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steamberrystudio · 5 months

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19/11/2023

Hey everyone! Time for the bi-weekly tumblr update for Steamberry stuffs!

Summary

Finished writing all routes up through the end of chapter 9

Started working on editing for now

Added in-game achievements

Received some new BG art

Ramble

Okay, so writing-wise, I wrote Yren's content up through the end of chapter 9. Also revamped my end-route summaries for Yren and Raif.

The current word count is 426,000 words.

But I decided to hold off on finishing the endings for the four remaining routes. The main reason for this is that I have planned a lot of early-story changes that are going to shift the trajectory of the route endings. And I was really struggling with how to construct the route endings with those planned changes in a more nebulous state.

I usually try to avoid working out of order because I find it is not conducive to forward progress. But there are some points when you have to break the rules and go back to make important edits because you need them there in order to be able to move forward.

I'm kind of at that point.

So I decided I would fully edit Asher's route, which will allow me to inject all those planned changes into the story which will make it much easier to construct endings that call back to that earlier foreshadowing.

So writing-wise, that's what I've been doing this week. I am currently up to Chapter 6 in the edit (which means I'm a little less than half through the route).

Other Stuff:

I have received new BGs of course. Those are coming in at a fairly steady rate of 1.5 - 2 weeks each.

I also have decided to add in-game achievements to WSC. I've been thinking about it for a while but putting it off since I know that one more screen (like an achievements gallery) means more tweaks to the UI. But I finally sucked it up and did it anyway.

I've also been playing with a colour slider for Wil's sprite. I'm not going to go into detail about it here because I've talked about it more in depth on Patreon and will continue to post most of the details there.

But the idea is that instead of choosing from 3 skin tones and 2 hair colours, there would be colour sliders allowing for a much greater range of selection. One of the big concerns with colour sliders is whether or not the recolours can be made to look as good as recolouring manually - which has always been why I've stayed away from them.

The more complex shading styles have always struggled with colour sliders. But a developer friend - Feniks - has made a really cool and dynamic shader that actually can recreate even painterly or non-outlined art styles with incredible accuracy.

Using a slider is really useful because it increases the variations the player gets while *reducing* my work load. Instead of having to recolour manually, I would actually only need to colour everything once in grey scale.

Of course, it's not as easy as just dumping in the code and art. It requires some experimentation and learning but right now it is looking like I will be able to make it work. So I may be able to show off some examples in the future.

Screenshots:

None this time...

Upcoming Weeks:

I am currently editing Chapter 6 of asher/common routes and there are some pretty substantial edits I have to make.

It's always tricky to estimate what I will get done editing wise because editing does not flow at a more or less even pace like writing. Chapter 5, 6, and 7 had (and will have) major updates and changes so it may take a while to get through them. Though I'm already through with Ch 5. So...that's one of three.

Anyway.

And I'm also working on the GS lore book, still (LoL. 🙃). Someone today reminded me that I still need to go through all the deleted content to see if anything is salvageable for the lore book too.

😭

Thank you so much to that person (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. And you need to answer for your crimes, my friend.) 👀

#gilded shadows #whenstarscollide #indie otome #amare game #devlog #updates

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bellaxgiornata · 10 months

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(IDK IF THE ASK WENT THROUGH)

HI BELLALALALA! Okay. SO HEAR ME OUT. I know I KNOW THE READER IS JUST ABOUT TO MOVE IN bUt it just hit me cause I have nothing else to do on the flight home and idk I like sharing ideas with you heheh. Also cause you’re my comfort person heheh

What would happen if the reader was like listening to “hot girl music” like really feelin’ herself and gettin’ into it… and she’s like listening through her noise canceling headphones or earbuds, and she’s dancing around as she’s cooking dinner…

then Matt yk alr hears it through the elevator and stuff and then he can like “feel” the way she sways and stuff, her pheromones and serotonin through the roof bcs yk movement. (How 2 make this sexy idk)

Anyways, Matt walks in, reader is unaware, and he jUst goes FERAL, like suddenly he just traps u and then hot make out session turns into smut on the kitchen floor… OK BYE. HELP.

Ohhhh!! This was a fun surprise to "wake up" to! I say that in quotes because I'd have had to have gotten sleep to actually wake up, but that's besides the point. I always love seeing these notifications and hearing you share your ideas/thoughts!

But I'm your comfort person?

[Internally happy squealing ❤️]

Okay, back to your message! So I don't know if you read FFTD on AO3 or just tumblr (I'm going to guess tumblr), but I keep meaning to share my lengthy end notes and I never do because I'm always in a rush to get both sites updated simultaneously that I literally never think about it in the moment. But unfortunately that means y'all miss some info here.

So yes, Reader and Matt are moving in together very soon!! The next installment is "The Romantic Voicemails" which was one of the many wonderful suggested titles from awhile back and it'll be Reader getting some sweet voicemails from Matty leading up to the day she moves in, and the following installment will be "The Moving Day" or something along those lines. Which means one more installment before they live together!! And I've actually told a couple of you that I've had this idea of something like a smut montage installment idea (that has no title yet) where Matt and Reader over the first few days/week of living together get distracted from domestic tasks and things by sex. Because we all know they can't keep their hands to themselves. So like one of them is trying to do dishes--but nope, sex. Laundry--interrupted by more sex. Cooking--SEX.

Which brings me to the end of my ramble to answer what you were saying with another ramble 😆 I could totally see Reader listening to music even just on a phone or something and cooking dinner because Matt said he'd be back from the office late that night and she wanted to surprise him with food. But Matt gets done early with work and decides to surprise her and not let her know, so as he's coming into his building and getting on the elevator he can hear the music and her elevated heart rate from her dancing. And at first he probably just thinks it's adorable and sweet that she's making dinner and dancing. He's just so glad to have her to come home to now--but then he starts focusing on her elevated heart and the slight change to her breathing. And when he reaches his floor, he's so in tune with her he can already pick up on the increase of her pheromones just because of the faint sweat from her cooking over a hot stove while dancing. When he opens the door to the apartment, he's not listening to the music. He hears the way the air is shifting around Reader's hips as they're moving back and forth and the way her lip is caught in her teeth. Suddenly Matt just needs her. Comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her. Reader startles for a moment because she wasn't expecting him, but then he's whispering things in her ear and rubbing up on her, one hand reaching out to turn the stove off as he tells her not to stop. Maybe slams her into a counter or picks her up and drops her onto it as he's kissing her erratically everywhere...

Boom--cooking interrupted by sex. Again. 🤣

That's a really great idea and you will find it in the upcoming nameless smut montage that's coming because now I want to write this with more detail (with what happens next) AND this smut scene would be in his POV! But it won't be super detailed smut like usual because it'd probably be a 20k word installment if we had like 4 or 5 smut scenes and I don't think I'd survive that 🤣 I'd need like a month to recover afterwards.

But thank you for this thought/idea!!! ❤️ I'm already itching to write that scene, I won't lie 🤣 I'm sorry my answer got WILDLY out of hand and became the length of an installment itself, I just got so excited 😆😅

#fftd update info #smutty matty thots #upcoming FFTD installment teasers #smut montage?#Bella answers

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awetos · 1 year

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Blog 1.22.23

Game's Devlog update here: https://imgur.com/a/sOHCI3c

I was going to type out my usual thoughts and stuff on the thread, but decided not to, because that's literally what this blog is for. I have no idea why people followed me but hallo. *waves* welcome to my brain dump.

I decided to take meditation much more seriously. I worried about school, work, my game, my habits, etc. and then I thought, I'm ALWAYS going to be worrying about something. If I got into university, I'd worry about my classes and later, getting a job. If I got a job, I'd later worry about keeping it, the responsibilities and deadlines. I'm always going to worry. So I shouldn't place that much importance anymore on those things. I get to decide what I place importance on. I decided it would be meditation. Every day, I will treat meditation religiously. Literally, you must treat it like a religious duty. We can't prove the benefits right away, but meditation helps your life tremendously. It builds up over time - and only if you keep at it. You must have faith in it to keep doing it every day and consistently. I believe it will help me have more focus and optimism. I use mindfulness to combat negative thoughts of giving up or overwhelm for my gamedev.

I've just come to blog that I bumped up the usual 20 minutes 2x a day to trying out for 30 minutes and later, 40 minutes. It made all the difference. I was able to detach from my emotions long enough to do an errand I'd been putting off, and in the evening - wow, that's the one I came to blog about. I truly, truly, began to feel the effects of transcendence when I increased how long I meditated. That's the feeling I was seeking. It's almost like a benign disassociation, or a deliberate one. Anyway, wow. My mind was so quiet, so clear, after that. I had ran, I had taken a cold shower, I had sat still in the dark and on the floor, upright, eyes closed, in the quietness. What an amazing time. I've decided to worship boredom and silence in my household. If you don't have control over your focus and your mind, you don't even have ownership to your life. And in this life, that's all we can really have.

I feel like my brain truly enters another wavelength when I do it, and I remembered I have a Muse headband I can wear next time and see if my brainwaves really change!

I feel so blessed. I have so much of my life I find interesting but I don't think other people are interested in it, so I will just blog about it. Like for example, I think the me of 10 years ago would be in a coma if she found out how decked out my running is now! I decided to try wearing my noise canceling headphones while running and I was in another dimension! So much bliss and joy. I didn't hear my loud treadmill nor did I fear annoying my neighbors with my music! Then I could focus on just running. And 10 years ago, I didn't have a treadmill, I didn't have my own place, I didn't even have the correct athletic attire. I was wearing ill-fitting and shabby clothes. I didn't even have a smartphone to play music on, let alone noise canceling headphones! I didn't the internet speed necessary to stream music! I had the same 7 or 10 songs downloaded on a knock off mp3 player with shitty headphones. I didn't even have an armband to hold it while running outside.

The past me would be deceased knowing how cushy I had it now! Why romanticize the past, when we can see how much has changed for the better? While I feel like when I think so much of this stuff is interesting, it would be narcissistic to bring it up in a conversation, so I can at least talk about it here in a blog for anyone interested - cause, I think it is a great idea to compare how much we've improved compared to the past!

While I have your attention rambling here, you MUST ! you MUSSTTTT try meditation. I can't believe before I knew other people are proud to do it just 1 minute, just 10 minutes a day and consider it a push, I actively enjoy it and used to think 1hr to 3hr+ was normal. I wish I wasn't tainted by people complaining that it's a hassle to fit it into their schedule. If anything, today I had the thought that life should be wrapped around meditation. The purpose of life is to live, and to thoroughly live and be present, you must be aware. I suppose that's why people really do become monks, because they want to dedicate their lives to it. Thinking about focusing on meditation every day of my life is so peaceful. It is not as scary anymore worrying "will I be homeless if I can't find a job or go to university?" Now I take it one day at a time, meditating. I had another thought today I'd like to share with the world too. I thought, "The one rule of life is this: 'Don't worry about it.' " That's the answer to life. For anything we worry about, we literally just don't have to worry about it. We were not here to worry. And for anyone who doesn't know me, I used to spend years of my life in a benzo-dependence haze, and it was through the salvation of vigorous mental training that I could become drug free.

Because, when we worry, look, either the thing we worry about doesn't happen, or it gets solved. Or it happens anyway, but you ruin the present moment by worrying about it. So in all three outcomes, worrying doesn't do anything but make you feel bad. You don't need to worry to make efforts to change things. That's the lie worrying tells us. Our thoughts are built to help us survive, not to feel good. If anything, being in a blissful and happy state encourages you to expend more effort to make the necessary steps. I must fight this entropy every day by mental training. I wouldn't even call it discipline. It's so harsh to call it that. I'd say it's self love to be disciplined. I value my life too much to let my mind wander.

So that's that. Idk if anyone will read this, probably future me! I have been thinking about the passage of time a lot lately, how mortal we are, how quickly days change. As old as I am, as much as I'm nostalgic, at the same time, I'll never be this young again, so I shouldn't take any day for granted :)

I just really want to reiterate again how enjoyable meditation is, and how after I did the 40 minutes one, it was like putting on noise canceling headphones for my thoughts! It was insane. I was able to swat away any thoughts not related to what I needed to do so easily. But after not even 40 minutes it wore off already. I want to dive again tomorrow, and maybe this supremely quietening effect will last longer and longer until my life is saturated in the consciousness! And yes, I'm aware, I probably sound pretentious or egotistical, I try not to be, but if that's how I come off, I can't help it. I just really want to share my thoughts.

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marimelwrites · 1 year

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The following post under the cut is triggering. Trigger warnings in the tags. You've been warned.

I don't generally talk about this with almost anyone, other than my therapist. Maybe one other person who has a general idea on here.

The point is that my life has been extremely difficult since I had my son, and not because of him. He's the best part of it. After I gave birth I ended up battling severe postpartum depression, no need to go into details, but needless to say it was bad enough I was pulled out of work for 8-10 weeks. Eventually, that got better, and I was slowly weaned off medication.

For a time things were fine, and I felt normal. It wasn't until I decided to make a choice to essentially turn my life upside down (despite it potentially being the best choice for me) that depression hit me stronger than ever.

I ended up in a hospital for a week, it didn't help (there really was no individual therapy, and I do NOT thrive in group settings), but the medication did. They also set me up with follow-up care. Great.

The thing is, sometimes my medication helps, and other times it doesn't. Most times this is a sign that medication needs to be increased, but then I wonder what happens when I've reached the limit?

So, anyway, all that long rambling is basically to say that this week, or rather, the last two weeks, have been increasingly bad for me. There really was no particular trigger for it this time, no specific event that caused my depression to worsen, but it has. I've been feeling more alone (I mean, that's pretty true as I don't really have any friends down here, and all I have is my son... whom I don't have all the time). I've been feeling as though the people who know me, or are around me, never choose me or even think of me as their first option for... really anything. This is, sadly, no exaggeration.

Every single day I end up feeling less and less seen, less and less heard. Constantly forgotten by the people around me, especially at work. (No really, they forget I even exist... all the time. I've lost count of the amount of times they don't even realize I'm not there, or don't notice me standing there, etc) It's not really anyone's fault, but... none of this has been helping me do anything productive.

I don't know when I'll feel normal enough to be able to create replies worth writing. As of right now I keep opening things and staring because nothing is coming out, which doesn't help me feel any better about myself.

Just know that I am around, and I am drafting replies. You may see them come out sporadically when I feel as though I can actually think.

I'm just currently not doing well, at all, and I'm really very sorry for those of you waiting on me... once again.

#ooc #tw: mental health #tw: depression #tw: mental breakdown #tw: long post

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indiiglow · 2 years

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Okay ramble time!

To preface this, unlike you gremlins I tried my best to be a good captain on my first time through, so here's how that went.

I fixed life support. This choice was honestly a guess knowing how things in Mark's universe go. I was kinda leaning more towards extinguishing the fire so damn I got lucky with that one lol

Woke up all the crew and we just. Made it to the planet. So you can imagine my surprise when Lady comes in in Go Towards the Light and yells at me about all the people I've killed. ???????

So at this point I start to realize what the fuck is going on. Obviously our chance at finding the warp core by continuously jumping in again is abysmally small, so I call an emergency meeting.

Aand here's where things go wrong (?). I Pop 'er in Reverse. But honestly just because this made more sense to me, like it feels like the kinda crazy solution that would work (which. I still don't see why we just randomly blew up like we hit a damn invisible wall in a videogame but go off I guess). But hey I do think this route is way better than distress signal so!

So we send a distress signal 🙄. Cue utter confusion. N. noir universe? Lady dimitrescu? Wha t??? But throwing down your weapons is obviously more reasonable so I go with that.

HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO YELL AT MY SCREEN THAT IM NOT TRYING TO DESTROY THE UNIVERSE, I'M TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO FIX IT!!!!

Then the door says dark and I open it knowing it's an obvious trap but the brainrot's too strong. (Things get fun and horror-y tho). And then it brings up Yancy so I open it again.

Don't care about the warp core so I don't open it a third time lol

Being honest, We've Never Been Here Before, but this is basically meaningless. We've apparently got some combat skills tho lmao

Part 2!

Kind of lost my mind at that beginning sequence. And then the choice reference didn't help.

So obviously horror. From there on I had a clear goal in mind, which was what Old Mark said, to tell him he can't go back.

We're apparently just guessing now, so I decided to always go right because I like the direction better.

So... still under the assumption that it's all very meta and it's Actor, I said he looks a lot like Markiplier... But like I wasn't wrong so?? The heist look punched me in the fuckin face tho

So right we go again! Seeing what was beyond the door this time, I foolishly chose to open it, thinking that time and space might still mean something skdjdkgjf

Of course, nostalgia got to me, I chose to comfort Mark 🙄

Years of training prepared me for this, so when I saw the third option pop up I scrambled to tell him he can't go back!

Intervene bc I dunno. Bandit cool. And I'm trying to save people here I guess

Right! Jim! We'll ignore me backtracking there for a minute it didn't matter anyway. These choices are starting to feel increasingly meaningless.

Next up is Left. Apparently we're in the DDLC universe now?? Left again. (Just bad choices all around, all the cool stuff was on the other side)

One last left. Here We Are- wait wrong universe. That slow, greyish travel through the wormhole even felt final. Istg that little piano tune in the background gave me a heart attack every time. I cannot explain to you the feelings when I stepped through that door to see the core room. That were promptly interrupted by a fire extinguisher to the face 😳

So after repeating 'you'll just continue the loop' at my screen ten times in increasing desperation, I was finally allowed to make a choice. And I wasn't exactly sure what would happen, but I knew Hold On had to be it.

I was completely unphased by Mark yelling at me because I knew I made the right choice the moment I made it (also, I'm impressed with y/n's quick thinking lol). And then THE ACTUAL WKM MUSIC KICKED IN FOR REAL AND IFHFKVVCJGK

But basically my thoughts during that scene went something like 'yeah I know you're tired you idiot but it's fine I fixed it, at least you finally realized your mistake', completely, and utterly exasperated. The relief was immesurable stepping out of that pod in the end though. Like I genuinely had a hard time believing that it was actually over, I kept expecting the reality to glitch but no, that was really it. Fuck. And then honestly my brain was just too mush to even process Dark

And that's it. I'd say I'm a pretty good captain all things considered 😌

If you've read this far what are you even doing with your life

#iswm #in space with markiplier #Markiplier #indi's night talk #hope the read more works fkshgkfkf #I liveblogged the second part so #but I was kinda vague abt which choices I made so here u go

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boop-le-snoot · 3 years

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PARTY FAVOURS | CHAPTER 19

First time reader click here

Summary+TWs: We're talking serious feelings here, okay? Reader, you're literally emotionally illiterate. You also have PTSD, which is finally addressed - kinda. Bruce does his best. And he also knows how to kiss... But y'all know that if you read my ramblings about lucid dreaming/shifting/whatever... Chile-, anyways...

My phone kept buzzing and I ignored it until Bruce declared it was time to take a break and review the results. Whilst the man was typing up the data on a nearby StarkPad, I fought the sudden influx of messages that I received from haters and supporters alike after Tony decided on tweeting a reply that could be interpreted in an alarming variety of ways. It was a smart move, I'll admit, but a fucking bother for me nonetheless.

Disabling my DMs and dealing with a follower increase in the thousands wasn't hard; I didn't consider myself a problematic asshole and didn't need to be afraid of "exposure". The parties I went to - I doubted there was any blackmail material in there and the few nudes I'd sent over the years were always face-less. As a gen Z, I knew my internet safety.

The trolls didn't bother me either. It was more sad than annoying, people shitting on others for clout. Iron Man stans were witty, at least, if jealous. I must admit I've never considered the influx of popularity I would experience should I publicly out myself as a friend of Tony's. Girlfriend? Intern? Science child? Whatever cover story he was going to feed the press worked for me, as long as I still got the hugs, the kisses, the dick and the attention.

"Tony..." Bruce groaned, evidently done with the data processing, had to have opened his social media to see his own skyrocketing popularity.

"Yeah, our Tony is being a Tony again," I chuckled, having reset my social media settings so my phone wouldn't constantly beep, vibrate and bother me. School was going to be fun.

Bruce shook his head, fond, coming over to my side of the lab after removing his own hazmat suit. His eyes shiny with newfound knowledge and hair turned adorably fluffy in the confines of the head covering. He was smiling softly. "Food?"

"Sure."

We chewed our sandwiches in silence for a moment, each of us lost in our thoughts.

"I still can't believe Tony told everyone on Twitter you're his girlfriend, usually he keeps this stuff private or schedules a fancy press conference," Bruce's tone was thoughtful.

I raised an eyebrow. "Is that what it was? Seemed ambiguous to me..." I trailed off, confused.

"He worded it like that on purpose, I mean, you're still in high school," The scientist was confident in his words. "But I know Tony. I'm a hundred percent sure that he meant exactly that. Aren't you?"

Shock flooded me. Suddenly, I understood I completely misread the situation. "Um, no? I thought we were, y'know, just fucking. We never defined our relationship and we're definitely not exclusive." I said, chewing on my lip. "You make a valid argument, I'm a high school student and he's a grown ass man that does grown man stuff. Putting aside the fact that he could have anybody in the world so why would he choose me?" I was rambling, thinking out loud. Discussing my feelings has never my strong forte. "It would be stupid to impose monogamy on such a complex man like Tony. Downright idiotic to expect a genius to confine to social norms just because it suits others." I finished with a wave of my hand. Another bubble of thought that had festered within me for the longest time. I felt relieved, finally voicing it out loud. A weight had been lifted off my shoulders, a weight I wasn't previously consciously aware of.

Bruce was watching me intently, with an unreadable expression that held the tiniest bit of awe, admiration perhaps. The silence that followed was unnerving. I fidgeted with my hands, not really knowing where to put them or where to look.

"You know," He took off his glasses, fiddling them in his hands. "I'm not going to sugar coat it. For the longest time, I thought you were going to inadvertently hurt him when you get bored with whatever you've got going on. I respect you, don't misunderstand me, but you are young. Now, I've changed my mind. You've changed my mind," He punctuated his statement with his hand on mine, grasping it. "I think you managed to understand him in a way most people can't. Or don't want to. Understand and accept him in a way that some of us can't even after years of working and living side by side with him." Bruce's gentle fingers skimmed along the top of my palm.

"I don't always understand Tony but I do accept him," I agreed. "Because Tony is a great man."

"I think you're in love with him," Bruce said, absolutely having ignored my previous statement. Just like that, point blank, he pushed to the surface the very feelings I got so good at ignoring. There was no rest for me in this place.

My heart fluttered, picking up the pace. I kept my mouth shut, not trusting it whatsoever. My thoughts became akin to panicked hares, jumping and zigzagging aimlessly in my skull. I didn't see the point in defending myself because the scientist had pointed out the obvious.

Bruce looked at me, softly, warmly. "And don't think we haven't noticed the rise in team morale. The improvement not only in communication, but on the battlefield, too. It's easier to entrust your back to someone with whom you've shared a laugh and a drink the previous night. You're the glue that keeps us together."

Something warm and wet was on my cheeks. I stared at our clasped hands, his words echoing in my head over and over and over. The moment I realized I was crying, I willed myself to stop and failed spectacularly - only more salty fluid streamed down, some of it getting in my nose, on my lips. The sleepless nights were making me unstable.

It took a single sniffle for Bruce to pick me up and wrap up in his kind embrace. I didn't resist, tucking my face into the crook of his neck, holding onto the back of his lab coat, inhaling the smell of his skin and chemicals. It was familiar, calming. Minutes ticked by with me slowly leaking the tension out of my body.

"He loves you, too, maybe he just doesn't realize it yet." Bruce whispered into my hair. "I've never seen Tony so happy, even with Pepper. You are special and you are loved."

There was something unsaid, I felt it. It hung in the ear, it burned the tips of my ears, stood sharp on the tip of my tongue. "I love you too, Bwucie-bear," I whispered into the space between his ear and his jaw. His arms tightened around me.

The man placed several chaste kisses in my hair, running a palm over my back. In moments like these, the crush for him, the very crush that got out of control, blossomed fully into a deep sense of respect and admiration. He made me feel safe. He said all the right words at the right time.

Drowsiness overtook me. As usual, any worries and anxieties I had evaporated, once Banner had his arms around me, shielding me from the world. I didn't forbid myself this time: delicately, my hand slipped through the man's soft messy curls, eliciting a contented sigh.

"You haven't been sleeping well," He more stated than asked.

I had no choice but to nod. "Clint keeps dying in my dreams. Or even worse, he doesn't, he just suffers, endlessly, painfully." I admitted.

Bruce flinched under me, tensing. My face was in between his hands in a second, the scientist sternly looking into my eyes. "Why didn't you say anything? All of us assumed you were okay after what happened." He looked - angry. Not Hulk-out pissed but Bruce-pissed, which equalled a kicked-puppy look seasoned with a great pinch of disappointment.

"I am okay." I lied, shamelessly. "It's getting better. That's why I want to have a party - relax a little, dance, socialize. I don't think Tony would let me go on my own so I figured I can convince him to throw one here." I looked away. It was better for everyone if I dealt with my own problems - they were superheroes, not babysitters.

Bruce frowned. "Why wouldn't Tony let you go?"

"Because of that one time I snorted coke," I rolled my eyes at Bruce's naiveté, leaving the less obvious parts unsaid. Tony knew exactly what I was going to do once I got free reign, he considered it destructive and told me so himself. Admittedly, he had a point but still... I wished I'd been given a choice.

"I'll talk to him," Bruce nodded firmly. "That's not acceptable. He can't forbid you from making mistakes and learning from them."

He was met with my shrug. No excitement came from me regarding this particular turn of conversation. I was drained, limbs like jello, thoughts sluggish. My face was drooping.

"Let's get you to bed," Banner stood up with me wrapped around him. "You need a nap."

"No," I protested. If I went to sleep now, only Satan knew at what ungodly hour I would wake up.

"Yes, Princess," Bruce smirked. I wiggled uncomfortably - when he went all caretaker like, my ovaries wreaked havoc on my body and brain. My thoughts weren't appropriate if Bruce wanted me to see him as a father figure. The signals he was sending were mixed. People around me did that a lot and I wasn't sure how to act so I usually just went with the flow. I decided to do the very same thing in that particular moment.

Curiosity sparked within me, tightly interwoven with the deep longing that settled below my collarbones whenever Tony or one of the others wasn't sitting next to me or talking my ear off. I've almost forgotten how it was to be alone with my thoughts. The maze of my very own self was becoming unfamiliar territory. Alarming.

I allowed Bruce to help me shed my shoes and outer layer of clothing, shivering in the coolness of my room. Despite being a frequent visitor, I still had a 'guest' room in the tower - I mostly stayed at Tony's or Wanda's anyways. During our sleepovers neither me nor the witch minded sharing her enormous bed, to be fair, we could have fit at least two more people in it besides us. Tony took care of his own - all the tower's residents had their apartments furnished with the best stuff.

"Sleep now, Princess," Bruce chastised, tucking a blanket around me, having noticed an earbud in my ear and my smartphone in my hand. I had hoped to kill some time online, damn well knowing sleep wouldn't come easy.

"I don't think I can fall asleep, Bruce," I admitted, looking away. There was just so much going on. My brain wouldn't shut up and if I couldn't drown out the cacophony by being productive, I'd troll the internet, as usual.

Banner sighed, coming to sit next to me, leaning against the headboard. Gently running his fingers through my hair, brushing the outside of his palm against my cheek. "How do you usually deal with this?"

Involuntarily, my eyelashes fluttered. "Tony does most of the work," I admitted coyly. The engineer had a whole arsenal of tricks up his sleeve - sexy and exhausting tricks.

"I see," Bruce muttered, thoughtfully.

I opened my eyes to see him looking down at me with a look I haven't seen before. The usual mildly absent, slightly anxious face he wore was replaced by something I could only describe as hurt envy, like a kid looking at their schoolmate who had all the newest, coolest toys. I used to be on the receiving end of that look far too often and I hated it.

I hid my face against his leg, rubbing my cheek on the raspy corduroy fabric of his pants. "Got any good ideas of your own?" I wondered lowly, thinking about what in the world possessed Bruce to wear corduroy trousers on a semi-casual day, in the twenty-first century.

"Only bad ideas," He replied in a matching low tone. His soft fingertips relocated to my nape, goosebumps rising down my back.

"Humour me," I grinned against his leg.

Bruce was quiet for a moment, the sound of his thinking screaming louder than any words could have done. Knowing the scientist so closely, I found out he was full of surprises - bolder than he appeared outwardly and competitive to a boot. He thought he had a lot to prove to himself and by extension, to others. The unknown, the mystery dangling in front of my nose was exhilarating, trepidation addictive. It took me away from the chaos in my mind.

A gentle grasp on my chin had me turning to look upwards, Bruce's face flushed and focused on my own, open and trusting. He needed to see the obvious, that I trusted him to take care of me. He pulled and I followed, sitting up on my elbows, coming up to his shoulder level, our faces inches apart, enveloped in the unique, intense scent of his herbal tea. It was a tart, strong smell and it suited his quiet but passionate character.

Once, twice, I caught my eyes sliding to his plump lips. They looked far too appealing in this position. I usually strategically stayed away from positions so compromising, fearing the very thing that I'd already let happen, however this time the atmosphere was different. We stood on ambiguous grounds, waiting for Bruce to make a decision.

The man wasn't stupid, he saw the way I looked at him. The nightmares and inability to take a break from life put a significant dent in my resolve to keep a distance between us, romantically - I could have settled even for a pity kiss, a pity fuck. Anything to put my brain on pause.

His lips were softer than I had imagined. Skilled, too, he easily steered the kiss into the shallow waters of our combined longing.

With Tony, it was like an avalanche. Tony ran hot like Peterbilt engines, hard and fast, almost angry in his race for satisfaction. Tony was a man that was used to getting whatever he wanted and it became plainly obvious when we fucked.

Bruce was the opposite. He savoured the kiss, losing himself in a way that could almost be described as delicate. Bruce was humming, softly, as we tasted each other, holding the left side of my face with careful fingertips. Almost as if he was afraid to break me. The feel of his skin on mine was soothing in a way that made me sigh and relax even further.

"Wanna make you feel good." His voice had dropped, gone husky, but his breathing held even. He must know all about self-control.

"Yeah," I was ready to agree with whatever the fuck he was offering. My eyelids remained shut.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub @mostly-marvel-musings @vozit @littlegasps @pilloclock @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads @hermione-grangers-wife @individualistfem @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @cutenessloading @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie

PS. Letsby, please don't combust. The underwear is coming off in the next chapter. 😶

#bruce banner x you #bruce banner x reader #bruce banner fluff #bruce banner x y/n #tony stark x y/n #tony stark x you #tony stark x reader #stephen strange x y/n #stephen strange x you #stephen strange x reader #party favours #bun writes

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madeinxiu · 5 years

Text

i understand

hanbin imagine 'cause why not

title is lowercase intended

angst (i love writing and imagining angsts)

listen to 'back to december' by taylor swift to get the desired feels

word count: 2075

It has been a long day for you and all you crave for at the moment is just hours of relaxation on your favorite night spot, the riverside. Every night you would always visit the river, just feeling the night's cold breeze as you listen to the passing vehicles on the road.

Unfortunately for the past weeks, you haven't been visiting the riverside as often because of the increasing pressure at work. But finally here you are, after a long day of exhaustion.

You glance around the place as you always do. Fate must've been playing with you when your sight landed on the back of a man's green hoodie, his posture slightly crouched, and you know that figure really well.

Thoughts ran through your head. You hesitated whether you should call his name and offer to talk. How stupid, you thought. How can you just casually call the name of that man and offer a small talk? That man who once gave you everything including his love. His love that you chose to throw aside.

Memories of that night quickly spread to your mind like wildfire. The way his eyes filled with sadness and tears, him saying nothing at all as you stared at him after you said the words "Hanbin, set me free."

The guy in green hoodie turned around, as if expecting someone to be there, and locked eyes with you. You searched for something, just anything, in his eyes but it showed nothing. Not love, not hate, just nothing.

He made his way towards you with his lazy walk. As soon as he reached your way, no one dared to speak up first. You just looked at each other. But then he decided to break the silence.

"Hey," he greeted with a smile. You couldn't be any more happier because of that smile. It's beautiful.

"Hanbin," you breathed out. It was silently spoken but it carried the weight of just saying his name.

"You know, I was actually here yesterday as well since someone told me you often hang around this place. It's nice," he stated softly like the way he always talks, eyes wandering around the place.

Silence overtook the place once again as your mind was filled with questions. You're confused why he'd visit the place just because someone told him that you often visit it. You're confused as to why you felt this way in front of him when you're the one who pushed him away. You're confused as to why he doesn't seem like he hates you just like you thought he would.

He landed his eyes on you and you can't help but catch the familiar look in his eyes that you so strongly miss. He's still the same Hanbin you hurt a year ago.

"Why- why are you here?" you finally managed to ask.

"Let's get some coffee first. It's getting chilly out here anyway so let's go in a cafe," he said and turned around to go to the direction of a nearby cafe.

"Wait," you called to him but he didn't hear you. You just decided to follow him and go along with everything that's happening.

After ordering and finding a good seat spot, you decided to clear out the confusion and asked him directly.

"Hanbin, what's going on?" He answered right away,

"I wanted to talk to you. Just about anything."

You have convinced yourself that Hanbin hated you since he's the type of person who holds a grudge especially if it includes his feelings. But now here he is in front of you, claiming he wants to talk to you about anything.

Awkwardness surrounded the area. You just don't want to bring up anything from the past especially hurtful memories from your break up so you just sat and thought of things to say. Whereas Hanbin just silently observes your awkward self like he always did back then.

"I just, I'm- I am glad you came all the way to this city to see me," you silently say with your head partially bowed in embarrassment.

Hanbin just responds with a chuckle. Luckily, the orders came, saving you from the awkwardness.

"How's life, I guess?" If he wants to talk to you, you might as well start the conversation and pretend you don't feel uncomfortable.

"Life's good. Still the usual. Work is busier than ever, it's tiring so this atmosphere relaxes me. I kinda miss my family too," he rambles.

"Oh, Hanbyul. How is she?" you really just spout random things to say to not let the silence overtake your table.

"She just started primary school last month and I couldn't be any more prouder." You admired the love Hanbin has for his little sister. You adore Hanbyul so much so hearing this news is also satisfying for you.

With the short length of your talks, you realized one thing. He has his guards up. And you know why. It's because the last time Hanbin saw you is still fresh in his mind and the words you spoke are still loud. He's protecting himself.

FLASHBACK

Hanbin had been feeling uneasy with your relationship for the past weeks. He'd noticed you've been distancing yourself away from him and you never answered his calls and messages. According to your housemate, you've only been inside your room and never went out unless you needed to eat or take a shower.

He respected your decision of wanting space at first. But as time passes, he realizes it gets unhealthy in your relationship.

So there he was, three roses on one hand and a fastfood takeout on the other hand, in front of your room.

With gentle knocks and a soft call of your name, you immediately know it's Hanbin. Your heart ached once again when you heard his voice.

Nonetheless, you should make your decision.

And so you let him in. Hanbin couldn't be any more happier that you let him in.

The first thing that he wanted to do was embrace you tightly but he saw your expression and realized something bad is going to happen.

"Y/N, babe," said Hanbin quietly as he inches forward. The things on his hands were placed on the desk in your room.

"Hanbin, please," you replied, your voice sounding exhausted as if you're tired of everything.

"What do you mean, babe? What's wrong?"

"Let us not pretend like nothing's wrong, Hanbin. You know well what's happening," you answered soullessly. You can't ignore the fact that your heart is slowly breaking as your conversation goes.

"Y/N, just tell me, please," Hanbin pleads and you heard the desperation in his voice.

Silence surrounded the room.

"I barely saw you for the past weeks, please just tell me what's wrong-" you cut him off without even noticing you did.

"That's the point. The moment I needed you the most, you weren't there. The time where your fans called me a 'slut', a 'bitch', a 'stealer'. Hanbin, it hurts. Their words hurt," you said, though silently, the exasperation is still heard.

"We talked about this, Y/N. Please let's just ignore them. We can't let them ruin us," Hanbin pleads and you can see the need in his eyes as he reaches for your hand. You quickly directed your eyes away from his as you feel yours get filled with tears.

"They obviously hate me, Hanbin."

"But I love you."

"Your love will not stop the death threats I receive from some of your fans, okay?! I can stand it if it's just against me but my family is also getting threats!" By now, tears are falling from your eyes and you wiped it quickly away.

Hanbin took few steps backwards in shock.

"You didn't tell me you received death threats," he said silently as he stares at you with sad eyes.

"Hanbin, set me free."

You were being selfish, you're well aware. You're hurting him, you're aware. But you believe this is the only way for Hanbin to live without media and the fans bugging him about having you as his girlfriend.

You also wanted to save yourself from the harsh words the society shouts at you. Instead of talking it out with Hanbin, you decided to end everything and left him alone. It's selfish.

Hanbin's eyes slowly fills with tears and his lips form a thin line. He looked down for a moment and when he raised his head once again, your heart broke for the hundredth time that day.

He has a sad smile on his face, tears he so desperately prevents from falling, and eyes talking to you.

"I understand," said Hanbin and quickly pulled you in for a hug. "Please live the best life you deserve."

You loved him and you still do. The moment he wished you the best life that day is the time you hated yourself for not being strong enough. He didn't deserve a coward person like you.

"Why did you really came to see me, Hanbin?" you said after minutes of long silence. You figured he had something important to say. It has been a year since you broke up and him showing up like this is really suspicious.

"Honestly, I went here to give you something," he said with a soft voice and reached in the pocket of his hoodie.

"I had this when we were still together. I figured I'd give it to you for our second anniversary. But then, you know, it happened." He said while holding a beautiful necklace on his palm. Memories once again filled your mind.

"I've been holding on to this ever since we parted ways. This gave me hope everytime I'd thought about you. She has been a great companion," he said, referring to the necklace as a 'she'.

"But now, I'll give her to you. I realized I've been holding on to this for too long and now I'm ready to finally move on. I'm ready to finally let go of you," he said.

He has been staring down at the necklace while talking and as he lifted his eyes to look at you, you felt the longing between you two.

You said nothing but only looked at his eyes. You still love him.

"Here, please take it," he said, finally breaking the painful eye contact.

"No."

Hanbin looked at you, taken aback.

"Sorry, what?"

You stood up and dragged him out of the cafe. You just let your heart decide this time.

"I'm sorry for everything. I'm ready to lower my pride just to say this, Hanbin. I hate myself for leaving and I hate myself because I still love you," you said while swallowing your pride.

"You can't just say that, Y/N," Hanbin said, his voice sounding stronger.

"I'm sorry but this is how I feel. I'd go back to the night we broke up just to fix things. I regret not having to fight for us. I regret being too selfish at that time-" he cut you off.

"You're still being selfish now!" he said, almost raising his voice.

You felt small under his gaze and his voice.

He continued emotionally, "You told me to set you free and I painfully finally did. Set me free, Y/N."

"But freedom only did nothing but made me miss you more. I only ever realized how important you are when you're not mine anymore." You know you already sound desperate. You couldn't care less. Hanbin is finally in front of you and this is the only chance you have to fix the things you broke including each other's hearts.

"What do you want me to do? I am trying so hard to forget you, Y/N. I am fixing myself," he said, just as desperate as you. You saw how broken he'd become because of you.

You let his words sink in to you. You already broke him and you want to fix him by making him yours again? That's just selfish.

"If we loved again, I swear I would love you right," you sincerely says as you continue,

"But if the chain is on your door and your heart is already closed, I understand. I'll also let you go now," you said, the emotions in your wavering voice is eminent, as tears fill up your eyes.

"I'm sorry, Y/N, but I need to guard myself now. I don't want to get hurt again." And he grabs your hand as he places the necklace on your palm.

"Goodbye."

#ikon #ikon imagines #ikon angst #ikon imagine #ikon scenarios #yg ikon #ikon bi #ikon hanbin #kim hanbin #ikon kim hanbin #kim hanbin angst #ikon kim hanbin angst

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shall-we-imagine · 6 years

Text

Lovely. (Sigurd Curtis×Reader *AU*)

Requested: 15. "If my day gets any worse, I'm asking hell if they're having an exchange program." + 22. "Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops." From the prompt list.

Genre: Fluff.

(Second Person Point of View)

"I'm telling you, Amelia! This psycho lady kept insisting I give her a cheese burger with no cheese! And when I tried to explain to her that this is basically just a burger not a cheeseburger, she went nuts!" You complain into the phone, as you struggle to open the door to your apartment without dropping your grocery at the same time.

"Like what even is this?! And when I finally gave up and told her I'll get her that cheese burger with no cheese.." you recite the customer's words in a tone of mockery, "She just still wasn't having it! She asked to speak to the manager who wasn't even there at the time! All my coworkers and even some customers had to intervene before she tries to kill me or something.."

You hear loud laughter from the other side of the phone. "I'm sorry; it's just-" your friend pauses to laugh even harder, "it's actually hilarious; I'm sorry."

"Amelia!" You whine dramatically, "Stop laughing at my sorrows!" Even though you let out a little laugh yourself, you were still willing to demand she doesn't laugh...just because.

After locking the door, you slip off your shoes, placing it near the door frame, then walk into the kitchen to put the items you bought in their correct places.

"At least it's over, though, right?"

"Well, that's not all. After waiting at the bus stop for like 15 minutes, I realized I had forgotten my purse in the changing room, so I had to go back to get my purse then walk to the bus stop again, and by now, I'd already missed the bus, of course. Therefore, I had to wait for 30 minutes for the next bus." You sigh, "And don't even get me started on that weird guy from the supermarket!"

"What happened?" Amelia giggles, still amused by your irritation.

"So, you know how I prefer buying groceries alone because it makes everything quicker and helps me focus better and not forget anything?" You begin placing items on shelves and in the fridge, not planning to stop the phone call before you're done ranting.

"Yeah?"

"Well, this random dude that I never even met before decided that my angry aura wasn't enough to keep him away, no! He decided to just walk up to me, for no reason at all, and make conversation. Now, this wouldn't be too bad if he didn't follow me throughout the entire time I was shopping. Even after I expressed my discomfort and annoyance, he just couldn't take a hint! And I was in no mood for being flirted with or being talked to at all actually." You huff.

"Woah, it's like the universe is just purposely pissing you off."

"Tell me about it! If my day gets any worse, I'm asking hell if they're having an exchange program."

Amelia laughs. "Just get some sleep; you'll be fine." She assures.

"Yeah, I'm really exhausted; I just want to pass out for a week!" You become more and more eager to drown in your own bed the closer you get to your room.

"Well, I'll let you nap for now, but don't forget the essay; we have to hand it over on Tuesday!" Knowing your habit of procrastination, Amelia never fails to remind you of the stuff you need to do. Multiple times.

"I know I know; I'll get started right after I wake up..and eat..and maybe watch an episode of-" She cuts off your already clear intentions of procrastinating.

"(Y/N)! Right after you wake up and eat! Don't make me come over there and supervise as you write!" She threatens.

You groan, "Fine; I'll do it."

After Amelia declares her temporary victory, you end the phone call and get comfortable in bed, ready to get some rest before you have to do your assignments. You set your alarm for an hour after the current time then place your phone on the nightstand.

The mattress and pillow partly engulf your body in heavenly softness, and you happily let the irritation from earlier float away.

However, life seemed to have more troubles to throw at you today.

The sound of drilling coming from the other side of the wall behind your bed startles you into full consciousness. Frowning, you wait a few minutes in hopes the drilling would stop, but, sadly, life still hated you and had no plans of having mercy on you. Trying to ignore the drilling was a hopeless case, too.

"Honestly, what the fuck is wrong with my neighbour?! It's been 25 minutes! What's up with all the noise?!" You complain to yourself, pushing your face into the pillow out of frustration.

You let out a huff. "I'll go talk to them. I'm not sacrificing my sleep for them to put up some decorations or whatever the fuck they're really doing."

Smoothing down your hair to make it look presentable, you contemplate whether you really need to change your pyjamas to go knock on your next door neighbours and ask them to keep it down. Nah.

You rub your eyes, still feeling sleepy and exhausted, as you wait for your oh-so-lovely neighbour to answer the door.

"Hello?" Greets a male about your age. Well..let's just say he certainly is really really really lovely. And suddenly, you regret not changing into something nicer than your my little pony print pyjamas.

He gave you a sweet smile as if he wasn't just chasing the sleep away from you with his drilling.

"Uh, hi." You shuffle your weight from leg to the other awkwardly. "Would you mind..um..not drilling into the wall right now? I've had a long day, and I'm trying to sleep.." You waited for a rude reaction, but the expected response never came.

Instead, the purple-haired male pokes his head back inside the apartment. "Vincent! Hey, Vincent!" He yells.

You hear a faint yeah? come from inside before the neighbour you never knew was so handsome shouts again, "I told you you're gonna bother our neighbours, but did you listen?! Nooo, you decided to try it anyway! Just stop drilling!"

"What neighbours? There's only one other apartment on our floor; don't make it sound like I'm bothering the entire buildi-" the other voice kept getting louder, indicating the person was walking closer to the door. When he finally reached the door and pulled it open, Vincent that was yelling from inside paused mid-sentence.

"Ooh, I see why you're so concerned about the noise." The redhead shoots a wink towards what you assumed was his flatmate before walking back inside, leaving good-looking neighbour flustered.

"Uh-um, never mind him. He just likes joking around; it's nothing, re-" His embarrassed rambling was cut off by a yell from inside.

"Shut up; you know you were calling her cute earlier, Sigurd!" Sigurd's panicked eyes meet yours, and you could practically feel the temperature rising in the hallway, due to the heat emitting from both your faces.

Despite how embarrassed you are, you were still absolutely flattered, which caused you to let out a small giggle, further increasing Sigurd's blushing.

"He's only joking; don't take him seriously. He just likes to embarass me." Sigurd tries to indirectly deny his flatmate's comment. You would be disappointed if it weren't so amusing and adorable watching him sheepishly sputter out excuses and defences.

"Are you saying you don't think she's cute then?" A blond pokes his head outside. You could tell he wasn't wearing a shirt, but he didn't seem to mind being seen like that.

Sigurd falls into another spiral of panicked, embarrassed babbling. "No!" He quickly turns to look at you, "I don't mean you're not cute! You're certainly cute- I mean if I were asked, I'd say you're cute- Like I wasn't just thinking about you being cute; not that I wouldn't think you're cute- oh my god, I'm sorry; just forget about this! Klaus, just go put a shirt on and leave me alone!"

By now, you were full on laughing hysterically at the interaction between Sigurd and his other flatmate.

"It's only fair, compared to how much you tease me." The shirtless male shrugs, walking back inside.

Sigurd sighs. "I'm sorry about Klaus and Vincent; they're practically family, so we tease each other all the time." He scratches the back of his head.

"It's okay." You smile. It was as if you'd completely forgotten you came here, ready to fight whoever disturbed your sleep. "Must be really fun living together like that, though."

"Yeah, I suppose." He nods. "Things sometimes get insane, but we're used to it by now. Insanity runs in my family. it practically gallops." He chuckles.

You let out a laugh, "Yeah, I totally know what you mean."

Seeming to have forgotten about being sleepy just a while ago, you allow yourself to have a full conversation with Sigurd. It may have lasted for a full hour, and you wouldn't even know.

"My goodness, just ask her out already!" Vincent yells from inside.

"Shut up!" Sigurd yells back.

"You really have no idea how to get the ladies, huh?" Klaus joins the yelling fest.

"Says the guy that thinks insulting the girl is a good way to encourage and motivate her!" It seemed like Sigurd had gotten comfortable around you, so he was no longer affected by their teasing; he was ready to talk back now. It somehow made you feel warm inside.

"I'm just being honest!" Klaus defends.

"You're just being mean!" Vincent argues.

"I'm not mean!" Before long, Vincent and Klaus had gotten in an argument in the backgroud, allowing you and Sigurd to retrieve your one-on-one conversation.

"Well, um, do you wanna go grab some coffee later?" Sigurd smiles. "You know..to prove them wrong?" He fakes an innocent smile.

"Yeah, I'm sure that's why." You giggle. "But, sure, why not?"

After deciding the time and day, you said your goodbyes, and you went back to your apartment.

At least now when Amelia calls again you can distract her with news about your date, so she doesn't have to scold you for not working on the essay until now.

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