, you know, broken button creates perfection and you're just like, I want a little used to it. You know, I don't like a brand new car. A little bit. I like a little bit of a, like, this is where the ass sits on things. And, but it's still really jiggly.

I wouldn't really want to improve. It's really got the slab. You've always been the kid that starts enjoying his shoes two weeks after owning them. You know what I mean? You like walked in stuff. You like, you like your shoes walked in. That's just, that's just you. That's what that means. I like my shoes and walked in when stuff's like worn out.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, that's always been you. Yeah, I guess you're right. I wish I could finish this. I wish I wish I could hire someone. I'll do it two weeks. You'll do it. I'll I'll I'll the judges in every shoe. Uh, 11, maybe 11 and a half dude. Come on. I forget half an inch. You know how important that is?

Fred, Fred tried to practically buy Jillian my shoe. I was like, I hardly noticed like that it's dry. Like there's nothing on there. It's not like there's a gob. I felt like it was like little, it was like a little drop, like, you know, so I rent, uh, so back when I was in high school, basically. Yeah, that will be high school for you a second, doing a side rant while we're out the job, sheriff, I don't know what side right side right side of an improv scene is what you're tracking, but it's no, it's outside of the it's it's a real life.

It's a pocket dimension inside of it's a pocket dimension side rant inside of the improv scene. So you've pressed. So you've, you've pressed pause on our improv scene to do a side rant in another dimension, just so we can it watching this on a TV screen right now, full screen, like that scenery, right?

That's just sucking out the bitch. It would pause and it was out of the picture and reveal that there's two people watching this and now they talk. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, I had this best friend at the time Simon and he had a bigger brother, Nico. Now whenever ne he, Nico wouldn't hang out with us usually. But whenever he did, he, he had a weird thing about him where he had to like outdo us on everything.

So we would just fuck with him by doing stupid shit. And then he would try to do stupid or shit. Right. So like, I dunno, we went to like the, there was this weird playground thing that had like this really tall. Um, like what's it called lately? Something to climb on. There's like a tower and we, we jumped off like the, almost the highest possibility that like gave you.

So of course he went to the roof of it to jump off of it. Like he broke his leg, it was hilarious. Um, and he would always do dumb shit like that. Right. And one time we had this kid that we used to fuck with a little bit, way too much. Actually we believe this kid, but he had fun doing it. Like he, he would bully himself all the time.

So, and I liked it. Um, but his mom was a whore, like a massive for that was like, it was legit. She went to five different parent teacher evenings. With like five different baby daddies, like five different dudes that would just bang in her. It was retarded. Um, so one day we went there, we wanted to mess with him, like, you know, just fuck around, get him, let's go outside.

Let's also make him do dumb shit. But like, he didn't open the door. He wasn't reacting. If anything, we threw like little rocks at his window. Apparently he was asleep or he wasn't there. Who knows. So since we didn't get to fuck with him, Nico had the weird feeling that he needed to make this evening epic and do something crazy.

So he proceeded, like they had their shoes outside of the house. Like, like on the back door, we would just always go into the backyard. That's how you, you know, you're supposed to basically enter as, as friends, you just went through the back door and they had like a roof above it and shit, but it was outside and they had their shoes there and like a little terrorists, I guess, to sit down and shit.

So he just grabbed one of his shoes and just pooped in the street.

Draws the line just to be like, it was way too gross. And we all threw up just may 16 and shit and had drank a little, it was dumb. But then on Monday, the kid came to school with those shoes on. Now, I don't know if they were washed, I'm assuming at the very least stretched out. Like our alter Eagles are doing to that bitch.

But yeah, I'd get, I'd get some new doctors Shoals and I'd, I'd soak them in the bathtub for seven days. I just charging them. I touch them. I use the stick to put them on a fireplace where you have to keep them. Your parents are like, I'm not getting new shoes. How don't give shit. You give me new shoes.

Motherfucker is pooping. My shoes. Don't forget. I come from a family. That's like wealthy back in the day. We were like pretty. Decently wealthy. I'm saying he's poor, obviously. Yes. We're poop shoes. He wasn't before they had like a nice house and car and shit, his mom was making good money, which is probably why she was warring around because she was like, dude, I don't need no man to support me.

I can just get me something. Imagine this, imagine this improv scene inside of a side rant.

Uh, so, um, I'm the mother come to me with your poop shoes. Let me try to get into the character because I know him Mo oh, wait, wait. Just so you know, just so you know, our relationship. One time he came to school and his story was last night. My mom came into my room to yell at me and I just like pitched back at her.

Right. We just fought for a loop. And then she said, shut up you son of a bitch. Listen to me. So that's why we called him his mom a bitch too. Okay. So just so you know, he knew the character from the story. Come on, mom, mom, mom, mom, for my shoe. All right. Didn't know mom. There's little shit in my shoe. Yeah.

But like, what's the problem though? You don't know how to clean it. Mom, mom, mom, mom. I'm going to, is it your poop? Whose poop is the moms on my boom? Let me see poop. Is it that smell like the clean boy? First of all you're grounded for knowing whose poop it is. First of all, what, what do you, what, what do you want, what do you want?

Do you want tips on how to clean the poop out? Like figure it out please. Can I get, like, I don't know, boiler the paper, what are you a poop of? My shoe. Uh, geez, God, shut the fuck up. Why are you bothering to you? Such a, such a wimp. I'm trying to think of a clean poop out of a shoe, OxiClean, OxiClean, and shut the fuck up you.

How old are you? How fucking old are you? Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. How old are you? So we have some Oxyclean I guess you could use, don't put, don't use all of them use like five Clorox wipes. Shut the fuck. You know, what do I look like? Your made you pooped in your shoe. You're going to clean the poop out.

So here, go get the fuck you. I hate you. Throws poop shoe against wall runs away. It is legit. How that way, I guess you're going to school with no shoes.

You don't break the improv scene and say, what happens? How fucking dare you. I was still in that seat, bitch. You don't just leave you. Don't just jump back here. Get the fuck back here. You little snap. Fuck you, bitch. You thought you show up. You throw a poops through a poop, a shoe against my fucking house.

I don't whore around this town for nothing little snapshot. You're going to go back. Take the poop shoe off that wall. You're going to clean the fucking wall. First. You got to take your poop shoes, fucking out the fucking side. I don't know why he brought you to get the carrot hit to the fucking house. Go fuck yourself.

It's an improv scene. You don't, you don't critique me. The character I'm playing. I'm the mom, you're the son critiquing the character. I brought this out TV that his mom was watching TV on just in the living room. He just poked it out and just took it into his room. Cause he was like, yo TV is better. And his mom was like, oh, okay, prophecy, it's called improv.

See, this is the first time his mom ever grew a fucking miracle just cause I know the kid and you know, just like I just instantly had a picture of him in my head. Just walking into school with no shoes on. Well, lucky you have those shoes. Then he just walked in barefoot. When day do you tell your school while you're walking?

Like in midway, like in a rainy day, like just. Yeah, fucking leaves everywhere. It's great. Actually, you're a, what's your shoe size? Where would I? My fucking pink tennis shoes. You dumb shit. Fucking take it. The shit to your shoes. It's just some sun. I rule it already, but improv scene of them suffer in front of my eye.

Um, and it was beautiful. That's the power of it. But also also the guy that once in Germany, I don't know what you do in the U S but in Germany, when you'd write a test and you get it back, you end that lesson, you go through it and she gives you basically the right, correct answers for everything that you have to write down.

So like he w he wrote all of the down, he was like, yo teacher, You forgot a page on my car, on my like, test, you didn't even correct. And pass it down to you're like, dude, are you really going to try to do this? And he was like, no, you got it. Look at it. It's all there. It's all correct. I just heard it. She's like, look, I'm going to give you one more chance to just quit this and go sit the fuck down.

Or it's going to have to be a thing. And he's like, no teacher come on. He would get whiny as fuck. And then I he's like, okay, look, you wrote this in like black pen. Right. But, but this page that you just brought to me, the entire test was written in black pen, but this patient's supposed to be in the middle.

All of a sudden is in blue ink and look at this and she just legitimately used her fingers, move, swipe over it. And it like, you know, smudged a little because it was fresh. She's like, are you dumb? You like playing with me? So yeah, it was, it was great. He just like, and he just stood there and started crying, left the room and yeah, didn't return that day.

He just came back the next day. Pretended like nothing happened. He was funny. All right. So yeah.

so would you use your discount to get anything? Honestly, yes. I want like some liposuction right on my leg, like right above my Dick, that area, make it a little bigger. You know what I mean? Just by like sucking out the fat from over there. Just gain like an extra inch. That'd be cool.

Why don't you just get your Dick bifurcated and then he can make both of your Dick's bigger. Oh no, I want that. I want my

trifurcated no, I don't need, I don't need a pitch deck.

Oh man. You

know, I kind of want a peace sign deck. Can you cut it in a piece? Spread like this? Yeah, no, like the actual sign that will be like, you know, circle a circle and a Pitchfork, you know, that peace sign. It actually stands for death. Hmm. Can you put cock rings around my penis and like arrange them to look like the Olympic.

Rings. I mean, you could put cock rings on your Dick to look like the Olympic rings. You don't need a plastic surgeon for that, but I want them permanent. I want they're like built into the bottom of it. Oh no. Your Dick will fall off. You have to take the cock rings off at some point. No, but I just want them to like work into my skin, like piercings.

Basically. There can be holes that I can take them out of for a short time and shit. Yeah. Like ribs for his pleasure. You want like Dick?

I know a guy who could do some body modifications. Yeah. He'll like, he'll like put a USB drive in your head.

No, not, not like Neuralink. It's like a, it's like an encrypted Bluetooth drive thing. And what does it do for you? Uh, you just store data on it. You can like Bluetooth that to people if you want. Oh second, like, oh, okay. That's stupid. It's pretty stupid because you have to like put a USB drive. It's like put a USB stick into it to like upload more stuff into it that looks done.

It's that's now, man, are we still sucking the fat out let's switch sides, which is huge.

Holy shit. This bitch. Huge dude, dude, dude, we're almost off the arms. We have to go to the stomach dude. And then we have to do the ass and legs. This is going to be a while. There's a reason we both were doing this, but, but man, I need to get out of here early today. Yeah. What are you doing? I got a grinder Dade.

I mean, Tinder. Yeah. Who is he? She, she, um, I don't know. Totally fine. Oh, cool. It's cause it's Grindr. It's Lucio. He's Brazilian. Can't fucking wait for us. He plays soccer on the beach, according to his photos. Lucia. Yeah. He sent me like a Dick and an asshole picture within like the first conversation ever.

So yeah. Yeah. Like that was the first thing he wrote me. It was just pictures. And I replied with a soft penis than an erect penis and my own ass. So, so then he wrote a kissy face. I wrote a smiley with like heart eyes and then he sent like a clock and I just wrote tonight. Yeah. Now we, that, it's so simple when you're just fucking, you're not going to like go to get ice cream or something.

I mean, we might get some ice cream afterwards.

I know, but where are you fucking at? Oh, my place. Oh, okay. That's all I trust. Spring-ish stranger over. Yeah, but like that's alive, dude. You just gotta like have a stranger over you. Fuck him. Eat his ass out and he'd throw them out. Maybe order a pizza. If he's chill.

Yeah. I can have some pizza.

We like order a pizza.

It'll be awhile.

All of it, but she's just going to eat it in a fucking sleep. Oh shit. You right. How about this? You up the, the, the dosage. So she's out and I'll order the pizza. There's not enough dosage on this planet. Even if we kill this bitch to make her not eat pizza, I'm looking at her. We've been at this for 27 hours.

We're barely done with the video. Yeah. Steve, by the way, should we get, take talks? No, right now that's crazy. We don't believe in China. No, we shouldn't get tic-tacs and that's fucking, I didn't. I'm like you already have one and you've already sent me the videos. I know I never did. And I will never do that.

He did it. I saw it. I'll do anything for love. You're like, look at it. I did it.

Uh, I, yeah, I guess this has been no offense, but what the fuck? Don't don't don't touch your children. Don't unless they, I mean, dude, I mean, touch your children, but just like appropriately, like high five, you kid. Oh, you can. High-five the newborns. Yeah. In the face, right? Like one of the cries about the public, you just go like, Hey baby.

I five. Oh sure. I thought she was supposed to, I thought sunlight gives you cancer. So you're supposed to like put kids in a closet and like, not let them see any light and then like capita and then like have them only watch Kung Fu movies, like 24 hours a day. You're thinking of when you thinking of, when you go to the store and you leave them, locked in the car with all windows up watching a stupid movie.

So they're distracted and then it doesn't. Oh yeah, it makes sure that make sure the car's turned off and there's nowhere in Nevada abortion, the late term abortion, but Nevada abortion. I don't know why he just called it. She just called it a Levada abortion. Yeah. People are ruthless out there. Yeah, dude.

People in Nevada, you don't have notice. We see Nevada, I guess this is it. We're saying goodbye. How do we, how do we, what we started figuring out how to just add a sign off. It's your job. If you do it, um, accurate. Bye.

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