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chihxru · 4 years

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2019...

Wow, that was a wild ride! I hope you all had a wonderful year.

I know some of my friends are already in the new year so I’ll say this now...!

Actually, to be fair, this year was much better than before and I’m eternally blessed. I made new friends and made new memories, and I can’t thank god enough for giving me this great year.

My IRL friends:

Shiela, Emma, Sawana, my other Sheila, Kovi, Gordon, Daniel, Filmon, Isaac, Roxy, Angie, Kyla, Diego, Becky, Jordan, Steffany, I can’t thank you enough for everything. You made this work and school year so much fun with restaurant dates, festivals, parties, and going on so many adventures. Like I said before you got me to recover from my previous experiences so quickly and I’m eternally blessed for all of you. Thank you for making me more confident each day and getting me out of my comfort zone, you’re all so wonderful and I hope you have a great new year 🖤

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@melonorca - Sandy!! you are forever my favourite person to be around, and I’m so happy that we are continuing our friendship, and I still look forward to all the things we should do together, like going to cons and eating lots of foods and such! Let’s have a whole year filled with new art and sketches okay? 💖💖💖

@antitdbks - SAVVY! IM SO GLAD I SLID INTO YOUR ASK BOX LIKE THAT LMAO. Oh my goodness words can’t explain how happy I was to meet you this year. I’ve seen you improve so much with your mental state and I encourage you to keep at it okay? Let’s have more sleepovers and watch more shows and have loads of snacks and rant about dumb shit okay? I love you so god damn much hehe 💕💕💕

@monocide - Dazzy wazzy!! Ryu!! My bubba!! I’m so glad we got to meet this year too. I loved the endless conversations we had over the summer about Edward Elric, I feel like the moment you started talking about him that’s when we couldn’t stop screaming LOL. You’re wonderful and I’m very glad we got the chance to become friends, now if you’ll excuse me... *slams a whole tray of drinks on the ground and shatters everything bc it’s New Year’s Eve and that means it’s okay to break things* 🖤🖤🖤

@sadunit - Orri! Angel! Thank you for being my friend this year! I’m so glad that we became friends for a whole y e a r and it was filled with gift exchanges! I’m so grateful for the present still, and I hope one day we can meet so we can exchange more gifts in person, you’re honestly a blessing and I really hope this year can treat you well with love and care 🤍🤍🤍

@dazaaaai // @sarasanddollar - Hello Sara! I’m so grateful that you became a new friend of mine! After a rough patch in the past you got me to reconnect with my love for BSD and even reconnect me with my childhood a bit, and honestly that’s extremely comforting. Your drawings and your videos are so amazing, you’re extremely talented! And I can’t get over how quickly your art has improved!! Let this year treat you well okay? 💗💗💗

@haikyuu-baikyuu - Jo jo jo! I’m so glad we had another year of friendship to talk about Haikyuu and other interests 🌼 I really hope that this year gives you all the love and luck you deserve, and I really wish we could’ve met up this year if you went to one of the universities near me, that honestly would have been a hell of a cool time, but if you do one day then HMU, I’ll be more than happy to take you sightseeing. 💘💘💘

@mou-ikaihaikyuu - Yin, I know you’re on a bit of a hiatus but when you get the chance to see this I want you to know that I love you lots! You were such a blessing and I hope we continue to have our friendship for many other years to come okay? You’re so wonderful and adorable and and,, EKGKFSD 💜💜💜

@kozumek - Hello tiara! Look at you? You’ve done so well this year? It makes me so happy to know that you’ve done so much for yourself and you had lots of fun going on trips 💞 I hope in the new year you’ll have twice as much fun and get to explore more new things as well as continue to make yourself happy and even more healthy ❣️❣️❣️

@athenasrapture - Michaela! I know we haven’t really talked much this year but I’m so happy that we got around to talk as much as we could, I hope this year will grant you with much joy ok 💛💛💛

@cull - Zack, ok man I’m still mad at you for shoving me into a locker, but anyways I’ve never laughed so hard when we got around to talking, and I’m glad we did, you’re a hilarious and great person to be around and everyone should be able to see that. You’re fucking incredible and strong, and I hope we can continue to be friends. I hope this decade treats you well and you become even stronger each day ok, and hopefully one day I’ll be able to give you a real bowl of Thai curry lol 🧡🧡🧡

And to all my other mutual friends that I made this year, thank you for sticking around, I hope we have many more years to come 💙

But seriously, thank you all so much for making my year, it’s been so much fun with you all. I wish you all loads and loads of love, and good luck, and if this year was crappy, then hey! It’s a new year, so it’ll be okay ☁️

Here’s to a fresh start, and to a new decade of joy. 🥂

Happy New Year. 💙

-Chihxru

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beca-mitchell · 6 years

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if you want it, you can have it

Summary: (est. relationship) Beca and Chloe go back to Seattle to visit Beca’s mom/visit Beca’s old childhood home. Chloe finds out that Beca can play the piano really well. They have sex. That’s it.

Rated E for Everyone.

No, but seriously, high rating.

Word count: 4,381

Dedicated to @velmster, my bff (bechloe fanfic friend/best friend forever) who headcanons this stuff with me and tolerates my existence online and irl.

“Mom?” Beca’s voice echoes in the foyer. She hears Chloe quietly click the door shut and feels her footsteps behind her. “She did say she was going to be at a friend’s place today helping with some get-together.” Shrugging, she turns to help Chloe with the bags. “I’ll put these in my room,” she says.

Chloe nods absentmindedly, taking in the photos lining the walls. She grins at the sight of Beca as a toddler, posing and grinning cheekily at the camera while wearing the frilliest bathing suit. It’s possibly the most adorable thing she’s ever seen.

Upstairs, Beca takes stock of her room, mostly untouched by her mother over the years. She has tried convincing her mother to turn it into something more useful, like another guest room, but her mother is adamant about preserving this specific point of Beca’s life even though she’s almost a decade past this stage. Seattle will always be home, but lately she’s been thinking about how comfortable she feels in L.A. and how much she’s looking forward to making a home of her own with the one person that matters most.

She eyes the fading posters – various band and concert posters – and the sketches from when she had an art phase in high school. There’s something ethereal about her room, from the double bed – she’ll have to thank her mother for changing her sheets often enough – to the tiny desk where she used to spend hours mixing music that she never thought people would hear.

It reminds her of how there’s a very willing audience member, the person who has always valued her contributions – musical and otherwise – and who loves her through the chaos that has become her life since the fame she never expected.

Chloe’s carefully snapping photos of her favourite photos of baby Beca and grouchy teenage Beca when she hears the sound of Beca’s door closing upstairs. She hears Beca rushing back down the stairs, hair just the slightest bit out of place. She smiles, nudging her shoes to the side just as Beca eagerly grabs her hands and pulls her further into the house.

There’s a very specific warmth that Chloe attributes to the way Beca just lights up at the sight of old photos and the atmosphere of what Chloe knows to be her childhood home.

“I can make you something to eat, if you want. What do you want to do?”

Chloe shrugs, not really caring either way. She follows Beca into the kitchen and hops up on the counter. “I could go for water. We could hold off on food because we’re going out for dinner anyway, right?” Her smile becomes mischievous. “We could do some other things since we’re alone.”

Beca’s eyes dart up from where she’s washing her hands in the sink. “Oh?” she voices, interest colouring her tone. A half-smirk tugs at her lips, making Chloe instinctively clench her hand into a fist on her thigh. “Like what?” she asks, eyes darting to Chloe’s mouth as she nears closer.

Chloe blushes at the way Beca casually nudges her legs apart, moving so she’s standing right in front of Chloe, pressed against her lightly. She looks up, eyes bright and hopeful, of all things. Chloe can’t resist, so she cups the back of Beca’s neck and leans down for a kiss, instantly welcoming Beca’s tongue into her mouth. Beca tastes vaguely of mint and a little bit of the Sprite she had on the plane. It’s intoxicating enough by itself, though Beca’s hand gliding surely up Chloe’s thigh is enough to coax a quiet moan out of her.

"What should we do now?" Beca whispers again against her skin, lips gliding languidly along Chloe’s jaw.

Chloe manages a quick exhale, because obviously, but she wants to see everything about what Beca’s life was like before Barden – before Chloe. "Can I have a tour?"

Beca looks like she’s trying to figure out whether to let disappointment or confusion show on her face. “A tour,” she repeats, her eyes darting back to Chloe’s mouth helplessly. “Fine,” Beca grumbles when Chloe arches a brow.

Chloe just grins at her and leaps down, not giving Beca a chance to say anything else. “Where to first?”

Beca considers the question seriously. “How about my room?” Beca suggests. “There’s really not much to show in this house, I promise. I’ll show you my room and then the basement, I guess." She begins leading Chloe out of the kitchen. "There’s a piano down there,” she adds.

Chloe looks at Beca curiously. "A piano? Whose is it?"

Beca eyes her oddly. “Mine,” she admits, though it’s with hesitance.

“I – you can play?” Chloe feels mildly embarrassed even asking the question. Even after years of knowing Beca and just under a year of dating, she still feels like she learns something new about Beca every day. “I mean, I’ve seen your keyboard, the one you use for mixing, but did you…play? Lessons?”

Beca realizes they’re probably not going to start a tour of any kind in her room, so she twists her fingers with Chloe’s and leads her to the basement instead. “Years of lessons,” Beca says. “Dad’s idea.”

The basement is inviting, with a small seating area and comfortable couches. Just off-center, is a piano, standing alone. There are books on top of it, a metronome, and a few pens and pencils, as if the entire scene is just waiting for its owner to return home.

Chloe has loved music all her life – has lived and breathed it, essentially. She has never been particularly well-versed in the piano. She grew up dabbling in the violin because her parents thought it would help shape her character, but she dropped her lessons somewhere around the end of middle school and joined her high school’s choir, glee club, and whatever singing opportunities presented themselves. She reaches out with reverence, holding her breath, even, and traces the cold keys.

It’s an upright piano, nothing too lavish. It has a wooden finish, bronzed wheels, and well-kept keys. Chloe looks up to see a reverent expression on Beca’s face as well, directed at the piano.

Beca steps around the piano, eyes locked on the way Chloe’s fingers trace the keys that she spent so much time labouring over, sometimes even crying over them through the fights her parents would have. It makes her swallow, the duality of seeing her present and past mingling in the midst of everything.

Chloe looks like she doesn’t quite want to pry, so she draws her hand back, holding her wrist with her other hand. She inhales, nodding once, smiling at Beca encouragingly. She can tell that this is something important to Beca, something that defines her very existence, though she knows that prying does little good when it comes to Beca Mitchell.

The light is a little dim in the basement because there’s a bulb that hasn’t yet been replaced. Despite that, Beca can see the eagerness in Chloe’s eyes – the hope. She can’t help it, so she tugs out the bench and sits primly, hands folded in her lap. “What should I play?” Beca asks, offering Chloe the opening she didn’t take.

Chloe sighs. A million songs run through her mind. She settles on “something that you’d play, if you could play anything.”

Beca cracks her knuckles, making Chloe clench her fist again. “I’m going to warn you…I haven’t played in a while, okay? Not like this, anyway. I rarely get time to sit at a piano.”

There’s something about Beca sitting behind the piano, small and demure, that really does something to Chloe. “Take your time,” she rasps.

She expects something classical or formal like Mendelssohn or Mozart, but of course Beca Mitchell wouldn’t bother with that (though she could if she wanted to).

The beginnings of Adele’s “Someone Like You” ring through the basement, echoing beautifully. Beca plays surely, with flourishes and a small crease between her brows. Chloe’s not sure what to do or where to look. She settles on the way Beca’s fingers fly surely across the keys, not making a single misstep.

And, like magic, Beca transitions beautifully into Coldplay’s “Paradise”, lingering only for the first verse and chorus. Beca would choose a mash-up. She seems to breathe with the music, fingers confident and precise. It makes Chloe’s chest tighten. She barely remembers to snap a photo and haphazardly puts her phone away, too enthralled by the way Beca completely commands the piano. She leans on its surface, watching with rapt attention.

Beca glances up at her, smiling a little shyly. “You can…” she half shrugs. “Sing, if you want.” She transitions into “Chasing Cars” with finesse and ease.

Chloe doesn’t need to be told twice.

Together, they carry the song home, through the first verse and chorus, just as before. Chloe thinks that Beca is literally glowing, and Beca can probably say the same.

Beca tries to focus on closing out the song because she can feel tension coiling somewhere in her lower abdomen and an increasing pressure on her chest. Chloe moves to stand beside her, body radiating warmth. They gravitate towards each other, no matter what they’re doing. It’s a by-product of how closely they lived their lives prior to their relationship (as well as the mutual pining that took place over the years).

Beca loves the sound of Chloe’s voice like this – soft and reserved only for her. She has always loved it and now has the privilege to suss out the nuances of Chloe’s moods and emotions based on her voice alone. She likes the sound of Chloe’s voice when she attempts to speak upon just waking up, with its very specific rasp that never fails to get Beca going. She likes the sound of Chloe’s voice when she’s telling a story.

She likes the sound of Chloe’s voice when she’s trying to control herself - like now - because there’s always just the barest hint of thinly-veiled desperation. Beca clenches her thighs together, feeling the heat of Chloe’s body and the heat of Chloe’s gaze, which is fixated on her hands on the keys.

It’s making music – not just with their mouths – and Chloe eats it up. She tentatively reaches out to place a hand on Beca’s shoulder. There’s a brief moment as Beca tenses, but she relaxes, even going so far to tilt her head slightly into Chloe’s stomach. This – Beca and music – makes Chloe’s mind buzz with the sheer weight of how beautiful this moment is. It’s incredibly special and makes her wish that she could record this. She focuses on committing this to memory.

Fingers sure as ever, Beca wills herself to focus because Chloe’s breathing has quickened considerably.

Chloe watches the way her girlfriend’s fingers stroke softly over the keys until the song tepers out and finally ends altogether.

Beca clenches her hands this time and settles them on her lap, smiling weakly up at Chloe. “Well?” she asks lightly, standing to face Chloe fully, casual tone masking how weak she really feels under Chloe’s scrutiny.

Chloe’s breath comes out in short bursts, not entirely due to singing. Instead of responding, she tilts her head and pushes her mouth to Beca’s insistently. Beca’s hands fly immediately to her cheeks, holding her in place.

They war for dominance for a moment, piano keys clanging loudly in an ugly cacophony as Beca reaches a hand behind her to steady herself. She props a leg up on the piano bench as best as she can, trying to pull Chloe as close as possible.

With a firm grip on Beca’s thigh, Chloe struggles to contain herself for the moment. She can feel heat emanating from every part of Beca, especially from between her legs. The piano bench is too small and the basement is too sparse for either to serve any real purpose to her at the moment. “Show me your bedroom,” Chloe mumbles between kisses.

She’s thinking primarily about those long, talented fingers playing over her body with the same confidence and sureness.

There’s no room for argument, really.

Beca makes quick work of Chloe’s clothes, essentially dumping them all by the door of her bedroom once she kicks it shut with her foot.

“You’re overdressed,” Chloe says immediately, tugging Beca’s sweater over her head and tossing it aside. She notes that Beca’s still wearing clothes and sighs, continuing to undress her girlfriend. “You could help,” Chloe murmurs, tilting her head to the side so Beca can nip at her neck leisurely while she unzips Beca’s jeans. She pushes Beca back, stumbling a bit over the clothes at their feet.

“You were doing such a good job,” Beca replies, tugging Chloe closer. “C’mere,” she mumbles, cupping Chloe’s jaw and tilting her head back towards hers.

Chloe whimpers and lets Beca kiss her again. Her whimper quickly transitions into a moan when she feels Beca’s hand rake down her collarbone to her breast, quickly tightening her hand into a firm grip. It only causes the throbbing between her legs to intensify, causes her to push Beca back onto the bed, finally.

She sinks onto Beca’s lap comfortably once Beca is backed against the headboard of the bed. Beca’s hands rub up her thighs languidly, the memory of seeing those same hands across the piano only turning Chloe on further. She slants her lips over Beca’s, moaning when Beca immediately tugs at her bottom lip before sucking at it slowly

“Right now,” Chloe mumbles. Beca obliges, gliding a hand between Chloe’s legs, stroking her gently, fingers nudging at a stiff nub. Chloe inhales sharply, moving to rest her forehead against Beca’s shoulders. She shifts her hips impatiently as Beca slides into her slowly, one finger first, then another. “God,” she croaks out, lifting her hips and dropping them back down once, experimentally.

Beca's gaze is dark – darker in the dim light. Chloe tries to take stock of how hungry Beca looks – the kind of hunger that means Chloe’s in for it – the kind of hunger that she saw a spark of downstairs by the piano.

Naked and sitting astride Beca’s lap, Chloe focuses then on the way Beca’s fingers feel inside her, curling slowly. She shifts restlessly, hips rolling experimentally. She whimpers at the sensation and feels Beca’s body shudder as well. Digging her nails into Beca’s shoulders, she tries to remember how Beca had looked, caressing ivory keys with finesse; the way she had moved masterfully.

Her knees dig straight into the slightly stiff mattress. Beca’s hand – the one that’s not currently occupied – comes up to stroke leisurely at her back. Just as Chloe moves her hips again, Beca’s fingers tense and dig right into the middle of her back, holding her close. She leans up, tilting her chin as if asking for a kiss, the delicateness of which makes Chloe’s heart leap straight out of her chest – or at least, attempt to. She slides her lips languidly across Beca’s, taking stock of how soft Beca’s lips always seem to be. Gently, she nips at her girlfriend’s lower lip, tugging as she pulls back. Beca’s mouth parts to accommodate her, and then they’re kissing.

Beca’s fingers move slowly – in, out – as best as they can while Chloe sits on top of her thighs. Chloe moans quietly into her mouth, the sound and vibration making Beca clench her own thighs trying to alleviate some of the pressure between her legs.

“You looked so good,” Chloe says, though she grits her teeth at the end of that sentence, when Beca adds a little more force into her hand’s motions. “The piano,” Chloe says weakly. “At the piano. I-I-“ she stutters, trails off when Beca nips at her jaw, her neck, then finally moving back to her lips to hungrily shove her tongue into her mouth. "I couldn't help it," Chloe moans, trying to figure out what to do with her own hands. She tugs at Beca’s hair, pulling at the back of her head.

At that, Beca moans, uncaring – though she’s briefly thankful that nobody’s home or in the vicinity. "Yeah?" she rasps, though it’s less of a question because she vividly recalls the way Chloe’s eyes had darkened nearly instantaneously when she started playing and how she was already on the verge when she had finished playing.

Chloe’s hips move insistently, grinding down hard into Beca’s palm. The sensation of Chloe on her lap as well as the very telling slick warmth slipping down and around her fingers and hand causes Beca’s own chest to tighten and stomach to coil in anticipation.

"Watching you play,” Chloe whispers, eyes fluttering shut, though she desperately forces them open again so she can see Beca’s wide-eyed, lust-filled gaze locked onto her own. “I got so…” she bites her lip, thrilled by the way Beca’s fingers curl into her surely, almost encouragingly. “I got so fucking wet watching you play that piano," Chloe finishes, breath stuttering. She licks swollen lips, moving to rest her forehead against Beca’s. “Fuck me,” she demands, lips descending for a kiss.

In, out – her fingers slip in and across Chloe insistently – the movement is encouraged by the consistent wetness coating her skin. Coating Chloe’s skin. Beca wonders if Chloe would mind terribly if she opted to use her mouth instead of her fingers, but with the grip Chloe has on her, trapping her in place, she figures she’s going to have to wait.

“Fuck,” she whispers, leaning forward to further mark Chloe’s collarbone with languid nips and open-mouthed kisses.

“Y-you, with that fucking piano,” Chloe pants, using her arm to hook Beca’s head closer to her chest. A loud moan slips through a clenched jaw when Beca’s palm brushes against her just right – “Fuck, right there,” she says stiltedly, back arching.

Beca resists the urge to laugh, though a breathless exhale does escape her. Chloe Beale is probably the only person she’s ever met to get off to music and on music. She kisses up, nipping at the spot on Chloe’s throat – just under her jaw – that she knows drives her girlfriend completely wild. She doesn’t linger, though Chloe’s keening whimper makes her want to stay to draw the same sound out of her again, and again, and again.

She punctuates each thought with a firm thrust, relishing each rock of Chloe’s body; relishing the way skin is sliding smoothly against skin. There’s a desperation in the way Chloe’s pants sound in her ear. She kisses back down, bending slightly so she can bypass Chloe’s neck, the strained tendons in her throat just begging for attention. Instead, she kisses down her chest, taking a stiff nipple in her mouth.

Chloe’s jaw slackens at the feel of Beca’s warm, wet tongue nudging insistently at her nipple. The sensation makes her thighs clench and hips stutter in their rhythm. She slides her hand to cup Beca’s cheek, then her neck. It’s gentle at first, though her fingers clamp down quickly into hair and skin to hold Beca against her chest. "I'm close," she informs Beca belatedly.

Humming in agreement, Beca throws some teeth into the mix, quickly mouthing around her nipple. It makes Chloe jolt. "You're closer,” she says, finally lifting her head.

"I'm close whenever I’m with you,” Chloe admits, tilting Beca’s head up as best as she can. Her vision wavers and she slams her eyes shut at the sensation of Beca’s fingers curling right up into her. “I’m close whenever you just look at me or - or talk to me," Chloe continues with some difficulty, only spurring Beca on further. “Fuck, when you s-sing to me-”

(Her favourite moments are when she reduces Chloe to inarticulate sounds and breathless pants. Less words would be a good sign.)

“Eyes,” Beca says quietly, too enthralled by the way Chloe's hair messily drapes over her shoulders and down her back - God, she could use some mirrors about now. “Look at me,” she tries again, uncaring that she's begging. She gets off on seeing the way Chloe's eyes fucking shine when she's like this, the way she struggles to keep her eyes open at all. “Fuck, Chlo-” She grits her teeth because the strain is getting to her arm, but Chloe feels so damn good around her fingers that she can’t bring herself to even move from this position. She figures it’s a good enough way to die.

Chloe all but sobs, eyes flying open as she clutches at Beca’s shoulders, hands scrabbling to find purchase somewhere. One hand flies into Beca’s hair, pushing her face against her chest, while the other clenches around Beca’s upper arm, holding her in place. Her body stiffens entirely and she whimpers once, a loud, drawn-out moan following immediately.

Beca clenches her thighs together again, biting her lip to stop the helpless whimper that threatens to escape when she takes in how thoroughly defiled Chloe looks at that moment: high flush, hair in complete disarray, swollen lips, and arched back. The deep-seated arousal in Chloe’s eyes only serve to spur Beca on again. She lifts her hand from between Chloe’s legs to slide up to her hip, coaxing Chloe to roll her hips once – twice – against Beca, both women moaning quietly at the sensation.

“I love you,” Beca murmurs, tilting her head to kiss Chloe’s jaw, then her lips. “Fuck,” she murmurs, nipping at Chloe’s bottom lip. “I need you.”

Chloe bites her lip, a soft noise escaping her when Beca parts her own thighs willingly for her. “I love you, too,” she replies. She flexes her fingers around Beca’s thighs before she slides back up Beca’s body, peppering kisses along the way, making sure to pay close attention to pert nipples. She’s desperate to hear Beca’s voice again – to hear the sounds that only she can coax out of Beca with her own brand of expertise.

“Please,” Beca begs quietly. “Chlo, now.” She looks up, eyes locked hazily on the ceiling fan, and wonders vaguely if teenage Beca would have ever thought this would happen.

(She knows the logistics are off: she never knew Chloe back then, but this is so akin to losing it to the most popular girl in school that Beca thinks that she’s probably experiencing something super religious right now.)

Beca almost comes undone immediately the moment Chloe’s fingers slide inside her. It makes her head thump uncomfortably against her wall, and she curses, partly from the sheer pleasure and partly from the slight pain. Chloe removes her fingers, gently tugs Beca into a prone position. She returns to fully hovering over Beca, strands of hair tickling the sides of Beca’s face. She pants out a breath, about to ask Chloe why she stopped, when Chloe’s fingers mercifully slide back inside her, slow, sure strokes causing Beca’s breath to catch.

Chloe is deliberate and careful. Her body thrums with arousal and the vestiges of desire coursing through her, but she carefully thumbs it down, only slightly stoking the embers with each passing moment.

She relishes the feeling of Beca already beginning to come undone around her – hot, wet, and sticky. It makes her already sensitive core just throb in response and she can’t help the whimper that escapes her. She leans down to press a sloppy kiss against Beca’s lips, swallowing the loud moan Beca releases at that moment. Beca’s hand comes to grab at her hair while the other hand rakes down her back roughly and quickly. It makes Chloe thrust a bit harder, eyes rolling back behind her eyelids at the slight sting of Beca’s dual assault on her hair and skin.

“Fuck,” Beca mumbles, swollen lips brushing against Chloe’s. Chloe's fingers curl just right, with a twist of her wrist. It makes Beca’s eyes fly wide open until she’s gasping and panting out Chloe’s name, intermingled with the occasional curse. She grips Chloe’s hair tighter, pulling until Chloe’s forehead comes to rest against hers. Arousal courses through her entire body, more than she’s ever felt before. It’s almost too much, but Beca welcomes it – has always welcomed these experiences with Chloe because she can’t imagine this happening with anybody else.

Chloe thinks that Beca looks beautiful, flushed, a little sweaty, and eyes bright with the height of her arousal. She pants out a breath across Beca’s cheek, using her nose to nudge at Beca’s chin and jaw until she can nip and suck at that one specific spot on Beca’s neck that drives her crazy. All she can feel is the way Beca’s thighs cradle her hips, the way Beca just fucking clenches around her fingers, and all that wonderful, delicious wet heat against her hand.

“I love you,” Chloe repeats, moving her head back up so she can kiss Beca. "God, I fucking love you like this," she mumbles.

Beca lets her head fall back on the bed, just shy of her pillow. She doesn't care about the uncomfortable arch in her neck because all that matters is that Chloe continues fucking her like this. She had been close when she had been inside Chloe. She's on the verge of exploding, now.

Chloe is conscious of how aroused she is, still, with the way Beca's thigh rubs against her center with each rock of her hips. She stifles her moan into Beca's neck, trying to focus on how close Beca is to her own release.

She stills at Beca's tell-tale whine - the one that rips from Beca’s throat nd sends jolts of pleasure straight through Chloe upon hearing it - and watches Beca with wide eyes as she comes undone, finally.

The thick air around them blankets over their quiet pants. Chloe moves off Beca, just to her side, and blinks, wondering absently if she can get a recording of Beca playing the piano.

Beca is thinking about whether she can afford to buy a baby grand for her apartment in Los Angeles and why she didn’t think about buying one ages ago.

“So…this is your bedroom, huh?” Chloe asks, once they both catch their breath. Kind of.

Beca laughs, unreserved and completely free, albeit a little breathless. It’s so completely Chloe – Chloe who has likely never mastered the art of pillow talk because she doesn’t bother pretending to be something she’s not, if she doesn’t feel like it.

She should have suggested they visited Seattle sooner.

x / now on ao3

#bechloe #bechloe pic fics #mine #photoset #social media #beca mitchell #chloe beale #brittany snow #pitch perfect #my fanfic #anna kendrick #long post #fanfiction #bechloe fanfiction #mine:smau

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our-beginnings · 7 years

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Kristina Schneider, Front-end Developer & Designer

Hello! First thing’s first: tell us a bit about who you are, your background, and what you do now.

Hi! I’m Kristina, or Kriesse as most friends and the internet call me. I live in Berlin, Germany, where I work as a freelance designer who codes, or a frontend developer who designs, or sometimes both. When I’m not moving code or layouts around I’m teaching these things and organize a bunch of events, like CSSconf EU and upfront.ug.

What does your day-to-day look like?

I walk or bike to my office in Berlin Kreuzberg, where I work on an app called Cobot, a management software for coworking spaces and office hubs. I’m currently working on extending the design system and coordinating a large overhaul of the UI of the app – which means untangling 8+ year old CSS, and sitting down with my designer and frontend colleagues to discuss and identify patterns, and build out UI components.

Cobot is a bootstrapped business, which grew slowly and healthily and has developed a very open and supportive team culture. We make lots of room for learning and training, everyone is encouraged to pursue their goals. Just recently we went on a four day retreat dedicated to improving how we work as a team. The team only recently tripled in size, and the product team – developers and designers – are mostly women. That’s the opposite of all my previous jobs, and is simply fantastic. I love working with my coworkers.

The team only recently tripled in size, and the product team – developers and designers – are mostly women.

Is this what you expected to be doing when you were a kid?

Absolutely not! I wavered between graphic design and architecture. I didn’t have an understanding of either of these professions, but I always liked painting and drawing, and as a kid, I sketched these super-detailed, fantasy-cave-like homes with cool features like swings and slides instead of stairs. But I also liked math and history and art and reading, and had a lot of conflicting ideas of what I’d do towards the end of my time in school. I half-heartedly started to create a portfolio to apply for a design program, but eventually ended up studying something quite different.

What was that?

I had lost confidence in the design/architecture idea. Writing and reading had become more important to me. I enrolled for a major in Communication Science, with Art History and German Language and Literature as minors. I pretty much picked what sounded most fascinating and most relevant to my skills, without knowing where it would lead me. I fell in love with it.

That’s definitely not front-end development. If you think back, which single moment made you fall in love with tech?

I remember that quite clearly. Between my last year in school and starting university, I had a few idle weeks. I'd just gotten my first own computer, a heavy noisy notebook that came with an AOL CD, promising internet access. I figured out how to set up this internet thing and get unlimited access to forums and ICQ and Napster and the WWW.

Then, a friend came over one afternoon and proudly mentioned that he was building a website, which fascinated me. Until then, websites were pretty magical things built by... super-professional grownups, maybe? With special equipment, in large offices? Definitely not by people like my friend, or me. I didn't quite believe him, so he opened up a text editor on my computer, typed a few words, saved the document as index.html, and then opened it up in a browser. I couldn't believe that he just put something on the internet, just like that! We then started to mess around with the page, adding some markup, followed by colors.

Until then, websites were pretty magical things built by... super-professional grownups, maybe?

I was completely hooked. I always loved to create and write and style things, and this new super-fascinating outlet came with the prospect of feedback, communication— connection. But it didn’t occur to me yet that this “something with computers” I enjoyed was a career option, so I continued with my studies.

What path did your career take after that?

After graduation, I landed a trainee position as PR person for a large contemporary art exhibition. I loved working with artists and curators, but I found myself helping often with small print design tasks or website maintenance. I was working with the designers and the "IT Team" quite a lot.

Unfortunately, though, I also got to know the art world's long work hours, miserable salaries, rough competitiveness, and nepotism. A change was needed.

During my student years, I’d earned some money working as "webmaster" for my institute, building tiny websites for small businesses or designing flyers for local clubs. I missed the freedom and joy of just building and designing little projects and being my own boss. So I decided to give myself one year to build a freelance web design business.

My first large client job was in Berlin for an artist that one of my previous colleagues now was working for, Berlin was where I wanted to be anyway, so I moved there. And after a year, I wasn’t broke! I started working from coworking spaces – that just started being a thing in Berlin back then – where I met people who would refer me to new clients. One project followed the other, and soon I had gathered a solid client base, and was busy networking and learning and growing my tiny business in Berlin. I also started to do remote work for some clients on the US west coast, and one of them made me an offer to work full-time for them in San Francisco.

I was very hesitant to leave the life and work that I had just built in Berlin, but I agreed, because I was also super-curious to see what living and working in SF is actually like. I thought I’d only be there a few months, but I ended up staying almost four years.

That’s a huge step! How did you settle in?

The first few weeks were packed with paperwork, finding a place to stay, figuring out the commute, meeting new people, working long hours in the office – so I didn’t have much time to get homesick. What took me a while to be comfortable in were the little interactions and social rules: I had to get the hang of ordering a burrito without holding up the line forever. I had to accept that people start to eat before everyone’s order has arrived, and without saying “Guten Appetit”. I learned that double-dipping is a thing. Being comfortable in the language and not feeling awkward when ordering a coffee or buying a bus ticket took me while.

Living and working in the Bay Area taught me a lot about my work and the tech industry, and how it compares in the two cultures. The pace is so different: In Germany, I was used to working efficiently, spending as little time in the office as possible. Social life happens after work, not during. In San Francisco, I often arrived in the office when it was still dark outside and left late at night. I felt a much stronger (though subtle) pressure to make work your life, to socialize with colleagues and their families. Taking vacation other than a few extra days around the holidays was unusual. Even after big life events like becoming a parent or getting married people would be back at their desk the next day.

I was used to working efficiently, spending as little time in the office as possible. Social life happens after work, not during. In San Francisco, I often arrived in the office when it was still dark outside and left late at night.

After four years, I decided to return to Berlin. I did fall in love with California, though, and haven’t been able to feel 100% at home again in Berlin since. Being abroad definitely built up my ability to get along anywhere; I’m still escaping regularly and trying to find jobs that allow for travel. San Francisco also taught me that Berlin is the city where I can make the most meaningful contribution, where my network and the local community are really cool and unique and I can make an impact by organising cool stuff, and balance them in a way that feels good.

You organise a number of events. How'd you get started doing that?

Before going abroad, I worked mostly with Ruby and PHP developers, who all had places where they hung out, exchanged ideas, made friends and found jobs and clients.

I really really wanted a place like that for myself, to meet other designer/frontend developers like me. But back then (ca. 2010) there was no meetup like that in Berlin. So I started upfront.ug, a monthly talk evening in Berlin for designers and frontend devs. It's now been running for seven years, and we’ve put it on more than 75 times.

I was also involved with Open Tech School and started volunteering with JSConf EU. The tech community in Berlin is very active and has a strong ethos of DIY, free education, and mutual support. I got involved left and right, learned a lot about volunteering, team work, how to find venues, sponsors … and loved it.

San Francisco put that on hold for a while, but also introduced me to Nicole Sullivan. She was one of the first women I saw giving a talk at a tech conference, and her writing and speaking about frontend development topics had motivated and encouraged me for years! She also came up with the first conference about nothing but CSS: CSSconf US. This was novel at the time; there’s many CSS-focused events now, but just a few years ago people were actually wondering how one could talk an entire day about CSS. We became friends, and over some drinks, she asked me if I wanted to bring CSSconf to Europe. Of course I did! And from all the years helping with JSconf EU and other events in Berlin, I had the network and support to make that happen.

This was novel at the time; there’s many CSS-focused events now, but just a few years ago people were actually wondering how one could talk an entire day about CSS.

The very first CSSconf EU was the hardest and scariest thing I’ve organized, but seeing all these people come together made it worthwhile. We’ve run it four times now, and it still feels new.

Do you ever feel pressure to be a mentor or a role model for the underrepresented in tech?

Any opportunity to directly mentor or sponsor someone is actually really rewarding, and doesn’t feel like work or something that I’m pressed to do. Ongoing volunteer work is different: organizing events, workshops, and conferences can get overwhelming. Over the past few years I’ve become very conscious knowing when I need to step back and take care of myself.

That isn’t always possible, though, and that’s where I feel pressure. I can’t easily drop out of organizing a conference once it’s rolling, or look away if an attendee or volunteer needs help. I can’t stop caring when something goes against my values and goals. If I want meetups that don’t feature white male speakers only, or a safe learning group, or get rid of offensive language at my workplace, I have to fix it myself.

People from underrepresented groups are expected to fix issues of diversity and inequality, and I think that’s unfair and is a problem.

Behind the scenes, it’s usually the people from underrepresented groups who speak up, build cases and fight for more inclusivity, and then put in the work to implement it. They educate and lobby, publicise, network, and suffer the abuse, but don’t get credit for that hard work.

People from underrepresented groups are expected to fix issues of diversity and inequality, and I think that’s unfair and is a problem. Our community needs to figure out ways to share that work more fairly, and recognize and reward the work that is done by people from marginalized groups.

If you could do everything all over again, do you think your journey would be the same? Would you want it to be? What would you change?

I hope it would be the same! I can’t say I regret anything. I'm grateful for the various fields and work situations and cultures I got to experience and think it’s exactly what makes me fit to do my current job and community work. The only thing I wish I had access to earlier is a mentor, someone to ask for help and advice when I need it. This is especially true when it came to negotiating and leaving unhealthy work relationships; I wish I’d had a more experienced mentor tell me to be tougher and less naive.

I'm grateful for the various fields and work situations and cultures I got to experience and think it’s exactly what makes me fit to do my current job and community work.

Is there anything about the internet or technology that you remember from your childhood/early years that makes you feel nostalgic?

Oh yeah– Napster. Before it, I used to wait in front of the radio, cassette ready, with the finger on the record button, waiting for a favorite song to come on. I saved my allowance to buy a record or CD, and would listen over and over to the thirteen or so songs on it. I learned the lyrics by heart, translated them word by word, and gathered every bit of information from MTV about my favorite artists.

Napster changed that, but was similarly fascinating, because you still had to wait half a day for one song to download. Obviously, the way I consume music has completely changed since and I definitely don’t want to go back to cassettes! But when I remember CDs and cassettes and loving music so much and investing many hours to craft precious little mixtapes for friends— I feel nostalgic about that.

How do you see the next five to ten years? What are you most excited about, or most afraid of?

I’m more and more interested in making people work together well in teams, and I'm trying to find projects where I can work on building and growing teams – but also stay involved in code and design and shaping the product.

I give workshops more often, and have been a guest lecturer at the University of Applied Science in Salzburg for a while now. They have a MBA programme for web development – one of the first in Europe, organized by Brigitte Jellinek. She approached me to teach a CSS deep-dive class, which is challenging but very rewarding. So that’s another direction I want to pursue. Managing teams and teaching students is fun and fascinating when it works, but not really within my comfort zone yet, which is sitting in front of the computer, happily coding along by myself.

I'm still learning a lot about dealing with responsibility for more than just myself, how to work with teams and stand in front of a class room. So I hope to be much better and more comfortable with that in five or ten years.

Thank you very much, Kriesse, for your time, perseverance, and thoughtful responses— and for inviting me to Upfront! :)

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