#anyway need to get this off my chest: this is one of the sluttiest outfits that i ever saw chris in | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

timeisacephalopod · 4 years

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Remember when I said I’s do a Jaskier/Geralt thing for Valentines Day and then I didn’t? Well, this is that but like. Late. So have a modern soulmate AU in which Geralt and Jaskier meet at a renaissance fair thanks to Roach.

Jaskier is minding his own business tuning his lute when something sticks its nose right in his ass. He turns around to find a horse standing there not looking the least bit guilty and he crosses his arms over his chest. “Do you mind getting your horse’s nose out of my sphincter? Is nothing sacred anymore?” he asks the horse, giving it a look as he takes a couple steps back. Then he makes the mistake of looking at the owner and oh, he wishes he started with a line about how endearing the horse was because this guy is hot. Stupidly hot and of course.

He narrows his eyes at Jaskier and they’re such a pretty golden color Jaskier is almost distracted. “Her name is Roach,” he says and no, no.

“Oh my god what did you do, think up the worst possible name so that it would be tattooed on me forever?” he asks. Roach- who even names a horse Roach?

“I had to learn what a sphincter was at the tender age of three. You earned Roach,” the guy says and never mind if Jaskier sticks a gag in it he’ll take one for the team but the universe has messed up on this one.

“Well horses are awful. They run around on their finger nails and I hate that about them.” He crosses his arms again, hip out as he gives Roach a distasteful look.

Roach’s owner, Hotpants over there, looks deeply offended that his horse has been insulted. “That is the sluttiest outfit I have ever seen,” he says, nodding at Jaskier. He looks down and sure, he’s a little risqué with his powder blue jacket open and a couple buttons to his blouse undone but he personally thinks its tasteful.

“What in god’s name has you looking at your outfit like its personally offended you?” Yennefer asks. Jaskier looks over to find her leaning against a fence post looking bored.

“He just called my outfit slutty!” he says, gesturing to the white haired hottie.

“I did tell you that was quite thotty before we left the house but you insisted,” she says, flicking her fingers at him. He makes another upset noise.

“I can’t believe I’m being slut shamed all because your horse molested me!”

“You’re being slut shamed because you look like a slut,” White Hair says and this is the best the universe could do for him? Sure he’s hot, but at what cost?

“Alright, break it up. What’s got you so pissed off Geralt?” Yennefer asks and oh, so they know each other.

“This is my soul mate,” Geralt, Jaskier supposes his name is, says as he gestures to Jaskier.

That seems to throw Yennefer for a moment. “Why the hell are you mad about your soul mate showing up? You’re welcome by the way, for bringing him to you,” she says like its something she’s done on purpose.

“Oh, I’m not thankful. I had to walk around with ‘get your horse’s nose out of my sphincter’ on my forearm my entire life and he has the balls to complain about what I named my horse!”

“Your first words to me were ‘her name is Roach.’ I had to wonder my entire life if this was a child, a pet, or god forbid a prostitute. Then I find out its a horse, the worst of those options.” At least with the prostitute be could have felt bad that someone actually named an entire human being that. Same with a child, but a pet horse named Roach? Unforgivable.

“Seeing this shit makes me glad I don’t have a soul mate,” Yennefer mumbles.

“He doesn’t like horses!” Geralt says like this is personally offensive.

“Yeah, Jaskier is terrified of them,” Yennefer says and why does she feel the need to let that information out?

“Go get him,” Geralt tells the horse and Jaskier skitters back a few steps.

“Absolutely not, you stay where you are you freaky little beast!”

“This is a two thousand pound animal, why would you describe her as ‘little’?” Geralt asks.

“The universe has fucked up with us, let me tell you that,” Jaskier tells him.

Ciri has the gall to laugh and Geralt isn’t impressed about it. “Well I think he seems nice,” she says.

“He doesn’t like horses and he dresses like that,” Geralt points out.

Ciri looks Jaskier over while he does his best to avoid Roach following him around. “He seems nice and Roach likes him, that’s a good sign,” she says.

“Roach has been hit in the head too many times,” he mumbles.

“Roach has never been hit in the head, we’ve had her her whole life, Geralt. And I’m certain you love that horse more than you love me so we all know she’s well cared for. Stop sulking and go save him from Roach, say hello, bond with him a little,” she says, trying her best to prod him forward.

He refuses to go because Ciri is sixteen, what the hell does she know? And Roach is a horse, she also knows nothing. “I can do without,” he mumbles.

“I can’t believe the universe gives you a soul mate and instead of being grateful you’re mad he doesn’t like horses,” Ciri says, rolling her eyes. He’d point out that being soul mates didn’t end well for her parents but that’d be cruel so he keeps it to himself. Besides, he’s been her parent more than long enough for that not to really apply anyway.

“He’s scared of horses. There’s a difference,” Geralt says.

Ciri just rolls her eyes at him and walks away. Unfortunately she’s immediately replaced by Yen. “You should sleep with him at least, he’s got good Yelp reviews,” she says and Geralt can’t help the snort he lets out.

“I knew that outfit wasn’t lying.”

“Yeah. Kind of pisses me off that men can only dress slutty in victorian clothing and that’s only because of the standards of the time,” she says, looking displeased about that. “Point is, you might as well take advantage of the universe deciding you should be together. He’s cute.”

“He’s not that cute,” Geralt says, watching as Jaskier tries desperately to wave Roach away. It doesn’t work, Roach advances on him anyway intent on getting a pet. Jaskier shoots him and Yen a somewhat desperate look but neither of them move.

“He’s literally exactly your type,” Yen says.

“What type do I supposedly have?”

“Asshole. Trust me, you’ll fall madly in love with him and you’ll have adorable little babies,” she says, waving a hand around. That’s ambitious of her to think.

“I’m fine with Ciri, thanks.” Yen just rolls eyes and walks away.

“At the very least you could sleep with Geralt, he’s quite good,” Yennefer tells him and Jaskier wrinkles his nose.

“No! And where am I even supposed to do this in a public place?” he asks. They’re in the middle of a renaissance fair and even if they weren’t he has a horse.

“Like you normally care,” Yennefer mumbles and yes he does! Occasionally, anyway. He remains silent and she lets out a long sigh, “I am not dealing with the two of you dancing around each other so get your slutty ass up and lets go find Geralt so you two can properly decide if you hate each other,” she tells him, grabbing a stick and poking him with it. He’d slap it out of her hand but he’s a little afraid of her so he doesn’t.

That said he’s not happy that he’s being dragged out by his collar to go deal with his supposed soul mate who is probably the worst.

Jaskier wrinkles his nose as he shifts so that pice of straw isn’t jabbing his back anymore. “Well, at least Yennefer was right about the yelp reviews,” Geralt mumbles and Jaskier squints.

“What? Oh whatever, doesn’t matter. Yennefer wasn’t wrong about you either but I still don’t like you,” he says.

“Hmm,” is all he gets back because apparently he slept with a fucking cave man.

Jaskier goes to pull himself out of the straw and he frowns, “Did you notice that this barn has open doors?” he asks. He can see people out of it and oh boy, this is a lot even for him. He has not made good life choices today. First he agrees to stick a horse in a barn and now its led to the rest of whatever the hell this is. This is why he doesn’t like horses, they’re bad omens.

“You didn’t notice?” Geralt asks, raising an eyebrow.

“And you did?”

“Thought you had a thing for exhibitionism,” Geralt says nonchalantly and Jaskier shakes his head.

“We are so not meant for each other.”

“Hmm. Meet me back here at five?” Geralt asks.

“Fine, but only because Yennefer will probably make me go,” Jaskier tells him before he walks off, attempting to rearrange his hair into something less heinous as he goes.

#modern au #geralt x jaskier #gaskier #fanfiction

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frejahertziswritingthistime · 6 years

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The neighbor, chapter 6

A/N: God, I’m literally over the moon with the reception of this story! It’s going to be somewhat of a slow burn, full of sexual tension and I’m so excited to show you all how this is going to advance!

Hope you’ll like it – remember, feedback feeds the writer. A reblog goes such a long way, replies, likes, and asks about my story really makes my heart soar. I hope you’ll like it!

MASTERLIST

The neighbor masterlist

Buy me a coffee!

Pairings: Mechanic/AU-ish!Dean x reader

Warnings: SEXUAL TENSION (I was sweating writing this), language

Who, me?

After the almost-incident on the stairs, it was like a dam had broken. Dean was constantly around, more than before, and every single word he said, was dripping with implications and every undertone was screaming sex. He wasn’t alone. I decided that two could play his stupid game, and even if I did get flustered and stuttered through half of my words, I was not backing down.

Which led me here. Standing, staring at my door, in a pair of short cut-off jean-shorts, a flannel tied up, a little gaping at the cleavage – just enough to show my black, lacy bra off – and a pair of leather boots, with my hair in a braid down my back. I was just about to reach out for the handle, when I remembered something, and smirked, turning towards the bedroom instead of going outside.

I pulled the box full of weapons out from under my bed and scanned it. Guns, guns, more guns. I grinned, as I spotted the one thing, I had been looking for – my silver knife, with the leather hilt and the holster for it. I wasn’t above playing dirty, and this was dirty – Dean had told me once, that he found it way too sexy, when girls walked around with their knife like Tomb raider – in a holster around their thigh. I was happy I didn’t forget, but at the same time, I was worried; I might make a completely fool out of myself. I sighed and quickly strapped the knife down, tightening the holster and flicking my braid, before walking confidently out of the front door, before I could regret my decision.

It was hot as Satan’s asshole outside; the Kansas heat was sweltering, and I could feel sweat collecting already. I had my entire rouse set up; a bag of potatoes in hand, the bowl of water and a pot in the other, along with a bottle of water in my back pocket. I walked quickly and confidently towards the small bench situated right next to the house, and next to Dean, who was currently working over the hood of my car. He was shirtless, and it made a familiar tingling and heat swell in me, but I ignored it, bending over the bench with a low moan, setting my stuff down.

Dean looked up quickly, looked back at the car and then shook his head, looking back at me with wide eyes. I definitely had his attention now. I smirked and him and stretched, arms above my head, and turned just a teeny bit so the silver knife glinted a little in the strong sun. I could almost hear him gulp. I had to focus on keeping the laughter at bay, when he – in his haste to take everything in – tried to rest his arm on the car but slipped and dunked his forehead against the popped hood with a groan.

I quickly pulled my water bottle out and drank a little, letting a little water spill over and slide down my neck, on to my boobs, before it disappeared under my shirt. I cocked an eyebrow at him in a silent what? And turned back to the bench, sitting down with my legs spread a little wider than necessary. Dean heaved a deep breath and adjusted himself, before clearing his throat.

“Uhm… That’s an outfit, Y/N.” I smiled at him, as I pulled my knife out of it’s holster and tore through the bag, that held the potatoes. I shrugged. “Yeah, I mean… It’s hot, so…” I bit my lip, trying to seem so damn cavalier about it all, but my heart was hammering and all I could think was please, just fuck me, please, please… Dean cleared his throat as I started peeling the potatoes with my knife, letting them plop into the bowl of water, when I had them peeled. “What exactly are you doing…?” He asked in a husky tone. I looked at him and smiled innocently.

“Oh, just peeling potatoes, D. You don’t have a problem with that, do you?” He gulped, his Adam’s apple bobbing a little. He shook his head and smiled. “What’s with the nickname, sweetheart?” I smiled and plopped another potato in the water, before I whipped my knife on my shorts, letting it linger around my inner-thigh for a fraction of a second – just enough for him to see. “Since your fake name is so close to your real name, I’d hate for me to mess it up. D is just way better, don’t you think?” My voice was sultry and had an undertone, I’d never thought I’d hear from myself. I was full on flirting, and judging by Dean’s reaction, it worked. He chuckled under his breath and smirked at me. “Alright, sweetheart.” He turned back to the car, focusing on the engine again. Time to up the ante.

I peeled a few more potatoes before groaning loudly and wiping my forehead for sweat, that wasn’t there, before standing up and unbuttoning my flannel. Dean looked at me, eyes comically wide, and followed my hands unbuttoning my shirt. “Wh-what are you doing, Y/N?” He asked in a husky whisper, his eyes flittering over my exposed bra. I smiled and him and cocked my head to the side, biting my lip. “It’s so damn hot out here, I can’t stand wearing long-sleeved right now. Hope you don’t mind, D.” I said, winking at him as I slipped the shirt from my shoulders. I was now standing in front of Dean, bra on display, short shorts and an empty holster on my thigh. I felt sexy. He shook his head and drew in a few ragged breaths. “N-no, it’s… Uhm… Your home too, so…” He sounded distracted. I smiled and turned around, heading back to my potatoes. It wasn’t the sexiest thing to do, peeling potatoes, but it was the best I could come up with – so far, so good. His eyes kept flicking back and forth between the engine of my car and my breasts. I smiled at him every single time, his eyes fell on me – he forced a few smiles back, but he was definitely getting distracted. Perfect.

When the last peeled potato landed in the water with a soft plop I stood up, grabbing my water bottle and sighing deeply. Last ditch effort to fuck Dean up completely. I squinted against the sun and took a sip, letting the bottle linger close to my lips for a few seconds – just long enough to grab his attention – and then, I winked at him and poured the content of the bottle over my face, letting it drench my bra and slide down my stomach. He sucked in a breath and I moaned at the cool water running down my body, before I caught his eyes. His green eyes were almost black with lust, and he followed a drop of water dripping down from my neck to my bra. I stepped closer to him, our chests almost touching and ran a hand through his beard, while maintaining eye contact.

“The beard really suits you, D.” I whispered in a sultry voice. He was leaning in, but before he got too close, I backed up, grabbed my knife from the bench and the full pot of water and potatoes, and set off to the staircase. When I reached it, I turned to look at Dean, who was staring after me with his jaw slack. I smiled. “You should close your mouth before you catch a fly, sweetheart.” I laughed out loud at his dumbfounded expression.

A few hours later, the sun was setting, and I had managed to actually eat something – the plan had worked perfectly so far, and I was on to step 2: take Dean Winchester down. I scrambled to get to my phone and quickly plunked in Charlies number, calling her.

“You, what’s up?” She answered after the second ring. I grinned. “Step one was perfect.” I said. She laughed and whooped. “Perfect, my little padawan, you’re doing amazing. God, I love this!” She squealed. I laughed. “Alright, so what now?” She asked. I put her on speaker, as I trotted around in my apartment, gathering the skimpiest pieces of clothing, I could find. “Well, step two is going to be a make it or break it, Charlie. I don’t know if it’s going to work, if I’m being honest.” “Ooooh-kay, what’s the plan?” I sighed and threw two bras down on my bed.

“Well, I may or may not have purposefully broken my shower.” Charlie laughed. “Man, this oughta be good.” I laughed and sat down next to the bras. “So, the plan is to call him up here, tell him what’s the problem and wear the damn sexiest slash sluttiest clothing, I can.” Charlie sighed dreamily. “Would it be too much to ask for a picture?” I laughed. “Charlie!” She giggled. “Alright, sorry, sorry.” “Anyway, when he comes up, I’ll be wearing that and I’ll tell him… Oh my god, it might not even work. What if he hates bad pickup lines, or shitty porn-dialogue?” Charlie sighed. “First off, you didn’t even tell me what you were going to say. Secondly, this is Dean we’re talking about. That dude would get his dick stuck in a drain pipe, if it told him a bad pick up line.” I grinned. “Maybe. Okay, I’ll tell him that I think my pipes may need cleaning… I think they might have to get stuffed.”

Silence rang through the phone, before a loud burst of laughter came through the speaker. Charlie was hiccupping at the end. “Dude, that is fucking amazing! I wish I could be there to see that shit, honestly.” I grinned. “So, it’s a good plan?” She giggled. “Perfect plan. After that, what are you going to do?” I sighed. “I don’t know, we’ll see what happens. I’m not going to bang him, I just want to… I don’t know, fuck him over.” Charlie laughed again. “Well, you’re going to fuck him sideways to Sunday, if this plan holds up. Good luck, girl!” I grinned. “Thanks, Charlie. I’ll see you Monday!” “May the force be with you, young one!” She hung up, leaving me to handle my outfit crisis on my own.

Before I could change my mind, I quickly slipped on a new black bra, lace covering the swell of my breasts perfectly, and a pair of black, lacy underwear. I was never one for thongs, so boy-shorts it was. I pulled my flannel on over it, and quickly dialed Dean, pressing the call-button before I could forget.

“David speaking.” I smiled and put on my most sultry voice. “D, I think my shower is broken. Will you come look at it?” I could almost hear him gulp. “Sure thing. Give me a minute.” He hung up. I drew a deep, calming breath. I wasn’t here to actually get it on with Dean, I just wanted to tease him. A lot. And yeah, maybe I did want his dick in the general vicinity of my pelvis, but that was a topic for another day.

A hard knock sounded from the front door, and I shouted, “Come on in, I’ll be right out!” and the door creaked open. “Y/N?” Dean’s voice rang through the apartment. I smiled and opened the door tot eh bedroom, stepping out. Dean’s eyes racked over my body. The flannel was open and hit the top of my thighs, showing off my legs and everything I had picked out – his eyes lingered on the black panties, and I cleared my throat, happy that I could elicit such a reaction from him. He coughed awkwardly, looking back at my face. I bit my lip.

“So… Uh… Shower?” He asked, pointing to the bathroom. I nodded and followed him in, walking close to him – I could feel his body radiating heat, and fuck me, I wanted him. He had changed into a more casual outfit, a pair of gray sweatpants and a loose t-shirt, and he was carrying a tool-box, which – for some reason – made me a little hot and bothered. I love men, who can use their hands.

I stepped in front of him, and led him inside the bathroom, bending over the tub, showing off my ass, as the flannel rode up. I could hear him spluttering, but I chose to pretend to not have heard it. “So, it won’t turn on for me, D…” I said in a loud whisper, looking back over my shoulder at him. He gulped. “Alright, let me have a look.” I smiled and stepped away, leaning against the sink. “I think the pipes might need cleaning, D.” I said. His hand slipped on the edge of the tub at my words. He turned around and cleared his throat.

“What did you just say?” I smiled sweetly. “Maybe… The pipes are a little stuffed?” I bit my lip. In a flash, he was on his feet, and against me; his chest was heaving, and his eyes were darkened as he scanned my face. He had effectively trapped me in between his body, the sink and his arms. I stared defiantly up at him. “You better watch your words, sweetheart. You’re in deep fucking water.” I grinned. “Who, me, D? What are you going to do?” I leaned forward, and my lips glided over his earlobe as I whispered: “You’ll spank me?” His breath hitched, and he pulled away sharply, catching my eye. “Oh, you have no idea, sweetheart.” We were so close, our noses were touching, but I refused to back down. I pressed my chest a little up, letting him feel the swell of my breasts. “Try me.”

In a blink of an eye, his lips were on mine. It was fierce, heated, a little angry and most of all, desperate. He grunted against me, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me completely flush against him, swallowing my moan and let his tongue dance against mine. His beard was both soft, but scratched me in such a tantalizing way, all I could think was I want you between my thighs, and I moaned again, letting my hands run through his hair. It was a harsh kiss, and his hand grabbed my ass tightly, making me yelp a little – it wasn’t in a bad way, and it merely made me even more horny. My legs had somehow wrapped around him, his hands supporting my weight, as we bit each other’s lips, kissed and moaned against each other.

He pulled away as quickly, as he had crashed his lips against mine, heaving and panting. He searched my face, before his eyes softened, and then widened. His voice was shaky, as he backed away.

“Fuck… I’m… I’m sorry, Y/N.” he ran out of the bathroom, leaving me a frustrated, panting and honry mess.

My plan had backfired.

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