#as i dont want to spoil the stuff weve got up and coming

[bedrockbones]

Trucker au? 🚛

send me an au and i’ll give you 5+ headcanons about it ///not accepting  

for those that dont know this au is a collab with the amazing @technobladesbasement so if yall are not already following her/reading her works go check her out!!

1. technoblade gets tommy a phone about half a year into their travels. the first is a disposable flip phone techno grabs from a truck stop just so tommy can have something. he buys it for tommy because they had gotten seperate in some outlet mall and tommy had gone back to the truck to wait for techno and techno....to put it lightly, did not take tommys absence well

2. tommy doesnt like letting techno go into the gas stations alone. just because hes noticed the hybrid has a tendency to buy ridiculous amounts of bedding and blankets while driven by his instincts. techno doesnt like letting tommy go with him because his runt is exposed but tommy will usually soothe this by commenting about how safe he feels with techno. its a balance

3. another thing is the gas station food. techno absolutely refuses to let tommy eat anything there except snacks or candy. this is because of the one time tommy had been hungry and they decided a quick hot dog would be easier than finding a restaurant with a lot that could fit the truck. they both regretted that when tommy gets food sickness later that night and is stuck on the side of the freeway upchucking his guts. technoblade still hasnt fully forgiven himself for that despite tommy telling him over and over its fine and that hot dog tasted good so who cares? (techno. techno cares)

4. tommy has a thing. about being cared for. its easier now because techno doesnt really give him a choice about being taken care of but theres still days where dreams snarled insults ring heavy in tommys ears and the feel of the man’s fists are fresh in his mind. its those nights that tommy feels the strain of his situation. because he cant stand technos affection or doting and techno doesnt know how to help otherwise. it would be easier if techno just, ignored tommys boundaries and hugged him anyway or pretended he didnt know tommy is upset, but techno doesnt do that. he asks what tommy needs and respects his space. he’ll sleep on the driver’s chair if tommy wanted him to. but even that is a form of love tommy doesn’t know how to process. it leaves him floundering. it leaves him aching. 

but techno is there to comfort him. he always is. its a reassuring security just as much as its a heavy chain tying him down. techno will always be there for tommy. even if tommy doesnt want him to be

5. phil “babysits” for techno sometimes when theyre in town. phil has a love-hate relationship with the whole scenario because he wants tommy to like him. really he does! and he thinks its funny how jealous techno gets when phil provides for tommy and its even more funny when techno tries to hide that hes jealous. but the problem comes when techno goes out to run errands. he messages phil. every. damn. minute. asking about tommy. asking for pictures of tommy. sending pictures to phil to send to tommy about some random garbage trinket he thinks tommy would like. phil would try to be more understanding about it if tommy wasnt also fed up with the piglin hybrids antics. everytime phil tries to show tommy a photo, tommy asks with a resigned look in his eyes if its another blanket

thats not even taking into account how many times techno calls them. really, phil is getting this close to turning his phone off. he hasnt yet because he knows that will just make the hybrid panic but come on, he wants some time with tommy! technos ruining his chance!

#dark technoblade #dark sbi #ask game #yall like this au huh? #this is all set after tommy settles in technically #as i dont want to spoil the stuff weve got up and coming #bones rattles #ask

[midnigtartist]

6. The super long kiss that wasn’t intended

He knows he should be watching the treeline. Sat beside Nott at the front of the cart, Molly knows that he ought to be scanning the tree line for any potential threats to their merry band as they weave their way through the valley. But he just can’t seem to get himself to focus on the slow passing trees as Nein marches southward. His gaze keeps slipping from the road, as he glanced over his shoulder at the wizard curled up in the back of the cart.

As to be expected, he’s got a book propped up in his lap. One of the spellbook he keeps strapped to his side, Molly notes, as he carefully and meticulously sifts through their recent spoils. The faint hum of arcane energy hangs in the air around him. It pricks at the back of Molly’s neck, making the hair there stand on edge and that’s why he’s been so distracted, and certainly not because Caleb looks so darling and content with his task, a small smile curling at the corner of his lips.

No, Molly thinks wryly to himself, it’s certainly nothing to do with that. Not at all.

He swings his legs over the side of the cart bench, earning and disgruntled yelp from Nott as she’s jostled by the movement. Molly ignores this, instead watching Caleb’s, dare he says, giddy smile as the pearl clasped tight in his hand dulls, and he picks up the bracelet he’s been inspecting. Sliding off the bench, Mollymauk seats himself cross legged at the perimeter of Caleb’s pile of spoils, resting his cheek to his fist.

“Anything interesting?”

Caleb starters, but only a little, his head jolting up and eyes blinking as he takes in the new addition to his ring of shiny things. Molly offers him a curling, close mouth smile in lue of a proper greeting.

Caleb nods, pulling at his beard. “Ja, this-” he gestured vaguely over the lot of stuff, a crooked grin on his face. “This ist gut. There is a lot a usefully things here.”

“Almost finished then?” Molly asks.

“Oh yah, I just have to look over these rings for Jester, you know, and then that will be all of it but ahhhh- you have come over here? Is- is there something you need?” the thrill the magic gives him, seems to bear wearing off and Molly can see Caleb slowly receding back into his shell. And that simply won’t do.

He shrugs “Not particularly. This is fascinating, by the way.”

Caleb lowers his gaze to his spellbook. He twiddles and twists the pearl between his fingers and Molly tracks the movement because that’s fascinating too. Caleb’s long fingers rolling the small bead between them is truly something and he can feel the slight flush crawling up his neck.

“You have seen me identify objects before,,,” Caleb mutters.

“And I find it thrilling every time!” he says. He leans forward so his elbows are pressed into his knees. “I think it’s just wonderful, that. How you can learn all of that stuff just from looking at it for a few minutes. It’s very impressive!”

Caleb shrugs, but Molly spies a phantom of a smile touching the corner of his mouth and he finds himself beaming all the wider for it.

“Well you know, there is a bit more to it then that but it is ahhh,, nerd shit.”

“What I’ve learned from traveling with the lot of you terrible people is that nerd shit tends to be the shit that keeps us alive. It’s very useful shit. Don’t sell your shit short Caleb, it’s very good shit! Quality, even.” he says. Somewhere to the right of him, he can hear Jester cackling. He keeps his eyes and his smile trained on Caleb, who’s actually turned a bit to face him.

“Ha ha.” it’s not a laugh, not really. It more just the noise, but it’s so endearing that Molly’s insides squirm with delight at the sound. “I suppose you are right- about that at least.”

“You’d be surprised by how much I’m right about, actually.” Molly says.

This time Caleb does laugh, even if all it is a huff of air. “Mister Mollymauk.”

“Mister Caleb”

The pearl rolls between his thumb and forefinger. “Would you like learn a magic trick? I, you know, I have tried teaching Jester before, and umm, Beauregard but, they don’t, well, they really do not have the patience for this sort of thing.”

He cocks his head to the side. “And you think I do?”

“I have seen you mend your coat.” Caleb says, actually leveling his clear blue gaze on Molly, effectively pinning him in place. “That embroidery is your handy work, hmm? Something like that takes a lot of time.”

Molly draws back so that he’s sitting up straight. “Well as flattering as it is to know you keep eye on me.” Caleb flushes. “-I don’t think I’m quite clever enough to do what it is you do dear.”

Magic, at least, the magic Caleb does, seems to require a lot of reading, and reading has never really agreed with Mollymauk Tealeaf. It makes his eyes hurt and his whole brain revolt against him, can even give him a terrible headache if he forces himself to work at it for too long.

Caleb’s brows draw together, forming deep creases between his eyes. “It is not that hard.” he says.

Molly flashes him a tight smile. “Yes, but I’m not that smart.”

The wizard shuts his spellbook with a forceful snap that makes Molly’s tail jump and curl up behind him. “Come here, Mollymauk.” Caleb says, commands really, Molly thinks with a shiver. “I will not force you, if you do not wish, but do not withhold just because you think that you might not be clever enough. I will be the judge of that.”

“Well when you put it so nicely,,,” Molly says, praying to the Weaver that he sound relatively unaffected by whatever that was. He slides over so that he’s sitting next to Caleb, instead of across from him. “So, what will I be learning then?”

Caleb hesitates, but only for a moment before he opens his book back up, and shuffles over so that Molly can see the pages, balancing it on his knee.

“Something simple, I think.”

“Oh goody.”

Even the creak of the branches in the wind sounds ominous, which Molly thinks is rather ridiculous and painfully cliche. His blade, glowing with a warm, white light, is wrapped up in the tails of his coat to dull it’s radiance as Molly creeps along low in the brush. The Nein had decided, against Molly’s better judgement, decided to travel a few hours past sunset.

“The next town isn’t that far, guys.” Jester had told them, brandishing the map with the same ferocity with which she handles her sickle. “We’ve been on the road for daaaaaaaaaaays and my feet are getting all tired and gross from walking so much and I just want to sleep in a bed and not in the grass and wake up with like, bugs in my hair and stuff.”

So they’d marched on, and now they’re paying the price because not only is it a good couple of hour past sunset, but they’d been assaulted by some ruffians. Taking advantage of the exhausted state of the party, they’d managed to stop them, rob them, and make off with Jester’s haversack of holding. With so much of their valuable shit in that bag, they’d decided to give chase, and had gotten spread pretty thin in the processes. Which, isn’t such a bad thing, Molly’d been able to pick off a few of the bandits, spread thin themselves, quickly and quietly. But he’s worried about everyone else. If they were unlucky enough to run into more of the bastards then they could handle alone, with Jester possible very, very far away. That could make things a bit more sticky.

Of course, they’re all pretty capable, decently strong. And yet,,, Molly’s worried about some, specifically squishy members of their party.

He’ll- they’ll be fine.

He marches on deeper into the woods.

A bit of time later, the sound of muffled voices hit Molly’s ears. Not long after does he spy the flicker of firelight through the leaves, painting speckled shadows along forest floor.

Molly pauses a moment, tucking himself against a rotting old tree trunk. Peeking over the top of it he can just barely make out a group of darkened figured, hooting and hollering like idiots around a makeshift camp. Why do petty thieves always do that? Make a whole fucking ton of noise that gives away their position. Every single band of thieves he’s ever run into does it. It’s just not smart. Though, if they were smart enough to understand that they probably wouldn’t be out here robbing well seasoned mercenary groups, he thinks. He counts the shadows, or at least he tries to. The back lighting from the fire is fucking up his night vision but he thinks he sees four or five distinct individuals. Too many to take out alone.

Reaching into his pocket with his free hand, he pulls out a little piece of wire. Its difficult, harder with only one hand, but he manages to wrap the bit of copper around his finger and brings it up to his lips. He points out into the woods in the general direction he thinks he saw people running. “Found a group of them. Looks like five maybe? North. Just past that one rock that looks remarkably like a penis. Oh ! and you can reply to this message” he whispers into his fist.

Molly does this eight more time, hoping that if he casts a wide enough net he’ll be able to get in touch with at least some of the Nein. Between not knowing exactly where everyone is and the, frankly concerning, fizzle of the spell against his lips he not sure how many of them got the message. On the fourth time, he hears Jester’s cackling rattling around in his skull. It’s a horrible bizarre feeling that makes his skin tingle,and not even in the fun way.  On the sixth one he hears Beau’s exasperated “real fucking mature, man” and has to stifle a chuckle. On the last one, it’s Caleb’s voice ringing around in his skull.

“I see the rock you are talking about. oh- ja it does look like a dick.” He says. “I am making my way over to you now.”

Molly waits, one eye on the trees around him, one on the group of bandits, watching for any strange movement. Maybe one of them will come over here to take a piss. He could take them out nice and quite, and that would be one less shit head to deal with.

The bushes to his right rustle and Molly tightens his grip on his sword. Caleb comes sprinting out of the underbrush towards him, crouched low to the ground to avoid being spotted. Molly can’t even even get a word of greeting out before Caleb is suddenly upon him, hands reaching to curl around the lapel of his coat.

The wizard is positively beaming at him, his face cracked with a wide smile Molly has only ever seen him give Nott. His eyes are practically glowing, wide and excited and full of pride. He’s on Molly in an instant huddled against the rotten log alongside him and Molly is stunned.

“You cast message!” Caleb says, barely able to keep his voice to a stage whisper for the excitement. His hands come up, cupping Molly’s face between them and immediately the teifling feels himself start to color. Thumbs rub over his cheeks, Caleb squishing his face between his calloused palms “You cast the spell, you did the thing that I showed you! Oh! I am so proud! I am so proud of you! You are brilliant Mollymauk. I could kiss you!”

Well, that makes Molly’s heart do all sorts of ill advised and complicated gymnastics in his chest.

He puts a shaking hand on Caleb’s knee. “Don’t say thing you don’t intent to follow through on, Mister Caleb.”

Brain seeming to have caught up with his mouth, Caleb pales, then flushes a deep scarlet. His hand stay cupped around Molly’s cheeks, though they do lessen they’re squeezing a bit. His gaze falls past Molly’s right shoulder. “I ahh- right. I was- well I got a little excited I suppose,,,”

“Happens to the best of us.” he gives Caleb leg a friendly jiggle “Your secret’s safe with me”

Caleb chuckles.

They don’t move. They’re still dreadfully, painfully close. Annoyingly, not close enough. He watches as Caleb’s gaze flickers back over to his face. Watches the way his sharp, ever curious blue eyes trace the curve of his palm where it’s pressed into Molly cheek, all the way down to the corner of his mouth. He leans in.

The center of gravity suddenly shifts and Mollymauk Tealeaf finds himself crashing against Caleb’s warm mouth. Its quick, but it’s everything.

Caleb presses his lips firmly to Mollymauk’s for a brief moment, pulling him in with the fingers still curved around his jaw. Molly gasps, fingers tightening around the fabric of Caleb’s pant leg. He lets his eyes flutter shut. And then the warmth is gone and Molly opens his eyes to see the wizard staring at him, wide eyed and flushed. Still his hands don’t move from Molly’s face.

“I should not have done that. I-”

Molly brings his other hand up to the back of Caleb’s neck and pulls him forward. Their lips meet again and Molly can taste the crackle of arcane power that lingers on them. It shoots a thrill down his spine. The hand on Caleb’s knee tangles into the coarse fur lining of his coat and Molly sigh, deep and wanting against the other man’s mouth.

To his glorious surprise, Caleb responds in kind. His hands begin to move, one sliding down his face to rest at the juncture of his neck and shoulder, those long, scholarly fingers spanning across his throat, making Molly shiver. The other tangles into the short curls at the back of his neck, drawing Molly even closer.

Molly breaths through the kiss, eyes shut tight as he focuses on the feeling. Of dry and ragged ruined lips against his own. On the slight scratch of stubble against his chin and the rough pads of Caleb’s fingers on his skin. He feels exactly like he looks, coarse and rough around the edges. Nothing like the soft, sweet smelling hired company that Molly’s used to. He finds he likes this much better. The earthy smell that clings to weather battered skin, mixed in with faint hints of whatever spell components line Caleb’s pockets. Licorice and molasses.

Caleb sighs against him, tilting his head for a better angle.  Molly puts all other thoughts out of his head. Forgets about the bandits at his back, and his friends stomping through the underbrush. Even forgets about their stole bag of good. He put his facilities to better use, memorizing the shape and heat of Caleb’s lips against his own

Molly parts his lips and prods at Caleb’s lower lip with the twin prongs of his forked tongue, makes a soft sound of pleasure as Caleb’s fingers tighten in his hair. Caleb jumps under his hands, pulling away. He desperately wants to follow, but Molly let him go, keeping fingers folded against the lapels of his coat, half  to keep himself grounded, half to keep Caleb from bolting before he can find his voice again.

“Don’t you dare apologize for that.” He crooks out after a moment.

Caleb stares at him with blown out blue eyes. He swallows, runs a hand across his jaw. His fingers linger against his lips. “Ja- okay,,, That was ahhh-”

“That was good.” Molly assures him, stroking fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

Caleb nods, looking a little unsure. “Gut, ja. You know, uhh maybe we should- should, you know- maybe we could do that again, sometime. But I think we should probably take care of those bandits first.”

A smile splits Molly’s face. “Think we can take them, just the two of us?

“No.” Caleb hands come back around to cup his cheeks, then slip down, coming  to rest against the front of Molly’s coat “We are pretty tough, but you said that there were at least five of them. I do not want us taking any unnecessary risks.” he starts fidgeting with Molly’s coat, adjusting it on his shoulder and smoothing out the silk with his hands. “Clever boy.” Molly says, fondness laced into his words.

Caleb doesn’t meet his gaze, but he does smile.

The sound of twigs snapping catch their attention and moments later Beau comes slinking out of the bushes, a new bruise swelling up over her eye. Caleb hands fall away. Molly keeps fingers pressed lightly against the side of his knee.

“That’s a good look on you.” he says, once Beau is close enough.

“Thanks asshole.” Beau wedges her way between the two of them, elbowing Molly in the stomach as she does.  

He whizzes out a pained laugh.

#critical role #widomauk #caleb widogast #mollymauk tealeaf #request closed #midnigtwrites #this is soft yall

[motherofkittens94]

tagged by @greyjoysea and @staryjoy 

GOT PREFERENCES

Do you watch the episodes when they air? usually not being a brit who doesnt have hbo  i watch like a day or two later when it airs on sky Atlantic  or on now  tv the first three i watched on dvd from a friend who had the boxset it was when we were sharing a house walked in  the logue one  Morning and she watching it and its that bit where the mountain cuts off the horses head and im like what the hell are you watching ?? i just woke up i wasnt expecting violence this early in the morning ? and then sat down and watched it with her and im like and watched the whole rest of season   one and im like what the hell is this show  ??  ....is there more ?? btw my brother said he got half way through season one and said it  was boring im like season ones the best ?? and hes like oh i dont enjoy  historical drama im not interested in medieval history and im like face palm he thinks this is historical and he also doesnt like history wtf i mean  how am  i related to this fool but yeah thats tangent  and i told him get to ep nine so he could see ned stark beheading he said maybe but if i agreed to watch stranger things with him lol :/ 

How often do you rewatch it? Do you rewatch it from season one? ive re watched all the way  it through a few times but usually would only watch my fav episodes ive seen the red wedding so many times though because wed always watch it with some friend whos just getting into and hasnt seen that one yet so we can see their reaction 

Do you rewatch the previous episode before the next one airs? Not usually on each  occasion but my aunt and uncle always do so when i watch with them i do  

Do you eat anything while watching? if so, what do you eat? not usually a proper meal but  i might have snack like crisps or popcorn unless its a glory scene 

One character that everyone seems to like that you don’t care much for hmm cersei ?? and i didnt lime petyr baelish much but he seemed popular at least among my friends  but i do agree he shouldnt had a better death scene they took all the cleverness out of him and though i hadnt liked him it was a shame in a way like the couldnt find way him to go down in a clever interesyting way so they had to dumb him right down  book pb wouldnt get caught like that people like show euron apparently me  hmm not show much to put it nicely also ave mixed feelings about stannis book book and show wise and i like jon but hes not the ultimate  hyped favourite like he is with a lot of people and perfer theon to him tbh 

Your 3 favourite pairings Throbb theonsa jon ygritte jaime brienne thats four but theres two theons so 

Favourite scene: robb getting crowded any scene where theon smiles  theons monologue  theon and sansa hug jon and sansa arya sansa hug jon and ygritte kissing on the wall jaime jumping to save brienne theons speeches both tyrions speeches both but the one in season one was really funny tyrion dragging the chair across the room when everyone is is science idk that cracked  me up bronn duelling for tyrion the one where Catelyn announces to everyone that (she thinks)  tyrion tried to kill bran cause that was the first ep id seen thats the bit that got me hooked  theon getting back up and fighting that ironborn guy pdrick saving tyrion  and i still maintain that viserys had the best death also not to be a basic bitch but that first time dany does her fire thing in season one i was #stunned 

One character you wish got more appreciation: theon duh #nomoredickjokes2018 but also meera and jojen too i suppose  and shireen and sansa and they could've (shouldve) done more with myrcella and tommen   and brienne too was underused and gendry also idk if if i like the way the tried to iron the grey parts out of tyrion and jon  and bran i wish they done brans story better and wed have got that tree scene with theon also as a disabled gal  certain comments some people make about uselessness of bran sometimes make me uncomfy tbh 

Fanfic or nah? i usually only read theon based ones and thats usually just theon robb theon sansa or sometimes theon jeyne p cause i cant do bolton heavy stuff im a whimp  but i read the occasion jon / ygritte or jaime / brienne and once i tried theon jon  but i wasnt sold soz :/ i read theon ygritte once as well  that actualy worked surprising well and theon domeric .. aha  thats mine  and @blueagia s baby  

but i guess id be open to others maybe 

Favourite quote:  from just the show ?  meeras some people will always need help that doesnt mean theyre not worth helping  also tyrions death is so final but life is full of possibilities and   mind needs books as a sword needs a whetstone if it is to keep its edge. That's why I read so much Jon Snow also sansas not a killer .. not yet anyway sansa - or maybe hell give me yours theons sy he is is theon greyjoy again also i like that quote about theons smile but obvi thats not in the show bronns this is bronn son of .. you wouldnt know him  just because it was funny 

Do you avoid spoilers? :  i do because im a blabber if i know id tell everyone omg this happens and that - i dont do on purpose really not with the intention of spoiling it for people  i just blurt it out like  i ruined he Rains of Castamere for someone once by saying oh is this one where robb dies ? and i didnt realise she hadnt seen it  yet and shes like robb dies :( :( and im  like oh umm i meant ...  rob - ert baratheon obviously ! haha whoops and i told someone else about jofferys death because shed said she seen it all  but she said later  i wish joffrey would die and  i was lil tipsey then so im like  .. but he does die ? youve seen it right? in season 4 ? hes poisoned ?  at his wedding ? to Margaery?? and shes like ....thanks beth ..... turns outs shed only  seen season 1-3 whoops again but hey i was drunk  that time so i  now avoid spoilers to avoid spoiling people and when i read the books my then housemates told me not to tell them what was different in case they wanted to read the books later on and didnt want me to spill and i did try to keep to it but i blabbed a few things tbh 

Favourite house words: We do not sow greyjoys ftw 

One character you’d bring back from the dead: ygritte shireen  robb maybe catelyn  and hoder !!

One character you’d kill, or kill sooner than they were killed balon greyjoy also ramsay but i wouldve done  it differently and theon shouldve been there or at least known about it also randyll tarly like fuck that guy ive seen people defending him and im like no offense but you are serious me and a friend had a bet on the boltons i bet against roose dying and he bet against ramsay dying we both lost lmao 

Direwolves or dragons? Dragons 

Which was more satisfying: Ramsay dying or Joffrey dying? hmm i actually joffrey probably because it was more unexpected i didnt see it coming i didnt think hed die  -i wanted ramsay to die and i wanted to like ramsay dying  and wished i had liked it more but it wasnt  done  the way i wanted it and it seemed so obvious like it wasnt a shock like joffrey dying was  i think in a way they over did ramster and just ran out f things fro him to do that he hadnt already like i was like hmm sewating nevously what can we do now ...err  kill your dad! kill a baby! kill  a stark  kill .. jon snow ...??  aye fuck it get rid of guy ay 

 i liked season six   better than season 7 or 5 but it made me lol in a way cause it seemed like they went ok ok you didnt like it last time when we killed all the women we heard you! we did ! weve changed things yes  so how about this instead ...   the woman kill everyone ! yea ? you like that ? we good now ?  sweet as ! put more women killing eveyone into season 7 dave we on the money 

Wildlings or the dothraki? Wildlings

Favourite lannister?  Tyrion but jaimes growing on me 

Favourite stark? i think sansa tbh 

Would you rather be able to be resurrected anytime, but gain scars and all like Beric, or become a faceless man? Resurrect any time like Beric

Would you rather have the rebellion tv show or the conquest tv show?  id pefer Rebellion but id watch a conquest show i think 

tagging @saltwaterwoods @whiteladyofrohann  @unamatta  @wedonnotcare @faller1344 @starkrysis @iladylittlefinger if you want to :) 

#bethans pals #personal stuff #long post #sorry i rambled on #you dont have to if youve already done this one

[charlie-artlie]

hhhhhggrrrmmhhhgggggggg aaaaaaa ok i got on in this white hell box to start slamming rvb s15 but that ep10 was so good!!!!!!! click below to watch me go back and forth on this topic for like 5or10 paragraphs lmao!!!!!!!!!

ok so lemme start with things i like which 

1). UHG??? that beach scene!!!!!!! perfect amazing perfection everything ive ever wanted???!!!!????!!!! they held hands im literally crying my hands were over my face the whole time like!!!!!!! AAAAAA so that was great

2). i........ like temple. even tho i got spoiled about him being a villain  i still thought the reveal was good and i have such a soft spot for smarmy yandere style “im gonna emotionally torture u :)” villains. it also probably doesnt help that i love and miss church so hes a fun stand in on that front AS WELL AS a stand in as tuckers new evil boyfriend now that felix is a pancake

2.5). unrelated but did we get confirm on felix being dead??? he aint dead til i see a body jussaiyin...

3). i have mixed feelings on church coming back that ill get into but church is maybe my favorite character so ultimately i view that as a plus?

4). i really put this one off cuz i was still reeling over this newest episode but all the potential grif development (and by extension red team development as a whole) that looks like its gonna happen this season has got me bittin the pillow like i kid u not im on the edge of my seat fam

ok but like. now onto the real shit. (THIS GOT SO LONG SHIT)

the one thing that is really REALLY holding me back from fully enjoying this season is wanting to know what the crews fuckin intentions are with this show. like. im gonna go ahead and put my hat on the fuckin table or whatever but season 13 was an ending. it was  good fucking ending too (and i know someones gonna go back and pull up receipts of me a year or so ago begging for a continuation season after s13 ended but dont do that pls) and to continue after an ending like that with a time skip like that makes this whole season feel like an epilogue to me? like a clean up? like there were some loose ends were tying up.

like. if theyre serious about this season and about ALL these new characters theyre bringing up then were looking at an arc here. like its gonna have to be to bring this to a proper close after all this extra shit?? they cant comfortably bring this to a close in one season

like what are they planning????whats the point of all this????

i honestly wouldn’t even  be so bent out of shape about it all, like it wouldn’t seem like such a stretch but the fact that we’re introduced to this season with dylan, who is also, largely, framed as a main character this season. who is. a new character. :/

like i get the narrative tool of using a reporter to drag your characters out of retirement for “one last job” (again, kinda framing it to be one season which worries me!) but whyyyyyy do we have to go through all this stuff with dylan and jax??????? like W H Y do we have to go through the same relationship development we’ve seen like three times already?????? jax is characteristically indistinguishable from caboose, so like???? weve seen this before!! the cold cynical “i dont need friends im just doing my job” person getting frustrated by having to deal with the idiot heart-of-gold tagalong who refuses to hate them no matter how mean or terrible they are like?? we saw it with church and caboose. we saw it later with wash and caboose. we saw it with church and caboose againnnnnnnn. we even kinda saw it with tucker and palomo!!!!! like whats the point of repeating this scene again and again!!!! we get it cynical mean assholes deserve unconditional love too i guess!!!!

like i just cant really get into it. and i dont even really mind dylan like i like her a lot more than i initially thought i would but i already can pretty much see the direction her character arch is going so im just sorta like shrug. shes gonna push jax until he leaves and then...........only then..........will she learn how much she should have valued his unconditional love.................even if he annoyed her and they didnt get along objectively in any way shape or form. but since he likes her then its her job to reciprocate even if she doesnt get anything out of the relationship at all. also she shot him. but whatever their friendship is beautiful (didnt know i had this much salt over this particular subject lmao whoops)

ok so narratively i only see two reasons to do this and im not crazy about either

1). theyre building up to draw some parallels between dylan and like wash or church or s/t but again i dont see the reasoning like why is this season framed around teacher dylan an important lesson about friendship you brought the show back from the jaws or death to give my a character arc for a new character????

2). this its more significant than it seems (i.e. theyre not who we think they are, i mean, its pretty suspicious we only have jax’s stage name rn) like theyre more significant players than we’ve been led to believe

(((also also im with grif on the whole bringing church back thing lmao. like WE DID THIS ALREADY??? there were a lot of AI why dont we ever go on an epic quest to save any of my other favs like oh idk TEX?????????!!!!!!!!!???????)))

but really tho my real and true problem is that i cant tell why theyre still making episodes. is it because theres still a story here that needs to be told or just because they can. and i know my hangup with this mostly stems from one interview i saw after s13 ended with miles and burnie where burnie pretty much said “yea if i had it my way uh i would end it here but hey it is what it is :/” and that just sorta struck a cord with me. maybe because he was a writer and one of the original people who created it i was sorta uncomfortable with taking the show places he didnt want to take it (and i could be TOTALLY off base with this assessment!!!! like i dont know how burnie really feels about this show rn he could be totally digging the new stuff this is just a personal things thats a hangup in just my own head!!!!)

ok so i think i covered pretty much everything i needed to say about this season so far if you actually read this far thanks if u gave up and skipped to the end then i have one last food for thought:

im gonna be the huge stick in the mud who says it: people are putting way too much faith in a company that is still using donut to make cheap gay jokes by actually thinking grimmons is going to become canon and im sorry that youre going to be disappointed. what we are going to get is a unsatisfying reunion and subsequent make up a la church and tucker in s12 and thats it.

thats not what i want to happen thats what i believe will happen. i am FULLY prepared to eat my own hat if im wrong. you may consider this text post legally binding

#talks #rvb critical #rvb15 critical #rvb15 spoilers #but its not all critical #its like 65% critical #maybe 70% #i just had a lot of shit to get off my chest!! #ichi #tagging u cuz i still need to rant one on one with u about this #BUT IM GOING TO BED NOW CUZ IVE BEEN STARING AT A COMPUTER SCREEN FOR LIKE 12 HOURS AND MY BRAIN FEELS LIKE FIRE #so if any of this is incoherent thats why #night night

[prisonwife42-blog]

Miss you everyday xx

Well baby since we met you have been the only one who has kept to your word bout everything, you said youd call me everyday, you call me at least 3 or 4 times everyday without hesitation, you email me every day without fail apart from if jpay are having technical issues, but thats not your fault, we shared all our past with each other, the good and bad parts, we have got closer and closer every day and the longer we know each other the more i have come to love you, ive had opportunities to end us and times ive had chances to be with others, but to be honest i cant do it to you and wont do it to you, i made you a promise at the jump i was gonna ride this with you life or not, im in it with you and for you. i dont need or want anybody else, you have become my best friend yes weve had so many problems people bitching about us, and especially about me because of my past, they have emailed you wrote to yo, and gone out of there way to spoil it for us, but we have fought through it all and we are still together, the only time im ever gonna give up on you/ us is if you give up on me, but il admit if you did i would not give up on you easy. apart from all the bad stuff me and you have been more than happy together, we lave have loads of fun, you been there for me as much as you can when im having my down days and i always do my best to keep you level headed, and il keep doing this always, as long as you are my man, we will always be together, im not going anywhere you made it clear your not, ive really enjoyed last few months of 2019 since meeting you. you are my all, i love and miss you so much Otto, my Fallen Eagle. I cant wait to start 2020 a new year knowing we are together, Merry Christmas baby Love You always, Love yout Mini xoxoxoxo <----------<<<<<

[isaacathom]

ok heres my eurovision liveblog thoughts i guess

i love slovenias look but im not a.... trap fan?? is that the genre? not a fan of that. also not a flashing light thank, thank you.

‘the need for everyone to fall in love’ the need??????? sfuck off

uhhhhhh...... oh thats cute. oh those lil videos are cute. and i appreciate them. i wish she’d say the /O/ in old because she clearly can but it just sounds like ‘ahld’ or smth.

what wa the point of the australian presenter to spoil the fact her husband showed up on stage like that wouldve been sweet if i hadnt KNOWN it.

‘electronic groups’ oh god AGAIN? oh thank god. oh this is nice.

‘really gets under your skin’ wow these presenters suck. thats very much the wrong metaphor. like that literally means the opposite of what you WANTED it to mean. shit. fuck.

these presenters honestly are just kinda ass. also ‘songwriters are saying it doesnt make sense’ ??? are they stupid. its. its not exactly abstract expressionism?????? what the fuck are they talking about. also what was hthat camera cut with a bald man just side eyed the camera like hes ready to kill. my god. what a legend. but was thatcomment.a joke? wild. oh it was a joke. ok. yea no im not feeling their humour. also why do they keep cutting out.

oh im really liking portugals. like it just feels nice. its sorta cozy.

‘thats one way to put it’??????? was that a gay joke?????? what the fuck was that. what was that?????? like, she said ‘listening to music for 73 hours straight’ and she went ‘straight? thats one way to put it’ IS IT A GAY JOKE???? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN. im so confused. i dont understand. pls. why.

ooh its time for the invader, im Ready???? i think im ready. im sorta not but i sorta am. no choice, i cant pause. im liking this song though. ok cool im getting second hand anxiety about knowing an invader is coming. im not ready. i have no choice but OH BOY!!!! oh boy!!....... ok she handled that fairly well, but the fact her vocals kept going does look weird (tho its just clearly a backing vocal track to help boost it or to allow her to hold long notes, so im not fussed)

i like this song tho, i sorta wish she’d taken the reperform . ooOOOOH ‘absolute cockhead’ same. i like that they decided to cut to an interview to allow for the backstage crew and security to figure out what the Fuck just happened. like its obvious it was an unplanned interview but i think that was a good way to do it. a+

oh fuck thats ethereal. wooooahhhhhhhhhHHH. oh bitch. oh my god. i love this. oh i REALLY like this one. gave me chills. also, ‘crazy colonel sanders’ what, the flutist? yall are uncreative fuckers. he looks nothing like colonel sanders, in ANY way. like he just loosk like your reclusive grandfather. or like uhhhh montgomery montgomery from the asoue movie (i forget the actor sorry i know hes big)

oh this song hurts and it really shouldnt. ow. fuck. im meant to be doing my essay and im crying on the couch bitch Fuck. listen dude songs about close family dying hurt me so bad. HES CRYING TOO!!!!! bitch. ow. god no wonder he came 4th, that shit fucking Hurt me. oh my god. my throat hurts. god dammit germany! no!!!! bad!!!!! i came for fun. im slain.

im a fan of this albanian song too. it feels sorta like im listening to uhhhhh...... one of chelseas french musicals, actually. specifically robin du bois. i think its the instrumentation. big fan. oh my god i Love him.

why is their outfits being designed by gautier matter. wow those are square shoulders. i wish he hadnt. looks like something a Sith Lord would wear. the shoulders are better in context of the whole outfit. just..... not on a close up, i dont think. uh lovely song btw. oh the converse do not work with that outfit. why is she wearing sneaker esque shoes. what the hell was that.

he did a backflip?? in rehea- woah. hold on. black bars????? they havent been there the whole time, have they?? this looks like an aesthetic choice???? im confused. oh no did he have to dance like that. was that to fill in for the backflip they had to cut because he hurt himself. :| did they just dab. this is disgusting. i mean the song is nice but Why tho. czech hipster man, why must you hurt me. also i love how ‘whats up eurovision’ worked perfectly with the beat. v nice.

i heard viktor krum, what did he do. what does he have to do with this. why the fuck did they mention viktor krum, that actor is bulgarian and this is denmark???? i cant rewind. did i miss a joke. also ooh this is a fun viking beat.

WHAT HE FUCK DOES VIKTOR KRUM HAVE TO DO WITH IT. these commentators absolutely suck. i literally dont understand. they look NOTHING like durmstrang??? yall fuckers seen the movie?

also wow this is the much hyped australian act................. hmm. yea no we deserved 20th place. this isnt great. it also doesnt feel like shes hitting certain notes? but im tone deaf so i cant judge. this really isnt great. like ‘oh were a win chance’ yall blind from patriotism. i prefer most of the others. this isnt great. (i mean i dont wanna be that downer asshole but i Mean......... this is a competition and we got what we deserved here) oh god no that didnt work. nnn nah.

also STOP THE FUCKING FLASHING LIGHTS you fucking assholes. oh my god. im just /begging/. oh my god shut the fuck up commentators. these commentators honestly fucking suck. i hate them.

the commentators dabbed. Why. WHY. whats wrong with yall. fuck me.

also im still bewildered by the ‘straight? one way to put it’ joke like genuinely what was it. if the prior performance had been one of the gayer ones that i know are coming up, then maybe itd make sense. this is bewildering. heyyy its the ncis lady. i like her.

im waiting to finally hear israels unbutchered song ver (the ‘vote for israel’ ad presumably fucked it).

fuck i need food and i cant pause. god, is every song a favourite, yeesh. small aside - im sick of bands with a Single female. cowards. i mean this band is fairly diverse and i appreciate that! thats very nice!!! its not a specific knock. just like.... come on........... where the girls in the big bands at.

X RATED WIGGLES???????? are you all fucking mad. good lord this shit is absurd. oh this feels like a gameshow set. i like this. oh i like this. this is an aesthetic. i love the illusion stuff. im a Big fan. i dont think id call any of this x rated... m, certainly. wouldnt ban most of this from tv, you feel me. i thought that was quite fun. can you stop talking over the actual presenters please, you australian cockheads. im really hungry.

ooh i like this. edm, right??? i kinda dig it. like its hit or miss for the genre but i like this.

I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE BLACK BARS. fuckers. it was stylistic, right? i appreciate it.

oh. screamo? fantastic. just what i want! :) precisely my genre :) big fan of screaming :) OOH this opening beats though, ooooohhh fuck yea. lets hear it boys. oh, les screaming, more yelling. no im mostly okay with that. its in hungarian but thats aight. im sure the nordic countries appreciate this hard rock representation. also, flashing lights!!! stop! oh im not a fan of the backup singers there. thats a shame.

‘unique song’ thematically??? yall fucking crazy weve covered both bullying and metoo in two previous songs. ya dunce.

ok lets hear it. OH her vocals are gorgeous. also by ‘referencing jpop’ are you talking about the outfit??? im mixed on it because idk shit about ~culture~ but it is cute, i suppose. i dunno anything about jpop either.

but wow that ad really did not represent this song well. dumbass.

huh. country. weird. i mean this is nice, sure, but its not my thing.

HEYYY IRELAND!!! helloooo. this is nice. just nice and sweet. like that was just nice.

ooh cyprus. oh my fucking god STOP SAYING FAVOURITE you absolute fucking balloons. ‘how does she get the outfit on’ you can see the zip and its obviously a full body suit, ding dong. dumb man. im liking this though. big fan.

oh final song, thank god, i can almost go get FOOD!!! im hungry.

was that a russian overlay. interesting?? i also feel like some of these overlays definitely arent italian. are they singing italian tho? are the overlays just thematic w/ some subtitle esque ones? its nice though. like, the message is definitely in a good close and i love it on that level..... on a uh...... Song level? not really.

well that was neat.... im getting food. oh jeez the commentators almost spoke over each other yeesh.

why do they keep saying fucking viktor krum. im so fucking mad about that. its so fucking stupid. like thats. thats not. thats not remotely close??? you dumbass.

not an exhaustive list, but i like norway, portugal, UK, germany (brings me to fucking tears), albania, france (STOP GOING ON ABOUT GAUTIER), finland, bulgaria, moldova, sweden, israel, cyprus. theyre nice. germany fucked me up the most so i think im legally required to say i wish germany had won.

‘heres sandra bullock and jennifer lawrence’ shut the actual fuck up.

anyway im leaving. that was fun.

#eurovision 2018 stuff #long post #i couldnt leave my seat for 2 fucking hours because my pause button is broke. gg.

[somedaypast-thesunset]

i feel neutrally tired about all of this. you know, i’m not angry or sad or stressed, i’m just kind of tired of this whole routine. it’s become glaringly obvious that this man is very very spoiled and ungrateful. 

yesterday was a fine day. he took me to the farm to get a pumpkin like i asked. he bought me food and was overall really nice and in a good mood - he was focused on pei and the things he would do or need for his trip. i felt comfortable and relaxed despite not even having weed and not having much sleep. 

this morning when we woke up, we had sex and i went about my morning - made a tea, had a smoke and he had a shower. he asked his mother for the survey plans for their cottage in pei so he knew what to prepare for when he wanted to build this garage (the whole 6 month master plan’s goal). she said she would have to look. this set off a chain reaction - he went to look for a crock pot the family owned but he had never used ad couldnt find it immediately, when his mother offered cookig advice he freaked out ad then when she asked him about a few set of chores he was supposed to do, he freaked out again.

at this point i had literally spoken no words from when we had sex. i was just passively floatig throughout the house, gathering my things just to be organized. i went to look at what he was actually making and he said something like “i’m going to drive you home after this i want to do my own thing and i dont want to be around you”. to be fair, he couldve said “people” - i’m ot entirely sure what i heard but it more likely sounded like you. i simply turned around, got my bag from downstairs, got my stuff from outside and walked home. i did not even reply or say goodbye - theres not even a point. like i would get either some argument about how he said he would drive me home or a grunt goodbye; both still equally rude replies. 

but i was kind of proud of how i reacted very immediately and without hesistation. i didt think like ~what would he want or ~whats appropriate to do. i just did what i wanted to do which was leave. it wasnt like oh i think id like to sped the day alone, do you wat a ride home - it was just ‘fuck off’ without being ‘fuck off’. and i don’t deserve that. 

on top of this, during sex he asked outright if anyone else has touched me. not like ~oh no one else ca touch you or ~would you let anyone touch you - just outright ‘have you let anyone’ and its not a light thing. its not joking. if i said yes it would hurt and we’d probably stop. but the parameters he stil puts forth is that he “cant” cheat. but what about me? and why am i used like this? i literally spoke _no words_. 

its very unhealthy. and i dont believe its about me. i’m glad ive come so far in personal relationships that i am able to seperate myself from them and not take things personally.and like i do feel “used” but its not like this is the absolute worst part of it. he said to me, “you havent been around long enough - this is what i do, im excited about something until im not and then i drop everything and go to the next thing” -- as if i havet been witnessing this the entire time weve been together. its all one exciting thing to the next and nothig is ever what its hoped to be. 

and hes very negative. which i guess is a bit ironic coming from me. but everything - everything sucks. and like to its greatest pit of whatever terrible thing it could have. you know - “king of the losers”. acknowledging that “i’m” okay but its really just being on top of a pile of shit. 

its just.. its getting too hard to remain optimistic about a future with him. whatever my life is doesnt affect him nearly as much as his does me. my whole life is built around being available to him and i was okay with this becuse it was like “investing” in a future i wanted to have. or i do want to have. i want a partner. some “family”. but i just dont feel optimistic like this is going to lead to idyllic happiness. not the way he sees it. and why should i spend my time following such a volatile perso who is unable to commit to anything. i guess it was easy to walk away because i thought like - what if i was across the country? what if i coulnt just walk away from this rude person and i was _stuck_? i dont want that and i guess if i dont want that, i dont want him. i’m just... too scared to live with him. like i want to live with him. i reall really do but everything in my being says omg no. no no no no. anyone i told that this was a thing would tell me absolutely do not move across the country with this person. its not like.. dont change. dont live somewhere else. its that this particular person is very ... not the right person to do this with. maybe i need to be a ifferent person too. maybe i need to be a very strong indpendent individual who works super hard and hustles lots of cash an then its all just fun and games and wooo life. but i cannot be dependent on this person. they are not dependable in any way shape or form. they are a fucking prayer. and in order for me to make such huge changes in life i would be very dependent on this person. especially right now. maybe in two years ill be a better version of me but the me right now would need a lot of hand holding an encouragement to make such drastic life changes and decisions. 

if it was plausible to just get a nice apartment in this city together - great. thank you. not even long term, lets just exist with each other before making giant life decisions. thats a marriage. with no commitment. i cant. i just cant. 

and you know - i’m very sympathetic. i know exactly what it feels like. to have no fucking clue what you want, where to go, what to do, who to be friends with, who to have a relationship with - i get it. i’m really confused too. and this is such a shitty time - i dont know if other times have been more shitty but this seems like a pretty shitty time after society going through so many wars in the past 100 years that have grown more powerful under the advancements and like we, collectively, are different people from 50 years ago so what was “right” and “good” 50 years ago is not relevant to today and we are floating without guidance. how do we survive now? weve evolved to a different mental state and we dont know how to nourish this. its like falling into great advancements with no mental capacity to understand their affect on the social psyche. 

theyre right.  the colective “they” - your parents have little to do with your chances. their social standing and coping amongst evolution to bring them to such standing has a lot more to do with your chances but if along the line you figure out your way of coping in evolution then you may rise above or find your own level of “happiness” which is mostly fulfilling basic personal needs. but when evolution continually transitions through different ways to fulfill these basic needs or possibly gives you even more ways to do this, it becomes more difficult to realize how you will find your way to cope in evolution. milennials are realy seen as weak and a joke; like re-branded hippies but focused on mental health and emotions, “refusing” employment to ‘feel better’ in life when there was a time when people just took any job because the only way to cope within that evolution was to exhance your service for money or boarding itself. thats not the case anymore. society evolved in such a way that this generation is capable of fulfilling may basic personal needs sometimes by just existing; perhaps their parents pay for food and shelter and provide them with clothing well into their “adult” years. many older generations started working to SURVIVE at 12 - 14 years old. our generation worked because “thats what you do” or to save up for an iphone. most of our grandparents worked to buy bottles of milk or to help the family or for their own vehicle but why save for one when your parents let you drive theirs anyways?

and again - it’s not the parents fault. it’s now easy in society for parents to do this. a large majority of parents, nd the majority leads the collective society. could my parents? no. but a lot of people around me did have parents that did this and my parents cared for me in other ways. society allowed them to breed children who would become introspective because they were no longer in such dire straits for survival. and older generations are upset about this - dont you know they had to want to die regularly to survive? why shouldt we? 

so as we gain this introspective into ourselves and “new” psychological ideas come up and vast people are “diagnosed”, it becomes harder to accept things which harm our psyche. so we get a big rise in racial inequality and gay rights and things which seem “liberal” but is simply termed this way because some people - maybe a large amount even, could not refuse employment and worked to survive even in this era. that was the generational hand down - exchange your service for money or starve. and theyre not “in the wrong”. other things affect how you build your coping tools - where you live, the climate of politics etc. maybe you realy just had to do that and there wasnt time to invest in this modern evolution of introspection. you dont have time to look within when youre starving on the outside. so this resentmet and bitterness builds between these two sides which may even exist in the same generation but neither of them is wrong. should one work to survive? probably. animals hunt most of their lives. we should probably work to survive. no one can just be handed food ad shelter forever unless you’re a very unique and special person in royalty. and 99.9% of us are not. but should we also kill our psyche? animals dont deal with smart phones and insurance rates and credit scores and bankruptcy. they just go out and take what they want and our society has evolved past this. so we cannot just assume you just work to survive when survival has been complicated. it takes a higher level of thinking which wemay not fully even comprehend at this stage in the evolution. 

i think psychology is very important because we dont understand why people are people. we dont know. we know why the sky is blue but we dont know why we are people. and not just psychology but science and the belief of how our being, our physical being on this planet came to be. we collectively have not agreed despite the very obvious misgivings of current theological theories. 

how or in what way should you survive on this planet? why are we required to exist as we are in this society upon birth. like all of these rules and obligations an responsibilities of being a “good human” are placed on you for the rest of your life and all you did was be born. all you want are basic needs fulfilled but you cant even do that until you acknowledge the land you were popped out on to does not belong to you so you abide by these rules now whether you want to or not. and thats just government and law but on this deeper spectrum its an obligation to be a ‘good child’ a ‘good citizen’ - pay your taxes, go to work, have children, buy a house; these are the quest objectives. but why? i think our generation is not the first to ask why but the first in a very long long time to ask why are we doing it this way. not so much why are we here. many of us have decided for ourselves. but why are we livingin society in this particular way and what can we do to survive in a society which is not designed to really benefit anyone. its not about that homeless man geting up and feeding himself, its about taking responsibility to feed that person. animals do a better job at this and we feel we’re in evolved thinking. 

society has become very convoluted and confused which has bred confusion in its most recent generation. ive lived a very unique life and yet feel the same way abou these things as my peers because the “temperature” of the environment is the same. its hot, we all know its hot an we’re trying to figure out ways to deal whether its running through a sprinkler, going to a public pool or looking ridiculous in a kiddie pool on your front lawn. it’s gross, it’s not a good time, no one wants to do anything and we’re not feeling it. and this evolution is like climate change. there is absolutely still people capable of coping under this stress, farmers still work, lumberjack still cut wood but theyre fucking miserable and they do it because theyre used to feeling like they want to die to survive. but its getting hotter and its getting harder and even though they feel it the only thing they know is to keep working until they cant anymore then die crippled and miserable. being popped out inexperienced and then thrown into a change which even the experienced are struggling with creates a lot of unrest. a lot of anxious and depressed people. 

what do we do? what should we do? you cant change society you can only follow the ebb and flow like flock of birds or schools of fish. this is how we cope as humans, to live as a society. and if society is in upheaval it directly affects the ability to easily obtain our basic needs. 

i used to feel envious of stupid people. like atleast they didnt ~know this shit. because this felt depressing. like being stupi would be easier and id be happier but those who choose to remain ignorant or passive hurt a lot and they struggle through some of the barest traps society has created durig this shitty time and now i feel sorry for them. spinning your wheels over and over, dragging yourself through the mud, throwing away money, living extravagantly and ignorantly but going absolutely no where. not going up, down, side ways - no where. i’m there too. i’m right there too on the train stopped at the station waiting to fucking go and we’re here nd we’re buying shit from the dining car and we’re chatting and excited but we’re not goig and we’re not really sure why and we’re all talking about why we’re not going but we’re still not going but hey atleast hey still got cookies. 

no one person is driving the train either. its like a group effort where everyone on the train has to believe youre moving forward for it to start but if one jack ass thinks youre not, then its a complete halt. 

life is hard but i dont think alot of people realize exactly how hard it is. im trying to learn to appreciate the little things. people with greater minds who had better understanding and less luxuries of the era coped with appreciating little things. taking bike rides in the fall in the nice downtown streets; it’s been a highlight of the season. painting in a studio this week; sure it was not glamorous or anything but i actively went out and created art with others. my room is neat and clean and organized. i did laundry with ease on my own time for free. 

i wasnt upset i “had to” walk home. i apreciated the fall weather & buzz of halloween approaching, time to think without screens of distraction, exersize and activity, the ability to buy cat food & cat litter. im not angry about it. i’m tired of being angry about a train im not really driving. if i can never truly conceptualize what i want because of society why keep trying. why cry over spilled milk.